#thinking about this forever and how i went far and beyond The Zone. LIVE LAUGH LOVE AKISHINJI!!!!!!!! thank u oomf for this opportunity...!

[tekitz]

for @beyondtheyote !!!

[lemonmeringuecry]

The Cubs at Disneyland

Hi, so I've been trying to do this for awhile (ever since I drew Lo in a Mickey Mouse hoodie) but when the queen herself, miss Hazel, said she needs them to go to Disney... well I wrote this. And drew it. Because I'm me.

So anyway, here's the drawing and below is the fic

Tw for a couple mentions of food but I think that's it

Credit for everything @lumosinlove

Leo bounced a bit on the balls of his feet, goofy smile at full force while he waited to board the plane. He had grown up going to Disney World with his family. Living in Louisiana, Florida wasn’t too far away, and Eloise and Wyatt Knut didn’t let being adults stop them from enjoying the magic of Disney. When Leo was born, his parents were beyond excited about the prospect of going as a family, getting mickey ears, collecting pins, and making memories.

The first time he went, Leo was five, his favorite Disney movie was the lion king, and an expression of pure joy was permanent in his pale, blue eyes. Over the four days they were in the parks he got to go on rides, eat themed sweets, and meet his favorite characters.

After that first trip, Eloise started a scrap book. The book, titled ‘Disney World 2006’, was soon filled with pictures of Leo at the entrance gate, Leo with pineapple dole whip halfway to his mouth, and countless of all three of them taken by the photographers.

A favorite picture of Eloise’s was near the back, this one of her son with Simba. When Leo had spotted the cast member dressed as his favorite character, he all but threw himself at the lion costume clad employee. Leo’s mama had taken many pictures of the two lion cubs together and they were beyond adorable.

There are more scrap books from 2008, 2011, 2014, and 2017. Throughout the years of pictures Leo never looks less than ecstatic. Even though New Orleans will forever remain his favorite place in the world, Disney is a close second to home, which is why this trip with his boys is such a big deal for him.

The Lions are currently on a short break in the season after their game against the Coyotes and the cubs are going to spend a few days at Disneyland in Anaheim.

Finn reaches forward to grab Leo’s hand who is standing in line in front of him.

“Sunshine, are you excited?” He asks. Leo tilts his head around to look at his boyfriend and nods eagerly.

“We’ll take that as a yes,” logan chuckles sleepily from behind Finn where he is standing with his head resting on the red head’s back. Evidently waking up at 6:00 in the morning to drive to the airport wasn’t ideal for him.

Leo lets out a low, impatient groan, still bouncing, “I need to be there like right now. Can’t we get on the plane already?”.

“We haven’t even been waiting that long. I think they’re about to call our section though, Peanut,” Finn answers him, trying not to let his amusement show too much.

A crinkly noise cuts off Leo’s response, “Now boarding rows 1-10,” a voice says from over the loudspeaker. Leo stands up straighter and turns to his boyfriends, “that’s us!”

“I know Nutter-Butter, go on, let’s get you to Disney!” Finn says as he pats Leo’s butt lightly, moving him forward, onto the jet bridge.

The boys get settled into their seats, Finn by the window, Logan in the middle for maximum cuddles, and Leo on the aisle for the leg room. For the first half of the flight Logan sleeps while Finn and Leo share a movie, but all three boys are wide awake by the time the flight attendants come around with drinks for the second time. The rest of the flight is spent chatting about practices coming up after the break, things they need for the apartment, and what they are going to do first upon arriving.

Once getting off the plane in California, they take the shuttle from John Wayne Airport to the Disneyland hotels. They are staying in the Adventure Land tower, closest to the park. By this point all three boys are buzzing with the infectious happiness of Disney. After unpacking and getting settled into their hotel room, the cubs proceed with their plans of shopping and getting dinner in Downtown Disney. First thing on the agenda is to procure mouse ears. Logan, Finn, and Leo make their way to World of Disney in order to find the widest selection of ears. Leo has a collection of his own ears at home, including his favorite pride Minnie ears, but for this trip he wants to get new ones along with Logan and Finn. Leo and Finn decide on classic Mickey ear hats, while Logan picks out Minnie ears with a lavender bow. They all get sweatshirts too, as is custom.

After a pleasant evening of enjoying the atmosphere and getting dinner at Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen (Leo’s offense towards their attempt at Cajun cuisine is only partially a joke), they call it night. They head back to the hotel, brush their teeth, put on pajamas, and cuddle up in bed. After a busy day the three boys quickly fall asleep, full of anticipation for the day ahead.

Something you should know about Leo is that when it comes to Disney, he is hard core. Their first morning there is an early entry in Disneyland park.

“Rise and shine, party people!” Leo calls as he entera the main part of the hotel room from the bathroom. Logan and Finn are just now waking up, but they aren’t remotely tired. The pure excitement radiating off their boyfriend is contagious as well as the promise of a day of fun.

“Butter baby, how long have you been up?” Finn’s question is alarmed yet distinctly amused.

“Since 5:30,” Leo responds off-handedly. Logan and Finn share a look, then turn it on Leo. Undeterred, Leo spins slowly in a circle in order to show off his carefully constructed outfit. He is wearing his favorite light wash Levi’s, paired with the crewneck he bought yesterday (light gray with vintage looking Mickey & friends). Underneath his sweatshirt he is wearing his Pizza Planet t-shirt, ready for when it gets hot later. Leo’s outfit is accessorized with his new Mickey ear hat, white air Jordan 1’s, and his Tinker Bell lanyard filled with pins from over the years.

“These things take time! Now y’all go get dressed, we have to be in line by 6:45,” Leo says. With that both Finn and Logan get out of bed and into their clothes in record time. On their way out of the room, they pick up their ears and backpacks from the desk by the TV.

After a brief stop at the Starbucks in Downtown Disney, the boys make it into the que of people lining up at the entrance gate. Once 7:00 hits, the lines start to move into the park. As Logan, Finn, and Leo enter, they gaze around in awe. At the end of Mainstreet sits Sleeping Beauty’s castle, tall and glorious. They walk hand in hand down the lane of colorful, old fashioned buildings, chatting excitedly about what to do first.

“Alright babes, what’s up on the agenda?” Finn asks.

“I don’t even know the options, what do you say Le?” Logan continues.

They end up heading over to Tomorrow Land first. They go on Star Tours and Space Mountain while the lines are short, then bounce around Fantasy land as they make their way across the park. Around 8:30 all three boys start to get hungry so they grab a bag or two of beignets from New Orleans Square. After breakfast, they hit their favorites in Adventure land (Finn fucking loves Indiana Jones), Frontier Land (Big Thunder Mountain Railroad is a fan favorite), and New Orleans Square (Logan might not stop singing ‘Yo Ho a Pirate’s Life for Me’ for weeks).

Around noon the cubs exit Disneyland Park and walk across to California Adventure. After lunch at Wine Country Trattoria the boys bop around Cars Land, Hollywood Land, Pacific Warf and Grizzly Peak. The lines are a lot longer now that it’s afternoon, so they take it in stride and spend their waiting time talking, cuddling, and playing games. They end up going on almost every ride as well as hitting the extra good ones twice like Incredicoaster and Guardians of the Galaxy (still a fan-fucking-tastic ride but Leo misses the Twilight Zone theme).

By the time they finish up in California Adventure for the day, it’s almost time for Fantasmic, and Leo has yet to tell his boys that he got them reserved seats. The cubs meander back to Disneyland but when they start to near Frontier Land Finn picks up the pace.

“Sweetheart, what’s the hurry?” Leo asks with a knowing smile.

“I wanna get good seats for Fantasmic, I haven’t seen it since I was little!” Finn replies.

“Orgasmic? I like the sound of that,” Logan slides in with a smirk.

“Baby, no!” His boyfriends exclaim at the same time. Logan giggles which gets Leo and Finn laughing as well.

“And Finn, I got us seat reservations for the show so no need to rush,” Leo tells him. Finn’s response is to jump on Leo with a fierce hug and a drawn out “Yay,”.

The cubs enjoy the water show immensely, all snuggled up and bundled in sweatshirts once again to fend off the cool evening air. They point out little details to each other with intertwined hands and gasp aloud at the pretty fireworks. Once Fantasmic is over they do a few more rides, then head back to the hotel, sleepy after a full day. The boys fall asleep quickly again, ready to do it all again the next day.

[katsukisprincess-archive]

gala night jealousy | tamaki x f!reader 

a/n: hi hi hi! it’s been forever since i’ve written something and it felt so good to get this out. the jealousy aspect of the relationship is obviously dramatized for the smut. pay attention to red flags in ur personal relationships! i hope you enjoy! my requests are open <3

genre: smut, jealous smut

wc: 2.4k

tags: @tomurasprincess​ @keigos-dove​ @carwolinee​ @catlover7722​ @shoutodoki​ @kimm-ie​ @jennatheebaby​ @dabilove27​ @ttaste-the-rainbow​ @buferfliz​ @dragonchildyuki​ @dymphnasprose​ @usernamekate94​ @katheriinr​ @holopoem​ @engel-hageshii​ @egghoarder​ @kyberhearts​ @mstakami​ @cadesgay​ @noamizu​ @lazywinnerpersonpasta​ @scawberry​ @luxivii​ @flutterfalla​ @pygmy-lurks @lastminaddition @hisoknen

 The flashes of cameras as the door to the limousine opened were immediate. 

For a moment, Tamaki was thankful that you were sitting closest to the door. He watched you step out, careful to accept the hand of the driver and make sure your heel was planted firmly on the ground before rising. He had to think through every second of motion he made to prevent an accident or making a fool out of himself; as he saw the light flicker off the sequins of your dress, he wondered if you had to do the same- or if the gracefulness you carried in your movements was just included in the irrevocable marvel that was you. 

“(Y/L/N), over here, over here!” The paparazzi yelled out for your attention as Tamaki tottered his way to your side, and he couldn’t help but let out a shaky sigh in relief as you laced your hand through the bend in his arm. Even in his mid-twenties he still hadn’t found comfort in any form of public emergence… you were the only thing that grounded him, but especially so tonight. 

You had been off in America for nearly a month with your agency, taking workshops, keeping up appearances as you were being called one of the new Pro-Heroes to keep eyes on. It was nearly two years after graduating with your class from UA High, but still, you were making waves in the Hero scene all around the world alongside your agency partner, who you had grown up with and now worked with- Mezo Shouji. 

Tamaki didn’t dislike Shouji. How could he? He was one of the most respectable people he had ever met, even while going through school years. There was no denying that he was a good friend to you, as well- there were no signs pointing otherwise. You had been dating Tamaki for almost seven years now and while there were mishaps he comforted you through with your other friends, nothing ever went astray when it came to your multi-limbed agency partner. There was nothing to hate. 

Well… maybe one thing. 

You spend so much time with him. 

It nearly had Tamaki itching at this point. He understood the insane schedule of a hero as he lived the life himself, just in a different agency. Time together was sparse, so when you had it, you had to make the most of it, especially now that you were back from such a long trip. The anxiety he felt bubble in his stomach as he watched you be whisked away for pictures with Shouji annoyed him beyond coherent thought. What was the point of getting so upset over this? 

He tried to reason with himself while he stood off to the side, sometimes taking pictures with Kirishima and Togata as they passed, sometimes answering questions for reporters that he wished would just walk away. He trusted you, he loved you more than anything, and he genuinely considered Shouji a close friend at this point. Still… when his pointy ears perked up at the sound of compliments towards you and him, he wondered if he was going to be sick. 

“You two look so good together! Can we get another pose?” One of the reporters chirped, holding her camera up as you and Shouji stood in another position for her. He didn’t realize he was zoning out until he felt Mirio’s hand on his shoulder, breaking him from his reverie. 

“Relax, Tamaki, we’ll be out of here soon! Wanna start walking up?” Always positive and always having his back, Tamaki was thankful that Mirio saw his clenched fists and dark eyes as general anxiety and not shooting arrows into the hand- hands?- that Shouji had currently gripping your hip. 

Giving a short nod in response, Tamaki and Mirio began their trek inside the building, all the while Tamaki prayed for this night to just be over. 

***

He learned quickly that it was far from over. 

If anything could go wrong that night, it seemed to happen. He got to sit next to you for the awards, but Shouji was on the other side of you. This was normal, Tamaki kept reassuring himself. You two were nominated for an award together, which symbolized the best duo currently in the field. You won, of course, and while Tamaki was so fucking proud of you, he couldn’t help but feel that same twinge of jealousy. You looked so beautiful in the dress you were wearing, and all night he could feel his cock straining against his slacks in response. He hadn’t been able to touch you in weeks… and that was all Shouji was doing tonight. 

Little did he know, you were completely aware of how he was feeling. Jealousy wasn’t a new feeling for Tamaki, and you were both very open to each other communication wise. Judging by the way he was groping you in the back of the limo on the way to the gala, you knew you were in for it already. Tamaki tended to take a lot of emotion out during sex, knowing that what he couldn’t possibly describe with words, he could show through actions. Would it hurt to… encourage that kind of roughness? You didn’t think so, fueling your own desires and setting yourself out to be the thing Tamaki couldn’t take his eyes off of all night. 

After the awards, you focused on the little things. Reaching out to touch Shouji’s arm when you laughed at something he would say, or pressing your ass against Tamaki’s boner and pulling his arms to lace around your chest to make it look like a normal, sweet gesture. 

The sharp intake of his breath was enough for you to know you hit a nerve. 

“Careful, bunny.” Tamaki whispered in your ear, rocking forward against your ass just slightly and raising goosebumps across your skin. “I’d be more compassionate if you want that dress,” His hand trailed up your chest, his thumb sticking out to trace the fast-pulsing vein in your neck, “to still be in one piece by the time we get home.” 

Your response was out before you could think about the repercussions. “The reporters said it looked stunning against Mezo’s hair.”  

Wrong move. 

Suddenly thankful that no one around you was paying attention, you barely had time to gasp before you were being yanked out of the ballroom and down a secluded hallway. He was bold to assume that you were able to keep up with his lanky legs in the heels you were wearing, but your fashion didn’t seem to be his top priority at the moment. You played catch up with him, nearly being dragged the rest of the way before he found a bathroom. 

“A bathroom Tamaki? Seri- hey!” 

Your dress was being unzipped and pulled down your body before the door was even closed. After pushing it shut and locking it, Tamaki lifted you out of the mess of fabric and kicked it to the side. You wanted to make a comment about how expensive it was, but judging by how he was literally holding you in the air to kick your heels off of your feet, you figured now wasn’t the best time to talk. 

“What is it about Shouji that has you so enamoured?” He asked in your ear, dropping you to your feet before ripping the panties you had off of your hips. Your complaints fell on deaf ears and you were thanking the universe at that moment that your dress had a bra built in. 

“What? Tamaki, I’m not-” 

“That’s not an answer. Is it the arms? Do you think about what he could do with arms like that, bunny?” His voice grew deeper towards the end, sounding like it was scratching out of his chest as his arms suddenly turned into a multitude of tentacles, each finding one of your limbs to grab onto to hold your back against his chest. You were on full display in the mirror in front of you, and Tamaki was looking over your shoulder at the complete show he was making of you. “Do you want to feel what all of those can do?” 

With one sticky tentacle trailing up and wrapping around your neck, you had very little room to speak. Instead you laid your head back against his shoulder and tried to look up at him, open-mouthed whimpers ringing off the bathroom walls and drool trickling down your cheek. 

You felt your eyes roll back into your head as his limbs squeezed and pulled at your nipples, one just barely finding your clit between your folds and running small circles onto it. You weren’t able to control the whimpers, or silence the sounds in any way, and you could only wonder through the fog if anyone was listening. 

The thought had you soaking. 

Tamaki, truthfully, was just as much of a mess as you were. With his dress shirt sleeves rolled up, tie undone, and buttons popped on his shirt, he still felt like he was in a sauna. It took very little to get him worked up when it came to you, and seeing you spread eagle against him and nearly crying in his ear before he even took his dick out had him questioning if he would cum in his boxers. 

“Yeah bunny, that’s a good girl,” He panted, pressing a kiss to your temple as he quickly used a tentacle to undo his pants and release his cock. There was no waiting- he could feel your abdomen rippling the way it before you hit your peak and he needed to be inside of you. “Such a good girl-”

Stumbling forward with his pants around his ankles, Tamaki lifted you up onto the countertop between two sinks so that you were on your knees. He was at the perfect height to slip into your dripping cunt from this angle, his tentacles pulling your arms behind your back as he began the process of stretching you out around his dick. You spread your knees just a little wider, causing him to hit a spot deep inside of you that made you yell out for him and fall back against his chest. He used this position to his advantage, beginning to pump himself inside of you. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” Tamaki breathed out, his left hand turning back to normal so he could hold your neck again, but this time against his own skin. He picked up his pace with this, but as he sped up and your moans and whimpers grew even louder, he pushed you forward so your hands were bracing yourself up against the mirror. 

This gave Tamaki the perfect angle to watch your reactions, seeing your mouth fall open and the glass fog as he pounded balls-deep into you relentlessly. “Oh, Tama, right there, please, please~” Your strings of words began to barely make sense as he held your hips in a bruising grip, but still, it wasn’t enough. 

Slipping you off of the counter, Tamaki dropped you to your feet and brought you back against the cool tile wall. He wasted no time in picking you back off the floor, utilizing one hand of tentacles to wrap your legs around his waist as he buried himself back in your pussy. 

This position was much more intimate, and fuck did he look like a beautiful mess above you. No matter how many times you two spent time like this, neither of you would ever get sick of it. Tamaki was convinced that you were the best thing he would ever have in this lifetime, and he would be damned if he wasn’t going to spend a lot of that lifetime making you cum around his cock. 

“You feel so good, Tamaki~” You whispered, your lips crashing against his in hopes of swallowing some of the ridiculous noises you were sure were floating through the building at this point. He responded with a long, drawn out groan, his eyes pressed tightly closed as he fought to not cum that second. Your arms fell around his neck and you let your hands wander up into his hair, yanking at the indigo tresses and forcing his thrusts to stutter inside of you. You could tell he was fighting off his orgasm, but you wanted nothing more in that moment than to make him release. “Cum in me, Tama, fill me up, please cum in me~”

Another groan from him, but this time followed by now two human arms wrapping around your torso, pressing you hard against the wall, and fucking you with absolute reckless abandon. Tears fell from your eyes at the sheer impact, and as you bit down on his shoulder, you came harder around him than you ever had in your relationship. You worried your nails drew blood with how harshly you were grasping at him, but with the sheer force of his own hands, you knew you would probably face similar marks. 

Tamaki came deep inside of you, stuffing his load and filling you to the brim. Your first thought once you caught you breath was to clean yourself up since you were already in the bathroom, but before you were even off from against the wall Tamaki had stuffed your pussy with a plug he pulled from the pocket of his slacks. 

Once he backed away you looked at him incredulously, and he couldn’t help but take in your entire look. You were a mess, ridiculously so, and he used the pads of his thumbs to wipe off excess eyeliner and mascara. As he tried to gently fix your hair, he pressed the softest kiss to your forehead. “I’ll help you zip the dress up. Long night ahead.” 

***

Even as you walked back to the main party, you questioned how you didn’t notice Tamaki had a fucking plug in his pocket. You whispered to him about it the whole way there, commenting on how there was still so much to do that night and it could have been so uncomfortable. 

Tamaki could only smile. If you didn’t notice the plug in one pocket, you surely didn’t notice the ring box he had stuffed in the other. 

[nekolatte]

Chapter 4: Pursuit

Preview: Dante noted the color of his hair, the curve of his nose and set of his jaw― Leon was pretty, and more so when he turned red with embarrassment. “What do you want?” Dante blinked, not realizing immediately that question was for him― instead captive to the show of snarling teeth and an eye color that looked more green than blue under the dingy bathroom light. “To help you”

Oh, Dante was in trouble. 

Well, he was always in some form of trouble. Either with his landlord, his local government. Lady, Trish, the world in general. The demon world in generalー  

Pausing his increasingly derailing train of thought, Dante picked up a discarded shirt and moved on, both literally and mentally. 

Point was, he was having feelings. Soft, playful feelings like those first few weeks when Lady blushed and stuttered at every other innuendo out of Dante's mouth or when Trish would smirk and tease at his attempts to make her laugh. Flirting came second nature to Dante, but other than getting an amusing reaction from the other party, there wasn’t much else he gained from it. Contrary to his public persona, he wasn’t interested in getting laid with a revolving door of men, women and miscellaneous. 

Dante enjoyed the attention, not the intimacy.

But with Leon, some stranger he scraped up off the sidewalk and stitched back together? There was something there that Dante wanted to tentatively pursue, and the only person he ever actively pursued in his life was a brother he couldn’t confidently confirm was dead or alive at the moment. This was new and strange and Dante didn't want to stop despite the alarm bells ringing.

He tried telling himself that it was all in good fun, that even if he did get stupidly attached, Leon certainly wouldn't reciprocate. Wariness and hostility wafted off the man like the demon guts he had bathed in prior, and seemed oblivious that he gave off either stench. Dante wouldn’t be entranced forever at chasing after someone that wasn’t interestedー he may have been foolhardy but he wasn’t masochistic. Not entirely. Enjoying Lady’s company made him doubt that part of himself sometimes, but no. 

In any case, maybe Dante shouldn't have hinted at the threat during their first little talk, been more open and friendly to a human side-stepping into Hell’s door― it had just felt urgent that the man understand the circumstances he was suddenly in. Too late for it now.

Preferring to confront problems with a sword and gun, of which neither was good in this particular instance, Dante decided to just ignore everything and get Leon some pants.

He knocked on the bathroom door just to be polite and let himself in without bothering to wait for a response. Leon looked irritated, to put it mildly, but had nothing to say when Dante presented the clothing he found.

“What, no leather?” Leon quipped, though seemed to regret it immediately as he took a sudden and all-consuming focus in squeezing and flicking off every bit of water on his person. Probably would’ve kept on going if Dante didn’t toss a towel at him, even if it was amusing to watch a grown man sulk in a tub with a shower curtain wrapped around his waist.

“You can’t pull it off like I can.”

Leon grumbled something under his breath that even Dante couldn’t pick up, and yet Dante didn’t move from his comfortable lean against the vanity despite how obvious Leon was at dragging this whole ordeal out. He wasn’t going to ask for help, despite having it allowed it before, obviously waiting for Dante to take the hint and leave but Dante wasn’t going to take it. He really did want to help, plain and simple. 

Humans were so damn soft, so damn fragile. Dante left Leon alone for all of ten minutes and the guy nearly cracked his skull on the bathroom tile. Both too stubborn to concede, the minutes dragged like hours― Dante watching Leon for every second of it. Head tilted like a curious cat, he noted the color of his hair: darker, when wet, though the tips and the wispy hair that made up his fringe were starting to lighten already. The curve of his nose and set of his jaw, light stubble pushing through. Severe eyebrows at contrast with bow lips― Leon was pretty, and more so when he turned red with embarrassment.

“What do you want?”

Dante blinked, not realizing immediately that question was for him― instead captive to the show of snarling teeth and an eye color that looked more green than blue under the dingy bathroom light. He recovered quickly, though.

“To help you, what I’ve been trying to do this whole time.”

Something in Leon seemed to break, maybe his pride, because he slumped in place, face gone dark and pinched, and looked about ready to accept his death rather than a helping hand up. Dante frowned, the victory leaving a confused, bitter taste in his mouth, and failed to come up with a comment to lighten the mood.

All he could do was step forward at Leon’s quietly raised hand, ignoring it entirely to lean down into the tub and scoop the stubborn man right up. Since he was already feeling guilty over the whole debacle, not realizing how far he pushed Leon past his comfort zone, Dante went right ahead and took more liberties than given. 

Leon, worryingly, said nothing, though Dante found some quiet solace in the bright red of his ears that stuck out almost endearingly from flat hair. Clothes snagged on the way to Trish’s room proper, Dante cleared out a space for Leon on the bed before setting him down. The man in question did everything imaginable to avoid Dante’s line of sight, and Dante still felt too thrown off to do anything but respect the man’s privacy as best he could.

It involved a lot of looking to the side while going off muscle memory to bandage Leon up and help him into a shirt and sweats, a few pained hisses here and there, but the lack of communication was wearing. Dante wasn’t much for silence, especially when he was responsible for part of it. He still didn’t know what he did― the way he saw it, it was the same back and forth they had just a few minutes prior. Except, well, he was ogling a man that couldn’t get away from the unwanted attention, that was his implied prisoner. Offered to help when Leon obviously had issues with it.

That last part Dante didn’t understand.

Still, he didn’t want either of them to tiptoe around each other for however long Leon was forced to stay. Dante rubbed his forehead for just a few extra moments to collect himself before he got down to kneel between Leon’s parted legs, an attempt to be in his line of sight― feeling chastised despite Leon not having said a single word. He didn’t dare look up, didn’t want to know what face Leon was making because Dante knew his own was scrunched up with guilt and embarrassment. This was not a good look for him, and one he knew anyone in his immediate acquaintance would never let him live down.

“Listen, I know what this all seems like― I know you’re feeling cautious, and with good reason, but I really am just trying to help. You’re better off not knowing the things I know, and I just need you to trust me that I’ll tell you if that changes. This… It screws up people’s heads, makes day-to-day life just a little more harder to deal with. I don’t want to put you through that.” Dante dragged a hand through his hair and disrupted the slicked-back style so it fell back over his eyes.

Dante was forced to look through them when Leon made a noise that sounded like a question, catching a gaze that was focused on Dante and Dante alone. It felt different, something he could sink into, and a baser, more primal part of his mind wanted to nudge in those last few inches forward and rest his head on Leon’s knee. He reeled from it.

Leon rubbed at a shoulder, careful with the bruising under the borrowed t-shirt. “Why. That’s what I want to know. Providing first aid, giving me a place to recuperate, is one thing. Everything else is another. Making sure I’m not infected,” Leon flinched at the word, though didn’t seem to notice his own action, “doesn’t mean you have to… help me bathe.”

“Because I like you.” The answer came easily, far before his brain could catch up to his mouth after its earlier reprimand. He hadn’t meant to admit to it― they knew each other for three days, at best, and Leon was unconscious for most of it. 

But all Dante could think about was how Leon fought for survival against something that was far beyond his capabilities, refusing to back down despite having the opportunity to turn tail and run. The grit of his teeth and the glare of his eyes when cornered, bloodied but not broken. How he sunk into Dante’s arms as if he was a safe haven, a comfort against the quick torment Leon had been subjected to. The many hours Dante spent watching the man sleep, memorizing the rise and fall of his chest― listening to the steady beat of his heart and losing precious moments of peace when it stuttered. Wanting nothing more than the ability to make Leon better instead of his arsenal of slaughter and destruction.

Maybe his pursuit wasn’t quite so tentative. 

“What I mean is―” But he didn’t have to actively admit it. “―I can tell you’re a good person, Leon. I want all this to be easier for you. I know you don’t believe me, but it isn’t going to stop me from trying.”

Feeling all manner of wrong from admitting to so much emotion without a sarcastic or stupid comment, Dante got to his feet and moved around Leon to get to the bed. He grabbed at every scrap of loose clothing and tossed them into the pile by Trish’s closet, anything to make the area a little more inviting, and gestured to it.

“You should get some more sleep, probably on a bed this time. I’m gonna go and find some food for you.” Dante fled before Leon could get a word in otherwise.

[artificialqueens]

Strangers (Shalaska) - pureCAMP

A/N - inspired by the halsey song, my brain, and sponsored by lesbians

Summary: Sharon’s not gay. Maybe.

Alaska had missed her best friend way too much. As she walked towards the front door of her condo, the music already thumping in her ears from halfway down the street, she had to laugh at the decorations. A huge banner was strung up around the front of the house, with crudely spray-painted letters and glitter spelling out “WILLAM’S HOME!” Beyond that, all of the windows were lit up with whatever expensive lighting systems Willam had rigged; bright purple and blue flashing in all directions.

It was so Willam.

She slipped inside and found herself oddly relaxed in the midst of all the drunk, high, reckless bodies around her. She was already a little tipsy from pre-drinks, and it was such a Willam Belli party that the weeks she’d been gone suddenly disappeared from Alaska’s mind. She threaded her way through, knowing she’d find the blonde by the pool, probably out of her expensive outfit by now and in some kind of elaborate strappy bikini doing body shots.

“Laska! Ah, guys, Alaska’s here!” Willam called out, spotting her as she made her way outside. Naturally, the pool was filled with obnoxiously large pool floats, a minibar was stocked with drinks in the corner, and almost everyone was in some state of undress. Willam, to her credit, was wearing a one-piece, although it was more like a string of fabric just about covering what it needed to. Her wet hair suggested to Alaska that she had already gotten a little wild, but her skin at least was dry, though covered in glitter. She enveloped Alaska in a huge hug.

“I’ve missed you!” Alaska squeezed back. “How was Europe?”

Willam had been away on tour - she was starting to make it big in her music career, and that meant all of a sudden, she was miles and miles away, in weird time zones, living her best life. Alaska was proud beyond belief, but her absence had highlighted just how much she loved her best friend. Plus her parties - they were pretty legendary.

“Amazing! Bitch, get in here and try some of this!” A drink was all but shoved into Alaska’s hand, making her grin and start chugging as she knew she was expected to. Willam and the group surrounding her - no faces that she really recognised, but that was characteristic of a Willam bash - cheered and screamed.

Alaska laughed and sputtered. “That was fucking disgusting. You have the worst taste.”

“I know, right!” Willam grinned and pressed a sloppy, smudged lipstick kiss to the top of her head, undoubtedly getting lipstick and glitter in her hair. “Oh! You should go see Courtney too, Courtney’s here! I think she’s in the kitchen, but I don’t fucking know. Missed you, doll!”

Blowing air kisses, Alaska managed to extricate herself from Willam’s sweaty, chlorine and alcohol-scented grasp, winding past the slippery edges of the pool and the drunken party goers to make her way back inside. She’d stay a little while to catch up with Willam and Courtney, having not seen them in forever, but hopefully she wouldn’t have to stay too long.

It wasn’t that she didn’t wanna get drunk and party with her friends. It was just that… there was someone else on her mind. Someone she was hoping would text soon, and give her an excuse to leave.

The kitchen was busy, but with no sign of Courtney’s perfect curls anywhere. She’d dyed her hair pink a couple of days after her cousin’s wedding in Australia, and Alaska was dying to see it in person. But for the most part, the people in the kitchen were just blindly offering drinks and coke to people - the kitchen island looked like it had been dusted with flour.

“Want some?” A very drunk girl offered, her eyes dazed and unfocused. “I don’t mind sharing!”

Alaska shook her head. “Not really my poison. Thanks, though.”

The girl beamed, and Alaska headed out. Maybe Courtney had moved on to the living room, and was charming the drunks with her tan beauty and her Australian charm and her stories about good vegan restaurants. For someone who didn’t drink often, she was bizarrely good at fascinating crowds at parties.

Just like the rest of the house, the living room was packed with people, dancing to the music or chatting in groups or pressed into various sofas and chairs, making out. A quick scan of the room seemed to indicate that Courtney wasn’t there either - but someone else was.

She was wearing a black dress that clung to every inch of her body, highlighting every delicious curve. Her hair was curled, bouncing at her shoulders, and her lips plush and full and painted red. One of her hands was wrapped around a bottle of beer, while the other was pressed flat against some guy’s chest. Her body was draped over his, and from afar, Alaska could see a sickening, simpering smile on her face as she laughed at, presumably, one of his awful jokes.

It felt as if every breath of air had been knocked right out of Alaska’s lungs. She paused, winded, unable to stop staring and simultaneously wondering why the sudden pain in her chest refused to go away.

She knew that body. She knew it like she knew herself, knew it drunk or sober, knew it in the dark, knew it by touch and mouth alone. She knew the different types of gasps and moans and ragged breaths that she’d make when Alaska went down on her. She knew the whines and satisfied hums she’d make when Alaska’s tongue circled her nipples, when her hands palmed her breasts. She knew the taste of her favourite chapstick, how it felt to thread her hands through those curls.

Sharon was laughing daintily at some guy, and for an inexplicable reason it made Alaska’s blood boil.

As if burned by her gaze, Sharon looked away for a moment and immediately locked eyes with Alaska, her whole body freezing in shock. She seemed to falter for a few seconds, unable to do anything but stare - and then she turned back to the guy she was practically on top of, and smiled apologetically. Alaska caught her mouthing “one second,” and “an old friend,” in a coy, flirty manner, before she all but raced towards her.

Within seconds, she had grabbed Alaska’s arm and pulled her out of the room, leading her into the empty foyer and shutting the door behind them. Alaska half expected her usual sultry, lidded gaze, her eyes to be clouded with lust, but instead she was met with a furious glare.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” She rushed out.

Alaska blinked, confused. “I’m friends with Willam.”

“Since when?”

“For years. We go way back, to like, middle school.”

Sharon scoffed. “She’s never mentioned you.”

“Maybe you don’t have that kind of friendship.” Alaska shot back, then wondered why she was even bothering defending herself. “Anyway, what does it matter?”

“Have you told her about us?” Sharon’s eyes were blazing, her bottom lip quivering as she spoke. Maybe it was the alcohol, or something she’d taken - or, as Alaska sincerely hoped it wasn’t - just the extent of her anger.

She shook her head. “No, I haven’t.”

“Have you told anyone about us?”

“No!”

Sharon seemed to relax, if only infinitesimally. She leant back against the wall, as if to catch her breath, and started to rake her hands through her hair, messing up the curls. Finally able to get a good look at her, Alaska noted her chest rising and falling rapidly, the slight swaying of her figure. She was drunk and panicked and Alaska’s chest was still permeated with a deep, horrible ache.

After a few seconds, Sharon looked up and regained her composure - or at least, pretended to. She stuck her chin in the air and, noticing Alaska’s gaze flitting towards the closed door leading into the living room, sneered.

“You know we’re not lovers, right?”

Alaska swallowed. “Right.”

“We’re strangers.” Sharon’s voice was cold, detached. “I don’t even know your name.”

The ache worsened, but Alaska didn’t give in to it. “Oh really?”

“Really.” Sharon’s gaze hardened. “We’ve never met. Just because we’ve had a couple of drunk hookups-”

Part of Alaska wanted to laugh. A sick, hurt part of her that longed to hit back wanted to laugh, to scoff, to roll her eyes. It was as far from the truth as it could possibly get. Sure, maybe it had started that way, with Sharon drunk and Alaska equally as inebriated, hooking up in someone’s room and then making out in the taxi home only to continue where they left off in Alaska’s apartment. But things had changed; the texts arriving earlier and earlier, the scent of alcohol on her breath fainter and fainter, the tight party clothes and heavy makeup lessening. There had been nights when Sharon had simply texted “Are you in?” and Alaska only had to respond with a mere “Of course” for her to arrive, barely made up, in jeans and a leather jacket that they both knew would be discarded the second she walked inside.

Of course Alaska had got herself entangled with the girl deep in denial. Of course she was catching feelings for someone who, apparently, was nothing short of repulsed at the idea of anyone knowing.

“Drunk?” Alaska repeated, unable to keep the derisive, almost offended tone out of her voice.

“Yes, drunk.” Sharon stressed, her mouth set in a hard line. “A couple of drunk hookups doesn’t mean I’m a… a lesbian.”

It made sense. Alaska nodded, hurt but a lot less angry. “Right. I didn’t imply anything, but-”

“I just don’t want you spilling to the wrong person. Or anyone for that matter.” She crossed her arms, and Alaska forced herself not to glance down at her cleavage. “Okay?”

“Fine.” Alaska paused. “You should know… there’s nothing wrong if you are. You don’t look all that comfortable with him.”

Sharon looked away. “Don’t act like you know me. You don’t. I think he’s cute.”

As if Alaska didn’t know Sharon. As fucking if. She wasn’t convincing at all.

“Okay. Well, I was looking for my friend Courtney - not to talk all about how much you love my tongue in your pussy, don’t worry - but I don’t think she’s around, or maybe she’s in another room. So I’m gonna go look for her, and you can go back to your overgrown man.”

Sharon scowled. “Are you trying to convince me I’m gay? Because I don’t think that’s fucking-”

“No.” Alaska cut her off. “I’m not. I’m wondering why you won’t even entertain the possibility of liking girls, given our history, but since you won’t, I expect that when I leave here tonight - pretty early, because I don’t usually stay long - I won’t get a text from you begging for me to come over and fuck you?”

She wasn’t trying to be rude, but even so, Alaska couldn’t quite hold her tongue. Whatever issues Sharon had, it still wasn’t fair for her to be treated like the experiment. Especially when she could see in Sharon’s eyes, when they rolled back in her head, or when she leaned in for a kiss that lasted far longer than the supply of oxygen in her lungs, that to both of them, it was so much more than an experiment.

Sharon’s lips were parted, her expression angry and ready to hit back with another retort, but at Alaska’s words, she simply closed them and looked away.

“Go find your friend.”

She turned away, and Alaska smiled sadly. They both knew where this was going.

“I’ll see you later, Sharon.”

There was a pause.

“Probably.”

Alaska waited until Sharon was gone to let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. In all honesty, Sharon had turned her life upside down the past few weeks. Her texts were pretty much the only thing she’d had to look forward to in her loneliness, and she knew in her heart that it had become so much more than a hookup. The times that Sharon had come over and explained how awful her day had been and listened as Alaska did the same, and then lapsed into slow, soft kisses that escalated until they took it to the bedroom - those times hadn’t been hookups. It had been several weeks since she’d woken up in the bed alone, Sharon having grabbed her clothes and scarpered the moment she’d woke up. These days, she would normally stay, and leave in the morning with at least a half-smile and a nod.

She suspected that tonight, if Sharon came over, she wouldn’t let herself stay overnight. At the very least, she hoped she wouldn’t force herself into anything with the guy she was fawning over that she didn’t want to do. In spite of everything, Alaska was still there to take care of that need.

Courtney was in Willam’s as yet unused study, a glass of wine in her hand, wowing a group of stoners with stories about the wildlife of Australia. She’d done an exotic tour, and seen some apparently horrific yet fascinating sights. Alaska watched from the doorway, willing the ache in her chest to subside, listening to her friend’s melodic voice.

“So Australia was as perfect as you remember it to be? Even with the big spiders and shit?” She joked, moving closer to bump shoulders with her before pulling her into an embrace.

Courtney giggled. “It was brilliant, babe. I keep saying you and Wills need to come with me next time, I mean it. Girls holiday!”

“Right. Because we can all afford a vacation right now. Actually, scratch that. You and fucking Bill can, but I can’t. Who’s paying for me?”

It was weird. Alaska was laughing at her own words, and the alcohol was certainly helping, but it still felt so feigned. She didn’t feel like laughing. She felt like curling up on her bed and trying to sort through her feelings as she waited for Sharon’s text.

“Me!” Courtney suggested, bubbly as ever. “Or you could get a rich girlfriend, I don’t know. Oh, speaking of! I meant to ask if you’re seeing anyone, because Wills said I’m better to ask than she is. Are you? It’s been so long since we’ve caught up!”

She shook her head. It didn’t matter that Sharon had hurt her - promises were promises. “Ha, no. Solitary as ever, gorge.”

“Aww, we’ll fix you up with someone! Can’t imagine someone like you doesn’t have girls falling at her feet. With legs like those?”

Sharon had commented once, possibly during one of the actual few drunk hookups, that Alaska’s legs were killer. She didn’t usually talk a lot in the midst of it, but even recently, Alaska loved the way she would trace her hands over her thighs and her pupils would be blown as she looked up at her. Whatever she claimed, it wasn’t true.

The stoners started dissipating as someone in another room shouted out about edibles in the kitchen, leaving Courtney and Alaska alone in the study. It was an oddly comforting atmosphere, being surrounded with unread books and dark wood furniture and Courtney’s kind eyes. Something in Alaska snapped, but she held back the tears and the heaviness gathering at the back of her mouth.

“I’ve kinda been sleeping with someone, but she’s not… I don’t think she’s ever gonna commit to me. Maybe she’s closeted or just not ready to accept herself yet… whatever it is, I’m sort of caught in the crossfire. It’s my own fault. I just bend to her whims, you know?”

Everything about Courtney was so gentle and sweet, right down to the creasing of her brow. “Oh… and you love her?”

“I don’t know about love,” Alaska backtracked, slumping, “But I like her, I guess. But she’s not all about me. And that’s fine, except I don’t think I’m ready to let go of her yet.”

“I understand. You should talk to her.”

“Ha, no. That’s not gonna work. She’s not the most receptive, I tried. Whatever, you know?” She forced a laugh. “We’re at a party! I should just get drunk and forget her, right?”

Courtney frowned. “I can tell you wanna go home, babe. That’s okay too.”

Alaska deflated. “No, no, I’m here to catch up with my best friends. Some girl messing with my head doesn’t matter, not tonight. Gimme a little kiss? Take my mind off it?”

“Fine, slut. Just don’t expect it to become a regular thing.” Courtney joked. It was nice, but it was a small comfort - Alaska knew she wasn’t kissing Sharon, and that was enough to leave her unsatisfied. There was only one girl she wanted to be wrapped up with, and it definitely wasn’t Courtney.

It didn’t last long, but the sound of the study door made them break apart, belatedly giggling at each other before turning to face the disturbance. Sharon looked shellshocked, a red solo cup in one hand, her cheeks flushed bright red. The words had already left her mouth before she could control them, immediately apologising, “Sorry! Didn’t mean to barge in, but I was just looking for-” then she abruptly cut off, and stumbled, “Uh, Willam.”

Alaska felt her own face colouring, but Courtney was none the wiser.

“Oh, I think she’s by the pool!” She replied brightly, raising her glass in a friendly cheers. Sharon did the same with her cup, but her smile was strained and tight-lipped. She exited as quickly as she’d entered.

“Well, I’m gonna mingle.” Alaska lied, hoping Courtney wouldn’t connect the dots. “Also, we should get lunch next week. Bye!”

She needed to follow Sharon - and fast. God knows where she was going, because she was pretty sure the Willam excuse was a total lie, and if her instincts were right…

Maybe she was just hoping. She wanted Sharon to be looking for her.

The living room was still full, but a quick glance at the space that Sharon and her random guy had been occupying told her that they had moved on, presumably together. Even the thought of it had her heart squeezing uncomfortably, and she secretly prayed they hadn’t left to go and hook up. With only the silent admittance from Sharon’s face in their argument to spur on her hopes that maybe they hadn’t, she tore through the house, pushing past groups of people to make her way outside.

Just before she got through the patio doors, she spotted the guy Sharon had been hanging off of earlier. She had to be next to him, somewhere out there. She immediately made to dart through the doors, only to collide full-force into someone standing nearby.

“You!” They replied. Alaska’s heart sank, but at the same time, her hopes rose a little.

“You!” She responded, then whirled around. The closest room was the bathroom - fine, that would have to do. “Well, this is happening. My turn, I guess.”

She grabbed Sharon’s arm and pulled her inside, shutting the door behind them. The bathroom was smaller than she’d anticipated, leaving barely enough room for the two of them to stand comfortably, but it was fine. All she wanted to do was demand some kind of answer, and then maybe covertly take her home and forget this whole mess after a couple of orgasms.

“Looking for Willam? If you knew Willam in the slightest you’d know that she always hangs by the pool.”

Sharon didn’t even protest to defend her lie. Her eyes narrowed, but she faltered before speaking. “Are you hooking up with her, too?”

It took Alaska a moment to realise what she meant. “Courtney? What does it matter?”

Sharon had burst in and happened to see the two of them kiss. As hostile as she was being, Alaska couldn’t stop her heart from leaping at the thought that she was jealous. Surely jealousy meant there was something else going on?

“Well, I don’t know anything about her. I don’t wanna catch anything.” Immediately after she’d spoken, her tone fast and filled with disgust, Sharon’s eyes widened. “Oh my god. I didn’t mean that. I don’t know what I’m saying, I’ve been drinking a ton since I noticed you were here-”

“It’s fine.” Alaska gave in to herself and showed a little sympathy. “Look, Sharon, I get it. You have some kind of issue with being attracted to girls and so you’re taking it out on me because- whatever reason you have. But if you’re so insistent that I don’t mean anything to you, and that we’re strangers, why should it matter if I hook up with someone else? You’ve been throwing yourself at that guy all night and I haven’t complained.”

Sharon clung to the sink behind her, her breath ragged. “Because- because we’re something different! We’re just two people, who don’t know each other, who have some kind of weird fucking connection, okay? I feel like,” She swallowed desperately, looking at the ceiling to avoid eye contact, and then at the floor, “Like we have the same… hunger. The same needs. And this… arrangement, that we have… it works. No one knows about it, no one needs to know about it, and we both end up getting what we want. Do you have that with Courtney?”

Alaska sighed. “I’m not sleeping with Court, Sharon. She’s my friend, I just asked her for one dumb kiss because I was upset.”

“…Because of me?”

“I mean… you came up to me and told me I don’t mean anything to you after weeks and weeks of us sleeping together, sober. We both know that neither of us have been drunk for a while now. It kinda hurt me.”

Sharon frowned. “That’s my problem, not yours… God, I made it an attack on you, didn’t I? I’m such an asshole. I really shouldn’t drink.” She tipped back the rest of her cup and pursed her lips. “I’m sorry. I’m just scared.”

“I wish I could tell you that you have nothing to be scared of, but I can’t.” Alaska could feel her heart shattering. She remembered that feeling all too well - the fear, the inexplicable feeling that true, real love and acceptance were lightyears away. It had been a long time since she’d been there, and she never wanted to go back. “But I can promise you that you don’t have to be scared of me. You don’t have to kid yourself that you need alcohol in order to want me. This… us… it means something to you, doesn’t it?”

She looked beautiful, even as she lowered her head and refused to answer. She’d been drinking enough to either not notice or not care that her dress was all bunched up, and Alaska was hit with two completely opposite urges. She longed to tug it down and gently fix it for her, and also to push it up completely and take it off her.

She ended up doing neither, as in lieu of an answer, Sharon cupped Alaska’s face and brought her close to kiss her. Alaska immediately took charge, pushing Sharon up and onto the counter behind her. The change in her demeanour was instant; Alaska could feel Sharon’s body relaxing, her tension and reservations melting into the embrace. She was pliant and soft in Alaska’s arms, happy to let her take the lead.

“I’m sorry,” She mumbled between kisses. “He was just a cover… I’m just so afraid-”

Alaska hushed her. “No more talking.”

“No. We should.” At her tone, Alaska moved back, not wanting to overstep, but Sharon pulled her close again, wrapping her legs around Alaska’s waist. “I’m sorry, and I mean it. I’ve been so horrible to you all night, and for no reason. You’re amazing to me… I like your company. A lot. I’m not gonna mess this up.”

“Don’t force it.” Alaska told her, grabbing Sharon’s hands. “Tonight has been rough. The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable.”

“I feel terrifyingly comfortable with you.” Sharon told her. “It doesn’t make sense. It’s so certain and it’s so real and I can’t understand it. Why can’t - why can’t I like him?”

Alaska knew exactly what she meant - how could she not? She remembered thoughts like that, ones that used to make her heart ache and fill her diary with rambles of confused wondering. It was something she could only learn through time, and something Sharon would have to learn on her own, too.

“Some people just aren’t built that way,” She replied softly. “Doesn’t mean you’re wrong.”

She was still perched up on the counter, Alaska in front of her. Her expression was blank, trying to remain calm, but behind her heavily made-up eyes, she looked pained.

“I feel wrong. Not wrong… because it’s still right… but wrong. You know?”

Alaska nodded. “Trust me, you’re speaking my language.”

Sharon lowered her head. “I don’t wanna be here anymore.”

Alaska tried to ignore the way her heart sank. “Oh, I can g-”

“Can we leave?”

We.

She stopped in her tracks, searching Sharon’s face for any kind of confirmation that she was serious. She looked almost guilty or ashamed, but her eyes were firmly fixed on Alaska, waiting for a response. Alaska took her hands and smiled.

“I’ll go say goodbye to Willam, then we can go.”

Sharon faltered.

“You can go stand out the front and wait for me there, you don’t have to come.” Alaska said gently, sensing her nervousness. “We can be strangers for a little longer.”

The way that Sharon winced at the reminder of her own words didn’t matter; her kiss was apology enough, her lips soft and her hands gentle as she brought Alaska close to her once more. Alaska could hardly remember how she’d been angry earlier.

“Don’t take too long.”

[moeruhoshi]

I haven’t written the end of this yet bc idk which way I want to go but yeah tell me what you think so far

She loved him so much, but couldn’t remember his face anymore. What could this painful feeling be classified as? She had everyone she’d ever known, her father, her friends, the face of her mother was well imprinted into her memory. And of course, she saw it every morning when she looked in the mirror.

But he…who was he?

An ex-boyfriend? He couldn’t be, she knew all of them, unfortunately. And was reminded of them at least once a year when they tried attempting to rekindle their old sparks, but the flames of her heart had gone out for each and every one of them.

Maybe an old friend? No, she knew all of them too, and their group had always been closer than ever. It was only so often that a group of friends were so lucky to graduate all three prep schools together before deciding on and getting into the same college. Graduating together was another amazing feat. They all worked relatively near each other and felt no real need to leave their amazingly huge town, even meeting up every week to have dinner and go out together.

 Her life, in other words, was beyond perfect. She was a teacher and used her summers to work on her novels, one already published and stamped with a best-sellers award.

Nothing was wrong, how could it be? She had everything she ever wanted, plus her father had no say in the way she lived anymore.

So why did she feel so painfully empty? When she looked at Erza and her husband, Jellal, she wasn’t jealous, but longed for a love just as beautiful. The same went for Juvia and Gray, not forgetting to mention Gajeel and Levy. Even Cana had Bacchus and their more than twisted relationship, but really, she wasn’t jealous of the love that surrounded her.

A childhood friend to fall in love with, that would’ve been nice.

Maybe she wasn’t the best at choosing guys to date…Loke, Dan, and Sting…they’d all lasted quite long, but they weren’t him. Whoever he was.

And he…well he knew who she was. The love of his life, how could anyone forget their first love?

She was beautiful, with hair that shone like the sun, a smile sweeter than candy, and whenever she said his name, fuck. He was done for the day he set his eyes on her. Preschool was a wild time.

He was fortunate enough to grow up with his first love, to see her go from being an idiot and then a weirdo, the prettiest weirdo.

She was too good for anyone, even him. So he refused to be anything more than her best friend. And when he knew he couldn’t be forever, after the night they finally shared their first kiss…

Oh wow, what a kiss. Her lips were softer than marshmallows, and her body in his hold felt smaller than ever. She moaned softly against him and tied her hands around his neck, fingers softly curled in his hair. The hazy-eyed look she gave him after they parted; he’d give anything to see that again. But as she whispered her confession of love to him as the two stood in front of her door that night, he had to say goodbye.

He manipulated himself out of everyone’s memory and forced her to think she just hadn’t met the right guy yet. He knew she would, she was amazing, it wouldn’t be long before she was taken.

There was no way he was going to let her be dragged down by his being; demons…they never did deserve a happy ending.

No matter how much leaving her side killed him, an angel such as she couldn’t be poisoned by his darkness.

Lucy wasn’t tired, but she woke up feeling tired; when didn’t she? Coffee didn’t remedy the lagging feeling that weighed her down, but surely she hadn’t always felt this way. Something felt like it was missing, a part of her day that would just get her blood racing and smile spreading, a feeling that instantly reared her to take on the day. 

She would lean against her counter and sip from her mug, staring blankly at her empty kitchen island. A faint scent of breakfast wafted under her nose as if trying to coax a memory.

Mornings filled with cooking and light baking, food spread across every inch of the counter space. She faced the stove and fiddled with something in a pan, smiling as warm arms found their way around her midsection.

“Smells good, Luc...”

The blonde snapped from her distant thoughts, lifting a brow as she wondered to herself what she had just been thinking about.

Shrugging off the forgotten thought, Lucy continued with her day and went back into her room to get dressed for work.

The days where Lucy didn’t have any plans after work, time seemed to go by slower than it usually did. This was another thing about her life that consistently followed her around, as she had nothing much to look forward to after the workday. Even when she was dating Sting and he’d be waiting in the lobby for when she came out of the elevator...the elation of knowing the two had plans together never able to make her unbearably giddy.

She was an author who wrote about love. It wasn’t uncommon for a young female author to be popular for their detailed description of two lost souls finding one another amid various dramatic occasions.

Her most famous book, The Adventures of Iris, told tale of a girl and her best friend traveling the mythical world of Edolas. They fought monsters, villains, and whoever decided to get in their way. It was a classic adventure story where everyone was zoned in on the love between her main characters. Their friendship was sweet and loving, the two went over and beyond to take care of one another. And when they finally confessed with a kiss...millions of readers felt they could die happily.

It was a love that mimicked the love around her; strong, hot, and warm; the love Lucy so desperately wanted. Sting, as kind as he was, could not give her the love she unconsciously searched for.

Her apartment building wasn’t far from her office, making it a simple enough walk to take alone when the workday had finally finished. The streets were always relatively empty, the sound of the cars on the road beside her honking and filling the air as after-work traffic picked up. 

Jamming her key into her door, Lucy’s mind wandered again, fooling her into a sense of excitement that pretended to bubble in her stomach. The smell of the food coming from her kitchen wasn’t real, nor was the faint image of a smile...a smile? And not one she could place with the face of anyone she knew.

Just as quickly as the thought flashed before her, her mind was equally quick to move on, reminding her to continue the usual routine she performed before bed.

Dinner was lonely and quiet, her eyes staring through the ghost across the table. The local news filled the silence and drowned out the distant laughs of the past that unknowingly followed her around.

Once the lights were out and she laid alone in bed, Lucy said a goodnight for her mother up in the heavens and another for the friends she had hidden in the stars.

Another strange sensation would make its appearance at some point before she fell asleep. A kiss to her forehead, warm arms securing their position around her waist, and the nuzzle of someone’s nose against the nape of her neck. She couldn’t help but tear up, reaching for a pillow to hold close to her chest as she shut her eyes tight. A rush of endorphins would slide through her, the want to look up into the eyes of the one she truly loved her most demanding feeling. 

“Goodnight, N…” Sleep would overtake her form before the name of her cursed mentality could surface.

Morning would come, and again Lucy’s life continued bleakly, lacking the excitement and warmth she was unable to source.

Today was Saturday, and every Saturday, Lucy would get dressed despite not having any plans and take a walk around the city. 

She took the same route; going from her house to a breakfast nook two blocks away, then to the farmers market where she would pick up ingredients for a light picnic to have alone underneath the rainbow sakura in the park.

It was a relaxing ritual that Lucy very much enjoyed. Sitting underneath the trees even if they weren’t in bloom always had a way of taking the stress from her overworked body. 

She would read with her back pressed against the wide berth of a tree, her hand stroking the air in her lap. Not that she ever noticed, being too focused on the book she was reading. The light touch of someone’s nose against her stomach went unnoticed, arms that held her waist dearly disappearing in the slow blow of the wind.

Lucy stood up to begin her walk home just as the sun was setting, stifling a shriek when she felt something warm and fuzzy against her ankle. 

“A cat? Oh goodness, you really scared me, little one!” Lucy let out the breath she had unknowingly held in, smiling down at the blue cat that looked up at her. “Blue? Did you get into some paint...Happy?”

The blonde had knelt down to pet the suspiciously friendly feline, reading the name on his tag that thankfully listed his home address.

“Hargeon? How’d you make it all the way to Magnolia?” She giggled and picked Happy up, unable to hide her smile as the kitten instinctively cozied up to her chest. “I guess I’ll make the trip to take you home tomorrow, I’m glad they won’t need me working on Monday so I can do some sightseeing too! Do you think you’ll be able to show me around town for a bit?”

Lucy laughed as the cat meowed in response, their conversation continuing as she walked them home. 

She never thought of herself as a cat person but this cat, in particular, made her want to do nothing but open her heart, to explain her hopes and her dreams, that she was weirdly close to a cat she’d just met and was afraid of how far the depths of her loneliness reached. 

As the moon rose above them and the two laid in bed, Happy watched as Lucy fell asleep, caught up in the fatal memories that haunted her every night. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he watched his adoptive parent suffer so greatly with the absence of her greatest love.

He pawed away the trail of tears left on her face as she slept, cursing his idiot owner for leaving her all alone like this.

[mc-yuki-chan]

Yuki’s backstory!

They were an odd kid, truthfully. They liked to watch the flowers, look at the sky, look at how the bugs moved, and read. They never particularly cared for making friends with kids their age, it never seemed to pop up in their mind. Until they met Natsuo; a young boy who was charming and sweet and didn’t mind their quiet observations of the world. The two bonded quickly and almost immediately became inseparable. They grew up together; were in all the same clubs, shared most of their classes. They were like two peas in a pod, and Yuki never wanted to be anywhere else. Nastuo was charming, charismatic, funny, and outgoing; all the things Yuki was not. Natsuo made friends quickly, whereas Yuki was shy and withdrawn within themselves. Yuki really looked up to him. 

Yuki grew up in a once loving family! 

Their father was an only child, whereas their mother had a sister- one she never really talked about as Yuki was growing up. (They didn’t know they had an aunt until she reached out to them when they were in their final year of school) 

They grew up relatively lonely as an only child, only really feeling connected to their parents when they would make food together and purposefully making too much so they have to go and share it with the neighbors. Those are the really good memories that Yuki cherishes. 

Another large hurdle in Yuki’s life was their feelings for Natsuo. They had fallen deeply in love with their childhood friend, and couldn’t imagine their life apart. 

During this time they were dealing with three large issues; their parents growing disdain for each other, severe bullying, and their identity. While their parents were silently angry at each other all the time, and the tension in the home was so thick you could barely breathe. All throughout highschool, they were being intensely bullied, for reasons beyond their understanding. People would prank them, tease them, mock them, and even went as far as to try and push them out a window. Their uniforms got stolen, they got paint poured on them, and letters of grusome and horrible things always ended up in their locker. Hajoon Lee, Natsuo and Yuki's mutual friend, was the only one who stood up for them, defended them, and told people to leave them alone.

They also struggled with who they were. They didn’t feel as though male really fit them, nor did they feel that female really fit them. Neither of those identities really felt like.... them. It was like they were trying to force themselves into a neat little box that they couldn’t even see. It was weird, and felt wrong, and they couldn’t even begin to explain why. They struggled for years with trying to figure out exactly what they felt, and how they felt about it, and it took many deep dives into the gender and sexuality studies online for them to really come to the conclusion.They were nonbinary, feeling the most comfortable with They/Them pronouns, and enjoyed both masculine and feminine things but were neither of them at the same time. It was freeing, it was comforting. They felt seen. Their parents still argued in the background when they thought their child couldn’t hear. 

Then Natsuo developed a crush, and things seemed to change. Natsuo had less time for Yuki; they hung out less, Natsuo didn’t talk to them as much, and Natsuo didn’t explain why. They just... drifted apart. So, Yuki took it upon themselves to try and fix things- by being honest. They weren’t sure if this was going to fix the growing distance between them, but... 

Life always has it’s ups and downs. That’s how we know we’re alive. 

Yuki chose to confess in one of the most romantic ways they could think of; at the Wishing Star Festival. Natsuo and Yuki went every year together. Yuki had gotten a piece of paper and wrote their wish on it, and waited patiently for Natsuo to show up. He was two hours late. Yuki didn’t mind; he was probably busy at home! They knew that his mom sometimes liked to fuss. They walked around, and Natsuo didn’t grab a piece of paper to write his wish down. Yuki thought it was odd, but didn’t comment on it. No, they were too nervous to really make good small talk. It was clear something was on Yuki’s mind, but it seemed like Natsuo didn’t notice. Yuki didn’t notice that either. Yuki didn’t notice a lot of things that night. They found a secluded spot, Yuki tied their wish to the tree, and silently made their wish. Yuki paused a bit, and let the silence hang in the air, and swallowed down the butterflies in their throat. 

“I’ll tell you my wish, if you want. It’s really simple.” 

Natsuo laughed, it seemed a little awkward- like he had been zoning out and only just then realized he was out in public with someone. 

“Wouldn’t that defeat the whole purpose of making a wish?” 

“Hehe, yes, but I think I want to share it with you anyways.” 

Natsuo only huffed another laugh and shrugged. 

“Okay, what’s your wish?” 

Yuki smiled, and quietly confessed. “My wish was that we would be together forever, because I love you.” 

As you can probably assume, this did not end well.  

Natsuo quickly back peddled and quickly grew more and more uncomfortable- saying he wasn’t gay, he didn’t like Yuki that way, that it was weird for two men to like each other. This hurt Yuki, who then explained that they are nonbinary, and tried to explain what it meant and what that meant for them. Natsuo became angry, and started shouting- claiming Yuki was making all of this up so that they could get the girl he was crushing on. Yuki didn’t understand- they had met that girl once or twice, at max, why would they have feelings for her? Natsuo confessed he was late because he had been on a date with the girl, and she had been into him, but said that she didn’t like the way Yuki looked at him. And now he understood why, he had said, before ripping Yuki’s wish off the tree. Natsuo began screaming obscene and cruel things, things that deeply hurt Yuki to this day.

Yuki had gone home crying that night, and poured their heart out to their parents; the crush, their gender, the fight, everything. Their parents... took it better, but not well enough. They tried to console them by saying that it was a phase, and that once they found a nice girl and got married that they wouldn’t be “So obsessed with becoming a girl”. 

Yuki’s life shifted over night. 

Their parents began fighting more intensely, arguing about which one of them fucked up their kid more, who’s fault it was that they were like this, why they were so weird. 

At school, no one talked to them. People had been around them because they themself was always with Natsuo, but since the fight Natsuo hasn’t said a single word to them. The girl he had a crush on was now clearly dating him, if the shy looks and blushes were anything to go by. This shattered Yuki’s heart every time it happened. With the distance from their friends, the bullying continued to steadily get worse.

The only saving grace came in the form of their aunt, Ayane, who had moved to Korea to escape her homophobic family. She was a proud lesbian, and wasn’t afraid to be who she was- she was bold, and strong, and she had reached out to Yuki to try and rekindle a relationship between the two; she had always been incredibly hurt that she was never there to watch Yuki grow up. They began talking, and venting out all their feelings, and their aunt eagerly suggested they move in with her in Korea. They realized that this may be the best shot at life they could get. 

The final time that Yuki and Natsuo spoke was on graduation day, before they went home to pack their bags to move to Korea. It was awkward, and uncomfortable, but Natsuo said that he wishes them the best of luck in their life (still ignoring the use of their real pronouns) it was stiff, awkward, and he clearly looked like he didn't want to be there.  Yuki swallowed thickly and stiffly and formally thanked him, and didn’t begin to cry until they were already in their room.  

Maybe that’s why they downloaded a mysterious messaging app..? 

They moved to Korea a few years after their final year of school, and moved in with Ayane. It was really all good from there. 

There they met Oba-chan (Her name is Hinata, but she insisted that Yuki called her grandmother), and began working at her flower shop. Hinata quickly took them in, accepting them and their identity as if it wasn’t unusual or strange in the slightest; a sharp and drastic change to their previous life in Japan. It was so... good. They felt so safe here, it was great. They worked hard, learned quickly, and faster than anyone anticipated they rose to a high position in the shop- assisting Hinata with financial business and helping renovate the business into what it is today- the most popular stop for home grown flowers in Seoul. 

Eventually, Hinata grew too old to feel fit enough to run the store, so she left it to Yuki, who had shown incredible dedication and attention to detail, and they have been running it ever since. Shortly after getting ownership of the business, they were able to afford their own apartment and have been living on their own for a few months now. They regularly have family dinners at Hinata’s house with her friends and Ayane’s girlfriend and they cook massive meals that they can share with family and neighbors alike. 

With all these good things happening in their life, the sudden and intense loss of losing a pillar in the life was still incredibly jarring, and they still are incredibly lonely. They guarded their heart carefully after that heartbreak, they weren’t sure if they could handle that kind of rejection again- let alone any rejection while they were still so tender. It may have been almost 5 years, but it cut so deep that it still was healing. 

[theundergrounddrabbles]

SayaMilky (request)

“Well... that was easy.”

The smile instantly came from Sayata’s face as the months of preparation had let them into the temple and married in the traditional way which his wife, Miyuki had always wanted. She was on the fence until she decided to make it cost effective and the small gathering at the nearby dining hall for their friends and family for the reception. Beyond that aspect, it was open to the bride’s selection of food and drink with the hours slowly coming down to minutes before her mother had pushed them out to the parking lot where the rest of the elder adults were waiting as he felt his ear being tugged away.

“My daughter loves you. Make her yours and I expect a gift within a year.” The voice called out. “Go get her!”

���Mother! You’re drunk.” Miyuki snarled as she have a coy smile.

Sayata glances at his parents and nodded before slipping into the van as they headed off the property. He had learned to appreciate Miyuki for a while although it had been a period where both had been rivals. He found more of herself being quite promiscuous at the start but naturally feel for the charm and vulnerability of her story.

The final year of college had brought them together and five years it was official. The rush was of a necessity to get their lives in order and even solidifying their housing chances. Sayata couldn’t avoid the train and went with it to get Miyuki forever.

“It was... I expected the headaches but it was better than anticipated.” Miyuki answered softly.

“Well we are husband and wife now. About a period away from our honeymoon... the only thing is our flight is in the morning.” Sayata sighed, keeping his sight on his wife.

“Enough time to let the tension go. You haven’t given in?” Miyuki asked.

“No... I think it might be trouble for you.” He laughed.

“Oh really?” She snickered. “Why is that?”

“You know that if the stress builds up. The machine will be overproducing.” He hinted. “Although how shall we work around the other issue, I don’t want to stain the bedding.”

“My mother told me to get a towel or in the bathtub.” She exhaled. “I’m scared.”

“I am too. I haven’t done this as well.” Sayata whispered.

As they pulled into the front, the two were escorted to the separate elevator and brought up to the floor. The first view was the buildings of downtown Osaka and the lights were like stars in the sky when the wheels of the suitcases caught their attention before the attendants left swiftly leaving the two in the vast area.

“My body is ready.” Miyuki grinned. “Whatever it is, I want to accept it.”

“We should play first?” Sayata suggested as Miyuki nodded when he wrapped his arms around the woman.

The thick scent of her perfume bloomed into his nose, turning her around quickly for an embrace as they locked lips while being pulled to the couch when she broke the embrace and moved his hand to the cheek.

“Before this decision, I had always wanted to go for it but I held back and now with you, it is now time to see if I have decent skills.” Miyuki declared as she turned to his pants’ button.

His body fell like a bag of rice onto the cushions below as Miyuki got to loosen the bottom to the underwear. Staring down at the black briefs, her hand gently circled around the bulge and brought the manhood like a magician before seeing the limitation before her. Her hands shook going forward with the waistband before pulling it over the erect shaft, glaring at it for a moment.

“I practiced.” She said to herself as Sayata peered up. “I’m going in.”

Her lips pressed up to the mushroom head, inhaling the scent for the next few moments before pulling her hair back and parting her lips. The sound of her jaw came into mind before her head lowered onto the shaft. Miyuki remembered the plan and held it in her mouth for a few seconds and then pulled back promptly. She thought further of the fear before seeing Sayata smiling back at her.

“You okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine. Just wanting to please you.” Miyuki replied softly.

“What about you?” Sayata pondered. “Remember...”

“I know~” She snickered. “My body is going to go crazy once you touch it though.”

Both had seen each other naked on occasions since they were close after a few dates. Sayata declared to not go forward until this night and watched carefully as she went down again, sustaining the warm, humid breath upon the member as she got to work on the length.

Miyuki felt the pain of her jaw but it was blocked by what would be next however she was expecting it to be decent yet concern stopped her again and stood up over him.

“Let’s go to the bedroom.” Miyuki cheered.

Sayata kicked off the shoes and pants to follow his wife into the big room with the bed to the far corner. Miyuki dove onto the bed face first before turning up. It seemed normal to be in a dress but decided on long pants for the reception as Sayata turned to the waistband and rolled it off the body. Throwing the item to the floor, his hand turned to the zone as the giggles of Miyuki caught his attention.

“That’s why I wanted to work on you.” She smirked.

“Well it isn’t just the one area.” He countered as he climbed up to grip the edge of her shirt.

Sayata pulled the shirt off swiftly to the lacy, red bra which revealed her shape. She was revealing about her underwear since they got to know each other and even the surprise of being in a thong shocked him. Miyuki pulled up her body with him reaching around as his lips came to her neck.

His fingers fumbled around the back. The breathing grew heavy as Sayata peeled away to conduct his procedure. He inhaled the perfume deeply before lowering the hands with Miyuki quickly wiggling the bra from her body as he got to see them up close again. The agreement was to be open with the revelation of their bodies and feeling them for the first time in a few months had give him the memories from earlier.

“You can be rough. You’re my husband.” Miyuki snarled as he have a firm squeeze. “Play with them.”

Sayata knew the teasing was enough for her, moving closer to the mahogany-colored areoles and wrapping his mouth the area. His tongue flicking the small nub as he heard the moans from her mouth. The free hand ventured into the crease with the steamy location seeping through the material.

“Sayata! Have you been learning how to please me?” Miyuki squealed as he peeled away and saw her face shaded like an apple.

“Is that okay? I wanted to make sure...” He answered softly.

“I want it. This teasing is beyond what I want. I want you in me. My thighs are just layered with the fantasy of you taking my first time. Please don’t hesitate.” Miyuki murmured.

He ran across the hallway to the bathroom for a towel. Pure white. He thought about the tainted blood of his wife and laid it on the bed as she slipped off the underwear and dropped it onto the floor with the heavy weight being kicked to the side.

Sayata pauses upon the moment as he stared down upon his wife and inhaled the air as Miyuki glared back when he grabbed the shaft, run his hand along the length, and lined up the head upon the entrance.

He rubbed the tip along the slit before placing it front and pushed his weight forward. Sayata felt the tip being blocked by a wall, pushing his weight forward with his eyes locked onto his partner.

“I feel it. It hurts.” Miyuki spat in a repeat when Sayata slammed into her as her cry struck like a bell into his ear. “It’s big. Sayata is within me.”

The loud declaration was enough to force a laugh as she saw him hide his face. Miyuki forced his head over to see a reaction that was pure of her. No one had seen Miyuki as herself weakened by everything around her. Sayata shifted back and pushed forward with her cry reaching the heights of her decibels.

The depth felt filled like a purse. Miyuki cried out often with the thrusts coming into a steady motion as her arms were thrown around his head. She wanted to know it but it was beyond what others were telling her and even fibbing her experiences, Sayata was her first. Her hands pushed his face down into the chest as he continued the movements.

“I want this forever.” She called out as Sayata broke out of her grip.

He slipped the hands into her grasp as she squeezed hard after every hard push into her canal. The muscles convulsed with her body twitching often. Having known Miyuki, they didn’t prepare far to the moment in how it should unravel but the secrecy of consummating in a high class hotel room was beyond their minds as the session continued with the curiosity setting in as both were splashed with sweat and he pulled back at the sight of the crimson on his prick.

He ran over to grab the extra roll of toilet paper and wiped up the manhood and followed with the entryway. Sayata tossed the wad away and pushed it back in as the mold was set of his member in her body and accelerated his movements.

In the depths of the unknown, both had to smile back to each other while the sense of the relationship had reached another stage and the emotions were running at a high between them. Sayata felt the digging into his spine as he massaged the calf of his partner while keeping the rhythm of his thrusts. Bending forward, he heard the calls into his ears as he accelerated when the screech escaped from her lips.

“I’m getting dry~” Miyuki teased, moving his hands to her chest.

Sayata gripped the soft pair in his hands. It was different than the first time with the nerves but to feel the orange-sized pair in his grasp and rolling them as he moved his hips back and forth. The tacky sensation changed into a smooth movement as he picked up the pace when the loud scream escaped and the sudden jab to his back brought the result with the well pouring into his wife.

“So much. I think we are going to have a child tonight.” Miyuki grinned as he pulled back slowly with the residue dripping to the floor.

“Wasn’t that the plan?” He asked as Miyuki pulled him to the bed.

“Well... I wanted to just have sex all night and then go on the plane to sleep just to go back into the room and make sure my baby is there when we get back.” Miyuki lectured, holding the member. “Better than that toy I got you for your birthday.”

“I mean I never shot into there or it’ll create a mess.” Sayata retorted. “One more time?”

“My honeymoon started hours ago and I want to be filled with it. My body is ready. Sayata will make me happy forever.” Miyuki stated, planting her sex onto the erect member.

“It’s still wet.” He noted with a wide smile.

The tension was gone since the agreement but it was her mission to assure something out of it until the end. She was aware of that moment when she wanted to have it before backing out years earlier and now it was the moment to appreciate the surreal occasion of being married to a soul mate who could give her everything and more.

[writersrealmbts]

Breaking Point

Description:  Hybrid!JungkookXHybrid!Reader: According to the sister-code between you and your supposed best friend in the world, the crush you harbored for him was forbidden.

Warnings: Language, Name Calling, Bullying

Posted: 7/14/2018

Tags: ReaderxJungkook, hybrid!Jungkook, hybrid!Reader

Angst with Fluff: 2,450 words

A/N: I don’t know why I wrote this, but I did and here it is. It didn’t go like I expected it to. I thought it would be longer and angstier.

He was off limits due to the sisterly code of conduct that you had agreed to with your best friend Mira. So, of course, he was breathtakingly handsome, kind, funny, bright, and so perfect. And you were invisible to him, and had been for about a year now. You remembered when he used to talk to you instead of avoid you. Not to mention you had to avoid him for the sake of your sanity, and friendship with Mira. She had a huge jealous streak. It was just as well, he and Mira were trying for puppies, their attempts forcing you out of your house whenever she was in heat since his place had a tree fall on it. “I can’t look!” Mira said, handing you a pregnancy test. You sighed and looked at the test for her. You hated that she kept testing herself without any signs of actually being pregnant. “Sorry.” She deflated and sighed. “Are you sure?” “One line, Mira. I do know how pregnancy tests work.” She whined and dropped onto your couch. “We’re doing everything right. More than right. And still, nothing.” “Then talk to a doctor.” “I…I don’t know…” “Mira, where’s the rush? We’re still young.” “I want them.” You sighed and rolled your eyes, trying to keep your tail in a neutral position so that she wouldn’t be able to see how annoyed you were. She was like this every time she found out she wasn’t pregnant. “Oh, I know what this is, you’re jealous that I have someone to have kids with,” she said, sitting up and getting an attitude. “No, I’m tired of having to leave my house because you’re in your damn heat, and want his house to finally be finished so that I can have some peace and quiet.” “Sorry,” he said, surprising you. “I’m trying to get it finished as quickly as I can.” “Don’t apologize to her, she’s being a bitch,” Mira pouted. You rolled your eyes, trying not to grit your teeth. Jungkook looked at Mira, then glanced at you. “Mira, we are in her house. We’re lucky she let us stay with her.” “Yeah, lucky,” she sneered at you. You snapped your book shut and got up. “It’s not my fault you aren’t pregnant, Mira. Go to a damn doctor. Or better yet, be patient.” Mira’s eyes were wide with alarm. Jungkook was frozen. “Pregnant? What?” You stared at your friend in disbelief. “Mira, you decided this on your own?” “Stay out of it, y/n! You’ve done enough, just get out!” Mira screeched at you. Your shoulders tensed and your ears went back, fighting the urge to snarl at her as you forced yourself to turn around and leave the room. The first time he really even payed attention to you in a year, and it was because of you and Mira fighting. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Three hours later you snuck back out of your room and down to the kitchen to make yourself some dinner. You didn’t want to talk to her, or see her. You’d had just about all you could handle from her, and if she came in expecting your dinner to be for everyone you might punch her in the face. “Hey.” You jumped and spun around with the knife in hand. Jungkook held up his hands, eyes wide for a moment before a smile broke out. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” You shook your head and turned back the cutting the potatoes. You didn’t know what to say to him. He normally didn’t talk to you. “Sorry about earlier,” he said. You put the last few potatoes in the pot and gave him a quizzical look. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” “Well, my house…” “Was something you couldn’t prevent happening.” “But we’re invading your space.” You turned to look at him. “Seriously, Jungkook. My beef is with Mira. It’s like I don’t even know her anymore.” You ran a hand through your hair. “Tell me about it,” he frowned at the floor. “I mean…how long has she been talking about having…” “Eight months? Ten maybe?” You shook your head. “Feels like forever.” His eyes were wide and he was frozen in place. “What?!” “If I had known that she wasn’t planning this with you I would have said something. Honestly, I’m still surprised that you’re talking to me,” you told him, folding your arms uncomfortably. His fearful look suddenly switched to confused. “Why wouldn’t I talk to you?” You shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m an absolute delight,” you joked, looking at the floor. He laughed. “Unless you ask Mira. Is she hiding in her room?” “She went to talk to a doctor.” He got really quiet, looking at the floor. You looked up at him. “And you’re okay with that? With all of this? You’re just going to let her have what she wants?” He looked at you, his eyes showing how conflicted he was. “I don’t know. I haven’t really had time to process. I…I didn’t even think we were at that point in our relationship.” “You two are already mates, what else is there?” You turned away from him so he couldn’t see how upset you were with the conversation. He was too good for her. He deserved better. He was quiet. “I…we’re…have I really never spoken to you before?” “Nothing beyond small talk.” What did this have to do with Mira wanting babies? “Sorry.” You closed your eyes. “You should probably stop talking to me unless you want Mira to say I’m trying to steal you from her.” “Jungkook!” Mira called from the living room. She sounded upset. He started to hurry out but she came in first, in tears. “I can’t have puppies!” She sobbed and collapsed against his chest. You froze, then turned back towards your food. Let him deal with her. You felt bad, really, but given the way she was behaving the past couple months you had a hard time finding your sympathy. Jungkook looked a little lost, holding her but definitely looking a little angry. “I-it’s okay.” You felt a little guilty, but you finished your food and plated it up before leaving them in the kitchen. You’d had enough torture for one day. ——— You hadn’t thought it possible, but Mira got even more unbearable. She made it really hard to be sympathetic as she ranged from sullen and crying to screaming rage directed at you when Jungkook wasn’t around. As if you had personally been the one to make her unable to have kids. And though she had yet to comment on it, you knew she was getting back at you for talking with Jungkook while she wasn’t around. You found a hole in your favorite blanket, rotten food was left in your lunches for work, and you were currently cleaning up the latest of these ‘presents’. Someone had replaced your hairspray with glue. Jungkook came home from his job and found you crying as you tried to find a way to get it out. “Y/n?” Mira was right behind him and she rolled her eyes. “What? Did you watch the old pound commercial? You’re such a baby, y/n.” You slammed the laptop shut. “Get out.” “What?” Jungkook asked. You stood up and looked at Mira. “Get out of my house. Get out of my life. I can’t deal with your toxic behavior anymore. Glue in my hairspray? Putting moldy food in my lunches? Screaming at me in a rage as if it’s my fault you can’t have kids? I can’t take it anymore. It’s like you’re a completely different person and I’m sorry you can’t have kids but it isn’t okay to take everything out on me! So as harsh as it seems: Get out.” Mira’s surprise had quickly faded into semi-fake tears of hurt. “You’re such a bitch! Go to hell! Why should I leave? You get out!” “It’s my house! I pay all of the bills, it’s in my name. I was being nice when I let you stay here and you repaid me by harassing me. I’m sorry you don’t always get your way, but that’s life sweetheart. I won’t put up with it. I don’t even want to apologize to you, Mira. That’s how bad it is. I do apologize to Jungkook because he definitely didn’t do anything to deserve getting kicked out of my house with you and I know his house is still a disaster zone but this behavior is unacceptable.” She made a pathetic sound. “I can’t believe you’re so jealous of my relationship with Jungkook that you would stoop to lying, y/n.” Your hand connected with her face before you could even think. Jungkook quickly stepped between the two of you before she could retaliate. “Mira, go outside.” “Wh—“ “Now,” he said firmly, but quietly. She sulked and headed out. You stood, frozen, half in anger and half in shock that you had slapped her. He waited until the door closed behind her, then turned to you. “Are you okay?” “Oh I’m fantastic. Really.” She responded, tears filling your eyes. He touched your hair then winced. “I’m so sorry, y/n.” “You’re not the one who should be apologizing. Is this really the life you want, Jungkook? Always apologizing for her and dealing with this psychotic behavior?” “Why would she think you were jealous of her?” “Because I had a crush on you for about half a minute before you two started dating and she can’t let go of anything! Or maybe because I don’t have a boyfriend. Or maybe it’s just because she’s psychotic.” Then you looked at him and scoffed. “And you know it. You don’t love her, so why is she your mate?” “She’s not my mate.” He was looking at the floor. “Really? You expect me to believe that?” He looked into your eyes. “I couldn’t mark her.” You flinched back at the intensity in his eyes. “So you were just using her?” He winced. “No…yes…but she knew it. She needed someone to help her through her heat and I had needed someone to introduce to my parents to get them off of my back. I didn’t want to ask the person I was in love with because I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. Then…she said that the person didn’t love me back. And I couldn’t break up with Mira. I’ve tried. Four times now. But…then things would go even worse at the house as far as repairs. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it was her doing.” You took a shaky breath. “So she’s screwing us both over?” The anger in his eyes was beautiful to you. “I’m so sorry, y/n.” He pulled you into a hug as your frustrated tears started falling. It was weird, but all the frustration from the previous weeks, the anger, the pain, all of it was finally catching up to you and you sobbed into his strong shoulder. He pulled you away after a couple minutes. “I—I can’t get away from her on my own.” You took a couple calming breaths, nodding. “What do you want me to do?” He frowned a little, thinking, then his jaw set with determination. “Let me kiss you.” “You want her to kill me?” He shook his head. “I won’t let her kill you.” “You’ll already be dead…” He growled in frustration. “I will pull your tail.” You flinched slightly. “I’ll bite your throat.” “I like that sort of thing.” You snorted as you started laughing. “I’m sorry…” He was grinning, laughing a little too. “See? You’re perfect.” “Hardly,” you countered, sitting on the arm of the couch. Then the tone of his voice registered and you looked up at him. “Hang on, you said that she told you the person you loved…” He looked nervous, suddenly. “Uh—“ “Me? You were in love with me?” He swallowed hard, nodding slightly. You looked blankly at him for what seemed like forever, the shot back to your feet. “I’m gonna kill her!” You screeched, heading for the front door. He caught you by the tail, causing you to yelp, and pulled you into his arms, placing a kiss on your lips. You looked up at him. “What, you want in on the kill?” “No, I don’t want you to go to jail. You know, we actually have enough evidence that she assaulted you…” “We have no evidence that she assaulted me.” He frowned and placed a couple kisses on your lips, even if it was a little shy. “Okay, we’ll think of something else. Just, promise me you won’t secretly try to get pregnant before we’re mates.” You snorted. “I’m not ready for kids.” “Me neither,” he said in relief. He nuzzled his face into your shoulder. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” “You BITCH!” Mira’s screech echoed in the quiet room and she flew towards you. She got one nasty hit in before Jungkook dragged her away, then stood between you two, glaring at her. “You’re not welcome here,” he growled. She fought and screamed more, always aiming for you. Growls and barks escaped between the screams of how she would kill you and watch vultures feast on your flesh. Lovely things like that. Until the police arrived. Jungkook spoke to them first, then you did and they probably only believed you because of the death threats she was still screaming. After the police left, Jungkook turned toward you. “You’ve had a pretty rough month…” You shrugged, dropping your gaze. “I still haven’t figured out how to fix my hair. What if I have to cut off?” He took your hands. “It’ll grow back. Come on, I’ll help you look for answers.” An hour later Jungkook was blow-drying your hair to make sure all the glue was out of it. He turned it off and kissed the top of your head a little shyly. “Perfect.” You finally relaxed. “It’s all out?” “Its all out.” Your eyes closed as relief washed over you. “I’m sorry, y/n. You should never have been tortured like this.” His voice was soft. “I should have been stronger. Braver. I should have just told you how I felt before all of this happened.” You shook your head. “I was just as weak.” He tilted your chin up to face him. “I’m going to make you the happiest person on the planet. I promise.” You smiled, finding his promise a touch unrealistic, but it definitely had your tail wagging again. “Not if I make you the happiest person first.”

Masterlist. 

[rainbow-hatted1]

What Boredom looks like

1. You just opened up a web browser. What is the first site you visit?

https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/

Yeah, that’s sort of my jam. Reddit in general but that is my go to.

vv more below if you wanna deep dive. vv

2. You just walked into a bookstore. What section do you go to first?

The local published section. If it’s a good bookshop they usually have one. Usually it’s poetry, or short essay compilations or local history books but I tend to like the offerings and you’re supporting people who don’t have a big platform yet.

Otherwise, comics and fantasy are my next first stops.

3. You are hanging with your closest friends. What are you most likely doing?

Lately, not much of anything. Arguing… not talking… depressing things.

Ideally, though, there’s a good meal. Either we’ve cobbled it together on our own or it’s a decent take out option and video/board games. Quidditch if it’s a nice day. Basically, where we can sit and bullshit and laugh a lot. That’s the best time with my mates.

4. You just turned your car on. What station is the radio tuned to?

The independent/alt/rock station. In spite making pop music myself I don’t listen to it a lot. Which is probably weird.

5. You have just woken up for the morning. What is the first things you do?

Try to go back to sleep.

6. Complete this phrase: You cannot buy happiness, but you can buy____.

Tacos

7. What would you do if you woke up as the opposite gender?

Probably touch my boobs entirely too much. Liz calls them boob checks… well, if they’re quick and random, this would probably be fondling.  I am ashamed of this answer but it’s likely what I’d do.

8. Are you more likely to cook for yourself or buy food from a restaurant?

I’m prone to laziness but I actually find cooking relaxing so cook for myself. Saves money too. It’s just a good practice to have in general.

9. If you had to lose one of your senses, which one would you rather lose?

Smell, probably. I enjoy food too much to lose taste. And between sight and hearing, I’d miss not having those senses and touch is just kind of important as a human being.  

10. If you could relive any one year of your life, how old would you be?

Dunno

11. Would you take a bullet for anyone you know?

A few someones

12. Would you rather be rich and dumb or poor and extremely intelligent?

Poor and intelligent. Better chances of bettering my situation with that one.

13. What TV character do you most relate to?

Sam Gardner from Atypical.

14. You just walked into a supermarket. What section do you first go to?

Produce. Yeah, you all thought I’d go for the bakery and desserts. Don’t lie.

15. Is sex before marriage wrong?

No. It’s human. So is waiting. It shouldn’t be as polarizing as it is. Sex is part of life and how you want to experience it is entirely up to you.

16. You just won the lottery. What is the first thing you do with your winnings?

Get a lawyer and not tell anyone I won. People get shitty when you have a lot of money. They expect you to make it rain and I wouldn’t. I’d also take the weekly installments. More money overall and you are far less likely to tank yourself with the winnings. Just saying.

17. If your best friend admitted that they have a crush on you, how would you react?

I would be awkward as fuck. Love him, not like that and he has a girlfriend so yeah… it’d be fucked up.

18. Will the USA ever have a female president?

At this point in time: no. Again, this is a polarizing question that shouldn’t be. A woman could run the country I’m not women in charge by that answer. Don’t read into it. I’m merely saying, that with the way the country appears to be currently they will not vote for that. I’m sorry. It’s stupid.

19. You are carpooling with your friends. Are you more likely to be the driver or a passenger?

Passenger. I don’t drive.

20. How short is too short for skirts and dresses?

I’m not ancient or wearing a skirt so I don’t think it matters, but I tend to prefer more modest options on girls.

21. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, without any consequences, what food would you choose?

Pizza.

22. It’s Saturday night. What are you most likely doing?

Sleeping.

23. You go on a blind date. Your date is extremely beautiful and physically captivating, but you hate their personality. Would you want a second date?

No.

24. How strict should gun laws be?

I think Australia had the right reaction to a massacre

25. Would you rather be the worst player on the best team or the best player on the worst team?

Best player on the worst team. Hopefully, they wouldn’t resent me and we could have a good 90’s style underdog story.

26. How well do you work with others?

Not well.

27. You have the ability to cure only one fatal disease and eradicate it forever. What disease do you choose?

I don’t want that power. Either way people are gonna die and wonder why I couldn’t cure all cancer or something else that’s just as bad…and inevitably another disease will surface that’s worse. There will always be disease even if we don’t like it.

28. If you could go back to college and choose a different degree to study, would you?

Well, considering I’m not in college yet I can still change my mind on that one, but I probably wouldn’t. Care of Magical Creatures but I haven’t zoned in on the specific avenue I want to go in that field yet.

29. Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

Er… traveling the countryside looking for magical creatures and documenting them in the wild. It’d be cool if my friends joined once in a while.

30. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?

Pro-choice isn’t anti-life, for fucks sake people.

31. Would you attend a same sex wedding if invited?

Yeah. If my mates fell in love and get married, I’m gonna be at the party regardless of sexes involved.

32. So far, what has been the greatest day of your life?

The first time HM played to a sold out crowd. That was pretty shocking. We’ve done it since and Nik has carried on doing it on his own but that day was scary and humbling and epic.

33. Has anyone you know ever been arrested?

Yeah, wrongly so but they saw what they wanted and went that’s our guy. Luckily, he didn’t get sent away for good.

34. If it could be one season year-round, what season do would you want it to be?

Fall. But like warm fall not close to winter fall. That fall sucks.

35. What is your biggest regret in life?

Saying such shit things about Anna and Charlie’s mum because I was mad at him. We’ve never recovered from it and it was a stupid in the moment blind rage bullshit thing I can’t ever take back.

36. If you could bring one celebrity back from the dead, who would it be?

John Lennon, probably. But the thing is, not everyone is upset their deaths were untimely. That’s more the livings problem than the dead, I’ve come to learn.

37. What offends you the most?

When people assume how I’m feeling. I’m not exactly easy to read, I know that, and I have a hard time wrapping my own head around my thoughts and feelings. So when I am feeling something and someone says I’m feeling another way because my face doesn’t wash with an emotion or my reaction doesn’t match like it allegedly should it’s really upsetting to me and just makes things worse.

38. Would you rather have an ugly hairstyle or be bald?

Do what you want. It’s just hair

39. At what age did you have your first alcoholic beverage?

16. Yeah, I think that’s right.

40. What do you think happens to us when we die?

Ideally, you move on to another plane. Kind of like a multiverse but one for endings. For a bit you can linger between the here as we know it and there but eventually you either stay and become a ghost or a poltergeist (which depends solely on your continued mental state on the matter of your death) but most move on beyond the veil.

41. What do you think is the best way to quit smoking?

I don’t know.

42. If you could take home any one animal from the zoo, which animal would you choose?

A bear of some sort. Polar, Grizzly, Black…. Whatever they’ve got. Not all zoos have the same bears.

43. Were humans created or did we evolve from earlier species?

I’m gonna go out and say something that pisses people off but I don’t see why it can’t be both. Something came out of nothing which is creating, right? The act of creating something is taking elements and making them something or straight up creating an element. What did that, I don’t know. But at one point there was a creation moment. From there everything on this planet has changed and adapted to the situations and surroundings they came into. Life is change, you don’t change you can’t survive. So both. Both sound right to me.

44. What scares you the most?

Losing everyone I care about… and bugs. Fuck bugs

45. What personality trait turns you off the most?

I hate when people play dumb.

46. You got offered a job to do something you hate, but the pay will make you rich. Do you take it?

No.

47. If today you only had what you were thankful for yesterday, how much would you have?

Sadly, not very much probably.

48. How often do you get mad or upset at yourself?

Everyday.

49. If you could choose one celebrity to be your parent, who would you choose?

I’ll keep my parents, thanks but to answer the question: Reign. At least I’d still have family.

50. If you could only listen to one musical artist for the rest of you life, who would you be listening to?

I would probably choose not to listen to music after a bit. I like variety and I’m not always in the mood for an artist of one flavor but the Beatles? At least their breadth of music is pretty wide.

51. Have you ever used you cell phone while driving?

No

52. Has anyone you were close to die way too young?

Yes.

53. Is world peace possible?

No, I don’t believe it is. It’d be great if it could be. There’s no reason for all this hate but people are always going to clash. We get on for a bit and then boom, it’s done. Peace is an impossibility but we should still strive for it regardless.

54. You go on a blind date. You date is extremely ugly and physically appalling, but you are madly in love with their personality. Would you want a second date?

I don’t know. I want to say yes, be that guy who doesn’t care. Looks really are not everything but ultimately, you should be attracted to your partner. If you aren’t it isn’t likely to work even if their personality is the most beautiful thing in the world.

55. How did you discover that Santa Claus isn’t real?

My little brother told me and I was devastated.

56. Do you believe in God, or some form of higher deity?

I honestly want to but I have a hard time wrapping my mind around how things can be the way they are if a loving god is out there watching us. I think the Futurama episode where Bender gets life on his ass is a great example of how my brain wants to look at it.

And then I read the Bible and get to stories like Zechariah and I’m just left thinking that guy probably had a stroke while praying and the rest is a coincidence.

57. If you could save someone you deeply cared about, but it meant breaking a law, would you do it?

Fuck yes. Without hesitation

58. What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done for money?

Sold my soul for a sickle once.

59. If you were to make a YouTube video about what you know most about, what would the subject be?

Magical Creatures. I could go on for a very long time about that topic.

60. What do you think is your greatest personality flaw?

I’m rigid. I have a hard time shifting directions when I get going.

61. If your friends spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still want them as friend?

I haven’t got many actual friends so maybe. Better than being alone, I suppose.

62. Have you ever “woke up like this”?

No one has ever “woke up like this”. It’s a lie. It’s always a lie. Even if they look good, that caption shows intent and planning: don’t fall for it.

63. You got offered a job to do something you love, but the pay is one of the worst out there. Do you take it?

If I really fucking love it, yes. But I’m also in a position where I can have a shit paying or no paying job and basically be fine.

64. What do you think is your best physical feature?

My lips?

65. What do you think is your worst physical feature.

My nose is big.

66. Do you know anyone who has committed suicide?

Not suicide no. But I know people who have considered it. Glad they didn’t follow through.

67. What is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone you don’t know?

I dunno. I have a habit of giving my bus ticket away if it still has time on it. I know it’s not much but as for random acts of kindness that weren’t really put on display for charities or a fluff news story, that’s the one I’ve got.

68. Have you ever had a night’s dream come true?

No, can’t say that I have.

69. Would you reject a date offer from someone you didn’t like?

yes

70. Which do you think is worse: Failure, or never trying at all?

This is one of those what I say is not really what I do things. I think the second is worse but I often freeze when it comes to choices like this. When I’m by myself: I freeze.

[spaghetticonfettiregretti-blog]

Here are 50 questions answered mediocrely (if at all) for me to get to know myself.

1. What moment changed your life forever?

It’s really hard for me to think of one specific moment that stands out as changing my life as I knew it forever. Obviously there are events that have happened sporadically over the years that have impacted me but nothing really jumps out as being something that seemed to alter the course of my life dramatically. With that being said, the one moment for me that time has a definite “before” and “after” was when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It was August 2015, and until that point I had only really had friends who’s parents had battled cancer or had known distantly other people who had had it so it never really felt like something real and tangible to me, it was just something that was devastating but only happened to other people or in movies. I got the phone call from my mum when dad was on the operating table and once she said that they were pretty sure it was cancer it was like a bomb went off. All of a sudden this thing that didn’t happen to us was real and happening and I had no idea how to emotionally deal with it other than to lock myself in my college room and cry. That was probably the moment when life began to feel real, and confronting, and scary so I would say that that was probably the moment that changed my life forever. So far. 

2. What does your ideal day look like?

My ideal day would be to wake up early in some cool and rainy town, take my dogs for a walk along the beach, stopping somewhere to get coffee. I would go home and tend to whatever other animals I’ve accumulated while my partner makes breakfast for us both before they leave to work. I would have a home office and be doing either home counselling or maybe even something to do with beauty therapy - or both - and I would love it and feel proud of my work. Possibly catch up with friends in the evening, with lots of wine and lots of music. I think that would be nice. 

3. What is your favourite book/movie/show/song and why?

My favourite book would be the Mortal Instruments series purely because I loved them so much as a teenager. I fell in love with the characters and the world and the action and it really got me through the stressful shit heap that was high school. 

Favourite movie at the moment would probably be Interstellar. That was the only movie that has left me speechless in my entire life so kudos to that.

Favourite show currently is Umbrella Academy. I watched season one once and I’m hooked already. 

Favourite song literally changes all the time. Currently keen on Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon by Urge Overkill. 

4. What are you most afraid of?

Something happening to my family or friends without the chance for me to say goodbye or telling them that I love and appreciate them so much and they are my everything. That would kill me inside. I’m also terrified that I won’t live up to any of the expectations I have for myself or that everyone else seems to have of me. Or that I’ll forever feel as though I’m just floating through life with no real purpose or sense of direction. The thought of feeling like that for the rest of my life terrifies me. 

5. What are you most proud of?

Probably the things I achieved as a kid, being smart and curious and studious and loving to learn. Sometimes I really want to go back and just watch younger me be her little nerd self and tell her that she’s the bomb and she shouldn’t ever let that fire go out. If I had to pick something about current me I think it would be that I can be trusted. People open up to me and tell me their secrets and I can lock them away in the vault. 

6. What is something that you cannot live without?

My close family, and close friends. Also my phone at the moment, I think i’ve got a mild addiction which I need to work on. 

7. What do you wish you did more of?

Open up. Speak the truth. Experience emotions. Establish boundaries. Eat. Actually converse with myself. Exercise. Tell people they’re doing a great job and that I’m proud of them. Tell my parents I appreciate and love them. Read. Say no. Have original thoughts and ideas. Stand up for others. Put myself outside of my comfort zone. Say what’s on my mind. 

8. What's a hobby that you wish you could do?

Blog. Or paint. Or play an instrument well. 

9. What's your favourite part of your life right now?

I honestly don’t think I have a favourite part of my life right now. I’m feeling very ambivalent towards it all. Which is why I really hope this experience with getting my emotions out there will help to some degree. 

10. Where do you see yourself in five years from now?

I honestly don’t know. I will be turning 27. Holy craaap. Hopefully I would have followed up with counselling study or found something that actually sets my soul on fire and all that. Hopefully I’m happy, or at least content. 

11. What makes you laugh?

Stupid things on the internet and fart jokes. Nonsensical conversations always get me too. 

12. Who is the one person that you can call, no matter what happens to you?

My mum, of course. But honestly I’ve been in a few situations where I’ve felt completely helpless and like my world was falling apart and that there was literally no one I could turn to. Obviously my friends would all be there for me in a heartbeat but I’ve just never felt comfortable opening up to them or contacting them when that happens so I think that’s something that I need to work on. That’s obviously me not being willing to open up and actually acknowledge that there’s a problem or situation in my life that I need to address - but go me for realising this? Progress, woo!

13. If you could go back and change one part of your life, what would it be and why?

I really would like to go back and make me a little shit of a child. Well not too much of a little shit but a kid who wasn’t so afraid to get in trouble, I feel as though the kids who were cheeky and naughty are actually pretty well rounded? Maybe that’s the wrong way to phrase it but they definitely seem to not give so much of a damn which I could use. I’ve always been so afraid to get in trouble or to do things wrong and that has really followed me through to adulthood. 

14. If you could make one change in the world, what would it be?

Wake people up to the planet dying and actually get them to make changes to their behaviour. 

15. What is something you feel passionate about?

Literally nothing. I’m an emotional void. I’m hoping that this is just a thyroid problem or something...

16. What is your dream career?

Something where I can be my own boss. But I also have this innate desire (need?) to help people so it would have to be something that fulfils that, which is why I’m thinking counsellor. 

17. What piece of advice would you give to your younger self?

Don’t be so afraid to balls things up! Get in trouble! Fall over and hurt yourself! Don’t take yourself too seriously and stop wanting to grow up so fast. You know what you love doing, make sure you keep doing it and don’t stop loving it! Because now my passions have been vacuum sealed and I have no idea what I love. Also don’t be afraid to tell dad to shove it. 

18. When was the last time you did something that you were afraid of?

The fact that I can’t remember means too long. 

19. What do you do to relax?

Netflix. Which I know is not sustainable. I really need to get into exercise or reading. 

20. What's a long shot that you have taken that has paid off?

Let myself fall in love. 

21. What are you tired of hearing about?

How much of a worthless heap I am and that I’m doing nothing with my life. Or hearing about how my life will sort itself out. 

22. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why?

To not be a coward.

23. Who has completely lost your respect?

I don’t think anyone has completely lost it but there are definitely people who are not at all who I thought they were and I wouldn’t lose sleep over them not being in my life anymore. 

24. What do you hope never changes?

My ability to not get hangovers. 

I guess the stability and privilege of my life as well (as much as I talk trash about it), though you don’t grow unless you’re outside of your comfort zone so they say. 

25. Where is your favourite place to visit?

Home. Literally the walls of my childhood house with my mum, dad, and Charlie. That’s where my heart is. 

26. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

Somewhere cool and rainy would do me nicely. I’m not too fussed beyond that. Though I would feel extremely guilty leaving my mum.

27. What is something that you would make a scene in public about?

I’m such a little bitch so probably nothing. Unless it was something very extreme. 

28. What are you most afraid to lose?

Family. Friends. Body parts. Sentimental items. Charlie. 

29. What are you most insecure about?

I blush way too easily, even when I’m not even remotely embarrassed, which I honestly think is why I’m such an introverted social spud. It’s pretty much developed into a phobia so I always make sure I avoid situations where something could happen to make me turn into a tomato. It literally makes me want to die. And my nose is huge. I also have this feeling that nothing I say is original or that I have my own ideas so I often feel as though I have nothing to contribute to conversations which I hate. I also feel as though if I do contribute and it’s something stupid or wrong i’ll blush and then want to die. It’s a vicious cycle. 

30. What chance of fate changed your life forever?

Probably just meeting all the people that I have in this world of 7 billion.

31. What is something you regret doing?

Way too many things. 

32. What is the best and worst thing about getting older?

Having more life experience. Having your body betray you. 

33. What part of your life do you miss the most?

Having feelings and emotions and passion about things. Also being young and not having any real awareness or responsibility.

34. If you could go back and fix a relationship with someone, who would it be and why?

A few boys from my past who I didn’t end things well with. I needed to be straight up and honest and I wasn’t and that hurt them. 

35. What's the hardest lesson you have learned?

Always tell the truth, even if it hurts at the time it’s so much better than lying to someone. Also that people don’t care about others as much as you do so watch your back. And you’re getting old so look after your body!

36. What do you do to feel "alive"?

Alcohol.

37. What's the most exhilarating thing you have done?

Probably just nights out, when you’re pretty wasted and you’re able to do dumb shit like a proper delinquent. It’s exhilarating because you don’t really worry about any of the consequences you just act on impulse and that is such a refreshing feeling. Even if you feel like pure shite and regret the dumb stuff the next day. I wish there was just some switch you could flick in your brain that let you feel the same way without completely incapacitating you like alcohol does. 

38. What inspires you?

People who are passionate and believe things down to their core. And who aren’t afraid to speak up and stand up and get shit done. Pretty much everything I am not is what gets me going. 

39. What do you believe is a "good life"?

Being happy, or content. And finding something that gives your life meaning or purpose and doing that. 

40. What do you take for granted?

Everything. I’m going through a selfish phase too which I really need to work on. But probably the thing that does bug me about myself is the crazy access I have to education that I am in no way harnessing or using in my favour. That is a fucking privilege that I am wasting. I feel like because it’s something that has always been there and provided for me and I never had to fight for it that I’ve just taken it for granted my whole life. 

41. What risks do you believe are worth taking?

Anything that will challenge you and that you can learn from. Life is experience. 

42. What was the hardest loss you have ever experienced?

Pets. 

43. Was there ever a point where you felt like giving up, but didn't?

My mind instantly went to cross country events, my lord. There have been a few times where I’ve felt like I couldn’t go on and have which always feels good. 

44. What are some events in your life that made you who you are?

I honestly don’t think I’ve had many profound events. I really should work on that. 

45. What is your favourite season, and why?

Winter because it’s cold and rainy straight up. 

46. What do you spend most time thinking about?

Life and the universe. What i’m wasting it all on. The usual. 

47. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

A bookstore. 

48. What qualities do you admire about others?

Courage, bravery, honesty, integrity, accountability, vulnerability, openness, conscientiousness, compassion, and empathy. 

49. What was your closest close call?

Almost got abducted as a kid in Melbourne. That was pretty close. 

50. If you died today, how would you want to be remembered?

Someone who made people laugh and who had a bright future. That way I won’t let anyone down by not having one. 

All of these questions are taken from: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/50-questions-ask-yourself

[nautilusopus]

The Number I

Chapter 3: And Now For Something Completely Different

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE WAY FIRST: Crisis Core is still 100% non-canon. What happened with this is that I ran out of character real estate and figured I didn't want to wind up stuck with three OCs for 90% of the story. Still not canon. Probably never will be for anything I write at all.

This took forever because I wrote it while simultaneously writing the next four chapters all at once, for reasons that will become apparent sooner or later, and also because I wanted to set up two extremely stupid jokes that won't come to fruition for like fifteen chapters.

Thanks to @fury-brand, @auncyen, @cateringisalie, @themateriodictable, and everyone else I bothered for this chapter because if I missed any details no one else would notice but I WOULD and it would eat me up inside forever.

Four years after meteor-fall and Cloud Strife still isn’t himself. The thing that haunts him comes always at the same time… and when it does, on a distant far-off world, a needle moves. Twisty AU. Warnings for future chapters.

"...dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space, and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, and it lies between the pit of man's fears, and the summit of his knowledge.This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area that might be called... The Twilight Zone." The television cast an eerie glow across the blanket, illuminating it enough to stand out but not enough to distinguish it from the monochrome wash the room had taken on in the dim light. 

At a little past five, more or less, a loud crunch started its occupant awake. The source of the noise licked its paws contentedly, indifferent to the stern glare it was now receiving from its owner, who reached for the remote under the couch cushions and switched the television off.

"You little shit." The cat, being a cat, said nothing.

Aeris Gainsborough sighed heavily and rolled off the couch she had fallen asleep on to go find a broom. The sad, crumpled remains of her peppermint weren't going to sweep up themselves.

It might not've bothered her as much if she had already been up, but now it was too late to go back to sleep. She shuffled into the kitchen and considered getting herself something caffeinated, but thought better of it. She couldn't afford to be jittery, today of all days. She returned to her living room/study and began scraping up the remains of her potted plant and salvaging what she could into a glass jar she grabbed off the counter. Perhaps it had been for the best -- it has been starting to encroach on the rest of her garden.

Breakfast consisted of eight eggs, dumped into the frying pan with a generous amount of cheese and butter. If caffeine wasn't an option today, a protein high would have to do, and there was no point in leaving perishables in her fridge anyway. She ate quickly, going over the cards for her speech and trying not to hate parts of it now that she was rereading it for the umpteenth time. It was too late to change any of it herself -- the committee had already approved this version to air, and going off script on what would probably be the second-most important day of her life (if she was lucky) was a risk she wasn't willing to take, no matter how awkwardly-phrased and corny the bit about humanity's next step into the future was.

She wolfed down the entire pan in about twenty minutes and got an early start on her hair, carefully pulling it back into a braid she thought would look dignified. Not that it would matter much, the makeup people she'd be assaulted with would probably redo it the minute she showed up anyway. They'd told her the pink ribbon she usually wore looked "unprofessional", so she tied it around her arm instead, hiding it under the suit they had picked out for the occasion. They'd never know.

Her cat Cassiopeia rubbed up against her leg, and she had to gently shove her away. The last thing she needed was to show up covered in hair.

She went over her speech again. And again. And another time to be certain. She went back to her desk and looked over her research, which was technically more important, then lost interest in that and went back to the speech. Loaded with plenty of big long words -- the suit, the vote against her ribbon, the speech, it was all meant to give off the impression of maturity. Probably to offset her age (there was a time and a place for milking the wunderkind angle and today was neither), but there was also the matter of her lineage to consider. This was her project now, after all. Today was about that as much as it was about the project itself.

She herded Cassiopeia into her carrier and checked over her luggage again: a briefcase with the summation of her life's work, which she quickly stuffed her speech cards into, and a tupperware container of licorice allsorts. Bringing in fresh produce probably wouldn't be allowed at the facility, but her candies would probably survive a quick sterilisation. The best part about liking licorice allsorts, Aeris had discovered, was that no one ever asked you to share them with you, so one could just eat the entire box undisturbed, though she did include another container of gummy bears for her coworkers as a peace offering. Outside comforts like this would be missed greatly in the coming weeks.

Briefcase, personal effects (outside toiletries had been prohibited as well), cat... on a whim, she rummaged through a drawer and fished out an old Polaroid camera, quickly throwing it into the bag with the candies. If astronauts got to take pictures of space, she wanted to document her work as well.

Aeris quickly piled everything by the door and made one last check around her house -- her house, another one of the perks of this job. It had really started to grow on her, and it was a shame she wouldn't see it for so long. She locked the door, unlocked it while trying to figure out if she had locked it properly, locked it again, and began her walk down Kenilworth Avenue to the nearest bus stop. This was it.

Cassiopeia yowled angrily the entire drive over to the kennel. "There won't be any plants to eat if you come with me," said Aeris, glancing around them, trying to spot the plainclothes bodyguards she'd been assigned for the trip. Perhaps they weren't here yet. "There will be lots of other cats there you can ruin gardens with together." She hoped there would be, actually. Perhaps then she'd finally get it out of her system.

After depositing her horrible greenery-chewing roommate and lightening her load somewhat, she made her way down to the train station. It was here she started catching a few stares. Shame she hadn't worn sunglasses or something.

On the train out of Reading, the "find the plainclothes" game she had been playing became much easier. The wiry-looking man reading a magazine she wasn't sure about, but the woman sitting across from her that looked as though she ate broken glass and bullets for breakfast that kept staring at the door next to her was easier to spot. Aeris checked her nails and did her best to ignore them both. It was only for a few more hours.

A woman on her left spoke to her then. "This is gonna sound a bit stupid, but you look exactly like that Dr. Gainsborough woman."

Aeris managed a quick smile. "Ah... that's 'cause I am." The woman laughed and went back to her phone, clearly not believing her, but a few other people on the train had heard and craned their heads to get a look. Aeris looked back, and they turned away.

She’d insisted on using public transport -- she didn’t have a driver’s license of her own yet, and she hadn’t liked the idea of the fancy chauffeur they had offered her waiting outside honking their horn when she just wanted to have a lie-in before the big day. If it was on her own terms, she could get a bit of extra sleep. That would surely be worth a few odd looks from the general public, right?

Stupid cat.

The train pulled into London an hour later, and she was immediately mobbed by more security detail the minute she stepped off the platform. She was at least grateful for the help with her luggage, but with them came the press. She kept her gaze focused directly ahead until they made it out of the station and reached the car. They'd have their answers soon enough.

She drummed on the seat all the way to the university, and stopped halfway through going over her speech in her head to realise that she had forgotten to put the pan in the dishwasher before she left, and the kitchen would probably smell awful when she got back. Too late now.

She was swarmed by hair and makeup the minute she set foot on campus, and was herded into an office they had appropriated as a green room. As predicted, they immediately undid her braid and began combing it out to tie it back into a bun.

"I spent good time on that, you know," grumbled Aeris, and then was forced to hold still while they applied foundation.

"I was beginning to think you'd bailed on us," came a voice from next to her, and Aeris managed to crane her head just enough to see Cissnei in the chair next to her, whose artist appeared to be finishing up.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about it," she replied. "All this is just for show. We could just go directly to the facility and not waste twelve hours on all this media circus stuff.”

“It’s a proud tradition, though!” said Cissnei, getting up and watching them attempt to herd Aeris’s hair into a fraction of the volume it normally took up, making her wince. “Everything like this needs something quotable. Armstrong, Sagan, Einstein, Curie. You need a line that someone can spend two hundred takes on trying to nail the one that nets them an award when they make the dramatised documentary version of this in ten years or so.”

“This entire speech is the most generic combination of words I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“It’s not the words,” said Cissnei, sneaking a peak at her speech cards, “it’s the delivery. Think Frank Sinatra.”

Aeris grunted as the makeup staff finally peeled off and stopped trying to remove her scalp. “Mum and Dad didn’t have a speech.”

“Well, you’re not Dr. Gainsborough or Dr. Gainsborough, are you? You’re Dr. Gainsborough,” she commented dryly, clearly amused at her own joke. Aeris rolled her eyes.

A voice came from outside the office. “Gainsborough, Sauvage, you’ve got two minutes!”

Cissnei flashed her a quick smile on her way out the door. “Bonne chance!”

Aeris went over her speech another time, liked it even less than before, then followed CERN’s interpreter out to the auditorium.

A smattering of applause greeted her presence, a few camera flashes, and then silence. The world was watching now. Cissnei was there waiting by the podium with the other interpreter, and gave her a curt nod.

“There are times, in the course of human history, that are known to change our world, our society, in profound and irreversible ways,” she began, with Cissnei beside her, repeating what she had said in French. “From the discovery of the double helix which let us understand where we came from, to the first splitting of the atom, showing us where we are, to our first steps as a species into the Earth’s atmosphere, inviting us to all the places we could go from there. They’ve yielded medicines, and knowledge, and prosperity… as well as destruction, and conflict, and loss of life. Our world is a product of these changes, benign or otherwise.

“It is difficult to accept the world for what it is, to comprehend the scope of how deeply these changes have affected who we are, but it it is harder still to understand our place within it. It can be daunting to know how much harm they could cause, and how much potential for good they might have had.” She kept her gaze on the audience. Not the words, the delivery. Aeris hoped whatever charisma she had managed to dredge up for this day was having an impact on anyone. If anything, she probably sounded vaguely threatening.

“Today, I believe we are on the cusp of one of these changes. And I believe that, not only as a nation, but as a people, we have understood our capacity for greatness. In taking our first steps into exploring another world, we shape the boundaries of our own.” She paused, and dipped her head briefly to some of the men just offstage. “It is through this understanding that has allowed CERN to lead the world forward with this groundbreaking research. Every nation has banded together for the invigoration of the human spirit.”

It was barely an overstatement. It had been the project of the twenty-first century, and nearly every country in the UN had pitched in. The confirmed existence of other universes, of other worlds, had ripped through the scientific community. Thus far the data they had was mostly numbers, but the trail blazed by the late Doctors Ifalna Gainsborough and Hugo Gainsborough (the latter more commonly known by his name before marriage, Gast, for the sake of easy distinction) had left them with something significantly more concrete, and suddenly the prospect of a physical presence in these worlds was alarmingly, startlingly real.

For the last year, billions of euros had been dumped into the construction of a massive compound in the French countryside. Though Aeris had been largely in charge of the project, there were other scientists contributing to its building as well, and she had yet to set foot in it herself. She’d be on a plane to Cannes in the same day if she could just get through this speech.

Eventually, she finished up with another line about being inspired by everyone to make the world better. Utter schlock. Waste of time. There was a warm applause from the audience. Good. That was squared away, at least.

She nodded to one of the general directors of CERN waiting offstage, and retreated offstage herself. Official questions were their problem. At the very least she could ditch her stupid speech cards and wait for Cissnei to finish up the presentation; the other interpreters had been hired specifically for this event, but Cissnei was part of the project proper. If they found anything, it would help to have an expert at hand in case any messages were exchanged. Aeris was a physicist, not a linguist. And of course, there was the more practical side of things being lost in translation between the multinational team they’d assembled from the top scientists in the world.

Personally, Aeris would have been satisfied with a few interesting matter samples, and maybe some microbes if she was really getting her hopes up. At the very least, they had finally confirmed there was something on the other side of it all to begin with.

Truth be told, this project had been in the works for nearly twenty years. Aeris had been the one to rekindle it after the accident that had claimed the previous directors’ lives. Everyone had been leery of the prospect at first -- never mind her age, the word “nepotism” had been on their lips from day one. She’d had to work twice as hard as anyone else to prove she was worthy of the project on her own merits, and then four times that to forge ahead with the data her parents had managed to collect in the bridging experiment before it had all gone to hell.

And to think they’d called it pseudo-science nonsense five years ago. She’d show them pseudo-science…

No, she wouldn’t. That’s the opposite of what she wanted to do.

Eventually Cissnei returned from the stage as well, and from there they were herded back into a car and to the airport. No time to waste.

On the plane, Aeris went over the roster of who they’d picked out for the project.

“Tseng, Wu, biophysicist,” said Cissnei, leaning in to check the paper she was holding. “China’s pick, probably.”

“I remember him from the meetings,” replied Aeris. “Sort of stuffy. Do you suppose he’s any good?”

“Good enough, I guess. I’m not a biophysicist. He’s got three doctorates, I think, which is apparently the minimum,” She adjusted herself in her seat and gestured to Aeris’s peanuts. “Do you want those?”

“How many do you have?” asked Aeris, as Cissnei opened her peanuts anyway. Cissnei shrugged.

“One, for now. Not all of us skipped seven grades. I’m just here on the charisma factor.”

Aeris snorted. “Oh, only one doctorate. How old are you?”

“Is it a contest now?”

“Only if you want it to be.” She looked over the list again. “These are some flashy dossiers, though.”

“Well, let’s hope they’re nice.”

After they touched down, there was another hour-long car ride north from Cannes to the facility. The roads eventually thinned from eight lanes, to four, to two, to a thin strip of dirt that would allow the bare minimum of passage.

It was a bit strange, seeing the sleek new building positioned in that vast, empty field. Cissnei stepped out of the car and voiced what Aeris had been thinking: “It looks like a fortress.” 

Indeed it did; apart from of the building where the entrance would be, there were almost no windows. The compound was circular, with three levels stacked on top of and within one another, with a large rectangular structure the size of a supermarket on its own functioning as the front entrance, like an immense closed stadium. A wall had been erected around it, and the whole layout was compact and centralised. All likely necessary, to minimise risk the second time around.

The compound was meant for living in over a period of three to four weeks, and the place was kept tightly sealed in case of any sort of contamination, so only absolutely necessary personnel would be dispatched to the site. Therefore, the team was fairly small, to avoid straining resources, and most of the more mundane functions would be more or less fully automated. They were expecting six or seven members -- from what she could recall, the rest would be arriving tomorrow.

They had each been issued a keycard the week before, and then it only granted them access as far as the lobby. The security was a bit unnerving, and served as a reminder of the threshold she was about to cross. This was it. The culmination of billions in investment and twenty years of work and two lives. The lobby itself was largely empty, with reception being little more than a vacant all with a plaque on the wall detailing procedures for unpacking luggage for decontamination, which was where the only other door led.

They funneled, one at a time, into a chamber at the end of the lobby, where they removed their clothes and placed them in a separate compartment in the wall with the rest of their belongings, which they carefully unpacked. Aeris reluctantly parted with her ribbon and closed the door, and then stepped into the shower that had just switched on. It seemed a good deal of the process was automated. Both she and her belongings on the other side of the wall were exposed to quick flash of UV, and it occurred to

Aeris she was probably pushing it a bit with the candy. After the spray switched off, the vents in the room opened, vacuuming out the contaminated air and pumping in filtered oxygen, before the next chamber opened and she was treated to another chemical shower and another radiation purge, this one searing off the very first layer of skin.

After three more rooms, she reached the antechamber of the final decontamination room area, where she was to remain for 24 hours while inhaling low levels of antibiotics laced in the filtered air. Uniforms were provided on the wall until her clothes had finished baking (she worried briefly about the camera surviving the trip), and she hastily put hers on before stepping into the temporary living area and waiting for Cissnei to finish up behind her.

The room was sparsely furnished -- three beds (most likely why they were having the rest of the team file in the day after, as well as to avoid gunking up the machinery all at once) with sterile cotton blankets and foam mattresses; a few chairs; and two lamps; one of which that was fixed into the wall, upon which a compartment opened, allowing her to collect her research, her possibly-ruined camera ,and her mildly-irradiated sweets. There was a simple desk with a screen built into it that connected to the database waiting further inside, to allow review of the materials during downtime, and a rather tall man sitting at the desk watching her expectantly.

“Dr. Gainsborough,” said the man in greeting, rising from the chair and giving her a polite nod.

“Dr. Tseng,” she returned politely. If he was part of this project as well, then most of this section of the building would have been his idea, to prevent forward contamination. Just in case.

He nodded again. Very formal, this one. “Well met. Though just ‘Tseng’ is fine.”

“Then I’m fine with ‘Aeris’,” she replied, then turned around as Cissnei passed through the door from the airlock behind them, her hair on end nearly as badly as Aeris’s. “And this is Dr. Cissnei Sauvage, linguist and interpreter.”

“Hen gaoxing jian dao nin,” was Tseng’s curt reply. Cissnei returned it with an equally reserved, “Nin yeshi.” The stiffness in the room was palpable. Aeris rolled her eyes.

“Well, if we’re gonna be cooped up in here all day with each other, we might as well get to know one another,” she said, pulling up a chair and pulling her hair over the back of it.

“There are very few people in the world that do not know who you are by this point… Aeris,” he said slowly, clearly uncomfortable with the familiarity.

Aeris shrugged. “So what about you?”

“I volunteered for this project because I felt it held potential,” he said shortly. “It had been my goal to contribute to it for seven years when the late Dr. Gainsborough published her first paper, but as you can imagine the ensuing complications made this impossible for some time. This is a rare opportunity for me.”

Aeris and Cissnei exchanged a look at this news. If Tseng was being truthful, that would mean his interest predated the bridging experiment. Back when the project had been a wild goose chase searching for something that most like didn’t exist, and held no more water than a television psychic claiming they could speak to the dead -- a career-ender for anything it touched.

“Well… we’re glad to have you,” she replied, not quite sure what to make of this.

Cissnei pulled up a chair for herself next to the desk. “I had worked with Aeris before this, six months ago. She recommended me for this. I thought it would be fun.”

Tseng blinked. Cissnei continued.

“Yes. Being part of all this work, being there when we start finding things. It’s exciting.” She gestured to Aeris. “Getting to spend time around people with the mental capacity to understand what you’re saying. I think it will be very enjoyable.”

“I suppose that angle could be appreciated, too,” said Tseng. He returned to his seat as well, and looked at Aeris. “This may be a bit obvious, but you’re…?” She shrugged. “It was their project, yeah. Lots riding on this.”

He nodded, then turned back to the desk. “We may as well be on the same page. This is mostly just an archive of the date we’ve collected over the last few years,” he said, gesturing to the screen. “I believe we’ll be adding to the data stored here once we get out of decontamination.”

Aeris pulled up her own chair to the desk and leaned over it with him, with Cissnei hovering behind them curiously. The test data itself was a bit beyond her, it seemed, but Aeris found it helpful to have someone to explain concepts to out loud, forcing her to organise her thought process. Cassiopeia never asked the right questions, and was more prone to chewing up her chives and vomiting them on her rug than she was to asking what supersymmetry was or why one shouldn’t call the Higgs-Boson the “god particle” because it was a stupid terrible name that nobody really used.

“What do you think we’ll find?” asked Cissnei, after another hour and a good old rousing round of explaining what a top quark was and why nobody could find it despite enormous mass. “On the other side, I mean.”

“Hard to say,” said Aeris. “I’d be happy with recognisable matter. Maybe some microbes, if we can find something that helps us know what to look for.”

“Just microbes? If it’s another universe, you’d think there would be people there too. Maybe Rome never fell. Maybe we all do Carrousel. Something like that. ”

Tseng cut in. “It could be. There could, in theory, be an infinite number of universes with an infinite number of permutations, if my understanding of the situation is correct. However, you are assuming worlds like this are the majority, when in all likelihood -- and likelihood is the important word here -- they are not.

“Thus, life is thought to be quite common,” continued Tseng dryly, watching Aeris rearrange her belongings around her bed. “But complex life exceedingly rare. If we are correct in assuming that a world like ours is the odd one out, while there may be trillions of permutations of worlds with complex life, there will still be a far greater number where conditions were not favourable for life to evolve beyond the unicellular stage.”

“Maybe. Maybe it’s a kind of life we don’t know exists yet,” said Cissnei.

Aeris expected Tseng to rebut her, but he merely nodded. “Perhaps. That is why I am here, after all. Why you are here, and why the rest of us will be here tomorrow. There is no telling what we will find. If it were practical, I believe they would have imported hundreds of experts here. They still may, depending on what we uncover in the coming weeks.”

“They’ll reevaluate the staff after the first period’s up and they clear us out of here to do safety checks,” said Aeris. Her hair had finally begun to un-frizz, and she set aside her ribbon and began to carefully rebraid it.

“Then they’ll send in more people if they think we need it. Or maybe if we ask. And then we get to check things out for ourselves. Eventually. Most of the groundwork has already been taken care of, over the years,” she added, trying her best to emphasise the silent “by me as well” at the end of her sentence.

“What if we only find a bunch of rocks?” joked Cissnei.

“Then we get to call in a really excited mineralogist,” said Aeris. “We won’t be able to go right away, though. Have to make sure where we’re going is safe enough to send someone through. Run the numbers.”

“See if any lab rats come back inside out.”

Aeris made a face. “...Yes, that too.” It was probably for the best that they weren’t meant to eat anything for twenty-four hours. Cissnei remained nonplussed and got up from her chair, stretching out on one of the beds.

“Anyone got a phone charger?” she said after a moment of silence. Tseng opened the one briefcase he’d brought with him and produced his, looking at her curiously.

“What do you intend to do?,” he asked. “There’s no signal in here.”

“Just some background noise, maybe.” She unplugged the other lamp and put her phone in. “It’s too quiet. Feels like an interrogation room in here.”

The room dimmed with the removal of one of their light sources, but Aeris actually did feel her shoulders unknot a little once the space was filled with a noise other than the buzz of fluorescent light bulbs. The song was vaguely familiar to her -- seemed like a much older one, maybe from the nineties. Something indie and obscure. Maybe French? She couldn’t make out many words under the heavy distortion from the track itself and the speaker. She found herself humming along, until it occurred to her she was probably driving Tseng nuts, who probably didn’t care much for rock music and was probably jet-lagged into hell, something he more or less proved by shuffling over to a bed and crashing right then and there.

The lack of light and the music made her eyes heavy. She spent another hour reading at the desk, before Cissnei had to nudge her upright and direct her to a bed to keep her from drooling on the screen. Perhaps now she’d finally catch up on the time she’d lost thanks to her shithead cat.

Besides, tomorrow there was important work to be done.

[monoshah]

A Man and his Journal

There once lived a man who owned far too many journals. These were filled with years of venting, loathing, and insight- all turned into writing. Some pages were filled with text, while some had drawings and poems. Regardless, everything written in those journals was about him and his life.

At age fourteen, he came back home from school, crying about getting bullied. Confused about what to do and how to vent, he turned to a piece of paper lying on the kitchen table. And, although the page was blank, his thoughts and feelings were in full form. Staring at that page, he thought about everything that had happened that day in school- the bully humiliating him in front of everybody and his failed attempt to defend himself. There was anger. A lot of anger. And so, he wrote, he wrote like the page was endless, like, every time he used his pen, the anger, fueled it with more ink. As if the page was his friend, someone who never judged, someone selfless who just.. listened.

Why are people mean? Why do we inflict pain on others? Shouldn’t we try to live in harmony? What did I even do to him? You know what’s worse? He tripped me in front of this girl I like. And.. she laughed. Is this what heartbreak feels like? Oh god, I’m so angry. What should I do? I can’t go complain. Oh no, that’ll just make things worse. Should I fight back? But he’s so big and I don’t play sports. Should I tell mom? No no, absolutely not. She’ll interfere. Oh God, is this what adolescence is like?

There was something magical about turning to the page during times of distress. More than anything, journaling his thoughts and feelings helped him showcase the biases and assumptions he had. Questioning them, watching them, being curious about them… the perfect recipe for what Socrates called “Self-Knowledge.”

At sixteen, after his first break-up, he turned to the page again, this time, reflecting on feeling lonely.

Why do I want to be with someone so badly? Am I “needy”? Or, is that human? It’s pretty clear why we broke up, we’re two different people. But, at this moment, I just feel so much pain in my heart. I feel alone as if no one understands me. But then, is that what love is? Do we love to feel less alone in the world? If so, I wonder how many people are in love just for the sake of it. How many new lives that love has created. If the purpose of love is to feel less alone, then, maybe none of us has the ‘perfect match’. Maybe ‘the one’ is just something marketers use to sell romantic comedies and greeting cards. And, relationships shouldn’t be all about feelings, maybe we should put our intellect up to this too. Maybe being in a relationship isn’t something we’re all born with, it’s something we should learn just like any other skill.

Turning back the pages, he went back to an entry he made six months ago, the first time he had a crush on his ex.

She’s perfect. Everything about her, every single thing- it’s like Jesus made her first. Her eyes, so kind and yet- so determined. Those few strands of her that always fall over and cover her eyes. I think I can stare at her forever and all my sorrows would just melt away. In fact, if violence had a chance to meet her, it would change.

Looking at it now, he giggled. Asking himself how stupid he sounded, the fact that he never even spoke to her before making the journal entry amazed him. It made him think about the nature of crushes- so unreliable and toxic. And yet- so sweet. He thought about how a few physical characteristics (which have nothing to do with character), helped him picture her character in his mind. How beauty can be so delusional.

This new shift in perspective is what helped him grow and get better.  

At twenty-one, as he approached his senior year of college, he decided to reflect on everything it had taught him. And, one thing, in particular, stood out to him- the delusion of passion.

Its funny, I chose my major because I thought I was passionate about it. Soon enough, however, that passion faded away and I asked myself if this is something I really wanted to do. So, I found another passion and tried that for two semesters. Again- passion faded away. Maybe I’m missing the target every time, or maybe, there’s no target. All our lives, we’ve been thinking that we’re all “born to do something”, and that, we should always be passionate about what we do. But, does passion help us get through the drudgery? No. Does passion stick around when there’s too much work? No. It just leaves. So maybe, there’s no passion. Maybe our job isn’t really to find what we’re passionate about, but, instead, to find things that interests us and then through that- make a difference in the society. Plus, to get better at anything, we need to push through the drudgery. Maybe the recipe for mastery is work, regardless of the nature of it.

This shift in perspective helped him diversify his interests, helping him learn more and get a richer experience.

The day before his graduation ceremony, his friends and him decided to go to a bar a couple of blocks away to reflect on the four years they spent together. As everyone around the table started talking, he opened his journal to flip and read the entries over the years. And, one entry, in particular, stood out to him. He wrote it after his ‘big’ calculus exam.

Ok, I’m out of the hall. It’s over. I can breathe and eat and sleep (since I haven’t slept for two straight days). Why did I do that though? I mean sure, this exam would majorly contribute to my overall GPA, but like- why did I not sleep for two fucking days? It’s sleep! How could I not sleep?! Am I that concerned about my GPA that I’d sacrifice my health? “But your GPA is going to get you jobs”, let’s assume that’s true. But, would you really want to work with such people? Who’d judge you based on how much of your health you sacrificed for profit? No. This makes me ask myself another big question- we spent so much time and money towards college, how can we make it beneficial? How can use these years to our advantage so that we can learn invaluable lessons, lessons about ourselves, about life & about careers.

Sitting there in that bar, he was happy he knew the answer now.

“What have you learned man?” his friend asked him.

Oh.. where do I start? Let’s see: - I’ve learned that simply getting admitted to college doesn’t mean anything. It simply means you have an opportunity to get better, to grow beyond yourself. - I’ve learned that education doesn’t have any boundaries. If getting admitted to college doesn’t mean anything, then similarly,  not getting admitted to a college too isn’t the end of story. Learning doesn’t need dollars, it needs curiosity and dedication. Books. Oh, yes- God bless the inventor of paper. - I’ve learned that college won’t teach you anything if you’re not ready to step out of your comfort zone. If you don’t attempt to engage in new (& safe) experiences. - I’ve learned some modern day virtues like following up, working hard, making decisions and most importantly- how to get up when we’re down in the dust - Most of all, I hope that tomorrow isn’t the last day we stop learning. And that true freedom is self-education

This set of reflection helped him stay grounded; to make sure a certificate on paper doesn’t make him get lost in ego.

Years later, after he had his own family, on his sons sixteenth birthday, his wife asked him: “what do you think we should get him? How about a car? All his friends have a car.” How would a car help him at this age of self-discovery? He thought.

And that’s when he knew what would, indeed, help him- the journals. He acknowledged the fact that unknowingly or knowingly, his son was bought up with biases. And, what better way to help him understand his thoughts and feelings that to show him a showcase of his dad’s?

He ran down to the storage, and after spending almost an hour searching for his work, he found it. Wiping the dust off, he put them on the coffee table and there they were- his thoughts, feelings, and reflections starting from age fourteen, up until twenty-four.

Somewhere in heaven, Socrates smiled.

[got7doubleb]

16, 23, 37 MarkJin please. Angst or Fluff will do as long as it's a happy ending.

There are a lot of reasons to hate you but i don’t, Your eyes are the brightest i have ever seen, i am constantly on edge because of you - markjin

Tuesday Coffee and Shared Sweaters - Mark+Jinyoung, fluff, G 2.5k wordsMark realizes too late that he was in love with his best friend and tries to drunkenly confess to him by showing up to his house at 5am in the morning.

a/n: This may not fill in the prompt but i was craving to write a childhood friends to lover dynamic. but like i don’t even know what this was. i’m sorry for my attempt at failed crack. i tried to beta this but yeah. anyway, hope you don’t hate me for this anon-sshi!

Mark probably had a bit too much to drink.He knows this because he is standing in front of Jinyoung’s house and hedoesn’t even know why. Alright, maybe he does know why he was there but stillhe didn’t think when he walked out of the bar he was headed here. It was morelike subconsciously he was walking to Jinyoung’s place.

He is drunk; a bit too drunk. And it’sprobably the break of dawn. so, if the neighbours saw him standing in front ofJinyoung’s house like this they would probably calls the cops.

He really didn’t think this plan through. Well,to be honest, he had no plan.

Whatthe fuck am I doing here and why the fuck am I so drunk?

He had been drinking to try and eliminatethe messy situation in his head. It’s been a mess for the past week now and nomatter how much Mark tried to think it out, it all made no sense at all. Hisheart was telling him one thing and his mind was telling him another.

But why was he in front of Park Jinyoung’shouse at the break of dawn, trying to suppress the urge to vomit, you ask?

The answer was simple. Park Jinyoung wasthe tsunami that flooded his brain with the thoughts of him and leaving ahorrid mess. Mark was beyond repair. So Mark being the very rational adult thathe is (he is 22 years old, he was an adult) he drank till he couldn’t thinkanymore. Or rather he drank until the only thing that was coming out of his mouthwas ‘why the hell did Jinyoung do this to me?’

That was overdramatic but that is theeffect Jinyoung has on him.

From the start of his life, Jinyoung hadthat effect. They had first met in middle school. From the moment he hadstepped into school, Park Jinyoung had been there. He had become the Korean boythat talked to him even though he had no idea how to speak English. The boyhowever, was expressive and they managed to find a common ground of silencebefore Jinyoung learnt more English and Mark learnt more Korean.

So they became friends. Their houses wereonly a block away from each other. Naturally, thanks to the many sleepoversthey used to have as kids, their parents had become great friends. Mark ispretty sure the Park family regards him as their own son and Jinyoung is prettymuch family to his parents too. From that little boy who couldn’t even speakone word of Korean, Mark had gained not only a friend but an extension to hisfamily. And it had happened so smoothly that Mark had forgotten what life waslike before Jinyoung. All he knew was Jinyoung.

So what was it that made everything so differentnow?

They were best friends. Jinyoung knewexactly what reckless thing Mark was going to do before he even does it. Markhad Jinyoung’s favourite coffee shops lists by rank and his favourite order ateach of those coffee shops. They were best friends and for most of his lifeJinyoung had been there.

So really, if there was a problem Markshould just confront Jinyoung.

But the problem was that Mark couldn’taccept it himself. The problem wasn’t Jinyoung. The problem was himself.

It had all started in high school. Atleast, the last week of thinking about this had pinpointed it to the momentwhen Jinyoung had came out to him in high school. They were in their last yearand Mark was talking about the fact that Jinyoung hadn’t dated anyone. Despiteall the confessions he received, there was not one that he accepted.

“I’vebeen meaning to tell you” Jinyoung whispered. The tone of his voice was so lowthat Mark felt the suspense make his heart beat funny. “I’m gay”

Mark remembered the shockwaves that wentthrough his body. It was shocking because never once did Mark suspect it. Neveronce did he take all the jokes that Jinyoung tried to make (which were probablyhints now that he thought of it) seriously. It hit him almost out of nowhereand Mark was too shocked to even try to hide it.

“Ihad no idea”

Jinyounglaughed so hard. “I know. I’m fully aware that I’m friends with a fuckingmoron”

That night Mark couldn’t fall asleepbecause all his life he had only seen girls as an option. All his life he hadbeen chatting up girls in his class, all his life he had never thought of guys.It wasn’t that he wasn’t ok with Jinyoung being gay. He was perfectly fine withit. It was just that suddenly he realized that he was part of Jinyoung’soption. It opened up possibilities that he never saw before and suddenly hefelt happy.

But the next morning nothing had changed.Jinyoung went about his life all the same as Mark went on with his life asthough he hadn’t just realized an enigma that would change their lives forever.Mark had buried that thought deep in his mind. It never saw the day of light asMark continued to try chatting up the hot girls in his school. (He was probablya big playboy but you didn’t hear it from him).

Every day from that day Mark had put a nicelabel on Jinyoung’s head. My bestfriend; itread. He never thought of exploring the possibilities anymore. Jinyoung wasobviously not interested and Mark wasn’t interested in ruining what theyalready had.

Because what they had was great.

When they had left high school and wentinto college, they had different majors. Jinyoung taking up Literature whileMark was an engineering major. It was weird at first going to classesseparately for the first time in his life but they got used to it. What made itworst were the dating rumours that started surrounding them.

When they were in school, people hadaccepted that they were best friends since childhood. Everyone knew they wereattached by the hip since Mark had moved in to school. But in college, thesurroundings were new and their closeness was questionable.

So what if Mark walked Jinyoung to classwith his favourite coffee every Tuesday? Mark knew his order by heart andJinyoung liked coffees before a really long day of class. And what is the bigdeal if they swap sweaters every other day? Jinyoung loves his fluffy sweatersand quite frankly he looks damn adorable in them (don’t let Jinyoung know Marksaid that).

And who the hell cares if Mark letsJinyoung kiss his cheeks and pretends to be super annoyed about it?

Well, Jinyoung’s boyfriend does.

That’s right, just when Mark was gettingthe hang of balancing assignments, projects, tests and his social life; ParkJinyoung decides to find himself a boyfriend. Mark wouldn’t exactly say hedoesn’t like the guy because he wasn’t jealous the way Jackson, his veryannoying roommate, suggests. He was just very wary of this guy hurting his bestfriend’s feelings. And maybe he felt threatened that Mark was no longerimportant in Jinyoung’s life.

But Jinyoung reassures him that Wonpil wasa good guy and would never come in between the two of them, repeatedly. Marknever needed to say anything but Jinyoung could read him like an open book nomatter what.

“Whyare you telling me this? I’m not jealous of your boyfriend” Mark insists forwhat felt like the nth time.

“Ofcourse you’re not” Jinyoung said, completely unconvinced. “If you could alsostop staring daggers at him, every time he is around you that would be greattoo”

So maybe, Jinyoung could tell what he feltbefore Mark even knew it. He was perceptive like that. He knew Mark better thanthe back of his hand. So maybe that’s why when Mark realized he was jealous heknew that he was three hundred feet in his own shit.

He was in love with his best friend and itwas too late.

Mark however didn’t feel like ruining theperfect bubble Jinyoung had with his first ever boyfriend. He would happily eathis own heart if it meant Jinyoung could remain oblivious about the shift inMark’s feelings. But Jinyoung could read his feelings from a mile away and MArkwasn’t about to let that happen.

So he had been trying, with much difficultyto create some sort of distance.

The first step had been making Wonpil fillin his ‘best friend’ duties, so Jinyoung wouldn’t feel the gap and chase him.His Tuesday coffee – one hot caramel macchiato with whipped cream, extracaramel and a dash of cinnamon powder – was to be delivered by Wonpil from nowon. It was easy to make Wonpil obey him; the boy was just as smitten asJinyoung was after all. With Wonpil filling up his role in Jinyoung’s life andthe painful grip oh the thought on his heart, Jinyoung let him go. Wonpil wasthe most solid excuse he had.

Mark had gifted his favourite sweater toJinyoung, insisting he didn’t need it anymore. Mark then moved out of the dormitoriesto rent a place somewhere close enough to campus but far enough from Jinyoung.And slowly but surely the distance happened.

For the most part, Jinyoung seemed quitehappy. They texted sometimes and it didn’t seem like anything was ever out ofplace and for the most part Mark thought he was in the safe zone. He could finallytry to adjust with the life of pretending he didn’t love his best friend bydrowning himself in his academics and an unhealthy amount of online games.

That was until a week ago when Jinyoung hadappeared on his bed snuggled into Mark’s fluffiest sweater with red rimmed eyesand a sniffled nose. Wonpil had broken up with him and he was a fucking mess.

Naturally, Mark should be happy about this.Wonpil was out of the picture and he could finally have his chance. But the sixmonths relationship Jinyoung had had with Wonpil had burned Jinyoung’s heartand Mark wasn’t about to exploit Jinyoung’s vulnerability. It would beextremely selfish if he confessed his affections when Jinyoung was obviouslystill in love with Wonpil.

So, Mark prepared himself for another feastof his own heart.

Each time Jinyoung sobbed with the word‘Wonpil’ leaving his mouth his heart would crack. Each time Jinyoung hugged himas he cried; he was punched in the gut. Each time Jinyoung called him in themiddle of the night asking if Mark was asleep only to fucking cry again, Markwould feel his heart crushed by the weight of his own idiocy. He was on edgewith how much he had to try and hold himself together.

“Jinyoung”Mark sighed and waited for the sharp sobs from the other line to slow downbefore he continued. “Did you love him that much?”

“Idon’t know” he sniffles. Mark could just imagine the pain in his face and hisalready broken heart was shattered into even smaller pieces.

“Whydid he want to break up?”

Thereis a short silence which Mark isn’t quite sure was because Jinyoung was wipinghis tears or gathering the courage to admit the reason. “He thinks I’m in lovewith you”

Marklaughed despite the sudden quickening heartbeat in his chest. “He must be anidiot, then”

Jinyounghowever remains silent for the longest time. There was no hum of approval;there was no sniffling or sobbing. The line just goes silent and finally itwent dead.

After that phone call Mark tried to callhim back but it went straight into voicemail. Maybe it was because Jinyoung’sphone died. So he makes his way to Jinyoung’s class the next morning,determined to ask Jinyoung what had happened to the phone call.

“Imust have fallen asleep” Jinyoung mutters, pretending to focus on his book. Hiseyes were unnaturally focused and his shoulders were stiff. It wasn’t hard totell that Jinyoung was lying. Mark didn’t need to be a genius to know that.

“ButI couldn’t call you back?”

“Itmust have died” Jinyoung said a bit too fast. “Class is about to start. Youshould probably leave”

So, first Jinyoung lies to him. He thenstarts ignoring him and Mark doesn’t even know what he’s done. Everything wasout of place and he didn’t even know what to fix.

Was Jinyoung still mourning his brokenrelationship? Was it something Mark said?

Three whole days of being ignored byJinyoung has finally led to him standing in front of his house, drunk beyondbelief, trying his best to devise a plan on making sure his best friend/heartbreakingcrush doesn’t leave him to rot to death alone. There was a thousand and onereasons for Mark to hate Jinyoung for making his life so difficult but he doesn’t.

Because, holy fuck, he loved Jinyoung. Ifit was anything that he regretted it was the fact that he hadn’t told Jinyounghe loved him. He knew it before. He knew there was a shift in his heart themoment Jinyoung had admitted he was gay. But he hadn’t.

So really, this whole mess wasn’t Jinyoung’sfault. It was his.

He stared at the lock keypad on Jinyoung’sdoor and wonders if it had ever changed, since the last time Mark was around.That was probably before Wonpil.

He contemplates knocking even though it wasprobably 5a.m. in the morning. Or he could just wait for Jinyoung to come outof the house. It would probably be noon by then.

Or maybe Mark was tired of sitting aroundwaiting. Maybe it was just time to barge in take a chance on what he wanted.And right now he wanted Jinyoung to know that he loved him. More than he hadever loved anyone else.

0-9-0-4

There is a ding of the right pass codebeing inputted and Mark smiled. Jinyoung didn’t change it after all.

There is a clank of ceramic breaking as ithits the floor as soon as Mark peaks his head into the house. In front of him stoodPark Jinyoung, in a sweater Mark was pretty sure he had lost at least 6 monthsago, mouth agape, hands frozen in mid air. A broken mug scattered at his feetwith what seemed to be hot tea.

“What are you doing here” Jinyoung stuttered.His expression was alike with an expression of just seeing a ghost.

“We need to talk” Mark intoned, surprisingly composed despite the alcohol slowly buzzing in the back of his head. His feet wasbringing him towards where Jinyoung was standing, tugging him clear of thebroken pieces of glass and hot tea that was on the floor. “I’ll clear this upfirst”

Jinyoung watches him, seeming too far inthe state of shock to even help.

When he was done, he tugs Jinyoung to thecouch.

“We need to talk”

Jinyoung nodded but his expression wasstill haunted. He seemed to swallow all his thoughts and tried to composehimself. He pulls the hem of his (Mark’s) sweater trying but failing to conceal his veryshort pants. Mark tries really hard to focus on Jinyoung’s face but he can’thelp but glance.

“I probably should have told you years ago”Mark blurts. “I love you”

He was damn drunk give him a fucking break for the lack of creativity.

“Well, isn’t it about time you realized?”

[mechagalaxy]

John T Mainer 28840: Meat Shields

Meat Shields

The war was not going well. Rockets Raccoons were up against the Mullah's of Mayhem, a threepeat gold clan in the division the Raccoons had found themselves advancing into as the fresh meat. Out of the gate the Mullah's of Mayhem issued a fatwa calling Racoons trespassers in Division X and an abomination in the sight of the Craftsmen. They were ordered to burn their own mecha, or burn in them. The Racoons washed down a plate of bacon with a fifth of bourbon and told the Mullah's of Mayhem where they could insert their gold medals, and offered a boot to pound it home. They expected to have some time to scout before things got hot, that is the way things worked in Division W. Turns out Division X is more intense.

The second the clock struck O murder hundred, the Mullah's struck. Rolling out of the darkness in a tide of niode powered intolerance, they cut through Rockets Raccoons like a Galaxy Eye through an open cockpit. Two of the Raccoons were in specialist lineups to go hit the Mullah's scouts, just a few minutes from ready to hit the badlands to go hunting, but caught in tens and twenties when the Mullah's Kami, Notas, and Charon tore through, freezing, burning and stomping everything in their path.

My job is usually pretty chill. I pilot a third rank Magnus in Chubby's Cherubs. Me (Grinner) and Sweet Meat Stevenson act as flankers for Isabella in her Regis. We have a bit of niode gear here and there, but our guns are pure crystal. Best guns forward is the Raccoon creed, but each of our lines is designed to fight as a line. Me and Sweet Meat have pretty decent freeze, good trample, hit hard with missiles or cannon. Sweet meat has a lot of forking missiles, nothing super hot, but it spreads the love around. I pack a mix of good crystal cannons and OK crystal cannons. We keep being promised upgrades as soon as we score some loot, but every time I get a good one, I get a new weapon slot, so retiring my third rate guns keeps getting put off.

Isabella though, her Regis "Body-Count" is a real killer. I mean, sure her guns do less damage than mine on paper, but her lizard is a real laserbrain, and gets almost as much extra out of them as a Red Ant would, and packs about three times as many. It also loves to kill. I mean its not the fastest beast out there, but it loves to get the pure kill shot, often passing up an opening to wound to wait for the clean kill. Grinner and Sweet Meat our Magnus are sluggers, but Body Count is a pure killer, so is Isabella. We make a good team. Or we did until the Mullah's of Mayhem hit us. Isabella was shut down by trample before we even knew the second rank was under fire. I had my Lightning Shield on, so I lived, but I got frozen by the forking hit on Meat Shiled and never got my guns to lock on before both my legs got taken out by some kind of advanced plasma weapon I have never seen before. Some kind of Vortex crap that I will be having wet dreams about owning probably forever after seeing it burn through my Magnus legs like hot coffee through a sugar cube.

Sweet Meat got off three shots before he fell. One miss, two clean hits, one forking, and the Mullah Notas and Charon didn't even notice. The hits exploded all over the shields in their niode perfection and didn't even break their concentration. No weapon we had could touch them. They were just outclassing our crystal machines, too fast, too many guns, and shields we could not even scratch. There was literally no point in my Grinner and Sweet Meat firing at all.

As we were getting anti-radiation chelation therapy at the aid station, I made the mistake of bitching to Isabella about how useless we were against those bastards.

"We can't beat their shields, what is the point of even trying?" I complained.

Isabella slapped me so hard my head just about hit my shoulder it snapped so far around. She was furious. All five two of her. She should have looked ridiculous, little her tearing both my own six two, two forty, and Sweat Meats six even three fifty a new exhaust port, but all she looked was fierce and intimidating, because she was not intimidated. Her response was pure Isabella, as irrational as it was inspirational. She had a point.

"Sheilds? You are worried about their shields? I will teach them to fear MINE!" Isabella shouted.

Sweet Meat kneaded his temples, the big Chinese pilot looked like a defeated Buddha, and his words were filled with dump shock and despair.

"I know you have some good fire shields, but honestly each of us has one niode shield, but the rest of yours are nothing to write home about, I mean my own Magnus probably has better shields than you when you crunch the numbers" Sweet meat was a bit of an analyst, as well as manic depressive, magnus pilot, and avid gardener. What can I say, a weird dude.

Isabella gripped both of us by the back of the neck and pulled our heads together against hers in a fierce hug. She continued her rant low and intense, practically the same height standing as we were sitting getting our blood cleaned of the radiation from our engine breaches.

"No you morons, not my mecha shields, my meat shields. You two losers are going to keep me alive long enough to EAT THEIR SOULS!" She was scary intense sometimes, but there was a reason she anchored the third line, if we were needed, it was bad, and when it got bad, you needed somethign scarier on your side. We had Isabella. She kept on, finally getting through to us. "OK, so they are faster, stronger, tougher than we are. So what? I will swap out my niode shields with you guys for anything you have against trample and fork. I am maxed out to do two things, strike first, and kill things. You losers only have to stand upright, look, big stupid and ugly, to keep their attention while I tear their hearts out. It almost like you are over qualified!"

Sweet Meat and I started to laugh. What could you do? The Mullah's of Mayhem had read from their Scrolls of Holy Ass Whooping, so now maybe it was time to read them a passage from The Book of Payback. Payback is a bitch they say, and her name is Isabella.

This time we were the ones attacking. Not the brightest idea in the world, but Raccoons are curious critters by nature, and there was loot to the victors, if you had the nerve to dig for it. Nerve we had, so dig we didl.

Our front line can match anyone out there. The boss is a badass. We always wondered why he stayed with us when the big outfits kept offering a place in their own ranks. He laughed it off. He got through the first two of their ranks before they got him. With the front rank gone, that was 70% of our niode weapons, all our niode BFM, the next rank was niode heavies, but the gear was mixed, the weapons were mostly crystal. They were pretty chewed before they stepped to the line, and only got one kill before they got eaten alive. A smart man would have made a career change at that point, but I stopped thinking when Isabella screamed.

"EAT THEIR SOULS!" She screamed as her Regis roared and charged forward.

I opened up my own engine amplifiers wide, Race Engines spooling up pure power for my engines and guns, Lantern engines howling power into my limbs and overcharging my capacitors (also making me a huge target for any wandering missile, but life is like that). We charged at her side, two gun metal grey Ogers flanking a hunting dragon. We got hammered. Something called a Rift Beam hit Bubba on the left wing square, and the Xango that fired it milked every erg out of it. Damned thing had so much power that after blowing him right the heck up, it tracked right to take me where I was shielding Isabella's flank.

Alarms went off everywhere, my gun capacitors overloaded and exploded. I had NO GUNS. I had no sensors operating beyond peeking out the cockpit and seeing bad guys that a way. I was able to move because I needed no external data to do that, but was helpless as a newborn babe. Helpless, not useless.

Isabella cut loose with a Galaxy Eye and caught a Kami that had just ignited Sweet Meat's Magnus. Her beam was a pale thing against the bright fury of the flashing niode powered laser shields that fed that monster, and even healed it as they did so. On its own, the Galaxy Eye lacked the power to even warm the Kami's paint. Isabella on the other hand was a matadora. In her hand a slender blade that you could stop with a thick button could slide into and out of the heart of a charging rhino before it even realized it was dead. That Galaxy Eye flowed through an eddy where shield emitter zones interfered with each other, splashed against a plasma charging chamber feeding the Kami's own guns and caused a dissonance in their own shielding. The plasma to punch through shields, armour, and still have enough power to devour two mecha at a time was released INSIDE the Kami, and it died in a shattering explosion.

Isabella and Body Count screamed their joy to the world, and we, her meat shields, howled with her.

The Xango pilot was a veteran, and spotted the threat, swinging his Planetary Defense laser to take her under fire. It could punch through her laser shields and blow her reactor core through the rank behind her. It could not punch through her meat shields and do it. I stepped my tottering and shut down Magnus into the path, and snapped my arm cannon mounts up to bring his cockpit into line with their gaping muzzles. Reflex triggered his burst before thought could interfere. His coherent light death beam wasted itself in incoherent frustration as it screamed through my already shut down mecha. Sure, it gutted me and shut down the Yallan to my rear (poor tyke looked like it was about to trip and fall on my exploding ass too), but Isabella's splash shiled shrugged off the hit like rain on a dragons arse as she triggered a Vulcan Phaser. The Xango did not live long and prosper.

The Charon did not take that well and closed with its great claws to tear Isabella in half. His Leviathan punched with killing force, but Sweet Meat took it on the chest plate. Freeze fractures shattered his chest and took his right arm when he tried to take a step forward. The Charon's claws were deep inside Sweet Meat, ripping his torso off his legs when the Flavian Spear took him in the armpit. Nanobots contained in the great tanks flash activated from the laser energy bleed and instantly absolute zero was achieved in the crystal metal matrix of the bones of the mecha. DIfferential cooling of the couplings caused the unstoppable power of the Charon to be, well, unstoppered. Charon got to ride his own ferry across the Styx as Isabella gave him a taste of what he fed Sweet Meat.

The Apatotron that remained in the line cut loose with a Heartbreaker missile swarm, and without us to shield her, what little armour remained on her Regis failed under the 75mm armour piercing warheads coming in two converging swarms to overwhelm her point defense lasers and ECM lures of her missile shields. She fell, but not before gutting that line. The fourth line buried the Apatotron in fire, as it spent its last rockets on a Yallan that was already shut down anyway. Our boys carried the fight. It wasn't pretty or cheap, but it was a win.

We pulled Isabella from Body Count, what was left of her noble Regis. She was bleeding and laughing (she was that kind of girl) and hugged us as we slapped trauma patches on the bits that were spurting not dripping. She was almost shouting before the trauma patches drugs took her into unconciousness.

"Meat shields over niode shields boys! Those bastards got Raccooned! We got it done"

Sweet meat listened to her rambling as she drifted into unconciousness. He was grinning his soft Buddha grin. He looked at me and said what we both were thinking.

"She's crazy as a bed bug. She's right too,, but crazier than a pet raccoon" He held up his fist to me.

"Meat shield!" He said.

I banged my fist into his

"Meat shield!" I swore.

Welcome to Mecha Galaxy. Prepare to be Raccooned.

John T Mainer 28840

[ultralifehackerguru-blog]

New Post has been published on http://lifehacker.guru/the-13-best-movies-you-didnt-see-in-2018/

THE 13 BEST MOVIES YOU DIDN'T SEE IN 2018

LAST YEAR, FOLKS in the US spent $11 billion going to the movies. Yet the bulk of those people, and those dollars, went to the mega-blockbusters—the Panthers, the Venoms, the Avengerseseses. Even though indies are getting a renaissance thanks to streaming services, there’s just not the same thriving middle-class that there was in decades past, and a ton of legitimately great films still don’t get in front of as many eyeballs as they should. So, fine, you let some smaller gems slip by; now’s your chance to make things right. Got a few free evenings over the holidays? Queue up these 2018 unsung heroes first.

Suspiria

Amazon Studios’ art-house horror flick did modestly well in its small theatrical run, but limited distribution meant it didn’t get the attention it deserved. Directed by Call Me By Your Name‘s Luca Guadagnino, the film is, on the surface, a remake of Dario Argento’s horror classic of the same name. But it’s also much, much more than that. (Star Tilda Swinton, who actually plays a few roles in the film, went so far as to refer to it as a cover version of Argento’s original.) Beautifully shot, with an appropriately haunting performance by Dakota Johnson, this Suspiria goes beyond the tale of a witch-run dance school by digging its nails into the many ways the past will forever haunt us. It’s not for everybody, but if you have an itch for something truly gruesome and mind-bending, this’ll scratch it. —Angela Watercutter

First Reformed

Here’s a sentence I never imagined myself writing in 2018: Ethan Hawke gave one of the best performances of the year. It’s not that I didn’t think he was capable; I just didn’t see him showing up in a dark eco-conscious Paul Schrader film wherein he plays an alcoholic priest trying to keep his sanity and his congregation together. And yet, here we are. Moody, existential and even a little bit ethereal, First Reformed is one of the year’s craziest headtrips—right down to the ohshitwhatthefuck? ending. It got a very limited theatrical run but has been playing free to Amazon Prime subscribers for a while now (as well as Kanopy). If you happen to be one—or even if you’re not—go watch it immediately. —A.W.

Shoplifters

I’ve tried half a dozen times to explain director Hirokazu Kore-eda’s teleportative tale—about an ad hoc family living in near-poverty in urban Japan—and failed in each instance. So instead, here’s what Shoplifters is not: mawkish (though it is deeply moving); downbeat (despite its character’s increasingly desperate turns); nor needlessly twisty (though the family’s backstory is full of slow-building surprises). Instead, it’s a lovely, quite funny accounting of ordinary people staring down extraordinary circumstances with pragmatism, wits, and sporadic joy. And, in a year full of movies that viewed tough realities with deep empathy—from Roma to First Reformed to First Man—it’s the denizens of Shoplifters that have lingered in my mind the longest: Wondering where they are now, hoping everything turned out OK. —Brian Raftery

Mandy

You know what sucks? The fact that so few movies today are confident enough to feature coked-out demon biker gangs, strange Jesus cults, and a truly off-the-leash Nicolas Cage. Luckily, though, there’s Mandy—director Panos Cosmatos’ movie starts with that grand trifecta and goes about a thousand steps further. Shot using lush nighttime colors that would make the Stranger Things crew jealous, the revenge tale follows Cage’s Red Miller as he goes searching for his girlfriend who has been taken in by the aforementioned cult. Explaining it any further would ruin the fun (it’s also kind of impossible), but rest assured it has one of the best eviscerations of fragile masculinity ever put onscreen. —A.W.

Miseducation of Cameron Post

If you were an indie movie fan in 1999, you remember a delightful little film called But I’m a Cheerleader. It starred RuPaul as an instructor at a gay conversion camp and Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall as two of the unfortunate souls sent there for “treatment.” The Miseducation of Cameron Post, based on Emily M. Danforth’s novel of same name, is a much, much less campy version of that. In it, Chloë Grace Moretz plays the titular Cameron, a teenage girl who gets sent off to a conversion camp after getting caught in the back of a car with another woman the night of her prom. Heartwarming and heartbreaking, director Desiree Akhavan’s adaptation of Danforth’s novel is as vital and necessary as Cheerleader was in the late-1990s. It just has fewer laughs. —A.W.

Matangi/Maya/M.I.A.

The last time you heard from (or about) agit-pop hitmaker M.I.A. it likely had something to do with her flying her middle finger at the Super Bowl or the term “truffle fries.”That was years ago, and a lot has changed in terms of how the public, and pop culture, treats its female artists. Well, maybe not a lot, but there’s been progress—and in Steve Loveridge’s documentary, the ways in which Maya Arulpragasam was mistreated and misunderstood couldn’t be more obvious. Built on archive footage and personal footage shot by the Sri Lankan artist over years and years, it creates a fuller picture of M.I.A. than any magazine profile or online hot take ever could. It might be a little late, but it’s also right on time. —A.W.

Shirkers

The set-up for Sandi Tan’s autobiographical Netflix doc sounds like something out of a pop-culture thriller: In 1992, Tan and two other bright, outsidery teenage girls decided to make a semi-surrealist feature film in their home country of Singapore. They were aided by a mysterious older American man who absconded with the footage—and then all but disappeared from their lives. Yet Tan’s story doesn’t involve tidy resolutions or shocking twists. Instead, Shirkers is actually something infinitely more compelling: A gorgeous-looking self-interrogation about creativity, power, and the strange twilight zone between adolescence and adulthood. It also contains the most succinct one-liner about ’90s alt-teen life I’ve ever heard: “When [we were] were 14,” Tan says of her pals, “we discovered unusual movies and unpopular music.” Decades later, they all reunited for a film more unusual and profound than they ever intended. —B.R.

Tully

Here’s the thing about Tully: It builds up to one really great twist. I won’t reveal it here, and maybe you’ll guess it before getting to the end anyway, but it’s a gut-punch. Before that happens, the setup is fairly simple. Marlo (Charlize Theron), a mother of three children, hires hip twentysomething Tully (Mackenzie Davis) as a nanny for her new baby. Over the course of weeks, Marlo and Tully become close and Marlo begins to yearn for the life she had when she was Tully’s age. Sounds dry, but this is a project from director Jason Reitman and writer Diablo Cody, a pair that has wrung blood, sweat, and tears out of domestic dramas (Juno, Young Adult) twice before—and does so double-time here. The quest to prolong youth while also raising children has never been so cuttingly portrayed. —A.W.

The Favourite

I truly thought that nothing could top Suspiria for the most haunting final moments of any film in 2018. I was wrong. Director Yorgos Lanthimos’ film about the love/hate triangle between Queen Anne of England (Olivia Colman) and her companions Lady Sarah Churchill (Rachel Weisz) and Abigail Masham (Emma Stone) ended on a note so unsettling, I’m still not done processing it weeks later. (I won’t spoil it, but I will say I’ll never look at rabbits the same way ever again.) Much like with his film The Lobster, Lanthimos’ latest lands somewhere in the gaps between drama and farce. It is, instead, a crooked glance at humanity’s relationship to power—the things people do to get close to it, to claim it, and to throw it away. In Lanthimos’ askew version of history, when Sarah’s relationship with the Queen is threatened by the arrival of her cousin Abigail, she does what she feels she must do to wrest back control and steer Queen Anne’s War to her liking. Anne, sensing the manipulation, grows closer to Abigail, only to realize her intentions might not be much better. It’s an unparalleled study in the utter lack of trust that accompanies being in charge, in the dread that comes with knowing those who seek your favor may never have pure intentions. It’s as bleak as it is laughable—and one of the most wonderfully weird tales to hit the screen this year. —A.W.

Annihilation

Director Alex Garland‘s adaptation of the first book of Jeff VanderMeer’s Southern Reach trilogy was easily one of the best dystopia films of 2018. It was also one of the year’s finest specimens of female badassery, featuring Natalie Portman, Tessa Thompson, Gina Rodriguez, and Jennifer Jason Leigh as a team sent on a expedition to find out why nature’s rules seem not to apply in the mysterious, government-protected space known as Area X. Haunting, unpredictable, and science-y (someone turns into a plant!), it was a whirlwind head trip—and a weird examination of what it means to exist. —A.W.

Eighth Grade

Even the title strikes fear in the hearts of anyone who didn’t have the easiest time walking the halls of their middle school/junior high. In writer-director Bo Burnham’s film, that uneasiest of times is compounded by the fact that it takes place in the modern world, where all insecurities are reinforced by un-Liked Instagram posts and unreceived Facebook invites. Heroine Kayla Day (Elsie Fisher) knows she’s on a pretty low rung in her school’s social hierarchy and with each new YouTube video she posts full of advice she doesn’t take, her story becomes more and more poignant, more and more real. And whether you grew up in the social media age or not, it’ll punch you in the heart—and make you glad you survived adolescence intact. —A.W.

Leave No Trace

Debra Granik, who every reviewer will remind you made a star out of Jennifer Lawrence with her film Winter’s Bone, pulled off another wrenching look at a family on the edges with this year’s Leave No Trace. When Will (Ben Foster) and Tom (Thomasin McKenzie)—a father-daughter pair who have been living off-the-grid outside Portland, Oregon for years—are arrested and put in the system, it tests their bond in new ways, and exposes Tom to a life unlike the one she’s lived with her father. Granik’s latest is almost deafening in how quiet it is, but its message about finding one’s place in the world is loud and clear. —A.W.

Three Identical Strangers

Were you surprised by the twist? What about the one after that? These are kind the kinds of questions folks ask you after seeing this documentary about three identical triplets who discover each others’ existence in their teenage years. At the time they found each other, they became America’s latest talk show feel-good story and national intrigue. Everything that happened after that, though, is so unbelievable it pushes all boundaries of credulity. It’s a Can you believe? story that quickly becomes an examination of heredity and (possible) corruption that goes beyond unbelievable into truly mind-boggling. —A.W.

(C)