#this does not help the allegations that they're dating

[foolsknight]

Hear ye! Hear ye! His Royal Majesty has made a proclamation renaming the month of Fierre to August after his most beloved- *ahem*- champion knight Sir Augustine.

[keerysfreckles]

she's american — OP81 (smau)

pairing: oscar piastri x sargeant!fem!reader

summary: oscar falls in love with his best friends sister

warnings: none!

a/n: landoscar podium this weekend i can feel it 🤞 (sos im too delulu rn)

masterlist !

⋆ ˚ ｡ ⋆ ୨୧ ˚

y/n_sargeant just posted !

liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant and 199,046 others

y/n_sargeant does my brother race in mclaren? no! was i in the mclaren garage all weekend? yes! oscarpiastri, landonorris

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user1 y/n feeding us with landoscar content once again 🙏🙏

mclaren come back anytime 🧡

y/n_sargeant idk how logan will feel about that 💔💔

user2 the mclaren it girl

user3 the caption im 😭😭

logansargent so this is where you were all weekend?!

y/n_sargeant well yes! 🤭

oscarpiastri lovely seeing you again y/n!

user4 lando's pose is so cute he's never beating the babygirl allegations

williamsracing come home we miss you 💔

y/n_sargeant i'll be back next weekend (per logans request)

y/n_sargeant just posted !

liked by alex_albon, williamsracing and 203,189 others

y/n_sargeant hung out with the better williams driver this week 🐬🌺🐛☀️ alex_albon

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alex_albon I HAD A BLAST Y/N!!!!!

y/n_sargeant AHH ME TOO A!!!!!!!!!

user1 aw the matching snorkel pics 😭😭

user2 THE BETTER WILLIAMS DRIVER PLS SHE DID NOT HOLD BACK

logansargeant YOU HUNG OUT WITHOUT ME?????

y/n_sargeant not the first time baby bro 🤷🏼‍♀️

logansargeant y/n we're twins...

y/n_sargeant yeah but i'm older 😁

logansargeant BY TWO MINUTES

landonorris did you keep the sand dollar i gave you 🥺🥺🥺

y/n_sargeant of course 🤗

loganaargeant LANDO WENT TOO??????

user3 uh oh logans in his temper tantrum era

oscarpiastri petiton to go on more trips without logan

logansargeant i'm done.

user4 PLS OSCAR BEING ON Y/NS SIDE

y/n_sargeant just posted !

liked by oscarpiastri, mclaren and 329,177 others

y/n_sargeant i missed the mclaren garage 🧡 oscarpiastri

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user1 OSCAR CONTENT!!!!!!!!!

user2 notice how they're all just of oscar......

mclaren oh how we've missed you 🧡🧡

y/n_sargeant i've missed you more 🥹

user3 y/n can you boop oscars nose for me thanks 🤞🏻

oacarpiastri how many random photos do you even have of me

y/n_sargeant too many to count......

landonorris chat y/n couldn't stop following osc around all weekend it was adorable

y/n_sargeant LANDO SHUT YOUR MOUTH

user4 oscar looking at y/n in the first pic :((

oscarpiastri just posted !

liked by landonorris, y/n_sargeant and 570,324 others

oscarpiastri skipped the grid dinner to be with her ❤️

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user1 OSCAR SOFT LAUNCH ERA???????

user2 HE CARRIED HER HEELS FOR HER I REPEAT HE CARRIED HER HEELS FOR HER

landonorris do i know the lucky gal 🤨🤨

oscarpiastri maybe

user3 is that y/n??????? i thought she was blonde?????

user4 im being delulu and saying she dyed it 🤞

logansargeant oscar answer your phone.

alex_albon double date when 😁😁

mclaren the only acceptable reason to skip a grid dinner

oscarpiastri can i miss next weeks dinner as well..?

user5 y/n being in the likes but not the comments.. hmmmm

y/n_sargeant just posted !

liked by oscarpiastri, alex_albon and 319,622 others

y/n_sargeant brunettes have more fun! 🤎🧸

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user1 oh girly is brave for posting this after oscars post last night

alex_albon we basically just switched hair colors 😁😁

mclaren orange looks better with brown hair anyway 😉

user2 oscar being in the likes and not the comments this time...........

user3 they're being too sneaky i fear

landonorris I'VE CONVERTED YOU 🙌🏽

y/n_sargeant i cannot confirm or deny

user4 OKAY POP OFF Y/N!!!!!

logansargeant i could've helped dye it ☹️

y/n_sagreant we both know you would've messed it up

imessage !

oacarpiastri just posted !

liked by y/n_sargeant, landonorris and 881,320 others

oscarpiastri girlfriend gave me permission to hard launch ❤️❤️ y/n_sargeant

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user1 THE FIRST PIC HELLO???????????

user2 im still not over the dinner post 😭😭😭😭😭😭

y/n_sargeant oh i look good in the second slide 🤩🤩

oscarpiastri ikr! 😘

mclaren best f1 couple out there 😍🧡

landonorris i can hear logan screaming from his hotel room.......

oscarpiastri oh god

y/n_sargeant even after we told him earlier.. 🤦🏻‍♀️

user3 one thing about oscar, he loves taking pics of y/n getting ready

user4 ABSOLUTE CUTIES UGH

y/n_sargeant just posted !

liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant and 500,439 others

y/n_sargeant i love my boyfriend ❤️ (logan pls ignore this thanks xx) oscarpiastri

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oscarpiastri i love my girlfriend ❤️

user1 oh the hard launch is hard launching 😖

user2 Y/NOSCAR GIRLIES HAVENT BEEN DELUSIONAL !!!!!!!!!

logansargeant i'm happy for you y/n :) and i guess oscar 🙄

y/n_sargeant awwww logie bear 🥹🥹

logansargeant i thought we'd never bring that name up again

oscarpiastri hey logie bear 😁

user3 all the oscar content we're gonna get now omg..

user4 so is y/n gonna be in mclarens garage again this weekend???

user5 camermans gonna love zooming in on y/n right after showing oscar driving i just know it

landonorris so you take my best friend and my boyfriend????

y/n_sargeant yeah basically 🤗

[onakomiyaki]

date me to scare them! | dr3 x reader - smau

summary : you make a silly post about a cute curly haired brunette you stumble upon pinterest on twitter, hoping twitter will help you find the adorable man. only to find out who he is.

fc : lauren de graaf, pinterest, tumblr.

a/n : hello sweetiepies after two months or so having a writer block due to lack of redbull energy drink (my mother banned me after found out my heartbeat beating 10 times faster than usually is) now i am back! hope you like this LONG smau <3

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

amor_redoux posted a story!

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

amor_redoux

📍Australia

Liked by danielricciardo, scottyjames31 and pyry.salmela 706,701 others

amor_redoux recharging 🔋⚡️⚡️⚡️

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5 August

oscarpiastri isn't it very hot down there?

amor_redoux yeah.. should've stayed in amsterdam

danielricciardo Oh

This comment has been deleted!

amor_redoux IM JOKING

user5 im afraid that one user on twitter were right

user6 I CAME HERE SOON AS I SAW THAT TWEET AND WTF I THINK THEY'RE RIGHT PYRY AND SCOTTY ARE IN THE LIKES

alexandrasaintmleux Don't forget my TimTams

charles_leclerc MY BOOMERANG

maxverstappen1 Just have fun ( Don't forget mine )

amor_redoux voi ragazzi siete peggio 🙄🙄

danielricciardo 🤣🤣

user7 WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

amor_redoux

Liked by charles_leclerc, alexandrasaintmleux, danielricciardo and 756,541 others

amor_redoux enchanté mon ami. ⛱️☀️

tagged : @.enchante

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17 August

enchante Enchanté, Y/N! ☀️

amor_redoux ☀️❤️

user1 NAW HOLD OUNNNNNN FIRST PIC ?!

user2 she is either one of lucky fans or trully daniel's gf..

user3 NOW YOU GUYS BELIEVE ME OR?

alexandrasaintmleux Belle! 🌹❤️❤️

amor_redoux NO UUUUUUUU ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

danielricciardo Enchanté 🌹

amor_redoux 🌹🌹

charles_leclerc Now if i say something

amor_redoux NOW IF YOU JUST ZIP IT

charles_leclerc You seeing this? @.maxverstappen1

maxverstappen1 ??????

amor_redoux hallo max emillian. dag, hoe gaat het?

maxverstappen1 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

amor_redoux ✋️😀

user4 WHAT'S GOING ON IN HOUSE OF COMMON?!

user5 SOMEONE SCREENSHOT THIS AND THAT TWEET CONNECTING DANIEL AND Y/N

user6 maybe i should start posting cute pictures of cute boys and ask people of the internet to help me find him

Liked by amor_redoux and danielricciardo

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

amor_redoux

📍Amsterdam, Netherland

Liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1, f1dutchgp and 986,423 others

amor_redoux home 🩵🧡

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21 August

user8 SOFTLAUNCH? IS THIS SOFTLAUNCH @.amor_redoux ?

amor_redoux no comment.

user9 SOMEBODY PINCH ME RN

charles_leclerc Oh its real. VERY real.

user9 CHARLES?!

user10 CHARLES CONFIRMED IT CHARLES CONFIRMED IT

user3 I TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU SO 🗣🗣🗣

landonorris orange heart for papaya?

amor_redoux no lando, orange for dutch 🙄

landonorris meh ill take it as papaya orange anyway.

maxverstappen1 Where's the stroopwaffles? 😧

amor_redoux daniel ate them all ☹️☹️

danielricciardo Sorry mate 😅

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

f1.wags_

Liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, alexandrasaintmleux and 350,423 others

f1.wags_ NEW WAGS ALERT! Y/N L/N SPOTTED AT MONZA. The 27 years old Dutch-French model spotted at Monza, Italy with [alleged] boyfriend Daniel Ricciardo arriving at Formula 1 Paddock, Friday 30th August.

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30 August

user1 OH-

user2 HOLY MOLEY SHE IS SO GORGEOUS

user3 heh, turns out im right after all *dramatic cape swift*

user4 you did it, detective user3 fr..

user5 SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU KING @.Username3

user4 THE TRIO IN THE LIKES (ALEX, MAX, AND CHARLES) AAAAAAAA

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

danielricciardo

Liked by amor_redoux, maxverstappen1, visacashapprb and 650,423 others

danielricciardo Pizza. And some racing.

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30 minutes ago

amor_redoux oh so we are hardlaunching now?

danielricciardo 🥰🥰🥰 Yes 🥰🥰🥰

charles_leclerc "Thank you Charles Leclerc" would be nice mate 😤

danielricciardo Thank you Charles Leclerc 🥰

maxverstappen1 Hey, what about me? I told you about that nice restaurant! 😠

danielricciardo Thank you Max Verstappen 🥰

visacashapprb 🩵🩵🩵

user3 MY JOB IS DONE, CONGRATULATIONS LOVEBIRD

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

Liked by danielricciardo

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

[hwnglx]

dating enhypen hyung line pro's & con's

based on tarot. i don't know these idols personally. energies are always changing. everything i state is for entertainment purposes only, alleged and NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

heeseung

pro's

will make you the brightest star of his life -> i can just see his life circling around pleasing you

your existence will just matter to you a lot

he's an extremely perfectionistic guy so he'll rarely feel satisfied and therefore put consistent effort into making sure he's being the best boyfriend he can be for you

he literally wouldn't live up to his own expectations towards himself and disappoint himself if he found himself being unfaithful or doing you wrong

wants to make his partners feel secure when they're with him, like he's their comfort person and safe space

sees his lovers as someone he can learn from -> wants to grow, improve and transform into his best self through dating his partners, as well as also become a source of support and help for them himself

almost like bonding through their wounds, perhaps even sharing similar past experiences so they can offer a sense of mending and healing to each other

i really don't see much of an ego here, in fact he's almost too overly modest and humble

heeseung is the type of boyfriend will dim his own light if it means you will shine, honestly

i thought of a line from stray kids' song “i am you” where changbin says “i can become darkness if it means you will become brighter” (fun fact they're both virgo venus')

has a very calming and soothing type of energy and presence in his romantic relationships

i just keep seeing him sit there with his soft gaze strictly focused on his partner's eyes all the time, gently stroking their hand and quietly humming “mhm”s while attentively listening to them talk and take in every word

very interested and curious in getting to know his partners in a detailed and thorough manner

will probably remember most things about you too, even the more trivial and simple things like.. the perfume you wore on the day you met, just things you probably wouldn't expect for him to remember

con's

his perfectionism, unrealistic standards and amplified romanticism can easily set himself up for disappointment, not only towards himself but also in regards to his lovers and his relationships

he tends to have this idealized view of love and approach his romantic connections with such high expectations that things not living up to that (which often is inevitable since relationships can't be perfect all the time) can quickly dishearten him

i also see him being contradictory in a way where he does want to grow and learn through the connection but at the same time, he can struggle with criticism and negativity

might not want to hear out your advice at times because to heeseung, it can feel like you rubbing his mistakes into his face, which he doesn't enjoy and can get afraid of

he's just really worried about messing things up

can get obsessive and overly invested in the relationship

i just see him being this lover who can suffocate his partners to a degree because he's so eager to make sure they're content and please them all the time

he reminds me of this guy i dated who had similar placements and he kept being so immensely alert and attentive to all my needs that it just felt.. overly smothering at some point (i know some people might like this though, depends on your character)

no lie, heeseung's and jungkook's energies are strikingly similar in a few ways. the idealization of romance, overthinking, immensely high standards causing quicker disappointment, issues with handling criticism due to their perfectionistic tendencies. they could relate on some levels.

heeseung seems like a good guy; i truly see his energy as one of the best in enhypen. though this could be subjective. his intentions read as pure, and coming from a selfless place.

jay

pro's

has this pleasant energy to him where being with jay feels very comfortable, cozy, warm and relaxing

a boyfriend who loves spending the more quiet and intimate times together with his partner

will love displaying this source of calm and rest for them

i see him really enjoying to cuddle under the sheets, in front of the fireplace, with lit candles, wine, soothing music, softly holding you in his arm

a very sensual and indulgent lover too, he just loves making his partners feel good in every sense of the word and wants to heighten their enjoyment

physical touch & quality time are his likely love languages

quite good at figuring out your personal boundaries and remaining respectful and mindful of not crossing them

he's the type to hold himself back in the beginning stages and stay polite but once he's got a good understanding of how deep he can push your buttons, he'll love to initiate some playful debates and arguments

dating jay can feel like you're dating your best friend

he brings a lot of happiness and laughter into the lives of his significant others

a lot of playful bickering and fun times

i just saw this scene of him strolling through the furniture store with his lover and them fighting over which colour plates they should buy for their new house lmao

another insight i constantly get for him without fail; this man genuinely loves the idea of marriage

though i don't see him being ready for it at all at this point in time, jay does enjoy the thought of a more traditional relationship and domestic life

extremely protective over his lover and their relationship

will always defend you and your name fiercely

or e.g. protectively get you to walk on the other side of him, if there's a busy road next to you

quite territorial too, jay wants his lovers to himself and is ready to fight and glare off anyone trying to access them

just heard “nothing's gonna hurt you baby, as long as you'll be with me, you'll be just fine” (song by cas)

con's

mainly focused on himself; including his own dreams, desires and wishes, especially in terms of his career, his work and his money -> i don't see him having much room for anyone else right now

might feel like letting another person into his life in a more serious and committed manner could cause an unwanted interference rather than an enrichment

i truly don't see him enjoying the thought of compromosing or being restricted by anyone right now

tbh, the energy is pretty selfish, and more surface-level here.. i currently don't see jay getting into relationships for true love, but moreso for what they can do for him

and also for what the relationship looks like; on the outside, as well as on paper

very practically minded in that sense, i am not getting an actual emotional attachment to his partners for him

definitely has his workaholic tendencies; might put himself and his career above the relationship with his significant others if he doesn't see the two aligning well

i also see jay easily getting caught up in materialism and putting too much value on superficial things like money, possessions, status, etc.

he can get a little stingy if he feels unappreciated, or the connection is too onesided (like he's constantly the one buying the gifts, preparing everything and his partner doesn't bother to do their part)

immensely stubborn and “my way or the highway”

can be quite rigid and inflexible, as well as reluctant to give in, or adapt and adjust himself to anyone

tbh, the energy was interestingly different compared to what i got from him before. though obviously, people and their preferences, habits, etc. change all the time through various experiences. which is the case especially for enhypen, since they're so young and still in the midst of maturing and developing. this non-committal “i'll do whatever i want” energy strikes me as more of a stage or phase for jay as of right now. might change within a few months, who knows.

jake

pro's

immensely flirty, romantic and charming boyfriend

naturally brings a lot of butterflies and excitement into the lives of his partners in that way

i just see him being a hugely smooth talker, making his partners blush by flattering them all the time

almost in this love-bombing way, where some people might (playfully) tell him to shut up at some point while blushing embarrassedly and he'd love that sight

comes alive in romance; loves everything it entails

being in a harmonious relationship is something he desires a lot, so there's this grateful and proud feeling of “you're literally making my dreams come true”

would maybe even tell you you're his dream

emphasis on him being immensely sweet and loving with his words, there's definitely a poetic side to him too

will not only find his home in you, but become your home (offer you a sense of warmth, familiarity and belonging)

very calming and soothing listener

everytime i read for him, spirit tells me there's something about his voice and the way he looks at you, that just has the potential to calm you down immensely

jake is someone who can go through a lot of inner turmoil himself, so he can often find himself wanting to comfort the people he's close to, especially his lovers

a lover who's very.. “don't keep it all in, talk to me, i will listen, and i will try my best to help”

he just genuinely wants to make you feel cared about

also very witty and funny though, i see him provoking and poking his lovers a lot just to get a reaction out of them

a lot of sarcasm mixed into his teasing and humor in a way that just riles you up; jake will love seeing you annoyed and find it very amusing

i do see him trying to make it up to his partners too though, like giving them a kiss and apologizing (he's a very playful push and pull type of boyfriend)

con's

likely to not be very reliable, he can often be more talk than action, and not always stick to what he preaches

can be very moody, unpredictable and overly sensitive

does want a relationship that goes deeper (i can sense jake literally craving it since he can feel empty very often) but can opt to run away as soon as he feels like it does, especially because the intimacy can scare him off

vulnerability can make him uncomfortable -> to jake, it can feel like someone has insight into his true soul and sees him for everything that he is, including the flaws and blemishes he himself deems as unlovable

easily sees his wounds, pain and insecurities as something people would judge him for, which is why he rarely allows people in that closely

just.. really desires validation, a stroke of his ego and admiration and can quickly be under the impression that his more “raw” self isn't worthy of that

i heard the lana del rey song “will you still love me, when i'm no longer young and beautiful? will you still love me, when i got nothing but my aching soul?” (again.. wow, i remember getting it for my ideal type reading too)

i see jake's insecurities and unstable self-esteem making him a person who feels offended and hurt more quickly, which can lead to him becoming sharp, offensive and cutting with his words as a defence mechanism

i heard “hurt people hurt people”

can easily feel mistrustful which can lead to forceful and controlling behavior -> can experience issues allowing you your freedom out of fear of you moving on

jake kept giving me this feeling of “i want to find a person who can make me feel like i'm at home” i just kept hearing the word “home” continuously.

random note, i also thought of australia and his mother a lot, she comes up in almost every reading for him

for the pro's, the knight of cups fell out together with the four of wands, and the way it fell gave me the image of jake (knight of cups -> scorpio sun) seeking for this feeling of belonging and arriving home (four of wands) like he finally found the person who gives him the warmth he's searching for.

two of the following cards were the star and the nine of cups which gave me.. “thank you for making my hopes and wishes become reality, thank you for staying with me.” the reading was quite moving, tbh. i didn't expect that.

apparently, he is a scorpio stellium with an aries moon in the eight house, so.. phew. yeah. makes sense. jake is a bunch of intensity and emotions wrapped into one human, literally. he feels and senses everything three times as deeply as others.

his sun does fall into his fourth house too though, which explains how closely he ties himself to his family, and the meaning of home. he really craves a safe space.

sunghoon

pro's

trustworthy, committed and loyal boyfriend (probably number one in enhypen right now) -> he just won't find much interest in other people once he's with his lover

sunghoon is picky anyway, so once he's with someone, he firmly stands behind his decision and won't be the type to just allow his impulses to ruin anything

an insight i get again and again; he likes the idea of a connection that blossoms slowly but substantially

isn't the type to rush or jump from lover to lover but moreso approaches his relationships in a mindful manner

will spend a good amount of time getting to know you thoroughly, i see him studying people quite carefully

if he decides to date you, it's because he sees you as the person for him -> not the type to put on a show or play deceitful games with his partners, he's a serious lover

puts genuine effort into making sure the relationship is based on a stable foundation of trust (very important factor for him!) and mutual feelings

meaning, he'll make sure you know you can trust him but also find ways to truly figure out whether he can trust you

the type of boyfriend who wants to grow together with his partner, go through various different cycles together and continuously deepen the connection as time goes on

i do see sunghoon believing in fate and destiny, he can be quite intuitive in that sense

i heard “tell me all your secrets” and “tell me something you've never told anyone else”

sunghoon will want to be the one special person who's allowed to know you in and out, better than anyone else

wants to enjoy this subconscious, profound and unique connection with you in that way, like no one understands you the way he does and vice versa

i especially see him wanting to be the one to know about e.g. your struggles, you might not tell everyone about

like he's your person, the one you'd trust with your life

keeps the relationship very private

i just see being in a relationship with sunghoon as this experience where, being with him can feel like you're the only two people on the world; it's very intimate

he will quite literally be tunnel-visioned on you whenever you're together and naturally make you focus on him too

though i do see him enjoying experiencing different things together with his lover, this silent but powerful connection and communication is likely to still be present, even when you're amongst a crowd

like this.. one moment of eye contact between the two of you, can already tell the other person what they're thinking and feeling, type of dynamic

con's

can have the habit of naturally holding himself back a lot and therefore store a lot of his worries inside

this man can overthink and overanalyze much more than you'd think, but many of his partners might not even figure that out since he's very good at disguising it

i keep feeling so chilly inside while reading for sunghoon, it's almost like.. once he gets to this place of overwhelming and inner stress, he often turns cold

tends to rationalize his more “negative” emotions since they can get confusing and too much for him otherwise

but he also doesn't enjoy confronting his lovers with them at all, out of fear of causing disharmony, or laying himself bare in this vulnerable or “weak” state

genuinely doesn't want to burden people, especially his significant others, with his own inner conflicts but can also have issues processing and finding healthy outlets

so he's likely to, either distract himself by focusing on his own desires and endeavors away from his significant others (like his career and work), or generally withdraw and isolate himself from them in order to somehow cope

i also see him potentially struggling to empathize and understand other people's standpoints at times

sunghoon does tend to look back at himself and reflect on his own behavior a lot, so he can get caught up in this feeling of “no but i did everything right, everything is fine, i don't understand why you'd be this way”

it's this frustration of sincerely wanting to understand you, but just not always being able to, which can result in him turning distant, stiff and detached emotionally

i also see some potential judgemental and overly picky tendencies in terms of superficial things, like appearance

maknae line coming very soon! stay tuned <3

[girlboybug]

Crush

"he looks like he works with his hands, and smells like marlboro reds."

what's playing 🎧: crush by ethel cain

pairing : bfd!joel x reader (no outbreak au)

word count : 14k (oops)

*unedited*

CONTENT WARNINGS : SMUT, age gap, heavy petting, grinding, fingering, handjobs, references to m!masturbation, unprotected sex, creampies, light dirty talk, riding, soft dom!joel, but also switch coded joel if u squint, slight angst kinda sorta

TRIGGER WARNINGS : lowkey dubcon just bc of the power imbalance that comes with the age gap but everything is consensual as always. joel knew the reader when they were 4, 16 years have passed so now they're 20! brief mentions of messy home life and brief descriptions of verbal sexual harassment

A/N : i've been dying to write bfd!joel, and when i heard crush i knew what i had to do lolol. so sorry this took ages, it wasn't supposed to be this long but here we are lol. i hope you guys enjoy <3 comments really motivate me, so if you liked it plz lmk in the comments :3

your eyes continually drift over to the time glowing in the corner of the screen on your register, wondering when joel was supposed to swing by. you pray that he hasn’t forgotten his promise to your dad of checking out your air conditioner to see what needs to be repaired.

the tiny fan that sits beside your half drinken water bottle does little to nothing, and it only adds insult to injury. 

you think back to last night at dinner, in your air conditioned home, about the ‘exciting’ news your dad had to share. he rattled on about how he ran into an old college buddy and family friend, joel miller down at the pro bass shop—and of course it was at the pro bass shop. 

after a few jogs of your slightly depleting memory, you finally, somewhat, remembered a face to the name. you vaguely joined in with your parents’ reminiscing of how he used to come over with his little girl sarah for play dates, and occasionally babysitting you when your parents went out on their date nights. 

they also were quick to tease you about your little crush on him, one you swear you can’t remember, which in your defense, you really don’t, and desperate to change the subject, you asked about his wife, which only worsened the allegations of your crush on him. 

“goin through a divorce, it’s actually why he moved back here, but i’m sure you’re happy to hear that,” your dad snickered with a little nudge, and you wanted to bury your face in the steaming mashed potatoes on your plate. 

once you managed to wrangle them out of the conversation of your alleged feelings towards the man you barely remembered, it was briefly mentioned that he’d be coming by today to check out your broken down air conditioner at the store your parents owned and operated. 

you’re the cashier there, unwillingly of course, but it helps pay for your very expensive books you need for your classes, so it’s not a total issue. however, as you blanky look around the empty sweltering convenience store, you honestly consider closing up early and ubering home to soak in a nice, cold shower. 

the bell that hangs from the door rings at the front entrance, but you’re too tired and worn down by the heat to say your usual greeting, instead deciding to just remain slumped in your small wooden stool, aimlessly trying to angle your mini fan at the most optimal point of your face. 

your peripheral view catches a navy blue hued shirt, and your head lifts upwards to get a better look in case it’s a customer. 

your eyes fall onto an older man smiling down at you, crossed arms bulging from behind his short sleeves. something bubbles in the very pit of your stomach. “mr. miller?” you ask, slightly unsure, but he nods, chuckling when his arms drop to his sides. “heya hun, it’s been awhile, how are you?” he leans in for a hug, and you suddenly don’t feel the sweat that’s been stuck to your skin for the past three hours as you rise to your feet and off the stool to meet his arms that come around your waist. you manage to stutter a response of, “i’m good, and you?” 

“doin’ alright,” he says through a grin– oh god, his grin is so pretty, you think you almost see a cartoonish sparkle glint in his teeth from the fluorescent lighting.

your stomach bubbles up the more you take him in, and oh no. the worst possible thing just came to fruition.

your parents were actually right. 

he pulls back, hands still on the backs of your arms as he takes a moment to really look at you. “you’re so grown up now honey, i remember when you were just this big,” he holds a hand just below his hip and you join in his light laughter, feeling those fluttery feelings you felt all those years ago rush to your chest and tummy like a dormant volcano erupting. 

he hasn’t aged a bit, maybe a few more wrinkles here and there, and the crows feet beside his eyes deepen more now when he smiles, along with the grays that take the place of where some strands of brown used to be. but he’s just as beautiful as your fuzzy memories, if not more. 

“y-you look exactly the same,” you chuckle nervously, trying to not give in to the magnetic pull tempting your eyes in the direction of his chest and abdomen. he grows a little bashful, glancing away for a moment before he replies, a little pinker in the cheeks than before. “i definitely don’t weigh the same, sweetheart,” he sighs playfully, patting his stomach. 

you hear the traces of slight disappointment in his words and it saddens you. you shake your head, feeling even warmer under the heavy feeling from his eyes blanketing over you while you frown ever so slightly. “i think you look great.” you say truthfully, feeling nervous as soon as the words part from you, worried he might think you’re too forward, but instead he smiles again, looking down at his boots. 

“you’re too kind.” he grins, looking back up at you, his fingers running along the side of his beard. you feel flushed, glancing away from his smiles. 

“goddamn, it is hot in here,” he pinches at his shirt, pulling it back and forth to get a slight breeze. you nod vigorously, plopping back into your stool, fanning yourself once more. “i can show you were the ac’s at,” you offer, and he agrees. 

you guide him to the useless machine, eyeing it down with an irritated look, as if it were alive, and purposefully broken down to spite you. 

he walks over to it, bending down to its level and you balance on your heels awkwardly, overthinking on if it’s the correct social etiquette to say anything right now. 

“hmm, lemme get my belt from the truck, i’ll be back hun,” he nods at you, sending you a smile before he disappears out the store and back to his truck. 

when you’re sure he’s out of view, you curl in on yourself, holding your face and opening your mouth to let out a silent scream. 

all it took was seeing him for two seconds, for a crush you didn’t even remember existed until last night to come back immediately. 

when he returns, he sends you a smile before he goes right to work, setting up shop beside the air conditioner, toolbelt wrapped around the alluring circumference of his waist. 

you imagine what it’d be like if it were your hands instead of the worn down leather that envelops him, how his skin would feel in your palms and jesus, you are being so creepy right now. 

he talks while he works, listing about all the things wrong with the ac, jokingly calling your dad a cheapskate for not being willing enough to upgrade to a functioning one that wasn’t manufactured before you were born. and of course, you laugh, leaning against a counter, hoping he just so happens to turn to the side to spare you a glance and notice that you look effortlessly sexy. 

he mainly keeps his focus on the task at hand but, you keep hoping he turns to look over at you at some point. 

no customers have come in yet, and for once you are eternally grateful for a slow day. 

your eyes trail from his biceps, down to his strong forearms, they look safe, secure, like they could hold you and keep you locked in, and his hands…god his hands. 

they’re long, and big. his wide palms that splay across the side of the ac make the machine somehow look small in comparison. his fingers are so skillful, prodding and working at the screws and confusing bits you didn’t even know were a part of the contraption — but honestly the mechanisms of the ac are not what you care about right now. 

you care about how it would feel if it were your sides, your hips, being touched and caressed instead of the machine, and how his big strong hands could hold onto them, grip them, squeeze them tight like a real man would. 

you notice the way he swipes his forearm across his forehead, clearing away the sweat that beads over the skin, feeling bad that he’s doing so much manual labor in such terrible conditions. 

you depart from your shared space for a moment, padding towards the refrigerators stocked full of drinks. 

you return to him, tapping his shoulder and smiling brightly when he looks at you, eyes darting down to the cold root beer in your hands. “for you. least i can offer while you work,” you beam and he chuckles, switching some weight onto his left foot, his hand resting on his hip when he graciously takes the bottle from you. 

“well thank you hun,” he tips his head at you, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig. 

you watch the way his lips curl around the rim, how his hand just about swallows the entire bottle and the way his adam’s apple bobs while he drinks. you have to fight back the urge to squeeze your thighs together to alleviate the tingly feeling spreading inside you. 

“how’d you remember i like root beer?” he asks, eyes peering at you with a warm surprise, his fingers twisting the screwdriver into the side of the ac. 

you hop up onto the counter beside him, swinging your legs while you shrug. “just randomly came to mind i guess,” he turns to look at you, taking note of the way his eyes land on your bare legs first before they flicker back up to your eyes. you feel a little cocky about that. 

“always were a helpful girl,” he says, and you just about glow at his little compliment, folding a leg over the other while you rest on your palms, trying to hide how big your smile grows. 

“thank you,” you say quieter, shyer than you mean to. 

you two converse a bit longer, and you decide to sneakily flip the open sign to closed in the window while you listen to his responses. 

the topic of college is brought up, and you respond to his questions about how it’s going, what you’re majoring in, and you answer, creative writing, feeling flushed when he pauses his work to smile at you. 

“an’ you know what, you always were a storyteller when you were young, i bet you’ve only gotten better since,” he says wistfully, fondly imagining you typing away and creating stories he’d happily read all about. 

he’s not a big reader, but for you? he could be. 

when he finishes up, he calls you over, turning the knob on high and watching as the ac releases what sounds like a guttural groan before a gust of icy air greets your bare arms. 

you gasp and squeal in delight over no longer being slowly cooked to death in your parent’s mini mart.

“thank you mr. miller you’re literally the best,” you gush and he waves you off, gathering his tools as he nears the register. 

“ahh don’t worry ‘bout it. i’m happy to do it. ‘specially if ya had anyone else do it for you, i know you’d get charged damn near an arm and a leg,” he rests his hands on the counter and your eyes trace over his long fingers while you make your way beside him. you feel giddy when you notice the tan line on his ring finger. 

a reminder of the fact that he’s single now. 

you just nod, holding back from saying something along the lines of how you’d be more than happy to pay him for this service with a…different kind of service of your own in return. 

“so how much was the root beer hun?” he asks, flicking through the bills in his wallet. you immediately shake your head, ignoring his protests of accepting a free drink. 

“no that was on the house mr. miller, i will not take your money,” you say stubbornly and he squints at you, huffing in defeat. “you sure? don’t want you gettin’ in trouble with your folks if they find out you’re out here givin things away for free now,” his hands settle on his hips and he gives you a playfully testing look, still managing to cause a flurry of emotions to ripple inside your lower tummy. 

“who’s gonna tell them?” you counter, voice lowering just a little, eyes following in suit as you stare up at him. 

his soft chuckle fades between his parted lips at the shift in your demeanor. his jaw comes down for a second before his lips curl to the side. “alright, thank you sweetpea,” he concedes just an octave above a murmur. 

“is there anything else you wanted to get? because in all seriousness, they’d probably get more upset at me for actually charging you instead of just letting you have it for free.” you say truthfully, feeling positive that your dad wouldn’t mind joel taking a few things home free of charge. 

he holds out that big hand of his, chuckling when his gaze shifts to the ground before it rests back over on you. “nah s’alright hun, root beer was already mighty gracious of you,” but you’re not buying it, you head behind the register, arms extending along the expanse of the wall of products, pretending to sell the items like you’re showcasing the prizes on a game show. 

“you suuure? anything you want, completely free,” you offer temptingly and his lips collect themselves to the side of his mouth, chuckling mutedly, a little shake of his head as he watches you. 

“alright,” he leans forward, and you feel your throat get a little tight at his ministrations, suddenly noticing the slight glimmer of a chain hidden beneath his shirt. 

“can you get me that pack of marlboro reds behind you hun?” he points at the carton of cigarettes, and for some reason his request makes your stomach get tight. 

you think back to how not even a day ago you rambled about your visceral dislike for boys, discarding them as a waste of time — but joel isn’t a boy. he’s a man, and may the version of yourself who existed moments before he came in, forgive you for being a melted pile of hypocritical mush he’s managed to turn you into in the span of less than two hours. 

you can hear your mother’s scoff in your head as you find yourself feeling giggly at his choice of a freebie. it’s just so. manly. 

he’s so manly. 

you hand him the carton and he pockets it, not before taking a cigarette out, deciding to indulge early. “thank you sweetpea,” he smiles, cigarette already being placed between his lips. 

“no problem,” you nod with a grin. he eyes the closed sign before he looks at you once more with a knowing smirk. “closing early i see,” he pointedly nods at the sign and you shrug with a sheepish little smile, neither confirming nor denying the notion. 

“lemme guess—folks won’t mind? and would actually be more upset if you didn’t close up early?” he teases, and it almost feels like flirting. you decide to tell yourself it is. so you play along, rolling your eyes and waving your hand dismissively with an equally teasing ha. ha. ha laugh. 

“it’s been a slow day, so no, they actually won’t mind, for your information,” you fold your arms, wriggling your face blithely. he chuckles, lighting his cigarette, taking a drag before he continues. “d’you need a ride home then hun?” he asks, genuinely offering and you have to forcibly give yourself a moment to pause before immediately yelling an overly enthusiastic YES PLEASE. 

“are you sure? you’ve already done a lot for me today,” you act a little bashful, mostly because you are, but you also are attempting to hide the excitement bubbling inside you at the thought of being alone with him in his truck. 

he shakes his head, exhaling the smoke from his lips silently, unknowingly entrancing you. “ts’ not a problem at all, cmon,” he motions his head towards the door and you trail along like a lost puppy.  

you lock up the door behind you before you’re greeted by the sight of joel holding the passenger seat open for you. 

your face gets hotter than it was before he fixed the ac at the sight of his chivalry, pretending to curtsy with your invisible dress before you climb into his truck, mumbling a shy thank you, as he safely closes the door behind you. 

he hops in, and you read your address out for him as he turns the keys in the ignition. 

it’s a little silent for awhile, but it’s okay, you’re content stealing glances at him, hiding behind the fist that supports the weight of your tilted head, hoping he doesn’t notice the way your eyes cast over him adoringly. 

he’s so beautiful. you definitely had taste as a kid. 

he even looks strong, and not in an annoying machismo way, but in a natural, humble way. a kind way. 

you want to touch his broad shoulders, kiss your way down his biceps to his forearms and down to each and every finger of his. you want to kiss away all the callouses and take care of him the way he deserves. 

you can’t believe you’re daydreaming about him in such a way right in front of him, especially since it’s the first time you’ve seen him in about 16 years and this is how you react. 

oh well. 

the contrast of grey in his soft looking brown hair is so complementary, you hope he hasn’t turned into one of those guys that put dye over it, because frankly you think the natural look suits him quite well. 

you drift your stares down to his strong hooked nose, admiring how charming it is. you want to trace your finger tip down the slope of it, and uh oh he’s looking at you. 

you can’t be too obvious in your actions, despite the fact that you already are, so you just smile instead of whipping your head around in the opposite direction like you wish you could. “can i try?” you ask, motioning towards his cigarette, trying to play off the situation as to not expose the real reason why you were staring. 

he just chuckles under his breath, his smile lingering when he turns to look back at the road. “that’s ahh, not really a good habit you wanna get yourself into sweetpea.” he says with a small shake of his head. 

you almost give up right there, but you decide to push just a little further. “it won’t be a habit, i just wanna see the appeal is all,” you turn in the seat to fully face him, smile growing when he leans his head towards you in a jokingly exasperated tilt. he says your name warningly, and you deflate for a moment, worried he may actually be annoyed with you. 

you don’t say anything else and he notices, feeling bad at your silence. he sighs with guilt, wanting to remedy the incorrect thoughts you have of him being upset at you as he hands you the cigarette. you instantly perk, taking it into your own fingers. “careful now. you might choke, waters right there in the cup holder if it burns. don’t inhale it too long,” he instructs, watching you from the corner of his eyes to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. 

you wave away his worries, placing the stick between your lips, feeling warm all over when you get a thought that says it’s kind of like we just kissed through the cigarette. 

you inhale, hold it in for a few passing seconds before you’re proving his warnings correct, coughing loudly and not flatteringly whatsoever. 

you try to face away from him, your eyes beginning to water and your throat burning worse than when you smoked from a very suspicious wax pen. the last thing you wanted was for him to see you like this. 

he brings a hand behind your back, rubbing it soothingly as he sighs to himself, feeling a tinge of guilt for letting you smoke. 

“easy honey easy, drink some water,” he hands you the bottle of water and you down it, blinking away your tears as you hand him back his cigarette. “that was so embarrassing i’m so sorry,” you groan, burying your face in your hands. 

“s’alright honey, least now i bet you really won’t wanna make this a habit now right?” he asks, hoping you confirm your aversion to cigarettes. you instead choose to tease him a little, humming a contradictory response to his question. he squints at you and you giggle. “i dunno, might have to try again so i can really make sure.” 

he taps the ashes out the window, laughing at your reply. “you’re gonna get me in trouble with your dad there hun f’he finds out i turned his daughter into a little chain smoker,” 

you slide your hands under your thighs, watching him for a moment before you speak. “i won’t tell if you don’t,” you repeat yourself from earlier, alluding to something else, hoping he reads your mind and understands your allusions. 

he purses his lips in a slight upward furl, looking at you once he’s reached a red light. “someone’s gotten a whole lot sneakier since the last time i saw her,” you laugh, leaning into the headrest while you look at him. “a lots changed since,” you say, voice falling quietly and he holds your stare, his eyes betraying him by clearly darting down to your lips. the red light switches back to green, forcing him to look away from you. 

your chest bloomed at the way he looked at you in that moment, unsure if you’re delusional in even considering the possibility he maybe could reciprocate the attraction you’re feeling. but a little delusion never hurt anyone anyways. 

“it sure has,” he agrees, the corner of his eyes taking in your figure once more. 

but he shakes the thought from his head, almost rebuking it and instead deciding to change the subject. “can’t fault you too much though. sarah’s the same way sometimes,” he says through a chuckle that sounds nervous — did you make him nervous? 

again, you tell yourself you did. 

you sit up straight at the mention of sarah, visibly growing excited. “oh my god sarah, how is she? it’s been so long, i’m sure she doesn’t remember me,” blurred memories of playing with plastic makeup sets, and real makeup you two ‘borrowed’ from her mom, replay in your mind at the mention of her. 

he shakes his head, disagreeing at your slightly saddened thought of being forgotten by sarah. “she’s good, she’s in school just like yourself, and she does remember you hun! matter a fact, she’s home right now, if you’d like, you can come over for dinner and catch up with her,” you clap your hands together excitedly, nodding happily at his suggestion. 

“yes! that sounds amazing, i would love to!” you accept and he smiles at the thought of his two girls sitting together talking at the dinner table. 

“i’m sure she’s gonna lose her mind when she sees you,” he squeezes your knee and you go still, frozen in place when you feel the heat from his palm radiate into your skin. 

his touch is gone too soon, you want to hold his wrist and keep him there, but you pretend his fleeting touch doesn’t affect you as strongly as it actually does. 

the heat from his skin has become yours and you cradle it, pretending you’re not beaming in his passenger seat from it while he talks. 

“i’m kinda nervous, it’s been so long,” you say, pressing the backs of your fingers to your cheeks and feeling the warmth of nervousness flush to the surface of your face. 

“don’t be sweetpea, nothin to be nervous about, i promise,” he comforts your nerves with a soft voice, and you allow it to cushion you. 

—

joel was right about two things. 

you really did have nothing to worry about, you and sarah clicked right away as if no time had passed. she squealed when she saw you, racing towards you and enveloping you in a tight hug, rambling about how she’s missed you so much. it felt good to know you were never forgotten in her mind. 

he was also right about sarah being sneaky. 

or rather ‘persuasive’ and ‘just so happens to forget to mention certain things’ as she would put it. 

she managed to convince both joel (which didn’t take much convincing to begin with) and your dad to let you sleep over, which you were ecstatic about for obvious reasons but also because she saved you from having to scramble for a reason as to why you closed up the shop early. 

you’re in her bed now, sitting behind her while you help gather her hair into her baby pink bonnet, talking about anything and everything there is to talk about. while also getting ready to sleep off the high from the wax pen she has hidden under her pillow. 

“i can’t believe you’re really here with me right now,” she grins as you move back in front of her, leaning into her opening arms. 

“i know, me too, it’s been so long,” you hum, rubbing her shoulders. “i’m kidnapping you by the way, this was all just an elaborate scheme to lure you in.” she mentions casually and you laugh, falling back into her bed with her while you rest your head on her shoulder. 

“fine by me,” you say, and you mean it, but you don’t add that in.

“i’m happy you’re here,” she whispers, her nose scrunching up against yours. you smile, holding your forehead to hers. “i am too.” 

“are you busy tomorrow?” she asks, pulling the blankets over your bodies. you shake your head, curling under the covers. “nah, we’re closed tomorrow at the store and i don’t have school that day,” you say, feeling pure adoration as you watch sarah’s smile grow the more she listens to you talk. 

“why don’t we spend the day together then! my dad’s gonna be at work so we’ll have the house to ourselves,” she whispers as all the excitement from the day starts to add weight into your bones, easing you both into rest. 

you nod and smile sleepily, leaning into her arm that drapes over your side. “okay, i’ll call my dad tomorrow,” you yawn and she closes her eyes at that, content by your answer. 

— 

it’s 3am. you should not be awake. but you are, and you’re looking over at sarah, wishing you were fast asleep like she is. you carefully peel yourself out of her arms, gently covering her with the blankets before you pad out of her room and down into the kitchen for some water. 

you tiptoe down the stairs, your heart sinking nervously right into a tight spot inside your stomach when you see the fridge door agape, with a broad back sticking out of it, also in search of something to drink. 

joel rises and turns to see your stilled figure standing awkwardly, staring forward like you’ve just gotten caught stealing. 

he chuckles, scratching a few lazy fingers down his stubble when he shuts the fridge. “what’re you doin up sweetpea?” he asks, and oh god his voice is nice and gravely, a rasp from the depths of sleep that he evades every night careens around your ears and you nearly fold at the knees. 

“just uh, randomly woke up and i couldn’t go back to bed. was just gonna get some water, sorry,” you sound meek and joel shakes his head, and walks closer. you panic a little. it’s a good panic. 

“nuthin’ to be sorry about hun, i’ll getchu some water,” he holds your arm, smiling softly down at you, nodding at you for confirmation. once again his touch abandons the skin of your upper arm when he leaves to fetch a cup for your water. 

your hand graces the skin he touched as you watch him pour you water. he hands it to you, and you thank him quietly, taking a sip from the old plastic disney princess cup he picked out for you. 

“so what woke you up? you feelin’ alright?” he murmurs, coming in close again to press the back of his hand to your forehead. you weren’t overheating until he decided to do that. 

you swallow hard, shaking your head beneath his hand. “n-no no—well i mean yes, yes i’m-i’m okay, i just wake up randomly at odd hours of the night for some reason sometimes,” you say hushedly, afraid to disturb the peaceful silence the night brings. 

he nods understandingly, withdrawing his hand from your face and you want to tell him he can keep it there, but you mentally digress. 

“happens to me too,” he sighs, visibly tired with a hand lazily running down his stubble. “sorry you’re goin’ through it too then hun,” his thumb runs a small circle over your shoulder comfortingly and your body molds around the curve of his fingers. 

“it’s okay,” you mumble shyly and he smiles softly, his touch stalling on yours before it drops back to his side. the air that fills the quiet kitchen turns into something warm and calming when it floats between your tired bodies, and it feels nice. feels domestic. soft smiles mirror each other on your faces and you look away, unable to handle the weight of his stare. 

“so, do you um…do anything that helps you fall asleep?” you ask curiously, mostly just trying to make conversation to keep him tethered to you, even for just a moment longer. 

he scratches his scruffy beard and sighs, nodding like he’s somewhat ashamed to admit. you grow curiouser, deciding to test the waters and inch in just the tiniest bit closer. “and what do you do?” you question through a whisper. 

“i smoke,” he responds just as hushed and you chuckle. “sounds like you’ve got a bad habit.” you prod, lightly teasing and he takes the playful jab, chuckling along with you. 

“well, we’ve all got our vices,” he smiles at you in a way that's playfully guilty, and you roll your eyes with the same playfulness before speaking again. “was i stopping you from taking a smoke?” you ask, and he shakes his head, denying the notion. “no no, and if you were it’d probably be for the best,” he shrugs and you grin. an idea occurs in your mind. 

“can i smoke with you again?” you ask bravely and the volume in his laugh rises before he’s silencing himself so as to not wake sarah. 

“ain’t happenin’, shouldn’t have even happened the first time,” he immediately shoots down your request but you have a sneaking suspicion you’ll wear him down. 

“but you said it helps you go to sleep,” you counter with a pout and he sighs with faux exasperation. 

“hun,” he says warningly again, eyeing you in a way that pins you where you stand. “first time seein’ you in what? 15 to 16 years and i’m already becomin’ a bad influence on you.” he says amusedly, his fingers dipping into the pocket of his plaid pajama bottoms, tracing over the curve of the loose cigarettes that await him. 

“it’s not like you’re giving me hard drugs mr. miller,” you say, tilting a shoulder at him persuasively. his eyes trace over your face for a few passing seconds, taking in the way you look back at him before he decides what to do next.

“last time, understand? just to help you sleep.” he says, but it sounds like he’s more so reminding himself than he is you. 

“okay,” you smile, following him to the loveseat that faces the window, and you assume this is where he usually smokes. 

he cracks open the window, and sits down into the plump cushion, leaning against the very texan quilt that drapes over the seat. you sit down on the arm of the seat, stretching your legs above his knees, the closeness in proximity feels so personal, and you want to live the rest of your life in this quiet and intimate hour with joel. 

he hands you a cigarette, watching you put it between your lips, his available hand straying off to the side to grab the lighter that’s on the tray beside the loveseat. 

he flicks the lighter on and your faces become illuminated by the small flickering flame. he looks beautiful as he carefully lights the end of it, his eyes on the bud of it while your’s memorize each and every wrinkle that crinkles around his eyes. 

“inhale, careful now,” his words of concern blanket over you and pave a smooth passageway for the smoke to enter into your lungs, successfully preventing you from breaking out into another coughing fit. 

you inhale, and keep it before you fan it out the window. he smiles and pats your ankle that rests beside his lap. “there ya go,” he nods the crown of his head at you proudly. you bow humbly, handing him the cigarette. 

“feels nice. makes me feel warm,” you mumble tiredly, watching the way he takes a drag effortlessly. “don’t get too used to it now,” he chides, words shadowed amidst the mist of his smoke. 

“i won’t,” you reply with a knowing smile as he goes to hands it back to you. he pulls his hand that holds the cigarette back, eyeing you. he says your name in that tone and you wave him off, taking the cigarette from his fingers. “kidding,” you remedy his worries of your possible nicotine addiction in the nearby future, inhaling another drag.

you two go back and forth like this for awhile, until the cigarette becomes an unrecognizable little stub,

“feel sleepy yet?” he exhales through a fanning breath, and you nod, watching him flatten the bud into the ashtray beside his side of the armrest. 

“good,” he yawns, lazily running a hand across the side of his beard. “got a long day tomorrow — or today technically, an’ so do you little miss, try an’ get some rest.” he drawls softly, sleepily, and you nod your tired head at his words, free falling into them. 

“goodnight sweetpea,” he says with a gentle finality, leaning in to hold you by the back of your head, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. you crumble into his touch, shutting your eyes as if to fossilize yourself in the moment. 

“goodnight,” you whisper, feeling cold when he pulls away. you wish you had thought of something more to say, anything at all that would’ve kept him in your presence for just a little longer, but now you’re stuck sitting alone in the living room, watching his broad back ascend up the stairs, wishing you were trailing behind him, with your hand in his. 

you finish the rest of your water before you’re trudging back up the stairs, the weight of exhaustion lowering its heft onto your shoulders with each step upwards. 

and as you crawl back into bed with sarah, despite the attempts to push the thoughts away, all you can think about are the ways in which her father could tire you out until you fell asleep.

___ 

after that day, the miller household practically became your second home. more often than not showing up to their house rather than your own after school and work. 

at first you were worried that maybe you were beginning to overstay your welcome, that maybe they just didn’t know how to tell you to stop coming over so often. but they quickly put those insecurities to rest when sarah called you wondering why you hadn’t shown up after work, saying how joel set a plate for you at the table and it was getting cold. 

they were just as attached to you as you were to them. 

they really loved having you over, loved getting to make up for all those years you all went without each other, taking the time to relearn everything there is to know about the other. 

for instance, joel learned you have an affinity for tight tank tops that ride a little too low on your chest and rise a little too high whenever you bend down. 

his fingers have a tendency to straighten out your spaghetti straps, and he always murmurs something along the lines of, showin a lotta skin today huh hun? 

you’d grow warm under his touch, hiding behind a pretty grin and an excuse of oh, heat’s just gettin’ to me lately, or his personal favorite,  damn dryer shrunk my clothes again. 

he doesn’t mind whatever your excuse is, he’d just hand you his flannel, telling you to at least wrap it around your waist whenever guys were around, because i know how men think, he’d explain and you wouldn’t argue, you’d happily accept his flannel and listen to his heeding. 

you wonder if he was having the same thoughts he was trying to prevent other men from having about you. 

you like to tell yourself he was. 

but there is one thing you don’t have to convince yourself of. joel really, truly, and utterly cares for you. 

joel is nothing if not protective, he just wants to look out for you, make sure you’re safe, that you’re okay, and so when you called him at work, voice trembling and meekly asking if he can pick you up, naturally, he abandoned his meeting at work to race over to you. 

creating blueprints for a new apartment building suddenly became unimportant the second he heard your voice crack over the phone.  

he could hear the way your breath paused for a moment, only to come out shakily through tears when he asked if you were alright. your audible sadness casted immediate worry and concern over him, instilling itself in his chest. 

he sees you now, rushing to walk out of the store, locking it on your way out, and he hops out of his truck, wanting to be the first thing you’re greeted by as soon as you raise your head. 

relief rinses through you the moment you see joel standing in front of his truck, your eyes betraying the attempt at strength you were fighting so hard to have the second he pulls you into his arms. 

his hands feel warm and heavy behind your back, rubbing all the quiet sobs out from you with each gentle circular movement. 

“oh babygirl,” he murmurs under his breath, feeling his heart break with each little gasp you make through your tears. “what happened?” he asks, unintentionally causing the tears to fall harder, making you fist at his button up. 

“today has been so bad,” you finally say, your head resting on his strong chest, shaking fingers tracing over the seams of his button up in an attempt at self soothing. 

“wanna get inside an’ talk about it?” he asks just above a whisper, keeping his voice soft for you. you nod, twisting the knife in his chest when you sniffle. 

he helps you into his truck, shutting the door behind you, meeting back with you soon once he’s in the driver’s seat. 

“now what happened honey?” he asks, and you take in a deep breath through the tears, waving your hands at your eyes to try and stop the stinging sensation at your waterline. 

“today has just been one bad thing after the other,” you wipe away the stray tears with annoyed fists, wishing they would cease their incessant presence. “first, i got into a fight with my dad, he called me selfish and inconsiderate for not canceling class to come down to the shop earlier and that there’s no point in attending class because i’m just gonna get overwhelmed and quit anyway,” you barely manage to say tearfully, further etching a frown into joel’s features, his chest aching at the way you’re visibly hurting. 

he says your name tenderly, matching the way his hand reaches out for you to hold. you squeeze his hand, holding onto it when it rises upwards to cup your cheek, his thumb wiping a stray tear across your cheekbone. 

you lean into his palm, shutting your eyes at his touch. “and i’m scared he’s right, today in class i was so stressed all i wanted to do was walk out,” you whimper ashamedly, and joel shushes you, bringing his free hand to fully hold your face, turning your gaze back up to meet his. his hold on you is delicate, like you’re a dandelion amidst a strong breeze, and all he wants to do is keep you with him, safe and sound. 

your cheeks are cradled by his hands, his calluses turning into a thing of comfort against your cheeks, along with his thumbs that swipe away the tears that refuse to concede from your lash line. 

he holds you like this for a while, wordlessly guiding your breathing with his, evening out your sporadic hiccups induced by your crying, settling your nerves down to a more manageable level. 

your eyes flutter shut at the safety he drapes over you, your smaller hands holding onto his wrists, mindlessly running your thumb along his knuckles. “wish you were with me at work today,” you mumble, imagining the way he would’ve protected you from the creepy customers you had to deal with. 

“what else happened?” he lightly coaxes it out of you, wanting you to get everything out so you don’t have to carry the burden of the day’s stress on your shoulders. 

“these guys came in, and they were just so weird,” your hands tighten around his wrists, recounting the uncomfortable interaction you were subjected to. 

“kept…kept making weird jokes about everything…i said if they needed anything to let me know and i heard one of them tell their friend i better be careful saying things like that, and they like—ugh,” you take a moment to catch your breath, refocusing on the way joel’s gently running his fingers across your temples, something he’d do for you in the middle of the night whenever you’d get a headache. 

“they kept making jokes about me taking off my clothes because it’s summer and it’s hot or whatever i dunno it was stupid but they kept ‘suggesting’ i should lose the tank top because walking around in a bra is the same as wearing s bikini at the beach,” you grimace at the fresh memory, and joel wants to take it away from you, wants to wash you clean of all the pain you felt today. 

when you look up at joel his jaw is clenched, lower jaw jutting out in anger, his hands falling from your face down to your hands, holding them in his, while he shakes his head. “fuckin’ disgusting,” he mutters to himself. “probably good i wan’t there, woulda fuckin’ killed them,” he utters under his breath, and more so to himself, his hands migrating down to your hands, squeezing them hard. his eyes that hold an image of what he’d do to the men who harassed you dissipate as soon as they shift back up to you. “i’m sorry hun,” he sighs, cupping your cheek, cradling you into his palm, speaking gentler this time, “an’ as for your dad well…he’s an asshole. but i know you already know that,” he pauses to smile at your little giggle. 

“he couldn’t be more wrong about you. you are so smart hun, an’ you can and will accomplish everything you set your mind to.” the soft gravel of his voice tides around you like an embrace, enveloping you in it as an attempt to wash you clean of your distress. 

your eyes well and your heart soars up high inside your chest at his kindness. 

“thank you mr. miller, you are so nice to me, it—it means so much coming from you, and i can’t even begin to explain how grateful i am that you even came here at all,” he left work for you. you groan with guilt at the remembrance. “and—god i’m so sorry that i just like, randomly called you at work i’m so sorry you were probably super busy, i just didn’t know who else to go to,” you ramble with guilt, but joel’s already shaking his head as you rattle off with apologies, his hands coming back up to your cheeks, stilling the words on your tongue. 

“hey hey hey,” he shushes you softly. “no apologies, okay?” his thumb runs under your lash line, clearing away your tears. “i’m glad you called me, rather you call me than have to hear what happened from someone else.” he pacifies your guilt for calling him, and he does it successfully, watching the upset furrow between your brows disappear. 

your lip trembles and you suck it in between your teeth, closing your eyes and leaning forward into his chest. he takes you in with no hesitation, his arms forever acting as a sanctity for you to hide in whenever you need. 

he hesitantly pulls away from you for a moment, mumbling a soft, give me a sec sweetie. he shifts around to the pull at the bottom of the driver seat, extending it backwards and giving him more space between him and the steering wheel. 

“cmere,” he says above a whisper, opening his arms for you once more. you’re being guided into his lap, gently wrangled in until you’re wrapped up in the thick protection of his strong biceps. he rubs your back, head resting safely on top of your’s, keeping you down to earth, keeping you in his arms. 

he takes in all your tears, takes in every racking sob from your chest into his, his lips every so often pressing their silent reminders of his presence into your temple. he rocks you back and forth, his soft shushes folding over the sound of your fading cries, lulling you into a calmness you didn’t know you could feel. 

“you’re okay, you’re okay,” he promises, and you believe him. you finally raise your head from his chest, the scent of him still lingering around you, his presence feels pliable, the way he’s looking at you, eyes downturned and scanning all over your face lovingly feels like a sign you know isn’t real. he says nothing, just clears away your stray tears, and that’s when you act. 

you lean in, holding his wrist and intertwining your fingers as your lips do the same. you sigh into his mouth, ascending in his arms when you feel him kiss you back just as rushedly, almost like if he’s too slow you’ll vanish from him. 

but it’s him who vanishes first. he pulls apart from you with a gasp, shifting you further away from him in his lap, your heart immediately cracking straight down the middle. “what’re you…what are you doing?” his questioning comes out breathless, he feels like he’s asking himself rather than he is you, and he prays you say the right thing, he prays that you call him disgusting and that you climb right out of his lap, removing the temptation and opportune to lean back in. 

but you don’t. “i’m sorry,” you whimper, embarrassment flushing through your whole body, he shuts his eyes, exhaling slowly through his nose. “i’m too old for you, you know that right?,” his knuckles drag across your cheekbone, and you nod solemnly, swallowing hard. “i’m not a kid though, joel,” you say shakenly, nerves rattling your bones when you say his name for the first time, unhidden by the lieu of mr. miller. 

“compared to me, you are,” he sighs, his hands gripping his own thighs, weighing them down to prevent them from gravitating to your’s. “i’m too old for you,” he repeats to himself, closing his eyes and leaning into the headrest, the sight and feeling of you looking up at him in his lap is too much for him to combat. “i’d be takin advantage of you,” he mutters, shaking his head, guilt starting to settle into the base of his chest. 

you’re quiet for awhile, and he takes it as his answer. that he’s right, this is wrong. 

but you contradict his thoughts. reaching up to pull his gaze back onto you. “you’re not taking advantage of me, i know that i want this.” you promise hushedly, and he wants to believe you. your eyes connect once more, a quiet tug of air being shared between the two of you, and you’re willing to let him have it, to let him have all the air you can offer and more. he leans in and you stay still, watching when he inches backward when he gets too close, like you’re a flame whose flicker burns too bright the closer he gets. and when you inch in, you can’t get yourself to break the seal and press yourself into him, a weight of nerves keeping you stagnant before him. 

his stare rises and falls down from your eyes to your lips, and you feel it in your bones that your body needs to have him more than it needs anything else. your gaze rests on him while your body acts for you, your hand finding his and holding it, squeezing it. “please,” you whisper, your words leaving you before you can process them. he swallows down everything holding him back, lurching forward to take your lips into his. his hand slides from yours, and up your arm, squeezing it as a test to see if you’re real. his hand moves from your cheek to the back of your head, kissing you hard and keeping you still, greedily wanting to keep you all for himself, wanting to memorize the taste of cherry coke on your tongue and raspberry lip balm on your lips.

it smears across his own lips, your taste immersing with his own, his mustache and beard tickling your skin just like you imagined it would, and you moan in his mouth at the feeling, flicking your tongue desperately over his, mindlessly bucking your hips against his. he groans deeply into you, grasping your hips and rocking himself into you, not a single thought in his head, just a carnal need to feel your cunt satiate the ache traveling down his cock. 

you pull apart for a breath, lips still pushed together, foreheads melded in close, hips crashing into each other with need. “feels so good,” you whimper into his mouth, the pleasure from the friction making you blatantly honest. 

he nods in agreement, never having heard truer words. his fingers indent the shape of themselves into your flesh, his hips acting on their own, desperate to push up into you while his mouth catches yours once more. 

he groans, his cock twitching when he feels you slip your tongue into his mouth, a little moan of your own floating out when you taste a hint of root beer from his kiss. 

your movements grow rushed, hands finding the heft of his flannel and fisting it to steady the heavy rocking of your hips crashing and tiding over his cock. 

desperation flows in your veins where your blood once was, replacing all sense of anything except for the physical need to rut your cunt against his bulge. he can’t keep up, all he can do is let his head fall in your shoulder, his big hands coming around to find purchase on your welcoming hips. his thighs clench underneath yours, tensing when he feels you dampen him through his pants. 

“baby,” he finally lets out shakily, thumbs running circles over your hips. “can’t—shit,” a beat passes with an involuntary grunt falling from his lips. “cant, can’t do this here,” he breathes, eyes hanging low upon you, his hips betraying his words with each thrust that meets your pelvis. 

you slow your movements, catching your breath quietly, nodding in a silent agreement. “i don’t wanna stop,” you admit truthfully, no longer feeling bashful about the fact.  

his cock aches at your honesty and he exhales through his nose, his hands tightening around you. “don’t have to,” he swallows, eyes drifting down to your hardened nipples. “just not here.” 

his answer satiates you, which almost leaves him regretful when you climb off his lap and leave him cold and void of your warm cunt pressed up against him. 

he starts the truck and all you can do is stare at the concentrated look on his face and his hands gripping the steering wheel. 

you wonder if he’ll hold you by your throat the same way. your thighs squeeze together tightly, causing the hem of your jean shorts to rub against your clit just enough to soothe the ache inadvertently caused by joel. 

he notices, eyeing you up and down, lips parted just a breadth at the sight. his hand itches to alleviate some of the pressure you’re carrying deep inside you, but instead he alleviates some of his own first. his right hand falls from the steering wheel for a moment, just to squeeze his cock when he watches the way you squirm and stare up at him from his passenger seat. 

he turns away, knowing he’ll crash if he keeps staring at you, bringing his wandering hand back to the wheel. 

“can i touch you?” you ask, seemingly innocent and his eyes shut for a passing second, a curt  shake of his head joining the action. “not a good idea—“ he really wants you to though “gonna make me crash,” he exhales, though his hips say otherwise, inching towards your side with need. 

your hand trails from his thigh down to his crotch, palming over him gently, and he grips the steering wheel, jaw vibrating with low groans. 

a 10 minute drive has never felt so far until now. 

your fingers curl over his bulge, straining against the seatbelt trying to lean in as close as it’ll let you until you decide to rid yourself of it all together. 

“seatbelt,” he says warningly, and with concern, but you wash it away the second your lips meet the side of his neck, with your hand pawing over him to ensure his submission. and joel just about crumbles far too easily at the touches. 

you’re impatient, he definitely sees that now, and you’re making it way harder than it needs to be for him to maintain his self control. 

“i thought about this a lot,” you hum in his ear, leaving kisses in the wake of your warm words. his throat gets tight just like his lower belly, excitement strumming through him when he halts at a red light. 

he turns towards you now, his hand dipping between your thighs, a little upward curl of his lips teasing the side of your cheek, his scruff leaving kisses of their own on your skin. 

you stifle a whimper, holding onto his wrist when you grind down on his fingers. “thought about touching me like how i’m touchin’ you?” he murmurs, pressing chaste kisses to your jaw. you nod, your chest pounding at the wave of realization of what’s happening. it excites you. 

“thought about it too,” he pulls away from you when the light turns green, and you stay frozen, your body suddenly unsure of how to function with a lack of his touch and proximity. 

“didn’t wanna admit it to myself, but i thought about doin…a lot more than that whenever you’d come around,” he pays you a once over, his eyes lingering over the plushness of your thighs that fill his passenger seat. 

“your skirts and shorts kept gettin’ so damn short, i felt guilty for wondering if it was on purpose,” a smugness takes over his face when he glances at you. “an’ now i know it was.” 

you flutter at his confessions, a sense of pride swelling in you at the confirmation that your little tactics seemed to have paid off. “i just wanted your attention,” you say softly, words falling like pillows and he catches them with open arms. 

his glance shifts from his crotch, up to your eyes knowingly, and he smiles faintly. “i can tell you that you had it even before you started wearin all that,” he rests his hand on your thigh, guiding the wheel with his left hand now. “but i can’t say i minded the change in outfits.” he brings his fingers over your clit, putting pressure over it and you whine quietly, bucking your hips into his touch. 

“if you ever want me to stop you need to tell me okay?” he tells you, and he’s serious, his fingers pull away for emphasis and you nod profusely, holding onto his wrist desperately. “i promise, joel i don’t wanna stop,” you plead with him, and as a simple man that he is, he doesn’t seem to need much more convincing. the pads of his fingers run circles over your clothed clit, and you grind down into it, hungry for more. 

“i want you,” you pant and he chuckles, drumming his thumb against the steering wheel. 

“you’ve got me.” 

“but i want more.” 

— 

it’s quiet when you arrive back at his house, the driveway is thankfully void of sarah’s little yellow volkswagen and relief blankets across your shoulders knowing she isn’t home. 

he ushers you inside, his broad, strong chest pressed up against your back with his hands guiding you by your hips. 

he closes the door with his back, leaning against it, watching you turn around to face him. it’s quiet for a few ticking seconds, and he watches as you lean in closer towards him. he doesn’t stop you but he doesn’t lean in to meet you halfway either. he says your name like he’s unsure if he’s even allowed to utter it, purposefully avoiding eye contact. you hum a soft little “yes?” and he sighs, his eyes falling shut for a moment. 

“this ain’t right,” he reminds himself, and his hands begin to loosen on your hips. you clamp a hand over one of his, the other coming up to lure him back into you, a gentle palm of yours cupping his scruffy jaw, thumb running across the crows feet that gather at the corner of his eye. “says who?” you counter gingerly and he chuckles breathlessly, shaking his head in your hold, feeling all restraint trickle straight off him the second his eyes catch yours. 

you move your hand away from his when his grip grows tight again, letting your now free hand hold both sides of his face when you go up on your tippy toes to meet him for a kiss. 

he catches you off guard and pulls you deeper into him, your crotches pressed flush together when he slips his tongue into your mouth, hooking and reeling you in. 

you moan into his mouth and it eggs him on, sending his hand into a downward motion towards your ass. he feels smug when you whimper in his mouth, pushing harder against his cock when he squeezes your ass. 

he rubs over your ass posessively, squeezing it hard, almost in disbelief that he gets to have you like this. kiss “need you to tell me if and when you wanna stop,” kiss. you don’t reply, you just fall into him whenever he presses his lips back to yours. your lack of a response leaves him discontent and he pulls apart an inch, eyeing you down expectantly. you huff impatiently, hooking your arms around his neck. “promise. i will.” which is good enough for him as he melds into you once more. 

his hands roam all over you, caressing, holding, squeezing all the places that only his eyes have traveled. 

it feels good, it feels all encompassing, to feel the trails of fire his hands leave all across your skin, and you can’t get enough. “can we,” a kiss to your throat, “go to your room?” you ask, somewhat breathless and he pauses for a second, eyes tracing the outline of your bitten lips before he nods. he holds your hand, leading you into his bedroom. 

the second you’re inside you’re guiding him into his own bed after having shut the door. he gazes at you amusedly, handing you the reins for a moment, keeping his hands on the edge of them while you take charge. he thinks it’s cute. 

you sit him at the edge of his bed, straddling him while you push at his chest until his back meets the mattress. you’re leaning back down, holding his face in your hands, your lips hastily meeting his once more. he welcomes you, his hands holding you down on top of him by your hips. 

you grind down on him, panting in his mouth at how good it feels to have him pressed right against your cunt. but it’s not enough. you need more. 

your hands travel down his strong chest, fixing towards unbuttoning his flannel. he lets you, busying himself with unbuttoning your little denim shorts, but he wants to unwrap you slowly. he wants to make a show of it. 

he flips you on your back and you gasp, feeling hot under his stare and stature above you. his knees rest on either side of you, indenting the bed while he maintains eye contact. his fingers take their time unzipping your shorts, and you whine quietly, bucking your hips towards him. 

he pushes you back down and shushes you. “patience.” he murmurs, rubbing his thumbs over your upper thighs. he doesn’t rush taking your shorts off, wanting to savor the feeling of getting to do this for as long as he can. the vision of you in his bed, wet, and impatient, laying before him in your little pink panties is about to make him burst. 

he’s still fully clothed above you and it casts a warm feeling throughout your bare body. you bring your knees close to your tummy, shutting your legs at your sudden shyness. he moves in closer, shaking his head with his palms on your knees. 

he pushes them back down, slipping a hand between your thighs. you gasp, arching your back into him and exhaling with relief when his fingers trace over your clothed clit. “i wanna see you honey,” he careens you gently, coaxing your shyness away. your legs part for him, and he takes full advantage, running the pads of his fingers up and down slowly, feeling the slickness start to bleed through your panties. 

he pushes them to the side, swirling over your clit and feeling proud when you moan into his shoulder. he dips into your little soaked hole, exhaling into your neck at how wet you are. “barely e’n touched you and you’ve already made a mess,” he tsks you lovingly, hints of teasing in his words, and it only excites you more. your stomach and chest get tight at his touches and the way he talks to you, it’s so unreal, and you could honestly cry in this moment from how bad you want to fuck him. 

“i always get like this for you—oh,” you cry out into his shoulder when he pushes his thick middle finger inside you, his digit so long that it easily hits the little spongy spot inside you that you usually struggle to reach. 

“aw sweetpea,” he coos, kissing your forehead while his finger curls inside you. “got you walkin’ around all hot and bothered with no release, i’m sorry,” he kisses your temple, his gentleness contradicting the way he’s fucking you with his finger, grunting under his breath at how tight the fit is when he works in his ring finger. 

you choke on a gasp at the stretch, starting to wonder if his cock will fit if his fingers are already making you feel like this. 

“you gonna make it up to me?” you whimper, still maintaining an air of playfulness in your response. he chuckles, pulling apart ever so slightly to look at you, to watch the way you struggle to stare up at him with his fingers in your cunt. 

“i’ll make it up to you, and then some,” he says, his voice falling low on a raspy curve. you believe him, his response feeling like a promise he intends to keep. 

he’s on you again and you invite it wholly, legs coming around on either side of him go trap him into you. his fingers fuck into that sweet little spot inside you, every single flick of his wrist has your lower back bucking up into his touch. 

his palm hits your clit with every movement, it’s almost cruel, giving you just an inch when you need a mile. you’re running your hands all over him, kissing him messily even when there’s a mix of your saliva dribbling on your chin and air is depleting from your lungs. none of it matters, all that does is consuming as much of joel as humanly possible. 

your fingers struggle to unbutton his flannel once more, shaking and trembling too much to do it as ladylike as you wish you could but he doesn’t mind, it makes his cock twitch knowing he’s the reason why you can’t stay still. 

“feels so good joel,” you whimper, fucking yourself onto his fingers when you finally undo all the pesky buttons on his flannel. he kisses your cheek, his beard tickling your skin while you slide your hands underneath his wife beater. 

“good honey, s’all i wanna do,” he curls his finger right there, drinking in your cries with his lips clamped over yours. your nails drag down his chest and he winces above you, your lips still brushing together. “sh-shit m’so so sorry joel,” you remedy the scratches with gentle caresses but he shakes his head, kissing your chin. “no no s’alright baby—kinda liked it,” he chuckles, thumbing over your clit, precum starting to leak through his boxers at the way you keen into him at the little action. you giggle at his response, raking your nails softly down his chest, fingers suddenly halting only to begin trembling when he picks up the pace inside you. 

“want more joel, i—fuck,” you’re panting, arching up into him, the saturation of the room is getting dimmer and glittery, it’s hard to keep your eyes open and the pounding in your chest and cunt is nearly blinding you. “need more of you, please? please god i’ll do anything,” your desperation is loud and clear and you couldn’t care less. he can feel it, can feel you gripping his fingers, squeezing him so good and he certainly hears how ready you are for him; he revels in the slick clicking sound eliciting from between your legs because of, again, him. 

he swipes the tears gathering at the corner of your eyes and he shushes you, kissing you wherever your tears appeared, rubbing that little spot inside of you soothingly. 

you hum in pleasure, hands traveling up to his shoulders. “don’t need to cry honey, i’ll give i’to you,” his promises fan out over your lips, slipping his fingers out of you. 

the loss of his fingers inside you feels cruel, you feel clingy, all you want is joel near you, around you, on you, and in you. 

the sound of his hands undoing his belt hangs in the air, quiet and low breaths of desperation flicker from out your lips while you watch him pull himself out of his jeans. his cock, fat and heavy, and twitching, falls with heft on your lower tummy, resting with impatience on your skin. 

you whimper, hand nervously wrapping around it, your fingers barely able to cover the thick circumference of it. “you’re huge,” you choke, unintentionally adding fuel into his ego and he chuckles, shaking his head when he kisses you. 

“you’re flatterin’ me,” he murmurs against your lips, wrapping a hand around himself, guiding his tip to circle around your clit. you gasp, curling upwards into him, your forehead resting on his broad shoulder. you kiss his bare skin, the comfort of his skin to yours soothes you while he slides his cock up and down your folds. 

“oh—ooh,” you suck in a big breath, hands flying to his forearms to hold onto when he starts to push in, his tip inching into you feels just as big as it looks. “shit,” you whimper at the burn that follows along with the stretch that he pushes into you and he pauses with concern. he hovers above you like a gracious adonis and it almost makes you forget the twinge of pain between your thighs. 

“you need me to stop?” he asks, his words of gentleness cradling you and you shake your head, running your palms down his chest. “no, please keep going, i can take it,” you nod as further emphasis, pushing your hips up, aching to feel more of him. 

he brings his lips to your’s again, sighing when he feels your little moan escape into his mouth. his cock rocks into you at a steady pace, unintentionally pushing you further up into his bed, and he holds onto you tighter, not wanting you to move an inch away from him. 

“haven’t felt like—shit,” he shudders something like a whimper against your lips, and you have to hold back a moan at the sound. “ha-haven’t felt like this in so long honey,” he swallows hard, caressing the side of your face. “haven’t thought about someone like this in years’,” he groans, pushing his cock in deeper. 

your clit pulses at the way he speaks to you, the way he fucks you. “had to fuckin’ jerk off like i was a teenager again after you’d leave—y’have no idea what the hell you’ve been doin’ to me honey,” he messily kisses you between each word, his thrusts growing heavy and rough inside you, the fat head of his cock prodding perfectly into the spongy little spot inside of you. 

“should’ve told me sooner joel,” you whine, bucking your hips to feel more of his cock. “touched myself every night thinking of you,” you whimper out, eyes falling shut when you feel his lower half brush against your clit. he pushed in especially deep at your confession, and you gasp, holding onto him tighter. 

“joel—fuck, sl-slow down, it’s so much,” you cry, barely able to hold onto him while he starts to pound into you, like he’s lost the reins and his body is in control now, an energy and stamina he hasn’t had since he was in his 20’s was back in full force and it all went into fucking you stupid. 

“m’sorry honey—you just, ohfuck, feel so good an the things you’re sayin’ i just—fuck i can’t help it,” he breathes out, pressing a chaste kiss to your bitten lips. “just take it for me baby,” he groans, his hands squeezing your tits before traveling down to your hips. 

his head hangs low while he splits you open on his cock, struggling to keep his eyes from shutting, but he forces them open to watch the way his cock stretches you wide. “you’re so big,” you whine, teeth coming down to sink into the heft of his shoulder. he groans in your neck, sending you a particularly hard thrust. 

the scent of cigarettes wafts around you the more he buries his face in the crook of your neck, his lips nip at your skin and you whimper into his shoulder at the thought of you going home smelling like him. 

his calloused hands mold to the shape of your body no matter where they travel, forming perfectly around you to hold onto you as tight as he can. 

silence falls between you two, the only communication occurring is the shared grunts and groans that slip into each other’s open mouths. his forehead rests on yours, occasionally moving to your collarbone or ducking down to graze his teeth across your breasts, tongue darting out to wetten your nipples. 

the sound of your soaked cunt getting fucked is near obnoxious—it’s loud, and you pray that the windows in his bedroom are shut, because there’s no doubt that if they aren’t, his neighbors will hear everything. 

your legs shakily hang off his lower back, pushing him in deeper and deeper. 

his thrusts start to slow in pace, and each drag of his cock inside you feels hypnotic, feels amazing, and he groans the same sentiments in your ear, kissing the skin behind it. “m’sorry,” his hips pause to a halt and you panic for a second, wondering if you somehow did something wrong. “everything okay?” you ask softly, clearing the hair away from his eyes. he nods, avoiding eye contact embarrassedly. “my back—startin to cramp up on me,” he mutters, pulling out of you and you hold back a sound of disappointment from the lack of weight on top of you. 

he sits up, back facing away from you, head in his hands. “i’m sorry honey,” he apologizes, still not looking at you. you frown, shuffling on your knees towards him. you hold him from behind, kissing the side of his neck. 

“don’t be.” you murmur, moving around in front of him now. you push at his chest gently, clambering on top of him. his eyes widen, a grin slowly spreading across his lips while his hands rest on your thighs. “what’re you doin?” he asks under a raspy breath, his cock twitching underneath you with excitement. 

you hold his shaft, realigning him with your eager hole, leaning down to press a kiss before you speak. “i’m taking over.” is all you say as you sink down on his cock, wincing at the intrusion. 

his eyes roll back and his head falls into the pillow, his hands starting to grip your hips. “baby,” he moans to himself, his cheeks growing hot. you have to inch him in at a cautious pace but he doesn’t mind, your tight warmth is something he welcomed wholeheartedly. 

you start to grind your hips experimentally, hoping it feels good for him. you honestly have no idea what you’re doing. you’ve only had sex once but you don’t know if it even really counts. 

if a guy putting it in then pulling out because he came too fast counted then, sure you’ve had sex. 

however all of this; it’s different with joel, that was a boy, and now you’ve got a man’s cock buried in your pussy. and you want to make him feel like one, you don’t want him to feel ashamed about his age or anything like that. you’ll make him forget about everything. 

you shudder a breathy moan at the new position, resting your hands on his broad chest, admiring the beautiful man that rests under you. “tell me what makes you feel good joel,” you murmur, head falling towards him, making direct eye contact with him. he swallows hard, his cock aching at how fucking hot you are. 

“shit baby, just use me how you want, use my cock honey.” he groans, licking his fingers and bringing it to your clit. you whine, almost toppling over on top of him at the contact, but you hold yourself up, determined to make both yourself and joel feel good. 

you grab his hands, unclamping them from the grip that rested around your hips and instead dragging them up your sides and onto your breasts, silently telling him to squeeze as much as he pleases. 

and that he does. 

he squeezes them, bucking his hips upwards into yours as he watches the way your flesh fills the gaps between his fingers. you rise and fall onto his cock, bouncing on it with a rhythm that hits every sensitive spot inside of you. 

you look down to where you meet, sucking in your bottom lip at the sight of him disappearing inside of you each time you lower yourself onto him. you rock back and forth, whimpering at how deep he can reach in you. you watch the way he swirls his fingers over your clit, touching you better than you could ever do on your own time. 

“c’mere honey,” he groans for you, and you obey, bending down to rest on his chest. he stops you before you can fully lay on top of him, holding you just under your ribs. he pulls you into his mouth, sucking over the soft flesh of your chest, tongue licking messily and hungrily all over your breasts. you gasp, arching your back into his mouth. “j-joel,” you moan, struggling to maintain the rhythm you built. 

his teeth tease your nipples and you shiver, your nails digging into his shoulders at the sensation. you bounce on his cock, mind going numb and fuzzy while your senses take over, each thrust feeling like electric in your veins. 

after he’s done sucking bruises into your soft flesh, your hands reconnect once more, and you pin them down beside his head, hovering above him while you ride his cock. 

i love you, almost slips from your lips while you stare at each other, chests rising and falling heavily, mouths parted, tongues darting out to wet your lips with hunger. the words hang in the air without sound, you’re sure of it. 

you grind down onto him as far as you can take him, feeling him nudge your cervix, and you whimper at just how deep he can go inside of you. he takes your moment of weakness as an opportunity to flip you right back to where you all started; underneath him. 

you gape at him, unable to process his quick movements. you’re laying at the foot of the bed now, and he’s grabbing your calves, tugging you closer towards him. he pushes back in and wastes no time in pounding you like nothing happened. he grabs your leg, pushing it up further towards your chest, angling himself in even deeper, pure desire fueling him. “shit baby,” 

he mutters, his hair falling in his eyes as he kisses your jaw. 

he rubs your clit with his thick fingers and you cry out, starting to tremble uncontrollably beneath him. “think m’gonna cum joel, m’so so so close,” you whine, your eyes falling heavy with your impending orgasm. 

“let me have it honey, cmon,” he kisses his encouragement into your cheek, fucking you with determination to make you cum, hard. his fingers never relent on your clit, and you can’t stop the panting that leaves your lips, all you can do is writhe beneath him while he fucks you through your dizzying climax. you moan his name in breathy chants, spasming as your body tries it’s best to ride out the stimulation that joel bombards you with. 

his hips grow messy and sporadic, he’s catching your lips in a hot kiss, tongues clashing and saliva falling to the corners of your mouth. barely taking any time to break apart for air. “m’almost there—where can i…” he trails off breathlessly, unsure of how to ask in a way that a gentleman would ask but you don’t care, you don’t need him to sound like one, not when he’s fucking you as if he’s never heard the word before. 

“inside, y-you can do it inside, please,” you beg with need, curling your legs around his hips and pushing down on his lower back. he shudders, and has a millisecond to want to ask you if you’re sure, but he can’t stop pushing himself inside you, it feels too good, and he’s glad you’re trapping him between your legs, because he never wants to stop. 

“sh-shit, i’m cummin’ honey,” he shakily moans in your mouth, struggling to keep his kiss coherent but the way your spent cunt tightens around him makes him lose all sense. you whimper against his lips, feeling hyper sensitive to each and every touch, but the feeling of him cumming inside you is unlike anything you’ve ever felt. 

he slowly pulls out of you, peppering your face with kisses when you make a sound of discomfort. you two lie in a comfortable silence, trying to catch your breaths. you turn to look at each other, and he smiles at you, leaning over to cup your face in his palm. “you okay?” he murmurs softly, running his thumb across your cheekbone. you nod into his touch, holding the back of his hand with yours. “yeah,” you grin. “you?” 

he chuckles heartily, and nods as well. “yeah. i’m alright,” he sends a playful wink and you can’t believe that it still manages to make your tummy flutter with butterflies. you suppose he’ll always have that effect on you. 

you stare at him for a little longer, testing the waters to see if he’ll stop you as you lift up his arm and scoot closer to him. and when he doesn’t, you smile to yourself while he only pulls you in closer, tightening his arms around you. you can feel his heartbeat against your back, and you’ve never felt more soothed before. 

you trace the veins on his strong arm that cradles you into him, your head resting on his other bicep. you don’t want to disrupt the peacefulness that’s settled upon you both, but you have questions that just might do that. 

“joel?” you ask and he hums a response. “would you ever want to do this again? or not even this but just…like…hangout?” you unknowingly grip onto his arm with nervousness, and hope that he says yes. 

he takes in a breath and you shut your eyes at the impending rejection. “honey,” he starts, and your eyes glisten with tears already. “i don’t know if this is something we should’ve done to begin with—not that i regret it—lord,” he shakes his head, chuckling dryly to himself. “lord knows i don’t regret it. but i don’t know if this is something we could sustain. i want to though, sweetpea trust me that i do,” he tilts your chin towards him, feeling his heart break when he sees your watery eyes looking back at him. 

“oh honey,” he sighs sadly, shifting you around so you can look up at him properly. his arms encase you, his warm hand running up and down your back while he pressed gentle kisses to your forehead. “why?” is all you manage to ask and he shuts his eyes, resting his chin on top of your head. “your dad’ll shoot me down and hang my body in front’of the whole neighborhood if he knew. and sarah? i don’t think she’d take kindly to me datin’ her best friend.” you hate that he makes perfect sense and you hate that you sound childish, that you didn’t even take either of those things into consideration. 

“we don’t have to tell them—at least not now? and we don’t have to be anything serious, i just…i like being around you.” you softly murmur, feeling pathetic as tears line your lashes once again. he thumbs across them, ridding your eyes of their wetness. “i like being around you too,” he returns your sentiments, leaning down to peck you. it feels gentle, domestic, and you can’t imagine going without more of them. 

“i’ll still pick you up after you have class, i still want you to come over for dinner like you usually do, nothin’ has to change and,” he closes his eyes for a beat. “—despite everything i said, i…i don’ know if i could handle not havin’ you around honey, feels like somethin’s missin’ when you’re not around.” he admits, and to himself as well, for the first time. 

you bloom with happiness at his words, surging forward to kiss him. he holds you by the back of your neck, tracing circles into your jaw. you hold his face in your hands, pressing kisses along his cheeks, feeling warm all over and when he laughs. it’s filled with a comforting airiness. 

he holds your wrist, turning to kiss your palm. he plucks your index finger, bringing it to his lips to kiss gently. “got me wrapped around this little thing,” he says just above a whisper, and your heart aches, overflowing with adoration. 

the door suddenly opens downstairs and you both share a look of horror. 

“dad? i’m home!”

[pralinesims]

the real question I have, is how many of Maggie/Aaron's followers on social media spend their time shipping the two of them together/assuming they're secretly dating/waiting for them to get together?

I've noticed people do this on tiktok with people who make content together all the time, and I want to know if people do, and how Maggie and/or Aaron feel about it if that happens lmao

LMAO you know how people are on social media, humans do really reallyyy love to speculate & project on such things, so I would say that yes, just like you've assumed, a big amount of their followers think they're actually a couple, but just hiding it + another portion hoping for them to become a thing one day. Like, if one of them would say they're not actually are a couple, it simply isn't believed, or follows with people rooting for them lol.

BUT!!! THEY'RE TOTALLY AWARE OF THAT ASPECT and also like to bait people into thinking they have a thing for each other, as after all, they REALLY like to farm for reactions. Like look, these are the kinda pics they post??? You can't tell me they don't enjoy the rumor mill.

Which doesn't much help their allegations, or what I'd also like to say in Aaron's case, it kinda benefits him, as online he does mostly like to either hide or rather cryptically talk about the fact that he hasn't been much involved in relationship stuff yet (+ another relating fact, but Maggie DID offer him privately in a semi-joking manner to take his virginity, not because she is extremely interested in him, but bc she likes to believe this aspect is a small burden on him and she'd genuinely help him with her generous favour LMAO).

Their personal feelings? Well, Aaron usually loves the attention ofc, and Maggie thinks it's fun & hilarious to stretch it out this much.

[itsnothingofinterest]

If I may get out one last post for the year, something I thought of when answering an ask recently is that I think I've got why I’m not getting behind the next generation of heroes surpassing their predecessors. The manga’s still trying to make those predecessors so inspiring and right in what they do that it’s stopped acknowledging the flaws that the students are supposed to be surpassing. Like, sure Hawks had his "contributions" to the 1st war; but the manga will still let him get a few cool one-liners off on AFO. He's still presented as someone for the kids like Tokoyami to aspire too. As a result, the students end up doing all the same things as those inspiring current pros would do instead of surpassing them.

I mean I recently saw it said that Deku was surpassing All Might by doing the one thing he couldn’t; saving Tomura. But did All Might not do that because he was incapable, or did he just…get forced into retirement first? We know he wanted to save Tomura. Do we really have reason to say he couldn’t besides not being given the opportunity, and if so, is that opportunity really the edge Deku has over All Might?

And Shoto and Endeavor both conclude their arcs trying to save Touya. They fail at this if you ask me but Shoto at least stops him from exploding…but his quirk is the only reason he manages that. That really ends up being the difference his contribution to the Todoroki finale has over his father's, he had an ice quirk to help cool Touya.

The students have even ended up participating in the really morally grey stuff we'd criticize the pros for, at least on the professional side; like using a hospital to hold Kurogiri, brainwashing Machia, and Deku still seems the only one who wasn't trying to murder Tomura in the Sky Coffin. And they get the same justifications of “but this villain’s so dangerous” and “the greater good” thrown around for them like when the current pros got criticized for doing stuff like this. Which tracks when, like I said, those criticisms didn't stop Endeavor from being shown as a good guy or Hawks from getting a cool one-liner or two off on AFO. Why would Class 1A avoid being like this?

There’s just not a lot of sense of actual improvement going around, I'm finding; the kids are only doing marginally better because the story lets them in this instance (and often in ways not replicable or applicable to their future heroics: I don't think Ochako can date every Toga Himiko-type she'll come across after all. So they're not beating any "treating the League as one-time exceptions" allegations either). Otherwise, they act exactly the same; Deku does what AM would do and (baring Ochako) the rest of the kids do what any general pro hero would do in their circumstance. In the end it leaves me feeling like instead of surpassing the pros, they’re simply ending up standing by their side as equals ready to be the next verse, same as the first. Everything will go back to normal, good and bad, including everything that brought us here in the first place.

It's like the series is now going "C'mon, the old pros weren't so bad, right? All Might wasn't so bad, right?" And strictly speaking that's even correct, All Might wasn't bad. In fact as I went over in that ask, he was frankly the best; the best any hero could ever be. It makes sense how Deku struggles with surpassing him in terms of behaviour while striving the same goals the same way. But All Might also wasn't enough. So if Deku's just acting as an extension rather than an improvement, I don't think he'll be enough either.

And I guess that’s the main problem I’m hoping gets addressed by this series in the new year (or if my part two theory comes true, then in the years to come after Hori takes a long break).

[aphelio-mara]

its actually so good to hear someone else out there is lying awake at night thinking. “omega earth has a valorant legion fan convention.” and “i wonder how many shitty movie productions exist in omega earth that completely ruin an agents character.”

like. imagine turning on the latest big hit movie about your life and saving the world and theres a horrible romance sideplot of you and your best friend. hilarious. mortifying. the rest of the legion doesnt let it go for months, until the next big scandal drops and focuses the attention onto the next poor soul

going absolutely insane to the point that i made a whole scenario based on this because YES YOU GET IT 🫵‼️

can you imagine phoenix getting promised a biopic in the aftermath of his heroism in aiding lisbon (pearl)

he's ecstatic; sage, omen, and jett are all supportive, save for the lighthearted teasing every once and a while by them and the others

the day of the premiere comes and he's bubbling on the red carpet, giving fist bumps and side hugs to his friends and colleagues that attended, the paparazzi going particularly crazy when he drapes his arm over yoru (he chalks it up as them being excited that yoru even came with his elusive persona)

the movie begins and phoenix is impressed. the plot flows well, it highlights aspects of his life and personality that's meaningful to him, and the acting is incredible! he doesn't even comment on the fact that every time movie him and movie yoru interact, the vibe of the scene changes in the smallest ways into something more...sentimental? oh, who cares, the movie is cool!

he doesn't even pay mind to the fact that when movie him was in peril, movie yoru had an entire scene of him rushing to the communication room, trying to reach him. he doesn't say anything when the end of the film comes near and they have a conversation with yoru hugging him. i mean, they're good friends beyond their public rivalry, he wishes that yoru actually hugged him during that time. this is such a nice homage to their friendsh—and they're kissing

phoenix feels heat rush up to his cheeks and ears as the tips of his hair flicker ever so slightly with sparks, turning immediately to yoru who's looking at him with the same unspoken "what the fuck"

jett is laughing her ass off and sage looks like a proud mother until her face falls when she realizes that the whole subplot probably isn't real and either 1.) phoenix and yoru's relationship just got outed or 2.) phoenix is Not Gay (the prior option sounds much more plausible to her)

the legion pr team has to physically stop phoenix from answering any interviews after the premiere. his face is plastered in the tabloids the very next day, the yorunix hashtag is trending everywhere, and thousands of dms are entering his social media accounts about how it's okay to be gay ("i know it's okay but are we gonna ignore the fact that they think i'm dating him???")

jett and sage are masters of deflection when asked about it, omen doesn't leave hq enough to be caught in an interview, and yoru himself is back to being too elusive for paparazzi to catch him...and poor phoenix is left to rethink his entire dynamic with one of his best friends

the rumors only die down after almost half a year of not entertaining questions about it, being ultimately overshadowed by another wave of seasonal "bisexual chamber" allegations (they are not allegations at all, chamber knows what he likes but god does he likes to see people speculate)

and hey, phoenix isn't mad anymore. it helped him discover a new part of himself, after all

not the being gay part though; it's the fact that he's probably helplessly in love with yoru and he has no fuckass clue what to do about that 💀

[angelofthemornings]

What to do about Dybowski...I had heard something about this on runet some time ago but didn't really know the details, so I didn't think very hard about it at the time. (Well, that's awfully lazy of me.)

Firstly, I believe the accusations, too many people are saying the same thing. Even if the details could be off, which is the only thing I could think of saying in his defense, the big picture is still there, so that's out of the way.

Second of all, personally, I've got a high tolerance for bad behavior from creators...if he wants to beat his father-in-law half to death or show up drunk to his job, I don't think there's anything I can do to contribute to his actions positively or negatively. And I think it's not bad if a sinful person can make art to contribute something to society even if everything else he does is worthless.

However, the accusations about him abusing his position to groom fifteen-year-olds are unfortunately directly connected to the things that I personally do as a fan - paying him money and attention lets him acquire social capital which he can use to manipulate people. It was due to our admiration as IPL fans that he got hired to teach, for instance. So it's dangerous to potential child victims to continue to support his games and it's one of the rare situations where, like with Rowling, fan support makes a difference in whether or not bad things are happening. (Aside from child victims, he should be leaving university students alone too - I tried dating a young university student once in my early thirties since I really liked them, and because at 18/19 I had had relationships with older men that were tolerable and it seemed pretty normal to me - but that was a trainwreck, first hand I can tell you that it shouldn't be done. It's also really bad if he's trying to sleep with young people who are interested in entering his field, he can use connections in the industry or the power he has as a professor to punish them if they don't do as they're told. If he wants to sleep with someone they should be a florist or sell phones at the mall, or at least be a game dev who has already secured her career.)

I think personally I'd be okay playing Pathologic 3 if he was stripped of his position at the university, that would make it much harder for him to do this sort of thing and it would be even more of a public scandal so people would know to watch out for him. I'm unsure of what the university is doing about this, just that they made an announcement saying that they're not suing a student for libel along with him as was rumored some time ago. So I probably won't be able to play the third game or Quarantine responsibly or make any fan content unless this gets resolved differently. Honestly, ideally he'd admit to his behaviors and quit by himself, but judging by his response to the allegations so far that's about as likely to happen as someone winning the lottery without buying a ticket.

My apologies to Bachelor that I can't help him this time...

[dichromaticdyke]

when i first watched season 4, i didn't love it because it felt so all over the place, both tonally and storywise. i mean, season 4 felt like it was meant to be very lore-heavy, but the only episodes that actually felt important to the story of that season were "prankklok," "writersklok," "dethcamp," "going downklok," "dethdinner," "breakupklok," and "the church of the black klok." that's 7 story-based episodes in a 12-episode season, but they're placed so sporadically, it's very jarring.

all that being said, with the hindsight of both the doomstar requiem and army of the doomstar, i understand better how the five "filler episodes" of season 4 fit within everyone's character arcs.

"fanklok" - nathan is still so disconnected from the reality of how dating works and what romantic relationships shouldn't look like that he dates a fan (and he's not even initially concerned when he finds out she's allegedly killed a bunch of people, he's more concerned that she's cheating on him). and because this relationship ends so terribly, he doesn't have the opportunity to process it or take away any meaningful lessons on how to have an adult relationship.

"diversityklok" - despite being with dethklok for years now, toki is still isolated from them. even his best attempts to grow close with them fall short. also, dethklok is powerful enough to survive bad faith racism allegations, i guess.

"motherklok" - pickles realizes that his bio family are all garbage people and it doesn't matter that they're his family—they're not good for him, and he has every right to cut them out of his life and instead focus on the family that actually cares about and appreciates him.

"bookklok" - toki stands up to skwisgaar for once in his life, and skwisgaar finally has a reckoning with the fact that his methods of...i think he was trying to encourage toki to improve...weren't helping and he has to change his approach if he still wants to have toki in his life. and he does (we never see skwisgaar aggrandize toki's playing again, though he still does have a teeny bit of that tough love stuff going on).

"dethvanity" - william feels insecure with his place in the band, driving him to extreme measures in an attempt to prove that he's not ugly—which, in this episode, is presented as him trying to prove that he's not a monster.

and then looking at the character arcs of the doomstar requiem and army of the doomstar in tandem, what do we have?

nathan learning that he doesn't have to force relationships to go a certain way and he doesn't have to shut down when they don't go the way he wants; adult relationships are about mutual respect, not obsession.

toki being recognized as a brother in the band, arguably the glue that holds them all together; he is the sunshine rainbows marshmallow man, and the band all need a force like that in their lives to keep them from going off the deep end.

pickles helping to be the maternal figure in the band, the one to be there for everyone; having a family means supporting them when you can and helping them to be the best parts of themselves, and a true family will work past the rocky parts instead of turning cold.

skwisgaar...is also there. i'm kidding, his is just more subtle; learning to admit when he's wrong or when to drop the whole guitar god diva thing, even just briefly, to let others in and recognize their importance.

william learning that his place in the band is more valuable than he could ever recognize; any ugliness or dissent isn't a reflection of who he truly is, it doesn't make him a monster, because he's more than just what the surface shows.

i'm sorry, but it's actually crazy how well this worked out with season 4 having one episode dedicated to subtle character development or character arc progression for each of the dethklok members. i still think the overall pacing of the season is wack, but looking at it like this does help.

but seriously though, how the hell did dethklok manage to not get canceled after "diversityklok" charles what kind of NDAs did you force everyone at that event to sign

[triviareads]

ARC Review of No Ordinary Duchess by Elizabeth Hoyt

Rating: 4.25/5 Heat Level: 3.75/5 Publication Date: December 10th

Premise:

Lady Elspeth de Moray is on a mission to find an ancient diary that will heal the secretive organization she's a part of. The diary is located in the library of Julian Greycourt, a family enemy who is also on the hunt for a book that will take down his villainous uncle.

My review:

ELIZABETH HOYT IS BACK. No Ordinary Duchess is a BANGER and the romantic dynamic harkens to her older works in the best way. Hoyt does starchy, repressed, secretly-freaky heroes so well (Godric St. John from Lord of Darkness, Maximus from Duke of Midnight), and Julian Greycourt is the perfect next iteration: He's STERN, he's tortured, and he's..... submissive?? Exactly the twist on stern, starchy heroes I needed in my 2024 historical romances. I particularly love the dynamic of a stern GRIM man paired with a sunshine-y heroine like Elspeth, who, to be clear, is not a pushover and has a spine of steel. It's hysterical to see Julian forever torn between outrage and being suuuuuper turned on by Elspeth against his better judgement, especially considering she's the sister of the man who allegedly killed Julian's sister. That being said, this isn't an enemies to lovers book; both Julian and Elspeth have external villians to battle, and really, a lot of their conflict lies in the fact that Julian went through trauma and emotional abuse from his evil duke uncle (the series boogeyman Julian is trying to thwart) that made him push away a lot of the people he loved for their own safety, and he's still doing that. He doesn't want to want Elspeth but he can't help himself— it's fascinating to read how Elspeth, sensing all of this, wants to take care of him as much as she wants him to serve her, and Julian is her perfect counterpart in both senses.

I ADORE Elspeth. She's cheerful and guileless (no wonder, considering she grew up in an isolated all-women compound and was educated in a unconventional way for the time period), but she's also a lady on a mission; Elspeth is a part of the Wise Women, a group dedicated to helping Britain's women. The Wise Women (who refer to themselves as HAGS.... they're definitely not escaping the witchy allegations even if they're a very real underground organization in this universe) are falling apart and Elspeth is convinced finding the thousand year-old diary of their old leader will bring them together once more. It's this search that pushes the plot forward, and ultimately it's the in-text AND plot excuse needed for Elspeth to stay with Julian in an isolated place for a long period of time (with everyone else initially assuming she's the woman Julian has paid to tend to his, uh, special needs).

The sex:

It's SO rare to read an explicit D/s dynamic on-page, particularly with a dominant woman and a submissive man. It's not something Elizabeth Hoyt has done either, as far as I'm aware, but the execution here was excellent. Julian haaaaates himself for his *UNNATURAL desires* but Elspeth teaches him not to kinkshame himself. Eventually (starting with her finding kinky porn hidden under hia bed and him getting sooooo pressed about it lolol).

Also, Elspeth isn't what you physically think of when you think "dominant woman", and I love how Hoyt subverts expectations. Elspeth is a petite, curvy redhead (yes, Julian does muse about her "titties", as is Right and Proper for a Hoyt hero) who's also several years younger than Julian and is, in fact, a virgin, but she knows what she wants and she's quite good at asking it of Julian. Julian is more of a service oriented sub who loves to give Elspeth pleasure as much as she loves receiving it— so there's a lot of oral, a good amount of titty worship because of course— and there's also a nonsexual component to him serving her, like this super tender scene where he combs her hair after a bath.

Overall:

What I love about this book is just how quietly subversive it is for the genre while still staying true to some of the most popular historical romance tropes. If that's something you vibe with, then I'd strongly recommend this book, and I'm looking forward to the next book in the Greycourt series!

Thank you to NetGalley and Forever for the advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.

[jindallaebe]

LOVER / LOSER 조진달래 → SOLO

jindallae feels so out of place here. originally, he was meant to come to this concert with mindeulle, but sadly, his twin ended up not feeling well and had to stay home, so now, not only is he worried about how his brother is doing, but he's grappling with how awkward it is for him to be one of the only non-teenage-girls in the crowd.

the fact that he towers over everyone, is draped in all black like some kind of wannabe vampire, and has an already rather intimidating aura about him based on his size alone, doesn't help. he hopes that he can escape this without causing any issues. that's the last thing he needs.

above all, he's here to support his boyfriend, and despite all that's going on in his head, he remains focused on that; eager to see him light up the stage and show off his skills. knowing how, and who, he is, he knows it'll be easy for him to capture hearts. he tells him that to this day. stevie's been working hard. sometimes jindallae wonders if he works too hard, but regardless of whether he does or not, being able to finally witness the fruits of his labor himself will be incredible.

besides, there's a small part of him that thinks it's cool that he's romantically linked to a rookie idol. the mere idea of it makes jindallae smirk. just knowing that, although stevie's bound to have so many adoring fans, it's him who he comes home to every night, brings him an oddly high sense of satisfaction. what can he say? he loves to win.

though, before his thoughts get too carried away, he notices the studio delta trainees being lit up one-by-one on stage, and as they stand in line and introduce themselves, jindallae is given whiplash by their lineup. in front of him are joomi, ren, jaeyoung, and stevie, and they're all in the same place, at the same time, and it's an absolutely excruciating reminder that they're all signed to the same company.

jindallae knew this, but seeing them poised how they are feels like a slap in the face, or a splash of ice-cold water racing down his back.

once upon a time, he dated jaeyoung and ren; he had passionate and deep feelings for joomi, but they were never returned; and now, he's wrapped up in stevie, and obsession doesn't even being to describe how he feels about him. this moment is evidence for accusations that he's always tried to dodge, and it's kind of embarrassing. maybe he really does have a type. maybe ren scathingly alleging that he has an interest in 'idol twinks' wasn't bullshit. it makes him laugh at himself.

aiming to not make this about him and his track record, he refocuses his sights on stevie—the true reason for his attendance. he keeps his eyes glued to him from that point forward; amazed at how talented he is, and impressed by how much effort and passion he's putting into this performance, too. he's clearly biased, but in his own opinion, stevie's the most striking entertainer among his label-mates—as well as the most attractive. easily. there's genuinely no competition, and he'll assert that with his whole chest, regardless of controversy.

nevertheless, what adds to the endearment is that the song they're singing and rapping talks about being a loser in the face of love. jin views his boyfriend as anything but that, however, he really sells the concept. when it eventually comes to an end and they're ushered off-stage, jindallae can't help but feel immensely proud. feeling like a fish out of water in this environment no longer matters to him. if anything, he's glad that he came and was able to experience this himself.

now, all he has to do is wait for his opportunity to greet and congratulate stevie. there's more show to sit through, so he knows it won't be anytime soon, but he's counting down the milliseconds until they can come face-to-face again.

[cleverthylacine]

I am probably cranky and I will probably continue to be for a while.

If so, I am apologising in advance for it.

My family is very fractured and it doesn’t help that my father died in 2009 and my wonderful stepmother and the horrible woman who was my father's first wife and my alleged adoptive mother both have significant memory loss, plus the horrible one is drunk all the time.

My brother and I have recently become rather close although we used to have a fraught relationship.  He lives in Indiana.  I live in California.

He is on disability and broke as fuck. His son is also disabled.  I have been trying to help him out when I can.   (That is why I won’t be going to TFCon in March, and my brother is more important than TFCon, I’m just saying, all my plans were already in the air as it was before last week. Our mother has money but has not been helping him because her evil wife* won't let her.)

Please note: my mother is actually a raging homophobe and she is not boning *KC; I just call KC her wife because KC acts as though they're in a horridly dysfunctional codependent QP, though my mother does not actually acknowledge that such things exist; my mother can't comprehend the fact that I date people of more than one gender.

Last week he started coughing up blood and also crapping blood, he told me he’s lost 40 pounds and his son took him to the hospital.  I am sure you know what I’m about to say next, but we don’t know what kind.  They were talking about NSCLC, but the symptoms he was having sound more like colorectal cancer with lung mets to me. Anyhow, he was supposed to have surgery today and his doctor was supposed to talk to me and him together via Zoom after the surgery.

I got up at 9 AM and got fully dressed and have been waiting all day and haven’t got a call, a text or anything from my brother, his son or the hospital.

I don’t know what hospital he is at.  My nephew hasn’t returned my text but he’s probably at the hospital and has shite reception.

I work in a hospital myself and have done so for most of my life; I know that it’s a Federal holiday, he was almost certainly an add-on case because of his urgency, and that it’s not uncommon for there to be delays on holiday weekends because that’s when all the chucklefucks go out and get drunk and drive around in their cars, shoot each other and hit things.

So I know this could all be just ... Murphy’s law in action.

But at the same time I’m terrified that he has died on the operating table and that’s why nobody’s called me or called/texted me back.

So there’s that. I would just like the one relative I can have regular conversations with to not die for a while and also not be in horrible pain. And to get to know my nephew better, whom I have never met because he has severe muscular dystrophy and my brother and I had our reconciliation in the middle of the pandemic so nobody’s been flying nowhere no how.

Just why is my family the most ever.

Lord I never did think that either my brother or I would make it this far but in the 80s we all expected the world would blow up any minute all the time and then all the people I was friends with thought we were gonna get AIDS. Some of them did.

At least he's eating because my nephew has made sure he's got weed gummies now that he can't smoke. He's already on chemo.

[vaspider]

So, check this shit out. This is absolutely fucked beyond imagining, and almost certainly worse than you even thought, and they wrote this shit down:

Last month, the FBI reportedly conducted an unannounced raid of Cortland Management, a major corporate landlord based in Atlanta. The surprise search appears to be part of a Department of Justice criminal investigation, first reported by Politico in March, into an alleged scheme among many corporate landlords to artificially increase rents through collusion.  ... According to the lawsuit filed by the State of Arizona in February, landlords that are supposed to be in competition with each other "outsource daily pricing and ongoing revenue oversight" to RealPage. The company allegedly facilitates and encourages landlords to work cooperatively to increase rents. [In other words, to illegally collude.] An e-book produced by RealPage says that the company allows corporate landlords who are “technically competitors” to "work together . . . to make us all more successful in our pricing." RealPage bragged that landlords that use its software “continually outpace the market in good times and bad.” In other words, RealPage helps landlords charge higher rates than they would in a truly competitive market. ... RealPage's former CEO revealed that participating landlords share "occupancy rates, rents charged for each unit and each floorplan, lease terms, amenities, move-in dates, and move-out dates."  After feeding in this highly-detailed information that would normally be kept proprietary, "landlords agree to outsource their pricing authority to RealPage—rather than competing with one another on price." RealPage even has a feature called "auto-pilot" that lets the software set rent prices without any human approval or intervention.  ...

...RealPage employs "pricing advisors" who "meet with landlords to ensure that properties are implementing RealPage’s set rates." This is described by Arizona as "policing the conspiracy to make sure no one cheats by lowering prices and trying to gain market share." RealPage training materials, cited in the DC lawsuit, advise that landlords "should be compliant" with the software's pricing recommendations. The Arizona lawsuit claims that landlords "agree that if they fail to consistently implement RealPage’s set rates, their contract with RealPage will be terminated." Jeffrey Roper, who created the RealPage algorithm, explained that if "you have idiots undervaluing, it costs the whole system." 

... According to the plaintiffs, landlords using RealPage "account for over 53% of the multifamily rental market in the Atlanta Submarket."

Did you catch all of that? These landlords, who control over fifty percent of the multifamily rental market in the Atlanta Metro area, turned over a bunch of privileged information to a company which promises them greater profits. How does it do that? Well, RealPage literally requires them to collude with each other to fix prices. @artsekey saw the effects of that in real time: rents jumping $600 in a couple of days, and why? Well, in the words of Amber Ruffin, which I will take totally out of context:

So yeah, it's a fucking cartel. Literally, this is "an association of manufacturers or suppliers with the purpose of maintaining prices at a high level and restricting competition." That is the literal definition of a fucking cartel, and this absolutely meets that definition.

They wrote it down! They fucking WROTE IT DOWN! They're so confident that they put it in their fucking training materials.

(LegalEagle used that clip in a video about Trump so that line has been stuck in my head all fucking day, but SERIOUSLY Y'ALL.)

Greedflation is manifest.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also appreciating thee range we get to just make up for winston re: What Ifs for intimate relationships :) fully unhindered by canon, wherein those for him & his ilk are only mentioned like "yeah losers get dumped" vs that what's worth devoted screentime is "ofc you're a catch worth effort, until finally [the business] effects are too much" like, thrilling always lol

tayston the eternal the iconic like, quasi rivals even through kompenso & that delightful little push & pull, to situationship fwb, to [what are we? including [friends]?? / i have feelings for you not telling you which ones], to lovers, or to [alleged lack of personal connection], or to that but back to lovers, etc & so forth. can have no drama, light drama, quite a bit of it, a metric ton. get to fuck a lot, talk a lot, hang out together, have trans & autistic solidarity & understanding. be hilarious, and so serious. what Isn't there to say? they can have the range, & beyond it. it's what they deserve

benston like, theoretically smoother basically immediately mutual [want to date] feelings, to dating, the obvious use of axe cap noncompete for drama, but also, it can be not that. or it can make them exes, or not, or they can meet in s5 for quasi rivals to hmm nvm. let's kiss. being able to go like yeah fuck it simultaneous benston & tayston (& taylaur), tmc polycule always guaranteed a good time. some drama as well just in any degree of a slowburn due to classic presumed [this Can't be mutual]ness, winston thinking people don't just like him, supposedly especially when they're Sweet, ben faced w/someone with what's sort of an Intensity compared to his own usual demeanor, when usually that spells being run over at 500mph, even if ppl supposedly find him Sweet....even if winston supposedly does that. but imo that's like, quantingly, in how he "drives fast" in the first place, which is, moves in microseconds. if he were to ever be interpersonally punching ppl in the face & running them over, we might've been shown that once....even when sparring indirectly with ben it's like, this is quite subdued & fleeting lol especially compared w/what either of them get from other ppl like all the time. or, heck, we can imagine they held on to some semi petty quasi rivalry a while after that, until basically forgetting to keep that up one day / effectively both failing to keep a straight (lol) face about it eventually. canon offers so much room that we can just do whatever

even re: tmc polycule that like, somewhat bonus humorous what if that is mafee noticing he's at the lgbtquant fund & going "am i an outlier or? how would i Know know....how do you get in on a sexual encounter w/another man...." like crashing around questioning & winston is like, okay look, in the interest of convenience & preempting any potential disasters. and then that makes their [friends, sometimes? but also mafee is, somewhat mafeely, a dick to him sometimes, including that he can't even muster caring abt winston being harassed, threatened, & attacked by dollar bill more than he cares about how upset dollar bill must be to be doing that, much less how winston can go above & beyond to help bill feel better] "funnier" if winston duly supplied some sexual experimentation data points for him lol like. also their nonzero work friendsishness being funnier too. just a little low stakes something to go smh about and only talk about as much as mafee might ever stumble through it some more lol

the rich opportunities of riawin being obvious, canon-supplied even if you have to branch off from it into an au where they're actual friends, or else go with a version where they're eventual ex-somethings where that relationship was a mistake (mostly actually for winston, of course, though rian may see it the other way around as the superior party, as well as anyone who agrees w/that perspective)....immediate quasi rivalry, including both the quasi rivals And crush [get out of my fund] feelings for winston before rian presumably is aware he exists, for a head start on marination lol, as well as the inherent humor in winston just being more intensely affected all around at first....in the au, opportunity to go from those quasi rivals for enrichment to quasi friends to just also friends for real lol, a potential (relative to billions, and/or relative to anything) slowburn to also lovers, to an actually totally alright situationship / fwbship, whatever you want, really. a marker here just being like, unless it's the more canon compliant [any greater degree of intimacy on whatever front could only make this relationship worse for winston] route, i imagine this Relationship as pretty drama lite, to free. just chilling & vibing, for the most part. it was also canon, after all, that said Yeah winston's crushing right away but he's also just rolling with it nbd, and so is rian. not difficult to incorporate this into a very like, patiently & spontaneously developing whatsoevership

winstuk to me can be just the maximum flexible & chill like. imagining that for once if anything winston is the one more / first crushed uponst. don't even need any guaranteed out & out crushes(tm), to me. quasi rivalry, apparently offscreen they stumble into just a full throttle earnest friendship, Okay, fine by me. winston the vivacious spontaneous fun sexy playful party here, being to tuk who nobody reliably is to him but he could easily imagine he'd like it if someone was, that is: hand on shoulder (literally. waoh) like Don't shut up you Are allowed to do things other ppl are....talked about though imagining ofc tuk's perspex on [canon quant'em dynamic: ri&win misfortunes] as someone who'd even pay attention to winston, much less also even potentially sympathize w/him more than rian, or even simply As Much, since rian's slings & arrows are the momentary irritation with winston getting a bit too comfy thinking he's someone who doesn't deserve revulsion & rejection & what all, & winston's are being hurt on purpose at any moment any time, all the time....a contrast w/all that vivacity & confidence & etc that winston can consistently have around tuk; tuk also being someone pwned & punished for "deserving" it being a loser or whatever. got the glasses boys over here as well, between just the two of them, nerd alert?? and the idea of tuk realizing he can Also take on the role of [trying to be emotionally supportive like how he'd want to get from other people] to winston, tentatively, vs winston perhaps also being a bit anxious to Not show any want or need for that to tuk b/c like, he also doesn't have even the "ben does sometimes relate to tuk as the Senior / More Correct one but does also ofc try to be kind & supportive to him too" figure anywhere around him, so far as we get to see gleaning it much more rarely, fleetingly, partially from taylor....how's he gonna know he Can ever get something like that from anyone at work, even a work friend, see: his experiences getting support (hint: he gets none, Less Than, since probably they also made it worse / took it away) from like theoretically / sometimes friendly coworkers during/after a miserable to distressing experience....

plus like, a parallel to masking, like oh but tuk likes the me who's always been fine & low to no maintenance & vivacious & cheerful around him, so, continue to be that around him....and, naturally, being able to more earnestly & directly acknowledge & interact w/the mutual [reasons they actually Don't get to have all this self-confidence /-esteem] as an evolution beyond finding it more possible to have that For each other than themselves. and the fun of like bestie let's go strive for some casual sex at this venue tonite, like hell yeah i'll roll with that. winston actually being viewed more regularly outside of the curse of the context of [their jobs] lol, especially as he just like errs on the side of Follow Your Heart Be Yourself lmao the playfulness, the joie de vivre, the idiosyncracy & spontaneity, the fact that it never has to be a big deal to, in fact, be someone's casual hookup....have a bit of group sex together, winston basically flirting w/tuk to hype him up & tuk is like "does he mean all this strictly hypothetically, or" & eventually venturing this wherein winston can be like, no not really lol, there can be Misunderstanding here in this realm / just a lot of time spent Not risking more direct communication asking abt these seemingly risky things, or it can be smoother sailing like no i'll kiss you for real. winston like hey Do don't cry, i Will make sure you get some, and i mean that by "i'm down to do it myself if nothing else," w/all the unmitigated vivacity to reassure this isn't like, merely solemnly begrudging. can be like "are you offering to fuck like, as a friend" and winston can be like "hell yea" and blow him, no punchline here. and comfortably evolving into "this doesn't even have to be something we do as like, 'backup'" like yes we'll hang out & might have sex & might do that even if one or both of us has also hooked up w/other ppl anyways. can hang on to that even if someone's dating other ppl. or not, but it's chill. or they do date each other, or they don't, and also don't kiss. the real delights of Any & All these combos of relationships being the way they're just a total [free space] & i'm like, hey, what i'm after is [person seeing winston as a person; consciously wanting & pursuing their dynamic] & not at all pressed to have this be like, so who's his one true love lol. shoutout to winston kissing & fucking around

[roamwithahungryheart]

If JD wins, do you think the MSM will finally acknowledge that they were wrong or keep trying to spin it as a loss for women and #MeToo?

Let me start by giving you some statistics:

In the UK, approximately 1 in 3 men are victims of domestic abuse.

Only 26% of domestic abuse crimes recorded by police were committed against men.

Only 4.4% of male victims have been able to successfully access help.

In the US, approximately 1 in 10 men are victims of domestic abuse. Nearly a quarter of men across the US have reported some form of domestic violence in their lifetime.

On the whole, law enforcement officers do not take these allegations seriously due to gender stereotypes. Stereotypes that are perpetuated by the MSM. How often do we see articles focusing on male victims? How many news reports? The MSM thrives on sensationalism, gossip and scaremongering. It recycles stories and feeds into society's widespread idea that men cannot be victims because they're too strong - men can't be afraid, men must be feared.

Of course, this does not in any way dismiss the countless men in positions of power who abuse women. Every woman has a friend or relative who has experienced some form of sexual violence. We're still afraid to walk alone at night. To buy a drink in a bar. To say no to a date. This needs to change. Society needs to change. The #MeToo movement is just the beginning. The problem, however, is that over time, internet culture has warped it into a tool for faux/performative feminism.

Depp v Heard is a prime example of that. I've seen many women post outcries on social media that this case will 'set women back'. The MSM echoes this sentiment - if you don't believe Amber Heard, you aren't a feminist. You're silencing victims. You're stopping justice from prevailing. This is absolutely untrue. I'm sure the MSM will, at least for a while, continue to spin the narrative that this case has somehow damaged the #MeToo movement. Sensationalism sells.

Social media is telling an entirely different story.

The use of the hashtags #MenToo and #AbuseHasNoGender are on the rise on Twitter. Men are sharing their stories as a result of Johnny Depp coming forward with his own experience. Having such a high profile, beloved figure representing male victims of domestic violence is slowly but surely showing that we're ready for the narrative to change. If we continue to expand the definition of victims of DV, SA and IPV, we can help all victims get the justice they deserve. We can give all victims a voice.