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shintorikhazumi · 7 years ago

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Heart Trouble: Chapter 2

A/N: Delayed.

Please sue me if you’d like… I am soooooo sorry. I know, I’m a horrible person.

But first, do join me in screaming…

FINALLY!!!!!

Khazumi pulled herself together!!!

Not that I meant to be messed up and all, but my past month was just.. ugh… but anywhooooo… on to the story!

Btw, thanks for nearly 500 follows! (T-T) Maybe this should have been a 500-follower fic… Thank you all so much for the support and patience!!! I’m so happy to have such nice people as you be part of my experience as a writer! You all are my inspiration!

Also, some facts might be wrong xD I did my research randomly and some discoveries late xD. Sooooo… forgive those.

So… I chose this end out of 4. I’ll post the alternate ones in one go maybe. Or maybe not. The alternate ones are either happier or sadder so let’s see how that goes… but for now, I chose the first thing, the original thought I had in mind, which is this.

I REALLY want to make you guys cry… Is that bad? I don’t think I’d be successful tho… : (

But I think I did badly on this… it seems too strewn about and confusing… sorry if it’s not good… my bad…

@hermaeu5mora @r-lon @melphis-amekia @tortaki @laulink @utsuho @silverteresa @emutant @fatedestiny @croissantrose71 @mrs-kagari since I think you guys need to see this first after waiting on me so long!

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

“You can’t love me.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t care.”

Lie.

She cared too much. But there was a fact they both had to consider. One she realized, and one Akko was about to know.

“I just wanted to tell you, you know. It’s not like I expect something back. I just didn’t want to have regrets when I left.”

“That’s exactly why.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You can’t tell me you love me and leave me behind.” Diana looked into her eyes, silently admitting to herself that there was a possibility to her returning these feeling, her gaze intense, compelling, yet kind. “I don’t want to love you back if you’re already dead. So you can’t tell me that if you’re not going to live for me.”

“Diana… I’m sorry.”

Words once known as positive were now negatively viewed.

The sound was deafening. A noisy silence shattered by a single tone. That monochromatic beep.

She was pushing… pushing hard, giving enough pressure, working relentlessly to recover this fleeting life. The life that was literally right at her fingertips.

The tears that trailed down her face, falling in salty drops onto those white hospital robes donned by the person below her, slowly increased, blurring her vision, raising the difficulty on her task.

“Damn you, you promised!” Diana cried, pushing harder, lending a breath, lips barely brushing, before pushing again, pushing.

Pushing, pushing, pushing. Breathe into her lungs. Pushing, pushing, pushing. Breathe into her lungs. Pushing, pushing, pushing. Breathe into her lungs.

You promised me!

It was an endless cycle, repetitively necessary, again and again until Diana’s body was tuned to doing it in autopilot, the moments slowing down before her as she saw every single thing.

“Akko!”

Every. Single. Thing.

“Doctor Cavendish?!”

The red line on the monitor, the paling skin of a woman she had grown quite fond of. The gasps and disbelieving faces of the nurses. The frantic nature of the room. Her own sweat raining down on her patient, the puffy breathes she released.

“You promised so please… FIGHT!” She could even hear her own desperation in her weakening voice.

Push. Push more. Push!

“I believe in your believing heart.”

The heart she was pushing, guiding along back into life, assisting in pumping, trying to restart. The heart that was so selfless, so pure, so loving. She trusted it. She believed in it.

“Now Fight!” She begged, prayed, cried, commanded, instructed.

Fight!

…

Nothing.

There was nothing.

And after Diana had tried so much, cried so much-

… nothing.

“Ah…kko.”

Her voice was raspy. It was hoarse. It had not sounded that way in years, yet here it was, BROKEN and SORROWFUL. Wobbly, weak, crying.

Because of nothing.

Because there was nothing.

And there was just…

Nothing.

She cried. She cried so much.

She did not want to give up, but it was almost as if she had no choice she had been pushing, trying for so long, and now was reduced to a crying mess on a nurse’s shoulder.

Her tears were insurmountable, uncountable, heavy and pained. They were bad, bad tears. Mad, sad, bad tears.

Her heart was flooded by the emotion causing her raining tears.

And All was silent as they bowed down for a while in sadness…

There was a solemnity absent from the few fighting, warring, waning moments before. It was the quiet opposite of the rampaging torrent of emotions and desperation from earlier.

The quiet sobs replacing the once loud wails.

There was nothing but silence and tranquility for Diana. An excruciating peace.

She wanted the sound to come back to her, to fill her… but she was still in mourning. She wanted the quiet respect that Akko would have deserved. Should deserve, but also… shouldn’t if it meant she’d live.

It was so quiet.

Everyone, everything was.

-before one sound alerted them back.

Diana’s tears dried, evaporated into thin air as she pulled away from the older nurse’s comforting embrace as she tripped over her feet just to reach that bed, that cushioned place where her dearest charge was laying.

She rubbed her eyes, tried to check her ears, pinched herself just to ensure that she was not dreaming.

The monitor had started up again, although slowly but getting steadier, faster to a normal pace, minute by minute.

Diana’s eyes widened, as she hurriedly looked back to the once paper-white looking face to see the slightest change in the earlier, deathly pale complexion of her patient.

It may have been very subtle.

A lighter pink dusting those slightly tanned cheeks. The stabling rise and fall of that strong chest. And one thing that brought the smallest sad, yet happy tears to her eyes-

Akko remained unconscious, asleep, but a small smile played on her lips.

It was enough for Diana to tip up her own, relief washing all over the entirety of her being.

“Akko…”

She was alive.

She was LIVING.

If only for Diana’s sake and her own.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Stroking brunette tussles had become a hypnotizing habit for the good doctor, seated in the chair, leaning her weight on the bed as the sunset provided that beautiful touch on this already glowing girl’s resting frame.

Diana found it hard not to watch Akko, every part of the girl. From the rising and falling of her chest, to the little movement of her nostrils, the twitches of her eyes, brows, fingers, lips.

She was far too paranoid, too afraid to look away.

Because what if-

What if Akko stayed resting? What if she no longer awoke?

When the attack happened, Diana felt that time had run far too slow for her liking. It was the longest set of minutes, moments in her entire lifetime, and knowing that if Akko stayed out for a time exceeding the limit, chances would be slim.

Of course, the nurses had told Diana it had occurred for barely three minutes, but still… there could have been casualties, risks if it had taken just a bit longer than that.

She wouldn’t take a chance again.

Yes, the operation would be done first thing in the morning, no more waiting.

It was time to make a decision herself, Diana knew. A very painful one.

Slipping her fingers between Akko’s she lay her head on the side, trying her best to get what little bits of sleep she could to be able to endure tomorrow.

This would not be an operation she would fail.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

The steady tick of the clock harmonized with the beat of an organ against the patient’s chest, ever rushing as if it needed to beat the timer in this race of sound, and suddenly, Akko felt discomfort. A heavy burden on her chest, flashes of worrying memories strewn all about her head as her body made her remember the pain, the gasping, the desperateness, the need of air- of life.

If she were to call for help, her only ability to do so was to make any semblance of sound through the hurt in pure hopes of someone hearing her. The pain was worsening and it was far too much as Akko couldn’t even open her eyes anymore, listen or even feel a sign of a different presence as her hearing was overwhelmed by the wild drumming of her heart, as her senses were overridden with agony.

“DI… na… some- one…he…lp.”

Chest tight, lungs compressed, she was as a fish out of water, needing relief.

The brunette had started crying, emotions and physical state hurting to an anguishing point. Her body was paralyzed in both fear and excruciating pain as her heart hammered in her body, spreading all the horrible things throughout.

“H-…lp!” Her voice came out a whimper, a groan, and tears kept falling from her eyes as she felt she might just lose consciousness.

-But then a sudden soothing effect overcame every bad thing in that one moment.

“Shhhh... sshh. “ A voice cooed, Akko’s hair being finger-combed back, sweaty bangs brushed to the side as she felt a hand rub her chest in circles, trying to take away all the pain. “You’ll be alright. You’ll be just fine. I’m here.” She felt warm lips touch her burning forehead, cold sweat on her body.

Once she found herself to be calm enough Akko desperately willed her eyes to open, finding them far too heavy.

“Di… a…na?” She grimaced at the sound of her own voice; rough, coarse horrible, in pain. And she had yet to cease her waterworks. She wanted to cry some more, fully realizing how pathetic, weak and sorry she was, and her hands shook as they searched for a place to hold, to seek warmth and comfort from.

Finding purchase on the clothes on Diana’s back, they clung, just as tightly as Akko was to her own life. “Di…a…naaaa…” She sobbed, wailed. She cried, finally fearing for the first time in her sickly life, the claws of death. “I don’t- I don’t wanna, not after you… help… please.”

And again her heart was beginning to start that blisteringly deadly pace.

------

Diana panicked.

“Shh…. Akko, dear. Please stop crying. Please-!”

“I can’t! I can….t… Dia-“ Akko was beginning to choke on her tears, heart causing her throat to tighten. “Di-“

“Please, Akko! Please stop crying. Calm down. I need you to calm down enough for me to help you with your medicine.”

“I-“

The doctor searched for any method; she wanted to help Akko. She needed to use words she knew would affect Akko deeply enough to overrule her fear.

“I beg you to trust me.”

And the sobs hushed, quieted in but a second, Akko’s tears died down, and her breathing became more free, more relaxed and well-paced just as her heart followed.

“I do.”

It seemed the simple thought of trusting her life into Diana’s hands was enough of a reassurance, a comfort, a wall of protection for them both. And this was not a one-sided deal. Akko needed to trust in Diana as much as Diana needed that trust. They would work as one.

“Thank you Akko.”

Doctor Cavendish gave her a small peck on the head before she readied herself to get up just to fetch her patient’s medicine on the nearby bedside table. She was surprised, and not at the same time, as she felt resistance, something holding her back.

“Akko?” The shaky, cold hands of a tiny fearful soul clung to her desperately, unwilling to let go. Eyes wide and tears being held back, the physician swore she could hear the tiniest of whimpers come from the smaller girl as her grip remained firm, eyes locked to crystal blues. It compelled the doctor.

So Diana sat back down.

“What is it, Akko?” She questioned, wiping off the cooling sweat on the girl’s face, as well as those drying tears, smoothing out her hair and gently caressing her cheek. “Do you need something? I just need to get your medicine and I’ll be right with you.” She spoke, this time, seeking permission from the shaken brunette.

“Diana… please.” The girl began, lips quivering, somehow struggling to form a sentence. Diana began to fear whatever words would exit the girl’s mouth if this was how she was asking. Yet, she needed to know what was ailing, plaguing, Akko’s mind and heavy heart.

“Akko?” Her concern-laced voice alone was enough to break Akko down as her cries had started once more.

“I’m scared.”

There was a loud boom, a sudden flash that overrode their silence.

“I don’t wanna die anymore.” She sobbed, hands travelling to clutch at Diana’s front robes. Diana felt a crack in the air, and it was suddenly impossibly cold. Rain pelted softly against their room’s window. “I want to live with you.” In more ways than one, Akko meant. “Diana, please.” Her sobs turned to wails, to sniffles, dying down into silent tears. “Diana… Please… Help…”

“-I love you.”

Her throat ran dry as words failed to form, voice weakening as she stared at the sorry state.

She had Akko release her a moment, for just a moment, so quick Akko would only be confused of her actions and not hurt as Diana rushed to the pill bottles, popping some in her hand as she picked up a glass of water along the way back.

“Drink.” She managed to say. Akko obediently took her medicine, eyes still on Diana as she handed back her glass that the doctor set aside before engulfing her in a tight hug.

“Diana?”

“Listen…” She breathed, trying to form words, but failing as indistinctive sounds left her lips. “I can’t… ou… o.”

It was an incoherent mumble, and Diana knew that Akko could feel the slight dampness on her hospital gown, as she asked what was wrong and for a repetition of what the surgeon had just said. Diana felt a hand cradling her face, trying to get her to meet wine red orbs, to tell her eye to eye, to help both their fears.

“Diana?” The patient asked, voice wobbly.

“I can’t lose you too.” Finding her voice, the young doctor spoke more clearly now, hands wiping away Akko’s sweat and tears. She had grown an emotional attachment to her patient, despite promising to never again do so. It was impossible with Akko. And now, feelings of great loss were creeping back in. “So I need you to work with me?” She said, but it sounded more of a question than a request. “Please? We can only do this together.”

Akko nodded, hands covering Diana’s as they comforted one another.

“Sleep now. The operation is in a few hours.”

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

The infiltration of light was the only wake-up call Diana would need as she practically rushed the halls, not meaning to leave Akko alone, but needing to prepare herself for this day.

Finally, the operation day.

Going through her self-care routine at double the usual speed, Diana rushed back in her fresh uniform, wanting to be the one to wake Akko and give her the much needed emotional prep for this important milestone in her life.

Opening the room door without so much as a creaking sound, Diana shuffled her way silently over to Akko’s bed, seating herself slowly on the bed. Her hand quite automatically travelled the last few distance of space between her and her patient, heeding rest on the smooth skin of her face, caressing the brunette’s cheek lovingly.

“We can do this.” She whispered, leaning forward, doing something she would not have dreamed to dare do, kissing the roses on Akko’s face. “We have to.”

Admiring the way the patient’s body rose and fell with every breath and how her lashes fluttered every once in a while, as well as the way casual murmurs would slip out was something Diana felt she should let happen for but a few minutes more before they were thrown into the chaos of operations and surgery.

Her moments of admiration were broken by the mumbling of her waking charge, eyelids batting open and close, red rubies, beautiful gems revealed for the world to see.

“Good morning, Akko.”

Blinking the last few remnants of sleep from those beauties, Akko managed a yawn before her body stretched, kinks and knots out of her system. At last, she turned to Diana, preparing her best ‘I-just-woke-up’ smile.

“Good morning.”

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Diana’s feet shuffled across the slick, tiled floor, stomps of desperation creating sounds that bounced off the bleach-colored walls that led up to the silent chaos which was the Operating Room.

Somehow, these halls seemed just a tad too long, as if they were trying Diana’s patience, ensuring she would never reach the OR. Her mind was already a jumble of thoughts and fear and confidence-marred, and worry and care for Akko. The aforementioned, however, took up the biggest space in her mind.

After what seemed like hours, she breathed relief at a familiar entrance sight.

The usual twin doors greeted her, suddenly feeling very alien to Diana, but they were not alone in welcoming her back as a lone figure, brown hair and familiar red eyes stared into her very soul with a pleading look she had only ever seen once in the entirety of her life. The man she had been subconsciously wondering about, as well as his whereabouts during this day of great need.

Ready to offer a greeting and a few questions pertaining to Akko and her health and some arrangements, the blonde found herself cut off as the man opened his mouth, silence exiting it, noticing the bloodshot eyes of the man. His body language indicated he wanted to say something, so she let him, walking closer and listening.

“Please, Doctor…” The raspy, clearly crying voice, begged, exhaustion evident through his whole being. “Let her have it.”

Those words were all Diana needed to understand, halting in her tracks, eyes wide, mouth being muffled by the hand she had slapped over it. She shook her head no, in complete rejection to the all too obvious request.

“We…” He choked on his words as the blonde reached out to try and place a comforting hand, but was stopped, rejected as she could only how this man found it harder and harder to speak the longer this conversation went. “We both know she won’t make it with just the ICD implant… please… we both know what’s best right now. Ever.”

Diana let the few tears she had felt stay in, willing herself not to cry for both their good. “No, sir…” She spoke after finding her words, voice broken. “I can’t do that. That would go against her wishes.” The physician said, reaching for his shaking hands, clenched so tightly into fists, with his face red from all the emotions swirling about.

“But Doctor, you know this! Please take it! Please understand.” Again, Diana flinched as she was begged to do such a horrendous task. She had enough willpower to decline, she hoped, to deny, she swore.

“I cannot. I will not.”

“Diana!” He raised his voice a bit, trying to show his own will through it.

“Sir, Akko would break!” If he had forgotten, Diana was now ready to remind him that this Cavendish had a will just as strong and would hardly back down.

“She needs to live!”

Diana’s breath hitched in her throat, the one things she would not acknowledge, that Akko was actually on the brink of near death; She was being shown that she had to accept this reality, looking upon Ken who sobbed more openly, crying louder this time, gripping the front of those white medical robes, making everything feel as real as it really was.

Diana’s own frame shook with sorrow as her hands covered the older male’s. They were cold and rough, scarred, but loving in the way they held Diana’s back, eyes piercing into Diana’s soul.

Their breaths were ragged and tired, hearts beating painfully strong in their cages, their gazes intense in this stand-off. But they found their mouths sealed, tongues tied, words difficult, silence between them.

“Please…” Ken spoke after a while. “Please… know that… I don’t want this either.” The words seemed foreign, hard, choking him as he expressed them. “I want a life with my daughter, my only, sweet beloved daughter. She’s given me the joy of my life, and it’s a life I’d choose to spend with her forever, protect her by her side… If I could.”

Diana gasped, the thought absolutely vile!

If he could? He should be able to! Diana wouldn’t allow death if she could help it!

“You ca-“

Ken’s sad smile spoke to Diana and she immediately hushed, only now noticing the hums of machines from the ward, only now conscious of how cool the air conditioning was. She now realized what Ken wanted her to… He couldn’t. They both knew this. She now felt what he wanted her, needed her to do. She now knew the direness of his need.

“I’m sorry, Doctor Cavendish.”

Diana’s eyes, full of shock and sorrow, never broke contact with the father, broken and spilling out; a healthy heart beating there within him.

None of them wanted this resolution. Not Diana, not Ken, and most especially not Akko. She would never consent to such plans.

But here the good doctor was, being evil. Bad, sinful to even considering to allow it, no, to surrendering her promised will and accepting Ken’s, all for Akko’s sake that she would not want if these were to be the consequences.

Diana felt wretched, two simple, but extremely heavy words falling from her mouth.

“I understand.”

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Steps heavy, Diana thought her feet to be quite the uncooperative pair as her walk to that one bright, yet equally dark room seemed far too long for her liking.

Inconvenient sorrow, was that all she could feel? Perhaps, and it was causing her more distress, adding on to her negativity and taking away her collectiveness.

All the ‘what if’s and ‘but what about’ and all those bad things came to her. She was afraid. Afraid of so many things she hadn’t been afraid of before. Afraid to do what she had always done, afraid of the risks she had taken all the time, afraid of failing so badly for the first time and she had yet to start.

The sterilization, or as Diana thought it to be “cleansing” routine for operation felt quite different, slower than usual, as if she was being more careful that absolutely no dirt would be present on her body as nurses assisted her in changing, placing her gloves on her hands.

Now, she stood in front of that one last barrier, ready to see her patient, ready to see the one she was to operate.

Behind that clean door was a life about to be balanced in her hands, whether it stay perfectly still, or tilt to death that she did not want. It would be a seesaw of life and death should anything go amiss.

Looking back to a clock hanging on the wall, Diana swallowed the air caught in her throat, shooting a prayer to the heavens. There were things she believed, she could never accomplish alone and needed the help of at least any power out there. She couldn’t risk anything, she thought, she knew.

And standing by the door now being held open for her, she walked in.

It was time.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

If stillness and peace were forms of beauty, Diana thought lifelessness should never be grouped together with them, no matter how stunning a sleeping beauty could be if it meant it was for eternity.

Akko’s eyes were closed and her breathing was slow due to the anesthesia she had been given, her state assisted by the machine that hummed its tune close by.

Despite being hooked up to all those wires and with all the movement around of the prepared workers, Akko was still the picture of beauty and serenity as she was just… there. Lying still and waiting. Trusting her life into everyone’s hands.

Feeling her hands shake a bit, Diana squeezed them, begging them to stop as they all offered a prayer to guide them in this operation, and never had Diana prayed so hard to any god for help that she would not fail.

And the battle began.

Making the usual markings for surgery, Diana drew a line, about eight to ten inches in length, her hands doing their best to keep steady as she moved to her next task.

“Scalpel.”

Cutting through Akko’s breastbone, bit by bit, Diana began to expose that oh-so-pure, kind, loving, believing heart beating its rhythm for the world to hear its cries.

“Connect her to the bypass machine.” Diana instructed her helpers, a pair complying as they tried to keep the blood flowing through Akko’s system, excluding her heart.

Diana smiled beneath her mask sadly, hands proceeding to “cut out” the heart of her patient carefully, slowly; expertly and skillfully removing the diseased heart and calling for the new one.

The new one…

Diana gazed upon this organ, this gift of love that was quite literally entrusted into her hands. Her dirty, blood-stained hands. She stared at it as if it were the most expensive item in the world, the most beautiful gem, a precious artifact.

And she wanted to cry.

But she knew she could not, now returning to her procedure as she began placing this irreplaceable and ultimate present of affection into Akko’s living body, sewing it into place, pouring her own love and care into this work.

“First the major blood vessels, carefully, not too tight… but no leaks, Diana Cavendish.” She spoke silently to herself. “Just as always.”

She nodded gratefully as she felt her sweat being dried as she toiled in her work, finishing cleanly, closing the incision as all the occupants in the room awaited for the blood flow to be restored and the heart to beat and show case its new life and compatibility.

They waited.

And waited.

“Doctor?”

Diana for a moment was frozen still, before her senses came back, eyes still on Akko, mind surprisingly clear and working well.

“She may need a bit of a shock.”

“Understood.”

This was it. This needed to work. This would signify the start of Akko’s new life should it be successful- no, it would be successful.

As they did the necessary preparations for this course of action, Diana took one final look before nodding to her co-operators.

“Clear!”

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Akko awoke to the feeling of being part human, part machine, eyes blinking, clearing and seeing so many lifelines, tubes on so many parts of her body that were the only ways to support her constitution as of the moment. Despite having just woken up, she still felt a bit tired, her chest and throat somewhat sore, but admitted to feeling so much better. She felt her heart beating stable, calmly yet lively at the same time in her chest and it made her so happy to be in good health.

The next thing she noticed was that she was no longer in her usual hospital room, she assumed she was transferred to the ICU for a better recovery, and she sighed, then jolted as another sigh followed hers.

In slight surprise that melted to loving care, she spotted Diana by her bedside, spilling over her chair in her hospital garments, sleeping and in a state she dared not show the public eye lest she ruin her image.

“Hey…” Akko spoke to the sleeping woman. “I see you’re tired.” She giggled, finding it cute as the girl’s nose twitched a bit.

A bit sad at the realization that she could not exactly move, the pain of her incision suddenly becoming obvious after her attempt, Akko sent Diana her care in spirit, wanting to run her hand through those silky blond locks.

“Thank you.”

The words slipped out so naturally, so easily. They were the truest of truths. Kagari Atsuko was truly grateful to Diana Cavendish. She owed the doctor her life.

Akko smiled one last time before her eyes slipped shut once more, relaxing against the cushions and counting the beats of her heart, trying to familiarize with the newness of everything, the oddness, the warmth.

“You are most welcome.” A voice brought her back, eyes opening and head tilting to look at an exhaustedly smiling doctor, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Diana…”

“Hello, welcome to your new life, Akko.” Diana offered the tiniest of smiles, stretching her body out before moving her chair closer to Akko’s bed, yawning in the midst of it all. “How are you?”

That one simple question, a question she had been asked for years suddenly sounded less… prying, with less of an implication of negativity and worry, and it felt more of casual question now, something she could answer happily to and not need to lie about.

“I’m fine, thank you.” Perfectly fine was how she was feeling as a few tears of joy slipped from her cheeks. “I feel wonderful.” She grinned, feeling Diana place a hand on hers, covering it warmly.

“And you are just that.” Diana said, stroking her thumb over that hand as a nurse entered the room and explained to Akko that they had to do a few breathing exercises to ensure that she could breathe properly on her own, without the removed ventilator.

Though wondering what that was about, she complied as Diana nodded, Akko being assisted in sitting up and being guided on how to breathe and cough out, some explanations being told to her that went in one ear and out the other.

After this check-up, the brunette watched for a moment as Diana and the nurse talked, discussing some of the points in caring for her, probably, nevertheless, she waited patiently until the nurse smiled and bid her farewell and Diana sat back down.

“We’ll have to do that again in another two hours, alright?” Diana spoke, concern lacing her voice. “It might become uncomfortable, but it will help.”

Not wanting to worry Diana more than she already had, Akko nodded furiously, offering a reassuring smile as she was suddenly chatty, having to be told by Diana to calm down despite letting her be… just a bit.

Akko began asking about how things were, how long she had been asleep, as well as spotting some of the get-well cards and gifts she had been sent that threw her into a state of reminiscing and story-telling.

In exchange, along the way, Akko had found that she had slept the past two to three days, part of why Diana was worried enough to stay by her side as the older woman explained.

Partly, she was thankful that she had not been awake that time due to the supposed tube that had been lodged within her throat, the ventilator that she had needed to breathe. Now she was aware of why her throat had been so sore, but she was grateful that it was something that helped her live better, her soul flowing with absolute positivity.

“-And then, My friend Lotte tried baking us these pastries, but I honestly couldn’t stand them. Sucy- ah, that’s my other friend and her girlfriend, seemed fine with it, but I wonder if she was just pretending. What do you think Diana?” Akko continued on with her tales, at times giggling and laughing, talking as animatedly as possible without having to move so much.

“Hmm? Ah- uh, yes… that sounds lovely, Akko. Your friends must be so nice.” Akko was slightly puzzled at Diana’s out-of-it type of answer, but shrugged it off at first, pinning it as the girl being tired from work and taking care of her.

“They are!” She responded cheerily once more, her heart beating excitedly, amazingly in her chest as it swelled with pride at its new capacities.

And she calmed for a moment. Suddenly not having anything to say, nothing in mind. Akko felt at peace. She was quiet as her eyes closed slowly, the girl breathing in and out in relaxation, feeling every hum of the machine, every pump of her heart, every breath she took.

This feeling… this kind of living…

“The ICD implant was a success, huh…” She whispered her muses aloud, lips resting in a gentler smile. “I’m glad.”

Eyes opening and seeking Diana’s, she wondered why they looked so much in pain, so in sorrow, so… guilty and regretful as Diana failed to respond this time, mouth hung open as if she needed to say something but could not.

“Diana?”

“…”

“Diana? What’s up?” Akko asked, the smile on her face wavering as she sought out the eyes that could no longer meet her gaze, so downcast as they turned to the floor for help. “Why are you so sad? If you’re worried about me, I’m fine, see?”

Akko moved her hand slowly, lightly placing it on her chest as she watched Diana’s eyes widen in slight worry, before going back to their sad state.

“Look, my heart’s all better.”

---------------

Diana flinched at the statement, pained as she gazed at Akko.

“That-that’s…”

And the memories came crashing in, filling Diana with a sudden torment, stomach churning as she wanted to vomit, reminding her of this lie she was living, a lie she could not keep up. She was far too guilty to keep it up. It plagued her, the memories, the words.

Her eyes meeting Akko’s worried ones for another short while, the look of Akko’s face, Akko in general only served as a larger reminder, the similarities between them, of Akko and the man who she had… spoken with. They only made Diana feel more wretched.

[“I’m sorry, Doctor Cavendish.”]

…

[“I understand.”]

“Akko I’m sorry.” Diana said, not being able to take it anymore, the inquisitive, innocent gaze only putting more pressure on her.

“What, what for?” Akko chuckled, the sound not quite in harmony with how she looked at the moment, a mix of happy pain. “Why?” She wondered, a fear creeping towards her.

“I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Diana, please tell me what’s wrong.” Diana knew Akko was now worried, dread making its way into her now healthier heart and she didn’t want that for the other girl, but she needed the truth. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry Akko… I c-can’t. I promised I wouldn’t tell, but…” Her eyes stung, her head and heart hurt as she braced herself to reveal this harsh, but actual reality.

“Diana?” The voice prompted her, and she was scared… so, so, so scared.

But she told her.

“That isn’t your heart.”

And like a full, supposedly very sturdy dam, Diana beheld the Akko before her, breaking down slowly, possibly wondering why as to why she cried like so. The brunette touched her suddenly wet cheeks, Diana frowning as she saw Akko trying to smile, to laugh.

“Hahaha, what’s wrong with me? Why am I- what is wrong hahaha.. this is… this…” And just like that, Diana witnessed her favorite smile completely disappeared, a frown taking its place as there were just more tears.

Silent crying could only be silent for so long, as Akko’s beautiful wide eyes sought Diana’s, the pair finally closing and brows scrunching up as some force made it difficult to keep looking at the good doctor and Diana did not blame her. She wouldn’t want to look at herself either.

“Is this some kind of riddle, a joke?” Diana was asked, though both women knew and did not know at the same time what exactly she was asking.

Diana was still speechless, finding it hard to talk.

So when no reply came from the blonde, Akko knew, Akko thought for the worst. The only reason, answer on how this could not be her heart.

“NO… no, that’s not true, Diana. You found a way, right? For us both to be saved, you… you said so, Diana!” Diana felt the glare, the burning gaze on her searching for an answer on that pale face, through her open blue eyes.

“…”

“Why?”

And because she could not break the silence, Akko did it for her… in the most excruciating way for them both. She let out misery the only way she knew how, filling the room with her song of woe.

Cries, wails, sobs.

The sounds made the pangs of sorrow all the more painful for the already suffering doctor, moreso the next words that fell from Akko’s lips. They sent a jolt of pain, hurt, shock into Diana as she fell speechless, mouth opening and closing in utter silence.

“You’re lying.”

-------

“You’re lying, Diana.” Akko spoke, tears a never-ending stream coming from her eyes. Brows furrowed, she glared her physician down. “Stop lying, Doctor!” She said, voice raised, heart pounding, but not in any danger so unlike before. “Why would you lie to me?!”

“Akko, I’m no-“ It seemed Diana had found her voice, but was not permitted to speak a word as Akko swiftly cut her off.

“THAT’S A LIE!”

Her breath was ragged, her heart pounded, yet she did not feel as if she were in any danger of an attack, and She cursed, loathed the fact that everything seemed to be true. She did not want to accept it.

“Stop lying to me Diana.” She said, voice softer, breaths coming out in shallow pants as she tried to calm herself. “Just stop.”

“I’m not, Akko your father is-“ The doctor tried again, but Akko was very unwilling to give ear to the words.

“He’s just- Daddy is just hiding from me. You’re just playing some mean trick.” She glared, not wanting to be near Diana at the moment.

She felt betrayed.

Sorrowful as she was, Diana knew she had to calm Akko, to get her to stop her rash actions, to relax as she was still at an unstable state.

“Dad!”

------

Distress filled Diana at the word, breath caught in her throat, choking her.

Akko was looking for her father. She would not believe.

“Akko, no! I’m telling you-!”

“Daddy, please stop this, stop hiding. I love you!” Akko called out again, and Diana felt she couldn’t understand, yet she did. And Akko went on, torturing Diana indirectly with her cries. “I promise dad, we won’t fight anymore!” She cried louder. “DADDY! Where are you! I woke up see?”

“Akko, he’s gone! Your heart is His heart-“

“I’m not listening to you.”

Diana fell silent, eyes trailing to the opening door as a pair of nurses came to assist, everyone trying to calm Akko down as she scowled at them all angrily.

“YOU PROMISED ME DIANA.”

The words shot through her like a bullet, leaving a hole in her heart, something that she could never heal most likely, ironically as she saw Akko, trying to be calmed or in the most uncontrollable situation, forced to sleep.

“Don’t do this to me Daddy! No! Don’t leave, why would you leave me?!” Akko called again, suddenly feeling very drowsy, breathing slower as her pulse dropped as the monitor indicated, and Diana was thrown into sudden panic as more nurses came in at alert.

“Dad… why…”

[I thought you loved me…]

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

It had been days, no nearly two weeks.

In that time, Akko had been in successful recovery, surprisingly enough, despite her demeanor and emotions being quite negative. She was an obedient person in the end, trying to fulfill some unspoken promise probably to carry on.

With proper monitoring and care, her incision was healing nicely, no signs of infection and no complications to her heart at all. It was a good healthy heart, strong and well-cared for. Yet, though she lived in such health, Akko was never happy in these moments. She had not spoken in days, or at least to Diana. Few words had she uttered to her cousin who came by diligently, if only to get the girl to eat and take her medicines and cooperate with her caretakers, save Diana.

Andrew understood well enough what both parties were feeling, and decided there was nothing he could do to interfere, and it wasn’t his place to take a side. So all he could do was watch, watch and try to leave bits of advice to the hard-headed patient under his charge, one who’s feelings must have been heavier than anyone else’s, conflicting, confusing within her as she suffered silently alone.

And it went on for days and into another week, and another… until Akko could finally go home.

The Hanbridges had offered to take her in, to let her stay with them in their home, but somehow she refused, and her family could only send a maid to help out in maintaining her old house, but for the most part, she was alone.

At times, Andrew would frown and sigh, finding Akko calling for her father at the weirdest times, or at one incident that he had slept over to watch over, he found an extra plate prepared at the dinner table, Akko trying to brush it off as expecting her uncle to come along. But Andrew knew better.

Akko was in denial.

And he kept observing.

More days came and went. Akko had her follow-ups, her x-rays, and he found that she was willing to have them, but not willing to see the people who held them, disdain always showing through on her expressions as she entered the hospital doors or interacted with any medical personnel. Most especially with her doctor, Diana.

There were times when she was silent, not talking or answering any of the needed or casual questions and this frustrated everyone, exasperated them, and when she was in the mood to answer, Akko would be harsh, cynically blunt, and in sour moods or fits.

Akko was angry.

One big surprise for Andrew was a time he found Akko bowing on the flour, prostrated to the lowest level, and for a moment, he thought she had an attack, but hearing words from her mouth, ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only’… then…

“Even if it is impossible, please give me back my father… come back to me… daddy.”

He’d find Akko saying those words, no, praying those words, and even mumbling in her sleep. Bargaining to God for the taboo, for something that simply could not be as it was against nature’s morals.

That’s when Andrew realized.

The suffering of the Stages of Grief.

Yes, Akko was in grief, and as natural as it could be, somehow, he needed to do something about it.

But now, after witnessing the nightly cries, the gazes Diana would send during every check-up, the wallowing in self-pity, Akko’s anger, and currently as she ate as little as possible, talking as little as possible, throwing herself into depression, Andrew giving some effort, he just realized.

Even if he tried doing something about it, he could not.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

The ceremony was a glum day, not rainy, no. It was cloudy and dark and Akko hated it, for she could not cry. There was nothing to cover up her sobs, nothing to wash them away as she went on through the drone of the pastor, the services.

She had held on during all the wakes, not shedding a single tear after all she had spilled the past few days, so there was no need to let strangers, acquaintances, not even friends see her sadness.

There was no need for them to pity her. She didn’t need it.

As she looked at the casket now being lowered, her hands subconsciously throwing in a dozen of her father’s favorite flowers wrapped in his favorite scarf, Akko gazed upon all the people with blank eyes, watching some cry, some try not to, Some indifferent, and some fond and sad at the same time.

She hated them all, she found. She was bitter, but as much as she did not want to be, she was. She just was.

Please let it rain…

--------------

Diana watched from afar; she dare not go near for fear of Akko’s wrath. She already seemed fairly down and angry, and Diana would certainly be more than willing to not add on to the poor girl’s frustration any longer.

But her heart still longed to comfort Akko. No one did, after all. The brunette kept at standoff-ish aura, negating any attempt of help or consoling. Not even her friends could help as the most the could do was offer their condolences, their ‘sorry’s, along with pats on her back as they left one by one… one by one until only so few were left.

She heard that Andrew Hanbridge beckon his cousin to go home. She watched as she shook her head no.

With a defeated sigh, she saw that last family begin to head for the car, jolting a bit in her spot as her eyes met with green orbs that merely blinked before disappearing behind a car hood.

Once the vehicle was out of range, she heard it.

The sound of rain, yes… beginning to pitter patter slowly, quickly becoming harder, but there was something else.

“I’M SORRY!”

And her feet moved without her control, heading to those cries, those wails as her umbrella hit the floor just beside the girl as she threw her arms around the shivering figure.

“No… I am.”

---------

Akko jumped in surprise, suddenly feeling kind hands, a warm body pressed against her, her black dress sticking against her skin, but all she could think of was the comforting hands running through her hair and down her back.

“Akko, I’m sorry.”

“Di-Diana?”

“Sorry I could not save you both.” The blonde spoke. “Sorry I promised… Sorry I lied… I am so sorry… I am…”

“W-wait- don’t say-“

“I am sorry for your loss.”

A whimper escaped Akko before she returned the embrace, clinging tightly to the only support left in her time of need. She did not know how she could not be this way around other people, but she found Diana to be someone she was comfortable sharing this with.

“I’m sorry too.”

And they both cried under the rain until Diana was sure that the wetness sliding down Akko’s beautiful face were no longer tears, but just the tumultuous rain.

“Let’s get you warmed up.”

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

It was comforting and discomforting to be seated in the house her father had built, Diana in the kitchen preparing her some warm milk as Akko calmed down, seated on the floor at a low table in the connected living room.

Maybe she had been staring into space if the clink of a mug being placed before her was enough to offer her a tiny scare, as Diana smiled sadly at her, offering a quiet murmur of apology as Akko simply nodded in response.

As they had found it common these past few days, silence had once more resumed between them as they sipped on their drinks, trying to collect their thoughts, before Diana found the courage to speak up first.

“So… I apologize if this is a prying thought, but I was wondering… what is that letter in the pocket of your dress?”

Stunned, Akko slowly fell into the realization that Diana had probably discovered the paper she had been clinging on for far too long secretly these past few months.

“Do you… do you… no…” Akko shook her head, deciding it was time to pull herself together and get back on her feet.”

“Would you mind listening?”

Seeing Diana nod slowly, understandingly, Akko went to fetch it. The smudged piece of paper that lay crinkled in her dress pocket, now to be exposed to the world.

As she opened it, the paper having dried a bit, clearly ruined, but still readable, miraculously enough, Akko confessed.

“It’s a letter for my father… and…” Diana urged her to go on, a hand placed on Akko’s back as she sat closer on the floor as both women leaned against the couch.

“And?” Diana coaxed, gently, carefully.

“I wanted…” Akko sniffled, before crying a bit and hushing herself, wanting to see this through. “To give it to him after the operation.”

“Oh…” Diana looked down at her lap, before meeting Akko’s gaze again. “Then all the more reason for me to be more sorry.”

Akko’s nod and short closing of eyes, along with her smile told Diana it was alright, and that maybe, she finally understood. Understood why Diana did what she did.

And now, it was time for her to read.

------

[ Dear Dad,

Hey! Hahaha… so… ummm… sup? Ok, I know you know, but… hehe… I’ve been a bad girl lately, I know. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you when I don’t follow what you would have wanted. I know you do what you do out of love for me.

Dad, it’s just that… I’m sorry I argue with you… I just don’t want you gone. Dad... you’re the only good thing I have left in this life. You can’t leave me.

Daddy, I’m gonna have this operation… it’s a big step for both of us. Dad… don’t sacrifice too much for me… you’ve given me too much already.

Daddy… if you love me, if you really do love me, don’t do this… Oh! But if you’re reading this, that means the operation is done right? Oopps… hihi… I meant to give you this letter once the operation succeeded… so it did! Cause you’re reading it! (I know you’re grinning old man) *wink*.

But in all seriousness,

Dad… I’m sorry.

Dad… Thank you.

Daddy, I love you.

Dad, the sunshine of my life, my pillar of strength, my light… I love you so so so much. Thank you for EVERYTHING you have ever done for me. I can never repay you.

So I’ll just love you with this heart for the rest of my life.

With Love,

Your one and only beloved daughter, the one who loves you most in this world,

…

Kagari Atsuko.]

And finally, after crying over it, Akko accepted her new life, her new heart… her loss.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Two years later:

“Hey dad!!! Yeahhhh! Of course I’m visiting again! And you know what dad? I went jogging this morning and bumped into this HUGE dog! He was so funny and cute- oh! But that’s now why I’m here!!! Sorry!”

Akko spoke excitedly, pulling a familiar personality beside her, shyly hiding, bowing respectfully as she greeted bashfully, “Good day, Ken-san… I’ve come to visit again.”

Akko giggled, bumping shoulders with Diana as she took her hand, kissing it.

“So dad, guess what, guess what?” She bounced up and down giddily, her heart thumping excitedly in her chest. “Didya know? I brought my girlfriend!! Yep! I finally got one… who says I couldn’t! Aren’t you proud?”

“Akko…” Diana blushed, a gust of wind blowing through her hair, as Akko chuckled, taking out a leaf that got stuck in rich blonde locks.

“She’s smart and caring, wonderful and beautiful. She’s perfect dad!” Akko smiled at Diana, smiled at Ken before releasing her lover and doing a ‘Ta-dah’ pose. “I present to you… the one, the only-“

“Just say it, Akko.” Diana laughed at her girlfriend’s antics, warmly gazing upon her.

“DIANA CAVENDISH!” She yelled for the world to hear. “Yeah, that’s right, your little girl isn’t so little anymore, huh? Haha… you sad to hear that?”

And just like that, Akko’s exuberant laughs and smiles melted into a fond melancholic gaze.

“Yeah, that’s right… you’re girl is all grown up. I’ve moved on, not from loving you, but onto a better life full of acceptance and more happiness. I know you would have wanted that, daddy.”

Akko knelt by the gravestone, placing those favorite flowers of her father, those lilies, right by his tomb, touching the words,

‘To the owner of a believing heart, this is your magic. Nothing is impossible with that loving, believing heart.’

“Daddy, I love you.” Akko allowed a tear to slip past as she finally bid her father farewell, bid so many things farewell, as she bid her heart’s troubles farewell.

Heart troubles that could be miraculously overcome by a believing heart.

Because a believing heart is your magic.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

A/N: Umm… I’m sorry? SO? Whaddya think everybody? It felt too… weird and strewn about… I think I botched this one… Sorry. Like and Reblog? Tell me how it was??? PLEASE??? I’m anxioussss!!!! IT SUCKED.

~Shintori Khazumi

#heart trouble #HT #my fanfic #lwa #dianakko #diakko #au #little witch academia #diana cavendish #kagari akko

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