#thinking about what i want to write for a zine rn and. all my thoughts r about anna being transfem

[quietwingsinthesky]

trans woman anna. that is all.

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

More Writing Chat!

Adopted tag game from @commander-krios - since I’ve been going wild with the tags lately, I’ll restrain myself from tagging anyone in particular but please do pick this up if you want (I did!) and tag me in your post! <3 On with the questions:

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

13, though it should be 14. (I have a short WWDITS fic from a couple of years ago, originally published in a zine, that I keep forgetting to archive!)

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

132,892

3) What fandoms do you write for?

BG3, Ambition: A Minuet In Power, Hades and What We Do in the Shadows

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Sharp Teeth, Rolan x Tav, E

2. Après Theâtre, Guillermo x Nandor, T

3. Sharess’s Sundries, Rolan x Tav, E

4. Planar Tears, Rolan x OFC, E

5. Tail and Tongue, Rolan x Tav, E

5) Do you respond to comments?

HELL YES. Every time, with the rare exception that if someone’s left six in a row within like one day on the same fic, I might only respond to half of them (although if they’re in depth, you bet I’m responding to every single one). It’s second nature to me: comments just give me such an amazing warm glow and I feel compelled to share it right back <3 I honestly have to stop myself from replying too quickly if I happened to be checking my email in the moment a comment came in. If you’ve ever thought ‘Jesus she’s fast’… I probably wanted to reply even faster. Lol.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Honestly, I haven’t written any with angsty endings. I guess I like my fluff, in fanfic. I’m working on an original novel that will eventually have a bittersweet/open ending I think. But that’s going very slowly.

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ooh, good question. Maybe Sharp Teeth. They saved the world, after all. Tav goes from impending death, and Rolan from precarity and abuse, to love and a happily (grumpily) ever after.

Ribbons also ends with Yvette and Ludovico living their blissful, unconventional happily-ever-after in Rome. So maybe that too.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! I don’t think I’ve ever written for pairings that are a locus of that kind of attention. The closest I’ve ever got is spotting a comment in the fanfic subreddit that I’m 95% sure was complaining about the ear licking in Sharp Teeth specifically lol. Which amused me greatly.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! M/F mostly, though I’ve also written a bit of F/F. And mostly kinky, lol. The list of kink stuff I want to explore is LONG.

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not against it, but haven’t had one occur to me yet.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. I think I’m too small a fish for that!

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

See 11), haha

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Currently co-writing a very goofy Shane/Farmer & Krobus gift fic with my girlfriend for our flatmate! This reminds me I need to work on it. Purely a private fun gift exchange - she knits us socks <3

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

This doesn’t super work as a question for me, because it’s usually whatever I’m currently obsessed with. But from the sheer number of times I’ve read the book, and watched the 1995 BBC series - Elizabeth and Darcy? (Otherwise I’m just going to say Rolan x Steel Weave Tav. Catrin’s in the doghouse for being difficult to write rn)

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My Hades fic, ‘Family Gatherings’. I have a fun lil plan for Zag hanging out with each of his surface family in turn (sometimes in pairs/trios) and seeing how Meg/Than feel about it. And it is really fun and sweet - but unfortunately I started writing it at the tail end of my Hades obsession, so whilst I think it’ll get a couple more chapters at least, I’m not really motivated to finish.

I also want to finish my Yvette/Ludovico smut fic Britches, which has a pegging chapter that its audience of like 3 people have been waiting for for years - but since that’s half-written, it will definitely happen eventually!

16) What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm. I think I do characterisation well, particularly in dialogue - I try to imagine the characters speaking their lines to check that what I’ve written works. And sometimes I write really neat descriptive lines.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

White room syndrome for sure. I tend to hone in on the characters a lot and ignore the surroundings. Connective tissue - moving from one scene to another - can be a bit janky. Sometimes I can overdo facial expressions, and I rely on ‘hot’ and ‘cold’ a lot to describe all manner of feelings.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

This is a rogue q, haha. I have done it - Guillermo’s mum talks to him in Spanish - but my Spanish is secondary-school level so it’s not great. I did pre-emptively warn about it though, haha.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

As a kid, thinly-veiled Star Trek isekai that went nowhere. As an adult, WWDITS.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh my god. Too hard to choose. I love all my fics. With that said (and with significant recency bias), Sharp Teeth. I’m so proud of writing my first novel (ish) length fic, and it brought me such joy to write.

I’ll also forever love my first fic, Après Theâtre. I re-read it recently for the first time in a while and honestly laughed so much at my own fucking jokes. I think I really nailed the tone of the show and that makes me so happy!

[twinkboimler]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Tagged by @m-b-w, thank you!

Questions are answered under the cut!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

58 works

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

693,141 words

3) What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, only Star Trek; while my focus tends to be on TOS, AOS, and SNW, I'm open to writing for other trek series and will when the inspiration strikes! Previously, I've written a fair amount for MST3K and Anne with an E.

4) Top 5 fics by kudos?

Imagining Something Worthwhile - AWAE Oddly Unexpected, Oddly Charming - AWAE Hush - AWAE Heaven Help The Fool Who Falls In Love - AWAE An Endless Stream of Tomorrows - TOS

(lmao, can you tell I was writing AWAE fic as the show was airing? I think that was the only fandom I've written for while a fandom was at it's peak popularity)

5) Do you respond to comments?

Not always and I do feel bad about that. I try my best when the comment is especially sweet or lengthy, but I've got about 10 unread comments in my inbox right now that I haven't replied to because too much time has passed and it feels like it's too late

6) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

with trembling hands, my SNW Spock/Pike fic that has a sad ending. Super happy with how angsty that fic ends tbh I really wanted to write a fic for Spock/Pike that tackled how Pike would end their relationship as the radiation stuff was quickly approaching

7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I've posted so many fluffy oneshots that it's kinda hard to choose. An Endless Stream of Tomorrows is definitely high on that list

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. The closest I get in the trek fandom are comments correcting me on some lore in my fics. Which, sure, is sometimes nice and useful, but sometimes I don't really need a "um, actually--" on a 1000 word fluff fic

9) Do you write smut?

Yes, and I'm finally at the point where I really 1) enjoy writing smut and 2) think I'm getting good at it

10) Do you write crossovers?

I have one, and I so RARELY get to talk about it because it was written for me and like two friends. Night Shift is my crossover fic: it's Spike from BTVS X Gambit from X-Men (and apparently it has 21 kudos??? who are you people reading this crack ship???). Anyway, Gambit and Spike hook up and through a series of misunderstandings, they end up on a roadtrip/fleeing a murder scene together. Spike thinks Gambit is a demon, and Gambit has no idea Spike is a vampire. I'm realizing I haven't reread this fic since I posted it, which is WILD because this is such a self-indulgent fic, so I'm going to go read that now

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but people are free to do so! Just credit the original work :)

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep! Between You and Me (AWAE) was such an interesting project to work on! There was a group of about 13 of us, and we all had a week to read the previous chapter and write our own chapters to continue the story. I'd love to do something like that again

14) What's your all-time favorite ship?

Spike/Buffy, but funnily enough, I don't have a strong drive to read fic for them. I'm satisfied with how the show handles their relationship arc and haven't really had to resort to reading fic because of that

15) What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I don't post wips that I don't intend to finish. I've got a few wips in my docs that may never be finished of course, but on AO3 my only wip rn is Place Your Hand In Mine, my AOS academy-era mckirk fic, and I fully intend to finish that one; other fics (trektober, zines fics, etc) just got in the way

16) What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and smut

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Still trying to be a more concise writer; I'd love to be able to say more with less words

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I haven't taken a language course in 5+ years. I think if I had to I could write some simple French dialogue, but not without doing a lot of studying to make sure I was saying what I meant

19) First fandom you wrote for?

On AO3, X-Men. IRL? when I was 12 the only person I knew who wrote fic was writing Youtuber fanfic, so I tried that out for a short stint before immediately shifting to Doctor Who

20) Favorite fic you've ever written?

what remains unsaid. I don't think it's my best fic, but it does hit all the beats for what I often look for in fic, so it's doing everything that I want in a story. What really draws me to some of the TOS Movies is how they deal with themes of parenthood and Jim never really fitting into the role of father and being very aware that he doesn't fit that role. I just really love that he's shown as having faults, like yeah, he wasn't a father to David and he knows that. This fic is in a 5+1 Things format exploring Jim's relationship (or lack of) to David. It's not a ship fic; it was just a chance for me to explore those themes and really dive into Jim's head.

TAGGING: @antspaul @ladywaffles @diabeticjedi @gunstreet @borbtrek and anyone else who would like to do it, feel free to say I tagged you!

[maxellminidisc]

These tags intrigued me, I have more thoughts (not confrontational or anything just fascinated by difference of experience)

Cause like I definitely don't think fandom was better circa 2012-2018??? when I was involved more deeply in fandom. I think if you're a person of color in fandom the experience then or now is especially always going to be shit and it's going to feel like wading in the fucking trenches. I think fandom culture has always been rotten as long as you got white people being the most vocal majority. And I think the one improvement we've made is that the discussion on adults behavior towards minors and about media about or containing minors, about racism, about other awful shit is now out in the open at a bigger scale. There were always people willing to talk about these things, but the likelyhood of them being drowned out by harrassment and especially racism was like on a different level, like its STILL absolutely happens and I still see it happen but I think a lot of people now have at the very least much bigger spaces to have these convos, especially amongst ourselves as targets of said fandom racism, ableism, etc. But the downside of this is that the people who HAVE gotten called out for shit are ALSO much more openly aggressive and shameless, especially towards minors and poc.

BUT like what I was referring to in my original post as something I "enjoyed" is the balance of fandom related content OUTSIDE and beside fan fiction specifically on tumblr. From my experience, it felt like a pretty balanced ratio of fanfic, fan art, gifsets, giveaways, meta discussion, fan projects like zines, etc cause they were always on my dash plain as day, literally never had to look for it and when I did it was easy to find. I even still have mutuals from those days and they too notice the change!

It wasn't like now, where you practically have to scroll past 20 pages of badly tagged fan fiction. It was always a nice mix of stuff; a fanfic here, a gifset there, a sprinkling of fan art, etc Now it's like can't go into a single interest without at least scrolling past 15 posts in a row of PURE fan fic before you find maybe one piece of fan art sanwhiched between the next ten. I literally have to put additional tags (for example rn let's say you have to be like "miguel o'hara, art, fan art" + show pictures only feature) to find specific things AND EVEN THEN fan fiction will still clog my results because tumblr picks up on the gifs, screencaps, photos, etc. people use to decorate or draw attention to their fan fic for some reason.

So it's like there absolutely is a saturation in fandoms focus on fanfiction and as someone else said in the tags, I think the general epidemic of faster hollower consumption of all things, including media and art, has both contributed to so much of that oversaturation and produced work thats not so fucking great! I mean back in the day you still had people absolutely writing very weak to badly written work, don't get me wrong, but finding and tracking down works with a substantial amount of thought into the original narratives and characterizations of their inspiration, of trying to improve their literary skills, working with editors, OF BEING OPEN TO CRITIQUE, was so much more likely! And the middle of the road stuff wasn't a complete loss either.

Like to me there is just such an apparant change in the ratio of content and quality produced in fandom and now that I think about it like the sense of idk an actual creative community?? The only time I see people really rally is when anybody has actual critique on fandom culture or on someone in fandoms behaviour. Like I mentioned before people used to get together all the time and do like collaborative fics, online zine projects, giveaways of merch they'd made or copies of things they didn't need anymore/wanted to share, other art projects like tarot decks, etc as a fun way to engage with each other. Some of these fun things absolutely still exist but they're usually done in much smaller scales and in smaller fandoms I'm in and they dont happen quite as much. Of course theres other reasons the reduction in these projects has happened (aka disastrous scams lol) but it's interesting that its fallen out of style among fan spaces, I see it more in specificically LGBT spaces that say, people get together to make a zine. Fandom now seems very very disconnected in some particular way now on here that I cant quite put into words that really doesnt feel as capable of enjoyment??? Enjoyment now comes from SUPER curating who and what you're interacting with instead of like more of a casual pick and choose, steady flow of variable content.

[tsukkismoonlight]

yup! here so you don't forget it til your grave!! bloomic xyx and the song Courtside by Tim Atlas !!!!

Tysm!!!! Luckily i did not forget,,,, but i did have work hella this week so this is a little late 😭 but I've got the song on rn and 👀👀 here's what im thinking

So, xyx, not big on love, as we've learned, and if we go based off his route, boy does he fall HARD

Man is literally fighting his inner demons trying to deny feelings,, and you/reader is just like, oblivious cause there's a LOT goin on. You've got work, the server zine, random events here and there, but you /always/ make time to indulge xyx in video calls

He tries to learn about you in subtle ways, which he's very good at, lawyer and all, and you're not used to telling someone so much about yourself, and you're certainly not used to them being so interested in what you've got to say

And for this we will say that bloombot accidentally let some personal information slip past her filters, and it turns out, you/reader and xyx live in the same area

But rather than outright tell you how to meet up with him, xyx makes a bet

Who can find the other first? You've seen each other's faces, you've heard each other's voices, you know what his job is, and he knows some about yours as well

And you/reader take the bet, the cost of losing is one fancy dinner, and a chance to meet Cat

So, in your free time, you get out of the house,,you try looking up nearby law firms, and try to look at their staff pages, you look at those billboards that advertise help for accidents and other unfortunate events

Meanwhile, xyx does what he does best, he hits the books. He's researching the information on your vague company, easily finding the one that you mentioned a while ago over a vc

He goes through all the departments, taking time to make sure that there isnt any nonsense with the higher ups. He wants to know if this company that makes you work the longest hours is actually a good company and not some shithouse place yk

So then, when he finds you, he has to stop and question if he really wants to see this through, but he has been so over his head about you, like he has had dreams about you, he will get random thoughts while he is working about you, wondering how your day is going, wondering if you're working just as hard to find you as he is

So he works up the courage to go into your work, dressed in casual clothes, coffee in hand

And he greets you with the usual cheeky greeting of "hello little troll" and you're like ?! Who is speaking from behind my tall as stack of papers that i need to do, wait i know that voice,, xyx what the fuck why are you at my work, is thst coffee ???

And he would do that little smile that he gets and be all like, "guess who owes me dinner"

And ofc at the dinner it's pretty nice, and you guys are having a grand time, its hard to be awkard when xyx is just so smooth and charming

And a little ways through the dinner you guys get some drinks to go along with it, and like no one gets drunk or anything, just like i dunno a little tispy/buzzed and you/reader is just babbling about work and your interests and xyx is sitting there like ohmygodimactuallyinlove

And all he can think about is wanting to wake up with you each morning, by his side

And yeah,,, thats what i would write with xyx+courtside jdjeke i didnt wanna go on and on cause i def could omg

[thyandrawrites]

tag memes

(don't mind me as I do these literal WEEKS later but it be like that. if I don't do them immediately, they get buried in my notifs and I forget 😂)

tagged by the lovely @draphrawrites and @bittermoonswrites. Thank you both! I love writer memes even if I'm not much of a writer rn

Name(s): thyandra

Fandom(s): bnha (derogatory)

Where you post: Mostly ao3. Sometimes just here on tumblr tho when I write ficlets that I don't feel are good enough for ao3

Most popular one-shot (by kudos): things change, things stay the same (4k, KamiKiriBaku), which has a whopping... 825 kudos, holy shit. When did that happen. I had a feeling this one would be on top since it's the name I see most often in my kudos mail but I haven't actually checked in so long ssajkfsak

Most popular multi-chap (also by kudos): Butterfly effect (116k, DabiHawks). Which also doesn't surprise me, lol. It has been my longest and most ambitious work so far, and you can tell by comparing the first chapters to the last ones just how much I've grown as a writer thanks to it. The feedback I've gotten from it was also mindblowing. I didn't expect much to come from my very first longfic. It was a project I started mostly for myself, to explore all the routes I knew were never gonna be told by canon... maybe that's why it got so popular. Maybe this fandom is just full of people who wish canon went differently, LoL

Favorite story you've written so far: people always expect BE to be my fave but it's actually not, lol. I spent too long fistfighting that one to truly love it 100%, and in general I always have a love/hate relationship with my fics. So I'm gonna suprise even myself and state that my fave is probably Hoist the colors (14k, DabiHawks).

The friends I complained to about this know that the process of writing this fic was excruciating. My first big bang experience and a horrible one at that. But maybe that's why I was able to write a fic I'm fully happy with, cause I was so salty at the universe that I think it was the first time I spite-wrote a fic entirely for myself. I wasn't worrying at all about how it was going to be received, if my partner or the mods liked it, and I think that's what got me to write a story that checked all of my boxes (even as I literally had to fight several writers block along the way). The only regret I have with this fic is that my original concept was meant to be much longer and have several arcs, but thanks to the aforementioned blocks I was only able to write the first one, and had to wrap the story up with an open ending. Maybe one day I'll come back to this universe and write the rest tho.

Fics you were nervous to post: Honest? any chapter in a multichap project. But especially butterfly effect updates. I kid you not, it was my FIRST longfic and it got an overwhelming amount of attention from the very start, which I totally wasn't ready for, and that influenced me a bit. I wrote that fic under a lot of stress (that I put onto myself by trying to meet nonexistent "expectations" and hoping not to disappoint readers). For however happy I am with that story, I'm glad it's finally done.

How do you choose your titles: there are writers who know the title before even starting to outline the fic. I am not amongst them. I choose titles either after finishing the first draft or when I'm about to post. What I typically do is looking for the point where the tension in the story is at its peak and try to come up with a title that references that specific bit of the fic. Sometimes it's lines taken straight out from the text. Sometimes it's a descriptor of the vibes of that climax. Sometimes it's a single word that just feels right.

That's why I don't have any fancy or eye-catching titles btw, lmao. I literally choose them on the spot

I put some more thought on zine fic titles cause zines don't have summaries or tags so titles are all you have to promo your story if you don't want the buyer to simply skip over it... but tbh my process is still the same

Do you outline?: It depends highly on the fic. Outlining is fairly new to me, I only started doing it when I began BE, so only 2 years ago. And I'm not much of a plotter, I'm more of a plantser, so to say. I do outline but I try to keep plot details more generic and spend a lot more focus into the characters' backstories, goals and motivators. I find that outlining a plot too rigidly doesn't work for me because I base my stories off strong emotions and internal challenges, so my characters evolve a lot and sometimes I don't predict well where they'd go from there until I write it. So my version of an outline is just giving myself a guideline on who that character is as an individual, where they come from / where they're headed, how they interact with other characters, what sort of push will make them go in a certain direction and how to achieve it

Complete: right now just two zine fics that I can't post yet (a dabihawks dororo AU and my Miruko zine piece). I am ashamed of this but I haven't written a single line ever since I finished BE. Idk what's happening to me but despite having ideas I'm hitting a stage where I completely lack the motivation to sit down and outline or write them, or even discuss them. Maybe cause I'm too burned out

In-progress: *shrug*

Coming soon: I'd like to know it too, @ brain. *taps on watch*

Not started: haha. you don't wanna know how many ideas are in a larval state in my brain and then die because I don't feed them OR forget them

Prompts?: I'm not sure what this means but I'm not participating in any challenge

Upcoming work you're most excited about: I wanna share my dororo AU bc a couple of people on ctabb showed interest in it and suprised me (I thought it was going to be super niche content like my demon slayer AU that was maybe read by three people, but guess not)

Tagging: all my writer friends probably already did this since I'm so late to the party but I guess I'll try anyway. Feel free to ignore! @starship--phoenix @linkspooky @theycallmebol

annnd another one!

Tagged by aphra again

Indoor plants or gardens / cloud-watching or star-gazing / water or fire / paperback or hardcover / running or hiking / sleeping with socks or without socks / fruit or vegetables / hanging plants or succulents / dark wood or light wood / handwritten or typed / instagram or pinterest / braids or pigtails / books or movies / oceans or meadows / forests or fields / sweet or salty / ice cream or chocolate / hoodies or sweaters / long hair or short hair / piercings or tattoos / summer or winter / boots or sneakers / cars or motorcycles / curls or straight hair / castles or cottages / sunny days or storms / reptiles or birds / disney or nickelodeon / strawberries or watermelon / essays or posters / phones or laptops / glass or stone / dark or light / photos or paintings / circuses or theaters / reading or writing / dogs or cats / poetry or novels / monsters or ghosts / thrift shops or libraries / fiction or non-fiction

tagging (feel free to ignore): @todosiblings @haleigh-sloth and uhhh anyone else who wants to do it

[inkats]

Thnak u 4 da tag :3

Name: make one up surprise me.

Pronouns: whoever I’m into at the time’s. Alternatively ever interaction w me roll a dice even she odd him.

Star Sign: Aries also.

# of siblings and fun facts about them (if you have any): a little sister. she’s taller than me. And more like my mom 💭💭

# of pets and their names: never ever have I ever had one and recently I’ve gotten like really anxious about the thought of having one. I’ll kill it or I’ll kms. I think.

Fandom(s): idk man. My ocs. Everyone I follow’s ocs. I used to be into genshin I still interact w that. Anime tm. I like. Tgcf. I like. Comics so many comics. Ask me about a comic.

Favourite color: man I keep. Accidentally skipping questions. It’s green. Obviously

Favourite song: rn it’s I never told you what I do for a living.

Favourite author (of anything readable-- books, fanfics, zines, webtoon, whatever): I used to be super into Frances hardinge when I was reading middle grade she’s still so epic. I’m really enjoying tamysn muirs writing but also I’m not reading a lot of novels nowadays 💭💭 I like all the stuff moscareto’s written for in regards to. Ahem. Bl comics .. and niyama theyre both v good… I don’t go into authors whole backlogs a lot anymore / reading a lot of debut works recently so I don’t have. Definite favourites. I need to start reading more.

Hobbies: drawing and uhm. Reading comics. And attempting to write comics. Reading in general. Listening to music worse and less skilled than you (general). Thinking about drawing. I don’t have a lot going on T.T

Favourite fic type: I like fluff and I like whump. I like when they take the guys and make the characters their own. I like cool epic full aus with world and character building and also. pwp. I contain multitudes.

Favourite holiday: hm. well. hm. I like getting presents I guess ones where I get presents.

Do you have any partners? (Romantic, qpr, anything!): hey does rinnie count he’s like basica—

Fun fact about you/ anything fun you wanna share: I’m #boring. I have a collectors heart. That’s my fun fact.

tagging uhm. @bmpmp3 @starredforlife and @vampyr-bats ? if any of u want.

I was tagged by the lovely @bogbutteronmycroissant thank you so much! I'm making it in a separate post bc that one was too long!

• Name: Vinnian or Moony

• Pronouns: They/Him

• Star Sign: Aries

• # of siblings and fun facts about them (if you have any): none, I do have too many step sibling and the fun fact is that we all hate our whore of a father

• # of pets and their names: 1 and he is called Custard

• Fandom(s): Fnaf, undertale, deltarune, black survival: immortal soul, sims4, trolls, the hunger games, ddadds, my little pony, the amazing world of gumball, total drama island, black butler, death note, my friends' ocs, too many others...

• Favourite color: the icon, the queen, the goddess herself: Purple

• Favourite song: (just one??)(ok fine) Hard drive

• Favourite author (of anything readable-- books, fanfics, zines, webtoon, whatever): my friend @just-a-wholesome-writer I love his style of writing so much it's insane, he writes these sweet short stories that are easy for me to get into

• Hobbies: drawing, painting, sculpting, writing, cooking, sewing and anything artistic really

• Favourite fic type: Darkfics and angst and comfort

• Favourite holiday: Eid, I like seeing kids out wearing their new clothes and being all smiles and energy, it's sweet.

• Do you have any partners? (Romantic, qpr, anything!): None sadly

• Fun fact about you/ anything fun you wanna share: nothing currently on mind, I just love y'all

(No pressure to anyone I tag!)

@unreadpoppy @inkats @anawkwardlady @vero-vetka13 @venusski @thislittlekumquat @mymissalicorne

[metellastella]

Phase 2

Now, after some breathing meditation sessions, as Mao would use, I think I’ve figured out why this upsets me so much. (thankfully, it didn’t take me thirty-nine hours like him! He’s got some steep trauma, that poor guy) 

But first, let me say. You at the Badgermao Zine are all emotionally reacting to this as if it is a smear campaign. Look at this rationally for a moment. I am a blog, with like, what, a few dozen followers at best, (pretty sure only a Snug rn if that number even followed me for mmhoph content) who barely gets any notes, and you’re panicking over this becoming some huge public thing. It won’t. Take a breath. If it did, I would still reassure people that they shouldn’t ‘take sides’ because CLEARLY, in my post, I WASN’T trying to blame anybody or gather up people to pester you guys, like some bloggers do. I even said in the title of the blog, that it WASN’T about the Badgermao Zine particularly, but a pattern of behavior that I’ve observed in internet interaction. Y’all are just, like, a data point. Does that make sense? Think about it. I wasn’t trying to force my way back in at all. I would like if I got back in, maybe, but still, it’s not the point. 

I don’t think you all are bad people. But everyone has character flaws. When we write characters, the flaws are what make them interesting. We will see if you have a character arc or not, I guess. 

@chex-nix @maomaosmother 

So let’s get into it . . . point by point . . . 

(1) One of the points is. My post explained my stance on rules in general. Even in situations unrelated to the Zine. Which was why I gave the Fire Drill example. 

I especially don’t want to get back in to the Zine, if all that’s going to happen is everyone is going to grumble and resent me for it!! This should be a positive experience for all of us, and the only reason it isn’t, is we have a very slight ideological misalignment. You will not bend, and I was willing to bend. I’m super stoked about the Mao Mao fandom. Like, over the moon. That is one reason why this is so difficult for me, but there is a BIG other reason, which I will get to in a second. 

The only way I would want back in, is if people actually gave me a chance, and understood me. And since, so far, none of you are giving me that chance, but just trying to silence me, that doesn’t seem likely. 

You weren’t really interested in understanding where I was coming from. As a person. You just wanted me to fit in your box. 

The silly box, that didn’t even matter that much. So when the more serious issue came up, you had already decided that I was a bad person or something. Or maybe you just thought I was annoying, and you didn’t have the patience. Which is still rude. Tossing aside someone, who was harmless, just because you didn’t feel like dealing with it. Being discarded like that hurts. 

But, since you had all the power over me, you could make that easy decision, and be cleaned of it. You figured, that was that. You didn’t care about how it affected me. You were just glad to be rid of me. 

I know this, because only one person extended me any sympathy, and practically everyone else stonewalled me. 

And even that sympathy had more of a ‘I feel obligated to give you this to assuage my own conscience’ not a ‘you’re a person and I see you as a person’ kind of thing. I did not feel as if you were interested in me as a person. You were just there to do your ‘job.’ 

When I was hurting, it didn't matter to any of you. But now that you are all hurting, because I am holding a mirror up to your behavior, and you don’t like what you see in yourself, it suddenly does matter. 

I think I’ve figured out WHY this upsets me so much, even though it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. 

See, as a kid, I was very isolated. And that was by choice. I wasn’t bullied or anything. I just had very poor social skills, and was very much wrapped up in my own head. 

So, when I experienced this, it was subconsciously dredging up that feeling of not fitting in.

At the time, it was a pretty neutral experience. But ironically, once I was an adult, it became more and more obvious the things I was missing, and the advantages I had inadvertently forgone.

I have said it many times, but I am not very good at navigating online spaces. And, I was never really good at navigating IRL spaces, either. 

On the other hand, this hasn’t happened in other places on the web.

I can honestly say now, that you guys are triggering me. Now, it’s not a super bad trigger. Not, like, a trauma trigger. Or anything of the sort. But, as long as you take away this positive experience from me, try to shut me out, and block me from interacting, it’s going to trigger me. 

I can deal with the trigger. That’s what meditation is for. I’m just informing you. 

I can be mature, and handle my own emotions, like Mao. 

I missed my therapy session this week, but that’s ok. I can also function without the “Old Blue” of my life. I’m not that bad off. 

You can choose to keep attacking me. And, like any good pacifist, I will not retaliate. (2) Another point is. You do not see this part rationally, either. I feel that warning kids off of harmful, hard bdsm things is a GOOD thing, although I can see why you can’t exactly follow that particular line of logical thinking to absorb that differing perspective from yours.  You ask me what I want out of this. Why I posted it. And I have said, I wanted to express myself, and be as neutral as possible. I used lots of self-deprecating humor on purpose, in order to ease and defuse the situation. Now, I will add another reason and goal: to the best of my ability, I want to protect kids. 

[mappingthemoon]

A few weeks ago, I read A Room of One’s Own for the first time and got mad, madder perhaps than I might have gotten had I read this essay at a younger, more formative age. At 19 I identified so strongly with Nicole Kidman’s Virginia Woolf in The Hours that I cried in the movie theatre and left wanting to absorb everything she’d ever written, but also at 19 I didn’t have the patience to slog through what I thought was an excruciatingly slow-paced, practically ancient body of work. If I’d read A Room of One’s Own at 19, it might have filled me with a certain hope that ~someday~, at some vague point in the future when I had my adult life sorted out in the artful & adventurous direction I seemed destined to head, I would surely be in a position to have a steady income and a room – no, a house even, where I could comfortably write whenever the inspiration struck. At 19 I worked two jobs, struggling to make rent & subsisting on box mac n cheese, occasionally sinking into melodramatic existential horrors when I felt like All I Ever Do Is Work – but at 19, I thought, I knew, it wouldn’t, it couldn’t stay like this forever. I didn’t think I was being too unrealistic. It’s not like I was banking on winning the lottery or getting Discovered for my art and never having to work again. I just thought that I would eventually find a job that didn’t totally suck and by maintaining a frugal lifestyle I’d be able to allocate a good part of my time to the things I was really passionate about: writing zines, taking photographs, screen printing, travelling…

Reading A Room of One’s Own at 35, I am mad and hopeless, looking back upon 20 years of low-paid drudgery and mounting debts, all the exhaustion catching up at once & no longer having the energy of a 19-year-old to run all over town via public transit to multiple jobs and classes and coffeeshops, squeezing in a sentence here or there whenever I had a free moment to put words on paper. At 35 weeks pass without writing. Sometimes notes will accumulate in piles of paper scraps or gmail drafts, notes to remind myself of the fleeting thoughts and feelings I wanted to write about later, when I’d have time; and sometimes so much time would pass that I’d forget what I even meant in the note, or I’d decide it wasn’t all that important after all, and I’d throw it away. I’m pretty sure I’ve already complained about that here.

I know I complain about this all the time. And I always feel guilty – the bullshit puritanical work ethic/positive mental attitude industrial complex still nags at the back of my brain, TRY HARDER! STOP WHINING! But I wake up at 7:30 in the morning for my first job (full-time library tech parapro) and don’t get back home until almost 7:00 in the evening; then I do my second job (part-time freelance transcriptionist) from 8:00 or 9:00 until 12:00 or 1:00. Nearly 30% of my income goes to debt. Not counting the mortgage. This (I guuuess) is penance for the decade or so I spent in poverty in my 20s, working two or three jobs for about 7,000 a year while supporting an unemployed alcoholic for much of that time, depending on student loans and high-interest credit cards to cover rent and groceries. I finally got a “real” job at 30 and have been playing catch-up ever since. And at 35, it’s not easy to feel so certain that surely, this won’t last forever. At 35, I think, realistically, this could actually just be all there is. At 35 I can feel myself slipping apathetically into the kind of boring hopeless cynicism 19-year-old me despised. 19-year-old me had no idea it could be this easy to get beaten down into a bare-minimum lifestyle practically devoid of creative thought. Working at menial bullshit all the time makes me feel like I’m getting stupider. I guess the weed doesn’t help either but rn I’d rather have poor short-term memory than crushing depression so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This entry is cobbled together from a few drafts and notes and today I allowed myself the time to compose something with complete sentences because I took the entire day off work in preparation for Thanksgiving travel, and this is the first time in five years of having a job with a PTO benefit that I have not felt one iota of guilt for taking a day off “just because” aka to preserve my sanity.

I started collecting all of my scattered bits and pieces for the next zine and transferring the ideas onto notecards. I had felt overwhelmed and repelled by the mess of seemingly-unrelated ideas I have been simmering for, well, years now; I didn’t know where to start and I wondered if it was time to throw it out and start over, or throw it out and start saying “oh yeah, I used to do zines.” The notecard idea, literally creative writing 101, hit me like a religious epiphany and now I’m having grand plans of taking my stack of cards as my road trip project, outlining my next ~masterwork~ in a series of Motels 6 from Georgia to Pennsylvania and back. It’s exciting, and it’s part of the work, but it’s still not writing writing. I told Peter I was still having the feeling of not having written in so long that I was afraid I’d forgotten how, or maybe I’m just done being a writer now. I thought he would commiserate as a fellow writer but surprisingly he said, this could be a good thing. If you’ve forgotten how to write, then every time is new. You’re not relying on the same old devices if you have to relearn how to write each time. This is a bit brilliant, tbh. I am extremely dependent on my past successes (i.e. actually completed pieces) & worried that I’ll never live up to them, so: fuck that. I won’t. I am never going to write like I did in 2014, or 2007, or 2004, or 1998, or any other time I felt like I was on the same wild creative wavelength as the universe, maaan. I’ll write like I do in 2019, and onward.

“But maintenance and care are necessary—without rest we cannot regenerate. These days I’ve come to believe that it’s natural for many of us to go through periods when we put words to the page and times when we can’t. These aren’t separate, distinct states; rather than agonizing over ‘writer’s block,’ maybe we can accept that we aren’t blocked at all, and that resting might just be part of our process.” —Kate Angus, “Maybe the Secret to Writing is Not Writing?”

[departmentofroleplays]

49 and 47, my lovely

hello, hon 💗💗 hope you’re good! 

( again, i don’t know which list you’re asking from so i’ll answer from both 😂😂 )

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

ALL. THE. TIME. There has literally never been a day that has passed where this hasn’t happened. I called out the wrong answer during class? Great, that’s gonna haunt me until senior year. I thought of a good comeback AFTER the argument? Guess who’s going to be mulling over that for the rest of the month? I 👏 just 👏 called 👏 my 👏 teacher 👏 mom  👏 whilst 👏 asking 👏 a 👏 question👏?? Bold of you to assume that I still won’t be thinking of this in the afterlife.

But no, honestly, I do replay a lot of things in my head,, and it’s by far one of the worst things I do to myself, bc I overthink things as well?? So if I think hard enough on it, I will mentally be stuck on that day until I get over it and forgive myself.

49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

..you think you’re funny, don’t you? i have a feeling that you just KNEW i was supposed to be doing something,, something pretty important rn,, and purposely picked this ask to call me out on my procrastination. 

okay, i’m supposed to be: finishing art for a zine i’m in, eating ( let’s not forget her ), um,, replying to message, and i’m also supposed to be finishing a fic for a fest i’m in.

...

i feel so called out by this ask  ;-; like i’m not even SURE if i want anymore asks now because of this 😂

47) Last thing you searched for on google?

The very last I searched for was info about chest binders; as I’ve been feeling more um,, masc in the recent days, and I’ve been looking into getting a binder for quite a while now..for a while now. I haven’t really been feeling comfortable in my ‘assigned gender’, this has been on an off for the past few years, but I can’t exactly do anything about it now, so I took an interest in chest binders; seeing how I’d looked with them, and even messing around with various makeup techniques to not look,, how I currently look,, ya know?49) If someone wrote a book about you would you be considerez a hero or a villain? Why?

From an outsider’s perspective, I think I’d be a hero, as irl, I do a lot of things have been deemed ‘hero worthy’. Though, a lot of my friends jokes that if I were in the movie, I’d be the villain ( one joked me being Thanos ), and that’s really all due to my temper and me going over people who I felt I’ve personally been wronged by; and also since I’m pretty quiet and no one knows what I’m thinking unless I say it, so they say I could probably get away with a lot of things. 

I think it’d have to depend on who the person writing the book would be, and which side of me they’ve seen more. 

If they chose to write me as a hero: it’d be that when it comes to family and friends; I’d fight for them, fight for their honor and their name. Like if anyone disrespects someone I love, I’m usually the first person to pop off. And while I don’t like to think about this a lot, I feel if it came to life and death situations, I’d honestly sacrifice myself to help not only family and friends live but to also help others live as well?? I think I’m a caring person; and that when the situation calls for it, I’m very courageous. In these moments, I don’t stop to think of what could happen if I do this or if I miss this, I just do it for the better good. I’ll take risks, even if it means me getting hurt. And lastly, I think I’m rather humble. 

If they chose to write me as a villain, it’d probably be so because I’m very vindictive, whether or not people doubt that about me. I’m unrelenting and an immensely bitter person when I’m angry. I also lack any empathy when I’m angry as well. And although I seem a bit aloof, when I am determined at something, there isn’t a thing that can stop me. I’ve gone into full-planning mode, I’ve thought out every possible scenario, and I don’t give up so easily; I don’t fall for little attempts to trip me up or get me off course. 

So yeah, like I said: “I think it’d have to depend on who the person writing the book would be, and which side of me they’ve seen more. “

Thank you for the asks, Mel! 💗💗

[reifromrfa]

Hello <3

Hey guys! Finally, an update! ^^; Haha sorry I’ve been MIA guys ;;; Things have been hectic, with the zine and real life stuff </3 

Here’s what I’ve been busy with:

• @mysmetravelzine - been packaging and shipping the zines to everyone who bought a physical copy! yay!!! I’ve sent the second and final batch today and we will be updating soon! :D Please follow us for more announcements soon! ^^

• @mysmehalloweenzine - it’s been so much fun writing about spooky stuff! I love Halloween (even though I’m a scaredy cat HAHA) and hhhhnnnggg it’s been so much fun writing for this zine TwT Preorders will open soon! Please look forward to it! :D I will be posting my preview soon!!! <3 :D I hope you guys like it! :D We appreciate all your support <3 <3 <3 

• @juminfanzine - i’m honored to be participating in this zine!!! :D I absolutely love Jumin, next to Vanderwood ;) <3 So I’m just crying because fjalkd;alkjfa A ZINE FOR JUMIN ;A; I’m still working on my fic but I’ll post a preview soon too! :D <3 Please support this zine as well :D <3 TwT Thank you so much!!! :D 

More under the cut!

Aaaaand here’s the stuff I have planned rn:

• A VACATION :)) I’ve been so beat haha that I just want to take a step back ^^; Have some me time to recharge haha read some books (I AM READING ALL YOUR PERFECTS HUHU no spoilers please but if anybody here is a Colleen Hoover fan, HELLO ;A;), watch movies, maybe play some video games hahaha (i got back into Moblie Legends huhu send help) but I’m still on Discord ^^ If you need to reach me, message me here and I’ll send you my tag :D

• Replies - I am going to scroll back through all the notifs and reply to all the tags I missed D: I’m so sorry! I will try my best to reply to everyone! Sorry in advance if I spam my blog with replies and old posts ^^; 

• Original writing - I’ve missed creating worlds and characters and I hope you guys don’t mind if I share some original stuff here :) <3 I mostly share them to Patrons but I’ll post a few of them here too! :D 

• MM fics - yessss I will still be writing fanfics for MM ;) I still owe you guys Avenged, Moonlight, On the Line...welp, and a lot more haha! I’m just really pooped rn haha but I’m excited to get back to writing too, especially with Halloween and Christmas coming up!!!! <3 My fave holidays TwT 

• Collabs and Commissions - I’m going to be working on commissions soon! I’m so sorry to have kept people waiting T-T I wanted to deliver the best work, and I felt that if I rushed it, it wouldn’t be the best T-T About collabs! I’m still collabing with these amazing ladies, @rainydayswriter, @rossyele and @aehruh so watch out for the stuff we’ll be rolling out in the near future ;) 

I’m sorry for the long post!!!! I think that’s all...HAHA! I just thought you guys should know...

I’M BACK!

See you guys around <3 

<3 Reifromrfa

[knight-castle]

gtkm (get to know me)

tagged by: @radical-eirini thank you Eirini ✨ 

nickname: I'm not telling you what my girlfriend calls me it would be far too embarrassing for you and I both 

gender: custom

star sign: Cancer sun / Scorpio moon / Gemini ascendant

height: 167cm or a hair under 5ft 5″ 

time: 13:43 UTC+02:00 but queuing for midnight for all you in distant time zones

birthday: 22nd June fav bands: I'm just going to put my internal MP3 player on shuffle and say Light Asylum (Shannon Funchess may actually be the voice of God), Shakespears Sister and Lorn ** flash warning for first and last hyperlink **

fav solo artists: same process and unsurprisingly I come up with Kate Bush (...& crying while listening to this now)

song stuck in my head: my partner won't stop singing the refrain to Anaconda by Nicki Minaj incessantly around the house, because she has no respect for either of us

last movie i watched: nocturama. It was very upsetting.

last thing i googled: “speech to text function for discord”. @divinerightofinsects - I'm working on it!

do i have any other blogs: no but I have a brand new Goodreads profile I'd love to talk to you about :)

do i get asks: no, that particular function remains switched off. I like to face my accusers directly

following blogs: after the recent discourse blog cull of 2018, the count stands at 388. 

58 of which are personal blogs, the rest are either archives for people’s original drawing / writing / photography / webcomics / zines; blogs about specific aspects of nature, the cosmos, astrology and folk herbalism -practices and -lore, or chronic illness advice / disability activism resource blogs

followers: As well as being someone who doesn't do well in front of an audience, I prefer the company of women who love other women and so have been quite liberal with the softblock function in managing my follower list over the years. 

Atm i’ve 58 followers, the blogs of 15 of the most long-standing of whom i'm fairly certain are absolutely or close to functionally inactive, and 4 of the active accounts belong to 2 users in total. 

so, let's call it 41. 

Around 10 of whom i semi-regularly interact with, in slight-to-medium but always meaningful ways, and I appreciate the hell out of each of you

so ends the blog stats portion of this post. yw.

nationality: That is a slippery question. 

favorite color: Blue spectrum colours +/- different degrees of red (toward violet) / yellow (toward turquoise)

average hours of sleep: I don't know what the average is but I function optimally with 9 as a minimum

favorite song rn: the individual songs I’ve listened to most over the last year are at the top of the playlist here . but for the sake of argument let's say ‘Hippy Chick’ by Soho

what am i wearing: black leggings with grey vertical pinstripes, a kind of oversized black Batwing jumper with distorted letters of the alphabet sewn into it in white stitching, glasses held together at the corners with rubber bands, hand braces (one pair), one purple and lilac stripy sock, one teal coloured sock with lilac coloured birds of paradise on it

how many blankets do i sleep with: 1-2 depending on the season. in winter I have a fabulous royal purple blanket with a relief pattern of twining flowers cut into its fluff which overlays my summer duvet. 

I'm happiest in autumn and in spring

dream job: I am constitutionally unfit for wage work. 

In an utopian AU where my body functions to a higher degree, I am gardening for herbs, vegetables and wildflowers, encouraging a flock of roosterless ex-battery hens, attending to the whims of some semi-feral cats; repairing, sewing and knitting garments, and performing basic woodwork and masonry repairs on the communal cottage I share with the women I love

dream vacation: I'd love to be far enough north to see the aurora borealis before my life is done.

i tag: @hitmonleeandfriends , @entropicdecay , @transladyknight and @lavenderautistic , because I think I've yet to subject any of you to one of these! 

I regularly tag @sheisbereft and @divinerightofinsects and I think you prefer not to do these things, but know that I thought of you. 

And also want to tag @myriahacosta and @annafridacharlotte with no expectation, because I would love to know these things about you, but I also understand that publishing this sort of personal info likely goes beyond the remit of a photography blog.

screenshot: x

[riskeith]

aside from that, ur graphics must look incredible! i’ve seen some comparison pics and pc graphics are God Tier. help the second lowest being “high”... good riddance. 😶

summer 2016! it seems so long ago like a whole different universe. everything was so beautiful back then.. everybody was out and about hunting pokémon’s... that zine is so cute! i wouldn’t say main i actually only got into them a little while ago and i’m still mostly tddk and kiribaku but bkdk is interesting.. to say the least. i haven’t seen what happens in the manga (only a bit of spoilers especially that cover...) and s4 didn’t give us That many scenes with them but i’m keeping my eyes open... wbu?

IDK like their descriptions make it seem like they might help you find some specific treasures??? like the gold seelie giving you fortune aka mora? not sure tho hehe... YEAH THAT FANART!!! so cute i wanna eat them all.. forbidden snack. 🥺 omg funny you mention that... i met xiao just earlier for the first time and when i saw his entire outfit i was like.. hm i wonder what he would look like in darker clothing HAHA. but yeah skins would be awesome!!!! like a clothing shop or smth somewhere????? anyway when i saw him i was like HEY that’s cluna’s boy!

ALBEDO IS A BAD BITCH. his hair is perfect perfect perfect. actually everything about him is so perfect he’s just a delicate little guy... 🥺 dude us talking about albedo and opening up the game and seeing his banner is like... 👀 temptation.

with venti??? i’m not sure which quest you mean i did the archon one with him though and it was awesome. does he have more? I DID LOOK IT UP AND MURASE IS MAKING HIS VOICE EVEN HIGHER AND IT’S SO CUTE I WISH I KNEW IT BEFOREHAND SO I COULD’VE HEARD HIS VOICE WHILE DOING THE MISSION. 😭 oh well 😭

hopefully there are some good 4 stars too. who are you wishing for? anyone special? imagine having xingqiu and chongyun.... that’s like the dream. and bennett and razor and you have the boy scout party haha!! do you have mostly claymore users?

i remember you mentioning you don’t like book users but i’ve actually really grown to love them hehe. their long range attacks are so nice and handy! KAZE DA! 😭 bro stop i literally have a crush on venti it’s ridiculous.. imagine closing ur eyes and talking and it’s his voice.... (OR HINATA!!!) murase is so lucky... he seems like such a great guy too ajsksjdk..

ok friends to lovers goodness! 🥺 i’m considering getting twitter just to see fanart... maybe.. o.o

ooooo that’s so thorough! in all caps caught my attention, why do you do that? personally, if it’s something longer i write bulletpoints of the concept but never like... actual plot yk? i’ve tried before but i doesn’t work for me very well. so.. i wing it! and like you i just get inspired randomly, it could be from song lyrics or thinking about tropes i enjoy. 😜

loona is cool! they have this whole story about their group. i highly recommend checking them out! i wonder if they kept it up though lmao. oh yeah everyone loves hozier he just speaks to the soul.. LOVELY IS MY FAVORITE SONG!!!!! LIKE EASILY TOP SONGS OF MY LIFE!!! it makes me so happy that you like it even if you skip it lmaojsjdjsjsjdk and i like billie a lot!! ariana too she has great music.., idk if you’ve heard of the group the neighborhood but i like them too. lana del rey as well! haha guess it’s super basic stuff tbh. all of them with mostly slow songs.. sorry 😭

OK GOOD. all nighters are honestly horrible. i don’t get how people can pull them off and get things done... (hopefully you never have to either!) YEAH haha 8 am is my favorite hour i think... that and 9 pm. they’re just special. what’s your favorite time of day? listen if you stay up to read fics that’s valid. midnight up is like the perfect time to read fics it makes them appear more magical sjdkdhdk.

i hope i caught you today but if not, hope you’re sleeping well babe! ♥️

sorry i was playing genshin! JFKSNXKSNKSJ i started before 12am and before i knew it it was already 1am… my goodness

and yeah i watched this vid comparing the graphic quality settings (i play on the default one) and i was like??? people really be playing like this? LOL can’t relate

edit: missed this paragraph oops but yeah what a time 2016 was! (lmao voltron started that year iirc) i remember we had an athletics event and legit everyone was on their phones jfksnfksnd. oooo! nice tddk and krbk are very good very nice. and also yeah that cover lol i love that you didn’t even have to specify which one i just Know. hmm i think rn bkdk would be one of the top ships i’m interested in aside from todobaku? they just have so much history ya know? and they have a lot of moments in the second movie! oh wait did you know that there are movies? two of them in fact!! the kiribaku is pretty strong in the first one (but there are some todobaku moments too lol). and there are a few OVAs too. WAIT are you all caught up with the anime? can’t rmemeber if you’ve told me or not 😫

oooo if that were the case tho what would the others give? i did like the “sea blue” description or something of the blue one tho 😩 YOU WANNA EAT THEM FJDJCJSKNCSKJCKSNXJS NO!!! but i can understand.. they look very squishy. THAT’S MY BOY!!!!!! honoured you thought of me <33 yo i was also wondering what chongyun would look like in darker clothes too HDKSKDN see this is why i need to learn how to draw.… gotta put them in the clothes i want since we can’t do that in game!! but a shop would be so cute omg

JFKSKSKAKS i’ve legit been staying away from opening the wish menu as much as i can.… it’s too tempting i can’t!!

yeah the archon one is what i meant sorry! forgot the name for it lol. and yes there is! once you reach AR 35 or something you can unlock story quests and venti is one of them 👀👀 RIPPPP BUT AT LEAST YOU KNOW NOW 😭😭

i think just xingqiu rn!! i’ve been holding off ascending barbara in hopes of getting him, bc i grinded some oceanid (literally the worst fucking boss ever) before i ascended so i’m just hoarding those materials rn fjskdnd. yesss the boy scouts 😭🥺 but i heard chongyun and razor’s elemental skills cancel each other out so rip.. hmm i did a count and i think i have 3 each of claymore and catalyst users! hbu?

omg nooooo betrayal 😭 tho ngl i’m considering using ningguang bc i see people play her so well.. so i’m just carrying her around in my team hoping to passively level her up HAHAHA. i def appreciate their long range attacks too, lisa’s burst especially is quite nice. CHJDKSKD that’s so cute but also very relatable 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺 also did you know murase is like tall af it’s kinda crazy lol

there’s /so/ much good fanart!!! it’s where i’m getting a taste of all the ships too lol but yeah there’s angst and fluff and just charas looking s*xy they’ve got it all 😩 but that also reminds me, like most other big fandoms genshin fandom is kinda fkn shit 😔 once again i’m thankful to myself for keeping such a small circle lmaooooo

honestly i don’t know either?? i think it helps me distinguish between what i’m actually writing vs what i’m planning like if i do something like “JUMPS OFF PLATFORM, LANDS IN FRONT. so, are you going to introduce me or do i have to do it myself ETC THEN THEY TALK SUDDENLY there’s the sound of a windchime, and VILLAINS HERE GOTTA FIGHT” it’ll look something like that jdjsndkskd where the lowercase is exact dialogue I wanna write in but the caps is just planning

but winging it ey that’s hot of you 🤪 god do you ever just like thinking about potential ideas before falling asleep but then your phone is far away/you don’t wanna hurt your eyes looking at a screen but then you’re also afraid you’ll forget the idea DJKSXKSK

:o! i think i stayed away bc of the whole “stan loona” thing DHSKKS but i might give them another shot! therefore i am is one of my go to songs rn hehe i really like the beats she uses they’re so funky. i don’t really like ariana sorry FJDJKSKS but she does have a lot of bangers!! side to side… 😘👌 and i do know the neighbourhood! sweater weather is so iconic but lately i’ve been skipping that too aahah. but have you heard daddy issues slowed? oh my god. that singlehandedly started my obsession with slowed songs (ironic isn’t it when you consider i don’t listen to normal slow songs fjsjdj) i like summertime sadness from lana! and young and beautiful too (the radio songs AHAH) but yeah.. they’re slow fjdkksks. how do you feel about halsey + melanie martinez + bastille? (i’m always paranoid about listing artists bc so many get cancelled or what other and i feel like randos are gonna come for me too JDKSKSKA.) oh and troye sivan!! and pentatonix if you’ve heard of them? i was obsessed with those two back in 2015 ahaha

omg crazy.. how!! hm my favourite hour is maybe 12pm? or 2pm? just some time in the afternoon i like when it’s still light outside but it’s also like “after school” time kinda .. and yesss reading fic at late hours… gets me crying more easily 🤪

i don’t think i’ll catch your next reply so goodnight in advance!! hope your day is great <3

[yaminerua]

Tagged by @yuuripean

Never got this particular tag meme before so this’ll be fun!

Gonna shove it under a cut tho cos it’s a little long

5 things you’ll find in my bag

1. A rubber egg with Jouta Kujo drawn on it that a friend gave me

2. A sketchpad for whenever I get a chance to sit and draw

3. Old train tickets from god knows how long ago that have no business being in there but are still there anyway

4. Period pads. Because you just never know when it’s gonna strike

5. ipad... in desperate hopes I’ll find a wifi that’ll let me connect

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

1. Cosplay stuff. Mostly the Kakyoin wig that sits on its stand overseeing the entire room

2. A massive foam yaoi hand that was given to me by a stranger on a London train completely randomly lmfao... It’s just sort of.. there.. It amuses me greatly

3. A lightbox that was given to me by a friend. I need to clear that area so I can use it again tho ;;;

4. A bunch of anime figures still in their boxes cos I have no available space to actually set them up nicely

5. Plushies. Pokemon plushies, Naruto plushies, matsu plushies, random dog plushies and Mokona.

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life

1. Really get into the animation industry and like.. properly become what I’ve always wanted to be ;;

2. Have a stall at an anime con selling art and stuff

3. Learn Japanese and go to Japan and visit lots of places there

4. Make my own cosplays fully by myself

5. Create something that people would love and enjoy (or at least be a part of something like that)

5 things that make me happy

1. The fun and adventure of travelling to cons with friends and just. everything that those weekends bring

2. People’s positive reactions to things I create, even when I myself don’t particularly think it turned out all that well. I really appreciate that

3. Hugs. And just? Cozy stuff like friends all bundled together watching a thing with a cup of noodles and snacks and shit like that

4. Getting to eat my favourite foods. Or making something and trying it and having it turn out yummy!

5. When people show me a thing they made for me, or tag me in something they think is relevant to my interests or just ;;;; little things like that

5 things I’m currently into

1. Mob Psycho 100. It has 100% taken over my life currently and I’m just accepting this as my fate rn.

2. CLAMP. Just. Everything CLAMP (though you all know I love the CLAMP School, TB and X stuff the most)

3. Osomatsu-san. I’m still dearly fond of those six shitty boys and that lonely little oden man

4. Voltron. I’m gonna die waiting for season 3

5. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. I’m so sad part 4 anime is over, but I’ll look forward to the possibility of a part 5 anime!

5 things on my To-Do list

1. Drawing stuff, like commission work and also something for a zine I forgot I signed up to.. RIP the zine’s deadline is really soon

2. Get the SU Reanimate shot done

3. Make an attempt at starting my Mob cosplay. or at least do like.. a mini-practice run-through to figure things out???

4. Tidy my room since I got a friend coming to stay really soon oh god I need to tidy this place up

5. Some ficlet things I owe people who sent asks (not to mention other fics that need updates.....). My writing has died and I need to revive it.

5 things people may not know about me

1. When I was about 5 I had alopecia so my hair fell out a lot, especially at the back. But once that got sorted it all grew in really thick again.

2. I used to go to an acting school but left because of an extreme confidence crash.

3. I am terrible at judging the volume of my own voice and often do not realise I’m speaking louder than I maybe should be.. I always need to be told to hush

4. I flooded someone’s bathroom once completely by accident and never ever owned up to it. I still feel super guilty about it

5. I once sent my grandparents on my mum’s side a fake fanclub letter for the football team they despise because I thought it would be funny. They didn’t see the funny side xD

idk who to tag in this. I’m a weenie who never tags ;;;;

[morningpages-louise]

August 09, 2019

My head is throbbing. I think its from getting too much sleep. First time I’ve slept in in a while. These affordances to sleep in are few, but I appreciate every single chance I get. I think there are going to be a lot more now since I’m on summer break :D I shall enjoy all this leisure time, and use it wisely. It’s been raining this whole week and it feels very cozy. Im super cozy rn. Im just sitting in my couch, coffee and phone on one side, listening to the sound of rain falling down the surface of the building. Gloomy cities really make good combos. I can’t quite explain it but the gloom resembles my mood, and it paints the city in such a dramatic light. Lonely cities. It fits it well, because cities while vibrant and full of life can also be so lonely. Filled with lonely souls. And so the rain is a fitting component. I love living in the city. My affinity for cities, and the culture that exists, and the life that exists and just how individuality is encouraged and praised, that’s what I love about cities. Where people are free to express themselves, everyone’s open minded. I thrive in these environments. I love living in Manila. I’ve written about this city quite a few times. And you know considering I’ve got a year, or maybe even less, I want to create something that will capture how I feel about this beautiful city filled with such a mash of different souls. Perhaps a zine? Or a photo series? A personal project. It’s definitely something I’m going to think about. Ive been meaning to get back in photography just because its such a lovely medium, and I love looking back at memories. The sentimentalist in me can’t resist. I’d really love to get better at it. And I think its time I fulfill one of the goals I listed at the start of the year which was to engage in photography assignments. Just for myself. I think I will do just that. I always think to myself, I’ll start when I get a new camera, a less bulkier contraption, but honestly I think the best time to start is now. Because by the time I get a new camera, ill probably think the same thing. Oh, ill just wait till i get this certain lens or something like that. You’ll never be ready. You just have to throw yourself out there. That’s something I’ve been learning a lot through the daily stoic. In fact, I really resonate with the readings. The universe has a weird way of letting everything fall into place. Just how fitting it is in my life. Man, I love this. My thoughts feel so substantial. Usually when I engage in Morning Pages, there are times when you can tell I’m just really trying to fill the 750 word part. Like I’m not even thinking. And that’s just when my brain is riddled with anxiety. When I have a long day to go and I can’t be bothered by writing down 750 words. But this right here, is nice. Ofcourse I have things on my plate, quite a lot actually since I’ve pretty much been neglecting all my tasks since I started on that MSMEDIA essay. Today is the first day I can see clarity again. August, I’ve been rushing you because its been hectic, and I’m sorry for that. But now its time to hit the restart button and start a new again. I think these things are necessary. In fact, I accept that every once in a while we’ll need imaginary restarts. They can do wonders on our productivity and focus, and how we work. So here’s to restarting. Refocusing. Recalibrating. Time to drop everything and just focus on yourself is so necessary, and I do believe it makes you grind a lot harder. Yeah. Here’s to finishing 2019 hard. Here’s to getting out of my comfort zone.

Also on a side note, I really have been seriously thinking about learning poetry. I’m intrigued by the form, how people can put together words like that. It’s basically painting images with your words, and I want to be able to do that. I’m definitely opening to taking up a poetry workshop sometime in the future or engaging in any online courses. Cause like poetry has never really been something I’ve appreciated. Like I always tended to avoid it because I never particularly liked the form. I never knew how to appreciate it. And so I want to try delving into it. I just want to see if its for me. And maybe, just maybe it’ll help me articulate my feelings in a better way. Who knows? I don’t know. I think I’ve pretty much mastered the art of nonfiction writing. I want to try poetry now. And maybe after, creative writing. I just love words. Im mesmerized by them. How they can paint beautiful photos and articulate feelings so spot on. I have such an affinity for words and prose that you can connect to.

Ugh im feeling all churny inside. I’m so happy I have outlets to express myself. Through my words and photos. Life is so beautiful, and I just want to try and capture it you know. So yeah those are my thoughts lang. Alsoooo I’m trying to give up vaping. Like I literally gave my vape to Kristine yesterday and I told her to hide it lol. It’s just so bad, and its become a bad habit. Like I feel horrible whenever I smoke it, and yet I keep doing it and I think its mainly because of the fact that it’s there, so I just gravitate nd pull towards it But yesterday, Erica sent a photo and I was just like nope. It’s funny because I didn’t even think. Like I just threw it away lol. Fuck that, life is more precious than that nicotine rush. Life is too precious. Here’s to living. It’s amazing how life is so amazing on good days. I wish I could come back to this feeling whenever I have bad days, and don’t feel motivated or feel the need to continue going you know. I wish I could always come back to this feeling.

[ontheperiphery]

get to know me tag game

rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 blogs you would like to know better. tagges by @taesthetes!! tyty

1. nickname: i dont have many nicknames!! lori is kind of a nickname in itself. ive also answered to crow and a shortened version of my chinese name

2. gender: female

3. star sign: pisces

4. height: 155cm or 5'1"

5. time: 7:05pm (not my usual timezone tho!)

6. birthday: feb 21 🕊

7. favourite band(s): bts, svt, day6, akmu! hs me rly liked mayday and s.h.e. a lot. im not very good at looking for music tho, pls send recs my way

8. favourite solo artist(s): i used to esp like carrie underwood back when i listened to country music. i dont think i have an absolute fav rn

9. song stuck in my head: spring day. the scenery here reminds me of some of my feelings over it

10. last movie watched: the terror live (2013)

11. last show watched: ?? tbh its been a while i have no idea

12. when did i create my blog: mmm just a few weeks ago? beginning of july i think??

13. what do i post: bts writings, more of my own thoughts and ramblings when i get more comfortable pfft

14. last thing i googled: the terror live. i had to confirm the title bc i watched it last night with very bad dubbing bc my mom left it on the channel playing and i accidentally got invested

15. do you have other blogs: three others, all for v different things

16. do you get asks: yes!! which surprised me bc im so new and with little exposure

17. why did you choose your url: because the biggest reason i hesitate to engage fully in any fandom for anything ive ever been interested is the intensity, conflicts, theft, disrespect, and drama i inevitably see crop up! so i follow and lurk and hesitate to make or post anything of my own and i see a lot from the sidelines and its more comfortable that way. engaging and participating is difficult whether online or in person so. on the periphery is my comfort zone and i finally mustered the guts to make a blog and everything so here i am

18. following: mmm 6 atm. i follow a lot more on my main blog and currently deciding how i want to seperate content i see on each

19. followers: 11 (thank u 💕)

20. favourite colours: cerulean blue, teal

21. average hours of sleep: 9-10 hours ideally, to actually feel well rested. realistically, 5-8 hours esp during school

22. lucky number: 4, 8

23. instruments: flute, only for 2 yrs back in middle school

24. what am i wearing: comfy shorts w pockets and a faded pink shirt i got from a volunteering activity i did back in hs

25. how many blankets i sleep with: 2-3. at least one with weight or else i have difficulty falling asleep

26. dream job: being able to make a confortable living with creative content like zines and artbooks. or a wildlife biologist or ecologist if only funding and continuous projects was less of a struggle

27. dream trip: enough time to visit a very long list of countries, learning about history, natural history, with enough time to comfortable explore cities and towns and natural places as well

28. favorite food: noodles, spring rolls, hot pot, ice cream, mangos (the sweet yellow skin esp), snow and korean and yali pears

29. nationality: chinese, american, cambodian

30. favourite song now: ???? save me? the mv was released when i was sad and it was my first listening of the song. its had a special place in my heart since

tagging whoever wants to do it, really! pretend i mentioned u. I dont know enough ppl here quite yet ;v;;