#this RP hurts my heart eoifjeoifj

[drunken-drk]

( @sand-seeks-sun​ and I had a bit of an angst rp and this is written right after it oops. it’s super vague buuuut ~ ♥) 

Garnet fingers drum alongside the opened bottle of whiskey, each tap another second without Aromirr and another second towards giving in and drinking.

‘I will hold back from liquor. This is worth it.’

All of Shiun feels cold even with his legs crossed and under the kotatsu. The only other thing aside from such lack of warmth he can feel is pain. Down to the very depths of his core, the raen aches. In such despair over the departure of his husband, it’s hard not to begin chugging the bottle before him. But nonetheless he restrains himself.

He finds himself trembling, wishing to vomit. These little sickly spells have become frequent since his promise and the only relief had been small shots of any liquor; though nothing to give him even a short buzz. Self-medicated with booze. And right now he knows the only solution to dull this pang in his chest is to get drunk.

To finish the bottle before him and go for more, to chug until he can remember nothing and no longer move. To simply be on the verge of blacking out if not already in such a state.. that is what he craves now. Because what he truly wants is Aromirr and his husband will not be returning. At least, not any time soon.

And why should he make haste to come back to Shiun? All the raen is good for is a brief fuck and to get drunk with. To think he actually believed that such a warm life could be his, that he could make Aromirr happy and that he’d have stability. It was all a horrible lie to himself, to the both of them.

Having been slouched over the kotatsu, Shiun lifts himself and the bottle along with him, simply bringing it to his lips to smell and tempt, wishing to torture himself with the need to indulge in his vice. Hand shaking, the whiskey gives frequent drips over his fingers as for once the bottle is absolutely filled.. only opened out of self punishment.

“I deserve to drink..” because he should be left behind, kicked away with nothing left. Liquor is a promise to that, to Aromirr finally getting the courage to leave. Or in this case, make Shiun leave.

This house was never his. These things were never meant for him to even touch. If only Ramm had taken more than half his vision that night.. if only he hadn’t left Kugane, and especially if only he had taken the gun his mother used and killed himself that day alongside with her… then.. Aromirr would have never suffered this with Shiun.

A groan leaves him as the bottle is set aside, the raen finally allowing some tears to stream but refusing to break further into sob. “I.. I’m so fucking dramatic..”

Aromirr will return. They will sort things and all will probably be well. But Shiun cannot feel at such ease when all he wants and needs is to drink till he cannot anymore. If he could just indulge.. then he could be of good mind.

But he won’t. No, he will simply suffer with thoughts and memories until the return of his husband, forcing himself to abstain and suffer with the tempting whiskey before him. Shaking and crying, Shiun will wait in this spot for Aromirr. He would wait anywhere and forever for that man even if he doesn’t deserve it.

‘自己中だよ’