#this essay just hops a lot of hoops

[sockdooe]

Man ok, wow I- I’m not going to even lie I’m a little speechless!!!

So there’s numerous factors that I feel like the author forgot or maybe I just didn’t see them mention clearly but um.

I don’t understand the Steven universe logic to it as to how haggar got the Shiro spirit. also… the Steven universe explanation just doesn’t even work??? Because the whole point of that scene was to show that Steven is in fact Steven and not pink diamond.

That he is his own person and not some “form” in hiding.

Like??? That literally disproves their argument, also the gem is inside Steven this whole time, it’s going to know him.

I don’t think haggar has a living shiro inside her.

Also If the clone is a split spirit of shiro which they mention is how they created the clones, how is Shiro sane? If Shiro was split into his clones then every clone would have to be put together?

I don’t like nor understand the comparison of Shiro and Kuron to Haggar and Honerva.

Haggar and Honerva ARE the same person, body, soul etc. She still uses others and puts the blame on everyone else. She blames the galra for everything then proceeds to use alteans as weponds to control.

The only thing changed is how she sees herself.

Shiro only comes back when he’s been given a body. He’s never in the clone (while the clone is alive I should mention), he’s never outside of the black lion, he doesn’t posses the clones memories or anything of it besides calling him the “evil clone”.

Also the whole thing of “oh it’s Shiro spilt soul so the Kuron we are seeing are his trauma” is a REALLY POOR WAY OF TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE WITH PTSD.

Like you’re telling me that if someone with trauma doesn’t get the support and help they need they reach a breaking point (which btw is haggar controlling Kuron) and starts to not only injure his teammates and knock them out just to kidnap Lotor. Then there’s the fight between him and Keith where he’s the senti ally telling Keith that he’s useless and doesn’t deserve to even still be here. What part of that is healthy?

If Kuron is a representation of Shiro PTSD it dehumanizes and is extremely harmful of a narrative that “oh if they aren’t helped they’re gonna destroy EVERYTHING”

Those with PTSD more specifically those who are veterans and such don’t want to be seen as people who will hurt just because they were. Especially to the extremes of trying to kill someone.

There’s a reason why there’s a lot of veterans who are homeless or don’t have a support system. Because they were too big of an issue to deal with due to their trauma. (Now I’m not an expert so don’t take everything I say with 100% fact but this is just what I’ve read/heard)

Saying that Kuron is a representation of that is such a bad narrative!!

Like???? The whole point of shiros character is that he doesn’t want to hurt others. He doesn’t fight or try to inflict danger to anyone when he gets a trauma response, instead he physically freezes.

Also, the essay fails to mention Kurons “headaches” of static of Haggar watching and controlling him. As well as the fact that he is essentially a camera for her.

Kuron doesn’t know any of this. If this was a part of shiros soul split wouldn’t he be aware of this? Aware that he’s being used?

This “subplot to represent the consequences of his reluctance to let others help him manage his PTSD.” Is just mindblowing.

Now to give some credit there are scenes of Kuron actively trying to seek help but not because of his PTSD but because he feels something WRONG. He’s starting to piece together that he isn’t shiro and doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know why he’s getting headaches. He tried to be there for his team but makes choices that he thinks are right because he thinks he’s telling himself that it is. Instead haggar is doing it for him. It’s why he’s so protective of Lotor even though he doesn’t know anything about the guy.

Kuron doesn’t experience the same trauma as Shiro. He doesn’t freeze like he does at fights or anything like Shiro does.

Kuron isn’t a representation of shiros trauma. He’s a representation of being forced to exists for reasons out of his or anyone’s control. He’s forced to be the evil clone.

Yes there’s scenes of him yelling and abusing his rights as a leader but there are scenes of him trying to be genuine. When he talks to Lance he trying to seek understanding. When they play monsters and mana he has fun and enjoys being with the team. When pidge needs to use his arm for information he’s willing to until his headache from haggar gets so bad he physically has to recoil.

Heck before he attacks the team and grabs Lotor to send to haggar he is trying to fight haggar out of his mind.

Not to mention but black REJECTS KURON.

Black of all beings KNOWS Kuron isn’t shiro. Hell she’s so stubborn(?) about not allowing him to pilot until she has to let him in to help the others.

If Kuron is a part of shiros spirit or whatever out of all beings, SHE WOULD KNOW.

It’s why Kuron starts to notice that something off with himself in the first place.

Kuron and Shiro are not the same person. Kuron is a failed clone. As much as it hurts me to say he is.

I love Kuron and honestly he deserved far more than what he had gotten. So the saying that he’s just a “split shiro” just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Also shiro would never cut his hair that short. Also they have entirely different facial structures like …

Sorry if there’s any grammer mistakes!! Also I really love all these interactions we have!! I’m so glad you tag me to have a second opinion on things :,)

EDIT: so I just realized they mention the gladiator beast that Voltron defeated that haggar made. I don’t understand their point of saying that this was evidence for that haggar doesn’t have the technology to make clones.

The whole purpose of that beast was to re-fight shiro and defeat him. Like of curse he’s going to use his soul. That’s the point. Why would she make a clone of him. I don’t get this point. Anyway I’m done now!

@sockdooe, the ignorance of this "analysis" is melting my brain.

What are your thoughts?

[thefivecalls]

Things I associate with each of the sides for no reason

Logan:

I understand he's supposed to be dark blue or indigo. Regardless, he will always be teal. This teal:

For some reason when I got detention that one time I got a Logan vibe so yeah theres that

"Space... The final frontier..." But uhhh just the opening has his vibes

Why is he always whereing a neck tie and not a bow tie? If anyone has necktie vibes its Janus not Logan

Logan also has chaos incarnate vibes that are only in check because of his last shreds of humanity one of these days he'll break and when he does thomas can and will set something on fire using bill nye the science guy tactics

He is waking up early and going to bed late

He is framing posters

He is dancing in your bedroom to awesome music that has never been such a vibe before that moment and will never be again.

Broken clocks

Beaker from the muppets? I don't quite get it but yeah

Rock of ages

Getting a pitcher of soda or tea or whatever and setting it on his desk, then getting 23 straws and taping them together so he can lay in bed on his phone and safely drink it without spilling

Grilled cheese

Kahoot music

Remus:

Death waltz. Not the synthesia no the one that takes 14 people to play.

Canoeing

Obviously he has close combat weapons but have you thought about giving him a bow and arrow? I have and yes thats a vibe because he is one of three people I've ever met with those vibes ok

Portable speakers

He is bonfires and fireworks.

He is hyperfixating on something and writing a story until 4 in the morning.

Potions!

The fact that witches ingredients are actually just named strange things but are edible somethings? Like mustard seeds being newts eyes and the like

Acid

In my human anatomy class we dissected deer hearts and when we found the blood clots we called them the Forbidden Jellies.

The county fair

The circus that comes around at fall festival time

Homecoming game in football/rugby

I feel like if he played an instrument he'd be a baritone

The lime green smoke Disney villians have

Roman:

Zootopia the movie

Hopping. Or bouncing in place.

My family's crest?? I think its because of his crest but he had those vibes before the outift upgrade???? Idk

The ponytail thing that give you a unicorn horn when you've got short hair but bangs that are beginning to grow out

He is picnics at the park

He is also going shopping

He is also dancing in the rain at four in the morning with the outside lights on and the music blaring but its ok the neigbors are four acres away and they sleep like the dead.

When I went to my first metal concert and I saw the mosh pit? The exhilaration that comes with wanting to join but not wanting to get crushed is a Roman thing.

Pancakes

Cold pizza at midnight

Succulents!

Fire and cane whiskey

The warm smiles that the bearer never gets to see because they don't get the chance to see it in a reflection

Butterscotch

Janus:

Springtime showers that makes snowmelt rivers

Prom. Dont ask this is just a him vibe ok

He seems like the guy that would make a blanket cacoon/nest when his bedsheets are in the wash and can I say mood

Sunlight

Looking off my back porch and seeing the feilds of corn beginning to dry out in late fall every three years.

Pumpkin soup

Apple cider

Lemonade

Not only is he snowmelt rivers he is also the first thunderstorm of summertime

Sun tea. Not the brand the stuff that you make via harnessing the suns power

Cucumber facemasks

Wildflower honey

The person who youd never guess goes to comic con but is actually the one who wins first place in the costume contest every year

Oversized sweaters

German Sheppards and yellow labs sunbathing after playing for hours

Antique mirrors

Burlap canvas bags

Oil paint

Espressos at ten at night

Late night chinese food runs

Dragons

Spice. Not the average spice either I'm talking could eat a carolina reaper and yes he'll be more red but he could still talk and thats more than I can say for myself

Virgil:

The red rubber balls from kick ball in elementary. By god I can smell the plastic just thinking about it

Flappy stims! Almost every time I flap he comes to mind I never really questioned it

The weighted blanket my dad got that I steal from him all the time

'He's a Mary poppins in a world of hasselhoffs" my friend once said that not even talking about Virgil but like. Come on.

Basically all of Star Lord's vibes are Virgils

Deadpool

Jack Skellington (kinda obvs)

Sample perfumes that are like the size of a pinky

Telescopes

Not writing an essay but instead learning all about world history or astronomy or psychology

Earings. Specifically hoops

Black pearls

Boardwalks that have tiny shops along them with a bunch of food.

Going to a club or a party with flashing lights and even though you're kinda nervous you have fun and live like tomorrow is still a dream away.

Ripped movie posters that the theater is selling

Tying ropes together to make nets.

Fairy lights

Taping movie theater tickets to your wall after you've gone and seen it

Scarecrows sitting on bales of hay at sunset next to my willow tree and the cicadas are on their 13th year so they're the loudest they'll ve until another 13 years have passed

The glint in someone's eye when they think of something mischievous

Bang by AJR

The corpse bride's tale/song

Patton:

The lazer eye meme. This one

Graham Crackers. Not smores, not candy crack-just the cracker ok

Pep rallies

The pet store??

Sugar sculptures

Corn pits (strictly midwestern thing)

Driving for hours upon hours and seeing the strange statues some towns have as you pass them by

Silver sparkles

Art herpes glitter

Photo booths

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on the county's main road

Wedding crystals cabinet where you put the fancy china you're going to give to your children that never gets used once but is probably worth half your house

The chubby bunny challenge

The moment when you tip your chair back too far and you know it but you can't do anything because you'll be on the floor in a second anyway

The thing maya did from Girl Meets World when she slammed lockers closed and caused the chalkboard to let its dust fly

Dusk.

That moment when everything is going by so quickly so you step back and watch the world go by for only a few seconds but then you're back in the present laughing with your friends

Snow cones melting and getting the syrup all over your hands

Orange Side:

All things citrus but especially lemons no not oranges lemons

Sunglasses

Men in black 1 not the rest just the first

Pineapple too hes got a lot of pineapple vibes

Combat boots but with spikes

Also lace?

And tea. Like, all kinds of tea but especially the really expensive stuff that I've only tasted like twice thats imported from Ireland

Himalayan salt lamps.

Sensies. the wax melting things

Candles too

Once we meet him I'll have more but this is it for him for now

Thats it! If this gets notes I might do emile remy and thomas but I think I'll leave this be for the moment. Have a great day y'all!

[savingjess]

lemonade ➸ seo changbin

❃ genre: spring break au, fluff

❃ word count: 3k

❃ description: after deciding to dedicate your spring break to relaxing by yourself, your best friend decides to ruin your groove by taking you to a nearby college party…how many ways could this go wrong?

❃ warnings: explicit language

“Oh come on Y/N, you have to go.  I promise you’ll have fun!”  You sighed and leaned back in your swivel chair, withdrawing your attention from your half finished essay.  

You fiddled with the ends of your hair and glanced over at your best friend Felix, who was lounging comfortably on your bed and staring at you with a pleading look in his eyes.

“Can’t you just go with Jisung?  Didn’t he say he was going to the party too?” You questioned.  Frankly, you’d much rather stay at home, finish your essay, and then go to sleep for the rest of break than go to a college party, but he clearly had other plans for you.

He clicked his tongue and responded with a short, “Nope.  He got sick and can’t go anymore.”

You groaned and slid off of you chair and onto the floor.  Felix laughed and threw a pillow at you jokingly.  

“I hope you know that I hate you with the entirety of my being.” You muttered as you rolled onto your back, clutching the pillow he threw at you.

“Love you too,” He retorted with a cheeky smile.  You stuck out your tongue at him and sighed again.  

You really didn’t want to go to this party, but Felix was your best friend.  Plus, getting out of the house might be beneficial to your health.  Especially considering that since all of the students were let out for spring break three days ago, all you did was lay in bed watching Netflix and order takeout.

You sat up reluctantly and glared at one of many empty lemonade bottles on your floor, attempting to convince yourself to go to this stupid party, not for Felix’s sake, but for your own.

“Get out.” You said to Felix as you stood up.  You watched as his eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“What?  Why?” He asked quickly, sitting up.  

You shot him a halfhearted smile.  “Well if I’m going to this party, I wanna at least look like I wasn’t hauled out of an on fire trash can.”  

Felix smiled happily as he stood up and made his way to your bedroom door, “I knew you would give in.”

“Whatever…Yongbok,” You said with a mischievous smile and slammed the door in his face before he could yell at you.  You could vaguely hear him cursing you out from the other side of the door, making you laugh.

You walk out 20 minutes later, sporting your favorite “night on the town” outfit and some light makeup.  Walking into the living room, you spun around in a circle and struck a dramatic pose in front of Felix.  He looked up from his phone and rolled his eyes.

“Let’s go, dingus.” he said, standing up and making his way to the front door of your studio apartment.

A few short minutes later, you hopped into the passenger seat of Felix’s car, and Felix climbed into the driver’s.

“So, you didn’t exactly tell me what this party is….or like any information at all. Felix if you’re trying to kidnap me then I will make you regret even being conceived.” You threatened as Felix pulled out of your apartment complex.

He chuckled before responding, “Hyunjin decided to throw a big party to celebrate spring break.”

“Oh okay, so how many people will be at this ‘big party’? Dude, am I gonna even know anyone there?” you asked. Hyunjin was one of the most popular guys on campus, so you assumed there would be a lot of people attending, which didn’t make you feel any more excited about going.

Felix hummed, thinking. “Well some of the guys are gonna be there, minus Jisung of course. I don’t know if Chan is gonna be there…he’s probably still working. I think Changbin is gonna be there though.”

“You should’ve tried to get Chan to come to the party. He’s the one that needs to chill out and par-“ you cut yourself off, processing the last sentence that Felix had said. “Wait, Changbin is gonna be there? He doesn’t seem like the type to go to college parties.”

“He’s not. At all. But I guess he owes Hyunjin something, and he wants Bin to come to the party so he can repay him.”

You gave a thoughtful hum and leaned back in your seat. You didn’t know much about Changbin. You just knew that he and Felix had been friends since grade school and that he was relatively quiet..around strangers at least. If you were being honest with yourself, you had been crushing on Changbin from afar for a few months now, but you hadn’t told anyone that, not even Felix. You saw him often because of the guys’ frequent get-togethers that either Felix or Jisung dragged you to.

You pulled yourself of your train of thought as Felix pulls into Hyunjin’s driveway. Looking around, you saw only a few party goers walking around with the typical red solo cup in hand.

“Are we early?” you muttered as you unbuckled your seat belt and climbed out of the car.

“Nope!” Felix said, popping the ‘p’. You looked at him skeptically, and you both made your way to the door.

“Where is everyone then?” you asked, still looking around the outside of Hyunjin’s house to try and find any sign of a gaggle of hammered college students.

“Probably back at the pool,” Felix said simply, opening the front door and walking inside.  You followed suit quickly behind him.

Despite being at Hyunjin’s house on multiple occasions, the sheer size of it astounded you every time.  The marble floor sparkled like diamonds, and the actual diamond chandelier hung from the ceiling, looking magnificently unreal.  Students lounged on his white leather couches in front of a blazing fire.  You cringed as you watched a drunk girl spill her beer all over the couch as she started to make out with her equally drunk boyfriend.

“Why the hell does Hyunjin have college parties here?  Everything is so expensive.  Stuff is gonna get broken.” you muttered, slightly irked.

A familiar voice rung out to your left, “Because I can afford to replace anything that’s broken.”

You turned to see none other than the rich boy himself, Hwang Hyunjin.  You scoffed but smiled at him as he walked up to you and Felix.  He smiled back at you and turned his eyes over to Felix.

“I’m glad you guys could make it.  I didn’t think you would be able to convince Y/N to come.” Hyunjin said to Felix with a laugh.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, faking offence.  Hyunjin just rolled his eyes at you because he knew you well enough to see through your half hearted act.

You put your hands on your hips and sighed dramatically, “Well if you’re gonna be like that, I guess I’ll just go raid your fridge.”

“You were gonna do that anyways.” Felix retorted.  You shushed him and ran to the kitchen, dodging your peers. You could already hear the EDM music blaring from the backyard.  Lord, you were gonna have a horrible headache by the time you left.  

As you jogged into the kitchen, you spotted Chan leaning against one of the counters.  He had his phone in one hand and a solo cup in the other; his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration.

“Chan, you look like you’re constipated.  What’re you up to?” You asked as you opened the fridge and looked through it.  

He glanced up at you and chuckled, “Working on some new music.  Changbin and I were trying to find some different music clips to put into it.”

“Oh come on Chan, this is a party.  Lighten up a bit.  You can work all you want when you get back home.” you said as you continued to rummage through the fridge, ignoring the fact that your cheeks flushed slightly when Chan mentioned Changbin.

He laughed again as he watched you frantically search for food.  “That’s rich coming from you.  By the way, all of the good food is out back.”

You groaned and shut the door of the fridge.  You sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen and restrained from slamming your head on the counter top.  Instead you looked at Chan and asked, “Where is Changbin anyway?”

“Bathroom" Chan replied, glancing back down at his phone. "He should be back any minute now."

“Ah, okay.” You started to get up from your seat. “Well I’m gonna go get something to eat then.  I’ll talk to you later Chan.”

You threw a wave in his direction, but he was already back to work after he mumbled an absentminded goodbye to you.  

You made your way to the backyard, glancing back at the kitchen just in time to Changbin walking over to Chan.  You’re pretty sure your heart had a seizure right then and there in your chest.  You hated that he had this much of an effect on you.

The backyard was packed.  The majority of the people were in the large pool that took up 2/3 of Hyunjin’s backyard, but there were still a lot of others surrounding it which made it hell in a handbasket for your anti-social ass.  Muttering “excuse me”s and “sorry”s as you passed everyone, you eventually made it to the pool house.

“Oh hell yes.”

Grabbing a paper plate, you shuffled up to the wide array of foods in front of you.  You mentally cursed at the universe for making paper plates so infuriatingly small before piling as much food as you could onto it.  

You walked out of the pool house with a smile on your face but being careful not to spill any of the food. You shot a death glare at anyone that came relatively near you.  Most of them quickly caught on and stayed out of your way.

You were this fucking close to getting to a pool chair, but of course something had to get in the way of you and your precious food.

And that something happened to be a basketball that thought your face was the hoop.

You stumbled back, dropping your plate in the process, your food spilling all over the place.

Ooooooo that was a three pointer.

After getting over the fact that you were just hit in the face, you looked around to see who through the ball and caught the eye of a upperclassman staring at you in horror.  You vaguely recognized him to be a music major.  What was his name?  Jae?  Jackson?  Well it didn’t matter cause you were gonna beat him to a pulp (verbally cause you don’t do violence) for making you drop all of your food.

You glared at the older man and started to make a beeline towards him, but a hand wrapped around your forearm before you could even make it two feet.

“Y/N, stop.  Your nose is bleeding.”

The familiar voice makes your heart stop as you turned around to face none other than Seo Changbin staring at you worriedly.  Your eyes widen, and you reach your free hand up to your nose.  Sure enough, there was bright red blood on your fingers when you pulled them away.

“Oh. Shit.” You mumbled and looked back up at Changbin.

He smiled at your reaction and said, “Come on, let’s go get you cleaned up.”

He slid his hand down your forearm to your wrist as he guided you through the crowd of people, but it wasn’t like he was gonna lose you in it.  All of your peers were parting like the Red Sea as they looked at you with pity, blood still streaming out of your nose.

You could feel the blood on your lips and decided, ‘Hey, why not do something to stop the blood from getting all over you?  Maybe make it look like you didn’t just turn into an anime schoolgirl?  Hm?  Sound good? Aight.’

You cupped your free hand under your nose and felt blood slowly go onto it every time you exhaled.  You felt real cute.

Changbin practically ran you into the kitchen and pulled out a stool for you at the island where you previously sat at when talking to Chan.

“Here, sit down.  I’ll grab some paper towels or tissue or...something.”

You took a seat and watched Changbin the best you could as he scrambled around the kitchen.  He grabbed the roll of paper towels and walked over to you.  Ripping off and layering a few sheets, he placed his hand under yours with the paper towels in it.

“You can remove your hand now.” He looked at you and smiled reassuringly.

You did as he said and gasped when he pushed the paper towel against you nose and pinched your nose for you.  You reached up to grab the paper towel yourself, but he pushed your hand down.

“I- uh, I can do it myself, Changbin.” You tried to control the blush that you knew was spread across your cheeks.

He raised his eyebrows at you, a smile still playing on his lips.

“You might want to wipe off your other hand first.” He retorted, handing you the roll of paper towels.

“Oh...yeah that makes sense.” You laughed softly as you took them from him and ripped off a few sheets, keeping your head still as Changbin kept his hand firmly on the paper towel against your nose.

You quickly rid your hand off most of the blood and reached up again to grab the paper towel against your nose.  Your hand rested against Changbin’s as you grabbed the sheets, and Changbin carefully slipped his hand out from underneath yours.

“You got it?” He asked, his hand hovering near your face just in case.  You smiled at him and nodded.  

“Good.” He then turned and made his way towards the fridge.

“Thank you, by the way.  I didn’t even realize my nose was bleeding.”

“It’s no problem at all Y/N.  I was looking for you anyway, and then I saw you get hit in the face with that basketball.  I’m not gonna lie; your reaction was hilarious.” He peeked his head out from behind the door of the fridge and smiled at you teasingly.

Your hand covered most of your pink tinted face and you smiled, “Wow, thanks for that Bin.  Why were you looking for me though?”

“Ah,” his smile slowly fell from his face and you failed to noticed that the tips of his ears were turning a bright shade of scarlet, “Well, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

You raised your eyebrows slightly.  What would Changbin possibly want to talk to you about?

“That something being...?”

Before he answered, he pulled out a small bottle of lemonade.  He walked over to you and handed it to you.

“You like lemonade right?” He sat down in the seat beside you and watched you from the corner of his eyes.

Shifting your grip on the paper towels, you looked down at the cold bottle in your hand.  Lemonade was your favorite drink and had been since you were little.  How come you didn’t see this when you looked in the fridge earlier?

“Um, yeah.  I actually like lemonade a lot.  Thank you.” You said and gave Changbin a smile.

He just nodded and looked down at his hands.

“To answer your other question though,” He paused, as if he didn’t know how to word his answer.

You waited for him to continue as you watched him shift, almost uncomfortably, in his seat.

“Well shit, I guess there’s not another good way of saying it.” Changbin muttered, more to himself than to you.

“No good way to say what?” You asked.

Changbin looked up at you and sighed softly, “I like you Y/N.  As more than just friends.  I know we don’t talk often but...I don’t know.  I just love your unique personality.  Plus, you’re pretty damn cute too.”

Your eyes widened and your face turned red.  Changbin noticed and quickly continued, “I know you probably don’t feel the same way and that’s fine!  I just want to become closer friends with you at the very least.”

You opened your mouth to reply, but you were suddenly??  Mute????  Rightfully so though, your crush had just confessed to you.  So instead, you wiped your nose to see if it had stopped bleeding.  It had.

You pressed your lips together and looked over at the adorable little baby man sitting next to you.  All in all, he looked like he was about to combust.  

You recollected your thoughts and replied, “It’s not that I don’t feel the same way.  It’s the opposite.  I’ve liked you for months now, but I’ve just felt too awkward to talk to you.”

You watched Changbin’s face flush a bright shade of pink, and it was honestly so cute.  He just stared at you with wide eyes and his lips were slightly parted in shock.

“No way.” He said, not breaking eye contact with you.

You just smiled at him and that was all the reassurance he needed.  Without thinking, he pulled you into a hug.  You tensed up, surprised, but you quickly relaxed and hugged him back tightly.  It was definitely cliche, but you felt all fuzzy and warm on the inside.

Changbin pulled away from the hug and grinned at you before asking, “Does that mean…?”

You couldn’t stop smiling as you replied with a simple, “I guess so.”

“God, you’re so cute.”

“Stop, no I’m not.”

“What do you mean you’re not???  Look at you!”

“Exactly.”

“Oh shut up.” Before you could process what was happening, you felt Changbin’s lips against your cheek and your face start to burn up.

“Well, fuck.” You stared at him, flustered.

He laughed and tilted his head to the side before asking, “So, are you gonna drink that lemonade I got you or not?”

[antiquatedfuture]

Summer Solstice Newsletter

NEW ZINES

Canvas & Cassette, Issue Two- Part art journal, part music magazine, part old-school variety zine, Canvas & Cassette has a little something for everyone. ($10)

Covers: Stories About Musicians- Technically a restock, but this highly enjoyable series of comics adapted from music biographies was so popular, we could only keep it in stock for two weeks. Just reprinted and (once again) going fast. ($2)

Empathy Exercise- Places the classroom exercise of putting a blindfold on to imagine being blind against the daily reality of being blind. ($4)

A Few Good Boys: Admiration of Straight White Men and Its Accompanying Dread- In this short illustrated essay, M. Sabine Rear writes about growing up surrounded by art from straight white men and the hoops she had to go through to relate to it. ($4)

Fixer Eraser, Vol. 2- The long-awaited second issue of Fixer Eraser, the latest odds-and-ends zine from Jonas (Cheer the Eff Up, The Greatest Most Traveling Circus), one of the best writers in zines today. ($3)

Fixer Eraser, Vol. 3- A collection of stories and unique bits that sidestep categorization, full of life and surprises. Former superheroes, tortured legends, messages left on small sheets of paper on buses, and so much more. ($3)

Fixer Eraser, Vol. 4- Imagined parenting advice, imagined short stories, and some real stories, some real advice. Where the line between them lies is part of the fun. ($3)

It Only Gets Worse From Here: Fifteen Unspirational Messages to Ruin Your Day- It Only Gets Worse from Here takes the "handwritten inspirational quote art" genre and makes it bleak, lonely, and hilarious. This tiny zine holds 15 unspirational messages to guide you toward your darkest moments. ($2)

Keep Content Off Facebook- A thoughtful zine that asks artists to reexamine how they use Facebook and how Facebook uses them. Not a call to boycott the platform entirely, but to simply think deeply about it and seek solutions beyond it. ($2)

Keep Loving, Keep Fighting #9- In the first issue of Keep Loving, Keep Fighting in ten years Hope combines short, poetic lines about loss, grief, and spirituality with full-color spreads of transcendent mixed-media art. ($5)

Minimum Rock + Roll #9- An interview with Closer, the new project from Real Life Buildings folks. Lots of album reviews. Every Minimum Rock + Roll issue is a tiny good time. ($1)

Minimum Rock + Roll #10- Another little burst of underground music from Olympia's Joshua Hoey and Reflective Tapes. Within: an interview with Don't Love Like Me Records and plenty of reviews. ($1)

Minor Leagues #5- In this, the GIANT fifth issue of Minor Leagues, Simon Moreton's dreamy, time-traveling diary comics blend with long pieces of prose. Within: Finding meaning in place, being in nature, moving through loss, living with ghosts. ($7) My Complicated Relationship With Food, Vol. Four- The return of the most popular zine series we carry. Surprising and bizarre reviews of unremarkable foods. ($1)

Resilient Bastard: Ways to Combat a Brain That is Actively Trying to Kill You- A much-needed zine of writers being very open and honest about depression, suicidal thoughts, and tools for coping. From a great crew of Olympia folks. ($5) Tin Can Telephone #4- A short history of pirate TV intrusions, an interview with Sarah MacDonald of Thrifty Times zine, tape-music history, and much more. ($4) Women in Sound #5- A new issue of Women in Sound zine is always cause for celebration. But this one is perhaps the best yet. Interviews with three of our favorites: Mirah Zeitlyn (as in, indie-pop goddess Mirah), Laetitia Tamko (of Vagabon), and legendary Prince recording engineer Susan Rogers. Plus a whole lot more. ($5)

NEW MUSIC

ABSV- Champion of the Sun- A tribute to Sun Ra by Portland electronic artist and percussionist J Morales, also known as ABSV. Eight pulsing tracks of experimental Afro-house, interweaving live and electronic percussion, synths, bass, and piano into an instant basement dance party. (Cassette + Digital Download) ($8) Badlands- Slow Growth- Her best yet, Slow Growth is a style-hopping album of assured personal pop songs, political anthems, and a Donna Summer self-love mantra cover. (Cassette + Digital Download) ($5) Dump Him- Venus in Retrograde- Live garage-rocky pop-punk from Western Massachusetts' Dump Him. Released on Olympia's Reflective Tapes. (Cassette) ($5)

Family Video- Long Time Listener, First Time Caller- The latest from Newfoundland's Family Video is a masterpiece. Emotionally complex twee-pop that confront loneliness and reimagines the great volcanic winter of 1816. (Cassette + Digital Download) ($5) Hedia- Wool- Sparse and slight, but also sprawling and generous, Hedia's ambient chamber pieces are gifts, through and through. The side project of Bryce Hample of Reighnbeau. (Cassette) ($8)

Orange Daydream: A Tribute To Orange Cake Mix- A split between long-running lo-fi heavyweight Orange Cake Mix and some of the artists that love him. (CD) ($10) Phoxii- Life Eating Death Feeding- The latest album of forward-thinking electronics from Phoxii. Life Eating Death Feeding's broken and reconstructed tracks further asserts Phoxii as living in a musical universe that's entirely her own. (Cassette + Digital Download) ($8)

Reighnbeau- Blood- Blood is Reighbeau at its most lush, most epic. Skittering claps and snaps, pops and clicks, against a cut-up synth symphony. With guest vocals from Colleen Johnson (Flying Circles), Madeline Johnston (Sister Grotto, Midwife), and many others. (Cassette) ($7) Reighnbeau- Fingertips- The latest from Reighbeau, Fingertips is an underwater affair—futuristic nostalgia, cheap earplugs at the rave, worn-out cassettes playing recordings of church organs over a pulsing kick drum. (Cassette) ($7)

Reighnbeau- Hide- Hide is, like its title implies, obscured, secretive, maybe a little shy. Its melodies below the surface, beats pulsing alongside pitch-shifted layers, dozens of distant voices calling out. Guest vocals throughout by Madeline Johnston of Sister Grotto. ($7) Reighnbeau & BK Beats- Sleep- Sleep is the soundtrack to a dream party—feel-good but off-kilter, shiny and hazy, containing only slight resemblances to reality. (Cassette) ($6)

Richard Album- Another Album- Sitting nicely between his garage-pop and synth-pop sides, Another Album finds Richard moving ever forward and swimming in an ocean of tears. (Cassette + Digital Download) ($5)

Various Artists- This Reminds Me: Songs By Linda Smith Reimagined- A tribute album to lo-fi bedroom folk pioneer Linda Smith. A much-deserved 19-track compilation with covers and interpretations from Rose Melberg, and many others (Cassette + Digital Download) ($5)

NEW STICKERS

Drummer Cat Sticker- Leading the band down the street. ($1)

Mushroom Shelter Sticker- Taking shelter under a giant mushroom. As one does.($1)

Spirit Guide Sticker- Meet your spirit guide. ($1)

NEWS *One of our favorite zines around, Syndicate Product, has an open submission call for their long-awaited new issue. Have a book you loathe? This is your chance to tell the world about it.

*Long-time zinester Billy McCall is doing a survey about zine culture and wants everyone involved with zines to participate. 

*Our very own Sara Renberg is touring parts of the east coast and midwest this coming week in support of her Night Sands album. Check out her tour schedule and catch a show!

[euphoria17]

If there’s a will there’s a way

I know that title sounds cliche...but that’s the summary of what happened to us. 

Before I write anything, let me just write down in bullet form what happened in the last month  July 1-2: He was with that Girl, was supposed to meet on the second but girl didn leave July 3: I was busy with Visitors

July 4: Birthday, he left in the afternoon

July 8-17: Dean July 18-22: Owen, Kuya Gabby, JB (July 20 drunk text), Girl posted that shit (july 18) July 23-28: TIME ALONE, SUPER CHATTING wih him ...

July 27 his friend died, he decided to go home, booked a flight for July 31 

July 28: Funeral was moved to wednesday, he’s going home on july 31

July 29: I was in the province with Ying, he booked a flight for July 30  July 30: He arrived around 2/3 we met at around 4:30 and was together till around 8 am July 31

July 31: flight home  

Over the days, well a month that is... we talked so much it was as if I knew you for a long time already. We agreed that this was probably the most we’ve talked with someone we haven’t met and that the feeling was mutual (what ever it was) And we made a lot of plans: from finding cheese cake, bahn mi, dancing, hula hooping, drafting the UN plan, the boobs essay, bar hopping, hanging out in general. I even made a list.   I imagined 2-3 weeks with you or more. Going out of the city, traveling , making love .  But I guess not all plans work..not everything goes exactly how you planned it, how you envisioned it. And as always, if things don’t work out the way I planned them, I become rattled. So to my horror, when everything I planned did not take place i was lost and I did not know what to do. I thought that there wouldn’t be any chance of seeing you...but you made it work. Yur optimism is the kind of energy I need in my life. For some reason, when you said you’d find a way to make this work, i Believed you. I don’t know why but I did. Do I trust you? not so much.  But I know you:  -met with someone, was still video calling - still talking to someone on line

- was still using tinder as we were talking , changed your descripton twice

-you want to explore right now 

-you said  “if we were near...who knows maybe we would be dating”...”you’re easy to date” 

-”I want to continue talking to you” -”me: i like you but youre leaving -you: I’ll message you” - who knows what will happen 

-looked for visa options 

-maybe after europe ill go to asia...me:let me know then. You: of course 

-me: i have a feeling ill see you again you: I think so too  other things I want to remember: 

- how you understood privilege 

- how cute you were with glasses sitting across from me  -how i was running because you were slow

- how you removed your glaasses because i was getting distracted from your hotness 

-how i couldnt understand what you were saying so i said what? then you said you were just trying to talk 

-   how you were saying woooaaaah while watching the documentary about mudskippers and that fish

-strawberry condoms

- your kisses and your hugs 

-how you were just hugging me all of the sudden Anyway, I know he talking to a lot of women and that makes me really jealous. I know liking you is a dead end. I know we get along extremely well (both in talking in person and in bed) and for some reason i really like kissing you and getting kisses from you and hugging you and being with you in general.. I wanna go do all these things with you and i have never felt the urge with anyone. I even let you do that one thing that i never let anyone do (and i hope I don’t regret it). But this is a dead end. And this has been slowing me down and caging me up. This if the fourth day that I will cry o be bothered about this and after this i need to let go. Completely. Every thought. Every craving of wanting to talk to you and every idealized situation of us meeting again. Cause things alwasy end up this way. We talk a lot.. meet. And then they leave and we never talk again. As much as i want to idealize you and the entire situation ...the truth is I’m 23 and I’m just about to start my life. The truth is, and I just realized this now: I need to put myself first. I have to put my career first. I have put my  dreams first. I have to envision my life alone, doing everything aline and if it so happens that someone, may it be you or someone else comes in my life then thats great. But as usual... Ineed to think of myself as a solo team because in the end, when that person leaves, you’ll be ddevastated and it will take you a long time to recover again.  So for now, I will continue with my life. I will keep on meeting people. I will keep on reaching for my dreams. And then mybe someday we’ll meet each other again and maybe that spark is still there and maybe we can make things work .  But for now, thanks for being a happy memory Mark. I will always go back to the day that I met you and wonder: What if?