#this episode was somehow worse and less entertaining to me than last episode lol

[vixxxenly]

I like how these boys are acting like they didn't just get broken up with/break up with their SOs, “oh we’ve been better” tf, ur BROKEN UP just say that?? I get it’s a CW show and you’ll be together again in an episode but forreal

lol healthcare is even an issue in Riverdale shocker

“for my best girl” adorbs

“we’re still friends” “isn’t everyone” lmaoo petty betty

FP Jones’s “BOY” i’m living for it

“get to school” *goes to a school that is definitely not his school*

plz give me an ep where B & V get couples massages

love this Reggie/Ronnie dynamic bc of the comics tbh gimme more

lol i’m living for all of these salt ass looks from jug and ronnie when betty opens her gift, let these babies be salty together 

awe jug was waiting for her 

they are so soft spoken with each other this scene ugh

that fuckin dorky ass smile uggghghh

“why arent you in school” THANK YOU GOOD LORD

can the writers make up their mind about how they wanna portray the serpents orrr what

betty’s makeup looks gr8 this episode

...now lets work on her wardrobe, ear muffs omg

SPIFFANYS

alice fuckin cooper has holiday themed nails

yeah that secret santa font is totally not ominous or anything

yikes @ FP literally being like yah u shouldn’t live here anymore

“i split with betty because of the serpents” FP’s like BITCH THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM

“we have to take out penny” jug are you even hearing yourself

also, isn’t penny technically a serpent... how is this whole, her forcing other serpents to run for her thing even going down if serpents never “stand alone”... this whole gang dynamic really doesn't make any sense none of these writers were ever in a gang what is the point

hiram in that coat wow zaddy

why tell penny where you dragged her to..?

who is this jughead bc i dont know her

like @ the writers you really ganna make soft boy jughead jones SKIN A BITCH in S2??? do you read your own scripts....or we just ganna let all of this dissolve into OOC fanfic.

why do these hoes suddenly think they’re ganna end the black hood tonight...? like...where was this established....

okay, that kiss? tragic. 

it was such a small blip on the entire episode, like i’m on the commercial after it and i already forgot about it

there was no...build up to that even...? the dialogue: poor. the look on both their faces after: yikes. the chemistry: non existent.

i’m not one to shit on another ship (unless it’s toxic, which i don’t think barchie is honestly, i just definitely view it more platonically) but i feel bad that that’s what barchies got and have been waiting so long for. like damn that’s some disappointing shit, and i heavily ship couples that haven’t even kissed each other lmao

also they didn’t...even...talk about it...question mark

"okay veronica we’ll tell you” *cuts scene* “okay so now you know everything” ....yall testing me

DADDYKINS EW NO

this episode is paced so poorly good lord i cannot get into it (my thought during the rushing to the devil’s hand scene)

okay mister serious serial killer you’re really ganna tell your victim to pick up something they can easily use as a weapon against you. bitch a real psycho would have been like, “use your fuckin hands and bury your stupid friend alive i’ll sit here all night hoe”

u know KJ’s klutzy ass definitely slipped on that bridge on his own and they were like fuck it just use this take

okay.. so.. i hope the writers know that no one in their audience believes for a fuckin second that the janitor is the BH

like if they wanted that to be convincing and then pull a twist on who the real BH is later...they did not do this well

the gifts are so sweet ugh - for my beloved, fuck me up

“ya wanna stop by betty’s” “uhh no..” “BOY” - FP Jones probably

i did enjoy the varchie reunion

so, more general episode thoughts:

i’m so sick of these episodes being almost totally separate narratives from each other. the pacing is so awful this season, we have zero development for side characters (or screen time even), the main characters themselves barely have a moment to breath and be actual characters on this show with how the pacing has been... just... stop. yall got 22 episodes (god knows why), USE THEM

the barchie kiss scene was actually not infuriating, so that’s nice i guess (like i said, still feel bad for barchie shippers tbh). I am slightly annoyed they had betty initiate it though, considering it was archie that was all, “oh i always thought...” and whatever last season and he’s the one that really drove that window staring scene home. but oh well. also...they really just not having betty and archie talk about it that ep...what

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

aditya is going to be grounded forever and ever and ever once he gets caught lmao. indus might even throw a slipper at him 😔someone please help him (not yao he's going to make it worse. or maybe yao can give him nice doodles and presents as a way of consoling him. he probably won't feel bad but at leas he will try to make his friend less sad lmao. and iran would help!! even as they're like "wtf you're SUCH A BAD INFLUENCE" @ yao. their combined efforts would likely make aditya very happy!!) the poor baby will not be having any fun for a Very Long Time :(

HM i think nyo china should live in a place of residence that makes me want to eat the rich whenever i walk past it, filthy capitalist that she is. but should that be the penthouse apartment of a high-rise condominium or should it be a lovely landed property? or maybe she has 2 houses an apartment for yao and sometimes herself in the suburbs of their primary school and a rich people house in the city that is near the elite high school she WILL get yao into (but this might mean moving yao away from his friends in middle school 😔) . decisions are hard. but yes she definitely buys her way out of trouble with her neighbours all the time

"you should follow his example in the things he's a model at not in things he does badly" i CHOKED i don't think i've heard a more chinese parent quote than this for the past 3 years they would totally say this and of course their disgruntled kids would complain that yao is um not the most respectful of the law dhwkntke

ALSO HIS POOR TEACHERS... I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY HAVE A CLUB THAT'S SO SAD OH MY GOD

hmm i think that like. even without a mentor's guidance yao will probably become less unruly and wild as he ages, as a process of growing up and becoming less focused on causing Chaos (he's directing that feralness to like. making an actual plan to take over the world probably), because society's tolerance for buckwild bullshit decreases as you get older and older, and the likelihood that he'll miss out on awards and other accolades if he continues this sort of behaviour, which his ambition won't allow for. BUT what i think won't change is the fact that he's an arrogant asshole and he becomes more and more so as he grows up with a lifetime of academic and extracurricular excellence. so im just saying imagine said sub in high school absolutely tearing apart one of his assignments. like just covering the whole thing in red-inked ruthless rebuttals and giving him a c. yao has never gotten a c in his life and is both humiliated and impressed because the sub is RIGHT, and they managed to outlogic him (which up till now only his friends + nyo china could probably yao doesn't associate with dumb people). and then he progresses amazingly in that class during the sub's remaining time with them and gets nyo china to let the sub teach him when they land a job. like i feel as though he would greatly benefit from an older mentor who won't tolerate his bullshit and would challenge him to reach new heights and this might be person!! (this thought is kinda unrefined and doesn't fully explain the Vibes but i need a nap now + it's not really Baby au anymore it's Slightly Less Baby au fhwinfkwg good afternoon to you and good night for me!)

They’re so sweet omg ☺️ Yao and Iran giving Aditya little presents... I love it. Their small gang of bastards has to stick together after all. Also yeah RIP India; at least they still have time to interact at school, but at-home hours is rough. (also, Yao’s neighborhood is moderately far from Aditya’s, but what about Iran? o-o I feel like they’d live a bit closer (?), maybe a couple streets away, and Iran isn’t on Indus’s blacklist yet............ (but then again, Indus probably banned any of his friends coming over lol). Also, Yao makes a plan to somehow get into the house across from Aditya’s and flash morse code at night with flashlights so they can talk, and hopefully it entertains his house arrested friend! Iran is dragged along for the ride and just goes with it lol. Jury is out on whether they get caught.)

Nyo China’s many houses.... :| she would do that oh my god. Also I think (?) there was a whole crackdown a while ago in China on people who were buying houses they didn’t live in, so they could get their kids into good schools in that residential area.... that radiates her vibes and I hate it. Miss China, how does it feel living in a penthouse, or just being rich in general O-o I LAUGHED at “decisions are hard” that’s everything about nyo china. “hmm yes I can’t choose which house I actually want to live in so why not just buy all 5??? yep, sounds like a good idea!” O_________O can’t relate

lol thank you; I was trying to channel Chinese parent energy and I’m glad it came through! The kids are grumbling that Yao could just be 100% awful or 100% academically stellar, but no, he has to be a genius AND a delinquent (just choose one, god) also yes they have a lil club just for them! Only people who have the honor of suffering get to join :)

And to your last paragraph, HELL YES IT’S CANON NOW. “Yao doesn't associate with dumb people” I’m crying omg. Yao takes all honors/gifted classes and doesn’t speak to anyone who doesn’t 😭 The big red C glaring at him from the top of his (once beautiful) essay stabs him viscerally in the chest and he needs to take a few days before looking at it again in order to recover his strength ego. He reads through all the comments and each one shreds his ego even more lmao; they’re not even mean comments but he just knows the sub is Completely Correct and sinks into a low like he’s never had. But yesss @ the whole episode pushing him to do better in order to keep up his Academic Excellence, and maybe impress the sub whom he now views as superior and whom he actually has respect for.

May I propose the sub is miss Vietnam o-o... she probably should be in the gang of ancients (as the only other kid who can rival Yao in Logic and fistfights, but isn’t friends with him like the other ancients because he sucks and she doesn’t like his bs) but shhhhh.... we can make a spin-off AU and nobody needs to know... lol anyways, I feel like if the substitute is Vietnam, she and Yao would have some sort of antagonism (not too tense but not friendly bickering either) at the beginning; Yao really wants to impress her and do better in class but Vietnam just. Does not like how he’s an asshole, especially to other people he thinks are below him sksksk. But they slowly warm up to each other especially as Yao gets ~reformed~ ever so slightly, and then it turns into friendly bickering and Long Debates on various intriguing topics (Yao always plays devils advocate in those :|). But yeah I definitely think she’d be a good candidate ig, since she doesn’t take bs even from the star pupil who is also an ass. And she’s a sub at first, so it gives her a little bit more room to throw hands whenever she wants instead of having to control herself lol

[chocolate-parfait]

Fluff alphabet - ikevamp headcanons (Theodorus Van Gogh)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Depends tbh

He takes you out to see an art exposition (which basically is kinda like work for him,,, but he still enjoys it nonetheless)

Spends time with you and Vincent!!! If it's sunny then you're probably going to have a picnic in the garden, enjoying the warm rays of the sun as his brother paints

SOMETIMES!!! IF YOU ASK HIM TO!!!! He'll let you come with him and Arthur to the pub

He'd rather you not come bc it's full of drunkards who just want to hit on pretty women and start a fight

But every once in a while it's nice to enjoy a drink with you and his bestfriend although he'll admit it with flushed cheeks

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He loves your determination and your courage even if they might get you in trouble sometimes

He finds it kinda hot when you stand up for him, for Vincent, for artists' rights and all of the like

He also finds you unbearably cute and he loves all your facial expressions, he finds them entertaining and he loves how easy to read you are

He's used to put on the tough guy facade when he's at work but he's extremely grateful that he can let his guard down whenever he's around you or Vincent lmao

Loves. Your. Smell.

You smell super sweet and???? It makes him go crazy???? He'd cover you up in syrup and eat you as if you were a pancake if he could

It's intoxicating tbh

Probably cuz hes a vampire lol

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

 Whenever you're feeling down he'll take a break from work and stay with you

Cuddle time hell yeah

Holds you as you cry/vent to him

Tones down the teasing A LOT

He tries to be as "kind" as he can although he's still a bit rough sometimes (it's not his fault, he's too used to treating people like dogs)

When you're having a panic attack, he'll be a bit taken aback at first, but then he tries to be as helpful as he can

He gives you some space but at the same time he keeps his big, reassuring hand on your back, tracing soothing circles with his palm as long as the episode lasts

He'll also be hyper aware of your surroundings, searching for anything that could make you feel even worse, and takes you to a secluded place

He's a bit awkward with words when it comes to being kind and to anything that isn't businesses-related, he's more of an action-first-talk-later type of man

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

 He's so busy he doesn't stop to think about it unless someone actually asks him what his plans with you are

He wants to marry you, that's for sure, so that everyone knows you're his and he is yours

When it comes to kids he wants to wait a bit, he's super busy and honestly he' a tad bit insecure, too (who wouldn't be?)

If it happened "by accident" he'd still be happy of course, but I think he spends so much time and energies on his job that handling kids would be too much for him

So he'll wait for things to calm down a little, he wants to be there for the kids after all

If he knows you really want them though, he'll happily comply

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Dominant

He's so used to being with Vincent (which is rather passive) that he tends to be the leading one in relationships

This doesn't mean he doesn't take into account your feelings and always acts on his own though

He often knows what you're thinking about so he'll act accordingly

He LOVES it when you stand your ground though!!! It's hot 👀👀

Play hard to get and he'll get back at you with twice the teasing

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

 Your fights with him aren't really angry screams, throwing things at each other or anything like that

They're pretty calm (on the outside)

Usually they happen because of pent up frustration or because he was hiding something from you, taking all the burden himself

When you finally call him out for it, he'll act as if he doesn't know what you're talking about at first, then he just,,, says some theo style mean stuff and that's when you snap

Your reactions change depending on the topic but they can vary from sulking to stomping away in tears

He sighs to himself and gives you some time and space, then he comes to you and you sort it out one way or the other

So basically your fights are just because he doesn't want to burden you too much

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Of course he's grateful

He's grateful that someone as sweet and caring as you fell for him

He's grateful for all the times you worry for him, even if he thinks he doesn't really deserve it

He's grateful for your happy smiles and kind words

He's grateful you acknowledge his passion, his job and most of all you understand his goal and ideals

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Like I previously said, the fact that he usually tends to keep things for himself tend to bring you two to fight

He hides things from you because he doesn't want to worry you more than necessary and he sure as hell doesn't want to put you in danger (especially when it comes to the Academy)

He also doesn't say all the kind words of appreciation he has for you because he wants to appear tough and he's just a tsundere

On certain occasions though, when he truly feels his heart brimming with warmth and love for you, he'll just tell you how much he loves you, how beautiful you are, and every little thing that passes in his mind

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You helped him see things from a different perspective and to take things slower

You also helped him understand that he doesn't necessarily need to put others first and that he doesn't need to suppress his needs to give space to others

On the other hand he showed you how some ideals are worth fighting for and how seXY A MAN CAN BE-

ahah jk....unless...?

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Since he's pretty possessive it's more common to see him jealous than not. Hell, he'd be even jealous about Vincent if you spent too much time with him.

He doesn't really get flustered when he has to say and show that you are his, why do you think he chooses to call you Hondje even when in public huh?

He glares at whoever tries something on you and if they don't give up, he punches them

If you're in a situation in which he can't immediately intervene he just trusts that you won't choose some random guy over him. After it though, he'd want to spend some time with you (either cuddles or something else wink wonk), to let you know that he loves you and that you are the only one love of his heart.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

If he's in the right mood for it he'd be able to make your knees weak in seconds.

His kisses are usually a bit rough and they sometimes involve some pulling and groping here and there.

You first kiss together was actually more tender than what you'd expect from someone like him. It was your first one together and he wanted you to enjoy the experience as much as possible.

Anyways his kisses make your head spin and he always makes sure to leave you wanting for more because,,,, he's a tease

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

 In a tsunder-y way

You have to read between the lines tbh and at first you didn't even realize it

It just didn't register and then you're like 👁👄👁what

With flushed cheeks and a frown he just "what, you need me to repeat that, Hondje?" Then he turns a switch flip flip and the situation escalates quickly

"I'll repeat it for as many times you need to hear it. You're the only one I need."

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

 He doesn't really think about it, it feels so natural for him to be with you that marriage would only change your civic status. You two are already bound for eternity wedding or not.

That doesn't mean he doesn't want to take the big step though, it's still symbolic (the only symbolic thing he actually cares about lol)

He'd totally surprise you with his proposal. It'd be a bit like Jumin's valentine date.

Important day, he's not there because of work/"I have forgotten", actually not it's just a prank, takes you by surprise bc he actually comes home earlier!!!! And he remembers too!!!, you're delightedly surprised, proposal, happy ending

The wedding is quite small, just your friends (he's not inviting anyone from work bc they'd just end up causing a scene because of nOBle PeoPle blAh BlaH tHe AcAdEmY BlaH bLah TheO YoUr DrEAm iS StuPid Blah BlAH BLAh) although Comte insists on paying for everything and putting some grand gala decorations everywhere

Despite this being your wedding this little shit just won't stop teasing you

The reception is 80% sweets (PANCAKES) and 20% actual food = everyone is dying of diabetes

Dressing code: white

Everyone is dressed in white clothes and the decorations are as candid as clouds

Don't ask me why. His wedding card told me so.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Hondje (top 1 of course)

Mc

My love (when he's feeling particularly soft)

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

 He's less snappy and despite his remarks, you can see the h a p p i n e s s in this man's eyes.

It's quite obvious to everyone that he's in love because he's super overprotective all the time

Also, he doesn't directly express his feelings not because he's shy or anything, but because he believes actions count more than words.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

 He doesn't mind it, although he tries to avoid anything too SCANDALOUS when Vincent's around

He likes holding your hand and slipping an arm around your waist TO MARK THE TERRITORY

He tends to be more pushy with pda when someone's flirting with you, that aside he generally keeps hugs and kisses for when the two of you are alone.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He's a natural persuader and it's pretty amazing how he can twist other people's thoughts and mold them as he pleases

He does this for a living so of course he's good at it

But! it doesn't work with you. You can see through his words and right into his soul, he's powerless when it comes to you

Something that comes in handy though is his quick wit and firmness that grant you stability in moments where you feel at a complete loss. He's the rock you can rely on.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He's a simple person and he likes simple things

He's not really cliché nor goes to great lengths to show you his love for you, he's in the middle

Sometimes though he lets his feelings flow freely without any mean comment nor anything, knowing it's just the two of you.

He knows you're pretty easy to please so even if he takes time off work and/or does a simple little gesture, it means the world to you

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Of course he believes in you!!!

If you ever need them, he'll get in contact with the thousands of connections he has

If you're in a slump he'll give you an encouraging speech and then end it with some teasing remark, loving to see you all fired up for what you love doing

Since you believe so fiercely in him, he doesn't see why he shouldn't return all that support, doubled

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Contrary to Leonardo and Arthur who love a bit more spice in their relationships, seeing how hectic his schedule is, a routine might be more comfortable for him

He enjoys spending his time with you doing calm and relaxing activities like picnics, visiting art galleries or going out for a drink

To him your cute reactions are all the spice he needs

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

More often than not you're pretty easy to read, but sometimes you DO surprise him with your recklessness though

He knows whenever you're feeling down and he'll try to cheer you up with actions more than words (you can't trust him on that front)

Since you have a completely different mindset than his, he might get surprised at the reasons why you're actually upset and if he finds it pretty trivial he'll say something along the lines of "you're upset over that? You dummy."

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

You and Vincent are the most important people of his whole life, and his job is pretty much the reason he's alive

You and Vincent are almost on the same level but he'd never give you up to him,,,, so you miiiight be a more dear to him than his big bro

Everything he does with Vincent he'd do it with you, but it doesn't really work the other way round (if you know what I mean)

Also we're comparing his big brother and his soulmate so,,, of course there are bound to be some differences

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

When he's overworking himself you just drag him off to bed where he lays his head in your lap and falls asleep as you play with his hair

You have such a calming presence that he can't help but relax and feel at ease so you often find him dozing off when the two of you are together

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He loves patting your head

Cuddles time are usually for when he's feeling stressed, you're in a bad mood or for making up after a fight

If the two of you see each other firdt thing in the morning when no one's around he'll give you a kiss on the lips and a warm smile

okay but imagine a kiss from theo im-

Hugs from him are for special occasions

When you don't see each other for some time the first thing he'll do when he sees you is giving you a tight hug

When something dangerous happens and he sees you're safe, he hugs you

Hugs you when you're sleeping too

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

When he's missing you he tries to take his mind off of thoughts of you

He buries himself in work

He stays at the mansion as little as he can, because everything reminds him of you

At night he often goes drinking with Arthur because he can't bear the feeling of the place next to his in bed empty and cold

Let's not talk about the way your pillow emanates your scent :)

It's basically a living hell for him

The first days he does pretty well at hiding the fact that he misses you

Then he starts to get irritated and snaps at everyone

Cue Vincent helping him relax

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Who are we even kidding he'd give his life for you if it ever came to it

Just please don't make him choose between you, Vincent and/or his job

If he had to, he'd probably give up his job but you'd lose big part of him

But on the overall he'd give up anything for those three things

[nitrateglow]

My bottom five new-to-me movies of 2020

2020 sucked. So did these movies. Before I do my customary top 20 favorite movie discoveries list, I wanted to share five very special new-to-me movies that were painful to watch. Forgive me if it all sounds like ranting. It probably is.

(And remember-- if you like any of these movies, that’s fine. I am not attacking YOU. I just didn’t like a movie. I know this is a stupid disclaimer to put on a list of opinions, but combing the venomous old IMDB message boards has me on edge a bit lol.)

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

Whether you love the sequel trilogy or hate it, everyone pretty much agrees this movie was a mess. I thought no movie could have a more structurally unsound screenplay than The Crimes of Grindelwald, but Rise of Skywalker gives it staunch competition. It creates a new artform from making things up as the plot requires: new powers for Rey, new Macguffins to pursue, new motivations and backstories for characters.

I admit I dislike The Last Jedi. I dislike it a lot, actually, and it appears JJ Abrams did too from the amount of retconning he does here (Rey isn’t nobody! Honest, guys!). But you can’t backtrack THAT much. Either plot out your entire trilogy before shooting the first film or play fairly with the cards you were dealt by the filmmakers of movie two.

If anything, these movies have become a cautionary tale about not having a plan when making a movie trilogy. Now, George Lucas didn’t really have one either when he was making the original trilogy, but in that case, he wasn’t even sure the first movie was going to be a modest hit, let alone the biggest movie of the 1970s. He had an excuse and did well enough finishing the trilogy. Here, Disney knew there would be sequels, they knew they had a hungry audience, but they chose to just wing it and the results are just-- so disappointing, especially given the talented young actors and lovely special effects they had at their disposal.

The more I think about it, the more poetic the image of Palpatine hooked up to a life support system/crane is. The best ROTS can do is riff on earlier, better movies and hope our affection will make us overlook the awfulness.

Artemis Fowl

Outside of Animal Crossing, Artemis Fowl might have been the only entity to benefit (if only slightly) from the pandemic. I cannot imagine it would have been anything but a box office bomb had the theaters been open.

Artemis Fowl feels like it should have come out in 2003-- not just because the books were more prominent then, but the whole style of this film in general. In 2020, it’s positively anachronistic. The whole thing is a joyless attempt at dipping from the old Harry Potter well, with a bit of Spy Kids thrown in for good measure. Beyond that, it’s so poorly done as a whole. I have never read the Artemis Fowl books, but I watched this with a friend who has and his head near caught on fire. Apparently, it cuts out everything that made the books cool, like the protagonist basically being a kid version of a Bond villain. Here, he’s anything but that: he’s the usual bland child protagonist surrounded by a cast of slightly more interesting characters. Josh Gad seems to be the only one really trying. Judi Dench shows up and somehow gives a worse performance than whatever the hell she was doing in Cats.

I was actually shocked Kenneth Branagh of all people directed this. I generally like his films, even the less successful ones like his musical adaptation of Love’s Labors Lost. Even the uninspiring live-action Cinderella remake he helmed is at least pretty to look at-- Artemis Fowl has neither brains nor beauty to recommend it.

Bloodline

This film was intended to jumpstart a career comeback for Audrey Hepburn. This decidedly did not happen. One has to wonder what she saw in this sordid material in the first place. Maybe she really just wanted to work with director Terence Young again? Or she thought this would be a good, more modern take on her screen persona? I have no clue. All I know is that Bloodline is one of the worst big-budget Hollywood movies I have ever seen.

No contest: this is Audrey Hepburn’s worst movie. Hate on Green Mansions and Paris When It Sizzles until the stars turn to ash-- at least there was some fun camp value in them. The plot in Bloodline makes no sense, going into unrelated digressions that lead nowhere (did we really need that extended flashback about the dead father? or the subplot with Omar Shariff’s two families?). Oh and then there’s the awful sleazy snuff film subplot that’s also poorly developed and goes nowhere. Hepburn is game, but she can’t save the sinking ship. The best she can do is be charming in a terrible 70s perm.

Luckily, she made the underrated They All Laughed two years after this cinematic fecal matter bombed, so at the very least, Hepburn’s big screen swan song was a film worthy of her presence. (Hint: there will be more about that movie on my top 20 of the year list!)

Halloween III: The Season of the Witch

You all have no idea how excited I was to see this. All the mentions of it on Red Letter Media made it sound like deliriously entertaining schlock. I mean, it’s a movie in which the villain sells cursed Halloween masks that turn children’s heads into bugs and snakes! That sounds awesome! Instead, the movie is badly paced and boring: the main characters are uninteresting and the plot takes an interesting premise then does.... nothing with it. Nothing whatsoever. The second act is the cinematic equivalent of treading water. In fact, so little happens, that the filmmakers squeeze in a pointless sex scene between two character who have all the chemistry of a lit match and a bag of M&M’s.

The thing that annoys me most about this film is that it killed off a great concept: that all of the future Halloween films would be standalone stories centered around the spookiest time of the year. Unfortunately, this movie botched itself so badly that people often think the absence of Michael Meyers was the problem. It wasn’t: it was the absence of a good story.

Blindsided

This is probably the most watchable movie on this list, but that’s not saying much. A bloodless ripoff of Wait Until Dark, Blindsided is an unimaginative thriller with no thrills, humor, or interesting characters whatsoever.

The whole film is just repetitive. The situation doesn’t slowly boil to something horrific, the threat presented by the villains doesn’t escalate, there are no interesting interactions between the characters: no, here the underdeveloped protagonist is interrogated, tortured and/or sexually harassed, tries to escape, is recaptured, rinse and repeat for ninety minutes. I admit there’s some clever resourcefulness on the part of the heroine in the last scene-- but it’s basically just Wait Until Dark’s climax (down to the twist with the villain finding an alternative source of illumination for crying out loud!) without the emotional payoff that comes from slow-burn pacing or the fantastic performances, so even that’s a letdown.

I thought the movie might at least be saved by Michael Keaton as the main criminal mastermind since he’s shown he can be a great villain in other movies (if they had remade Wait in the 80s, he would have been a perfect Harry Roat Jr.), but even he seems to be phoning it in here. Beyond a scene of attempted cat murder (I’m serious-- the bad guys are so incompetent they can’t even kill a cat), there’s not even anything so bad it’s good to enjoy. Blindsided is just dull and by-the-numbers.

[oncloud999]

ok more random thoughts 

so i’ve been engrossed in a lot of videos last few days cos my obsession is not calming down just yet... and I’ve been trying to figure out who, out of jimin and jungkook, is more obvious. and also why they are such a popular ship even though vmin have so many more obvious moments and they constantly call each other their bestfriends and soul mates etc.... 

so first of all, i think after the initial few years where jimin just can’t seem to control himself (lol...) he’s definitely learnt to hide it better, especially in the last year or so. around the time they went to japan, they were super giggly and obvious but they’ve certainly calmed down. while jungkook is the one that keeps making heart eyes and following jimin around, he actually doesn’t initiate as much actual contact. whereas jimin, while outwardly doesn’t seem to be as enamoured, i think sometimes just can’t help to touch jk and when jk looks at him, he gets his own heart eyes. you especially see him touch jk more when they are with their own crew rather than in like an award show ceremony. for better or worse, bts seems to be more or less bubbled in by their own popularity. previously, they didn’t have the chance to be on variety shows etc as some other bands from bigger companies. and now they’re almost too big to be on variety shows and is confined to mostly interacting with other groups/producers etc during awards ceremonies and large concerts. hence you sometimes see Jimin esp very tense. 

I think for that reason, V was very lucky to have done that drama. He actually got to be in an environment with other entertainers for an extended period of time and hence got close to them. 

but in award shows etc, jimin and jungkook have definitely been keeping their distance lately. well jimin has, jungkook either doesn’t care or didn’t get the full memo lol. the amount of taekook during some of those shows were also... very fan servicey so that was interesting. but when they do bts only shoots like videos or run bts, jimin definitely touches jungkook a bit more. 

and on the point of interaction with other members, they’re actually both pretty touchy feely with the other members. jungkook esp is more indiscriminate with his back hugs and arms over shoulders. jimin on the other hand, while do touch the other members quite a bit, do not tend to sustain those touches. and it always seems very friendly. it’s usually only back stage footage that you see this but jimin seeks comfort when he touches jungkook; while on stage, he’s more just flirty with him. jungkook i think also gets a lot of comfort from jimin’s touch. it’s not usually even all that sexual or romantic, but like a pat on his arm, head or a small hug. jimin seems to give jk a lot of confidence with these gestures. 

i was watching their most recent episode of run bts for shits and giggles because people kept saying that jikook has no personal space between them when they sit next to each other (but also partially to watch them get increasingly frustrated at the game because it wouldn’t end, so much so that jimin actually sabotaged their game openly to lose just to get it going). but honestly, while they’re not constantly touching, whenever jimin and tae swapped seats to play the 007 game (lol yoongi not knowing the rules after all these years), there’s somehow always enough space for everyone to sit, even if they have to be sitting sideways or whatever, but when jimin sits back next to jk, they’re all squished up against each other or on top of each other. how adorable... 

also on my previous point that i think jimin is an alpha male despite all the mochi vibes he sends out, he definitely is the one to take care of jk. but at the same time, i think he likes that jungkook is physically bigger than him and can protect him. it’s so ... cute. his so caring of jungkook like he’s constantly reassuring him when jungkook doesn’t get the answer and seems to cut the other’s teasing off pretty effectively. and when he thinks jungkook wants something, he’ll ask for it for him. urg urg, it’s so cute. 

again back to that run bts ep, when tae was saying stuff funny (i think he actually has a mild speech impediment sometimes, which is not his fault, i do the same thing sometimes, like i just pronounce things wrong even when i know how it’s suppose to sound) or when he lost a game, the other members were all just teasing him. whereas when jungkook loses or says something wrong, jimin is immediately like it’s ok it’s ok. or pats him on the arm or back to make sure he doesn’t feel bad. it almost seems like it also shuts the others up so they don’t make jk feel bad. it’s interesting... jk is really jimin’s baby. whether it’s all just because he’s the youngest and jimin loves him like a brother, or it’s something more, we don’t know. but it’s cute to watch.

anyway, i’m now firmly on this delulu train and i’m loving it and it’s giving me life. so whatever. 

[shirtlesssammy]

10x12: About a Boy

At a bar in Pendleton, Oregon, two men almost break out in a grand old bar fight. One kicks the other, JP, out and tells him he’ll kill JP if he sees him around again. JP’s a little worse for wear and he stumbles off to his car. The tooth fairy A man appears behind JP, and grabs what appears to be a hex bag and JP is engulfed in a bright light. A homeless man looks on, rushing to JP’s car, only to find nothing but his empty suit sizzling on the ground.

Dean is in a bad way, guys. The Mark of Cain is haunting his every thought and removing it is consuming his every action. He’s in full-on research mode, which means things are really bad.

For Library Science:

Sam checks in on his big bro (in his VERY messy bedroom, ugh. It hurts to look at.) He’s got a case --missing people. Dean’s gonna sit this one out, thx Sam. Sam refuses to listen to Dean’s pity party and gives him the old Football Coach lecture about getting out there and beating this thing. To ease into agreeing with Sam, Dean makes fun of him for believing in the Easter Bunny until he was 12. Sam, knowing he got Dean, partially agrees (he was 11 ½).

They head off on the road. Once in Oregon, they interview the homeless man that saw the abduction. He explained it all and while he didn’t smell sulfur, he did smell flowers. They were flowery flowers. Also, he knows exactly what’s going on --Aliens. Specifically, probing aliens. 

The boys are at a loss and decide to split up to investigate. Dean heads inside to the bar, while Sam heads to JP’s place.

At the bar Dean orders a drink and talks up the bartender about JP.

While the bartender didn’t have much, a woman, Tina, at the bar knew JP a bit (I like the idea that Dean decided to listen to her, not because she mentioned JP, but because she dropped a pop culture reference. She’s speaking his language.) Later, we find Tina and Dean bonding over their shitty childhoods (#JohnWinchesterA+parenting). I don’t know what this says about my own childhood but I totally added ketchup to mac and cheese as a kid. And he added Fluff marshmallow mix to mac and cheese? No wonder Sam had a sweet tooth that he’s spent his entire adult life trying to suppress. Sam phones Dean and Tina makes her exit.

Sam has nothing good to report. (Uh, I’m just going to skip right over the weird devil’s butt joke because, what? I find zero humor in Sam’s Lucifer trauma. My in-show excuse for this is the Mark of Cain.) Just as Dean is admitting to Sam that he’s got nothing, he sees Buddy the Elf’s mailroom friend a man follow Tina out of the bar. He cuts Sam off and follows. He hears a scream, sees a light flash, and pulls his gun. He finds nothing but her clothes --and before he knows it, the man grabs his hex bag necklace and Dean is blasted with bright light.

He awakens in a basement cell, and to a MUCH younger face.

Oh dear, our Dean Bean is now a tiny Dean Sprout. There’s a girl in the next cell ---Tina. She’s freaking out a bit, but Dean assures her that he won’t let anything happen to her anything else happen to her. ALL PRAISE DYLAN EVERETT. I just love his portrayal of Dean. He just nails every beat of Dean. There’s another boy in the cell with Tina who Dean realizes is JP. He’s whisked away by the man before the others can stop it.

At the bar, Sam doesn’t find Dean so he tries calling him. The bartender has a phone that mysteriously rings to Sam’s call. HMMM.

The Moose™ faceplants the dude into the bar to get some answers.

Meanwhile, in Cellblock C, Dean is busy enjoying a piece of cake. Dude. DUDE. Tina thinks the cake was poisoned. Which, lol, Dean way to think ahead. He stops eating it reluctantly. And then he starts to formulate an idea to break them out of their prison. Using part of a bed frame, he tries jimmying the window open (and declares that he’s a “functioning alcoholic” --I see no lie, unfortunately). Tina wants to know who/what he is. “That is a long-ass story,” Dean responds. Ha, 14 years and going!

Sam finds Dean’s clothes and gun behind the bar. He also find flower pollen all over Dean’s gun.

Just as Dean has made some headway on their escape, the man comes back. Tina tells Dean to get out. She’ll distract the man while Dean gets help. She starts to scream while Dean makes his escape.

Sam is busy researching yarrow at their motel when a knock sounds at his door. Dean’s there! And Sammy is surprised. Dean is in full hunter mode and bursts into the room and finds his things. Sam needs a moment, but Dean doesn’t have that. He needs to save Tina. HOW IS HE STILL THE OLDER BROTHER? I believe this on a cellular level. This child is bossing Sam around and it’s amazing. Dean runs out. A woman in the next room is heading into her place and drops her keys. Dean stops and picks them up for her. She compliments a frazzled Sam on what a polite son he’s raising. LOLOL. Dean’s driving, but one bench seat adjustment makes Sam suggest Dean take shotgun.

They head out to save Tina. While Sam drives them to the witch’s creepy, old house, they talk about Dean’s sudden de-aging. Dean confesses his troubling enjoyment of a Taylor Swift song in addition to other puberty-related bodily hijinks. The biggest change though? The Mark has disappeared from his arm. I have…so many questions. Does it exist in some pocket universe waiting for Dean to grow up again? Does he still carry it...just not the scar? Knowing what we know now about the function of the Mark, this is the only thing that gives me pause about this episode - the rest of which I LOVE. Dean entertains the idea of staying a teen if it means he doesn’t have the Mark anymore. (Boris: I think it’s still there, but won’t show itself until Dean ages to the point when he got it.)

At the witch’s house, Tina’s already been removed from her cell. Dean sneaks in through his cellar window while giant moose Sam finds his own way in. Watching Dean carefully stalk the basement, it’s suddenly easy to picture him while he was young - hunting creatures clutching a gun and a flashlight and grown up far too quickly. We don’t have much time to reflect on this, though, because the creepy guy who stalked after Tina shows up. “I’m not a witch,” the guy protests when they confront him at last. “I just work for one.”

The guy starts to plead, confessing that he’s worked for the witch for centuries doing terrible things. For example, he was forced to eat “poor Gretel’s heart.” Oooooh my. Meet Hansel of THE Hansel and Gretel, folks. Dean’s on board with killing a famous witch.

“You can’t kill her,” Hansel tells them. “You’re just men.”

Sam identifies themselves as hunters and Hansel immediately volunteers to help them kill the witch. Sam first demands to know how to turn Dean back. That this isn’t Dean’s first priority is a lovely nod to his character and also a little heartbreaking. It turns out that turning back into an adult is easy. Just squeeze the hex bag around Hansel’s neck and BOOM you’re transformed.

Upstairs, the witch prepares vegetables for her young-child stew. JP, she grouses, didn’t have much meat on his bones. But stew is a great way to stretch meat, amirite? For Tina, the witch envisions a nice sweet chili glaze and an apple in her mouth. (Boris: How great is it that Mrs. Patmore is COOKING in her guest spot on this show?)

It turns out that the witch has a walk-in oven. As one does. When Dean, Sam, and Hansel emerge from the basement, she’s nothing but pleased. Her joy should be off-putting but it’s okay. The Winchesters and Hansel are a united front against her! Oh wait, it turns out that Hansel gleefully ate his own sister and is allied with the witch. Things go south quickly and both brothers are soon disarmed and held at gunpoint by Hansel.

The witch grouses about society these days. She used to steal and eat children back when child mortality was so high that nobody missed the odd kid here or there. Now she transforms adults that no one will miss into children and eats them instead. Is that...recycling?

While she cuts vegetables, the witch reveals that she’s in the U.S. for the first time and appreciates our body fat just as much as the Leviathans. Um. Thanks? She’d been sent by the Grand Coven to hunt down Rowena. (Any theories I had that the Grand Coven was somehow more civilized, or less murdery than Rowena just went out the window.) While the witch is temporarily distracted by their discussion about Rowena, Sam makes his move. Dean tries to help but gets pummeled by Hansel. He’s young and small, after all. The witch stokes the fire, her victory imminent, and orders Hansel to turn Sam into a child as well.

Dean rises to the occasion and hauls out the hex bag that he stole from Hansel’s neck during their fight. He grabs it, transforms back into adult Dean, and uses the surprise and his adult size to drive a knife home between Hansel’s ribs. Dean does what Hansel never could and stuffs the witch plus her hex bag into her giant walk-in oven. She burns into nothing.

Outside, they talk with the still-young Tina. She asks about transforming back into an adult but the Winchesters sadly inform her that the hex bag was destroyed. They don’t have a spell at the ready to turn her back but they can probably figure it out. Tina thinks about this for a moment. She has ex-husbands, a ton of debt, and a sorrowful adult life. If she stays young, she can take this as a second chance for building a better life for herself. Dean’s not jealous of this AT ALL. They drive her to the bus stop, give her all their cash (because they’re good dudes), and see her off on her new life. (I always scoffed at people who yearned to go back to their childhood, but a “do-over” is certainly a compelling argument for de-aging.) (Boris: If I knew what I know now, I’d do it over again in a heartbeat.)

After Tina leaves, they mull over this new bit of information about a “Grand Coven.” Dean thinks it sounds like an eighties hair metal band. YES. Sam’s not in the mood for jokes, though. He asks Dean about the Mark.

Dean pulls up his sleeve to reveal it and Sam has to look away for a moment in disappointment. Sam tells Dean that he “pulled a Dean Winchester” by sacrificing something in order to save Sam and Tina. Oh. Man. That’s so true. (I’ll just be over here weeping in the corner.) Regardless of the Mark, however, Sam’s happy to have Dean restored. He missed his brother. “We’ll figure it out. We always do.”

Dean drives them out of town while Taylor swift sings about shaking it off. (This led to the Hillywood Sisters singing about Shaking it Off as well. We are truly #blessed.)

Quote it off, Quote it off:

Those suckers, they grabbed me, and they probed me everywhere.

Son of a Bitch.

Yahtzee.

Hiya, Sammy.

Hey, we got any grenades?

About time this gig got an R rating.

I’m a freakin’ teen and you look like some One Direction reject!

I can still hunt, I’m just…dewier.

You can drink in another seven years.

If you’re going to fry that candy-coated bitch, I want in.

Word on the street is people kinda taste like chicken.

I’m painting a word picture here.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[the-apocryphal-one]

SO I FINISHED THE GAME AND…

It was…umm…wow, I don’t even know what to say.  My mind’s kind of on overdrive even though I decided to wait a few hours so I could slow down a little but I’m still…wow.  THAT TRIAL.  I’m an incoherent mess right now. 

Well I’ll start with Junko because I don’t know where to begin with Hajime.  I’ll leave him for last because I’ll probably end up babbling about him the most.

JUNKO’S BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER.  Seriously, she is the best.  I love Junko so much.  I’d never, ever want to meet someone like her in real life of course and I think she’s a terrible person in every sense of the word, but she is such an entertaining villain and I love her so much.  Seriously, she is one of the best villains in the history of villains.  Her design’s great, her voice and the way she talks is great, her fourth wall jokes are great, turning into a gigantic version of herself and getting a 3D model is great, her plan is so crazy, so Junko, I just have to love it.  She’s such a fantastic villain and I don’t know how future games will ever be able to beat her.  She’s a good villain, but she doesn’t make me want to root for her and it’s still satisfying as hell to beat her.  Junko’s great.  She’s probably the one who “improved” Hangman’s Gambit considering how unfair it is.  I sure felt tons of despair whenever I played it.  The ONE thing I didn’t think the creators took advantage of was her saying she could imitate the characters’ friends’ personalities.  She could have just started talking as their friends just to mess with the characters.  Chiaki when she’s talking to Hajime, Peko to Fuyuhiko, and so on.  Maybe it would need more time or something so they weren’t able to do it, but I’d have really liked seeing that.  She’s already emotionally tormenting them.  Why not a little more?  It would have been nice to see.  

Akane was…the longer she was one of the survivors, the less I tolerated her.  I might just be bitter because some of my favorites were killed off but she’s just not entertaining.  I can’t even remember her name half of the time.  Sigh, she could have so easily been Ibuki…

Kazuichi was likable.  I’m sure if I did more free time events with him I’d have definitely enjoyed him more, but I liked him.  Nothing too much stands out about him, but there really isn’t too much to dislike or even say about him for me.  I think the most I remember about him is the bear trap teeth and “Are my words being displayed on a screen right now?!”  Trial six got meta. 

I liked Sonia too, more than Kazuichi.  She was by far more entertaining than him, and actually did stuff.  I got a kick out of her being a weeb.  I’m glad she was a survivor.  

Fuyuhiko didn’t die, and I’m happy.  That means he can show up again and that’s good.  Unless I’m forgetting something, he was the only survivor to have a character arc so it makes sense why I’d get attached to him.  I’ve talked about him before so I won’t go too much into him.

Never did I think I would be so happy to see Makoto.  Ever.  He always seems to shine at the endgame, huh?  Seeing Byakuya again makes me wonder why I missed him.  Geez, he’s such a jerk.  But it’s okay because Kyoko!  Kyoko’s the best and seeing her again made me really happy.  I’m sad there was no Toko but I’ll live.  She was referenced in the epilogue so I’ll take it.

Nagito’s still nuts, except now that I know more about him, he’s somehow even more crazy.  He hacked his arm off just so he could have Junko’s arm?  What the hell?  Like, wasn’t Junko crushed to death?  How does that even work?  Of course that’s not even scratching the surface of what other people did to her crushed-to-death corpse.  I think I’ll just avoid talking about that, though…

And finally, HAJIME.  OH, HAJIME.  YOU’RE THE REASON I WAS LEFT STARING BLANKLY AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN WONDERING WHAT’S GOING ON.

When you said Hajime’s voice actor really shone late-game, holy crap, you really meant it.  I am so glad that I decided to play the game with the English dub (other than not having to read the Nonstop Debate text flying around).  I wouldn’t have been nearly as affected by hearing Hajime’s breakdown with just words on a screen.  I’m not saying his Japanese VA is bad at all, but it’s more effective when you can understand what’s being said, y'know?  

Just imagine finding out that you’re arguably on par with pretty much evil incarnate.  His breakdown was just so bad, the final portion of the trial was dedicated to it, which was definitely a good choice.  In fact, the climax of his character arc was given more focus than the climax of the game.  And I liked it.  Seeing him just completely shut down was…I don’t know how to describe it.  It was unnerving, in a way, I think is one way to describe it.  It makes you think that him and Nagito are probably more alike than he wants to admit.  Or, at least, pre-game Hajime was a lot like Nagito.  Both were willing to go to drastic ends to become “useful”, and that was what killed them in the end.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but Izuru Kamukura was an invented person put in Hajime’s brain, right?  He was never a person who died then his personality was reinvented then slapped on this random high school student?  I kind of got that from Junko’s line of “Izuru Kamukura 1.0” but I want to be sure.

I really have no idea what else to say about him because there’s so much that can be said.  I’m sure words will come to me in a few days when I’m able to properly digest everything.  And, I don’t know, watching Danganronpa 3 over the weekend.

But I think the biggest tragedy out of all of this was Hajime losing all of his monocoins.  I wasn’t even able to spend all the ones I had collected.  It was over 500, I think.  All the things I could have bought…

OH, AND AGAIN WITH THE EPIC FORESHADOWING!!  In the first game it was a random PhotoShop mention, and in this game it was the characters talking about these plot twists about mystery novels where the detective or the protagonist turns out to be the Big Bad all along.  The foreshadowing in both of these games is absolutely amazing and I love it.  Hajime’s (or rather, Izuru?) not just the villain of his game, he’s one of the main villains in the entire series.  

I have a few questions, though.  How did he not revert back to Izuru when he helped shut down the game?  How did all the other survivors not completely revert back to their Ultimate Despair selves?  Why did his hair randomly change color?  I get it was because if they did, the game wouldn’t exactly have too much closure, but I don’t really get it.  I’ll probably go back and replay the sixth chapter again at some point, but I’d like to hear your explanation(s) for it first.  

I don’t have much to say about the plot because I think I mostly said it all with Hajime, since he’s so closely tied to it.

So yeah, this game was amazing.  Yeah, I liked the gameplay better in the first game, but everything else is just so fantastic, it doesn’t even matter because I loved everything else about it so much.

—-

:D :D :D :D

I TOLD YOU TRIAL SIX WAS WORTH IT

Man I never even thought of Junko pretending to be the deceased students. Makes me sad she actually didn’t. But yep, I was happy to see her return (only because I felt she worked well here too. I wouldn’t want her to become like Ganondorf and always be the final boss). She does an epic job of breaking our cast down one by one. And lol, yep, that’s a good explanation why Hangman’s Gambit it so much worse! She’s doing it to drink our tears.

Haha, I’m glad you like the survivors more than me. Agree with you about Akane, but Kazuichi’s Sonia-stalking became way too much and Sonia’s always just kind of been there for me. Hajime and Fuyuhiko were the only ones I liked.

Lmao Byakuya comes back and you go right back to hating him! But I’m glad you liked Makoto and Kyoko’s cameo!

Nagito just really loves and hates Junko. Junko was crushed, but I honestly believe that Nagito’s luck just preserved enough of her body for him to hack her arm off.

HAJIME IS A FANTASTIC CHARACTER AND A PRECIOUS BABY. NOW YOU TOO HAVE BEEN ENLIGHTENED.

JYB is so magnificent in Trial 6, it’s one of my favorite performances ever. The pure agony in his voice is heartbreaking. And it’s really what cemented Hajime as my favorite protagonist (that and the revelations of Trial 6 in general). Like, he wanted to be special so much he sacrificed his humanity for it, only to have a hand in destroying the world. That would shake up anyone!

Right, Izuru Kamukura, the one you see in Chapter 0, is an entirely new persona who was only ‘born’ when Hajime went through the surgeries. There was a predecessor, the founder of the school–that’s who Junko is referring to when she says “Izuru Kamukura 1.0″. He’s long dead and has nothing to do with Izuru Kamukura, result of the Hope Cultivation Project.

There was even more foreshadowing in DR0, the novel I suggested reading! It’s where Izuru first gets set up. Interestingly, some of what is revealed there contradicts some of what Junko claims about him here. Take that to mean what you will.

Who says he didn’t revert to Izuru? :) He’s got every talent, I’m sure Ultimate Actor is in there as well…

Okay, serious answer, the power of hope/friendship/belief in yourself is why he and the others are okay. They basically woke up with their memories of what happened in the simulation and their real memories, and they decided to do what Chiaki said and make their own future. Basically, sheer will is why they can fight back against despair. Cheesy, but they deserve it.

Why did his hair go from brown to black, or black to brown? …I really have no idea. He might have dyed it back to brown, but I don’t know why it changed color in the first place.

I have three things to say about watching Danganronpa 3 (looking forward to your thoughts on that too)! First, the episode order is Future 1 -> Despair 1 -> Future 2 -> Despair 2 etc. Don’t watch all of one side first, stuff that happens in the other arc will get spoiled that way. Side:Future covers Makoto and the DR1 cast after the events of SDR2, while Side:Despair shows how the world (and the SDR2 cast) fell to despair.

Second, contrary to playing the games in English, I’d suggest watching the subbed version first. This is because the dub, while not bad…is hilarious. It’s so hilarious it loses some of the serious emotion. It’s like an Abridged series (I’m not joking). It’s worth a watch, but second.

Third, there is an episode of Side:Future that references the events of the gaiden game Ultra Despair Girls, so it’s recommended to have some knowledge of what happens there. If you’re too impatient to play it, you can get away with watching the cutscenes on Youtube.

I’m glad you loved this game so much, and congrats on beating it! Sorry the gameplay never became your thing, but like you said everything else is just so, so good. It’s still my favorite to this day.