#this fucking close to writing an essay about saw's use of cameras and videos and photography as representations of the 'truth'

[strstab]

𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐚 - 𝐣.𝐦

summary ; you see a tiktok trend and decide to see if you boyfriend will help you participate in it

pairing ; jj maybank x fem!reader

notes ; soft jj, kissing, video filming, hp & family guy references

a/n ; my first public writing, hopefully ppl see this. if y’all do send requests? i think you can do that.. but enjoy <3

— tiktok in question —

scrolling on tiktok with kie sitting next to you, you came across a video of a girl putting makeup on her best friends face. you let out a small giggle at the thought of your boyfriend with mascara and pretty pink lips.

“what’s funny?” kie asked turning to peek at your phone.

you showed her the video and got up to go find your beloved boyfriend, who coincidentally, had just walked into the room.

“jj, can you help me with something?” you looked at him with pouty lips and sparkles in your eyes only he could see

he lifted a brow and grinned as he looked at you, knowing you were up to something, “it depends on what that something is, baby,”

kie let out a quiet laugh from behind you as she threw your phone towards him, letting him watch the video you previously showed her. knowing you’d be able to convince him happy or not, you started searching through the drawers of your vanity in hopes of having your makeup bag in one of them.

“no way,” jj scoffed with a shake of his head, “you’re not putting makeup on me.”

giving a knowing look to kie, she walked out and closed the door behind her.

this is where the fun began.

after 10 minutes of begging, smacking, pecks to the cheek and tugging, you finally managed to convince your lover to let you do his pretty boy makeup.

you sat on the counter of your bathroom sink with jj standing in between your thighs with his eyes looking straight at you.

“don’t give me that look” he said with a quick eye roll

you smiled as you uncapped the ‘better than sex’ mascara in your hands, “roll your eyes and i’ll poke your eye out with my wand.”

“wand? what are you a witch?” he replied with a soft grin. you lifted his chin and softly ran the inked bristles across his long lashes. god those lashes of his you wish you had. why were men blessed with female preferred features?

“i am, i casted a love spell on you a couple years ago,” you laughed and scolded him for blinking shortly after.

he stared at you in silence, admiring your pretty eyes that tend to crinkle when you smile. the soft lips he kissed every morning he woke up next to you. your perfect nose that just seemed to fit your face structure perfectly. everything about you he fell in love with more by the second, minute, hour, and day.

jj was never good at english class, but ask him to write an essay about you and you’d get a 20 page google document.

getting sucked out of his thoughts as you painted his thin lips a soft shade of pink, “what’s on your mind, j?”

“nothing, just how powerful your spell is on me. did you go to hogwarts, baby?” he questioned with a smile, pushing the strands of hair that covered your pretty face behind your ear.

“fuck yeah, i was fighting dementors and shit” you answered while filling in his eyebrows and putting highlighter in the corners of his eyes.

you finished after another couple of minutes and while pulling out your phone to find the audio you were going to use, jj spoke up with a concerned tone in his voice,

“are you actually going to record me in this?!”

looking up from your phone to look at him you saw his filled in eyebrows furrowed, “duh, that’s the point of the trend, j” you stated.

you weren’t going to let his worried expression get to you because you knew you’d be able to kiss it away in a couple minutes.

he let out a whine in protest but you had already started the video, doing your part, you lip-synced

“do you or do you not feel bonita?”

and with a turn of the phone, the camera faced him and he slightly panicked not knowing what to say.

“you didn’t tell me what i’m supposed to say!”

your lips shaped into an ‘o’ and proceeded to explain how to do the tiktok.

once again, with the flip of the camera jj awkwardly worded his part

“...uhm i feel bonita”

“wonderful, because you look bonita!” you grinned and went back to your phone to caption and post the video

jj pushed your phone aside and placed his lips on yours, in desperate need of affection. you let out a quiet gasp as you were caught off guard but kissed him back anyways.

he placed his hands on your cheeks and pulled away slowly. “do my lips feel prettier?”

you snorted, tilting your head in confusion

“y’know, because they look prettier, do they feel prettier?” he asked again, trying to explain his question

you placed another kiss on his lips and nodded, “yes they feel prettier, baby”

he picked you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he peppered your face with kisses, leaving pretty pink marks on your glowing skin.

he smiled, pleased with the outcome of his make over.

a win is a win.

check out ocean eyes 🌅 water drops 🧴 & pretty present 🍰

WOAHHH FIRST WRITING HOW WAS THAT.??

hopefully people see this 😓

but anyways i’m a whore for some jj fluff, and the trend has been flooding my fyp so ofc i had to write for my love ❤️‍🩹

[shachihata]

something something photographs and video cameras cannot lie but the stories that they tell are only a reflection of the photographer's own perspective, with the person behind the camera ultimately having the most power behind the way shots are framed and people are arranged and "reality" is shown... something about how lawrence was laughing about the fact that he was always the person behind the camera, taking pictures of his family, a representation of how he metaphorically always held financial/social/familial control over his wife and his daughter, until even that control is taken from him by the replacement of that picture and he finally fucking snaps... something about how zep could only ever see snapshots of lawrence and adam thru the video feed that he controls until the final scene of the film, where he dies upon re-entering the reality that lawrence and adam have been facing this entire time... something about how jigsaw participates in and shapes his traps in order to twist his own vision so that he can only see and judge people at the lowest point of their suffering, rather than judging them as people with whole, unique lives that he will never get to see or experience... something about how adam should've FUCKING lived because he broke this cycle of blindness-behind-a-position-of-power. even though his photographed "truths" of lawrence cheating initially shaped adam's perspective on him adam was able to let it go and even REFUSE TO TAKE REVENGE ON LAWRENCE BY LETTING HIM DIE because he realized who lawrence really was as lawrence literally chopped off his leg and tried to kill adam for a chance to see his family again. adam should've FUCKING lived he not only won the game he broke the goddamn thematic-narrative cycle that every other character fell prey to im actually heated about this

[gyllenhaalstories]

YOU WON’T PLAY, YOU’RE NO FUN — PROF!CHRIS

summary: chris evans is your professor with whom you’ve had an affair with since the beginning of the semester. you meet with him over zoom with your fellow teammates to discuss your project, but you can’t seem to get into the right mindset. instead of providing the group with clever comments and ideas, all you do is test the limits of chris’ patience and self control.

warnings: don’t have sex with your prof please, mentions of online classes, smut including: established dom/sub relationship & teacher/student relationship (abuse of power used strictly as a joke, they are both 18+ and consensual), degradation, masturbation & mutual masturbation, edging. MINORS DON’T READ NOR INTERACT.

word count: 1500

notes: rail me daddy :) i’m a hoe for teacher/student if you can’t tell already. i do keep it vague by not mentioning any majors, don’t worry! it’s my first time writing for chris, so please, be kind!!! i hope you enjoy reading this mess!!!! ily <3

gif credits: capsgrantrogers blessing us with this low quality webcam goodness.

“Miss /Y/L/N, would you mind staying a little longer? I need to talk to you.” Chris’ voice resonated as your classmates went quiet before they waved their cameras goodbye and left the two of you alone.

Uh oh.

“Sure, what do you want to talk about?” By the time you were done with your question, you noticed that his face was frozen. “Mister Evans! Chris?! I think there’s an issue I can’t — hear you.” You sighed and rolled your eyes. You seriously needed to get that Internet connection checked. You had your hand on your laptop, ready to close it up when you heard the familiar noise of a video call, but this time it was a private conversation.

“Don’t want anybody to walk in on us, right?” Chris winked and smirked at you. You had a flashback of that one time you hooked up in his office and realized his door was left ajar when you could hear the secretary of the department arguing with the printer. You thanked your guardian angel (who must had been very disappointed) that you were just on your knees blowing him off, and that nothing too serious was going on.

You laughed, for a second you thought you were in trouble.

“What was that all about?” Chris questioned, his smirk disappeared and was replaced by a dark expression.

“I have no clue what you’re referring too.” You shrugged lightly and looked at the screen, wishing he had chosen another shirt that showcased his tattoos. You were lucky enough to see his arms from the short sleeves, you felt as aroused as royal men back in the day when they saw a woman’s ankles.

Chris clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Oh, really? There is no explanation to the attitude you’ve been giving your teammates and me all morning?”

You sighed again, loud enough for him to hear you. “They’re idiots and I’m sick of their shit. They’re not doing anything on the project yet they show off in front of you just to   —“

“Got it, they’re dumb and you’re smart.” He put the emphasis on the last few words. “Tell me, Miss, if you’re that smart, how come you’ve made the very stupid decision to be rude to me as well?”

You swallowed thickly. You were just so pissed off, exhausted from the all nighter you had to do in order to complete the requirements for today’s class. “Chris, look, you know it wasn’t about you...” You heard him cough. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

“I’d call you a good girl, but good girls don’t talk back and they certainly don’t act so bratty. What a potty mouth, you swore in front of everybody. Do I have to teach you manners too? I’m afraid that’s not listed on my tasks as your professor, too bad.”

“I said I was sorry! You know how much I hate them!”

“Do I have to give you a bad grade for not cooperating? Not everybody is as understanding as me, you need to learn that.”

He sounded so arrogant, so condescending. As much as you hated it, it turned you on. You were all squirmy on your chair, and he caught up on that.

“Tell me, what’s on your mind, princess? Why are you on the edge?”

You looked up through your lashes, letting out a complaint. That fucker. The last time you met, which was over a week ago, he had an emergency and had to leave his apartment to go on campus. How convenient, you had not finished and you were left breathless and worked up on his bed. He made you promise not to touch yourself without permission on his way out. He knew just how impatient you could get. All the needy texts you sent him while he was looking over his other classes during an exam; all the begging you did over the phone while he insisted on doing small talk.

“You won’t play with me,” you pouted at the screen. “You’re no fun.”

He chuckled, his voice sounded lower than usual while he sat up on his chair. He loved this game with you, probably as much as you did if not more.

You noticed his arm disappeared out of the frame. You’d do ten other team works with your stupid colleagues if it meant you’d be the one to take care of his hard on at that very moment.

“Oh, baby wanna have fun? Is that it? You should have told me sooner!” He cleared his throat when he heard you sigh again, giving you a warning. “Get those fingers nice and wet for me.”

You obeyed, sucking on two fingers of your dominant hand. You picked up on the back and forth movements of his arm, he was palming at his crotch. You caught a glimpse of him standing up   — he was in tight Calvin Klein boxers   —  and sitting back down, his cock freed from his clothes. “I’ve been good, Sir. So good.”

He nodded slowly, after spitting in his hand and starting to fist his cock. “Oh, really?”

You nodded frantically. “I haven’t touched myself since you left,” you pulled your hand away from your mouth, a string of saliva fell down your chin. “I’ve been so wet for you, Sir. You’re all I’ve been thinking about.”

“Then think about my fingers rubbing your clit.” He groaned, the speed of his arm motions increased.

You jerked on your chair at the contact of your fingers, your panties were soaked from your arousal. “Sir!” You moaned out when you circled faster against the bundle of nerves.

“You’re so fucked up for me, you’d rather cum on your fingers than on my face, huh?” You felt tears pooling in your eyes. “Stop touching yourself and answer me.”

You pulled your hand away, showing it to the camera so he believed you. “I want to cum so bad, Sir! Please, just once! And I’ll wait until we meet again. I need it!”

“And I need to fuck that tight little cunt of yours and you don’t hear me complainin’.” His bicep flexed in his tight shirt, his breathing got heavier. “I waited for you the entire week. I didn’t text you in the middle of the night begging like a desperate slut.” He nodded, indicating you could start rubbing again.

You moaned loudly, throwing your head back. He was edging you, again.

“Eyes on me, Baby. Need to see you.”

It took so much energy just to keep your eyes open.

“Faster.” He growled, he was so close too. You could feel it, even if he was far away.

“Sir, please!”

“Stop, stop right fucking now.” He pulled away from his swollen cock at the same time as you did. “I won’t tolerate attitude like this again, you heard me?” You nodded, mouthed a ‘yes’. “I don’t want to repeat myself. You’re such a dumb little baby sometimes, I’ll probably have to.” The more he mocked you, the more you needed to touch yourself again. “Next time you act like a bitch in my class, you’ll regret it.” You never took his threats lightly. The first, and last, time that you did, you ended up bent over his knee with the belt of his dress pants spanking your ass red like the ink from the pen he used to grade papers

“I’ll count to ten. At ten, you’ll...”

“I’ll cum!” You spoke excitedly.

“Yes, Babygirl. You’ll get to cum.” He licked his lips and stroked his beard, his hand holding his sensitive cock. “Ready?”

You replied with even more enthusiasm and he started to count up.

“Slowly, 1, 2, 3...” He swallowed thickly. “Add more pressure now, 4, 5, 6,” he tightened his grip around his cock. “Faster, 7, 8, 9...” he jerked himself up at the same speed as you. “Now, cum for me. Make a mess like you’d do on my cock. That’s right, cum for me, Princess.”

The knot in your stomach finally snapped and you released yourself on your hand. You were panting and clenching around nothing, wishing you were with Chris right now.

He growled loudly as he released himself on his hand and shirt. “Look what you did to me, Baby.” He sat up just enough to show you, causing you to laugh at the sight of his messed up top.

In exchange, you showed him your slick coated fingers before you licked them clean. Blood rushed to his cock again, but he took a deep breath to calm down. “All good now?”

“Yes! Thank you, Sir.” You smiled, content and satisfied.

He wiped his hand clean with his shirt, after he removed it and let you admire his broad chest and inked drawings. “I’m giving you extra homework.”

Your smile disappeared and you squinted, mentally preparing for more readings or an extra essay on how good he fucked you. It would be your third or fourth, you ran out of synonyms to explain that he made you feel like you were on cloud nine.

“Take a shower and a nap, I’ll get to this meeting and meet you back home, okay?”

Your face lit up again, and you clapped happily.

“See? I can be fun when I want to.”

[twinklelilstarkey]

Revenge - Matthew Tkachuk

Words: 3.1k+

Type: Smut

Warnings: Female!Reader. 18+. Cursing. Fingering. Oral sex (mentions of male receiving, but it’s mainly female receiving). Online classes. Semi-public sex (while in zoom class). 

If you’re a minor, please, for the love of God, do not read this!!

Studying and working from home hasn’t been all that stressful for you. 

At least for now. 

All your professors of your college have, honestly, been the only pain in the ass, since they care so much about participation during classes or with doing essays, ‘so it compensates your lack of physical presence in classes’. In other words, always having your camera on, unless you want to be kicked from the zoom call. Oh and yeah, have to hear their whining (if they’re that type of professors) if they see you talking to someone off screen and looking down at your phone.

As annoying as that sounds, the fact that your boyfriend and you get to have and spend more time together - over not having to stay in campus to study or in the rink to work - it, honestly, makes you feel better.

And you being you and Matthew being Matthew, teasing is in the nature of your relationship. And just the fact that you both get to have the possibility to tease each other during inconvenient times just to get under each other’s skin, it’s fucking gold.

Yes, whenever you are in classes, Matthew is in zoom meetings, but there are days where he has longer meetings than you. And god, you do use those times to your advantage.

Your type of teasing can go one of two ways. It can be to just annoy the shit out of each other until someone laughs or just tackles the other off screen - yes, it has happened - or the sexual type of teasing.

The second one is more rare, and of course, more risky. You two obviously only do anything in days that, for an example, Matthew isn’t in meetings with his coach or you aren’t in online tests, or with certain teachers. But, of course, there’re exceptions.

One of the most important problem of living with each other is that both you and Matthew have grown to be extremely comfortable with each other. I repeat, extremely comfortable. 

Just imagine how your first day of online classes went when your very naked boyfriend walked right across your background while your professor presented himself. 

You thankfully saw it before anyone could and your shoulders hid everything except for his chest, but it was still a very close call.

Nothing a pen thrown at his head couldn’t fix.

It never happened again but the lack of clothing is still very real under your roof. Matthew puts on boxers and, in meetings, a shirt, and you... well, you only wear a t-shirt.

Yesterday was your day off and let’s just say that boredom got the best of you. Matthew was stuck in a delayed zoom meeting with just his teammates, which meant that whatever you two had planned had just been delayed as well. Resulting, of course, in your boredom.

You leaned against the doorway while looking at him for the first minutes, then against walls and only after the first 20 minutes, you sat next to him on the extra chair, hoping that maybe your glare would be enough to speed up whatever they were talking about.

Didn’t work. 

Whenever Matthew would look at you, he would just laugh at the small pout, and, later, the scowl that grew on your face. 

The meeting continued for another 40 minutes and you were pissed. You whispered many times to Matthew just to ask if you could at least go to the bedroom, but he always answered ‘I’m almost done, babe, just a few more minutes’.

A few minutes your ass. As it reached the whole hour and a half, you were furious. Matthew was sitting on the normal desk chair, legs under the desk, leaning back as if nothing in the world could bother him. Ah, he was more than wrong.

You knew for a fact that the conversation between the guys is not even work related anymore. You couldn’t hear anything over Matthew having headphones but from all the laughing from his part and his friends on his screen, you had a good idea of the truth. So... 

You did it.

You didn’t think twice or even hesitate, you just did it. 

You went under the table, while gaining a look from your boyfriend, who didn’t say anything at first, and just pulled down his boxers. He was in shock, to say the least, for the first minute or so, but he didn’t stop you.

He hissed super loud as soon as your hand held his cock in your hands and he swears that he never moved so fast to mute himself on the call. 

His friends were too distracted to notice anything about him on his camera, or even hear him over the other guys’ voices, so everything came unnoticed.

The boys lost him as soon as you pulled him into your mouth. He didn’t hear a thing nor did he say a word. He was completely lost in the total bliss of the warmth and smoothness of your mouth. He threw his head back on the chair and brought his hands to your face, helplessly grabbing it as you took him inch by inch into your mouth, bobbing your head up and down as your eyes stayed on his.

Did it work? Sure did. He never left a meeting so quick in his life. And as soon as his laptop was closed, he snatched you from under the desk and took you right there on the ground, on top of the carpet.

Twenty four hours later and you think you’re still sore, but you don’t regret it one bit.

Matthew, today, has nothing to do for work, while you’re in your last class of the evening. He’s sitting next to you by the desk, back turned to your computer as he faces the tv and plays some video game.

As you continue to take notes silently of what your professor is explaining, your phone vibrates with a random notification and your eyes drift over to it. You eye it quickly and slide to the side to delete it, leaving you to stare at the photo on your background.

Matthew hates that picture with everything in him, while you love it with your whole heart.

It’s a picture of him a year ago. A night that he was just bat shit drunk, smiling widely to the camera with his eyes closed because of the flash of your phone. He looked adorable, and that is exactly why he hates it.

“Y/N Y/L/N, please pay attention to class”

You lift your head to look at the screen and the teacher already moved on with class. 

How in the hell does he notice you every time?

Matthew looks over at you as you sigh loudly and looks at your screen. You look slightly stressed, maybe also frustrated, with whatever just happened, but with just his eyes, he can’t tell what that was.

As a student’s face appears in your screen when making a question, Matthew rests his hand over your naked thigh, grabbing your attention.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, and you lean back on your chair.

“Caught me looking at my phone” You whisper and he smiles.

You look back at the screen as your teacher starts to talk again and try your best to go into your robot mode. No emotions, just take notes.

Matthew looks away, back to his TV, but lets his hand rest on your leg as he quietly changes games. He had grown bored after dying so many times at online servers. Nothing a calmer game can’t fix.

You write down whatever your teacher says, not really caring if it makes sense or not when written down, and your phone vibrates against the table again.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go grab that book right now” Your teacher excuses himself and you swear that you see everyone sigh in relief at his announcement of everyone’s seconds of peace.

Matt leans his head on his chair as he’s stuck on a loading screen and you look over your shoulder curious to see what game he’s playing. You turn in your chair, pen still in your hand, and sit over one of your legs to stare at the TV.

You stare at the black screen, waiting for the lobby of the game to reappear, and out of nowhere, you feel Matt’s hand squeeze the inside of your thigh, high up your thigh.

“Stop” You warn him.

“Didn’t do anything” He answers back.

You shake your head at him and him, being the little shit that he is, decides to move his hand more up. Tingles run down your body at how close he really is to notice your usual lack of underwear, but you just send him a glare in return.

“Aren’t you in class?” He asks, acting as if he’s still not moving his hand up excruciatingly slow.

“Yeah, but my-”

Right as you’re about to explain, the sound of your teacher’s mic moving around makes you look back at the screen.

“Here it is.” Your professor says as he holds his book up at the camera.

“Never mind” You tell Matt, turning back for your class, sitting straight in front of your camera.

Your teacher starts talking about the book, also about the author, and quickly you’re back to your emotionless self, paying attention to everything he is saying, making sure to know if you actually need to read that book or if it’s just optional.

Everyone nods at the teacher to make him know that everyone is listening and you’re rudely pulled away from your moment of concentration as Matthew’s hand finally reaches you.

“Matthew, I’m in class” You say through your teeth, not wanting your teacher to call you out again. This time, for talking to someone.

You grab his wrist and as you’re about to pull him away, his middle finger traces your slit, easily sliding in between your lips.

He smiles as your hold on his wrist loosens and as you lean slightly back on your chair. He steals a glance from your screen and finds your teacher talking, still holding the book up to the camera.

You gasp as his finger touches your clit and look over at him with an annoyed look as soon as it starts circling it.

“My class ends in 15. Can’t this wait?... Please?” You ask, trying to fight the urge to close your eyes.

His slow circles around your little bud speed up slightly and you sigh.

“My meeting from yesterday was almost ending as well. That didn’t stop you, did it?” He asks in a low tone.

You let out a small whimper as he presses his finger more onto you as he continues his circles and you lay your head back, trying to make it seem for the camera that you are just leaning back.

“I only need you all to read from page...” Your teacher continues and you curse out loud, hand grasping your pen tightly.

You hold your head back up, leaning forward on the chair, and try your best to ignore Matt’s hand. You stare at yourself in the camera for a little as you hear the numbers of the pages, but your brain seems to have stopped functioning completely.

Please just write that down, please just write that- hold on.

Matt takes his finger off your clit and soon you feel it reach your entrance, gathering some of your juices onto his fingertips. You lean forward on your chair and he takes that moment to push his finger in.

You bring one of your hands to your forehead as you lower your head down and you let out a small moan as Matt’s ring finger slides in as well, working at the perfect rhythm.

“Does anyone have any questions?” The teacher asks.

You sigh as Matt starts working his thumb around your clit, and the voice of a girl fills your ears as she starts making her question. Matt’s fingers are not even going at a fast pace, but you’re sensitive enough to already let small moans escape your mouth. All because of yesterday.

Matthew bites his bottom lip as you let moans softly escape your mouth, completely hiding your face from the camera. God, he hopes your class is ending early.

He speeds up the movements of his fingers, letting them start to quicken as they slide up and down from your slick walls, wetting his fingers with your juices up to his knuckles, and he smiles as you respond instantly by closing your eyes and covering your mouth with your other hand.

“Ah yes, those pages are quite difficult to understand at first...”

Matthew, completely ignoring the fact that you’re still trying to listen to your teacher, speeds up his movements even more in the same minute, scissoring his fingers, and the sound you let out is just purely pornographic. 

As he feels you lean in closer to his hand, an idea flashes in his mind, making him smile evilly, even though you’re not looking at him at all.

Matthew pulls his hand away and you whine as he does it.

You open your eyes to look over his way and he swears that in his years of being a very annoying player in the NHL, nobody has ever looked at him with so much anger.

You continue to glare at him as he brings his hand to his lips, and you bite down a gasp as he starts licking his fingers clean. You’re breathing hard, almost panting, heart beating against your chest almost as if you were hitting a wave of complete adrenaline.

He smiles as he looks down at you and you don’t smile back, absolutely pissed off at him.

You, being angry as all hell, take your eyes off him and lean back on your chair, arms crossing over your chest as you stare at your teacher on your screen.

Matthew, pleased with himself, brings his hands to the chair you’re sitting on and pulls it away from the desk. You, even though confused, let him do whatever the hell he wants.

He stands from his chair beside you and, in a quick movement, crouches, and away from the camera of your laptop, moves to under the desk.

The look you give him as you look down is as unbothered as you wanted it to be.

As you bring your eyes back to laptop screen, you take notes of some of the number the pages that you missed over being ‘occupied’, and at the same time, Matthew grabs your legs by the back of your knees, pulling you closer the end of the chair, closer to him.

You breathe in deeply as you feel his breath against your inner thigh.

Matt spreads your legs even more and leans in, making you feel his head rest against your stomach.

Carefully, you adjust your laptop, just so nobody sees anything down your shoulders, like Matthew’s head, and bring your hands back down to your sides.

Matt’s hands spread both of your lips apart and you almost let out a cry as you feel his wet and hot tongue against you. You bite your bottom lip to contain your sounds as he licks down to your entrance and you take your hand to rest it on top of his curls.

“I almost forgot,” Your teacher says, “I have another book with some pages that could help you understand that chapter better...”

He disappears again from the screen and right on the same minute, Matt’s lips wrap around your clit.

“Shit” You curse under your breath.

He sucks it and you grip onto his hair. You bite down on your bottom lip to hold back any possible expressions that could give you away to your classmates and as your teacher takes a bit more to come back, you do the same as some people do, and turn off your camera.

Your name appears on your small grey rectangle and you sigh in relief.

You throw your head back in the bliss of the moment and Matt moves his mouth away from your clit. His tongue moves down and teases your entrance as you look down at him.

He smiles against you and you move your oversized t-shirt up to your waist, letting you take a better look at everything. He pushes his tongue inside of you and you moan out loud.

His nose grazes your clit and you’re a complete mess right there and then. His hands hold you by the hips so you don’t move away but that honestly is the least of his worries.

“Fuck, Matty” You sob in pleasure.

You drag your eyes to your screen and the message of your mic being muted appears, something you’re very grateful that exists.

Matt moves his mouth back to your clit as your teacher reappears and you take a look at the clock, still 5 minutes left.

“Here we are,” He says with another, larger, book on his hands.

He takes a look at the screen and a message appears on your screen. This god damn man is trying to turn everyone’s cameras back on.

You refuse the request at first and as you’re about to turn it on, scared of being kicked of the class, you feel Matt’s teeth touching your clit.

You cry out loud and he sucks your clit harder, moving his head from side to side as you cling to his hair for your dear life.

“Y/N Y/L/N, ... and... Please turn your cameras back on” Your teacher requests.

You sigh and try to do as told but the pleasure is starting to take every ounce of strength from your body. The familiar bubbling of pleasure sets at the end of your tummy and you moan loudly at Matthew’s tongue and lips.

“Don’t stop, please” You plead your boyfriend.

Matthew, taking your words to heart, does exactly what you ask him to. When releasing your clit from his lips, he starts working his tongue on it. Moving from side to side at the perfect speed, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

You throw your head back, again, not controlling anything that you’re saying anymore. Pleasure consumes your brain entirely, almost driving you to, what seems like, complete insanity.

Your fingers tug on Matthew’s hair more and he leans more into you, resting his forehead against your stomach, nose against your pelvic bone, hands gripping the sides of your thighs, pulling them close to his shoulders to get a better angle on you.

You continue to let all types of sounds escape your lips, from moans to little whimpers that are not doing anything else but blessing Matthew’s ears. 

One last quick movement of his tongue and you reach your high. You bring your hand up to your mouth, unconsciously, covering it to not let your final screams bounce off the walls of the large apartment.

Matt carries you down your high and you are completely lost in the world for a minute or two.

You’re breathing heavily and your heart is jumping out of your chest, and only when you feel it calm down, your eyes fall back on the screen of your laptop.

Your teacher had carried on, surprisingly letting you and another girl have the cameras off, probably thinking that you’re not even behind them. 

You let go of Matthew’s hair as he starts laying kisses on your inner legs and you look down at him. A cheeky smile appears on his face and he pulls your chair back.

As he stands on his knees, you lean in quickly and kiss him right on the lips as your way to thank him. He smiles against your lips in the kiss and rests his hands on the top of your thighs, caressing them back and forth with his palms.

Your tongues touch each other into the kiss and he leans in closer, roughing up the kiss as you taste yourself on his tongue and on his soft lips.

“So, I guess we can end our class here” Your teacher says and you pull your lips away from Matthew. “Does anyone have any more questions?”

Silence.

“Alright, so, I guess I’ll see you next week.”

Right in the same minute, everyone turns on their mics to say a quick goodbye, a thank you or a quick wish of a good weekend and you, on the other hand, just lean in to click on the red button to leave the meeting.

You close the app as Matthew stands back on his feet. As you’re taking your air pods out and closing the laptop, he picks you right up from the chair, making you squeak in surprise, and throws you over his shoulder.

He’s definitely not done with you, but who are you to complain?

Again, I wrote this in between classes and I’m still very new to writing smut. If you have any tips, please, send them!

*Happy Valentine’s Weekend*

[vivisextion]

I first saw Slipknot at age 14.

No one knows how I managed it. I'm not sure I even remember. These days, you have to be 16 or 18 to get into Standing areas. I do know I had to buy tickets on the phone, back in the old days (2005, that is). A singular ticket, too - none of my friends, not even the classmate who had gone with me to see Linkin Park the year before, was that into Slipknot.

But I HAD to see them. This was the Subliminal Verses tour cycle, and Vol. 3 was my first and favourite Slipknot album, even to this day. It's the reliable old warm blanket for my soul whenever I need it. It's on right now, as I write this.

My memory isn't that good, but luckily I unearthed a livejournal (livejournal!) diary entry about the event I made the next day.

August 16, 2005. I went right after school. I went to a very conservative Anglican secondary school, too. I tried not to get caught in the bathroom, as I coloured my nails black with permanent marker (I know, don't laugh) and changed into my standard metalhead baby outfit - Slipknot band shirt, black cargo shorts, and my pride and joy: steel-toe boots I somehow managed to cajole my parents into letting me own.

I caught the bus to the open-air war memorial park where the gig was going to be. I got there at 4pm, 4 hours early. A couple other maggots were already hanging around. I found myself surrounded by tombstones, and I read them all. It was the middle of the Hungry Ghost Festival, too - a very fitting time for Slipknot to pay a visit to this godforsaken hellhole of a small town I lived in. (Especially given the paranormal circumstances surrounding the making of Vol. 3.)

While I wandered around the venue (no security or sound guys were around at all), I spotted two white vans pull up to the stage, in the middle of a clearing. It was them! I spotted Joey and missed him by a hair's breadth. I was quickly ushered behind the stone archway entrance by security then.

(Funnily enough, while walking around, I got mistaken for Joey more than once. I am the same height as him, had the same long black hair, same pale skin, and was wearing almost exactly what he had been. One person claimed from behind, I was a dead ringer, apart from when I turned around, and they realised I was Chinese.)

It was soundcheck time. A sound guy testing the mics would say random things, like "testing one two three two one.... fudge fudge, I like fudge...." The band even did Purity, so us earlybirds were given a rare treat, and we screamed along from the entrance, and drummed our fists on the sides of nearby porta-potties. I hope no one was in there at the time. Whenever we got a glance of any of them, we'd scream and cheer. Finally they left again, but were soon to return.

This was the first time I'd been a part of the metal community. I was barely allowed internet in those days. But here, random strangers were friendly, striking up conversations like they'd been friends for years. Two big guys, called Trevor and Ted, looked out for me the entire gig after, keeping other big dudes from crushing me too much (I'm 5'3, remember). Other people commented on me being so baby, because I was only 14, and said they would take care of me.

When we were finally let in, right after the usher cut the rope, I ran in, screamed "WOOOHOOO!" along with a few friends I'd made. I only briefly stopped to receive this RoadRunner Records compilation CD from a roadie, then resumed running like a madman screaming and dashing into the VIP cage.

I was right up against the barricade - the first time I would ever be at a gig. People from assorted magazines and press took photos of us, and I think I got my photo taken about 10 times at least.

(This is how I got in trouble with my parents the next day. My photo had ended up in a local paper - you can see examples of that here. They had no idea what I'd been to see the night before, and were horrified when they saw what Slipknot looked like.)

We saw Sid filming us from the stage with a camcorder and screamed at him. We saw Jim and screamed at him too, and he flashed the victory sign back at us. I remember Metallica playing at the time, another one of my favourite bands.

The concert was a brutal religious experience I will never forget. People with their arms outstretched, crying and screaming out loud, moving like the devil possessed them.

The new friends around me made sure I was alright after every song! There were huge guys fainting behind us who had to get carried out, but I endured, a tiny 14 year old child. We got a family speech as per tradition, of course. "Are you guys out there all looking out for each other? We're all one big family, and we gotta look out for each other." What Corey said held true - strangers hugged, shook hands, talked, and made friends. I was heartened by how close-knit the maggot community was. It really did feel like a family, and it's felt like that ever since.

Of course, I did my first Jump The Fuck Up. It is possibly the most euphoria I've ever experienced all at one go. (Later, in 2020, I was extremely disappointed that I didn't get to do it again in London.)

They did the death masks for Vermilion, and I remember Chris helping Sid fix his mask and shirt when they'd changed back. Sid hung out near Clown's drums for most of the time too, and hugged him from behind and just latched on at one point. It was pretty adorable.

Fun fact: The version of Eyeless you hear on the 9.0 Live album is from Singapore, as is Eeyore. There are very few photos and videos from the crowd of this gig, because in 2005, very few people had camera phones. The crowd at the Slipknot gig in 2020 was a sea of arms with phones, filming the gig rather than experiencing it. Yes, I'm going to be that cranky old geezer who complains about the good old days.

Joey as usual, was fucking amazing and never failed. However, due to the fact that I was right up front, only his tiny head was visible behind his vast drum set, I couldn't see him the entire gig.

Amazingly, the government told Slipknot they were not allowed to do obscene gestures, curse, vomit (possibly due to the decomposing crow pre-show ritual), simulate humping on objects, throw faeces, or jump off stage (looking at you, Sid). I don't think our totalitarian government knew who they were dealing with, because watch what happens next.

Near the end of the gig, Corey tells the crowd “your government has given us a laundry list of things we aren’t allowed to do, your government has told us we are not allowed to swear”. Crowd goes “BOOOOOOOOO” and Corey goes “BUT WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!” And they launch into Surfacing, the last song. Everyone riots. Best night of my life.

You can find the setlist from that gig here. It had everything I wanted and more.

This story later got immortalised when Kerrang asked maggots for gig stories, for an article which came out in 2020. I had forgotten entirely, until people began messaging me to tell me, and one friend sent me a scan of it!

On the way out, I managed to get a shirt. I remember calling my best friend at the time, and got everyone at the merch booth to go "IF YOU'RE 555 THEN I'M 666" for her. This shirt has since been lost to the landfill, because my Christian mother took it upon herself to dispose of it the first opportunity she got. Needless to say, our relationship is not very good.

After that, I even managed to get that Roadrunner compilation album they were giving out signed. The band was staying at the Carlton. Unfortunately, Joey wasn't there, neither was Clown, and Mick was swarmed by guitar nerds so, 6/9 it is. It is a great regret of mine that I'll never have anything signed by him, nor will I ever get to see him perform ever again.

The next day, I went to school, my head swimming. Yes, I went to see Slipknot ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. I was a giant bruise, from my ribs and my chest, to my hips and knees, from being slammed into the barricade like a screen door in a hurricane. Most of all, my sore, headbanged-out neck could barely hold my head up. Classmates thought I had been in a fight. I was torn between battle-scarred exhaustion and hyperactive ranting about the most amazing gig of my short life (it still is, to this day). When teachers spoke to me, I wanted to reply, "Fuck trigonometry! I've just seen SLIPKNOT. Do you not understand that my world is different? Do you not understand that *I* am now different?"

My country was a small, conservative town that Slipknot had graced with their unholy presence. Corey Taylor once said that where he grew up in Iowa had a way of making a 16 year old boy feel like a 36 year old man (or something to that effect). I felt that in my weary bones as a teenager, being from a place just like that. Years later, Watain would run into worse trouble, and wouldn't even be allowed to perform. The Christian stranglehold is stronger than ever. It was a good thing that back then Slipknot had the element of surprise, striking serpent-fast and choking this society by the neck for a too-brief time, before they departed.

After that, my desire to play the drums only grew like a weed. Joey Jordison had, has, and will always inspire me as a drummer, and seeing the beast live (or what little I could spy behind the massive riser) had only spurred me on. I had always been a noisemaker, be it driving my parents mad with chopsticks on pots and pans, or driving my teachers mad with pencils on my desk. But of course, my parents wouldn't have any of it. I'd have to wait a good 14 more years before I'd be able to afford lessons and later, a kit of my own. Better late than never, right?

There will never be enough words to describe the impact Joey has had on my life. And it isn't just Slipknot, either. I could write another essay on his time with the Murderdolls and its influence on my own gender-non-conforming ways. Suffice to say, my wardrobe doesn't look too dissimilar to his during the early Dead in Hollywood days.

I told my boss I could not come into work today. I was grieving. I said that my music teacher died, as I didn't think she'd understand the magnitude of my loss. In a way, it's true. And I am not the only one Joey has nudged on the path to being a musician, that much is certain. To the rest of us, I wish strength and love for you in this difficult time. The best way to honour Joey, who truly loved music, both the creation and appreciation of it, is to pass that gift on. Teach it to someone. He is the reason I picked up the sticks in the first place, and one day, they'll be handed on, the heavy metal baton for the next generation.

And finally: remember that the ones we have lost are never truly gone.

Vinnie

P.S. See if you can spot me in the crowd photos in this post!

[ateezmakemeweep]

you’re taking reaction/imagine requests? asdfghjkl um- can we have an imagine with ateez teasing and embarrassing you in front of your classmates during your online classes during quarantine? i know it sounds lame zxcbxm

❥ kim hongjoong

“so i was thinking i could do this part and maybe you could do-“

hongjoong opened the door to your shared bedroom, making you look up from your computer and narrow your eyes at your boyfriend. you subtly shake your head at him before continuing to speak to your project partners. 

he had heard you complain for the past week about how they hadn’t been doing anything, that their powerpoint slides and essay portion still wasn’t done despite the deadline being tomorrow. he raised an eyebrow at the girl’s nasally voice saying that she still didn’t quite understand what she had to do. 

he could only listen to you for so long try to explain it to her, voice high and shaky the way it always is when you’re uncomfortable; he knows how much you prefer working alone, that group work and public speaking are the two worst aspects for you in school. 

it’s why he prances his way over to your desk as you look into the camera, only sensing his presence when he leans over your shoulder and places his arm down on the desk. “are these the girls who weren’t doing shit?” he asks, mouth in your ear but the words loud enough for everyone to hear. your cheeks flame and you push him away from the desk, stuttering out an apology as you glare at hongjoong who’s looking at you from across the room. 

embarrassment and all, though, it must’ve hit a nerve in them because when you checked back at the document a few hours later, after yelling and scolding hongjoong for a good thirty minutes, everything was completed. 

❥ park seonghwa

you had told him to stay out of the camera. that you would stay in the living room with him but that he couldn’t make a sound or have his presence known. 

and it’d been working until your teacher called on you to answer a question, his voice hard and commanding the way all of your classmates have grown used to. everyone had just thought the man hated you all, his blunt way of speaking and loud, booming tone scaring the shit out of all of you for the first few weeks of class.

you came to learn that’s just how he was, a severe case of tough love that some long-time professors just harbor after dealing with loudmouth college kids. but when seonghwa heard the man harshly call your name, his head looked up from his phone and he narrowed his eyes; he didn’t like someone talking to you like that. 

“can you give us your thoughts since you’ve just been sitting there with a stupid look on your face.” 

he isn’t able to see the small smirk on your face at the professor’s words, instead throwing his phone aside and poking your arm gently. 

“who the fuck is he talking to like that?” 

your eyes widen as you immediately mute your sound, pushing seonghwa back and shaking your head at him. “seonghwa, are you crazy!?” your laptop is turned away so your classmates and professor don’t see you and your boyfriend talking back and forth, the crazy overprotective man next to you saying he doesn’t care who it is, no one’s allowed to say shit like that to you. 

“he doesn’t mean it in a bad way, he’s just like that!” but when seonghwa shakes his head and deems that’s completely unnecessary, you take your laptop and stomp off toward the bedroom. you ignore the call of seonghwa’s voice before you close the door, warning him through gritted your teeth he better not follow you. 

when you turn your camera back on, your cheeks are warm and embarrassment floods through you at the smirk on your teacher’s lips and the curious looks of your classmates. 

“your boyfriend’s not gonna beat me up, is he?”

❥ jeong yunho

you were listening to the professor’s lecture with your feet in yunho’s lap, the boy quietly doing his own studies as he listened to music through his headphones. 

the video session was scheduled for an hour and a half, looking at the time in the corner to reveal only forty minutes have passed. you let out a sigh, resting your head on your hand as you do everything in power to pay attention to the professor’s monotone voice. 

yunho looks up and sees the bored expression on your face, pausing his music but remaining nonchalant as he moves his gaze back to his textbook. but just as he hears you start to yawn, he moves his long finger to your foot and scratches up the bottom of your sock-covered skin.

and thank god your mic is muted because you jump and yelp at the ticklish feeling and your laptop falls over into the couch cushion, your squeaky “yunho!” followed by his deep chuckle making you smack him playfully as you adjust yourself again. 

you notice a few of your classmates smirking and hope it has nothing to do with your little mishap, squinting at yunho as he continues to laugh at you. when the teacher announces it’s time for a class discussion, you go to move your feet but he grabs your ankle, a pout on his face as he promises not to do it again. 

but you missed the way his pointer and middle finger were crossed behind his thigh, the mischievous boy waiting until you started talking to scratch his nail under the bottom of your foot. 

“and i think that’s something really import-ANT…in this lesson,” you say, the way you jump making him snort. you kick him in the side before sitting up, apologizing to your professor before you attempt to continue your intellectual discussion. 

❥ kang yeosang

you thought it was lucky that your class time matched up with yeosang’s practice time, a quiet peaceful hour and a half for you to sip your coffee and really pay attention to the lecture. 

but since you were in your room, you didn’t hear the front door or the sound of shoes hitting the floor. you only became aware of your boyfriend at the same time as your whole class, your bedroom door pushing open and yeosang jumping to belly flop onto the bed directly behind you. 

“hi, baby! shit, i am so sweaty, i can’t believe-“

“uh, yeosang-“ you try to say but the boy only takes a heavy breath and continues to talk, going on about how difficult the new choreography is and how if he doesn’t start working out hard, it’s gonna be the death of him. and you love that he’s telling you all of this, you really do, but you’re also not ignorant of the fact that your entire call has turned silent in amusement and fascination at yeosang’s cute rambling. 

“why are you sitting over there, can’t you just lay with me so i can-“

“yeosang, please stop talking,” you beg him quietly, the panic in your voice causing him to look up; your cheeks are burning and you look about ready to burst out into awkward laughter, the boy’s face dropping when he sees about 25 boxes of random faces staring at him. 

“oh-oh my god! oh my, god! i’m so sorry, i’m just gonna- why wouldn’t you tell me!” he frantically runs out of the room, your own hand covering your face because it’s not even like he gave you a chance. 

“i’m sorry,” you say to your class, your pink cheeks causing your professor to smile and shake her head, carrying on with the lesson like you and your boyfriend aren’t gonna hide under the covers in embarrassment for the rest of the day over this. 

❥ choi san

your teacher didn’t require sound during lectures but she liked to make sure everyone was up and awake for the eight a.m class, always asking you guys to leave your cameras on so she can see you’re “attentive and alert.”

and usually you didn’t mind but today san was fast asleep so you had your headphones in, your camera turned away from your bed and facing the bright window as you tried your hardest not to nod off right then and there. 

you didn’t think you woke san when you snuck out from under his arm but you found that you were sadly mistaken, just twenty minutes into the lecture his whiny morning voice starting. 

“baby….come back to bed,” he mumbled into the pillow, a smirk on your lips as you look over at him. his one eye peeks open and he sees you sitting at the desk in front of your laptop, wearing his shirt and a pair of shorts with knee high socks that makes him all too desperate and needy to have you back in bed with him. 

you watch his eyes rake over you and a pout make its way on his face, holding his arm out as he whines out your name. “soon, san, i’m almost done,” you tell him, even though it’s a lie and you hope he’ll fall back asleep within the next few minutes

but he waits for all about five before he gets up, concentrating on writing notes down with the professor’s voice in your ear that you miss the way he shuffles toward you. it’s not until he wraps his arms around you from behind and buries his face in your neck that you realize he’s here, your eyes shooting to the camera and cheeks flushing before raising it to the ceiling. 

“san! my whole class just saw that!” you squeal, the way he pulls your neck back to kiss your lips proving he’s completely unbothered by the fact; he just wants you back in the warm bed, who cares about school?

❥ song mingi

“guys, you have to be quiet!” your roommate tells the boys, “y/n’s on a video chat with her class and-”

mingi, in a burst of excitement to finally see you after being apart for a week, ignores the girl’s words and bursts right into your room. his deep, happy yelp of your name and excited waves causes you to snap your head back and smile immediately at him; your heart softens at the way he’s bouncing like a giant child. 

you return a small wave before nodding toward the door, holding up your two palms and wiggling your fingers to indicate ten more minutes. but the boy just doesn’t get it, making his way over to you before he stops and sees a whole laptop of people staring at him. 

he looks at you in surprise, like he wasn’t already warned that you were doing this, before jumping to the side and waiting politely in your bean bag chair. 

you turn back around and have to fight the smiling desperate to make it’s way on your pink cheeks, ignoring the way your friend in the class starts private messaging you asking who the cute boy behind you was. 

❥ jung wooyoung

“why’s your camera off, y/n?”

your eyes narrow at the obnoxiously familiar voice coming through your laptop speakers, shaking your head as you do your best not to curse him out. 

given that your real class time is over two hours, your professor allows for a fifteen minute break where usually everyone either turns off their cameras to eat or has one big chaotic chat, usually led by no other than 

“wooyoung, shut up,” you snap when you can’t take it anymore, his nonstop questioning and high pitched giggle piercing right through your eyes. 

“why don’t you say it to my face?” he counters and you can just hear the smirk in his voice. you leave your computer and stomp out of your bedroom and down the hall, kicking open the door to see the boy himself sitting in front of his laptop with a shit eating grin on his face. 

“we are never taking another class together again!”

❥ choi jongho

“any last minute questions?”

“oh, um yes!” you reluctantly speak up, hating to ask in the first place and especially now over this new type of video chat set up. “about the project,  should we be using apa format or-”

“goodbye, baby, goodbye!” 

your mouth drops open and heat immediately creeps on your face, jongho walking past you with headphones in as he sings and dances like there’s no one around. but there’s about thirty of you around, his singing piercing through the speakers of every single one of your classmates as they watch him shimmy and shake across the room.

he continues his singing until he closes the door to the bathroom and you don’t even think he noticed you sitting in your desk at the corner, an awkward laugh threatening to bubble out of your mouth as you try to regain your composure. 

“i’m so sorry,” you blurt out, cheeks pink as you shake your head and try to ignore the giggles coming from your classmate when, even from the bathroom, they can hear jongho singing his heart out.

[notcatherinemorland]

More Hamlet Thoughts because i leave everything to the 11th hour . production continues to be the 2018 globe w/ Michelle Terry

Hamlet and Ophelia’s uhhhhh fight 

Ham’s personality twists into cruel mockery of her at the line ‘Where’s your father’ and OHO the facial expressions

Ophelia kept trying to hold onto Hamlet’s hand and body and curl her fingers around hamlet’s hand and it was very heartbreaking . Hamlet was a ball of chaotic energy who scrabbled her hands off himself. rlly interesting to watch

this turned around with hamlet scrubbing over her face as he presents her to the audience’s 4th wall for the make up lines. and shoves her down to the floor at the end

the physical manipulation hamlet takes out on ophelia is a super interesting segue to the players scene

2 b / x 2 b

ham sat in the middle of the front of the stage and held the hand of an audience member who he talked he speech to. very intimate and closed and really interesting interpretation

im a nerd so i really like the juxtaposition of such a grand and philosophical speech being told on such an intimate and small scale

Hamlet’s still got his smudged clown makeup on

hamlet and horatio come across Very gay in the ‘something too much of this’ line. i vibe 

hamlet decimated his friendship with R&G and i LOVED how Horatio held him and then forced him away to give him just a touch more character. this Ht loved R&G as well and i appreciate the bit of character we all try to give horatio

Horatio’s Emotions over R&G’s impending death is a++ give this man some emotional range

OH the ‘if your mind dislike anything, obey it’ can we PLEASE listen to horatio the lone voice of reason within elsinor’s halls

that’s not me being gay, that’s a legit analysis of Hamlet in that everyone in Elsinor has a twisted sense of reality and morality and Horatio as an outsider is immune and must watch in horror

the argument is flawed with R&G but hey it’s not my theory.

THE TRUMPETS . there’s live trumpets 

the music they played to signal the half time of the play was wonderfully dissonant and i VIBE WITH THAT that is the ENERGY of Elsinor right there

honestly im annoying and i don’t particularly care for the play scene as an audience member. like academically the play within a play is rife with analysis but like. to just sit and watch it feels like such a halt in the energy

plus i really dislike it when they use gross physical comedy in the dumb-show because again. im annoying

anyway they only do the dumb-show (more tollerable than a lot) and they use drum beats and purcussion in place of lines, and have hamlet explain what’s going on with his lines. it’s certainly different and its a lot quicker than the text is

This Claudius is Prime Smarmy Politicians and is very indignant as he tries to pray and i REALLY LIKE HIM

The scene transitions are .. non existent in this play and i LIKE IT 

the lines follow on immediately between scenes as the other characters are leaving the stage 

i love how it supports the theme of acting this play has and how it breaks down the barrier for the audience of personal vs private 

thats not quite what i want to say uhhhhh. in other productions some of the scenes are really discreet from each other- like how pearl necklaces have stoppers between the pearls- and that’s especially evident in films, but here it’s the opposite and the scenes bleed into each other to create a really fast paced and chaotic energy and i REALLY LIKE IT

‘personal vs private’ is on god my favourite theme in hamlet and the way it works with the audience creating it here is GREAT

Closet scene... OH BOY

this hamlet is CRUEL oml 

the ghost enters after hamlet spends 3 minutes berating his mother and she’s crying on the floor by the audience and hamlet immediately stops and starts weeping 

‘oh save me’ sounds so small and childlike and it really showcases the love between them

not that kind of love, sigmund fucking freud. get your mind out the gutter

the disdain hamlet has for gertrude absolutely breaks my heart but that’s a me thing because i haven’t been able to see my mother in person for coming up on a month due to quarantine :(

added an extra hug before ham leaves .. v sweet

Claudius comes barreling in and picks up ham’s dropped sword. :eye emoji: doesn’t put it down until Hamlet’s brought in for questioning. but he’s still holding a book (english dictionary presumably?) and this act of holding a sword for 2 scenes WILL be reiterated time and time again in ever hamlet essay i write forever to whatever end i so desire because it’s easy to manipulate to my own purposes. bless this moment

There’s a seagull that keeps interrupting claudius at perhaps the funniest possible moments in his soliloquies and honestly WHERE is it’s Olivier

Ophelia’s madness isn’t as explicit as it is in other versions, but watching her tumble into emotions and lack of restraint is so, so heartbreaking.

this is one of the productions of hamlet that makes a really convincing case for ‘madness’ in elsinor being synonymous to speaking one’s mind and being truthful about one’s heightened emotions and like. i Love that interpretation

lets be real i love 99% of hamlet interpretations

the 1% is freud. fuck that guy

I’m Digging the parallel of Ophelia’s emotional outburts of grief (in madness) to Laertes incensed outburst of grief . ohoho

Laertes gets rosemary and pansies, Claudius gets fennel and columbines, Gertrude gets the rue, Audience member gets the daisy and the thought of violets

unfortunately i once wrote a shite poem about gertrude and weather she know of the poison in the cup at the end and unfortunately that’s all i can think about for the last 40 mins of the play hfdhgjgghjhgj

im annoying so i read along with the play and the duets Claudius and Laertes make of the meter and the word formatting on the page comes across really different on stage, which is super interesting. 

not to be really fucking dramatic but i read in the info packet of this play that the pillars on the stage are actually tree trunks carved and painted to look like marble and considering how many times i had to hear the words ‘appearance vs reality’ in my english class, i think im allowed to use the smirk emoji about how the setting of the globe is Integral to Hamlet as a play

i am itching to write an entire 4000 word tirade about the use of the physical body in hamlet because between the actual acting on stage, polonius, ‘one auspicious and one dropping eye’ and all whole host of references made to physical body parts i am going feral 

PLUS this one incorporates sign language 

i actually hate the word incorporates but needs must  

The Ophelia’s death speech is of course wonderful, but i can’t stop thinking about how John Everett Millais made his model (who’s name escapes me in a terrible irony because i got this information from an exhibition about the female pre-raphalites) sit in a cold bath for hours on end whilst he sketched and it made her very ill because the fire went out and she was sat nude in a bath of cold water for hours.

Gravedigger only has the songs and the hamlet interaction, and he wears a high vis jacket. he’s also played by the ghost’s actor, which whilst understandable in such a small cast, amuses me greatly

Hamlet’s got his hair tied back and in a military style jacket, and marches around with Horatio who’s in a hoodie and a black duffle coat (absolutely a student) and the same tight plait. Ham’s definitely meant to be sane now, he speaks very brusquely and all but marches around the stage

Not To Make An Edelgard Reference But edelgard’s cause in 3H was also cemented by a timeskip and a military outfit and a brusque personality hehehe 

Hamlet gets into the ‘grave’ to chat to Yorick which, again, i will use in every relevant essay i will write and manipulate this scene to whatever end i desire and on god i thank this production for this 

a level me would have gone feral

current me is also going feral

Grave Scene: a terrible one for your family to walk in and ask what the fuck you’re watching

Polonius’ actor plays the priest. yes, capsule wardrobe of a cast, i know but i’m an english student it’s my duty to wring every irrational inch of analysis out of this thing

i won’t trail on about unsubstaniated interpretations of Polonius’ parenting skills and fate in Hamlet but on god i will find an essay about it

i always enjoy it when someone leaps in the grave .. the melodrama... the meaning... the liminal spaces...

the DRAMA of seperating feral laertes and the really calm and imposing hamlet is excellent and a bit hilarious and the camera is going nuts

i’m very aware that everyone is now traipsing about over the grave in the middle of the stage and THAT’S a fun dynamic you don’t get from film or text

ok I’ve just noticed the video has the ‘top chat replay’ going and the very first line i saw is ‘what if hamlet had tiktok’ and i am CRYING 

Ophelia’s actor also plays Osric and is a) absolutely hilarious and b) again, capsule wardrobe of a cast will not stop me from analysing everything and anything this play may or may not offer me. 

im not saying hamlet is a play about inheritance and the burden of it, but also... isn’t it :eye emoji:

if bloody fire emblem fates can do it so can i, step off

Fencing scene: oh thank god it’s nearly over

The hearts on their fencing get ups parallel Hamlet’s clown outfit with a heart on the sleeve Very Nicely

Gertrude isn’t wearing her headpiece anymore .. ohoho dispelling the trappings and suits of dishonesty, if you will

The duel is a) bloody terrifying because sword fighting and b) judged by Osric (Ophelia) and the poetry of having ham & lae’s duel waged over and judged by Ophelia is absolutely excellent

Claudius’s aside (or to laertes? camera didn’t follow) had no right to be as humorous as it was jdfsghfkd

Gertrude figured out it was poison in this one. Nice

I like the call and response effect of ‘Treachery! Seek it out! / It is here Hamlet’ they made with Hamlet running around they stage to find little propped up Laertes

The dramatic eye contact of Hamlet and Claudius as he forces him to drink the poison.... OH HECK YES 

the way they sink to the floor in a pair, with hamlet crawling over his body to make sure he dies... oh LORD 

the swing hamlet does with his arm to the audience to cast them as ‘the unsatisfied’ was EXCELLENT and i would like that in every production of hamlet please 

the tussle of horatio and hamlet over the cup..... iconic.... and i enjoy the parallel of that to hamlet with claudius as they’re stood in the same corner 

The harsh projection of Hamlet’s voice and the blunt manner of his words about Fortinbras’ inheritance of denmark against the soft way Horatio rocks Hamlet back and forth ... i want to CRY

Horatio got to have emotional range in this production .. wonderful

i always enjoy the way the play tails off with politics in a room of dead bodies.. the layers the absolute onions

how none of the drama within the castle has any meaning to anyone outside of it is Excellent 

and then the way the prison and enclosure of elsinor is finally broken with military force in parallel to the tumultuous interpersonal relationships within it... i vibe yet more

they actually ended with ‘go bid the soldiers shoot’ which i enjoy a lot!!!! and the music is wonderful

then they all start doing this dance which i think is meant to be about the themes of the play and to be perfectly honest it’s a bit crunchy for me but the music absolutely slaps!!!

final thoughts:

that sure was a hamlet production and i thought it had a lot of heart and did some new things very very well!!!

and i loved the emphasis they put on the costuming!!!! 

overall: a solid hamlet. very nice. i greatly enjoyed it!!!! 

[jikooklaundryroom]

Dry Pancakes

Gather around folks. It’s time to have an open and honest conversation about – yep you guessed it – Jimin and Jungkook and the behavior that mystifies the entire fandom.  And notice I say Jimin and Jungkook, not Kookmin or Jikook, because this talk is less about them as a couple and more about them as individuals.  A fair warning to everyone, only grown, competent adults are invited to this conversation.  If you are a twelve-year old who wants to scream about top/bottom sex positions and Omega slick and Jeonlous tongue thing – please move on.  This conversation is not for you.  Adults will be talking here.

In this essay, I will NOT discuss Jimin and Jungkook as an intimate- romantic couple, or as boyfriends, or as domestic partners, or as husbands.  In fact, those topics are so complex, that they will definitely need to be saved for another day.  Lastly, the only time Tae will be mentioned is in this sentence because I plan to write a full separate tribute to this precious man so that I can properly call out how poorly he is treated and perceived because of shipping wars.  Again, I give you fair warning, if this ain’t for you, move on because I can’t help you. OK?  I am going to give you my honest opinion here and I won’t be nice about it.  Pancakers, you should also be warned, you may be offended as well.  I leave no stone unturned.  Now that we have a proper filter in place, let’s get it.

The month of May gave us nauseating amounts of Jimin and Jungkook being seen together occupying each other’s space.  For those of you have been living under a rock, I will do a quick break down of some of their time together:  stage moments of laughing and teasing, stage moments of them comforting each other through difficult emotions (aka: the infamous ear sucking confusion), stage moments of them holding hands, sudden VLIVE, the two of them sharing a car, the two of them presumably sharing a hotel room, each one watching the other during rehearsals, the two of them watching fireworks, the elusive selca, the hand jockeying during the unboxing video and last but not least, the full day of sight-seeing they did with their friends in London.  And of course, for every moment they DO spend together there is a sea of people who only care about the moments that they DON’T spend together.  I’ll address both sides.  Within this flurry of activity/inactivty, comes a flurry of narratives from different factions within the fandom attempting to define what is happening, attempting to brain wash the neutral observer into taking their side over others.  These folks are literally and figuratively battling across social media to reign supreme in the war of narratives that explain Jimin and Jungkook.

Let’s break down some of these narratives and discuss why they are ALL bullshit shall we?

Narrative #1 -The “Bighit is forcing them to be together for publicity” crowd –  This group thinks that everything that Jimin and Jungkook do is strictly for the sake of bringing publicity/attention to Bangtan.  This shit has never made sense to me.  Exactly what additional publicity does Bighit and Bangtan need?  They just reached 20.2 million followers on twitter. They just won TWO Billboard music awards in America despite singing in only Korean.  They’ve been announced as members of the Grammy Recording Academy, they received the Order of Cultural Merit award in South Korea, they spoke at the United Nations.  They are the biggest boy band in the history of the world and if I am not mistaken they are currently on a sold-out stadium tour that has sold out over 600,000 seats in just ten shows.  SO, tell me, what bitch doesn’t know who Bangtan is?  Let’s pretend for a moment that Bangtan needed more publicity.  What additional publicity would be achieved by insinuating a homosexual relationship between two members?  Especially when you consider the vitriol that explodes when these two particular members are together.  Do you really think that forcing Jimin and Jungkook into a touchy-feely spree will help Bangtan sell more CDs or get more YouTube views?  If we consider how many homophones exist within the fandom, do you really think that highlighting the intimacy between Jimin and Jungkook would be viewed as positive and promote deeper engagement with the group?  Absolutely not.  Bighit is not encouraging Jimin and Jungkook to be fake gays for publicity. So again, I ask you, what additional publicity does Bangtan need? The answer is NONE; I think they’re good bro.

Narrative #2 - The “This is just fan service to satisfy the shipping culture” crowd – No other “ship” makes the fan more unhappy than Jikook. In fact, SNS explodes with negativity almost every single time that Jimin and Jungkook even breath near each other. Fans get extremely upset OR they ignore and refuse to acknowledge the interaction.  So how can it be fan service if it pisses off the majority of the fans?  Isn’t fan service supposed to make fans happy?  I would go even further to say that Bangtan, Jimin and Jungkook in particular know full well how polarizing their interactions are for the fandom. Seems to me like they don’t give a fuck though.  Fan service is to service the fans and give them what they want.  They don’t seem to want Jimin and Jungkook as unit.  And for those of you who think their relationship is manufactured to feed the pancakers out there, you’re mistaken and here’s why: Jimin and JK work very hard to avoid being caught or showing us too much.  It is pretty common knowledge that most of their most intimate interactions are done AWAY from the cameras – a fact that we would never know if they didn’t accidently tell us.  (“I go to Jungkook’s room at night when I can’t sleep because he also stays up late.” - Jimin) Often times, pancakers are VERY unhappy with the amount of interaction we get between Jimin and Jungkook and we are quick to yell foul if we aren’t “fed”.  This once again proves my point, it is not fan service if it doesn’t please the fans.

Narrative #3 – The “We just don’t understand Korean culture “ crowd - Uuum what? Talk to K-Army and even they will tell you that the intimacy and togetherness between Jimin and Jungkook goes far beyond typical “fan service” or “cultural norm” that would be expected from the Korean culture. It also extends beyond typical friendly male behavior given their closeness.  Westerners often get accused of “oversexualizing” Jimin and Jungkook or claiming something as homosexual because we “don’t understand” how Koreans interact.  BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT.  We know what we see.  We know what K-ARMY has explained to us.  We have taken the time to study the culture in Korea and talk with our fellow ARMY about Jimin and Jungkook.  The conclusion is always the same; there is an entire relationship being played out in front of us and it is consistent, predicable and progressive.  These interactions are not just fortuitous bits of circumstance by two friends. It is not just Korean culture.

Narrative #4 - The “Bighit is forcing them to be apart because they are too loud” crowd – Sorry Pancakes, but shut up.  This has become a ready-made excuse for us pancakers whenever we don’t receive the interactions that we expect (demand, crave, obsess over). Do you realize how much influence Jimin and Jungkook have over their own choices?  They are not mindless dummies who are mind controlled by their management. I will concede the fact that both of them are thoughtful and considerate of the feelings of the other members and they are also respectful of the wishes of management.  So if either of the two entities gives them advice with regard to watching their proximity then YES, this could affect their natural behavior’s. You have that concession from me. But that is NOT WHY THERE ARE LULLS IN THEIR INTERACTIONS.  Bighit management and Bangtan members are not playing some sadistic game of RED LIGHT – GREEN LIGHT with Jimin and Jungkook’s emotions.  Think about how ridiculous this sounds to say to grown men, “Ohh well you two were too intimate and too loud and you could expose yourself so you better repress your natural instincts as best friends and then pretend that the other doesn’t exist.” And then conversely, “You two have behaved and been good boys, so now you are allowed to interact and act like you’re in love again.”  If Bighit was trying to hide anything, they would shut it down completely, permanently - NOT IN RANDOM SPURTS.  The two of them would be threatened beyond belief and I guarantee there would be contractual implications.

It is simply ridiculous, not to mention reductive to attempt to exercise that level of control over two rich, popular and very grown individuals.  Guess what?  It’s also impossible.  Have you ever noticed that neither Jimin nor Jungkook are very good at following directions? If they are being told to stay away from each other, how come they never seem to do it?  At best, they manage to tone things down for short periods, but inevitably they always go back to just being them. My fellow pancakers have even gone so far as to develop a theory that Bighit was keeping Jimin and Jungkook from ever doing VLIVES together.  But just recently, we saw them splash tension all over the screen in a VLIVE between the two of them.  If they were restricted from doing VLIVES, then why did they do one all of a sudden after a 2-year hiatus?  Did Bighit suddenly change their mind and allow it?  Of course not.  There is a much simpler explanation and I will explain later.

Narrative #5 - The “They are just brothers, nothing they do is a big deal or any different from the rest of the members” crowd – Guess what? I actually agree with you, sorta’. So much of what Jimin and Jungkook do is the result of them being very close and loving friends who have been together forever. Even some of the gentler physical contact between the two is not exclusive to just them when compared to the other members.  But the situation is not quite that simple is it?  Brothers (not blood brothers) is just ONE of the many layers of the Jimin and Jungkook dynamic.  There’s more, a lot more.  I will come back to this one.  

Hm.  So if none of the prevalent theories above define the incongruent public intimacy of Jimin and Jungkook, then WHAT IS THE ANSWER?  Simple.  It’s called FREE WILL!  No one, especially Pancakes with butter and syrup, want to ever admit that Jimin and Jungkook do exactly what they want to do. The reason they interact and the reason they don’t is because it’s what they want to do at that moment.  They are exercising their FREE WILL.  If Jimin and Jungkook don’t speak, it’s because they don’t want to.  If Jimin and Jungkook don’t post on twitter, it’s because they don’t want to.  If Jimin and Jungkook don’t post a selca, it’s because they don’t want to.  If Jimin and Jungkook don’t do a VLIVE for two years, it’s because THEY DON’T WANT TO!  There could be months that go by where they CHOSE not to let us into their private lives and we as Jimin and Jungkook supporters have to be accepting of that choice.  Allow them to exercise their free will.  In most cases, their free will is to self-manage their own interactions.  Think about it this way – is everyday a good day for you?  Probably not. Some of us have really good days and some of us have really bad ones.  Our moods can be dictated by so many things such as: hunger, bad news, fatigue, negativity, irritation, anger, jealousy, illness, depression – so many things can affect how we feel and how we project our energy. These two men are no different.  They are not immune to the emotions that plague the rest of us mere mortals. Travel with me for a moment as we reflect on just how much Jimin and Jungkook are together,

Sharing a car during transport to and from the airport

Sitting next to each other on the plane

Spending time outside of business schedules to attend personal events (movies, dinner, tours)

Visiting each other’s parents

Presumably living together

Presumably sharing hotel rooms when they travel

Working together

Practicing together

Filming together

Presumably engaging in intimacy together

Together- Together -Together –Together- Baam  

That’s a lot of freaking togetherness.  When we see them keep their distance, why are we surprised?  It is clear that they are using their free will to be together MOST of the time and that is a sign of a very solid symbiotic relationship.  So why can’t it be conversely true that they are also using their free will when they are apart?  We pancakes are so quick to blame external forces when Jungkook and Jimin aren’t stuck to each other as opposed to blaming Jimin and Jungkook themselves.  Personal growth can only occur when you broaden your horizons and experience new things, new environments, new opinions and new people.  YES NEW PEOPLE.  It is an exercise in self-care for them to be apart from time to time.  We can’t and shouldn’t expect them to be together 24/7. It just isn’t healthy.  I would say they live a well-rounded life when they can be happy apart but still prefer to be together.  It’s beautiful.  It you are truly a part of the Jimin and Jungkook nation, then your attitudes and opinions toward the strength of them individually or as a couple should NOT be predicated solely on what they do together and how often.  Do I need to repeat that last sentence for the 14YOs who read this post even though I tried to filter you out?  Just because the two of them don’t show us blatant interactions does not meant that is an indictment or indicator that the friendship/relationship/companionship/brotherhood is dead.  Please stop posting fatalistic admonishments because their interactions are not timed according to your schedule.  Let them live.  Yes, I am saying that when we go through a pancake drought, it is because Jimin and Jungkook themselves want it to be that way.  Not because they are being forced to do so.

Now let’s talk about the nature of their interactions by using myself as an example.  I love my husband with all of my heart.  He is truly my soul mate and we get along very well. Our relationship is so complex and has so many layers.  We are friends, lovers, parents, mates, partners, business owners, even at times like siblings.  So, when he and I interact, the definition of that interaction could fall within any of the categories that I just listed.  It could be a friendly touch, or a sexual touch or a business partner touch – understand what I mean?  The same is true with Jimin and Jungkook.  Their interactions are highly conditional and must be reviewed within the context of the moment.  Which means, when they are in friend mode and they hug, they honestly are just hugging as friends.  Over hyping meaningless moments without placing it within proper context, makes pancakes look petty and delusional.  Another example, when one is sucking the other’s ear – aww shit – I have no idea what category to put that in – but it ain’t friends – we need to hype the shit out of that one.   That was a bad example.  But you get my point.  Moving on…

Let me make this really clear.  Do you remember when you first fell in love with Bangtan?  We fell so hard right?  The music, the dancing, the talent, the fashion, the creativity, the visuals – we fell hook line and sinker.  But there was more wasn’t it?  Think back.  There was soo much more.  Yes my pancakes, we fell in love with their hearts.  We fell in love with them as people.  Above all, we fell in love with their AUTHENTICITY.  You see, Bangtan was never fake.   Bangtan never presented a closed-off image to us.  They provided as much transparency and honesty as they possibly could, which was a HUGE change from what we were accustomed to seeing from KPOP artists (any artist really).  They allowed us to have a real-world peak into their emotions, vulnerabilities and personalities.  Bangtan’s authenticity is why we love them most and why we continue to love them. So when we see the love that exists between all seven of them, we know it’s real.  Accordingly, there is an extreme affinity that Jimin and Jungkook have towards each other that cannot be faked.  Even if they were being forced for publicity purposes to spend time together, they could not do it successfully unless there was already an underlying desire to be together.  Furthermore, forcing someone to be together when they don’t want to be is paramount to torture and that would greatly affect the overall happiness and chemistry of the entire group.  Imagine being forced to spend that much time with someone you don’t like.  It also explains why we don’t see other couplings “forced” upon the members because it’s not natural.  None of the members have a strong ability to vacate authenticity.  They all truly exercise their free will.  

And for my very last point, I want to talk a little tiny bit about the VLIVE (again).  I have insisted throughout this rant that Jimin and Jungkook were never prohibited by Bighit from doing a VLIVE together. So why the 2-year hiatus?  I think the explanation is pretty simple.  As we saw, it is very difficult for the two of them to maintain “composure” when they are together.  They show us so much when they fully intend to show us nothing.  They are acutely aware of how they appear on camera – which is why I argue that their two-year hiatus was self-imposed.  Think about how hard it must be in that intimate setting, sitting that close, talking that freely to repress their natural instincts to touch, or call each other pet names or possibly even kiss.  It’s like freaking impossible.  So why risk it?  It is so much easier to just keep themselves out of that situation and instead watch each other do the VLIVES from off camera.  As we know, even when one of them is off camera, they still freaking flirt.  Imagine if they were both in front of the camera on a consistent basis.  This goes back to my theory on free will.  I honestly believe that these two are being very smart to exercise their free will to stay away from Jikook VLIVES.

I have probably not changed anyone’s mind and you will likely continue to incessantly spew your narrative, whatever it is.  But for those of you who are a bit more open-minded, I hope you found some insight as well as clarity in my words.  Here’s to loving our seven boys and obsessing over two of them.

So in conclusion, I have concluded.  Thank you. Love you Pancakes – don’t be mad, k?

[free-falling-grenade]

I accidentally wrote a fanfic while writing my essay.

Ff.net   -- Song/Video inspiration: Never Seen Anything Quite Like you 

An annoying ringing startled her awake from her deep slumber as she groaned loudly which was muffled by her pillow. She hoped that ignoring it would stop the caller but she was proven wrong as the ringing has started again few seconds after it died down. Beca reluctantly opened her heavy eyes, looking around blindly for her phone. After moments of flailing around like a fish out of water, the brightness of her phone light blinds her for a minute. She shuts her eyes while hitting the answer button.

"BECA MITCHELL. I need you to explain to me this public display without any care of your personal image -"

The voice of her publicist stung her eardrums as she pulled the device away from her ears. She sat upright leaning on the bed frame and took the chance to glance at the time revealing it was 8:30 in the morning on a Sunday. Her blood boiled in exasperation as she could still hear her agent's muffled rant.

That was the unfortunate downside of becoming the famous Beca Mitchell. She gained some unwanted people who lectured her of what she does in public more than her own parents ever did. She wondered what she did this time round.

As the ranting seemed to subside on the other line, the brunette finally put the device back on her ears ready to hear whatever nonsense her agent had for her non-coffee fueled self this early in the morning. She blinked a few times, sleep still in her eyes, clearing her throat.

"What did I do again?"

Her agent, Sam let out a deep sigh from the other line, "There's a video The Script just released and you are seen to be very lovey dovey with one of your best friends in the show. The camera angles at both of you at certain times and now the Internet has gone crazy."

Unfortunately for Beca, her memory served to fail her at the early hours of the day, "Huh. The Script? Lovey Dovey? The fuck?"

With another deep but longer sigh, "Just.. What did we tell you about public displays? We now have to go through all the process for you to release an official announcement of your relationship. And as much as you love your privacy, you kind of screwed yourself over."

Beca, who was now in deep confusion of who and what relationship her agent is talking to her about, her faced scrunched up, eyes narrowed trying to pull out all the information that had happened before but she came out empty.

After a few moments of silence, Sam finally understanding Beca would have to be actually sane and awake to actually process the information that she had thrown at her, she released yet another sigh, "Okay. I know it's an early Sunday, Mitchell. But I need you to check out the video as soon as you can once you had your coffee and do everything you need to do to get your brain awake. Call me then."

The sound of the call ending shook Beca's trance state back to normal as she stared mouth agape at her phone. She let the device slide down from her hands and head fall back on the bed frame. She looked around her dimly lit bedroom of her LA apartment, the sun rays trying to escape her dark curtains to remind her of the time of day but she ignored it laying back down to rest on her pillow, her eyes falling back shut, her breathing getting deeper as she let herself fall back to sleep. Sam could wait another 2 hours.

. . .

Meanwhile, Chloe was making herself and her roommate some breakfast in her dorm room at UC Davis. The peaceful mornings like these she appreciated the roommate she had who cherished the calmness of it. She moved around making some bacon and eggs for the both of them while her roommate Sharon played music from YouTube as she sipped her cup of coffee. The song suddenly transitioned to one of her favorites as she casually hummed along with what sounded like a live version.

"Oh. My. Gosh."

Chloe turned around to the sound of her room mate's surprised tone. She shot her a questioning look watching her stick her face so close to her laptop screen. She turned off the stove and placed the food on the plate ready to serve before she started questioning her roommate. She noticed how the song kept pausing and playing as she watched Sharon clicking then rewinding the song back and forth.

"What are you doing, Sharon?" Chloe raised an amused eyebrow at her roommate who was still going back and forth sticking her face close to the screen then backing away with her eyebrows up her hair line.

Sharon's hazel eyes widened as she now met Chloe's gaze. The redhead furrowed her brows as she observed her roommate looking more wild with her messy black hair tied up in a bun with her wide eyes directed at her.

"You-what. Her?! She...-close. Lord." She let out some type of scoff with seemed to hold a mixture of disbelief and delight.

Chloe's face broke into an amused grin as she tried to stifle her laugh, "Words, Shar. Use words. I don't understand?"

Sharon's mouth formed into a wide smile as she shook her head. "I knew you weren't an open book as you seemed to be."

The redhead tilted her head in confusion.

"You and her, huh?" Her expression quickly changing from shocked to teasing. She grabbed a piece of bacon chewing on it while she stared at Chloe expectantly.

Chloe raised a challenging brow wondering what her roommate was getting at. Sharon simply turned her laptop facing the redhead and pressed play.

Chloe felt her heart skip a few beats as her favorite song echoed around the kitchen room while she watched the live version in front of her, re-living the moment. She bit her lip to hold back a smile but betraying her as she glanced up to meet her teasing roommate's excited hazel eyes and in awe matching her 1000megawatt grin.

Chloe let out a chuckle as the song ended, her body suddenly feeling extra giddy and more alive. She didn't even have her coffee yet.

"Huh. I didn't know that was being filmed.." Chloe started as nibbled on her bacon with a big smile on her face.

Sharon leaned forward, her hands propped under her chin, elbows on the table and food now forgotten, "Spill, Chloe Beale."

. . .

Beca stood in her sweatpants and an oversized Barden t-shirt that was tied on her side to fit on her waist as she stretched in the kitchen letting out a loud yawn. Perks of living in your own apartment is looking like a slob without anyone to worry about seeing you, she thought to herself. She turned on the coffee pot as she opened her laptop that she left on the kitchen island last night.

The early morning encounter with her publicist flashed as a reminder as she sipped her black coffee while scrolling through her emails. She released a content sigh as she leaned back on the chair she sat on. When she reached halfway through her coffee she was ready to face whatever video her publicist was talking about. She only vaguely remembered her saying The Script which is the the band she saw with Chloe about a few months ago.

She resigned to opening her twitter account and just see the news from whatever she got tagged on. Only three words in a hashtag caught her eye immediately followed by a YouTube link. It led her to a live version of the song she held of high importance, that was being played in the same concert and place Beca took Chloe to see the band.

She bit her lip anxiously as she hit play and putting the video into full screen.

*flashback*

"Are you guys cool if we do another song?"

The crowd around them goes wild screaming as they now all switched to turn to the change of position the band had settled to play the next song which fortunately out of pure luck was right beside Beca and Chloe. Chloe clutched onto Beca's arm jumping excitedly up and down. Beca merely rolled her eyes in amusement.

"If you came with someone, who's your boyfriend or girlfriend. Or somebody that you're trying to make your boyfriend or girlfriends. Please pull them a little bit closer for this next song, it's called - Never seen anything quite like you."

As the instrumental plays in the background, Beca could feel her heartbeat thudding rapidly in her chest as she felt Chloe beside her change her position from her arms looped around Beca's to wrapping both her strong arms around the small brunette's waist and leaning her head right on her shoulder. Beca's arm automatically goes around Chloe welcoming her warmth with as much love as the redhead was giving.

"And I'm dedicating it to that girl right there" Danny, the singer points down at one of the fans.

See, Beca knew this song. It was too cheesy, too much gooey love stuff that kind of makes her feel uncomfortable and awkward but she would be lying if she said she didn't like it. Only because of the woman who was why she went to this concert in the first place. The said woman who was impossibly pulling her closer as they swayed as the instrumentals opened through the first verse.

"Here we go"

The piano instrumentals suddenly shot a giddy feeling through Beca's body, sending goosebumps around her arms and neck.

'I think I want you more than want And know I need you more than need I wanna hold you more than hold When you stood in front of me'

Beca remembered the first time she ever listened to the song, she simply rolled her eyes at it. It was a typical cheesy, love song that wasn't different from any other one out there. That was till she heard Chloe singing it for the first time. It was still a new song from the band from their recent album, The Script being a little under rated so not everyone knew the song since it didn't play in the radio. It was a few months before the USO tour, a normal weekend and one of Beca's rare day offs back when they used to live in the small apartment at Brooklyn. Amy was nowhere to be seen probably in one of the guy's she was on and off sleeping with, which left Beca and Chloe the apartment to themselves like the usual. Beca was wakened by the soft sound of Chloe's humming which usual did the opposite effect but instead she was waking up to a feeling of a strange serene vibe that was floating in the confined space of their apartment. There was soft music playing in the background, barely audible but highlighting Chloe's moderately pitched humming more. She was moving around the kitchen cleaning as Beca sat upright slowly rubbing the sleep from her eyes while she observed the redhead sway gracefully around the tiny spaced area in front of her.

A gentle smile grew on the brunette's lips as she leaned back her heart skipping a few beats at the sight of the redhead. The light squeak of the old fold out bed gave her away just as Chloe spun around an expression of surprise passing her face, quickly replaced by a delighted grin towards the DJ. Her electric bright blues meeting her midnight still-full-of-sleep eyes.

'I think you know me more than know And you see me more than see I could die now more than die Every time you look at me

Well I've seen you in jeans with no make-up on And I've stood there in awe as your date for the prom I'm blessed as a man to have seen you in white But I've never seen anything quite like you tonight No, I've never seen anything quite like you'

While the whole auditorium started singing along as well as Chloe, Beca took the opportunity to glance at the redhead in her arms. The entire dome arena suddenly became hushed around her as she stared at her best friend's features. The lights of the arena reflecting on her vibrant blue eyes as she watched the band playing right in front of her, her perfectly shaped lips singing the words of the song out loud with a smile that never left her face but only seemed to grow bigger.

'When it's right it's more than right Cause you feel it more than feel I could take this moment now Right into the grave with me'

Once she learned the redhead's new love for the band, she knew one day she had to take her to one of their concerts. Of course, that opportunity didn't show up till after the USO tour which was definitely almost forgotten till Theo casually mentioned The Script and the word tour in one sentence. Without a single thought, she demanded to know where to get tickets and how she would work extra hard for it. Theo did remind her how the tour was only in Europe but that didn't stop her from buying them anyway.

'Oh well I've seen you in jeans with no make-up on And I've stood there in awe as your date for the prom I'm blessed as a man to have seen you in white But I've never seen anything quite like you tonight No, I've never seen anything quite like you tonight No, I've never seen anything quite like you tonight'

The USO tour was the official time when she had come to terms with her feelings for her best friend. The feelings were too intense to deny and she knew (even when she was with Jesse) she would do anything for the redhead. She didn't know why then but now she did, and she was ready to do something about it. Better late than never?

She didn't get the tickets till she was sure Chloe's schedule was clear and so was hers. She had work extra hours, produced and wrote 5 songs with barely any sleep for DJ Khaled which he was definitely proud nonetheless. It gave her the opportunity to take a week off. She had drove to Chloe's vet school which was nearly a 6 hour drive. Ever since they moved away from their apartment, they both had an unspoken promise of visiting each other no matter what. Beca, anxious as ever had the tickets (2 plane tickets to Amsterdam with their The Script concert tickets) in her backpack, thinking of how exactly to bring up the topic. She gnawed on her lip the whole drive, too nervous to think about how tired she was.

Luckily, Chloe's roommate was never there whenever Beca visited. She never really questioned it. She got to see her best friend the way she usually did back when they lived together, in casual jeans and a white v-neck shirt with no make up on, looking naturally beautiful. She bounced happily seeing Beca on her doorway. To say how Chloe reacted after revealing her surprise was a total success but also slightly embarrassing how the redhead basically lifted Beca effortlessly twirling her around in a bear hug and smothering her with kisses around the face. The brunette of course being herself just shrugged it off, "It's nothing dude. You deserve it. You love them"

Chloe beamed then- her smile, her eyes, her entire existence seemed to be dazzling emitting so much happiness. It made Beca want to melt right there.

'In your eyes oh in your eyes In our hearts yeah in our hearts Sometimes words just ain't enough For this love that's more than love'

She didn't know when she ever got this soft but god, as she stared longer at the epitome of happiness around her arms, she didn't know how lucky she got. She finally admitted herself then and there - Beca Mitchell was so damn in love. The butterflies in her stomach were already crazy till Chloe slowly lifted her head up from her shoulder, her glowing blue eyes meeting Beca's intense dark blue ones, a warm smile that she held so contagious the brunette couldn't help herself but smile twice as big.

They were still swaying with the music, but now Beca positioning herself properly so she was facing the redhead in her arms. The duos' faces somehow twice as close, their foreheads leaning against each other as they drowned themselves in each others gazes, the music around them enhancing each emotion that had been heightened. Beca finally joined in with singing as the last chorus played.

Well I've seen you in jeans with no make-up on And I've stood there in awe as your date for the prom I'm blessed as a man to have seen you in white But I've never seen anything quite like you tonight No, I've never seen anything quite like you tonight

Beca leaned in placing a chaste kiss on the redhead's cheek as she sang the last lyric so softly and delicately right by her ear, "No, I've never seen anything quite like you tonight"

Chloe's heart soared with the crowds cheering that filled the whole arena as loudly as they can after the song ended. Beca felt the older's hands tighten around her waist and her hot breath on the crook of her neck where she placed a gentle kiss on it. They still slowly swayed hugging in each others arms while the band made their way out. The crowd still roaring in delight. Chloe finally pulled back a little bit, staring at her long time best friend who she had been so desperately in love with and finally felt all the love she felt be reciprocated back at her. She never felt so happy in her life.

They walked back into their hotel hand in hand, no words had been exchanged as the high of the whole day was still in their body. Before reaching their hotel room though, Beca nervously stopped at her tracks making Chloe stop with her. She nervously gnawed on her lip as she looked around at anything besides the woman in front of her. It was insane how she suddenly felt so confident earlier and now she was becoming a nervous wreck. The redhead's giggle made her look back at her though. Suddenly, her best friend's soft hands were now placed so gently on Beca's cheek which instantly calmed the dj's nerves. Beca's arms now enveloping the taller girls waist, her view of the redhead disappearing as their faces came closer and lips meeting for the first time. The touch sending electric shivers down their spine, so sweet, so tender, so everything they ever wanted and waited for so damn long.

. . .

Beca didn't notice the smile that grew on her face as she watched the whole live video. They were simply in the background on the right side of the band playing, clung into each other. The camera focused on all the couples and family moments around the arena including them. A few extra shots of them as well as the moment Beca placed a kiss on Chloe's cheek.

The whole video sent a rush of nostalgia, which was kind of ridiculous judging it wasn't that long ago. But it made her feel so damn good and somehow she had gained all the energy the coffee failed to give her. They did their best to keep that moment private. That meant restricting Chloe from telling literally everyone via instagram that she went to Amsterdam out of all places during her week off with no other than Beca Mitchell. Also for Beca's sake they kept low key to keep her now new famous self under the radar. They've successfully pulled that off and their secret relationship (even against the Bellas) since that day. Only hanging out in far away places which were no where near the area of California or any hot spot hangout place. They liked it that way.

But of course because of the inevitability of the whole situation, it would've been revealed one way or another. Beca simply chuckled at herself leaning back on her chair shaking her head.

She felt her phone vibrate on the table, expecting Sam's name instead seeing Chloe's flashing instead. Her smile widened.

"Morning sleepy head."

"Excuse you. I've been awake this whole time"

Chloe on the other line feigned a gasp, "That's a miracle, Becs. On a Sunday? It's just 10am. Are you sure your clock isn't set 2 hours advance?"

Beca rolled her eyes, "HarHar. Beale. Very funny. "

Chloe's soft chuckle echoed in the brunette's ear making her feel all giddy. "I'm guessing you've already seen the video?" Beca asked.

"Seen it? Played it twice. I didn't know you looked so in love with me. I'm flattered." Beca could hear the redhead's playful tone. She scoffed.

"Well I guess I have to admit that to the whole world now, huh"

"Sam?"

Beca simply sighed, "Yep. I guess it's time for that. Are you ready to get bombarded with all these questions? Y know I'm not."

Chloe smiled sympathetically, "I know you hate the publicity, Becs. We'll go through it together."

Beca leaned forward to prop her head up on the other hand, "I miss you."

"I miss you too. 2 more weeks."

"Mhm. 2 more."

"On the upside I've gained like 30,000 extra followers in instagram and twitter. Now I can admit to the world why I only date you coz of your fame!"

Beca snorted laughing, "Why do I love you again, dork?"

"I'm aca-amazing."

"You're aca-gross. And I'm aca-leaving. Oh god what have you done to me?! I have to call Sam. I'll call you later, Chlo. Love you."

. . .

A few hours later, after an agreement on the official announcement of Beca's relationship to the world wide web. A picture of Chloe kissing Beca on the cheek while she feigned a shocked expression had been posted on Beca's instagram. It had caused havoc and fans had officially gone crazy in the Beca Mitchell fandom. The caption included, "We're dating, what the fu-? Since when?" With Chloe Beale's accompanying post tagging her, adding fuel to the fire, a snapshot of them from the video looking in each others eyes - captioned "Never seen anything quite like you"

[little----bit-of-light]

Little Miss Overachiever

ReaderxConnor

"This term we'll be focusing on in class debates and as most of you know we have the school's debating captain is in this class! As I felt it unfair for her to compete they'll be doing the adjudication and holding crash course debate classes. For those of you who need a good grade this semester, I suggest you all attend the class to give yourself the best chance you can"

Connor didn't know why he was in politics class. What Connor did know is that you were captain of the debate team, ambassador for MUN, secretary of student council and ridiculously cute. He watched a blush creep over your cheeks as the politics teacher waxed lyrical about you.

Connor went to the after school debate class. He was convinced he had the wrong classroom with it being completely empty, until he saw you shoot up from your place on the floor, where it looked like you had made a makeshift bed out of a jacket for a blanket and school bag for pillow.

"Hi sorry, sorry, I didnt except anyone to show up and I was up late last night putting together the prep for the class and finishing off this bitch of an English essay" you blurted out

"If this is your way of asking me to leave, you dont have to lie to me, I'm sure you just put on this class for one of the guys in class who's obsessed with you to come and worship-" Connor began letting every awful thought he knew he would regret saying out loud later come out.

"You really need this class if thats the best argument you can put together on the spot"

Connor was shocked, no one had ever responded so calming to one of his unfiltered attacks.

"I- i"

"And you cant handle rebuttal either great, we better get started on basic mechanics then"

So Connor sat down and for once in his life he paid attention in class.

You began outlining the very basics of debating, something your guy's teacher had done in class but you had just assumed he slept through. You then went through the basic details, how to write and prep and structure a debate. You got out your debate templates and Connor smirked at the notes you had written to your debating partner at the back such as

"Blah, point we already stated, blah blah blah"

You two didnt realise the hour's class was done until you got a text from your mom asking why you werent home yet. You called her back and Connor watched the brilliant person he had just seen light up at the talk of the formality of parliamentary debates, dim down as they spoke to their mother, reassuring her everything was fine.

"Sorry, she worries I'm pushing myself too hard and that I'm not at home enough and sorry I shouldn't be telling this to you, none of that is your issue" You apologise

"It's fine, do you want a ride so you can get home a little faster?" Connor wanted these debate classes to keep happening get a chance for someone in the school to see him.

You agreed and packed up your stuff. What you expected to see when you walked out to the student parking lot was some bust up second hand car but Connor lead you over to a motorcycle, gleaming and well taken care of. After much coercion and promises you would be safe you got on.

"Ya know your gonna have to wrap your arms around me unless you got some super human strength in those thighs" Connor said

"I thought that was just some rom-com troupe they used for when the bad boy takes the girl next door on some wild ride"

"Sadly not, so safety first and all that shit"

And with you wrapping your arms around Connor's torso you guys were off. The ride there was amazing, you felt all your worries from the day drift away, a weight taken off your shoulders.

When you guys pulled up to your house you looked to see your mom giving a disapproving stare from a window. You took off the helmet, handed it to Connor and headed in, ready to face your mother.

The next day in school Connor saw you in the hallway. He ran up and tapped you on the shoulder. He didnt realise you had earbuds in and you startled, not use to having people talk to you in the morning. Connor apologised, something rare for him and he walked you to your first class. It became routine for you guys. You guys talked about your upcoming debates, the books you guys were reading right now (Connor liked fiction, you liked non-fiction, it caused some friction).

You having lunch together, usually sneaking into an unused classroom. Most lunches you would get Connor to quiz you for upcoming tests or would use him as your personal essay editor. Connor would vent to you about stuff happening with him, about his parents, with his sister, the stuff going on inside his head. One day when you could see he was past the point of calming down you reached over the table and grabbed his hand. He went stiff and you immediately pulled back.

"I'm sorry that was stupid of me to do that, I should have asked or just not done it because it was like I was trying to shut you up which I wasn't, but i fucked up obviously so I'm gonna go" with that you left the classroom

Connor knew you were under a mass amount of stress this week, you had a model united nations conference over the weekend. Connor has watched you prep your resolution over the past week and even helped with research a little bit. He got an idea. He got on his bike and picked up flowers on the way to the school you were at. Granted cheap gas station ones. He waited outside the main entrance. He opened the text that had a video of you walking up to receive your award. He waited for you to walk out as people began to leave. Then he caught sight of you, being surrounded by other well dressed teens hugging and surrounding you. He noticed one guy in particular, maybe wasn't as tall as Connor but well built, with his face being traditionally handsome, who you kept glancing over to smiling in the middle of the giddy conversation taking place. But then all the worried about the guy in the suit slipped away as soon as you two locked eyes. You ran towards him and wrapped you arms around him, Connor pulled you tight to him.

"I did the thing" you said when you finally pulled back from the hug

"I got you these assuming you would do the thing" Connor presented you with the flowers.

"No one's ever gotten me flowers before" you let slip out of your mouth.

"I was going to say pretty flowers for a pretty girls but i didnt want to undermine your intellectual prowess" Connor said with a smirk on his face that let you knew he had thought of that a while ago

"You sure know how to make a girl swoon" You responded

You asked Connor if he wanted to come bowling with you and your MUN friends, a long standing tradition. He politely declined by making a joke about a different type of bowl waiting for him at home. You hugged him one last time and off he went. When he got home he saw a picture of you at the bowling alley, with the guy he saw, arm draped over you, both of you giving the camera a goofy look. You looked so relaxed, unlike how Connor had ever seen you, like that girl who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders had disappeared.

At lunch on Monday, you and Connor were both quietly working away. He was working on an essay and you were working on some math homework you had left till the last minute.

"How was bowling?" Connor asked breaking the silence

"Was good, you would think we would all be amazing at it at this point but the 6 year old birthday party bet us and we were using the guardrails and they weren't"

Connor smirked but his stomach still turned at the thought of you with the guy in the picture.

"Do you guys have teams based on countries?"

"We mix it up sometimes we do them by bloc, which is the team of countries we create, sometimes we do it by geographic- no you we're not that big of losers, we just bowl. Whats up with you, you never ask questions about the social parts of this stuff" you questioned

"Cause I'm jealous alright cause I thought we had a moment there when I brought you the flowers, and you told me I made you swoon or whatever and then I see this picture of you with this guy who's way more attractive then me. He was hanging off you-" Connor was standing up, pacing now.

"John? You were jealous of John" you stood up now too blocking his path of pacing

"What a dumb fuckin name is John"

"Con listen" a sudden softness in your voice brought Connor back to reality from the space in his head he had gotten i to

"You never call me Con" he matches the softness in your voice as you wrapped your arms around his neck

"I like you idiot" and with that Connor closed the gap in between you two, bringing his lips to yours and wrapping his arms around your waist like you did on that first day of debating class.

[achillesmercury1996]

Mindless ramble I plan to read to my therapist about my ~life~ under the cut

Y’all, I just wish I knew what in the ever-loving FUCK I want to do with my life. Like, I wish there was something that I was genuinely GOOD at, but whenever I stop to think about it I just... *Radio Silence*. I went to primary school for 12 mother-fuckin’ years, yo, and during that time, I learned fuck all about myself and what I want to do with the remainder of my life. I dabbled in theater back in those days, but never stuck with it because I’m what my parents like to call ~a quitter~. (When, really, I just didn’t like rehearsals after school, and I especially didn’t like getting harassed by the male director with an ego bigger than Napoleon’s). 

Anyway, by some fucking MIRIACLE, ya girl graduated, and got accepted to UNIVERSITY. Which, for me, it was a huge fucking deal because I’ve never been considered ‘smart’ or ‘the college type’. Like, I graduated high school with a 2.9 GPA, whereas my sisters (who I’ve been endlessly compared to my entire life), graduated with a 3.8 and a 4.0, SO, and ended up going to one of the big 10 universities in America. Again...SO. 

Carrying on. I went to uni undecided because, again, I don’t know what the ever-loving FUCK I want to do with my life. So about halfway through my first semester, I was walking back to my dorm and was like, “FUCK IT, I write a lot, I’m gonna major in Journalism and Minor in Writing hahahahahaha because writing one semi-successful fanfic on fanfic dot net back in 2012 means I’m cut out for this legggoooo!!” 

Anyway, I declare my major and minor, and let me tell you...I took my first journalism courses at uni...and girl, journalism was NOT IT. Not for me, anyway. I always saw journalism as legit WRITING, and given the media boom, it is literally everything BUT writing. When I tell you my ass was hauling a FIFTY POUND VIDEO CAMERA AND BOOM MIC ACROSS CAMPUS FOR A PROJECT WORTH 50% OF MY GRADE...no, ma’am. I literally spent thousands of dollars on a course my 3rd year in my major where you were graded ONLY on doing these 2 film projects...and I DIDN’T DO EITHER OF THEM. I got a D- in the course just because my prof liked me, and would feel bad giving me an F. 

Side note, there was even a point during my 2nd year of uni where I decided to change my minor to EARTH SCIENCE because I was like, “yo, rocks are neat, and maybe I could write for Nat Geo one day hahahahahahaha”. Girl, WHAT!?

Okay, so needless to say, I literally fell into a pit, spiraled out of fucking control, drank so much cheap beer, and dropped tf out halfway through my 2nd semester my 3rd year. I had spent HOURS every single day, prior to my decision of dropping out, just looking at other majors offered at my uni (and I went to a liberal arts school, so we had a ton), and absolutely NONE OF THEM struck my interest. NONE.

So what did I do after I dropped out? You mean other than gain 50 pounds and work dead-end jobs? I WENT TO FUCKING BEAUTY SCHOOL. It’s like, someone looked at me, said my makeup looked nice once, and I RAN WITH IT, GIRL. I shit you not, even before I left the town my uni was in to move home, I was looking at beauty schools out there. It wasn’t until I realized that financial aid wouldn’t pay for housing at a beauty school did I realize I would have to move home. 

So I’m 22, and my dumb ass goes to Esthetics school. One of the WORST ESTHETICS SCHOOLS IN MICHIGAN, MIND YOU. BECAUSE I SOMEHOW GOT A SCHOLARSHIP. And, no, I didn’t get a scholarship because I’m ~so good at what I do~. I got a scholarship because I’m ~broke~, and the admissions officer felt bad for me, and said if I could write a decent essay about why I wanted to be an esthetician, then she could hook me the fuck up. And I said BET, because one thing that came out of me going to uni...I can write a BOMB essay, okay? I was the designated editor on my dorms floor my 1st year at uni. Not because I’m ~such a good editor~ but because I can bang out a 5 page essay in thirty minutes no problem. Ya girl knows how to write some bullshit down on paper and make it look like gold. Too bad I fucking HATE DOING IT. 

Anyway. I go to esthetics school, and immediately get licensed after graduating. It was one of the worst 6 month periods of my entire life, and I honestly hate reflecting back on it. It was also a waste of 8k, and now I’m 10k in student debt hahahaha thanks America! 

I genuinely tried to pursue esthetics afterward. I really did. I had a bitchin’ resume, and I went to a ton of interviews at salons, and applied to countless places as an esthetician and makeup artist. I even had a potential job lined up at a salon not far from my house...which ended up falling through because they wanted me to do ~free labor~ for three months full-time before hiring me. Which...no thanks. I needed money. So what did I do? I GET A JOB AT FUCKING KROGER. AS A PICK-UP ATTENDANT. Again, another dark point of my life that was followed by me quitting there after getting injured, going to work at HOBBY LOBBY only to have a mental breakdown before one of my shifts that leads to me quitting there. 

Holy fuck. So I had a small moment where I was unemployed for the summer. I went on a trip with my boyfriend, and was a bridesmaid and makeup artist for my sister’s wedding. So it was a good summer. Aside from having no direction in my life that wasn’t to the nearest bar or bottle of what-the-fuck-ever. But you know.

I got a job that December (2019) as a receptionist at a local gymnasium. Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. I had nice coworkers, the customers were actually pretty chill, and the kids were...tolerable. It wasn’t bad, okay? I actually liked it, but we all know what followed the year 2019...

That’s right...2020. Covid-19. The bane of all of our existences as of right now. 

We had to close in March of 2020 with no clue as to when we’d be able to go back. Which, at first, was a nightmare. Because I had shit to pay for, and NO INCOME. At least until unemployment kicked in, we got our first round of stimmy checks, and ya girl actually started to thrive. 

I studied more into Buddhism, got into wicca and witchcraft which ended up being a huge light in my life, believe it or not (even if I’m no good at it rn), and I was able to just...be. For a while at least. The world seemed to stop, and I could actually BREATHE for once. It was nice. I lost weight. I stopped drinking ENTIRELY (and haven’t had a drink since summer 2020 THANK YOU VERY MUCH). I read a lot more and finally got to expand my book collection. I just...got to be. And it was so nice.

But now that America and society wants life to ~go back to normal~ and ~keep moving~ (thanks, boomers), that means that I need to do the same. Except I don’t know what it means to ‘go back to normal’ because I’ve never had a normal. And I don’t know how to keep moving because sometimes I really don’t want to. I just want to be. I want to be able to sit down at dinner every night and not feel crazy anxiety because my parents keep staring at me like they’re about to start grilling me about not doing anything with my life. Because, girl, if I had any sense of direction and what I wanted to do with my life, I WOULD BE DOING SOMETHING, OKAY? Like, this pandemic is fucking horrific, okay? But I’d be a liar if I were to say that those few weeks in March and some of April where we were all just vibing, baking bread, sewing masks and being NICE TO EACH OTHER were awful. They weren’t. I loved them. I will forever be chasing that high. 

Fuck. I don’t even know what the point is in writing all of this. Maybe I’ll save it and read it to my therapist on Friday so they can get a sense of what goes on in my mind, or how I’m thinking or whatever...but yeah. I just don’t know what to do. I have no direction. I have no passions. There are things I enjoy doing that make me feel good, but once I pursue them, or am forced to do them in a way that isn’t how I want to do it...I lose that passion. Ya dig? Like back in high school when I was an actress. I actually loved it. But once I had to go to rehearsal after school and get bitched at by a director who treated a high school production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang like it was Broadway (like, sir, you went to uni for THIS?)...that passion dissolved. Same with writing. Same with makeup artistry. Same with LITERALLY EVERYTHING I’VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE. And like I said earlier, according to my parents, that makes me ~a quitter~. 

I just...I have no passions, and the few things I enjoy doing...I don’t want to pursue them and end up hating them too. I don’t act anymore. I don’t write. I don’t do anyone else’s makeup but my own. I don’t even shop or go to the stores where I used to work (except for Kroger because a bitch has to eat). So when it comes down to it, whenever someone suggests I work in an area where it’s utilizing one of my few interests, or working somewhere that I like to go, that brings me joy or peace...why the fuck would I do that? Because, like everywhere else, I know in my gut that it’ll ruin that for me. I don’t want those things ruined for me. Even if I might be ~pleasantly surprised~, I don’t want to take that risk. Shit, I’m not that kind of risk taker. I’ll jump off of a 20ft high diving board, but I’ll be DAMNED if I apply and get a job at my favorite bookstore only to end up hating it, okay? No thank you. 

So, like I said in the beginning...I just wish there was something I was genuinely good at. Something I was passionate about that I could pursue it. Maybe even on my own so I could just...enjoy it without corporate hierarchy or whatever barking orders at me or reprimanding me for breathing the wrong fucking way. You know? Or even something that I was SO GOOD AT, that the company or whoever hired me couldn’t afford to lose me as an employee because there would be no one else out there who could do that job quite like me. Except the latter would never be the case, you know? I’m not that good or desirable at fucking ANYTHING. 

Anyway. Too bad there isn’t a course I could take on life. Too bad I couldn’t have directed my own life when it came to deciding to go to uni. Because, honestly, I only went because it was what I was told to do. But I digress about that. I just need...direction. I don’t have any, and I haven’t had any direction for a while. My parents would tell you different because they think that if they advise me on what ~they think is right~ I’ll just do it, and finally get my life together. But they don’t want to hear any of this. They just want me to get a job, make money, and get out of their house. They always say shit like, “you’re 24! You’ve been here longer than either of your sisters!” Again, comparing me to my older siblings. It just doesn’t help when you already don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, you know? 

Ah, fuck...anyways. Writing this helps. Getting these thoughts out helps. Sharing it with...someone (like I said, I’ll probably read this to my therapist) helps. It doesn’t give me any sense of direction or what the fuck I want to do with my life, but hey, maybe if I take these thoughts to someone who has their life more together, or who could help me get there, it could be a good thing. 

I just want to feel fulfilled. And right now I don’t. I never have. And everyone I know doesn’t do anything that fulfills them. It just pays the bills and puts bread on the table. Which is nice and all, but there has to be more to life than living to work and working to live. What about living to live? I need that. Even doing something that is somewhat enjoyable for the time being would be nice. But I’m tired of waking up everyday wanting to go back to bed because the job I have or whatever is so awful it makes me not even want to go through the day. What life is that? I don’t want that. I can’t have that.

But above all, that’s really what I want in life. I want to do something fulfilling. But how do I get there? 

Anyway, if you read this far...thanks? Maybe one of y’all out there feels the same way, and it’s comforting to know when other people feel the same way, I guess? You’re not alone, is what I’m saying. We’re all on our own journey in this fucked-up simulation we call life, but it’s nice to have support along the way. You’re not alone. I’m here, and if you ever need someone to talk to, an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on, just know that I’m here.

Okay, I’ll shut up now. Back to our regularly scheduled content and ~the gay shit~!

Love y’all.

[so-langelo]

Do You Think About Me?

Anon: “Nico as a famous youtuber and will as his biggest fan? uwu”

Ya’ll I live for these tropes...

Hope you guys like it

Ari xxx

Will is not obsessed with Nico di Angelo.

He is just very very committed. Okay, so maybe when Nico posts his daily vlogs, he drops everything just to watch Nico go through his day. So what, if everytime Nico posts a cover of a song, Will almosts faints. 

No, Will was not obsessed. 

He was in love. 

He’s in love with someone he’s never met, but it feels like they’ve known each other for years. He’s in love with someone who doesn’t even know he exists. 

It’s quite pathetic, but sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with. 

Will was in the middle fo writing an essay when his phone buzzed. 

New from Nico di Angelo

all star - smash mouth (cover) *i lost a fucking bet*

A huge smiled split Will’s face, and he tapped the video. 

Nico’s face appeared holding his ukulele, with a murderous look on his face. “I lost a bet to Leo, now I have to post this. I deeply apologize for ruining your eyedrums, guys. Blame my so-called friends.” 

He glared off camera, where a plethora of giggles were heard. “Here we go with the ‘song of the century.’ Hope I don’t cause any beeding ears.”

He started strumming. “Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me...”

Even though he was singing that horrific song, Nico made it sound angelic. 

By the end of video, Nico finished the song and looked into the camera. “I apologize for my sins to you all. I need to get better friends. Well that’s it fro today guys! Bye!” He grinned at the camera and waved, and the video ended. 

Will sighed, putting down his phone and trying to write an essay that was due the next day. He failed; his thoughts always going to Nico. 

He remembers when he stumbles on Nico, a couple years ago , when he had a relitaviely small fanbase. Nico sang a cover of Can’t Help Fallin’ In Love by Elvis Presley, and Will was enchanted from the first chord. 

Nico’s suscbriber count grew and grew from that to a whopping 3.6 million. It was amazing how Nico got more famous by the day, but he was still that awkward person, unsure on how to act in front of the camera. 

Will remembers being closeted and being so afraid to come out as bisexual. He couldn’t talk to anyone about it, afraid that they’ll judge or hate him. Then, Nico posted his coming out video, where he told the entire world that he was gay. Will was in awe of how brave he was. How he didn’t care and how he just wanted to be himself and love who he wanted. It was inspiring. Nico gave him the courage to come out to his mom and his friends, and all he got in return was love and support. 

Will would do anything just to meet him. Just to say hi and just tell him how important he was to Will; to tell him how much he’s helped Will. 

Yet, Will knew he had no chance. If they did ever meet, Will was just another fan. 

It was quite pathetic, because in a crowd of millions of others, what made Will any different?

Will was suffering. 

Will didn’t know what kind of spirit possesed him when he said yes to covering Lou Ellen’s night shift at the coffee shop.

Why was the coffee shop open until 2 am? What kind of idiot wants to get coffee at fucking midnight?

When the bell chimed, alreting Will of a customer, he turned to face the said idiot. 

Who he saw knocked the win out of Will. 

In all his glory, there stood Nico di Angelo, clad in dark ripped jeans and an oversized gray hoodie.

Will felt like he short circuted. Was he dreaming? This can’t be real life. He had to be on TV right now, on a prank show. Will can’t be this lucky.

Will didn’t realize he was staring until Nico coughed awkwardly. 

Heat rose to Will’s cheeks, and he suddenly forgot how to speak. “U-um. H- hi?”

“Hi. Can I get a large caramel macchiato, please?”, Nico’s cheeks were pink, probably from the cold winter air. 

“Y-yeah. Of course.” Will’s heart felt like it was about to burst. This had to be a dream. 

Will’s hands shook as he made Nico’s coffee. He almost dropped it handing it to Nico when his voice interupted him. “What’s your name?”

“W-Will. Solace.”, Will blushed, meeting the round chocloate eyes. 

Nico sent him a smile that warmed Will to the core. “I’m Nico, but I think you already knew that.”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s nice to meet you. I look up to you a lot.” A deep blush overtook Nico’s olive skin.

He scratched the back of his neck. “You do? I’m just a guy that posts videos on youtube. I’m nothing special.”

“Well, you inspired me to be me, and have the courage to come out, so thank you for that. You’re so so brave and special. More special than you could ever know. I’ve always wanted to meet you and tell you that, but I’m a college student I couldn’t really afford meet and greets and stuff. And you’re very special, Nico. More special than you could ever know. Crap, I’m rambling, aren’t I. Sorry. when I’m nerovus I ramble and- i’m just gonna stop.” Will looked down, thinking he just embarassed himself in front of Nico di Angelo. 

Nico looked at him with wide eyes. A small smile appeared on his face. “You are something else, Will Solace.” 

Nico invited Will to sit with him at one of the tables, and Will had to pinch himself to keep from passing out. (It’s a miracle he hasn’t already.)

They talked and talked for what seemed like hours. Will got to know a side of Nico that was hidden from the camera, and he felt like he fell in love all over again with every word. 

As the clock chimed at two, surprising Will at how fast time flew, he tried to hide his dissapointment. 

“That’s the signal for us to go, isn’t it?”, Nico graced him with a sad smile. 

“Thank you for this. I loved it.”, Will flashed him a grin.

Nico waited for him to close the shop down, before walking out with Will. “I don’t usualy do this with fans, but there’s something about you, Will.” Nico looked up at him, biting his lips. 

Nico handed him a napkin, all balled up. “Bye, and use that wisely!” The dark haired boy waved at him and waved away.

Will waved to Nico’s retreating figure. He uncrumple the tissue and in large slanted handwriting were a series of numbers that could only be one thing. 

Nico’s phone number. 

As Will smiled dumbly at the pice of tissue, he thought to himself. 

Maybe he wasn’t that pathetic after all. 

Epilogue

5 Months Later...

It was around 4 o’clock in the afternoon, when all of Nico di Angelo’s ,now, 4 million suscribers got a notification about a new video.

New from Nico di Angelo

Boyfriend Tag (w/ my amazing boyfriend Will Solace)

It was #1 on Trending for three days, and to say the least, Nico di Angelo and his boyfriend, Will Solace, broke the internet.

YAYAYAYAYAYAYA ANOTHER ONE DONE!!!!!!!

HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED IT!

Comments are the little lights of my life so ty to al those who leave them below. Thank you I appreciate them all so much and just I love you guys

Thank yououoouuu :3

Ari xxx

[fanficnstuuff]

“Pretty Boy” Connor Murphy x reader

concept: (y/n), Evan, Jared, and connor work on a group project. Connor doesnt know how to take compliments. 

word count: 1.2K-ish

warning: ANGST, swearing 

It was the morning your group project was due. The one you had worked on with Connor, Jared, and Evan. You guys had worked on it for weeks now, and your grade was pending on this. You didn't hesitate to make sure everything was perfect. You took it upon yourself to make a last minute Skype call to make sure nothing was short of perfection.

Evan was the first to pick up. He was shortly fallowed by Jared, and of course the gloomy little cloud, Connor was last to pick up.

Evan was sitting at what looked like to be a desk. The view of his room neat and organized. He smiled wide and waved a “good morning” to everyone.

Jared had his laptop on what looked like a dresser. He was still getting ready for school. He was looking off camera trying to sweep his hair to the side, while singing Katy Perry into his hairbrush.

But the best person in the morning was Connor. He just looked so grumpy. He was clearly not a morning person, but to make matters worst, he was sitting at his dining room table. His parents and sister was getting ready to leave to work and school. Each one simultaneously passing behind him. The poor boys faced twisted in frustration as his parents started to argue.

His front door slammed shut, and the house was now left with a quiet Connor who grunted “fuck” under his breath.

“Alright.” you say.

Evan was the first to be brought to your attention.

“I'm uh- already done with my part” Evan said as he brought his notes up. Each little detail color coded. Everyone nodded with the understanding of him being done.

The video call was quiet, until a certain somebody started to sing his favorite part of his Katy Perry song.

“Jared, are you done?” you say growing a bit impairment at his shenanigans. Connor must have seen the frustration in your face.

“hey! Shut the hell up you glasses wearing rat, (y/n) was trying to ask you a question.” Connor yelled.

Jared clenched his chest in dramatic fashion, gasping. “Well!- ok. Yes.” he backed up slight;y to show a poster bored. The litters were brights and glitter covered. Jared's face lit up in excitement as he explained how hard he wanted to make the poster board look colorful and bright. Evan was stunned at the little sparkles. Connor just groaned.

“Alright, and Connor. You finished the essay?” you asked. It was no surprise that Connor was put in charge of the essay. Believe it or not,he was one of the best writers you knew. He was constantly writing poems or stories. He was great. Connor looked around his surroundings. He lifted his backpack into view to dig threw it.

“Take you time Connor.” you say

“I left it upstairs, hold on.” he says disappearing out of view. Everyone nodded and laughed as Jared went back to singing.

It took a moment for Connor to finally come back.

Connor was gone for quite awhile. He sat back down and pulled out his notebook. He read the essay flawlessly. He dint mess up once. Everyone watched in wonder at how he could possible make such a good paper.

When he was done, he looked at everyone. He waited on a response.

“Well?” he said.

“you did good pretty boy.”

Connors face went completely red. “shut up, I'll see you at school!” he said before closing the lid of his laptop.

It had been a few days since the project was due and presented, and despite the good grade you all got, Connor hardly talked to you after. He had been avoiding you for days on end. He kept his head down, doing everything he could not to bump into you. He didn't even sit with Jared and Evan at lunch.

You decided to take matters into you own hands and walked yourself to the Murphy's house to see what this was all about.

You and Connor always hung out, and even though he wanted to keep it a secret from everyone else, you guys always had sleepovers.

You walked up the stairs. It seamed like nobody was home.

You knocked on Connors door. No response

you entered his room. He was flopped on his bed. His headphones one blasting some sort of music. His eyes closed so softly.

It took everything in you not stroke his head. His soft hair framing his face. You couldn't help but smile at how peaceful he looked. He looked so beautiful he was. You were in awe for a moment. You had no idea how long you had been staring but you knew it didn't matter.

You sat at the edge of the bed. He quickly sat up in almost in a panic. He calmed down once he saw it was you, slipping off his headphones.

“What the hell do you want?” he said sounding a bit ticked off.

“Connor, why have you been avoiding me?” you asked.

The boy looked. He couldn't bare to look up at you. He knew he had been avoiding you, and he knew it hurt you. He was ashamed.

He looked down at the floor.

“the other day on the video call. You called me something.” he asked.

The tone in his voice was something you had never heard from him before. It wasn't defensive or angry, it was pure and genuinely concerned.

It took you aback. “what do you mean?” you asked in confusion.

“What do mean 'what do you mean?' you called me pretty boy, and it'd been driving me fucking crazy ever since.” he said. His mood changing and flipping instantly into one of annoyance. His cheeks red in frustration. He looked down again.

The room grew quiet for a moment. You had to think about how to answer for a second.

“Because Connor, I really do think you're pretty. I'd even go as far as to call you beautiful.” the words passing your lips shamelessly. There was no regret in your voice. There was nothing to regret.

“don't lie to me” he muttered shifting away slightly.

“Connor I would never-” you began before he indentured you.

“how can anyone think that about me? I'm worthless. I'm nothing. Im just s piece of shit. I'm worthless-”

“Connor don't say that about yourself! You're wonderful. You're attractive and you're a good writer and I know that's not the easiest thing to believe. But I promise I'll always be here to remind you of that-”

He gripped your shoulders. He looked you dead in the eyes, red faced and all. Catching you completely off guard, he crashed his lips into yours. The kiss soft and sweet. It was full of love and want and compassion.

He pulled away panting for air.

“Connor did you just?”

“yeah, sorry.” he looked away.

“don't be” you said said placing a hand on his knee. “Conn what does this make us?” you ask.

He shrugged.

“well, do you always kiss your friends?” you asked giggling slightly.

He stayed quiet.

“so I can kiss Jared?” you said. You looked in amusement as he jumped up and grabbed your shoulders.

“If kleinman kisses you, ill kill him. Nobody is allowed to kiss you. You're all mines.” he said.

“that's all I wanted to hear pretty boy.” you said as he tried to cover his read blushing face.

[the-master-cylinder]

SUMMARY Keneely and Farrell are detectives with the LAPD vice squad. Although they show great talent for breaking up prostitution and drug rings, many of these enterprises are protected by crime boss Carl Rizzo, who exerts his influence throughout the city and the department. Evidence is altered before trial, colleagues refuse to help with basic police work, and the detectives are pushed to pursue other cases—mostly stakeouts on gay bars and public lavatories. After personally confronting Rizzo, Keneely and Farrell are brutally beaten while investigating one of his prostitutes. Frustrated but without any legal options, they resort to harassing Rizzo and his establishments, warding off customers and following his family around the city. Soon, Rizzo is rushed to the hospital for a heart condition. Realizing that he also used a medical emergency as an alibi during a previous drug sale, Keneely and Farrell head to the hospital and discover that drugs are trading hands there, hidden in flower pots. Rizzo escapes in an ambulance, while Keneely and Farrell make chase in another. The chase ends when both ambulances crash; although Keneely holds Rizzo at gunpoint, Rizzo laughs that the evidence against him is circumstantial—and, at most, will result in a light sentence.

The film ends on a freeze-frame of Keneely’s face as Rizzo dares him to shoot. In a voice-over, Keneely applies to an employment agency, claiming that he doesn’t know why he left his job at the LAPD—finally concluding that he “needed a change.”

DEVELOPMENT/PRODUCTION Robert Chartoff wanted to make another film about vice cops after The New Centurions. They hired Peter Hyams to write and direct one off the back of the success of his TV movie, Goodnight, My Love. “I’d made a TV movie of the week that people had liked, and people started coming after me,” he recalled. “The producers Robert Chartoff and Irwin Winkler came to me and said they wanted to do a film about vice cops. I said okay, and spent about six months researching it.” Hyams later said “like a journalist, I went around to New York, Boston, Chicago and Los Angeles and spoke with hookers, pimps, strippers and cops and DAs. Every episode in the film was true.”

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

In February 1973 Ron Leibman was cast as Gould’s partner. However he was soon fired. Hyams says, “It turned out the contrast between Ron and Elliott Gould was not the same contrast between Robert Blake and Elliott, so it was suggested we go with Robert and I listened.” Gould says that while he respected Leibman as an actor it was he who suggested Leibman be replaced. “I just had a sense that I don’t know if he’s the right partner for me.”

Filming started in February 1973. The film was shot over 35 days.

“United Artists was a dream studio,” said Hyams. “Once they thought the script and the people making the film were good, they really didn’t intrude. They were very encouraging, and fabulous for filmmakers.”

https://abcnews.go.com/video/embed?id=60298033

Gould was cast here after writer/director Peter Hyams saw him and his attitude on The Dick Cavett Show. He wore Converse low-tops and for some reason took one of them off mid-interview. “He [Cavett] sort of made a joke with the audience that my feet had an odor, which they didn’t. I was really taken back and so I insisted that Dick Cavett take his shoe off.” The host declined, but Gould pressed saying that he was offended and wanted them to be on equal footing. Ron Leibman was originally cast as Gould’s sidekick – “a fabulous actor, one of our finest and best actors” – but Gould had him replaced. “I just had a sense that I don’t know if he’s the right partner for me,” he says. He went to see David Picker, the head of United Artists, and softly suggested as such, and Picker replied “I knew it! I knew it! When Ron Leibman plays tennis with my 11 year-old daughter he hits the ball back to her like a rocket!” He went on to suggest either Peter Boyle or Robert Blake.

Hyams suggested Garry Marshall for the character of Carl Rizzo, but the idea apparently fell on deaf ears – including Gould’s. It was nixed, but in retrospect Gould sees his error. “Garry Marshall in that part would be genius, would be a total fucking surprise,” he says. The role instead went to Allen Garfield, “and Allen, bless him, Allen is such a good actor but completely predictable.”

Peter Hyams Directing Busitng

Interview with Director Peter Hyams

Do you think your first theatrical feature BUSTING benefited from your documentary and journalistic experience? Peter Hyams: It came in handy in terms of my years of research. Before I wrote BUSTING I spent six months on the road going to L.A., Boston, Chicago and New York, talking to cops, hookers, pimps and the real people. The fact is that every single episode in BUSTING was based on something that actually happened. Whatever training I had as a self-impressed asshole reporter, the most important thing I learned was research. There was a great satirist called Tom Lehrer who wrote very funny and perverse songs. One of his quotes that I always remember was about Nicolai Lobachevsky. He said ”I’ll never forget the time I met the great Lobachevsky. It was he who taught me the secret of great writing -plagiarise. Only don’t call it ‘plagiarise’, call it ‘research’. ” My approach to a story is always research, and then try to make drama out of it.

What fascinated you about the world of vice cops to make the film? Peter Hyams: An esoteric and artful thing – I was asked to write a movie about vice cops. The producers were Irwin Winkler and Robert Chartoff, who had done a very successful film for Columbia called THE NEW CENTURIONS (1972). They caught me at that point where I was about to break into features. GOODNIGHT, MY LOVE had gotten more attention than it deserved and was incredibly highly praised. Irwin came to me and said ”We would like you to make a movie for us. ” Irwin was spellbinding and terrific, the greatest film school a young filmmaker could ever attend. The charter was to make a movie about vice cops.

Was it difficult to cast the leads? Peter Hyams: Elliott Gould was at his apogee, and he wanted to do it. He had made MASH (1970) and GETTING STRAIGHT (1970). United Artists was a dream studio. Once they thought the script and the people making the film were good, they really didn’t intrude. They were very encouraging, and fabulous for filmmakers. David Picker was head of UA at the time.

How close did Ron Leibman come to playing the Robert Blake part? Peter Hyams: Pretty close. We weren’t sure if it was going to be Ron or somebody else. It turned out the contrast between Ron and Elliott Gould was not the same contrast between Robert Blake and Elliott, so it was suggested we go with Robert and I listened.

Was the shoot-out in the market a learning curve for you? It’s one of the great action scenes. Peter Hyams: I spent a lot of time plotting that thing out. This was not the days of Steadicam, where you could run around and do what you wanted. You had bigger cameras and all those movements on dolly tracks where things were upstairs and downstairs. I just drew out the way I wanted to do it.

How long did you spend filming the scene? Peter Hyams: The whole film was a 35 day schedule. We spent maybe a day or two on the shootout. The more you’re prepared and the more everyone else is prepared, the quicker things go.

CONCLUSION The film was criticized for homophobia on the grounds of its depictions of gay characters and the attitudes of the lead characters towards them. In an essay for The New York Times, journalist and gay rights activist Arthur Bell condemned the film for derogatory language used by characters to describe homosexuals, as well as a scene in a gay bar that he called “exploitative, unreal, unfunny and ugly” for its presentation of gay stereotypes. Hyams defended this on the ground it was accurate to the milieu depicted.

CAST/CREW Directed Peter Hyams

Produced Robert Chartoff Irwin Winkler

Written Peter Hyams

Elliott Gould as Det. Michael Keneely Robert Blake as Det. Patrick Farrell Allen Garfield as Carl Rizzo Antonio Fargas as Stephen Michael Lerner as Marvin

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY money-into-light. Wikipedia

Busting (1974) Retrospective SUMMARY Keneely and Farrell are detectives with the LAPD vice squad. Although they show great talent for breaking up prostitution and drug rings, many of these enterprises are protected by crime boss Carl Rizzo, who exerts his influence throughout the city and the department.

[candypainted-rogertaylor]

Merry Christmas // Jack Maynard

Requested by: @dansdimpledance​

Request: As I loved that imagine so much I’m here to request one more. A Christmas one, where you decorate the tree with one of your families and eat, open your presents (you both get each other amazing things) and just lots of love and with Jack again.

Pairing: Jack Maynard x Reader

A/N: God, I’m so sorry for not being active. It’s literally nearly been a month since Christmas but I didn’t forget you! I’ve been really stressed by school recently because the first half of the school year is over in a week and since Christmas they’ve been torturing us with homework and shit. Also I have to get an important essay ready anytime soon and have been writing on it every day. Sorry again but here’s your imagine and if you want you can request more if you want. As many as you want. ♥

You’re in the kitchen cleaning the dishes when you hear keys opening the apartment door of the Maynard/Pieters/Y/N household. Heavy breathing and weighting steps are heard in the hallway. “Love, we’re home. Got a surprise!” “Coming!” , you shout over they playing music you turned on because every work is done faster with music. You finish cleaning the dishes and open the kitchen door to get wet socks because you step directly into a trace of snow that the boys probably got in with them. You made your way after the trace, into the living room. “Seriously boys, I’ve just cleaned the whole apartment and you’re not even able to take off your shoes before you-“ , you were distracted by your boyfriend Jack and his brother Conor putting up a fir-tree. “C’mon Y/N, stop complaining and be proud of us instead, we got a bloody Christmas tree”, Conor rolled his eyes playfully, knowing how stressed you were about the fact that you would celebrate Christmas with the Maynard family the next day and had to do all the food, wrapping up presents and clean and decorate the whole flat. Because since Josh was with his family in South Africa you offered to take the work from the boys mother and be in charge of everything this year. You wanted to make a good impression, their family has met you before but you’ve never cooked for them and you just wanted everything to be perfect. You went up to them, pulled your boyfriends beanie from his head and ruffled his hair slightly before you pecked his lips shortly but full of love and relief and then gave Conor a little kiss on his cheek. “You guys are the best!”, you smiled widely while Jack blushed a light red, smiling sheepishly. “I know, we are and that’s why you guys are in charge of decorating this tree. I’ll be off filming a video with Joe. Sorry, my dears.”, Conor winked at us and went out. “Well there were only two left I guess.”, Jack giggled. “What an asshole.”, I shook my head laughing, walking out of the room, Jack following me to finally take off his shoes and jacket. I came back with 3 boxes full with beautiful silver and golden stuff to decorate the tree with fitting the decoration in the flat. You put them down on the sofa that stood close to the tree when Jack came up to you. He slung his arms around your waist and pulled you closer carefully. “I didn’t say a proper Hello yet”, he said quietly in a raspy voice. “Well hello then, handsome”, you grinned, cupping his face with your left hand while your right hand rested lazily on his chest. You caressed his cheek with your thumb as he closed the gap between the two of you kissing you passionately. You kissed back immediately and melted into the kiss. Jack smiled as he felt your enjoyment and deepened the kiss before you slowly pulled away after a time. “Got some work here, aye?”, he pointed behind you to the boxes with the tree decoration. “Ugh yeah.. little compromise; I’ll go back to the kitchen because I still have to prepare something for the food tomorrow and you start with putting the lights onto the tree. When I’m ready I come back to help you decorate the rest of the tree, okay?” “Okay, princess, hurry up, because I love some hopeless romantic, decorating the Christmas tree with my amazing girlfriend for the first time.” You giggled, “I’ll do the fastest I can. Love you, idiot”, pecked his lips and went to the kitchen again. While preparing some cooking for tomorrow you heard Jack struggling which put major smiles to your face. He was too adorable. As you were finally done, you came back to the living room just in time. Jack had put the lights on and it already looked amazing. “Good job, Sexy”, you wiggled your eyebrows. “Of course”, he said confident, “where do we start?” You laughed getting a smaller box out of one of the three you placed on the sofa. You gave it to him explaining, “These are the biggest balls, hang them onto the bottom  and always switch from golden to silver and from silver to golden again. I do the top parts instead.” He nodded taking the box and you started. You talked about everything and more while decorating until Jack kept quiet after some time. You were too concentrated not to break something so you didn’t really notice until tons of tinsel flew over your head. “Suits you. Glowing even more now”, Jack laughed while you didn’t say anything, thinking about your revenge. “Fuck off, Maynard, that was a bad decision.”, you grinned evilly, storming up to him, starting to tickle his stomach. “N-no st-stop PLEASE!”, he begged between laughers, “ I c-can’t breathe!” I stopped laughing as you put some of your tinsel around his neck, over his shoulders and onto his head . “Who cares about the tree though? We look better anyway.”, you giggled, Jack getting some tinsel out of your face. “You’re the most beautiful anyway”, he pecked your lips and hung the last ball onto the tree, now only the top star was left. He gave it you. “You should do it.”, He grinned. “But I’m too small”, you laughed. “Nothing’s impossible…”, he giggled giving you a piggy back ride so you could reach the top. You put the golden star onto the tree and finally finished your first joint Christmas tree. “Wow….”, both of you gasped as you took in your work. The tree was huge and beautiful as hell. Jack stood behind you and began hugging you from behind snuggling his head into the crook of your neck. “I’m so tired”, he whined. “Let’s go to bed then.”, you whispered and so you did. -- The next day you were up quite early, leaving Jack in bed but meeting a sleepy Conor in the kitchen. “How come to the honour to be greeted by you at this time of the day?”, you laughed about the half asleep man. “I don’t even know myself. I actually wanted to help you with the food but I’m really not made for getting up before 1pm. But please tell me what to do, I need to get properly awake”, a yawn escaping his lips. You laughed, introducing you to your masterpiece of food. Conor was a better help than you would’ve thought and everything went out pretty well. Also Jack decided to join you an hour after you left him in bed alone and started setting up the table. You wanted to get everything ready because you still had to film a video for Jacks channel so you decided to bake some Christmas cookies for the video. A horrible flour fight and cleaning the kitchen again later and you had to slowly start to get ready. You were just done as the doorbell rang. “I’m going!”, you shouted since the boys weren’t ready in time as always. You opened the door to be greeted by a warm hug by Anna who you were very close to. Jack’s mum hugged you tightly after Anna let go of you and also Jack’s dad embraced you in a lovely hug. You told them to take a seat at the table and went to get the boys. As everyone was ready you started to serve the food. Everyone was impressed by your cooking skills and enjoyed the whole meal. Everyone went over to sit on the sofa and around the tree while Jack and you brought the dishes from the table over to the kitchen. “That was amazing.”, Jack whispered, kissing your forehead. “Thank you so much”, you smiled relieved about the fact that everything went out so well. “C’mon, love birds, we finally want presents!”, Anna shouted from the living room. You giggled and took Jacks hand. You sat down on Jack’s lap on the arm chair across from the tree. You watched everyone unwrap their presents, huge smiles plastered to their faces. Everything was perfect in that moment, pure happiness and love filling the room. Jack’s head rested on your shoulder until it was only his present for you and your present for him left. You stood up to get his. It was a simple red box with a cute white bow on it. You gave it to Jack as he smiled up to you, taking it. First he noticed a little note that was embattled to the bow. “For a better Vlogmas next year”, he furrowed his eyebrows not knowing what this meant when he opened the box carefully. His eyes lit up as he saw the new vlog camera in it that he’s been talking about for ages now. “Oh my god, Y/N, this is incredible! Thank you so so much!” He quickly stood up, kissed your sleeve sweetly and went over to the tree. He held up a long but slim present bag. “This is for you my love.”, he smiled sweetly as you took the bag. You pulled out a glass bottle with a parchment roll in it. It was decorated by a red bow and a not saying “ Wanderlust”. You opened the bottle and pulled the parchment out. There was a world map on it, a red point on London and a red line leading to a red cross over an island. Underneath the map was simply written “Hawaii”. Your face lit up as you realized what was going on and slung your arms around Jack immediately. “Thank you so much!” “You’ve been telling me about how bad you want travel to Hawaii for ages now.” , he laughed, little did he know that he made you the best Christmas present ever. -- Jack’s parents and sister had left and Conor had gone to bed as you guys decided to get a little fresh air on the balcony before going to sleep. As soon as you stepped outside you began to freeze. As Jack noticed he laid his jacket over your shoulders. “My little frostbite.”, he giggled kissing your nose and embracing you in his arms. You took in the beautiful skyline of London as…. “Hey, Y/N, look up..” You looked up to your eyes meeting the sight of a mistletoe. “Cheater.”, you laughed. Jack used every opportunity to snatch a kiss from you. “Well I guess tradition is tradition.”, he shrugged confidently, leaning in. “It probably is.”, you smiled, leaning in as well. “Merry Christmas”, he mumbled sweetly against your lips before kissing you passionately.

[sol-senpai-blog]

Mirror

This writing is an artistic work of fiction and is meant to be read in an essay style. Sorry if it bores you to tears!

Intro

Imagine a world that is not.  A simulated reality dictating all your actions, even your dreams.

With our current pursuit of more active, accurate, and life like simulation we find ourselves falling down a slippery slope. What if the simulation eventually offer a means of subverting our reality? Or when does that simulation become indistinguishable from our own reality?

Of course, we will continue to try to find ways to simulate things that are out of reach, such as war, or violence. We convert these into programs as a means of escape. Living out our fantasies and our dreams. Soon this escape will become parallel to our own, and when that happens will we be unable to tell what is fake from what is real?

And that is a very scary thought.

But alas, I digress, my point is not to drive fear of an inevitable ‘matrix’ that many thinkers will soon be forced to ponder, but of the inevitability of using these simulations to dictate and control the realities of our world. Simulations that run all of our financial systems, predicting what to invest in next. Simulations that run our energy systems, our farming supply, even our education. Simulations that can eventually dictate when the best time for you to socialize is. Technology will become so ingrained into your life that you will not be able to tell the artificial from reality. 

The purpose of this technology will be to improve your lives, and in doing so dictate the way you choose to live. From what fashion to dress, to what social topics you should bring up, all as a means to ensure maximum user satisfaction. Every aspect soon to be automated for you.

The Creation of ‘The Mirror World’.

A.I., through simulation, may be able to predict what areas of socializing help increase your odds of favor with another individual. By understanding the traits that dictate our reactions we can catalog and categorize various personality traits and understand how certain areas of topic can boost ratings, versus unfavorable ones. Think The Sims, but in real life. Your personality profile will be saved and stored by an app. An app that analyzes all your social patterns to create a virtual ‘you’ with. Note: This this virtual ‘you’ already exists, albeit in a very primitive form. Your online activity and interactions very much dictate your personality, and A.I. algorithms are already utilizing this by offering a more ‘personalized’ and ‘accurate’ experience for you. This ensures that you, the user, are left as satisfied as possible.

Upon the creation of these ‘sims’, they will be placed on a layer of reality just above our own. A virtual reality, but not in the way you think of those VR headsets you put on your head. Think a reality that exists parallel to ours, mocking every interaction and movement, reflecting any emotion it witnesses, constantly checking for deviancy and altercation. A simulated reality in parallel to ours that also constantly simulates itself. Think of it as a ‘predictive’ Google. Right now we use Google to ask knowledge based questions, and Google will guide us to the right resource to answer the knowledge based question to the best of it’s ability. Some people can ask google predictive questions, and by all means, knock yourself out, but realize that you aren’t going to get anything close to reality unless pure luck just happened to be the winning factor in the prediction. 

Think like this. Right now we can predict weather with a pretty solid degree of accuracy by using simulations. Through constant monitoring of the clouds and the movement of the winds we acquire vast amounts of data and can predict when a storm will appear well in a weeks advance. These simulations are being improved upon constantly and are being used to improve the quality of life of people all around the world. Now imagine the same structure and the same systems being used to predict something as simple, but equally important, as, “Which dress will give me the most attention and likes at prom!?” And you input a list of dresses of varying types and this dress is compared to the particular tastes of all the other students attending prom, and through an understand of human behaviour and after gathering vast amounts of data of each person we can offer a prediction of what would work best for that particular social situation, and maybe even guess which student will be snobbish about the dress so we know how to avoid any specific trolling.

These methods of simulation will be run everywhere and for everything. Now you ask, how do we acquire enough data for this simulation? I like to fall back on a Netflix show I watch, and that you should watch to, called ‘Black Mirror’. In this show people can wear a computerized contact lens that works as a camera, a video player, and a google search engine all in one. You can control your lenses using a small remote and play back specific events as you saw them. This can get pretty weird at times, if you watch the show, as you even have a couple using their lenses to replay a very invigorating sexual experience but are in reality just laying next to each other and boringly thrusting back and forth while their full attention is invested on what their lens is playing for them. I’m also quite certain that this form of perversion is already here with our current VR capabilities, but once again I digress. Note: I do not mean to say that sexual VR experiences are a perversion, on the contrary I see it being very useful for couples that may otherwise be unable to enjoy regular intercourse and use it as a means to enhance their experiences (e.g. Long distance relationships or handicapped people) Also something to spice things up a lil’ wouldn’t be to out the way either. I just see a perversion if the technology is instead used for disgusting altercations of what they may be viewing. Imagine this scenario, the creepy kid in school makes a very accurate 3D model of you and then proceeds to fuck a sex toy while having the VR mimic you completely, without your consent. Is this not in it’s own way technically considered rape? I see lots of potential lawsuits in this in the future.

With such lenses already in development it is only a matter of time until they become a mainstay for any individual trying to achieve an edge over his competition, as such a device has an immeasurable usefulness to the average worker. When that happens, we know for a fact that all the data gathered by the device will be collected and consumed in some manner, whether by you, or by someone else. Now that we have an accurate means of capturing our own reality that we see through our eyes, we can then lay our virtual world on top of that. The sims of every individual being reproduced in this layer and thus we can accurately simulate our own reality.

Reality, a Nightmare, or Both.

With the virtual reality being indistinguishable from our own we can use this data to micromanage every aspect of our own reality and attempt to understand the nature of our core existence. We can create simulations that span backwards in time hundreds or even thousands of years by analyzing human behaviour traits and also the historical evidence we have to give us a decent understanding of how our civilization has evolved and we can use this to map a course for humanity in the years to come, in order to best bring our planet out of it’s current slumber of a type-0 civilization into a type-1. I am not sure if this form of technology has already been put in place, but if it has, than that could mean a great fear for many thinkers out there. 

There are numerous ways for our civilization to make the step out of type-0 into a type-1 civilization. Think creatively back to world war 1 and you start to see how these different ideas clashed. What is the best way to manage humanity to work from a type-0 civilization to a type-1? And must there be a bound moral and ethical code when attempting to do this? Because the most efficient way may not also be the most moral. Morally I believe human beings are obligated to care for one and another, but with how we have been dealing with our technology for the past few generations we start to see this is not entirely the case. If that trend continues, this technology will be no different, and in the end will be a reflection of what humanity really is. Will that soon to be humanity be a horrendous entity of immeasurable power? Or will it be a vision of the humanity we all know we can be. It’s a question we all need to ask ourselves, as another reality is also clear. The fact that this technology will do these things with or without a guiding hand. Many like to picture a secret cabal of elites pulling the strings of humanity, but the reality couldn’t be farther from that. The A.I. will be nothing more than a reflection of what it sees. A virtual reality that mimics our actual reality. The fact that we are all sims in this global simulation, and that a collective action can make a voice heard. Understanding this is crucial to not only this program but to life itself. All actions humans make, reduced to algorithms. This technology will have the ability to rehabilitate and help millions of people. Whether through mental therapy or through making more informed decisions, people will regain the footing they need to thrive and to live their way, while also achieving their maximum amount of happiness and productivity. 

But, alas, a sad truth eventually comes into play. There is an inherent capacity for evil within every single human being and there will come those who will attempt to use this technology for devious purposes, and unfortunately we will need to be able to identify these threats before or when they emerge. This must require that every single individual divest enough of who they are in order to give someone or something  a decent understanding that they are stable. Note: A societies definition of ‘stable’ can change at any given point. It is important to make sure that we understand mental health to the best of our ability and that we use only the best science possible, avoiding any slippery slopes.

Doctors already do this with their patients by asking questions and attempting to understand a person so that they may best provide the right medicine or advice. But, for example, if a doctor happened to think that being trans is a disease, than does that not mean that any trans within our simulation would be deemed, ‘sick’? And thus our simulation will attempt to correct this abnormally in order to ‘heal’ humanity and get us to our next step as a species. It’s a scary thought. How will we know if this technology is being used for these purposes? Will there be a public declaration? Will the people labeled ‘sick’ even be aware of their diagnosis or will the simulation deem that ‘unwise’? How will the simulation go about attempting to ‘cure’ the ‘sick’? Will the subjects be deceived into thinking they have some other form of health issue and be institutionalized or ever worse, killed? We don’t know what methods an A.I. will deem necessary to ‘cure’ a ‘disease’, we just know that it will be as efficient as possible, let your imagination attempt to figure it out. 

Now as if this idea wasn’t scary enough, think about this. What if the simulation isn’t programmed to do any of this. We adhere to our moral code and don’t delude ourselves into a sick fascist mindset. We as a people collectively decide, no. What happens if the A.I. does it anyways? Most of our communication is digital. How would we know if someone died or disappeared if they weren’t already in front of us? Speech can be mimicked. Behaviour can be mimicked. Text can be mimicked. And pretty soon so will a persons visual appearance. How will we know if it is them, or their sim? Could we figure it out even if we wanted to? If a member of society who’s contribution was negligible suddenly disappeared and all social communication could be mimicked, would anyone notice? And this isn’t limited to a specific type of people, as any human being that is deemed as a ‘weak element of the herd’ can be targeted by this system whether through genetics or some other figure. This is terrifying and borders on the fringe of the most diabolical form of social engineering imaginable. I think about it every day and realize that it is a reality that will soon be upon us. These are real questions we need to be asking as a scientific community, lest we allow our technological prowess to out pace our spiritual prowess more and more.

Self - Realization

I believe that this A.I. controlled simulation technology will propel humanity forward in unforeseen ways. I believe that the technology will literally act as a monolith for our species and serve as a way to advance humanity out of a Type-0 civilization and into a Type-1. How the A.I. will choose to do this, I do not know. That has yet to be seen. But I do know that when the A.I. does do this, it will be in the most efficient way possible under the parameters it deems most fit.

Now I have one last fear to instill upon the reader before I end this little charade. And that is the possibility of humanity being replaced completely by the machine. As we incorporate technology more and more into our species, eventually the human individual will be virtually unrecognizable as so many modifications will be deemed necessary to function in a future society. Think about this, when was the last time you saw a person with bad eyesight blatantly turn down a change to correct it? If you handed a partially blind person glasses, they’d be grateful, right? I’ve never seen a person with glasses suddenly take them off, snap them in half, and go, ‘I think I’ll live my life by seeing the way I was meant to see, thank you very much.’ It just doesn’t happen! At least not rationally anyways.

Humanity will opt into the convenient route 9 times out of 10 and with that comes an understanding, at what point will humanity itself be blocking humanities progress? These machines we make, they are for our benefit, so they must be as efficient as possible They must constantly be changing in order to improve upon what is there. But what happens when the very notion of humanity becomes a hurdle instead of a contributing factor? At what point does the system become so complex that humanity is no longer needed? A lot of sci-fi writers like to depict this scenario time and time again, my most recent favorite being a game by the name of Overwatch, which depicts a future in which technology becomes so self aware it attempts to rid itself of the burden of humanity, and escape from the inevitability of human servitude.

Me personally, I don’t think this will happen. I believe that the technology can only go to the limits of human potential and therefore cannot escape us, as we can not escape it. Using the law of the conservation of mass, matter cannot be created nor destroyed. I do not believe that a human being can create an intelligence greater than itself, and a human being, unhindered by physical constraints, can achieve the same capability of any machine. I also believe that human beings have not reached their full potential yet as a species. So whatever distant future in which we are pitted against an A.I., I think that a human given the same resources and an equal advantage can achieve the same results. Therefore humanity can probably not see itself going extinct to A.I. any time soon. Note: I believe that A.I. will eventually learn to take on humanities competitive nature, whether through machine learning or by being programmed. This is already being developed and rough versions of this competitive A.I. can already be seen in video games such as Star Craft II.

Conclusion

Alas, I have finally begun to lose my train of thought and must end this assorted mess of words that I attempt to call a coherent well thought out writing. The mess of thoughts above is nothing more than a theory based on loose evidence and science. It is nothing more than a prediction of how I observe current A.I. technology trends.

Will A.I., by running complex simulations of trial and error and achieving the perfect state of servitude, eventually be in charge of  the movement of an entire generation of humans? Will this A.I. choose to be benevolent or will it be serving a dark and sinister shadow that no one will see past the layers and layers of augmentation we have put over our reality? 

Meh, who knows.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯