#this ends up presenting itself in seething passive aggression‚ virulent rants at the drop of a hat and randomly exploding at people
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The OCD urge to convince everyone that you're not a good person really.
#it feels unreal to me that it's not obvious to people what a five alarm trashfire the inside of my head is#it's a fucking warzone in here. people are dying. blood everywhere. things on fire#this ends up presenting itself in seething passive aggression‚ virulent rants at the drop of a hat and randomly exploding at people#but most of it happens at home or with disparate people and places#so a casual observer who isn't targeted and doesn't disagree merely thinks Im being snippy#instead of acting like bear caught in a trap#people see your highlight reel not the behind the scenes footage#so when they still like you despite how toxic you know yourself to be#it feels like you're being disingenuous somehow#the baseline ocd existence is believing you're the reason for humanity's downfall and a plague on the earth#and desperately hoping that nobody finds out but also that people do find out so that you can stop being terrified of being discovered#actually ocd#ocd#scrupulosity#knee of huss#mental illness#mental health
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