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natimiles · 2 months ago

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I need you to see me for what I have become (Rafayel x OC)

Words: 2577

Tags: blood; acceptance; comfort; cuddles; Rafayel is confused but Mina loves him very much; he comes home covered in blood :)

Notes: after making me suffer (and suffering from my angst writings), my fishie husband decided to come home! I promised him and friends that I’d write him something happy if he came home, so here we are! I finished this exactly on the day this turned 4 months old on my drafts (I finished this a few days ago, but I’m only posting now). It might not be the fluffiest thing in the world, but the idea brings me a lot of joy and he gets all the cuddles he deserves :)

I wrote this with my self insert OC Mina. I don’t have a profile for her (yet), then know that she’s not MC. She has the bond and different lives with Rafayel (and only him), but she’s not a Hunter, she’s a psychologist.

When she finishes her tasks for the day earlier than expected, Mina stands in the middle of her living room for a good minute, unsure of what to do next. She knows Rafayel also has a few things to take care of, and if she goes to his place, she might be alone for who knows how long, but still, the idea of surprising him when he gets back sounds nice. So, in less than thirty minutes, she’s ready and out the door.

She doesn’t remember ever going to Rafayel’s house without him being there before; it’s quiet in a way she’s not used to. Normally, there’s the sound of his brushes sliding across the canvas when he’s deeply focused, his soft voice humming some random tune as he paints, or even his dramatic scenes when inspiration refuses to come. The silence now feels eerie, and a shiver runs down her spine. She shakes her head, then closes and locks the door behind her.

Even if he didn’t go into detail about what he had to do today, she knows he always gets a little annoyed when he has to spend the whole day out. So, she wants to cheer him up. Her first thought is to bake something he likes while she waits for his return, and she heads to the kitchen. She navigates the room as if she’s in her own, already used to the place and knowing exactly where to find everything. She’s relieved that he has all the ingredients available and doesn’t waste time getting started.

Mina is just finishing cleaning up the mess she made when she hears the front door unlocking and the quiet sound of footsteps entering the house. Her face lights up, thinking Rafayel is finally home, and just in time! She rushes to the living room to meet him, but she doesn’t even have time to say a word before fully processing the scene in front of her.

Her boyfriend is there, in all his beauty… and covered in blood.

The sight stops her in her tracks.

Her eyes aren’t as wide as his. Rafayel had sensed her presence in the house when he was unlocking the door, but there were so many things spinning in his head that he didn’t really process it until he heard a quiet gasp and found himself face to face with a stunned Mina. His hands, which had been reaching for his bloodstained blazer to take it off, drop numbly to his sides.

His worst nightmare is coming true and there’s no way to undo it.

He can’t play clueless. He can’t pretend this isn’t happening. He can’t run. She’s just seen him in a way she never has before, and he’s convinced that’s all it’ll take for her to run from him.

Why wouldn’t she?

She now knows that her adorable, sweet, cute boyfriend isn’t what she thought he was. He’s not as fragile and helpless as he pretends to be, and now that she’s seen this side of him, she’s going to leave. She’s probably scared of him now, of seeing him come home covered in blood like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

Why wouldn’t she?

Mina will turn around and run at any moment now. He knows it. He should push her away before she has the chance, but for the first time, he realizes he’s paralyzed. Rafayel clenches his fists tightly, trying to stop the shaking, his nails digging painfully into his palms.

There’s a deafening sound — his heart pounding so loudly in his ears that he can’t hear anything else. He sees her mouth moving quickly, but he can’t make out the words. Probably breaking up with him, to find someone better. Someone who doesn’t keep secrets. Someone who doesn’t come home drenched in the blood of his enemies.

So, why isn’t she running already? Why is she still here?

“Rafayel?” she calls out again, her voice frantic. She’s trying hard to contain her anxiety and stay calm until she can fully understand what’s happening. It would be a lot more helpful if he answered or moved. Her frown deepens as she lets out a shaky sigh and rushes toward him. “Rafayel? Can you hear me?” Her golden eyes, still wide with concern, scan his face. “I asked you if this blood is yours. Are you hurt?”

She waits for a moment, but when there’s no answer, she reaches for him, her hands trembling. The moment her fingers touch his blazer, Rafayel snaps out of his trance and takes a few steps back, her hand falling away from him. Her brows furrow, and a silence settles between them for a few seconds that feel like hours. His eyes are wide. He doesn’t know why he reacted like that, but he’s sure he’s only made things worse, if that’s even possible.

Mina closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to calm herself. Her heart is hammering inside her ribcage, and to be quite honest, she wants to scream and cry. But she can’t. Not until she’s sure her boyfriend isn’t injured. Not until he stops looking at her like she’s about to vanish. Not until he also calms down and his hands stop shaking beside him. When she opens her eyes again, she doesn’t meet his gaze; he’s now staring at his feet, and she can see his chest rising and falling erratically. He looks like he’s having a panic attack, and she knows she needs to be more delicate — but also assertive — in how she handles the situation.

“Rafayel… Honey…” she calls him softly, fighting to keep her voice from cracking. “I’ll move closer to you, okay?” He doesn’t respond, so she takes one tentative step forward and looks at him, noticing he doesn’t move away. “I’ll touch you now. I need to remove your blazer.”

Again, he doesn’t answer. Slowly, her shaky hand reaches out to him and touches the lapel of his blazer, moving it to get a better look at one of the bloodstains there. She feels his body tremble under her touch, but he doesn’t pull away again, and she takes that as a positive sign.

“Is this your blood? Are you hurt?” she asks again, looking into his lowered face. Even though she’s shorter than him, it’s hard to see his expressions, with his bangs covering his face.

Rafayel shakes his head without looking at her; he doesn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes. But when he hears a soft sigh and feels her fingers wrap around his clothes more firmly, he frowns and can’t help but snap his head up to look at her.

She isn’t mad.

She isn’t terrified.

She isn’t disgusted.

She isn’t running away.

She is… relieved…?

He can see her eyes softening and what looks like relief spreading across her face. Her lips are even curling a little, in what seems like a… smile…?

Rafayel is beyond confused.

He frowns deeper, staring at her, his mouth opening and closing a few times. He literally looks like a fish out of water right now. She tugs his blazer off, and without even thinking, he moves his arms to help, but his gaze stays fixed on her face.

He must be hallucinating. That’s the only explanation.

“We should clean you up. Let’s get you to the bathroom,” she says, reaching for his hand before he can think about pulling away. Her fingers easily intertwine with his as she turns to guide him through his own house. As if it’s normal, as if he doesn’t have faint bloodstains on his hands, as if she’s accepting this. He stops dead in his tracks after a few steps, causing her to halt and turn back to him, confused. “Rafayel?”

“Why…?” His voice is weak, but in the silent house, it’s enough for her to hear.

“Huh? Oh, I assumed you’d want to take a shower to clean yourself… Is that not what you want?” She tilts her head to the side, her eyes widening slightly, as if she’s the one doing something wrong. As if she could ever do anything wrong.

Rafayel shakes his head again, more forcefully this time, his eyes squeezed shut. “That’s not… that’s not it. That’s not… Why are you still here?”

His words might sound rude, but she understands what he means. She can read between the lines and see the way his eyes frantically scan her face, searching for an answer. She smiles softly, and his lips press into a straight line. Mina reaches for his other hand, squeezing both in reassurance as she looks straight into his bi-colored eyes — she doesn’t want him to have any doubts.

“I promised you: I love you, no matter what you become. And I meant it.”

His eyes widen slightly, and his hands tremble in her grip. She can almost see the way his brain is trying to process what she said, disbelieving that it could be true. She takes a step forward into his personal space, her breath tickling his jaw as she looks up into his face. The reaction is instant, even in a moment like this; his cheeks and ears turn a light pink in a matter of seconds.

“But…” he starts and trails off, his voice fading away. His mouth stays open for a few seconds as he tries hard to find the words to say but fails.

“What? Would you prefer it to be a lie?” she raises a questioning eyebrow.

“No, of course not!” He shakes his head, his hands squeezing hers.

“Then accept it, Rafayel Qi. I love you, every single part of you. Even the ones you might not be ready to talk about yet. You hear me?”

Really, when he thinks he can’t love her more than he already does, she surprises him. He doesn’t think he can say anything now; he has too many feelings and isn’t sure he can organize his thoughts enough to speak properly, so he just takes a deep breath and nods.

“Great.” She smiles, as lovingly as always, in a way that makes his heart skip a beat. “Now, to the shower.”

She gives his hand one last reassuring squeeze and proceeds to walk down the hallway to his bathroom. She helps him take off his clothes and toss them into a corner, and even though they’ve done this a lot of times before, there’s something much more intimate this time that makes his chest warm and gives him a sense of being fully complete.

Mina guides him into the shower, and before he even thinks about asking if she’ll join him, she’s already undressing to go in with him. She turns on the hot water and stands in front of him, facing him with that adorable and calm expression.

The water takes on that faint bloody color as it goes down the drain, and Rafayel has half a mind to flinch away and tell her not to taint her beautiful hands. But the way she looks at him, the way her golden eyes scan him meticulously for any sign that he’s hurt, makes the artist feel exposed and loved in a way he’d never experienced before.

He watches her face for any minuscule reaction of disgust or fear — but he never finds them. Not a single part of her face expresses any sort of negative feeling. If anything, she’s still a little worried, but he can tell it’s because she’s afraid he might be hiding an injury somewhere.

“Lean down a little for me, please,” she asks, her hands pulling him down by the shoulders, and he can’t help the low laugh that escapes through his nose as he watches her struggle to reach his hair.

His heart beats so fast, so loud, and so hard inside his chest that Rafayel thinks he might die — and he would die happily right now. Being accepted by his beloved bride goes beyond anything he’s ever dreamed of. Having her delicate fingers wash the blood of his enemies — their enemies — off of him… he has half a mind to pinch himself for a reality check, because it still feels like he’s dreaming. But the way her warm touch cleans him, the way her delicate fingers massage his scalp as she spreads the shampoo through his lavender-colored locks… he knows now that this isn’t a dream. Her touch, her warmth, her love… he can feel it all.

This is reality, and one of the best and happiest moments of his life.

“I can rinse, cutie,” he says softly when he notices her on her tiptoes, still trying to help him. “Thank you.”

She smiles and nods, taking advantage of the moment to wash herself while he finishes with his hair. He sees her and decides to reach out to help her too. A loving smile spreads across his face when she sighs and relaxes under his fingertips, and he doesn’t fight the urge to circle his arms around her body, embracing her tightly. His face nuzzles her neck and shoulder, and he leaves gentle kisses that make her giggle.

When they leave the shower, they dry themselves, but neither of them care much about drying their hair. Putting on some comfy clothes, they walk to the artist’s king-sized bed and lie down together, cuddling under the covers. Mina drapes her body over Rafayel, her leg over his waist, her arm over his chest while her hand fiddles with his wet locks. There’s a comfortable silence, the sound of the sea outside the only thing enveloping their moment, and she closes her eyes, relaxed, until she hears his soft voice.

“I’m sorry I ruined your evening and scared you.”

Mina lifts her head just enough to look him in the eyes. “Well, I was a little scared, but because I thought it was your blood and you were hurt. But you didn’t ruin anything.” She says, and he opens his mouth to retort, but she cuts him off. “You did not. There’s nada you could ever ruin for me. And you don’t want to try to tell me otherwise!” She softly glares at him in a joking way, her finger poking his cheek.

He softly laughs through his nose, his arms bringing her closer, if that’s even possible. “Alright, alright! I will accept what my cutie says.”

“Good,” she smiles triumphantly and leans down, placing a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. “Because your cutie loves you very much, and she only speaks the truth. I know there’s a reason for this, and I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. I can wait until you’re ready.”

“No, we can talk about it. I absolutely want to talk about it with you,” he says, bringing his hand to her face and caressing her. “I want to tell you everything. Can we just rest a little bit first?”

“Of course, my love,” she places another soft kiss, fully on his lips this time. “Close your eyes and let’s nap. And I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Rafayel holds her back with one hand and her leg over his body with the other, keeping her as close as possible. His nose nuzzles the top of her head, breathing in her scent mingled with his from his soap and shampoo, and with a relaxed sigh, he lets his eyes close.

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#love and deepspace #lads oc: mina #lads oc #lads rafayel #lads fanfics #lads writings #lads #lads rafayel x oc

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fantasy-anatomy-analyst · 9 months ago

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Combining Creatures

(image description: sketch of a cat-like creature with a long prehensile tail and a back full of sharp quills. the creature is crouched in an angry defensive pose. above it is the title "cohesive chimeric design". end description.)

combining different animal traits to make a new creature is such a common part of fantasy world that the word most frequently used to describe it is the name of an ancient greek monster that combined a lion, goat, and snake. Now, the original chimera is usually depicted with a lion head, a goat head, and a snake for a tail, usually all attached to a lion body. But I and many other people prefer to combine our creatures in more cohesive ways, trying to make them look like whole living beings, not a frankenstein creation (though those certainly have their place and I do not disparage anyone who prefers them!)

I get asked about this topic a lot, so I'm just putting my advice in one post now! and for my example, I'm going to be using the original chimera as inspiration and combining the features of a lion, goat, and snake.

the first steps are identifying the creatures you want to combine and the end result you want to reach. These two steps are pretty interchangeable! Maybe you already know you want to combine a pig and a racoon, but you're not sure what your end result should be. Or maybe you know you want to make a creature that lives underground and digs holes to catch prey walking over it, using different real life animal traits, but you haven't decided which animals to use.

it's alright to take your time thinking things over and working out the details, and you should never be afraid of doing things over if the creation process brings you some new ideas! It's so rare for a first attempt to be the final result. think about the purpose this creature will serve in your project, do some research on mythological creatures and real animals that have similar behaviors and traits, and adjust your concept until you're satisfied.

and i already know this post will be so long, so the rest is under a cut.

My idea for the chimera design here is that I didn't want it to have multiple heads. Multiple heads is already a difficult design to make believable, and having three heads that are all so different from each other is just a lot to work with. I needed it to look monstrous and I needed the three animals to still be recognizable in the design while also blending them together until it looked a bit more natural.

step one: identify end result and base creatures. Chimera. Lion, goat, snake. find reference images.

(image description: a photo collage of a lion with a partly black mane, a small brown and white goat, and a cobra snake, as well as an old black and orange plate with a chimera design in the middle. end description.)

I picked a cobra for the snake because it matches with the general region that chimeras originate from and also because the hood has a similar shape to the lion's mane. which brings me to the next step!

step two: identify similarities and differences between your base creatures.

(image description: same as above, but now the animals have been colored over in flat shades to show how their body parts match or differ in shape. end description.)

the goat and lion have more in common with each other than they do with the cobra, because they're both quadrupedal mammals while the snake is a legless reptile. but! all three animals have a roughly oblong face shape, and the lion's tail is long and flexible like the snake's, as well as the matched shape of the mane and hood. the coloration of all three animals also look a little similar, with all of them having some level of contrasting light and dark patches.

step three: start sketching out the details.

combine the similar traits, emphasize the different ones. focus on designing the parts that will really make your creature recognizable, and the traits that will be the most important. make some full body drafts! do it as many times as you need to get things looking the way you want. compare and contrast different ideas!

(image description: sketches of a chimera's different important body parts and the full body shape and pose. there are two different eye designs, one with a snake's vertical pupil and one with a goat's horizontal pupil. likewise, there are two foot designs focused on a more lion-like shape and a more goat-like shape, and also two different snout designs with one being snake-like and the other being lion-like. there are also sketches of a snake-like head with goat horns and lion ears, a front-facing head with the cobra-like hood shape, and a long snake-like tail with a furred tuft at the end end description.)

step four: finalize your idea.

as fun as it is to keep sketching, you do have to finish things at some point! pick your favorite ideas and move forward with them. give yourself one good final design and stick with it, making adjustments on it instead of creating more new ideas.

(image description: a new chimera design colored in a terracotta orange with white and black stripes and spots all over its body. it has a snake-like head with twisted horns, a short goat-like beard, and a swooping furred cobra hood. its ears are short and rather cat-like, its feet have long sharp cloven hooves, and its tail is curled over its back with a furred tuft at the end. its mouth is wide open, teeth bared and forked tongue sticking out. end description.)

look at that! I had a lot of fun drawing it! step five is to polish your design, whatever that means for you. I'm going to leave this one just as it is, because my idea of a polished design takes hours and I don't feel like doing all that right now. I could paint it out in full and make the textures and colors much cleaner and more obvious.

one important step of polishing, for me, is also making sure your creature fits in the world you're making it for. give it natural behaviors, figure out how it interacts with other creatures and people in the setting. this extra step will really make your world feel more alive and coherent!

the most important step of course is to enjoy your creative work! you've got cool ideas and you should be proud of that!

#chimera #chimeric design #fantasy anatomy

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nataliescatorccioapologist · 1 year ago

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I visited the WGA library to read Yellowjackets scripts and wanted to share some of my findings! (Pt. 1)

So as some of you may know, scripts for the latter half of Yellowjackets Season 1 have already been released to the public (you can find 1x05-1x10 here: https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1FctrMniXqWRFJOe-rX6dSgvmXEO2KyLE?usp=share_link) and the Pilot script is pretty easily accessible on the internet if you look it up.

However, I have never been able to find the scripts for the rest of S1. An old draft of 1x04 can be found on Script Slug but A LOT has been changed from this script to the final product (Van is dead, Nat actually killed her dad, Javi is called Cody?!). It’s an interesting read for sure but it seems the actual final script of “Bear Down,” along with “F Sharp” and “Dollhouse,” are not accessible on the internet. So I headed over to the WGA Library and checked out those three scripts to read! It was super interesting (highly recommend going if you’re in the LA area!). I was not able to get any pictures of the scripts due to the Library policy, but I took lots of notes and saved some of my favorite lines!

I’m going to start with 1x02 and make two separate posts of 1x03 and 1x04 because otherwise this post would be way too long!

1x02 “F Sharp”

•The episode starts with Misty’s POV of the crash, and there’s this line that I love:

“Across from her, Lottie reaches forward to desperately clutch Laura Lee’s hand in the aisle. Their shared terror making it all the more clear that, in this moment, Misty is all alone.”

This shows Misty’s longing for companionship and affection. Even in what she thinks might be her last moments, she is utterly alone. I think this moment is part of what tips her over the edge into obsession in her relationships with Coach Ben, Crystal, and Natalie.

•In the final product, we don’t really see what Nat’s POV of the plane crash is (other than her nightmare in 1x03 but I’m not sure if that actually happened or not?) but in the script she gets knocked unconscious and buried under a bunch of luggage and equipment and the other girls have to dig her out.

•Misty and Taissa are the ones to pry the exit door open for everyone to escape.

•Jackie doesn’t even try to save Van in the script, she just immediately runs over and tries to drag Shauna away from Van from the get-go.

“Jackie runs after Shauna and starts clawing at her, trying to get her to move toward the exit.”

•After Shauna and Jackie make it outside the wreckage, Jackie and Shauna “begin fighting angrily in the dirt, Jackie clearly still desperately afraid to remain so close to the fiery wreckage” as Shauna tries to go back in for Van.

•And I just thought this descriptor was a cute little addition; after Misty chops off Coach Ben’s leg, we get this line:

“And as we realize this little show called ‘Yellowjackets’ is sick, unexpected and awesome, we smash cut to—

MAIN TITLE”

•“Laura Lee trying in vain to hold and comfort a struggling, hyperventalating Javi.”

A nice little moment of Laura Lee comforting Javi as he’s trying to find his dad.

•”Jackie: For the record, I was trying to save you. I thought…

I was going to lose you. Jackie bites her lip, a little teary. Shauna glances at her and nods, I know—but we also get the sense that Van isn’t the only one judging Jackie right now.”

A little Jackie/Shauna moment. You can see how much Jackie loves Shauna, but Shauna is still conflicted over Jackie’s choice to leave Van behind.

•Some things Caligula says when Natalie breaks into Misty’s house:

“Hello, pretty lady!”

“Hells bells! My dogs are barking!”

Love this.

•The information Misty has in her secret file: articles and magazine covers about the crash, press clippings, a local wedding announcement for Shauna and Jeff, Taissa’s campaign flyer, and a brochure for Natalie’s rehab clinic.

•When Nat asks Misty why she has all of this information, Misty says:

“You guys are the most important people in my life.”

Just another reminder that Misty’s whole existence revolves around the Yellowjackets, even after 25 years.

•Nat is hyper focused on looking at Travis’s drivers license in the bar scene when Kevyn walks up to her. She totally ignores Kevyn, just focused on Travis’ picture. She is described as looking “pale” and “like she’s seen a ghost.” Just shows how hung up Nat is on Travis and how much that relationship fucked her up.

•Misty says “Holy macaroni” when she sees Coach Martinez’s body. Insane.

•Okay brace yourselves for this one guys, in the script Coach Martinez is STILL ALIVE when they find him impaled on the tree.

“The coach’s eyes pop open. He suddenly grabs Travis. Eyes wild with pain and fear, the coach tries to speak but only makes raspy sounds as blood bubbles at his lips.”

“Travis: Dad! Let go!”

Travis’s dad won’t let go and there’s a scene where Travis is trying to claw him off of him, then the tree branch cracks and Travis shakes his dad off of his arm, “knows it’s his dad or the both of them” and the tree branch falls.

Wow. As if the scene that ended up making it in the final product wasn’t traumatic enough, Travis has to actively let his dad fall to his death when he’s still alive and desperately clinging to him? Ouch. I’m glad they cut that scene honestly poor Travis.

•Shauna is holding Javi and comforting him during and after this scene.

“We see Shauna still comforting Javi, we can’t hear what she’s saying but her body language is very giving—a maternal streak she didn’t know she had.”

Love the nod to Shauna’s maternal nature here. She’s naturally very nurturing and caring, but after she loses her baby she becomes more cold and distant with her other child, Callie, in fear that she will lose her too. I just love seeing the before and after here, we get to see what Shauna was like before all of the trauma. Shauna wants to nurture Callie, it’s a natural part of her personality as this scene with Javi shows, but she can’t get too attached after what happened in the Wilderness.

•In the adult timeline, there’s another deleted scene in which Nat drives to Shauna’s house and spies on her from outside.

“She seems to be fighting an impulse to get out of her car, but her feelings are unclear. Does she look uneasy? Vindictive?”

Another hint the conflict between these two that we still haven’t seen yet? Maybe this is lingering resentment from Shauna challenging Nat’s leadership as the new Antler Queen?

•When Nat hands Travis her flask to drink from after the whole Coach Martinez incident, there’s this line:

“She wants to tell him there is nothing he could have done. How guilt like this is poison, and if he’s going to blame himself she will punch him in the face”

I think this is clearly a nod to Nat’s own guilt around her father’s death. She knows that Travis is likely tearing himself apart inside because she did the same thing after her father’s death. She blamed herself, as Travis is doing now. Also love the punching him in the face line, it’s very on-brand for Nat and honestly wish she had punched him in the face a few times when he deserved it.

*1x03 and 1x04 notes to come!*

#yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio #jackie taylor #shauna shipman #misty quigley #taissa turner #van palmer #travis martinez #yj #lottie matthews #Yellowjackets scripts

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reality-warp · 6 months ago

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Hi Rella. Super super longtime reader and lurker. Thank you so much for the recent updates - I’m so in awe with your ability to write the battle scenes. Given how difficult they are, I honestly think they may be some of your best work - thank god we’re back to some dialogue though 😂 Anyway, I was wondering if you have time if I could please ask a few questions while you’re in the RB universe:

1) Way back when in LM, it felt like the acorn might become an important symbol for Eleanor and Legolas - is that still the case?

2) I remember you sharing the following quote on your tumblr page years and years ago: “It is true, you are not demure, passive, or submissive by any stretch of the imagination. But I have no need nor desire for a demure, passive women at my side. Pray the day never comes, but if I were ever to assume rule in my father’s stead, I would need more than just a loving wife and friend. I’d need one who I both love and trust to share in my burdens and responsibilities, as well as trust with my heart. One who knows me, both the good and the bad, and will not shy away from either. And one who I can rely on to tell me bluntly when I am being an insufferably, prideful fool.” (I had to dig deep into the tumblr archives for this one!)

Will we get the chance to see this in CM, or will this follow in the third book?

3) Final question, I think I read that you are a big planner when it comes to writing. Does that mean you have much of the third book planned out or will you be seeing where the writing takes you?

Thanks again for the updates (and everything, frankly).

Hello longtime reader and lurker, you are very much welcome! I also just want to say thanks so much for your compliments around battle and fight scenes specifically. I think I’ve shared in author notes before that they’re one of the trickiest things I find to write (at least compared to dialog). So to hear that you find them some of my best work is so deeply rewarding. <3

In answer to your three questions:

1) Oh yes, the acorn mentioned in LM is absolutely going to be an important symbol for E&L. Just wait until the next chapter is up to see what comes of that (hopefully soon, as at 11,000 word I’m about 85% done with it now). 2) That line of dialog has been saved in my notes for a looong time, and I’ve known for almost as long exactly where it happens in the story, right down to the conversations that trigger it. Unfortunately it’s not going to be in CM (a few more things need to happen to get there) but it will be about midway through the third book. 3) You’re correct, I’m absolutely a planner when it comes to writing, even for short pieces. I’ve tried pantsing before when it comes to writing, but it’s never worked well for me. I had almost all of RB planned out in broad strokes by the time I was at chapter 6 of LM, but I deliberately left some things vague just to see where they went (a lot of the relationship development with the Fellowship, minor characters, and the romance between E&L for example). I had all the key story beats and revelations in CM planned shortly before finishing LM, and as of Boxing Day just gone (2024) I now have all of the third book properly outlined too. I’ve also taken a lot of the notes and dialog I’ve had prepped for years and put them into order in the draft doc that will eventually become the next book. So if we’re being pedantic; technically I have both the third book fully outlined as well as about 8,000 words of the narrative already down on paper.

Thanks so much for such an insightful set of questions, and for reading and enjoying this fic for so long. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around how beloved it’s become to some folks, especially when I started it so long ago when I feel like my writing style was far less developed.

I really hope you enjoy the next chapter (24) once it’s finally done and posted.

Much love,

Rella x

#rella loves her readers #ravamë's bane #ravame's bane #ravame's bane trilogy #compos mentis

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horsegirlwarcrimes · 1 year ago

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Alright, you have answered me again (SY gets two daemons sounds extremely interesting! The "what the fuck happened to Shen Qingqiu" Peak Lord meeting in this AU is going to have some shit to talk about, huh!) so now I'm moving on to the next in my list of WIPs I'm really super curious about - Scooby Gang Juniors? Juniors fics are so fun what shenanigans are they getting into?

auw im literally dead u r so kind ( ;´ - `;)♡

scooby gang juniors, actual title some 'Never Love An Anchor' lyrics bc thats the theme song of this fic, is actually the first longfic i ever started writing! it has also been a WIP for mmm. four years or so. i started writing it right after watching the untamed for the first time in 2019 lmao, but never finished it because at that point id never written ANYTHING as long as it was gearing up to be (the outline is 20k). i hope to finally finish it and post it some time soon, probs after WINR and the ZZL&YQY fics are done. its probs some of my fav writing ive ever done but never shared with anyone haha

summary: Wei Wuxian may have drafted a ritual for willingly bringing someone back from the dead somewhere in his madness in the caves of the Burial Mounds, but if he did it was never found. In the absence of a convenient literal ghost from the past to help exact his revenge, Nie Huaisang turns to the next best thing: his old friend's son.

Meanwhile, Lan Sizhui finds a man buried deep underground with soft, familiar eyes.

[Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, Jin Ling, Ouyang Zizhen, and Wen Ning go on a life changing field trip, dodge their worried parents, and dig up some corpses, in approximately that order.]

“When I realized how deeply affected by the Yiling Patriarch Hanguang-Jun was, I began to realize where this slip in righteousness had come from. You see, while I and the rest of the cultivation world believed that Lan Wangji had been in secluded cultivation for three years to move to a new level in his cultivation, or because he had been wounded fighting the Yiling Patriarch, the truth is much the opposite. Hanguang-Jun was in seclusion as punishment, for siding with the Yiling Patriarch at the Siege of the Burial Mounds. All along, these famed enemies had secretly been allied.” Jin Guangyao shook his head, expression deeply sympathetic even as the cultivators of the room began to turn to Hanguang-Jun. Hands went to swords, only remaining undrawn due to the thick tension in the room that had yet to break. Hanguang-Jun stood immovable through it all, flawless as jade and cold as ice. “I believe the Yiling Patriarch must have altered his mind, and had been using his demonic arts to corrupt him as far back as the Sunshot campaign. Now, with the feared patriarch dead, it seems this would no longer be such an issue. But Wei Wuxian left one final plan even after his death, a fail-safe to bring ruin to the cultivation world once again even when he was long gone, and he entrusted that plan to Hanguang-Jun before his death.” At last, his eyes met Sizhui’s again. Sizhui’s mouth tasted electric, the buzz of the room crashing into him in waves even as it narrowed just to himself, his uncle at his back, his father, and the man before him. He inhaled through his nose and straightened, perfect Lan posture and the ribbon on his forehead proudly on display. He narrowed his eyes back at Jin Guanyao and did not drop his gaze. Jin Guangyao smiled, a flicker of amusement, before he regained his expression of earnest concern to address the crowd. “I found proof in the records of the Wen work camps, and writings recovered from the Nightless City. You see, Lan Sizhui, ward of Hanguang-Jun and First Disciple of Gusu Lan, was neither a war orphan nor a poorly concealed bastard, but instead a child smuggled out of the Burial Mounds before the siege.” Jin Guangyao swept a sleeve over Sizhui’s group. “Honored cultivators, I stand before you to reveal the surviving heir of the Qishan Wen Sect. Called Lan Sizhui but born Wen Yuan, the son of Wen Xu and his first concubine. Cousin of the Ghost General, and former ward of the Yiling Patriarch, already beginning the work of reviving the Wen and overwhelming the righteous sects with demonic cultivators.” In the chaos, only one voice cut so bitingly through the noise. Calm and cold and sure, Sizhui latched onto it with all his heart. Anything to avoid looking behind him, at the friends he had lied to. “So you admit it.” Said Hanguang-Jun, unmoving from his spot amidst the Lan. Jin Guangyao blinked wide eyes at him. “I’m sorry?” Hanguang-Jun stepped forward. Even with his name being almost literally dragged through the mud, cultivators still parted around him with automatic deference. “You admit you knew children were being tortured, in your work camps.”

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bnhaobservation · 11 months ago

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Ramblings about the Todoroki family - Part 1: Todoroki Enji’s origin and teenager years

So it’s finally time for me to try to dig into the Todoroki family, their dynamics and their history.

PREMISE

Someone might have been wondering why I waited so long before making a post for my very own favorite family, the Todoroki family.

Well, truth is I’ve plenty of drafts for a Todoroki family post, taken from various different angles which never ended up being posted because the Todoroki family has some HUGE narrative problems that have nothing to do with the family problems.

The first problem isn’t really a problem but a fact: as BNHA is a Japanese manga, most of the Todorokis’ issues are tied and being seen through the Japanese culture, and Japanese culture is different by the various western ones, so one needs to dig into it to understand what’s going on with them… which is long and time consuming and can end up distracting from the main topic, the Todorokis… never mentioning I’m not really an expert in Japanese culture.

The second, which is, if possibly, even huger, is that the Todoroki family suffered plenty of retcon through the serialization of the manga. This is not a complain, this is generally how manga work. Many manga don’t necessarily follow a detailed and pre planned storyline but, at best, a general outline so the author makes up the story as they go… and might be asked/forced to change it as they go, or decide to do it on their own because they came up with something better or realized something wasn’t working. If you decide to read a long manga, this can very well end up being part of your reading experience, one you’ve to accept and that however brings, as a consequences, that things can end up being tossed in without foreshadowing or that a present development can clash with a past one… which cause troubles when we place the facts that form the past of the Todorokis family in a chronological order and try to study their impact on the characters and their psychological behavior and stumble upon contradictions or behaviors that make no sense or give the ‘wrong impression’ (as ‘not the impression Horikoshi wanted us to have of the characters) because… such past facts were inserted retroactively and so couldn’t influence certain scenes when they should have.

So, how I’m going to go with this meta?

So as to give a more cohesive talk about how the Todoroki’s history was I’ll still analyze the family’s history chronologically (where with chronologically I don’t refer to the printing order but to the order in which facts were supposed to happen according to the BNHA timeline) but I’ll go at it in this way.

I’ll divide their history in parts so yeah this will be a multipart meta. Each part will be analyzed in 4 sections.

The first section will be labeled ‘Canon information’ and will be a mere retelling of the canon info with transcriptions of the dialogues in it and images/panels/pages from the manga so as to refresh everyone what the canon says about a certain part and also because I’LL STICK TO CANON AS MUCH AS IT’S HUMANLY POSSIBLE, WHEN IT’S CONRADICTING I’LL POINT IT OUT AND, IF SOMETHING IS NOT CANON BUT A LOGICAL SPECULATION OF MINE, I’LL LET YOU KNOW.

The second section will be labeled ‘Cultural info’ and will be a quick listing of topics tied to Japanese culture with a minimal explanation. It doesn’t exist to give you a deep and comprehensive explanation, just a quick reference so, if you’re interested, you can document yourself about it on your own and better understand the story. Mind you, I’m not Japanese so I might miss something or not explain something clearly enough, which is why I recommend YOU’ll be the one to document yourself using the info I share merely as a crutch to make your research easier.

The third section will be labeled ‘Doylist commentary’. Doylist commentary takes the name from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the Real Life author of the Holmes stories. They consider the Todoroki history as a created object, and prefer exegetic explanations with particular attention to the author’s intentions. Doylist commentaries can include “The author changed his mind” or “The author forgot this” or “There was no time for inserting this” or “Here the author is just using/referencing a certain trope” or “The author is just applying the Anthropic Principle (for any given story, there exist basic elements that, no matter how improbable or impossible their occurrence, are required for the story itself to happen, or there would be no story) or the MST3K Mantra (some details in the story don’t need to make sense because they ultimately don’t matter), asking us to suspend our disbelief on how it wouldn’t work logically in the story” or “With this scene the author is trying to carry on this theme/message”. Please DO NOT view the Doylist commentary as a “let’s complain about the story” corner. As said before, things like the author changing his mind or deciding that something impossible can indeed happen or forgot he previously said a certain thing and now he’s saying the opposite are part of the creative process of a manga, but understanding why the author had something happen can be useful to have a better grasp of the story and not give certain scenes a meaning they weren’t intended to have. Of course I’m not Horikoshi nor I worked with him to make the manga so, in this section, I’ll often talk of what I’ll assume was Horikoshi’s purpose to add a certain scene or why a certain problem happened which means I might be wrong.

The forth section will be labeled ‘Watsonian commentary’. Watsonian commentary takes the name from Dr. John Watson, Holmes’ friend and supposed chronicler of his adventures in-universe. They explain the Todoroki history within the logic of the narrative. Watsonian explanations are things like “Character X was lying”, “This happened in a scene we didn’t see”, and “Character X did this because he was thinking that”. So, basically, when I’ll make a Watsonian comment instead I’ll focus on the characters, their lives, their psychology and the effect everything has on them.

With this said let’s start with the Todoroki family.

TODOROKI ENJI’S ORIGIN AND TEENAGER YEARS (Chap. 356 + Chap. 3-86-192-319, Team Up Mission 33, School Briefs I Epilogue and School Briefs III Dramatic Makeover!)

Canon information:

Chronologically speaking, the earliest bit of Todoroki history is in Chap. 356 and shows a middle school Enji standing under the rain looking at a disaster area while his father’s body is being carried away after the man died fighting a man in an attempt to save a girl, causing her too to die as well.

This scene is labeled by the narrator (a high school Enji) as ‘Enji’s origin’ and the proof he’ll never be a superhero.

We also then see Enji at U.A. choosing his Hero name, ‘Endeavor’ the narrator calling this choice the proof of Enji’s menial nature. Students in U.A. choose their Hero name on their first year of high school short after the sport festival so, while we can see that the Enji who chooses his Hero name is older than the one who watched his father die, although comparatively they should be close in age (from 3 to 1 year of difference).

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘Sara ni yowaku natta.’ 轟炎司「更に弱くなった。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “You became beyond weak.”

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘Tachiba to tsugunai to ayamachi to sekinin ga. Omae no seirai no yowasa o abaki dashi miru ni taenai guzu e to hikizuri oroshita. Chōjin ni wa narenainda yo Enji (read: omae) wa. 轟炎司「立場と償いと過ちと責任が。おまえの生来の弱さを曝き出し見るに堪えない愚図へと引きずり下ろした。超人にはなれないんだよ炎司（おまえ）は。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “Position, atonement, mistakes and responsibility. Your innate weakness was exposed and I can’t bear to see how you were dragged down into an indecisive person. Enji (read: you) can’t become a superhuman.”

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘Genten o omoi dase. Teki ga nandatta no ka o?’ 轟炎司「原点を思い出せ。敵が何だったのかを。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “Remember your origin. Who was the enemy?”

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘Akkan kara shōjo o sukuou to shi kekka shōjo moro tomo nikukai to ka shita chichi o’ 轟炎司「悪漢から少女を救おうとし結果少女もろとも肉塊と化した父を。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “Your father tried to save a girl from a scoundrel and, as a result, he and the girl were turned into a lump of meat.”

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘Shin no chōjin e no senbō to higami o.’ 轟炎司「真の超人への羨望と僻みを。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “Your envy and inferiority complex toward a true superhuman.”

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘“Doryoku (read: ‘ENDEAVOR’)” to nanoru hikutsu na shōne o.’ 轟炎司「〝努力〟（エンデヴァー）と名乗る卑屈な性根を。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “You called yourself ‘effort’ (read: ‘Endeavor’) due to your menial nature.”

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘Kojishite inakereba tamotenu teido no minikui kokoro o.’ 轟炎司「誇示していなければ保てぬ程度の醜い心を。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “Unless you’re putting on airs you can’t sustain your ugly heart.”

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘Sō. Omae wa ALL MIGHT ni mo DEKU ni mo narenai Enji (read: ore) wa itsumo jibun no yowasa to shika tatakatte nakatta kara, dakara umare kawarou nante kangaeruna.’ 轟炎司「そうおまえはオールマイトにもデクにもなれない炎司（おれ）はいつも自分の弱さとしか戦ってなかったから、だから生まれ変わろうなんて考えるな。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “Yes. You can’t become All Might or Deku because Enji (read: I) was always fighting only against his (my) own weaknesses, so don’t think about being reborn.”

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘“Onore no yowasa (read: teki)” o noroi tsudzukero, yuiitsu sore dake ga omae o ikashite kita no dakara.’ 轟炎司「〝己の弱さ（てき）〟を呪い続けろ、唯一それだけがおまえを生かしてきたのだから。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “Keep cursing ‘your own weakness (read: the enemy)’, because that is the only thing that has kept you alive.” [Chap. 356]

Prior to this bit, the manga and other source mentioned how Enji had been an U.A. student from pretty early on, as Enji as always been planned to be tied to U.A. and in Horikoshi’s early plan later scrapped he was also meant to be a teacher at U.A. High. We’ve in fact a mention of him having been a U.A. student as early as in Chap. 3. It’s not said who does the narration, in the anime this bit is said by Midoriya so I’ve assumed this applies here too, though another recurring narrator is Present Mic. As he wasn’t introduced yet though, I think choosing Midoriya as a narrator made sense.

Midoriya Izuku ‘U.A. kōkō HERO-ka‼ Soko wa PRO ni hissu no shikaku shutoku o mokuteki to suru yōsei-kō! Zenkoku dōkachū, mottomo ninki de mottomo muzukashiku, sono bairitsu wa reinen 300 o koeru‼ Kokumin eiyoshō ni dashin sa reru mo kore o koji‼ “ALL MIGHT”‼ Jiken kaiketsu-sū shijō saita! Nenshō-kei HERO “ENDEAVOR”‼ BEST JEANIST 8 nen renzoku jushō‼”BEST JEANIST”! Idaina (read: GRATEFUL) HERO ni wa o U.A. sotsugyō ga zettai jōken nano da‼.’ 緑谷出久「雄英高校ヒーロー科‼そこはプロに必須の資格取得を目的とする養成校！全国同科中、最も人気で最も難しく、その倍率は例年３００を超える‼国民栄誉賞に打診されるもこれを固辞‼『オールマイト』‼事件解決数史上最多！燃焼系ヒーロー『エンデヴァー』‼ベストジーニスト8年連続受賞‼『ベストジーニスト』！偉大な（グレイトフル）ヒーローには雄英卒業が絶対条件なのだ‼」 Midoriya Izuku “U.A. High School’s Hero Course! It’s a training school where students acquire the qualifications necessary to become professionals! It’s the most popular and difficult course in the country, with the competition rate exceeding 300 every year! The one who was offered the People’s Honor Award but firmly refused! “All Might”! The person who solved the most cases in history! The burning hero “Endeavor”! Winner of the Best Jeanist award for 8 consecutive years! “Best Jeanist”! Graduating from U.A. is an absolute requirement for being a great (read: grateful) hero!” [Chap. 3]

Best Jeanist also remarks how Enji is an alumnus so he should help U.A.

Todoroki Enji ‘Nande ore ga U.A. no shirinugui o… kochira mo isogashī nodaga.’ 轟炎司「何で俺が雄英の尻拭いを…こちらも忙しいのだが。」 Todoroki Enji “Why should I have to clean up after U.A.? We’re busy here too.”

BEST JEANIST ‘MaA sō iwazu ni… OB deshou.’ ベストジーニスト「まァそう言わずに…OBでしょう。」 Best Jeanist “Well, don’t say that. You’re an alumnus, aren’t you?”

Tsukauchi Naomasa ‘U.A. kara wa ima HERO o yobenai. Taikyoku o mitekure ENDEAVOR. Konkai no jiken wa HERO shakai hōkai no kikkake ni mo nari eru sōryoku o motte kaiketsu ni ataraneba.’ 塚内直正「雄英からは今ヒーローを呼べない。大局を見てくれエンデヴァー。今回の事件はヒーロー社会崩壊の切っ掛けにもなり得る総力をもって解決にあたらねば。」 Tsukauchi Naomasa “We can’t call in any heroes from U.A. right now. Look at the big picture, Endeavor. This incident could be the start of the collapse of hero society, so we must use all our strength to solve it.” [Chap. 86]

Later we’re also told how he knows Recovery Girl by a long time due to this.

RECOVERY GIRL ‘OB no yoshimi de kite ageta yo. Soreni ima wa mō No.1 HERO da mono ne.’ リカバリーガール「OBのよしみで来てあげたよ。それに今はもうNo.1ヒーローだものね。」 Recovery Girl “I came for you since you were an alumnus. Besides, you’re also the No. 1 hero now.’ [Chap. 192]

Chap 319 also remarks how Enji is an U.A. alumnus…

Uraraka Ochako ‘ENDEAVOR-tte U.A. sotsu da yo ne............... Gōin ni ikou.’ 麗日お茶子「エンデヴァーって雄英卒だよね……………強引に行こう。」 Uraraka Ochako “Endeavor is a graduate of U.A., right?... Let’s go for it forcefully.” [Chap. 319]

… and the fact Nezu comments on his growth seems to imply he too, same as Recovery Girl, knew him from that time.

Todoroki Enji ‘………Soto wa kiken da chitsujo ga nai. Omae-tachi made──’ 轟炎司「………外は危険だ秩序が無い。おまえたちまで──」 Todoroki Enji “…It’s dangerous out there. There’s no order. Even you guys...”

Nezu ‘Otona ni natta ne… Todoroki-kun…!!’ 根津「大人になったね…轟くんくん…‼」 Nezu “You’ve grown up/matured... Todoroki-kun...!!” [Chap. 319]

The side material also tried to expand a bit on Enji’s past school life.

There is, for example, this bit in the spin off manga “Team Up Mission”:

Īda Tenya ‘Sorezore ga hirotta GOMI no sōryō o kiroku! Tadashi “kosei” shiyō-fuka! Onore no junsui na tairyoku nomi de shinkiroku o mezasu nōkin EVENT nanda! Chinamini rekidai No. 1 kiroku hoji-sha wa ENDEAVOR da.’ 飯田天哉「それぞれが拾ったゴミの総量を記録！ただし〝個性〟使用不可！己の純粹な体力のみで新記録を目指す脳筋イベントなんだ！ちなみに歴代No.1記録保持者はエンデヴァーだ。」 Īda Tenya “Each person records the total amount of trash they have picked up! However, they cannot use their “quirks”! It’s a muscle-brained event where they aim to set a new record using only their own physical strength! Incidentally, the all-time record holder is Endeavor.”

Todoroki Shōto ‘!’ 轟焦凍「! 」 Todoroki Shōto “!”

Midoriya Izuku ‘ENDEAVOR ga… ALL MIGHT no kiroku wa?’ 緑谷出久「エンデヴァーが…オールマイトの記禄は��」 Midoriya Izuku “It was Endeavor...what about All Might’s record?”

Īda Tenya ‘ALL MIGHT wa igainimo yoi kiroku ga nokotte inai. Ippanjin ni hanashikake rare GOMI hiroi dokorode wa nakatta sōda.’ 飯田天哉「オールマイトは意外にも良い記録が残っていない。一般人に話しかけられゴミ拾いどころではなかったそうだ。」 Īda Tenya “Surprisingly, All Might doesn’t have a good record. Apparently he was approached by members of the public and had no time to pick up trash.”

Midoriya Izuku ‘Tōji kara ninki-sha sugiru…!’ 緑谷出久「当時から人気者すぎる… ！」 Midoriya Izuku “He was so popular even back then!”

Todoroki Shōto ‘Oyaji ga…’ 轟焦凍「親父が…」 Todoroki Shōto “My father was…” [Mission 33]

And then these bits from “School Briefs” show first Enji and Recovery Girl interacting, confirming they know by a long time…

“Well, if it isn’t Endeavor. How long has it been?” It was U.A.’s school nurse, Youthful Heroine: Recovery Girl. Contrary to her title, the elderly healer walked with a syringe-shaped cane and had her hair tied up in a neat bun. “Recovery Girl! Good to see you,” said Endeavor, managing to mind his manners for someone he’d known nearly all his life. [“School Briefs I Epilogue”]

…and then Recovery Girl saying so to Shōto as well, also trying to tell him how his father was at school.

“It still hasn’t hit me that Endeavor’s boy is so grown up already.” “Huh…?” “I’ve been at U.A. a long time, you know? Known your father since he was a student here.” This mention of his father darkened Todoroki’s face, as if by reflex. “I was always treating him for scrapes, cuts and bruises back in those days. That boy put himself through the wringer, hoping to be the number one Hero someday.” Recovery Girl’s reminiscence triggered Todoroki’s memories from childhood and beyond-the sound of his father’s voice shouting at him. The voice always commanded the boy to succeed where his father had failed and grow into a Hero who could surpass All Might. Todoroki hated that voice with a passion. “Why, your father was so driven that, one time, in class…” “I’d rather not hear anything about that bastard… ma’am,” interrupted Todoroki. [“School Briefs III Dramatic Makeover!”]

...and ultimately deciding to let him know in a more veiled manner.

“All the boys and girls at U.A. tend to do their darnest. They always have. So be sure to give yourself credit where credit is due, now and then.” “Yes, ma’am.” Todoroki popped a gummy bear into his mouth. The chewy candy gave his tired body the small burst of sugar it needed. ‘Guess she’s saying that my bastard of a father did his best when he was here, too…?’ [“School Briefs III Dramatic Makeover!”]

Cultural info:

Oyakoko (親孝行 “filial piety”): An important Buddhist virtue of respecting and caring for one’s parents and that therefore requires the children ‘to be good’ to their parents, often through acts of great respect, kindness and support. It might sound nice but, although things are changing currently, in the past this meant doing what the parents wanted, including marrying who they were to pick up for you, provide them with grandchildren who would continue the family line, pursuing the career path they wanted (usually continuing the family business), fulfilling their ambitions, carry on their grudges or even avenging them, plus taking care of them when they’re old, handling their funeral and taking care of them through Butsudan in which they would be enshrined.

Chōnan (長男 “first male son”): Again, things are changing but in the past the first male son was the one who would inherit everything and therefore the one on whom would fall most of the duties that came from filial piety, like taking over the family home, like continuing the family job, fulfilling his parents’ wishes and aspirations, marrying who his parents wanted, provide his parents with grandchildren, taking care of his aging parents and, later on, of their funeral rites and maintaining the Butsudan in which they would be enshrined. Nowadays there’s less pressure to do all this but expectations remain. The firstborn were to be educated more than his other siblings, often receiving special education that would help carry on his duties. The result was also lot of pressure was put on him, while lot less was placed on his siblings.

Butsuma (仏間 “room/space of the Butsudan”) and Butsudan (仏壇 “Buddhist altar”): The Butsuma is a room/space whose principal or exclusive function is containing a Butsudan, a shrine whose primary use is for paying respects to the Buddha, as well as to family members who have died and ancestors. In fact the Butsudan becomes the house/room of said deceased people. The fact we see what is likely Enji’s father’s photo in the Todoroki Butsuma implies he’s resting there and therefore, since Enji is taking care of that Butsudan, Enji should be the male firstborn. Also the Todorokis should have had a Butsudan and a Butsuma before Tōya’s death so, contrary to the fandom’s expectations, the Butsudan is clearly not in Tōya and Natsuo’s childhood room (what’s more, the room looks different from their own) but it always had its own room.

Doryoku (努力 “effort/endeavor”): In Japan there is a stronger belief in effort as opposed to innate ability. Effort is seen as necessary to fulfill a social obligation to family, peers, and community. From when they’re children Japanese people are forced to focus on their effort, seeing it as the cause of success. According to society, if a child does not succeed, they were not trying hard enough. This is unrelated to the child’s grades; children always need to put forth more effort. This gives you a better idea of what exactly Enji’s Hero name stand for, an acknowledgement he has no inborn talent like he thinks All Might has, that he’ll just compensate by putting more effort, that his effort will never be enough as he’ll continue to push himself.

Doylist commentary:

So… let’s start with which probably was Horikoshi’s aim as he added this bit about ‘Enji’s origin’.

All the main characters in BNHA have an origin story, be they Heroes or Villains. Some of them go so far as to have a chapter titled with their name and the word ‘origin’ (Midoriya, Shouto, Bakugō, Tenko & Tomura, All Might), sometimes going so far as to also name the volume in which that chapter appeared as such, some others have their own origin story but with a lot less fanfare (as in no chapter or volume named as such like, for example Kirishima, Jin, Himiko, Touya…).

It makes sense Horikoshi had wanted to give an ‘origin’ to Enji too, one that gives him more deep and that explains why he is the way he is.

The drama of Enji losing his father and having been helpless to act to stop it, which made him feel like he can never be a true Hero (remember how Midoriya instead is a TRUE Hero because he jumped into action despite being weak, timid and Quirkless?) isn’t a bad idea either.

What’s more, having Enji seems as if he’s about to give up then think at his origin and come back strong enough it seems he can take down All for One is undoubtedly a way to make the fight more interesting. The fight was stalling, then the Villains seem to have the upper hand then the Hero gets a boost in power and turn tables. It’s an old narrative trick but it always works.

Visually, Horikoshi uses the old trick of rain in place of tears which never gets old as far as I’m involved. What can I say, I like it, I like the way it expresses the pain of a character in a discreet way.

It also… kind of try to smooth again Enji’s position.

In his prototype Enji was meant to be just a guy obsessed with respecting rules. In Shouto’s prototype he valued strength and married Rei to create a strong child but it seemed as if it was Rei the ‘bad guy’ as Shouto hated her and wanted Enji’s love. The final plan, the one we read, had him forcing Shouto to endure abusive training, Rei trying to protect Shouto and ending up being abused in turn, with Rei snapping, losing it and ending up in hospital and Shouto completely rejecting Enji.

He went from a guy who was just obsessed with rules to the BAD GUY of the Todoroki house.

Apparently though, Horikoshi was never fond of this evolution for a character he originally created with the purpose of him being cool, respectful to law, well liked by people and kind of a comical relief (he said Enji would stop at traffic lights even when chasing a Villain…) which is likely why Horikoshi ended up on placing him on an atonement path.

Giving him this ‘origin’ feels like one of the many attempts through the story to make Enji more sympathetic, this time by giving him a sad backstory as a motive for why he’s the way he is, instead than just his jealousy and this is totally fair. There’s nothing wrong into wanting to give a character more deep by giving him a sad backstory. People who do bad things don’t necessarily have to be two dimensional bad guys, especially if you want to put them on an atonement path.

However there are problems with this new bit.

For start… the fact that Enji’s ‘origin’ wasn’t foreshadowed at all (just think at how we could have seen previously Enji’s father’s photo in the Butsudan room, and instead it’s shown only now, or how Enji’s father could have gotten mentioned, even with a random ‘he lost his father when he was young, so he doesn’t know how to be a father’) seems to imply Horikoshi came up with this bit way too late in the story, possibly when the final war started. I mean, All Might gets an ‘origin’ chapter even much later (chap. 398), but it was teased and foreshadowed long ago. There’s nothing of the sort for this extra bit of story. Even in the many bits mentioning how Enji attended to U.A. there’s no hint of such revelation, I don’t know, by having someone say he had to go to a part time job to pay for his living expense/scholarship or comment on how his teachers were the only adult figures he had in his life or that he didn’t have his father’s support or that he was trying so hard for his father also. Although this revelation is supposed to be important it comes out of nowhere, way too late in the manga for the story to build up upon it.

Second… the readers were persuaded they already knew Enji’s ‘origin’, that he became the way he was when he realized he couldn’t surpass All Might despite his attempts in terms of strength. We had plenty of scenes telling us this. Yes, it can be Horikoshi wanted to surprise us… but when the surprise comes out so late and in such a rushed manner that not even the anime felt like investing in this (in the anime the scene is not expanded but exactly as it is in the manga and they even cut the bit hinting Enji’s father photo is in the Butsuma) readers find hard to invest in it as well. This is a story with 430 chapters, chap 356 is way too late to have a revelation on one of the main characters’ ‘origins’, especially when, until chap 356, there was already an origin story for Enji of some sort, which was the one that chap. 31-93-165-188 pushed forward.

Third, as I said, it feels rushed because Enji’s father’s death takes a grand total of three panels for half a page. There is no other ‘origin’ story that takes so little, especially if we compare it to all the time Horikoshi spent talking about/showing his other ‘origin’ story, the one of Enji being forced to accept he couldn’t surpass All Might. Horikoshi wanted the focus to be on Enji, so has no real interest in explaining what exactly happened with Enji’s father, with the result it creates more questions than answers which end up shifting the attention away from Enji himself as people try to figure out what happened that day. So, while the message seems to be that Enji, was indecisive (of if you like more how Touya put it, a coward) and, like Kirishima, came to believe he wasn’t Hero material because he didn’t sprint to action like All Might and Midoriya would have done and, differently from Kirishima, didn’t manage to cope with the revelation in the right way… well, this is just my speculation. It’s unclear if this is really his problem, and the lack of clarity makes the scene even weaker.

Forth, it’s a pity Enji’s father’s death scene isn’t connected to All Might, since All Might should have returned in Japan around the time Enji’s father died and the incident in which Enji’s father died could have also been the one in which All Might for the first time saved so many people. It would have added to the Enji-All Might’s feud, with Enji failing to save his father and Enji’s father failing to save the girl but All Might succeeding into saving everyone else except his father. Mind you, it wasn’t mandatory but since the two incidents happen close in time, if we’ve been done they were one and the same this incident might have felt less tossed in and more foreshadowed. Not much but… a bit more. Instead it wasn’t.

Fifth, yes, Enji has hesitated and had been indecisive other times and they all regarded his family… but each time the circumstances were so different it’s hard to see a pattern, it seems more like a coincidence.

So in the end Enji’s ‘origin’ feels like something Horikoshi didn’t really plan in advance, and that merely used as a device to give Enji a boost of power, to make him stand again after receiving a serious hit and fight even harder. Since it feels like it’s something ‘forced’ into the story at the last minute, it’s emotional impact is lessened than it should have been.

People were delighted when Dabi turned out to be Touya and felt satisfied when the guy who carried Tenko back home turned out to have been All for One because both facts were foreshadowed. Even Geten being a Himura or Touya’s Quirk being more than just a fire Quirk had some foreshadowing but this came out of nowhere and what’s worse, it went nowhere.

There’s no consequence for this reveal beyond the power up Enji receives, the strength he finds inside himself, when he thinks at all this. This story is not touched upon again, and, while I compared it to Kirishima’s backstory, not only Kirishima’s backstory got more deep and more time to be developed, but it even came back late in the story, when he and Ashido faced Machia.

Enji instead won’t think at his father ever again, Horikoshi not using it for any other part of the story to the point that it becomes the equivalent of giving to a beaten Saiyan a Senzu beam (for who’s unfamiliar with “Dragon Ball” senzu bean if eaten fully healed people and when Saiyan healed they became magically stronger). It’s a peep talk his younger self gave him to make him stand up and that’s all.

It’s a pity because the idea was actually instead really good, not only if explored it could become more moving but it could fit very well with Enji’s characterization and the whole theme of fatherhood opposed to focusing on heroism… of trauma that pushed him to do the wrong choices like it did for his son, of accepting he chased after the wrong thing, strength opposed to wish to help (which is what moved All Might and Midoriya) but no, it just will end up being shelved a moment after being used. It won’t come up again so that it feels more like one of those little bits of info Horikoshi put in his profiles than a real scene of the story.

On a special note let’s look at two sentences.

The first is this one:

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘Sara ni yowaku natta.’ 轟炎司「更に弱くなった。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “You became beyond weak.” [Chap. 356]

…which seems to be chosen purposely to mockingly remind Enji (and us) of…

PRESENT MIC ‘Sara ni mukō e! “Plus Ultra”!!’ プレゼント・マイク「更に向こうへ! 〝Plus Ultra〟‼」 Present Mic “Further beyond! ‘Plus Ultra’!!” [Chap. 3]

This sentence is said by Present Mic in Chap. 3 and it’s U.A. high school motto and you might remember hearing it at the end of each preview of the anime episodes.

The other sentence is the one about young Enji asking to his older self who was the enemy.

Todoroki Enji (young) ‘Genten o omoi dase. Teki ga nandatta no ka o?’ 轟炎司「原点を思い出せ。敵が何だったのかを。」 Todoroki Enji (young) “Remember your origin. Who was the enemy?” [Chap. 356]

It’s hard to catch it in the English version but in the Japanese version “Villain” is written with the kanji ‘teki’ (敵) which means “enemy” but is given the reading ��VILLAIN” (ヴィラン), while the sentence might be using the word “enemy” merely because it fits to drive home the concept, it can also be it’s implying Enji’s real enemy aren’t Villains but his own weakness.

Also teenager Enji talks of a ‘Shin no chōjin’ (真の超人 “true superhuman”). ‘Chōjin’ is how the name of the DC Comics Hero Superman is translated and it’s likely used it to show a parallel between All Might and Superman… however, ironically, not much after Enji himself will use a Superman’s move. In fact Superman can project beams of heat from his eyes which are hot enough to melt steel and Enji will do just the same in his fight with All for One.

What’s more, in Japanese this word sounds tied to ‘Chōjō’ (超常 “supernatural”). Where supernatural comes into play in the story? This word appears right from Chap. 1, although the English manga translated it as “exceptional” and later decided to translate it as just Quirk (even though in Japanese when they want to say “Quirk” they use ‘kosei’ (個性) or ‘Inō’ (異能 “Meta Ability” lit. “Extraordinary Ability”).

It’s a series of interesting nice bits that get lost in translation but are worth mentioning.

There’s not much to say on the tiny bit that referenced how Enji had been a U.A. student as they’re not much more than that, tiny bit that reference how Enji had been a U.A. student. They’re many but through the manga, they’re not really attempt at flashing Enji out beyond the fact he knew Recovery Girl and Nezu from back then.

It kind of clashes with how, in Enji’s ‘origin’, Horikoshi decided to depict him as an U.A. student as if that had been important but… we hardly learn something about his time there, his origin happening PRIOR to it. It’s not a sin it’s just… a pity… especially because it also clashes with how Class A is represented as close even after 8 years while neither All Might nor Enji seem to have friends, or at least ex-classmates, from their time at U.A. among the other Pro. Sure, as said before it wasn’t super important for the narrative but it still feels weird (especially in All Might’s case as he was a social person) how no one of their classmates is, at least, in the business. Sure, Horikoshi might have thought he had ENOUGH characters tied with U.A. so it makes sense he didn’t want to give them classmates, especially since he likely didn’t know he would late add that bit o

The only two which made an attempt to flesh him out more are the bit from “Team-up” which remarks how he put hard effort in doing things to the point he surpassed All Might and the bit in “School Briefs” in which Recovery Girl wants to tell Shouto how hard Enji used to work as a student. That second bit again can be seen as again an attempt at presenting him in a more sympathetic light but, especially for western readers, it doesn’t work so well as, in the narration, it comes in contraposition with how he mistreated Shouto when training him. It would have worked much better if Recovery Girl had just thought at all that by herself. I don’t really want to dig any further in this because I’ll talk about Shouto’s training later, when it’ll be time for it, so for now let’s leave it at this.

Watsonian commentary:

The scene of Enji’s father’s death is more like a flash so we don’t really know the details, but we can still extrapolate something out of it.

For start Enji’s age. He’s likely at middle school when his father dies as what he’s wearing seems a summer school uniform, but it’s different from U.A. school uniform. Enji seems as tall as an adult, considering how tall he’ll become it’s possible he was already that tall in middle school, but it would be too much of a stretch to assume he was that tall in Elementary school.

We aren’t told if the guy threatening the girl is a Villain, which is interesting as well as the text content itself with calling it a ‘akkan’ (悪漢) literally a “bad/evil man” (alternatively you can translate it as “thug, rascal, scoundrel”).

In BNHA a Villain (敵（ヴィラン） ‘teki (read: VILLAIN)’) is “someone who uses his Quirk to commit crimes”.

I’ve hard time thinking we’re prior to the time in which people started using the term “Villain”, so all I can assume is that the guy wasn’t using his Quirk to commit that crime, hence he couldn’t be labeled as such.

We aren’t told if Enji’s father was a Hero or someone who just decided to act to protect a little girl, just that instead that saving her he ended up causing his own dead along with hers. Since the place is a disaster area and kids inherit their parents’ Quirk, it is possible Enji’s father too had a fire Quirk and, attempting to use it, either in attack or self defense caused an explosion that killed everyone, included the girl he wanted to save.

We see Enji witnessing as his father’s corpse is taken away. We don’t know if he’s standing there because he froze when he should have instead acted and helped/saved his father and/or the girl or if he just came there too late, but the message we can extrapolate is he feels his ‘origin’ is one of a person who can’t be a Hero because he had failed to jump in action to save people (and especially his father) because he’s been indecisive and this had lead him to stalling instead than saving.

Possibly it wasn’t just fear, possibly he let himself be caught up by other thoughts, for example that if he were to use his Quirk he would commit a crime (it’s unknown if the whole thing was inspired by Horikoshi but in “Vigilantes” Enji expresses views which strongly disapprove of Vigilantism… this might be a consequence of what happened to his father if he acted even if he weren’t a Hero… or it could have been inside him already and might have caused him to hesitate) or maybe it was just his father who told him to wait there and he didn’t want to disobey.

Of maybe it was cowardice, Touya will blame him of being a coward and he won’t deny it, back then he was afraid to act , to go against a scoundrel and just stalled.

Or, as I said before, weakness was the problem. His father was weak so he failed to save himself and the little girl. Enji knew he was too weak to defeat the Villain so he didn’t act because he was weak, and therefore he failed to save his father and the little girl.

We don’t know.

Now this little scene can have plenty of consequences for Enji (which, unluckily, the story never explored).

Middle school is a time in which children are in a delicate age.

Teenagers start to search for a sense of self and personal identity, through an intense exploration of personal values, beliefs, and goals. Having his father die in such way under his eyes or reaching the place too late, could have been a very formative moment for him, one that might have radically changed his perception of himself, sadly not in a positive way.

If Enji’s father was a Hero, his dying while doing his duty like Kōta’s parents, might have further pushed on Enji the burden to become a Hero (inheriting his father’s mantle the way Īda Tensei first and Īda Tenya after did as Japanese society kind of expects the firstborn to inherit his father’s job), the need to be strong (otherwise he’ll die), the sense of inadequacy, as his father died as a Hero while Enji either watched or got there too late.

If Enji’s father wasn’t a Hero the fact he got involved, couldn’t save the girl (the text implied he caused her death) and stop the devastation of the area (or caused it directly) would reflect negatively on Enji.

Even though he’s absolutely not responsible for his father’s actions using Quirk if one isn’t a Hero is forbidden (we saw how they should have punished Shōto, Midoriya and Īda because they saved Native from the Hero killer, wounding him) and, what’s worse it didn’t end well (think at how Tobita and his family ended up bullied and ostracized for Tobita’s failed attempt to help someone who didn’t even die!) so Enji might have had to live with the pressure of all this and might have felt the need to become a Hero to wash away the shame of his father having tried and failed to be a Vigilante.

Regardless of Enji’s father having been a Hero or not, Enji doesn’t feel like a natural born Hero but still wants to be a Hero and tries to compensate with hard work.

As said in the cultural corner, society taught him to focus on effort, basically telling him if he were to put enough effort, he would succeed even though he lacks natural talent. Therefore Enji does his best to become the strongest while at the same time being plagued by feelings of not being good enough, which he tries to hide by acting cold and putting up on air.

Enji becomes a façade, he talks moves and act to give a certain impression of himself that Enji doesn’t feel match with the reality, he puts on airs, he holds himself together by keeping distance and presenting this fake image of him being confident, powerful, he feeds a lie, which is a very stressing thing to do.

All Might’s existence, or better the existence of someone who’s a natural born Hero and doesn’t even have to put effort in it, rubs salt on his wounds.

I want to dig into the presentation of the scene a bit as we discover what happened with Enji’s father in a discussion between adult Enji and teenager Enji, an Enji who wear U.A. high school uniform. Many other characters are shown also as their younger selves, but in that case is teenagers shown as children. In this case it’s a teen, as if Enji still have inside his teenager self, which is full of hate for him and can’t grow out of it.

The scene ends with adult Enji metaphorically murdering teenager Enji in a way that’s meant to represent how he won’t let himself be crushed by his own weakness… overcoming it through murderous rage. Teenager Enji encourage him to curse his own weakness, basically fuels his rage… which feels more like the representation of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Enji silences his own teenager self by murdering him and doesn’t overcome his weakness and leave it behind but just… fight it back with rage. But I’m probably running ahead this was meant to be about teenager Enji.

There’s also to wonder how his father’s death affected him practically.

Enji is the one who takes care of the Butsudan in which his father is enshrined. It makes him his firstborn. Was his mother still alive? Did she provide to Enji? Did Enji had to start a part time job to provide his living expenses? Did U.A. allow it since many high school in Japan don’t allow it, and U.A. has its own internship program but previously it was the norm to start it on the second year? Or did his father have a life insurance (I’ve heard they’re pretty common in Japan) which allowed Enji (and his mother) to survive until Enji became a Pro? Or did someone else from the family helped him? We don’t know but it’s interesting to wonder.

All this could have contributed in how Enji as a father is lacking… but we’ll discuss about his fatherhood later.

Even in this Watsonian corner there’s not much to say about the bits referring to Enji at U.A. if not that they confirm even back then he put endless effort in training. He focused, he did all he could. Maybe he even deluded he could surpass All Might because he is the one who holds the record for collecting the most trash. Still, there’s something that’s worth wondering.

Neither All Might nor Enji are shown as having developed longstanding friendships in their school years which starkly contrast with how Class A was instead a close group even after 8 years.

There’s to wonder if back then they just weren’t educated in a way that encouraged friendship and teamwork.

That’s all for this part. Please stay tuned for the next!

#boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #Todoroki Enji #bnha ramblings #bnha meta

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dream-in-a-jar · 14 days ago

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BBC Merlin ㅡ S5E11 "The Drawing of The Dark" live blog(-ish)

After avoiding it for weeks now, I'm finally here and getting one episode closer to the finale 🥲

Trying not to live-blog too much bc it takes a lot of time ngl clearly I ended up live-blogging anyways lol so enjoy the long-winded ride

[adding this later bc the start is a bit too sudden: that went from funny to suspenseful very quickly, dead soldiers and a suspicious fleeing person hmm]

Omg Mordred knows her 👀🤔 and he's telling her to go 🧐🧐 and Merlin saw that...

So much for trusting Mordred, Gaius

Those entry guards at Camelot are useless lol

Ooooh she's a druid too that makes sense

Hang on Arthur, you need to remind me real quick, who are we at war with? Or does he mean Morgana?

I love Gwen, so glad she's back

I'm sure Kara will be very safe in the middle of the forest without any means to defend herself from hungry animals and such-like lol

They're sweet but I'm worried she'll turn Mordred against Arthur 😭😭

I wonder what would happen if Merlin told Mordred about the prophecies...

Unrelated but Mordred has a very deep voice

"Your secret is safe with me" sounded extremely forced

Something else I'm wondering about is how would have growing up with the druids shaped Merlin? I drafted out a more detailed post on that bc it got out of hand here lol

Couldn't see the title anywhere so far so I googled it and got a spoiler 🥲 Great 🥲

"I'm like a swan" is perhaps the least expected answer I ever heard for the question "What are you doing?"

I can't with them why are they like this lmfao 😭 Arthur must like head lice then, if he keeps Merlin around for so long 🤔

I love it when shows have a close-up of an animal that very very much does not look like it has been filmed for this show ㅡ and it probably hasn't, I mean idk this could be from National Geographic or smth

I love nonsensical scene follow-ups, how long were they walking for the weather (and maybe time of day) to have changed this drastically? Why didn't the other knights go with them to follow an obviously suspicious trail? 😭 (realistically ik the weather and light changes are bc of filming but its funnier to ignore that)

I'm pretty sure it wasn't raining when Mordred went to Kara?? But I'll suspend my disbelief for you, Arthur 😌

Uh-oh they found the hideout, thats not good

Y'know, Merlin could "accidentally" make a really loud noise, calling Arthur or smth to alert Kara of their presence... but of course he won't

Karaaaaa you had a good chance of getting away with your life if you didn't try that 😭😭😭 also ngl I don't think that dagger would've gone through the chainmail but unfortunately it's the thought that counts ㅡ and the unfortunate follow-up line "I'm only sorry that I failed [to kill you]" 🥲

Mordred ngl you can only blame Kara on being a prisoner bc I'm pretty sure if she didn't try stabbing Arthur she would have been taken in as a guest ... or at least treated less harshly

Ooooof Mordred went fully antagonistic to Merlin but ngl the way Merlin has been so hostile to him from the beginning it's no surprise 😬

I don't think I ever realized how much taller Sir Leon is than Sir Gwaine

The different sides in these situations are always so interesting because Kara is right that her people have been mercilessly hunted and killed just for existing and that Camelot has a lot of innocent blood on their hands, and Arthur is obviously the legacy and son of these actions. But on the other hand, Arthur himself rarely persecuted and/or prosecuted sorcerers if they didn't harm him or the people of Camelot first. So there's this conflict here of the druids being angered and hardened and obviously wanting to break the rule of Camelot to gain their freedom, but by doing violent things they in turn harden Arthurs stance against people who possess magic. The wheel keeps turning.

Kara plz stop digging yourself into this more than you already are 😭😭

See Mordred, it was your fault she got found bc of the magic rain that poured invisibly and made your footprints trackable 😤

Smart of Modred to pretend(?) the king has a message for her about her loyalty to the person whom she didn't betray 😌 Meanwhile the guard of the cell probaly: 👂🏻👂🏻👂🏻

The king won't show mercy to a murderer who has promised to kill again until he is dead and his enemy sister has taken the throne? How surprising lol

If Kara does indeed turn Mordred against Camelot then at least I'm glad she's someone he's known for a long time and been very close with, rather than someone he just met a day ago or so ago like I thought when I watched the trailer

Oh I did not expect him to confess treating her leg

Idk who Mordreds actor is but damn he's good

Oh this is heartbreaking 😭😭

~ Interlude: playing Stardew Valley with friends ~ (can you tell I don't wanna finish this show lol)

I'm gonna be so fr but I think if Kara hadn't a) tried to stab Arthur when he sheathed his sword and then said that she wished she had succeeded and b) doubled and even tripled down in court that she killed the soldiers, wanted to kill Arthur and would proudly kill again and again until Camelot has fallen, Mordred would have been more successful in asking for her freedom

Well Morgana is a Pendragon too and Kara seems to be rooting for her lol (arguably she is also a tyrant though so fair point) (also love me some double standards benefitting women for once lol)

I feel like theyre both kinda glossing over the fact of what Arthur mentioned, she's not being executed for being a sorceress but for being a murderer who has announced in front of like a dozen or two dozen witnesses that she'll kill again like 😭

Lowkey reminds me of that scene in series 10 of Doctor Who with Ashildr, who challenges their attacker after he would've let her village go unscathed and then because of what she said he changed his mind and declared war on them and you could see her go "Oh fuck, shitshitshit, no I didn't want that!" and actively being burdened by this. For me, this acknowledge of Kara realizing that she fucked up is lowkey missing for me so far

Ooooh the parallels to Morgana coming back and "repenting for her mistakes" when she was in fact plotting to kill the king, I think Merlin noticed too

Oh okay, he's planning to leave

In all fairness, wasn't Merlin ready to give up everything (or a lot anyway) for Freya too? 👀

Ooooh cinematic, I wish the shot lingered a bit more on that

~ Interlude #2 to eat, play some more Stardew Valley, watch Doctor Who videos, and just overall avoiding the ending ~

Im also realizing (had to rewind a bit) that the wings were visible behind Mordred in the front shot of him too oops

I don't say that a lot but Gaius is right lol, Merlin did free a lot of ppl from the cells before

Ok Merlin's got a point too

Whatever Merlins plan is, Gaius does not approve

We're on season 5, almost at the very end, and Merlin still doesn't know how to knock lol

Does he want to rat Mordred out?? Please you're not gonna get him on your side like that 😭😭

Actually facepalming rn aghhh Merlin ik you want the best for Arthur but I don't think this is gonna help 😭😭

Oh wow he's already left with her damn

Oh wait they're still in the dungeons

Oh wow Kara has zero hesitation lmao that's wild skdkfkgk like she could've just knocked him out but she wen't straight for the kill 😳

(kinda very badass of her)

Mordred looks horrified like yeah did you forget that she was tried for murder?? 😭

Nooooo not Arthur giving Gwaine/the knights the permission to kill them though :((

Not to kill the vibes but why don't druids ever know healing spells?? I'd imagine that would be the most useful spell and yet there's rarely ever anyone who knows it?? ...although tbf that one time Merlin used a healing spell on himself it seemed to be extremely painful so maybe that's why no one uses it 😬

Oh no, not Mordred about to fight the knights :((

Kara is such an instigator lol "Kill them!!" like girl chill with the bloodlust for one second 😭😭

Uh-oh, is he actually gonna use his magic??

DAMN lmaoooo Percival to the rescue with a well-timed punch djfjfksj

Yay and now they're both in prison isn't that great <3

Arthur looks like a disappointed dad ngl (he probably is)

M: "What are you going to do to me?" A: "I wish I knew." oughhh Arthur is still a new king and doesn't have much experience yet with situations like these and now he has to think carefully what to do bc it'll set a precedent :((

"The very thing I was trying to stop just happened" yeah Merlin seems to be happening to you a lot 🥲

In all fairness, Merlin and Gwen are probably indeed the only people in Camelot who could change Arthurs mind on something ㅡ although I'm not sure he will in this case

I do love Arthur asking Merlin for his advice, it's happening a lot lately (for better or for worse) and it just shows how much Arthur trusts him and values his opinion because clearly Merlin has a different and valuable view on things. It also shows that Merlin hasn't been "just a servant" for a while now and that he has a close relationship to the king and even some influence on him

I'm not convinced Kara will take another chance to prove she's not ready to murder soldiers or knights of Camelot but whatever will win Mordred back on Arthurs side <3

Well, Merlin tried

Y'know Kara, I agree, you do have only yourself to blame sorry

I'm sorry for slandering her so much btw, I can understand her actions and her point of view on the whole situation with Camelots ban of magic and I really don't want her to die either but I just know that she's a big piece of the domino that will make the finale happen so I wish she would at least fake being sorry for her crimes or smth bc then it would also be easier for Arthur to let her go and like just banish her or smth 😭😭

Omg Arthur rly took Merlins words to heart, love to see it

KARA FOR FUCKS SAKEㅡ

Her loyalty to herself and her morals are admirable but sometimes there are good moments to lie Kara aaaaagh !!

Also he just offered to let you free !! After you made one of his loyalest knights betray him and murdered another soldier on your escape !!! Like I'm not expecting her to suddenly revere him anything but smh recognize change when it's happening girl PLEASE

No guards to see the shaking around Mordreds cell?

Ooooh interesting, Mordred has vanished ㅡ does he have vanishing powers or did he sneak away in the smoke and chaos of that explosion-thingy?

I bet Merlins having very loud "I knew it!" and "I told you so!" thoughts in his head, alongside "Fuck, I hope Arthur will be safe" etc

Of course Mordred would go straight to Morgana *sobs*

Ngl I don't understand love, so I can't rly emphasize with Mordred now being violently against Arthur but also he's still young and his feelings are probably more intense than mine (in general)... like Kara had so. many. chances, more than Uther would have ever given her, it is entirely on her and her stubornness that she was hanged

Now that I'm thinking about it, I was extremely stubborn too when I was younger so I would've probably ended up the same way lol

NOT MORDRED GIVING AWAY MERLINS IDENTITY NOOOOOO MORDEEEED !!!!! (Also this is what I was spoilered about when looking for the episode title AND IT HAPPENS IN THE LAST THIRTY SECONDS ARE YOU KIDDING ME????)

(also also, because I love being pedantic, I thought "Emrys" was his true name and not "Merlin" lmao)

OH THERE'S THE EPISODE TITLE WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH 😤😤

Well. That was a very sad episode for everyone involved except for Morgana who finally knows the answer to her biggest question ㅡ who is Emrys?

Ngl I only had vague memories of Merlin from back when I watched it like 15yrs ago and I never finished it, but for some reason I thought that Morgana knew about Merlins magic pretty early on, like when she was fully evil and back in Camelot. I always thought they had a kinda checkmate situation of her not being able to expose him because he could have exposed her back and them having like this rivalry of him trying to foil her plans and her being openly mad at him, idk where I got that from, my imagination probably

Stay tuned for the finale, I will watch in probably another month lol

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cog5 · 1 year ago

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An Audience with The King

I don’t even talk about kings in this post, but the North Keep has been added to my mega-dungeon, and there’s a throne room in there. That’s nine out of 12 locations, just three more areas to go and all my #dungeon23 work will be compiled into a single document. Feeling good about things, just need to keep up this pace.

The North Keep is a central location, where some very heavy encounters can intersect. Let’s dig in.

On the west side of the area, we have a pool of amphibious parasites who use human hosts as incubators to metamorphose into their final form. When I first wrote the draft for this encounter last year, I felt like it was one of my best, so I was really happy to return to it again. An “Alien” trope in a lot of ways, for sure, but I was digging my spin on it.

The atmosphere of the bathhouse area is creepy in both the map image and the writing. It was nice to lean into some classic horror elements, which I have not really used in the mega-dungeon so far. At least not to this degree.

I think this work over the past year (and then some) has made me really think about pacing and encounter variety. There are definitely some recurring themes and encounters in my mega-dungeon. And in the past, with smaller dungeons/adventures, I tended to focus on asking myself if the themes and encounters were cohesive, if they felt like they belonged together.

But now I’m thinking, does making things cohesive also risk making them boring? Or predictable? Is there enough variety in the themes and encounters to keep things interesting for the players?

Even just editing this bathhouse/parasite encounter has made me really appreciate the “spike” that can occur here, where something truly different can happen. I’m thinking players will enjoy that, too. Something I’m going to be thinking about the next time I write, for sure. Structured, cohesive themes, and whether or not I’m building in opportunities to break out of that structure when needed.

Ok, so that’s the west side. On to the east side, the dining hall. I’ve had this idea in the back of my mind for a while, for a “wizard party” encounter. In most adventures, players usually deal with one main antagonist. “Evil Wizard” is a classic, of course. But what if, unbeknownst to the players, that the evil wizard happened to be throwing a dinner party with all their evil wizard friends? The players have been expecting to find one evil wizard, but now they’ve run into four, each with different personalities and abilities. And they’re not going to take too kindly to the interruption. That’s the premise of the east dining hall encounter. I’ve mixed it up with six arcane egomaniacs to add to your guest list.

There’s a lot more in the North Keep, the page count is higher than any other area so far. There’s a big boss battle that opens up access to the next floor, a vault full of treasure (basically a mini-dungeon on its own), and a big ol’ chunk of background for the setting, that explains how things got to this point (if you’re into that kind of thing). It’s nice to get all of this out of my head and onto a page, finally. The first draft was almost like creating 365 dots. Now I’ve had a chance to connect a lot of those dots.

---

What Have I Been Reading?

The Choir By Mobile Hut (Evlyn Moreau, Lett Morrison, Casey Jones, Roxanne B.)

Picked this up at the beginning of the month. I’ve been a fan of Evlyn Moreau’s work for a long time and she always manages to work with an amazing crew of collaborators. This is a short, solid, adventure for Mörk Borg with a touch of investigation and a unique “spooky house” to punctuate the session. Lots of little twists and turns, and a good cast of NPCs with clear connections for the players to bump into.

A clever highlight for me was an encounter mechanic that states: After an encounter, the player character who was the most passive receives a Blood Forest Vision. And then there is a table of unique visions to roll on.

Really loved this, beyond the fact that the visions give the players a glimpse into what’s coming their way, it also gives a more laid back player a special moment that they can play out however they want.

I definitely recommend this one if you’re looking for a short adventure. Even if you don’t use it for Mörk Borg, I’m sure it could be easily adapted.

#ttrpg #dungeon23 #ttrpg maps #dnd #indie ttrpg #ttrpgs #osr #drawing #ttrpg art #inkdrawing

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pbaintthetb · 3 months ago

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Thowback THursday

lol so this in my drafts is called MXY agency agenda 2k22 which says a lot. Anyway I like it and it's almost fully written but needs 2 bridging scenes and 1 (possibly long) end scene so I can't post it. BUT have this

Mo Xuanyu will get himself out. He has before. Even if it will never in the way he wants.

But on one point he is certain. He will never let himself be used by a sect leader with kind eyes again.

Mo Xuanyu’s digging the toe of his shoe into the floor of Carp Tower, waiting for his half brother when Nie Huaisang runs into him.

“Hello Sect Leader,” Mo Xuanyu greets, keeping his gaze down. He doesn’t want to see Nie Huaisang’s face, he doesn’t want Nie Huaisang to see his face.

Nie Huaisang’s been different recently, which isn’t that odd, Mo Xuanyu supposes. The man’s brother had only died about a year ago (and no, Mo Xuanyu doesn’t know the number of days), but the Nie Sect leader is wrong different. There’s something off in the way he’s changed that Mo Xuanyu can’t quite put his finger on, but it puts his back up all the same.

“How are you doing?” Nie Huaisang asks him, sounding friendly and polite.

“I’m alright,” Mo Xuanyu tells the ground with a small shrug. He’s been worse, that’s for sure. He just really needs to talk to his half-brother, not that he especially wants to, but Mo Xuanyu has been used to ‘want’ and ‘need’ being very distinct categories for a while now.

“Good, good,” Nie Huaisang comments cheerily, sounding more interested than he ever used to.

It’s weird, Mo Xuanyu doesn’t know when he went from wanting the Sect Leader’s attention to feeling unduly watched under it. Xuanyu supposes he’s changed too.

Time does that to people. (Lanling- A-Yao does that-).

They make small talk, until A-Yao’s door finally opens, he makes to go in, but Nie Huaisang gets there first, smoothly sliding between him, his half-brother, and the door.

“San-ge,” the man cries, a hint of relief. “I-”

“Sorry, A-Sang,” his half-brother tells Nie Huaisang, “I believe A-Yu’s been waiting for me.”

Mo Xuanyu tries not to shrink back as both men stare at him, finally lifting his gaze off the floor, face throbbing to watch them both with wide eyes.

“I-” he starts, but he doesn’t know how to finish.

“Ah fine,” Nie Huaisang waves him off, dramatically sighing. He leaves before Mo Xuanyu enters, Mo Xuanyu tracks him leaving, before touching his eye and wincing a little.

A-Yao’s eyes are sharp on his face, on the rising bruise surrounding his eye. Xuanyu doesn’t say anything, his half-brother’s a smart man, he’s sure he can put the pieces together. He doesn’t need to explain that he’s not well liked here. His half-brother counts on it.

“I suppose Huaisang’s already checked you out,” A-Yao comments, the perfect picture of friendliness while neatly sidestepping any of the duties that come with it.

Xuanyu nods, not trusting his voice. It’s easier to agree with whatever the other person is expecting. Doubly so when the other person is Xuanyu’s half-brother.

Besides, there hadn’t been any kind of surprise or shock on Nie Huaisang’s face. He’s uncomfortably sure Nie Huaisang had been watching him in that corridor long before he’d swept in for a conversation.

///////////////////////

“I wonder why Xue Yang ran away.”

Mo Xuanyu doesn’t look up at the sound of a Sect Leader’s voice. He doesn’t know why Nie Huaisang is outside Jin Guangshan’s old rooms, but he’s not going to ask because he doesn’t have a good reason to be here either.

(He’s here because A-Yao is never here, but that’s not the point.)

“What?” Mo Xuanyu asks nervously instead. He doesn’t understand. The Sect Leader nudges his shoulder gently with a fan and gestures at Xuanyu’s father’s rooms.

“He got invited to stay, and then he just took off.” A chuckle, “You have to wonder why.”

Mo Xuanyu doesn’t have to. People who really know what is going on in Lanling don’t have to. Xue Yang left because he knew which way the wind was blowing, but Mo Xuanyu doesn’t say that. Mo Xuanyu generally tries not to say much of anything.

“Yeah, I guess,” Xuanyu mutters, it feels like Nie Huaisang’s eyes are stabbing him, but when he glances back they’re curious and soft. Emboldened, he swallows to find more words.

“How are you doing, Sect Leader?” Xuanyu asks, the man’s been almost haunting Carp Tower since Jin Guangshan died. Nie Huaisang is not a man that Mo Xuanyu would ever ask to provide comfort. He’s too…

Well, anyway. Just because Mo Xuanyu would rather stick his hand in a trap than ask Nie Huaisang for comfort, it doesn’t mean he can’t be polite. If anything Xuanyu can’t not be polite. Politeness and manners, it’s all that keeps him an unassuming shadow and not-... Besides, it’s not like Mo Xuanyu needs comforting over Jin Guangshan’s death anyway; though that’s a thought best kept to himself.

“How’s it going with-” Mo Xuanyu shrugs, and he was trying to clarify, but the two of them sitting here, in Jin Guangshan’s old rooms, that clarifies enough.

Anyway, Xuanyu doesn’t know for certain that it was Jin Guangshan keeping Nie Huaisang away, but he can guess. What’s harder to figure is why his father had mattered to the Nie Sect Leader. Respect, fear, or a lack of anything at all?

He’s rewarded with a gentle tinkling laugh.

“Oh I’m sure you know how your brother is better than me, Young Master Mo. You’re family, I’m sure he confides all kinds of things in you.” Nie Huaisang smiles at him and Mo Xuanyu has to look away before he’s sick.

(Maybe it’s actually himself who’s haunting Carp Tower. Something about Nie Huaisang makes him wonder… Is this living?)

“He doesn’t talk to me anymore,” Mo Xuanyu lies, staring at the ornate pattern of a wall. He could draw it in his sleep. It’s burned into his eyelids when he closes them.

“Mmh,” Nie Huasiang makes a sound that really can’t be classified as anything more. Xuanyu’s shoulders are tingling, and it takes a moment for him to realise it’s because the Sect Leader has lightly touched him again with his fan.

“Well I best be off, Young Master Mo. Good to see your bruise has cleared up.”

Mo Xuanyu doesn’t move to touch his face and he doesn’t watch the Sect Leader go. He barely minds his manners enough to stand up in time.

(Mo Xuanyu has always, always been scared of Nie Huaisang and he’s never- then Xue Yang told him about… Well. But all that did was give him an excuse. Something about the Nie Sect leader has always made Mo Xuanyu want to scream and cry, but he’s never been able to place what.)

He stares at the floors- he can tell where he is anywhere in Lanling by the floors- and listens to the Sect Leader go.

Ignorance is bliss, but Mo Xuanyu doesn’t understand what’s going on. Ignorance is bliss yet Mo Xuanyu understands enough to be afraid that if this ignorance continues he’s going to wind up dead.

//////////////////////////////

His father has been dead for seven months when Mo Xuanyu asks to go home. Or rather-

“My mother is ill,” Xuanyu tells the space in the air above A-Yao’s shoulder. “I’d like to go back and look after her.” He forces himself to meet his brother’s eyes. The man in question is staring back at him as intense and piercing as ever, of course.

Not that A-Yao says anything, just turns around and walks a little distance away as if in thought. Xuanyu looks down at the floor and doesn’t think of the floors and floors beneath it.

“-reason you can’t bring her here.”

Xuanyu jerks his head up startled, blinking at A-Yao whose words sound like they’re being dragged out of him. His eyes aren’t quite focused on Mo Xuanyu’s own, drilling somewhere just above.

“I- uh- I-” Mo Xuanyu stutters, he watches his brother compose himself.

“Since our father’s dead,” his brother says smoothly, “You can bring your mother here. I’m sure we have better doctors.”

Mo Xuanyu’s sure they do too. The problem is that his mother isn’t actually ill. The problem is that Nie Huaisang lurks around like a spectre and Mo Xuanyu has no desire to be here when it all breaks. The problem is the floor below the floors of Lanling. The problem is that Mo Xuanyu is no saint and he’s tried to keep his hands clean but he doesn’t- can’t do this anymore.

The problem is that if he stays he’ll die one way or another.

The problem is that Mo Xuanyu has a lot of sins to make up for and that he’ll never repay his debts here.

The problem is that as A-Yao is looking at him and making this offer, Mo Xuanyu thinks his half-brother might actually care. And that sends shards of ice down his spine.

“It’s- I think it’s easier if I just go,” he stammers, trying to shrink himself down to become smaller. “I couldn’t- I wouldn’t want to- I shouldn’t imp- she’s my mother and I-”

Jin Guangyao’s eyes are going from uncomfortable to sharp.

“If I had your chance, I would do anything to get my mother the best help she could,” A-Yao says accusingly.

Mo Xuanyu swallows.

“You wouldn’t,” A-Yao says, almost amicably, “Be thinking of running away and not coming back. Would you?”

His breath catches in his throat, and he wonders if maybe this is when he’s going to die.

(and if he is, then well. He’s always wanted to go out with a bang.)

“I’m done with your-” schemes? Plans? Murders? Secret basements? Secrets? “Your-” no word is quite right to explain it. Explain how Mo Xuanyu isn’t going to do it, whatever it is ever again.

“I’m done,” Mo Xuanyu repeats simply. He’s blinking rapidly trying to push away tears that aren’t seeming to come.

The pause that follows could destroy civilisations, or perhaps a sect. (Because that’s already happened…. Hasn’t it? Mo Xuanyu knows all about that.)

“You’re… done?” A-Yao hisses. “After everything I’ve done for you? With Xue Yang? With Father? With the fact that you’re a damn cutsleeve?”

“I’m grateful-” he’s really not.

“You’re not, don’t lie to me A-Yu.”

Instinctually his eyes go back to stare at the floor- but that’s the whole point of this. He’s fed up of being a coward. Too much of a coward to tell his half-brother ‘no’. To say something is wrong, or to refuse.

So if he’s going to stop being a coward then he’s going to have to look his half-brother in the eye.

“No I’m not.” Mo Xuanyu shoots back with a fragile strength, “I know exactly what kind of man you are. I refuse to be grateful to you.”

He’s going to die here anyway, so who cares what he says. And if he doesn’t- well then he couldn’t live with himself if he hadn’t said it.

A-Yao’s lip curls and Mo Xuanyu doesn’t- doesn’t shrink back.

/////////////

Mo Xuanyu arrives back in Mo village with a bruise the size of the Sect Leader’s fist and a reputation so tarnished that his half-brother probably could have only done better if he’d dunked him in poison.

He wonders what the wider cultivation world makes, will make, is making, of his disreputable departure. But then again, he doesn’t really want to know.

Mo Xuanyu got out of Lanling and the games of Sect Leader’s with smiles that don’t match their eyes with his life. He should be glad.

But he can’t keep sitting on the things he knows. It isn’t right.

Besides, guilt’s been gnawing at Mo Xuanyu’s insides for almost two years. Besides, the Jin Sect Leader ought to pay.

Besides, Mo Xuanyu wants A-Yao to pay.

////////////////////////

It turns out Mo Xuanyu’s mother actually was ill. No one had thought to tell him. No one had thought to send for a doctor for her. Dried up, used up, the only person who ever cared for her gone to a place so close and so far away.

Mo Xuanyu squeezes her hand and she squeezes back. When her hand goes limp he goes outside to scream at the heavens.

He’s more of a pariah than he’s ever been in his life. And Mo Xuanyu hasn’t lived for very long.

That’s what happens when you throw yourself on a Sect Leader. That they were brothers was just the icing on the cake.

And you know what? Maybe Mo Xuanyu does deserve to suffer for the things he did with his half-brother.

Definitely. Maybe.

But Mo Xuanyu refuses to live his life in penitence for this.

His aunt and uncle- his family let him sleep in a bed until the funeral. And then they say he’s too much of a risk to poor little Ziyuan to be able to sleep in the same house as them.

(His mother’s house.)

Mo Xuanyu grins all teeth and white knuckles his possessions into the stables.

He’s had unfortunate sleeping quarters before. At least this time his bunk mate is a donkey and not a spree killer with ambitions of being a true serial killer.

A-Yao left him alive. Whether that was because his half-brother was just soft enough on him to not want him dead, or because too many Jin had already died and that got attention, or if because A-Yao was frankly just concerned Mo Xuanyu would come back to haunt him- Mo Xuanyu doesn’t know.

Doesn’t care.

The point is that he is alive, and he might be mad and not to be trusted but Mo Xuanyu knows a lot. He saw a lot, he got told a lot, he picked up a lot.

(Mo Xuanyu likes to think he’s good at picking apart a person. Stripping them down the bone and free of all the lies they build themselves up with.)

So, he might not be worth listening to, but the cultivation world is smart. The cultivators are smart- right? They have to know that the people not worth listening to often have lots of very interesting things to say.

//////////////////

Mo Xuanyu is wrong about his assumptions.

The Fucking Donkey is the literal worst to live with. It’s loud and snuffly, stinks, nearly stood on him once, and steals all of his fucking food.

(Except the congee, it doesn’t steal the congee.)

“Xue Yang was a better roommate,” he tells the Fucking Donkey, but maybe it can’t tell his heart isn’t really in it.

The other thing that Mo Xuanyu was wrong about was the cultivators.

And like-

Sure, Mo Xuanyu is writing in code. Or not code but-

Mo Xuanyu wouldn’t put it past his family to check his letters. Or people to show his letters around or-

He hints at what he knows, the kind of things he could talk about. Hell, he hints that he has things to talk about.

He said he had information about the damn Yiling Patriarch to Lan Wanji- and that was risky, but seemed what would be needed to get the man who had so clearly deeply, deeply cared- or perhaps been obsessed with- the Yiling Patriarch’s attention.

(Nobody turns against their sect, against power without some kind of reason, and the Yiling Patriarch had died and Lan Wangji had gone back, so his reason was clear enough.)

He’d dropped his brother in it, he’d dropped Lan Wangji’s brother in it-

Nothing.

He knows his letters are at least half getting through because when Xuanyu had branched out to another member of the Lan he’d gotten a prompt letter back from Lan Qiren informing him to never contact him again.

Joys.

He’s even written to Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao’s biggest admirer. Not to mention Jiang Wanyin, minor Sects who he can remember the addresses of.

There’s just one big face he hasn’t contacted and he has no desire to.

No, Mo Xuanyu knows exactly what kind of man Nie Huaisang is, and he’s not one that Mo Xuanyu thinks will care.

Because-

Because Mo Xuanyu has a damn good suspicion that the Nie Sect leader has either known, or at least suspected, a lot of A-Yao’s crimes for a long time.

(Mo Xuanyu’s.)

Besides, he’s not entirely convinced that Nie Huaisang wouldn’t turn down help just to let Mo Xuanyu rot.

But, well.

Five years. A man gets tired of no responses.

Maybe it’s time he writes a letter.

#mo xuanyu #mdzs fic #tumblr fic #mdzs #mxy #mxy agency agenda #2.5k

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