#this better do numbers like my prev mr. men post

[homefryboy]

*narrator voice* ah, the internet aka the dillydale wide web (dww). where the mr. men and little misses get to demonstrate how they're somehow even worse at socializing online than they are in person

(commissions open)

[animation-recaps-by-sean]

Gravity Falls Beyond the Woods Chapter Two

Here it is, chapter two! 

Wendy and Dipper are excited for summer, while things start happening at Gravity Falls again. 

Warning this chapter is rated T for mild sexual content/ Blood and Violence 

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The fire roared around her as Wendy looked for the family. Her fellow firefighters where outside, hosing down the fire. With a swing of her ax, she broke down a burning door. There she saw the trapped family, a father and three children, helpless in the corner. He was unconscious and the kids were scared. Lifting the unconscious man on her shoulders and leading the rest out of the inferno, Wendy saved the family.

As the paramedics checked on the shaken family, Wendy removed her mask. Her long hair fell down her back. After making sure the fire was contained, Wendy returned to the firehouse. She sripped off the uniform and into the shower. Her physical career had given her a muscular physique. Her arms had some nice definition. Not to mention her abs. Her wedding ring, a simple gold band, was next to her engagement ring, silver with emerald to match her eyes, Dipper gave her on her ring finger. She could feel the grim and soot on her. Wendy turned the knob. The hot water ran down her body, washing the ash away. God, it felt amazing. The redhead made sure to scrub the soap into her skin. She shut off the shower and grabbed a towel.

As she was drying her hair, she got an idea. Grinning, she grabbed her phone and took a quick pic of herself in the buff; sending it out to her husband.

The camera steaded on Dipper as he spoke to the family. “Okay, the first step in investigating the cause of a haunting is figuring out what isn’t.” He pulled out a small white device. “This is a carbon monoxide detector. You’ll be surprised how similar the effects of carbon monoxide poisoning is to poltergeist activity. Just in case, we’re gonna hook you guys up with a hotel while we wait for the tests. I’m also check commercial flight patterns and see if any fly over your house. While there is no concrete proof that that airplanes vibrations, I want to see if it as any connection too...”

“Oooo. Oooo.” The lights flickered on and off. A cross look appeared on Dipper’s face.

“Guys, we talked about this. You can do whatever you want in post, but when we’re on the ground, I can do my research.”

One of the producers answered, “We’re not doing this.”

“I can see Steve flipping the switch.” The camera turned to the left, following Dipper’s finger point. A man with quickly flipping a switch. Dipper looked at the ceiling. “That’s just a recording. These people came to us for help! And I do not appreciate you making a mockery of this investigation!” Dipper climbed up the bed post to better reach the ceiling fan. “This is a serious investigation! A serious investigation!” As Dipper reached over to the fan, to get the phone the “ooos” were emitting from, he fell down onto the bed, breaking the frame. Sending the mattress crashing to the floor.

The video paused among the students’ laughter.  An older Dipper stood in front of the class.

“And that was the end of my reality television career. Yes it’s okay, you can laugh.” The male Pines twin, in addition to marrying his favorite redhead and fathering two wonderful children, had grown up to become a professor of paranormal studies and history at Backupsmore University; his great uncle’s old stomping ground. “In out profession, they’ll always be people who don’t take us seriously. And some of that is on us. Flat earthers, anti-vaxxers and worse makes us all look like idiots. The thing is, is to keep your head up, question everyone, especially yourself. We are still discovering new species every year. There is so much more is discov…” His phone went off. He looked at the photo his wife texted him. “Yes!” Dipper did that little arm pump thing. “Sorry, something personal. Where was I?” The bell rang. The student rose to leave. “Alright, enjoy your summer. Apologizes to those who thought this was a blow off class and thanks for sticking with it.”

Once the last students left, so did Dipper. Walking into the staff room, he was greeted by several other professors. “Mason.” Most people he met as an adult called him Mason, but to his family, he’ll always be Dipper. “So, any plans with Bigfoot this summer? How close are you guys?”

“I’ve never met Bigfoot. Mothman owes me 250 dollars though.” This elicited a laugh from everyone. “But seriously, never lend money to Mothman.”

The forest was quiet. God, Rich was so frustrated. A top of the line government agent, stuck hunting freaking bigfoot and ufos in the middle of nowhere Oregon.

“This is a waste of my talents.” Sweat was running down his brow. Pale blonde hair a mess. He was dressed in the traditional black suit and tie, complete with sunglasses.

“You have talents?” Agent Mitch was spot on for Agent Rich, expect he was a brunette and was a bit more put together.

“Yes. And they don’t involve finding Bigfoot.”

“We’re not looking for Bigfoot, we’re looking for…”

“Yeah, yeah yeah. A statue of a Dorito with a Mr. Peanut hat. Real important.” Rich kicked over some mushrooms that had grown in a circle.

Mitch went to the ground and grabbed a handful of dirt as it held the answers. He spoke as he let the dirt fall through his fingers. “The statue of ‘The Cipher’. The thing that gets me is that no one is saying anything about it. Normally, you find numerous eye witness reports from the locals. But here, we got nothing.”

“Probably because there’s nothing to-” A series of giggles cut him off. “What was that?”

Mitch sprang to his feet. The area was suddenly filled with fireflies. No, they were people. Little people. Some were the size of flies, while others were the size of barbie dolls. The creatures came in a variety of colors, green, orange, blue, and others. Some wore clothes that looked like they were made of plants, such as leaves or flower petals. Others wore silk wrapped around their bodies, sparkling and completely see through. Most hadn’t bothered with clothes at all. Their laughter was childlike but unsettling. Both agents had pulled their guns out. Rich was swearing under his breath.  

“Greetings humans.” The speaker was six inches tall, lavender skin with deep plum hair; which was worn short. Standing on a mushroom, wiggling their toes. Slender fingers They were dressed lightly. The shortest of shorts and tube top, a slightly darker shade of their skin, was all the creature wore. Both were incredibly tight, hiding very little. Their face was pointed, chin, nose, and teeth. Eyes were purple with no pupils.Wings of a dragonfly sat on their back, sparkling. The body was slim, with the barest of hints that there was a bust. To further confuse the agents, there was a slight bulge in their shorts. Voice was raspy, making it hard to deterement gender.  “I am Puck, the most humble servant of Titania, Heiress of the Tuatha De Danann, Keeper of Tir na nOg, and Queen of the Fair Folk. You have disrespected our land.” The fairy Puck gestured over to the mushrooms.

Mitch was the one to speak first. “Please, we meant no disrespect. We are looking for a statue. It’s like a rock that’s shaped-”

“I know what a statue is. And I know what you seek is no statue, but the remains of Bill.”

“You mean The Cipher?”

“His name is Bill, but okay.” Puck touched their fingertips together before spreading their arms way. “But enough about Billy. Let’s talk about the desecration of our sacred ring.”

“The mushrooms?” Rich sneered when he regained his composure.

“Yes, the mushrooms. And punishment for such disrespect is death.” Puck dramatically pointed at the two men.  

The fairies had started flying around them, keeping themselves low, around Rich and Mitch’s ankles.

Rich laughed and simply stepped over them.

“Ah, Rich?”

“Am I supposed to be afraid of a bunch of little men?”

He stomped down on the fairy hard. Puck raised their hand, nails extending, piercing the soles of the shoe, emerging out the other side. Rich fell over screaming.

At this Puck laughed. Their laugh was as light as the chirp of the grasshopper and as cold as arctic wind. “Little men? LITTLE MEN!” And Puck began to recite.

Up the airy mountain, Down the rushy glen, We daren’t go a-hunting For fear of little men; Wee folk, good folk, Trooping all together; Green jacket, red cap, And white owl’s feather!

The others joined them. The fairies landed on the ground, and began matching toward the men. Meanwhile, Puck grew in size, muscle bulging out, wings receding. Hands turning into claws, teeth grew not only in length, but in number. By the end of the poem, Puck was eight feet tall.

Down along the rocky shore Some make their home, They live on crispy pancakes Of yellow tide-foam; Some in the reeds Of the black mountain-lake, With frogs for their watchdogs, All night awake.

High on the hill-top The old King sits; He is now so old and grey He’s nigh lost his wits. With a bridge of white mist Columbkill he crosses, On his stately journeys From Slieveleague to Rosses; Or going up with the music On cold starry nights, To sup with the Queen Of the gay Northern Lights.

They stole little Bridget For seven years long; When she came down again Her friends were all gone. They took her lightly back, Between the night and morrow, They thought that she was fast asleep, But she was dead with sorrow. They have kept her ever since Deep within the lake, On a bed of fig-leaves, Watching till she wake.

By the craggy hillside, Through the mosses bare, They have planted thorn trees For my pleasure, here and there. Is any man so daring As dig them up in spite, He shall find their sharpest thorns In his bed at night.

Up the airy mountain, Down the rushy glen, We daren’t go a-hunting For fear of little men!

And with that last line, Puck picked up Mitch. The man started screaming and did so as Puck put half of him into their mouth and took a bite. Blood sprayed all over Rich’s face, getting in his eyes, as he screamed too. As Puck continued eating his partner, Rich got up, stumbling, and ran off; the other fairies swarming and cutting him. He ran, will tried too as he was limping, to a hill and fell down rolling.

When he hit the bottom, he felt around the ground. “Help! HELP!”

He felt a hand grasp his. It was metal.