#this as a CK in universe piece would also be phenomenal

[deputychairman]

Feature pitch: ok so you get a sports writer, a man’s man, someone who knows about football & rock climbing & bullfighting (just throwing that one in there) & boxing and karate, no I can’t suggest any names I’m not into that stuff but we can find the right candidate later. He’s seeped in toxic masculinity, but he can really write, you know, like a modern day Ernest Hemingway? And he has to interview Ralph Macchio for one of those in depth celeb articles like the Owen Wilson RPF piece, where it’s at least as much about the writer as about the famous subject, only our man is like the guy on the MMA forum @youandthemountains found, going into the interview weirdly antagonistic and taking it like a personal affront that this WEAK LOOKING, PRETTY guy with NO MUSCLES is like, the global face of karate, and he could beat him up so easily, maybe he will!!!! Maybe that’s what this interview will be about!!!

And then when you read the article, he goes through the Straight Man’s Aggressive Response to Ralph Macchio Journey before your very eyes: from anger to scorn to look at his prey eyes he’s like Bambi - big, expressive brown eyes like molten caramel - well ofc women are into him, he *is* charming & graceful and kind of hot if you’re into that I guess, watch out he’ll steal your girl! before circling round to well naturally I want to grasp his narrow shoulders and push him around and wrap my entire manly hand around his wrists and pull him easily into my lap and - (the waiter in whatever diner they’re in interrupts with more coffee; Macchio is self deprecating, and our hero feels a surge of violent jealousy as his attention strays to this interloper) - oh no I want to fuck him!!!!

I want someone in real life to experience what Daniel’s karate rivals go through, all the confused aggression and machismo and sublimation, the strangely feminised insults the editor will take out, and then I want them to write 5000 words of RPF about it and publish it in a world famous magazine.