#this announcement has done wonders for my mental health

[strawberrybyers]

squishmallows just announced that it’s coming out with a stranger things collection. so when i have mike wheeler and will byers squishmallows and we’re all sitting in a circle in my room listening to the tortured poets department i recommend you mind your business because i am doing healing work 😌✨

[silksongeveryday]

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 700!

Choosing not to do anything fancy for this milestone since 2 year anniversary is coming up soon anyway and would prefer the big artwork be done then. Also I’m too tired to do one lmao.

Some general updates and announcements below the cut:

Hornet’s Strange Adventures:

While initially my plan was to have the whole base game done by January, life likes to get in the way. I have made zero progress since my last major update about barely getting things into the game engine I chose. Going forward, it’s possible this project will not be done any time soon but it will happen eventually. (I almost sound as bad as team cherry lol). Progress will be a lot slower than I want unfortunately since I’m kinda burned out at this point.

Continuing Hornet Journal Series/changes:

So I’m still technically on this project currently. While at the beginning it was fun and ambitious, I can definitely feel the burnout from it too. I do want to finish this project to the end, but I refuse to make myself post it every day because that’s made me more and more upset about having to just get it done instead of enjoying it. So going forward with this project, I plan to only post Journal Entries about once or twice a week with large batches of entries in one drawing until it’s done. Even if it happens after my two year anniversary. (Though it’s likely it’ll still finish before then I believe.) This is just so I don’t get absolutely exhausted from this again.

General life stuff:

So I meant to mention this on my main but I was too emotionally exhausted to explain it and didn’t feel like to afterward. I member of my close family passed away a few days after christmas. We already knew this was coming so it’s actually why I took a break from my big project with the journal series around that time and haven’t been able to really pick it back up until now. It’s also the reason a lot of general doodles have been posted late and/or are not that high of effort. I’m just tired.

And this kinda leads into my next thing.

Taking an actual break:

1 month left. That’s how long I plan to keep doing daily doodles for. Once my 2 year anniversary hits, I’m no longer planning to post every day. As you can imagine, posting something every day for two years can take a toll and life has changed a lot since two years ago. I really want to move on to bigger things now and keeping this blog running at constant speed hasn’t allowed me to do that. So I’ve made the decision that I’ll be taking a long break from that.

Will I return to daily doodles ever? Yes, technically.

My plan is start daily doodles back up only when a Silksong release date is announced (if it ever is.) Ptherwise my art/doodles will be posted very infrequently, especially at the beginning when taking my break. For sake of mental health and creative burnout with this blog, this is the best decision I could reasonably come too

—

But thank you all for your wonderful and continued support of this blog!! I look forward to the last official month of daily doodles!

[riddles-n-games]

Hey guys, I've been seeing another rift going on in the fandom regarding TGG and TIG characters, so I've decided to make a statement that can hopefully make things more cohesive.

I understand that not everyone likes the new spin-off and honestly, I'm considering just stopping after GU. Personally, I don't have anything against the characters of TGG but my problem is that they sound too much like our old mains. However, that's not their fault. It's the author's. There's nothing wrong with JLB wanting to expand the TIG universe but it is problematic when you are repeating the same character arcs of the old characters that are also present and interacting with these new mains. The problem that we face is the fact while even in The Naturals there are similar characters, they are divided by different series. However, that is not going on here with TIG and TGG. TGG is a continuation of TIG and our TIG characters are still present. Heck, one of our old mains is a player and a love interest here to one of the new mains. And therein lies the issue. When you have a connected series, it's important to have distinguished characters with different voices, not carbon copies.

What I expected for TGG characters was that she would move from the character tropes we've seen already in the series and come up with new ones. I mean, come on, she's a psychology major, we bring that up so often but what's the point when she keeps going in circles and never brings up anything new? I pointed a lot of this out pre-read because I already correctly guessed where this was going within just a few pages of reveal. Don't get me wrong, if she wanted to, she could do it but it doesn't feel like she has new plans or plots. Be honest with yourselves and don't just praise because she's your favorite author. You can be a reader, a fan, and a respectful critic all at the same time. Don't lower your expectations just because they can't deliver every time.

The trouble is that when you go back to TFG, in the acknowledgments, she herself wrote she wasn't sure there was going to be a third book. And now look, suddenly two books were announced a month or two after she released the last book of the trilogy which introduced our mains and not the most fashionably. I do believe she had ideas but I don't think they were the best fleshed out. You have to realize that just reading TGG, how many of you recognized the obvious plots, the romantic subplots, the character arcs, and even the semi-hidden plots just getting to the halfway point? And how many of you said, hey, wait a minute, we've had this plotline before? You did, didn't you? I want to give Jennifer the benefit of the doubt but I truly think she is in over her head because I don't believe she quite thought that this is how long the series would go.

In fact, I think that she is making more trouble for herself in trying multi POV for this new series when really I think it should have just been Gray taking over. It would have allowed us to see how he's grown especially after the heartache and mental health issues he's had to go through to get here. It felt like the obvious next step, even the summary for TGG made it sound like that. However, the only thing that seems new to me is the hypersexual atmosphere which also makes no sense to me because teens may go through attraction but that doesn't mean they're horny all the time and anyone who's gone through puberty can attest to that. So I ask again, like one reviewer on Goodreads put, were the romantic moments in the room with us? 12 hours is not love or romance, it's lust, that's it. Couldn't summarize it clearer. If she wanted to make it better, it could have been that she made the book stretch over a series of weeks which is why I wonder what the heck will happen to any character development if this book series is done in like 3 days?

As I said, a lot of things feel very repetitive, the plot, word choice, thought processes, quotes and sayings, etc. We are in a loop. She's in a loop. I think that the best thing JLB could have done is leave TIG alone for a few years after TFG, make a new series or whatever works outside this series she wanted to, give herself time to truly see if she has new stories to tell for TIG by writing a spin-off and then come back to give us that content. Because it's really telling how forced things have been in the last two books, even here with GU and I really think this empire is toppling. As they say, quality over quantity and thoughtful than full of thoughts that are just a variation of one another. That's what makes me think more and more she should have left it at TFG.

Thank you for reading and I hope this gives a new perspective that can help you see some things more clearly.

[the-thursday]

Hello everyone, this post was long overdue, and finally, prompted by our beloved Howls also leaving, it's time for me to rip off the bandaid as well.

I would also like to announce a sort of departure from Ranger's apprentice fandom.

I do not know how many from RA fandom era from few years back are still here but I assume mostly newer blogs keep up with this account.

Take a lil history walk with me, if you will. I joined this fandom around 2017-18. I was very active around here, posting all kinds of stuff, fics, takes, incorrect quotes, art and whatnot. I made many friends with whom I had a great time and I am happy and honoured that I am friends with some of them till this day. Fandom became the second home to me as things hadn't been exactly easy irl and maybe I fixated on it too much, but gods know I loved this place so much. And I wish for everyone to experience this happiness and just as I made friends who became a significant part of my life, I wish that for you as well. Being surrounded by amazing and wonderful people and sharing similar interests is one of the most pure joyous feelings in this world.

As 2020-2021 rolled around, some of you know that things in my life picked up a harsh pace and I started to drift away. In 2021 I left the fandom because of that and unpleasant things with one of the people here. It was one of the most gut wrenching decisions I had made.

In 2022, I started gradually getting worse, but also had the courage to come back at the end of the year. I felt happy and welcomed and I am so grateful to everyone who made it happen, who supported me and gave me another breath. My mental health kept getting worse but I wasn't alone and that has been everything to me.

Now it's about a little more than a year since I've been back and again, I've met wonderful amazing people who I am happy and honoured to call friends. I don't regret coming back and I am happy I did, however I think it's time for me to go again. And below, I hope to explain why.

Like I said, I've been getting worse. Last autumn and this winter have been very difficult for me and I had to rethink some priorities, as life is going on the time left for me to invest in fandoms is getting thinner and thinner. Unfortunately, among them, isn't keeping up with this fandom. With my next words I hope not to insult anyone. The truth is, I don't find enjoyment in the fandom and content itself anymore, or more like, as much as I used to. I don't exactly vibe with posts for roughly the past half a year and I don't mean this in negative way, I just think it's for me to move on. All of the new people that I've seen have wonderful content and while I don't exactly vibe like I used to, I can see that you're having fun and that's important! People come and go and I do wish all the newcomers and seniors who are still here to have a great time, but I don't think I have energy, capacity and vibes to be part of it anymore. As you know, my blog has been very much inactive for a long time, aside from dumping my dumb sketches or reblogging something here and there. And rather than letting it rot, I'd like to cleanly move on. Anyhow, on self deprecating note, since really it's not like I've been someone prominent I don't think this is a loss to the fandom and this makes it easier for me.

So to summarise, my leaving is about personal things, my life moving and the fact I don't have the mental capacity or motivation to actively keep up.

So what does this mean? I won't be posting RA related stuff on this blog anymore. This blog will turn into a neutral main blog and I'll create one side blog for art that I hope to continue to make and maybe one blog dedicated to the work of Brandon Sanderson.

However, it doesn't mean that I am not up to goof around about RA anymore, however this will be done in DMs. If I sometimes get to draw and post RA related art, it shall be posted on my new art blog with RA tag. However, I don't think there's a high probability of public RA art from me anymore, because 1) need to move on and 2) I have a very strong and maybe confrontational opinion about art in this fandom that has given me a bad taste and discouraged me from enjoying making it and posting it. I won't go into details because I don't want to sour this post for myself and for y'all with it.

I want to thank this fandom for everything it has been for me and for everyone and I wish y'all some happy fandoming!

Yours only,

The Ranger Thursday 11

[dr-spectre]

I have been thinking a lot about evil Frye and I gotta be honest, I do love the concept of it, but I know for a FACT its gonna be handled terribly from the previous times they've done this.

Like, okay, I know that people say "oh Frye getting angry at Shiver and Big Man would be out of character." No, it wouldn't, by that logic, that means that Frye can not make mistakes, be flawed, and be emotional. Sometimes friendships have rocky periods, and it happens unfortunately. It's more realistic for Frye to get upset due to the fact that SHE HAS ONLY WON A SINGLE SPLATFEST (unless you're counting Japan, which is TWO!!) THAN IT IS FOR HER TO JUST NOT GET ANGRY!

An evil Frye is actually really cool on paper. Frye feeling like a loser and that she doesn't feel loved or appreciated by anyone because she keeps losing. So she leaves Deep Cut and holds a grudge against them. It could be an interesting way to hold up a mirror to the Splatoon community for how some of the fans treat Frye. And it would be a wonderful resolution to see Shiver and Big Man reach out to her and be there for her at her worst moment, that they won't give up on her and always love her no matter what.

However, what Nintendo is gonna do is that they are gonna put some glasses on Frye and rush through the storyline. Callie's villain arc actually has a lot of interesting discussions and nuances on mental health and burnout. Callie was so overworked and alone, and because of the final splatfest, her relationship with Marie fell apart, she took a drastic turn and decided to join the Octarians out of her own free will and she descended into getting hypnotised and losing herself cause her mental health was on the fritz. However Splatoon 2 doesn't explore it very well and it ends up coming off as "DJ Octavio kidnapped Callie and forced her to put on the shades" which isn't true (look up splatoon 2 official relationship chart to see what I mean). It's way more interesting to me that Callie did it to herself than how Splatoon 2's story mode makes it out to be, which sucks because, well, callie is my favourite and she suffered from terrible writing....

Marina's villain arc lasts for like 5 minutes (but I will admit the design is pretty cool). I do like how Marina going unconcious and getting mind controlled was sorta built up by the kind of words she said during the Final Fest announcement which is pretty similar to Overlorder's dialogue. Her being a villain for 5 minutes was a result of her own actions and her hidden desire for a world of order and safety, being brought out by an AI that she created.

I just know that if they decide to make Frye evil in the next game, they are gonna give her some evil headgear and call it a day. Oh well. Nintendo will be Nintendo...

[lunawho47]

My Watcher Top 5 List

Happy 5 Years, Watcher Entertainment, and thank you for all the hard work you've done entertaining us all these years! Here's to MANY more!

5. Top 5 Beatdown

I am a HUGE list maker. You name the topic and I can guarantee you I have a list of preferences on it. (And will probably discover some way to work a DW reference into it.) This show was practically made for people like me because not only do I always make lists, but I'm always arguing with people about them. And I expect people to have serious, hardcore reasons for their preference. I am in NO WAY a "no thoughts, just vibes" kinda person and that reasoning will never hold any water for me.

4. Weird and/or Wonderful World

I love to travel and I love to go to out of the way places with my friends and family. This show, to me, is the personification of a good besties day out. Let's go see something neither of us has bothered to view before and weird people out with how weird we are together! Can you think of a better way to spend time with your best friend? Cos I can't.

3. Travel Season

This show is so beautifully put together. I was a big fan of Worth It (although I have a hard time rewatching it cos it always makes me hungry), so having Steven, Andrew, and Adam back together again was a dream come true for me. I had been hoping for it since Watcher Entertainment was announced. And then not only do I get the trio back together again with this, but I get an entirely new idea that isn't just Worth It Repackaged. It still is about food, but it's more about exploring a new culture together and seeing how the entire world's love and dependency on food shapes relationships and communities. I studied to be a missionary and one of the things we always focus on when we're meeting people and finding out ways to partner with communities of believers in separate countries is FELLOWSHIP. Aka eating together and discussing what matters. That is this show in a nutshell. It is a comfort show for me and one I constantly have on in the background.

2. Mystery Files

Don't get me wrong. I love my Ghost Files content, but there's a reason why this is on my list and Ghost Files isn't. I enjoy a good ghost hunt, but intellectually I am more stimulated trying to research and come to a conclusion about an unsolved mystery. I actually had not heard of a good number of these random mysteries. I do wish they would do more true crime like they did in their Buzzfeed days, but I also understand completely the toll that kind of research can take on your mental health. And they also probably got tired of trying to discuss that kind of thing while being a COMEDY show. True Crime and comedy don't always mesh very well so as I said, I get it. And obviously, with it being my number 2, I do enjoy it regardless of the change. My love of this show is based entirely on the fact that both Ryan and Shane get to host episodes and they can talk and joke about really weird, unexplained events in the world's history. What's not to love?

Puppet History

I was a history major back in undergrad, so this should surprise absolutely no one. (And in grad school, I studied church history and the history of the middle east and ancient languages, so there was still a lot of history involved in my master's degree.) I DO want to give credit where it's due. I've seen a lot of praise of Shane's work on this show in the Top 5 lists on here. And he does work hard on this! But shout out to all the other hard workers on this project! To the researchers (Kari Koeppel in particular, who seems to be the head researcher on 80% of these videos), to the puppet makers (Shane only made the original Professor. The others have been made by professionals), to the writer Garrett Werner, and the other voices for puppets that have joined the show in the years since the first season. Shane does deserve a lot of credit -- this is his brain child and season 1 was mainly his work when it came to designing the puppet theater and everything. Other people have always written the scripts though. But yeah. If you love history, I can't recommend this show enough. I won't lie -- some of their facts are a bit squiffy, but nothing TOO egregious, and usually the Professor (aka Shane) will admit in character that he doesn't know the answer to a question and Ryan will tell the Professor he should do more research, lol. I would say that this show is a great comedic introduction to these historical topics but just don't take any episode as the supreme historical authority on ANY of these topics. (My official TM piece of advice on any piece of edutainment.)

[lakemojave]

Hey everyone! Hope you're having a wonderful October and an above average friday!

I come bearing news about things related to twitch! I've been really enjoying my hiatus this month, been catching up on horror movies and playing Persona 3 Reload, and though my mental and physical health have waxed and waned this month I think this break has been really positive! However, over the last couple of days I've had a nearly ceaseless twitch in my left eye. I will not lie, it's kind of driving me crazy. I don't really know what it's about, but my intent is to rest up, eat well, and get a good night's sleep the next few days so this goes away.

That's all, have a good evening guys!

OH you wanted to know about streams. Right. That makes more sense.

I'm coming back soon! Tomorrow we're gonna be going back to Star Wars: Tales of the Rambler, our RP series with Dot, Jordan, Heather and Jill, lead by our GM and proud imperial gooner, Bill! We were gonna have another one of these this month, but unfortunately Jordan got trapped in the trash compactor last week so we had to reschedule a bit.

Anyone got Halloween plans? I do! Because I haven't done any kind of horror games this month I'm planning on doing a marathon of one of my OTHER favorite horror games, one that I've talked about many times but never actually finished on the channel: the blood-soaked space horror classic, SIGNALIS!!! I've played this game a few times and it has never failed to scare the fuck outta me, so if you're around this 31st of October, don't miss it!

HADES 2 GOT A PATCH!!! I haven't played any of it yet! On Friday, November 1st, I'ma sit down and return to Supergiant's latest game with my drink in hand, just like the Olympians of old. I would be a fool not to return to stream with a drunk hades night. This one might also run a little long, expect a night of merriment and unhinged horny chaos!

Hey US folks, I know that every election year really sucks lately, and this one is pretty spicy. Election day can be a huge source of anxiety, so to help provide some honest and entertaining coverage for y'all, me and the gang are gonna do a stream that day too! Not only will we have our ears to the ground for results as they come in on Tuesday the 5th, but Dot, Jordan, newcomer Brett, (and maybe some surprise guests too!) will be conducting a few delightful minigames and segments! We've got tier lists, the campaign trail, a fun hot or not game Dot cooked up, and more!

That's all the upcoming streams I believe! Stay tuned for more announcements for my return in November, including a modified schedule! Very excited to return to you all, see y'all then!

[chimakiisane]

I read the post about being disheartened and taking down the public demo for 4.8, and I'm honestly so shocked at how the OFF fandom has changed. (And wondering what the heck the fangame community turned into)

I got into OFF pretty early in the 2010's, dropped out of the tags for a few years, and have been getting back into the fandom slowly these past few months (I've been meaning to get back into the fandom much, much sooner but got intimidated by how much has changed ;_; I do regret not coming back sooner). I remember being so excited for the fangames, ask blogs for OCs, and just stuff people made and being able to interact. It's sad to hear that it's changed into something dreary :(

I understand why you took down the public demo; I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with the weight of rude or cruel comments nor the disheartening. But whenever you're ready to re-release the demo (and I don't mean to add pressure--that's not what I intend to do since mental health comes first), I'll definitely be there to play it!

I put the demo link back up when the OFF remaster on Steam and Switch was announced, don't worry. I still feel anxious about it all, but I'm hoping the resurgence will make a difference.

But yeah, I really do love this community and the amazing people I've met through it, but the ever growing hostility and negativity that I've seen quite a lot of people give towards a good chunk of fangames has been so saddening. I wish I knew what the heck happened that made people become so hateful and bitter towards us and the hard work we pour out to give everyone free content to play. And yes, people are allowed to not like certain ones, but this has gone far beyond, "This one isn't my favorite." It's just straight animosity.

Having been here for about 12 or so years now, I remember when people used to be so excited to play the next upcoming fangame that would pop out of nowhere and race to be the first to stream or record it. I really miss those days and hope that perhaps things will steadily return to them, even if not entirely. I want future devs to feel welcome and comfortable creating something out of the love they felt from OFF especially now that there will be new lore added to it to expand upon. I know, even though I probably won't be as active once mine is done, I will still support them and lend a helping hand as I always do to help them get started if I am able.

If you do end up playing ONE, let me know what you think! I can also give you some of my own personal recommendations of fangames to play, too!

[ibijau]

Papa Mia pt7 / On AO3

Nie Huaisang fanned himself nervously, glaring in the direction where Lan Xichen and Nie Fuyun had disappeared, and expanding incredible mental energy to ignore the people currently with him. None of those three men were who he would have preferred as company when he was so distressed. But when had the heavens ever shown him any mercy?

To make it worse, Wei Wuxian had definitely guessed the truth and was now trying to comfort him, as if they were still friends.

“You did what you had to do,” Wei Wuxian told him with such sincere pity that Nie Huaisang wanted to strangle him. “Once she's calmed down, she'll understand it was for her own good that you kept it from her. Sometimes lying is the kinder thing to do.��� 

“I don't remember asking for your opinion,” Nie Huaisang scoffed. “I don't need anyone's approval, least of all when it comes to that girl.”

“Aiya, if you told her with that attitude, no wonder she took it badly!” 

“Took what badly?” Jiang Cheng asked.

Wei Wuxian shot him a surprised look. “You haven't figured it out? Well… It's not really my place to say, then…”

Nie Huaisang scoffed, almost amused in spite of himself that Wei Wuxian hadn’t realised the others hadn’t caught up yet. At the same time, he couldn’t help but appreciate that finally, Wei Wuxian had learned some manners. If only he’d had the same respect back in that cursed temple, maybe… but it was pointless to think of the past.

“Wei-xiong is talking about the fact that Fuyun is my daughter,” Nie Huaisang announced, a wave of nausea hitting him as he said the words with affected casualness.

Lightning did not strike him to punish his long hidden secrets. Black-clad assassins didn’t emerge from darkness to run after Nie Fuyun and torture her to death before his eyes. Nothing at all happened, except for Wei Wuxian staring at him in shock, Lan Wangji raising a quizzical eyebrow, and Jiang Cheng frowning.

“Wait, yours?” Jiang Cheng asked. “The way she looks, I’d assumed she might have been Mingjue’s.”

“My brother would never have taken someone to bed without marrying them!” Nie Huaisang objected, offended. “He was a good and honourable man! Me, on the other hand… you may all be aware that my youth was… a little wild, at times.”

Wei Wuxian cackled, amused and almost looking proud of his part in Nie Huaisang’s wild past. Jiang Cheng nodded along, apparently so unbothered that it was still impossible to guess if he knew about that because he’d played a role in it, or just because he knew Wei Wuxian had. As for Lan Wangji his ears turned bright red and he looked down, overcome with a shame that Nie Huaisang shared. Out of everything he’d done at that time, getting drunk with Lan Wangji was the only thing he sincerely regretted.

“Wait, she’s only half yours,” Jiang Cheng realised, staring at him with wide, shocked eyes. “The other half… the other father…”

Nie Huaisang grimaced and shrugged, not daring to look at any of them.

“I have several options, I can’t know which is the right one. She really does look like Da-ge more than anyone else, doesn’t she?”

“And because you didn’t know who the other man was, you didn’t tell her about it?” Jiang Cheng guessed. “Is that why the kid is angry at you?”

“Partly. The other part, of course, is that… she didn’t know she was mine, either.”

“Why not?” Jiang Cheng asked.

Nie Huaisang glared at him. Come to think of it, for all that he’d privately cursed Wei Wuxian’s curiosity in the past, Jiang Cheng could be very annoying too, given half a chance.

“It was to protect her, of course,” Nie Huaisang stiffly replied. “I feared someone would harm her. My position here has never been perfectly secure, you know.”

“And you also made a few enemies on top of that,” Wei Wuxian teased. “It must have been tough.”

“It was, actually! You wouldn’t believe what stress did to my health! And also…”

Before Nie Huaisang could throw himself into a lamentation to distract them, Jiang Cheng interrupted him.

“You could have told her, and ordered her to keep the secret.”

“Little children are terrible at keeping secrets,” Nie Huaisang objected. “You wouldn’t believe all that Jin Ling has told me when he was very little.”

Jiang Cheng glared at him, understanding the discrete threat. Anyone else would have known to give up, but of course Jiang Cheng wasn’t just anyone. Like a starving dog who’d found a bone, it was impossible to make him let go.

“When she was old enough to understand, then. Jing Ling told me that she’s clever, surely she could be told to be quiet about it. Or do you not trust your own daughter?”

“What sort of a man would I be, putting her into danger?” Nie Huaisang objected, horrified at the very thought of it. “And if she knew, she’d have been hurt that I couldn’t be close to her. It’s better to have kept her in the dark. She’s a happy girl, you know. If that mess with the Ouyang boy hadn’t happened, everything would be fine.”

“You’re practically a victim,” Wei Wuxian agreed, in such a tone that it was impossible to know if he meant it or was mocking Nie Huaisang.

“You’re an asshole is what you are,” Jiang Cheng countered, startling the rest of them. 

Nie Huaisang tried glaring at him, but it was a vain effort. Nobody could outglare Jiang Cheng.

“I’ve done my best,” he still protested.

“No, you’ve done what was convenient to you,” Jiang Cheng retorted. “You didn’t have the guts to give her up to a family that could have raised her as their daughter, but you also were too much of a coward to be more than a distant figure in her life. I bet you told yourself some very nice lies about being there for her if she ever needed you, and that you’d tell her the truth if it became necessary, and how really you were just protecting her.”

His face burning, Nie Huaisang looked away. He couldn’t deny any of that. To make things worse, when he could have protected her from this stupid wedding by revealing their true link, he had failed to do so. But it wasn’t his fault. He still had enemies, old allies of Jin Guangyao hiding in the shadows…

“Poor kid, you’re lucky she didn’t run away or stab you when she found out,” Jiang Cheng added. “It messes you up, finding out someone kept vital information from you because they think they know better than you what’s good for you. Makes you relive every moment of your life trying to guess if there were clues you missed.”

Next to Nie Huaisang, Wei Wuxian tensed.

Since he wasn’t too close to them these days, Nie Huaisang hadn’t been sure how things were between these two until that moment. He was aware that certain important secrets had been revealed after Wei Wuxian’s return to life, because Jin Guangyao had mentioned things that fateful night in the temple. But truly, Nie Huaisang just hadn’t cared enough to find out the details, nor had he bothered to check if these two had reconciled or not. He already had enough trouble dealing with the mess that was his own life.

But hearing the bitterness in Jiang Cheng’s voice, seeing the awkwardness on Wei Wuxian’s face, Nie Huaisang had a vision of the future. This might be him and Nie Fuyun someday, torn between affection and pain, unable to communicate clearly even when they desperately wanted to love each other as family.

Nie Huaisang couldn’t erase twenty years of mistakes, but he could avoid setting them up for another two decades of regret and resentment.

“I have to go check on her!” Nie Huaisang announced, and he started running, ignoring Wei Wuxian’s laughter at his reaction, Jiang Cheng’s complaints that he couldn’t just flee from conversation like a child.

Without his head giving any input, Nie Huaisang’s feet took him to the training grounds, certain that his daughter would be blowing off steam over there. To his displeasure, he arrived there only to find that Lan Xichen had found her first.

Nie Huaisang’s steps faltered.

Lan Xichen and Nie Fuyun were standing together, not as close as friends or family would do, but still closer than strangers. Nie Fuyun looked calmer than her father had seen her since this mess of a marriage was announced, a smile colouring her lips here and there. As for Lan Xichen, there was an air of quiet determination to his features, making him look more like the man he had been in his youth. As they chatted together, Nie Huaisang was overcome by a desire to join their conversation, to hear what had nearly made Lan Xichen smile, to agree with whatever praise had Nie Fuyun beaming that way.

It should have been that way, Nie Huaisang realised with a longing so sharp he couldn’t breathe. Him, his daughter, the man he loved, it should have been his life. He’d never wanted anything else. The burden of leading a sect, the duty of avenging his brother… those had been forced upon him, unwanted tasks acquired through pain and loss.

What a life he would have had, had fate not hated him. Mornings in bed with his lover, interrupted when their daughter jumped among the blankets, laughing loud and wild as she sometimes did. Lan Xichen taking Nie Fuyun on Night Hunts, teaching her everything Nie Huaisang couldn’t, watching her progress and freely complimenting her with every step. And Nie Huaisang too could praise her, unafraid of showing how proud of her he was, how much he loved her.

If life had been kinder…

If Lan Xichen hadn’t rejected him…

The warm longing pressing down on Nie Huaisang’s chest coiled onto itself, turning into icy rage. What right did Lan Xichen have to talk to Nie Fuyun and smile at her that way? She probably wasn’t even his child, she was too clever for that. Let her be Wei Wuxian’s daughter, Jiang Cheng’s, Lan Wangji’s even, anything but to have to share her with Lan Xichen.

Nie Huaisang surged forward, startling the two of them. Nie Fuyun tried to speak to him, but Nie Huaisang grabbed Lan Xichen’s sleeve and started pulling him away toward the nearest building, a small place where they kept training material. Lan Xichen tried to resist at first, purely out of instinct, but quickly gave in and willingly followed. Nie Fuyun trailed behind them but Nie Huaisang closed the building’s door to her nose.

“Er-ge, you have some guts, trying to corrupt my disciples,” Nie Huaisang snapped once they were alone.

Lan Xichen threw him an exasperated look, not unlike those times he’d had to deal with Nie Huaisang’s imagined problems over the years. It certainly was a change from the air he’d most often had lately, which had brought to mind a pathetic puppy.

“What corruption?” Lan Xichen asked. “I told you I would talk to her and see if reconciliation was possible. I have made all the progress I can toward that, the rest is now in your hands.”

“And we both know how much I can ruin any situation,” Nie Huaisang scoffed, furious that Lan Xichen had succeeded in calming Nie Fuyun after all. “Oh, but I suppose I’m meant to be grateful? Thank you, great Zewu-jun! I truly don’t know what I’d do without you. What a shame none of my other problems could be solved by your immense wisdom!”

Lan Xichen opened his mouth to reply, a faint frown on his brows, but closed it again and shook his head.

“No, I won’t take the bait,” he said after taking a deep breath. “Not this time. I want to talk to you, not argue with you.”

“Zewu-jun is always so reasonable, and I never am,” Nie Huaisang retorted. “But there is a flaw in your logic: I do not want a conversation with you. However you are lucky, I also do not care for an argument. In fact, I want nothing to do with you. You were not invited here, and you’ve overstayed your welcome, so I’d be pleased if you’d leave.”

“I will not leave until we’ve talked,” Lan Xichen replied. “I will not let you leave, either.”

“Is that meant to be a threat?” Nie Huaisang mocked.

“If you wish to take it as one, it can be.”

Laughter died in Nie Huaisang’s throat as Lan Xichen stepped between him and the door. There were no other exits, only windows so small even a child couldn’t have fit through one. By giving in to his rage, Nie Huaisang had trapped himself with a man who surpassed him in nearly everything. It was unlikely Lan Xichen would truly harm him, but Nie Huaisang hadn’t survived all these years by assuming the best of people.

“Do you really fear me so much now?” Lan Xichen asked, sorrow piercing through his voice.

“Don’t think yourself so special,” Nie Huaisang spat. “I fear everyone. Go on, then. Speak, if you must. I can imagine what you want to talk about.”

There was only one thing left to discuss between them: whether Jin Guangyao had moved or not, that night in Yunping. A question that must have haunted Lan Xichen, but to which Nie Huaisang had sworn he would never give an answer. He would not let Lan Xichen find peace, even less absolution. No, he would have to live with doubt and horror over his own actions, as Nie Huaisang did.

“I want to talk about what happened when we were young,” Lan Xichen said instead, startling Nie Huaisang.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Nie Huaisang said, pulling out his fan to hide his reddening cheeks.

“I think you do. The way things ended between us…”

“There’s nothing to say about that, Zewu-jun.”

“Isn’t there? Huaisang, the way things are now… How did it end up this way? Back then…”

“Back then, you were the one who decided we could not go on the way we were,” Nie Huaisang cut him. “Or will you pretend I imagined that?”

“Those were my words,” Lan Xichen agreed. “But…”

“Then how can you ask how we ended up this way, when it was your own decision?”

“I was only…”

“I gave you everything I had to give!” Nie Huaisang said, shocked to find himself still bitter, when he’d convinced himself he was quite over that heartbreak. “I realise it was not much, of course. I used to think my company pleased you well enough, but I was deluding myself. It was only ever company in bed you were after, and even then I couldn’t satisfy you enough to…”

“We couldn’t go on the way we were because I hated to keep things secret and wanted to marry you!” Lan Xichen shouted.

Hearing him raise his voice startled Nie Huaisang so much that he dropped his fan. Never in his life had he witnessed Lan Xichen losing his calm that way. That alone shocked him so much that for a moment, he couldn’t even comprehend what he had just heard.

“You’re lying,” Nie Huaisang whispered when the words made their way to him.

“I have committed many faults,” Lan Xichen dryly retorted. “I suppose I can’t blame you for expecting the worst of me. Still, I am not lying. I wanted to marry you, but as soon as I tried to talk to you about it, you became angry, kicked me out of your bed, and professed that you would never speak to me again.”

Nie Huaisang could hardly breathe. He remembered his rage at the time, thinking that Lan Xichen had grown tired of him, something he’d always believed would happen. It wasn’t wrong to say he hadn’t given Lan Xichen a chance to explain himself. He’d been certain that Lan Xichen would try to soothe the blow, but none of the kind and empty words he might have offered could have helped Nie Huaisang’s aching heart.

“I held on to hope for a while,” Lan Xichen bitterly confessed. “But you refused to see me, you sent back my letters unopened, and when finally your brother dragged you to the Cloud Recesses, you found a way to sleep with Wangji!”

That little misadventure with Lan Wangji had never been Nie Huaisang’s proudest moment. Whenever he’d thought back on it, crippling shame had seized him, so intense that he never knew how to deal with it. His only excuse had been the unexpected strength of Emperor’s Smile, and that was hardly an excuse at all.

Although at the time Nie Huaisang had hoped Lan Xichen would find out and feel the blow as the insult it was intended to be, within a week he’d prayed to any god willing to listen to never let Lan Xichen find out. For the better part of twenty years, the hope that his misbehaviour would remain secret had been a meagre consolation.

But Lan Xichen knew. He knew, and he had said nothing. He knew, and he’d never betrayed that knowledge even once until that day.

“How long ago did you… find out?”

“Wangji was very ashamed of himself for drinking alcohol and having such a dalliance, against our sect’s rules,” Lan Xichen explained. “So ashamed he dared not go to our uncle. Instead, faced with a difficult situation, he thought to confide in his sect leader, his older brother. He told me what happened, and I had to console him and tell him he’d done nothing wrong, while grieving the fact I had truly lost you.” He paused, and took a deep breath to calm himself. “Out of everyone in this world, Huaisang, did you really have to involve my brother?”

Nie Huaisang looked down. He hesitated to go grab the fan that had fallen on the floor, just so he could hide himself, but his leaden body couldn’t move.

“Do you want to hear the worst part of all this?” Lan Xichen asked, so gentle it made Nie Huaisang feel worse than screams would have.

Nie Huaisang shook his head. All this was awful enough, anything worse and he might die of shame and regrets.

“The worst is I would still have forgiven you,” Lan Xichen sighed. “If you had come back to me, I would have welcomed you with open arms. I still missed you enough that I pretended none of this had happened, just so I could be at your side as a friend when Da-ge died. Even when I learned what you had done to avenge your brother, my only true regret was that the love we once shared prevented you from turning to me for help.”

Clenching his eyes, Nie Huaisang tried to fight tears. A losing battle, he found out.

He couldn’t even tell Lan Xichen that he was wrong about that last part. There were many reasons why Nie Huaisang hadn’t asked him for help, but the humiliating memory of Lan Xichen telling him that they couldn’t go on as they were had definitely impacted his decision.

It wouldn’t have changed anything, had Nie Huaisang better understood Lan Xichen. He still would have refused to involve someone so entirely under Jin Guangyao’s spell, he still wouldn’t have wanted to put Lan Xichen at risk, whose honourable heart wouldn’t have understood the need for secrecy and hatred.

It would have changed nothing.

It would have changed everything.

Would Lan Xichen have been so susceptible to Jin Guangyao’s cunning friendship, had Nie Huaisang stood at his side? Would Da-ge have survived, if Lan Xichen had had a reason to visit the Unclean Realm, instead of wishing to avoid it?

And what of poor Nie Fuyun? Would she have been born at all, Huaisang’s brilliant daughter? Would she have grown up between two parents, loved and treasured as she deserved to be, too important to ever be married off to some boy from a lesser sect? Nie Huaisang recalled that moment earlier, Nie Fuyun and Lan Xichen standing together with a smile as if it were their fate.

They could all have been happy, if he’d only been less stupid.

“I’ve ruined things,” Nie Huaisang hissed, unsure if he meant their failed romance, or every other action he’d taken after that.

A hand came to rest on his shoulder. When Nie Huaisang did not react, the hand moved to his face, tenderly cupping his cheek before moving to his chin, lifting it to force him to look at Lan Xichen.

“I’ve ruined things as well,” Lan Xichen noted, his eyes shining as if he too might cry. “You cannot take all the blame to yourself, when my attempt at a marriage proposal was so disastrous you thought I never saw you as more than a body to warm my bed.”

“You did a pretty bad job of it,” Nie Huaisang conceded, a nervous giggle escaping him, which soon turned into hysterical laughter.

So much time wasted, so many lives ruined, all because they’d been foolish and clumsy…

Without warning, Lan Xichen pulled Nie Huaisang into his arms. In a fit of selfishness, Nie Huaisang allowed it. In the years since Nie Mingjue’s death, it had happened a few times for Lan Xichen to comfort him with a hug, but Nie Huaisang had avoided it when he could, instead pestering Jin Guangyao. A revenge against his brother’s murderer in forcing him to deal with the annoyingly whiny consequences of his actions. A revenge against Lan Xichen, he’d thought, forcing him to see that Nie Huaisang was perfectly capable of finding affection and support somewhere else.

But there were no second thoughts this time. Nothing but the strong warmth of Lan Xichen’s arms, supporting Nie Huaisang as his laughter turned once more to tears.

All along, they could have had this.

With every inhalation, Nie Huaisang steeled himself to pull away from Lan Xichen. With every exhale, he lost his resolve, desperate to cling a moment more to something he did not deserve. He couldn’t have said how long they remained that way, closer than they had been in years. But the world continued turning around them, and the moment ended. Outside, someone knocked on the door, and Nie Huaisang heard his daughter’s voice. It was muffled for him inside, but she must have been speaking quite loud for it to reach him as she explained that Nie zongzhu wasn’t available right then, and she wouldn’t bother him for lesser problems.

Nie Huaisang finally escaped Lan Xichen’s arms, though the other man only allowed it with great reluctance. But it was the day before Nie Huaisang’s daughter got married, and he still had so much to do. He couldn’t abandon her, not again.

“I will see you later,” Nie Huaisang said as he bent down to pick up his fan. “Or not. I won’t blame you if after this, you decide you don’t want anything to do with me and my sect.”

“I will stay,” Lan Xichen replied, discreetly wiping his eyes with the hem of his sleeves. “I think we still have more things to discuss.”

Nie Huaisang only hummed in reply. What more was there to say? Unless Lan Xichen demanded to finally get honest answers about the things Nie Huaisang had done to avenge his brother. Maybe he would ask again if Jin Guangyao had truly moved. After everything else, Nie Huaisang would have no choice but to answer every question as honestly as he could, and Lan Xichen would truly hate him, and…

Perhaps it would make things easier. Maybe if Lan Xichen got angry at him, Nie Huaisang would finally be able to move on.

“You don’t need to look so nervous,” Lan Xichen remarked with a thin smile. “Is it so hateful, talking to me?”

“It might be, depending on the topic,” Nie Huaisang sighed.

“Then I’ll be careful in selecting it,” Lan Xichen promised, so earnestly gentle that Nie Huaisang could almost pretend nothing dreadful awaited. “Come here before we head out, let me wipe your tears. People will think I was mistreating you, if they see you like this.”

Nie Huaisang huffed, but obediently stepped closer, and allowed Lan Xichen to clean his face. Another familiar gesture, done a hundred times as Nie Huaisang exaggerated his helplessness, feeling different now that he wasn’t playing a role.

What a mess it had been.

What a mess it still was.

But there was no time to delve on it, not when his daughter was getting married in the morning.

[candle-wax-and-polariods]

analyzing each back cover

i love you its ruining my life

shes saying out right that the person shes in love with is simultaneously ruining her life. we can infer that this is most likely YB wanting a quiet life and her not being able to give that, and him wanting her to be little and small. this came at the grammy’s where she got to be big and bejewel

you don’t get to tell me about sad

shes saying that the person shes presumably arguing with cant tell her about her feelings and mental health. this may be referencing the feelings of sadness that depression (something we know that taylor has struggled with at least at one point while writing midnights, see anti hero) brings. this was announced in Melbourne after singing red (a song about the different sides of love, the good happy side and the angry aftermath) but before singing your losing me (a song most likely about joe alwyn and her having a slow decay in their relationship)

am i aloud to cry?

the first and only punctuated back cover. shes asking someone most likely her partner or herself if she can cry. she is obviously upset, most likely very angry or very sad about something and wants to cry and let it pass. this was anounced affter singing HYGTG (asumably because killatrav was in attendance) and before signing a mash up of white horse (about relizing someone isnt what you thought they were) and coney island (a song where the narator is wondering where their partner went) with sabrina carpenter.

old habits die screaming

this is talking about how the habit (maybe the habit is a person) begins trying to come back but it is already dead. the habit may be the relationship or the habit may be symbolic for YB. the habit died screaming trying to get the person making the statement (presumably taylor) to come back to it. this was announced affter playing a mashup of long story short (a song about how journey may seem long but youll survive) and the story of us (a story about a relationship that went bad) and before playing a mashup of clean (a song about a relationship that your finally done and over with that you wont go back to) and evermore (a song about hope and taking things day by day at your worst just to get through something, also has references to 2016).

Cover art

you can see that as the varients go on the color gets darker and the covers get less of that closed off sexiness. you see she goes from the closed off sexiness in the first cover with her hand on her head (seprate note please get taylor advil, she looks like she needs it) to slowly losing that closed of sexiness and while still having time to on the front of the first on the back shes just in a bra and sweat pants, most likely exhausted(physically and mentally) and just trying to get by.

TLDR

the covers get increasingly sad and show the decay of a relationship, and the words get more gut wrenching

[narancias-headband]

A big announcement...

Hi everyone! Very long time, no see.

I've gone through and cleaned things up around here a good bit, deleting old posts and fixing up my masterlist again. You might have seen some posts as I fix things up around here.

But the short and sweet version of this post is...

I'm coming back to this blog!!

It's going to be a decent bit different than before, but I do want to write and share my thoughts with you all again. :)

An important note! I will no longer taking 'requests', but I'd love some inspiration from everyone! I'm not going to hold myself to write anything that doesn't seem right for me. Feel free to send in requests/ideas for inspiration, and please do not be offended if I never get to them! I promise, I'm not judging! Some brief rules on what to ask for are here in my pinned post (they're mostly the same as before haha).

A very LONG rambling update under the cut for anyone wondering what in the world I've been up to.

So... A lot has changed in the past few years here... It's been like a year since y'all have heard from me... Mainly, my hyperfixation on JoJo's went away for a while. So that's my brain's fault haha. I've done this a few times with a few blogs, so I guess I was expecting to drop it sooner or later. What I didn't expect was how much I miss this blog (believe me, I have no regrets on my old blog deaths).

I've been watching JoJo's with a dear friend of mine lately, and the need to write has been stirring again. And then we hit Part 5... My brain was shifted back into fanfic mode instantly. I saw Formaggio and remembered my dear husband. I went and read through so much of my old stuff and remembered how much fun I used to have writing. I'm already working on a few new things, and a few old things, but I'm in no rush.

Which relates to some of the changes I'm hoping to make here. In all honesty, I did a lot here for the attention of people and the approval of the fandom. And that is not sustainable! No wonder I had writing burnout so much... I'm not planning to take as many requests anymore, and I will be much more focused on creating things that make me happy than anything else. Hopefully others enjoy it anyway :)

So... What have I been up to? My life has been taking lots of unexpected twists and turns. My, not entirely intentional, unemployment has opened up some free time to get back to things I enjoy. And I will never let a job take over my life like that again. Good news is, I'm working on my mental health and I finally feel creative again! I want to write and draw and think and I actually have the energy for it!

I've been very lost in the awful job market lately, and being at home alone all day isn't the most thrilling, but even just the minor things I've been doing behind the scenes on this blog have made me feel great. It's a bit more fulfilling than just playing Fortnite all day 😅

And me? I've grown up a lot lately. Working through mental issues, focusing on myself and my happiness, making changes for the better. Which is the main reason I really want to come back! This blog made me so happy and that's my main goal lately. I'm back into JJBA hardcore, I've become a Fortnite kid, and my love of Pokémon has come back in full force. And I have a new pretty gaming PC to sit and write at and the more I use it the more it's worth the $1500 I spent on it.

Oh, and one last thing... For better or worse, I've pretty much ended up a functional stoner. 😅 Probably expect more headcanons about getting high with diff characters that will be way better than the goofy ones I wrote way back when.

[caribbean-ace]

Alright so it’s been a hot minute since i’ve been here, life truly gets in the way and i feel that i’m going through the motions but finally after the buzz has settled i wanted to reflect a bit on Station 19 season 6.

I think we’re standing at a different place than we were by the end of season 5 and i believe that’s great. We went from that insanity -not in a good way- of season to something much much better. Few changes were made and it showed from the very beginning of season 6. To put it simply it was raw, by far the rawest season in terms of storyline, obviously because of what Maya went through, the repercutions it had on Carina and so on… Mental health was the overall arc for season 6 and honestly? I loved how it played out… Fair to say a LOT of people saw themselves in Carina and Maya which sparked the conversation -the very much needed conversation-

It was a rollercoaster but i’m glad we went through those moments because it lead to a healthier outcome instead of a quick fix it showed a more realistic side of a journey that can’t be taken lightly. On the other hand i wished they would’ve handled the Beckett story a bit better, by the end of it the writers made a good job by Vic checking up on him and just sparkling that conversation. I enjoyed the brief love triangle between Andy/Eli/Travis, it would have been funnier that they explored that angle deeper but i guess it turned out alright.

The expectations were so high when a female chief was announced but it turns out that it was just another love interest for a man, love to see it (please notice the sarcasm). While i don’t mind that Ross had history with Sullivan i kinda hated how her character just became the woman simping for the guy. They tried to redeem her a bit but it wasn’t enough. I would have LOVED that she actually made some changes within SFD to support women and actually make things better. Remember the storyline about fighting sexism? Yeah, me too. Anyways it was terrible that she was shamed for having a consensual relationship with another adult but it makes me grit my teeth the double standards: the whole you’re heroic for basically organizing a mutiny but when someone breaks protocol for saving a life that’s wrong or having a relationship with someone who outranks you but we’re totally ignoring that too, i get it, it’s for the sake of drama but certain things needs to make sense.

All that leads me to Andy being captain, we all saw it coming, there’s no way Maya was going to be captain again -at least not while being on 19- and while it should have been handled a bit better (the woman does have ambitions and putting a pause to pursue her dreams to heal does not mean she needs to abandon it) i think Andy deserved something a bit better, not just: alright you’re captain now. At least her first “shift” as captain was packed with action but still…

And that also brings me to Theo: at first he was like alright, laid back dude, gets the job done but the second he got promoted it’s like it flipped a switch on him especially being such an ass to Vic for absolutely no reason like ??? But at least she left him, i really liked how she pointed out that being happy for her friend does not mean she’s not supporting him (i wonder if that friendship also extends to Maya, after yk, call her a nasty person and do absolutely nothing to stand for her. Yes i will always be bitter about how everyone turned their backs on Maya).

Jack can’t seem to catch a break and God knows what’s gonna happen to him but at least he’s healthier and trying to stay out of other people’s relationships which i’m glad. I loved how Ben and Miranda where kinda there for Maya and Carina (i say kinda because it’s not like Maya had the greatest support out there but Ben did listen so that’s something. Also shout out to Diane, she’s incredible and i love whenever she appears)

Finally -because this is way too long lol- we know where we are standing in terms of Maya and Carina growing their family, for a solid minute i thought well, they are being ambiguous because it’s probably leading to that but no, it wasn’t. I wasn’t mad that they didn’t make Carina pregnant by the end of the season, if anything the scenes where they are discussing how many kids and stuff makes it so much more meaningful because Maya is obviously in such a better head space. Oh and just as a quick comment: Carina should have gone to therapy too, she needed to heal from that rocky period of time and it would have been cool to see her perspective, even if we saw sneak peaks with Vic, Miranda and Diane i believe sitting down and leading to a backstory would have been so much better.

If you got to this point i love you, i wanted to ramble a bit and finally found the moment to sit down and put this together (it’s a bit all over the place, just like my brain but bare with me). Catch you on season 7🤍

[lixxen]

I wanna talk about this scene and one of my favorite theories and details in fics

Warning for talks of depression, suicide, and homophobia

(also like. I'm just talking about stuff I've seen other people talk about and like the idea of/agree with because it's interesting. Doesn't mean you have to agree. I'm talking to the void and I guess if you don't agree just like... Don't argue please lol)

One of my favorite head canons/theories for Conrad that I've seen people talk about some when it first came out is that he was depressed and his death wasn't an accident, but him committing suicide

This is what I remember people talking about and will see if I can find the posts about it later:

Being gay during this time was dangerous and society was very homophobic. Keeping that a secret would slowly wear down on your mental health and also could cause internalized homophobia

People found it ironic that Jones was playing a man who was grieving his dead wife when he himself was grieving his lover dying (which is why he pressed his hand into the griddle) and thought that it was Conrad talking to Jones later on down the road because Augie is literally Jones and Jones is Augie. Idk how it works but it just does in my brain so I get them

The talking about can't wake up if you don't go to sleep and Conrad having two hands on his shoulder as he stares forward could allude to him having thoughts of suicide, and this happens after he is announced to die (I forgot exactly how people explained it but it made sense when I read it. Makes the alien being there make sense)

The others didn't understand the play because it was Conrad's internal thoughts for parts and the characters wrote themself. Which. Is what happens. Idk. People said he was the wife.

(mostly joking) a cis man who isn't mentally ill or wasn't feeling that way couldn't write that play. That man had to be fucked up in some way

People write into fics that he'd drown himself in his work when he didn't need to. A lot of the nights he spent up and lone drowning himself in drinks and writing? Him trying to escape. Jones having to drag him away from the typewriter to come to bed? Wonderful. I will take 20 more

Idk. You don't have to agree, but that's what I remember people talking about and watching the movie I just agreed. Even before I read the suicide/depression ones and saw the movie my brain went "oh... What if... What if he... No. They wouldn't do that." Because the context is there. The themes are there. It's literally all there but never said if it was an accident or not. So seeing people talk about it and it being a reoccurring theme in the first fics for Conrad (especially in the Conrad/Jones tag) was reassuring that other people could see it

Idk. As someone who has depression and has had thoughts of suicide; writing my life away and throwing my grief and troubles into my personal writing or fanfic, it genuinely struck something close to my heart.

Especially seeing Jones then ask if he's doing right even though he was told he's perfect and probably was told he's perfect many times after. I could genuinely see Conrad change parts of the play to reflect his relationship and his mental health as he kept writing it. We know the play wasn't done when he met Jones; but just enough to know Augie would become Jones

Lawl. Anyways. Idk. This isn't canon but just a collective bunch of thoughts and head canons and theories I've seen so far

[houseofbrat]

I'm not sure I believe that. The last I was told several days ago was that he's not even close to being ready to file anything... and one reason is that the help he is getting is very conditional on his rehabilitation and his demonstrated committment to shut down all contact with her. I think it's attorney talking to attorney at this point, but that's my assumption.

If there is a divorce happening, a divorce filing would be public, so relatively easy to prove...

Well I was saying the same thing when H&M first separated, not long after the Queen's funeral. I got burned once. I'm not committing until there's something filed with the court.

I also don't know where they'd get the info unless it's from what I've posted here because there are precious little who know where Harry is who will talk.

The conversation I had, supposedly with someone in Harry's entourage, basically said that no one is going to leak his whereabouts because everyone wants him to be able to trust the people he has surrounded himself with.

Reading between the lines, he went looking for help when he was in the UK. I gather that his family is staying hands off, but some form of preliminary help has been offered with some pretty firm conditions attached, most of them having to do with his completely having nothing to do with MM (comms only through attorneys, I'd imagine), his getting extensive mental health and drug rehabilitation. He hasn't has time to assure anyone that he's trustworthy in his claim that he's done with her and that this isn't some Trojan (in madam's case, it's not a Trojan horse, but an actual Trojan condom) attempt to get her back in proximity by acting like they're done. He also hasn't had time to be rehabilitated by any stretch. He needs drug rehab AND cult deprogramming. And he came out of the factory with more bugs than a prison mattress.

I also get the impression that there are serious financial issues which could be well on their way to becoming legal woes. Meghan has tanked production on an extensive line of bullshit. Investors are going to go after her for that trademark fuck up. That in addition to what they've already defaulted on and Archewell's shady situation gives a lot of people a lot of reason to start looking at Meghan especially for fraud. Lady C is on the warpath over the fraudulent GoFundMe, there was the attempt to get the PpOW's medical records, there's a lot which could (but maybe not) flow back to Montecito. I've never found verification that the Queen Mum left Harry anything in a trust, but if she did, he may not be able to collect that money except under conditions. I don't know, but this is a complicated relationship between complicated characters. I have always wondered if Josh Kettler told Harry to get as far away from her as possible because her schemes are blowing up in her face in a big way. Harry has NOT been the one scheming or going to business meetings. He's had his business separated from her since the Queen died. He's mostly just given her the capital and reputation she needed to make her own deals. If she's heading for the kind of trouble my guy says she MUST be, this could also be a motivation for Harry's separation from her.

I believe a lot could be going on negotiating logistics attorney to attorney, but I do not believe anything official is on the cusp on being announced. I think this is so complex that nothing will be forthcoming any time soon.

[topconfessions]

Hey, it’s me again, Italian anon! GRAZIE for the warm welcome, you’re way too nice!

I’m back to chat about that long-awaited interview and get some thoughts from you and the other regulars here.

Disclaimer: these are just my personal takes, I’m not out here claiming to be the voice of reason or anything. Think of this as my little stream-of-consciousness moment, like James Joyce or Virginia Woolf but with less finesse (and more chaos).

Fair warning: brevity is not my strong suit, but I’ll try to keep this as snappy as I can.

First thing that stands out to me? Once again, the dude’s communication is all over the place. Does this guy even have a PR team? Like, seriously. Back in 2020, he announces he’s retiring from the industry (news to me, btw). Then, four years later, he pops up in one of the most anticipated shows on the planet. And sure, it’s totally valid to change your mind, but shouldn’t you at least explain that to people so it doesn’t feel like a total curveball?

Is this about redemption? Reconciliation? A fresh start? Money? Because honestly, he’s said a lot without really saying anything. It’s classic T.O.P, isn’t it? I was hoping he’d come mentally and strategically prepared this time, ready to face the music, give some clarity, and offer answers beyond vague comments about “lost time.” But nope, he’s leaving his whole vibe open to wild interpretations again.

I get it, re-establishing a connection with the outside world after years in isolation isn’t easy. But it’s even harder when you keep doing… nothing. Like, I’m genuinely happy he’s been working on music during these seven years, and I hope we hear it soon, but why not share a little bit here and there with the people who’ve been wondering if you’re okay? And now, in this interview, he apparently chose not to drop any info about other projects either.

This ambiguity just feeds more criticism, the same kind he says he doesn’t want to hear anymore. Which brings me to a quick side note: the idea of “normality” with zero criticism? Yeah, that’s a fantasy, for anyone, let alone a public figure. This, to me, says a lot about where he’s at mentally and emotionally.

Look, I get it. Wanting to avoid criticism feels like a way to protect yourself. But avoiding something doesn’t mean solving it. Fame amplifies everything: the highs, but also the lows. If, at 40, T.O.P still hasn’t developed the tools to handle that pressure, it’s no surprise he’s stuck in this vicious cycle where fame sustains and destroys him at the same time.

And sure, he’s mentioned depression and other struggles before, but where’s the follow-up? What has he actually done to address these issues? Awareness is crucial, but without concrete actions, it can come off as self-indulgent. And let’s be real, people are way more open to mental health conversations now. I’m sure everyone here gets the need for time and space to heal, but the lack of transparency leaves this awkward gap. Has he worked with therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists? If so, why not normalize it by talking about it? It’s way more effective than vague comments about eating healthy and exercising. Come on, man, seriously?

After years of silence, he’s missed a golden opportunity to bridge the gap between his past and present. This could’ve been a thoughtful reintroduction, a way to share his personal and artistic growth. Instead, we got… well, nothing. Silence might feel like a safe strategy, but it doesn’t rebuild reputations or forge new connections.

His approach suggests an inability to handle the complexity of his own choices. He’s clinging to this “protective bubble” that might’ve worked in isolation but falls apart in an industry as public as his. Without crafting a fresh, powerful narrative, every move he makes feels random and disconnected.

Joining Squid Game 2 is a massive step. But without a proper game plan to manage everything else around it, it’s like building a house on quicksand. Being there isn’t enough, he needs to explain why he’s back, what he wants to do, how he plans to do it, and what his relationship with his supporters looks like now.

He’s not the first person to face a public comeback. Just look at Britney Spears, Joaquin Phoenix, Adele, Dave Chappelle, Rihanna, Eminem, Hayley Williams… they all managed to create a bridge between their personal struggles and professional lives. Why not take a page from their playbook?

And then there’s that ring he’s been wearing for a while, the one with the year “1967” engraved on it. Could it represent something deeply personal? Maybe a tribute to a family member, mentor, or a major event? Or could it tie back to his love for art and culture? (1967 was a huge year for music, counterculture, and the Summer of Love.) Who knows?

I’m sure more articles will drop soon, and maybe they’ll change my perspective entirely (fingers crossed). Until then, all I can do is hope that he finds a way to tell his story more openly and authentically.

https://m.entertain.naver.com/article/018/0005926044

What do you think? Did I miss anything? Or am I way off?

This was a brilliant answer and you stated it beautifully. I'm going to see if I can pin this if possible. Overall you stated it perfectly and that's exactly his problem. I agree, love him and I hate this for him, but he said a whole lot of nothing and kept it as vague as possible minus a lot of highlighting the depressive parts. He doesn't want the negativity and criticism but invities it in cause of Hang Man tarot card behavior and energy with not doing anything, not responding, not getting ahead of the curve, not being engaged with the public and having bizzare behavior that warrants people especially Koreans to judge him. The public in Korea are extreme for going in on him like that but he allows it and furthers it. Only people like Michael Jackson can behave so oddly and isolate themselves then come back whenever they want with such expectations. He's dead but shit that man got accused of touching boys but he defended himself the whole way through and actually went on a tour and still made an album, he didn't half ass it either like he could have so there is no excuse for top.

Also, he should've spoken up for himself and requested a better script and character cause it's likr then Director set him up if this is true and I feel like they're lying to us for real. I'm sorry but its giving two friends who agreed on this narrative of it being a set character before with him in mind to cover and explain it all.

Thank you so much for providing the links.

And no, I don't believe he has a PR team. I'm wondering if these actors and idols even hire PR or reps since most are under an agency with the agency taking care of that.

[theubb]

Part 3! probably the lowest effort one yet. Now please let me go on a side tangent here, i just gotta get some thoughts off my chest and a reason for the so-so quality. I will talk abou this part and the AU ofc, i just gotta talk about me for abit, even if i talk to the void i want to get it out there.

I do consider parts 1 & 2 kinda low effort on my part and it most certianly frustrated me then BUT i have grown to accept it. I am burnt out! To give context: all my previous Sonic anything before the event began was for a School project!

We were quite free to do basicly what we wanted and i manged to make mine about Sonic under the guise of learning 3D. I started last September and have been just going at it almost nonstop since. Yes i had a few breaks ofc but nevertheless i was very burnt out by the time That project was done.

So for me personally, The Ubb, personally this event was (for me personally) abit ill-timed personally for me, The Ubb. The idea of Nine traveling the Multiverse was something i had wanted to get around to eventually so when this Event was announced i obviously wanted to participate, it felt like the stars had aligned! sort of.

Thing is becouse of the nonstop work i was already supremely burnt out before the event even started so not great for me personally. I planned that i would just do a Me thing between the 2 Projects, something not related to either. A short little break yea? that was What updating my Sally Acorn design was going to be but we know how that went.

The Result is wonderful, yes, it is one my proudest designs, came out great. BUT she was one of the thoughest challenges ive had so far. More context: it usually takes me like 2-3 days to make a Character design but Sal here took me 2 weeks. 2 weeks.

The result is wonderful but it was not the break i had envisioned. And the timelimit for the event was ticking down, i had lost about half of it by now. Like i said Nine traversing the Multiverse is something ive wanted to do for awhile and with DonelyWell making it uncertain wether or not the Event might return or not it truly felt like a now or never kinda situation, so despite my burnt-out-nes and lack of a proper break i pushed on.

And that is why the quality has been kinda so-so so far, due to burn out my heart hasnt been truly in it.

I will try to push out part 4 this coming week and you should expect it to be of this same quality you have seen thus far BUT after that i am postponing Part 5. I had originally planned to hopefully have it out before the end of august but with the current state of my mental health that is no longer feasable. After part 4 I Will take a break for maybe 1 or 2 weeks to just not work in order to get my mental situation sorted.

Sal proved that a working vacation was not a good solution.

But after the break i will get to work on Part 5 where i will put all the cards on the table. I have decided to put in that extra effort that has been lacking in Parts 1-3 (and probably 4) in order to make up for my sub-par performance thus far, another reason for the break. I cannot say how long it will be between parts 4 and 5, perhaps a whole month or even 2, idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we shall see

It will be out before the year ends tho, of that i am certain. Current plan is 3-4 big pictures for Part 5 and just a butt-ton of characters. This is to keep me happy as i do not particularly enjoy enviornments but character design is my passion.

The way i work with making the AU designs is reverse engenering my Mainline designs. That way it wont be a complete radio silence from me, The Ubb, but i am saving all my AU designs for Part 5.

But speaking of how i work lets segway back to part 3 yea?

For part 3 here i wanted to introduce this AUs Shadow! This AU is my take on an Anti-Verse AU as i call it, where Bad guys be good guys and good guys be bad guys! IDK if it has an actual Name or some such.

This AUs Shadow is alot more silly looking which is 100% intentional. In this Anti-Verse AU this guy here did not end up nearly as traumatized as Mainline Shadow, main thing being Maria do be alive in this AU! I sadly dont have a design for her yet, will in Part 5 tho.

Also if you do recall; for this AUs Eggy i Changed his name to Ovi Kintobor, i did a name change for some other characters aswell. One of them being Anti-Shadow here, or i suppose i should call him... Terios! cuz thats what i named him yo

I know that Name is attached to prototype Shadow and a design that is quite different from what you see here BUT thing is i have no plans to use Terios in my Take on Mainline Sonk and the Name is simply too cool to not use at all and with me already changing some names in this AU i figiured why not!

Now to talk abit about what he be looking like, firstly the Gun.

I decided to give my Take on Shadow a Gun cuz is neat. I enjoy the idea of Shadow using a gun but do agree that he doesnt really need one, he has Chaos Spears rember? They already cover ranged attacks. The gun needs to fill a gap in his already vast moveset, cover a blind spot so to speak, in order to deserve its inclusion.

So a-thinkin i went!

And then it hit me; the idea to have it function like an extension of his Chaos Spears! Therefore the small canister looking thingy with Chaos Energy on both guns

For Mainline Shadow i decided to have his Gun solve the accuracy problem. Im sure Shadow can Throw his spears real good but what about really long distances? A fancy gun would solve that i think! have it shoot chaos energy powered by Shadow himself, With it being energy based and meant to solve accuracy have it have like next to no drop off yknow? Like a Pistol sized Sniper!

For Terios i wanted to aproach it from a different angle, if not accuracy what else could a gun do for Shadow that his Chaos Spears cannot do on their own?

Well what about speed? Sure Shadow can probably chuck out his Spears quite quickly but there is most certianly a limit. I am sure a gun has a faster firerate than a throwing arm, just sayin.

And with my desire to Make Terios look abit sillier than Shadow i went for a very smooth, round and almost SMG looking shape clearly influenzed quite heavily by certain Tediore Pistols from Borderlands 3.

Next lets talk about the obvios.

I am very happy and proud of my Shadow design, he came out great, Less so for Terry here. You can clearly see i barely changed much, this is mostly due to me not really knowing what direction i wanted to go in at first and then a desire to move on once it was good enough.

But I Did some thinkin! With All three (Terios, Maria Kintobor and Gerald Kintobor) surviving the G.U.N raid of the ARK and thus Terios not being nearly as traumatized as Shadow i wanted to delve abit into the fact that Shadow should be around Sonic's age; in other words a teenager or at most a young adult.

Shadow never got a real chance for a proper childhood and getting to be a proper Kid but for this Anti-Verse i wanted to perhaps explore that abit more. What if Shadow's Story wasnt as dark? What if he got some proper time to be a Kid? Not forced to grow up quickly? Maria didnt die in the raid? Gerald wasnt executed by firing squad?

Thus for Terios i want to go into a more Silly direction cuz Terios just all-round had a better time than Shadow. Wasnt all perfect with sunshine and roses ofc but still better than Shadow. Terios gets be as happy and free like Mainline Sonk!

So when i decide to revisit Terios in the future i kinda want to go in a kinda Silly Super Hero Costume direction. I could go into further detail but i feel i have talked enough for now, see you this coming week with part 4! It will introduce this AUs Sonic, Tails and Metal Sonic, see you then!

I sure do like talking huh