#thinks super hard too about their initial breakdown. the fear the anguish. ming-xiong save me your highness save me indeed

[deiscension]

[twirling hair around my finger] Do you ever think about the fact that SQX went from 'it's my fault I'm the one who sinned' to 'we're the ones who sinned' but never 'my brother is the one who sinned'. Do you ever think about how they always implicated themself in He Xuan and his loved ones' suffering? Do you ever think about how they never try to profess innocence despite having known nothing? How it's so heavily implied but never fully said that they would never not see themself as at fault because none of it would have happened if only they hadn't existed to bring that sort of fate into the world, and then to be the unknowing recipient of such wretched malpractice?

Obviously that is part of the problem-- they couldn't condemn the one who was at fault. It was too much to ask, because he wouldn't have done it if they weren't there. So much more goes into it than that of course; the younger must not overstep the older, that's their only family, and oh qingxuan, who will look after you if not me? It's not just that their sense of righteousness suddenly hit a brick wall as soon as it came down to condemning their brother. Clearly they know what Shi Wudu's actions were appalling. It's that they couldn't climb over that wall without trying to drag their own perceived wrongdoings behind them, without understanding it wasn't their fault for existing-- it was their fault for not being able to parse where the blame laid.