#this blog gonna start having aplatonic stuff btw lol

[acespec-ed]

Okay, I have an important question for alloromantics who aren’t also aplatonic: Do you honestly ever see someone and desire to be their friend???

Long ass backstory.

So at this point, I’m almost positive I’m aplatonic. I never quite knew if I was aplatonic because, I thought maybe it’s just me being introverted or maybe just me being asocial or maybe I have Schizoid’s or maybe it’s depression or maybe I have attachment issues or maybe I just haven’t been in the right environment or around the right people. Maybe it’s a combination of all those factors! Regardless, I saw a post a few days ago about someone who used to feel platonic attraction but stopped for some reason and the way they made platonic attraction sound in that particular post... Something in my brain clicked then and there.

Allosexuals can see a person with a desire to have sex with them. Alloromantics can see a person and have a desire to be in a romantic relationships with them. By that logic, alloplatonics can see a person and have a desire to form a friendship with them. It’s so damn obvious! 

I was aware of this, of course. But... I’m going to sound absolutely ridiculous and ignorant right now so bear with me.

I never really looked into aro terms, when I first discovered aromanticism. Back when I discovered asexuality, I came across a few aro terms. QPRs, zuchinni’s, squishes, and platonic attraction. None of those applied to me. None of those terms were useful for me. I never looked further into them. I didn’t identify as aro. And so, I just assumed all those terms were “aro-only” things. As in, even platonic attraction was an “aro-only” thing. Like, my brain made a big leap that, aros don’t feel romantic attraction but can feel platonic attraction instead. Like, platonic was their replacement for romantic attraction, if that makes sense. And then the aros who don’t feel that platonic attraction, were aplatonic. 

Though in recent years, I realized that that wasn’t the case. Of course, alloromantics can have squishes and be in QPRs and feel or not feel platonic attraction. But even as I came to this realization, I never stopped to think about what that meant for me specifically until this blog.

I’m like, in this weird limbo between alloromantic and arospec but I feel like I fit in with alloros more than aros so I tend to lean more towards being alloro. Meaning, by my original logic, I wouldn’t experience platonic attraction anyway. But, by my new-and-improved logic, I should totally be capable of experiencing platonic attraction despite feeling romantic attraction. Surely one is capable of feeling both?

The problem is, I have a hard time believing someone experiences both. In my mind, you’re one or the other, or neither. Since I’m most likely aplatonic, that puts me in the first category. But if someone can feel neither, then it makes sense someone can feel both!

So, alloromantics who are not aplatonic- is it true? CAN you feel a need to be someone’s friend? Is this why all my past friends started talking to me out of the blue? Why past best friends wanted to hang out with me all the time?? Or simply talk to me all the time??? All while I’d come up with excuses to not, and mess with my Facebook settings to show I’m offline even when I’m online because God dammit maybe I want to go check Facebook without being sucked into a long conversation I can’t get out of!

Like, I thought they were just being their extroverted selves and I’m too introverted. Like, I liked my friends- sometimes even before we were friends because I automatically like people who are nice to me. And I do have fond memories of all my past friends and miss them and hope they’re doing well. I get sad when they leave my life. It’s been so long since I had a close friend, that I’ve forgotten what kinds of feelings friends invoked in me. And it’s been so long since I’ve even been around potential friends. There’s also the part where, I’m down with being someone’s friend if they go out of their way to talk to me enough times. All my friendships started that way. These are the things that make it hard to tell if I’m aplatonic or just introverted.

Really doesn’t help that I see people as temporary. Like, when someone’s in my life, I know it’s only a matter of time before they leave my life so why bother getting close when it only ends in sadness? (Childhood experiences have led to me feeling this way but this post is long enough.) So maybe my disinterest in making friends is simply due to the fact I’ll lose them anyway.

Idk. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around wanting to be someone’s friend when you’re capable of wanting to be someone’s romantic partner. I assumed my feelings were the norm and my friends were just extroverts who needed that social interaction to function!