#this au is my blursed son

[diatomaceous-worth]

More on the youtuber au... (from this art)

Ok don't kill me but it's also a soulmate au. and because I've been drafting it for a long time and it might be good while before anything finished sees the light of day, here a detailed synopsis.

So...we can start with Alfred. He lives with his brother who is getting fed up that he's late on rent each month. It's been months since Alfred's graduated high school and maybe he'll enroll in the community college but he doesn't really know what he wants to do. He's just been working odd jobs. The best he can do now is at the pizza joint, which is always sure to never give him enough hours to go full time. But it's ok, because when he's not doing that he's making youtube videos.

He and Kiku would make them as kids, and now he's giving it his all, trying the cinnamon challenge, posting videos of him playing minecraft and crazy Dota moments. He's really hoping something will take off. But it's hard. None of his shit gets any views. Not nearly as much as the most fucking annoying youtuber: Arthur Kirkland.

He makes the most basic ass lifestyle videos like "my boyfriend does my makeup" and "going to high tea" or "animal crossing house tour" shit. Why millions of people care about that pip pip cheerio fuck is beyond him.

Something about him just irrationally ticks him off. Maybe it's because he doesn't seem deserving of fame. Maybe because Arthur has many times been petty and gotten involved in twitter spats that just make him look bad. Maybe it's because he's weird. In every video, he always wears gloves. He never takes them off, and he always dodges questions about it.

On r/KirklandSnark some people have picked up that he always wears long sleeves, too. The leading theory on the sub, which became such an often repeated and heated topic that Alfred banned discussion on it, is that he's hiding his soulmate mark. That it extends from his hands onto his arm. (Alfred's theory however is that he does it to seem eccentric for views)

But maybe it's true, maybe it's not. Alfred's gut tells him that Francis is not Arthur's soulmate. Alfred has noticed Arthur does share a lot about his life but he is also closed off in a lot of ways. Yet making a video on the topic of soulmates would only benefit Arthur. Youtubers talking about which soulmate mechanism they have, or how they met their soulmate; people eat that shit up. Because all the unmatched young people want to imagine themselves meeting their soulmate and how magical it could be, or they want to figure out which soulmate mechanism they will have.

Alfred doesn't openly admit it but he has spent way too much time watching videos like that. Can you blame him though? For being nineteen and never having felt any connection to his soulmate? If they even exist?? He has never woken up with words on his skin nor felt any sensation that wasn't his. Never seen a glimmer of a red thread out of the corner of his eye nor found any mark on his body that might tie him to another.

Meanwhile he has to sit on the bus and bear witness to strangers bumping into each other and freaking the fuck out about it because they said each other's words. They don't even carry barf bags on buses did you know that?

But Alfred doesn't want to give up hope. Someone is out there for him.

Arthur Kirkland on the other hand?

The topic of soulmates brings him misery. Soulmates are a blight. They are bloody inconvenient. Why should he be destined to anyone? Doesn't he have a choice? Will his dense as bricks soulmate every stop cheating on tests?

He was ten when the first ink appeared on his skin. He remembered how profound it felt. To watch the scribbles bloom over his arms and palms. He knew what it was, and he wrote back a simple reply. An introduction, his name.

The lack of response was the first step to his disillusionment with the whole thing. By the time he was in year 10 he resolved to stop looking. It was easier to cover up his hands to avoid catching whatever drivel his soulmate wrote or drew. They seemed dead set on ignoring him, and Arthur grew tired of wondering why his messages didn't seem to go through.

Occasionally he wouldn't be able to avoid it. The year Arthur tried uni was when the cheating started. First it was chemistry formulas and the next year it was math equations, all crammed under his navel in an absurd number of rows. Sometimes he caught the to-do lists written on the back of his hands. Things like "ch.2 east of eden" or "socks 4 matt". He tried to avoid catching those things, knowing that going down that path of trying to figure out who Matt was would drive him insane. But based on the spellings, he was sure he was American. And that was enough to put Arthur at ease.

His soulmate was far far away, and Arthur could be free to live his life and tend to his overly massive youtube channel (the one that afforded him a flat in London, dates with Francis, and even a meeting with the queen. (Never mind that the meeting with the queen was almost a disaster, that in the car before they set foot on the grounds he watched Francis's eyes grow in horror as they stayed glued to his brow, watching a crude sharpie penis appear on his forehead. Francis tried to scrub it off even, despite Arthur's protests (soap never worked, ever), but in the end an obscene amount of makeup saved the day.)

It was a lot to ignore, but continuing on despite it all was all he ever knew. So he entertains himself with his channel, savors the good moments with Francis, and occasionally indulges in the strange people who try to start drama with him online.

And this is where Alfred's "Why Arthur Kirkland SUCKS" video comes into play. Because Alfred's finally had enough of the mediocrity. And he just goes for it. Buys a stupid fake fancy hat and suit from party city (And of course his stupid gloves!), and rants to the camera about everything that annoys him about the guy.

"All his fans just like him for his stupid accent. Being hot and british is not an excuse for a personality! Look at me! I'm Arthur Kirkland and blimey the other day I had the spiciest cracker! Think they might have put salt on it!"

And Arthur has no qualms about ripping back into Alfred. It's only fair because Alfred certainly didn't hold back. Arthur's response video is fairly successful, and Arthur moves on from it, happy with the chatter it generated and satisfied that he out-roasted that git, while Alfred is so extremely shocked that Arthur responded to him that a week goes by in the blink of an eye and when he finally goes to check out the subreddit he's been neglecting, he locks every post discussing the video and finally approves the guy who had been bugging him to be the second moderator (some guy named Peter). It's simply too weird to see discussions about himself, and maybe the whole dedicated subreddit was a little too much...?

But back to Arthur, part of his decision to make the video came from its convenience. It was easy to make while he was moving. He moves to the US for Francis's career, settling in Chicago (and you'll never guess where Matt and Al live). They break up when Francis wants to move on (Arthur thought it was perfect to be with someone whose soulmate was dead, because then he could never complain about his own situation, but here's another thing that didn't work out).

Arthur finds himself living out of hotel, drinking too much, and on one night, ordering pizza. Alfred isn't normally the guy who delivers, but after the normal driver clocks out early, his boss forces him to deliver this order some asshole put in ten minutes before close.

It's very strange when he knocks on the hotel door, and Arthur Kirkland answers, fully clothed and gloved, staring back at him with a similar shocked recognition in his eyes.

...

crazy right. not going to say what happens in the hotel but I'll say that Alfred goes back home to his couch, dreams a peaceful dream instead of his frequent nightmares, and Arthur finds himself surprised that he wants to see his internet hater again.

[blursed-ninjago-ideas]

If we’re gonna combine blursed au’s with Julian being a super slut. I recommend the giant vampire lady au.

Misako: I mean I did have several concubines when I was younger. They were amicable of course and consenting. Oh there was this one engineer named Julian he was interested in what you now call robotics. Such a handsome young man. It’s a shame he refused a place at my court.

Zane: Wait my father came to you?

[Misako takes off her bracelet and reveals a small locket charm holding a photo of a youthful Dr.Julian.]

Misako: Was his name Zachary Julian?

[Zane stares at the portrait with an obviously younger dr.Julian in a yukata sitting next to the rather tall woman.]

Zane: Yes that’s him. He’s so young and he looks happy.

Misako: Zachary barged into my throne room all akimbo loaded with scrolls and blue prints. Demanding I take him as an apprentice in alchemy to make his own Homunculi and Karakuri.

Zane: And then what happened?

Misako: He fell right into my bosom while I was sitting on my throne all on accident after ranting on why I should teach him. Naturally I accepted him as my apprentice. He was so charming and creative. I won’t deny we did have some romantic relations and I even offered to turn him. You see multiple romantic partners aren’t uncommon among my race due to our lower reproductive rates. Sadly he refused my offer, I understood of course changing one’s species isn’t something to do lightly.

Zane: Understandable after all.

Misako: You should know as his son you are his greatest masterpiece. You will always have a place at my home and my family.

Zane: Thank you.

Also Zane: “Please never tell me about my father's sex life again though."

-Ivy