#this gets no agere tags bc i dont want people to gang up on me for “ruining the fun” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

soopiroth · 12 days ago

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i never believed in santa even like when i was irl small and that has me thinking like. it's so ingrained into me and i think the fact that i was *scared* of random people stranger santas did not help an interest in santa... but also my parents never kept up it or anything, and tbh my dork self probably woulda been mad at them for lying, even as a little kid. so on one hand i love the christmas cheer or immersion of the pretend but on another it's like. is it magic or deception? and i muse to myself and in my semi regressed state, i say it feels like deception. maybe it's my sense of right and wrong. i dunno

#soopiroth original #this gets no agere tags bc i dont want people to gang up on me for “ruining the fun”#i think things like santa trackers or letters or who knows what else are fun #but on another hand i guess i preferred knowing it was pretend #and tbh it was a little isolating being the one who didnt believe in santa but also didnt ruin the fun but also had to tell the teachers #that i didnt believe in santa in elementary but i was still made to write a letter to santa #and it was dreadful when we had a santa come to our school (i have immense respect for most character performers - that's an art in and of #itself) and i knew it was someone in costume so i didnt feel safe because i didnt know who they were and i didnt want to sit on them bc tha #just scared me! and they tried to make me say hi but i didnt want to!#it was so peculiar being like this #i think im just going off now

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