#this girl is so fucked up its a miracle she can act even somewhat normal

[angsty-prompt-hole]

Me, describing Haven’s inner mindscape: Oh this baby can fit so much strange, weird seemingly meaningless shit

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 13: ...O-OH?

it’s the night of the big stream. y/n uncovers a strange, albeit deep, bond with charlie. corpse interrupts her garden date with sykkuno quite unceremoniously. tensions are high as ever; proximity chat reveals internal monologues and stray thoughts. y/n’s “batshit insane” energy affects everyone. this is, quite literally, the best game of among us bretman has ever played.

─── corpse husband x reader, sykkuno x reader (if you squint, it’s very one sided)  ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 6.1k oops ─── ❥ reqs: sum people requested some interaction w bretman + jealous corpse + flirty sykkuno

author’s note: guys....GUYS WE’RE ON THE 3RD “OH” hope ur excited cus i am!!! this was rly fun to write, but then again, everything is better than writing an essay lmao! this is extremely chaotic and a bit seggsy but like a minuscule bit u wont even notice it i swear xx there’s not much social media in this one, mostly written lol. as always lmk wat u think n thank u for all ur kind words n sooo manyyyy ideassss!!! love u lots

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous. ҉   next.

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It’s happening, you think, picking the discreet, angelic white color for your astronaut - with a halo and all, truly, you are a seraph that stepped through the gates of heaven and descended onto earth to grace these morals with your presence...quite literally, you’re not only donning white in game, but also in real life, cute as a button or more like as a bunny. Cat girls are overrated - cat boys, on the other hand, you’ll ardently defend till your last breath - but bunny girls...Safe to say, your chat had been going feral. Your endless ego is fed well. You even swore on your heart that no devilish trickery would follow in this game - you had left your snake ways behind you.

No one believed you. The Roaches know you too fucking well.

The influx of new subs, however, do not. Look at this cute girl! She wouldn’t hurt a fly! You chuckle at the compliments. At the exact same moment, Rae pipes up on the discord call, “Y/n is leering and cackling evilly. No one trust her.”

Demon woman herself must be watching your stream before starting her own. You pout, all adorable and innocent, but your eyes gleam slyly. Truly, a mastermind of manipulation! Look at you go! The chat is swooning. The viewer number steadily climbs past 16K and you hum happily, welcoming all that decided to join your little clan, “Don’t listen to Rae. Wifey is mad because I said I’m not bringing her back a souvenir. Well guess what, bitch, I’m the gift.”

Your perfect image does not quite align with your tone, nor the affectionate nickname you call your roommate (bitch, not wifey). The new viewers are none the wiser though, just like your new stream mates.

There is laughter from people you don’t quite know. The lobby is almost full, but not everyone has trickled in yet.

“Filing divorce papers right now.” Rae mumbles, but you hear the smile in her voice. It makes you crack a grin, too. 

More hello’s and shy introductions to the people in the lobby. Sykkuno’s green astronaut pops in with a upbeat, “Hey, everyone! Hi, Y/n!” as his character circles around yours. A collective awww echoes in your stream chat as you, quite breathless at the wholesomeness, reply with a “Hi! Hi hi!” as well.

Corpse is next to join, mysteriously ominous. The discord call is pure chaos, everyone screaming over the other variations of his name while stressing different syllables. Silent as a grave, he just stands there, his black astronaut seemingly eyeing everyone in the lobby. 

Alas, when the noise dies down, he utters, “Whaddup, baby.” and it’s pandemonium all over again. You are screeching/laughing along with the rest. His astronaut swiftly glides to Sykkuno, still circling around you, “Hey, Sykkuno.” He says. The latter abruptly stops. The game hasn’t even started, and already - betrayal! Sykkuno starts circling around Corpse now, leaving you in the dust.

“Hey, dude!”

“Yo,” You interrupt, “I’m like here too, yeah?”

“Fight, fight, fight!” Pokimane jeers. You can’t see her, but you’re certain she’s pumping her fists in the air. 

“Let’s leave the bloodshed for the game, yeah?” Dream offers past her laugh ridden urging.

“No, fuck that, let’s start this shit right now,” Charlie declares - his monotone is strangely pleasant to the ear, and you lean back in your chair with a thoughtful hum. Something about his energy just clicks with yours instantly, but perhaps you’re judging too quickly- “Got my fucking knife ready to slit some throats. You can all pretend you aren’t ready to kill on sight, but that’s not me. I’ll teabag your dead fucking body.”

-yeah, no, your initial estimate had been correct! What a pleasant surprise, you feel like you and he will get along beautifully. 

“Way to be subtle, Charles.” Rae snorts.

“Subtle doesn’t make an interesting game, Rae,” He’s quick to bite back, “and if I’m Impostor, you bet your fucking ass I’m going after you first.”

“Noooooo!” She shrieks, rushing to your astronaut, which is still just standing there, abandoned, like the equivalent of that one emoji, “Y/n, protect me.”

“Of course, baby.” You purr. 

There’s mumbling in the discord call, though it’s barely audible. Corpse seems to be repeating the word to himself: Baby...Baby?...Baby...

“You’re gonna stab me in the back the first chance you get, won’t you?” She questions, already painfully aware of the answer.

“You know it!”

“Finally, someone that’s not fucking cowering in their boots and flaunting their real nature.” Charlie says, “Y/n, form a Big Dick Alliance with me.”

“Oh for sure, man.” You agree immediately, trailing to his in game figure, “Let’s show these virgins how it’s done.”

“This is going to be a mess, isn’t it?” Sean’s voice rings with a cheerful laugh, making you flustered. Yes, you’re actually playing with THE JacksepticeyeTM. You still haven’t fully wrapped your head around that part, “I’m very excited to see where this will go.”

“Nowhere good.” You say with unparalleled sincerity - every word you speak to him, the icon, the legend, the one of the few youtubers you actually actively follow, must be genuine. You doubt you can lie to him. He’s too good of a person. You admire him too much. Stuck between wanting to be a shady bitch and an absolute saint, you refrain from addressing him more - you are simply not worthy.

its the y/n trying to act like a normal person in front of jack for me

ikr she looks ready to join the monastery

each day we stray closer to gods light???

Your viewers are snide as always. Gosh, you love them.

The last player pops in, fashionably late, “Hey, y’all.”

“Hey, Bretman!” The call choruses somewhat harmoniously.

“Hi, daddy.” He’s speaking to Corpse now, a smile in his voice - you can hear it even past the static of his atrocious mic. Your eyes widen, eyebrows shooting up. Your friends are cackling, but confusion refrains you from doing the same - were you not the only one Corpse offered, seemingly so long ago!, to be his sugar baby? 

One betrayal after the other. You’re glad for the Big Dick Alliance. The name has a nice right to it, too. 

Corpse laughs, “...Hey, Bretman. How are you today?”

Damn, two sentences for him, but not even a word spoken to you!? You’re already scripting a very melodramatic paragraph you will text him after the stream. With poorly masked discontent, you mutter, “Wow, thanks for such a warm welcome, Corpse, my day’s going great, yeah, loving the company.”

“Now now miss girl,” Bretman chimes, “we can’t be all daddy’s favorite.”

“Careful,” Charlie drones, “I think you just got yourself onto Y/n’s shit list.”

“Right next to Corpse Husband and Valkyrae.” You agree, “Sykkuno!” You suddenly call him.

“Uhm-Uh-Yes?” Is his nervous reply.

“You’re safe.” You state coldly, “For now.”

“You are not going after Sykkuno on my watch.” It must be a belated holiday miracle because Corpse finally decides to address you. His words seem to awake something in him, “Hey-Hey-Hey-” He swiftly glides to you, standing right next to your minute virtuous angel, “When are you coming back to Cali?”

corpse stop acting weird challenge

literally omg lmao

he does bring up a good point y/n y u not in cali yet?!

^pack it up corpse simp he disrespected the queen when he didnt say hi

“Back off, buddy,” Charlie interjects, “this spot is for Big Dick Alliance members only.”

“I’m never returning.” You inform him, your voice cold like the Arctic snow, and the look in your eyes is no kinder. You feel like you’re having a stare down through screen. 

Silence stretches. Is this an intimidation tactic? Because if it is, it’s a paltry one. Your conviction to be petty is stronger than any vulnerability you might feel.

“Then I have nothing to say to you.” He admits and fucks right off with that. Fine, go join Sykkuno and Rae in their little corner of betrayal! Friendship ended with Corpse, now Charlie is your best friend.

“Okay, guys, guys, guys-” Toast, noting this is going to spiral any minute now, tries to catch their attention, “Let’s start?!”

You look into your camera, and the roaches know what you’re thinking. You’re twins like that, communicating telepathically. You are taking back your tender promise of not being a conniving bastard. It’s fucking on. You will destroy everyone in your path, starting with the guy you have a stupid crush on - maybe?! Feelings are confusing, you’d rather just not think point blank period.

With no objections from the cast, the counter ticks away seconds and, for the first round, you’re stuck as CREW MATE.

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Charlie is a gift. Truly, you had not expected such a sudden, wonderful relationship to bloom. How have you not known of him sooner?! It’s a crime that you hadn’t spoken to him earlier. You are a 100% certain if you had found him before you started streaming, he would’ve been a big inspiration. 

The two of you do your silly little tasks and curse like sailors, commenting about this and that thanks to proximity chat. You wouldn’t have been able to stand the claustrophobic silence if it was just a normal Among Us game - to think, missing out on all his foully worded quips! It almost springs a tear into your eye. He’s just as unhinged as you.

worried about this dynamic 

its a trainwreck lol i love it plz collab more plz

Caught in a headed discussion in Electrical - TikTok trends, or audios specifically - you defend the app the best you can. Charlie thinks it’s super cringe, and you insist it’s part of the charm as you connect wires.

“I mean, have...-do you know that one audio, the one that goes, like,” You’re spilling your words, heated, frustrated that he’s so dismissive of the app that literally saved 2020, “it goes like, uhm,” You clear your throat, prep your voice - even take a sip of your favorite drink. Drawing the syllables, you try your best to make it drop an octave - it must sound like you’re doing an atrociously bad and nauseatingly scratchy Corpse impression with an extra dramatic flair, “My assssssss, your cockkk, you do the mathhh.”

“Did-Did I just-” You freeze hearing Corpse’s voice, finally done with your task. Charlie is muffling his laughter behind his palm; Corpse’s astronaut stands in the doorway, “What the fuck did I just walk into?” He seems genuinely confused, though a strangely winded. You’re mortified. Your shoulders are shaking. You look at the stream chat but it’s going too fast for you to follow. Manic laughter bubbles in your chest and you squeeze your eyes shut, mouth split into a toothy grin, lowering your head and trying to hide the blush dusting your cheeks.

“Hey? Guys? What the fuck are you talking about?” He questions again.

“Honestly?” Charlie chimes, “No fucking clue. TikTok, I think. Ask Y/n.”

You can’t reply. You’re crying. You cover your face with your palms, muttering a soft oh my god before bursting into a full blow laugh, throwing your head back, the motion accidentally knocking your headphones off.

“Y/n.” Corpse calls you, “Fuck was that?”

You’re howling. Your stomach hurts. There are literal tears in your eyes. You think Charlie might be laughing too, but you can’t really tell over your loud screeching. Hastily fixing your headphones, you wipe away the tears stuck to your lower lashes, heaving, “S-Sorry, I-” You stutter, breaking into another fit of giggles. Corpse patiently waits you to calm down. Catching your breath, you start again with a sniffle, “TikTok, yeah.” You idly fix your hair, trying to bite down a smile, “It’s an audio.”

“What- What kind of videos are you watching?”

“The good kind.” Your reply is instant, merciless, “Also, why are you here? We’re having a BDA meeting, you know.”

“I-I...” He trails off, “I...I heard people talking and...I just came here to check it out, but...I’m regretting it.” There’s a lilt in his voice, and you know he doesn’t regret jack shit. You bet he’s smiling. You wish you could see it.

“Bitch, then leave!” You huff. You aren’t sure what is with him today, and you don’t want to stick around and find out - his playfulness makes your stomach flip at the most inappropriate times! Like when you’re trying to sound threatening. You must retreat posthaste, “No, wait, I’ll do it for you.” You say, brushing past his character. Charlie follows after you.

“Dude, you’re so fucking lucky neither of us are the Impostor because you’d be deader than I’ve been feeling since I was 10.” Your favorite companion comments. Charlie is truly a modern wordsmith. You’re pretty sure you adore him, because you’re nodding your head, so quick to agree with him that even you’re surprised. 

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A meeting is called. You spare a glance at your fallen crew mates. They will be missed. Sean most of all, God, why does heaven always take the good ones?! The game feels emptier without him, even if you really only passed him once on your trek to Cafeteria with Charlie.

You may or may not have been avoiding him, afraid you’d accidentally say something horrible and he would hate you. It’s a silly fear, though a deep one. And with Charlie keeping you company, you had not uttered a single objectively  good, or even coherent, sentence. Your parents can’t watch this stream once it’s uploaded onto your Youtube channel. They know you’re barely keeping it together in most of your videos, but here, now? Yeah, no. Charlie is already hard to listen to on his own for sensitive viewers, and hearing you agree with literally everything he says with your own chaotic ideas? Your dad would stumble into an early grave.

Mom probably wouldn’t mind too much, but you’d have to explain your relationship status again. She is under the assumption that everyone you collab with is your significant other. You’d say it began with Sykkuno, though the exclamation of “Finally! My daughter isn’t pathetically single! We need to celebrate.” had started with Rae. Truly, a scandal.

Speaking of which, Sykkuno is gone, too, but you had time to mourn him already. You found his body roughly ten minutes ago; so torn with the fresh agony of heartbreak, you could not do anything else but cry. It was Charlie, bless his heart, that reported it.

“Someone killed Jack,” You say, voice dripping with venom, “court is now in session. I’m ready to vote the fucker out.”

People speak all at once. Toast roars over them, “ORDER! ODER IN COURT!” as he slams his hand onto his desk repeatedly. That seems to work, though briefly.

“I think it’s Y/n.” Corpse says. You stare at him, hand gripping your heart, mouth falling open in surprise.

flame him

corpse boutta be a corpse fr

beat his ass queen!!!!!

“Pardon my french,” You grumble, “but nani the fuck?!”

“It’s definitely Y/n, I found her and Charlie conspiring in Electrical. Surrealist experience of my fucking life, but it’s definitely her.”

“Dude, we’ve been over this,” Charlie sighs, shushing Rae who was about to comment something - knowing your luck, it was probably in favor of the man throwing you under the bus, “we would’ve snapped your fucking neck the moment you walked in. But we didn’t.”

“Yeah, we didn’t.” Corpse notes, “I said nothing about you, I’m just saying it’s definitely her. She probably didn’t kill in front of you because of your stupid alliance-”

“Someone sounds salty because he wasn’t invited.” Pokimane snickers.

“-or possibly she did tell you and you won’t betray her for the exact same reason.”

“That’s some big brain logic you pulled there, genius,” Charlie says, absolutely unimpressed, “sure you didn’t have an aneurysm trying to connect all of that together?”

“Well,” Rae pipes up, “Y/n and Charlie did say they will kill right before the game started. If you ask me, it’s not unbelievable. And Sykkuno was sorta on the shit list.”

“I’m writing down your name twice, Rachell.” You spit.

“Not helping your case at all, Y/n...” Dream worries, “And Rae makes a good point. Charlie and you have professed desire for murder. I’m just saying! It’s a bit suspicious, you know?”

The next words to leave Corpse’s lips sound incredibly smug, “See?” He drawls.  The pressure is getting to you - you don’t understand where this beguiling talent of his to convince literally everyone comes from, but it doesn’t inspire any confidence. Your fist suddenly feels incredibly lonely, so useless - oh, how you long to swing at him, “It’s definitely Y/n.”

“I dunno...” Toast mumbles.

“It’s Y/n.”

“Corpse-” You try, but he's ignoring you - shocker, as if he hadn’t been doing that from the very start of this stupid game - and chanting your name like it’s a fucking mantra or something, a smile in his voice, knowing, relishing in the fact that he’s grating on your nerves, “FIRST OF ALL,” You scream into the mic, successfully cutting him off; catching your breath, you exhale, and continue, calmly, lowly,  “get my pretty name out of your mouth.” 

There’s a pause full of tense silence. 

Then, there’s a sound, seemingly stuck in the back of his throat, “...O-Oh...?”

“Second of all,” You continue, words like honey dipped in arsenic, “This is the clearest smear campaign I have ever witnessed. By how hard you’re trying to frame me for fuck knows what reason, I’m led to believe it’s you that killed them. You’re the Impostor.”

“Corpse wouldn’t kill Sykkuno, though.” Rae comments, skeptical.

“Then the other Impostor did it.” You counter.

“Maybe you’re both Impostors.” Pokimane chirps.

“Y/n would never betray the Big Dick Alliance like that.” Charlie states.

You grin, “Charlie, I literally love you.” 

“Wait hold up now,” Corpse seems to get his bearings together, “what’s this about love I’m hearing?”

“I have none for you, dick.” You snap, flipping him off. Your chat cheers. While he can’t see it, you hope he senses it through the screen, “I officially hate you.”

“No, wait-”

“Boo, Corpse, you suck.” Toast laughs.

“Y/n, please-”

“Let’s all vote for Corpse Husband, okay?” You say it like it’s his full official name with an encouraging smile and multiple soft nods. Sykkuno can’t be here to nod, so you’ll do it for him. You eye the rapidly decreasing timer before clicking on Corpse’s figure and voting for him. The VOTED icon instantly pops up beside your adorable astronaut.

“Baby, I-” It slips past his lips so easily, as if he’s not even thinking about it, like it’s only natural to call you that and a spike of anxiety shoots up, making you glare. It’s only halfhearted. You try your best to ignore the rapid and uncoordinated pulses of your heart. Replace unwanted feelings with anger and hate - works like a charm, every time.

“You are not allowed to call me that.” You hiss. The chat spams snake emojis. 

“Wait-” Bretman chimes, “Hold up, y’all, slow down a minute. Why does Corpse never call me baby?”

“Yeah!” Pokimane agrees, “I want to be baby, too!”

Pokimane may not have been called baby, but you just single-handedly decided her nickname for her - Target 4. Welcome to the shit list, she is officially your public enemy number 1. You aren’t sure why the thought of Corpse ever referring to anyone else as baby makes you sick to your stomach (you actually do know why, but brain no think at the moment), but you wish this whole conversation never happened. You don’t like it.

20 seconds left. More VOTED icons appear by your friends. Corpse is the last one to cast his ballot at, you assume, you, as the rest wait for his quick explanation before everyone (or not) returns to the game, “...Because she’s my baby.”

Goodbye. Life had been sweet, and there was sorrow, though the amount of embarrassment you feel now is worse than when the internet found your cringe worthy high school pictures on your mom’s Facebook. It’s a mixture of dread and excitement - the pleasure of being noticed, cherished even, though anxious from vulnerability. Someone is screaming a very prolonged “WHAAAAT?!”, or maybe multiple people are, you aren’t sure, your ears start to hurt from the loud, conflicting cacophony of voices as you stare blankly at the screen. You received two votes, just like Corpse, Charlie got one, the rest skipped. With no one flung out, you all find yourself back in Cafeteria again.

Baby. My baby? My baby. My baby. The sentence is playing ping-pong in your mind, reverberating louder each time. You’re actually speechless for the first time in your life; your chest hurts, your heart beating so fast your hands start shaking. Had he meant it? Or was this a some joke? Was he trying to get a rise out of you again? You might just go insane from so many questions. My baby. Holy shit, this is a heart attack, this is what a heart attack feels like, dear God, you figured you at least had ten years before you get one!

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First round ends with IMPOSTORS raining victorious. Your sixth sense had been working wonders since, true to you previous estimate, it had been Corpse. His companion was Pokimane. For absolutely no reason what’s so ever, you change her name once more from Target 4 to Target 1. Normally, you’re all for girls supporting girls. Men don’t deserve anything, really, but now you’re so flustered and still reeling from what you are 80% sure was cardiac arrest that you genuinely don’t care about your established morals.

Round two starts without much deliberation. You get CREW MATE again; the game must sense your growing bloodlust, making sure that once you do get IMPOSTOR, you will not hold back. True power is granted to those who are ready and strong enough to wield it. You wait for your moment with bated breath.

Charlie is taken from you too early. The two of you were once again caught in a discussion - God knows about what, Minecraft, hentai, oh! your server! - as you tried to card swipe for the umpteenth time. The lights blew out and you just knew one of you was getting murdered there and then. Charlie’s voice abruptly cut off, and you think a part of you died with him.

It’s a cold meeting; with your new best friend being the first to go, everyone decides to skip. You proclaim you seek vengeance. When the meeting comes to an end, Sykkuno is the first to offer his condolences.

“I’m sorry, Y/n.” He says, and while he’s not in Brooklyn, you somehow feel him patting your back. You feign a sniffle.

“There’s nothing to apologize for...” You murmur sadly, “Unless...” Your voice turns sharp as the knife that was surely twisted into Charlie’s back, “It was you?”

“NO!” He exclaims, “I would never-you gotta believe me! I would never kill him. I know he’s important to you. I wouldn’t do that, I swear.”

“He was like a brother to me.” You admit, solemn, “Charlie, if you’re haunting me right now, know I will avenge you. I will not let this go.”

Sykkuno hums, circling around you, “Hey, I have a task in Greenhouse. Would you, uh--Would like to, uhm, join me?” Despite the shaky start, he finishes on a firm, pleasant note. He’s trying to cheer you up. Having lost your closest friend, he’s offering you his company. You accept with a soft smile and a cute “Yes, please!” and he releases an airy little laugh. The two of you make your way to your favorite place in map MIRA.

It’s difficult to stay sad for long when Sykkuno’s so sweet; the atmosphere of the Greenhouse is strangely calming; your problems seem to be left behind the shut doors. If you tried hard enough, you could imagine being in an actual Greenhouse - the warm, damp air clinging to your skin, the unmistakable smell of earth and vegetation, the pleasant silence broken only by yours and his hushed voices and clumsy footsteps.

The two of you are talking. Mainly about your choice of attire. Cat first, Sykkuno ponders aloud, doing his task as you watch the plants grow, now bunny, what’s next? You affirm that you will most likely dress up in cow-print next, or as an adorable sheep. He laughs, admitting you’ll look good in anything before he trails off. His awkwardness is really endearing. 

“Or!” You chirp happily, content with being locked away with him for the whole game. The idea must be playing in his mind, too, because he seems in no rush to leave, “I could, like, dress as someone from My Hero Academia. I watched the stream you did with Stella, the one where she made you look like Todoroki. It was really cute. You were really cute.”

“Oh, uhm-well, uh, thank you, thanks, I, uhm-” He clears his throat, and despite his stutter, you hear the smile in his voice, “I-I think you’d look better, though. Not as Todoroki. Or, probably as Todoroki, too. But, uhm, what character are you thinking about?”

“Maybe Momo?”

“Momo!” He yeps, “Momo is good. Yeah, she’s great. You’ll-uhm-you’ll look amazing. Really. Momo is awesome. Very pretty. Just like you.”

You are blushing. A stupid, toothy grin makes your cheeks hurt. Your eyes flicker to the chat, but again, it’s going wild. Giggling, you thank him for his sweet words, so giddy it’s honestly embarrassing. Why can’t you stop smiling? This is incriminating. You hide your lips behind your palm.

“...What’s this?” Corpse question. You had failed to note his sudden appearance, too busy gushing. “Am I interrupting?”

“Hey, Corpse!” Sykkuno greets. For someone so awkward and shy, he sure is good at hiding it when he wants to. Perhaps it’s all an act and you had been deviously tricked! Probably not, but you can’t help but narrow your eyes suspiciously, finally able to calm down. You definitely underestimated him, you just haven’t figured out how yet, “Not really! Y/n was sad Charlie died so I took her here.”

“You interrupted our date, dipshit.” You deadpan. 

“...Fuck you say?” Corpse dares, his voice low and somewhat menacing - for someone who exclusively portrays his emotions through only his voice, he’s incredibly hard to read. This is payback. Your love for wreaking havoc resurfaces suddenly. Serves him right for pulling all this ignoring shit at the start. Maybe you’ll make him say oh again.

Your sly smirk is promptly wiped. Fuck. He said oh, he literally said oh out loud. The Teruhashi fangirl in you is screaming. You had been so caught up in defending yourself you didn’t even register it at first. Alarmed, you look at the camera, then at the chat. First oh, then my baby. There’s no way he had been teasing you, and this proves it. Holy shit. You mouth the words “HE SAID OH!” for your audience only.

now she notices

snail pace baby we’ve been loosing our shit for the past hour 

corpse x y/n saikik au enemies to lovers 500k words slow burn im here for it

opening wattpad rn^

Your heart races in your chest - it might be considered an Olympic medalist at this point; flustered yet again, you wish you could cave into yourself. You should’ve brought your bright blue wig with you to Brooklyn. Turns out it would have been perfect for this stream. Yes, yes thinking about unnecessary details always works in distracting you from the butterflies throwing a fucking rave in your stomach. 

“I guess it is a date!” Sykkuno admits, “Kinda after a funeral, but still.”

Corpse hums. You’re still too stunned to say anything. The black astronaut with adorable cat ears approaches Sykkuno. 

“It’s not.” He states. Your mouth falls open in shock as your date, your companion, the Shoto to your Momo is murdered in cold blood right in front of you. His lifeless body, cut in half, lays on the tiles by the growing flowers, right beside you, “You didn’t see shit.”

“...I didn’t see shit.” Is all you can utter, breathless and terrified.

“Thaaaat’s fucking right, baby.” Corpse coos, “Now I’m gonna report it, and I’ll say we found Sykkuno together. Better stick close to me after the meeting, got it?”

If Sykkuno is Shoto, then Corpse is definitely Dabi. 

why is that kinda hot tho omg

didn’t know i needed dom corpse since now but i do

y/n looks like shes boutta throw up lmao 

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You follow him around like a lost puppy - because what else is left for you to do!? You’re helpless in this situation. He’s got you in the palm of his hand, successfully eliminating everyone you had previously interacted with. First it was Charlie, then Sykkuno, even Sean, who said hello in passing, was shot instantly. Real Sangwoo behavior. You almost want to scream warnings at everyone to not approach you. You cannot mourn another lost crew mate, you don’t think your conscience can take it. But words fail to form. You’re too weak. You fake cry to your audience. They’re quick to remind you to stop acting like a little bitch.

“Mean.” Is all you say, eyeing the comments.

“Hm?”

“Was talking to the roaches.”

“What are they saying?”

“That I should betray you.”

“...Better not.”

A shiver shoots up your spine and you half believe he will bust down your door and drag you into his basement for real. A nervous laugh slips past your lips, “I won’t, I won’t.” You reassure him, “Don’t worry, I’m sticking with you. I haven’t seen shit.”

“I like that you listen to me. You always this agreeable?”

“You’re kinda not giving me a choice right now.” You grumble, vending yourself a drink while he looms behind you, protecting you. From who?! Himself?!

“Oh my fucking God, finally,” Bretman exclaims, “girl, I’ve been running around the whole map trynna find someone, is everyone like, dead?”

You’re scared to reply. Corpse does it for you, “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, maybe? Not sure. Where have you been?”

“Oh you know,” Bretman grins, “doing tasks, talking shit, the usual. You two are not, like, Impostors right?”

You shoot a look at Corpse, but he obviously can’t see it. Biting your lip, you murmur, “Nope.”

“Just your regular crew mates doing regular crew mate things.” Corpse says, no, purrs. Because that’s not suspicious at all. You’d recommend Bretman to run, and not only because that sounded shady as fuck. But he seems to enjoy danger, or he just doesn’t care.

“Hmmmm, crew mates, sure. Miss girl Y/n,” He’s addressing you now; you smile anxiously, “How come every time I see you, you’re with a different man?! Like damn, leave some for the rest of us, for real!”

You like Bretman. You like his high-pitched whine and drawl. You would like him even more if not for the complex situation at hand. You fear for his life. Chewing at your bottom lip, you snicker, “Sorry, Bret. I can leave you Corpse if you want?”

He laughs, “Girl, I’d say yes so fucking quick, but I know he wouldn’t want that. Normally I wouldn’t care, but y’all are such a cute couple it’s making me not want to be a shady motherfucking bitch. Changing my ways, embracing the lord. Love it.”

 Corpse doesn’t correct him that you are, in fact, not dating. His lack of reaction unnerves you slightly. Does he...? No! No think! Only exist! You catch that train of thought and steer it away from forbidden territory. Looks like it’s up to you to clear the air, and that is exactly what you do after trying to swallow down the lump in your throat, “Uh, we’re not together, actually. We’re just really good friends.”

“Bitch, then move over,” Bretman says snappily,”go like, back to your other boyfriends. Or find another one. I think I saw Dream near Navigation.”

“Near Navigation, huh?” Corpse hums thoughtfully. It’s a subtle warning, but you catch it. Yeah, even if you try running, Dream’s going to join your other ‘boyfriends’ in the afterlife. Granted, killing someone by just talking with them is kind of cool. Or maybe Stockholm Syndrome is finally kicking in, “Bret, the thing is, Y/n’s scared of dying, so she asked me to stay with her.”

It’s disturbing how good at lying he is. It is also really really attractive, as bizarre as that is.

y/n stop being in a toxic relationship with corpse challenge

making fanart of this omg her face

its the blushing for me girl get your head outta the gutter!

^she cant, it lives there

“Baby, you’re gonna fucking die if you stick with her,” Bretman points out, “have you noticed the mortality rate of her partners? Rest in peace, daddy.”

“He’s right, you know.” You mutter, dramatically looking to the side, “I’m no good, Corpse.”

“Not leaving you, end of discussion. Bretman, join us?” Corpse offers, catching you by surprise. He might still be lying, though. Creating a false sense of security before eliminating Bretman. Probably would laugh while doing it, too. Wow, he truly is evil.

Turns out he doesn’t have to do any of that, because when Dream strolls into Cafeteria, he kills Bretman instead. The two Impostors are finally revealed. You promised not to snitch on Corpse, but you didn’t say shit about not exposing Dream. You press the REPORT button and say just that: “Dream just murdered Bret right in front of me and Corpse.”

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The last meeting is called. Dream had been voted out with the help of Corpse, and now only you, he, and Rae remain.

“Baby, you know what to do.”

The VOTED icon pops up beside Corpse’s astronaut. Rae wheezes, “No! Y/n, it’s not me, you gotta believe me, I swear it’s not me!”

“...I really don’t know,” You murmur, “I’ve been with Corpse a lot, and...Rae, I’m not sure...”

“Please! I swear it on my Kagayama cardboard cut out, I’m not the Impostor, please! You know me, I’d never lie to you like this.”

“She’s definitely lying.” Corpse says, sounding pleased.

“Don’t listen to him! Remember, during the first round, when he tried to convince us that you were the Impostor? He’s doing the same shit to me!”

“I also remember you agreeing with him.” You remind her.

“I was stupid! Small dumb brain moment! He was using us to win! He’s using you right now!” She votes, “Please, Y/n, make the right choice.”

You’re silent for a moment.

“I’m gonna...I’m gonna vote for who I think it is.” You lastly say.

A slow, lazy grin makes it’s way onto your lips, eyes gleaming mischievously. You had not forgotten your promise to your brother from another mother, you had not forgotten the pride of the BDA, you had not forgotten your beautiful friendship. Two miniature astronauts pop up by Corpse’s at the exact moment Rae screeches “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!”

“Fuck.” Is all Corpse says with a laugh.

The screen changes, informing of the first CREW MATE victory.

Your ears are assaulted with different voices as you appear in the lobby.

“Now that’s what I’m fucking talking about.” Charlie raves, “I swear to fucking God, Y/n, you even got me going for a second. Pulled some 1000 IQ shit right there. It was fucking amazing. Best back stabbing I’ve seen in a while, and I’ve seen a lot.”

“That was absolutely fantastic, Y/n.” Sean applauds, “I really thought you joined Corpse like some crew mate accomplice or something. Can’t believe you switched on him at the last second.”

“That’s my wifey!” Rae cheers, strolling to you, “Love you, mwah.”

“Hey, Corpse,” Charlie calls him, “How does it feel to be a fucking loser?”

“I’m surprisingly fine with it.”

yeah he would be lmao

mom is the best snake ever i love you sm y/n

rae and y/n’s friendship....the feeeeeels

As the rest sing your praises for another solid minute or two, the third round begins. CREW MATE again. Though, just because you’re stuck as an underpaid worker in a dying spaceship, it doesn’t mean you’re innocent. Your last round proved that quite well. You can’t help but silently snicker.

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TAGLIST IS CLOSED!

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @bingusmode - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury--moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[arlakos]

Miraculous Rant

Actually, you know what, while im still mad from the previous post I made, lets go off on a rant. No punches pulled. Lets do this.

The lovesquare is the most terrible ship in this fandom. One girl is a hyper obsessed stalker who tracks her crush with her planner for 3 whole seasons, while the boy couldn’t learn to take a hint and stop flirting for 3 whole seasons until he decided to move on with another girl. Ironically that makes them perfect for eachother, but its in a creepy kind of way, not a loving kind of way.

Adrigami and Lukanette in the S3 Finale were wasted events and never should have occured because they were immediately axed in the first few episodes of the next season. I feel sorry for those that were hoping their ships could be real for at least a short actual while, and it makes me want to curse the writers for their story-boner for the status quo of teases

Despite what I said earlier, none of the girls are good for Adrien. Marinette’s stalkery and a borderline yandere, Kagami’s somewhat controlling and too similar to Adrien help him grow as a person, Chloe is a queen bee beyotch and honestly too much like a sibling to Adrien, and Lila is garbage. Fuck it, have Luka date Adrien and they can play some sweet music together (not like that you pervs, I meant they both play instruments).

Nino needs more love. Not only that, but there needs to be more Adrien/Nino bro moments. If Marinette and Alya can have moments together, why not the bros?

Chloe’s character is a mess, and is neither redeemable, nor notably evil. Her role as a villain in season 1 is very hamfisted, such as in the episodes Mr Pigeon and Kung Food. Not only that, Chloe also lacks any of the qualities that makes a good “bully villain” or rival to Marinette, and her sympathetic moments (which are Written by Sebastien) are mostly overshadowed by the fact that Astruc wants her to be a bully, so it just makes her bipolar and confusing when her character is tugged between two writers.

Chloe should not have joined Hawkmoth in Miracle Queen, see my other post as to why I think so. TLDR, its kinda ooc  for her to go full on 2d villain like Hawkmoth especially after Miraculer, plus Lila was being build up to be the main antagonist of S3

Chloe got kicked from the Team in Miraculer because people know her identity? Fine. Kagami gets to be Ryuko again despite being known to Hawkmoth in Ikari Gozen? Not cool. Ladybug shouldn’t be a hypocrite and be willing to break her own rules just because “Kagami is my friend and Chloe’s not”. Same goes for her breaking the rule with secrect identities with Alya, only for her to go on and on about the rules to Chat when he pries.

Zoe is a bland character who’s only notable trait that she likes Marinette, which automatically makes her worthy of a miraculous after two episodes and no actual development.

Astruc is a petty frick who makes episodes that give the finger to fans of the show that have a different opinion than him. Queen Banana, Miracle Queen, and Reverser are good examples of this (Reverser did Nathaniel dirty).

Master Fu is a shit guardian. Read my post for more.

FRICK THE FEAST EPISODE. Not only did is ruin Fu as character, it ruined all the good theories as to why the order fell, and wasted the idea of a new villain being introduced or even taking over as the main antagonist! Speaking of Feast, despite the sentimonster destroying an order when he wasn’t even big, he still go beat by 2 kids even when he was supersized!

Marinette is not a good Guardian. Her ability to choose heroes does not make her capable, and just because “tradition is stupid” doesnt mean that Marinette shouldn’t be tested like others before her!

Despite the Kwami’s being ancient magical buildings, they seem to act like kids a lot, and that annoys me when in S1 they are supposed to apparently be mentors to their wielders, like how Tikki was before she was mentally de-aged.

Lila is trash and should be removed from the show. The only reasons her lies work is because the writers dumb down every other character in the show and ignore the fact the people have smartphones with google.

The “Miraculous” Ladybug spell should require both Ladybug and Chat Noir to cast, because not only does the power have nothing to do with creation, but it also “destroys” anything created by the akuma, which thematically makes no sense. Also it would place more emphasis on the two heroes being equals and “two halfs of the same coin”

On that note, Ladybug has too many powers. Not only is she the only one who can purify akumas, and can cast a spell that can fix Paris time and time again like its no one’s buisness, but she also now gets a new suit and the ability to nullify Hawkmoth’s akumas. Like COME ON! Give Chat some powers too.

Mayura’s feather’s shouldnt be able to be purified by Ladybug since they have no dark energy, and (thematically speaking) Chat should be given an ability that allows him to “vanquish” the energy in Mayura[’s feathers similar to how Ladybug can purify Hawkmoth’s akumas. At least it would develop a rivalry between Chat and Mayura, and would make Chat necassary against Shadowmoth rather than being replacable with any other hero.

The are too many temporary heroes. They should have just stuck with the 3 heroes from s2 and leave it at that. Sure, new heroes were cool, but the overuse has made the whole hero thing feel less special. It made sense for the first 3 to have them, but now it’s just like Oprah where everyone gets a miraculous. Except Gabe.

Chat Blanc was a stupid reason as to why secret identities cant be revealed, also Chat could have told LB who Hawkmoth once he returned back to normal was and the show would be over.

Hawkmoth should not be Gabriel. Frick the lore about Gabriel’s wife dying and him going evil to get her back, it makes the story feel too much like a star wars/Darth vader reference and leaves Gabriel acting bipolar, flipping from wanting to save his wife and doing this out of necessity to being a power hungry madman wanting to take over the world ( which is said in his canon music video). Having Hawkmoth be his own character means he can be an actual maniac who wants world domination and not just have villanous plot that rely on obtaining magical jewellery (perhaps doing other evil things/taking a more active role), while Gabriel being his own character means he can be a father that has become estranged from his son due to the lose of his S,O, and thus can have a plot about him reuniting with his son (I liked the end seen in Simon says, ok?)

On that same note, I think Mayura shouldn’t have been Nathalie. Considering Hawkmoth’s plans were repetitive as heck for most of the show, when I heard about the Mayura leaks back in Season 2 (when she was called “le Paon”) I was theorising that Mayura would actually being Hawkmoth’s boss, the villain the was responsible for giving him his Miraculous and the one who destroyed the Order of the Miraculous, and would take over as the main villain in season 3 due to Hawkmoth’s failures. However, that turned out not to be the case.

Not only that, but Mayuras power is a copy paste power with some modifications to make it complement Hawkmoth’s power, by basically giving his akuma’s magic pokemon.

Speaking of Hawkmoth’s power, for a miraculous that is supposed to be used for good, how can his power mind control people and make them become evil? More importantly, for a miraculous that is supposedly weaker than the main heroes of the show, having it be able to multiply and posses people to create an army is kinda strong.

Fuck the Maribat ship that the salt fandom came up with. Its trash, it was made to bash most of the Miraculous cast sans Marinette, and anyone thinks it is good are either those same salters or are the same people who think that Rey-lo and the Twilight Saga are masterpieces of romance.

Whew! I needed that vent. Hope you enjoyed it as as much as I did, and Tune in next time on the next episode of:  Arlakos loses his Mind and Rants for 2 pages of writing!

[machine-gun-casie]

Baby Mama

@kellysimagines: Can you make one where the reader and mgk just had a baby and with a lot of cuteness i hope you like it!!

warning: birth?

wc: 1.7k

It was almost like déjà vu. He got the phone call from Emma while he was in the studio. You had been staying with Casie’s mom after you passed your due date and had yet to go into labor.

“Colson, the baby’s coming.” She had said the exact same words when Casie was coming into this world. Emma’s words echoed in his ears.

Colson blinked. His brain was pulling nothing but blanks. “What?”

“The baby, Colson! Get your ass to the hospital now!” Emma demanded, clearly surrounded by chaos. When the line started beeping, signalling Emma hanging up, Colson finally processed what he just heard. Somewhat.

“Fuck.” He whispered.

Baze looked at him and then looked at Rook and AJ and finally back to Colson. “What’s going on?”

Slim rolled his eyes and got up off the couch. “I know that fucking look. Get up, I’ll drive you.”

“What’s the look?” Baze asked, not catching up.

“His Baby Mama is giving birth to his child. Who’s coming? We don’t got time.”

The whole band pretty much walked Colson to the car as he was still frozen. Slim knew that as soon as the hospital was in sight, Colson would be as excited as ever.

And he was right. “Holy shit! Baby Baker number two is coming! Holy motherfucking shit!” Everyone in the car started cheering like crazy, finally understanding the weight of the situation.

The group of men clambered into the hospital reception looking like they had no reason to be there. Slim decided to take control as he was the only one acting normal.

“Hi, we’re here for y/n l/n. We just got a call that she went into labor.” Slim explained to the nurse, pretending the entourage behind him was nonexistent.

The nurse skimmed through her computer before nodding. “Yes, I’ve got her right here. Are you the father?”

Slim sighed and shook his head. “No, he is.” He pointed his finger to Colson who had the absolute biggest smile on his face.

“I’m the- I’m the dad. Is she uh- are they ok? Is it all good?” Colson spoke, happiness interfering with his ability to speak properly.

“I’m sure they’re fine, let me take you to her.” The nurse smiled and started heading down the hallway. When she heard way too many feet following her, she turned around abruptly. “I’m sorry, your group is too big for the delivery room. It would be best if only the father would follow me beyond this point.”

The group collectively groaned, each one clapping Colson on the back. Slim made sure to be last. “She’s gonna do great, Kells.”

“I know.” Colson smiled. “She’s the strongest motherfucker I’ve ever met.”

Colson was given scrubs and a hairnet to wear before he could enter the delivery room. He took out his phone and quickly went on to Instagram. He pressed the button and began talking, not entirely sure if his words were intelligible.

“Hey guys, I’m all suited up for the delivery room right now. My second child is currently coming into the world. My Baby Mama is gonna kill it like she always does. Next time y’all fuckers see me, Imma be a father of two.” He stuck his tongue out and posted it to his story. He threw his phone on a chair outside the room and walked in.

No one even knew you were pregnant, so he was sure his phone would be blowing up for the next week.

When he walked in, he saw Emma and Casie on either side of your bed holding your hands.

“Dad! y/n, he’s here!” Casie called out to her father to take her place. Colson immediately took your clammy hand in his. Emma took her daughter and walked out of the room to give you two privacy, the moment seeming to be tender and personal.

“Hey, hey special girl. How are you? How are you doing?” Colson whispered, brushing away the strands of hair stuck to your sweaty forehead.

“I ugh.” You groaned in pain, ending your statement half way through. “I uh- I’m pushing through. Thought it was gonna be more painful than this, to be honest.”

“How the fuck can you imagine something more painful than childbirth. Isn’t it at the top of the charts?” Colson asked, amazed at how you weren’t accepting defeat, not even in your most vulnerable of moments.

“I’m not sure. Kind of feels like a chainsaw was let loose in my vagina.” You chuckled through the pain. “Makes me regret fucking you.”

“Hey now, don’t say things like that.” Colson laughed. “You love fucking me.”

“Never said I didn’t love it, just might regret it and the fact that I forgot the pill.” You replied, squeezing his hand as you felt another contraction coming.

“That is something we can work on. How are you feeling? You wanna push? Should I call the doctor?”

You brought your other hand up and smothered it in Colson’s face. “Shut up a second.” You whispered, face scrunched up in pain. You let out a few shallow breaths through your clenched teeth before you looked at him. “Sorry, needed the contraction to be over so I could understand what you were saying. Yeah, I think I wanna push.”

Colson’s smile seemed to only grow bigger. “Alright, I’ll tell them to call the doctor. I fucking love you.” He ran off to find the nurse that was just in the room, and as he left Emma walked back in.

“Hey, Col says you wanna push?” She asked gently, coming back to your side.

“Yeah, I think so. Been resisting for a bit. Every time I told the doctor, she kept saying it wasn’t time. But I really feel like it’s time.” You said, panting with every word.

“You’ve been doing so well, y/n. We’re all so proud of you. Casie keeps gushing about how strong you are.” She smiled.

You felt pride bloom on your face. “Really? Oh my God, I love that little girl. Where is she?”

Emma nodded her out to the door. “She’s out with the guys. Everyone’s asking how you’re doing. None of those boys have patience, they can’t wait to meet the new Baker. And Colson? That man is in love if I’ve ever seen it.”

“Oh, he better be.” You grunted.

Before you could complete your thought, the doctor rushed in along with Colson, who rushed right back to your side. “Alright, we think we’re ready to push?”

“Please tell me it’s time.” You groaned, not wanting to be declined once more.

“It’s time, honey. Push.”

With that one word, you felt the air in the room change. Your body felt like it was working on its own as you began pushing. You felt your face become hotter as you kept in your wails of pain.

“It’s alright, beautiful. You can scream. Let it all out.” Colson spoke gently to you, not sure why you were keeping it in.

“I can’t. Case is outside, I don’t want her to hear. I don’t want her to be afraid.” You groaned.

Colson looked at you in the same way again. With awe. You didn’t understand why. “How the fuck are you so fucking perfect?”

“Colson, please shut the fuck up and kiss me.” You sighed. You wanted him to do anything just to take your mind off the pain. Colson placed his lips on yours, eager to do anything you would ask of him. He kissed you and he kissed you and he kept on kissing you until he heard the shrill cries of his newborn baby. Of your newborn baby.

“Oh my God! Our baby’s here. Colson, our baby’s here. Oh my god.” You were blubbering, not sure how to explain your excitement in words. The nurses quickly wiped down your newborn and placed the baby on your bare chest.

“This is our baby, Colson.” You breathed out, amazed at the little miracle you had on your chest.

“That’s our baby.” Colson repeated, bending down a little more to look closely at the newborn’s face. “It’s got your lips.” Colson smiled, lightly tracing along the newborn’s cupid’s bow.

You chuckled, nodding your agreement. “It’s got your nose.” You said as you saw Colson trace down the nose of your child. “So beautiful.”

“You got a name?” You heard someone ask. You didn’t know if it was a nurse or a doctor, and you didn’t really care.

“Cadence Kelly Baker. What do you think?” You asked softly.

Both you and Colson knew the name would come to you on the day, so it was never discussed beforehand. But you knew it was the right name.

“Kelly? Like...” Colson asked, eyes wide and hopeful.

“Yeah, Kelly like Kelly.” You smiled softly, knowing how much it would mean to him.

Colson looked between you and the baby a few times, taken aback. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah Colson, I’m sure. Case and Cade. You like?”

“Like? I love it. I love you and I love our baby and I love our baby’s name.” Colson whispered, placing his forehead again your own.

“Richard Colson Baker, meet Cadence Kelly Baker, your second born.”

“Hey Cade, you really put your mom through a lot, didn’t ya?” Colson laughed. “You are so beautiful and so loved. By us and so many other people. You wanna meet them?” Cadence gurgled, as if responding. “I’m taking that as a yes.”

You laughed and nodded. “It sure is. Call ‘em in. Send Casie in first, though.”

“Alright.” Colson replied softly, placing a kiss on your forehead before walking out. Emma, who had been standing a little bit off to the side, approached you and said her hello’s to the newborn.

“y/n?” You heard Casie’s timid voice from the hospital door.

“Case, come over here. I’ve got someone who’s dying to meet you.” You smiled at her, beckoning her over. She slowly approached and gasped when she saw the baby on your chest.

“Oh my god! It’s so small!” She marvelled. “What’s the name? Dad said we’re matching.” She asked excitedly.

“Almost. I chose Cadence. Case and Cade. You like it?”

“Of course I do. What’s the full name, though?”

“Cadence Kelly Baker.” You replied, swiping your thumb on your baby’s soft cheek.

“Oh no, another Kelly. You sure you can handle that, y/n?” Casie joked.

You and Emma laughed. “Yeah, I think I can. What about you? Think you can handle being a big sister?”

Casie nodded excitedly as her father walked in with his band.

“Everybody, I want you to meet Cadence Kelly Baker.”

-

-

-

@machinegunkelly My baby mama is the strongest person ever. Welcome to the world Cadence Kelly Baker. You are so loved.

[hunflowers]

Mythology (II)

Word Count: 6.5k

Requested? Not exactly, but you always can here :)

A/N: Thank you all for being so patient! I’ve decided I’m going to extend the series into another part so I split up this chapter a little bit so it wouldn’t be too long, and so I wouldn’t have to cram so much into one chapter. There’s more Harry in this one so I hope you enjoy! Also, if you like what you read (or if you didn’t) send me some feedback, it really helps me out :) *nose boops*

tag list: @thicksniall @meetmeinfleetwood @afire-hes @pradaxstyles @c-h-e-r-r-y-y @gotmyhandonmyheart @burberryharold @harrymoncheri

Waking up in a foreign bed the next day, solidified this new reality for Calista.

One trait about her is that she finds it very difficult to sleep in a bed that isn’t her own, so it was actually a miracle she could fall asleep so easily the night before. Because she bounced around a lot as a child from home to home, not having one single bed to call her own was a reason for her exhausting insomnia. More proof that her move away from the states had been good on her, is that her illness had lessened its severity when she finally could call a place home. Most of the times when it occurs nowadays is when she’s over stressed about something. Yet, the previous night had been one of her most peaceful slumbers.

Her and Trinity had stayed in the cafeteria for a while after their encounter with Wren, the thin ice they had been walking on dissipating into a more comfortable area where they didn’t feel this unbearable tension surrounding them. Niall and Harry had helped with this easy atmosphere, all of them informing Calista the best they could before she would talk to Mr. Cirillo the next day.

Harry didn’t stick around too long though, hopping around between tables and people before disappearing completely for the night. Something about him was so intriguing, and even if she had only spoken to him for a maximum of twenty minutes, Calista could say she had the tiniest crush on him. It was ridiculous to think such a thing, because she obviously hardly knows him, but there was something about him.

Maybe because he genuinely seemed interested in her, something not a lot of males, or people in general, do.

When she first came to Cambridge there was one boy who liked her, resulting in a relationship of almost a year, but of course he turned out to be a bit of a dickhead, that mainly cared for himself and disregarded her in so many ways. But, Harry didn’t seem like the type; He actually seemed genuine. Of course she doesn’t want to get her hopes too high up, but that doesn’t stop the physical attraction she has towards him.

She was directed to go to Mr. Cirillo’s office early that morning, of course getting lost on the way there, shamefully asking two different people for directions. She should’ve been given some sort of map to guide her because this place was nothing short of humongous.

When she finally came across the plaque that read Headmaster Cirillo, she took a deep breath and knocked softly on the door, a response immediately voicing on the other side of the door. Pushing the white wood open, she poked her head in and saw Mr. Cirillo at his desk. He removed his one lens glasses from his face, a soft smile on his lips as he gestured to the seat across from him, encouraging her to sit on the patent leather

“Good morning, Calista. Please, have a seat,” the older man… cyclops greets her, hands clasped together on the desk in an authoritative manner. “Sleep well?” 

“Yes, thank you,” she answered, for some reason completely nervous. It was sort of like when she would be called to the principal’s office when she was younger because she would miss classes or the one time she got into a fight and broke the girl’s nose. In her defense, the girl started it, and she doesn’t even really remember where the strength came from to actually break the girl’s nose.

Something now tells her it has to do with her ancestry. If that’s even possible. But, at this rate, anything is possible as she sits across from a cyclops, and is a demigod herself.

“Good, well, then I’ll get started. I know you’re wondering why it took so long for you to… know about everything and I’m here to answer any questions you have to the best of my abilities. I’d rather you ask me anything and we’ll go on from there.”

Calista nodded along, sweat in her palms developing, causing her to casually sit her thighs down on top of her hands. So many questions sprinted through her mind, her not knowing which to ask first. “I mean… I don't know, why did it take so long? I spoke to people last night and they’ve all been here for years and I guess I just want to know why I wasn’t told sooner.”

Mr. Cirillo nodded his head, “That was per your mother’s request. She was adamant on you not risking your life being a part of this society of ours.”

“But why? It hardly seems fair that I’m being kept in the dark,” she scoffed back, leaning back against the black leather, her hands coming up to grip the arms of the chair.

“I agree. But, in her defense, your mother had very good reasoning to make the decision she did. Our life, this existence of ours, is a complete mystery to the outside world,” he stood up, walking over to the grand window behind him. “People have been trying for years upon years to dig up the truth. There’s no telling what kind of acts will be made against us if they ever find us, so over the years, we’ve been preparing for any sort of war that could affect us.”

Walking over to one of the many filing cabinets that lined one wall of the office, he opened one of the drawers that seemed to be labeled Athena, skimming through the multiple manila folders before pulling a specific one out, closing the metal cabinet shut behind him. He sat back down in his own chair, keeping the folder closed on the desk before he continued his explanations. “We’ve had multiple threats over the years, claiming our secret would be revealed to the world. If the world were to ever find out, we could be executed and wiped off the face of the earth, or maybe held captive for the enjoyment of ignorant people. It would leave the gods no choice but to wreak havoc on the planet.

“One night before you were born, there was a threat against us, and your half-brother, Mikael, was sent to settle the situation. Unfortunately that night he was killed, and your mother took it very personally as any mother would. Just a couple weeks later you were born, and she didn’t want another child of hers to live their life with risk or in secrecy. She wanted you to have a so-called normal upbringing,” he finished, opening the folder that had been kept shut, turning it to face her direction. A small picture of a smiling young man was clipped to the corner of a page, the name Mikael printed on the tab.

Calista felt a sudden wave of sadness flush through her at the mention of a half-brother, seeing his smiling face that she never got the chance to greet. As she looked over the few papers in this folder briefly, she learned that her brother used to be of high status here, ranked as General Combatant along with his multiple skills and achievements. She swallowed as she never imagined herself achieving such superiority amongst everyone here, especially with her late start.

She only grew more frustrated as she hastily closed the folder, placing it back down on the table. “A normal upbringing? Do you know the kind of life I’ve lived? It was anything but normal. I’m sure I would’ve had a better chance at normal here, then anywhere else,” she rolled her eyes, her jaw clenching as tears threatened her waterline.

Normal is all she wanted. A normal family, with normal friends, and a normal life. Instead she’s practically been to Hell and back, and the scars imprinted in her brain and on her skin is the evidence of that. She understands her mother’s decision, because it must be hard losing a child and running the risk of losing another, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. Calista has been dealt the shittiest cards, and knowing she was cheated out of a better hand twists her heart and constricts her lungs.

Standing again from his chair, Mr. Cirillo walks over to the door of his office, opening it and looking back to the depressive demigod, “Let’s go for a walk.” Calista says nothing as she follows him, eyes focused to her shoes as her mind swirls with countless thoughts of never being good enough. When she looked up to look at the multiple paintings and portraits lining the walls, her stomach sank further as she saw what could’ve been her life.

She could be grateful for knowing now rather than never, but since she found out now when her life was getting better, it only hurt her more. If she found out before, she would’ve seen it as a saving grace, but now it only seemed like a burden.

They made their way outside to the courtyard, the building guarding the blooming flowers and small ponds filled with various fish. A few others were scattered around, sitting at benches or small tables and talking amongst themselves, not paying any attention to Calista and Mr. Cirillo. 

Their walk was at a slow pace, silence surrounding them except for the smaller chatter from the other people, the beauty of the sun beaming down on the spacious greenery engulfing their minds. She understands why he wanted to take a walk, because breathing in fresh air helped cool her mind just long enough for her to regain her somewhat stable composure. 

“I know your life was hard,” he began again, looking down at the Calista, his hands tucking into the pockets of his slacks. “And I deeply apologize for everything you’ve been put through, I wish there was something I could’ve done.”

Calista licked her chapped lips, pursing them as she came up with something to say back, because in all honesty an apology means nothing coming from him. The real apology she wants is from Athena, or even her fucking father. “Why now? Why not follow her rules and keep me away?”

“Well, there was another threat against our livelihood. An insider that has anonymously threatened to tell anyone and everyone willing to listen. When I told the gods, your mother, Athena, advised it was time to… She said you’d be a great leader like your brother once was,” he smiled softly, eyeing her reaction as she looked at the olive tree, sitting in the center of the courtyard.

“I’m not a leader,” she responded softly, taking her gaze off of the plant and back down to the laces of her boots. “From what I saw, Mikael was an honorable person, and I’m far from that.”

“And from what I’ve gathered, is that despite the horrible schools you went to and the awful people you’ve met along the way, you were still one of the highest in your class and was awarded a full ride scholarship to Cambridge. Even with setbacks, you pushed through with determination. I’d say that’s pretty honorable,” he quipped back, sitting down on the bench that was beneath the giant tree.

All she really felt at this point was confusion. She wants to be able to call this place her home, and maybe even call these people her family, but they’ve been doing fine for years without her, she just doesn’t understand why all of a sudden it was necessary to tell her. Getting an A on a test was a whole different game compared to being a leader in a war. Aside from breaking a girl’s nose, she had no ability to fight or any sort of strategy at all to be able to hold her own. Her being involved felt more of a burden to everyone else, and she’d probably get herself killed almost immediately.

“I just don’t see how I’m of any use. I don’t have experience like Trinity or Wren, or anybody here. I’ll probably end up running around like a headless chicken.”

He laughed at the small joke, raising his hand up to squeeze her shoulder. “Like I said, with determination you’ll push through.”

The reminder of Trinity telling her to surpass Wren from last night came to mind, a little ounce of this determination sparking through her, but it was quickly diminished as she thought of the actual process of conquering that. She wants to be the underdog like in all of those movies she’s watched that beats the bully in the end, but those are movies, and as much as this doesn’t feel like real life, it is and that’s not how everything works. She can try, but that doesn’t mean she’ll be successful and if she’s not successful she’s afraid she’ll be a disappointment and then that disappointment feeds into her anxiety of never being wanted by anyone and it’s this constant cycle in her beaten and bruised brain.

On the other hand, she can’t just tell Mr. Cirillo no, because then she’ll probably end up disappointing him and sending herself into a subcycle of unwarranted thoughts. She wishes everything right now had a clean cut answer as to what she should do, but she’s stuck in her thoughts, feeling as if she’s being pulled down by rapid quicksand, not giving herself enough time to mull over everything properly.

Looking up through the leaves of the olive tree, admiring the sun that peaked through the greenery above her, coating her face in a dull glow, Calista said one last thing to Mr. Cirillo before they would go on their separate ways as she would take time to think about everything alone.

“Do I ever get to meet her?”

Mr. Cirillo sighed, a look of solemn etching across his features. That was her answer alone, but she still acknowledged the words that tumbled out of his mouth. “It’s a rarity that they make an appearance.”

Calista nodded, getting up off the bench and ready to make her way back inside and hopefully find the way back to her room. Mr. Cirillo reached for her wrist, holding her in her place for one more moment, “But she’s always looking after you, Calista.”

And with that, she walked away, holding back her tears until she collapsed on the sheets of her bed.

❊ ❊

Hours had passed since her meeting with Mr. Cirillo, and she had made no progress towards processing everything that’s been relayed to her. She tried falling asleep to dull the headache beating through her skull, to give herself a moment to breathe before she would fully understand everything at hand. 

Trinity had offered her support, but Calista felt it was better to be alone at this time, just so she would have no distractions and so she could wallow in her own thoughts. And while at first being alone seemed to help, after a while, she was in need to vent and discuss all of the problems soaring through her head to her best friend.

Thing is, her problem just lies in the fact that everything had been kept secret from her for so long. Who’s to say this all would’ve been revealed to her if there hadn’t been this apparent threat? Would her best friend have continued to lie to her for the rest of their lives? 

Why should she maybe put her life at risk for people that she hardly even knows?

Everything just relates back to her anxiety over never being good enough for anyone, which would prove why she’s lived such an awful life considering she wasn’t good enough to be her rightful title of demigod. She understands it was done to protect her wellbeing, she just wishes that’s the way her brain would take it. Instead, she’s thinking the worst because that’s how she was raised; Expecting the worst.

When Trin finally came back to the room, she could tell something was off with Calista as she saw her friend in the same curled up position on her bed since she left. “Lis, everything okay?”

First there was no response or any sort of movement, then she heard the small whimpers leaving the girl’s lips, and immediately she was crawling into her bed, cradling her to her chest, doing her best to help ease her pain.

“I just wish I could shut my brain off for one minute,” she cried, clutching onto her friend’s hand that had wrapped around her front.

“What’s going on inside that head of yours?” Trin murmured, pushing the loose curls from her friend's face and behind her ear. 

Calista calmed herself for a moment, rolling over to face Trin, eyes red and cheeks blotchy as she sniffled, bottom lip quivering slightly. “I-I want to see the good in this, but all I can think a-about is how I wasn’t good enough from the start and how I’m not good enough now.”

“What’re you talking about? What did you talk about with Mr. Cirillo?”

Calista relayed everything she was told to Trinity, even delving into the topics that are her insecurities just so her friend can understand a little more about what’s going on inside this head of hers. She had a chance at a family, and friends, and people who related to her, but that was stripped away from her. She has a life she never knew existed and she has no guide book to understand how to go about it all, not to mention it’s a life that isn’t exactly supposed to exist at all. 

Is she meant to live up to her past brother’s legacy? If she doesn't, is she just going to be forgotten about? 

If her mother is always looking after her, how could she let her daughter go through everything she has? 

So many questions that no one has an answer to, and it’s so exhausting.

Trinity didn’t interrupt once, letting her best friend vent to her as she sat patiently. She was once where Calista was, but of course she doesn’t know how she’d exactly take it all in if she had found out so much later in life. As an adolescent, it was so cool finding out her heritage, knowing she was meant for better than just her stuck up dad and stepmom. And she knows how Calista is with trusting people and their intentions, that’s why it took her awhile to warm up to her. So she completely understands her worries about everything too good to be true considering her past.

Being here, though, at Mythology, is where she belongs. And Trinity will do her very best to try and convince her so. When they first met, and Calista told her that she was studying the classics, she knew it was fate and that her role here as Athena’s daughter is meant to be.

And one way to help guide her friend is through the bonfire this night. The annual bonfire before the announcements of the Leaderships. Trinity is convinced the bonfire will help persuade Calista into staying here, because once she spends one night with all of these people that come to be family, she won’t ever want to leave again.

Or, so she wishes.

❊ ❊

“I’m not so sure about this, Trin.”

There was a lot of convincing in order to get Calista to leave their room for the bonfire. After Trin sat and listened to her, she felt a little better getting everything off of her chest that’s been setting up camp. Though, Calista could feel their friendship going down a more comfortable path toward recovery as she expressed her concerns.

She’s not exactly warmed up to everything yet, but the more she vents and talks to Trin who went through a not exact but similar process with being thrown into this new lifestyle, Calista can feel herself wanting to get to know this part of her life a little more.

She’s still struggling with trusting all of these people, but that’s where the bonfire comes in and why Trin believes it’ll help her. As an observant best friend, she saw the way Calista was talking to Harry and even Niall, as if they were her friends she had known for years. Granted she has known Niall for some time, but not in the way she’s known Trin. And Harry she’s known for all of twenty minutes, yet she was laughing and smiling as if she knew him since they were children.

If the bonfire can bring out more of that, then Calista will surely want to stay and be around at least for a little while longer.

Though, for Calista it felt a little like the first day of school as she scrounged through her suitcase to find something suitable to wear. It wasn’t the hottest night yet it wasn’t exactly cold, so really that left her at square one. And Trin wasn’t any help as she sat on her phone waiting for her friend to make a decision. But, Calista just followed suit with her and put on a sweatshirt and shorts along with a pair of her worn down sneakers. It also didn’t help that her ruthless curly hair was like a nest sitting on her scalp. Her best bet was a semi decent ponytail that at least kept her hair out of her face.

Trinity finally looked up from her phone, “It’s gonna be fun. It’s basically tradition, and you can’t skip tradition.”

“It’s not exactly my tradition though, so maybe I’ll just pass.”

With a roll of her eyes, Trinity stood up from her bed and grabbed onto her friend’s wrist and led her out of their room. “Well, let’s make it your tradition then.”

They both eventually wound up outside and in the large field that expanded for acres of land, the moon glistening over them as they walked further until they reached multiple people laughing and dancing and talking as a fairly big fire sat between them all.

Immediately, Calista’s eyes were drawn to the force that is Harry as a guitar sat on his lip as he sang some song, joking around with the people around him. Niall was over with them too, and once he spotted them, he ran over to hug the both of them before encouraging them to join the little circle of people.

“Everyone, this is Calista,” Niall introduced as he sat back in his previous seat. Unsurprising, there was a single seat open next to him that was clearly meant for Trin, which she so graciously sat in, leaving Calista to stand alone, full of awkwardness.

The few people greeted her with a wave, insistent she sit down with them. A little reluctantly, she sat between two people she had yet to meet, but would come to know their names are Sarah and Mitch.

Even though she was in a circle of people that all seemed to be like good people, it was one of those moments she felt so alone. She’s never really known how to bond with new people because she hardly ever purposely tries to talk to them, and now seems like a good time to break out of her bubble a little, but she’s afraid of the pending rejection from the lot.

They all seem really nice, yet her brain craved the worst of people so she doesn’t have to get hurt later on.

Looking around at everyone else that was outside of this little circle, it was hard not to notice Damien and Wren at the center of everyone else’s attention, doing whatever the hell it is that they’re doing. When Wren had turned her head slightly and made eye contact with Calista, she smirked in her usual cynical manner, which Calista just scoffed at, turning back around to the group with her.

When turning back around, she made direct eye contact with Harry, who was listening to whatever Niall was talking about, yet didn’t seem like he was paying attention as he kept his attention on Calista. She felt her cheeks heat up and most likely redden under his gaze before she broke the contact and looked to her hands.

Getting up from her spot abruptly, she announced she was getting any kind of drink that was over in the coolers, offering to anyone who wanted but they all declined. Though when she walked over to the red and blue coolers, one labeled water and the other labeled alcohol, she felt a presence following her.

And then Harry stood next to her, sans guitar now.

“Still adjusting?” He asked, reaching into the water cooler and pulling out a fresh and cool bottle, one for him and one for her since he saw her reaching for one.

Cal nodded, softly laughing at the question. “That’s an understatement.”

There was a sudden silence over them, neither of them talking for a brief moment but listening to the chatter of everyone else, or the crackle of the bonfire, or the hum of music that was floating into the night sky. When she finally gained the courage to look up and meet his eyes, she saw him already looking at her, entranced by her shy personality yet strong attitude. “I didn’t know until I was seventeen. M’mum kept it from me. Said it was for my own good or summat, but I was pissed. Felt like m’whole life was a lie. Gets easier though, trust me.”

She was taken aback at the sudden confession, her lips parting slightly as she looked at him with slight confusion. Out of everything that could’ve come out of his mouth, she really wasn’t expecting that, because it also felt like he somehow knew what was going on inside of her mind.

“How long till it starts getting easier?” she questions, taking a sip of her water, appreciating it’s cool texture sliding down her throat.

He nods, sitting down on a chair that was outside of the little group from before, an open seat next to him that she’s meant to sit on. “We all handle shit differently so m’not sure, but sometimes even now I have to take a step back and think about everything and I’ve been here for six years.”

Before Calista has a chance to ask him something else, a different voice butts in. The look on Harry’s face as he saw who was approaching them only solidified that she knew who it was.

“Aw, have we got a pair of little lovebirds already?”

Calista didn’t bother to look to her right as Wren stood tall and proud, looming over the two of them like a cloud, ready to rain down on them. The fire lit up her face in such a way that looking up at her made her seem nearly demonic, and if she wasn’t already in a bad mood, she would’ve laughed at the irony. 

A faux smile stretched across her thin lips as she stood with her arms crossed, drink in her hand as she looked between the demigods. “Can’t even let the poor girl settle in for a day before you’re trying to jump her bones.”

“Fuck right off, Wren,” Harry sneered back, getting up from his seat to tower over the shorter girl.

This is when Damien decided to step up, placing himself between his girlfriend and his enemy, glaring at Harry with his dark eyes, jaw clenched so hard his teeth were probably close to shattering. Calista was a little nervous as the air around them grew tense, though luckily it didn’t seem like anyone else was paying attention to this little quarrel. Harry didn’t seem fazed in the slightest by the beefcake in front of him, an indifferent facial expression locked on his features.

“What?” Harry asks, tilting his head slightly, “She’s just jealous m’not talking to her.”

Damien goes to shove Harry instantly, but just as fast, Harry deflects his aggression and instead is able to push Damien back, causing him to trip over the leg of a chair behind him. Calista rolls her lips together to avoid bursting out into a fit of laughter, completely in awe of how Harry turned the situation around.

Guess Trinity and Niall were right when they said Damien sucks ass.

Wren didn’t even seem surprised at the turn of events. “Jealous? Oh, please, don’t think so highly of yourself.”

Calista looked over to Trin and saw how she was standing up, looking curious as to what was going on with the four. They made eye contact and spoke without any words, both of them concluding they had no idea what was going on.

“I just came over to wish her luck in Leaderships. Hope she doesn’t get herself killed and all that,” she conceded, her hands coming up in defense. Though, her confession wielded a taunting undertone that was clear as day to Calista, because all her life she’s dealt with people and their fake spouts of truth just so they seemed like the good guys.

This urged Calista to scoff, “Bullshit.”

Wren’s head snapped towards the new girl, eyes squinting a little as she skimmed over her sitting stature. “Excuse me?”

Throughout the course of this whole day, Calista had been wary about her place here, and whether or not she wanted to stick around or call it a day and go back to her normal. The idea of these Leaderships was practically nauseating to think about, and she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to take part in them. But hearing this girl talk about them, pushes her to stay and just kick her ass into next year. She’s not all that confident that she’ll be able to do so, but like Mr. Cirillo said, the determination will push her through.

“What’re you wishing me luck for? Wishing me luck insinuates me coming out on top, and we all know you want to keep your status, so I call bullshit,” she shrugs in response, unscrewing the cap to her bottle and taking another sip. From the distance, Calista could hear Trin cheer her on.

“Thanks though. Although, I think he,” she points to Damien who is only just now getting up from the floor, “needs your luck more than I do.” Wren stared in shock and anger, fists clenching and unclenching as her one eye twitched before she eventually huffed and stormed off, leaving Damien to catch up to her.

Calista waved goodbye, letting out a breath of air she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. There’s something about Wren that brings out this confidence in her, that if she wasn’t such a bitch, she’d want to thank her. Again, aside from that one girl’s nose she broke, she never really stood up for herself or for others.

So, maybe this whole Greek life was actually going to do some good for her in the end.

❊ ❊

Another night, another extremely restful sleep.

Though, another day, another rendition of unwarranted anxiety.

Sleeping through one more night, Calista had come to the decision that she was going to stay. After everything that had happened with Wren at the bonfire, the night went a lot more peaceful, and Cal understood what Trinity meant when she said the bonfire was going to help. 

Getting to know these people and hearing all of these stories of their arrival into this life, and the stories since they’ve been here, helped ease a lot of the tension stirring around in her brain. It sparked an interest to make her own memories and the hope that maybe these people aren’t so bad like her thoughts are trying to make her believe.

After she had woken up, Calista headed to Mr. Cirillo’s office again to announce the news, stating that she’ll regret leaving more than staying and hating it.

Plus, how bad could it actually be?

Well, the answer to that is actually pretty bad.

Not exactly in a bad way, but she never would’ve expected all the exhausting effort she was going to have to put in.

After her second talk with Mr. Cirillo, Calista was ushered to the main hall where everyone was gathering for the official announcement of the Leaderships. Walking into the room, she could see these charts full of names, and at a quick glance she saw Wren’s name in the very first spot on the female side, and Harry’s on the male. It wasn’t much of a shock to see her own name all the way at the bottom considering she’s new and all, but it made her all the more hell-bent on sliding up to the top.

Everyone seemed eager to get back into the work of things, all of them super hyped that they were back. Being here was mostly a summer occurrence, so because they weren’t here all year round, to everyone it was super exciting to be back with the people they care for, doing the things they love.

All of the elders stood at the front of the room, going over the discourse about this threat of maybe an inside source. Everyone seems slightly peeved at the fact they don’t know who the rat is, looking around warily at one another. Some even had the audacity to look at Calista with disdain, as if her being the traitor makes any sense at all considering she just found out about this place two days ago.

When it was all over, Cal was whisked away by Trin, accompanied by Niall of course, as they took her outside and to some secluded part of the forest that expanded into an open area, away from everyone else. The sun gleamed through the leaves of the trees surrounding them, coating them in a golden mask of fresh air. There’s also a little pond just a little down further, which Niall says helps him out when he’s out here for various hours, day after day. 

There were targets lined up against trees that had been chipped away from what she can assume was constant arrows being stuck inside of it. There were a few racks of different weaponry that stood tall beside the targets that were covered under a tarp to keep them out of harm's way of the weather.

The nerves were itching up Calista’s spine as she looked at the daunting swords and bow and arrows, and other types of metal she had no idea what to call. “I don’t even think I’ll be able to hold anything without dropping it like an idiot,” she grimaces, a wry smile on her face as she traces the intricate design etched into the handle of the first sword.

“It takes some getting used to, but you’ll get the hang of it,” Niall comforted, walking over to one of the vacant benches and tying up the laces to his shoes that had come undone. “Plus you’ve got the best of the best on y’side, it’ll be like a piece of cake.”

Calista scrunches her eyebrows in disagreement, a mental image of her cutting off her arm or even her head coming to mind as the sharp edges of the swords and knives glimmer in the sunlight. The least threatening of the various weapons was the bo staff that stood perched against the wood rack, its blunt ends that weren’t met in metal seeming to be the easiest to handle. Though, the spear that sat beside it caught her eye too, as she thought of her mother, and how the spear is known to be her weapon of choice, accompanied by a golden shield. 

Off in the distance was the sound of someone walking towards them, the sounds of the pavement crushing beneath their shoes. All three of them turned to the sound coming from the side, and were greeted by Harry’s face as he whistled his way into their line of vision.

His black t-shirt was rolled at the sleeves and a red bandanna was snugly tucked into his hair as it pushed back the few curls that tended to fall onto his forehead. His tan skin glowed as his tattoos sat contrast on his arms. Calista was envious of how he looked so good doing absolutely nothing, and if she didn’t have any better self-control, she’d probably be drooling right now.

“G’morning,” he smiles at them, hands on his hips as he stops in front of the three. But, he then turns his attention undividedly onto Calista, a little glimmer of amusement sparking across his eyes as he asks, “Ready for some fun?”

“I highly doubt it’s gonna be fun,” she drones back, bending over to wrap her hair up into the best bun she could manage.

When she stood back up tall, doing a few final adjustments to her hair, she realized Trin and Niall were walking back in the original direction they had come from, leaving behind her and Harry. She was beyond confused, calling out to them and wondering where they were off to, only to receive back a curt response of, “Harry works better alone, so we’re gonna head back,” and then they were gone. 

Now, Calista doesn’t know Harry all that well, and now she’s scared he’s here to murder her, deep in the woods where no one would be able to hear her scream. He’s got plenty of methods to do so right beside them, and she’d be lying if she said her heart rate didn’t pick up a little bit. And she’s a little confused as to why she wasn’t told this in the first place.

“Are you wondering if I’m going to murder you?”

Calista pursed her lips, shaking her head slowly, “Pfft, what? No.”

“I don’t usually work with anyone. I like to stay in my own headspace away from everyone so I can stay focused,” he elaborated to their friend’s previous statement before they walked away completely.

“So… why’re you here with me then?” She retorts, arms crossing over her chest in more of a nervous manner than a confident one. The small thought that he wanted to be there because of her crossed her mind briefly, but a louder, more dominant notion danced all over that, screaming in her face that no one would ever do anything just to be near her. Especially not him. 

He cocks his head to the side, eyes squinting slightly as he analyzes the features of her face, his own arms crossing together as a smirk worms up the side of his face. Calista felt small under his gaze, fearing he was reading her thoughts like an open book like he did the night before.

Little did she know, he is there for her. He’s so infatuated with the thought of getting to know the ins and outs of her, needing to know what exactly makes her, her. It boggles his mind how she seems so reserved, keeping to herself as she fights the thoughts running around her head, yet can turn around and become a strong willed woman the moment someone like Wren comes storming around. 

Harry likes to train by himself, finding it easier to concentrate and better himself when he doesn’t have eyes watching him and analyzing every one of his moves. Plus, he likes the thrill of surprising everyone when he learns a few new tricks to tuck up his sleeves when Duels come around. But, he’s willing to work with Calista, to bend a few of his rules if it means she’ll break down a few of her walls. 

“There’s a first for everything, Darling.”

[joonyverse]

residency troubles - kim namjoon (bts)

Summary: You were a resident in her 3rd year at a prestigious hospital, who happened to be the daughter of the director of said hospital, and had a little bit dark past. Professor Kim was a neurosurgeon, who came to the States, but decided to come back, and work for the hospital you were at. And then one occurrence lead to another.

Warning: abusive parent figure, family problems, violence, minor character’s death, childhood trauma, infidelity, light smut scene (not reader’s), grammar mistakes, incorrect medical terms, failing english

word count: 10.8K

kim namjoon x f! readers

doctor!au

Sound of ECG being the only sound that you could register, amidst the layers of yells being thrown at you, or your surrounding. The rapid sound the machine made, indicating how the person on the bed was unstable. Having been pushed aside, you could only watch, not knowing what to do anymore. You saw the doctor giving the patient CPR, sweats running down his face, as he fight for the life that literally depending on his hand. You could only wish miracle upon the sky. 

But then, just like how the sky granted your wishes, the ECG sound was back to normal. Heart rate continue to beat stable, and gradually getting steady. The doctor stepped aside, before he wipes the precipitation on his face, from the energy he spent trying to save a life. He glare into your way. His glare was cold. Shivers running down your spine. It’s like a bucket of cold water had been poured over you. You gulped down, and quietly follow him into a space where no patients were in vicinity.

This was the calm before the storm.

“Are you even a doctor?” He asked. His voice was cold and distant. It feels like the alcohol swab that you use before getting pricked by a needle.

You looked down, only able to stare at your feet. You knew it was your fault. Your fault here could be someone else’s life being endangered. And you should have known better. It’s not like it was your first year. And you acted like a complete intern.

“I’m sorry doc, it won’t happen again” you said.

“Yeah, because when you did it again, a patient would die!” He yelled the last part at your face. You flinched a little bit at the sudden raise of voice.

“I’m sorry doc” you said, your voice sounds even more inaudible if it was even possible.

“God y.n, you’re fucking clumsy! How could you even get into residency? I wonder… Daddy’s money?” He said in a belittling voice.

You gulped down. You want to fight back, but you can’t. His aura was way too overbearing and powerful for you to beat.

“You can’t do a single thing right! Nothing! You keep making rookie mistakes!” He yelled. “That patient, he was allergic to your prescription, and he could have DIED! But no, you ignore the chart, and act like a know it all!” He yelled once again. And you took it like a big girl, holding your tears in. Was it because of the yell? Or was it because you almost cost someone’s life? You didn’t know anymore.

“Fix it, another one rookie mistake, and you are over” he reprimanded before he left you alone with your thoughts.

You solemnly walk towards the office room, sitting on your reserved desk. You lean back into the back of the arm chair. You let out a sigh, feeling like a heavy burden in your chest was lifted. You quickly wiped your tears that threatened to fall. You shook your head.

“That was stupid mistake” you mumble to yourself. “You were an idiot pretending to be a know it all” you continued,

Your train of thoughts were being cut off as the sound of door opening filling the room. You looked towards the source of disturbance, seeing your friend who was in a no better shape walking in. Just like you, she plopped onto her armchair, energy drained from her soul.

She rolled her armchair towards yours. She put her hand into her scrubs pocket as she fished for something. She pulled out a banana milk and handed it towards you. You take it with a grumble, signing that you indeed need some sugar right now, 

“God, you’re still here?” Jiwoo asked as she take a sip of her strawberry milk.

You nodded with a pout on your face as you took a sip of the banana milk Jiwoo so kindly gave. “Professor Park needs me to do some errand last night so I couldn’t go home, and then when I knew it, it’s already morning! And then there plenty of emergency cases I need to handle, and then… Doctor Yoo yelled at me” you said. Your voice was solemn. Your eyes were looking down. Exhaustion was evident in your demeanour alone.

“Is it because of Minwoo? The seven year old kid?” Jiwoo asked to which you responded with a nod.

Jiwoo suddenly bend down to look at your face better. “God, I was damn tired, and then I see your face and I immediately feel better” she said.

You looked up, you gave her a cheeky smile. “Why? Because I’m a doctor and I’m pretty?” You said as you put your palm into a flower pose.

Jiwoo scrunched her nose. “No, because it looks so apparent you just got dragged into hell and your eyebags are competing with pandas’” she said. “Just go home y.n, it’s not even healthy anymore” she added.

“I can’t, I’m going to assist Professor Park’s surgery, and maybe after that, I’ll be able to go home” you said, your frown became more apparent.

Jiwoo got up from her seat before she gave you a pat on your head. “Good luck, and I better not see you here after my surgery is over!” She said.

“Whose surgery are you assisting?” You asked before she walked out.

She shrugged her shoulders. “Professor Lee’s.”

Sound of ECG once again rang through your ears. It’s drumming inside your very being to the point you swore you can hear it in your silence mind. The tension was high inside this operation room. Your heart was drumming inside your chest.

“Suction” Professor Park asked, You quietly handed him the suction.

You prayed to all Gods above that this too shall be saved. He deserves another life. You knew that better than anyone here. Well maybe, other than Professor Park himself. God, he was just seven year old, there’s so many things he needs to see, he needs to be, and you want to save him more than anything else.

“Professor, he’s losing a lot of blood, he’s unstable” the anaesthesiologist said.

You can see Professor Park’s brows furrowed, as he was getting even more focused if that was even possible. You saw him getting even more frustrated but he keep composed.

Suddenly the heart rate picks up. Your head snapped towards the ECG, like an instinct. “Professor-“

“I know, y.n, I know” he cut you off. You can feel his frustration and desperation in his voice. You grew antsy and anxious. And yet you held it in. You might get kicked out if you show signs of such things and that’d be the least thing you want.

You can see that the anaesthesiologist getting even more anxious. And that really didn’t help you calm down in any way. You knew this was bad. When the professor did all the right thing, but the patient keeps being unstable, you knew this was bad. You knew Professor Park done all the best he could, and yet you knew the boy wasn’t going to make it. In fact, everyone in the room knew that. But everyone, gave their best till the very end. 

Until the sound of flat line hit your ear drums.

You grew motionless. 

But Professor Park wasn’t one to give up. He kept trying to revive the kid. Wanting to give him the last chance he could get.

But the universe wants him back. They love him more. 

And so you watch as the kid lay there on his death bed, motionless, no heart activity. Everyone in the room hung their heads low. Everyone tried their best, but fate says it’s time for him to go. 

It’s the thought that the kid was so young. So fragile. So small in this big world. So many for him to explore… and they took that away from him.

“Time of death, 12th of May 2020, 10:25” Professor Park announced.

The operation room was solemn. And you quietly close him up. You move your emotion aside, as you carefully close him up, not wanting him to hurting despite his inability to feel.

As soon as you were out of the room, you were walking like a corpse, too many thoughts went pass your head. And yet you can’t think of a specific one. You should have gotten used to patients’ death, and yet you don’t. Every each one still hits you hard. Watching someone’s life depended on you and yet they still losing grasp, it’s always hurts, it’s always feel you’ve failed them each time, despite you knowing that there’s nothing you can do.

You walk back towards your office. Your head hung low. Tears were brimming in your eyes. Your chest was heavy and painful. The kid deserves so much more. And it hits you like brick. You don’t even want to imagine how the mother must be feeling if you were feeling this way. Memories of how you played around with him, laugh with him, giving him encouragements and comforts, as he went through his time in the hospital, flashes by you. You wiped the tears that had fallen down as you continue to made your way back into your office to pack and clocked out.

You entered the passcode into your digital lock, your emotion and energy were as drained as ever. You sighed as you entered your apartment. You threw your bag carelessly as you walked into your kitchen. You reached for a glass to pour yourself some water. The water did somewhat its work on soothing your heart that was in agony. But you were tired. You want nothing but to sobs into your pillow.

You looked into the couch in the living room. Your boyfriend’s shirt was there, and you for a moment wonder. The weather was cold and your boyfriend… felt hot?

Suspicion immediately filling your head. You brace yourself for whatever behind the door of your shared bedroom. You brace yourself for another heartbreak.

And then you heard it,

“Seokjin, please don’t stop- ah- fuck, please don’t stop!” A girl, who certainly wasn’t you cried out.

You were beyond mortified. Your eyes widened. You were disgusted beyond anything as you very well know what’s going on behind the door.

You opened the door roughly, it bang to the frame. You saw them, on your bed. Your Bed. Your boyfriend on top of her, having his balls deep into her. You were hurt, betrayed, but most of all, you were livid. You were furious above all.

But both of them wasn’t any better. They both looked at you, flustered, that you caught them red handed. You scoffed at the sight.

“I should have expected that” you said. Your voice was rather calm. But anyone who heard that, and see how you shook on your ground, knows that this was the calm before the storm.

You saw your boyfriend moved to reach out to you. The girl beneath him whimpered as he moved. You immediately feel waves of disgusts all over your body, drowning you in it.

“Just fucking finished your thing, and pack your things after that” you said before you step out of the room, not bothering to even close the door.

Seokjin finally pulled out and stepped onto the floor, racing towards you.

He grabbed a hold of your hand that you roughly tossed. 

“You are filthy, so please don’t touch me” you said, your voice who usually full of warmness for him, now cold and full of venom.

Seokjin knew he messed up. He never sees you like this, but then again there was a first for everything. You were usually cheerful, bubbly, your voice held such warmth that makes anyone that come across you wants to be by you all the time, no doubt. 

“Please listen-“

“Listen to what Kim Seokjin? I saw it all! You were spared on the need to explain!” You yelled. Your composure was failing and you don’t have the intention to keep it.

He stayed silent, he knew there was nothing to explain, when you saw it all. And you knew that too.

“Just fucking go okay? Spare me from the pain, I’ve had enough for today, and it’s barely midday! I already have a poor kid died on me only to go home to see my boyfriend fucking his other lover, so please just go” you said as you took a seat on your couch. Your arms were over your eyes, you wanted nothing but to cry… and cry even more.

Seokjin was concerned above all. He was your friend at some point. He knew how hard you took patients’ death, and he clearly was the cherry on top.

He slowly made his way back to fix his mess before them both leave you alone, in your misery  and tears.

A month had passed since then. Everything moved so fast when you focused solely on work and nothing else. Jiwoo would call you a horse for working day and night, not letting anything getting in your way. You keep shoving your nose up the job, working like a robot would do, that even Professor Park teased you for being one.

Your days would be fill of helping Professor Park handling the patients. Giving commands to the fellow residents that was below your year. Running from one hall to another. Death was almost become something numbing to you. Almost.

And yet everyday, people around you keep reminding you that you were human first before anything else. You worked hard, wanting to be recognised for your hard work and your hard work only. You forgot to have fun, Jiwoo said.

It’s not easy. To be the daughter of the director of the hospital itself. Everyone think that you are able to get your place because of your connection. Because daddy is paying everyone’s pay-check. And so you worked hard everyday, trying to prove yourself, that you deserving of your place there.

How can people accuse you of such things when your dad was trying so hard to forget about you when it comes down to family…

Jiwoo would stop you everyday from working yourself over the limit. So does Professor Park. They would both stopped you from taking everyone’s shift, from staying at the hospital any longer than you’re supposed to.

But it’s hard to convince you when you’re so set on something.

It was lunch time. Both you and Jiwoo use it to quickly get some lunch before any calls can get to you both. Especially when the cafeteria is serving your favourite curry that day. Jiwoo would secretly convince the chefs there to just make curry everyday so you would leave your work and eat more enthusiastically, but of course she wasn’t able to convince them.

You were enjoying the curry to your heart content. It’s the littlest thing like this that reminds you that you were indeed human above all, as dramatic as it sounds. Jiwoo watched you with amusement.

“I tried so hard to be a good friend, and you still choose curry over me” Jiwoo said in fake annoyance. She playfully stab the potato in anger.

You swallowed your food with a smile on your face, as you looked up at her. “Curry heals my heart Jiwoo, this is not just any curry, this is magical curry” you said In a teasing manner which caused Jiwoo to scoffed.

And then suddenly Jiwoo sat straighter, fixing her posture. Her eyes widening. Seeming more tense than before. You slowed your eating pace in confusion. Your eyes scanning your surrounding, which seemingly collectively has their focus on one point.

You turned your head towards said point. Your eyes squinting, your brain going into even more confusion than before. You even scratch your eyes repeatedly to make sure that your eyes aren’t playing you, and yet the sight still was as shocking as ever.

Your ever, so arrogant, and what the workers would say, intimidating, father was there. In the cafeteria. That you swore he would swear he would never touch, not even the ground. You almost throw your curry at him if it was possible.

There was a man beside him. A handsome and young looking one. He was tall, his brown hair slicked back. He looked as clean as ever. A glasses sitting on top of his nose bridge. He looks smart, brilliant even. Well he must be, seeing him walking side by side with the director of the prestigious hospital. To sum it up, he was the finest man you’ve ever seen to walk in this hospital, he was a sight to see for sore eyes.

But you quickly shook the thought out of your head. You quickly turning back towards your food. As you see from your peripheral view that everyone around you, including Jiwoo stood from their seat to give them a bow before they sat back down. And suddenly the cafeteria was somewhat quieter than before. You hated it.

“What an asshole” you muttered under your breathe. You then felt a kick on your foot. You looked up towards Jiwoo who was still standing, and now her eyes are spatting curses at you.

“What?” You mouthed in annoyance.

“Stand up” Jiwoo mouthed back before she kicked your foot once again. You rolled your eyes and give in to her request.

You turned around. You saw that your father and the man beside him… and whoever walked along with them have their focus on you. You suspected that it was because your father was staring at you, wanting the respect he deemed to be deserving. You sighed and gave them a half hearted bow before you sat back down and continue to eat your food. You felt bad because you didn’t mean to be rude to anyone but your father.

That was until suddenly you felt a tap on your shoulder, that stopped you from eating. The cold but yet so familiar touch on your shoulder. You sighed and turned your head towards the intruder of your meal.

“This is y.n, my daughter, she is a resident here, she worked for Professor Park, your friend right?” Your father said, smile was on his face. But you know so well this was the smile he uses on someone he’s trying to impresses.

“Ah yes, he is my friend… Jimin” The handsome young man said with a smile. His voice was so deep, you swore you could drawn in it.

“Y.n, this is Professor Kim, a neurosurgeon from the States! He’ll be working with us, greet him” Your father said with a smile ever so radiant, you almost puke. 

You faked a smile back at him, playing your good daughter card on. Jiwoo looked at the both of you nervously.

“Nice to meet you, I’m y.n, a resident in the general surgery department” you introduced yourself, with a smile more genuine at Professor Kim.

Your father patted your shoulder again. “Right, good, about our dinner later tonight, y.n, I hope you’ll be able to make it” your father said to the both of you. “You have no shift tonight, right y.n?” you father asked.

“No sir, y.n is free for tonight” Jiwoo cut in before you were able to say a word out of your mouth, “I’ll make sure she’ll make it on time” she added.

You mentally slapped your forehead. And god you thought you couldn’t loathe the situation any further.

“Right, thank you Jiwoo” your father said to Jiwoo before he walked away.

You threw your spoon lightly on the table once they’re out of sight. You sighed in full annoyance now. “Why would you do that?!” You whisper-yelled at Jiwoo.

Jiwoo gave you a cheeky smile in return. You really wish you could get angry at her really. “So miss y.l.n here won’t work herself to death, and able to dine in with the most handsome and smartest man ever to walk in this earth” Jiwoo said, her smile was faking innocence.

You gasped, feeling scandalous, feeling like Jiwoo had just seen you naked, seen through you. “Jiwoo!” You gasped.

“What? It’s true! I can swear upon my life you were ogling the professor! Undressing him straight with your eyes!” She said between laughter, as she accused you.

You whined at her. “Oh come on! I was not okay!” You said, threatening to throw your spoon towards her head.

“Oh come on! My girl deserves to have some fun and love too!” Jiwoo teased. And then she suddenly lean in and looked you straight in the eyes. “Especially with the neurosurgeon professor that’s known for being so smart, is popular at the States, handsome, deep voice, and your father trying to impress” she said, her voice was loud enough only to be heard by you.

Your eyes widened, it’s almost like you got possessed and suddenly the picture of the professor being said infiltrated your mind. Him standing there, looking so fine, with his smile and dimples. But before your thought can get any further, a loud voice cut you off from your training thought. 

“You guys are seemingly having fun! Without me! I don’t like it!” Jimin said, shocking both you and Jiwoo, before he sat down beside you.

“Professor, y.n here is going to go out on a date!” Jiwoo said before laughter making its way once again to her.

“A date?!” Jimin shrieked. “My god, finally you blessed this desert with some water to survive from! Y.n is going on a date!” He said.

You now physically slapped your forehead. You can see some people gave your table a stare for a second before going back to eat again.

“How can it be a date when, one, I just met him today, and two, the dinner has my father in the variable” you grumbled before you roughly stabbed a potato and fed it into your mouth.

“Wait… does it mean… it’s Namjoon?!” Jimin once again, leaning closer towards you. Your eyes widened once again. Who now?

“Professor Kim! Kim Namjoon!” Jimin said, after seeing the confusion in your face. You shrieked at the name, almost jumped in to cover his mouth. You don’t want another rumour surrounding you. Now you remember that Professor Kim had mentioned Jimin as his friend before.

“Oh my god, y.n, I swear he’s nice! And he’s single… well as far as I know, but I can totally introduce you to him!” Jimin said with so much enthusiasm, people would think he’s the one that’s going to be introduced to someone.

“You know what? I’m done eating lunch, Jiwoo, Jimin, you can chat, but I’m going now” You said in a flustered state, causing Jiwoo to teased you even further. 

The clock shows 5pm. Everyone around you is hurrying you to go home, put some makeup on, and clean up. It was mostly Jiwoo who urged you to do so, she even go as the length of promising to drive you there and back. Jimin even told you to clock out as soon as you can. You swore you would rather spent more time in the operating room then go through the dinner. You whined in protest, but what can you do when it’s you versus everyone?

And so there you were, finding yourself rummaging through your wardrobe that you’ve been so long abandoned ever since you start pulling lots of night shift. That you don’t bother to touch ever since you opted to watch Netflix at home is more fun than going out for some fun Friday nights. 

You ended up choosing a formal white dress. It fits prettily on you and just right, accentuate your features so nicely. You chose a baby pink Saint Laurent purse to go with it, knowing it looks cute and beside, you haven’t use it in forever. A pair of black rockstud caged pump from Valentino completing your outfit of the night. You applied some light makeup too. You had to admit that it was somewhat a personal satisfactory and pleasure to clean up like this, something that you haven’t done in so long.

As soon as you stepped out of your room into the living room, Jiwoo who was waiting there had her eyes on you, mouth agape. You rubbed your sides instinctually, feeling somewhat self-conscious.

“Does it looks weird? God it’s been so long since I did this, I maybe forgot my touch-“

“Cut the nonsense! You look as stunning as ever!” Jiwoo said as she approached you. You gave her a thankful smile.

“You know how much I hate going to a dinner, god, I’m only doing this for you” you said to her as you both walked towards her car that was parked in the basement.

“Girl, you’re going to thank me once you start getting some” Jiwoo said, a teasing smile on her face.

~~~

A car ride later, you found yourself standing by the entrance of this fancy Italian restaurant. You gulped down, wanting to turn back and secretly catch a cab and go back home. It’s not that you are nervous, you just hate to be in the same room as your father. Let alone eat on the same table.

You just hoped nothing will gone awry. And that means you have to control your emotion, keep it at the bay.

The last time you ate with your father, it was… horrible to say the least. You ended the night with your blood pressure as high as ever, food shattered on the ground, his wife crying and begging for you both to stop, your half-brother is smirking at the situation.

With a reassuring sigh, you braved yourself and enter the restaurant, bracing anything that might come at you,

You gave your name to the waitress, before being escort to the private section of the restaurant. She carefully and delicately open the ebony wood door, revealing the occupants inside. You saw a table for five, there sat your father, his wife, or rather, your stepmother, and your half-brother

Your father sat at the centre of the table. His wife sat on his right, her son sitting beside her. You saw that the seat beside you was still empty. The seat was probably for Professor Kim you figured.. Not long before you enter the room, Professor Kim arrived following suit, seemingly a little bit out of breath.

You tapped on his shoulder, making him look at you. You smiled at him, chuckling inside at his seemingly in-hurry state. “Are you okay?” You asked him softly.

Professor Kim took a big gasp of air before answering you. “Yep, all fine” he said with a smile, his dimples appeared once again, as deep as ever.

You both entered the room. And you saw how your father’s smile lit up once again. You almost rolled your eyes at the situation. If any people see this, they would have thought that this was some ordinary family dinner. Maybe even Professor Kim thought so. But your so called family know that this all business matter.

The waitress took your order as soon as you and Professor Kim sat down. You ordered a truffle cream pasta for yourself, meanwhile he ordered an Aglio Olio for him, both of you opting for some ice tea for the beverage.

Your father cut into the steak that had been served before him as he arrived sooner than both of you. The professor beside you cut the silence by apologising, “I’m sorry, I’m a little bit late, I had a patient that need to be look out for in urgent” he said.

“It’s okay, he wouldn’t mind Professor Kim” you said before your father even said a word. You can feel your father was giving you a glare as in ‘Behave’, but it’s not like you’re going to care about any of his words nor actions.

“Please, just call me Namjoon, I’m more comfortable that way” Namjoon said to everyone in the room. “I am still young after all, just a little bit older than y.n here” he said. You had to admit, it seems like he did his research beforehand, as he knew how old you were. Somewhere deep in the back of your mind, you wondered if Jimin told him some things about you.

“You are a polite kid, a smart one on top of that, and I’ve heard your activity in non-profit organisations Namjoon, you’re just a complete package aren’t your?” Your father’s wife said, a giggle followed after her words. You shook your head in silent.

“Ah… I’m not ma’am” Namjoon said, looking flustered. You can only imagine. The man was looking so red you almost felt bad. But then again, you saw his features, and you realised, the man was deserving of every compliments he got. A handsome man, with good personality? God you were somewhat hoping he’d be single. But you continue to eat your food in silence.

Your family continue to chat with Namjoon even after the table being emptied. You stayed silent, not wanting to say a word, not wanting to cause a fight, too tired of it or to do it. But you can see from under the table that Namjoon’s legs were fidgeting, like he’s trying to say something but don’t know how. And then you faintly heard it, the buzzing from his trousers’ pocket. You realised that this might be a medical call. And so you decided to save him and utter a word.

“I’m sorry father, Namjoon and I have to go back to the hospital right now” you said, standing up, not before nudging Namjoon, signalling for him to do so too. 

Your father looked towards Namjoon, his head tilted a little bit. “Is that so? You should go then, your patients are important” your father said.

And it seems like Namjoon had read the situation too. He gave your father a quick nod and bow. “I’ll get going then sir” he said, before you both headed out of the room.

As soon as you’re both out of the room, Namjoon quickly answered his call. You saw him tensed up, which meaning that it is an urgent situation, and he was probably needed as soon as possible. Before even you could even say a word, he walked in fast pace before turning into a light run towards his car, still on call.

You sighed and shook your head. At least the dinner didn’t go as bad as you thought it will. 

The next morning, you went to the office just like usual. Your outfit were so casual just like usual, in contrast to what you wore last night. Jiwoo shook her head after hearing the uneventful dinner when she drove you home. And of course as soon as you arrived in the hospital, the first thing Jimin asked you was about your dinner, to which you answered as it is. Jimin huffed in response, just like Jiwoo. 

It was one of those time where you get a room to breathe, after finishing a surgery. You were left alone in the office. You turn your head around, relieving the knots on your shoulder. You were sipping the warm coffee that you bought at the cafe downstairs when someone knock on your office before opening it. The door revealing a man that oh so familiar.

“Hey, what’s up?” You greeted with a smile that looks rather tired.

Upon seeing you, Namjoon proceed to enter the room, a relief smile on his face. “You were here!” He said, taking a seat next to you.

You chuckled at his words. “You weren’t here to see me” you said.

Namjoon lowered his head and chuckle along with you, being caught in action. “Well, I was searching for Jimin but he wasn’t here, and I found you instead” he shrugged.

“Hey! Seeing me is also a good thing okay!” You complained playfully. You made a fist and hit his side arm in a playful manner.

Namjoon pretended like you had hit him with the strength of a fighter which caused you to whine. “Come on! I didn’t hit you that hard!” You said.

“You bruised my ego!” He retaliated, which caused both of you to laugh. “Did you just finish a surgery?” He asked.

You nodded at him, a pout made its way onto your lips without you even noticing, a habit you didn’t notice you had. “I am” you said.

Namjoon stares at you, his eyes were unreadable, but honest to god, you were rather scared of trying to find out on what was his eyes were saying, and so you ignore it.

“Poor y.n, must be tiring right?” He said, in a tone that seemingly babying you. He suddenly put his hands on your shoulders and lightly massage them. You froze for a second upon feeling his palm on your shoulder, before you relax into his hold.

“What will poor father says if he saw his favourite neurosurgeon is giving a massage to a mere resident…” you said, your voice shaky from the massage.

Namjoon laughed at your words. “Oh come on! You are not just a mere resident” he said.

You gave him a smirk and rolled your eyes. “Yeah, a resident who happened to be the director of the hospital’s daughter” you added in.

Namjoon tensed, you can feel it on his hold, before he let go of you. Truth be told, you were rather disappointed that he let go, somewhere deep in the back of your mind, you were missing his warmth now that it feels somewhat cold without his touch.

“That’s not what I-“

“Namjoon? I’m just joking” you quick to assured with a smile.

Suddenly Namjoon turn his whole body at you, looking you dead serious right in your eyes, making you nervous in some way. “I mean it y.n, you are talented, Jimin told me a lot of good things about you, and I know you are a hard worker, and I’m not saying this because you are my boss’ daughter” he explained. “It’s because you care about the patients dearly, and you are a hard worker” he added.

You swore to god you teared up right there right then. For the first time in your medical career, it’s the first time anyone, beside Jimin or Jiwoo, praising you. Not because they want something from you, but they acknowledge you for who you are. You quickly shook the tears off, not wanting to be emotional. “Oh come on! This is unfair, you made me cry” you said jokingly.

“Your father must be proud of you” Namjoon said, unknowingly.

You chuckled bitterly. “I don’t expect much from him” you mutter under your breathe, hoping he wouldn’t caught it. You quickly stood from your seat, giving him a reassuring smile. “Gotta go though, Jimin is having a conference soon” you said.

Namjoon gave you a smile before he stood up too. He suddenly grabbed your hand, making you look back at him, stopping you dead on your track.

“Thank you for last night, you saved my patient”

It was another day. Just another uneventful day. Or so you thought. The yawn that you held for so long can’t help but came out of your mouth. Along with it, a drop of tear trickle down your cheek. Your eyes trained on the computer monitor before you. Your head heavy with thoughts.

The door to the office suddenly opened, making you looked up from the computer. In your head, you were groaning at the stiffness your body was experiencing. “Can I help you?” You asked to the visitor.

A familiar person walked into the room, creating a beam on your face, from ear to ear. Well to be exact, it’s more of what they brought.

“Jimin! My life saviour!” You squealed as you jumped from your seat. Jimin gave you a playful smile in return, while humming to a cheery tune. You immediately dragged your armchair onto the table that was set in the middle of the office, meant for meeting, and well, meals. Jimin took a seat at the centre of the table, while you took one beside him.

“God, it’s chinese?! You really know how to impress a woman don’t you?” You said as you grab a chopsticks and set your food in front of you, knowing that Jimin already know what your order was.

“Well, aren’t you my hardworking resident? Who unfortunately still pull an all-nighter and-“ “Stop with that! Won’t you?” You complained playfully to him. “I really restrain myself from taking night shift you know that!” You added.

“I know, but look at you, I can bet you haven’t gone home since last night” he said before he took a bite of his food.

You froze on your seat. The sense of time really had went out of your head. In your head, your hair is probably the big sign of it, looking like a whole bird nest. Your supposedly tidy pony tail, now so many strands had gone loose. “God, I didn’t know that” you sighed.

Jimin gave you a glare in responded, as in saying “How could you not know?”. His phone suddenly dinged, and so he took it from his pocket, looking at the notification. “Y.n, you don’t mind another company, do you?” Jimin suddenly asked.

You were having a bite of your food, so you really didn’t pay attention to his words. You wordlessly nodded at him, to engrossed on your food.

The door to the office once again opened. And yet you paid no attention, your hunger took over you. In your mind, you think that it’s probably Jiwoo, or well another surgeon. Another surgeon other than Jimin having a meal with you both wasn’t a new thing anyway.

“I’m sorry, I had an unscheduled appointment” A familiar deep honey-laced voice said. You stopped chewing, your eyes widened. You sat a little bit straighter, but not brave enough to look up. 

“It’s okay, you’re not late, I just have a bite of my food” Jimin said. You can see from your peripheral view that Jimin was staring at you with a teasing glare, his mouth formed a smirk. “But y.n here… she seemingly hasn’t eat since yesterday” Jimin huffed playfully.

Namjoon chuckled before he took a seat beside you. You gulped down your food, before staring at Jimin with a warning glare. “I’m so sorry you had to see me like this” you said to Namjoon who was arranging his food.

“Y.n, you’re talking like as if I don’t see you at that Italian restaurant, gulping down the food like as if you want to escape so badly” He said before he had a bite.

“Well, in a way, I kinda do actually, but don’t get me wrong, it was not because of you, like at all” You said after gulping down another bite of your food, After talking, you grabbed a bite once again. Maybe you were too focused on your food, or too focus trying to ignore the nervousness in your heart, but when Namjoon stopped to stare at you, with a fond smile on his face, you surely didn’t notice.

He almost chuckled, seeing you eat like there’s no tomorrow, like as if you stopped, someone would steal your food away from you. He looked at you with so much amusement and fondness. Your hair was everywhere, and he was a little bit worried it might bet into your mouth. He carefully reach his hand out towards you. His fingers gently reached for the loose strands that disturbing your eating and might be a little bit itchy on your face. He carefully tuck them behind your ears.

His fingertips touching your ears got you shivering down your spine. You froze on your eating, but seems like Namjoon didn’t notice that, too enticed by you. You weren’t brave enough to turn your head around. No, you weren’t. You don’t know what you should be expecting.

“Your hair was in the way” Namjoon said, his voice was gentle, almost inaudible, but loud enough for you to hear.

“T-thank you” you stuttered. In that moment, you braved yourself enough to turn your head at him. But what you saw, god you could swear your heart wasn’t prepare for it. Namjoon was smiling at you, his smile was just… something that you were more than sure was a gift from God. His dimples were evident. And truth to god, your heart was beating so fast you were sure the whole room can hear it.

Namjoon chuckled before he turn to his food once again, eating it. And everything went back to normal. By normal here you meant, Jimin and Namjoon were chatting about what they’re both missing when they were away. You silently listening in. And yet your heart was still beating loud, your head still full of the thought of him. If Jimin noticed, you were glad he said nothing.

And at one point, it seems like your name was mentioned, which was caught your attention back to the room. “I’m sorry?” You said.

“I just told Namjoon how you haven’t gone back home, and I think that you should go home now, and Namjoon will drive you home” Jimin said nonchalantly.

“Oh come on, you act like this is my first time doing this, I’ll be fine staying in the hospital a couple more hours, and beside I’m still reviewing-“ “A doctor also need lots of rest, y.n” Namjoon cut in.

“But-“

“No buts, pack your bag, you’re going home” Jimin said as he stood up. He immediately went to clean up the table, insisting on you to prepare to go home instead, which earned him a scowl from you.

The car ride to home was fill with you both getting to know each other. How you both grew up. Though you still hide so many, you just told him the enough amount of it, well maybe to the part of your father and you don’t have a really good relationship, but that was all. Namjoon told you how he grew up, how he ended up going to the States before deciding to go back here. You had a feeling that he too was hiding something, but maybe, only time will be able to tell.

“I’m so sorry for troubling you” you said when you’ve finally arrived. a frown on your face, as you felt bad for doing this to him.

“It’s okay, I don’t live far from you anyway, I’m just a building away” he said, with a smile on his face, that you grew to fond of now.

“Thank you for the ride, Namjoon” you thanked him, a smile made its way onto your face.

“I enjoy this, let’s do it another time, y.n” 

And somehow it becomes an everyday thing for you and Namjoon to go home together. Some days it’d be you driving, and some with him driving. People would have caught the sudden closeness you gain. Maybe some questioning it, but if they do, nothing has been caught by your ears so far.

It’s rather beneficial really for the both of you. Sometimes Namjoon would come over, and you both would put Netflix on and binge watch some documentaries there. Or sometimes, when things just went awful, or when you have something to celebrate, you both would go out for a drink, get drunk, and call a designated driver. Some days, you both would go on a dinner, when work got too hectic and left you both barely room for breathe. Or sometimes, you both would go to watch a movie that you both have been waiting for its release.

It was one of those days. Where things are just… hard. Nothing is going in your way. You got yelled by a doctor, and even Jimin expressed his disappointment. Jimin was someone who barely disappointed with you, knowing you more than anyone else here. And when Jimin got disappointed, it means you really did something messed up.

Not only that, a patient’s condition was worsened, her kidney was failing on her, and she was just a teenager. And so far, there wasn’t any available donor. 

You were walking through the hall when a conversation caught your attention. You can’t help but listening into their conversation. Well, how can you resist when said conversation involving your name being mentioned. It supposedly come as no surprise that people would gossiping about you, and yet, despite knowing better, continue to listen what on they have to say.

“I just don’t get what Professor Kim saw in her, like she’s just a spoiled brat!” A nurse said.

“Are they even dating?”

“No way, I bet they are close because well her father or maybe her want favour” “I bet she actually likes him, but he’s just being too nice”

And that’s it. You had enough. You shook your head in disbelief. Even after years, and your obvious showing of your dislike towards your father, everyone still think you are daddy’s little girl. All things accumulated inside you. You felt so stuffed inside. You had enough. You quickly approached the familiar office, knowing he would be there. You knocked on his door, just in case he has someone inside.

“Come in” Namjoon said from behind the door,

You carefully opened the door. You saw the sight of a woman, seemingly around you or Namjoon’s age. You were more than sure she was the most beautiful woman that you’ve ever seen in your life. Her red lipstick matching her skin tone, like as if it was made specifically for her. The pencil skirt she wore cladding on her skin so perfectly, accentuating her figure. Her aura was almost overwhelming.

“Ah… You have a patient? I’ll come back later than” you said in apologetic tone.

She was staring at you, a smirk on her face. “Oh? Namjoon really didn’t tell anyone about who am I, did he?” She said, her voice was taunting.

You said nothing, being put in an awkward situation. “I’m sorry, I’ll go out” you excused before you close the door again.

But you did not miss it.

You did not miss the last sentence she said, right before you close the door.

“Namjoon, I love you still”

~~~

God and here you thought your day couldn’t get any worse. You really now felt like you were drowning in an ocean of negativity. You don’t know why, and you don’t want to know, but you felt a pang in your heart. You felt your throat constricting. You felt something that you haven’t felt in so long it almost scared you.

You just wanted to be home as soon as possible. Maybe get some drink, and hoping Namjoon would listen to your worries, like he always did. You strut your way back to your office, not caring about your expression anymore, too tired to control it. You can feel the tears of frustration brimming in your eyes, they burn. But still you paid no mind to it.

Especially when a text came.

From [Namjoon]: Sorry, cant go home now, I’ll see you tomorrow 

And tomorrow came. If you thought it was any better, well it wasn’t. Not when your father’s secretary suddenly knocked at your door when you were preparing for breakfast. Sunghyun, your father’s secretary, was a rather nice man, and he acted as the messenger between your father and you. Sometimes you felt bad for it.

“What now, Sunghyun?” You sighed, as you see him by your door. “Come in, I made some pancakes” you said while opening your door a little bit wider for him to come.

“No need to, I’ll be quick, your father wants you to be at the Min Corporation gala. It’s well… for fundraising, but your father can’t attend it, and your brother is overseas” he said.

You sighed. If you hate your father, well you hate the galas more than anything. The free food and champagne is an advantage, but the mingling and fake smile for hours was not your cup of tea.

“You know the answer, it’s a no from me” you said before you rolled your eyes.

“And you know the answer from your father, he doesn’t take no, I’ll be going then” Sunghyun said. “And oh! Don’t forget to bring a date, I think your father wants someone in particular and you know who” he added, before he really left you standing by the door

You really don’t know how to break it to Namjoon that your father wants him to go for a gala, and with you on top of that. You can tell him that it’s a work order, but maybe somewhere deep down inside you, you want it to be something more. Beside, you don’t want him to feel obligated to attend.

But you were rather surprised, and rather pleasantly when he easily accepted it. Now, he become your only reason to feel excited about the damn gala. You can already picture the look you were going for tonight.

And with that in thought, you went to the gala with heart giddy. He promised to meet with you at the venue as he had an appointment right before it. You can’t help but let your mind wander on how he would look with a tux on. Your heart beats faster at the thought.

You stepped off your car, and everyone’s eyes are instantly at you. Your hair was set onto a bridal up-do, your off-shoulder emerald gown looking so glamour under the lights, making you look like you stepped out of fairytales, your Saint Laurent pumps accentuating your legs, and your Gucci purse completing the look.

But as minutes pass by from the assigned time, you grew anxious. You tapped on your feet. You were standing at the corner of the room, anxiously waiting for Namjoon. Your eyes keep searching for his figure, wanting nothing but to be with him. And it doesn’t help when you spot your ex, and by god you regret that, cause he caught your stare and was walking towards your way.

A vibrate on your phone making you looked down towards it. A text appeared in the notification bubble.

From [Namjoon]: I’m sorry, I think I’ll be late, Idk if I can make it, but I’ll try, I’m so sorry

You sighed. Disappointment filling your being. You now wasn’t in the mood for anything at all. You wanted nothing but to go home now, and maybe just watch another documentary like you always do.

“Lonely tonight, are we?” Seokjin, who was now standing beside you, asked.

“Shut up, get away from me” you said.

“Why are you not mingling? Are you craving for a beating from your dad?”

“I told you to shut up, didn’t I?”

Seokjin chuckled at you. “It’s a pity, you could have just joined me, and if we were still together, you might be having a good time instead of a really suck time” he said, his eyes were mocking you.

“Who said I was alone? My date is a busy doctor, someone who actually works, not just riding on daddy’s fame” you said, your tone was full of malice.

But Seokjin just smirked. He was rather entertained by your action and behaviour. He suddenly leaned in, and whispered to you. “Or maybe, Namjoon is just busy with a certain woman” he whispered. His voice indicating that he indeed knows something.

You shook your head in disbelief. You were angry. Angry at everything. Angry that you let your ex who cheated on you to get to you. Angry that you were losing your composure. Angry that Namjoon lied to you. And that was your breaking point. You didn’t care anymore. You immediately pushed Seokjin away from you harshly. 

“Fuck off, Seokjin” you said before you exited the ballroom, back towards your car.

You were just sad. Sad that just why Namjoon would lie to you, why can’t he just say it to your face that he doesn’t want to go with you. 

Your face was as emotionless as ever when you come to work the next day. You were more than ready to accept your father’s wrath. And truth be told, you just want to get it over and done with. You can’t wait to go over it, cry a little bit, and maybe then the tension inside you that’s been building will go away.

And by god, you don’t want to face Namjoon today. You avoided him all day, not at all making your way towards his hallway. If Jimin and Jiwoo noticed, they didn’t said anything. But they were rather worried. Because you haven’t said a single word to them. You weren’t letting anyone come close to you. You kept silently doing your job and anything Jimin tells you to.

And then it comes. It was rather funny really your encounter. You were walking towards your office when Sunghyun was walking to your office too. 

“Ah, y.n, I was looking for you” Sunghyun said.

You sighed. “Father wants to see me?” You asked.

Sunghyun nodded in pity, as he felt bad for you. You sighed, accepting your fate, knowing you can’t deny it. You rather face him in the office rather than letting him step onto the comfort of your own home. And so with heavy steps, you walked towards your father’s office, embracing the fact that a fiery wrath is waiting for you.

And just like what you were expecting, when you entered the room, your father was there. He was sitting behind his desk. You lowered your head, waiting for the storm to come.

He was looking at you, from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. His stare was icy cold, something that supposedly you were used at. But not when you can’t help it. Not when you are afraid, knowing very well on what’s about to come. For something that had happened ever since your childhood days. And you can only gaze at the golf club by his desk in fear.

He stood up from his seat. He wasn’t that tall, but you feel small beneath his overpowering gaze. And you feel like you were the 8 years old girl all over again, who was cowering in fear, as her toy accidentally knocked over a fine china. And there he stood, in front of you, just like the old times. You can feel the panic attack start coming over to you.

And then, just like the lightning strike, his hand came fast and hard and land onto your cheek. Your palm immediately went to the burning cheek, grasping it in pain, for sure it would turn red. And then he kicked your shin, making you buckle onto the ground, feeling smaller than you were already.

And he reached for the golf club. At this point, your tears can’t be contained any longer. It fell down onto your cheek. Sobs came out of your mouth, asking for him to stop, but he, just like always, let your words be muffled by his own anger. And just like how his hand, the golf club too now was hitting at your figure, hard, so hard the pain caused you to cry even more. And yet he has no mercy. Not until his anger dissipated.

“How. Dare. You. Ashamed. Me. In. Front. Of. Senator Kim’s. Son. And. Leave. The. Gala?!” He said, with so much anger in his voice, every words for every hit. No doubt purple bruises are now painting your body

“I’m sorry, please stop, please” you sob and pleaded.

And it feels like god answered your prayer, because he stopped. He let out a sigh like as if the tension had left him, and now you were left with so much trauma, so much memories of your childhood came back into you, as you continue to cry more into the floor.

“You really won’t get my words won’t you?” he said with so much anger despite the calm tone.

“Now get out” he said coldly, before he strut back towards his chair.

You quickly get up from the floor. Your steps were shaky as you reached for the door. But as soon as you were out of the room, you run towards your office. You can feel your chest tightening, your throat constricting, as your eyes continue to pour more tears from it.

You immediately went into the comfort of your office, closing the door rather harshly. You lean onto the door and let out gasps of breathe, not really aware of your surrounding. You grasp on your chest, trying to gather some air to breathe on.

When suddenly you felt a figure coming right onto you. Your eyes were wide open. You recognised Namjoon, looking at you, with so much concern and worry in his eyes. You let yourself breakdown, as more sobs coming out of you. Namjoon took a hold of your body as you fell onto the floor.

“You’re okay here, you’re safe” Namjoon said, trying to comfort you. He saw how you look very much disturbed. He saw the angry red print on your cheek. He saw the purple bruises that now is visible as it’s forming on your collarbone and forearm that were revealed. He may have an idea on who might had done this.

“It’s okay, you’re safe here y.n…” he comforted even more, letting you calm down in his hug. 

Minutes passed by, and you were much calmer now. And Namjoon not even a second letting go of you, and for that you were so thankful for. He held you in his arms, that now felt so secure and safe for you. It felt like with him here, you have nothing to be afraid of, that he will chase everything off.

“Thank you” you muttered. You nuzzle your cheek into his chest, not wanting to let go of him.

“I need to check your bruises” He said.

“It’ll be fine” 

“No, you’re not, talk to me” Namjoon said, his voice stern. He can’t help but feel anger building inside him, a fuming anger, towards whoever did this to you.

And you noticed that. The deep frown in his face says it all. His eyes can’t hide the unadulterated rage behind it.

“Namjoon, I’m okay, I’m fine” you said, reassuring him. Namjoon’s eyes look back at yours. You stare right onto his, wanting to assure him that all is fine now.

“You’re not y.n, you were crying, you were hurt, I swear to god whoever did this-“ You grabbed a hold of his face, you cradle his face onto your palms. “I’m okay hey, I’m here” you said, assuring him. “I’m just glad you are here with me” you said giving him a small smile, despite the lingering fear still left behind in you.

“Is it your father?” He whispered, his voice was so careful, as if he was afraid you would break.

You looked down and nodded. “But it’s okay, I’m used to it okay” you said.

And god, that was even more horror to him. No one should be used to such abusive treatment. “God y.n, that- that doesn’t make it any better” he said, his voice was so quiet, and yet you know he was having so many emotions going on inside his heart.

“I’m going to confront him about this, I’m going to beat him-“

His words were cut off. Of course it was. Maybe it was the spur of the moment, maybe it was something that you’ve been wanting to do for so long and now it finally reaching its tipping point. Maybe it was because he wouldn’t stop worrying, but you did it. You put your lips onto his, cutting him off of his word.

Namjoon was surprised. His eyes were widened, when he realised you were kissing him. Your eyes were close tightly. He held you tighter in his arms, as he reciprocate this kiss.

You both let go for oxygen need. A smile on both of your face. You felt rather shy now, and a little bit afraid. “I’m sorry” you apologised. Your eyes were still trained on your thighs, avoiding his.

Namjoon looked down at you who was till in his arms. He smiled softly, the familiar fondness come back into him as he saw your shy demeanour. A flower bloomed in his heart. “For what?” He asked, a teasing smile was now on his face.

“You know what” you muttered.

“I appreciate the apologise” he said, making you looked up at him. “But I love it, so I’m going to do it again” he said before he kissed you once again. You can’t help but smile into the kiss. Happiness and love replacing the feeling in your heart.

But then, the woman popped up into your mind, making you let go.

“W-wait” you said before you let go. “But I don’t want to be in the middle of unfinished business” you said. “Or well that’s what Seokjin hinted…” you muttered.

It seems like Namjoon caught on what you meant. And he gave you a smile… and for some reason you were scared to find out the meaning behind it. “We have nothing going on, for so long now” he said.

You tilted your head at him in confusion, needing more explanation.

“She’s my ex, we almost got engaged, and then I found out, so I break it off, and then she tried to come to me again” he explained.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a rebound” you said, your voice stern.

Namjoon pet your hair, his smile once again appeared. “Yes, I am, I wouldn’t kiss you if it was otherwise, and I chose this over any possibilities” he said,

“And… I’m sorry for not… appearing last night, I had a patient, code blue” he apologised, his voice was so sincere.

You pouted at the memory of last night, not wanting to remember it any longer. “It sucked so bad, I dressed up so well, and for nothing” you huffed. “But if you give me more kisses, maybe I’ll think about forgiving you” you said, as you pretend to think about it very seriously.

Namjoon grabbed a hold of your hand before he gave you a peck on your lips. “I’ll up your request to something better” another peck “What if I take you out on a date?” And another peck.

You beamed at him, giving him even more pecks all over his face. “Okay, tonight then, and I want to go to that new ice cream parlour” you said before you got up and went out of your office, going back to work 

The alarm on your phone rang so loud, it able to woke you up from your sweet dream. You groggily reached for your phone and turn it off. Peaceful silence once away fill your bedroom. You then went back to nuzzle into the embrace of your boyfriend. One of his arm was circling around your waist, hugging you tight to him. He softly groaned from beside you, being the victim of your loud alarm as well.

“Good morning” you greeted, a small smile on your face. “As much as I’d rather be cuddling, we have to go to work” you said.

“Why don’t we just skip work, and have the day all to ourselves?” He suggested playfully. You hit his chest as a scolding. 

“Come on, get up Professor, we need to work and tend our patients” you said as you attempted to get up.

But Namjoon had other things in mind. He pulled you back into him, trapping you between his arms, as his upper body hovering over you. He pulled you into a kiss, that you were more than happpy to reciprocate. “We will, but for now, I will have my girlfriend all to myself first” he muttered between kisses.

You smiled into the kiss. His silly words bring a smile onto your morning that usually fill with frown. “You’re lucky I love you” you said, which he hummed in respond as an agreement.

You were both all tangled up in bed, hands on each other, not wanting to leave each other behind. Jimin and Jiwoo would call you both clingy. How could you not when you both worked at the same hospital, sometimes you sleep at his and sometimes him at yours. And yet, you still both longed for each other when you’re away from each other. 

But really, there’s no place you’d rather be than in his arms, and him in yours.

a/n: AAA IM BACK, THIS ONE TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE DSJKHF i’m watching Hospital Playlist nowadays, so this was inspired by the drama hehe, I hope u guys like it ;-;;; tbh when i made this, i have the look namjoon delivered during MOTS 7 press conference aksjh. Also to anon, I know this takes so long but I’m currently writing your request! Also everyone! Pls stay at home and keep your hygiene! 

[ayashiki-i-i]

Last Friday, I had the absolute joy and privilege to see Be More Chill in London!

(Yes, last Friday, this has been sitting in my drafts for over a week because I couldn’t figure out how to appropriately convey my delight with this show, and also yes, joy and privilege, call me dramatic but I swear to god nothing on this Earth makes me appreciate my life quite as live theatre.)

I have loved this show for a very long time. Not quite since its first Two Rivers Theatre run, but very early on from when it caught the internet’s attention. I was at the start of what was to become a viral sensation, and I was with the show, rooting for it, hoping for it, ever since. I feel like I walked the journey from crossing million hits on Spotify to the Broadway alongside the cast and creators. I felt immensely happy and proud for these people I never met when they announced their off-Broadway return, and I honest to god cried the day they opened on Broadway. Needless to say, I was overjoyed, literally jumping with happiness, when they announced they will stage a production on West End. Or technically off-West End? I’m still very confused how The Other Palace is not West End and Victoria Palace literally around the corner is West End... Anyway. I have not walked into that theatre on Valentine’s Day with low expectations.

And my Mount Everest high expectations were far, far exceeded and shot somewhere into the stratosphere.

I really can’t with words describe how much I loved this show. Joes Iconis and Tracz managed to hit some very special spot with this musical. It’s truly hard to describe, but this show just makes you happy. It makes you involved and interested. And I gotta tell you, I think we hit the press night, because there was a bunch of people (very respectfully) scribbling on their pads and iPads during the show, so this wasn’t an audience primed and geared for this type of musical. And that’s not even counting all the parents chaperoning their teenagers. And I can guarantee you everyone had a great time. During the intermission I went to get a drink and witnessed several conversations between aforementioned parents that all pretty much amounted to “wow, this is actually good!” It’s honestly such a treat to be in an audience that’s genuinely enjoying themselves.

This show is funny, and heartfelt, and charming. So charming. It has somehow a vibe of a really well done high school production, which could maybe sound like a criticism but i swear it isn’t!

I haven’t seen much of the previous productions, except few clips from the Two Rivers bootleg slime tutorial, but I really tried not to watch too much, hoping against hope there will be a revival one day (I try not to watch shows I have a chance of seeing one day. I’m fortunate to have the chance of having the full experience live so I try not to ruin it for myself lol). I gobbled up all the official promo clips and videos from the NYC revival, being super unlucky and managing to plan my New York trip in that small window when BMC just closed Off-Broadway and before it got on Broadway. I haven’t even listened to the Broadway recording, because by the time it came out I knew they’ll be staging a production over here. So i went in quite blind. With all that previous ado, this is how it was:

The book is so good. So so good. Many times when I fall in love with an album, the actual musical doesn’t hold up because the book doesn’t compare (hi, Dear Evan Hansen). But BMC is as engaging and fun between the songs as during them. Tbh I don’t love the changes to the songs they made, but I don’t really hate them either... Now having listened to the Broadway recording they reverted somewhat back to the original album on West End and I’m happy they did, but still. Especially Pitiful Children did not deserve the cuts. But I mean its still mostly the same album and it’s brilliant and fun, and ok, Looser, Geek or Whatever is a bop.

(Although I always kinda liked that Jeremy didn’t have a typical big “hero song” because he keeps mentioning how he isn’t a hero and it was kinda ironic that his own show refused him the hero treatment, but the song is solid.)

This cast is EVERYTHING. I’m sorry all previous casts, I love you and I respect you but i really think the British cast is (so far) the peak? Obviously as I said I don’t have the full picture to compare, but honestly these guys are all so good and I can’t imagine anyone else in these roles, they set the bar so high. Yes, even Michael. Omg I’m so sorry George Salazar! This role is his in a very special way, and I feel blasphemous saying this! But that’s what makes Blake Patrick Anderson so special, because I didn’t think I will ever be able to accept another Micheal than George Salazar. But from the first moment Anderson appears on stage, you don’t think of George Salazar. This right here is a Micheal and that’s it. I think he’s slightly less... Manic, than Salazar, and more caring, but also more stubborn, and nerdy. My friend said after the first act the character’s problem is that he’s a bit too likeable and it’s almost unbelievable he would be a social outcast and she was right. The dude is so damn likeable! So charming, so positive. And then Micheal in the Bathroom hits and omg does it hit. Also Blake Patrick Anderson has a really long name is very pretty. A+ snack. I’m in love. Scott Folan is, uh, I don’t really love him vocally... Ok I liked him until Loser Geek of Whatever. I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t his day. Or maybe that song is just written for Will Roland and no one will ever measure up? Tbh I haven’t seen Roland sing it live so who knows, maybe it is one of those songs that’s hard to perform without yelling a bit. Praying circle for the West End cast album? However Scott Folan’s acting is a masterclass. He’s so awkward in the first act, so sad, but also sweet. Actually I said i didn’t love his singing but when his voice cracks all over in his first few songs it’s superb and also his “Christiiine~” is really beautiful and lovely, so, dunno *shrugs*. And then in the second half he totally sells his confidence and assholer-y and like... They seem like two different jeremys, the squipped and un-squipped one. But ultimately he just gives such good-kid vibes. He seems like the perfect midpoint between Will Connolly’s shy Bambi and Roland’s geeky recluse. This Christine is absolutely feral. Like, you have no idea. Some people commented on the video of I Love Play Rehersal from the rehearsals that this Christine is not chaotic enough, so I’m seriously worried how chaotic Stephenie Hsu was? :D In any case Miracle Chance I thought was perfect, the ideal mixture of quirky but relatable, sweet but strong. Also she is hilarious. I’m pretty sure she got the most laugh out of the audience, not just because the actress’s absolutely perfect comedic timing but also that role is so well written. Like you really can’t get the full idea of this character until you watch the show, you know? It’s very layered, but each layer is easy to get so she makes a really fun character to watch. The Squip is hot. Like so hot. And his costumes are wonderful. And I know I’m not the only one who didn’t love Jason Tam’s accent as Squip and like... I think I know what he was going for but it just doesn’t work for me. This Squip is a lot more like Eric William Morris, just more hot. Oh yeah I mean the dude is fantastic actor too, and his voice is something impressive, but mostly I was just thinking “hot” whenever he was on stage :D James Hameed’s Rich is vocally stunning. By far the best Squip Song I have ever heard. Also he has Pickle Rick tattoo?? It’s fucking brilliant I HATE IT! :D Millie O’Connel is perfect of course. She has such a presence on stage. It was hilarious when she came out after the show, with her hair down and make-up off and said hi and people mostly kinda ignored her cause... She’s really a hurricane on stage and when she dials it down just a notch I really think people don’t connect her to her stage persona :D

(Also like, massive kudos to The Other Palace’s stage door, cause they allow you to just hang around the bar where the cast has to go through to leave the place, so no dirty alleyways stage dooring in rain and cold and possible pickpockets around.)

I really loved the staging, and it’s very small, very minimal, which isn’t something I normally like, so well done! They definitely dialled back from the Broadway (the bean bags are back!) and honestly the minimal props and simple set really suit this show. It adds to that almost-like-a-really-good-school-play charm. But also they have this massive LED screen as the background so they can change and move and animate their backdrop and it’s honestly so impressive. The artwork is so perfectly in line with the show’s aesthetic. And it’s building up and up towards the show’s climax which I thought was pretty subtle and pretty neat creative decision.

Ugh this is so long I didn’t think it would be so long :D But I have one criticism I cannot not mention. And I kinda always had this, but seeing it live it jumps out on me more - I don’t feel Jeremy and Christine :| I mean don’t get me wrong. The actors have amazing chemistry, their added song is the one that I actually really like and it makes sense, there’s so much more meaningful interaction they have in the show than the songs wold suggest. But. It still doesn’t quite sit well. Besides the fact that I don’t think the show’s narrative is about Jeremy getting the girl - that’s not really his character arc. But also, although they’re not incompatible, he gets the girl he doesn’t even really know, and she definitely doesn’t know him. I think I would prefer if they just stayed friends at the end, but if there had to be romantic conclusion... Well, I mean who doesn’t ship boyf friends, but seriously if Michael was a girl I’m pretty sure he’d be the romantic endgame for Jeremy. You know the type, the old friend who was by the protagonists side and believed in him all along? Yeah. But besides that, i was surprised to find I kinda liked Jeremy with Brooke too? I mean they have the same problem as Jeremy and Christine, with not knowing each other and all that, but at least it’s mutual, and they seemed to have a spark. But maybe it’s just because I unexpectedly really, really loved Brooke (she doesn’t have much space on the album and no one ever really talks about her, why does no one really talk about her???). She defies a lot of her archetype, she seems like such a sweet person. I guess I would just like to see more of her, and more depth to her, which a romance with the protagonist would’ve given her.

But tbh the show devotes a lot more time than I thought it would for Christine and Jeremey’s relationship to develop and it isn’t unrealistic, so it ended up being a pretty minor issue, which i though would be a bigger one.

Tl;dr (oh my god why is this so long????) this show is everything I wanted and more. The West End cast is amazing, charming and delightful and each of them is perfectly cast to really embody their character, while giving some fresh outlook on characters I thought I knew very well and filling very big shoes of the original cast I thought couldn’t be replaced. Also I didn’t talk to any of them but they spend a long time hanging out with the fans after the show and seemed genuinely super nice and pleased with the love the show is getting. The book is more than an equal partner to the music I already was in love with (also Joe Iconis was at the show I saw! I didn’t talk to him because I’m me and I will forever regret it!). The Other Palace’s staging and direction is wonderful, and the choreography is impressive and very on brand with the rest of the show, very modern, very electro and robot. I enjoyed every second and the standing ovation at the end was well deserved.

Just to re-affirm how much I loved this show - just few days after seeing it I booked a ticket to go see it again almost immediately lol. So if anyone is seeing it this Wednesday 26th Feb and you can telepathically pick me in the audience come say hello!

(Or like, drop me a message like a normal person if you’re also going alone and want to meet with someone to seem less like a weirdo! :D)

[joonie-beanie]

Welcome To The Wild Side [4]

<– [3] | [5] -->

Genre: Superpowers + College AU

Rated: T

Words: 2,028

A/N: Here’s an update that no one asked for! :D Too bad! It’s here anyway lmao

On Saturday, you find yourself walking to a pub near the west end of your campus. Jimin had suggested that you two meet for lunch, and, of course, you were always down to get food, so you had agreed to meet up.

Waiting out front, your purse slung over your shoulder, the plaid shirt tied around your waist lightly blowing with the breeze, you glance around the semi-busy street. You’re hoping Jimin didn’t forget about you—especially considering you’d actually given in to meeting despite the fact you hadn’t interacted with him more than once. Seriously—that’s a miracle in your book—so he better show u—

“Hey there!” a voice calls, and before you can turn an arm is slung over your shoulder, silky brown hair tickling the side of your face. Grunting at the impact, you fall forward a little, but Jimin is quick to help steady you.

“You keep forgetting that I am a regular human girl,” you mumble at him as he releases you, and Jimin grins somewhat apologetically.

“I haven’t forgotten~ Sorry, I was just excited to see you.”

You stare at him, eyes narrowing.

“What motive do you have in saying something like that…”

“What?? I’m not allowed to say that I was excited to see you??” Jimin asks in surprise. When your eyes only narrow further, obviously not believing him, Jimin rolls his own eyes and takes a step forward. Raising his hands, he places them on your shoulders, and you stare, now even more suspicious.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you know my power?” he asks, cheeky as hell. You pause, suddenly a little weary of him. You honestly have no idea what Jimin’s power is…in fact, you only know three of their powers. Jungkook has strength, Namjoon has regeneration, and Hoseok has teleportation, but…the other four…

“Jimin, are you going to murder me. Because listen that’d be very rude ‘cause I actually kind of like you guys—”

“Oh~? You like us?” he immediately interrupts, his tone playful. You glare at him, lips curling into an angry pout, and Jimin smiles, staring right into your eyes.

“I don’t plan on murdering you—you’re too pretty for that, and I’m not a bad guy anyway, but--,” he says, shushing you when you open your mouth to refute his words, your cheeks having turned pink from embarrassment.

“Tell me, Y/N…,” meeting his stare again, your eyes widen when you see his eyes slightly changing color—a pink tinge outlining his cornea. “How do you feel about me?”

It’s almost as if your entire attitude flips at his words. Any skepticism or weariness about the situation vanishes, replaced by the steady pounding of your heart in your chest and a burst of adrenaline through your veins. Just like that you find yourself biting your lower lip, hands pressing forward to wrap around Jimin’s neck. All you can think about is him—how much you adore him—and as if possessed you lean forward and press your lips to his cheek.

However…when your eye contact with him breaks—your arms loosening from around him, your alert mind sinking back into its rightful place, screaming warning bells at you—you slowly step back away from him. You rub at your head, as if in a slight daze, and then after a few seconds—when you feel normal again—glance back up at him, both embarrassed and petrified.

“I just kissed you,” you say, your face feeling far too warm, and Jimin laughs.

“I kissed you—what the fuck just happened?? I didn’t even…what…”

“My power is empathy,” he says, carding a hand through his floofy hair. His voice softens as he continues. “I can sense the emotions of other people and also change them—so long as I make eye contact.”

“SO,” he says, smiling at you again, his eyes pressing into little half-moons. However, this time you can tell he’s not being cheeky, just personable. “When we made eye contact I could tell that you were feeling a little…uncomfortable, right? Probably because you’re still getting to know all of us and you and I haven’t really hung out one on one but…I promise I’m nice, ok? You don’t need to be nervous around me.”

“O-Okay,” is your response, feeling a little baffled, but also somehow touched by his reassurance at the same time. However—

“Was in necessary to make me feel…whatever that was for you??” you ask as Jimin steps towards the door of the pub and pulls it open.

“It was attraction, Y/N,” he laughs, motioning for you to step inside. With a little huff you do, Jimin following a step behind you.

“And no, it wasn’t necessary—but I wanted to show you somehow, and I think that was the best outcome for the both of us~”

“Asshole,” you mumble, bumping your hip into his. Jimin laughs, smiling at the hostess as she shows the both of you to a table.

“Just be glad I only made it ‘attraction’ and not ‘lust’.”

At that, a few lewd images float through your mind, and you decide to shut up.

About an hour into your meal together—half of your plate of food now in your stomach and also a few of Jimin’s French fries (“payback for earlier, bitch” “*laughter* I’ll get you back for getting me back, just wait”)—you remember something that you had wanted to ask him.

“Hey, so…I know that usually, you know…people with super powers don’t exactly tell what their power is, but…the other day I couldn’t figure out what Jin, Yoongi, or Taehyung’s powers are. And I’m really curious…”

It’s almost embarrassing to admit it but it’s true. Your mind just keeps turning back to the instant before Hoseok teleported you out of the classroom—the remaining boys getting into fighting stance and tables lifting off the ground—but you hadn’t been able to discern their powers.

“Well, under normal circumstances I would probably look at you like you’re crazy and just walk away,” Jimin says, waving one of his only remaining fries around as he talks. “But because you bumped into Jungkook and because we decided to put our asses on the line to save you—you’re kind of lowkey stuck with us, so I’ll tell you.

“Jin hyung can use telekinesis—”

“Like…moving shit with your mind??” you clarify, wide amazed eyes making Jimin smile—just a little.

“Yeah. Like obviously the heavier the object means the more strain on him, ya know? But he’s strong. For the most part he just uses it to help him clean the house and cook meals.”

“Practical,” you laugh, and Jimin nods in agreement.

“Yoongi hyung has water manipulation.”

“Like water bending from Avatar: The Last Airbender?”

“I guess if you want to put it that way. But he has way less finesse than any water bender. He just kind of…does it. He can make his water turn to ice too—but only if he’s super mad. Overall, he’s really lazy about it, honestly. Out of all of us he actively uses his power the least.

“And Taehyungie has shape-shifting. It’s a pain in the ass,” Jimin groans, face sinking into his hands, and you laugh a little.

“Why is that?” you ask, cheek resting against your palm as you stare at him in amusement.

“Because he can be nearly anything,” Jimin explains. “One time I was at a party dancing with this girl, and she was acting weird but I was too drunk to notice, and then all of the sudden as she starts grinding on me I look up and it’s Kim fucking Taehyung. You never know where he’s gonna be! One time he changed to look like his professor and started teaching class, and then when the real professor got there Taehyung had to run for his life. Like, he uses his power too freely, ok? When he wants to skip class he’ll change into a squirrel and go hang out in a tree. Who does that??”

“Taehyung,” you respond smartly, and Jimin huffs, reaching across the table to poke your forehead.

“Shut up. He’s a dumbass.”

“Obviously you’re good friends,” you smile, and Jimin nearly blushes, cheeks puffing out indignantly. Luckily, before he can say anything, your waitress stops by to drop off your bill. Both you and Jimin smile at her, thanking her politely, but just as she’s about to walk away a disgruntled looking man storms past and knocks into her. You make a sound of surprise, quickly reaching out to catch your waitress as she half-way falls into your lap. At the same time, the now even more pissed off man—even though it’s his fault—makes a full 180 and glares daggers at her.

“Hey!” he growls, hand reaching forward to grab her, and you feel the girl push back against you, scared out of her mind. Also, who the fuck does this dude think he is?

Lashing out, you quickly grab onto his wrist, stopping him from grabbing your waitress. Immediately his anger turns to you, teeth grinding, but before he can make another move Jimin is out of his seat.

“C’mon now, let’s calm down,” he says, the male’s attention turning to him, and as soon as Jimin makes eye contact the man freezes. You release his wrist, his arm dropping back to his side, and within seconds his previous fury seems to melt away.

“Just keep going to where you were going, ok? Ok,” Jimin says somewhat awkwardly, patting his shoulder, and the guy nods before turning on his heel and walking away. As soon as he turns Jimin is digging in his back pocket for his wallet, a little frantic.

“So uhhh…at the longest he’ll only be calm for another minute before my powers wear off, so let’s get the hell out of here,” he says, and your waitress scrambles off your lap, apologizing and thanking you both. You assure her that she’s fine, and as soon as you and Jimin have enough money on the table to cover the bill, you duck out of the pub and hurry down the street.

“Nice one,” you tell him, lungs heaving as you both stop to rest.

“Thanks,” he says, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. “I see now why Jungkook had to jump in and save you that one night. You like getting into trouble, don’t you?”

“ME?” you say, flailing your arms, and Jimin laughs.

“Well, you’re nice enough to help others who are in bad situations, and consequently you end up getting in a sticky situation too. Like with the red-eyed dude and also the guy just now. When he went to grab our waitress you tried to protect her—”

“Well I’m not just going to let him hurt her when she didn’t do anything wrong—!”

“That’s what I’m talking about, Y/N,” he says, breathing a laugh. “You’re a good person for trying to help others, I’ll give you that.”

“Sorry,” you mumble, suddenly feeling a bit bad. After all, if Jimin hadn’t been there you probably would’ve been in big trouble again. “You guys keep saving my ass.”

“It’s fine,” he says, patting your shoulder. You glance up at him, and he flashes you a kind smile. “You were just trying to help, so I can’t be mad about it. And like I said, me and the rest of the guys have your back, ok? Just…try not to get into too much trouble, especially when we’re not around.”

“Fair enough,” you respond, rubbing your arm a little sheepishly, and Jimin pats your head.

“Good. Thanks for taking time to have lunch with me, Y/N. I’ll see you around, alright?”

“Alright,” you respond with a smile, waving as he walks away, and when Jimin turns his back to you, you sigh a little.

Am I just asking for trouble? You wonder, thinking of the seven boys who had accepted you into their little group. You don’t want to have them protect you…but…

“I’ll think about this a different day,” you say, shaking your head, and turn to head home.

[infobeanie]

CROW CILLERS S04E02: GAIGE AGAINST THE MACHINE

There are some people who can only be seen from the outside. They move around in this world, forming impressions in other people’s minds as they go, and it is these impressions that form the substance of their character. The same could be said for all of us, but it’s different for these people - they seem to exist without internal integrity, without a common thread of personality which could link their disparate behaviors into a picture of a coherent being. Their actions make no sense when removed from the particular social situation in which they perform them; they do not speak to any continuity of identity. To ask them to explain themselves, one quickly learns, is a futile endeavor. Their true form is slowly mapped out, by those who care enough to stick around, through comparisons of testimonials and conflicting evidence. They are called empty, they are called fakers, they are called sociopaths. But I don’t think any of these things are true. I see these people as the vessels of society, the true representatives of our kind. They are martyrs for their cause; they have sacrificed coherency in an attempt to represent, in all its contradictions, the basic truth, or basic truths, of this world. They bear the burden of exteriority, having given up their soul to the tides of nature. One might as well call the moon inconsistent. 

I start at the end of the episode, because there’s nowhere else to start with Harlyn. She’s already dead, for one thing. For another, when she was alive, she lived as one of those vessels, identifiable only through other people’s conclusions about her. “Gaige Against the Machine”, a strange, subtly crafted episode, traces one particular conclusion of Harlyn, the one drawn by her former lackey and her polar opposite, Gaige. 

The strangeness of the episode is a necessity of form. Harlyn could never be a lead character, even for an episode focused on her, because it would be like trying to get a solar system to orbit around a lack of a sun. To stabilize the narrative, we need someone with presence we can gravitate towards, someone real. And just as Harlyn did, Cate Wurtz selects Gaige as a prime candidate for the job.

Gaige is a man of substance. Not in the traditional sense of there being a lot to his character - indeed, there is very little that we need to “get” to understand his character, which makes him an ideal vehicle for this episode. By substance I mean that he is a solid person; he does not fade into ambiguity without someone else around to define him. To prove this, we have the first real solo scene I can remember ever occurring in Crow Cillers, barring Elaine’s encounters with her self. There’s not much to it - it’s Gaige fucking around, drunk, blowing off steam - but that’s the point. If this is the shit Gaige gets into when no one else is around, it stands to reason we can trust him.

At least, some of us feel like we can trust him. The real-time plot of this episode - Gaige teaming up with the Crow Cillers - puts certain characters at loggerheads, and establishes with clearer definition a contrast in character types which has been at play in the comic for some time. Gaige is one of a growing number of “solid” characters - folks with no big secrets, no major psychological turmoil; people who know who they are, and act accordingly. Ondine is the most obvious example of this type - her biggest secret is the amount of time she spends watching DBZ - so naturally, she’s the first to accept Gaige into the fold. Paisley also emerges in this episode as a solid character, moreso than she wants to be; her posturing here stems from the fact that she knows perfectly well how cute and harmless she is - for now, at least.

The added focus on these solid characters gives parts of this episode a strikingly trope-ified vibe: Paisley’s montage feels like an anime, the dynamic between Gaige and Ondine is woven from the Saturday morning moralism of kids’ cartoons, and Gaige’s monologue while he tosses beer bottles around is almost like something out of a James Dean teensploitation movie. These are characters we’ve seen before.

On the other side of these solid types stands the majority of the cast, who are...well, what shall we call them? Superfluous, perhaps. They are people who have recognized, at one point or another in their lives, that they stand apart from normal society, not in an extraordinary way but just in an extra way. They have spent the remainder of their time grappling with the question that it would never occur to a solid character to ask: Who am I? Am I this or am I that? The “this” and the “that” here are less important than the ambivalence between the two; the lack of thisness or thatness is what defines these characters’ existence, living as they do in a world that cannot tolerate ambiguity, a world which wouldn’t care a whit if they disappeared entirely. 

Crow Cillers is, by and large, a comic about superfluous women. It is dedicated to the preservation of its Dorises and Cobys, to presenting their struggles in a way that steadfastly denies their superfluous status. The moments that stand out in these women’s lives - Lisa Simpson devouring Lord Marrow, Embry crying Ambrosia’s tears at the thought of an old tv storyline, Emma having a dream where she’s in the Matrix - exist on a level entirely devoid of trope, because Cate Wurtz has had to invent a new way of writing to make these characters and their thoughts understandable to an audience who has encountered them a hundred times in real life, and not once in any form of media.

Though these characters exist, in some sense, on a separate level, they are confronted every day with the reality of the normal, of the Matrix that surrounds them. The constant threat is that their thisness or thatness will be decided, not by them, but by society. Each character deals with this threat in her own way, but their choices are shaped by the social environments they find themselves in. Crow Cillers begins at the moment Emma realizes her superfluous nature, and each season tracks her personal development via the shifting mise en scène of power dynamics and influential people in her life. Their story is hers; she reclaims it, in the end, simply by dreaming it. She is a vessel herself - one of the good ones, like Neo, who have filled up their emptiness with something like love. In “Gaige Against the Machine”, we get another glimpse of a girl as empty as Emma, who finds herself filled up with something of a crueller nature.

We find out the first time we see Harlyn that she’s evil, because she’s talking to Embry, who knows that she’s evil. Harlyn relishes it, embraces it, hams it up. She is playing a role, a fun one, much more fun than the goody-two-shoes bit she used to keep up as Psy Squad leader. Yet she must be a good actor, because in the flashes we see of her old self, there is a spark there as well, a convincing imitation of someone kind and good. We are tempted to believe it is genuine, until we recall the thing that cannot be unseen - that moment dividing her two selves in which she was inhuman and vulnerable, that transgression which cannot be adequately explained either by etiquette or evil monologue. The only explanation I can give you is that she was empty and she had to fill herself up.

The details of this moment grew clearer throughout season 3, while its sequence and place in Harlyn’s life remained mysterious. It was a puzzle piece out of place; for those who knew it was there, the only viable solutions to it were either death or a miracle. (There was no miracle, not for Harlyn.) Gaige’s story brings us no closer to solving it, though he comes in at the “transitional period”, where Harlyn is still somewhat vulnerable. It is a transition between roles, and there are slip-ups, enough that Gaige starts to see through the cracks. For example, in a scene of pure melodrama cooked up between her and Lord Marrow, she gets caught up in the moment, and forgets her line right at the climax, substituting her dorky old team name for the real unit she’s actually in: 

There’s no such thing. Psy Squad is an impossible ideal. The goodness, the purity of heart necessary to be involved in such an operation was pure cheese - it had to be. She was faking it back then, she’s faking it here, and her former unit is faking it on their own. And so she would go on to try and convince them of its falseness, just as she had been convinced of her own falseness. 

And what convinced her? What was it, in the end, that made her gestures of kindness simply gestures? What made every compliment, every word of encouragement, every noble-hearted assertion hang hollowly in the air like a resounding gong, a clanging cymbal? What happened to that little girl in the ballpit? What made her fundamentally different from Aria, who thinks of knives when she wakes up in the morning, or Embry, who spends more time sniffing out psychic trails than taking care of the child living in their house? Who was it that decided on her thisness or thatness? Who chose evil?

Could it have been Gaige?

Gaige, solid creature that he is, could not stand the ambiguity, the incongruity, the inconclusiveness that haunted their interactions. He wanted definitive proof of what she was. He didn’t realize he might be offering as much to her. It’s impossible to say for sure, things being as they are, but I think that when he confronted Harlyn, rejected her kindness once and for all, she heard it as confirmation, not as an accusation. I think it came as a relief.

It helps, after all, to have someone recognize you for who you are, even if the thing you ultimately are is nothing. When you are a series of abandoned passages pretending to be a human being, a meaningless site of trauma and contradictory information, sometimes the pretending hurts worse than any of the consequences of being discovered. Your secret, starving goal becomes to make someone see that empty and lifeless landscape inside you, no matter what cruelties it takes. When Gaige looked at her and laughed, Harlyn’s fate was decided. There was no point in faking it anymore.

(Still, I always felt there was some hope for her.)