#this MIGHT be all you get for Valentine’s Day 🥲😭🫠

[ficandkaboodle]

I’m having a drive-by thought.

Specifically,

How Would the Papas React to Glow-in-the-Dark Condoms

Primo: He’s not impressed by it. You can’t tell if it’s the novelty of the contraception or if it’s because he has to wear one. Make no mistake: Yes. He’ll wear it, though. He’s just going to make sure he stays in you as long as possible so he doesn’t have to look at the thing. (Secretly, he kinda likes the glowing red rubber. He can pretend it’s blood and he’s got a bloody dick, never mind that the type of red is so cartoonish it could never pass for it. He’ll never admit it to you, but the regular condoms will just happen to disappear until you’ve used up all the red ones.)

Secondo: His face is stone cold, offsetting the intended heat of the bedroom. He either bought these in such a hurry that he somehow failed to notice, or he got them as part of a goody bag party favor gifted to attendees of DomConCon. Either way, he wishes you’d stop laughing and cooing at his radioactive schlong. He’ll try and spin it a sexy way, threatening to fuck you stupid so you can’t laugh, but it’s too late. He knows you too well to think it’ll end even if he leaves you thoroughly fucked.

Terzo: “WHOA, HANG ON, HOLY SHIT!!” You either bought them in a hurry or a ghoul grabbed a box on a trip to town for supplies. Whatever the case, Terzo is amazed. He’s swaying his hips, he’s helicopter dicking, he’s making lightsaber noises. He’s making godawful puns and jokes about his “one-eyed, big-horned fucking purple people-meater.” You’re frustrated at first because you’d been dying to have him all day and now everything is getting derailed because he’s inviting you under the covers not to join together as one, but to join together in fun — of looking at how his dick glows in the purple rubber. Pretty, soon, though, you’re laughing it up, too. (Don’t worry, you eventually get to have sweet, giggly sex. Turns out the condoms make for good emotional and mental foreplay.)

Copia: Copia is also caught off guard, but in a slightly less enthused way. “GAH!!” he exclaims in his little Cardi Way as he catches sight of his cotton candy blue cock. Talk about your blue balls! Meanwhile you’re howling, having waited all night to see him react to the contraception you purchased for your night in. Once he calms down, he’s a little marveled by it (“I didn’t even know they made em like this.”) He gives experimental thrusts, he uses those deliciously evil thrusts he does onstage. …And yes, he does lightsaber noises and misquotes Star Wars. He is, after all, related to Terzo. Once all and yourself are said and done, the post-but clarity gets to him and he’s a little shy. He makes sure to cover up the bathroom trash bucket with miscellaneous things so the soft blue glow of the used condom isn’t visible to him, otherwise he’ll blush.

(BONUS/BONE-US)

Nihil: It doesn’t matter if it’s old Nihil or young Nihil: He is amazed. He is Terzo’s father. He is poking at it and jokingly calling it his “Goldmember”. Wait until he hears about the scented condoms —