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the-ghost-king · 3 years

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love seeing ur tags on my posts it means i get to think 🥰🥰 anyway mostly agree but at least to me nico’s constant need to prove himself is a sign of feeling like he’s not worth other people’s time and effort and he has to MAKE himself worth it. he does all he can in the hopes that people will notice him and tell him that he’s good enough because he relies on the approval of people he loves. he thinks love is something conditional for him and that he always has to be earning it because he doesn’t have enough worth to have it just granted to him. again this is more my own interpretation of his character and possibly a bit of projection

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I will not fail to acknowledge that I might also be projecting somewhat onto Nico, what is media but self reflection? I think there's a couple ways you can see Nico that are canonically "correct"

What I personally think happened with Nico is that he was aware he was worth more than the treatment he was receiving, but because so much rejection occurred he eventually just assumed he was the problem. There's things on this I would rewrite now but it holds up okay in what I'm about to try and explain.

The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault.

I think this is something that really describes Nico. He is never able to nestle himself in the comfort of sameness after a certain point. He is not given authority in his own story in the beginning, he is thrust into solitude, he is told he is a monster already and if not then he has no choice but to become one.

And he takes this blame upon himself, believing that it's him who has to prove himself. He doesn't acknowledge that maybe other people have their own biases against him, he says "I have to prove them wrong," and then does his best.

It's important to note that Nico is definitely grappling with Childhood Emotional Neglect, he's in a broken situation- and he recognizes that nobody wants him around, and that he's just more stress for an already stressed group of people, so he just backs down and starts to figure stuff out for himself. We see him accept some help and friendship from The Stolls in TTC but eventually he stops doing this at some point.

His leave from camp and time with Minos is when he is used:

you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this

This is something I would say is very true about this time period of Nico's life. Minos emotionally exploits Nico, emotional neglect and abuse (possibly physical abuse, who knows) are defining characteristics of their interactions. Nico talks about how Minos will just randomly leave him for extremely long periods with no assistance, and about how when he's around he's always telling Nico to try harder, to do better, do more. Note the time he tells Nico "you have no power over me", he's definitely holding things over Nico's head. I don't think it's wrong to assume comfort is a part of that, Nico is alone all the time at this point, and I'm sure he's starved for touch, and support, and connection- and he will take whatever he can get whether or not it is good or right.

At first he doesn't do anything against this, and it might be because he was so starved for attention that he was willing to endure abuse to receive somewhat a consistent form of it. I also think there's some evidence that points to the idea Nico was getting something from Minos, training and similar stuff, it's possible he was willing to form and upkeep a toxic relationship with him in order to gain experience.

However, I do disagree with "and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this" because Nico does realize eventually that his situation isn't sustainable and that he has to do something- so he takes his narrative back into his own hands:

“Minos laughed. "You have no power over me. I am the god of spirits! The ghost king!" "No." Nico drew his sword. "I am.” (X)

So Nico, if he ever thought he was worth the treatment of being used for someone elses personal gain, he definitely overcomes some of it here, if not all of it. Nico is manipulated and used for Minos's personal gain, but he recognizes that it's not sustainable and makes a stand for himself. And this is the first time in the series where Nico truly is able to take control of his own narrative, everything before this moment is Nico being forced, or Nico with something looming over him, Nico crowning himself is him claiming his story.

So let's consider Hades in all of this, I don't think Hades manipulated Nico to the extent Minos did- but nonetheless, he did manipulate and abuse him, and this hurt Nico more than when Minos did it. Again, in the situation with Hades this is also true, "you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing". By the time Nico and Hades truly start interacting, we see that Nico's heart hasn't been fully removed from his sleeve, but it may have been lightened.

Here's the thing about the way Nico approached Hades, it's not naïve to trust family. The text in multiple places implies that Hades was around for at least a handful of years when Nico was a kid, it's not unlikely that Nico may have taken naps on his shoulder, held his hand to cross the street, maybe called him "Papa", "Dad", or "Tata" (Italian, English, old Greek). It makes sense that Nico goes to him, what doesn't make sense to Nico at first is that Hades would manipulate him. Unlike many of the other demigods, Nico knows he was a choice, and that at some point he was something wanted, so he expects some level of okay treatment from Hades. Hades loved his mother, and Hades if not wanting of Nico would have wanted Maria's wishes fulfilled, and Nico probably remembers Hades treating him warmly- or at least not harshly. The way Nico went to Hades makes sense, he wasn't expecting open arms surely, but he also wasn't expecting abuse.

Hades emotionally exploits Nico by using information about Maria, what would a little boy want more than the safety of his mother? He's so starved for human contact, who ever held him more than his mother? Who ever loved him more than her? Once Nico delivers Percy to Hades, his father crushes him, not only by harming Percy but by exploiting Nico's trust through Nico's mother- one of the things he's most desperate for.

We see Nico's heart come off his sleeve at this point, maybe not fully, but enough to where a stranger couldn't recognize it at first glance, and in a way where he has the means to hide it from most.

Except we don't see much of this, because the series is narrated by Percy- and Nico can't hide his heart from Percy.

Almost everything Nico does, everything he tries to do, is for Percy. Nico is so desperate for contact that he is pliant, but in Percy's hands Nico actually wants that contact, he's not interested in imitations of love or substitutes- he's looking for the real thing.

And Mr. Oblivious does-Annabeth-like-me Jackson isn't in any headspace to realize that a boy might like him, let alone Nico. This concern that Nico will join Luke, isn't entirely because Percy is misreading signals, but it's definitely part of it. Nico likes Percy so much that at one point he is willing to go to Tartarus if not entirely for him, then partially for him.

If Percy had realized, and rejected Nico- maybe he would have joined Luke, or at least he definitely would have been more likely to. The perception of Nico we get in PJO from Percy is unreliable, because Percy looks at Nico through the lenses of a concerned older brother, and Percy feels guilty in some way for the situation Nico is in. This gives not only a skewed, but slightly falsified narrative of who Nico is.

The original post of mine I linked, although yes, I would like to rewrite aspects of it now it holds up in the sense that Nico is always trying to prove himself, and this is a bit different than being a puppet. Nico is so starved that it is present in everything, @/arabnico gets it right:

nico’s longing is just so raw it consumes him whole and he cannot hide it at all because it reflects in absolutely everything he does and is nico’s just the means of the way for them and he settles for being it because he doesn’t think he can be much better or even deserves to it is sometting so twisted because nico has this innate utalitarian desire to be useful and to do something and to do the right thing but in the game of things he’s reduced to that puppet in the hands of fate and deities millennia older than him that see a wounded wandering soul doomed to be forever alone by a destiny so cruel it keeps him on his knees

Nico, in PJO especially, has little control over his own narrative. His mother is killed in punishment for his father's "wrongs", Nico is forced to endure this. Bianca grows tired of caring for Nico and leaves him behind, this is not Nico's fault but Nico is forced to endure the consequences of her actions. Bianca's fate is decided on a quest Nico isn't even able to go on, he is forced to endure the results. Nico then breaks the cycle, declaring himself The Ghost King, and dethroning Minos. Nico is forced to endure Hades's manipulation only because he did not see it coming, this wasn't an aspect in which Nico didn't have his narrative (he had already taken ownership of his narrative) but a blind spot in his rational.

The place where we vary is why Nico behaves this way, we can agree that it's because he's starving for human connection- but you believe it's because he has no confidence he is willing to submit himself, while I see his submission as an act of desperation.

Personally, I think to argue that Nico is like this as a result of lack of confidence does a disservice to his narrative (obviously it's fine to view him however you wish, and I wish you all the fun in doing so!). To boil this down to starvation and lack of confidence removes some level of Nico's autonomy in his own life, but also strips him of one of his strongest characteristics- those qualities of him which are like Orpheus.

Nico willing to go to the ends of the earth for love is not a weakness but a strength, his ability to carry on beyond the point in which he needs a rest is not a weakness but a sign of strength. His ability to go to the ends of the earth to right wrongs, and to show his love:

"... Cupid struck, slapping Nico sideways into a granite pedestal. Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work- a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you- especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards."

Cupid is explaining Nico's idea of love in this scene, we see Jason say he prefers Piper's idea of love- but Nico only knows love in the way cupid describes, working desperately for a few moments with Bianca, working just to hear any scrap of information about his mother, always trying to prove himself to Percy- to overcome the way he feels about Percy (and boys in general).

Nico has only known love as something you walk to the ends of the Earth for, but he never stops fighting to be loved and acknowledged. Lesser men would give up and lay down, accept they are unworthy, but Nico keeps pushing to be acknowledged and accepted- to be recognized and loved without having to walk to the end of the Earth, but Nico knows he has to walk to that edge and face it before unconditional love will come to him.

To imply that Nico seeks love the way he does because he's unconfident in his ability to receive love ignores the idea that he's had his life forced into this position because of the fates. It loses acknowledgment to the strength it takes to pick yourself up and walk to the end of the Earth time and time again, because if he was unconfident then he would eventually lay down and accept he shouldn't be loved ever again.

I don't think confidence doesn't play into this at all though, it definitely has some impact on Nico, he does view himself as inherently less (he is overly self sacrificial- think Tartarus :/), and he does try to remove himself from others:

You yourself said: you blame yourself for the way people have hurt you, taken advantage of you, and abandoned you. they exploit your love and your naïveté time and time again. you tell yourself, surely, there must be something wrong with you. because—you are convinced—that people are good. “if they hurt me, it is because i am flawed. it is because i am weak. people will always hurt me—even people i love. it’s an inevitable truth for me.” (X)

And this connects to what I said: "The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault."

I do think there's a reason Nico makes himself so "utilitarian", because he hasn't been handed unconditional love since Bianca. But again we disagree on the why, I see Nico's behavior in his utilitarian example of love as caring, the way more people should be in love. Too many people see love as something given without restraint, and yeah, love should be unconditional but in order for love to be unconditional you have to do the work to lay good foundation. To be utilitarian in loving is not an act of weakness, or a symbol of lack of confidence, it is a showcase of more care in love than most have to offer. We care for things, and place value on them determined by how much love and care goes into those things.

I also don't see Nico's self blaming for what happened as flawed, it's logical in his situation, and a common result of CEN. This self blame shows care and kindness, and this coincides with Nico's arcs, "If I am bad, how do I improve? If I have no choice but to be evil, how do I still be good?". Nico is always fighting not to be recognized for good or bad, but to be recognized for what he is.

Trust is not naivety either, the only reason Nico is regarded as naïve is because of the extreme circumstances of his life. People shouldn't have to expect abuse from people who are supposed to love them, people should have to accept abuse in order to receive love. If Nico's life had turned out different, his naivety wouldn't be viewed as a weakness but a strength- a kindness.

We're not actually viewing Nico all that different, there's this space where his character blurs together, and it becomes an individual duty to determine at what point a flaw becomes a strength, and a strength a flaw. Nico's stubbornness is a flaw if we're thinking about grudges, but it's a strength in his work ethic. Nico's ability to stand on his own is a strength in terms of questing, but it's a flaw when it prevents him from experiencing love in fullness.

#asks #gayleafpool #idk the ending of this is shit but idk how to close ends so hopefully you understand anyhow #also i don't want this to come off as there's a right and wrong way to view something because that's not true #i was just trying to elaborate further on why i view nico a certain way #i can definitely see why you view him how you do #i think we're both definitely projecting a bit because we're both right in a flawed wya #*way #but what is the human mind but flawed?#uhh to tag or not to tag?#i'll tag #nico di angelo #pjo #long post

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manunelle · 4 years

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MC with an abusive partner {Ikerev/Scenario}

Synopsis: Doesn’t take long for Sirius to realize that something is wrong with the little lady that came from the land above.

Alright, no one asked for this, but I thought about it a week ago and I needed to write it. Some informations before you read it:

MC is called Alice in this one because I’m lazy af.

She’s 16-19. So, there’s no romance on this house. The guys are like her doting and protective older brothers!

TRIGGER WARNING: abusive relationship (with age difference), starvation, physical and verbal abuse, vomiting, blood and panic attacks.

I might do more scenarios about this with the Red Army and the Residents. If you have suggestions, feel free to express your opinion!

More under the cut!

· Doesn’t take long for Sirius to realize that something is wrong with the little lady that came from the land above.

· She’s always trying to help cleaning the headquarters or to cook their meals, which wouldn’t be a problem if she didn’t start trembling every single time that she asked for orders. Never looking on their eyes, always speaking low and hesitantly, as if fearing them.

· Sirius try to convince himself that she is simply terrified of the new reality that she found herself in, and it isn’t unlikely, since normal people wouldn’t adjust to such a change in a couple of days. So, he makes his best to create a safe and comfortable place where she can live during her period in Cradle.

· And everything is great. She smiles, and she likes watching the soldiers’ training, she likes the sweets and pastries that Luka bakes on the kitchen, she has conversations about her country and culture and fooling around with Ray and Fenrir and she has “girl talks” (Seth’s words, not his) with Seth all the time.

· And she is always following him. To water the flowers. To visit his family’s flower shop. To meet Blanc and Oliver. To visit the Central Quarter. She always one step behind him, like a shadow.

· And that’s why he knows.

· That’s why he knows that definitely there’s something wrong with her.

· From the very beginning, he noticed her strange behaviors, but opted to not point it out, afraid of offending the young lady.

· Despite eating as much as a human being possibly could, she was thin as a stick. In fact, it looked as if she didn’t even know half of what she was eating, always ending her meals with tearful eyes that were teased by the other residents. She said that their countries’ dishes were too different, that’s all. However, after having a conversation with Blanc, he discovered that was a lie.

· Alice is always scared. Terrified. Specially of men. Once, she bumped on a soldier that was carrying a pile of plates to the dining room, a shriek leaving her pink lips when the plates shattered on the floor.

· The scene that happened after was terrifying.

· “I am sorry! I am sorry! I am sorry! I am sorry! I am sorry!” She cried, her breathing panicked and mismatched. The man tried to reassure her that it was no problem, raising both his hands in the air to comfort her. However, the opposite happened.

· A horrified scream left her lips, and she fell on the floor, her elbows and knees pressing against the broken glass. Seth and Fenrir moved forward, to help her up, panicking the poor girl even more. Lost in her panic attack, she ended up vomiting that dinner that she just had on the floor, that substance mixing with her blood and tears.

· The army was on panic.

· She fell forward, and thanks to Sirius quick-thinking she didn’t hurt her face on the glass. He took her to the infirmary, fixing up her wounds and watching her sleep with a frown on his face.

· When bandaging her knees, he saw old and disturbing scars along her thighs and legs. No one had been able to notice them due to her long skirt. Until now. And Sirius wasn’t sure if he was glad he had discovered it.

· When she woke up, the Queen stopped, almost prohibited, her from apologizing for what happened. They stayed silent for a moment, both avoiding the eyes of the other. Until Sirius had enough.

· “Little lady, you know that you are safe here, right?”

· She looked at him, confused.

· “You know that we would never hurt you, right?”

· She agreed, hesitant.

· Sirius put a hand on her leg, raising her skirt to her thigh. Alice tensed, fearing for the worst, however, when looking on his dark violet-colored eyes, she found no sign of malice.

· “You know that we would never do these to you, right?”

· She looked down, facing the old scars that came with her from the Land of Reason. From her previous life. From her husband. Slowly, tears trailed down her cheeks, an expression of pure anguish on her face.

· “Tell me.”

· Between sobs, she proceeded to tell Sirius about her life on the Land of Reason. About how her dream of working on a confectionery came to an end at the age of sixteen, when her parents arranged a marriage for her and a man that was ten years older than her.

· At first things were okay- the gentleman was kind and friendly, and, despite forcing himself on her and demanding the best of humors from someone that was not really okay with was as going on, things were okay. Until they weren’t.

· He started prohibiting her from leaving the house. Started choosing what clothes she would use, saying that no one other than himself should see her arms. Started controlling her meals, claiming that she was fat enough as she was. Started declining visits from her friends, explaining that they were to childish and stupid to hold a conversation with a married woman.

· Things became more extreme after, in a fit of rage, she screamed at him and received a solid slap on her face. He started beating her constantly. Locking her on her room. Starving her. Beating her thighs and behind with a large stick. Shouting at her and humiliating to the point of breaking her.

· Sirius hold her hand the whole time, comforting and supporting her to continue, to let it out. Once she was done, he dried her tears with a tissue and let her go back to sleep, exhausted from crying so much.

· Leaving the infirmary, he was met with the faces of five of the chosen thirteen. Ray’s eyebrows were furrowed, his lips curled on disgust. Fenrir had his fists closed, as if ready to punch someone. Luka was leaning against the wall, a somber look on his face. Seth had his arms crossed, his eyes burning with rage.

· “You can’t expect us to let her go back to that place.” Ray says, his voice hoarse and deep. The other four agree, and Sirius wish he could agree as well, however, there was Lancelot’s repeating threats of war and kidnapping the girl, and the Magic Tower desire to use her on their experiments, and just because the Black Army was a safe place for her, it didn’t mean that the Cradle itself was safe.

· Thankfully, things turn out alright after they defeated Amon, thanks to an alliance between both armies and the aid of Harr and Loki. Cradle was finally safe.

· But no one knew how to address the topic of “Hey, Alice, how about you stay here in Cradle with us? :D”.

· On the night of the full moon, they held a banquet with her favorite plates and desserts, almost making the girl cry from joyful surprise. They ate, and talk, and sing, and bet on who had the upper hand on arm wrestling (of course it was Seth, duh). And she was laughing. Smiling. She didn’t look sad.

· But they knew better than that.

· Finally, after serving a slice of cake on a plate and handing it to her, Sirius sit by her side, watching her with a warm smile on his face and ruffling her hair lightly, just like a doting older brother. She stared at him, cheeks full of cake and eyes full of curiosity.

· “You can stay here, little lady.”

· She stopped chewing, staring at him with an empty gaze. Sirius felt his heart throb in pain at the sight, and he put a hand on her shoulder, trying to pull her out of her anguish.

· “We won’t let that man hurt you anymore.”

· She swallowed, slowly.

· “No more?”

· He nodded, circling an arm around her shoulder and hugging her.

· “You are safe here.”

· “Safe?” She asked, her voice small and gentle. Sirius heard the table turn silent, the army’s attention on their conversation.

· “Yes. You are safe here.”

· It started with sniffles. Then slight sobs that soon turned into heavy ones, accompanied by thick tears. Her shoulders started shaking, and she hid her face with her two hands.

· “C’mon, my dear Alice! You shouldn’t cry right now. We want to see your pretty smile and that gorgeous light on your eyes when you eat something yummy!” Seth joked, hugging her and patting her back. Still crying, she pressed her face against his shoulder, and he hugged her tighter. “You will waste Luka’s cake like this. I thought it was your favorite?”

· “Do you not like my cake, Alice?” Luka asked, pretending to be upset.

· “Uuuuuu, Alice is making Luka cry!” Fenrir chimed in, and Luka looked at him with annoyance.

· “Your punishment for making Luka cry is another slice of cake, Alice.” Ray joked, stealing the cake that was in front of her, eating it himself.

· “I’m not crying, though-

· “C’mon, you guys.” Sirius scolded, caressing her blond hair. “Leave her alone for a moment, would you?”

· “It’s okay.” She said, finally calming down. Moving away from Seth’s embrace, she dried her tears with a napkin, slowly raising her head. Her eyes and nose were red, and her cheeks were tear stained. Looking on Ray’s direction, she narrowed her eyes.

· “How dare you steal my cake…”

· Both start a game of tag, running around the table and fooling around just like little kids, eventually being joined by Fenrir and Seth.

· Sirius only observes, scolding them with a gentle smile on his face.

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frenchphobic · 4 years

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long fucking post on why a c!dream is a shitty person and probably should not have a redemption because it is unpog

honestly i just want to refute dream apologists thats why im making this post. i think that dream as a villain is interesting but i think that trying to make him out to be secretly a good guy is just bad ngl. also /roleplay and all

tw for abuse and mentions of suicide

dream as a villain

dream is a villain. he is chaotic evil according to wilbur, deliberately does not stream to appear less sympathetic (and yet), and is set up as an antagonist to tommy who bears the title ‘hero’. dream is not a good person, no matter how you look at it or try to justify his actions.

‘but he wants to unite everyone to be a big family :((’ the ends dont justify the means believe it or not. having a vaguely positive goal does not excuse the actions you’ve done. it also goes hand and hand with saying dream is correct for punishing tommy the way he did because he acted up. if i socked you across the face and then suddenly said ‘sorry there was a roach on ur face’ does that make it okay? probably not i still punched you, enacting an unnecessary amount of violence. thats a very simple analogy i will admit and there are more complex comparisons. another example off the top of my head is say a child just scribbled all over you walls with crayons. would hitting them be a justified answer? if u said hes thats really fucked of u go seek help u loon. violence as a punishment is very toxic, just because it gets the job done does not mean it is okay. at the end of the day, you still committed this act and the harm you caused is real, having a good motive doesnt suddenly make it okay.

‘but tommy causes all of the conflict’ the disk war wasnt even caused by tommy, it was sapnap and then tommy got involved. and the reason why tommy even caused conflict was because of the discs, because he wanted them back. and most of the time there was a level of antagonism from another party, such as schlatt exiling him, dream taking the disks in the first place, dream threatening l’manberg. and if dream wanted to end the conflict so badly, why didnt he just give tommy back his disks? tommy upfront said everything started with the disks, so he wants them back so he could end the conflict. notice how after tommy got his disks back he has been staying out of conflict, apologizing to everyone, and the only bad thing hes done is try to scam people but everyone does that. this would have been the most peaceful option, yet dream chose the path that would further antagonize tommy which then draws everyone else into conflict. why did dream need to have leverage over tommy so badly? why did he want to hold power over tommy so badly? its because of control, and that’s ultimately dreams end goal. sure he wants a big server family, but would said family have a free will?

‘but dream is sad’ the thing is dream is completely at fault for everything that happened to him. he pushed away sapnap (and george ig). he tried to take control over the server and their possessions. literally everything that happened to tommy. literally everything involving ranboo. villains can be sympathetic, i am not arguing against that. but it does not mean that they should be left off the hook. that doesnt mean u should ignore the shit theyve done because ‘oh no theyre sad’ because it doesnt make anything better. dream had this shit coming for him.

now people also skirt around calling dream an abuser. which is fair ig, its a very loaded word. its much easier to say manipulated. that being said, dream can classify as abusive. and no, tommy is not abusive. abuse is about control and a power imbalance. dream has power over tommy, but tommy does not have power over dream, at least not in the way dream does. he’s taking back power to stand up for himself, dream uses power to control.

the reasons i listed for why dream is from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project so if u want a source on that, there you go.

using coercion or threats: dream often threatened tommy, such as the pit thing and often employed violence on him. while normally this could be attributed to Normal Minecraft Player Go Smack. minecraft mechanics cannot always translate to real world since violence is pretty normal in minecraft however we also need to consider the context of the scene. dream gave an order, tommy refused, dream applies violence, tommy submitted. thats why its a threat, it has tangible effects that can correlate to real life.

using intimidation: dream blew up logsteadshire as a punishment. dream also destroyed tommys items anytime he visited. dream also hit tommy with his axe i believe. he killed mushroom henry, one of tommys pets.

Using Emotional Abuse: dream guiltripped the shit out of tommy for just hiding things and pinning the blame on tommy for just wanting his own private items. he definitely played mind games on tommy, pretending to be his friend. honestly i probably dont even need to go as in depth because it was so obvious.

Using Isolation: putting him in exile in the first place. destroying the bether portal so no one could visit tommy anymore. i really dont think i need to expand upon that.

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: dream in tommys stream when he got trapped said that exile wasnt that bad. he does shift the blame onto tommy for logsteadshire being blown up, even though dreams reaction was entirely unjustified for not listening and hiding.

Using Economic Abuse: see this is where i attempt to parallel minecraft mechanics to real life. obviously, there is no monetary system in place, so when i mean economic, i will use valuables such as armor, food, etc in place of currency. the idea behind economic abuse is to limit the victim’s resources so that they are dependent on the abuser and cannot escape. dream only really allowed tommy to have the armor he gave him while not giving access to armor so he does not regain a sense of power, and in the prison stream, dream holds all the potatoes which puts him in a position of power over tommy. this argument is more ambiguous i feel cause the whole minecraft mechanics thing is kinda weird so u don’t necessarily have to take this part in.

i feel like i need to emphasize this very strongly because dream is not a good person. abuse cannot and should not be a response to someone. its an awful mentality to have. i just want to prove the point that dream is not a good person, his reasons absolutely do not justify his actions.

what makes a good redemption

redemption arcs are tricky. when done right they are great. when done poorly, its a slap in the face. rn im going to establish a formula to what makes a good redemption with an example.

the most well known example of a good redemption is zuko from atla. first, its the magnitude of what theyve done and why. zuko did commit some shitty actions, since he was in a position of power in the fire nation but its because he is a child being abused and wanted to regain honor. zukos real awful acts was season 1 and the whole betrayal thing. thats not to say that zukos actions suddenly are okay, he did shitty things. but its something that can be traced to a higher entity or seem less malicious then the other villains. the thing also about the magnitude of actions is that there is a certain point of atrocities that there is no redemption. some people simply cannot be redeemed because the actions they commit are so ingrained in their character or the action itself has serious moral issues that it would just be wrong.

the next is acknowleding what they did was wrong. a genuine reflection on the self and analyzing what they did and why it was not okay. zuko realized what he did to uncle iroh was bad for example. he turned his back on his father, realizing he didnt and shouldnt seek acknowledgment from someone as heinous as him. its pointing out your actions and going ‘hey, this wasnt right i should not have done this’ and not even excusing ur actions. its also going straight for the root of the problem and figuring out to stamp it from the source. just because a character is sad does not mean they are reflecting, sometimes they are attempting to garner pity. it has to be direct and clear acknowledgement of the injustice.

and finally, an important part about redemption arcs is the actual redemption part. its when you make amends. zuko made amends with katara by trying to help her get revenge, he fought against the fire nation and tried to make things more peaceful in his rule. he apologized to iroh. an important part of the amends section is that it does have to be a genuine desire to change and become a better person, not to change a person’s perception of you. the thing is u cant expect a person youve hurt to forgive you. you cant expect people to be sympathetic towards you nor should u attempt to make urself sympathetic. u shouldnt be expecting a pat on the back or an award. redemption is about internal and character change.

why dream should not be redeemed

ive already established the key points to a good redemption (imo) but heres where dream falls short. his actions are extremely heavy so redemption may not even really be possible. abuse is not something you can wave off so it does cross to the point of fucked up. acknowledgement of what he did was wrong? all he said was that he changed, yet never explained why he changed or was too vague. he needed to label specifically what he did and bring it up. attempting to make amends? he’s been doing the exact opposite in fact he continues to manipulate tommy and ranboo. its not a genuine change. he is still repeating the cycle and has given no indication of ceasing. at the moment he does not have any signs of redemption.

and the thing is most of the attention around a dream redemption comes from either justifying his motives (which i do want to emphasize does not make anything suddenly okay) and because he is sad in prison sad face. these are not good reasons. its gonna pain me severely to bring this up but snape from harry potter does have some form of sad character ig yet he very much abused his authority to bully children as old as 11 just because he said ‘aight gonna die’ doesnt suddenly make his general bigotry and abuse suddenly okay there is a threshold. again im so sorry for using harry potter as an example none were coming to mind and i needed a popular one i do not like harry potter please dont say i do i would pass away.

and the last thing to consider is the audience. keep in mind that the audience is composed of minors and while yes there are adults, minors are the main component of the fandom. keep in mind that there are quite a few people who can relate to tommys character because they might be in the same position or have gone through his experiences. tell me what kind of message does it send to that audience that abusers can be redeemed. this is not a narrative u should push to this audience in these situations and the writers are seemingly aware of it. remember how in exile tommy spiraled into a suicidal mentality? consider how fucked of a message it would be if he just committed suicide instead of escaping abuse and attempting to recover from his experiences. tommy did an excellent job in not going that route and having a message of ‘it will not get better’. its the same thing here. victims are not obligated to care for or forgive their abuser, and portraying an abuser as sympathetic might fuck with the message a lot, even change their perception in that ‘oh, maybe my abuser was right, maybe they had a reason for treating me the way they did’. this is not to say that every victim watching this will internalize this message, but people also look up to these characters. there can be a degree of influence from the story onto oneself and thats the dangerous part.

conclusion

all in all dream is a shitbag asshole and probably shouldnt get a redemption because it would not be pog thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#dream smp #dsmp #tommyinnit #dreamwastaken

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katnissmellarkkk · 3 years

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Alrightttt, I’m on a roll so we’re going onto chappy five 🥳🥳🥳😎😎

I know the movies made the Capitol — re: basically only Effie and maybe Caesar — have those ridiculous made up accents but .... I actually feel like the description of the Capitol accent in the book is supposed to be like the Kardashians or Paris Hilton’s voice. 🤷🏼‍♀️

“Why do these people speak in such a high pitch? Why do their jaws barely open when they talk? Why do the ends of their sentences go up as if they're asking a question? Odd vowels, clipped words, and always a hiss on the letter s. no wonder it's impossible not to mimic them.” Like this is a pretty good description of how Kim Kardashian and her sisters talk. And Suzzy C did say she was inspired by the juxtaposition between war news footage and ridiculous reality television shows so... I think my theory of the Capitol all talking like they’re on the Real Housewives of LA is pretty valid.

Just imagine Paris Hilton as Effie and Nicole Richie as one of her preps

Lolololol this whole section of waxing is reminding me to go get my legs waxed 😭😭😭 straight up calling me out here, Suzanne

I like how Katniss says her stylist “apparently has no interest in seeing her until the prep team has addressed obvious problems.” Like you can tell from her narration she was expecting to feel the same was about Cinna that she does about Effie and her prep team.

The “gritty loam that takes off dirt and three layers of skin” is probably just a strong exfoliator 😭😭😭 my girl knows nothing about quality skincare 🤧🤧 someone build a Panem Sephora

She mentioned them waxing her underarms.... girl, did you have hairy armpits before this? Idk why this revelation is new to me

“Grease her down!” Just sounds wrong 😅😅😅😅 I need to stop being annoying omg I’m like a twelve year old

Hmm it’s funny to me that Katniss refers to Octavia as plump. You’d think in a place like the Capitol body image and weight would be very important. Unless it’s like back in the old, old days when being overweight was a sign of wealth. Which would make more sense so this was an unnecessary thought process curtesy of Samantha

Katniss faking a smile and thanking her prep team shows she does know how to play the game and fake it better than she says.

So ... okay, hear me out, I’m not trying to get over the top or make this into something it’s not but ... the whole stylists / Cinna coming into the room and staring at her naked is a little weird. Especially considering Cinna isn’t Lenny Kravitz who’s like a bit older than her but actually like a twenty-something year old dude.

But okay, here’s the thing I was getting at ... Cinna’s one of the best people in this series and you can’t deny that. Even if you find him boring, he’s still one of Katniss’ closest people. Also he’s probably gay. But like ... what about the other stylists? I don’t wanna be that person who makes everything more than it is, but like, this scene just sounds like a perfect opportunity for some Capitol creep to assault a teenager idk I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill just ignore Samantha okay.

That’s nice that he complimented her mama though 🥰🥰🥰

So Katniss calls District Twelve the least desirable district but ... doesn’t District Eleven suck too? Like she also later says District Twelve is the smallest and the poorest but doesn’t she also say Rue is worse off than her and Prim? Make up your mind, Suz.

Cinna claims he asked for District Twelve but did he really get an option? 😅 If it’s his first year and Katniss claims the newbies get them anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️ Samantha is once again, reading too much into this.

Awww, Katniss is thinking about how long it would take for her to assemble this fancy meal at home 🤧🤧🤧 it would take her days and the Capitol just has the necessary resources at their disposal and they just takes it for granted. And yes, I’m aware this is supposed to be calling all us readers out who take so much for granted I know. We’re the Capitol.

“How would I spend the hours I now commit to combing the woods for sustenance if it were so easy to come by?” It’s honestly so sad but so vital to her character that Katniss has zero hobbies or real free time. Her life is about surviving. She doesn’t get to live or enjoy very much of her time. She dedicates everything to keeping Prim — and her mother — alive, sacrificing everything a teenage girl should be doing. Sacrificing even the things the other girls in her world get to do. She mentions the merchant girls and the Seam girls who are more experienced romantically and sexually and socially than her. Because she doesn’t get to be a kid or innocent or even happy, in order to focus on her and her family’s survival. And the things she does enjoy, like spending time with Gale or dancing with Prim (mentioned in Mockingjay) she downplays in case they’re taken away, because nothing good is secure in her eyes. 🥺🥺🥺

Okay but what did Katniss’ facial expression give away that Cinna knew exactly what she was thinking? Or is she just less emotionless than she and Haymitch both claim? Ironically I think they’re the only people who call her emotionless which can easily be chalked up to their self-hate and terrible self-esteems.

Katniss is so afraid they’re gonna make her be naked for the parade 😭. Honestly though they’re children that’s so creepy that they’re even allowed to make 15/16/17 year olds be naked in a parade. I mean I know they kill kids every year but isn’t there like child pornography laws in Panem? 😭

“You’re not afraid of fire, are you, Katniss?” Is so foreshadowing 😭😂😅😎 Caesar Flickerman’s voice “Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire!”

Honestly though Cinna is smart to make Katniss recognizable in the arena by leaving her with simple makeup. I know and the sky is blue we all know this already beating the dead horses until the farmer comes home.

“It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.” It’s true though 😅😅😅😭😭 he was always a rebel. I actually think he may have asked for District Twelve after Katniss volunteered, because he saw the potential in her. Poor Peeta. Baby, I’m rooting you for even if no one else is.

Also I always found it a bit .... curious? That Peeta had a female stylist and Katniss had a male one? Not just because of the required nudity, you’d just think men would do better as a boy’s stylist and a woman would make a better girl’s stylist. So yes, my whole Cinna was interested in District Twelve because Katniss seemed like a good symbol for a rebellion idea seems very plausible.

I know I know I know I read wayyy too much into this stuff sometimes a cigarette 🚬 is just a cigarette 🚬

Katniss being relieved when Peeta shows up 😭😭😭 because even if she won’t admit it and even if she won’t let herself trust him, she still sees him unconsciously and completely against her will as a comfort because they’re in this thing together in a way, even if they’re supposed to try and kill each other

And honestly, it’s such a like... relatable feeling? To feel alone and nervous and uptight and then someone who you recognize — even if you maybe aren’t even friends with but you at least know — shows up and you just instantly feel less alone. I’m totally looking at this through shipper goggles and I’m not even ashamed you all knew who’s blogging you were reading ight? 😂🤣🤷🏼‍♀️

“He should know about fire, being a baker's son and all.” And he’s gonna learn a lot more about it when he falls in love — for real, falls in love, not a childhood infatuation — with the girl on fire. 🥰🥰🥰

But also, I love this particular line on a reread because it totally is an indicator towards their future. Like Peeta knows about fire, he’s experienced with how to handle it, and later on, he becomes the only person who truly comes to understand Katniss, who represents fire, in a way that no one else could ever imagine.

Hmmm, Katniss’ point of view here, talking about how Portia and Peeta’s team seem all giddy and air-headed and it’s only Cinna who seems reserved makes me rethink my previous imaginings of Peeta’s stylist. Maybe she’s just a Capitolite idiot and nothing like Cinna. And my baby got a raw deal here then too. Good thing Haymitch loves him more. Just kidding 😅😅😅

But also I wanna know why Cinna is hesitant to accept congratulations for his and Portia’s idea? Wasn’t he at least lowkey excited about it when he pitched it a page ago?

Their horses are coal black 🐴 😅. I like that they went the whole nine yards with the theme. Nothing but the best for the kids on Death Row.

Aww Katniss asking Peeta what he thinks about being set on fire is so sweet and pure for some reason. I just find their commodore here cute ok

“I'll rip off your cape if you'll rip off mine” this is literally their first friend type of interaction and it’s so pure y’all leave me be I’m emotional for them

🙃 Also lowkey reminds me of “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Everyone look away ok I’m sorry

Peeta’s shady/annoyed Haymitch comment and Katniss’ joke at his expense 🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂🥲🥲☺️🥲🥲 they’re bonding it’s so presh

“And suddenly we're both laughing.” I hope they laugh a lot together post-canon 🥲🥲🥲. If they can make the other laugh during their terrible circumstances, then they can make the other laugh anywhere. 🤧 Except in Thirteen because he’s hijacked and she’s certifiable and they’re both so used and abused and 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Okay I have to say, Suzanne Collins really builds up a lot for certain events and then just like grazes over the actual action of said event? Like she builds towards the tribute parade but then kind of rushes through off the actual event itself? It’s a common theme in her writing. And I don’t like it at all ngl.

Oh wait she doesn’t actually rush the parade events the paragraph before just looked like she was about to I jumped the gun 🤣😂🤭 but what I said is still completely true for many events in these books sorry not sorry

I’m definitely reading too much into it but the fact that District One — the favorite of the Capitol — gets snow white horses and District Twelve gets coal black horsies kind of ... seems to imply something .... 🤭

Cinna just lets out a sigh of relief “it worked” like ... way to fill your tributes with hope, dude. “Yeah, you’re totally safe, don’t be scared-OH THANK GOD THAT WORKED I wasn’t actually sure you wouldn’t blow up.” But actually this answers my previous inquiry about why he seemed hesitant I guess he wasn’t even sure this wouldn’t burn them up that’s nice 🤭🙃

It’s a literal trial by fire *cue drum hit* 🥁 aww, I just cracked myself up 😭

“Then he gently tucks a hand under my chin. "Remember, heads high. Smiles. They're going to love you!" This is caught halfway between being very Capitol-y and very father-brotherly and idk which way to take it but it’s kind of cute 🤭

“For the first time, I look at him and realize that ablaze with the fake flames, he is dazzling.” This is such a significant line because Katniss isn’t saying Peeta is technically good looking (like when Haymitch said they were decently attractive) or someone else thinks he’s good looking (i.e Gale, her mother and lowkey Finnick) but she’s saying she herself thinks he’s attractive. Girl, your crush is showing.

"I think he said for us to hold hands," says Peeta.” I’m sure Cinna actually did say that but this just seems like a very good opportunity for Peeta to hold the hand of the girl he has a massive crush on. 😭😭😭

Okay Cinna gave a thumbs up so he actually was saying that but can you imagine Peeta’s excitement right now?

I mean, yeahhhh, there’s the certain death looming over him too but like live in the moment, babe. 🥰😘🤗👌🏻

I like that Katniss says the crowd is at first like 😳😳😳 before they start cheering like they’re thinking “what are these backwoods, hillbilly kids doing this year?”

“At first, I'm frozen, but then I catch sight of us on a large television screen and am floored by how breathtaking we look. In the deepening twilight, the firelight illuminates our faces” okay they both have to be pretty naturally attractive people objectively, because you illuminate my face without much makeup and no one is gonna be cheering.

“Remember, heads high. Smiles. They're going to love you! I hear Cinna's voice in my head. I lift my chin a bit higher, put on my most winning smile, and wave with my free hand.” I wonder what the true difference is for Katniss between Cinna and Effie saying this to her? Maybe it’s that Effie is just outright mean to her sometimes whereas Cinna shows her nothing but kindness from the start and expresses sympathy and understanding? It’s probably that he’s already earning her trust versus Effie who’s just cruel I’m not over her comments on the train ok

“I'm glad now I have Peeta to clutch for balance, he is so steady, solid as a rock.” Right from the start, Katniss refers to Peeta as solid and steady. Idk, I feel like this is something that the movies really misses along the way. Katniss wasn’t always strong or confident at all and Peeta, at least publicly, exuded those qualities pretty well. Samantha’s complaining again ™️ 💁🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Also this is just outright foreshadowing how Peeta will eventually become her rock. Or that he will be soon painted a rock ... pick and choose which way you wanna go with this. 🤷🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️😅🤣

“As I gain confidence, I actually blow a few kisses to the crowd.” Okay, see I feel like Peeta really gives Katniss confidence in herself. If he’d been there in District Thirteen and they’d done propos together, she probably would have been a thousand times better.

But also this makes me think Katniss actually has it in her to be a charismatic, confident, alluring celebrity. She just chooses not to. 🤗🤗🤗

But this also reminds me of “She has no idea the effect she can have” okay imma move on and stop focusing on every little detail

I say that every chapter 🤧😅

“The pounding music, the cheers, the admiration work their way into my blood, and I can't suppress my excitement.” Say whatever you want, Katniss is still such a girl underneath it all. She gets excited over people liking her and cheering her on. And I know it’s because it increases her chances of getting sponsors but still

Honestly Peeta trying to showcase Katniss and let her take the spotlight is so selfless and indicative of his ultimate plan to help her win but also ... I can see how Katniss would believe it’s too good to be true and he’s messing with her. That he’s just playing the game to earn her trust, get her guard down and manipulate her later.

See, Peeta is actually framed at the start like the typical, standard YA love interest turned villain. In majority of YA books, at this point the boy is kind and sweet and helpful to the girl until she trusts him completely and then he turns on her and uses everything she gave him to destroy her. But the difference is, Katniss refuses to truly trust him and she is guessing his game incorrectly at every step. And then it’s revealed that it was never a game and he truly isn’t messing with her and everything he’s done that’s seem too good to be true and not even remotely plausible has actually been genuine and heartfelt and that, my friends, is why Peeta is above all other YA love interests. Because Everlark is actually the foil to many of the cliches. That was a long speech over some incoherent thoughts I’m so sorry if you suffered through that.

“It's not until we enter the City Circle that I realize I must have completely stopped the circulation in Peeta's hand. That's how tightly I've been holding it.” Awww he is her rock 😭🤧🥺

"No, don't let go of me," he says. The firelight flickers off his blue eyes. "Please. I might fall out of this thing." Okay this part is so cute and so blatantly setting Peeta up as her main love interest omg 😅 this isn’t the least bit subtle or disguised. But first off, the fact that Katniss is also Peeta’s stability here too 😭😭😭 and second of all, she takes time to notice his blue eyes against the firelight? She was attracted to him from the very start, y’all. That’s indisputable. 👌🏻😎🤧

“It's not really fair to present us as a team and then lock us into the arena to kill each other.” I agree with you, baby, it’s not fair at all. But you two take care of that situation nicely. Or not. Y’all do start a dang war. 🤭🤭🙃🙃

It’s rather ... ironic that it’s District Twelve’s chariot of them all that is pulled up and stopped directly in front of President Snow’s mansion. I know it’s a book, certain details like this are definitively contrived, I know get over it. 🤦🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️

So uh. Snow is a small thin man? Why do I suddenly imagine Danny Devito as Snow 😅😅😅😅🤣🤣🤣🤣 y’all know he’d kill the role

“The darker it becomes, the more difficult it is to take your eyes off our flickering.” Okay, this is such a great line and it’s so significant to the rest of the series? The fact that Katniss — and Peeta, let’s not forget our boy — became symbols of the revolution. Like this line is deep if you think about it. The worse things in Panem got, the more the civilians looked towards Katniss and Peeta for hope 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰

Omg now after Songbirds and Snakes, we know the national anthem. I’m sorry, babies, that you have to endure that I’ll get you out of there 🙉🙉🙉

I feel like in part, the Capitol camera crew — Cressida, Pollux .... Pollux’s brother... is that you here???? — put so much attention on District Twelve because it would create some resentment and competition between them and the careers 🤭🤗

“I notice a lot of the other tributes are shooting us dirty looks, which confirms what I've suspected, we've literally outshone them all.” Insert Gretchen Wieners “I can’t help that I’m popular!” 😅😅😅😅😅

“I realize I'm still glued to Peeta and force my stiff fingers to open. We both massage our hands.” — they were hanging on so tight 😭😭😭😭

“Thanks for keeping hold of me.” He’s so sweet ☺️☺️☺️ I love him even if he’s kind of an idiot sometimes but so is Katniss so let’s not point fingers

“I'm sure they didn't notice anything but you. [...] And then he gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness” Omg I know Katniss views this as him trying to manipulate her but the fact that he’s actually just admitting the way he’s felt for years is so 😭😭😭😭 if only you’d spit it out sooner, Bready

“he gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.” She literally has a crush on her fellow tribute and her first line of defense is to decide he out to get her for making her feel this way 🤣😭🙃

“The more likable he is, the more deadly he is.” The more my crush grows, the more deadly he becomes. I know I’m reading this with shipper goggles but guess what? I’m unashamed. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ who feels guilty for reading this book with an Everlark bias not this girl right here 🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

“I stand on tiptoe and kiss his cheek. Right on his bruise.” Okay first off, she says cheek here but according to a chapter ago, she claimed the mark was on his jaw... so in other words, she’s incredibly short. If a medium height guy has a bruise on his jaw and she has to stand on her tip toe to reach it... well... hashtag LittleKatniss

And second off.... can you even imagine how Peeta must feel. He genuinely complimented her here, the girl he has had a crush on forever, and she responds by kissing his cheek. He was probably really happy at this moment. And also this probably played further into his buying into her false display in the arena. That here we have her clutching his hand, smiling and laughing with him and kissing his cheek. Idk what I was trying to say necessarily but I made myself sad wow way to go me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🤧🤧🤧

Anyways! Those are my very over the top and too detailed thoughts! Hope you enjoyed if you read this! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳😎😎😎😎😎😎😎🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

#thgagain #once again the Jen gifs are still headlining these posts 🥳🥳🥳#this isn’t as funny as my others so I’m sorry y’all #but I like nice commentary on these posts makes me feel less alone so feel free

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acciofanfics · 4 years

Text

Spell It Out (Oliver Wood x Reader)

Request: could you do an oliver wood x female reader where they’re like friends and she’s really little (like thin and short and she’s insecure abt it by the thinks it’s cute) so he’s like kinda protective over her but she’s oblivious and idk maybe like he gets jealous or something (?) idk u can make the plot but they get together in the end and maybe it’s a lil steamy (?) thanks sm!!! i love ur writing 🥺

Pairing: Oliver Wood x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Heavily implied smut and maybe language? I’ll say language to be safe.

Word Count: 1652

A/N: I hope this is what you wanted! I really struggled with thinking I wrote Oliver too OOC. That being said... I apologize if this is too OOC >.< As always here’s a reminder that requests are still open! - S

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Oliver Wood took quidditch quite serious, and would never fault anyone else for doing so. His chest swelled with pride when he found his team already on the pitch practicing, before their scheduled time. Maybe it was that they’d be playing Slytherin next week that had them finally taking the game as seriously as he did (they were Gryffindor’s biggest rival). His chest deflated when he saw (Y/N) playing keeper. How could they let her play?!

It wasn’t that he didn’t like (Y/N), they were good friends. Fred and George often said it was quite obvious he fancied her. Maybe, that’s why he had such a problem with it, quidditch could be a dangerous game! Of course it wasn’t against the rules for students not on the quidditch team to play around on the pitch and fly, but it should’ve been... at least for her. His first game on the team he took a Bludger to the head 2 minutes in and was out for a week!

Oliver found himself just watching for a bit; annoyed but distracted, he was fond of her smile and the wind catching her hair. Well, he was fond of it until Fred was hovering beside her, both laughing as her smile grew. Oliver couldn’t hear what they were saying so he had to make it up in his head and he was irritated that Fred had the nerve to suggest such. Oliver was quite glad he heard George yell and break his trance, “MUM’S HERE NO MORE FUN AND GAMES!”

Oliver tried to seem normal, as they all settled down and got ready for practice. He brushed off a friendly greeting from (Y/N) and tried to ignore the thoughts of her all together while she put the broom away. It wasn’t going to be the easiest task, given the fact that she usually settled in the stands to watch them practice.

It was a brutal practice... he had the tendency to do that: take out his frustrations on the pitch. It was pretty obvious that he was having an off day, but the team knew it was best to just suffer through it and hope next practice he would be in a better mood. Poor Fred seemed to get the brunt of the abuse.

(Y/N) was a bit concerned. It’d been awhile since she’d seen Oliver work himself and them this hard and that was after a particularly hard run in with Marcus Flint. (Y/N) just worked on her potions homework and waited for practice to end. It ran longer than usual, and her worry only grew when she didn’t see Oliver exit the locker room with the rest of the guys. She waited a few minutes before deciding to just walk right in.

“Oliver, you still in here?”

Oliver’s eyes widened at her intrusion, he’d just gotten out of the showers and wore only a towel around his waist, “Bloody hell, (Y/N)! Just barge right on in, will ya?”

She rolled her eyes at his tone. “What’s wrong with you today?”

He thought about responding with a simple: nothing, but they knew each other too well for that. It wouldn’t work. “Why were you out there playing today?”

“Is that what you’re mad about? We were just messing around, practice hadn’t even started yet. It was just a warm up.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have been warming up with them.” Oliver approached her and as he sized her up, he really didn’t feel like he was being silly. She stood a good head or two (maybe three) shorter than him, and all around the girl was just tiny. A good gust of wind could’ve knocked her right off that broom, “You could’ve gotten hurt.”

(Y/N) was used to this, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating. She wasn’t a child, even though everyone seemed to think she was. It was rather disheartening actually to be treated like this by him... she wondered if she was a bit taller and a little more filled out if this was the conversation they’d be having while he stood before her basically naked. “Oh, sorry. I thought something was actually wrong, I wouldn’t have bothered had I known you were just being a git. It’s not different than you playing! You could get hurt, in fact out of the 2 of us you’re the one with more quidditch related injuries.”

Oliver ignored her, they wouldn’t reach an agreement on the subject anyhow. He decided to go in on something else bothering him, “What are you doing here anyways? I figured you’d be back in the common room with Fred or whatever.”

Fred? He was two years younger than her (granted you definitely wouldn’t realize that by looking at them) and sure he flirted with her. It was Fred, he was flirty and goofy. It was the boy’s personality and had nothing to do with anything. “Honestly, Oliver you are too much sometimes! You’re going to act like I’m a child and then turn around and act jealous in the same breath?”

Did she really think he viewed her as a child? That wasn’t it at all. Maybe he needed to get over himself and finally come clean. “I don’t look at you like you’re a kid... and you call me thick.”

“Okay,” Sarcasm dripped from her tongue, “You act like I can’t do anything for myself, you’re mean to any guy that pays me any mind, you hardly let me carry my books for myself!”

“And there’s no other explanation for that?” Oliver’s eyes widened in disbelief when she didn’t speak up. He’d called her thick as a joke, but maybe... “Oi! Just make me spell it out, why don’t you? I fancy you, (Y/N)!”

Oliver Wood just confessed attraction to her. Was it some sort of joke? (Y/N) obviously had a crush on him, plenty of girls in their year did. She felt a little silly for being so oblivious, but most guys adopted her as a little sister of sorts. She’d had a few boyfriends here and there, but it wasn’t like they were lining up for her. And there she stood shocked and confused, “If this is a joke it’s not very funny.”

Oliver chuckled at the girl, she was still there so that must’ve been a good sign. “I’m not joking.”

“Why would fancy me? You guys said I looked like a first year yesterday.” She crossed her arms. Of course she wanted Oliver to like her, but something didn’t seem to add up.

“That one was a joke! And I didn’t say anything I just laughed,” He defended himself, but he supposed that didn’t make him sound much better. “I like your size... I think it’s cute.”

Honestly, (Y/N) had grown tired of being called ‘cute’, but she didn’t mind it that much when he said it. There was only one logical response to this in her mind (although there probably were a few more ways in all actuality). She grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to one of the benches where she promptly stood on top of one. Oliver smiled a bit, catching onto her plan, "You know you could've just asked me and I would-"

(Y/N) cut him off, he was being annoying anyhow. Her lips crashed against his and Oliver immediately a wave of relief crash over him. The doubt that had still lingered in his mind was long gone and all that he could focus on was what happening. He'd held the desire to kiss the girl in front of him for so long and now that he could feel her lips against his, he didn't want to feel anything else.

(Y/N) placed her hands on his chest, firm and still damp (up until that moment she'd somehow forgotten about the lack of clothing he was wearing). She knew this was highly inapproptiate and if McGonagall had any idea what her two students were currently up to she'd have their heads.... or at least a month of detention and quite a few house points. Call it teenage rebellion or maybe just lust, but it only fueled the desire to keep going. Oliver felt the same and pulled her flush against him, his hands felt so large against her clothed body that she shuddered to think what they might feel like against her skin.

For a first kiss, it was quite efficient, their mouths moved in tandom like they like dance partners that had been working together for years. Before she even really aware of what she was doing, (Y/N) found herself shedding her clothes (Oliver helping her out), it wasn't long at all before she'd practically caught up with the boy. She stood before him in nothing but her knickers, and perhaps she might've felt a little embarrassed baring herself in front of one of her closest friends, but Oliver didn't give her much of chance to even think those silly thoughts before his hands and lips were exploring her body.

How they’d gone all this time without each other seemed like a mystery that couldn’t be solved at the moment. Oliver lifted her up, a task easily accomplished given her stature and his training, and instinctively (Y/N) wrapped herself around searching for stability that she easily found. She arched herself into him involuntarily when her back hit the cold wall; the action earning a groan from Oliver.

Fred and George waited and watched from behind the stands. When (Y/N) and Oliver both exited the locker room hand in hand and foolish grins on their faces, their faces lit up. Oh the material they’d have to torment them! Honestly they hoped the couple wouldn’t even bother trying to deny it, they didn’t seem to bother trying to cover it up, or at least the twins assumed by the state of their hair. “Georgie, you owe me a galleon!”

#oliver wood #oliver wood imagine #oliver wood x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter #fanfiction #fanfic #request

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xx-autmnlvr-xx · 4 years

Text

Is this embarrassing? Chapter 1

PAIRING: KEVEDD (Kevin x Edd) [Ed, Edd n Eddy]

Rating: T (for cursing and violence)

This is really exciting because I have been working on this story for almost a week now and I didn’t want to post the first chapter until I finished the whole thing. I’m so happy to finish such a long fanfiction! I hope you all enjoy!!! If you like it please feel free to reblog so others can read it!

It was a cool autumn day and peach Creek high was out at the football field for a pep rally. The Ed's, who are now in 10th grade, were on the top of the bleachers. Edd shifted in his seat in discomfort. Eddy was sitting, leaning against the back railings and Ed was laying down beside Eddy.

"so, I said to Rolf 'I know where you should stuff your salami' I mean, it wouldn't have hurt for some of it to be sold! I was gonna give him 25 percent of the profit!" Eddy yammered in a huff. Edd shook his head with a slight smile before looking out at the football field. His eyes raked over each player until he saw him.

With the number twelve spread on his uniform, Edd knew that underneath was a tall and slightly muscular Kevin. Kevin has grown a bit since they were 12. He began talking more to them in a friendly way and has stopped the bullying. He still calls the Ed's dorks, but now it's in a kinder way. Double D's smile widened as he watched.

"Hey! Earth to sock head! Are you listening?" Eddy yelled, waving his hand in front of Edd's face.

Double D snapped out of it and looked at Eddy, "o-oh I'm sorry, Eddy. I must have dozed off."

"Are you fawning over shovel chin again?"

"Wh... what? No! I was... just thinking of quantum physics! Very intriguing!" Edd claimed, a blush spreading on his cheeks.

Eddy rolled his eyes, "why don't you just talk to him, Edd?"

"Oh no no no! I would never!" Double D's cheeks grew redder.

Then he sighed, looking out at the field, "Kevin would never go out with me. I mean he's obviously straight."

"So?" Eddy asked, "why don't you convert him? Isn't that what people like you do? Make straight people gay?"

Edd glared at Eddy, "sometimes I really wonder why I'm friends with you."

"Oh, I know! It's because we all have the same name and have been hanging out since we were kids!" Ed said loudly, smiling wide.

Double D smiled and ruffled Ed's hair, "yes. That is a few of the reasons, Ed."

Suddenly the conversation was cut short with a loud voice, "Okay, peach Creek high! Pep rally is over so get your asses home!" Sarah screamed in a megaphone at the students.

"But be sure to come by tomorrow at 6 for the football game!" Nazz cut in with her own megaphone, "Let's come show support to our team!"

Eddy stood up, "come on, guys! Let's get going." The three made their way down the bleachers and began trekking back to the cul-de-sac. Edd glanced behind him and saw Kevin looking at him. As their eyes met double D made a flustered noise and looked in front of him. When the Ed's made it to the cul-de-sac, Eddy yawned.

"Well, boys, I would say let's hang but that stupid football rally wore me out."

"Aww but Eddy! I wanted to show you my new 'poinder monster blood' movie!" Ed pouted.

"We can watch it tomorrow, Ed. I promise." Eddy patted his shoulder.

"Yeah I agree. Today was most strenuous! I'll see you both tomorrow!" Edd smiled and waved as he went up to his house. Double D closed the door behind him and sighed, looking at his home. It was just as he left it with no sign or hair that his parents came home that day.

"It must have been another triple shift." He muttered to himself.

He walked to the kitchen and drunk some water. Double D put his bag on the table and looked through his books. He whispered a mental list of all that he must get done that weekend that includes two essays, a page of math equations, and a thesis on ancient Aztec inventions. he began to head upstairs when someone knocked on his door. He checked the time, it was 5 pm.

"Weird. Who could that be?" Edd made his way to the door and opened it. He nearly passed out.

"M-m... Marie! What are you doing back in peach Creek?" He asked, his knees shaking slightly. Marie kanker and her sisters were taken away back in 8th grade when May came to school with multiple bruises. The human resources department found out the kanker sisters were being beat by their fathers and found multiple signs of malnutrition. Marie still had her blue hair, cut so one of her eyes were covered up she wore a black crop top with some Jean shorts. She had on some fingerless gloves. Marie rubbed the back of her neck.

"Our mother got custody of us and talked to us about where we wanted to finish school. We all chose peach Creek. We're living close to the shops."

Edd nodded, "Oh. I see." He was a little confused. Why is she acting so different?

"Do you... Want to come in?" He asked, moving aside for her.

She nodded, "yeah, thanks." She sat down on the couch and looked down at the rug.

"Would you like something to drink?"

She looked up, "do you have any sweet tea?"

"Yes, I certainly do! One moment."

Edd came back and handed Marie the cup and sat down in a lounge chair.

"Thank you, Edd."

"It's no problem. You seem different than last time I saw you. What has happened?"

She took a sip, "well after the people took us away, they tried to put us in a foster home. Lee made a fuss and we shanked some of the kids there. They called us a danger to society and threw us in a mental hospital. While we were there, they talked to us about internalized obsessive disorder and abuse. They gave us medicine and had us talk to so many therapists. I didn't even know what we did as children was wrong. I guess that's what happens. We all began to listen, and I found out something about me. I realized that my love for you was false. I didn't love you I loved your sensitivity. I wanted to be as hopeful as you. I should have realized that I wasn't straight when I started sneaking to look at my dad's magazines."

"You mean you're...?"

"Yeah, I'm a lesbian. I didn't realize because I honestly thought that I NEEDED a man."

She took another sip and put down the drink, "but that's not why I'm here." Marie looked at him. He looked back at her.

"Double D, I want to apologize. How I acted two years ago was very ridiculous and I understand that you must have been very scared. No one should be forced into any kind of romantic interaction. I understand that now. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just want you to know that I am working to improve myself."

"Oh... oh wow, Marie. That is very admirable of you! I must admit I never expected this. I accept your apology." Edd smiled.

She smiled back, "I hope we can be friends."

"Of course!" Edd nodded. Suddenly, Marie's pocket buzzed. She took out her phone and looked at it.

"Oh shit. I have to get home. I'll talk to you later?"

After Marie and Edd said their goodbyes, she left his home and ran down the street. Double D watched for a moment and closed his door.

"Isn't that interesting. I never would have thought that someone like the kankers would work to better themselves. I'm happy for them." Edd said to himself as he walked up the stairs and into his room.

He took off his clothes and slipped on his pajamas. He even completed most of his homework. Edd laid on his bed and looked at the ceiling. He thought about how he should come clean to Kevin but at the mere thought of confessing made him shiver.

"Eddward this is ridiculous..." He told himself aloud, "what do you have to lose?"

He thought about it and bit his lip, "he could laugh at me... Distance himself... What if he starts beating me up?" Edd felt tears well up and he made a noise of desperation. He suddenly got an idea and went over to his desk.

"Of course! I'll just write a love letter and just never give it! I'll have the emotions released and I won't get rejected!" Edd sat at his chair, grabbed a pen and blue paper and started writing.

'my dearest friend, Kevin,

It may come as a shock, but I can contain this no longer--' double D began. He smiled and kept writing the letter, letting out all his hidden desire. After he completed the whole thing he felt better. He folded it up and put it in a tin can. He debated throwing it away, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, so he decided to put it in his pants. He slept well that night.

Edd awoke at 10 am that Saturday to the sound of his alarm blaring. He sat up with a stretch and turned it off. He groggily went to his closet and grabbed his toiletries before going to the bathroom. After his shower he was brushing his teeth while trying to avoid looking in the mirror.

'why hasn't it gone away? I've tried everything but the scar is still there.' Edd thought. Finally, after he rinsed his mouth, he looked up in the mirror. There, in the middle of his head, with a haphazard pattern was a large scar. No hair grew around it so there was just a bald spot. The scar is a constant reminder of the worst point in his life. He sighed, rubbing a pea sized amount of cocoa butter lotion on the scar before putting on his hat.

Eddward left his house after doing his chores and locked the door.

"Hey, double D! Finally, you came out!" Eddy yelled from across the cul-de-sac. Eddy and Ed began bursting into a fit of laughter. Edd rolled his eyes and chuckled, walking up to them.

"You know, I may stop hanging out with you if you keep up with the gay jokes, Eddy." Edd teased.

"Aw puh-leese sockhead you know I'm just teasing." Eddy smiled, lightly nudging Edd.

Ed lifted the other two and hugged them tightly, "guys are we gonna watch the movie now?"

Ed was sitting cross-legged in front of his couch, his eyes glued to the TV. Eddy was spread out on one side of the couch, typing on his phone. Edd was on the other side of the couch with his ankles crossed, watching the movie. After Ed's parents bought a new couch, they threw it down the basement for Ed since double D and Eddy are always over.

Edd tilted his head, "so the monster is literally a sentient glob of blood? Who comes up with these things?"

Ed turned toward double D and smiled happily, "I know! Isn't it awesome?? It could roll and wobble and gobble everyone! And it would grow each time!!! What if it happens?"

Edd smiled and patted his shoulder, "it's highly impossible, Ed. They said in the movie that they made it using 'a vial of hubirous' and there is no such thing as a hubirous. You have nothing to be worried about."

Ed nodded, "yes! You're right, double D! If it was real Godzilla would probably eat it anyways!"

Edd shook his head and smiled, "you're so imaginative."

Eddy stretched, "if I had that vial, I wouldn't waste it on some stupid experiment. Science is lame. Oh! Hey, guys, that new game came out last night! It ended up being free! Do you wanna play it sometime this week?"

"Ooh ooh yeah! That sounds cool!" Ed said, jumping up and down in his seat. A loud noise came from the television and Ed went back to watching it

Edd rubbed the back of his neck, "I don't know, Eddy. We have a big test coming up this week. Maybe we can do it next weekend."

Eddy groaned, "sockhead, you're too uptight. One test won't kill us."

Double D raised an eyebrow, "Eddy, you didn't pass the practice ACT two weeks ago. You NEED to take school more seriously."

"School is for chumps! I'm gonna make a NAME for myself! I don't need no damn geometry!"

"School is the beginnings of all business and careers. You won't last."

"WATCH ME, SOCKHEAD!" Eddy huffed, crossing his arms. Edd rolled his eyes and continued watching the movie.

After a while Edd remembered something.

"Remember the kanker sisters?" At the mere mention of them, Ed and Eddy looked at Edd with wide eyes.

"W-what... What about them?" Eddy asked nervously.

"They came back to peach Creek!" Ed was about to scream but double D covered his mouth, "BUT they aren't like they were before! They changed!"

"How do you know?" Ed asked behind being muffled. Edd cringed and took off his hand, wiping it off on his shorts.

"Marie came over to my house last night and apologized for what happened when we were in jr. High."

"Woah you serious?" Eddy asked, shocked.

"Yeah! They got help and now they aren't obsessive or aggressive like they were."

"Cool!" Eddy and Ed said in unison. The movie ended then, and double D looked at the time. 5 pm.

"I should take my leave now."

Ed pouted, "aww but why?"

Eddy smirked, "isn't it obvious? He wants to go see Kevin throw a ball around."

Edd's entire face went red, "n...no I'm not! I just have homework!"

Eddy raised an eyebrow and shrugged, "whatever. It's your life. But you know you don't have to keep denying it, it's pretty obvious. Even lumpy can tell when you're drooling."

"Yeah! It's as clear as the little ant trying to sneak off with my cheese!" Ed chimed.

Edd looked down at his hands and fumbled with them, "you guys think it's that noticeable? Oh, my what if Kevin knows? Is he going to start avoiding me?"

"Dude, it's not that deep. My father always says, 'sell it quick before they notice' which basically means 'just go for it or you'll miss it.'" Eddy said. Double D nodded and said goodbye before climbing out Ed's window.

The autumn wind whistled past Edd's ears. The chilly air causing fallen leaves to land near his feet. Double D looked at the ground as he walked, thinking about what Eddy said.

'maybe he's right. I mean we have lived by Kevin for years. Maybe he would accept me?' Eddward smiled a little and imagined what it would be like. Kevin pulling him close and kissing him behind a tree, whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

Edd wasn't looking where he was going and bumped into someone's back. He fell backwards onto his butt.

"Ngh! Oh, how humiliating." Edd groaned in pain, rubbing his lower back.

"YO, NERD!" A voice yelled. Edd looked up at two stocky-built guys in football uniforms.

Double D's face went pale, "I'm sorry! I... I didn't mean to--" The one on the right got close to Edd's face. His name was Kyle, he had bushy eyebrows and an Auburn colored buzz cut.

"You didn't mean to WHAT, loser?"

"I was- I was deep in thought and I didn't know you was there. I'm sorry."

The one on the left smirked and went behind Edd. He was named Larry and he had blonde wavy hair with a goatee. He pulled double D to his feet and locked his arm around Edd's neck to prevent him from leaving.

"What were you thinking about? Were you thinking about math? Hey, Kyle, do you think if we bust his head open, we will get a cheat sheet for school?" At the mention of a busted head Edd started squirming, gripping Larry's arm that was nearly choking him.

"Plea... please just let me go! I'm sorry!"

"Oh, you'll be sorry alright." Kyle smiled, he punched Edd in the nose. Edd screamed in pain while the two laughed. They spent the next five minutes punching and kicking him. Edd felt himself starting to pass out from the pain. The last thing he remembered was being shoved in a trashcan and them digging in his pockets.

"Shit! Doesn't the nerd have any money? I thought his parents made a lot of money!" Kyle grumbled. Double D only saw black as he passed out completely.

#eene #eene double d #eene kevedd #kevedd #kevin x edd #edd x kevin #kevedd fanfiction

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a-real-ackerman · 4 years

Text

Perfect Scenario

Sherlock Fanfic

summary: You, a super human, an excellent actor and a liar with debatable ethics; are having a hard time overcoming feelings no one new you were capable of. On top of it, you have to deal with your “arch enemy” who has dedicated himself on the way of ruining your chances at your new life.

pairing: Sherlock x superhuman!Reader

warnings: Mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide, violence, language and horrible mistakes... I dunno, I will write a current warning in red on every chapter.

A/N: Even tho I think Sherlock as an asexual character or not interested etc, I find working with well-known characters and less OC’s quite useful. Also, I see a lot of me in him so I will be writing about him more. Also, the reader is female. Also, gifs are never mine, all credits for those talented people. By the way, in case you see my mistakes don’t be shy, let me know! I am trying to improve my English.

Chapter One: “Trembling Hands.”

“You don’t know who you are, unlike me.” was written on the card you recently received. Menacing words written in an elegant handwriting, appeared by your window, every morning since last Friday. there you stood by your counter, your e/c eyes wandering over the same simple words again and again, in a hopeless struggle to find any clues. You did not know what they wanted or cared about; what part of you they assumed they knew? Your super powers? Your business? Your therapist? Your past? Your parents’ death? All the lies you have been telling whole the time?

What you could analyse from each of these notes were the fact that they actually new about you. The words they choose were written in a friendly manner which told you that even tho you have never met them, they knew enough to consider themselves close to you.

You had a few assumptions on who they could be:

A secret admirer, in a sense, stalker

A conspiracy theorist who have witnessed your... condition?

One of the investigator who had researched you in your teens

Jimmy

No matter which one they were,(more likely to be a he), he was a stalker. You did not like stalkers. But you were interested in this one’s motive. You wanted to beat their game before they could put their filthy obsessive hands on your very new and clean life.

Hopping off the counter, you rushed into the living room and put the card on the brown coffee stand in the middle of the room, right next to others. Walking trough cold blue walls of you flat, you kept mentally checking the places you usually control, in case there were cameras. You were going to take a shower after all.

“I have to ask him first,” said the man on the line, Holmes’ face shot a fake kind smile as he was face to face with the doctor. “ tell my brother I said hi.”

Doctor threw a look at the phone in disbelief as Holmes hang up the phone. Sherlock was not in his mood for a new case. Especially not a case from his brother, which involves scammers, government, some mafia and a class action lawsuit that could bring them a big amount of money. The detective was too busy in his mind palace.

John entered the flat and found his flatmate already waiting for him, sat on his chair with hands in praying position, eyes boring into him like he’s trying to ask something.

Uncomfortable under the gaze, “Yes, Sherlock ask away.” sighed John.

“John,” said Sherlock, “I have a suggestion.”

John looked at him in suspicion, his eyes narrowing.

“How about going out to see a play tonight?”

John exhaled out of surprise to his friend’s suggestion, was he asking him on a date? For a case (of course)?

“Don’t worry John, about whatever you thought of-I don’t’ prefer to vocalise it. I think we may have a new case, which includes the leading actor. She seems to play a big part in this case as much as the play. I also want to witness myself if she was as good as they talked about.”

“It’s okay, Sherlock, just for once.”

Sherlock baffled,” What do you mean by ‘just once’? This is a case just like the others, you don’t want to solve cases anymore?”

“No,” insisted John, “All I’m saying is: it’s okay to be a human just for once.It’s okay to take interest in a play, film or a person-”

“-I AM NOT INTERESTED,JOHN,”

It was too late to deny, John was already going upstairs, with a smug smirk of a self-proud mother who has just embarrassed their teenager.

You have once again saluted the audience, holding hands with your teammates. A little stronger than usual maybe, you didn’t want to throw the decors and people off the stage. Your hands were trembling more since you couldn’t stop the seconds passing; and your head got dizzier every movement, with the help of flashing stage lights. Mavis, your co-actor since high school, leaned over your ear; “You always get so excited when it ends!” she whispered without knowing anything.

You shot your perfect, warmest smile as your eyes wandered around the place in case anyone was suspicious. You locked your eyes with an awfully familiar man around your age, with curly hair falling on his forehead and eyes piercing onto you. He knew, he knew something and made it clear. He knew you.

”There she is,” you saw him whispering to his friend. You could listen to them is you focused enough, thanks to not being so human.

But you choose to not hear anything.Thanks to your instincts being quite active this afternoon, every word had felt no different than a knife stabbing her ears. All of this pain was because you couldn’t use your power today. You were a bomb waiting to explode, your hands itching to throw people to the walls and your screams desired to ruin every window in the city.

The torture soon ends, but always leaves you shaken up. You turned from the left corner of the entrance of the theatre and entered the cafe where you have tea every night after performance. You didn’t die to drink it every night actually, yet the calming mix thing of this cafe could put an angry elephant down. Naturally, you could calm down too. It eased your nerves and relaxed your muscles which helped you overcoming your power. I you didn’t bother to control your powers, let’s say, no one nearby could survive.

Whatever, you took your usual seat and smiled at the kind young waiter. You knew each other now, so you didn’t have to talk.(dreamy isn’t it? not having to talk?) You looked out of the window, watching the shiny cars passing by and colourful lights dancing. You slowly turned to the man who just sat in front of you, his arms crossed on the table and eyes gazing you in a weird expression between curious and astonished. Admiring and contemptuous. Familiar and hateful. Friendly and strange.

“I have to say I am totally astonished by your acting,” he started. You were right about astonished. You smiled firmly, just because this one was choosing his words firmly. If he is one of those creeps you would send him off. But you had to be careful these days, anyone could lead you to the stalker.

“You come here often.”

“Yes, it’s not new. Everyone who has taken interest in stalking me knows.”

He let out a chuckle which you didn’t expect to be this natural.”Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Ironic, since I have come to apologise for making you uncomfortable.”

His gaze took a lovely, apologising, soft form, which could melt your heart if you didn’t realise him checking for your expressions in between seconds. He was trying to impress you, for what?

“It’s not very comforting of you when you follow me to a cafe.”

“So it did,” he said, paying too much attention on your hands while you reached out to your tea.

“Is he bothering you miss?” asked the waiter protectively, his voice a few octave deeper than usual.

“I am fine, thank you Oscar.” you watched him walking away with a nod.”So what did what?”

“Me. Looking at you. You noticed me in hundreds of people. You saw us talking about you.”

“Please don’t start with that ‘love-at-first-sight-soulmate’ shit.”

“I was actually going to start with ‘you-somehow-know-you-are-in-danger’ shit.”

Your mouth dropped with his super sassy mic drop. You had to be clueless, oblivious and self centred now. You were a normal person now.

“Is this a threat? I am amused.” you smirked, don’t let them him the fear.

“No,” he rolled his eyes, “This is an offer.”

“I am Sherlock Holmes.”

“OH!” you relaxed, “I know you, (y/n)(s/n).” you answered shaking his hand.

"Come on, drink it. You seem to be dying for it."

You reached to the cuppa, not being able to hide your hands. As soon as this herbal smell filled your nose and followed it's way to your heart, a soft needy smile appeared on your lips. You felt your muscles getting back to normal.You opened your eyes.

"Now look," you threatened suddenly," if you are here to investigate my parents' death and sue me for it..."

He was more focused now, his gaze melted down to a more intense, even a curious one.

"I am tired. I am tired of this. For all my teenage years, my past, people defined me as a liar. So keep going, keep evoking my traumas. You won’t find what you’re looking for."

"There is a huge misunderstanding, "

He comforted you, leaning more onto the table, you almost loved this caring facade, a pair of eyes; signing no danger, no threat but just a simple caring feeling, were more than enough to let your guard down and believing someone. Just this once.

"I don't want to sue you. I offer you my help. Someone has opened your case again."

This was too much for you, with all energy trapped in your body your heart started to ache, your hands trembling in a way no one could stop.

"Trembling hands."

"What?"

"Show them."

You obeyed, held them up in front of him.

"I thought tea would help you."

"It does. When no one triggers me."

"Everything could trigger you. You live alone in the house your very own parents committed suicide. You don't even have pets which is surprising because you love animals, judging by a different cat and dog fur on your pants, coat, jumper, pretty much everywhere. You also have been avoiding your therapist, judging by the notification sound that you didn't answer after seeing the name. And no, it can not be your lover because you are alone live alone and have no attempt on your physical self-care, in addition, the cafe you go nearly every day or your friend group doesn't look for someone else after you arrive on your own. But those are not clear assumptions, knowing what your parents like is enough to assume you prefer to be single. You are alone for a reason. You think you’re dangerous.

So you live alone, have no one, and Scotland Yard is investigating you. You get stalked and for a reason, you always stay sharp and have a very defensive observant personality.

You are interesting enough for me. I will take your case."

"Is this a nerd way of asking for my number? If it is I will say yes."

"No, it's better, it is a smart way to interest you."

" What for? Why will you help me?"

" Because there is a game waiting for me,” he sighed, “and I am bored."

"Fine, this is my number here-"

"I already have it!"

Then he rushed out, putting his collars up, ruffling his hair.

A/N: I want to thank @fanfictionislovefanfictioni-blog for the request!

#bbc sherlock #Sherlock Holmes #john watson #johnlock #reader insert #reader x sherlock #jim moriarty #murder #slowburn #slowburn romance #fanfiction #sherlock x reader #sherlock fanfiction #moftiss #this is my first fic

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86-was-his-year · 5 years

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Totally Rad | p.s.h

Warnings: Bullying, near sexual harassment, violence, swearing, domestic violence, anxiety, lots of crying, if you have an issue with any of these please don’t read this isn’t the right book for you.

Summary: It’s 1985 and arcades are the perfect place to meet your soulmate.

A/N: This took like 2 months and it’s like 12,000 words please don’t let this flop. Sorry for spelling errors I proofread as much as I could handle.

The wind blows harshly as I make my way to the small arcade around the corner. It's a chilly October morning in 1985 and my thin sweater isn't doing enough to keep the wind out. I watch as the cars pass me by, all looking ahead ready to get to their desired destinations. They barely turned an eye toward a freezing kid on the side of the road, nobody trusted each other anymore. The small arcade came into view and I saw the doors filled with flyers and posters for new games that came in, as well as a small logo dead center.

'Pips Arcade'

The perfect job for a senior in high school. It was easy to work around here but I'd rather do this than scoop ice cream for the annoying kids down at the mall or be an assistant in a small news office. They treat women like slaves over there, my friend Betty told me so. She can't get a better job so she's currently stuck there.

"Y/N! You made it!" Maria, a small 15 year old girl stood behind the counter giving some kid their coins before telling them to have fun. She was always optimistic when it came to working, especially with the kids that came in.

"I'm five minutes early." She acted like I wasn't coming at all. Sometimes people really did leave her there and she called me at home to take her shift because she couldn't be out late. It wasn't her fault she was paranoid but it irked me just a tad to think that she thought I wasn't coming.

"I know. You're always early." She signed off on the slip of paper and I signed in before setting my things in the back room.

"Have a good night, Maria." The gave her a wide smile before shooing her away.

"Hey, my family is having a bonfire to burn all of our junk. Do you want to come. My parents would really like to meet you!" She held the door open for some more kids before turning back to me.

"I'll think about it." My response was short but I didn't hurt her feelings. I didn't plan on going but there was no reason to tell her that. Knowing her she'll invite five more people before hearing an official response from me. She's always been the type to make friends no matter who they were. It was kind of a gift if I was being honest.

"Bye!" She waved and let the door shut on it's own a small drift catching it's way in causing me to shiver behind the counter. It was really time to invest in a coat but with the stress of trying to buy a car and help my parents stay afloat it really wasn't the time to be selfish.

My family. An easy way to explain them would be dysfunctional, abusive, selfish. My older brother had left when he got the chance, but not before sticking it to my dad. I got beat for that one. We occasionally talk but its usually on holidays or if I can get access to a phone. Sometimes if the arcade is slow I borrow Pips landline and call my brother, he seldom answers. I look around at the kids and wonder why they get it so good, how a 10 year old can get two dollars from their mom or dad to get coins at the arcade. If I found money as a kid it was going straight to my parents no questions asked, the scar on my right hip reminds me of that.

"Excuse me miss?" I was pulled from my thoughts as a small kid walked up to the counter, "May I have some more coins please?" He put a dollar on the counter and I took it with a smile, handing him six coins back. Pip likes to be real generous so instead of the regular four coins he has us give them six, hes nice like that.

"Have fun." He laughed and ran away to give some to his friend. Sometimes I envy that. The look he gets when he has someone to talk to, someone to share with. I never had enough to share anything. I was about to go back into my thoughts when the bell in the door rang I turned to say a greeting and I stopped when I saw four teens walk through the door. They were jocks and anyone with a pair of eyes could see that, their varsity jackets clinging to their arms like a medal.

"Hello." I got over my shock and said a mandatory greeting, Pip likes us to be formal.

"Hi!" One of them shooed the others away and walked towards me. The closer he got the more intimidated and fidgety I became. At school jocks were known for unnecessary violence and bullying, I was always a target.

"W-what can can I get for you?" I felt my eyes slightly widen at my stutter it hadn't come out in years yet here it was crawling back up my throat. It was something I learned to control a while ago, my father insisting I not speak until I dealt with it. The boy looked at me and I saw something flash across his eyes it didn't look malicious to harmful but it looked different. Not like when my dad got angry after hearing my stutter. It was something else, something warm.

"Can I get some coins for a five?" He pulled out a five dollar bill and slid it across the counter putting his hands back into his pocket after I took the bill.

"Sure." I put the bill into the register and typed the number into the coin slot. I grabbed a small bag and put it under the receiver just to make it easier for him.

"Hey, you go to OS right?" I stopped in my tracks, "I think I've seen you around." I pressed the button and let the coins fall into the bag.

"Yeah, I do." I looked back and saw him watching me. I turned back to the coins and pulled them away from the receiver once it was done filling. I twisted the back and put it up onto the counter.

"You're a senior right, I think we have AP US History together." I looked down at my hands before looking back up at him.

"Maybe I'm not sure. I don't really talk to anyone in that class." I smiled lightly before looking away, keeping eye contact was so hard for me it almost felt impossible.

"Hey, Park!" He turned back and shooed his friends away for just a second.

"Well, I'll keep an eye out for you. You got a name?" I took a breath and pushed my fear away. I wasn't just going to leave him hanging I know it would haunt me for months to come. I wasn't going to be that girl.

"It's Y/N." I smiled at him and he smiled back, his teeth shining so bright I could almost think they were fake.

"Pretty, I'll see you around, Y/N." He took the bag from the counter and smoothly walked away. The way my name rolled off his lips made my heart skip a beat or two. I had never gotten attention like that and I couldn't help but want more of it, for some reason it felt good to be acknowledged by him. All my life it was beat her, call her names, make sure that she knows she's trash and soon I began to believe it but hes making me feel different. He even called my name pretty.

I scolded myself. I couldn't be thinking about this I didn't even know his name, I mean I know his last name is Park but only because it says it on his jacket. His last name with a big two on the back in black, white, and red, OS colors. Why didn't I see it before logically I should've known as soon as he walked in. I guess my fear just blinded my brain. I really wanted to look at him again and I looked up to find some of his friends looking at me, a small smile on their faces. I quickly looked away and went to cleaning under the shelves. Maria really needed to learn how to keep organized.

Time passed in the small arcade and kids came and went with smiles and laughs. It was great to see them happy. Them talking about girls or boys that they had crushes on or how their math teacher sucks Donkey Kong's dick, yes that's something I've actually heard. All their juvenile fears and worries are something that I have envied for so long. Sometimes my brain thinks of what my family could have been and honestly it's just my subconscious throwing a pity party for myself.

"Hey Y/N?" The boy from earlier came up to the counter with a little girl had to be no more than 8, her black hair pulled up in two ponytails secured with a pink ribbons. He smiled and slid another five over, "Can I get some more coins please?" I smiled and nodded taking the five and repeating the process over again. I put the coins in the bag and slid them back across the counter.

"Now," he crouched down to her level and handed her all the coins. "go take these and share them with the rest of the kids okay. You'll have so many friends you won't even believe." He patted the little girls shoulder and watched her as she ran off the coin jingling in her grasp.

"Thank you mister." She waved and went over to a small group of kids, offering the coins to play with her they all screamed in glee and hugged her. So, it was that easy to make friends huh?

"Why did you do that?" I couldn't hold back the curiosity he spent 10 dollars here today, 10 dollars. That's a lot for an arcade and money usually isn't tossed around like that.

"She was crying over there. She had no coins and no friends it's hard out there if you have no friends. Look at that," he pointed to the gathering at Pac Man. The girl was laughing and watching some boy play. "instant happiness."

"Why are you so nice?" The question came out like rushing water. I didn't want to push him because for all I know he could come out and be a total jerk.

"Where would I be in life if I was rude? There's really no point." He shrugged and leaned on the counter, his stance was calm. He watches his friends mess around at street fighter and he watched the girl with her new found friends at Pac Man.

"But you're a jock. You have every right to be rude." I sounded defensive and I urged myself to relax, my shoulder were tensed and my hands were crossed at my chest, my body basically telling him that I didn't trust him.

"I mean I play a sport yeah, and I have a bunch of friends but that doesn't give me the right to be rude. I think it's just a stereotype to be completely honest, based on some assholes who were jocks you know. Being a jerk only gets you alone." His words really rang true, I was stereotyping him and I found myself disgusted with myself.

"I'm sorry." I let my hands fall against the counter, finally relaxing.

"Its alright. I mean it's a stereotype for a reason. Some jocks do think they can get away with being rude. Not this one." He smiled and pointed to himself.

"I never got your name." I said pulling over the stool that sat there for slow days.

"Oh, its Seonghwa. Park Seonghwa." He pushed out his hand and I took it with a smile. He went back to leaning against the counter but this time he was facing me.

"Do you live around here?" He asked smiling. He held my eye contact and I found my heart skipping a few beats again.

"Um, no it's like 10 blocks away." I pointed in the direction my house and I finally took notice of the sky outside. The sun had set and it looked pitch black except for the dim yellow street lights that lit the roads.

"I didn't see another car in the parking lot, do you walk?" Worry flashes across his face and I found myself not wanting to tell him the truth. I had a feeling it would worry him even more if I confirmed his suspicions.

"Yeah but it really doesn't feel like a long time." I waved him off and smiled. He opened his mouth to say something but his friends interrupted him.

"Hey, Hwa I gotta get home. My moms got a casserole in the oven. Wanna join, you know she loves you." A short boy with blonde hair came up to Seonghwa and put an arm around him.

"No, I can't I got family plans tonight but I'll take you home." He stood up fully and the guys arm fell back to his side, not being able to comfortably sit on Seonghwas broad shoulders.

"And who's this pretty lady?" I found my cheeks heating up at the compliment. He seemed slick and his feline eyes held deep brown orbs. They are soft but sharp at the same.

"Guys this is Y/N, Y/N these are the guys." He moved out of the way and I stood up to politely greet them.

"Wooyoung." The blonde haired boy waved and moved to the side.

"Yeosang." He has beautiful auburn hair and brown eyes that I could stare into forever.

"Hongjoong." The last guy had light brown hair that came to a mullet at the end. And on his hand I saw one painted fingernail.

I hated to make the observation but Seonghwa really was better looking than all of them. With his tanned skin and heading highlights nobody in this group matched his complexion, he was almost unreal.

"It was really nice to meet you Y/N. We'll see you around." Seonghwa held the door open for his friends and waved to me as the door shut, letting the cold night air in again. I waved back and sighed my gut telling me that they were just going to tall about how ugly I was on the ride home. My brain really wouldn't let me have anything good.

"Hey kids, I'm gonna have to ask you to finish up your games." I went out from behind the counter and started shutting down the games that were being used, alas it was closing time at Pip's Arcade. One by one the kids walked out the door to their parents or I saw groups of them riding away on bikes the ideal transportation for kids these days. I began to wish that I had a bike when I was younger, the thought of being able to ride away from my parents whenever I wanted to because a little fantasy of mine. Maybe that's why they never let me buy a bike, I mean if I ever learned how to ride a bike that's what I would be doing.

I began to do small chores like wiping down the screens of the games as well as the windows and doors to the arcade. The keys and joysticks have already been disinfected and all the coins that were used today were put in a separate bucket to keep inventory. I refilled up the coin machine and double checked that everything else was stocked.

The bathrooms were usually the worst part, sometimes kids didn't flush and there was literal shit everywhere or the paper towels and toilet paper were thrown haphazardly around the room. Thankfully it wasn't as bad as it usually was, a couple napkins and candy wrappers here and there but nothing too bad and for sure nothing that I couldn't handle.

The last thing to do was to do a once-over of everything to make sure that it was all good before locking the back door and taking the trash out of the front, locking the glass doors behind me. Each one of the closing staff has a key of their own so we could just close up and Pip wouldn't have to worry about coming to close it up at night. I put the trash in the side bin and turned to go home.

"Hey, pretty girl!" I turned around in shock to find Seonghwa sitting on one of the small decorative poles we had set up at the front, a bag of colorful candy in his hand. He looked me straight in the eyes and pulled some of the gummy candy out of the bag before popping one side in his mouth, stretching it until it broke off his his teeth.

"Seonghwa, what are you doing here? Don't you have family plans?" I tightened my grip on the backpack strap on my shoulder and took a deep breath. This is where he takes me around the corner and slits my throat and no one will ever find my body like with that one handsome murderer. What was his name again?

"Just thought you might like a ride. It's too cold to walk without a coat now." He finished off his gummy and put the rest in his pocket. He hopped off the pole and walked over to me.

"You really don't have to. I can walk." I looked you at him and I finally realized how tall he really was. My neck had a small stretch from looking up at him and I literally just started. His skin was also so smooth I wouldn't believe he was a teenager, it was almost like he was a robot. I mean my dad was saying that Russia made robots already but that was only when he was drunk.

"Well, I really want to." He looped his arm around my shoulders and guided me to the car opening the door for me to slide right in. His car was actually really nice it was clean which was a really big plus. The seats were black and the outside was a light blue a really good match for him.

I sat on the plush leather seats and held my bag on my lap, not knowing till now how uncomfortable it was to sit in a bar with a backpack. He opened his door and hopped in putting on his seat belt and then started the car. The engine sounded impressive for how the car looked but then again I haven't sat in a car for long time.

"Seat belt." He looked over at me with expectant eyes. Like I was meant to do something for him.

"What?" I looked at him in confusion and he smiled lightly.

"Here," he reaches over my chest and pushed my bag out of the way a little before grabbing something next to me and pulling it across my chest. It clicked by my hip and I looked back up at him, "seat belt." He smiled and then pit the car in reverse looking back before smoothly pulling out of the parking spot.

I guess I hadn't been a car in longer than I thought. My dad's car didn’t have seat belts or if it did he never told us. It also felt weird I was so used to walking so seeing everything go by so fast was crazy, I looked out the window to see if I could catch every single house with my eye.

"How do you get to school Y/N?" Seonghwa had his hand on the little console nub, occasionally shifting the nub making the car change in speed and the other on the steering wheel.

"I walk every morning." I looked over at him and his eyes were focused on the road.

"Your parents don't take you to school?" He shifted gears again and I gave him a small direction to turn left.

"They don't have time to take me to school anymore," like they eleven did in the first place, "I'm really fine with walking. It wakes me up in the morning." He sighed and shook his head.

"Its gonna start getting really cold soon. Do you have a coat?" He looked over at me and caught me looking at him so I turned towards the window again. I put my forehead against it and found that it was freezing, it soothed the beginnings of a headache.

"No, why do you care so much?" I didn't want to sound defensive but with the way he sighed I knew that I did.

"I don't know Y/N. You just can't go around walking in winter with no coat." He said and I pointed to the he small house at the end of the street. The rotting shingles of the cream colored house were hidden bu the darkness of the night but everyone could see the house. It looked like the drug house, every neighborhood had one. This one just happened to be my home.

"It's not winter yet." I grumbled and he chuckled.

"You are just so stubborn aren't you?" He pulled into the driveway and put the car in park.

"I mean I think I'm pretty reasonable." I shrugged and smiled at him. He looked at me and rolled his eyes with a light smile.

"I'm picking you up from now on." He turned to look straight ahead at the garage door which house an old 1950 car that my father only used to go to the bar.

"Seonghwa you can't. It's completely out of the way. It's a waste of gas." I turned to him in my seat and tried to reason with him. Even him being here now was a risk if my dad saw him taking me home we were both toast. He would kill both of us.

"It's okay. I have a good paying job. I can't just let you walk in the cold. I'll let you walk again in the springtime." He let his hands fall into his lap and he turned to me for the first time since he started this conversation. His eyes were warm and genuine, it felt calm and serene it was like the moment in the movies were nobody speaks but they just know and they kiss and gross shit. I just knew he was being genuine.

"Fine. Just park across the street and I'll walk to your car, okay?" I looked down at the seat belt and began to try and pull it off. It just kept getting tighter and tighter and I sighed looking for something for it to unlock.

"Deal." He reached towards my hip and the pressure on my lap disappeared. The buckle went back to its place by the door and I smiled, I was so dumb. I grabbed the handle and opened the door.

"Bye Seonghwa." I grabbed the frame of the door and was going to shut it when he stopped me,

"Hey wait," he reached into his pocket and pulled put the candy, "for making my day." I took the bag with a smile and gave him a small wave before heading into the house.

The door creaked and I turned around to watch Seonghwa pull out of the driveway and back down the street. I shut the door quietly and locked it up, knowing my dad would have a fit if he woke up and it wasn't locked. He was asleep in his easy chair the light snoring in the living room telling me to go nowhere near there. I put my bag back on my shoulders and walked quietly into the kitchen grabbing a plate from the fridge before making my way up the stairs.

My mom was one of the exceptions to the abuse and the dysfunction. She married my father when they were young, she had no idea what he would become. She told me once that she was going to just run away and leave but then she found out that she was pregnant with my brother and she stayed. She was a flower in the desert, it's what I like to call her.

"Mommy?" I put the plate and my bag in my room before taking to the hallways to find her.

"In here dear," I followed her voice to the bathroom. She was in the bath her hair pulled up and a book in her hands, "I borrowed this from your room. Hope you don't mind but I've read all mine twice already." She laughed and folded the book to show me the cover. IT by Stephen King. It came out earlier this year and has been one of my favorite books up to date.

"Not at all, mind if I eat in here with you?" I waited until she nodded to go grab my plate. It was meatloaf and mashed potatoes my father's favorite. He must have been in a bad mood today, the fresh bruise on my moms arm was also a dead giveaway. She knows that I see it and yet I don't say anything. I know it breaks her heart.

"So, this Stephen guy is kind of messed up." She flipped the page and then folded the corner, which made my heart die a little but I let her do it because I love my mom.

"Yeah, I think he's made a couple of others and there all messed up. They have like murder and like spiritual powers and stuff. He's the new King of horror. Get it?" I laughed at my own joke and she began chuckling as well.

"How did I make something so perfect?" He grabbed my cheek and caressed her fingers against it. They were soft and warm comforting, like ever mothers touch.

"I mean have you looked in the mirror? Look at all that beauty." I knew that if I let her indulge in how much she loved me I would begin to cry. We often cried together because we both know we deserve better than this. We deserve a nice house in a cul de sac with a good dad and husband who cooks while my mom takes her baths and reads.

"Oh shut up." She laughed and patted my head before finally putting her hands in the bath and relaxing. "How was work?" She closed her eyes but I knew she was listening. I reached over and shut the door lightly.

"It was good. Maria thought I wasn't coming in once again." I leaned against the tub and began to finish my dinner.

"That girl needs to relax." My mom shifted in the water and the sound of water moving around instantly relaxed me.

"Well, they've left her there alone three times. That's three times too many." I put my plate off time the side and took a deep breath. "I also met a boy." My mom sucked in a deep breath and I shut my eyes tight.

"You can't bring him here. You know that right?" My moms voice turned serious and I sighed.

"He wants to pick me up every morning. He's worried cause I walk alone at night in the cold." She shifted in the water again and I knew she was looking at me.

"Y/N, you remember the last time you brought someone over? He hurt you so bad, you were so young." She caressed my hair and I felt the water droplets fall down the back of my neck.

"I told him to park across the street. Hopefully hes here after dad leaves." I sighed and leaned into her touch, a small tear leaving the corner of my eye.

"Good. Now, tell me about him. Is he cute?" The rest of the night went smoothly we talked for hours or until the water in the tub got cold then we went to her rooms after doing the dishes together and I braided her hair. We talked about Seonghwa and what I want to do when I'm older. It was really anything and everything. I fell asleep in her comforting arms as light rain began to pour from the sky.

I woke up to my mom shaking my arm. It had to be before the sun was up because the only light in the room was the light coming from the bathroom. She stood above me with a pile of clothes, "I washed these for you. Go put them away. Your father's gone." I sat up and took them from her, a fresh pair of underwear sat on the top of the pile. That meant I was able to shower today.

The water was nice and warm against my back. It has been about three days since my last shower and I was already beginning to feel grimy. After sweating at work and in my gym class it was time to take care of myself a bit. I never showered when my dad is here you never know when he'll pop in to go pee even when there's a bathroom downstairs.

My mom insisted she brush my hair and style it, something she's done ever since I was a kid. She put it in a half up half down look that was becoming more and more popular. She even sprayed a little perfume on my neck, something she only did for special occasions.

"You know I love you right?" She smiled and gave me a hug. He made eye contact in the mirror and I could see her eyes were full of love.

"I know, mommy. I love you too." I hugged her arms and then turned around for a full hug.

"Go wait for your friend. I'll see you when you get home." She kissed my forehead and I grabbed my bag from my room, the bag of gummy worms still in the front pouch. Turns out my mom had excellent timing, Seonghwa showing up right as I reached the window to watch.

"Is this a good time?" I opened the door and he greeted me with that." I nodded and put my bag on my lap reaching for the seat belt while looking for what it clicked into. The silver metal box with the red button on it seemed like a good spot and I got it in on the first try.

"So, do you live around here?" I wanted to know how far away he lived so I could measure how much has he was using to pick me up.

"Yeah, actually. Its really just right around the corner. About 3 blocks that way." He pointed to the right and I nodded. That was the rich people neighborhood, everyone knew that.

"Okay that's not horrible." I looked out the window again and watched the trees go by. It was gloomy today, the remnants of the rain still dripping from the tree branches.

"Hey, so me and a couple of friends are going to see a drive-in movie tonight. Wanna go?" His eyes were still on the road when I looked at him. Is the asking me out on a date? It was honestly a foreign concept to me but first dates are always to the movies. But he said his friends were going so it wasn't just us.

"I don't have any money." I felt embarrassed at the fact that I truly didn't have money for things like that.

"I can pay for you. Its gonna be rad." He chuckled and looked at me for assurance.

"Are you sure you want me to come?" I looked at him and found him staring at me, the look in his eyes much like the one of my mother's but different.

"Of course. I hope you like horror though." He turned back to the road and pulled into the school parking lot, finding a spot close to the door. Student athletes get privileges what can I say.

"Which one is it?" Not that I really would have an idea of what it was. I haven't seen a movie in theaters since my fifth birthday, the last birthday party I ever had.

"Aliens, it came out a couple years ago. They’re just now allowed to show it at the drive-in." The way he talked about it made me excited. His smile pulling his cheeks up and making his eyes squint. Stop. You can't think like that, hes just trying to be nice. Befriending the loner girl would make his reputation soar.

"Hey, we're here." He out his hand on my shoulder and I instantly flinched. I chuckled and shook it off.

"Sorry I was thinking about how cool that movie is going to be. I'll come." I could stick it to my dad for one night. Tell them that Maria asked me to take her shift tonight. Easy enough.

"Awesome!" I couldn't help but think about the look in his eyes after I flinched at his touch. It was just so natural to be afraid if anyone's touch but my mother's. Her loving hugs and touches were the only good contact I had with people in this world. Even my brother couldn't compare.

I got out of the car and instantly felt eyes on me. Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Hongjoong were all waiting by the doors for him and a couple of others standing next to them as well. They all waved and smiled and walked over to us. They were positively magnetic, wherever they went new eyes followed their movements and in turn they all went to me the new person in the group.

"Hey Pretty Lady!" Wooyoung out his hand up in the air and recoiled a bit before realizing that it was just a high five I pulled it off by doing some weird hand movements to reach his high five. They laughed and whooped causing more attention to shift to us.

"So, Y/N's going to be coming to the movies with us today. Is that cool with everybody?" They all agreed and nodded. I felt accepted already into this large group of jocks and I couldn't help but feel a little powerful.

"Oh, this is Yunho, San, Mingi, and Jongho." Wooyoung pointed at a bunch of different people and I shot a small wave to all of them.

"I'm Y/N nice to meet you." I smiled and laughed as they all shot greetings my way.

"Alright guys let's go." Hongjoong led the way into the doors and I felt Seonghwas arm slip around my shoulders. Honestly I was thankful for his touch, as all the eyes and the whispers began to become too loud to my ears his warm arm was there to pull me back to him. Almost like a gravitational pull.

"I'll see you in US history." He branched off the other way and I was back to being alone. In a sea of monsters who all wanted to stop me and talk but I brushed past until I finally got to my English class where my isolation began all over again. It was really nothing special everything the teacher taught I knew already, I was way ahead in the book we were reading so all there was left to do was stare out the window and hope that the bell would ring soon.

The halls were way more crowded than I remember them being, everyone trying to get to their lockers or whatever class they were going to, lines behind the vending machine and the bathroom doors swinging open and closed. It was all so much and all the eyes staring at me made my skin crawl with unease. Around every corner it was "the girl who is friends with the football team".

"Hey," an arm slipped around my shoulders once more but I knew who it was, "how was your class?" I leaned into his shoulder and sighed.

"It was fine. Really nothing interesting, it's senior English." I chuckled and breathed in his scent. He was wearing a grey turtleneck and black pants, no varsity jacket to be found a plain outfit but it was nice. It smelled warm and calm, and mixed with his natural scent it was practically heaven. Maybe it's weird to like the way he smells but I didn't tell my olfactory senses to hop on it.

"I get that much. I take that third and fourth term. Maybe you can help me, cause you're just too smart." His voice turned to a mocking tone and I chuckled, hitting his stomach lightly.

"I did not say that." I pushed a little closer to him and he stumbled a little but caught his footing before it was an issue.

"Sounded pretty similar if you ask me." I put my head fully on his shoulder and just enjoyed the moment. He was walking me to class with his arm around my shoulders, saying that yes this is my friend. We looked around the class and saw only two available seats next to each other so I sat in front of him and he sat behind me. The bell rang and I got out my stuff and that's when I began to feel his hand in my hair.

At first it was light pressure against my scalp, he was twirling my hair in his fingers I really didn't mind either on of the ways my mom helps he relax after my dad gets angry. He was twirling and braiding the strands of my hair together and then he moved up, his fingers grazing the nape of my neck causing me to flinch a little at the sensitivity there. He rubbed small circles into my skin, telling me that it was okay he want going to hurt me and I relaxed in my seat.

His fingers then went into my scalp and that's when I felt really calm. The teacher was droning on about some president or whatever but my eyelids were dropping and I couldn't care, the way he was rubbing circles into my scalp had my body loose like a goose and that's when my head fell back in his hands and I was out like a light.

"Hey, pretty girl." Someone was shaking my arm and it was then that I remembered where I was. I opened my eyes to see Seonghwa crouching next to my desk, his eyes warm and sweet like always.

"Did I fall asleep?" I yawned and sat up in my desk, multiple places in my back popping.

"Yeah, you really didn't miss much. I can give you the notes." I looked around at the class and the rest of the students were packing up, getting ready to go to lunch.

"Thanks, Seonghwa." I put my books back in my bag and zipped it up before standing up and putting in on my back. I yawned once more and Seonghwa opened his arms. Without a second thought I went into them and put my ear against his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat. He put his arms around me and held my head to his chest, playing with my hair once again.

I can't imagine how we looked right now. Last night I was telling him that he couldn't pick me up or take my home but without the fear of my dad shadow over my my heart was so open to him. It felt like I had known him for years really, the way it was so easy to talk to him and have him hold me like he does was something that I couldn't wrap my head around.

"Let's go to lunch." He pulled away lightly and turned me around, lightly pushing me to walk towards the door.

"Alright alright I'm going." I groaned and walked faster until his hands fell off my shoulders. He walked next to me and grabbed his backpack straps.

"What are you gonna get? He asked while waving to some guys in the hall.

"I've got some stuff in my bag." I shrugged and looked towards the cafeteria doors. Really I was just going to eat the gummy worms that he have me yesterday. I don't have the luxury of packing a lunch, surprise surprise.

"Alright you wait here and I'll find the gang and lead you there." He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I was actually grateful that he did that for me. One of my biggest anxieties was trying to find somewhere to sit during lunch. It's not like I had friends to find during lunch.

"Hey sweet cakes." I turned around to find a guy standing there. His hair shagged against his forehead and his blues eyes burned into mine. They were close and unforgiving, it made me take a step back.

"Um, hello?" I looked around for someone to save me but the hallway was empty.

"So are you and Seonghwa a thing?" He put his hands in his jean pockets and leaned against the white wall.

"No." Part of my heart desperately wished that I could say yes but I guess it was for the best.

"Oh that's sweet. Wanna go out back and show me a good time?" He licked his dry lips and looked me up and down.

"No thank you." I took another step back but that prompted him to take a step closer.

"Of come on. You need all those men to satisfy you? I can give you what you want more than those jokers can." He moved a step closer and I put my arms up trying to tell him to keep a distance.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Seonghwa rounded the corner and in two strides he was gently pulling me away from this guy.

"Hey Hwa. I was just offering that sweet piece of ass a good time behind the bleachers. Give the old one two football ritual?" The guy laughed and licked his lips again. I watched as Seonghwa pulled the guy by his shirt and whisper something in his ear. The guys face turned from smug to terrified.

"You ever come near her again I'll break your nose." Seonghwa placed his hand on my shoulder and lead me into the cafeteria.

"That guy was a creep." Seonghwa put his arm fully around me and led me through the cafeteria.

"That's Nate for you. He didn't touch you did he?" Seonghwas eyebrows were firmly set in the middle of his forehead and his jaw was clenched.

"No, I think you got there just in time. I mean I told him no but he just kept coming." I looked up at him and saw that was still looking ahead.

"Its okay. He won't come near you again. And you tell me if anyone does that again, okay?" I nodded and he looked back to guide me to a table in the middle. It was chaos, San, Mingi, and Wooyoung were playing swords with their pencils, Yeosang, Jongho, and Yunho were trying to throw food in each others mouths, and Hongjoong was shaking his head as he watched this all fold out.

"Hey Y/N!" Wooyoung waved and in the process got stabbed in the hand by a pencil. Hitting San has he began to celebrate.

"I'm going to find something to eat, I'll be back." Seonghwa rubbed my head before going to join the small lunch line.

"So, you met Hwa at the arcade?" Yunho stopped throwing his food at Yeosang and Jongho choosing to talk to me instead.

"Yeah, I also met Hongjoong, Wooyoung, and Yeosang." The boys began to turn their heads as I said their names.

"Are you sure you guys didn't know each other before?" Yunho stabbed a grape tomato with his fork and brought it to his mouth and popped it in after he was finished talking.

"No, I don't think so. I just feel really comfortable with you guys." I pulled out the gummy worms from my bag and began to slowly eat them. I can't remember the last time I actually had candy.

"Well, you guys seem very close. Like best friends for years close." San joined in in the conversation while chewing on some of Wooyoungs french fries.

"Guys I'm convinced that the lunch lady has a crush on me." We all laughed and talked through lunch Seonghwa looking down at the candy every so often with a smirk on his face.

Without Seonghwa on my side I found how boring my life actually was. I didn't move from class to class and have friends in each one like most people do, different moments of happiness. I moved through the rest of the school day sluggish and bored without Seonghwa I mean, even Hongjoong or Wooyoung would be an improvement from all these girls whispering in each others ears while looking back at me. Acting like I was some sort of endangered animal that they could just gawk at.

The white walls seemed yellow and the bright red lockers looked crummy and gross without the filter of Seonghwas happiness. I guess I was looking too far into this friendship thing I've never really had a friend before. Having plans after school, having people that enjoy my company, it was all very new to me.

"Y/N!" Wooyoung stopped me in the hallway and threw his arm over my shoulders like Seonghwa does. He was wearing red shorts and a black t-shirt, gym clothes.

"What's up Wooyoung?" I followed him down the hall and watched as more people stared. Honestly it was getting old.

"The basketball coach what's a small practice today so Seonghwa was going to come get you but I offered instead. It's not fair that he gets you all the time." Wooyoung put his head on mine and pouted into my hair. It was really nice to hear that he wanted to spend more time with me, and to be honest I liked how they already argued over my attention. It made my heart beat too fast to be normal.

"I'll try and hang with you more." I put my arm around his wrist and pulled him closer. "So, will I just sit and watch this practice?" The gym was within sight and I saw all the boys bouncing basketballs and shooting hoops it immediately made me feel nervous. I have a really bad reputation and basketballs always seem to find my head like a magnet.

"Yeah, we're just gonna run through some drills and see if they work okay for us." We walked through the doors and Seonghwa looked over and waved with a big smile on his face. "Want me to grab a chair for you?" Wooyoung unraveled his arms from mine and pointed to a closet which, I'm guessing held all the chairs.

"No, I'll pop a squat on the floor. Thanks though!" I dropped my bag on the floor and took out a book, something I just grabbed from the library today, it seemed good enough.

"Alright boys! Balls away let's line up." The coach walked out in skin-tight red shorts and a white shirt, neither left any to the imagination. "Hey kid, are you just here to watch?" He walked over to me a crouched to my level.

"Yeah, my ride is practicing." I pointed to Seonghwa in the lineup and the coach smiled.

"He's a good kid. This shouldn't take too long." He stood up and gave instructions to the boys while I started read the first words of my book.

"Alright! Start running!" He blew the whistle and the boys began running around the gym, occasionally pushing each other because that's what boys do. It was cute watching most of them keep up with boys like Seonghwa and Hongjoong, Mingi sticking out in particular. He was sweating buckets and breathing heavily, for being a tall skinny boy he sure didn't have good endurance and I laughed as Wooyoung hooked an arm around his shoulder encouraging him to go faster.

Seonghwa was doing so well and I finally understood why he was such a star athlete. He ran about 5 laps and he wasn't even breaking a sweat yet, his legs moving effortlessly against the gym floor. He talked with Hongjoong about anything and he wasn't huffing and puffing like I would be if I was in that situation.

After a while the boys stopped running and spread around the gym to stretch and things before the coach distributed pinnies. The old material looking and smelling like death in the musty air. I wished that the coach actually took time and washed them for the boys and for the bystanders. Maybe his mustache covered up the funk and he couldn't smell it. That could be it.

Even as he worked out Seonghwa looked great, which was a heard feat for some people the activity being too much often giving them a red face that is less than attractive, like Nate over there. The boy who stopped me in the hall and was being awfully disgusting was over there with his hands on his knees trying to catch is breath. I think he caught me staring because he straightened up and winked. I could’ve thrown up in my mouth right there and then but Seonghwa came over, refreshing me like a cold glass of water.

“What are you reading?” He tipped the book and looked at the cover, finding the women on the front clearly in distress.

“Something I just picked off of the shelf.” I closed the book slightly and looked up at him. There was something so sweet and protective in his eyes and it made me feel safe from Nate, from my Dad, from the world. He opened his mouth to say something before the coaches words cut through the thick air.

“Park let’s get back in the game!” He smiles at me and taps the tip of my nose with his finger. He gets up and takes the ball from the coach before officially starting the game. I turned back to me book and didn’t pay much attention to the boys anymore, finding their game to be very repetitive and a little boring for my taste.

The book was bringing in so many characters that my head was spinning, the mention of all these characters confusing the mental list in my head. All these people fighting over the main protagonist that really didn't want to have anything to do with these men. She was really ready to just pack up and leave with her younger sister. A princess with a "duty" to her country and her family but she doesn't want to. Just as I was getting into the book I heard someone call my name and I look up to see the ball come soaring towards my face.

"Watch out!" I dropped the book and went to cover my face, ready for the ball to hit me where ever it wanted. There was a loud thud but the pressure wasn't there at all. I slowly opened my eyes and let my hands fall to my lap. Seonghwa was standing in front of me, his back to me while he stared back at the boys.

"Play ball." The coach tried to defuse the situation and held his hands out so Seonghwa could lightly toss the ball to him. He didn't join the game, instead he picked up the book and handed it back to my shaky hands.

"Are you alright?" He crouched down once more to look in my eyes.

"Just a little scared is all." I laughed quietly and just watched as he brought his hand to caress my hair.

"It was Nate, he threw the ball at you." He sighed and just looked into my eyes, trying to gauge my reaction.

"It's okay. Some people are just assholes and that's okay." The words made me think of my father. He was an asshole for no reason and I felt like I was defending him. Every swing he took at my mother and me felt justified by my words.

"But people should pay for their wrong doings." Seonghwa tapped his fingers against my forehead and cheeks causing me to laugh at the ticklish sensation.

"Alright boys, practice is over. Nate stay back with me." The coach blew the whistle and the boys ran away to go change, knocking into each other and slapping backs of heads. Just boy things.

"You can wait outside the bathroom until we're done, okay?" Seonghwa stood up and offered me his hand which I gladly took. He waited while I gathered up all my stuff and I threw my backpack onto my shoulders. He hooked his arm around me like normal and led me to the outside of the changing room.

I held my backpack straps in my hands and took this time to think. I thought about my mom and how much I loved her and I wanted her to have a better life than what she had. It was something that I thought about way too often and when I told my mom that I do think about it she just scoffs and tells me to focus on more important things, like she's not the most important thing in my life.

I thought about Seonghwa and how he made me feel safe and loved and how he is taking care of me even though he doesn't have to. Thinking about how he brought me to this group of people who accepted me even though I'm not rich or not on a sports team. I don't have a Letterman jacket and I don't have fancy clothes and sometimes I wear them two days in a row.

"Hey, are you ready?" His grey turtleneck and black pants were back on and the rest of the boys were filing out of the locker room.

"Yeah." I smiled and followed him to his car. Once we got there he grabbed the bag from my shoulders and threw it in the backseat while I got situated in the front seat.

"So, we've still got a bit of time before the move so we're going to go out to eat." He sat down on the seat and buckled up before starting up the car.

"Seonghwa-"

"Before you say 'I don't have money' I don't care. I'm paying." He pulled out of the school smoothly and started driving.

"You don't have to do that." I gripped my shirt between my fingers and looked out the window, watching all the cars pass by.

"You're stubborn." He chuckled and pulled into a diner it was small and really hidden between the mess of libraries and newspaper outlets. It wasn't that far from school but I don't go out to eat so it wasn't a surprise that I had no idea what the place was.

"The Travelers Diner." I read the sign out loud as we passed by. There was barely any one there so that told me a bit about how popular they were.

"Yeah, Jongho works here on the weekends and let me tell you its super busy. We just missed the dinner rush." Seonghwa pulled into a parking spot and turned off his car, hopping out and running around to my side. He grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car before shutting the door and locking it. My hand was still in his as he led me into the diner and I felt my cheeks and neck heat up at the simple touch.

The patrons were mostly the elderly all of them enjoying an early dinner or a late night cup of coffee. The shop smelt good fresh coffee grounds were being poured into the coffee machine and the grill had sizzling meat on it. The whole atmosphere was warm and cozy, the small chatter between a husband and wife and the old man on the counter lightly humming to the song coming from the boombox behind the counter.

"Seonghwa! Who's it going buddy?" A man with an apron cane from behind the counter and have Seonghwa a deep hug. He was much older then the both of us but he seemed ecstatic to see his friend. He had to be about 40 and he had a bit of a guy but it really suited the vibe of this place.

"I've been amazing how about you, Sergio?" Seonghwa pulled away and joined hands with me once more, not even parted for a minute.

"Business is booming thanks to you. I'm still waiting on that picture." He laughed and grabbed two menus from the counter.

"You don't have to do that. I'm just here to help." Sergio led the way to the tables and Seonghwa pulled me along behind him while I let the situation sink in. I was going out to eat for the first time since I could remember.

"I was going bankrupt and you swooped in and saved the day. I owe my success to you, kid." He set down the menus and smiled at us, before walking back behind the counter and into the kitchen.

"Who's that?" I looked around the table and saw small little designs that made me smile. The table was a bright red and had a small black border along the inside. 'Jake' was messily carved into the middle and in could just imagine the boy taking a knife and marking his territory.

"His names Sergio. Family friend." Seonghwa smiled before bringing the menu up to his face, searching over what they had. I really already knew what I wanted and it was definitely not meatloaf. I

"Hey kids. What can I get you to drink?" A middle-aged woman came over wearing a bright red uniform and a tag that read 'Cindy'. She was smiling and smacking on some bubblegum as she brought out her notepad.

“I’ll get a Dr. Pepper.” He smiled at Cindy and then turned to me.

“I’ll get the same with a lemon please.” I remember hearing some kids say that Dr. Pepper was super good with lemon and now would probably be they only time to get to try it so I might as well.

“Alright and are y’all ready to order?” She looked up form her pad and looked to Seonghwa.

“I’ll have whatever the chef’s special is today.” He put down the menu and nodded to me.

“I’ll have a cheeseburger with everything on it and the waffle fries with a side of ranch.” I looked to Seonghwa and he smiled back at me, nodding slightly at my choice.

“Alright kids. It’ll be right out for you.” She took the menus and went behind the counter to put the order in.

The diner was great. Seonghwa and I talked about anything and everything, the socializing bringing back a side of me that I couldn’t remember existed. I almost made Seonghwa spit soda out of his nose at least six times with all the jokes I was cracking all while actually having my first cheeseburger. We laughed until the sun was setting and we were heading out the door to join the rest at the movies.

The laughing didn’t stop at the diner and it carried on into the car, him talking about funny stories with his parents and me adding onto that with funny stories at my old school, choosing not to talk about my parents. We pulled into the entryway of the movies and he purchased two tickets for Alien.

“So is this movie like really scary?” I looked around the parking spots and saw Yeosang and Mingi waving their arms in the air, telling Seonghwa to park there.

“I’m really not sure. I heard that it’s scary but I didn’t have them go into detail.” He put the car in park and turned the station that the attendant said the movie would be on.

“What took you guys so long?” Hongjoong rolled down his window and hooked his arm out of it.

“We went to grab a bite to eat.” Seonghwa had me roll down my window so he could talk with Hongjoong.

“And you didn’t invite us?” Wooyoungs voice cute through the wind and he went over to my window.

“Yeah, it was just Y/N and me.” Seonghwa smiled and then rolled down his window, Mingi knocking on it lightly. The boys were so excited, the sun had set and the screen was flickering to life. Seonghwa had us roll up our windows and turned the air conditioning on a low blast. The movie started and I immediately curled up into the seat, listening the beginnings of the movie.

I can’t remember how long it’s been but I just remember leaning into Seonghwa more and more, the events of the movie getting scarier and scarier. Baby aliens were popping out of peoples stomachs and I just couldn’t handle it. I jumped and pushed my head into Seonghwas neck, wrapping my arms around his torso. I squeezed my eyes shut and just listened to the sounds of the mans stomach popping open,

“Hey pretty girl it’s okay. It’s just a movie.” His hands came around my shoulders and ran his hand through my hair. He turned down the radio and brought his lips to my hair, running them across the smooth expanse of my head.

“I know, I know.” I pulled away from his neck looking back at the movie only to turn away again. I laughed against his chest and rolled my eyes, I was being so stupid. It was really just a movie. The sounds of the movie played quietly in the background but I decided to focus on his heartbeat which was faster than normal, probably because he was scared.

“Hey, Y/N?” Seonghwa was rubbing small circles onto my back and occasionally my arms, traveling around a bit.

“Yes?” I looked up to him and I found that he was already looking at me. His hand snaked up to my cheek and held the flesh gently in his hand. He was looking at my eyes watching as I flicked them from his eyes, to his nose, and finally to his plump lips. They turned up into a small smirk and my cheeks heated up at the fact that he caught me looking at his lips. Part of me just wanted to lunge forward and connect our lips but I didn’t want to misread the feelings in the air. Maybe he was just laughing at me because I was scared of the dumb movie, or maybe he was laughing at me cause I actually thought he maybe likes me.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as he brought his lips onto mine. The soft flesh melding together as my stomach turned in circles. Butterflies had infected my belly and they had taken flight after being dormant for so long. It was nothing like I had ever felt before, his lips moving lightly against mine virtually showing me what to do and I just kind of went with it. Our mouths were moving together naturally now, messily bumping noses as we turned our heads to follow the other. He pulled away and set his forehead on mine breathing onto my face as he settled down.

“I’ve wanted to do that ever since I met you.” He chuckled and held my head in his hands.

“Seonghwa, please don’t leave me.” I let my words fly as I let my head fall to his shoulder.

“I could never.” He held me and turned up the radio, hearing the terrible screams of the people that were dying on the spaceship.

After the movie we all waved to each other through the windows and one by one we all pulled away when traffic presented the opportunity. Seonghwa could not stop smiling throughout the drive home and I couldn’t help but watch as he gently bobbed his head along the songs to the radio. The silence felt comforting like something big had happened and we both needed a moment to let it settle in.

“I wanted to thank you for tonight, Seonghwa. I don’t get to do this a lot.” We pulled into my driveway and I instantly felt all the blood drain from my face. My dad was sitting on the porch, a bottle of something hanging from his hand.

“Y/N,” Seonghwas whole mood instantly changed. His voice got quieter and darker, all while watching my dad on the porch lightly sway back and forth. “Don’t go in.” Seonghwas hands were braced on the steering wheel and he didn’t look at me. I watch the side of his face as his eyebrows scrunching in discomfort.

“Seonghwa you don’t understand.” I clicked the seat belt and grabbed the door handle to leave but he grabbed my knee.

“If I let you go in that house right now, are you going to come out?” He finally looked at me and I saw the tears that were threatening to spill from the corner of his eye.

“What are you taking about?” I played dumb. He couldn’t know about my family, nobody knew.

“Y/N, I know what your father does to you and your mother.” He took a breath and squeezed my knee lightly. “My mother told me who you were.” My dad had gotten up from the porch and was waving me inside.

“I can’t stay here. My mother.” I opened the door and let his hand slip from my knee, even if it was the last time I ever got to touch him I had to take that chance for my mother.

“Where have you been?” My dad grabbed the back of my arm and drug me inside, the flesh of my arm already beginning to sting.

“Dad you don’t understand.” I gripped his wrist and tried to alleviate the pain that was steadily getting worse.

“Do you think I’m stupid? I knew that boy dropped you off last night. You didn’t think to tell him to leave you alone? Am I not good enough?” He threw me on the ground and slammed the door. My mom was in the kitchen sobbing over the sink.

“N-No. I told him no but he came anyways.” I put my hands up as he brought his foot down against my side.

“Anything to get away from dear old dad.” He smashed the bottle on the ground and used both of his hands to land punches to my head.

“Derek stop!” My mother ran over and pushed my father onto the ground, part of his leg landing on the broken glass. My mom pulled me away and caressed my face shushing me into a calm state, the tears still running down my face. My dad got up and spit onto the floor.

“You bitch!” He went to charge at me and my mother but the door swung open causing him to stop and look.

“No!” Seonghwa threw his hands around my dads waist, tackling him to the floor. I saw the tussle of bodies and I couldn’t see what was happening beyond the flood of tears. I turned my head into my mothers neck and sobbed as I heard the sound of bones cracking and the sound of flesh against flesh.

“Derek?” My mother called for him and let go of me. I opened my eyes as Seonghwa was sitting on the ground his knuckles bloody and his nose was dripping blood down into his open mouth.

“Seonghwa!” I crawled over to him and held his face in my hands. He was still occupied with my father like he was waiting to see if he would get up and begin the fight again. He was holding his right wrist in his hand flexing it back and forth to see if any damage had been severely done.

“Are you okay?” He stopped looking at my father and turned to me, his expression solemn. It was his turn to hold me head in his hands as he looked at the damage that had been done to my face. It wasn’t much just some minor bruising here and there but it really hurt like a bitch.

“I’m fine,” I took a breath and closed my eyes trying to calm my heart down. “Why did you do that?” I sat back on my heels and let him look at me, his eyes softening and filling with tears.

“I don’t want you here anymore. The police are on their way and they’ll be taking him into custody. I want you and your mom to stay with me for a while. Just until he is put in jail for good.” The words were coming out of his mouth and zooming right over my head. He wanted me to come with with him? The police were on their way? So many things were happening at once so I just nodded.

“Mrs. Y/L/N, can you go pack your stuff please, we’ll be leaving. The police are going to talk to you at my house.” He stood up and took me hand, helping me off the ground with ease. my stomach clenched and I cradled my bruising ribs.

“Okay.” She shakily got up and slowly walked up the stairs, her hands shaking by her sides.

“Why did you do that?” I turned to him as he watched my dad. He looked back, his nose was going off to the right a little and his eyes was beginning to swell shut. The blood was running down his face and accumulating into the alcohol and glass mixture on the ground. His pant legs was torn and he had a big gash on the side of this leg, the glass sticking out in parts. he really wasn’t getting up even if he wanted to.

“Y/N, I thought he was going to kill you.” He didn’t look in my eye, a thing that he did when the situation was serious.

“Seonghwa we would have been fine.” I felt tears prick my eyes again, the trail on my cheek becoming warm again. “You don’t understand what you’ve done. My dad is very powerful and he knows people you can’t even dream of.” My voice got louder and louder the fear in it increasing every second.

“Y/N.” His voice brought a light warning .

“You don’t understand what you’ve done. He’s going to kill you!” I pushed him and beat my fist onto his chest until he caught them in his hands and pulled me close. His hand flew to my hair and gently rubbed soothing circles.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be afraid, he’s not going to hurt you anymore.” He let me cry into his shoulder and to be honest I really didn’t want to do anything else. I was able to cry and finally be comforted in the night without being told to be quiet or my father might hear.

“He hurt you.” I looked up at his face and grabbed his cheek for comfort. His nose had stopped bleeding and the dried just stuck to his face like a tattoo.

“Listen to me, I don’t care who hurts me or beats me up. He could’ve broken my arm and I would still fight for you.” He pulled away and held my shoulders. “I will protect you.” He pulled me back in and held me once more. Sirens in the background telling everyone that something went down.

“Police!” A man in a dark uniform came in with a pistol, “Search the house!” I let Seonghwa hold me in his arms as they passed around us, going through the house, trying to find anything else to put my dad away. My mother came down the stairs with two bags on her shoulders.

“Can you all please step outside. We’re going to have to do some thorough searches in those bag in case he decided to hide anything in them.” Another police officer came through the door and held out his hand. My mother nodded and handed over the bags without a fuss. Police after police showed up at my door and began searching the house.

“You know their going to bring you to the hospital, right?” Seonghwa put his hand around my shoulder and rubbed my arms.

“We can’t pay for that.” I put my head on his shoulder and shook my head. As if on cue an ambulance pulled up into the driveway, next to all the police cars and pulled out a gurney.

“Don’t fight them please. I don’t wanna have to hold you back.” He laughed and started leading me over the ambulances. Another ambulance pulled up and one of the police officers lead my mother to it, she was limping clinging to the officer.

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N?” They pulled me away from Seonghwa and put me on the gurney, more tears rolling down my cheeks.

According to doctors I’ve made some miraculous recoveries, my body healing my fabulously. I guess this time they could help me. Seonghwas injuries weren’t as severe as mine so they just wiped off his nose and gave him some ibuprofen, telling him to use his right arm as little as possible. His mom was on his way and they were going to take me and my mother home with them. A police officer came in and told me that my father was officially behind bars. He had a broken nose, a broken arm, and a couple of bruised ribs from when Seonghwa tackled him.

“What did the officer say?” I was laying on a crisp white hospital bed, my light blue gown covering everything nicely.

“He told me that I had a nice right hook.” Seonghwa chuckled and pulled the boring brown chair over to the edge of my bed.

“You aren’t getting charged with anything?” I put my hand out and he took it gingerly.

“No. The only one getting charged is your father and I’m making sure he gets put away.” Seonghwa pulled my hand to his mouth kissing each finger before intertwining our hands together.

“And my mother?” I closed my eyes and let the tears well in my eyes. I’ve cried way too much today, over Seonghwa, over my father, and multiple things hitting me at the same time. Today was the day that I let myself feel everything, all the hurt and heartache that me and my mother had to go through.

“She’ll be okay. She still has wounds that need to heal so she’ll be here but you’re coming home with me.” I could hear the smile in his voice and I let the tears fall.

“I love you.” I squeeze his hand and hope that I didn’t scare him off. I couldn’t deal with anything if he left me here. I wasn’t scared of commitment but he may be, most boys were at this age.

“I love you too. And I’ll be here to make sure nothing ever hurts you again.” We sat in the hospital room holding each other until the sun came up and we headed home.

#ateez #kang yeosang #kim hongjoong #song mingi #park seonghwa #jung yunho #choi jongho #choi san #jung wooyoung #ateez smut #park seonghwa x reader #park seonghwa smut

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dailytechnologynews · 5 years

Photo

The Coming Age of Imaginative Machines: If you aren't following the rise of synthetic media, the 2020s will hit you like a digital blitzkrieg

The faces on the left were created by a GAN in 2014; on the right are ones made in 2018.

Ian Goodfellow and his colleagues gave the world generative adversarial networks (GANs) five years ago, way back in 2014. They did so with fuzzy and ethereal black & white images of human faces, all generated by computers. This wasn't the start of synthetic media by far, but it did supercharge the field. Ever since, the realm of neural network-powered AI creativity has repeatedly kissed mainstream attention. Yet synthetic media is still largely unknown. Certain memetic-boosted applications such as deepfakes and This Person Does Not Exist notwithstanding, it's safe to assume the average person is unaware that contemporary artificial intelligence is capable of some fleeting level of "imagination."

Media synthesis is an inevitable development in our progress towards artificial general intelligence, the first and truest sign of symbolic understanding in machines (though by far not the thing itself--- rather the organization of proteins and sugars to create the rudimentary structure of what will someday become the cells of AGI). This is due to the rise of artificial neural networks (ANNs). Popular misconceptions presume synthetic media present no new developments we've not had since the 1990s, yet what separates media synthesis from mere manipulation, retouching, and scripts is the modicum of intelligence required to accomplish these tasks. The difference between Photoshop and neural network-based deepfakes is the equivalent to the difference between building a house with power tools and employing a utility robot to use those power tools to build the house for you.

Succinctly, media synthesis is the first tangible sign of automation that most people will experience.

Public perception of synthetic media shall steadily grow and likely degenerate into a nadir of acceptance as more people become aware of the power of these artificial neural networks without being offered realistic debate or solutions as to how to deal with them. They've simply come too quickly for us to prepare for, hence the seemingly hasty reaction of certain groups like OpenAI in regards to releasing new AI models.

Already, we see frightened reactions to the likes of DeepNudes, an app which was made solely to strip women in images down to their bare bodies without their consent. The potential for abuse (especially for pedophilic purposes) is self-evident. We are plunging headlong into a new era so quickly that we are unaware of just what we are getting ourselves into. But just what are we getting into?

Well, I have some thoughts.

I want to start with the field most people are at least somewhat aware of: deepfakes. We all have an idea of what deepfakes can do: the "purest" definition is taking one's face replacing it with another, presumably in a video. The less exact definition is to take some aspect of a person in a video and edit it to be different. There's even deepfakes for audio, such as changing one's voice or putting words in their mouth. Most famously, this was done to Joe Rogan.

I, like most others, first discovered deepfakes in late 2017 around the time I had an "epiphany" on media synthesis as a whole. Just in those two years, the entire field has seen extraordinary progress. I realized then that we were on the cusp of an extreme flourishing of art, except that art would be largely-to-almost entirely machine generated. But along with it would come a flourishing of distrust, fake news, fake reality bubbles, and "ultracultural memes". Ever since, I've felt the need to evangelize media synthesis, whether to tell others of a coming renaissance or to warn them to be wary of what they see.

This is because, over the past two years, I realized that many people's idea of what media synthesis is really stops at deepfakes, or they only view new development through the lens of deepfakes. The reason why I came up with "media" synthesis is because I genuinely couldn't pin down any one creative/data-based field AI wasn't going to affect. It wasn't just faces. It wasn't just bodies. It wasn't just voice. It wasn't just pictures of ethereal swirling dogs. It wasn't just transferring day to night. It wasn't just turning a piano into a harpsichord. It wasn't just generating short stories and fake news. It wasn't just procedurally generated gameplay. It was all of the above and much more. And it's coming so fast that I fear we aren't prepared, both for the tech and the consequences.

Indeed, in many discussions I've seen (and engaged in) since then, there's always several people who have a virulent reaction against the prospect neural networks can do any of this at all, or at least that it'll get better enough to the point it will affect artists, creators, and laborers. Even though we're already seeing the effects in the modeling industry alone.

Look at this gif. Looks like a bunch of models bleeding into and out of each other, right? Actually, no one here is real. They're all neural network-generated people.

Neural networks can generate full human figures, and altering their appearance and clothing is a matter of changing a few parameters or feeding an image into the data set. Changing the clothes of someone in a picture is as easy as clicking on the piece you wish you change and swapping it with any of your choice (or result in the personal wearing no clothes at all). A similar scenario applies for make-up. This is not like an old online dress-up flash game where the models must be meticulously crafted by an art designer or programmer— simply give the ANN something to work with, and it will figure out all the rest. You needn't even show it every angle or every lighting condition, for it will use commonsense to figure these out as well. Such has been possible since at least 2017, though only with recent GPU advancements has it become possible for someone to run such programs in real time.

The unfortunate side effect is that the amateur modeling industry will be vaporized. Extremely little will be left, and the few who do remain are promoted entirely because they are fleshy & real human beings. Professional models will survive for longer, but there will be little new blood joining their ranks. As such, it remains to be seen whether news and blogs speak loudly of the sudden, unexpected automation of what was once seen as a safe and human-centric industry or if this goes ignored and under-reported— after all, the news used to speak of automation in terms of physical, humanoid robots taking the jobs of factory workers, fast-food burger flippers, and truck drivers, occupations that are still in existence en masse due to slower-than-expected roll outs of robotics and a continued lack of general AI.

We needn't have general AI to replace those jobs that can be replicated by disembodied digital agents. And the sudden decline & disappearance of models will be the first widespread sign of this.

Actually, I have an hypothesis for this: media synthesis is one of the first signs that we're making progress towards artificial general intelligence.

Now don't misunderstand me. No neural network that can generate media is AGI or anything close. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that what we can see as being media synthesis is evidence that we've put ourselves on the right track. We never should've thought that we could get to AGI without also developing synthetic media technology.

What do you know about imagination?

As recently as five years ago, the concept of "creative machines" was cast off as impossible— or at the very least, improbable for decades. Indeed, the phrase remains an oxymoron in the minds of most. Perhaps they are right. Creativity implies agency and desire to create. All machines today lack their own agency. Yet we bear witness to the rise of computer programs that imagine and "dream" in ways not dissimilar to humankind.

Though lacking agency, this still meets the definition of imagination.

To reduce it to its most fundamental ingredients: Imagination = experience + abstraction + prediction. To get creativity, you need only add "drive". Presuming that we fail to create artificial general intelligence in the next ten years (an easy thing to assume because it's unlikely we will achieve fully generalized AI even in the next thirty), we still possess computers capable of the former three ingredients.

Someone who lives on a flat island and who has never seen a mountain before can learn to picture what one might be by using what they know of rocks and cumulonimbus clouds, making an abstract guess to cross the two, and then predicting what such a "rock cloud" might look like. This is the root of imagination.

As Descartes noted, even the strongest of imagined sensations is duller than the dullest physical one, so this image in the person's head is only clear to them in a fleeting way. Nevertheless, it's still there. Through great artistic skills, the person can learn to express this mental image through artistic means. In all but the most skilled, it will not be a pure 1-to-1 realization due to the fuzziness of our minds, but in the case of expressive art, it doesn't need to be.

Computers lack this fleeting ethereality of imagination completely. Once one creates something, it can give you the uncorrupted output.

Right now, this makes for wonderful tools and apps that many play around with online and on our phones.

But extrapolating this to the near future results in us coming face to face many heavy questions, and not just of the "can't trust what you see variety."

Because think about it.

If I'm a musical artist and I release an album, what if I accidentally recorded a song that's too close to an AI-generated track (all because AI generated literally every combination of notes?) Or, conversely, what if I have to watch as people take my music and alter it? I may feel strongly about it, but yet the music has its notes changed, its lyrics changed, my own voice changed, until it might as well be an entirely different artist making that music. Many won't mind, but many will.

I trust my mother's voice, as many do. So imagine a phisher managing to steal her voice, running it through a speech synthesis network, and then calling me asking me for my social security number. Or maybe I work at a big corporation, and while we're secure, we still recognize each other's voice, only to learn that someone stole millions of dollars from us because they stole the CEO's voice and used to to wire cash to a pirate's account.

Imagine going online and at least 70% of the "people" you encounter are bots. They're extremely coherent, and they have profile images of what looks to be real people. And who knows, you may even forge an e-friendship with some of them because they seem to share your interests. Then it turns out they're just bundles of code.

Oh, and those bot-people are also infesting social media and forums in the millions, creating and destroying trends and memes without much human input. Even if the mainstream news sites don't latch on at first, bot-created and bot-run news sites will happily kick it off for them. The news is supposed to report on major events, global and local. Even if the news is honest and telling the truth, how can they truly verify something like this, especially when it seems to be gaining so much traction and humans inevitably do get involved? Remember "Bowsette" from last year? Imagine if that was actually pushed entirely by bots until humans saw what looked like a happenin' kind of meme and joined in? That could be every year or perhaps even every month in the 2020s onwards.

Likewise, imagine you're listening to a pop song in one country, but then you go to another country and it's the exact same song but most of the lyrics have changed to be more suitable for their culture. That sort of cultural spread could stop... or it could be supercharged if audiences don't take to it and pirate songs/change them and share them at their own leisure.

Or maybe it's a good time to mention how commissioned artists are screwed? Commission work boards are already a race to the bottom— if a job says it pays three cents per word to write an article, you'd better list your going rate as 2 cents per word, and then inevitably the asking rate in general becomes 2 cents per word, and so on and so forth. That whole business might be over within five to ten years if you aren't already extremely established. Because if machines can mimic any art style or writing style (and then exaggerate & alter it to find some better version people like more), you'd have to really be tech-illiterate or very pro-human to want non-machine commissions.

And to go back to deepfakes and deep nudes, imagine the paratypical creep who takes children and puts them into sexual situations, any sexual situation they desire thanks to AI-generated images and video. It doesn't matter who, and it doesn't have to be real children either. It could even be themselves as a child if they still have the reference or use a de-aging algorithm on their face. It's squicky and disgusting to think about, but it's also inevitable and probably has already happened.

And my god, it just keeps going on and on. I can't do this justice, even with 40,000 characters to work with. The future we're about to enter is so wild, so extreme that I almost feel scared for humanity. It's not some far off date in the 22nd century. It's literally going to start happening within the next five years. We're going to see it emerge before our very eyes on this and other subreddits.

I'll end this post with some more examples.

Nvidia's new AI can turn any primitive sketch into a photorealistic masterpiece. You can even play with this yourself here.

Waifu Synthesis- real time generative anime, because obviously.

Few-Shot Adversarial Learning of Realistic Neural Talking Head Models | This GAN can animate any face GIF, supercharging deepfakes & media synthesis

Talk to Transformer | Feed a prompt into GPT-2 and receive some text. As of 9/29/2019, this uses the 774M parameter version of GPT-2, which is still weaker than the 1.5B parameter "full" version."

Text samples generated by Nvidia's Megatron-LM (GPT-2-8.3b). Vastly superior to what you see in Talk to Transformer, even if it had the "full" model.

Facebook's AI can convert one singer's voice into another | The team claims that their model was able to learn to convert between singers from just 5-30 minutes of their singing voices, thanks in part to an innovative training scheme and data augmentation technique. as a prototype for shifting vocalists or vocalist genders or anything of that sort.

TimbreTron for changing instrumentation in music. Here, you can see a neural network shift entire instruments and pitches of those new instruments. It might only be a couple more years until you could run The Beatles' "Here Comes The Sun" through, say, Slayer and get an actual song out of it.

AI generated album covers for when you want to give the result of that change its own album.

Neural Color Transfer Between Images [From 2017], showing how we might alter photographs to create entirely different moods and textures.

Scammer Successfully Deepfaked CEO's Voice To Fool Underling Into Transferring $243,000

"Experts: Spy used AI-generated face to connect with targets" [GAN faces for fake LinkedIn profiles]

This Marketing Blog Does Not Exist | This blog written entirely by AI is fully in the uncanny valley.

Chinese Gaming Giant NetEase Leverages AI to Create 3D Game Characters from Selfies | This method has already been used over one million times by Chinese gamers.

"Deep learning based super resolution, without using a GAN" [perceptual loss-based upscaling with transfer learning & progressive scaling], or in other words, "ENHANCE!"

Expert: AI-generated music is a "total legal clusterf*ck" | I've thought about this. Future music generation means that all IPs are open, any new music can be created from any old band no matter what those estates may want, and AI-generated music exists in a legal tesseract of answerless questions

And there's just a ridiculous amount more.

My subreddit, /r/MediaSynthesis, is filled with these sorts of stories going back to January of 2018. I've definitely heard of people come away in shock, dazed and confused, after reading through it. And no wonder.

#Futurology #Technology #Tech #Studies #Humanity #Development #New #Gadgets

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k-spiracy · 5 years

Text

Human Error || 1

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (F)

Genre: Smut, Angst, Action/Adventure, Thriller/Horror, a little salt bae pinch of Mystery

Word Count: 7k

Significant Tags: Killer!Jungkook AU; Assassin!Y/N AU; Enemies to Lovers AU; Mafia!BTS AU; College! AU

Summary: “There was only one way in and out of there, and someone else just occupied the exit.”

Warning: PLEASE DO NOT READ if you are sensitive to graphic descriptions of dead bodies, or the mention of rape and/or abuse, which is present in a snippet of this chapter.This work is completely fictitious. In no way do I intend to romanticize murder, assassination or any other criminal act. Please do not associate violent themes with BTS or any member. This AU is based off a popular twitter thread from jung_kkuu.

Author’s Note: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC! YAY! Writing this story took me a long time for personal reasons and it took a lot of courage for me to finally post after countless proof reads… Anyways, I hope you like the story! Give Me Feedback!

Chapters: | Index | 01 | 02 || cr.

Death always seemed to work in mysterious ways. Admittedly, that phrase was meant for God, but in your profession, there left no place for heavenly deeds. You could never put yourself anywhere but the middle ground between good and evil, doing what both of those high powers did, which was ending a life. Though their ways may or may not have been painless, life and death were like the difference between a river and a stream, and water is water.

Your job was what separated those two things and spread them thin beyond the belief that death was strictly a divinity. Humankind was convinced that they are the supreme being, making you a mere pawn to the man-made game of survival, a silent terror in the dead of night; an assassin.

Tonight was one of those late nights, technically the early morning, as it held a quiet promise. The sky was overcast, hiding the little flecks we previously called stars—by now, completely artificial, as humans discovered how to preserve the earth and the universe as we know it, just before the peak of demise.

Echo was your field name, a perfect description of your work: nothing more than the whisper of a cry heard out many miles, many minutes after you’d already left. You were quiet, to say the least. You took your time with every kill, preferring to get to know a person before ending them. Strolling through their house, (be it getting through an upstairs window or simply the front door) looking through their pictures, their life, to try and get an understanding of why they were about to die.

See, you learned never to ask questions, only to take the money even if the person in question did not deserve it. Most times it was better that way. At least, it’s what kept you alive and into the profession.

A small click sounded your success, and an open window after it, as you took a cautious step inside the house. The floors and stairs were wooden, both extremely risky if the house turned out to be pretty old. Though it didn’t seem so, you still wouldn’t take any chances.

You look around. The room you entered was a modern kitchen; grey and barely lit with cool undertones. There was a room to your immediate left with flickers of dim white light portraying someone’s shadow moving back and forth, a stairwell ahead, and a little room to the back right of the kitchen. A cracked doorway at the top of the stairs catches your eye, and the desire to explore consumes you, but you did not plan on him being awake.

You’d always studied your targets, where they go, what they eat, whom they talk to but that was all with the help of social media; phone cameras. This one was scheduled to have been in bed for approximately two hours, thirty minutes and six…seven…eight…seconds ago. Of course, it was nothing you couldn’t handle, but you still felt relieved that you chose the fire escape instead of the front door.

You gauged the distance between your side and the opposite, calculating the perfect time to cross. The archway of the room was significantly large, but his pattern of walking showed stability. So as soon as he turned his back, you made a run for the other wall and pressed against it.

You carefully poked your head around the corner. Here, you could see the man clearly: pacing back and forth holding a phone to his ear, while speaking in tones of hushed anger. The whispering tipped you off.

Someone else was in the house.

You scanned him and his surroundings, noting an elevated heart rate, (most likely due to anxiety) but otherwise healthy vitals. His profile, Jung Hoseok, age 24, blood type A, standing at 5ft. 11in. was marked for deletion. He was handsome, with brown hair and hooded eyes, and he wore a light green t-shirt and plaid pajama pants. The room, however, had an irregularly placed china cabinet, all of his curtains closed, and bank statements on his coffee table dated from two days ago. Hoseok pauses. You look away. Static fills your ears.

“…saw something.”

Hoseok is coming your way and you have nowhere to hide. His hand grips the crown molding just centimeters away from your head. You hold your breath. He passes you, heading deeper into his kitchen before glancing at the spot where you used to stand. You watch him from the shadows of the staircase, taking notice of something he didn’t. As soon as he turns back into the living room, you see it again, a quick flash of red light speeding by his head.

“Mission comprised.”

Suddenly, a target appears in your line of sight. “Execute and evacuate immediately,” it said, before dissolving into pixels.

You watch Hoseok cautiously. He was already on edge, but now you were too. Your new mission lay at the top of the stairs. Had it not already been your intention, you’d have been worried by the sudden change of course. Nonetheless, you ascended the steps silently. At the top of the stairs, there were three doors: two on either side and one that was already open in front of you. It was your first choice.

As you entered the bedroom, you noticed the open window directly across from you, the wind blowing the curtains however it pleased. There was also someone in the bed, tangled beneath the tousled grey sheets fast asleep. A woman.

As usual, your curiosity led you to the bedside table on the opposite side where a picture frame stood. Hoseok and the sleeping figure were in it. Upon further inspection of the room, you found nothing particularly incriminating and got ready to leave, when you kicked a metal box. The woman did not move. Your ears strained for minutes in case the man downstairs heard, but there was no response.

Your attention returned to the box. In it, a pistol, two rolls of money, and a questionable substance. It seemed as if both the placement of this box and it’s contents were out of place. Could Hoseok have left it there?

Something didn’t seem right. You recall the tiny blink of red, just before climbing to the second story. Your hand takes on a life of its own, face draining of color. It grabs at the silk sheets and pulls them away, revealing the woman. She rolls toward you at the movement of the sheets, her naked body on full display. She wore a necklace of bruises, dark in contrast to her otherwise pale white skin. Her hair was matted to her face, her lipstick smeared, and two of her red nails broken. In her previous spot, there was a dark wet stain that explained the glisten on her lower stomach.

You sweep away the sweaty tendrils from her face. Upon doing so, her profile appears and your target list reduces back down to one.

You back away, slightly confused; disgusted, to say the least. It wasn’t as if you didn’t feel for her in that pitiful state, but something else was at play. Was this the reason why Hoseok was your target? It did not make sense. His character did not show any signs of malice. Maybe he was just that good of a liar, but everything seemed…staged.

It had only been seven minutes so far, but the night already seemed so long. You had to get out of there quick. Your hands reach for the blade strapped to your thigh and take it out.

Creeping down the stairs, you were now prepared to kill. It was quieter than usual, despite the growing static. You wait at the bottom of the stairs for three beats when you hear nothing. Then, you whip around the corner and into the room expecting a struggle, except Hoseok is no longer pacing back and forth, but on the floor with a bullet hole in his head. You reach towards your mask in hopes to scan him, when you hear footsteps approaching.

Another message appears as you crouch in the small space behind Hoseok’s sectional. Your targets have been successfully terminated, but that is all the mask can show you: a status of death. It doesn’t know that you didn’t cause it. What it can pick up is your increased heart rate, so the mask alerts a different software to scan the area for possible threats, and sure enough, a heat signature appears on your radar.

The footsteps are a heavy, rhythmic drum against the cold wooden floors, getting intimidatingly closer with every passing second. It seems they are heading for the living room, possibly in search of you. You peek your head over the couch and weigh your options, frantically searching the four walls for any means of escape. You find none. The curtains could not be opened without giving you away, and not only that, but you’d have to jump out the window. You were six stories up.

There was only one way in and out of there, and someone else just occupied the exit. Their gait rang loud in your ears, those vibrations steadily rumbling towards you and then stop abruptly. You cradle your knees closer to your chest. For a second, you realize you stopped breathing and take time to carefully fill your lungs without alerting whomever it was sharing the room. You did not want to take the chance of looking at them, so you wait and listen, tightly gripping your knife.

The silence is literally mutilating your ability to rationalize. You’ve never been in this situation before, what would the boss think? The head of your organization was a strict woman, she had no tolerance for mistakes. You wonder if she’d be furious at the failure of the mission, most likely demoting you or maybe even worse.

For the sake of yourself, you decided not to imagine being back out on the streets. And just in time, because the sound of a click and a loud thud knocks you out of your previous thoughts. It has to be a gun, you think, as the long scrape of metal on the wooden floors send goosebumps racing up your arms. The person takes agonizingly slow steps, now in front of the TV, as you can see from their growing shadow. You cling to the blade, your back flush against the couch. A gloved hand reaches over the cushion, and you quickly slam your feet on the wall and push using all of your strength.

The sectional moves back with a bit of difficulty, but the person loses balance and falls forward, landing hard on their stomach. You stand and punch them off the back of the couch, toppling a few throw pillows as you jump over it in pursuit. Their knees give way to Hoseok’s coffee table and you take the chance to immobilize them.

It truly was a gun you heard. An assault rifle, to be exact. The sight of it dropping from the person’s hand while they fell confirmed it, and now, you straddle them with one hand firmly holding their shoulder as the other presses your knife to their throat. You that they must be an assassin, what with the black attire, gun and mask. They struggle in vain, caught under your weight in a near backbend against the low wooden table, as your knees dig hard into their flexed biceps.

“Don’t move!”

Your voice resonates within the empty condo, echoes returning back to the living room. You feel some semblance of victory as you reach for their…bunny mask? But the sound of a door opening distracts you. Your head turns towards that direction, and the assassin frees their left arm, pushing you off of them in the process. You land on your butt with a grunt. The assassin whips their head towards the sound of multiple footsteps, moving only to swipe their gun and run towards the lone window in Hoseok’s living room. You scramble to get up and chase after them, but the window is open and they are gone. Still, you follow to see how they landed the tall drop, but there is no one to be found outside.

You turn to see people in white gather in the room. Clean-up Crew. Some look at you with the same confusion you wore on your face, as you should’ve been gone by now, but the rest go about their business unbothered.

One of them walks towards you.

“Y/N, since when did you use guns?” You look up to see your good friend Namjoon inspecting the corpse before casually stepping over it, and then strolling over to your spot by the now-closed window.

“I don’t.”

You leaned back against the glass with your arms folded, replying without meeting his curious eyes. He takes a place beside you and waits for you to continue to talk as he knew you would, always eager to get out of work, what with his clumsy tendencies.

You sigh. “I was set up.”

“But that’s not possible, the system always—”

“Obviously there is some sort of flaw in the system if someone else was here for the same kill, and me too.” Your mind goes back to the interaction. You could’ve died in that instance but that person, whoever it was, ran away.

“I’m just lucky my gut was right,” you say, pausing for a minute then pressing on. “And my mask, of course.” You remember that you were still wearing it, and with a wave of two fingers to your temple, it turns off. Your mask is holographic. To others, it looks like a pair of red visors—only needed to cover your eyes, since your balaclava does the rest. Without it, The Crew would not have been notified, and you did not want to think about what could’ve happened.

“There must be a logical explanation for all of this.”

Namjoon was a technical man, even more so than you. He liked to know every possible outcome of a situation, but when something happens that his brain can’t calculate, he desperately searches for a ‘logical explanation’

“Enlighten me,” you quipped, ready to hear what he had in store, all while prepared to correct him at the same time.

He starts with only a breath before you rudely interrupt in a mocking tone. “The system is encrypted! It couldn’t possibly have been hacked and we wouldn’t have sent you out if we knew it was a double kill.” You glanced at him. He was not amused by your goading. “But then, considering that the other person tried to kill me,” you exaggerate a shrug before asking, “What else could it be except..?”

You’re waiting for his answer with an expectant look when he speaks up. “Well—”

A buzzer sound comes from the depths of your throat and Namjoon shoots you a glare. “Whatever you were gonna say, it’s wrong.”

“You didn’t even know what I was gonna say.”

“No, but it’s not one of your crazy ideas.”

Namjoon thinks back to the time he actually considered magic as a factor. From then on, you always took the chance to tease him. He sighs. “I was going to say that it could be an inside job.”

You opened your mouth then closed it. Your mind never leaped beyond the suspicion that it could be a rival organization after you.

“What, you’re not going to correct me this time?”

“No… No. Actually, that sounds about right.” You turn your attention to the Cleaners, currently scanning the room. A thin blue holographic line makes sure to reach every corner of the room, paying extra attention to Hoseok’s dead body.

Carefully assessing the corpse, you make your way over to it, Namjoon following hastily. “I forgot to mention it, but what happened here?” He was referring to the mess you made. Anyone that walked in could tell there were signs of struggling. His eyes roamed the area, especially lingering over the crooked couch and the rug that bunched up under it. “Was this one hard to kill, or was it the intruder?” The way he refers to Hoseok like he was never a “he,” but an “it,” makes you cringe. You can’t get over his use of the word intruder either, as if you weren’t one yourself.

“On the contrary,” you sigh, staring into the male’s lifeless eyes. “I didn’t kill him.”

It does not take a while for Namjoon to put together the pieces. He knows you. He knows that you have never once used guns and how you feel about them, even. You were one of the few killers of your organization to use only one type of weapon, and those were blades. You preferred close range attacks but weren’t picky about tomahawking when needed. If it was a game of skill, you had it, and you’d win. Of course, Namjoon was sure of this, being your friend of three years.

He clears his throat and you look expectantly at him. “Penny for your thoughts?” You were transfixed on the corpse for a while and he started to worry. Silently asking for the one cent payment, you stuck out your hand, to which he responded by patting himself and shrugging when he came up with nothing.

You giggle at his little display, musing over his exaggerated defeat when he could not find a penny and began to talk despite his lack of remittance. “It’s just that when I came, I had a bad feeling about everything.” Your gloved hand waves in circular motions over the contents of the room. “He was awake. I didn’t listen to myself and leave when I saw what was—” Your eyes widen.

Upstairs.

You forgot about upstairs.

“What was your assignment Namjoon?”

He quickly recites everything he read on his tablet before coming over. Your stomach lurches at no mention of the woman upstairs. Come to think of it, none of the Crew was missing. The usual number of only six members were accounted for, which meant that they didn’t even know about her.

You jump out of your rooted position and again, Namjoon trails without question. Your following increases when you tap the shoulder of one of the Cleaners and ask her to come with you upstairs.

The three of you reach the top and head inside the bedroom to see the lady on the bed exactly how you left her upon discovery. The girl excuses herself to go get some equipment to scan the area and you take the chance to inquire more about the mission.

“Did the message say anything specific?”

“Other than the target and his profile, no.” Namjoon stares at the bed. “Why?”

“Only because you guys have been here all of three minutes, and not one person was thorough about clean up like usual.”

Routine was to wait for the all clear.

Routine was to search the entire house.

Routine was to dispose of the body.

It also is to empty the said house of any signs of any previous life, yet there lacked so much as a batted eye towards routine.

Maybe you were a bit impatient about it since they had just gotten there, but something still seemed off and you did not want to let that go.

Both of you waited in silence for the girl to come back. When she did, you asked her to perform a physical report. Moving to the right side of the bed, her arm hovers over the wet spot you had discovered not long ago. She then scans it, and the woman’s body after. The soft hum of her scanner fills the room for about ten seconds before a high-pitched beep is heard.

“The results show signs of…of uh…”

When she couldn’t speak without stuttering, you decided to try and fill in the blanks. “Was she raped?” you ask, your voice no louder than a whisper.

Namjoon shifts uncomfortably at your question and the girl can only nod in response.

“There's…

“There’s a box on the other side of the bed. I found it and it had some pretty questionable items.” You point in its general vicinity with a lazy wisp of your left arm.

You seemed both bothered and unfazed by the room’s fourth presence, elucidated by its grim aura. She was rather unfortunate to have worn the dark circle impressed into the skin of her ring finger, binding her to this fate. It ate you alive to know that someone else killed your targets, and this one in particular to a much more morbid extent. Even more so, that you were not able to make it quick and easy. Not that it would have made a difference in terms of death since pain is pain, but at least you would have felt content in knowing that she wasn’t exploited in such a way. By who, you did not know. Her assumed husband, the prime suspect, was already being disposed of. The only other explanation had jumped out of the window before you could catch them.

“I don’t think this man—Jung Hoseok, was whom he led on to be.”

Namjoon had carefully read your expression as you fell deeper into thought at the mention of the box. He didn’t like the look in your eyes. “They usually never are Y/N, and it’s not our job to care.”

“This pertains to the overall weirdness of the situation,” you conceded, watching the other crew member walk to the box you mentioned, picking it up and surveying that as well.

The latter folded his arms in protest to the ongoing plot inside your head. He watched you open your mouth to speak, anticipating his further disapproval at your oncoming words as you swiveled towards the doorway.

“I have yet to—”

“Hold it,” Namjoon interrupted. He grabbed your arm mid haste and took you out to the hallway—where you were headed in the first place, but ultimately beaten to the punch. “I think you need to stop.”

You looked at him in disbelief. He towered over you, steady with his hands firmly curled around your shoulders. He continued to stare intently at you and when the passing minutes only held silence, he then spoke.

“This is our job, so leave it to us.”

You felt defeat for the second time that night. That feeling quickly washed over with frustration and defiance. “if you're suggesting that I cannot compose myself, Namjoon, I assure you—”

“You can handle yourself, I know.”

“I have seen many bodies even worse than—”

“I know.” Namjoon, while taking his revenge from earlier, interrupted you for the second time, holding his grip even when you tried to break out of it.

“Then if you know, you should let me go.” you grit your teeth in another vain attempt to smack his arms away.

He contended with your challenging tone, simply by clipping off a sharp no at the edge of his tongue. Both of you stood in the dark hallway, two unmoving forces engrossed in each other’s burning gaze.

“Come on.” He pulled your arm and started down the stairs, only for you to yank back.

“Your job is not to scour the house and investigate. That’s what we do here. You came here to kill, and you did not deliver. Staying is not gonna make things better for you at the agency. Just go back, Y/N.

“You get yourself so caught up in everyone else’s life, you don’t even realize you are the one ending it. Aside from the fact that someone was out to get you, this case is no different. But, because the person is still out there, you need to get out of here instead of playing detective and putting a target on your back.”

Sometimes you hated when he was right. You let Namjoon take your hand and the two of you made it back to the first floor. He stopped in front of you to let two workers pass by. They carried Hoseok’s blanketed body on a gurney towards the front door, his left hand swinging off the side to the rhythm of their rough movements.

With your two hands still intertwined, Namjoon takes you the same way as the workers. You followed them into a maintenance elevator and went down six floors. Every corner harbored guards in grey. As for security, they made sure the building was asleep, which meant that any onlooker was oblivious, and all the cameras, if any, were off.

Once outside, Namjoon stops. “Where is your car? I’ll take you there.”

“I can take myself,” you protested. “Its many blocks away.”

“Which direction?”

You sighed. He was not going to let up. You told him right, the direction of your car, and the two of you started walking again.

The wind was still blowing as softly as it did inside the house. Streetlights were off in your area, courtesy of Clean-up Crew, and the sky was just as dark as it had been the time you climbed into Hoseok’s window. You noted these particular details to distract yourself from Namjoon’s hand, still glued to your own.

He noticed you looking everywhere but him, and swung your arms teasingly. “I hope you aren’t mad at me, your best friend in the whole entire world,” he smiled.

You shook your head with furrowed brows, more irritated at the killer that bested you only fifteen minutes before.

“Good,” he said, letting go of your hand.

At that moment, you realize he hadn’t done any of his work at all, and you were the reason. That made you feel bad for a brief second, but your thoughts rolled back to the other assassin. You were ill-prepared for such an altercation, as you had never encountered one of that nature. Granted, every mission allows for the possibility of death, but as Namjoon said earlier, this was different.

I could’ve died.

“That’s why I’m walking you to your car.”

“What?” You looked up at your friend in confusion before realizing you had said it out loud.

“Want to talk about it? We seem to have a couple more blocks since I don’t see the car yet.”

You accepted his offer without knowing where to start. Eventually, you told him exactly what happened. He listened, humming every now and then when he understood. When you finished, you waited for his insight.

“Describe them in detail.”

“I—I don't…” You didn’t think much on it since you were focused on survival, but on further assessment, you could remember more than just their clothes. “They were wearing all black, like me, but the shirt was short sleeved and they had ripped jeans on, almost as if the killing was a casual event for them.” Your eyebrows knitted at this thought, but you continued. “They…had a gun, I think it was an XT-97, but they handled it like a pistol.”

“So they’re strong,” he noted. “Height?”

“Tall. Maybe like…six feet? I can’t tell, but now that I think about it, their build was not at all feminine.”

“Then it’s a guy, right?”

“Must be,” you said, retreating back into the memory once again.

“Don’t move!”

You planted yourself on top of the figure, your knife digging into his craning neck. You can feel his muscles flex under the black T-shirt, veins bulging out of his forearms as your knees dig deeper into them, your intention being to further weight yourself. You’re ready to slit his throat, angling the blade and leaning close enough to hear his stuttered pants.

Suddenly, your ears perk up at the sound of footsteps.

They stop.

“We’re here.”

You stood on the corner of the street, the alleyway separating you from the next block over. No lights shone on your car as it sat in the shadows, and you made sure of that with the small EMP you planted on the asphalt. It acted as a cloaking device, detracting attention and temporarily deactivating streetlights in the perimeter. You picked it up as the two of you sauntered over to the black Tesla.

The car’s light illuminated Namjoon’s face when he leaned over the open door, one hand resting on the roof of the car. You expressed your temporary goodbyes and he shut the door after watching you put on your seatbelt. The ignition switched on at the sound of your voice, shifting to reverse and slowly backing out of the narrow space, careful of Namjoon’s presence.

“One more thing,” you piped up as the car idled on the curb. Namjoon was a little ways off, already on the walk back when he came up to the open passenger window. You motioned for him to get in and he did so without protest.

“He was wearing a really weird mask,” you said, trailing off while setting the autonomous car to drive in the direction of Hoseok’s apartment.

You realized how distracted you got when you thought about the other assassin. Something about him sent chills up your spine, yet you were entranced, just by the rise and fall of his chest. The low timbre of Namjoon’s voice pulled you out of the memory, but you could still see two unblinking black eyes staring back so vividly.

“It was a bunny mask. I remember clearly how haunted it made me feel.”

“That sounds creepy.”

“Yeah, it kinda was.”

The car slowed to a halt and you looked over at Namjoon. He assured you that when he finished, he’d give you all the details on what he found. Then, he got out and walked up to one of the guards casually leaning against the pole of a stop sign. You waited for him to wave you away, and with it, the car drove off into the bare streets of what was now 3 A.M.

“Please input your next destination, otherwise you will be transported to the home marker.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. It would be a long ride from the outskirts of Gwangju.

Technological advancements created self-driving cars and not long after, highways to accommodate their fast speeds, but even though this triumph sliced time into fractions, you still would have to wait an hour or so until you reached your destination. Knowing it would be so long, you groaned at the sight of your weary reflection in the visor, closing it with a slam. A note that was pinned to it fell into your lap. With light, you skimmed over carefully written cursive, the words of its author flooding the paper with waves of regret. Memories resurface from the depths of your mind and you can’t help but drown in them.

02. 17. 3049 || TWO YEARS EARLIER

The smell of rosewood and kimchi is oddly soothing as you sit in the corner booth of the tiny restaurant. It was one of your favorite places to eat, also being one of the oldest and only businesses to evolve with the modernized world. The inside housed a new coffee corner, which you made sure to visit each morning. This morning was quite frigid and the café made up for the bitter weather with its warm drinks, one which you were already on your third order of.

She could be here any minute, you thought, your foot tapping rather impatiently against the tiled floor. You took a sip of your buckwheat tea, cold hands finding purchase in its warmth as your fingers desperately curled around the cup.

Your eager eyes spot the waiter as she came to me your table, placing down a steaming bowl of naengmyun before smiling and walking away.

How embarrassing it was for you to be seen waiting on someone else. Across from you, the table was set and empty for what would now be an hour and twenty minutes, and to that, your foot still tapped. Each ring of the bell at the door had you on edge until you saw the strawberry blonde walk in and lock eyes with you from across the way. You scanned her (an impulsive habit of yours) while she shuffled over to the table. You could tell she ran, as her cheeks were nearly beet red, and her breathing quite uneven. Everything you already knew about her appeared next to her figure as she sat down.

“Sorry I’m late,” she huffed, rubbing her cheeks and hunching over. You dismissed her profile with two blinks and smiled at her.

“No need, I wasn’t waiting long.”

“Is this for me?” She pointed to the bowl of noodles that you pushed over to her side of the table in response. She dug in, mumbling a thank you with a few noodles hanging from her mouth.

You took another sip of your drink.

“So,” she said, clearing her throat. “What did you have planned for today? Anything involving outside? If so, I can order us something warm to take with us…”

“Actually, our date started half an hour ago,” you teased, looking at the watch on your left hand. “Maybe we can still make the movie if you finish eating in…now.”

The sight of the bewildered look on her face made you burst into laughter. She grumbled as she slurped at her noodles, not appreciating your joke. Still, she asked why you didn’t order, so you lied about already being full, saying you were happy just watching her eat.

You truly had no appetite.

The rest of the day was filled with grins everywhere you went. She begged to stop by a street vendor who, upon the unexpected snowfall, gave away warm treats “on the house.” The two of you rushed to escape the weather and get to her apartment, where she’d put on a movie to replace the one you missed.

The screen was frozen; paused.

She expressed her dire need to use the bathroom and went, leaving you where she expected you to wait: on her couch in the dim lighting of her living room. It was as she washed her hands, that she noticed you in the mirror standing behind her. There, that her confusion morphed into horror at the sight of the kitchen knife, and there, that her blood was spilled, all over the bathroom floor.

Her name never mattered.

It didn’t to whoever had opted to delete her, to the waiter, and the vendor on the street—both of whom were fellow agents, and it didn’t to the world, now that she was gone.

“Surprise!”

You walked into the office startled, blood still tainting your boots, the girl still on your mind. She would later be erased, like all others, from your mind with the help of booze.

Maybe a party was just what you needed.

There were streamers lining the walls, balloons covering the ceiling, and a large banner that read “Congrats on 100 Kills!” hanging from either wall. You took a step further, recognizing your colleagues, some nearly foreign to you with large smiles on their faces.

It was odd for you, being celebrated for taking someone’s life. It just never seemed to matter if the right price is paid—low and behold, a large wad of cash lay buried deep in the pocket of your black moto jacket. You continued to approach the middle of the dark room, a cake with sparklers flickering it’s light on to the many bodies gathered around it. They urged you to blow them out and you did, despite being so hesitant.

Immediately, the lights switched on, and scattered claps rumbled into a thunder of applause. Soon after the cake was cut, people conversed in small groups about the office, quick to stop and congratulate you as you pass by, searching for a friend. But someone else found you before you could reach those doors.

“Guess who?”

You recognized the familiarity of his voice, and, guessing correctly, lifted Namjoon’s hands away from your eyes.

“Hey stranger,” you said, turning to see him beaming at you with those dimples of his. He pulls you in for a tight hug, and without warning, whisks you off, away from the party.

The music and chatter start to fade as he evades all interrogation while dragging you to the elevator, where the two of you take a ride down to the parking garage. Upon the doors opening, a chirp sounds within the concrete walls, soon muffled by the sound of an engine revving. A black car rolls in front of you, its two doors lifting like the wings of a bird taking flight. You are at a loss for words, stuttering out unfinished questions while the elevator doors continually attempt to close, but can’t with you in the way.

“She wanted to give you this,” Namjoon says, taking your arm and hooking it with his as he walks you up to the slick, black beauty. “A gift for all your hard work.”

Hard work, huh? Your boss seemed to be working harder than you, seeing as how she couldn’t even be bothered to show up. Did she no longer have time to be your friend? Watching your steady decline to less than human from behind the comfort of her locked doors?

It wasn’t fair.

“Wh—Where is—” You struggled to find the words until your questions were answered by the folded yellow note Namjoon hands you.

“Five minutes until the destination is reached.”

“Make a new course for work.”

Neon lights race along the curves of your car as it exits the highway, only a few blocks away from the office. Here, everything was alive, compared to where you were last, the traffic and pedestrians still bustling as if it wasn’t the early hours of the morning. It’s true what they say about the city, that it never sleeps, especially not when you’ve just arrived at the heart of Seoul. During the lively night, it was just another building with big glowing letters, but when the light of day shines on this skyscraper, many recognize it as the number one source of technology and internet in all of Korea: Vortex.

The car door lowers with a slight hiss as you walk up to the building. This was your second home for years now, and as you look up the glass walls, you see a yellow light shine from one of the windows.

She’s still here.

You go inside, walking straight past the startled front desk manager—tossing him your keys—and to the elevator, where you knowingly lock eyes just as the door close. There were no buttons for where you were going because no ordinary person knew about the sub-levels of the building both above and below its shell structure. That was for the business Vortex conducted behind the scenes; the business in which you thrived.

The office was on one of the very top floors, and as you reach it, you turn to face the back of the elevator and wait for it to open. Had you share the lift with anyone else, they would’ve looked at you crazy, considering no normal employee could exit through the maintenance doors.

There were no buttons. But of course, that was the purpose of the front desk.

The doors slide open and you walk into the most familiar place you’ve ever known. The cubicles and desks hid the nature of what the assassins really did, but you didn’t have a problem with it since it made you feel a little bit more human.

There were those double doors, the ones you could never reach during the party; the ones made of glass like everything else inside the building.

Except she wasn’t see through.

“Hey, why are you still here?”

You stood leaning in the doorway, watching her head slowly lift from her desk. You knew the answer to that, so she decided not to respond.

“Something strange happened today while a was making a kill,” you started, waiting for her reaction. She did not provide one so you continued. “You see, I was going after that teacher I’d been following for a while, and when I got to his house, he didn’t look like a teacher.”

“Is that so?” She said dryly, her eyes still glued to the computer.

“Yeah,” you replied, folding your arms. “It is, and you wanna know what else?”

“What?”

“Someone else was there too, like—”

“So what, there was someone else in the house, you take people out even with their families in the same bed, so why would it matter now?” Her voice showed a hint of agitation but you would not back down. Instead, you went up to her and placed your hands flat on the desk with a smack.

Now, you had her attention.

“Because that someone was an assassin. He attacked me and my target. Oh, and my target, ‘the teacher’ didn’t look like he was just a teacher. What do you have to say about that? Maybe the fact that your best friend nearly died could get you to at least look at me!”

Finally, she meets your expectant gaze, only to scoff. After a long silence between the two of you and your fiery stares, she speaks up, instantly changing the subject.

“Do you know what day it is?”

“Does that even matter right now? There's—”

“Should I, perhaps remind you of the fact that you constantly break the number one rule here? Or should I continue to let you waste my time when you can clearly see how overworked and stressed I am? It’s Monday, Y/N. Three in the morning and here you are.” You wondered what she might be doing up this late, but the papers piling on her desk told you it was work. Which kind, you didn’t know. “We have class today. I hope you don’t oversleep because I won’t be taking notes for you.”

This was the problem with your job. It called for you to be awake at all hours of the night, and though most college students could say the same about their convenience store jobs, yours was more physically exhausting. You opened your mouth to say something in retaliation, as was in your defensive nature, but instead, you said nothing. Maybe it was best for you to deal with it later since you never liked when your two worlds intermingled. On that note, you waved to your tired friend, feeling a bit tired yourself at the sight of her, and headed for the double doors.

“Goodnight, Yoonji.”

« Index || 01 || Following Chapter »

#killer jungkook au #killer jk #mafia bts #jungkook #bts imagines #bts smut #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #min yoonji #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #bts #bangtan sonyeondan #bulletproof boyscouts #k-spiracy #kitty gang #hopeline miami

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devillainsarchive · 6 years

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🐾 meta;

Carlos and his mental state and disabilities (this is the best way i could think to phrase it). These are present in all my verses unless stated otherwise (like my mr robot verse where he has dissociative identity disorder).

I want to be very clear, this post will only graze the surface of deeper issues. I am also putting a majority of this post under a read more due to the some of the more sensitive topics, and I don’t desire to trigger anyone.

I want to also say, making this post has made me extremely nervous. As I don’t want to portray things incorrectly, or wrong. I am always learning, and striving to reduce the stigma and glorification of these things.

Additionally, this things are not plot points for Carlos. I will never use them to make his story more sad or more upsetting. I am not here to have them be a shock value. With writing about these things most of my nerves regarding this post that I have put off for months is the backlash I will get. If you want to talk to me about anything I say in this post, I ask you do it off anon.

Finally this post is not going to be addressing Carlos intelligence (ie his IQ score and how he is a prodigy where schooling is concerned). Certainly some of these things can feed into that. But his intelligence is something that deserves its own post.

Short list: things Carlos has (diagnosed and diagnosed)

Asperger’s

PTSD and C-PTSD

Anxiety

Depression

Schizophrenia

OCD

Insomnia

This is the longer list, essentially I go a bit into detail about each thing on the short list, explain my reasoning behind him having each thing, where I pull from canon to get the reasoning, a bit about the manifestations of each thing for Carlos. There will be cross over, so I may repeat myself on occasion.

Asperger’s (Asperger Syndrome)

Carlos’ Asperger’s is evident when you know the signs. Carlos struggles to pick on basic social cues. He certainly gets better and learns more when he is older. But as a young child, and especially all his time on the Isle, and when he first lives in Auradon. One of the most evident signs of this is that he will talk about things he likes typically mechanics and wires and machines without stopping to care about what his listener thinks about it. In Auradon he learns to stop himself from getting to far, and he always feels bad about it after. He cherishes people that let him talk.

Carlos is not loud, but he certainly has a wide vocabulary. While this is not incredibly evident, his annoyance with Reza’s vocabulary could lead to he knows what all those words mean. Carlos just knows how to use them in natural conversation. He does not understand normal jokes or humor, and it takes him a few moments to get a joke. In Auradon he gets better with those social queues, and learns how and when people are trying to be funny. Carlos may laugh but that does not mean he gets the joke. He also may not understand when he is telling a joke. This does not mean that Carlos can’t laugh or doesn’t know when to laugh, he laughs easily with Jay, and probably for a very long time Jay is the only one who can get a genuine laugh out of him.

Carlos’ is very aware of his surroundings. He notices small changes in things, and often changes in thins will bug him, and make him upset. He hyper-fixates this primarily on his desk in Auradon, and his desk in the hideout on the Isle, and the treehouse in the backyard of Hell Hall on the Isle. He knows immediately when things are wrong with it. This applies also to people around him, sudden movements, but for the most part Carlos associates that with always having to be on alert for his mother. His own interactions with people may seem odd, he may ignore them or seem rude, but he doesn’t mean it. This is where part of that callous demeanor comes from, but he is much better at turning that off and on than people realize.

Carlos also has his hobbies that he talks forever about, that he will ignore people for. This hobby is science and mechanics, and computers. He also enjoys binary code, and Morse code. One prime example of this is when he first ignores Evie when she meets him officially for the first time. He is focusing on building the machine that pierces a hole in the barrier. He essentially ignores Evie, until she makes a comment about the machine to help him make it work. Another example of this is from D1 where he is playing the video game. One other example is the fact that he has the period table of elements memorized this comes up as a way to calm himself down, when he is aware enough to calm himself down.

Last but not least Carlos has a serious aversion to touch. This plays into so many other things about him, and many things you will see on the list. Carlos does not like being touched. And touching him when its uninvited could lead to a various range of results.

PTSD

Carlos PTSD mainly manifests itself in the forms of flashbacks, and nightmares, and panic attacks. His PTSD is caused by his mother’s treatment of his as a child. His mother’s treatment of him, wont be discussed in great detail here, but it is traumatic for him. In short he was not loved or cared for. He had to do so much on his own, on top of his mother ordering him about. She burned him with butts of cigarettes, threw things at him, and treated him like a dog to the point of Evie thinking he was a dog because she could hear it. Dog jokes on the isle about him run rampant.

His triggers on the Isle, he doesn’t really care about. He still is in the situation constantly, so he doesn’t really pay attention. In general, and one he has control of, is the various dog nick names. He will get a bit volatile about being called dog names. Other triggers mainly include heals clacking, smoke, dogs (all dogs, and then just big dogs as he gets to know Dude), and touch particularly touch of his hair. These are his biggest triggers, and they are not his only ones. They also don’t always set him off. He has it all much more under control than he thinks he does. He is good at self regulating his panic attacks and knows when they come on. Flashbacks are his rarest form of manifestation. They are not always full on vivid images of things, but he often gets an overwhelming smell of his mother, and Hell Hall. Nightmares are his most common manifestation. He struggles to sleep, but when he does 6 nights out of 7 he will have a nightmare. He does his best to thoroughly exhaust himself before he sleeps in order to not have nightmares (and to not disturb people, namely Jay). They mainly manifest in Auradon.

His PTSD can get very bad, especially when he has a full flashback. His full flashbacks are generally brought about when he thinks he is being threatened. They come mostly from fear of being touched, mainly if he thinks someone is going to strike him, or if someone is yelling at him. He has full flashbacks very very rarely, but he has had them. One of the most prominent times he has had one is on Parents day when Audrey’s grandmother, and Chad yelled at Mal, Evie, and Jay.

Carlos has both PTSD and C-PTSD. There are certain events from Carlos’ childhood that cause PTSD, but the ongoing abuse he suffered is what gives him C-PTSD. PTSD includes reliving the trauma through nightmares ( referenced vividly in book 4 ) and flashbacks both of which Carlos experiences. He avoids situations, and when he can’t he either disassociates or runs such as with Parent’s Day when Queen Leah’s yelling makes him dissociate. His fear of dogs stems from his PTSD, as well as his hyper awareness of the world around him (though this hyper awareness is also brought on for other reasons). Some of his triggers cause somatic symptoms, as shown above.

Carlos’ C-PTSD is evident in both the books and the movies. From lack of emotional regulation (him yelling at his mom in D1), to dissociation his response to Jane in D3 where he forgets seemingly that his mother abused him. Carlos shows many signs for C-PTSD. He has the most control over his emotions almost to the point where he can come of as emotionless ( “they say I’m callous” ). Carlos has a negative view of himself, but don’t expect him to say that. His mother’s comments towards him made it such so that he feels different, not to mention how utterly embarrassed he is of his handwriting because he taught himself how to write. Carlos’ inability to form good relationships with people, especially outside of the Core4 is not only a symptom of C-PTSD but also something that is part of asperger’s. However its a fine line because the type of people he is typically attracted to, tend to have power over him. Its a delicate line that both parties have to walk.

Carlos’ perception of his mother is his biggest sign that he has C-PTSD. He loves her. He loves her to the point that he will defend her. He knows she doesn’t love him, this is his plot of book 1 essentially. But that does not change his feelings towards her. He has a desire to make her proud, even at the cost of his own morals. Carlos loves Cruella unconditionally even though he shouldn’t, and its unhealthy. He also fears her, but that doesn’t mean he can’t love her. His fear of her causes physical reactions in him from shaking, as seen in book one, to nearly becoming a different person, a main reason he doesn’t want Dude on the Isle in D2.

Carlos doesn’t really exhibit loss of systems, mainly because his only real connection with religion is that his dad is Jewish. However, in my writing, he does often think about how stupid it is to have hope, so that would fit in well there.

Overall Carlos has both. There are specific child hood events that give him PTSD, but the abuse over the years is what gives him C-PTSD, and yes one can have both.

This is not diagnosed.

Anxiety

Carlos’ has anxiety, mainly severe social anxiety. Carlos does not do well in big crowds, or social situations. He has the constant thought that he is annoying people or bugging them. He may want to approach someone, but actually doing it is incredibly taxing on him, and he panics.

Social situations in general make his heart rate go up. Carlos has panic attacks from this. These are the ones that he can barely control, if at all. They come on fast, and often Carlos gets no real warning for them mainly because he doesn’t always know what triggers them.

This is also not diagnosed, but it does stem from Cruella’s treatment. He is always on edge around her, and worried and nervous about how she feels about him. This extends to every person he knows and meets. This extends to his friends. He is always worried about them, and how they view him. He is waiting often for their guidance to tell him what to do, even if he knows what he needs to do. He likes orders.

Additionally his mind is constantly going a million miles a minute. He often has different things processing and going on at the same time. But worries are most of those. These worries keep him up at night, and actually add to his insomnia.

His anxiety is potentially the least worrying thing for Carlos though. It has been ingrained in him so long to be on edge, that that is all he views it as.

Depression

Carlos’ depression is the must fuzzy of all the things he is diagnosed with. It is definitely the hardest to pin down. And it is one of the things that Carlos does his best to ignore. He has other things going on his mind, if he wants to lay in bed, he has things going on telling him he can’t. Something needs to be cleaned, something needs to be done, his mother is telling him to get up.

Something that links into his depression is his view of his body. Carlos is incredibly self conscious. He has multiple scars that are from cigarettes, or chemical burns. He has cuts, and scrapes that have scared over. He also has his freckles which are a love hate relationship with. His mother found it the one good thing about him since he was born with spots unlike puppies, but for a while it made him resent them. However due to his unique relationship with his mom, he likes his freckles because he knows that since he has them his mom has the chance to love him.

Carlos’ view of his own body being malnourished, and that his growth is stunted, among other things is skewed. He doesn’t like people seeing his body. Sometimes seeing his body makes him uncomfortable with himself, or he just loses all motivation he had. It can be incredibly debilitating. It is often the thing that gets him down the most, and makes his days the hardest to get through.

Schizophrenia

Carlos’ schizophrenia began to manifest itself when he was around the age of 10. He has no idea what it is. It is gentic, and he did get it from Cruella (this is based primarily on Descendants Cruella, and Disney’s live action and animated Cruella).

Carlos’ main symptoms for this are hallucinations, delusions, unusual ways of thinking, agitated body movements, reduced expression of emotion, reduced speaking, and poor executive function. He may exhibit more, but these are the most common. On the daily he typically experiences auditory or visual hallucinations that are vivid and often seem real to him. It his strongest symptom. He explains as he does in D2 where he hears Cruella’s voice in his head. She often talks to him telling him that he is worthless and useless, or she will give him orders. Disobeying the orders is hard, and sometimes he feels that he has no control over his body as he obeys whatever order his mother told him.

Carlos also often known to have delusions, and when he is having an episode he likely wont make sense. He will behave opposite to how he is commonly known (so how Auradonians view him), but he will also be opposite to how the Core 4, and friends who actually know him are. One way to confirm that he is potentially relapsing is that he will respond to the vivid hallucinations.

Often the best way to get him to come back to reality, and get him past the episode is to initiate contact with him, because that is the best way to ground him. Its not an easy feat since he doesn’t like being touched. And he will likely lash out when people try to touch him.

Aside from hearing his mother’s voice, he may feel her arms around him and she could be stroking his hair. His protection of her is often what makes him lash out at people who come near when this happens. Carlos seems almost relaxed when this happens, in a way he never is, his eyes close and it looks like he is experiencing something euphoric, he has this look in D1 when his mother is petting his hair in Maleficent’s home before they head to Auradon.

However, his most common system is the auditory hallucinations, and he rarely talks about them even with his friends. This is also not diagnosed because of his refusal to admit that he is crazy like his mom. He does not want to be like her, and he knows that having it could potentially get him sent back to the Isle. He doesn’t necessarily like when people say he isn’t like his mother, because he knows its a load of bull.

OCD

Carlos has OCD, it goes beyond his need for things to be perfect and meticulous something that was ingrained into him by his mother. Carlos has a few very small ticks. He does things in 10s, or in 101s. For example Carlos will wash his hands for 101 seconds, or will brush his teeth for 101 seconds. He will eat food in ten bites, not a whole meal but each seperate piece of food he eats will be done in 10 bites. This leads to him being a bit of a messy eater, but don’t worry he has 10 napkins for that issue exactly. If he used a clickable pen he would have to click the pen 10 times before he will use it. Often when panicking he counts to 10 to help him breathe. 101s are meant for longer tasks, his brain automatically sorts things like that. His worst infraction of this is going up stairs, if a stair case does not have 101 steps, which most of them don’t, he will calculate what he needs to get to those steps. If a staircase has more than that, he will start the 101 over, and calculate how to get to that number like he would with a regular stair case. It is the hardest tick to hide, in his opinion.

This is not diagnosed.

Insomnia

Carlos has severe insomnia, it is added to by a few things, such as his anxiety and PTSD. It is not dependent on those things. Carlos’ mind just does not shut off. In order to get a good night’s sleep he has to be pretty much exhausted. It became much more apparent in Auradon than on the Isle. It did exist on the Isle. Often being coaxed into sleep helps too, and that typically includes friends helping him sleep, this can be seen more so in my own writing. However I do pull him having insomnia from the scene in D1 where he is shifting on his bed awake, granted all the kids are awake, but his just feels different to me.

As with everything else on the list this is not diagnosed, but it is one of the few things Carlos is fairly comfortable self diagnosing himself with.

In general, the numerous things he deals with that affect his life day to day, when he is diagnosed and does talk about them, are the reason he is eligible for a service dog, and why he gets a service dog. Granted he has to over come his fear of dogs first, but its the baby steps. Medicine is not exactly an option for Carlos because he is so scared of the side affects of many of them Not to mention he kind of refuses to take it. Agreeing to having a service dog is a good compromise for now. But doctors ideally want him on medication to further improve his life. He does not get a service dog til he is essentially an adult in most of my verses.

#headcanon: he got her brain too #meta: found it in a book #tw: panic attacks #tw: mental health #tw: ptsd #tw: anxiety #tw: depression #tw: schizophrenia

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sn0tcl0wn · 5 years

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grown ass adults deadass be like "my favorite game is kingdom hearts because i like anime and disney movies", "my goto game is animal crossing because it makes me calm", or even "i actually play gta because i like to drive cool cars really fast and i want to see how long it takes the cops to catch me" but old folks still out here tryina say that shit is the sole cause of violence in the modern age like ??? 9/10 times it's just stupid dream fufillment and a desire to escape from reality and the only times i've heard people say they wish they could do video game shit irl is to either be a hero and defeat monsters or to do dangerous and silly things they couldn't and wouldn't actually do. you really think i play hack and slash games or fighters because i want to hurt people? no, in the end it's really because i want fuckin superpowers and shit.

i've only known a handfull of people who legitimately played video games solely because they wanted a chance to hurt people and they already gross, abusive assholes. and don't even talk to me about people just coping with violent urges and preventing themselves from causing real harm because that isn't the same. it works and it isn't their first and only reason for gaming. if someone genuinely does not wanna hurt someone but has the urge to due to mental illness, the most helpful thing to do is to go to their hobbies and vent like that. even i've popped in games to blow off some serious steam as a form of anger management because it's a whole lot more relaxing and effective than actually going out and looking for a fight like my brain is telling me to. that's part of what hobbies are for.

the only gamers going out to cause harm are people who would've done it anyway and more often than not, in my experience, those people are actually evil, ranging from violently entitled misogynists to literal nazis and shit. in other words, the people who have already shown signs of violent and abusive tendencies in ways seperated from their hobby long before they ever did anything serious.

people need to stop playing video games for being played by shitty assholes. it isn't a game's fault horrible people play it for the sole purpose of being horrible in every aspect of their lives.

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linyi-is-dreaming · 6 years

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One Way Out - Part 6

Part 6 of ?

Story: Hoseok // Y/N // Yoongi // Namjoon // Taehyung // Jin // Jimin // Jungkook

Category: Smut, Mystery, Abusive Relationship, Crime

Summary: After Y/N’s last break up, she tried to get her ex off her mind. Parties, one night stands, nothing helped except only one thing that helped her the most: her now boyfriend Hoseok. They became from friends to friends with benefits and after a while they both confessed their feelings for each other and started dating. But the calculation was made without her ex, Yoongi. Who does not come back on good terms.

Chapter 6: Under the surface

Hoseok scans Jimin’s body before he takes Jimin’s phone in his hands again. He searches through all the messages and phone calls on his phone. It was true, the number was not saved, but he was in contact with that person all the time. He must know Jungkook and he must have had conversation during being part of Hoseok’s team. “You coward.”, Jin says uncontrollably loud. He gets closer to Jimin and closer until there is almost no space between them. “Explain them why you have this scar!” Jimin licks his lips as he looks up at Jin.

“I told you, I am not who you think I am.”

“What are you trying to say? Are you saying that you have no explanation for this scar?”

“Why do I have to explain my scar? As I said it before, I am not who you think I am. A lot of people have scars, you have a lot to do if you think everyone with scars is someone you know.” Jin starts to grin.

“No explanation, huh? Well then let me tell them what happened.” Yoongi looks interested at Jimin’s face. Jimin looked as he was not scared, but his voice gave him away.

“I think, you should go ahead Jin. This little boy has played the wrong game.”, Yoongi says as he walks to the other side of the room. From his new standing spot, he found Y/N, sitting on the floor. Her back leaned against the wall, her knees pulled to her chest by her arms. The eyes of her were closed and her lips kept moving, but he could not hear a word. His heart started to ache not to be next to her, just to hug her. He knew if he did, Hoseok would have known he lied. This risk is something he could not take. Namjoon takes a short look on Y/N when he realized that Yoongi saw her, as he sees she is stressed but okay, he looked back to Yoongi who already had his eyes back on Jimin. Namjoon and Hoseok were watching the situation with worries. They knew, if something goes wrong, they need to get Y/N out of this situation immediately.

“How glad you must be just to have this scar.” It was clear to see that Jimin swallowed hard. “You are a coward! Simply worthless.” He provokes Jimin to make him speak.

“I never backed out from anything. You do not know me!”, Jimin screams. He lost his cool, Jin had him where he wanted him to be. Jimin knew if he would have reacted like that in front of Jungkook, he would be dead by now. The thought that Jin is about to do the same was on his mind, maybe he has a knife on him. Maybe he would not dare to do that here. The idea of dying now, was crossing his mind.

“What a great chance for you, that you were taken into this team.” Jin’s words made Namjoon think, when he was the last addition to their team, how come that exactly he was the one who was supposed to take care of her. Why was it no one who was in the team from the beginning, he wondered.

“You guys know each other?”, Hoseok asks. “Interesting.”

“Yeah. Actually, very interesting to say at least. He was working along with Taehyung, but because he cowardly did not do his job, Taehyung gave him the scar to remember him, that next time the scar would be on his face. He was supposed to shoot into someone’s head from an empty building. Would have been a lot of money for his crew, the job came from a client who needed their service from time to time. Not to mention that with every day they lost, the less money they would get from that client. Since then he only did little things, for example setting the traps up. I mean, as far as I am informed.”, Jin explains.

“Namjoon. Hoseok. Believe me when I say, they are lying.” Jin stomps on Jimin’s foot. To Jimin’s regret, no one stepped in. Jimin groans in pain but Jin keeps his foot on his as he moved it a little from time to time. Jimin tried to push him away but that made Jin even more angry.

“You are calling us liars? How dare you?” Jin’s voice begin to sound scary. It was much deeper than before, and he spoke much slower with a touch of anger. “You little rat were not capable of anything. Did Jungkook tell you to bring her to the park?” Jimin did not respond. Jin takes his foot off Jimin, only to take his fist to punch him in his stomach. Jimin bend forward which caused him to put his head on Jin’s shoulder. Jin takes him by the shoulder to lean him back against the wall. “He did, and you followed. You are his little bitch.” Hoseok heard enough and gives the unsaved number a call. While it ringed Namjoon took Jin away from Jimin. Hoseok walked towards Jimin to handle him the phone in case someone was about to pick up. As someone picked up, he turned it on loudspeaker and turned the phone to Jimin.

“Jimin?” Hoseok gives Jimin a sign to speak up.

“Yes.”

“Why are you calling? You know exactly that we would call you if anything else is needed.”

“I just wanted to make sure if everything is alright.” You could hear a voice laugh and then the connection was gone.

“They call you if something is needed from you? You still do not know them, huh?” Namjoon starts to mock him. “You have a real problem my friend. Four people in here against you, I would start speaking up, before something bad happens.”

“I do not know that person.” Yoongi started to look at the ceiling before he looks at Jimin. He tilts his head a little and his finger is pointing at Jimin as he walks up to him.

“We all know now that you are a rat, it is time to speak up. How much?”

“How much what?”

“How much did he offer for you to bring her to the park?”

“I do not know why they have my number –“ Yoongi hits Jimin’s face with his fist.

“I am losing my patience with you. Why do you have Taehyung’s number if they do not know you? It is quite funny to me.” Jimin’s lip showed a bit of blood. Yoongi sat down on the table in front of Jimin, playing with his fingers as he looks at Hoseok and Namjoon. Namjoon nods as an approval to Hoseok to let Yoongi continue. “We do this to you and as far my information goes, you went to police academy with them. According to what we could find out about you, you were often seen with them, but they do not protect you now. You must have done something bad back then and you are still not able to get your head out of your ass.”

“Who gave you this information?”, Jimin asks.

“How much did they offer?” Yoongi ignored Jimin’s question.

“They offered me nothing.” Jin steps right behind Yoongi.

“Are you sure? I think Jin did not do his work out yet for today. I guess he would not mind using you as a punching bag.” Jimin looks around, he was looking for a way out, but they were all around him. It was obvious that no one believed him anything anymore.

“Okay, yes. You were right.”, Jimin mumbles.

“What was he right about?” Namjoon cuts in.

“Yes, my underground work included Jungkook’s crew, or whatever is left of it now.” Jimin looks at Hoseok. “Even when he knows I am on your team, he would have not hurt her. At least not yet. He wants Yoongi to see her pain.” Hoseok could not believe his ears. He left her alone with someone who was trying to help Jungkook to kill her.

“What was his offer?”, Hoseok asks. “What was his offer?” Hoseok repeated once again and that in a louder tone.

“He said he needed proof that I was around her. That’s it.”

“And you idiot followed him.”, Yoongi says as he walks to the windows. “Are they around us at the moment?”

“I do not know. They did not inform me about it.”

“But they informed you before?”, Namjoon asks. “You made it possible for them to lay down the stuff that we found in the bedroom. Who did you let in?”

“I did not believe Tae, when he told me that those officers are dead, and I should make sure that the other side was clean.” Jimin only stares to the floor. “As I checked, I found them dead. He did not lie. I talked with the other officers and walked to the other side with them, so he could walk in and put the stuff there." Hoseok shakes his head in disbelieve.

“What are their plans with her?”

“I am not informed about it.”

“Jin, Yoongi. You know Jungkook, do you believe Jimin’s words?”

“As far as I know Jungkook, he would use him only to get to her. He probably already knows that if it would get to dangerous, that he would speak. Cowards always speak before worse happens.”, Yoongi stated. Jin nods at Yoongi’s words. “I only wondered how much he offered you to do that?”

“Fine. He offered me 15.000,- Dollars if I can proof that I am in Hoseok’s team. He said he offers me more, if I do the next step too.”

“What is the next step?”

“Handing her to Jungkook. If that would be done and everything worked fine, he would give me 50.000,- Dollars.” It was hard to say who was angrier in this room. No one said a word, it became so quiet. Within the silence, there was a little sound which got the attention of Hoseok. He turns to the right sight, in the direction of the sound, only to see Y/N sob. Yoongi only could watch him walking to Y/N, his desire to be there for her was strong, but all he can do now is to watch them. It ate him alive, Jin saw it. He knew the lie Yoongi said, will him hurt him but both know otherwise their position might be worse. Y/N looks up to see Hoseok looking at her and she immediately tries to get back up on her feet.

“Where can we go now?”, Y/N asks.

“We have to talk with the station. They will have to send us a new address again first.”

“Jimin told him the address, if they are faster, I am dead.”

“What did you just say?”, Namjoon asks as he puts hand cuffs on Jimin. He pushes him down on the couch next to Jin.

“He lied. He just did not see me, he touched me. Jimin talked with them, the backup he was talking about left us alone for a few minutes. It felt like it was twenty minutes.” Hoseok looks at Y/N’s hand as he takes her hands in his.

“Shut up! You are as worthless as Jungkook said. Remember his words, Y/N. Do you want it to hap-” Jimin could not finish his sentence, as another punch landed in his face.

“Dare to speak to her like that again. I cannot promise it will be nice next time.” Jin says with his eyes looking at him as there was nothing human like within his. His eyes were showing that his talk is no empty air.

“Y/N do not look at him, look only at me. Tell me what happened in the park.”, Hoseok says calmly. Yoongi’s body turning in the direction of Y/N.

“When we got off the car we started to walk into the park, but there was a side walk to another hidden place. There were just trees around, he told me how you guys know each other and since when you are not that close anymore. I kept looking in the distance and behind us. I got nervous by every minute. The backup was out of sight. When I asked to go back, he told me to relax. I thought maybe I should trust him, but that was when I saw Taehyung and Jungkook on the bench.” She takes a deep breath. “They got up when they saw us and walked to a picnic table. Jimin told me to sit down and to keep calm. Taehyung sat himself on the other side as Jungkook sat himself to my right side. He did not sit as you would on a table, he had his body turned to me. He took me by my upper arm and pulled me into a hug. As his legs were on each side of this bench, I was totally tight to his chest.” Yoongi’s fist was tightly closed as he hears her words. He did not want to hear more. “He put an arm around my waist and the other one was touching my head. He pet my head and kissed me on the top of it. Jimin said nothing, I only saw Taehyung giving him an envelope. He took it, but I could not see what he was doing with it, because Jungkook… He took my face in his palms. He told me that he is sorry for somebody like me. If I would know his plan, I would be terrified. But he gives me an option on my future. I should think about. Either I will die, or I will have to be forever his.” Hoseok looks at Namjoon. Namjoon picked his phone out to call the station, but apparently, he could not reach anyone. He tries to reach their boss, but he was also not picking up. The emergency numbers he received from the team did not work either.

“I cannot reach anyone. Hoseok does your phone work?” Hoseok tries to call different numbers of the team including his boss’ phone. It did not work too. Hoseok shakes his head. “We have a problem then.”

“I knew you were not able to take care of her. Were you not informed that Taehyung knows how to hack phones? He probably already tracked Jimin’s phone and blocked our phones.”

“What do you mean by that?”, Namjoon says as Jin tries his phone.

“What I am saying is that my phone is not able to get the call to Jin nor is he able to call me even though our phones are directly next to each other. They have hacked our phones.” If they underrated Taehyung, then they must have miscalculated very bad. Jimin only laughs. “Shut your fucking mouth or I will shut it for good!”

“You really have underrated him. All I am going to say is that he knows how to hack into phone systems to make it dysfunctional. He knows how to hack into navigation systems to send someone off to somewhere else. Are you still thinking you do not need my underground work?”, Jimin says mockingly.

“Y/N, did something else happen?”, Yoongi asks. Hoseok looks at Yoongi surprised. Even though he does not want them to talk with each other, he knows he will have to accept that he asked her. It was a part of the deal, as long as he was around them it must be alright, he thinks.

“No. Jimin took me back to car. Jungkook and Taehyung followed us, but Jimin just told me to keep walking. When he put me in the car and I saw him standing there, waving his hand at me smilingly, I froze.”

“It is okay. I am sorry that you have to go through that.” The sound of a phone vibrating filled the room. It was Jimin’s phone, a new message by Jungkook. Jungkook wants Yoongi to hand Y/N over to him. He should do it personally, as there would be no need for worries. He is ready to put the weapons down, if he gets Y/N in exchange. Hoseok does not say a word but hands the phone to Namjoon.

“No way in hell!”, Namjoon yells. Yoongi’s attention was directed at the phone in Namjoon’s hands. “Sorry, but Yoongi will not do that. I will not risk that much.” Yoongi’s heart started to race as Namjoon explains the situation. Yoongi sat back down with folded hands in front of his face with a stare on Jimin. If looks could kill, he would be dead by now.

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toonstarterz · 6 years

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BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #143

So in keeping with the recent trend of bringing back older characters, Watamote goes for a throwback and puts the OG trio into the spotlight. With Kii-chan, we got to experience how Tomoko managed to rekindle a previously strained relationship (somewhat). Will the Tomoko-Yuu-Komiyama team finally become a true circle? Or is it destined to exist as an awkwardly shaped, but cohesive oval?

Chapter 143: Because I’m Not Popular, The Three Of Us Will Study Together

As always, Komi’s looking damn fine with her patented punk/goth style. Those open-shouldered skull shirt, slick choker, asymmetrical skirt, and striped leggings all come together to make her look like a total rockstar. It’s delightfully contrasted by the fact that’s she’s a pervert with a baseball obsession, but being fashion-conscious does help to round out her..unsavory side.

But, Yuu, sweetheart, as much as a skater dress looks good on you, you could do without the spikes. Granted, I’m hardly an authority on fashion, and in some circles, I’m sure it looks great. But it’s doesn’t seem as...flashy as she usually presents herself. Perhaps it’s because she’s with Tomoko and Komiyama that she doesn’t feel the pressure to be overtly stylish, and is more comfortable with something more subdued.

Man, the throwbacks just keep on comin’. What’s next, are they going to find Tomoko’s Yandere Boys Verbal Abuse CD hiding in her room?

Friendly reminder that Tomoko is, was, and will always be a piece of shit.

That said, Tomoko isn’t the type to be mean just for the heck of it. Her usual targets like Komiyama and Yoshida are only targeted because it’s been made apparent that they can handle it. With Komi-something, Tomoko knows that she’s not utterly irredeemable, which is why she takes any opportunity she can to milk Komi’s indecency. Because otherwise, she’ll be the bitch, and that’s a line even Tomoko won’t cross.

This chapter should be titled, “-the four of us will study.”

Speaking of which, Yuu and Komiyama have never seen Tomoko’s big plushie before, right? They probably think that it’s evident of Tomoko’s hidden cute side but if they ever found out about all the questionable things Tomoko does to the poor thing, that idea is sure to be shattered.

I suppose I should address the elephant in the room and ask what the hell is it with Yuu and her incessant sweating? Not even down her face or anything, but it flies off her body. Could this be her unique way of expressing hidden anxiety? That’s a scary possibility, to be sure.

No, there’s supposed to be beer cans everywhere with inebriated kids playing footsie under the table that quickly escalated into necking and–oh, wait, this is reality. My bad.

Ah, so these are the friends that Yuu-chan often brings up but we’ve never really seen before. They certainly look like a lively bunch, though that’s really all one can say from a single panel. Granted, if Yuu's school does have relatively inferior academics, then I imagine there’s a bit more goofing off going on here than actual studying.

Same here. That’s the reason yours truly goes off to work at the local cafe rather work at home. Too many distractions and external stimuli at your abode, and no one to hold you accountable for slacking off.

Not entirely sure if this is a joke lost in translation, but apparently Komiyama is humming a ditty about the Chiba Lotte Marines, namely infielder Nakamura Shougo. That’s actually kinda cute.

Got nothin’ to say. Itou just looks adorable here.

This, however, is decidedly NOT cute.

As the series’ resident purevert, Komiyama’s crush on Tomoki has always fluctuated between two extremes: innocent, schoolgirl affection and disturbingly fetishistic lust, and this line about, um...licking Tomoki’s eye circles falls way into the latter. For the record, I’m generally nonjudgmental about one’s unharmful sexual preferences–to each their own, you know–but given Komiyama’s history, I’m genuinely concerned for Tomoki’s wellbeing should the girl ever get her paws on him.

Itou is canonically the strongest character in the whole series. Those powers of perception were gained through unfathomable amounts of mental destruction.

Self-awareness? What self-awareness?

Is this going to be running gag now–Yuu innocently “complimenting” Komiyama with a between-the-lines insult?

I dig it.

Some may call it slacking, I call it strategic half-assery.

Ah, so Tomoko is officially aiming for a liberal arts school. For a girl who used to have zero prospects after high school, it’s uplifting to see Tomoko with an actual long-term goal in mind. It really is the only thing she’s reasonably passionate about, and the “starving artist” lifestyle actually fits pretty well with Tomoko’s approach to the world, so good for her.

Poor Yuu is never going to make it in the “real world”, is she?

Checking out the play-by-play when you’re supposed to be studying? Sometimes I forget that Komiyama actually has a cute side.

You know, given all the times when Tomoko and Komiyama are shitting at each other, these little bits of politeness between them are much more poignant. Sure, they’re being conscientious about it since Yuu’s there, but I can see this happening even if she wasn’t. See, Tomoko and Komiyama tend to mirror each other–insults are reciprocated with insults, and friendliness is reciprocated with friendliness. Even when they swing far on one side, something always pulls them back into equilibrium.

This would’ve been a good spot to put a gag here, with Komi expecting a strikeout only to explode with joy in front of her friends when the Lotte’s make an unexpected comeback. Instead, Nico Tanigawa goes for realism, validating the more pessimistic side of Komiyama. As for why they chose this route, I actually believe its to set up a little arc for Komi. As of now, baseball and Tomoko are her saving graces, and neither is looking good right now. Ultimately, this could lead to Komi facing the reality that dreams don’t always come true, and learning to accept that.

Yuu was definitely fishing for an answer to Nemo and Katou, and the fact that Tomoko doesn’t tell her right away is actually a good sign. Back in the old days, Tomoko would jump at the chance to “brag” about Yuu, her then-only friend because she was so insecure about their friendship falling apart. Since then, she’s made a number of meaningful friends, so that need to brag is long gone.

I love seeing characters describe other characters they’ve barely interacted with. Komi does see Nemo as a girl in the “sorta-in-crowd” so it makes sense that she would see her as “flashy”.

Says the girl who also dresses super fashionably.

Shocked, but not resentful. It’s uplighting to see Komiyama take Tomoko’s relative popularity in stride, and it’s a feeling that’s been there since the Kyoto Field Trip Arc. Despite having very few friends herself, she’s never thought poorly of Tomoko when the girl gained more friendships. If anything, it made Komiyama see her in a slightly better light now that she knows Tomoko isn’t completely irredeemable.

I could almost swear that Komi is doing that on purpose.

Cuties.

Everybody’s Golf is that PS4 game, correct? Good taste, this girl.

Shit, Tomoko, at least take her out to dinner first.

But it actually makes sense for why Tomoko brings it up like that. She knows that she’s at that stage in her relationship with Yuu that she just can’t casually molest her anymore (not that she should have been doing that in the first place, but still). Tomoko, the perv that she is, still has those shitty desires, but she’s more tactical about it. Like a politician.

Lol! Tomoko is such a jokester!

...right?

This harks back to those times when Tomoko fantasized about being an arms dealer/mercenary. Naturally, that’s a far cry from wanting to be a golfer, which is much more grounded in reality. Even Tomoko’s reasons about the payload and being a woman carries merit. Sure, it’s ultimately a fleeting interest, but at least her dreams aren’t so...how should I say, destructive anymore.

Even deeper into the realm of reality is her interest in being an esports streamer. Being a millennial, it’s a perfectly understandable desire that fits into Tomoko’s work ethic and personality. Sure, her last experience as a streamer was an utter failure, but now she’s got a good grasp on what it really takes to be one. My guess about Komiyama doubts stem from her thinking that female streamers become popular largely on their sex appeal, which Tomoko evidently does not have by most accounts.

Tomokitis (noun) – a rare disease characterized by an irrational lust for little brothers with baggy eyes named Tomoki. Prolonged exposure to Tomoki will worsen the lust to the point where mere proximity will trigger it. Those afflicted are forever hopeless.

As freaky as Komiyama is, I’m more impressed that her thirst for Tomoki overrides any disgust she may have at the possibility of being related to Tomoko. Well, Tomoki is basically a drug for her at this point, and junkies have accepted far worse to gain their fix.

Sploosh.

In the rare possibility that the universe decides to hook up Tomoki and Komiyama, Tomoko is going to make one hell of a cockblocker.

Shoot, even the cat gets a return appearance. Nico Tanigawa are really putting out all the stops lately with the nostalgia, ain’t they?

If memory serves, there isn’t a scene in the manga that shows Yuu being particularly interested in cats, so this was actually pulled straight from the anime. You know, that scene in the last episode where Yuu chases down a mentally broken Tomoko only to suddenly stop and pet a kitty? If they're willing to reference anime-original moments like that, then Nico Tanigawa must have fond memories of their anime adaptation.

Is Yuu taking about the dog or Yoshida? :p

Okay, so the dog. Wonder how she’d take to being compared to a pig?

First Pineapple-chan, and now Yuu-chan. It seems pretty mandatory that anybody outside of the loop would think that Yoshida was bullying Tomoko. Of course, once you realize that Tomoko has done things that would get her on the front page of a #MeeToo article, all bets are off.

Has Tomoko ever been this upfront about how she harasses Yuu? It was always my assumption that this was an unspoken reoccurrence between the two of them. At least the physical stuff anyway, as Tomoko is known for making “jokes” about getting Yuu knocked up. The poor girl really is too sweet for her own good.

While Yuu may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, that doesn’t mean she’s clueless about the sexual world (she supposedly lost her virginity after all). I’m sure she’s aware that most people wouldn’t tolerate Tomoko “accidental” groping, hence why she questions how someone could not bully her for that.

It’s pretty ironic how even though Yoshida is probably the most transparent character in the series, Tomoko still can’t figure out if she’s friends with her. That might be Tomoko’s fault somewhat as she’s the type who needs things spelled out to her, and given that Yoshida is more of an “actions speak louder than words” girl, you can see the barrier there. At some point, one of them’s going to have to take that first step and say it to the other’s face if this friendship is going to go places.

Poor Yuu. The first friend of the series is the last friend to see Tomoko’s growth.

This has been a headcanon of mine since the very beginning of the series, but I’ve always felt that Yuu Naruse had this inner sadness to her. That underneath her beautiful looks and kind personality was a girl who suffers more than she lets on. Remember, Yuu’s personality is fundamentally the same as it was in middle school, despite all the outwardly changes she made in high school. What Tomoko once called a “debut” could have actually been a survival tactic. Yuu never likes to be a bother, and her way of hiding her emotions isn’t always healthy, whether it’s holding back tears about a terrible beach, or making her friends sing for an hour at karaoke. And heaven forbid her breakup with her ex-boyfriend was uglier than she let on. Worse yet, Yuu knows her weaknesses, which only makes her self-deprecating moments hurt even more.

Perhaps I’m talking out of my ass, but hey, Yuu deserves an overcomplicated character analysis just like all the others.

And as always, Yuu, the angel she is, always puts Tomoko before herself...

I find it admirable that Komiyama is so secure about her social life. Her tiny circle of friends and lack of some Tomoki lovin’ have never truly brought her down, and she can even make fun of herself for it. It’s much different from Tomoko’s rampant self-consciousness of the earlier days, Some may argue it’s a lack of shame as opposed to self-confidence, but Komi is clearly making the best out of it.

Hikari, eh? Other than reminding me of a certain Pokêmon character, I wonder if that’s a joke about how Itou “lights up” when she unleashes her powers of observation.

...

So, um...fujoshi anyone?

The prices one pays to be a friend to Kotomi Komiyama.

All in all, this was a fairly easygoing chapter, as most chapters with the OG trio are. With the emotional rollercoaster that Golden Week had provided us, it’s nice to wind down a bit and reflect on the past. That’s not to say that this is a “recap” chapter by any means. Simply that this self-reflection exists to guide our heroines into the next stage of their young lives. It may be as simple as making a new friend over a perverted Skype call, but if there’s only one thing this series has taught us, it’s that the simple things are just the start of something greater.

#watamote #watamote review #chapter 143 #no matter how i look at it it's you guys' fault i'm not popular!#tomoko kuroki #yuu naruse #kotomi komiyama #tomoki kuroki #hikari itou #review

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