#thinking of molly being terrified the nein would all leave him when they found out about his past

[dent-de-leon]

When Kingsley's anxious, does he get very affectionate and cling to his loved ones for comfort like he did as Molly? Or does he self-isolate and try to hide his heart away like Lucien--

[readbythestarlight]

for the meme: whoever your two favourite characters on critical role are c:

So this took me a couple of days to answer because I couldn’t decide who my two favorites were. I love lots of characters! And then it was like should I choose my two favorites specific to the M9, or should I just try out of the whole entire very wide spread cast of both PCs and NPCs alike. Then I was stuck with not two but THREE, so because I can’t narrow it down any further, here are my THREE favorite characters on Critical Role.

1. Caleb Widogast

How I feel about this character

Where do I start? Caleb has been my favorite from the beginning. He falls 100% into my type of good person with a past they regret, kinda hates themselves, needs hugs desperately. His learning slowly to open up to people, the times he’s (often painfully) admitted how much he cares about them. How he went from by his own admission just using the Mighty Nein to caring for them as his own found family, would do anything for them, would die for them? The times when he steps up and leads and really shines in the part. His book holsters. Like oh my god this nerd carries his important books in holsters!! The flare he puts into his spells. The way he loves his cat.

And like his interactions with the M9!! The way he softens whenever Jester does something nice for him? The special connection he has with Nott/Veth and the way her faith in him pushed him to do all he could to help her. The Team Dad conversations he has with Fjord. The siblingness with Beau, where sometimes they fight and sometimes they hug awkwardly but they would die for each other?? The way he connects with Yasha and they have these quiet moments of solidarity where he makes sure she knows she’s important to them and that she is a good person. And the way he’s clearly to this day still trying to figure his relationship with Caduceus out but he gives him books and stuff. GOD. I love Caleb and I love how Caleb loves his family!!!

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Early on I shopped Widofjord and still on rare occasions get some warm fuzzies if I think about it. I kinda sorta shipped Widomauk but I think that was more like because there was so much art/fic than because I was actually naturally drawn to it.

Right now and forever even if it kills me: Shadowgast. Essek/Caleb. Give me that good good good “falling in love with a man who is the literal shadow of myself, my narrative foil, a drow who I see so much of myself in and who I want to help save if he’ll let me because I know who he is and I know why he’s like this” like god just fuck me up like that why don’t you.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Caleb x self-love and forgiveness.

Caleb and the whole Mighty Nein always and forever because found family is my deepest joy.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Honestly I don’t think I have one. I have certain ships I don’t like but that’s not involving him directly so… Maybe that I hope he always goes by Caleb and never goes back to being called Bren?? But I don’t think that’s likely to happen nor do I think it’s probably an unpopular opinion so. *shrug*

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I sometimes kinda wish all those early theories that Caleb was a werewolf had been true because I really liked those theories.

I also 100% hope that someday Caleb gets his hand on the magic that he wants, gets his hands on the ability to change time–and makes the right choice not to.

2. Caduceus Clay

How I feel about this character

My boy. My son. Listen I loved Mollymauk, I did, but if someone was like “Molly can come back but Cad would have to leave” I would choose Cad in half a heartbeat. He’s so chill and so wise and he cares a lot, he takes care of everyone and even while he’s outwardly so calm we’ve seen that he has all these deep emotions going through him, he feels things so strongly but he doesn’t let them get the best of him. Cad is someone I would want to be best friends with, because you know he gives the best hugs and he’ll make you tea when you’re sad but also you could both pull pranks on your siblings together and it would be glorious.

Also he comes through with some of the cleverest non-combative moves and some really clutch saves and as someone who has always been more of a support character than anything it makes me so happy to see a cleric doing so much.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

No one. Cad doesn’t strike me as being especially interested.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Cad and Fjord. That whole friendship was just so unexpected but has been SO. GOOD and I want to see so much more of it.

My unpopular opinion about this character

He is perfect. He has never done anything wrong in his life and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in this room and then myself.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I have a couple things so here’s a list:

- I want him to like lose his temper. Just once. We’ve seen him a little frustrated or even irritated, but I want him to just put his foot down and just be really viscerally angry to the point where everyone is kinda intimidated just once.

- I want to see the M9 take care of him. He’s died like, what, twice? And it never really gets addressed. The first time he’d seen his family in years and they were all turned to stone, and it was never really addressed. Cad’s a very calm guy and he doesn’t show his worry or his grief very often but we’ve seen that it is down there and I want to see more of it.

- I want him to either join in on one of Jester’s (less disrespectful) pranks, or else I want him to pull a prank on the M9 all on his own. We’ve seen that playful prankster streak with his sister, now I want to see it with his found family!

3. Essek Thelyss

How I feel about this character

Oh hot boi. I pretty much loved him from day one, and from day one was terrified he was going to be the traitor. Which he is. But I fell for him anyway and I still love him so much, even while I’m also the epitome of that Tyra Banks meme:

I still love him though. I don’t even really know what it is. Probably at first because he was all cool and mysterious. But then he seemed so lonely, and he kept helping the M9 and was especially kind to Caleb, and as they came to care about him I just loved him even more. I like his voice, and I like his sarcasm, and I like the fact that he was supposed to just be this selfish evil SOB and he would have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for these meddling nerds and their insistence on being his friend.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

As previously mentioned, Caleb. Shadowgast. On this side of the coin give me that “I see so much of myself in you, bright and curious and determined and full of aspirations, reaching for grand things beyond yourself; I see what I could become if I keep going this way, I see what I could be if I change, I see you reaching out to stop me from hating myself the way you do” and I just. God, guys, I’m so deep in Shadowgast hell.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Essek and the whole Mighty Nein but like especially him and Caleb (if they don’t end up romantic I still want them to be bros), him and Caduceus, and him and Yasha.

My unpopular opinion about this character

He deserves the chance at a redemption arc!!! Whether he succeeds or not is up in the air but he deserves the chance to try, especially since he has already shown regret for his choices! You can fight me on this but most likely if you try to attack me about it I will block you.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Redemption! Like not right away, not in a single act (no star wars nonsense in here where people think one “selfless” act and then dying after means you’re redeemed), but in one or many lifetimes of using his skills to make things better. He can’t undo the war he helped start but he can spend the rest of his lives helping to repair some of the damage and to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.

….Boy that was long. But THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK @jivvin

and for letting me ramble about my boys!! I miss them desperately so it was fun to gush about them.

[princessamericachavez]

Might I just say that I think this breakdown of Jester’s has been a long time coming, since the whole Lorenzo incident. Yeah, she had a little crisis of faith there but she never really talked about it beyond that. Pretty sure Fjord said that he didn’t think Caleb and Nott would come after them, but we don’t know really if Jester had a similar thought to that? This might play in to any abandonment issues she’ll have after an incident like this. (Not that they really meant to leave her.)

I hope you know I’ve been thinking about this ask all week, while I was busy with some real life stuff, and I’ve been going through Jester’s emotional arc over my head time and time again trying to find the right words to express all my feelings about this. 

First and foremost, you are absolutely right, nonnie. 

As much as this whole piracy thing has been part of Fjord’s backstory, I’d say this arc has been just as much about Jester’s emotional journey. Now, that might sound like a bit of a stretch to some, I get it, but overall I would call this a Menagerie Coast Kids Arc. After all, they both started this part of the story after the Iron Shepherd’s kidnapping, they both went back home to face the real or metaphorical loss of a parental figure, and they both have stuck by each others side as they do so, always the most vocal supporters of each other’s struggles. 

So, focusing on Jester, let’s see everything she’s been through ever since Travis and Laura came back from baby-break: 

She was obviously upset over what they went through and over losing Molly

She felt abandoned by her deity. Even if, as you said, she thought the others might not come, she entirely trusted the Traveler would. 

Instead, though, it was the M9 who showed up, which puts an interesting balance on who she can/can’t rely on in that kind of situation that we might’ve seen reversed once more after ep 45.

She kept putting on a happy face, though, enough to fool both Fjord and Beau, until Caleb pointed out the possibility of it being an act.

this is interesting because, from then on, we can see these particular three paying special attention to her behavior and trying to make sure she’s alright.

After that, she also got a chance to talk with the Traveler and get reassurance that she hadn’t been abandoned. 

I’ve seen people point out that the Traveler putting a “condition” on his love for her might lead Jester to be less likely to allow herself to be sad or vulnerable, but I’m not entirely on board with the idea. I think all cleric-deity relationships are based in some sort of trade, and “being a source of joy and chaos” is her version of worshiping him. 

“As long as you worship me I’m here” is a pretty standard deity pact. Does it put pressure on Jester to be happy? Probably, but she’s never told not to be upset or hurt, she’s told to bring happiness to others, which in turn as we know makes her happy. It’s a weird little balance if anything.

She found out the Gentleman is most likely her father, though was thoroughly rejected by him when she tried to message him. Digging deeper into her abandonment issues.

Caleb kept an eye on her during the whole Nicodranas thing but was quiet about it. 

Fjord, on the other hand, with his new insight made a point of asking whether she was alright, twice in a row. And then tried to help cheer her up.

They had to leave Nicodranas in the middle of the chaos, making her lose her mother all over again after she’d barely gotten a chance to reconnect with her after a very traumatic experience.

Which leads to the Jellyfish talk, and one of her arc’s bigger emotional turning points, in which she finally opens up about some of her inner sadness and confides on Fjord about it, getting support and reassurance from him. 

Which is a bummer when you consider that, from that moment on, Fjord who’d been her biggest source of emotional support from the moment they started this journey together turned into the source of a lot of pain and confusion for her. 

Now, Jester’s jealousy is nothing new, especially when it comes to Fjord, but you gotta see it within context to understand just how deep it ran and how it hit her in a level much more personal than simple romantic issues: Fjord, after all, was Jester’s first real friend ever since she left home, they’ve been traveling together the longest, he’s also the guy she’s been crushing pretty hard on for months and who she’s starting to develop stronger feelings for... so to see him being constantly pulled away both physically and emotionally by Avantika (a manipulative tactic probably aimed to isolate him from the rest of the group) gotta have hit Jester rather hard in her own self-worth, by putting into question the support system around which she’s built her own identity ever since she left the world she knew behind and had to face reality on her own.

This time, it was Beau who noted Jester’s negative emotion: anger, but Jester was quick to brush it off and Beau, because of her own private nature, is not the kind that will push further to get answers from her. She did, however, try to raise the issue to Fjord once, mentioning Jester’s jealousy, but circumstances and Fjord’s obliviousness did not help.

To add a nail to Jester’s already overflowing confusion: The Kiss.

Jester’s very first kiss, given by the guy she’s in love with and keeps giving her mixed signals, never spoken about again between them, while he’s actively sleeping with another woman... Listen, that’s a lot to confuse anyone, even if she hadn’t been dealing already with so much emotional turmoil.

Neither Nott nor the Traveler were particularly helpful in their advice to her, but the fact that she reached for advice at all is a sign of maturity and awareness that she’s maybe not entirely equipped to deal with this on her own right now. It’s a step forward towards showing vulnerability.

Her talk to Caleb, on the other hand, was much more fruitful in that he was able to offer some wiser advice (wait until the crisis has passed and then you can see calmly) and seemed to help her focus on their more pressing issues. 

That talk was also one of Jester’s bigger turning points, in which she was unusually honest about feelings of sadness, confusion, anger, and ‘feeling stupid’ over what she’s experiencing.

Once the Avantika thing was done, Jester was able to reach for Fjord, for which was probably the first calm time ever since the jellyfish talk, and once again they seemed to find their balance in supporting each other. Things seemed right again, with the apparent enemy out of the picture.

The thing is, though, the issue was never really Avantika, but Jester’s own insecurities and fear of abandonment, so of course even with her gone things would not be solved so easily. 

Add to that, the Diver’s Grave and the blood ritual. 

You have a physically and emotionally exhausted Jester whose repressed frustrations are starting to show up (in things like the shift from her earlier Hellish Rebukes to her latest ones)... and she has to see Fjord and Caleb, the two she’s mostly been able to lean on and the two she’s opened to the most, start some shady blood ritual for no apparent reason, in front of her horrified eyes. 

“I know, Yasha, I didn’t like it either,” she grumbles as they leave the grave and there’s a heaviness to her body language that wasn’t there before, like all these things she’s been keeping inside have finally managed to weigh her down. 

So you have Jester struggling with feelings of loneliness, fear of abandonment, unrequited love, worry, anger, sadness, exhaustion... 

Throw in an adorable little gnome that seems to fill the room with light and laughter in the way Jester usually does, in the way that is her role to play, her one strength... 

Add the man she’s in love with getting sucked through a window right in front of her eyes to gods know where

Just for kicks and giggles add a freaking blue dragon infuriated at her specifically, while the rest of her friends one by one flee leaving her behind 

(not that they abandoned her, but just like with Avantika this is an issue rooted in Jester’s feelings about the situation rather than external factors, meaning the problem is she felt abandoned)

The only two people to come to her rescue? The Traveler and Nott. 

Now, remember how after the Iron Shepherds it was the Traveler who ‘failed’ her and the M9 who stuck around? Now turn that table around, because, in her hour of desperation and horror, it was the Traveler again who showed up, like he has her whole life, rescuing her from abandonment (and most likely re-securing undying loyalty that could come bite her in the ass later on if his intentions aren’t entirely honorable)

It’s no wonder that when, once again, Beau points out Jester’s sadness, she brushes it off, even if she just broke into tears right there in the deck, even if she’s bloodied and terrified, even if she’s exhausted and broken and lonely... opening up, so far, has only led her to disappointment and pain, and she thinks she was almost left behind, and only the Traveler could understand, and she needs to be happy again, and smile, and hide it... because otherwise, she might be abandoned by both Nein and  Deity. 

Jester has reached a breaking point in which her current emotional state is unsustainable and, hopefully, episode 46 will give her the emotional climax she deserves to let it all out and move on to a new stage of acceptance, to at least start to work through some of this issues.

The fact that, for that, she’d depend on the help of the gigantic disaster that is her friends, though, doesn’t bode well. 

We might end up heading to a breakage point rather than fixing turn. 

Either way, something has to change, the last drop is gonna hit the glass and it’s only a matter of who’s going to be there to pick up the pieces... either the M9 or the Traveler and things could go very differently depending on who that is.

[widobravely]

"and they all lived happily ever after” “but how?”

i’ve been trying to think of endgame for the mighty nein and can’t really figure out their happily ever afters. i mean, i hope campaign 2 goes on for a long long time because i fucking love them, but like. how will it work, after. on what page do we close the book?

nott/veth can have a happily ever after. it’s all wrapped up in a beautiful ribbon and button flowers: she gets turned back into a halfling, she goes back to felderwin, she and yeza give luke another two or three siblings, as well as a pet or two that she claims to despise but they all adore her anyway. it’s beautiful, it’s perfect, it’s easy--and i’m not sure if, after all that character development, it’s what’s supposed to happen? 

nott/veth has discovered that all the things she thought she wasn’t--brave, pretty, capable--she absolutely is. i haven’t caught up yet so i don’t know all the details, but those are just details. i imagine that veth grew up thinking all she was going to be was a housewife, or not being a wife of any sort at all, and then she married yeza and she had a son and she was content. yes she still carried around her crippling insecurities, but she was content. and i imagine if the goblins hadn’t come, she’d remain so--unaware of her magical talent, friendless-except-for-yeza, but a damned good mother and content, content, content.

she’s more than who she thought she could be, now. she’s growing into herself. she’s making decisions. she has a group of friends who would die for her. and somehow the thought of going back to a quiet farming town...doesn’t seem right for her, anymore?

she deserves to be happy. i wonder if her old life can make her so, now?

caleb--oh caleb. we know what his ultimate goal is: to turn back time, to change his past, to save his parents. we are terrified of what will happen if he does. i hope very much his happily ever after is instead him choosing to let the past be in the past, apologize to his parents’ ghosts, and move forward with his found family. where does he end up, after? where does he go?

imagining a caleb slotted into the brenatto family: a beloved brother slash uncle figure to luke, often the center of a kitty cuddlepile, warm and safe and loved. that would be nice, wouldn’t it? and maybe a library. or multiple libraries, where he can just. indulge. in his passion for learning and knowledge. he never has to go into combat again, he can just be. learn for the sake of learning. maybe he’d like to teach? who knows. 

but what if he does manage to accomplish his goals. what if he does manage to turn back time. what happens then? bren aldric ermendrud probably never goes to the academy. then what? he’ll never become caleb widogast, either, and he isn’t going to be in a jail cell with a goblin girl and he isn’t going to meet a bunch of lunatics in a bar in trostenwald and--

say for example he intervenes in the raid on felderwin, saving veth. what then? veth doesn’t know him. veth doesn’t need him. caleb and nott: i’m sticking with you ‘cause i’m made out of glue. veth doesn’t have that need because she was never hungry or tired or desperate or a halfling turned goblin. will they still be friends? he saved her and her family’s lives. i don’t know. people smarter than me can meta that. but it will be changed. it will be bren and veth, not caleb and nott. 

say he saves veth. what then? is he going to hunt down beau and jester and fjord and molly and yasha and caduceus? is he going to form an adventuring party without veth? why would he? what drives him? after saving his parents, is he just. going to leave them?

i don’t think caleb has thought out his plan completely, or how his life is going to change after he Accomplishes his Goal. you see, the goal isn’t to bring his parents back to life. it’s to erase what he did. he can’t forgive himself for killing his parents, and it’s not enough to make them live again, he can do that with true resurrection. he wants to make sure he’s never done it. 

but in unmaking that, he unmakes caleb, and thus the mighty nein.

but enough about a hobo wizard who hasn’t thought about the consequences of his actions.

caduceus. i’ve always thought that After Everything, he goes back to the blooming grove. that’s his goal: save the grove. he’s going to be the one to save the grove. he’s going to read the book caleb gave him and he’s going to find something that heals cursed, blighted lands and the nein are going to go on a quest, a caduceus arc, and they’re going to save the blooming grove. 

maybe this: maybe all his family comes back, maybe nila’s firbolg tribe comes to stay, maybe he spends the rest of his long long life making tea and gossiping with nila about how to grow mosses.

but we run into the same problem as we did with veth: is he going to be happy there, in the stillness? in the silence? after his growth, is he going to be able to fit back into the pot?

i don’t know. i guess we’ll see.

beauregard. where does she fit. where does she go? the mighty nein is the only family she’s ever really had. i think if it were up to beau, she’d want to keep going, keep adventuring. but that’s reliant on what the others want, isn’t it? if veth stays with yeza and luke. if caleb unmakes the world. if caduceus, after solving his problem, goes home.

jester i think will want to keep going, too, because she wants to see the whole world, you guys. jester wants to compensate for all those years in a locked room. jester is going to roam and explore and discover and spread the word of the traveler--and it’s the traveler, it isn’t the guy who has a temple in just one place that’s boring. in that case i see beau and jester staying together. they drop by nicodranas every so often to say hey to mama lavorre. yes, of all the nein i can see beau and jester’s happily ever after the clearest: they’re not going to settle down, they have wandering feet, there’s an entire world to see.

it’s not going to be the same, without everyone else. but it could be good, too. 

(point for beaujesters, maybe?)

there are undefined things, there are questions. what about the cobalt soul? what about the expositors? can beau ever go back to the empire? what about her family, her brother? 

but in the end, well. i don’t think beau will ever want to settle down in kamordah and run a vineyard, so. adventuring with jester and spreading the word of the traveler it is! 

i had a wild thought: what if jester takes over the gentleman’s criminal empire? but naaaah, i don’t think jester would like that, so let’s not.

yasha--yasha has no defined goals, no defined end. zuala is dead. zuala could possibly be true-resurrected, but what happens after? do they stay in xhorhas, or go off to explore like beau and jester? actually i can see that happening, too: beau and jester and zuala and yasha, just off to see the world. and what a lovely image: zuala comes back to life, and the first thing she sees is yasha and a book of flowers: i brought you flowers, love. i have so many flowers to show you.

if they true-resurrect zuala. i think a pretty important theme in the nein is moving on, putting the past behind them. nott needs to reconcile with veth’s insecurities and realize she’s more than what she thought she was; caleb needs to forgive himself and let his parents go. i don’t know if zuala’s resurrection would be a good thing or a bad thing. again, smarter people than me can probably meta that.

fjord fjord fjord. what is he going to do, what does he want? he was so happy on the sea. it was like coming home, for him. i don’t think he’ll ever unlock uk’otoa, no--fjord isn’t stupid enough to mess with a scary god-snake i hope, so. what happens to him? 

maybe he finds vandren, maybe together they make amends, maybe they go back to the ball-eater and go sailing off with orly and marius and the rest? that would be nice, too. beau and jester hitch a ride every so often. fjord i think has gotten used to a life of adventure, and sailing is probably never boring. and fjord and vandren can always go diving for treasure. they’re chosen by a water deity, after all.

and molly?

there are two courses of action, i think, and here’s the one i like the most:

all is said and done, after the nein kill the bbeg or solve the ancient mysteries or whatever, jester attempts true resurrection on molly.

and fails.

molly’s main thing is that he hates change. he lives wild and free and hedonistic and he wants to stay exactly that way forever. he disdains lucien/nonagon as someone who occupied this body before him. and his friends? will have grown and changed so much. he only knew them for thirty-nine days and now they’re all so different. i think molly was good with the life he lived, all two years of it, and was happy to go out as he did.

i bet he’s hanging out with vax in the afterlife, trashtalking everyone. and when the nein start dying for real, he’ll be in the welcome party.

but he isn’t going to come back.

the other course of action is of course the happy fairytale ending wherein molly comes back and there’s lots of hugging and he slots in perfectly in the nein, which--doesn’t seem possible to me, but why not! it’s great! molly can go adventuring with his best friend yasha and yasha’s wife, and beau, who has developed a worrying attachment to him, and jester who is so happy to have him back. he’ll go back to living wild and free and hedonistic. 

that story feels a little empty.

no, i much prefer molly staying dead and hanging out with vax and zuala and maybe bren’s parents? and they all watch the nein live happy lives and trash talk them and. just. be at peace. 

to end, let me paint you a pretty picture:

there is a house in nicodranas, not too far away from the lavish chateau. inside of that house are multiple teleportation circles, linking to the blooming grove and zadash and hupperdook and alfield and other places that are important to the nein.

there’s a kettle on the stove and a bunch of teas caduceus left during his last visit. luke is at the table, doing his homework--yeza is in the lab, mashing something, making something, while veth is testing some acids in the other lab.

caleb is curled up in front of the fire, frumpkin purring, reading a book on luke’s current homework so he can answer any questions his nephew(?) might throw at him.

just then the door bursts open and beau, jester and yasha flood in. “heeeeey everyone!” jester calls. “we’re hooooome!”

luke jumps up from the table. “did you bring me presents? did you, did you?”

“so many,” beau says, and mimes staggering under the weight. “little man, you’re getting spoiled.”

jester hugs caleb and says, “you don’t smell stinky!! did you take a bath?” and caleb says dryly, “ja, nicodranas has some very nice bathhouses.”

yasha doesn’t say much, but she smiles at luke, and when veth bustles in and hugs her hello, she drops a crown of exotic, fragrant flowers on her friend’s head.

there’s a knock on the open door, and fjord peeks in. “space for another one?” he asks.

“NO!” veth cries out, and everyone laughs.

just then, the teleportation circle activates, and caduceus steps out, bearing more mosses and tea. “i’m just in time,” he says. “that’s great. that’s really nice.”

and the water is hot, and the tea is made, and everyone’s around the table and laughing and tripping over all the stories they want to tell. jester saw kiri and taught her some new songs! she’s still very sweet. luke misses bryce so they’re going to alfield tomorrow. shakaste stopped by the blooming grove and sends his regards; there’s a letter for beau from keg on the mantle, she finally learned to spell her name. 

there are enough rooms in the house in nicodranas, but somehow everyone ends up bedded down on the floor in the living room, right by the fire. it’s not the tiny hut, but it’s close, what with everyone’s snoring and snorting and occasional kicking.

and they all lived happily ever after. the end.

[rose-lattess]

Widojest Week

Day 4: Fairytale ~2.2k : On AO3

As a child, Jester only had one bookshelf, and because of this, she only had a handful of books. But year after year, she would go through them and decide what stayed and what was given away, and each year she would give all of them away besides one.

While browsing a bookstore, Jester succumbs to the terrifying reality of growing up. Caleb is there to reassure her that people can be many versions and still be themselves. ((I swear the prompt is used <3))

It was common knowledge that time aged you, but Jester would dispute that by saying experience was the true culprit. During her time with the Mighty Nein, Jester had aged twenty years. Death was always near, always taking, always showing her how easy it could wrap her up and swallow her whole. It was terrifying, and Jester loved it for that. She loved them for that.

The Mighty Nein, in all their forms, be it seven or eight, nine, or ten, were chaotic and colorful, but just as she touched them, they had touched her. Changed her. Every close encounter, every wrong word in tense company, aged her. She felt it in her bones. She is not the same child that left Nicodranas so many months ago, and while she was not foolish enough to believe youth was forever, she never expected maturity to come with such a heaviness.

She sometimes worried that she was changing into someone her mother wouldn’t recognize. Jester’s development was not obvious to her, but when she spoke to her mother, she could hear it in her voice, the woman was concerned for her daughter’s well-being. Jester did not wish to cause her mom heartache with raw-voiced words or suspicious inquiries, but she could not pull herself away from the woman, so she would continue to contact her every chance she could, despite how crazed the messages were.

Jester would take the startling realizations of the world, the heaviness of maturity, and the odd sense of isolation she had recently succumbed to, but she could not suffer the loss of her mother. For as long as Jester could remember, Marion was in her life. She was Jester’s constant, a blanket, a promise of ‘home,’ and Jester would continue to hold onto her as if her life depended on it. Like her youth depended on it.

She did not want to grow up.

“49…50...51…” Caleb’s voice echoed throughout the shop. Each number was accompanied by the noise of a coin grinding against the shop keep’s countertop.

Jester took a deep breath and ran the palms of her hands down the fabric of her dress. She stood before a tall bookshelf with dusting shelves and a rainbow of cloth-clad spines. One title, in particular, captivated the tiefling. She did not reach out to touch it.

 “Are you ready to go?” asked Caleb, suddenly at her side. He held two books in the crook of his arm, pressing them to his chest in a loose embrace.

Jester dug her toe into the shop’s fading rug and spun around. “Yes! Did you get what you were looking for?”

“Ah, I believe so.” Caleb’s eyes lit up, and she could feel his excitement waft off him in quick waves. She let the infectious energy take her far from where she once was, far from the book nestled within the shelf.

“What did you get?” she asked, leaning forward to try to read the titles herself.

“One is a collection of history reports.”

“And the other one?”

Caleb straightened up and cleared his throat. “A piece of fiction.”

“A piece of fiction,” Jester said with a teasing smile. “Like naughty fiction?”

“No,” Caleb drawled, letting the word drip from his mouth, counteracting Jester’s mischievous expression with a thin smile of his own. “I have learned my lesson.”

Jester laughed, but the noise felt vacant. To supplement the oddity of the sound, she quickly added, “You didn’t like my narration?”

“It wasn’t yours that bothered me,” he mumbled, moving to exit the aisle of bookshelves. “I simply never wish to hear Beau talk about nipple shapes, colors, sizes—”

“Perkiness,” Jester supplied.

“Perkiness, yes, I just never wish to hear her speak of any of them again,” Caleb finished with a humorous glance behind his shoulder. Jester had not moved. She remained planted between the walls of books. “Are you okay?” he asked, voice falling back into a soft-spoken state.

Jester frowned in exaggerated confusion. “Yes, of course.” She was loud, much louder than she intended, and she knew she had blown whatever cover she had left. A small laugh, nervous and fragmented, tingled her lips. “Why do you even need to ask?”

“Because you aren’t following me,” Caleb monotonously said. He stared at her with an open expression.

Jester began to shake her head. Her hair tickled the top of her shoulders. It had gotten far longer than what she liked, but between the long days in-between towns and the weight of her body, she could not take it upon herself to trim her locks. “I was just waiting for you to be sure you don’t want anything else in the store. I really don’t feel like coming back. This place is so far away from our house; I wouldn’t want to come all the way out here, my feet already hurt really hurt.”

Jester was bad at hiding herself, especially when probed. Most people took her surface face as fact, but time after time, Caleb showed her that he was not most people. He pried, and Jester often found herself enjoying his investigations. It felt like a healthy stretch, guided by Caleb’s uncritical voice. But not today.

Caleb narrowed his eyes, and Jester knew her excuses were all for naught. “Jester, what is going on?”

Her heart burned, blistered her chest, and scalded her throat. Jester ran her hands down her dress and looked to her dirty boots. “Nothing,” she said. “Nothing is wrong.”

Strands of brown hair escaped Caleb’s messy bun as he tilted his head to the side. He leaned against the bookshelf, using his body to block the entryway of the aisle. “Jester,” he said softly.

“There is this book,” she answered as if it explained it all. When Caleb did not respond, she picked her head up and faced the dusting shelf. She did not wish to stretch, stretching resulted in growth, and she had done more growing than she was comfortable with already. “They have this book that I recognize.” She extended her hand and pointed to the faded pink spine. Her fingertip hovered over its gold title.

“Would you like me to buy it for you?” Caleb asked, confused by Jester’s trepidation.

Jester was about to shake her head but realized she couldn’t answer it with a simple no. “It was my favorite story growing up. A fairytale.” She kept her words short, not wanting to give too much, but she knew she was still giving the man too little to comprehend, so as much as it hurt, she continued. “The story is about a girl, a girl with cute hair and lots of jewelry, and all she wants to do is go for a little walk.” She looked to Caleb, fearful and rigid. Her jaw clenched, and she forced it back open. “A little walk around her village. Her parents don’t trust her to go alone. They say that young girls look too kind. That the world is not meant for young girls.” Despite her best efforts, tears breach the surface of her lavender sprinkled eyes. “One day she’s playing in the yard, and a wagon breaks down in front of her house. A wizard gets out of the wagon, and he asks her for help. Her parents don’t let her talk to strangers, so she simply watches him. The wizard says, ‘I am in quite a hurry, I have many important people waiting for me, I have some spare gold to give.’ The girl shakes her head.” Jester mimed the movement with a pained expression.

“The wizard asks if there is anything else he can give her for a spare spoke, and she points to herself. ‘Turn me into something else, something not young, not a little girl,’ she said. The wizard grants her wish and turns her into a middle-aged woman with rags for clothes and wrinkles, and she runs into their barn and gives him his spare spoke. After he leaves, she decides where she wants to go, and she can’t truly decide, so she goes everywhere. She wanders the village, and when she is tired and done with her walk, she goes home, but her parents don’t open the door for her. They can’t recognize her.”

Caleb watched her with a gentle gaze, and Jester smiled awkwardly. “Realizing her mistake, she rushes into town, and tracks down the wizard with the spare spoke on his cart. She tells him, begs him, to change her back and he does. With the snap of his fingers, she is a little girl again.” A shaky breath shuddered beneath Jester’s breastbone, but no more tears came. “She ran home, and her parents let her in, and they enjoyed a nice dinner, and they lived happily ever after.” Jester’s voice diminished into a squeaky whisper.

“This story obviously means very much to you,” Caleb said, shifting on his feet as he licked his lips in further thought. “But, Jester, that is not you.”

“I know it’s not me,” Jester said, truth melted her eyes and opened her heart. “It isn’t me. Because she was able to change back.”

“Do you want to change back?” Caleb asked.

The question was raw and oh so heavy, and Jester crumbled. “I don’t know, Caleb. I don’t know if I can.”

“Why would you think you couldn’t?” Caleb took a step forward, craning his neck down to meet her eyes. “Everybody can change, backward or forwards. You don’t need a wizard to cast a spell on you. You just need you.”

Jester’s lips quivered. What did she want? “Does it get any easier?” she asked softly. Caleb’s mouth pulled up into that sad smile of his, and she elaborated, “Growing up?”

“No.” The brutal truth was what she wanted, but it only added to her heartache. Pressing his shoulder blades together, Caleb stood straighter. “But you get stronger.”

Jester placed her hand on the shelf’s ledge, holding herself steady as a wave of emotions tackled her. “It’s so hard. Molly. Yasha. The war.”

“I know,” Caleb cooed. He placed his free hand on her shoulder, and she looked up to him with a raw fear she reserved only for the Traveler. “But we are here for you. I am here for you. That fairytale you love so much? It is a testament to what is possible.”

“What if once we go home, my mom doesn’t recognize me?”

Caleb recoiled with a playful scowl. “That’s not possible. You’re the most identifiable woman I have ever met.” His eyes softened as he sobered. He ran his thumb over the shoulder of her dress, caressing the fabric with gentle pressure. “Your mother understands what the outside world does. She will not blame you if you come back with edges. But, she will blame you if you never return.” Like a soft shell beneath a heavy spoon, Caleb broke. Something in his eyes shifted, and he gently nodded. “I can tell she loves you very much. There is nothing you can do to change that.” He tore his hand from her; his fingers shook, knuckles bouncing against one another.

Jester trusted his words, and she closed the gap between them to give him a firm hug. “Thank you, Caleb.” She felt him continue to shake, so she squeezed him once before pulling back.

Caleb smiled down at her, the expression was sad and small. His eyes dashed up to the shelf. “Are you sure you do not want me to buy it for you.”

The story was a reminder of their conversation, a relic of her youth and guide to her future. She knew the story from cover to cover, but having the physical item would grant her comfort. Perhaps, she did not need a wizard to cast a spell on her before she headed home, but she had the vague suspicion he had already done so. The weight was lifted, not completely gone, but it no longer smothered her. She smiled. “I think I will get it.” She retrieved the pink novel from the shelf, its neighboring books tilted from its absence. Caleb moved to fetch his coin purse from his pocket and Jester lit up. “I will pay, it’s okay!”

Brushing his hair out of his face, Caleb looked to her innocently. “Are you sure? I have more than enough.”

They were running late as it was, and Jester couldn’t help but grin. She touched his arm, halting his movement. “You’ve done more than enough, Caleb,” she said before exiting the aisle.

[writers-blogck]

A New Adventure  ( Mollymauk Tealeaf x Reader ) 03

Warning(s): This will not follow the storyline completely for the second season of Critical Role. This story is more like the characters being placed in a different situation. Also, this story is inspired heavily by https://mollymaymaukme.tumblr.com/. Go read their stories about Molly. They are so good! Translation: Scheiße = Shit Title: A New Adventure Begins Number in Series: Three Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf x Reader Fandom: Critical Role Word Count: 2,901  

Song

 "So, we have a couple of questions for you," Fjord spoke up first, a gentle smile on his face as though it could coax you into feeling comfortable and ignore the group's eyes that were watching you like a hawk. You knew what they were thinking, this was why you had tried to hide what you were from them. What if they didn't want to keep helping you now? Why must it become complicated now when the town wasn't that far off?    You were placed on the back of the wagon, legs hanging over the edge. The entire group stood before you, including Caleb who seemed right as rain again. Everything that had happened seemed fuzzy to you, as it always did. All you could remember was Caleb on the ground, pain in your eyes, and the rough hand against your skin. Trying to think about what happened just made light dots show up and make you feel dizzy once again. When was the last time you had fainted? The look in their eyes bragged you back to reality and make you think how all of this must seem. How could you even explain what had just happened when you didn't understand it yourself?    "So, hey, uh, want to tell us what the fuck you did back there? I know it was so cool but it would be nice to know you won't go all mother nature gone bloody on us. So, I would start talking." Beau's hands rested on her hips, radiating an aura of power and control. She was going to get an answer out of you one way or another. A flash of memory popped up of the drow acting the same way. Oh, Gods, there were the sparkles again.    "I, well, I don't really understand it."    "Oh, you don't? Great!"    "Nott!" Molly spat out, kicking the goblin lightly enough to get his point across.    "Well, I know it is magic," You continued, "I can't really control it or even decide what it does. I just pass out when it does its thing. All I know is that it happens when my emotions, especially fear, are really strong. I feel it growing like a bubble until it becomes too much and it just explodes out. Except the bubble is made of magic."    "She did help us from getting killed or hurt out there."    "Fjord has a point and I think we should listen to him."    "Of course Molly is on her side!"    "Want to say that again Beau?!"    "Scheiße, will you all be quiet and let me speak?" Caleb shouted out, something you didn't think was possible, "Alright? Listen up, all of you!"    "The girl is magic, ja? She does not have magic, she is magic. She is made of it, it runs in her blood. She is a sorcerer and an untrained one at that. Her magic will lash out to protect herself when it feels threatened enough. As long as you don't make her feel terrified in the future, she won't lash her magic out at you. She isn't very dangerous."    Just as the others listened, so did you. You knew it was magic within you and how it reacted to your emotions, but you never had a word for it. So, you were a sorcerer...How strange. Now that you had a word for it, you may be able to learn more about what you were. There must be research out there that could help you learn. It also meant that there had to be other people out there like yourself. Maybe if you could find some of them, they would be able to help teach you how to control your powers. You couldn't follow that thought train at the moment though because there were a bunch of people staring at you, definitely trying to figure out if they should keep you or not.    The way they each looked at you made a shiver run down your back. Caleb just looked tired, Jester confused, Fjord was unreadable, and Nott and Beau were judging you. You couldn't blame them. You didn't tell them about your magic and then scared them with it. You never had to deal with explaining your powers before. The drow sensed it in you and before, well, you couldn't remember how it was like before the drow.    "Please, I have nowhere to go. If you could just help me get to a town, I will leave you alone then. I promise," You begged, your tone sounding pitiful. It was obvious how much you needed help.    "The girl just needs a ride to town," Molly spoke in a soft tone, his eyes showing compassion in them. They looked so soft and kind, something you had never seen before. He may be a tiefling but he was acting so kind. Maybe you were wrong about what you were told about the race. Perhaps it was possible for tieflings to be kind.    "And then what will she do?" Fjord offered, "There should be a plan. Not saying we don't help it, it is just a good idea to figure out everything beforehand."    "I don't have any place to go, but that doesn't matter. I just need to get away from the Underdark opening. I can figure out what I can do from there, I'll find a job and then I'll find a place to sleep. Nothing worse could happen to me there then what happened below the ground. I could find someone to help me learn how to control my magic. I will be fine if you just can help me get to the town."    Molly stared as you spoke, thoughts racing around his mind. He knew there were so much you didn't understand. People could use you so easily and without any money, you might have to do a job that Molly would hate to imagine. You didn't know how the world worked up here and he didn't want that to ruin you. He didn't know why he cared so much, perhaps it was just the good in him. Even if they gave you money, there would be no one there to help you learn. Yasha had been there for him, he would have definitely messed up something without her. But you didn't have a Yasha, you had nothing.    "Oh, I know! Why doesn't she just come with us? Her powers are like totally awesome!" Jester piped up in her high pitched excited voice.    "What do you mean?" Nott narrowed her eyes. She always was protective of those in the group, especially of Caleb. This was her found family and she wasn't going to lose it.    "Well, you know, she is like totally powerful and stuff so that could be super helpful for what we do. Caleb is so smart, I'm sure with all his books that he can teach her how to control her powers. We always can use magic help, plus where else is she going to fit in so well? We are just a big group of people who don't fit in anywhere else. She should just join us, you know?"    "That isn't a terrible idea..." Caleb mumbled, nodding his head in thought.    The new few moments were filled with silence and very confused looks between everyone. You hadn't really thought about staying with the group because it seemed impossible. Now that it was on the table, could you say no? Did you even want to? You just wanted to stay safe and if they could promise that for you, you wouldn't mind. There was no home for you to go back to, or at least not one that you knew about. It would be nice to travel around the area and see all you had missed. There was no reason for you not to trust them. You didn't know them very well but they were better than the people you were surrounded by before. If they gave you any reason to fear them, you would be sure not to stay, but would taking a risk be all that bad?    "If it would be alright with all of you, I wouldn't mind staying with your group for a little bit at least." You were quiet as you tried to sound confident. You wouldn't blame them if they decided that they didn't want you to stay with them once they got to the next town. Just like how you didn't know them, they didn't know you.    "I am not against the idea." Fjord smiled in your direction.    "So it is settled! Welcome to the Mighty Nein!" Beau shouted as she climbed back into the wagon, hand clapping against your shoulder. That had to be a good sign if the one with the highest walls was willing to accept you into the group. The others followed suit, each seeming to accept you in one way or another as they got back into the wagon. Fjord spoke up and soon the horses were moving again, leaving the fight scene between them with looted bodies and bloodied dirt. -*-    Caleb and Jester were the first magic users you had seen that hadn't been a drowning. You were more interested in Caleb and his magic rather than Jester, as she got hers from whoever the Traveler was. You weren't interested in magic that had to be given, instead, you were more interested in those who possessed more of a magical nature like yourself. Yes, Caleb studied much more than you did, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be familiar with your own. He knew you were a sorcerer, who knows what else he might know.    The man seemed to either be taking a nap or reading some books while he was in the wagon. You couldn't blame him, there wasn't much else to do. Jester either chatted on about something or wrote down in her journal. For you, this was a nice change of pace that allowed you to feel safe and able to retreat into your thoughts. You weren't just waiting for the next time to be used and wondering if death really would be all the bad.    Your eyes studied those around you, Caleb sitting in front of you with a book in his hands. While the others stood out due to their race (excluding Beau), he stood out due to another part of his appearance. He was covered in filth, looking like yourself. He wasn't a slave like you, so he didn't have a reason to look this way. Did he simply prefer to go unwashed and untrimmed? It was such a juxtaposition with Molly sitting next to him. A man who took great pride in his appearance.    "Molly," You spoke up, "What is the town that we are heading towards?"    "It's Zadath, dear. I suppose it is a rather large city. We have been there before we met you. We were on our way back from dealing with Gnolls, nasty little buggers, but we dealt with them. Have you ever seen a gnoll before?"    "No, I don't believe so. The drow took me when I was very young, around seven or eight if I'm correct, and I can't remember anything before them. They kept me hidden most of the time but there aren't many creatures that live in the Underdark taken by the drow. I would mainly see a bunch of drow and spiders."    "Spiders?" Nott's eyes turned wide.    "Yes, the drow love spiders. I know it has something to do with a Goddess called Lothe. She is like a mix of a drow and a spider. Very mean and evil, she made them sacrifice people, like the other slaves or people that they had captured. I don't believe that any of the people they caught were very strange, they often were just travelers. The strangest races that passed through were things called firbolgs and kenku. Many were more humanoid people."    "That must have been very hard for you to deal with," Molly leaned forward, eyebrows pinched together in worry. His hand gently touched your knee and gave a comforting pat. The look he gave you wasn't filled with any lies, he truly felt that way. How long had it been since someone truly felt bad for you?    Everything down below was filled with anger and if they tried to be nice to you, it was just to trick and mock you. Even the others captured never felt bad for you, though it was hard for you to be angry at them. They simply were afraid for their own life. They never lived long enough to truly get to know you and learn why you were down there as a prisoner. It was hard to see people who you got close to die. You learned to just try to keep yourself unattached, as they would never live more than a few days.    "It was, but it is over now. I just want to work on understanding my magic and experiencing everything that I have missed. I don't want to focus on the past when the future is here."    "What are you most excited to do?"    "I don't know. I really can't remember much about the world above. Or, I guess it is the world I'm in now, it still feels strange to say that."    "Have you ever gotten drunk?" Jester's voice spoke up, eyes wide as she stared at you.    "No, I've smelled ale and wine before but they never let me taste it."    "Oh, my Traveller! You have never done anything with anyone! And I mean anything!"    "Jester!" Molly scolded, tailing whipping furiously as he glared at the blue tiefling. He knew that she meant no harm in what she said, but she didn't have to make it seem so blunt. It was obvious how embarrassing it must be to be asked something like that. You had gone deathly pale, your hands clenched so tight that your knuckles were going white.    "I mean, I've kissed a boy before. They kidnapped a teen half-elf once. I knew I shouldn't have done it but...Yet, I know I haven't done much but-"    "(Y/N)," Caleb looked up from the book he was reading, "Be quiet. Jester's strong suit isn't in her intelligence of social situations. You don't need to keep talking. She is just talking without thinking it through first.    Your skin prickled in a way that wasn't what you were used to with your magic. Instead, you were just filled with embarrassment from what had fallen out of your mouth. Normally you wouldn't have said any of that but it was like you wanted to prove something to Jester, without judging you for everything you've missed in life. You may have experienced some things but it was true that you had missed a lot in place of torture. You didn't want people to judge you based on all that you had missed. Was it really that bad to be your age and not have experienced much with another person?    "Oh, this will be amazing!" Jester was acting like what Caleb said didn't even bother her, "I will become like your big sister! I will teach you everything about what you've missed! I'll help you get all cleaned up and do your hair! It will be sooooooo fun! I've never had a sister before but I've always wanted a little one. You can totally be that for me!"    "Mein Gott...."    "Yeah, not to be rude or anything, but you definitely need to wash up. Either that or we have another Caleb on our hands." Beau offered from the front of the cart with Fjord, turning back to look in your direction, "Not saying you stink or anything but I'm pretty sure I saw a bird's nest in your hair."    You blushed once again, but you knew she was right. Down below, they didn't keep you very clean. Appearances didn't matter to them. You just tried to keep your hair u[p and our of your face and your hands clean enough to eat to keep from getting sick. The idea of being clean made you feel good. You hadn't seen yourself clean in so long, you couldn't remember what you looked like at all really. What color were your eyes again? You had dreamed of wearing a pretty dress with your hair braided beautifully. That had been a stupid daydream before when you were captured. It helped you keep going and hope that maybe one day it would happen.    "Thank you, Jester, that would be very nice."    "We will all help you." Molly smiled, "We all have different skills that we know very well. If Jester was the only one to teach you everything, who knows what you would end up being like."    The wagon erupted in laughter from Beau, Molly, and Nott as well as Jester's high voice trying to defend herself. There was a soft sense of safety and happiness that surrounded everyone in the cart. The joke meant no harm and did that, coming off as just a way to lighten the mood and change the topic. It wasn't long before Nott sparked up a different conversation. Everyone in the group seemed to be friends and you hoped you could be a part of that as well. You really hadn't known what it was like to have friends. Perhaps you would learn soon enough.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E22 (June 12, 2018)

Tonight’s guests are Laura Bailey and Travis Willingham! Baby-naming is done wheel-of-fortune-style before the show starts. Spoiler: Baron Yung Chyld. Laura: “Yeah. It’s not happening.” Also, Mark Hulmes Skypes in from England! We have the technology!

Announcements: Vox Machina: Origins standard editions are still on sale; fanart and gif of the week are now posted on critrole.com; the Talks Machina instagram account is up and running @TalksMachina!

Mark has been watching since campaign one and would get stories from Matt pre-stream. He was delighted that the timing worked out to guest in campaign two.

Cali would love to see the Mighty Nein again. She’s not used to people treating her nicely. Travis on Mark: “He was great. It’s like he’d played D&D before.” He also suspects Mark is in cahoots with Mercer for future story development.

Mark tried a lot of accents for Cali and stumbled across a good one for her when he was just messing around.

Mark wanted the black dragon background as a counterpoint for how nice and sweet Cali was otherwise. If a member of the party had tried to steal from her and she’d found out, her draconic possessiveness might’ve come out even more. She’s very embarrassed of that side of her, and the reaction by Molly and Caleb worked to calm her down immediately.

Mark talks about how welcoming everyone was for his guest spot, so that even when it got intense, he was still very comfortable and having a great time. He felt like they’d all been playing together for ages; going in, he was extremely scared and anxious, but wound up having a wonderful time. He’s told Matt he’ll fly out to LA on a moment’s notice to be on the show again.

The invisibility scroll was a gift for Cali from her foster father and was a bit of an escape rope had she needed to leave suddenly, but she decided it would work out best as a parting gift.

Travis: “I like how when guests come, there’s always a chance one of us will get a new item, whether by gift or by ganking.”

Some in-character mail is on its way from Cali!

@critrolestats​ for this episode: this episode had the most damage dealt by the Mighty Nein: 471 points. Also most damage taken at 208 points. Jester had the first solo HDYWTDT (she’s been part of three, two of which she shared with other members). Ashley rolled her highest initiative roll in the show’s history with a 21. Her previous record was a 20... on a natural 20 with Pike. Kiri has killed two corpses. We’re very proud of her.

Laura on the evil of the dice this week: "You know what? I punished them that night. I’m a forgiving mother, I love all my children, so I put them back in the bag.” She talks about how much more the betrayal hurts when it’s the dice she likes most.

Travis isn’t actively trying to keep anything hidden about Fjord’s backstory, but there haven’t been a lot of natural avenues to reveal it until now. There’s still a lot to come.

Jester has a bit of jealousy over the knowledge that more people worship the Traveler. “It’s kind of like, ‘But the Traveler’s always been mine!’” Travis: “Jester’s a hipster, confirmed.” Laura: “Jester’s the least hipster.” Brian: “She’s like, ‘I was into candy before you.’”

Fjord was mainly taken by the fact that there was a balance of both good and evil tokens in the cache of divine items.

Laura notes that there are voices they do in-game that make her baby start kicking. Matt’s announcer voice from the arena fight got him really worked up. Travis: “’Cause he wants to fight, let him out! Let’s do it!”

Gif of the week: the saga of Fjord with Blink.

Travis now knows that he’s allowed to move between Blinks while using the spell. “I never claimed to know what I was doing.”

It “wouldn’t be good” if Jester returned to Nicodranas. Laura: “There’s a price on my head, yo!” Travis: “How high was the price on your head?” Laura: “I don’t know if it was a price so much as they just want to kill me.”

Travis: “I think Fjord trusts Jester the most, and maybe Yasha the second. I’ve got a lot of trust for Beau, too.” Laura: “I feel like Jester probably trusts Fjord still the most, and then probably Beau after that.”

Jester loves that Beau is so willing to just roll with whatever she comes up with. “Jester isn’t used to having people around her that much. The Traveler was in and out in her childhood, and was probably the person that spent the most time with her. She didn’t have any friends growing up, so having a roommate even is totally crazy.”

Fjord was curious about the eye stone but was going to let Caleb do his normal investigation; it was Matt’s narrative push that got him to jump in. There’s also a bit of Travis sneaking through: he always has to touch hot plates at restaurants, especially right after being told not to. Laura: “He did it at a firepit!” Brian, increasingly high-pitched: “What do you expect was going to happen it was on fire!!” Laura: “He was the kid that stuck the fork in the light socket.” He was.

Jester did indeed know Vandren’s name when Fjord mentioned it, but she won’t reveal any more information than that.

Travis has done a little research into ships for this character. He loves scuba-diving, so the drowning narration was based on some personal experience/instructional guides. He got trapped under a raft as a kid and pulled from that experience as well. Fjord’s connection with the water is tied in with the strong connection Travis has had with the water all his life.

Travis ran out of both Jurassic Park and Neverending Story in the theaters. Everyone bonds over how terrifying Return to Oz was. Laura: “I loved it.”

Things get a little weird when Laura and Travis start acting out a scene in-voice. Travis: “This is what our house is like every night. We have dolls.” Brian: “This is the stupidest show.”

Fanart of the week: Caleb and the past.

Laura’s irritated at the cost for Revivify: now she has to “save all my stupid spell slots for stupid healing because people are dumb and get hurt.” and also save all her money for Revivify diamonds. Brian: “Sounds like cleric was a really good choice for you this time around. She’ll do almost something to save her friends! She’ll lift the smallest finger she’s got to get you out of a jam!” Laura: “I think everyone should buy their own diamond.” Brian: “We just learned a little bit about Jester and a lot about Laura.”

Travis: “Fjord is honest, sharing, truthful, transparent. It’s part of his... legal good alignment?” Laura: “Are you lawful good?” Travis: “Yeah. I am.” Laura: “You are lying.” Travis: “Lawful good. I am. Yup. He’s just trying to let people know what’s going on.”

Jester trusts Fjord completely. Travis states that Fjord has never lied to Jester.

Brian: “Do you want a pillow for your back? Would that make you more comfortable?” Laura: “No.” Brian: “Do you want a Matt Mercer body pillow for your back?” Laura: “Yes.”

Laura thinks the possibility of Kiri being evil is most likely to happen just through the influence of the Mighty Nein. Travis thinks she killed her whole family. Laura: “I love how innocently she stabs corpses. She’s so sweet.”

Travis: “I don’t think Fjord’s crushing on Jester.” Laura: “I don’t think Jester’s crushing on Fjord.” They’re comfortable with each other, especially since they’ve known each other the longest.

As Laura, she recognizes that Liam is trying to bring Jester into Caleb’s ritual casting, and she appreciates that it’s an overture of friendship. But Jester is so easily distracted, and her magic is so different from his, that she isn’t really appreciating the gesture. Laura hopes he continues to try, though.

Having served on ships, Fjord knows that conflict will come up and that you have to squash it quickly. He found it endearing that Beau thought to seek his counsel.

Jester doesn’t think of it as a mother-daughter relationship with Kiri. It’s more like the dolls she had when she was little: it’s just protectiveness.

Dream guest on the show? Brian: Regis Philbin. Travis: Stephen Colbert. Laura: Richard Simmons.

Laura won’t tell Jester’s age. Laura: “She’s 57 years old.” Brian: “Is that a real answer?” Laura: “No.” Fjord is in his early 30s.

Jester isn’t very comfortable with conflict. She stepped in a bit with Bowlgate, just because it touched on things she has strong convictions about, but her first reaction is mainly just to go, “Don’t fight!”

If someone Fjord didn’t know as well as Beau, like Molly and Yasha, asked him for advice, he probably would have used the opportunity to try and glean more information on them.

Talks Machina: After... Dark

Laura loves Matt/Kiri’s Jester voice. She talked to him after he did it so well as Kiri for the first time, and he very matter-of-factly said he just had to figure out the .

Laura: “You have to say ‘It’s high noon’, and then he’ll repeat it as Kiri!”

Travis and Laura aren’t shipping anybody yet. Laura: “It’s too early. Don’t get me wrong, Oskar is really hot and stuff, but you know.”

The Spiritual Weapon lollipop: strawberry-flavored. It’ll probably change flavors as Jester levels up.

Travis is interested in the possibility of some sort of Vestige getting absorbed into the falchion. Laura wonders if, if Fjord dies, all the weapons he’s eaten will fall out of him like a loot drop. Travis: “Not swallowed, consumed. I’m not fucking swallowing anything anymore, okay? Fucking autopilot Fjord just shoved it into his stomach like a normal person.” Laura thinks Matt missed an opportunity to make the absorption process be up-the-butt.

INVOKE DUPLICITY

Fjord is "a pretty good person on the inside”, and despite the ominousness of his patron, he’s going to do his best to stay on the straight and narrow.

Laura’s on a panel tomorrow at the E3 Coliseum tomorrow, probably to talk about Gears of War.

Travis: “Twilight was a better movie than The Notebook.” Brian is appalled.

[dent-de-leon]

Thinking about Caleb's early campaign appearance and how Molly was still Like That ™️ about him is giving me feelings.

Yes!! Ironically, I think it was everything Caleb loathed about himself at the start that made Mollymauk start to fall for him. When Lucien suggested that no one could ever care for someone like him, that the Nein would never be able to forgive him for his betrayal, Molly reassures him--"That's not how we are, Lucien. We love broken things the most."

From the moment Mollymauk first crawled out of the grave, he'd felt lost. Empty. Broken. And it made him drawn to other desperate, lonely souls that felt just as hollow and abandoned in the world. He runs to Yasha's side and protects her from an angry mob--takes her hand and offers her a new home. With just a glance, he sees how much she's suffering, and he can't just let her face it alone. "I know what the others think, but, the truth is...How do I put this...The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it."

And that fight in Alfield? When Molly keeps guarding Caleb in battle, rushes in to put out the flames and tries to snap him out of his panic attack? The way he tries so hard to break through to him because it's too dangerous--they can't do this, not here--"Time for that later." So he does what he can to get Caleb out, keep him safe, guide him to someplace better. "Come on, let's go get some sunlight."

And of course, there's the way he tries to comfort Caleb with a kiss, grounds him with a bit of affection and warmth after all the pain and fire that burned away at him. The way Molly tries to reach out to Caleb here? It's not so different from how he ran to the Platinum Dragon's temple and risked his life for someone who was suffering--someone still petrified in shock and grief.

That's who Molly is. I think about how Molly said, "We love broken things the most." And I think about when Caleb laid all his grief bare, choking up as he admitted, "I...broke, a bit." How much Caleb hates and loathes himself for it--despises his own "weakness," his "cowardice," the way his resolve just crumbles when it all falls apart--

Caleb always being terrified that he is damned beyond redemption. That his soul is twisted, shattered, corrupt. Broken. So of course Molly loves him. How could he not, when Caleb's hurting so much? When he's the exact kind of person Molly can't help getting so attached to, becoming so fiercely protective of?

It really is easy, to love Caleb later on in the campaign. He's no longer burying himself in dirt and trying so desperately to run and hide. He's charming, clever, ambitious, daring, courageous, determined, powerful--he's someone who's tired of running, who knows what he's fighting for, and will do everything he can to defend it. He's more self-assured, confident, composed.

He's also done so much healing, reached a point in his life where he is ready to open up again, seeks to do good every day, to become the man his parents always knew he could be. (And just...when Trent asks Caleb what his new goal in life is, Caleb has the strength to look him in the eye and say, "I think mostly we are just trying to leave the world better than we found it." And it's because of Molly he feels like that--)

But Molly falling for him at the very beginning? That's not easy--Caleb doesn't make it easy. He's trying so hard to push everyone away, to keep from ever getting attached. He's purposely trying to avoid attracting any sort of attention, trying to make himself appear as dismissive and undesirable as possible. Everyone else in the Nein is just a means to an end--or so Caleb desperately tries to tell himself. And Mollymauk? "I should go right now...Look at this one. He's like a walking rainbow, what is this? He's a circus performer, he's not going to help you."

The last night Molly was alive, and Caleb is trying to think of a reason to abandon him and the rest of the Nein, a reason why he and the others aren't worth staying for. And while he's agonizing with his conscience over that, while he's trying so hard to keep from ever getting attached--what does Molly think about Caleb in turn? How did he feel for Caleb, after knowing him the same exact amount of time? Well, first and foremost...it seems he still thinks of the kiss--

"Another kiss came to him like a tricky word just on the tip of the tongue, elusive yet tantalizing, though the sentiment felt real enough--a friend in crisis emerging to a kiss on the forehead. A tender banishment. Caleb. Softness and light. Clammy skin under rough lips. Molly's nose brushing Caleb's hair..."

And Molly feels so strongly for him, even while Caleb was so bitter, resentful, grief-stricken and wallowing in his own guilt--and all of these things are absolutely understandable--he doesn't owe anyone an explanation for it, for how he processes the raw pain and trauma and tries to protect himself from ever reliving it. But at the time, he was perhaps at his lowest, at his most desperate and lonely and despondent, refusing to let anyone else even get close. Regardless of how badly they wanted to help, to reach out to him.

It speaks volumes, that Molly looks at Caleb while he's still so pained and cold, so heartbroken and angry at the world and himself. But then there's Molly, and he looks at his Magician and sees, "Softness and light." This is before Caleb has gone through all that trying character development and catharsis, before he's managed to come to terms with everything and finally start to forgive himself.

This is a Caleb Widogast who still believed he would sacrifice the Nein if it meant he'd get what he wanted, if it meant a chance at more power, a means to finally bend reality to his will--the only possible way he thought he could ever set things right--

At this point, Caleb could've kept telling himself Molly and the others were just disposable. Stepping stones on his way to something better. Just the interim until he could finally "fix" the past, make it so he's no longer "broken"--

But Molly had feelings for him regardless. Even if they weren't returned--at least, not yet, not until Molly was lying lifeless and still and Caleb gently brushed the hair out of his eyes, buried him with a letter and then begged, "This could be a reunion--"

But even back then. Caleb was still "softness and light" to Mollymauk, and their brief time together meant so much to him. When Lucien insists those moments are gone--whatever Molly had with Caleb and the others, it's all gone--Molly simply says, "Kindness is never lost or forgotten." And he uses the memory of kissing Caleb to make that point. Explicitly tells Lucien that, no matter what, those little acts of tenderness and affection still mattered, still meant something to him, even after death. That's how much he loves Caleb, and it just breaks my heart--

[dent-de-leon]

Mollymauk, 4, 5, 11, 13, 14, 15, 21, 22 :D (feel free to trim down if this is too many)

asksjkdf I'm sorry in advance because I got a little carried away so this got a little long, but thanks for the ask! I love any and every excuse to talk about Mollymauk...

4.) Best places to kiss on their body

I think Molly is actually very partial to forehead kisses! I feel like he uses that to ground Caleb in part because it’s something that’s always been very comforting to him--for instance, when Yasha finally gets to embrace him again, she also kisses his forehead. I think I remember Molly doing this for the twins back at the carnival too, so I feel like it’s a habit he picked up from the circus? Just the kind of little thing you do for someone to show you love them.

Aside from that, I think he would really appreciate a kiss on the neck, where most of his blood hunter scars--and that haunting red Eye--are. A bit of loving tenderness to soothe the pain.

5.) Guilty pleasures

Oh I love this pick for Molly cause boY does he have a lot of these!! He builds a life off joy and hedonism, so he’s got this in spades. I forget where, but I’ve definitely seen someone theorize before that the reason base pleasures are so appealing to Molly is because he started out just feeling like an “Empty” body, so anything that’s very stimulating on a physical level is very grounding for him? I really like the idea of that. I think wanting to feel like he was really “alive” and “whole” is part of why he gravitated towards decadence and indulgence, anything that made his heart beat faster.

The episode where we get the famous “Long may I reign” scene definitely covers a lot of his favorite indulgences. But as much as he loves being spoiled, I think he also likes making sure the people he cares about are pampered like royalty too. Taliesin mentioned before that the reason Molly likes gold so much is because he’s got this very childish perception that money is Good because you can use it to get Nice Things that make other people Happy. Since Molly’s been alive for only two years, I feel like a lot of his guilty pleasures actually stem from this sort of sentiment. The fact that he’s still so young and everything in the world is very new and exciting and he just wants to be as happy as possible--and make his loved ones happy too. It’s a very endearingly innocent sort of view.

11.) Bad or petty habits

Hmmm I feel like the one thing that makes Molly the pettiest is when someone tries to tell him his tarot readings are bullshit lmao. Even if he mostly thinks so himself, he adamantly refuses to hear it from anyone else.

13.) What gets them flustered

I think whenever someone is being very genuine and having a real heart to heart with him. Molly is perfectly at ease talking bullshit or telling pretty lies. He’s also very comfortable being very sincere and compassionate when it comes to comforting others, like the little ways he’s always trying to cheer up Jester, the forehead kiss for Caleb, promising Fjord the Nein won’t let him die, bringing Yasha a four-leaf-clover with the wish that one day she’ll feel happier.

But whenever people are openly affectionate and trying to have an honest conversation with him? I think that makes him tense up and panic a bit. He’s not good with letting himself be vulnerable, dropping his showman’s performance. We actually see a lot of this when Molly is resurrected and starts going by Kingsley. He knows he has feelings for the Nein, but he’s definitely a little nervous and overwhelmed when he confronts that.

Several times, Caleb assures King he’s still welcome in the Nein, and that always makes Kingsley either defensive or very quiet, keeps catching him off-guard. “Well for starters, you are with friends.” “Perhaps this is your first time meeting us. It's our second time...Stick with us.” “We have a habit of taking in strays.” “This is the newest member of the band.” Being accepted just like that, loved by all the Nein so unconditionally, just like that? I think it leaves him a little shaken, because he doesn’t feel like he’s done anything to earn it. Like he doesn’t deserve to be this missed and wanted and loved.

14.) Ingrained habits/forces of habit

I think there are some nights where he keeps looking over his shoulder and feels like he’s being watched--when the Eyes of Nine start to itch and burn, when it feels like something’s crawling under his skin--and he looks at the mirror and swears he sees a face that looks just the same but somehow isn’t his. And for a while after he first wakes--and again when he’s resurrected--I think there are still moments when he’s scared or panicked and he’ll just keep repeating Empty over and over.

I also really like how Taliesin used to just pick a random card from his tarot deck to decide what Molly should do. I can definitely see Mollymauk doing something similar--just pulling a random card from his deck on a whim, trusting it’ll lead him in the right direction.

15.) What it takes to make them cry

I feel like Molly rarely cries, mainly because he hates feeling sorry for himself or ruminating on any bad memories. He’s kinda funny that way; he refuses to let himself be unhappy, especially when he feels like he’s always living on borrowed time. The one thing I can see really making him break down is seeing his loved ones hurting--he literally spits at the face of his own death, but I think he’s really terrified of losing someone else.

If there’s one scene where I can really see Molly crying, it’s when Jester falls in that final battle. When Caleb makes this desperate plea that breaks through to Molly for a single heart-wrenching moment, “You’re killing her, you’re killing her! You love her. You’re killing her!” The absolute horror of that shakes Lucien’s control for just a moment, and Molly claws at his own face in retaliation. You can just tell how much his heart is breaking just then, how scared he is, how much he must hate himself. I could definitely imagine Molly shedding a few tears right then, if he had enough control of the body to do it.

Having to watch Lucien use his body to kill Jester and Caleb, the amount of pain Lucien caused Yasha and all the others, the nightmares of his death and black chains that forever haunt him after--I think those are the kinds of things that would bring Molly to tears in his lowest moments. And when he finally reads Beau’s book and finds out about how Yasha suffered a similar fate under Obann? Yeah, I think he’d get choked up over that too.

21.) Turning points in their life

Oh, there’s so many interesting twists and turns Molly’s life takes in just a few short years. Undoubtably, I think every life, death, and rebirth left the biggest impact. The fact that he woke all alone that first time--and then found himself surrounded by so many loved ones a lifetime later--I think that had a profound impact on his sense of self worth and his attachment to others.

That first life, Molly convinces himself that he must have been someone awful before, to have been left alone in an unmarked grave on the side of the road. With no one who missed or mourned him. He believes he somehow deserves that fate. And when he’s taken in by the circus? Taliesin mentions he never spends more than 24 hours alone. He’s...very lonely, I think. Someone who can’t bear to be isolated again. So when he wakes up again to a whole family of people who love him? Who welcome him wholeheartedly and insist they’ll love him unconditionally, no matter who he is? It’s beautiful, and it means the world to someone like Mollymauk/Kingsley. “I’m looking forward to the future. And I hope to deserve to have woken up surrounded by such people.”

Molly’s also mentioned that it was the Moonweaver who helped guide him when he first woke, who gave him comfort in having a new start in life. “Can you imagine what it would feel like to not feel anything about anything that had happened to you so far?...It’s very freeing. It’s the best thing--It’s the thing that happened to me. It’s not the best thing that happened to me, it’s the thing that happened to me. I found peace in building a new person. The Moonweaver--” However he came to worship the Moonweaver, I think it was definitely one of the most formative experiences in all his lives. I also like to headcanon the woman in a red coat Molly/King met in his dream was another visit from the Moonweaver, and she was either trying to return his memories or offer him another chance at a fresh start.

22.) People who’ve influenced them greatly

Oh, pre-campaign I think Molly modeled a lot of his behaviors and mannerisms after others in the circus, especially Gustav. He’s the one who named Mollymauk and presumably the one who spent the most time raising him and caring for him in that Empty period.

Molly has his own set of morals he feels very strongly about, and it’s entirely learned from the circus, “Things came back quick, and the circus helped. They were good people. They did a lot for me, and joy can fill an awful lot of a person’s life.” “I may be a liar, but I’m never a betrayer. I’m honest in my work and I believe in doing a good turn...I stayed with that circus for two years, and I know how people treat each other. It’s important.” When Molly is resurrected again, I think all of the Mighty Nein have very much the same effect on him.

[dent-de-leon]

Hey Leo! I hope you don't mind me rambling about critical role in your inbox... Remember how Tal said that Molly wouldn't change much? I think that's impossible in a D&D game (but it's Tal we're talking about so who knows). If Molly didn't die and if Matt had thrown Lucien at the party wanting his original body back as planned... Do you think (alive) Molly would have those visceral reactions like (our) Lucien does because of how similar they were thus eventually changing?

Hi! Oh I don’t mind at all, I love talking about this stuff too! I think this is a really interesting concept, because we actually do know that Mollymauk has felt these faint touches of Lucien’s presence for sometime. It might not have escalated to these very physical manifestations we’re seeing in Lucien now. But Lucien definitely left behind enough of an impression for Molly to feel something:

“Few months after I came to, I started noticing I could do things, knew things that I didn't necessarily know I knew.”

“Okay, here’s the thing that you’re not catching. That wasn’t me. This is mine...That person is someone else...I did not feel good coming out of that.”  

“Whoever that was came to that end, and I want nothing to do with it. Whatever it was, it doesn't feel good when I--the moment when something creeps through, I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it...”

“That sounds terrible. I don't want to remember anything. I don't want anybody else's baggage in my head and I don't want anybody else's problems, thoughts, ideas. I like this person--this person, right now, is a good person. Is a fine person. A happy person.”

I think part of what actually drives Molly to embrace his own identity and completely distance himself from Lucien is the fact that he’s already felt these echoes of him. And whatever remained of Lucien, Molly realized that he hated him. In Zone of Truth, Mollymauk admits he believes himself to be a good person--and he tries to be one entirely in spite of these remnants of Lucien that he can’t bear.

Beau: “Molly, you seem to have a pretty solidified identity for someone who has only had consciousness for two years.”

Mollymauk: “Things came back quick, and the circus helped. They were good people. They did a lot for me, and joy can fill an awful lot of a person’s life.”

Beau: “Things came back quick. Do you feel like there’s still remnants of who you once were that have informed who you are now?”

Mollymauk: “Maybe. I feel tinges of things on occasion, nothing I like.”

These errant pieces of Lucien creeping in terrified him. Molly likes his joyful, charmed life, the fun and freedom of a traveling carnival, with no burden of heavy memories attached. I think Lucien had already been changing Mollymauk, in the sense that Molly caught these glimpses of a life that wasn’t his, and made the conscious decision to tear himself free of it. Because he’s happier shutting out these remnants of Lucien’s, a better person than what chasing after those impulses would have made him.

Molly tried to tattoo over the Eyes of Nine. And when that wouldn’t work, he took back his body piece by piece, decorating himself in his own art to hide and conceal these marks Lucien left behind. He tells Cree to abandon the book, because it will only bring more trouble for her. He has what Taliesin describes as, “a mild nervous breakdown” when he first actives his Rite of the Dawn--likely because he’s terrified of gaining anymore of this stranger’s powers, these abilities and this knowledge that still don’t quite feel like his. He makes a point of telling the Nein that, in spite of his bullshit and games, he tried to be a good person. To leave every place better than he found it. I think Lucien’s influence was enough to change Molly, in the sense that he actively tried to be better than whatever person left this body behind.

But I also think Molly was in a very different place before. Because Lucien was mostly shattered and scattered in another plane of existence, Molly was mostly free of him. We knew from Matt that Lucien was going to try to take his body back, but that would be quite a way’s off, I think. For the most part, Lucien was cut off from the body. But now, it seems to me as though that shard of Molly is...suppressed. Quieted, but still present. And as time goes on, it seems Molly himself is developing more of a presence--enough that he could possibly wrestle control of the body from Lucien. It’s the kind of thing I don’t think Lucien would have been able to do to Molly unless he was returned to the material plan and had considerable help, but it’s an interesting thought. I could definitely see it playing out something like this.

For context, whenever I throw out stuff like this, I’m speculating under the assumption that Molly is still a wholly separate entity from Lucien, a broken piece who grew into his own person because of all his bonds and beliefs and experiences. Think the Velveteen Rabbit. Molly is just a speck, a fragment. A hollow vessel. Empty. But, he was loved by his little circus family and grew to love them and this colorful world all around him in turn. He filled his life with joy. And that made him more than just a shard of a soul, made him real.

The reason Molly believed he was free of Lucien was because, well, he was dead. But Lucien seems to think Molly isn’t even a person to begin with, little more than a forgotten fragment. “I believe you seemed to fall for one of these pieces left behind.” “You felt for this empty speck?” Lucien cannot fathom why the Nein would ever care for a broken piece, or how something without a “whole” soul could care for others in turn. And that will be his undoing, I think.

But, despite Molly now being his own soul, I think he and Lucien are kind of still inexorably tied together. So sometimes, the feelings and vague impressions of one bleeds through into the other. I hope that makes sense? That might not be entirely accurate, but that’s just how I see it. So, just like how Molly admitted he sometimes felt this residual influence of Lucien and was haunted by it, I think Lucien is very much experiencing the same. Only, much more pronounced. Whereas Lucien was shattered and mostly scattered, I think that shard of Molly is still trying to cling to the body. And that’s why it seems like he’s gaining more of a presence and even fighting Lucien for control. I hope that makes sense?

[writers-blogck]

A New Adventure Begins ( Mollymauk Tealeaf x Reader ) 02

Warning(s): This will not follow the storyline completely for the second season of Critical Role. This story is more like the characters being placed in a different situation. Also, this story is inspired heavily by mollymaymaukme.tumblr.com/. Go read their stories about Molly. They are so good! Title: A New Adventure Begins Number in Series: Two Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf x Reader Fandom: Critical Role Word Count: 3,258

Song

  Panic filled you as your eyes were blinded by a bright light. This wasn't some fire or light spell, it was so bright! You had never seen something so bright! What if your eyes had something wrong with them? Were you going blind?! You stood up, feeling as if you were being strangled by something. Stumbling around, you attempted to open your eyes but it hurt too much. The light burned your eyes any time you tried to open the, What was going on? You couldn't breathe, you were freaking out. Magic seemed to pop against your skin in your confused state. Were you dying? What was going on? As you struggled, the jacket fell over your eyes, keeping out the light.    "Whoa, whoa, calm down! You're okay! If you keep freaking out, those feet of yours are gonna end up getting burned." Strong arms wrapped around you, steadying you back on your feet. A hand pulled the coat away, causing you to let out a squeal of pain and thrash your arms to cover your eyes again. The jacket had become almost like a blindfold, protecting your eyes from the us. When it was removed, the bright sun attacked your eyes once again.    "Molly, get her in the cart," The thick male accent spoke.    You could feel the gentle arms of Molly (presumably) move you in a direction that you couldn't tell. With every tentative step, your heart beat faster. Why did the light hurt your eyes so much? Large yet thin hands grabbed your waist and see you up on a hard surface. Instinctively, you pushed yourself away from the edge, pulling your knees as close to your chest as possible. How could you protect yourself when you couldn't even see? It was obvious to the others how you were similar to a wild animal, resorting to the basic aspects of the brain.    The wagon shifted as new weight was added. A pair of hands grabbed your own, slowly pulling them away from your eyes. You squinted as you opened your eyes, allowing them to be open just enough to test the waters. The inside of the wagon was dark enough to keep your eyes from being in pain. In front of you was the purple tiefling, holding your hands in his. His red eyes stared at you in what you would call concern, though it was hard to tell without pupils. The dirty man walked forward, bending down to look you in your eyes.    "Caleb, use that big brain of yours and tell me what is going on!"    "I believe because she has been in the Underdark for so long with drow caused her eyes to become adjusted to the dark. They are unaccustomed to the sunlight due to not being exposed to it for so long. She will need time to adjust again."    You totally forgot about the sun, which sounded like such a stupid thing but was true. With how long you were underground, you had forgotten about the sun and it became nothing more of a distant memory. You had escaped during the night when everything was simply illuminated by the moon. Before, you were just used to things being brightened up by fire. All you needed was to be able to see your work before, your captors kept most enjoyments or simple pleasures out of your life. It had just been another way they decided to make your life even worse.    "So, she can't see?" The blue tiefling asked, placing two bedrolls in the wagon, purple eyes moving to watch your form.    "Nein, it just means bright lights will hurt her eyes for a bit while they get used to such a bright environment."    "Oh good, because we don't need to worry about her being blind. That would totally suck." -*-    The party packed up the wagon and were moving toward their next destination, taking you like extra cargo. You sat almost exactly in the middle on the right side, keeping the sun from affecting your eyes. As you watched the forest and road pass behind you, a dull ache filled your eyes. How long had it been since you had last seen the sun? The thought filled your stomach with unpleasant feelings. So much of your life has been wasted because of those terrible people. It just wasn't fair, but there was nothing you could do about it now.    Fjord had decided he would drive the wagon with the help of Beau. Molly and Jester were in charge of guarding and watching out for anything suspicious. Nott was messing with a bunch of buttons while Caleb had his nose stuck in a book. Everything seemed normal between the group and your felt like a sore thumb. With every simple posture change or quiet sigh, at least three pairs of eyes followed you. How you wished your magic could just turn you invisible so all their eyes would just go away.    "So, like, you never gave us a name or anything. I'm Jester."    Your eyes trailed up, able to really get a good look at the group who decided to help you. The one speaking to you seemed to be young, at least at heart anyway. Her skin was a light blue with curious eyes that were a mix of purple, pink, and blue. Freckles littered her face like stars, something you rarely saw. Since freckles were caused by the sun, no one got them down below. Your skin tone must have looked sickly when compared to those around you now. Perhaps a glimpse of yourself would be too much at the moment. You felt disgusting and knew that you must look that way as well.    "Spark, uh, wait no," You shook your head, eyes narrowing in confusion, "that was what they called me. My name is....(Y/N)."    "(Y/N)..." Jester seemed to test the name in her mouth before continuing, "Well, welcome to the Mighty Nein, like N-E-I-N. That is a word that Caleb uses, the bookworm. Nott is the goblin over there but she is very nice. She is a package deal with Caleb, they go everywhere together. Fjord is the green guy, he is pretty chill. He pukes up water sometimes, like the kind from the sea. Beau is up there with him, she is grumpy but she means well most of the time. And then that leaves Molly, the other tiefling."    "Mollymauk Tealeaf, at your service." The red eyes winked, the same ones that had charmed you last night. You wouldn't let it happen again.    You weren't shocked that Molly was the one that had charmed you last night. Everything about the man made you feel like he was twisting his words, with or without the use of his magic. A deep cut white shirt reached down his torso, slightly covered by his even more extravagant jacket. He was a carny, you didn't even need to ask about that. The drow liked to kidnap those from the carnival, no many to miss them. Were you part of the circus when you were younger? All you could remember before the dark was a pair of golden eyes shining down at your tiny form.    The lilac skin of Molly was covered in tattoos, though in the dark of the wagon and with some bits covered, it was impossible to tell what they were. Your eyes drifted up to study the man's face. Good features for a tiefling. Everything you had heard of them made them seem so much like devil creatures, with hideous faces and terrifying horns. Yet, there were two of them who both had pretty features. A smug grin rested on Molly's lips, just showing a hint of a white fang. When your eyes met his own, you quickly shifted your gaze. Has he noticed you studying him? Oh, Gods...    "So you were a slave. Did you smash rocks?" Nott squeaked out, her tone wavering. She held a flask in her tiny hand, obviously not caring about how early in the morning it was to be drinking.    "Nott..." Caleb's voice spoke up but he didn't even spare a glance from his book.    "No, I didn't do much manual labor. They often kept me inside one of the cages until they needed me. Most of my time was spent doing nothing and just sitting in the dirt."    "And what did they need you for, if you don't mind me asking?" Jester was watching you, her eyes filled with interest. Your own stared down at your dirty feet. You knew she meant no harm in asking but it was hard to think about the life you had just escaped.    When you thought back to your tasks, you just thought of pain. Never whips or arrows; though you had been hit by both but never during your tasks. No, the pain came from deep within when they used you. It was a terrible burning, only explainable by every molecule or piece of you being stretched like a rubber band. It never even caused external harm, everything was inside. Your soul, or something, was grabbed and pulled. You vowed to never have to feel that way again.    "I well, they used me more like a power source for their spells. It was like they reached deep within me and took pieces of me, my spiritual being, and then used it to power rituals. They would put me back in the cage to charge up again and heal inside before they would use me again. That happened for years, I stopped counting the years after it hit ten."    "Oh..."    A thick tension blanketed the entire wagon as you finished speaking. Your past was heavy and you had no clue how other people would react to hearing about it. What if someone wanted to use you in the same way? Would these people try to use you in some way as well? You would rather die than be put through that again. These people could take you to where they would use you and you wouldn't know. You had to put your trust in these people, even though it could end terribly. Your life was resting in their hands.    A fuzzy feeling brought you back into reality from your the panic attack that had been building in your mind. A cat, tabby in color, nudged your thigh with its head before it curled up so its body was pressed against you. Purrs reverberated and you could feel it again your leg. Without knowing, a small smile found its way to your face as you placed a hand on the war fur. The feeling and sounds were very grounding.    "That is Frumpkin, he is Caleb's familiar. He totally won't care if you're dirty or whatever. He chills with Caleb all the time so,"    "Jester," Molly gave a warning look to the girl.    "What?! She is dirty! She definitely knows it. No worries though, when we get to the tavern, we can totally have a girl's night to get her all clean and whatever."    Molly and Jester began to speak about what would happen when the party reached the next town. You couldn't remember the name of the town that they had said they were going to. Just as you began to tune out their voices, Caleb glanced up from his book. He offered you a kind look and a gentle shake of his head before he moved his focus back on his book again. This must be something that happened quite often. There was no anger or fear as they argued, which was a strange thing for you. Any hint of aggression was dealt with violence from where you were from. It was reassuring to hear a conversation like this that wouldn't end up with blood on the ground.    Outside, nature passed by with trees on both sides of the road. Birds chirped and sun their melodies. Even though it may be sore to watch the passing scenery, you couldn't help yourself. It had been so long since you had breathed fresh air or seen green trees. Below there had only been different rocks and mushrooms. There had been no real color other than monochromes and purple. Not even hints of greens and blues existed down below. It was amazing to see them again after so long. You hadn't been able to enjoy everything last night because of how scared you were. Perhaps it was the cat but those thoughts seemed so far away right now. All you could focus on was the beauty of the world all around outside.    What you didn't know was how a pair of red eyes seemed to be studying everything you were doing. There was such a wonder on your face. There was a beauty hidden under all the dirt and muck that covered your face. IT shone through the sparkles in your eyes and the slight incline of the edges of your lips. Molly became lost in thought as he watched your every movement, not even trying to hide his gaze from the rest of the party.    After an hour or so passed, a soft think against the side of the wagon brought everyone out of their dazes. You quickly looked around, eyes wide as everyone jumped into action. The wagon shook as both Fjord and Beau jumped down from the steering bench, reacting to the action.    "Attack! Guess we shouldn't have left you two keep watch, huh?!" Beau shouted, grunts and thuds already starting outside. As soon as the word attack left Beau's mouth, the rest of the party got to their feet. Nott jumped out, sliding under the cart to get a look at what was going on. Caleb and Hester followed suit, A gentle hand rested on your shoulder, squeezing it lightly.    "Stay here, we have this under control."    The noises only louder and louder as time went by. Shouts of pain and grunts filled the air, making it hard to tell which side was winning. Fear began to fill your entire body as well as the sparkles from before. You couldn't just sit here and let them die. A shout of Caleb's name was your final push for your decision as you grabbed a light scarf to wrap around your eyes. Could you help them in one way or another/ Worst case scenario was that you would need to ditch the rest of the group. Your bare feet stung as they made contact with the dirt road. It was hard to see but you were able to make out basic objects and silhouettes. Blood stained the ground a rust color where Caleb had fallen to the ground,    A group of around twenty bandits had jumped out from the woods, hidden by the thick leaves. Your heart races as you took in everything; with Caleb down that meant there were four bandits to each person if that didn't include you. Fjord and Jester were both attacking with magic, Nott delivering sneak attacks, and Molly was skillfully using his curved swords. Each had only killed one person each that still meant that there were three each. Your mind was racing, trying to figure out what you should do. If only your brain could work just as fast as your eyes which scanned the environment.    "Hey, one was hiding in the wagon!" A gruff voice shouted, his rough hand grasping your upper arm. Panic was beginning to set in now, it felt like fire sparks were exploding inside of you now. With how loud the fighting was, you doubted that anyone was able to hear what the man had said. Still, he began to drag your smaller frame forward. No matter how hard you struggled, he was still the stronger of you two. It looked like he was going to take you off the path and into the woods again. You couldn't let that happen.    "Let me go!" Your feet planted down in the dirt, heels digging in. First resort, distraction and wasting time. Ever since you were young, you knew you were weak. The easiest and most reliable way to get out of trouble was to get as much time as you could so you could wait for some type of help to arrive. Others would be able to do what you couldn't.    "Shut up bitch!" The trees were getting closer. Resort two was to flee. You may not be able to fight well but you were extremely fast and nimble. It was too late to try to flee, which meant that only left resort three.  It was your last resort and you only prayed that it would work. Resort three had only worked once or twice in the past when you had tried to do it. What else could you do though?    "Let me go!" Your voice boomed against the trees as you shouted, freehand sweeping over the area where the enemies were located. Everyone, including those on your side, turned to see what had happened, all in the same state of confusion. They were greeted by the sight of you with your hand outstretched, the scarf slowly floating down, no longer tied to keep out some of the sunlight. You had glowing golden eyes, which would have been a beautiful sight except for the rage and fear filled look on your face. Even your allies were scared of you at the moment. They couldn't figure out what was going on with you.    Before your enemies could react, the ground beneath them rumbled. Sharp shoots of tree trunks, limbs, and branches shot up through the ground, growing around and impaling all of the enemies. Screams filled the air as your fist clenched, causing the limbs to tighten in and against their victims. The trees themselves were beautiful with purple and white flowers decorating them, a hard contrast against the blood that now was dripping from the wounds. Then, as soon as the limbs were there, they vanished, leaving the bodies to topple to the ground with a heavy hep.    "What the fuck was that?!" Beau shouted all eyes turned to your trembling form.    Her voice was the last thing you heard before you tumbled to the ground as well, body returning back to normal. -*-    "Jester, you go and check on Caleb, I've got her!" Molly rushed over to your crumbled up form. As he checked your pulse, he was reassured that you had simply fainted. His arms cradled your body as he walked back to the wagon. Your head lolled to the side and fell against his chest, eyes shut. He was glad that you couldn't tell how scared he was from his heartbeat.    "How do we know we can trust her?" Nott spoke up, kneeling next to Jester and Caleb, who was slowly starting to stir once again.    "She saved us, didn't she?"    "Come on now, we got to give her a chance. We'll figure out what is going on when she wakes up and then we can decide what we should do," Fjord offered, as he always seemed to be the most level headed one.    Molly sat down in the wagon, cradling your head in his lap. His tail curled around to rest against the back on your hand, doing it more for him than yourself. This couldn't be the end for you, it simply wouldn't be fair. Straight from the drow and now this? It seemed like you had simply fainted due to over-exhaustion, or at least that was what he hoped.