#this entire blog was made on a whim so I may not have anything super creative to post yet

[weekly-gordie]

Week one Gordie drawing!

[yan-twst]

hey, hey! Thank you for opening the inbox! may i request a yan!jamil work (mini fic or scenario or whatever you find easier to write) with a disobedient!gn!reader? aaaa thank you so much. i've been stalking your blog for a while, and i have to say i like your yandere alphabet prompts! i think they are so in character!

a/n: aaah thank you sm anon! one of my biggest fears is that in the turning a character into yan i accidentally remove elements of their personality, so it’s very reassuring to hear that you find them to be in-character 

warnings: general yandere content, like super vague mentions of disordered eating

pairing: jamil / gn!darling

word count: 1,425

patience

It was starting to wear on him, it really was. Jamil’s patience was near unmatched from years of having to trail behind Kalim and pretend to be inferior, of years spent as a servant following his master’s whims, and yet he found himself growing impatient at how utterly disobedient his darling was being. Perhaps his newfound freedom had made him grow this way, or maybe it was just the fact he finally found himself being the one in power, for once being the impatient lord instead of the lowly servant.

Either way, he couldn’t deny that while he was disappointed at how insistent his darling seemed to be to desperately try to show useless defiance, there was also something so utterly delicious about watching them try to defy him, knowing full well that there’s nothing they could truly do. Oh, don’t get him wrong, it did grate on his nerves, when they tried to physically harm him whenever he tried to hug or kiss them, whenever they tossed or refused to eat the meals he so carefully prepared, any of those ungrateful actions of rebellion were nothing short of annoying. But there was so much enjoyment out of getting to see them regret their actions- the sheer regret in their eyes when they realized he’d be shortening their chains for trying to attack him, or when he simply let them go hungry if they refused a meal was proof that they couldn’t go on like this for longer.

“Are you seriously trying to break the chains again?” Jamil’s voice sounded exasperated, but in an almost too casual sense. It was the same tone one would use when chastising a pet for stepping on a table, or the very exact tone he’d use to lecture Kalim when the albino asked him for help with his studies. And yet they flinched, instinctively trying to hide away the small nail file they’d been futilely trying to use against the thick metal chains binding their ankle. He leaned down and undid the makeshift gag he kept in their mouth while he was out- the last thing he needed was them screaming and making a ruckus, as he was sure they’d do. “Where did you even find that? Did you dig through my drawers?”

“... None of your business.” the way they shrunk back against the wall as he approached just served to make their shaky words appear more meek, combined with the hoarseness in their voice from being gagged all day. Jamil narrowed his eyes, and with a swift move, tightly took hold of one of their wrists, revealing the little nail file they’d just tried to hide. He sighed, shaking his head.

“You aren’t so stupid as to think this could seriously break you out, are you?” his grip on their wrist was strong, enough so to cause pain, and their pursed lips and eyes were enough proof they were doing their best to keep from making any pained noise. Right as they thought they’d hear a sickening ‘pop’ from the bones in their wrist, Jamil let go, the nail file dropping at the sudden release of their hand. There was no point in retrieving it now, they figured, as they instead opted to try and rub their wrist with their other hand, trying to relieve some of the pain. Jamil sighed again. “And what’s this about what you do not being any of my business? This is my room, did you forget? And moreover, anything you do is my business. Or have you forgotten who’s the one who feeds you and keeps you safe, too?”

“I’m not here because I want to- you’re fucking sick, what the hell is wrong with you-” before they could even raise their voice, Jamil had already grasped the front of their shirt and pulled them close, nearly making them fall on their face if he hadn’t been clutching the fabric so strongly. By instinct, they looked right into his eyes- they knew better than that by now, knew how dangerous it was to stare Jamil in the eyes- but thankfully, he didn’t use his unique magic.

“Don’t be so loud, this is a dorm.” he hissed, eyes narrowed. His whole mood seemed to have soured at their words; it wasn’t as if he didn’t know they didn’t want to be here, but wasn’t it entirely their fault they were suffering so much? If they simply agreed to be grateful; to accept the warm food, to accept the attention and affection, the safety Jamil offered... Perhaps they wouldn’t have to be chained down, not gagged while he went out, if only they didn’t insist on being so resistant and ungrateful. “Apologize.”

“I’m not apologizing, you freak-!”

“You can apologize out of your own will,” Jamil’s sharp voice and the tightening of his grip on their shirt almost made them bite their tongue as the words died down in their mouth, the vice dorm leader’s eyes giving off a certain sadistic glint that made his anger all the more terrifying. “... or I can hypnotize you and make you apologize exactly how I want you to. Don’t try to close your eyes now, or it’s just going to be worse on you. Your choice.”

They audibly swallowed, a cold sweat trickling down their back. As much as they’d have loved to spit in his face and refuse, the threat of his unique magic weighed heavily in their mind- there was, perhaps, nothing scarier than to be completely under his control. That was how they’d gotten into this mess. It wouldn’t be the first time he used his unique magic on them due to their behaviour, and every single time, it was terrifying. They had no memory of anything that happened while under that state, no knowledge of what he made them do- to think that he could so easily make them do anything he pleased and they wouldn’t even know was scary enough to make them nauseous.

“I’m...” the words felt like sandpaper in their throat. They weren’t sorry. Of course they weren’t- they were a fucking kidnapping victim, their captor forcing his affections and twisted fantasies of being worshipped and obeyed onto them. They wanted to fight on, to keep struggling, but deep down, they knew Jamil was winning. The way his stern commands were enough to make them flinch and almost obey out of instinct even without hypnosis numbing their mind was proof enough- the fact they were apologizing now was proof, too. “... I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what? Be specific.” Jamil smirked slightly, his eyes still digging right into theirs. Ready to activate his unique magic at any moment- a loaded gun’s barrel staring them right down, a threat as to what would happen if they didn’t put on a convincing enough performance. More disturbing was the way he wasn’t even trying to hide how much he was enjoying the situation, enjoying the way panic seemed to almost radiate off his darling, as he brought up his free hand to gently stroke their lower lip.

“... for rummaging through your drawers.” they said, idly wondering when they’d stopped feeling the urge to lunge forward and bite Jamil’s thumb when he did this. When had that primal, violent instinct morphed into just hoping he wouldn’t do worse? Still, as they tried to distract themselves by thinking of that, Jamil didn’t seem sated with their response. Of course the apology wasn’t enough as is. “And for... trying to run away.”

“A pitiful apology, but I’ll take it. I’m feeling rather generous today.” he said. Truly, he didn’t sound entirely happy, but at the same time, the smugness in his voice was clear enough of a clue that he’d enjoyed the fear in his darling’s eyes more than he should have. Wordlessly, he leaned forward- his lips pressed into theirs, one of his hands still holding onto their shirt to prevent them from moving. They didn’t kiss back, instead just screwing their eyes shut and tightening their fists hard enough to nearly draw blood from their palms. That was the most resistance they could offer, the only little act of rebellion they could take comfort in without incurring what would certainly be a punishment that would without a doubt be Jamil using his unique magic to make them do much worse things. 

With their eyes shut, they couldn’t see the way Jamil smirked into the kiss- slowly but surely, they’d break. Perhaps he did have the patience to see it through, after all.

[ask-artsy-oncie]

So I’m kinda in a meh/apathetic headspace in regards to my mental health right now. Maybe it would be best to just let some thoughts out. 

Firstly, I do want to apologize for making stupid, borderline inflammatory posts and throwing them out there onto tumblr dot com, I know that’s never the best course of action. However, I really, really do not appreciate anons sending vague “are you okay”s at me. If you’re not close enough to me where you can’t PM me (relatively) face-to-face, then I really wouldn’t like random inquiries about my mental health from you. Maybe it’s just because I don’t 100% trust anons (I’ve been here for a decade, I’ve seen some shit, can you really blame me?) but I think I ought to make myself clear on that. Are we clear on that? cool. 

I don’t know... I’ve felt so lost and tired recently, moreso than usual.

I’ve always had a massive complex about annoying people, being too self-indulgent, not having good ideas or opinions or what-have-you. People who have known me for a while almost definitely know that. I don’t think it all necessarily exists in a vacuum, either I have a genuinely hard time coming up with objectively good ideas. Sometimes I’m just straight-up “head empty” mode. I’m also often really opinionated and sometimes intend to die on hills that people aren’t really meant to die on (or are even necessarily worth dying on). I can get way too wrapped up on meaningless things because my brain is too hyperfocused on this one thing, or maybe something I rely too heavily on for comfort is... I don’t know how to put it.... put at risk? Challenged? I have a lot of mental issues and real life issues, though I’m not claiming to be massively oppressed or anything, but I tend to cling to comforts a little too desperately. And I’m not just talking about like. Media. Just comforts in general. Sometimes I’ll spend too much of the day laying in bed. Sometimes I cling to old relationships or old forms of relationships or I constantly worry about the day I’ll inevitably no longer have the same relationships I have now. 

I’ve known I needed therapy for a while now. I’m waitlisted and everything, but I need to go about actually choosing a therapist to see and I’ve been dragging my feet on that so I guess that’s my bad. I’ll get to it. Shit’s overwhelming, yknow? 

Anyways I know I have a lot of these flaws and problems and I think my horrible anxieties about being too annoying and whatnot is just a really extreme form of self-reflection. Maybe. Not entirely sure. Maybe a therapist could tell me.

I get way too passionate, way too easily, and it’s almost always followed by a super intense period of shame, like, to the point where I’m desperate to isolate myself and destroy my relationships with other people, because then at least I’m actually trying to destroy a relationship by being a bad person, rather than someone leaving me for... I don’t know, being too happy? Caring too much? Talking too much? Just. Shit I have less control over. 

I’ve tried putting a cap on it, suppressing everything. Trying not to indulge too much, trying not to be so happy and talkative, straight-up deleting messages I think might be too annoying the second I send them. Trying to be inoffensive through being unnoticeable. I’m trying to do that now, honestly. It’s why I joked about deleting my blog. All it does is hurt and make me go fucking nuts because I’m bottling up a lot in doing that, I know. I’m just not fully convinced I don’t just deserve to feel that way.

There are a lot of points in my life where I’m convinced that my best course of action in succeeding or keeping people from being put-off by me is to just sit down and shut up and draw what I’m told to draw. To just completely lose my agency in drawing. It makes sense, when you feel like you don’t have any good ideas of your own, you just illustrate others’. And there are many, many points where I have done this out of a place of love. Fuck, most of what I’ve drawn for Lolly’s writing has come out of a place of genuine love, not just for her work, but for her. A lot of what I’ve drawn for Bethany (for any REAL long-time followers reading this) has been like that, too. But there are also points where it honestly just feels like my only purpose is to be a tool through which others may visualize their whims. That if I dare inject too much of myself into things, they’ll be permanently ruined. And then there’s the shame I feel in having wanted to impart a piece of myself into a work - a demerit for being too selfish or self-important to deem my whims anywhere near good or important enough to be included. 

I have so many ideas. So many opinions and thoughts and feelings and genuine insight that I’ve suppressed or deleted because I either feel like that’s what’s expected of me, or I’m straight-up told that my thoughts and opinions are bad and wrong. Like. Fuck me for having opinions on animated media levels of being shut-down. And you know, I’ve noticed something in the past decade of being an insufferable opinionated prick about things like that - that it’s actually easier for me to enjoy media when I’m allowed to be negative and critical of it. When I am allowed to just share my thoughts. And I don’t mean like, without being disagreed with, I mean like, in an environment where I’m made to feel like I actually can share these thoughts. When I can pinpoint and analyze what I didn’t like or what made me upset, it can be a lot easier for me to then move on and be able to focus on aspects that I genuinely do like. Like, holy fuck, it is SO much easier for me to pick-and-choose aspects of a certain sequel film that I actually like and feel comfortable saying I like than it was for me to do with the original, because I no longer have an incredibly toxic person in my life (or at least, in my life as much).

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t had this kind of experience since then, like. There are STILL things I struggle to move past because I have been made to feel like I just can’t fucking talk about them without being insufferable (sorry if I’m overusing that word - it just feels like the best word the feeling I’m trying to describe) or just straight-up ruining something for someone I care about. Keeping shit like this in does crazy shit to me, for real, and there’s still a large part of me that tells me “Fuck you. Suck it up. None of this shit matters.” Y’know? Because in the grand scheme of things, I know it doesn’t. And then there’s the shame that comes from having cared so much in the first place. It’s a fucking cycle. There’s some shit that’s just irreparable ruined for me because of this and that SUCKS.

I don’t like losing comforts. Fuck, I hate it, really. And I’m not talking about new comforts coming along and catching my attention as an old comfort begins to wane, I’m talking like. Destroying relationships, feeling SO MUCH shame surrounding a comfort media that it’s too difficult to enjoy it no matter how hard I try, or having too hard of a time disassociating a comfort with a horrible event or person. And it’s feeling like at LEAST one of these is starting to happen to me again and Good Gods it’s just. It’s so terrifying. 

But who do I tell? When my primary worry is annoying or offending or hurting people? Y’know? I can’t just vent to one single person to this all the time, that isn’t fair. But it gets to a point where my brain tells me “No, you can’t talk to ANYONE about this because that’s rude and wrong and a true friend wouldn’t do that. There’s a reason why you can make any number of concerning posts, messages, private ramblings, whatever, and the people you’re closest to won’t ask you what’s wrong.” 

And, yeah, honestly, I do think it’s true that the people I consider my closest friends won’t read this. I actually don’t believe the average person will read this, or at least get this far. I genuinely do just talk too much and it’s a lot for most people to deal with. Otherwise, I talk too little, and probably enter the “you should be able to read my MIND” level of expectations, which, of course, isn’t far. I understand, I swear I do, it just takes some time to come to terms with every time I get wrapped up in my stupid mental stuff. And I also promise that I try to give these people the same kind of response I want, y’know? I try to look out for any worrying behavior and try to offer an ear and help in any way that I can. I don’t think expecting the same in return is fair, I just worry about any of them being like me, and I’m willing to play to that if it’s necessary. I’ll break quiet streaks for that shit, y’know?

Honestly, these stupid quiet streaks are probably more unbearable for me than they are even noticeable for most people. It sucks. I just wish my mind was normal so I A) wouldn’t have these insecurities to begin with, because B) I would never end up exhibiting the behavior to warrant such insecurities.

There’s so much shit I want to talk about, to analyze, or explore, that I want to share with the world, or at least with people I love, that I probably never will because my stupid brain has already decided that all this stupid shit is better kept to myself where it can rot and be forgotten eventually. Which is fine, in the grand scheme of things, I guess, because I functionally have never really been the guy who comes up with ideas (at least, good ideas) I’m just the pencil, the one who I guess makes things visual? I can’t even bring myself to say “I bring the ideas to life” because that’s pretentious and untrue. These ideas are already alive because they come from brilliant minds. 

I don’t even think it’s fair for me to call myself a character designer unless the characters are my own. Otherwise, I’m just following the directions of a much more competent conceptualizer (there’s a reason my characters barely have any... well, character). That’s the reason why I removed my unearned credit as the character designer for Ty from Swindle’s description, because I really don’t deserve that kind of credit. It’s why the asks about the designing process of Ty have been left unanswered, because, fuck, what do I even say? “I just did what Lolly told me to do, just like I did with all of Swindle. Please don’t give me that kind of credit, I know I falsely ascribed it to myself earlier, and I want to rectify that”? I guess I could have, actually, now that I’m typing this. But people always get fucking upset with me when I try not to take credit, even when it’s shit that isn’t mine!! So I don’t know what to do!! I don’t know what to fucking do!!! Because I just don’t fucking want to make people upset or unhappy!!!!!!!

I’m sorry, this post is too long and I’ve worked myself up and I’m no longer apathetic. I’m gonna go cry myself to sleep so big win for my complexion, honestly. 

Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I guess getting this shit out of my system is probably best to do in a big tumblr post no one will read. 

I don’t want anons about this. If I can just ask one thing. Please.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, PIKA! You’ve been accepted for the role of PORTIA with a faceclaim change to JESSICA VU. Admin Rosey: Be still my heart, for it has been captured ruthlessly and quite brutally by your interpretation of my darling, my sweet Pandora. “ …there’s a hubris to pandora that intrigues me. everybody sees life through a window, and pandora is no exception. she prides herself on her pragmatism and her ability to cut through the whimsical bullshit that others fancy. and maybe that helps her see the world more clearly.” It was in the beginning of your application that I noticed you captured the cruz of her character and for that, I thank you. I can’t wait to see our machina on the dash!  Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

Out of Character

Alias | pika

Age | mythic. timeless. 18+ lol

Preferred Pronouns | she/her/hers or they/them/theirs, i’m not picky!

Activity Level | hoo man i try my best but i’m a full-time student with a bunch of stuff on my plate. I’m really good about tracking the dash on mobile, and i promise to be on to write every other day unless i let you know otherwise!!

Timezone | pst/gmt-8

Current/Past RP Accounts | jake. hugo. mallory.

In Character

Character | PORTIA, or pandora linh phan, with a fc change to jessica vu! (you might need to age her down a year bc jessica is only 19 but idk if it’s super feasible for someone that young to be a captain?? oof idk ur call adminnies!! or if it comes to it i’m ok with using jolie LOL i just prefer jessica.)

What drew you to this character? |

listen, i fucking love portia. the paradoxical free spirit who binds herself to the most minutiae of the rules? someone who simultaneously adheres to and flouts convention? a lawyer who uses her words for mercy? BADASS.

and then. AND THEN. you all reimagined her to be even more badass, which is certainly impressive. pandora isn’t a direction i would have imagined portia to be taken in. this is not a woman who would manipulate the law as an agent of mercy (though i imagine she certainly could, if she so chose to). no, this is a portia who has chosen to use her keen intellect in pursuit of the truth above all else, a product of the machinations imposed on her throughout her entire life. as an heiress, there have been strings cast upon her since birth. she has simply grabbed them to take control of whatever facets of her destiny she could.

but to return to the question, i think what really drew me in to pandora’s character was the lingering paradoxes you teased in her skeleton. for all she appears to be an unstoppable, calculating machine of a woman, a part of her still fears the inexplicable. though she might seem callous toward even her family, she wants to use her influence to help others—i imagine that in a world where she was not sent to the mob, she would have ended up a major humanitarian. i think it’s easy to be misled by pandora, to see only her calculating exterior and not dig into her underlying belief systems. she may be sharp enough to see and understand things about the world that the rest of us may not pick up on, but that ability has almost certainly strongly shaped her own views. the possibility of exploring the inner workings of someone so complex is something that makes me giddy on its own, and that’s before you even factor in the possibility of character development, because…

…there’s a hubris to pandora that intrigues me. everybody sees life through a window, and pandora is no exception. she prides herself on her pragmatism and her ability to cut through the whimsical bullshit that others fancy. and maybe that helps her see the world more clearly. but i think it gives her a very deliberate blind spot when it comes to her own weaknesses and the strength of mankind; she can predict what man’s folly will lead to, but i don’t think she’s had enough experience with positive relationships to understand the strength of human bonds. so there’s a lot to explore there, as well! and all of that’s before you start talking about her role within the mob and its interplay with her pre-existing heuristic reasoning omg. this is a girl that was forced into a war and turned it into a game. there are just a lot of layers to explore within pandora, is what i’m trying to say, and conflict between the various aspects of self that make up her identity.

ALSO HAVE I MENTIONED I LUV BADASS LADIEZ BC WOWOW I RLY DO UNF

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

foul is fair and fair is foul:

to build off of what i introduced in the previous section, i think that a major underlying theme within pandora’s character is the notion of control. she is so used to having it—over others, but most importantly over herself—and fears losing it so much that i would love to see it wrested from her. pandora considers herself above verona’s war, in a way; as a captain, she doesn’t touch blood, and as a phan, she knows (or assumes, at the very least) that she has a way out. she is inherently analytical and never impulsive. but this is a game where logic fails in the face of the whims of faux gods, of ambrosia and warfare and the hands of witches. pandora’s been lucky so far in how the world has kept to its unspoken rules, but silly girl. the very otherness that separates her from verona’s darkness may very well doom her to it. let her see she that the best-laid plans have nothing against the hand of god. let her see that she cannot play a game where the rules are a sham.

the quality of mercy is not strain’d…:

pandora is a young captain, especially for only having been a montague for three years. surely, there are mixed feelings about that within the montague ranks. i think her relationship with castora is notable because of how unexpected it was for her to pick up castora as a mentee and how pandora herself wanted someone to show her the ropes. she clearly has ambition and intelligence, but she isn’t necessarily agreeable, nor particularly concerned about crossing the line into insensitivity. what i’m trying to say is that in the mob it takes a certain willingness for action to rise as quickly as pandora has, particularly as someone who isn’t part of one of the traditional mob families. despite what some of the rumors say, it is certainly not because of her wealth or her engagement, what has she done to position herself so valuably in so little time? who has she made enemies of? allied with?

and more importantly, what consequences will these actions have now, particularly during the unrest?

…it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven:

because of how quickly pandora has made herself indispensable to the montagues, i feel like it’s easy to overstate her loyalty to her fiance’s family. but loyalty isn’t necessarily something logical, and pandora’s first loyalty is to her logic. i don’t think it’s impossible for a party to shift her loyalties, whether it be to the capulets, to the montagues, or to finding peace another way. she may have her mind set on serving the montagues but her eyes are not closed to the complex reality of the situation she’s in. perhaps a compelling argument could shift her view.

oh romeo, oh romeo:

pandora’s relationship with roman is something i’d like to explore bc i’m a slut for romantic-coded plots because love seems antithetical to everything pandora values. there’s no logic to love, no real value that seems to be had from it. furthermore, it requires a relinquishing of control, and that more than anything is enough for it to be completely unattractive to pandora. she certainly respects, and to a certain extent cares for roman, but it is duty that binds them.

so i say, let her fall. it’ll be against her better judgement, certainly, and maybe it’ll end well, or maybe it’ll end with disaster. maybe she’ll finally learn to trust roman, and maybe that will lead to something more. perhaps she’ll fall for someone else, a rival, maybe, and their story will end in tragedy. either way, there is something to be said about how love can derail the best-laid plans.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | lol sure i guess as long as there’s some kind of like plot sense to be made yknow

In Depth

In-Character Interview:

The girl they send to interview Pandora-—and make no mistake, it is unmistakably a girl—looks like she could be Pandora’s age. Her blouse is crisply ironed, but the collar is slightly crooked. Her pen is cheap, and so are her shoes. Her earnestness is palpable. She is pretty, but she wears her youth in her face. Perhaps a person in the habit of indulging whimsy could have pictured the two women as roommates, recent graduates worried about internships and graduate school applications. Pandora, however, is not one of those people.

Their passing similarities are increasingly eclipsed by their differences the longer the women sit, the still-nameless girl fumbling with her notes, Pandora perfectly still. It’s easy for Pandora to mask her annoyance with indifference, less so for her to silence the disdain on her tongue. But she does, sympathizes with the girl, even. She does not belong here, that much is clear. Perhaps this is how Athena felt when she was challenged by Arachne.  

Eventually, the girl finds her footing. “What is your favorite place in Verona?” she asks.

There’s a moment that, on anyone else, would have been considered hesitation. On Pandora, it reads like anticipation, like the world is taking a moment to prepare itself for the words she is to say. “Would it be surprising for me to say Verona’s library? It contains a rather incredible collection of historical Roman documents.” It’s not a lie, not really. The library fascinates her, but not for the stories it holds in its walls. Rather, it’s the stories that unfold in its shadowy corners that draw her interest. If the girl isn’t a total fool, she can figure out the rest.

And apparently she does, or she is at least willing to take the answer at its face, because she presses on. “What does your typical day look like?” she asks.

“If you’re looking for a jetsetting life of glamour, I’m afraid you must go elsewhere.” Pandora feigns a sigh, twirling a lock of hair around a finger. “I wake up early, drink tea—I’ve recently given up coffee, you know—and meditate. If I have business for the wedding, I’ll tend to that; if not, I’ll study.”

There’s a look in her conversation partner’s eyes that seems akin to doubt. Ha. Certainly a recent graduate, then. Pandora smiles benevolently, but her eyes are cutting. The girl has shown weakness. “You seem surprised,” she says lightly. “I know it’s been going around that I’m taking a year off of schooling for the wedding, but you don’t think I’d be content as a trophy wife, would you?” Her parents had, and look where that had gotten all of them. She doesn’t sneer, but it’s a close thing.

The girl can’t meet her eyes, so Pandora continues. “Anyhow. I’ll usually spend the afternoon attending to family business, either my own or the Montague’s.” And wasn’t that the truth. “I try to meet with my fiance in the evenings. And at night?” She tilts her head coquettishly, but on Pandora, the action reads almost predatory, the gaze of a panther deliberating a strike. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”  

“And what of Montague’s more…nefarious business dealings? Do you have any comment on those?”

Huh. Perhaps the girl has more backbone than Pandora credited her with. A single, impeccably groomed brow rises.

“I do not.”

The girl swallows, then continues. “Okay, um…well…What has been your biggest mistake thus far?”

Pandora laughs, and the sound is beautiful but out of place, uncannily youthful from a creature that seems to transcend conventional labels. It’s easy to forget that Pandora is young, barely out of girlhood herself, worlds apart as she is from her interviewer.

“Darling,” she says, “I don’t make mistakes.”

She knows what they say about her, how they call her bella macchina, how they quaver before her ruthless pragmatism. Was it so bad to lean into the reputation? There were worse things to be associated with. And looking at her, content in her realm, a spider in the orb of her nest, it is so, so easy to believe. It is easy to forget that it is not her dominion, that Verona is not her land and the Montague-Capulet fight is not her fight, in the strictest sense. But nobody is as acutely aware of the reality of her situation as Pandora is. She is but a tool.

And thus, her mistakes are not her mistakes. It’s logical, really.

She has shaken her interviewer. That much is certain. But Pandora must give the girl credit, because she pushes on. “What has been the most difficult task asked of you?”

Pandora could recite a litany, if she so wanted to: becoming a Montague, being the Phan her parents intended, swallowing her knives instead of spitting them, unlocking the gilded cage her birth placed her in.

“Taking a break from school.” She sighs, and this time there’s a sort of truth to her wistfulness. It isn’t that she dislikes taking a more prominent role within the Montague family—to the contrary, it has been one of the most exciting experiences she has been able to apply herself to. There’s something about the unpredictability of mob life that challenges Pandora in a way that few other things have been able to. Though she likes the satisfaction of conclusions predicted, of victory strategized four steps in advance, there’s something exhilarating in being kept on her toes. However, she has a raw love for learning—for bettering her understanding—that is unique from her love for the game. There’s a comfortable reliability to the rules in academia, a safe expectation of how things are to react. And recently,  she sometimes misses the reliability of writ law, despite the new opportunities Alvise’s death has unlocked.

Perhaps it would be more apt to say that coming to Verona has been akin to opening Pandora’s Box. What a joke.

The interviewer pushes Pandora out of her thoughts. She has been saying something that Pandora could probably recite later, but didn’t particularly care enough to consider. Eventually, she reaches another question. Her last, if Pandora remembered correctly. And Pandora always remembers correctly. “What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?”

Pandora averts her eyes; she is not so proud to pretend that she is a good enough actress to hide the hunger in her eyes. “I don’t understand it.”

It’s not a lie. War, as a general concept, is inherently paradoxical—and that fascinates Pandora. The way that man has tried to civilize it, put rules to it, when it is ultimately a series of acts that defy basic human ethics, the one set of laws all decent men ought to follow. The attempts to moralize it. The strategy involved, the balancing act between victory and order and understanding. Understanding the philosophical notions of war is one of the few universal perplexities that Pandora itches to scratch, a puzzle that she can’t immediately solve.

Of course, in the meantime, there’s always the art of war to busy herself with. That, on the other hand, comes naturally to Pandora, almost frighteningly so.

She finally meets the girl’s eyes. “You can understand my concern, of course, especially for my fiance.” She clutches her hand in a gesture that could be mistaken as one of disquiet. “Dearest Roman…as long as this rages on, there’s a target on his back,” she says entreatingly.

Of course, she neglects to mention that there is a matching mark on her own.

Extras

a playlist:

control - halsey // runnin’ (interlude) // kehlani // pride - kendrick lamar // oh no! - marina and the diamonds // biking - frank ocean // woman (oh mama) - joy williams // talking to myself - gallant // never catch me - flying lotus feat. kendrick lamar // bite - troye sivan // power - kanye west // keep ya head up (jhene aiko cover) - tupac

hcs & misc. bits

Pandora graduated summa cum laude from her undergraduate program, where she studied economics and public policy. Technically, she’s a law school student—as her day job, if you will—but since Alvise’s death, she’s taken a break to focus on her work as a captain (or, depending on who’s asking, to focus on her engagement).

Pandora is fascinated by the Witches. They fall under the category of things she cannot explain, and that simultaneously frightens and attracts her. She spends a fair amount of time at the Museum, as a result.

Pandora is notoriously dismissive of things she finds wasteful, but she’s actually very into fashion and art.

Pandora is pretty skilled with languages. She’s fluent in Italian, English, and Vietnamese. She’s passably conversational in German and Mandarin, and can speak enough Japanese to conduct business.

Pandora doesn’t touch drugs or alcohol if she can avoid it. She’ll partake in wine socially, but otherwise avoids mind-altering substances. After all, her mind is her greatest asset. What is she without it?

mbti: istj-t

enneagram: type 6

likes: documentaries, oolong tea, louboutins. being right. victory, as a general concept. puzzles, especially crosswords. granita.

dislikes: people who chew loudly. empty rooms. foolishness. coffee. being called dora.

aesthetic: the click of heels on a polished marble floor. the smell of lavender at night. the rush of air that leaves your lungs when you exhale. a piece of ice melting on your tongue. the pre-dawn hour, when the world is a breath from still and light barely dusts the sky. falling, falling, falling down a rabbit hole. the knowledge of victory. gold on steel. the refraction of light through a shattered glass.

[aworldawordatatime]

Original Content Day 1: The Disreputables

This entry was originally posted January 1st, but I moved it to this blog to keep track of my entries.

Also, if you want to try writing for yourself, here’s the prompt: 

Prompt 1: A short story that starts with dialogue.

“What, exactly, do you think you’re doing? And…is that some sort of crown?”

Maka froze at the computer console.  There wasn’t supposed to be anyone passing by for the next ten minutes.  She’d timed it precisely after analyzing hours of data. She looked up at the guard, a vein bulging in her forehead.  Apparently this one was immune to the whims of data analysis.

“I’m not thinking of doing anything,” she said, grabbing a small tube from one of her pockets and shaking it gently from side to side. “I’m afraid I’m a bit past that part.”

The security guard raised her weapon, but Maka merely sighed.

“For the record, I’m sorry I have to do this,” she said, twisting off the top.

A spray of giant, fuchsia foam erupted from the tiny container and expanded almost instantly, acting like ballistic gel for the rubber bullets that the guard had fired upon seeing it. The thick viscous material surged like a wave, covering the security guard and plastering her against the wall.  

“Also, for the record, it’s not a crown. That would be silly. It’s a hyperglass lens array and it took me three years to build it!” Maka said, even though she knew the guard could not hear her clearly through the wall of foam. “So perhaps you might understand why I hate it when people call it a mere crown.”

Maka turned back and began typing even faster. That level of noise would not go unnoticed by the others.  Sure enough, she began to hear the sound of alarms only a minute later. Or maybe it had been thirty seconds. She hadn’t been counting because she was trying to get through this bloody— the door opened and she sighed, her body slumping with relief.  She cracked her knuckles and slipped her gloves back on. They’d be mostly useless now, but at least she’d have better grip on the precious cargo inside.  Without looking, she pulled a small green pill from another pocket of many on her strange, patchwork outfit and slipped it under her tongue.  Wincing at the bitter flavor, she waited until her skin had gone the proper shade of purple (a curious but harmless side effect) and strode into the vault, grabbing the large, metal tube that hovered inside over a red raised base.  She could see a few bubbles floating in some sort of bluish-green fluid through a tiny porthole, but that was it. Oh well. She could be curious later. She lifted the entire thing over one shoulder with a grimace and then pulled down a large amber lens over one of her eyes with her free hand.

“I need a hole at the following coordinates,” she said, watching numbers flit over the glass like pixelated ants. She reached back and pushed a button on the side of the device where it covered her temple. “Sending now.”

Moments later, a blue light began to shine in a circular shape around one of the far walls and she cursed at how long it was taking.  She was going to have to adjust the lasers when she got back to base.  By the time they cut through, Maka had just thrown another foam vial (this one was banana-yellow, and smelled obnoxiously of the fake super-sweet orange flavoring that she’d always despised as a child), which caught a wave of surprised guards and sent them slamming against the wall as well, but she knew that they’d be bringing heavy artillery any moment, so it was best to escape rather than fight.  Besides, Maka hated killing low level employees or grunts if she didn’t have to.  After all, she and nearly everyone she knew had been forced into being one at some point.  It was simply the cost of starting out in the world, and she’d have been pretty bummed if some dashing and intrepid coat-for-hire had ended her before she could move onto bigger and better things.

“Are you going to stand there like an idiot, or are you going to hand that to me?” A man with electric blue hair and eyes the color of dust reached out an overly long robotic arm towards the massive metal canister she was carrying.

Maka eyed the arm with disdain and wondered why he always seemed to be so determined to be such a show-off with his hydraulic appendage.

“Neither, actually,” she said, swinging it around and forcing him to duck to keep from being smashed in the face with it.  “My Exponential Strength pills should last me for at least another twenty minutes.”

He shrugged and turned his embroidered collar up to his chin; a sure sign that she’d riled him but he was saving it until later. “Suit yourself, Maka.”

Maka clucked her tongue at him, then ducked as a blast of white-hot energy nearly incinerated her head. The man swore low and reached behind his back to draw out a strangely thick device that looked as though a bunch of high voltage insulators had been merged into one, long barrel.  Two silent magnets floated and spun, instantly creating a giant blue charge that fired at the remaining guards, knocking them unconscious.  He slipped it into the back holster with a smooth movement and grabbed the end of the cannister, steadying it to guide the length of it through the hole in the wall.

Maka waited until they were through the external gates of the facility to ream him out. “And what was that? You’re getting sloppy, Coop. You would have stunned that one before they got the chance to get either of us in their sights.  Or are you that determined to get rid of me?” She was scowling, but her tone of voice was somewhat playful. It was an old argument— one without any teeth.

“Ah, save it for when we’re back on the ship.” Coop ran his robotic fingers through his hair, which seemed to make it stick up even straighter than before due to the residual static charge running through the metal.

Maka rolled her eyes behind him and silently mimicked his words.

“I saw that!” Coop exclaimed.

“I know,” she replied, sticking out her tongue as well.

“Why do you have to be taller than me?” Coop complained. “It’s hard helping you carry the goods.”

“If you’ll recall, I told you I didn’t need any help.”

“Even with your wonder science, you’re still going to get tired,” he shot back.

“I’ll be tired later,” she said, turning her head to the side and eyeing some lights growing larger in the distance, “Shut up, and keep running.”

They almost got to the ship before Maka’s enhanced strength began to fail. Her skin had faded to a soft lavender, but she was more focused on trying not to drop the canister as it seemed to grow heavier and heavier with each step.  Even Coop was panting loudly, and he was used to hoisting stuff in their stock room without breaking a sweat, so she felt slightly less bad about that.

Finally, the hatch doors creaked open, and Sumia waved to them, red-bay door button in hand as she smacked her gum.

“Got anything for me to add to the collection?” she asked, shaking her wrist, which was covered up to her elbow with varying styles of bracelets as they huffed by.

“Close the doors and tell Reg to punch it,” Maka growled back.

“Fine, fine,” Sumia said, pushing the button a bit too forcefully.

“What the hell is this thing, anyway?” Coop said. “It’d better be worth the trouble we went through to get it.”

“Oh, it’s worth it, all right,” Maka said, sipping something bright green and smoking that nobody was willing to ask about. It made smoke curl out of her nostrils as she spoke. “All the reliable intel suggests that those fascist bastards were in the midst of a breakthrough new tech that would transfer matter into energy and back instantly with minimal loss.  Once I analyze it, improve it, and figure out how to replicate it, we will be able to sell it off to the highest bidder, though not before we replicate the tech for ourselves, of course.”

“Are you sure we’ll be able to, though?” A shiny, ghostly figure floated over to Maka and looked into the small window canister curiously with slightly glowing eyes.

“I may have retrofitted you with enough software to assist me in my lab, Dezo,” Maka retorted, “but you are still primarily a medical synth. I say it’ll work, so it’ll work.”

“Forgive me for being skeptical. I forgot that you know everything,” Dezo replied, doing a very good eye-rolling impression.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let Sumia teach you sarcasm,” Maka said.

“Don’t look at me!” Sumia said, holding up her hands in mock-surrender.

“You’re going to open it, aren’t you, Maka?” Coop said, from where he was sitting on a crate, buffing out the scuffs on his boots. “Need I tell you how bad an idea that is given the information you’ve provided?”

“I’m a Disreputable Scientist, Coop. Not Mad,” Maka replied dismissively. “But yes, I’m going to open it.  You’re free to leave if you don’t want to see.”

“I’m not done with my shoes yet,” Coop replied. “Suppose I’ll see whether I want to or not.”

“Last chance to leave!” Maka said, glancing back to see a tall, bulky silhouette near the back of the room. “See? Even Reg is here!”

The shadow nodded.

“Erudite as always,” Sumia said with a smirk.

“Quiet, you,” Maka said testily as she twiddled with the console. “I’m trying to do science here.”

With a deep thrumming sound, the canister began to rise into the air.  Maka twisted a few knobs and dials, then held out her hand over a slot at the top of the console, catching the clear tablet that shot out of the top. She tapped and rubbed her fingers together and a stylus made of light appeared in her hand.  She began to write various characters and then slid the tablet back into place.  The door on the canister popped open, and the fluid was poured gently into the grates below, where the material would be pumped into a sterile vat and analyzed. Maka had already analyzed everything for radiation and toxicity, but found that things were rather less interesting than advertised.

Laser gently cut along the seams in the canister, removing the bottom and top. Then splitting down both sides and popping it in half lengthwise.

“And now…the moment we’ve…” Maka trailed off as she saw what was drooping over the edge of the bottom half of the cannister.

“Is that…what I think it is?” Coop said, his boots all but forgotten.

“A bird?” Sumia asked hopefully.

“I don’t think so, unless you know of a bird with human feet,” Dezo pointed out, extending an arm to point at the brown toes hanging over one side.

“But…that’s impossible,” Maka whispered, twisting a knob to slowly lower the remaining piece to the floor.

“Says the scientist. Who, last time I checked, told me she thinks that anything is possible,” Coop countered.

“Looks like Mr. Impossible is waking up,” Sumia said, blushing somewhat pink at the sight of the obviously unclothed winged man.

They were feathered wings, though they dripped with the fluid that had been removed.  His whole body seemed to have a slight bluish tinge from being covered in slimy solution.  Dark ringlets of hair cascaded wetly down his shoulders, sticking to his neck and back. A stray strand of hair stuck to one cheek as he stirred.

“This seems…like a bad idea,” Coop said, standing. “You did say infinite energy, right?  What if…this thing…”

“He’s not a thing!” Maka snarled, fury and anguish coloring her features.

She turned the console’s key, shutting it down, and ran towards the man.  As she came to stand at his feet, his eyes opened.  Dark pupils regarded her ringed in molten gold and fire, and Maka had to tell herself to breathe. With a flourish of fabric, she pulled her lab coat off of her shoulders and draped it over one arm.

“Here. Take my hand,” she said softly, holding it out to him. “You’re safe now.”

“Maka—”  Cooper went silent as she flashed him an expression of cold fury.

“Ma…ka?” The winged man said, his head tilting to the side.  He reached out and took her hand, allowing her to pull him up to a sitting position.

“Maka,” Maka repeated, pointing to herself. “Here. You’ll need this.”

She draped the cloth over the front of him, as the wings were still twitching and randomly shuddering against the wetness.  The white of her coat contrasted with the darkness of his skin, and she wondered at the gray feathers that peppered his shoulder blades and disappeared up his neck where they were hidden by his hair.

“Coop, you’ve got to get him cleaned up.” It was not a request.

“Why should I—oh fine! Just stop looking at me like that!”  Coop left his boots on the crate and walked over barefoot. “Come on, then, bird brain.”

“Don’t call him that,” Maka said scathingly.  “Sumia. Prepare a meal.  Nuts and berries, mostly. Other fruit if we have any left.”

“Roger, boss!” Sumia said, speeding off.

“I’ll get to sewing something with wing slits,” Reg said, his deep voice rumbling out from the shadows.

Maka smiled.  She’d been fairly sure that she wouldn’t even have to ask Reg and she was right.

“Maka, how do you know what to do?” Dezo asked, hovering in a puzzled sort of manner.

“I’ve seen this before.” She balled her hands into fists and squeezed tightly. “Those bastards do not have the right.”

“The right to do what?”

“They would make his kind work for the universe instead of the other way around.”

“And his kind is…?”  Dezo made a confused whirring noise.

Maka pulled her hair away from her neck, revealing the lightest hint of dark gray down.  “Does this answer your questions?”

She walked purposefully out of the processing area with Dezo hot on her heels.

“Not at all!” Dezo beeped mournfully. “I seem only to have more.”

“You and me both, synth,” Maka muttered. “You and me both.”

[yukipri]

YOI Future!Verse ABO AU - Timeline + Basics

*second image slightly larger in full view

So for this AU, the comics are kinda all over the place in terms of timeline, and the timeline itself isn’t particularly rigid in my mind either ^ ^; There’s some complicated world-building and a lot of stuff that I don’t really mention but is just part of the overall AU in my mind. So here’s a reference for not just you but me that should help give context for the comics that are out and also give you a hint as to the kinds of scenarios you can expect within this AU in the future.

WARNINGS PLEASE HEED:

-A/B/O (yes that’s alpha/beta/omega dynamics aka omegaverse) with unnecessarily complicated world-building, mpreg, and OC children.

-Yuuri-centric poly marriage, the main ship(s) are Victor x Yuuri, Yurio x Yuuri, Phichit x Yuuri, Minami x Yuuri, all simultaneous, with additional  Chris x Yuuri and Otabek x Yuuri later in the timeline. Relationships among other members of the family are more or less platonic. (If this isn’t your thing, no need to comment, PLEASE SKIP by hitting the J key)

-The relationship is completely requited and consensual among all parties. This AU does not contain any adultery, endgame unrequited, or past and done with relationships among the main family members.

-No underage romantic/sexual relationships but some characters have crushes while they are underage that are not acted upon.

-Don’t take anything too seriously this is legit my “I don’t want to think, just lemme self-indulge and please roll with it” AU >.>;;

-all subject to change on my whims

~~

This INTRO POST covers some of the basics of how ABO works in this AU, and the following text assumes you’ve read it.

Here’s an even more detailed world-building post

For links to the other comics in this AU, check out the “Future!verse ABO” section of my YOI Art Masterpost HERE!

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Please keep ship bashing out of the comments/tags. Don’t like, just skip <3 Thank you.

~~

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, EDIT, OR OTHERWISE USE MY ART WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT PERMISSION. More detailed rules available on my Rules & FAQ Post.

~~

Okay with all the warnings? LONG text post beneath cut!

Timeline [titles of works in this AU in brackets]:

-5 years pre-canon, Yuuri moves to Detroit.

-4 years pre-canon, Phichit comes to Detroit and becomes Yuuri’s roommate. He presents as alpha around half a year after they meet.

-more or less “canon” YOI

-year following canon - Yurio presents as alpha (and ends up suffering in skating as a result), Vic sweeps gold at all competitions [Yurio presenting comic #1]

-2nd year following canon - Yurio wins gold at Worlds, Yuuri wins gold at the GPF, Vic takes silver at both. (when are the Olympics? who knows!)

-2 years after canon - Yuuri and Victor officially take over coaching Yurio from Yakov, and the three of them also start formally dating.

-3 years after canon - Yuuri and Victor retire, they and Yurio get 3-way married, Yuuri’s pregnant with twins and takes a 3 year leave from full time work (tho he occasionally swaps coaching with Victor) and temporarily relocates back to Hasetsu.

-6 years after canon - kids are 2+, Yuuri returns to full time work, Minami asks Yuuri to be his coach and Yuuri decides to do that instead of returning to co-coaching Yurio with Vic [preview comic + Coach or No? comic + half a year later, Minami’s devotion comic]

-7 years after canon - kids are 3+, Yuuri’s still coaching Minami, and there’s rumors that Yuuri’s pregnant again but this time with Phichit’s kid. Yuuri marries Phichit before the end of the year. [Intro comic (latter part)]

-10 years after canon - Minami also marries Yuuri, and Yuuri gets pregnant with his fourth child.

[EDIT: Chris and Otabek also join after this, details to come]

[note: future comics will be scattered anywhere along this timeline I see fit]

~~

~~

Points to note about this AU:

-In this universe, many countries allow omegas (and oftentimes ONLY omegas) to have multiple spouses because omegas are more likely to give birth to alphas, which many countries want more of. There’s a lot of stigma against poly marriages but it’s legal if an omega is involved. (mentioned in intro post)

-The country our family lives in will be irrelevant/ambiguous in most of my comics, but you can assume they have several houses and occasionally move between them. During his three year hiatus Yuuri stays mostly in Hasetsu bc he wanted to raise them in a quieter, more low-profile location and wanted the support of his family (plus his family home is an onsen. Marvelous for aching). Vic + Yurio + Minami once he becomes Yuuri’s student all home rink wherever the family’s main location happens to be at the time.

-Victor is the catalyst for a lot of things in their relationship, including first proposing invoking the right of an omega to have multiple mates to get poly married. He cares the least about following traditional social expectations and has the confidence to proactively encourage the others to embrace the strange and unconventional if that’s what happens to work for them. While extremely jealous of outsiders, he is self-proclaimed “extremely greedy” and is set on creating the happiest future he can for what started as just Yuuri, but ends up being the entire growing group of people he considers his family.

-Yuuri and Phichit have been in a steady, ambiguous but definitely not purely platonic relationship since pre-canon. Yuuri helped Phichit through his presentation as alpha, and Phichit helped Yuuri through all his heats in Detroit. The Russians are fully aware of their bond and all parties consent to this relationship, though at first Vic and Yurio aren’t entirely sure what to make of it and why Phichit hasn’t pushed for more. Phichit’s not in any rush to officiate his relationship with Yuuri because he’s not planning on going anywhere. Plus, he doesn’t want to make things any more hectic than they already are after Yuuri marries the Russians. Phichit gets closer to the Russians during the 7 years post canon, at which time everyone feels that it’s time for him and Yuuri to also get married.

-Yurio had an ambiguous but growing crush on Yuuri since pre-canon but he’s in strict denial about it even though it’s becoming painfully and almost comically obvious to everyone except him and Yuuri. Things come to a head after he presents and Victor is helping him learn about his new status as an alpha and ends up outing Yurio’s feelings in the process. Yurio expects Victor to flat out crush his chances with Yuuri and is surprised when Victor is oddly encouraging, though it’s a mystery as to why. During their time at St. Petersburg, Yurio feels anxious that Victor and Yuuri’s retirement is getting closer and demands they stay with him as coaches and ends up accidentally confessing at the same time, sparking their three-way relationship which he realizes was Victor’s goal all along.

-Yuuri was worried about marrying Yurio while he was so young but Yurio wanted to get married early because he knew he’d regret it forever if his grandfather was unable to make the wedding. Yurio’s super worried about his grandfather bc Yurio’s always away, his grandfather lives alone in a pretty isolated area and his health isn’t great. After Yurio gets married, Kolya visits Hasetsu and hits it off with Yuuri’s parents, and after that it doesn’t take long to convince him to move in with them which certainly puts Yurio’s mind at ease. Kolya loves helping with the kids and is very happy to be their caretaker when their parents have to inevitably travel away from home.

-Phichit retired relatively early from professional figure skating to pursue his dream of creating his own ice show, which means learning not just the skating part but production design, acting, and everything else. His primary passion is entertaining his audience after all. During one of his theater internships he gets scouted as an actor, thinks it could be a good learning experience, and that lead to others gigs, leading to him becoming a pretty popular growing celebrity. This, combined with his super popular blog he runs about Yuuri’s kids (aided by his “employees,” the Nishigori triplets), has made him pretty high profile even outside the skating community.

-Minami is very openly and unashamedly in love with Yuuri but never pushes for a romantic relationship, being genuinely content and happy with whatever he can get (not that he doesn’t gloat around the Russians when he does get attention). Minami more or less moves into Yuuri’s house when he has kids and is absolutely besotted with them, self-appointing himself as Yuuri’s assistant and taking care of them constantly to the point where Yuuri has to scold him to focus on figure skating. He then also moves in with Yuuri when he gets a separate house from his parents with his current husbands and is sort of a permanent fixture in their family. The Russians bemoan how sometimes it seems the kids like Minami more than them. It seems natural and inevitable to everyone but Minami that he’d also eventually marry Yuuri, but Minami is so shocked when Yuuri proposes that he cries. (Minami’s is the only case where Yuuri proposes; in all previous marriages, his mates proposed to Yuuri)

-While he’s “currently” not really interested in permanently settling down with them, Chris pops by a lot and everyone’s used to him pretty much joining in on whatever he feels like; he’s very much an open lover, his casual relationship with Victor long preceding canon.

-Their other regular family member is Otabek, who isn’t nearly as sexually open but adores spending time with the kids. Yurio suspects Otabek may have a very slowly growing romantic interest in Yuuri and is wondering if he should discuss the possibility of him joining, but the timing doesn’t seem right so they’re content as is for now.

-For now none of them have changed their last names, as they aren’t sure how to hyphenate so many names. When his mates suggested they all take Katsuki, Yuuri wasn’t too thrilled because he’s very fond of their last names. They figure they can always change later if they want.

-They all wear their wedding bands on their left ring fingers. While his mates have more or less standard rings, Yuuri wears very thin bands so he can have them all on simultaneously, each a different color to match his mates’. Victor’s ring is white gold, Yurio’s yellow gold, Phichit’s black gold, and Minami’s is rose gold. Yuuri and Victor still wear their gold bands on their right hands as it symbolizes their unique bond during their time as coach and student. Shortly before his last competition, Minami gets a matching piercing with Yuuri, and in retaliation Yurio and Victor eventually get matching tiny tattoos on the inside of their fingers.

-The kids all call Victor, Yurio, and Phichit some variation of “dad” regardless of biological father and Yuuri some variation of “mom.” To the older three kids, Minami is their beloved “Ken-chan” because they knew him prior to him formally becoming Yuuri’s mate, but the youngest also calls him “dad.” Neither the kids nor fathers show any particular favoritism through blood connection and the kids get especially upset when outsiders try to single them out based on parentage.

~~

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Character presentations:

As mentioned in the Intro post, things are a bit more complicated and on a spectrum rather than cleanly divided three A/B/O categories. But the charas in this AU present as follows:

Yuuri - Omega, but leaning heavily towards the beta center of the spectrum. By U.S./international standards he’s technically classified as beta despite being able to bear children. Is not particularly sensitive to alpha pheromones and his own scent tends to be hard to notice. Usually has incredibly mild heats with main symptoms being pre-heat hunger and drowsiness. Went through most of his early life being told that he’s a very “unsexy/boring omega,” which tbh he’s been totally cool with, and he’s used to passing as a beta.

His “nonexistent omega pheromones” turns out to be a bit of a lie; he smells unbearably good to people he opens up to, but ONLY after he unintentionally lets them see who he is, so to strangers he smells beta. Yuuri is bad at opening up to people so has been under this misunderstanding for most of his life. Things change quite a bit after Victor becomes Yuuri’s coach, and Yuuri unintentionally learns how to open up his pheromones during performance and even more in his personal life.

This results in everyone who sees Yuuri perform being able to scent Yuuri’s pheromones, and for the first time in his life Yuuri gets noticed by strangers. Unused to the attention and still convinced that everything’s a misunderstanding and he has no scent, Yuuri always severely underestimates the impact of his pheromones on others which has his mates/future mates going into overdrive with protectiveness. Yuuri’s heats also become more severe based on the amount of alpha pheromones present in his vicinity.

Phichit - Alpha. Presented at sixteen while he was rooming with Yuuri. While smack dab in the center of the alpha range, he is extremely good at suppressing his pheromones due to his culture, his body’s natural biology, but most importantly extreme discipline and practice. As such he tends/chooses to pass as beta in his daily life, which allows him to remain close to Yuuri without anyone asking questions. His regular milder scent means people tend to underestimate him, but when provoked he can remove all restraints and intimidate the crap outa people with scent alone. Yuuri has always smelled amazing to him, and he didn’t know why no one else seemed to notice until Victor’s teaching revealed how Yuuri’s unique scent works.

Victor - Alpha. Very much on the far extreme end of the spectrum. Both due to his culture and how his body is, he tends to leak pheromones everywhere all the time and is very, very noticeable. Yet despite his often overwhelming presence, he is very good at keeping his emotions from coloring his pheromones and remains hard to read. He admittedly did not notice Yuuri’s scent at all until the banquet, and even then it was faint, leading to him assume that Yuuri’s a beta. During their time together he starts thinking Yuuri’s scent is getting stronger which confuses him greatly for a long time until he talks to Phichit and realizes what’s happening. While he’s glad he’s helped Yuuri access his full performance potential, he has mixed feelings about now having to beat off droves of suitors attracted by Yuuri’s scent after seeing him perform.

Yurio - Alpha. Presented at sixteen, and has very similar body chemistry to Victor. Being on the extreme end of the spectrum means more extreme sensitivity to pheromones and more extreme physical changes. More than his growth spurt, the near painful new awareness of pheromones becomes a huge barrier to his skating until he gets used to it, rendering him incapable of being in crowds of people or even stepping outside at first. During this time, the only scent he can stand and actually finds immensely comforting is Yuuri’s. Yuuri assumes it’s because his mild, unoffensive, and “unsexy” scent is soothing to Yurio’s new haywire alpha instincts, since even the scents of other omegas has Yurio feeling nauseous and sprinting to the bathroom. Victor pieces together that Yurio may be scenting Yuuri the way he is because of pre-existing emotional connections and romantic interest. Unlike Victor, Yurio’s emotions tend to bleed out heavily into his pheromones, though he does get a bit better at controlling himself with time.

Minami - Gamma (gamma-alpha). As a gamma, Minami is usually more or less beta, but changes in the pheromones in his environment/his own emotions/mental state can drastically change his pheromone output, how sensitive he is to those pheromones, and even physical factors like stamina. Unlike Phichit, he can’t really control how people perceive his pheromones. His gamma secondary is both helpful and challenging for his skating, because it means he can get a major power up whenever he’s in serious performance mode but it’s near impossible to recreate in daily practice. In addition, it’s risky to depend on “going alpha” because there’s no guarantee his emotions and environment will allow him to shift secondaries at the time and there are also benefits to performing as a beta. Training with Yuuri has helped stabilize him a ton, as being constantly bathed in the pheromones of the omega he loves has kept him in better touch with his alpha side. He tends to be full alpha the whole time whenever Yuuri is in heat.

(others, briefly)

Chris - Alpha

Otabek - Alpha

Leo - Beta

Guang-Hong - Omega

Georgi - Beta

Mila - Alpha

Seung-Gil - Alpha

JJ - Delta

Emil - Beta

Mickey - Gamma (gamma-omega)

Sara - Gamma (gamma-alpha)

Yakov - Beta

Lilia - Alpha

Minako - Alpha

Yuuko - Omega

Nishigori - Beta

Mari - Alpha

Yuuri’s parents - both beta

NOTE: International/most professional sports and other gender-divided things in this AU are NOT divided into “mens” and “womens.” There are standard tests and some sport-specific tests that measure an individual’s projected natural physical potential (such as strength, stamina etc.) and pheromone level. These are used to try to group athletes into the “tier” that best matches their physical abilities, indiscriminate to gender identity, and the number of tiers depends on the sport. Juniors may or may not be separated into tiers at all, but either way are re-tested prior to competing as adults or post-presenting and may be re-categorized. For pair skating/ice dancing/other sports that are traditionally man-woman duos in our universe, a pair’s eligibility is calculated based on a combined numerical value of their physical/pheromone points, which cannot be less than or greater than a certain range.

Figure skating has two tiers and Yuuri/Victor/Yurio/most of the gang compete in “Tier 2,” which tends to be more dominated by alphas/beta men. Some changes: Mila (alpha) and Sara (gamma-alpha) also compete in Tier 2, whereas Guang-Hong (omega) and Mickey (gamma-omega) compete in Tier 1. With his more beta-like physique and impressive stamina, Yuuri was told that despite being an omega he was on the border so could choose his tier and he chose Tier 2 to be in the same group as Victor. Most of the male figure skaters in the cast are alpha/beta because they all compete in the same Tier.

~~

~~

OC Kids

NOTE: They all have hyphenated last names with Katsuki first so they’ll be together alphabetically. They all attend international school in wherever country they happen to be in at the time and are all raised English/Japanese/Russian/Thai multi-lingual though I’ll probably be too lazy to show it in comics ^ ^; Full Name Explanations for the kids

Am open to suggestions for names for the pets  I’ve been calling them “dog,” “dog mini,” “cat,” and “ham” in my head bc that’s admittedly what I often call my pets in rl oops

-Yasha Katsuki-Nikiforov (older fraternal twin, conceived when Yuuri is 27 and Victor is 31) - Looks near identical to his twin except for coloration and hair part differences. Looks angelic but is a master at manipulating adults. Has perfected the poker face and is hard to read. In contrast to his ever cheerful smile he can be extremely blunt and rude. Doesn’t really care to make friends outside his siblings. He doesn’t admit to being as dependent on his little brother as Shura is on him but they’re very much inseparable. Takes great joy in terrorizing Yakov.

-Shura Katsuki-Plisetsky (younger fraternal twin, conceived when Yuuri is 27 and Yurio is 19) - The other near-identical twin, he is almost always glued to Yasha’s side. It’s partly out of competitiveness, but mostly because they both just want to do everything together. Despite their similar appearances, he’s the polar opposite of his brother in many ways. He chooses not to appear friendly to outsiders, but is also completely incapable of hiding his emotions and is very much an open book. He’s openly hostile and fiercely jealous of anyone who tries to take away his siblings’ attention, but is extremely affectionate to those he loves.

-Arisa Katsuki-Chulanont (3 years younger daughter, conceived when Yuuri is 30 and Phichit is 27) - Charming, friendly, and easy to please, she seems like she’d be the easiest child to raise after her brothers. Unfortunately, she has both her adoring older brothers wrapped around her little finger and realizes very early on that she can ask them to do almost anything for her. Combined with her rather sadistic streak, this leads to quite a few extreme mischief incidents the likes of which the twins would not have been able to conceive of by themselves. She’s terrifyingly smart and has a knack for reading people both in person and on social media, which she takes to very early. Unlike her more aloof, intimidating, or just plain unapproachable older brothers, their sister is extremely sociable, likable and popular among her peers...or she would be, if said terrifying older brothers didn’t scare them off first with their possessiveness and jealousy. This has lead to her becoming somewhat of an elevated queen on a pedestal, from whom the other kids can only wish they could get a smile or a few words of praise.

-Yuuji Katsuki-Minami (3 years younger than Arisa, conceived when Yuuri is 33 and Minami is 27; not pictured in the family portrait on this post bc not born yet) - Looks JUST like Yuuri when he was younger (+ tooth). Extremely happy and energetic and outgoing, he follows his older siblings everywhere. He’s extremely trusting and gullible, but while the other siblings sometimes like to tease Shura, Yuuji is coddled and protected. Has super powerful puppy eyes and uses them unintentionally to maximum effect. Really loves food and shouting nice things about everyone.

the adults sigh very loudly and wonder how their kids turned out this way...oh wait...

-a large poodle (Makkachin passed away from old age…;_;)

-a toy poodle

-Potya - Yurio’s now very old and crotchety cat

-Phichit’s hamster that likes to taunt said cat

~~

Thanks for reading! Again, for links to the other content in this AU including comics, illustrations, and headcanon posts, check out the “Future!verse ABO” section of my YOI Art Masterpost HERE!

~~

Like this post? Interested in supporting the artist and encouraging the creation of more similar works? Please consider supporting me through Patreon or Ko-Fi!

[additionallysad]

Why We Returned Our Mail-Order Foam Mattress http://ift.tt/2kz3fgu

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet in the last couple of years, you’re probably well aware of a new generation of mail order mattresses: Casper. Leesa. Tuft & Needle (just to name a few). They’re these affordable foam mattresses that ship straight to your door, magically unfurl on your bed, and promise an improved nights sleep or your money back. Having been bombarded with that message for months (years?) we decided to jump on the bandwagon… but quickly second-guessed our decision. And so the “Is this The One?” mattress spiral was born.

Let me preface this by saying that I’ve been hesitant to write this post. We generally don’t like to spotlight products that don’t work out for us, because – especially in the case of a mattress – it’s a lot about personal preference, not some flaw in the item itself. But earlier this month we kinda broke our own rule by podcasting about our lukewarm experience with a Roomba we bought from Costco (btw, thanks for all of the feedback from all you Roomba-lovers and Roomba-just-likers – we have a podcast update coming soon!)

And then last week our friends Chris &  Julia shared their own experience with two mail-order mattress brands. Their comments section made me feel less crazy for not loving ours, so I decided not to bite my tongue any longer – just in case anyone else is wondering if these things are as magical as their marketing made me believe they were. Again, this is just my humble experience, so take it for what its worth.

Why A New Mattress?

Our old mattress was 7+ years old and we were feeling less and less satisfied with our night’s sleep. It was a mail-order mattress itself actually – just a denser latex that arrived in three boxes, didn’t expand, and required a bit more assembly. So yes, clearly the Stone Age when it comes to getting your mattress in a box.

A few years ago (back in our second house) we were feeling the need for a softer surface, so we added a padded mattress cover to it. That helped, but we needed more, so on went a thin feather bed. And eventually another. Yes, at some point we were sleeping with three layers of padding in pursuit of the sweet spot of supportive yet sink-in-able.

When we moved into this house 3.5 years ago, we ditched most of the pads (they were constantly sliding around) in hopes falling back in love with our old mattress in its pure form. It was still too firm, plus it was starting to show impressions where we both slept. So last year we finally decided to it was time to go, Especially after googling the normal lifespan of a mattress and reading 7-10 years. Yup, for us that was right on the nose.

The First Purchase

We actually went the “traditional” route first. On a whim one day, we walked into one of those stereotypical mattress stores and before we knew it, the saleswoman had us curling up down the rows and rows of showroom mattresses. I have to say – it was extremely fun. So many options! So many pillows! So many loud plastic covers to keep shoe dirt off the bottom of each bed!

As much as we love hunting for a deal, we sometimes get this surge of “why overcomplicate this for ourselves?” and before we knew it, were signing papers to have our “sleep-tested-five-times-in-the-store-and-we-liked-it-best mattress delivered the following week. It was a Sealy Posturepedic Hybrid  (meaning half-foam, half-coil) and I it was around $1100 after a $100 rebate. I felt a little bit like a sucker (you know I love researching things to death) but I also felt extremely ready for a better night’s sleep. Mattress excitement was in the air. It was palpable. I live on the edge, guys.

(Forgive the poor iPhone photos in this post – since we hadn’t planned to blog about this, all we have are a few random shots I snapped to show one of our friends)

The mattress arrived. We hopped onto it ready to be enveloped in luxury or whatever, and instead, both of us thought “is it supposed to be this firm?” “We LIKE firm but it didn’t feel THIS HARD in the store.” “UH OH.”

We called the saleswoman and she assured us that we needed to give it a couple of weeks or more to break in, so yes, it will feel a little firm at first. But it was a tough pill to swallow considering our eagerness to have a mattress that we loved with a capital L.

The Switch

After a couple of weeks, I was beginning to enjoy the new mattress but Sherry wasn’t fully convinced. The saleswoman had extended our return period to test drive it (thanks to our initial impression/freaked out call to her) but the clock was ticking. So this is when we took the leap and ordered a Casper mattress. I’ll admit we didn’t do a ton of research beyond confirming what we had heard in their marketing by reading the overwhelmingly positive reviews on Amazon. It was about $250 cheaper than what we’d gotten at the store, so we were poised to save some money by returning the Sealy – and we liked the idea of getting to compare two mattresses and then being allowed to just send back the one that didn’t make the cut. Seemed error proof. Plus, my childhood cat was named Casper so… win-win-win?

When it arrived a few days later, I could feel all of the hype coming to life in front of my eyes. I can’t believe there’s a mattress in that box! Woah, we’re watching it expand before our very eyes! Although, unlike all of the bloggers before me who documented this process with clever GIFs and time-lapse videos, I just shot one of these terrible, rainy day pictures.

The Disappointment

We wanted to love the Casper mattress, but it was hard to deny that it fell noticeably short of the store-bought one. The first reason was:

Thickness. This will sound dumb, but the Casper felt very thin on our bed. The new Sealy was 12.5″, but the Casper was just 10″. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it was a difference we could see and feel (we would scrape our legs on the bed frame because it squished when we sat up to get out – and we were sleeping noticeably lower than our nightstand all of a sudden). We could’ve gotten a thin bunky board or something, but we couldn’t get over the overall feeling��of meh.

That wouldn’t have been enough to return it, but reason #2 was:

Firmness. The all-foam Casper felt incredibly soft to us. You sunk into it in that way that feels awesome at first (kinda like that initial leap into a good hotel bed) but then you quickly realize you’re not being supported in the right places. I know I’ve said we were hunting for something softer than our existing mattresses, but Sherry and I still both like a fair amount of support. We could both tell from the get-go that Casper wasn’t firm enough, but we gave it a couple of nights just to be sure. And believe me, we were sure.

Again, I feel bad knocking this mattress that lots of people clearly love – but I can say that we were VERY impressed with the customer service. The return process was super simple and the people on the phone were very kind and understanding. And since they can’t resell a used mattress, their business model is to contact a local charity so they can come pick it up for a family in need. I KNOW. So we can’t say enough nice things about the PROCESS of buying the mail-order mattress. But sadly as for the mattress itself – we just weren’t a good fit.

The Conclusion

The story has a happy ending. Having seen that the grass isn’t always greener, we flopped the Sealy back onto our bed and decided to give it another chance (we still had a couple of weeks left to test it). And sure enough, it gradually softened up and now we’re both pretty darn happy with it. My only hesitation in gushing is because it doesn’t have that dramatic “sink-in” feel that we wanted (and felt in the store), but I think this process taught us that we actually don’t sleep well on a mattress with noticeable sink in the long term anyway (I have to push with some effort in the pic below). So while part of us “misses” that cliche plushness, we know we’re getting a good solid night’s sleep and there is zero soreness in the morning (which was occurring when our old foam mattress started to sag, and when we tried the Casper, which was just too soft from day one). For us, I think that hybrid combination of the foam top and coil support is a really good mix.

And, this may sound like we haven’t learned our lesson, but we’re considering some of the mail-order mattresses for our beach house. Their more affordable price point is certainly enticing considering we’ll probably need 5 (!!!) plus having them delivered directly is a plus. So I’ll still be paying close attention to reviews and everyone’s thoughts on these puppies. Just because that Casper didn’t work for us doesn’t mean we’re off the mail order mattress train entirely. Although we’ve also been VERY happy with The Original Mattress Factory mattress in our guest room that we’ve had for a few years now. Sherry’s mom says it’s more comfortable than a fancy hotel mattress. So that’s also a beach house possibility for sure. The plot thickens…

PS: I’ve mentioned this on our podcast, but I highly recommend the “Mattresses” episode of another podcast called Surprisingly Awesome. They go behind the scenes of the mattress industry to see why its such a confusing shopping experience (when it probably doesn’t need to be). Their conclusion? “You probably want to spend more than $800—below that there are some good mattresses, but there are also a lot of bad ones. And anything you spend over around $1,500 is probably not gonna get you that much better of a mattress.” Who knew mattress talk was so interesting?!

The post Why We Returned Our Mail-Order Foam Mattress appeared first on Young House Love.

[vincentbnaughton]

Why We Returned Our Mail-Order Foam Mattress

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet in the last couple of years, you’re probably well aware of a new generation of mail-order mattresses: Casper. Leesa. Tuft & Needle (just to name a few). They’re these affordable foam mattresses that ship straight to your door, magically unfurl on your bed, and promise an improved night’s sleep or your money back. Having been bombarded with that message for months (years?) we decided to jump on the bandwagon… but quickly second-guessed our decision. And so the “Is this The One?” mattress spiral was born.

Let me preface this by saying that I’ve been hesitant to write this post. We generally don’t like to spotlight products that don’t work out for us, because – especially in the case of a mattress – it’s a lot about personal preference, not some flaw in the item itself. But earlier this month we kinda broke our own rule by podcasting about our lukewarm experience with a Roomba we bought from Costco (btw, thanks for all of the feedback from all you Roomba-lovers and non-lovers – we have a podcast update coming soon!)

And then last week our friends Chris &  Julia shared their own experience with two mail-order mattress brands. Their comments section made me feel less crazy for not loving ours, so I decided not to bite my tongue any longer – just in case anyone else is wondering if these things are as magical as their marketing made me believe they were. Again, this is just my humble experience, so take it for what its worth.

Why A New Mattress?

Our old mattress was 7+ years old and we were feeling less and less satisfied with our night’s sleep. It was a mail-order mattress itself actually – just a denser latex that arrived in three boxes, didn’t expand, and required a bit more assembly. So yes, clearly the Stone Age when it comes to getting your mattress in a box.

A few years ago (back in our second house) we were feeling the need for a softer surface, so we added a padded mattress cover to it. That helped, but we needed more, so on went a thin feather bed. And eventually another. Yes, at some point we were sleeping with three layers of padding in pursuit of the sweet spot of supportive yet sink-in-able.

When we moved into this house 3.5 years ago, we ditched most of the pads (they were constantly sliding around) in hopes falling back in love with our old mattress in its pure form. It was still too firm, plus it was starting to show impressions where we both slept. So last year we finally decided to it was time to go, Especially after googling the normal lifespan of a mattress and reading 7-10 years. Yup, for us that was right on the nose.

The First Purchase

We actually went the “traditional” route first. On a whim one day, we walked into one of those stereotypical mattress stores and before we knew it, the saleswoman had us curling up on row after row of showroom mattresses. I have to say – it was extremely fun. So many options! So many pillows! So many loud plastic covers to keep shoe dirt off the bottom of each bed!

As much as we love hunting for a deal, we sometimes get this surge of “why overcomplicate this for ourselves?” and before we knew it, were signing papers to have our “sleep-tested-five-times-in-the-store-and-we-liked-it-best mattress delivered the following week. It was a Sealy Posturepedic Hybrid  (meaning half-foam, half-coil) and it was around $1100 after a $100 rebate. I felt a little bit like a sucker (you know I love researching things to death) but I also felt extremely ready for a better night’s sleep. Mattress excitement was in the air. It was palpable. I live on the edge, guys.

(Forgive the poor iPhone photos in this post – since we hadn’t planned to blog about this, all we have are a few random shots I snapped to show one of our friends)

The mattress arrived. We hopped onto it ready to be enveloped in luxury or whatever, and instead, both of us thought “is it supposed to be this firm?” “We LIKE firm but it didn’t feel THIS HARD in the store.” “UH OH.”

We called the saleswoman and she assured us that we needed to give it a couple of weeks or more to break in, so yes, it will feel a little firm at first. But it was a tough pill to swallow considering our eagerness to have a mattress that we loved with a capital L.

The Switch

After a couple of weeks, I was beginning to enjoy the new mattress but Sherry wasn’t fully convinced. The saleswoman had extended our return period to test drive it (thanks to our initial impression/freaked out call to her) but the clock was ticking. So this is when we took the leap and ordered a Casper mattress. I’ll admit we didn’t do a ton of research beyond confirming what we had heard in their marketing by reading the overwhelmingly positive reviews on Amazon. It was about $150 cheaper than what we’d gotten at the store, so we were poised to save some money by returning the Sealy – and we liked the idea of getting to compare two mattresses and then being allowed to just send back the one that didn’t make the cut. Seemed error proof. Plus, my childhood cat was named Casper so… win-win-win?

When it arrived a few days later, I could feel all of the hype coming to life in front of my eyes. I can’t believe there’s a mattress in that box! Woah, we’re watching it expand before our very eyes! Although, unlike all of the bloggers before me who documented this process with clever GIFs and time-lapse videos, I just shot one of these terrible, rainy day pictures.

The Disappointment

We wanted to love the Casper mattress, but it was hard to deny that it fell noticeably short of the store-bought one. The first reason was:

Thickness. This will sound dumb, but the Casper felt very thin on our bed. The new Sealy was 12.5″, but the Casper was just 10″. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it was a difference we could see and feel (we would scrape our legs on the bed frame because it squished when we sat up to get out – and we were sleeping noticeably lower than our nightstand all of a sudden). We could’ve gotten a thin bunkie board or something, but we couldn’t get over the overall feeling of meh.

That wouldn’t have been enough to return it, but reason #2 was:

Firmness. The all-foam Casper felt incredibly soft to us. You sunk into it in that way that feels awesome at first (kinda like that initial leap into a good hotel bed) but then you quickly realize you’re not being supported in the right places. I know I’ve said we were hunting for something softer than our existing mattresses, but Sherry and I still both like a fair amount of support. We could both tell from the get-go that Casper wasn’t firm enough, but we gave it a couple of nights just to be sure. And believe me, we were sure.

Again, I feel bad knocking this mattress that lots of people clearly love – but I can say that we were VERY impressed with the customer service. The return process was super simple and the people on the phone were very kind and understanding. And since they can’t resell a used mattress, their business model is to contact a local charity so they can come pick it up for a family in need. I KNOW. So we can’t say enough nice things about the PROCESS of buying the mail-order mattress. But sadly as for the mattress itself – we just weren’t a good fit.

The Conclusion

The story has a happy ending. Having seen that the grass isn’t always greener, we flopped the Sealy back onto our bed and decided to give it another chance (we still had a couple of weeks left to test it). And sure enough, it gradually softened up and now we’re both pretty darn happy with it. My only hesitation in gushing is because it doesn’t have that dramatic “sink-in” feel that we wanted (and felt in the store), but I think this process taught us that we actually don’t sleep well on a mattress with noticeable sink in the long term anyway (I have to push with some effort in the pic below). So while part of us “misses” that cliche plushness, we know we’re getting a good solid night’s sleep and there is zero soreness in the morning (which was occurring when our old foam mattress started to sag, and when we tried the Casper, which was just too soft from day one). For us, I think that hybrid combination of the foam top and coil support is a really good mix.

And, this may sound like we haven’t learned our lesson, but we’re considering some of the mail-order, foam mattresses for our beach house. Their more affordable price point is certainly enticing considering we’ll probably need 5 (!!!) plus having them delivered directly is a plus. So I’ll still be paying close attention to reviews and everyone’s thoughts on these puppies. Just because that Casper didn’t work for us doesn’t mean we’re off the mail order mattress train entirely. Although we’ve also been VERY happy with The Original Mattress Factory mattress in our guest room that we’ve had for a few years now. Sherry’s mom says it’s more comfortable than a fancy hotel mattress. So that’s also a beach house possibility for sure. The plot thickens…

PS: I’ve mentioned this on our podcast, but I highly recommend the “Mattresses” episode of another podcast called Surprisingly Awesome. They go behind the scenes of the mattress industry to see why it’s such a confusing shopping experience (when it probably doesn’t need to be). Their conclusion? “You probably want to spend more than $800—below that there are some good mattresses, but there are also a lot of bad ones. And anything you spend over around $1,500 is probably not gonna get you that much better of a mattress.” Who knew mattress talk was so interesting?!

The post Why We Returned Our Mail-Order Foam Mattress appeared first on Young House Love.

[tobiasbuckell]

This is how I Bullet Journal

Hi, I’m Tobias Buckell, a science fiction writer, and this is how I Bullet Journal.

I mentioned I’d started bullet journalling on twitter and people were curious and suggested I create a blog post.

So in September, I had been seeing people mentioning Bullet Journals and seen some Instagram links and Pinterest accounts about bullet journaling.

I was a bit put off by it all because there were pictures like this (these aren’t actual Bullet Journals, but emblematic of the sort of thing that kept me from engaging initially):

Staedtler pens are great! I know I use Stabilo pens a lot, but I really do love these beauties. They are a little bit more expensive than Stabilos but they write so smooth! . I buy them individually from Blick art supply, especially black and pastel pink & blue! . What's your favorite pen? . . . . . . . . #studying #midterms #studygram #study #stationery #studyhard #giveaway #bulletjournal #studytime #student #studymotivation #collegestudent #staedtler #college #organization #notes #studyabroad #journal #washitape #handwriting #revision #exams #studyblr #planneraddict #bujo #studyabroad #plannerlove #stabilo #muji #aesthetic #pen

A photo posted by Mich (@babeswhostudy) on Jan 2, 2017 at 4:15pm PST

Or like this:

Last week in my Erin Condren Planner using a @planningroses kit 💞 the end of 2016 was a weird one for me, but here's to all the fun adventures that 2017 hold!

A photo posted by Meagan (@megz.plans) on Jan 3, 2017 at 1:20pm PST

It seemed like a group of scrapbookers vomited all over to-do lists. I bounce off the scrapbooking aesthetic. I wouldn’t mock it, those examples above are beautiful. But, it looked like it could, maybe, you know, be a lot of yak shaving or vacuuming the cat before getting stuff done:

Yak shaving is a programming term that refers to a series of tasks that need to be performed before a project can progress to its next milestone. This term is believed to have been coined by Carlin Vieri and was inspired by an episode of “The Ren & Stimpy Show.”

I don’t know if that’s fair, but to me (and I emphasize that ‘to me’ part), needing fifteen different colored pens and the right paper, stencils, and so forth, to get a to do list done, that seemed like madness.

But then someone I really respect (who had the same reaction to it all) told me they were thinking of doing it. Always curious to examine new personal time management tools, I told that person that if they did it, I’d also try one out for a month as a personal experiment and see what I thought.

Bullet Journalling Attempt #1

I went online and purchased a Luechtturm 1917 A5 Notebook as devotees of the system recommended it. I overnighted it, along with a nice gel pen (also recommended). Why reinvent the wheel?

Here’s a youtube video review of the notebook:

Nice notebook!

I then watched the official Bullet Journaling youtube video by the Bullet Journaling inventor:

There. I was ready to start and be awesome! I was relieved to find out that the creator of the Bullet Journal didn’t recommend using fifteen different colored pens and stencils.

I grabbed my fancy new pen, opened my fancy new book, and started following the instructions on the video…

…and promptly biffed it.

I’m ADD, I’m dyslexic, and I made a bunch of mistakes making my first pages.

However, I was determined the experiment continue. I realized that using a pen terrified me because I kept making mistakes. I also wanted to be able to rip out pages if I screwed them up (Bullet Journallers say you just create a new page, or decorate around the mistakes, but, I wasn’t feeling it at the start of the experiment). So I drove up to Staples, purchased an A5 binder with some paper and, on a whim, I snagged a bunch of mechanical pencils.

I booted up the video and started again.

Within a week of keeping that loose-leaf, three ring binder, I came to a few conclusions:

1) using a pencil helps me lose my worries about making a mistake on the page. 2) with pencil I didn’t need loose leaf paper. 3) man, that Luechtturm had really nice paper, regular American school paper was shit. 4) this is the most important: whatever may or may not work with Bullet Journalling, the idea of indexing my notes and scribbles was revelatory.

Okay, about number four. That’s like, paperclip obvious. It’s so obvious in retrospect I don’t know why I wasn’t doing this in high school or college. But honestly, I have gone my entire life writing things down on scraps of paper as they occur to me, and then collating them onto the computer.

One of my most popular posts is “How I Write a Novel” and you can see that I do actually use paper for brainstorming:

But I get that into computer quickly as I can because it’s then organized and searchable. And when I was planning things, my desk would look like that.

But creating an index, that was interesting. Because now I suddenly, like a light bulb going off, realized I could create not only daily to-dos, but project to-dos, and flip back and forth. Even better, while I used a variety of to-dos via digital software, some projects of mine were getting so complex that I needed a way to glance at the 30,000 foot view quickly.

Surprisingly, there is no official graphical user interface for a novelist 10 years into his career who needs an at a glance look at what’s going on with all his novels in one place.

But with an indexed paper system I could built a two page spread with all that data, including my own symbols for different things happening to the books and…

…all of a sudden I understood all the custom scrapbook-y stuff I was seeing. These were personalized UIs. And creative output, of course.

I quickly created a sketch of a two page spread that would allow me to see all the complicated things I was doing for my novel career, and right away I was like “yeah, I’ll be opening this up every time I talk to an editor, or agent, or accepting a deadline.” I could see everything I was up to on one page.

Bullet Journal #2: Considering aesthetics

So, the Staples binder was a shitty quick solution. The paper was cheap. The binder was cheap. And I hated the rings. Yeah, writing on the right page was easy, but writing on the left? I had to hold my hand in an odd way. I took to writing on only half the page. In the second week, I got online and started ordering possible Bullet Journal systems.

Here is what I ordered:

Upper left is the shitty Staples A5, 3-ring binder. I liked A5 size because I could stick the notebook in a backpack pocket, or take it with me to a panel to take notes.

On the upper right, I snagged a Japanese 20-ring binder with some nice paper.

On the lower right I purchased a very nice 6 ring system with a luxurious leather holder that could take credit cards and extra pens and pencils, plus it had more space in the middle. Many diarists in the US use that gapped six ring system, I found out. Incidentally, my wife took up that notebook for her own Bullet Journalling (it is infectious apparently).

On the lower left is the system I settled on: the Kokuyo Systemic Notebook cover.

Here’s a product shot of the whole thing:

For the pencil (it has this great pen loop) I have a Uni-Ball KuruToga 0.7mm Mechanical Pencil which is magical because it has a mechanism in it that rotates the lead every time you pick it up, so that the pencil comes down sharp on the next stroke. I use the diamond infused lead for the super sharp lines. Pencil isn’t as sharp as pen, but this pencil really helps compensate for that.

I used that to build out my to-do list and project management, heavily using indexing so I can jump around and find what I need.

Each Kokuyo twin ring notebook lasts me about two months. I think I could get three out of them, but I haven’t tried yet.

I also added a Moleskine Cahair slim notebook on the left panel of the Kokuyo Notebook cover. So my project management happens on the right, with the twin ring, and on the left, I write down ideas and writing snippets.

Bullet Journalling: What I do

So I have an index, then I create some pages for quotes. Two pages of my favorite quotes, one for life, one for writing.

Then come the future pages that Bullet Journalling recommends. They don’t work as well for me so I’m slowly deprecating them. But my month page is a thing just like normal. Then I start doing my daily pages (dailies some people call them).

My page looks simple, I don’t adorn, I have the shittiest handwriting. Here’s a sample fake page:

Date at top (because that helps me know what day I wrote things on).

Priority: I write in two to three (no more than three) priorities for the day, things that absolutely have to be done. Like ‘refill meds’ so that I can continue living.

After a skipped line I write “Today will rock b/c:” and then fill in why it will rock. This is something I picked up from a neurophysiology researched, how to work/live better journalling exercise I read about. If I can’t fill that out, that means I’m not looking forward to anything on this day. Seeing a blank after that is a clue I need to stop and think about why or what is in the way of me having even a small thing to look forward to. Often it says something like “Today will rock b/c: I’m going to have a Choco Taco after dinner!”

Then I have my daily to-dos that I’ve filled out in the morning or the night before. I use a box for these (instead of a dot), and if the box is half filled it’s in progress. I like coloring in the box after I achieve a to-do, it makes me feel happy, accomplished, and kick ass. It’s dumb, but there you go.

I interweave journaling and to-dos, which is what blew me away about some Bullet Journallers. It’s not official, I don’t think, but I use a circle to denote a journal entry. So right under the to-dos I’ll often have something like:

Bubble: “Man it’s colder than all fuck outside, this is so depressing. I hate being cold all the time. I hate winter. Etc” I wanted to start journaling because I’ve read a lot of research showing its positive impacts. Interweaving the to-dos and journaling mean I do this organically throughout the day, and can also meta-comment on my mental state regarding some of the to-dos.

I can add new to-dos as they occur to me interleaved through this all as well.

And lastly, I use a plus sign to denote a thing I did that wasn’t scheduled:

+phone call from XYZ. We discussed ABC project. 1pm-1:30.

These plus activities are added in for things I know to do, interruptions, last minute etc.

With all this in play, I can look at each day and see that ‘oh, I failed on my to-dos but a crisis happened’ or what have you. Journaling helps me express myself and engage in meta-cognition.

I use a triangle to denote warnings, or things I’ve noticed.

Triangle: you didn’t get enough sleep and are feeling like shit. I was perusing my journals and noticed a number of patterns flagged by triangles that I was able to get ahead of.

Lastly, I try to write at the end of the day if I was grateful for anything. Gratefulness journals are again, shown to by psychologically helpful.

I’ll take notes on a lecture, or call, right on the page of the day, then go index them after I’m done (a significant lecture will get indexed from front, I keep a project page called ‘call log’ and log the date, time, person, and quick summary on that page, which notes the page of the diary that is on, that call log is a project page indexed by index). Sounds complex, but I’m able to keep a surprising amount of info organized easily, and generating it is easy.

Project pages. I mentioned that I have a novels project page. I also keep pages that log books read, tv shows watched and my thoughts, movies and my thoughts, each audiobook I’m listening to. These are as I go logs.

I also keep lists. I have lists of movies recommended to me written down, and books recommended to me.

Specific complicated projects all get a page.

One of the most useful pages ever for my mental health was “Things I’m Waiting On.”

Open loops, things that are undone and in-progress, that I have no control over, keep me up at night. When I created my first ‘waiting on’ page, I had 43 items on there. It was a relief to list them all out, collating the items from various project pages. I list contracts I’m waiting for, checks, people getting back to me about questions, things being shipped, etc. Knowing that it was on a page that I could update really took it out my perpetual worrying back mind. It also let me put dates next to them so I knew how often to ‘poke’ the project on a set, regular reminder schedule.

I also have pages for ‘life goals’ ‘year goals’ ‘places I want to see’ and things like that.

Project pages are more decorated up with lines from a ruler, and things to help me graphically understand what I’m up to. I can’t share these really, right now, as they have either personal info or info about projects I can’t talk about. But really, there are lots of arrows and things written sideways and all custom designed by me to get the gist of what happens next.

One thing I have learned from Getting Things Done, each project breaks down parts by next actions on those pages, so I understand what I have to do next and can copy a next action onto my daily page as an easy to do.

So to create an internet business project page, first step might be ‘investigate open domain names related to ‘theme of business’’ after that ‘register the domain’ because each of those are concrete, actionable steps that I could almost assign anyone, that I can follow when brain dead. Obviously creative stuff is not something I can assign, but if I were to assign it to another writer, how would I write it? (Say: write one page of X. Or brainstorm 3 ideas for X. Or ‘spend 30 minutes brainstorming ideas for X). That is how I break it down for creative stuff.

That is basically been how I spent the last four months, and I actually think it saved my sanity because the crunch of work I had to achieve in the last four months meant I depended on this heavily.

My only issue was that two months per notebook sucked. I think I can squeeze three out of the Kokuyos, but I am currently testing out a Luechtturm 1917 that I think I can 3-4 months out of and that will be nice, as I won’t have to copy over my project pages every two months.

But man, I love that clear plastic cover and the immediate index of the Kokuyo, so we’ll see how this goes over the next two months.

This is how I Bullet Journal was originally published on Tobias Buckell

[vincentbnaughton]

Why We Returned Our Mail-Order Foam Mattress

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet in the last couple of years, you’re probably well aware of a new generation of mail-order mattresses: Casper. Leesa. Tuft & Needle (just to name a few). They’re these affordable foam mattresses that ship straight to your door, magically unfurl on your bed, and promise an improved night’s sleep or your money back. Having been bombarded with that message for months (years?) we decided to jump on the bandwagon… but quickly second-guessed our decision. And so the “Is this The One?” mattress spiral was born.

Let me preface this by saying that I’ve been hesitant to write this post. We generally don’t like to spotlight products that don’t work out for us, because – especially in the case of a mattress – it’s a lot about personal preference, not some flaw in the item itself. But earlier this month we kinda broke our own rule by podcasting about our lukewarm experience with a Roomba we bought from Costco (btw, thanks for all of the feedback from all you Roomba-lovers and non-lovers – we have a podcast update coming soon!)

And then last week our friends Chris &  Julia shared their own experience with two mail-order mattress brands. Their comments section made me feel less crazy for not loving ours, so I decided not to bite my tongue any longer – just in case anyone else is wondering if these things are as magical as their marketing made me believe they were. Again, this is just my humble experience, so take it for what its worth.

Why A New Mattress?

Our old mattress was 7+ years old and we were feeling less and less satisfied with our night’s sleep. It was a mail-order mattress itself actually – just a denser latex that arrived in three boxes, didn’t expand, and required a bit more assembly. So yes, clearly the Stone Age when it comes to getting your mattress in a box.

A few years ago (back in our second house) we were feeling the need for a softer surface, so we added a padded mattress cover to it. That helped, but we needed more, so on went a thin feather bed. And eventually another. Yes, at some point we were sleeping with three layers of padding in pursuit of the sweet spot of supportive yet sink-in-able.

When we moved into this house 3.5 years ago, we ditched most of the pads (they were constantly sliding around) in hopes falling back in love with our old mattress in its pure form. It was still too firm, plus it was starting to show impressions where we both slept. So last year we finally decided to it was time to go, Especially after googling the normal lifespan of a mattress and reading 7-10 years. Yup, for us that was right on the nose.

The First Purchase

We actually went the “traditional” route first. On a whim one day, we walked into one of those stereotypical mattress stores and before we knew it, the saleswoman had us curling up on row after row of showroom mattresses. I have to say – it was extremely fun. So many options! So many pillows! So many loud plastic covers to keep shoe dirt off the bottom of each bed!

As much as we love hunting for a deal, we sometimes get this surge of “why overcomplicate this for ourselves?” and before we knew it, were signing papers to have our “sleep-tested-five-times-in-the-store-and-we-liked-it-best mattress delivered the following week. It was a Sealy Posturepedic Hybrid  (meaning half-foam, half-coil) and it was around $1100 after a $100 rebate. I felt a little bit like a sucker (you know I love researching things to death) but I also felt extremely ready for a better night’s sleep. Mattress excitement was in the air. It was palpable. I live on the edge, guys.

(Forgive the poor iPhone photos in this post – since we hadn’t planned to blog about this, all we have are a few random shots I snapped to show one of our friends)

The mattress arrived. We hopped onto it ready to be enveloped in luxury or whatever, and instead, both of us thought “is it supposed to be this firm?” “We LIKE firm but it didn’t feel THIS HARD in the store.” “UH OH.”

We called the saleswoman and she assured us that we needed to give it a couple of weeks or more to break in, so yes, it will feel a little firm at first. But it was a tough pill to swallow considering our eagerness to have a mattress that we loved with a capital L.

The Switch

After a couple of weeks, I was beginning to enjoy the new mattress but Sherry wasn’t fully convinced. The saleswoman had extended our return period to test drive it (thanks to our initial impression/freaked out call to her) but the clock was ticking. So this is when we took the leap and ordered a Casper mattress. I’ll admit we didn’t do a ton of research beyond confirming what we had heard in their marketing by reading the overwhelmingly positive reviews on Amazon. It was about $150 cheaper than what we’d gotten at the store, so we were poised to save some money by returning the Sealy – and we liked the idea of getting to compare two mattresses and then being allowed to just send back the one that didn’t make the cut. Seemed error proof. Plus, my childhood cat was named Casper so… win-win-win?

When it arrived a few days later, I could feel all of the hype coming to life in front of my eyes. I can’t believe there’s a mattress in that box! Woah, we’re watching it expand before our very eyes! Although, unlike all of the bloggers before me who documented this process with clever GIFs and time-lapse videos, I just shot one of these terrible, rainy day pictures.

The Disappointment

We wanted to love the Casper mattress, but it was hard to deny that it fell noticeably short of the store-bought one. The first reason was:

Thickness. This will sound dumb, but the Casper felt very thin on our bed. The new Sealy was 12.5″, but the Casper was just 10″. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it was a difference we could see and feel (we would scrape our legs on the bed frame because it squished when we sat up to get out – and we were sleeping noticeably lower than our nightstand all of a sudden). We could’ve gotten a thin bunkie board or something, but we couldn’t get over the overall feeling of meh.

That wouldn’t have been enough to return it, but reason #2 was:

Firmness. The all-foam Casper felt incredibly soft to us. You sunk into it in that way that feels awesome at first (kinda like that initial leap into a good hotel bed) but then you quickly realize you’re not being supported in the right places. I know I’ve said we were hunting for something softer than our existing mattresses, but Sherry and I still both like a fair amount of support. We could both tell from the get-go that Casper wasn’t firm enough, but we gave it a couple of nights just to be sure. And believe me, we were sure.

Again, I feel bad knocking this mattress that lots of people clearly love – but I can say that we were VERY impressed with the customer service. The return process was super simple and the people on the phone were very kind and understanding. And since they can’t resell a used mattress, their business model is to contact a local charity so they can come pick it up for a family in need. I KNOW. So we can’t say enough nice things about the PROCESS of buying the mail-order mattress. But sadly as for the mattress itself – we just weren’t a good fit.

The Conclusion

The story has a happy ending. Having seen that the grass isn’t always greener, we flopped the Sealy back onto our bed and decided to give it another chance (we still had a couple of weeks left to test it). And sure enough, it gradually softened up and now we’re both pretty darn happy with it. My only hesitation in gushing is because it doesn’t have that dramatic “sink-in” feel that we wanted (and felt in the store), but I think this process taught us that we actually don’t sleep well on a mattress with noticeable sink in the long term anyway (I have to push with some effort in the pic below). So while part of us “misses” that cliche plushness, we know we’re getting a good solid night’s sleep and there is zero soreness in the morning (which was occurring when our old foam mattress started to sag, and when we tried the Casper, which was just too soft from day one). For us, I think that hybrid combination of the foam top and coil support is a really good mix.

And, this may sound like we haven’t learned our lesson, but we’re considering some of the mail-order, foam mattresses for our beach house. Their more affordable price point is certainly enticing considering we’ll probably need 5 (!!!) plus having them delivered directly is a plus. So I’ll still be paying close attention to reviews and everyone’s thoughts on these puppies. Just because that Casper didn’t work for us doesn’t mean we’re off the mail order mattress train entirely. Although we’ve also been VERY happy with The Original Mattress Factory mattress in our guest room that we’ve had for a few years now. Sherry’s mom says it’s more comfortable than a fancy hotel mattress. So that’s also a beach house possibility for sure. The plot thickens…

PS: I’ve mentioned this on our podcast, but I highly recommend the “Mattresses” episode of another podcast called Surprisingly Awesome. They go behind the scenes of the mattress industry to see why it’s such a confusing shopping experience (when it probably doesn’t need to be). Their conclusion? “You probably want to spend more than $800—below that there are some good mattresses, but there are also a lot of bad ones. And anything you spend over around $1,500 is probably not gonna get you that much better of a mattress.” Who knew mattress talk was so interesting?!

The post Why We Returned Our Mail-Order Foam Mattress appeared first on Young House Love.