#this has become a Valentine's and an Amanda birthday post

[hipsternumbertwo]

Favorite Angela Moments 64/∞: "I feel like I'm watching Challengers." (Challenge Pit Edition)

[mm2305]

Meet my MC

A/N : Here it is! This took me a while to make but I thoroughly enjoyed it. This fictional character was born out of my love for these books and there are parts of myself in it, so this has now become so much more personal to me. Hope you all come to adore her as much as I do :)

P.S. : Forgive any mistakes-things that may not add up, since I'm not from the regions mentioned in the post and I can't know everything about how things work there.

Template by @jamespotterthefirst

Name : Olivia Alexandra Valentine

Birthday / Age : 23rd June 1992 / 29

Nicknames : Oliv, Liv, Rookie (by Ethan)

Face Claim : Amanda Seyfried

Character Traits : Kind, stubborn, curious, ambitious, compassionate, lively.

Parents : Her father is Nick Valentine and is originally from Greece and the UK. Her mother is Anne Valentine and is from the USA. Nick works as a high school teacher and Anne owns a shop making handmade soaps, lotions, perfumes etc. They met when Nick moved to US for his Master's degree.

Siblings : Olivia has a sister who is four (4) years younger than her, Lily Grace

Hometown : Long Beach, California

Occupation : Attending on internal medicine at Edenbrook Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts. Head of the hospital’s world-class Diagnostics Team.

Love Interest / Significant Other : Dr. Ethan Ramsey

Family life : Olivia comes from a happy family. Her relationship with her parents has always been good, since they both are pretty easy-going people. She has always been a bit closer to her dad though, because he was more involved during her teenage years, while she tried to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. Her sister, Lily, is quite vivacious and stubborn too, so their personalities clashed pretty often, when they were younger. They have always loved each other to bits though and are very close.

Growing up & career decisions : While growing up, Olivia was taught to always respect other people and treat them with kindness, a lesson she values more than anything. Their home was influenced by some Greek traditions and cuisine, since her father was half-Greek. They have even visited Greece a couple of times and Olivia loves the ancient Greek civilization and has a particular love for Greek cuisine.

Olivia as a child (and adult) was lively and curious about the things surrounding her. Always wanting to learn more and eager to experience new things. She was a pretty good student , focused on her studies, but wasn't overly competitive. She also had several years of piano lessons and had even played in some concerts. She especially loved English and Literature lessons so she considered going for an English and Literature major. However, when she was in high school, her sister slipped from the stairs and was taken to the hospital to be checked out. She had to do some stitches and her wrist was fractured, but Olivia was fascinated by how the doctors and nurses worked,moving quickly, diagnosing, helping those in need. She then decided to pursue a career in medicine. She studied a lot, won a scholarship to John Hopkins and moved out. During university, she learned more about herself and became more confident in her capabilities as a future doctor. During her residency at Edenbrook, she got to work with a role model of hers, Dr. Ethan Ramsey. Ever since they met, there was mutual interest in each other, which developed into a romantic relationship. Even then though, in the workplace, they are both professional and Ethan pushes her to be the best doctor she can (and will) be.

Random facts / hobbies : hates white chocolate, can sing decently, not a particularly good dancer but working on it, loves Greek food (pastitsio is her fave), loves twilight saga, into 19th century fashion, cooks well, a bit of a neat freak (secretly loves arranging the closet and cupboards), likes to cuddle A LOT / / reading books & fanfiction, watching movies, going for walks, generally spending time with her loved ones, cooking, playing the piano.

_____________________________

Taglist : @romereadingshop @codykosuckmytoe @sophxwithers @actuallybored @potionsprefect @caseyvalentineramsey @ethansramsey @rookie-ramsey @crystalwillow @gryffindordaughterofathena @kiara-36 @mrsethanfreakingramsey @brooks-eden @panda9584 @genevievemd @jamespotterthefirst @queencarb @missmiimiie @shanzay44 @nikki-2406 (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

[moresvuheadcanons]

Masterlist

Amanda Rollins

Headcanons

Girlfriend is jealous of Sonny

Rollisi with Jesse

With a chubby girlfriend

Drabbles

Comforted by SO about the baby belly

Eddie Garcia

Headcanons

Falling in love with Rafael’s wife

Finding out that Eddie was accused of rape

With a shy SO

Uncle Eddie

Elliot Stabler

Headcanons

Elliot confesses his feelings for you

First date

First fight

First kiss

Jealous Elliot

SO gets hurt on a case

With a pregnant SO

John Munch

Headcanons

Being Munch’s daughter (and Barba’s girlfriend)

Protective of reader

Lucia Barba

Headcanons

Falling in love with a longtime friend

Telling Rafael she has a girlfriend

You tell Rafael you and Lucia are dating

Drabbles

Backstory

Mike Dodds

Headcanons

Being Mike’s crush (and Liv’s sister)

Falling in love with a new detective

Fighting/making up with SO

Finding his SO in his clothes

Introducing his SO to his family

Nighttime routine with SO

Pillow talk

Snow day with SO

Taking care of drunk reader

Telling Mike (and Liv) that you’re pregnant

Wedding Anniversary with SO

Drabbles

Asking for Liv’s Blessing

Clean Shirt, New Shoes

Demolition Woman

That’s What Makes This House a Home

Valentine’s Day

Used to the Cold

Series

You’re the Only One Who Knows (IN PROGRESS)

Nick Amaro

Headcanons

First week with a newborn

Pillow Talk

Showing his love for you

Drabbles

Comforting self-harming reader

Meeting (much younger) SO’s parents for the first time

Olivia Benson

Headcanons

Being Liv’s sister (and Mike’s crush)

Having a girlfriend for the first time

Introducing her SO to Noah

Realizing she’s in love with Barba

Telling Liv (and Mike) that you’re pregnant

Rafael Barba

Headcanons

As a cat owner

Being a momma’s boy

Being Barba’s girlfriend (and Munch’s daughter)

Being introduced to Lucia’s girlfriend

Being outsassed by a new detective

Caring for bedridden SO

Celebrating Mother’s Day with wife and daughter

Comforting daughter with a nightmare

Comforting daughter with a panic attack

Comforting SO with depression

Finding out Barba can sing

Finding out Lucia is dating you

First “I Love You”

First week with a newborn

Going against his crush in court

Going against his crush’s ex in court

In hospital with SO

Jealous Barba

Jealus Barba 2.0

Little Rafi

Meeting SO’s (non-US residing) parents for the first time

Moving into and decorating his place

Pillow Talk

Post op care for SO

Proposing to SO

Realizing he’s in love with Liv

Reminding him of his mother

Seeing Yelina kiss Alex with SO

Simple birthday celebration for SO

SO in hostage situation

SO is jealous of Yelina

SO suffers miscarriage

SO works with Alex Munoz

Taking care of bedridden reader

Taking care of drunk reader

Taking care of sick SO

Thinking he forgot your birthday

Watching Eddie’s son

Weird Headcanons

With introverted SO

Drabbles

“Are We Bad People?”

Comforting SO after fight with dad

Finding out his SO can sing

I’m Gonna Stick With You

Just Say You Won’t Let Go

Passing Notes In Secrecy

Stitch by Stitch

SO is jealous of Yelina

Valentine’s Day Gift Exchange

Sonny Carisi

Headcanons

Being comforted after an abusive relationship

Being protective of new partner

Big fight/making up with SO

Bisexual Sonny

Bringing a girlfriend home for the first time

Bringing home a European girlfriend to meet the family

Car accident with pregnant SO

Celebrating birthday with SO

Comforting asexual SO after fight with mom

Comforting crying SO

Comforting reader after they don’t get the job

Comforting reader on their birthday

Comforting reader post-op

Comforting self-harming reader

Comforting SO through the sophomore slump

Comforting SO with depression

Crush on shy classmate

Face masks with SO

Fight with SO

Finding wife and kids asleep together in bed

Grandparents reminisce about the “good ole days” in Europe

Introducing his SO to the squad

Preventing SO from scratching stitches

Proposing to SO

Proposing to SO on Valentine’s Day 

Pillow talk

Rollisi with Jesse

Running into SO’s ex with SO

Seeing his SO with kids

Seeing his SO with makeup

Shaving reader’s legs

Sonny doesn’t survive “Next Chapter”

Sonny’s not ready for sex

SO proposing to Sonny

SO taking care of him after “Next Chapter”

SO tells him they’re leaving SVU

SO wishes him dead

Taking care of sick SO

Talking with fiance the night before the wedding

Trying to sleep with an erection

Watching scary movie with SO

With an asexual SO

With a clingy SO

With a pregnant SO

With a pregnant SO expecting quadruplets

With an SO that loves to eat

With an SO that’s afraid of the dark

With an SO on their period

With an SVU detective SO not interested in sex

Drabbles

“Are We Bad People?”

Bad Things

“How Did We Become This?”

This Is The Last Time

Tread Lightly On My Ground

Waking Up

Series

The Getaway Car

Other

And here is a link to every ask prompt I have ever posted. I will always take asks, just be sure to mention which ask (each ask has its own tag) you’re asking from.

[mholquinn]

I've been having trouble sleeping lately, and I know it's not because the dreams I've been having, or my recent health issues because those are never played a factor in it before. At least not like this. I know what the problem is, but it's not something that I can easily fix. Going back to when I started having pains that sent me to the hospital I remembered what happened 6 years ago when I was having issues with it after my first diagnosis. I was dealing with really bad breakup, and it actually took a physical toll on my body.

This last time it happened I was going through my phone, and deleting all the contact information I had of my most recent ex. And now that I say that I honestly feel like an idiot because of the whole situation. I remember sitting under a tent at Fresno State waiting for my sister to show up or the comic book convention that I was supposed to help her with. Priscilla was there with me and we were talking about us, and she started laying down the ground rules. All I asked was that if I start showing some red flags let me know so I can fix that. She then told me that I was her boyfriend, and then jokingly she told me she would leave me for a puppy. I agreed to those terms, and the day went on like a normal day at a vendor's booth. The unfortunate part of that day happened as we were getting ready to leave, she got a phone call from someone in your family about her sister. It was an emergency and she had to leave right then. After we had finished packing up I sent her a text message asking her to let me know what was going on and if there was anything I can do, and she replied letting me know her sister passed away.

Having been through the same situation with my brother I knew that she needed time with her family more than time with me. I would check on her everyday, but I still gave her her space. Then there were a couple of weeks where I didn't hear from her at all, but I understood because I had been through what she was going through. Then one day she called me, and we had a pretty long conversation. We were making plans to go places, and do things that we thought would be fun together. After that we would text each other throughout her day for almost a week, and then she disappeared again.

I didn't think that much of it because I knew that she was working and going to school, and having done that I also knew it was hard to balance everything. So when we did talk I would offer to take her out to eat just so we can spend time together, and we actually got to do that a few times. Then she would disappear again. This ended up being a common topic in my therapy sessions because I had been in a situation like that before, and it did not end well. So time went on and there were a lot more unanswered voicemails and text messages, and I was worried. After a while I got a day job that took up my time, and I figured with are combined schedules it just made sense that we wouldn't be able to see each other very often. So I would text her during my breaks, and I didn't think about why took so long for her to get back to me.

During that time I was meeting new people, and my self-esteem started to get better. I was actually at a point to where I felt like I was happy, even though I hardly ever heard from my girlfriend. Just the fact that I knew she was there, along with the new job, I felt good about myself. That became the new topic of my therapy sessions, and I guess because of that new confidence other girls started to notice me who hadn't before. I started to get offers that I would have killed for the previous year when I was single, but I wasn't so I turned them all down. That was really weird for me.

I've never turn down a girl who is offering sex before then. That includes the possibility of a three-way, which was something my first girlfriend had actually set up when we were together. It was just different this time. In fact because of everything that has been going on in that time frame Priscilla and I didn't even get the chance to have our first kiss much less anything else. So I wasn't going to accept the offer to have a third when we hadn't had that kind of time alone yet.

Time went on contact was getting less and less. There were random times when she would call me between classes and tell me about her day, and I loved that. The problem was that it was becoming less and less often. I started feeling like a stalker because I asked for her schedule so I would know when was good time to call her. That's when I really started to worry, and I remember having a conversation with Linda about it. I told her that at the time I felt like she cared about me more than Priscilla does because she was making more of an effort to reach out to me. Linda called me on it, told me how unfair it was to compare them like that. I apologized to her, but I never got to have that talk with Priscilla. I even got to the point where I was talking to Amanda more than anybody, and she's a four hour drive away from where I live, but Priscilla is only a mile and a half from my house.

More time went on, she forgot about my birthday, but when I tried to do something for hers she asked for a rain check. I agreed because I knew she was busy, then Christmas came around. That was the last time we went out together. It was 2 days after Christmas, and I took her out to dinner and gave her her presents from both her birthday and Christmas. The problem with that is her birthday is October 1st, and the only reason I got to see her at all within that almost three months span was because occasionally I would surprise her at work.

As the new year started I was as optimistic as everyone before we realized how bad this year was going to be. I had found a new job, but I felt bad because I was working on Valentine's Day. I still tried to do something for Priscilla, I just can't remember what exactly because I knew I had to order something to be delivered to her house since I wasn't going to be there. Never occurred to me that I had heard from her at all in February. Then March rolled around, and we all know what happened then, but I looked at it as an opportunity to at least have quality time over the phone with Priscilla. Unfortunately a really good friend of mine passed away right around the time quarantine starting. It was hard for me, and I was so caught up in it I didn't notice that the only person who wasn't checking on me was my girlfriend. I was getting calls from Amanda every other day, I was even getting text messages from Linda asking how I was doing. Then things piled on and another friend of mine died, and I reached out again.

Part of me wishes I hadn't deleted the messages because I couldn't believe what I was reading. It was so bad that I told her that if she wants me to just leave her alone I will. Her first reply was that I didn't have to leave her alone, and that she was just stressed and busy. The thing is I knew she was in the same situation as everybody, school is closed and so was the place where she worked just like everyone else. I didn't hear from her again until I filled out one of those quarantine surveys that was going around at the beginning of all of this, the ones but ask what's the first thing you want to do when this is over. It asked who is the first person you want to hug when quarantine is over, and I said her. Stay later I wake up to a text from her same to quit posting stuff about her on Instagram, and that she has her own life. I didn't know what she was talking about because the way she wrote it to me came off is so she thought I was trash-talking her for some reason. So I responded like anyone would, and I told her how I didn't understand why she was so upset that I made it public that she was the first person I wanted to see when we were allowed to leave our houses. Then I told her I don't get how it would take her up to a week at the least to return a message that I left, but I was constantly being checked up on by Amanda and Linda who both have busy lives, and not a lot of time to themselves during the day. I didn't get how somebody who was at home all day long then it have a few seconds to text and say "I'm doing alright, don't worry about me", but a stay-at-home mom with three small children and sleep deprivation, as well as a nurse who still has to go to work everyday can call or text to see how I'm doing because I had just lost two friends, and my mom is high risk.

Needless to say I understood who actually cared about me and who was just using me as a placeholder until she figured out what the hell she wanted. She never had the guts to just tell me that she wasn't interested in being my girlfriend anymore, and let me go on with my life and take advantage of the opportunities were being presented to me that I let past by because I didn't want to cheat on her. This includes one that I can't believe I turned it down because it was something that I have wanted since late September of 2016. I don't know how many people have had that dream moment where that one person that always gives you chills, that you know that they can have anyone they want, but no matter what you want them to be happy whether you are the one who makes that happen or anything else does, when that person comes to you and tells you that they want to share that one moment you dreamt about since you first saw them. I had that moment, and I turned it down because I didn't want to cheat on somebody who had already written me off. I stayed loyal to someone didn't even want me, again.

That's the hard part, this isn't even the first time I had done something like that. When Kelly and I we're still friends, I passed up a lot of chances with a lot of girls just because she didn't like them. Keep in mind she and I were only friends, I wasn't interested and anything more than that with her, but I turn it down several opportunities just because of her. When I was with Renee she convinced me to cut off my family so I can be with her. So by comparison the way Priscilla treated me really isn't that bad, but it still cost me my mental health, and a chance with somebody who actually does make me happy.

Now's the part where I had more information that is just going to make me look dumber, but it is what it is. The last time I had sex was a month before I turn 40, and I just turned 42 last month. The last time I made an attempt to kiss a girl was the beginning of February when I kiss the Linda on the cheek. I don't remember the last time a girl kissed me, or who it even was. Some days I fight with myself in my own head over messaging certain girls I know, and trying to find out if they'd be interested in spending a night together. Other days I have to change the channel on a TV show just because there's a kissing scene, and I can't emotionally handle seen it. It was worse while I was on my antibiotics because one of the side effects is paranoia, and that's the last thing you need when you are already dealing with depression, anxiety, and CPTSD. Really messes with you when you have such a hard time with public displays of affection that it prevents you from taking a chance a private display.

I've talked to some of my friends about it, but I had to make it clear that I wasn't using the conversation as a way of trying to make something happen. Unfortunately I always feel like I have to do that with people I talk to, especially women. It even got to the point where I had made mention of it in the comments on a post on Instagram, and a sex coach contacted me. I was offered a 15 minute phone consultation, and I really don't feel like that's what I need. I'm not going to name names, but I have had some friends with benefits who can read this, I'm probably are reading this. They've assured me that even though I may be emotionally wrecked, I'm still the first person they would call if they were available and in need. I think that's the most pg-rated way I could say that without making it sound like I'm bragging about anything. I'm really not bragging about anything because there's nothing to even mention anymore. The point is I have a therapist that can help me with my emotional baggage, and I do have at least one friend that I'm completely comfortable talking to you about the rest of it that I'm still embarrassed to go into detail about with other people some of whom I've actually had sex with.

It's weird to think about this right now because I started talking about a bad situation that makes me look stupid no matter how you look at it, and I went into talking about actually having physical contact with people. The thing is even with that I felt like I was just a placeholder a couple of times. I feel like I'm either a doormat, a punching bag, or dirty little secret whenever I get involved with a girl. I've had the "you're a good guy" speech recited to me in so many ways that even when I believe it I don't understand why I can't accept it. Sometimes I don't even understand what it means to be a good guy. When it comes down to it in all honesty, I just don't have the confidence to be the type of asshole that cat calls every woman he sees, or just walks up to someone and asks for some type of sexual favor before even introducing himself. I'm not saying that I want to be like that, I'm just saying that even those guys are horrible people they still have a type of confidence that allows them to shamelessly be like that. I'm the type of guy who will give a girl an out at the same time I'm being introduced to her. I mean I don't have a problem letting somebody know that I'm broken, I just don't want to show how bad it really is. Especially because I still don't even know the full spectrum of it, and I feel like I'm going to scare someone away. However I had offers to just talk to people, and that makes me nervous.

I just realized how far away from what I was talking about I just got. So back to the idea talking to a sex coach. That just sounds like I'd be wasting money. I really don't know what they do, but I've always looked at it as a type of couples counseling, and I'm a single. So right off the bat if there is any thing that she would suggest to me that I do by myself I already know I'm not going to. The last time I "took matters into my own hands" was because my urologist needed a sample back in February. It became a chore and I didn't want to do it anymore. At the same time I already felt stupid because I've gotten a vasectomy in December, and after reading everything else I've said so far it's pretty obvious that I didn't need it. Now my therapist tried to talk me out of it because I was doing it because Priscilla didn't want kids. The thing is I've wanted to get it done since I was still in my twenties, I just didn't think I could afford it back then. When I found out I could get it done for free I took advantage of it, and the reality of it is that is the only reason I finally got it done. I could have been single, and going by the story I just told I might as well have been single, but I went through with it because I wanted it. To be honest that is the first time I've ever done anything that has to do with sex because it was what I wanted. Now is the point where I'm going to stop because there's no way I can go any further without sharing more than I'm comfortable with, and anyone is comfortable knowing about me.

#metalhealth #cptsd