#thinking about kita making pie again now

[zumicho]

mechanic iwa lives in my head thanks to you /pos

[nectardaddy]

Serendipity | Kita Shinsuke | '88 Ford Spinoff Series

one | cherry filling

masterlist

She found someone to get her flowers, even when she didn't have a vase.

notes: use of the pet name "honey," this is for you @zumicho <3, I looked up a recipe for cherry pie for this, I've been working on this for a hot minute so I hope you love it as much as I do, might be slightly ooc he's a little sassy towards the end, let's say this is like 2/3 years after '88 Ford

The woman sat on the counter of the quaint kitchen, with socked feet and comfy clothes, gently kicking her legs as they hung down. Flour scattered amongst the counter next to her, wholeheartedly knowing she was in the way and refusing to move regardless. Various ingredients littered the counter top on the opposite side of her, every so often handing them over when they were requested.

The kitchen was clean, besides the counter, and homey. Wooden cabinets and a window just above the sink; the pane open to let a gentle breeze in, and a rickety screen moving with every gust. There was an island in the middle of the kitchen; small dish filled with various trinkets, keys, and coins - a catch all to anyone who walked in - sitting in the middle. Beside it, daisies in a light blue pitcher, formally used for tea, because no one could find a vase for the pretty flowers.

A silly smile on her lips as her eyes tracked the man, the handsome man with pretty brown eyes. Watching as pale fingers went to work on dough, not knowing a clue of what he was doing but 'helping' nonetheless. Her version of help was staring at him while he did everything. But the man never minded, he secretly hoped she would never try her hand at cooking anything ever again - an admission that he would take to his grave.

Her fingers were stained with cherry juice, as the only help she gave, or rather allowed to give, was pitting them much earlier before; washing her hands but still marked with dark purple on her finger tips. Kita the kind, but sly, man he was asked for her assistance in hopes that she wouldn't want to help him further once they were done - he thanked the stars it worked. Pitted cherries now sitting in a bowl, rather conveniently, placed in her lap. His eyes caught her own, giving her a soft smile upon seeing her hand dipped into the bowl.

"I don't think we'll have any left if you keep eatin' them, honey." He let out a chuckle, watching as she shrugged and placed the fruit in her mouth anyways.

"Oh no, god forbid we have to do this again. I don't think I could last another second watchin' my fine ass boyfriend make pie." A crudeness in her compliment that made a soft crimson creep to his cheeks. While he wasn't a stranger to her boorishness, he'd certainly heard far worse from her, he would never get used to it no matter how hard he tried. "Aw, you're turning red, Shin," she laughed.

"I think you do it on purpose now." She took another cherry within her fingers, lifting it to her lips with a cheeky smile.

"After all these years you finally catch on?" Asking rhetorically before eating it. After, she reached out a hand to touch his cheek. A warmth that radiated against her cold fingers when she did, holding it gently as he leaned into her touch. "Can't believe you remembered I like cherry pie."

"Of course I remembered." She chuckled at his response, rubbing her thumb alongside his cheekbone before returning her hand to the bowl. Smiling over the fact she had smeared cherry juice on him, seemingly without him catching on - he did.

He returned the smile, and shifted his focus to the conversation at hand; he would bring up the cherry juice later. "I remember a lot of stuff about you."

"Yeah? Like what? 'Better not be embarrassing."

"I remember you say you can hold your liquor but make me carry you when you drink too much."

"Told you it better not be embarrassing," she rolled her eyes. "And that was one time."

"Three times," he corrected with a chuckle, earning a groan from her. "I remember your favorite color's orange because it reminds you of the sunset. You like to sing those country songs about killin’ your husband, which scares the life outta’ me by the way. You love when it rains because it reminds you of us, especially at night because it helps you sleep. You say you don't like gettin' flowers but you really do." He turned his eyes to the pitcher on the counter before looking back at her, "and you prefer daisies."

"Shin-" but he continued on.

"And your favorite pie is actually pumpkin, but I don't think I have the heart to make that in the middle of the summer."

A pause. Her hands now rested on the outside of the bowl, holding onto it for dear life as she stared at him. Allowing her features to fall to those of content, of adoration - utter devotion. Normally the woman was quick with replies, too witty for her own good with comebacks; recalling insults and remarks with a razor sharp tongue. But with him, she was often at a lack of words; speechless more times over than she could count on her hands. He was perfect - every definition of the word; questioning how she even managed to have a man such as he in the first place.

She just thought it was out right luck. Sheer dumb, frankly insane, luck. A blip in the cosmos, because there was no possible way there would ever be an outcome in any universe where Kita Shinsuke would be in love with her.

She was wrong. Unfathomably wrong.

Kita Shinsuke would love her in every universe and then some. He couldn't imagine his life without her in it, so wrapped around her finger in every lifetime there was simply no escaping - he didn't want to. He couldn't, he wouldn't. She felt like home. A loud, chaotic, never quiet, loving, caring home. She was the home he never wanted to leave.

"And I know you wiped cherry juice on me thinkin' you could get away with it." A statement that made her blink, processing what he said that contrasted everything else. His tone laced with a whimsy that made her smirk in return, mischievous and playful.

"Looks good on you though," she teased. Pie long forgotten about as he took a step over to her and leaned against the counter next to her. Elbows just off the faux marble as he propped himself up by his arms; he looked over at her with a sly smile and hummed.

"I think it'd look better on you, honey. You look good in anything." A glint in dark brown eyes as he took the bowl of cherries from her lap and placed it on the counter next to her.

"Don't you fuckin' dare, Shinsuke." She offered a warning, surpringly, as her eyes narrowed at him. But a silly smile never leaving her lips, even after using his full name. She knew the man all too well, and eyed him as he leaned a bit closer to her. She let her hands drop to the edge of the counter, ready to push herself off - to run if he dared put cherry juice on her.

But he didn't. Not exactly.

Instead, his hands rose to hold her face, caring but quick, he knew she would turn tail if she caught on. His hands were still covered in flour, the powder sticking to his fingers like glue, that now pressed into her cheeks. Her eyes widened and she locked eyes with him before he leaned in to kiss her.

She let out a groan into the kiss before pulling away, "Kita!" A sass in her tone that mixed with a drawl, a sound he was far too accustomed to hearing. But all he did was laugh, even as she used his family name, a rare occurrence but humorous all the same.

"I never said I wouldn't put flour on you though, ma'am." He matched the energy of her sass, taking her aback only for a moment before she let out a huff. Placing her hands on his own, grabbing them and pulling them away from her face. Holding them within her own as she shot him a look. A look he, frankly, couldn't take seriously as he couldn't help but chuckle at the white flour on her face in the situation.

"You're terrible," she grumbled. "I think you gotta' death wish."

"So terrible I'm making you cherry pie?" A rhetorical question asked with a grin, one that made her roll her eyes but smile regardless. His hands were warm within her cold ones, grainy as they were covered in flour, and calloused from years of working on the farm. A feeling that she became accustomed to and associated with the serene feeling of quiet, soft love.

"Absolutely cruel," she hammered the point with a chuckle. She let one of her hands free from his to wipe at her face, realizing there was far more than she thought - she sighed. "You're awfully lucky I love you, y'know?"

"Oh, I know," he agreed. "I think you would've killed me already if you didn't." He remained in front of her a moment longer, looking over the features of her face in content. Features that were haphazardly wiped, so flour still remained. It was these moments that stuck with him more than anything else; the small, possibly insignificant, ones that made his heart skip in his chest. She was beautiful. Even as flour dawned her face, even with dark purple staining her fingers from cherries, even in comfy clothes that flour started to flutter down onto. To him, she was ethereal every second of every day. "I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled. "Now, please, finish my damn pie instead of puttin' flour on me."

"Yes, ma'am."

taglist under cut (open , SEND AN ASK)

@wyrcan @chizunata @seroh @chemiru @zumicho

@h3xi2g0n3 @localgaytrainwreck @mollyrolls @causenessus @diorzs

@rory-cakes @phoenix-eclipses @pattys-got-cakes @girlkissersco

@jaynawayna @aliensstolemyheart @le000xxgrd @cherrypieyourface @theycallmenanamisgirl

@softpia @bokutoko @guitarstringed-scars @honeekyuu

[elysianslove]

ay yo? lmao haiiiii any chance we can get some haikyuu boys and nicknames they'd call their s/o? a lil deprived of kageyama, so if possible can you pls include him?? i hope you're doing well :)

omg wait i remember seeing this in my inbox and planning on answering it but i ,,, i forgot :( im sorry :( but here it is lovely <3 

HAIKYUU BOYS AND NICKNAMES 

ANGEL ! — 

akaashi; out of all his nicknames for you, this is his favorite!! he just thinks it’s very fitting for you, because you’re nothing short of ethereal for him. loves to say it when he’s first greeting you or as he kisses you gn or!!! when he says thank you :) 

osamu; it slips sometimes with him!! not his go-to but it’s very familiar on his tongue when it comes to you, and that’s very endearing :,) just slips casually when he’s asking you a question like, “angel, do we need milk?”  

daichi; omg he usually adds to it and it ends up being some cheesy stuff like “angel-face” and it makes you all flustered because wtf man :( and he always says it while laughing teasingly too ugh :( 

suna; suna has the cheesiest nicknames for you and you cannot convince me otherwise, and you can never tell if it’s genuine or ironic but,,, it doesn’t matter. he sounds so sweet calling you “angel” so whatever :) 

aran; this man. this man. he says it cause he knows it has you weak. he says it so lovingly, so sweetly, so casually, so suave and relaxed and his voice is so smooth and deep. who wouldn’t be swooning over him??? 

aone; AONE AONE PLS AONE PLEASE. he’d just think it’s such a sweet and kind and soft nickname and he likes the way it sounds when it’s whispered and he thinks nothing is more perfect than nicknaming you angel and he says it all the time like “ok, angel,” and “see you tomorrow, angel,” and, “love you, angel,” and it’s so quiet but so sweet hwbwjsjd 

oikawa; he’s about to be in 90% of these cause he’ll be calling you anything but your name. is it because he wants to be annoying and to get on your nerves? or is it because he genuinely means it? the world will never know. you’re not even sure he himself does. 

DOLL ! — 

matsukawa; are you kidding me this is his. it’s HIS. he sounds so hot saying it and he looks so hot saying it and he’s so charming and it’s so like easy on his tongue. and he has a slight drawl to it too and he always says it with this aura of relaxation and ease it’s so hot. he just. he loves it. he loves you. you love it. the world is a better place. 

atsumu; he thinks he’s way cooler than he is when he says it. you suppose he is pretty hot when he calls you doll but you’re not gonna tell him that!!! it’s not his go-to but you can catch it slipping off his tongue every once in a while. 

kuroo; yesyesyes he loves it. only ever says it when he’s so up close and personal with you like cups your cheeks and hovers his lips against yours like, “heya, doll,” and he’s just so handsome. ugh. 

kageyama; at the start of your relationship, kageyama called you by your name and nothing else!! but then he had like this talk w someone and they asked him what he calls you and he realized like,,, am i supposed to be doing it differently??? spent so long just searching up “cute nicknames for my s/o” and then he found “doll” and was like ok. i’ll try. and he tried!! and it stuck!! plus timeskip kags calling you doll??? that’s so hot bye

oikawa; this might be the only sincere nickname he has for you cause everything else is either to provoke you or to be cringy and annoying. and i’m sure you prefer doll over sweet cheeks and pumpkin pie and cinnamon whatever like you hungry tōru?? anyways he loves loves loves calling you doll cause he thinks it’s such a ? smooth and serene nickname? and his voice always gets deeper and quiet when he says it so!!!! 

SUNSHINE ! — 

hinata; please he is all the sunshine, but he always claims that you’re the true sun in his life. idk hinata would be so lame yet so cute like that :( and he always says it with such a big grin he’s so cute pls :( 

tendō; he’s so cute he’s so cute he’s so cute !!!!! your contact name is “my sunshine” definitely definitely definitely. he is literally in love with you and wants the whole world to know it. he loves screaming it out for everyone to hear but also absolutely adores like hugging you from behind and whispering in your ear as he kisses your cheek, “hey, sunshine.” :(((((

kenma; kenma doesn’t wanna think too hard on the whole nicknames thing but he also does kind of sort of really wants to call you something special and the first thing that pops in his head is sunshine. first time he used it you were Shocked but he was acting nonchalant about it (read: freaking out on the inside) and you were like “ok guess im sunshine now.” and you are his sunshine to this day. 

BABY/BABE ! — 

atsumu; it’s easy and it’s endearing!! he personally loves being called babe but he loves hugging you close to him after a long day and just sighing, “hey, baby,” like. he loves it okay. he thinks it’s perfect cause it fits and cause it’s like kinda traditional yk!! 

bokuto; he loves calling you baby cause he just cannot fathom that you’re his like he loves to always say it!!! and he loves how casual it is too like he can just call you that?? that’s so cool?? 

iwaizumi; again with the traditional but endearing and fitting. he doesn’t have to think too hard on it, but also it still means something and is more than just your name or a shorter version of it. also he sounds so hot calling you baby or babe idk i just know it. 

hanamaki; king of “babe! babe :( babeeee! babee. babe come on! babe! baby :(” you’re 99% sure he’s just provoking you at this point. like say babe one more time. but he actually loves resorting to baby, especially when you’re upset and he wants to be as endearing and kind as he can to you. 

daichi; very traditional too tbh. honestly when you two first started dating it was all he could think of saying without feeling awkward or feeling like he was trying too hard. later on when he started to feel more comfortable and more secure he got more creative. 

nishinoya; he has been waiting for this moment his whole life. the moment he can actually call someone his baby or babe. it’s his favorite and possibly only nickname (aside calling you pretty or gorgeous or handsome) and it will always be. 

MY LOVE ! —

akaashi; definitely definitely definitely calls you “my love” like i am 100% sure of this. akaashi is just so. he’s just so romantic but it’s also so unintentional? he says it because it feels natural and it feels right like you are his love after all, aren’t you? 

sakusa; he’s not one for elaborate nicknames honestly, and he feels like “my love” is the right balance of sweet, kind, fitting, and subtle and serene. it’s not doing too much but it’s also doing more than enough yk? also people that look like they would wear a trench coat/blazer and a turtleneck beneath also look like they would use the term “my love” hence sakusa and akaashi. 

tendō; i am telling you guys he is a simp. the loveliest simp ever. he says it so sweetly too like it genuinely makes your tummy twist and heart backflip when you hear him say it cause you can hear how genuine he is in his words oh my god. 

kita; he just !!! he is just husband material okay!!! he is so endearing and he says it in the softest most genuine voice ever and it’s literally his go to because yes you are his love you’re his entire world!!! he loves you!! he wants you to know it every time he calls out to you!! 

BUNNY/PUPPY ! —

bokuto; ARE YOU KIDDING ME. HE LOVES IT. he. loves it. he just finds it so cute and like. he loves the way he associates it with you now. prefers puppy over bunny but like. he loves both. he adores both. 

matsukawa; calls you bunny all the time. not more than doll, but it’s definitely so common. he won’t use it around others not because it’s embarrassing but more because he kinda wants it to be just a thing between the two of you, honestly. 

kenma; IT SLIPPED ONCE AND HE WAS LIKE. A DEER CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS. he calls you bunny!! sometimes, not always. when he wants something from you mostly. “pass me the water.” “no.” “bunny please :(” it works like magic every time. 

oikawa; oh my god can you imagine??? he loves it so much because one, he thinks it’s such a cute nickname props to whoever decided let’s use pets as literal pet names, but also two, he thinks nothing describes you or fits you better. you are just his bunny :( his puppy :( he loves you :( 

kageyama; timeskip kageyama calls you puppy. i have nothing more to say.

hinata; timeskip hinata calls you puppy. again, i shall say no more. 

suna; hello !!! he loves to call you bunny and/or puppy. the feel of satisfaction he gets when he calls you that like ,,, he feels like you’re properly his yk? yk.

KITTEN ! — 

kuroo; this one is for him and only him. 

LOVELY ! — (maybe sweetheart too) 

osamu; is there anything more beautiful than a tired osamu snuggling up to yoi and with a deep gravely voice saying, “missed you, lovely,” ? no there is not. it’s his favorite nickname for you, and he uses it all the time!! kisses your forehead as he leaves and tells you, “have a good day, lovely,” and comes back home and says, “hiya, lovely,” and tilts his head when you wanna talk to him about something like, “what’s up lovely?” cause you are his lovely, you’re his loveliest. 

sugawara; i have no other explanation other than i can picture it perfectly. he thinks it’s the best choice of a pet name he’s ever chosen and thought of. and he loves the smile on your face whenever he says it, he thinks it’s the sweetest thing ever <3 

BAE ! —

hanamaki; is it a joke? is it not? both. 

okay im sure i missed so many boys but i can’t think of any rn bc it’s like. hella late :( but i wanted to put something out for you guys!! point is, if i didnt mention a boy and you want to know, send me an ask!! and if i didn’t mention a nickname and you want to know that too? send me an ask well!! ill be happy to answer it <3 

love u all mwah <3 

[imagines-mha]

When you wear his clothes

Fandom(s): Haikyuu!!

Characters: Daichi, Oikawa, Kuroo, Bokuto, Terushima, Kita, Futakuchi, Ushijima

🔸 Daaamn if this man ain’t smug as hell

🔸 He wouldn’t seem it, and it’d take a genius to tell- but beneath his cool facade, he’s overflowing with utter pride

🔸 You show up one day to practice to drop off his lunch, clad in one of his comfy t-shirts

🔸 Let's be real, Tanaka and Noya see you way before he does

🔸 And bc ur the captains s/o™️, you get a free pass to becoming the unofficial mom of karasuno

🔸 So yes, they all adore you. And yes, they tease you and Daichi like hell

🔸 “WOAH Y/N!! IS THAT DAICHI’S?!” Noya calls, and all eyes magnetise to your figure

🔸 That’s when a smirk creeps onto your boyfriend’s face and your face starts to heat up bc he is HOT

🔸 “You gotta wear my stuff more often babe,“ he’ll grin after the team finish with their compliments, “seems like everyone here thinks you’re cute as hell too. Pity you’re all mine though-“

🔸 *cue cheesy couple shit that makes half of the team wanna throw up*

🔹 If you wear ANY of his stuff, you can bet he’s gonna put the evidence all over the internet. Yall KNOW he would upload it onto a public billboard if he could

🔹 Because everyone needs to see how cute his little y/n is

🔹 And also- boy likes to boast about his relationship cus he thinks ur a gift from god lol

🔹 He’ll probably still tease you about it tho U CANNOT WIN W THIS MAN

🔹 “Aw y/n are you trying to get even closer to me by wearing my shirt? Did you really miss me THAT much? Gosh you’re so cute when-“

🔹 Just slap him

🔹 Fr tho either tell him to knock it off or feed his ego even more. We all know what choice is gonna take less time lmao

🔹 He’s the boyfriend who encourages you to wear his stuff, but super subtly.

🔹 Leaving hoodies on radiators when it’s cold, t-shirts in convenient places just in case you wanna throw them on…

🔹 He just loves having an s/o who wears his clothes it makes him feel like a cool boyfriend okay

🔹 He’ll post pics with the caption “isn’t my sweet little y/n just adorable in MY hoodie?! 🥰🥰🥰” and u can’t lie it kinda does make you melt

♦️ Go grab the dictionary and look up “teasing little bitch”

♦️ There u go that's how he is. He’ll torture you abt it but we all know he’s so into seeing u wear his stuff.

♦️ Sexually.

♦️ “Wow dontcha have your own jacket to wear? Or are you just trying to show me off again?”

♦️ “And who gave you the free pass to steal all my shirts?”

♦️ He’s just teasing though, y’all know he prays every night for you to wear them cus he thinks you’re fucking precious

♦️ You remind him of a little kitty when his giant hoodies are draped around your shoulders

♦️ It drives him CRAZY

♦️ He’s got hard like 83 times more than he’d like to admit just from the sight of you in his clothes not his finest moments

♦️ With that in mind, wear his clothes for a free pass to the best sex of your life amen

⚫️ Lmao. Simp king.

⚫️ He comes home early from practice to find you rummaging around in the kitchen, one of his hoodies hanging around you

⚫️ And istg he almost has to call an ambulance

⚫️ “Y/N WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WORE MY STUFF WHEN I WASNT HOME ANDJWJDJWDJSH”

⚫️ Openly campaigns for you to wear his clothes

⚫️ Like if advertising his clothes to you was an olympic sport, he’d have won gold at least 6 years in a row by now

⚫️ Ur like “oh i'm coming to practice today” and he’s like “ok wear my hoodie”

⚫️ And BOI when you do. WHEN YOU DO.

⚫️ You’re gonna feel like A BEAUTY QUEEN.

⚫️ “EVERYONE LOOK AT HOW FUCKING ADORABLE Y/N LOOKS IN MY HOODIE. HEAR THAT? MY HOODIE. THE HOODIE THAT IS MINE AND BELONGS TO ME. M-E. NO ONE ELSE.”

⚫️ Bokuto you’re making another scene

⚫️ Its fucking cute though

🟣 Confused.com

🟣 “Y/n… where are all your clothes?”

🟣 God bless him he’s such a sweetie pie. He just doesn’t get the memo you’re doing it bc he has comfy ass clothes and you wanna wear them also he smells nice n u like to boast that ur ushijima’s s/o what about it

🟣 When you tell him this, he just nods for a moment, still clueless as ever

🟣 “I can buy you new clothes if you need them?” USHIJIMA NO

🟣 Somehow he works out that you just wear them cus you wanna, and he is more than okay with that

🟣 Lowkey fills him with pride

🟣 You’ll find he’s more clingy when you’re in his hoodies etc. He’s a big cuddlebug on the worst of days so this just sends him OFF

🟣 Perfect for when u need that extra affection

🟣 Just throw on his hoodie and BAM there you are. Cuddly wakatoshi. Ur welcome

▪️He finds it endearing above anything

▪️ He isn’t one to openly show how blushy something makes him, so his reaction is a narrow display of how his heart is really feeling

▪️ You can still read him like an open book tho and u just KNOW by the sparkle in his eyes that he’s melting at the sight of you

▪️ He’s a busy guy, but meticulous at that. He’ll walk into your home and notice you wearing it immediately

▪️ It makes his chest heat up at the sight of you, and he just has to indulge himself in the situation

▪️ You feel his arms around your waist before anything else, giving you a warm squeeze and a peck to your head

▪️ “You look beautiful y/n”

▪️ You guys always cuddle before bed, and you find he’s holding you just a little closer and tighter when you’re in his hoodie/shirt

▪️ He likes to nuzzle you to his chest and play with your hair- it comforts him

▪️ But if you’re in his t-shirt while he does it?? It’s like the feeling is hyped x100

🔸He’s gonna get turned on by it no cap

🔸Seriously, what else did you expect from him?

🔸 He’s boastful as hell when his sees you in his outfits, and even the idea of it just makes him heat up

🔸 You show up to his house one day in a shirt he left at yours

🔸 You’re met with a sharp whistle, catching you off guard and clearly to compliment how hot you look

🔸 “Didn’t know you were comin’ all dressed up for me baby,”

🔸 You swear every time he calls you baby it makes you swoon

🔸 Like Oikawa, he’s boastful as hell

🔸 Expect 104827 selfies before you leave he treats u like his model its so fuckin cute

🔸This man just likes to show you OFF

🟢 Boy gets a little flustered

🟢 But does he mask it with cockiness? Yes. Yes he does

🟢 “Wow, this for me?” He’ll smirk a bit, dropping his bags on the floor and making his way into the bedroom where you lay

🟢 And then it could go one of two ways my friend.

🟢 Either you act all sub and cute- pouting back, letting him take control of you

🟢 Or you call him out on his faux-smugness, and watch him fall weak to you

🟢 If you chose option 1, he’ll probably take it as an opportunity to further things and fuck you- cus that boy is ALWAYS ready to go if u know what i mean ;))

🟢 If you chose option 2, you get to watch his soft side come out and it's CUTE as hell

🟢 He’ll be like “y/n stoppp let me be cool…”

🟢 Either way he fuckin loves when you wear his clothes. Surprise him in a t shirt and nothing else and he’ll SLAM you into a wall and kiss you til you can’t feel your lips istg

[evermorehaikyuu]

Day 18

Title: Not Even Friends

Note: I was honestly thinking of making this an angst to fluff for like two seconds. And then I told myself, “Nah.” Enjoy the deathless angst.

˜”*°•.˜”*°•.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

Let’s go together someday. For now it’s painted black.

“I think our school motto matches you perfectly, if I’m being honest, Suna.” Y/N said as they walked along the frigid roads, both of them snug in their scarves, mittens and beanies. Her breath appeared in wispy slabs of pale air, causing Suna to look over at her.

“What do you mean?” Suna asked, curious as to what Y/N was saying. Y/N was his best friend since forever, he couldn’t recall the moments where she was never there for him or vice versa. Most of their talks always included a certain element to it, something only both of them had. Without fail, Suna would listen to her attentively, as if she was the only person in the world.

“You don’t like memories, nor do you need them, according to you anyways.” She looked up at the sky, a small smile on her face as dark swirls of clouds started approaching. Of course. There was a heavy snowfall coming in. “It’s something not...necessary for you.”

Suna had a placid expression as he answered, “Well, the memories I do like to look back on are our memories.”

The statement made him think he did the right thing as she looked over at him, joy in her eyes. “So you’re saying anything else is fair game?”

“You could say that. Are you coming over to my place? It’s getting colder.”

“Bold of you to assume I wasn’t coming anyways.” 

~

Inside of Suna’s warm house, they dropped everything and he quickly made his way over to the kitchen, getting mugs to make hot chocolate. Y/N was at his side in a flash, already gracefully grabbing the rest of the ingredients. It was something they did often, but everytime he imagined something that he never thought he’d imagine before.

He imagined them in their own little cottage, with no problems in their lives and no worries ever. He pictured him coming home from work and walking over to her to give her a hug and a long kiss. The smell of the food he could come home to. Both of them dancing in the kitchen like a duo of elegant dancers to prepare the perfect dessert that they’d both share. Waking up at 3 am and slow dancing in the kitchen.

So many dreams, and yet, he tried to shake it away. Y/N was only his best friend, he should not have been having thoughts like those. 

“Hey Suna, wake up, I finished.” Y/N said, grinning at him happily as she held out a black steaming mug with the tips of her fingers, trying not to burn herself. 

He took it gratefully, the warmth soothing his icy fingers. Sipping it, he stared as she started humming and putting everything away. She had prepared it just the way he loved it. It was common, after all these years, but she knew him like the back of his hand. If there were memories he did need, it was those moments where it was just the two of them together.

“Suna, I’ve been talking to you for the past minute, you okay? Do you have a fever?” Y/N looked over at him worriedly. It was the same flash of worry when she didn’t have a reason to worry. He could only remember that she’d cry whenever she felt like he was going to cry when they were younger. Y/N had always been there, been ahead, taken care of him and done all of that without needing compensation. She walked over to him and gently placed the back of her hand against his forehead. “No, you seem okay.”

Her touch was something he craved seconds after she pulled away. They continued talking late into the night, yet nothing could prepare him for what his eyes were doing out of their own accord and lead to a result. His eyes flickered over at her hands curled around her mug; how her eyes squinted every now and then as she focused at nothing at all; how her lips tilted upwards after she took a sip; her body leaning against the counter casually. 

Huh. He had never noticed all of this before.

Yet...that winter night had introduced to him a perspective of her that he had never seen before. 

I didn’t think it’d happen. And somehow, I decided to take the path that’d lead to you anyways.

~

Days went by and it was impossible not to notice how Suna’s eyes would light up at the sound of Y/N’s voice or just the sight of her. The twins noticed this, Akagi and Aran noticed this, hell, the whole team noticed it.

“I don’t know what to do.” Suna sighed as he started stretching alongside Osamu.

“Well, just go and talk to her, it can’t be that bad.” Osamu replied bluntly.

“I don’t know why I came to you for advice.” Suna rolled his eyes and decided to go to Kita after practice. He might have been the one with better advice than the twins, for the stars’ sakes. 

When Suna and Kita started walking back home together, Kita asked simply, “Is everything okay? You’re usually walking home with someone else.” From his tone of voice, he knew that something was up, which was the exact reason Suna trusted him most.

He took a deep breath. “So say that there’s this girl, right? Hypothetically, you’ve known her all your life and she cares so much for you, even when she shouldn’t. She’s your best friend but if you told her how you felt, you might be turned down and the friendship would be ruined. What would you do?”

Kita paused for a second, his brows furrowing. “It sounds like you have a handful on your plate. I think the best thing for you to do here is just confess, if we’re talking hypothetically.” If Kita was anything, he was intelligent and very observant. This wasn’t hypothetical and he knew it. But his advice was genuine and Suna decided to take it.

“Just straight up confess? What if she rejects me?”

“Well, that’s another problem, but I don’t think she will. If it helps, rejection is another passage of life and--”

“Okay, okay, I’ll do it.” Suna cut him off, knowing that Kita would start saying words of wisdom and he didn’t know if he would be able to listen to the whole lecture. Suna started preparing himself mentally and planning what he would do. It had to be perfect, he didn’t want to mess this up.

But how could you mess something up if it’s already been messed up for you?

~

On the day that Suna had a bag full of Y/N’s favorite snacks, Atsumu went up to him and asked, “Why do ya have so much food? Wait, is it for--”

Suna glared at him and nodded. He knew that if he told Osamu something, chances were that the information would be relayed to his older brother. Osamu didn’t disappoint. Atsumu nodded and said, “You must love her a lot to buy all of this for her.”

“I wouldn’t call it love exactly.” But what else could you call a feeling of absolute joy when you saw the one person that you could never see in the same perspective again?

He started moving around the campus to find Y/N and confess to her. He spotted her from afar and with a small smile on his face, he started moving to go and say something to her. “Y/N. Y/N!” He started walking faster, trying to get to her until he stopped in his tracks, noticing someone had gotten there before him.

Why was Kita there? 

Kita, what are you-- Suna’s eyes widened as he saw him kiss her cheek and wrap an arm around her waist, leading her away. Y/N had not made any signal to have heard him, but the look of pure adoration on her face was enough to make Suna crumble. That look was not for him. It was for the male that he had confided in and trusted and cared about deeply. 

Suna could only stand there, the bag in his hand dropping to the floor as he stared at their receding backs, his lower lip quivering as he felt his throat close up. His heart was shattering and he could hear it as well as sense it. 

He had lost the girl he wanted to keep for the rest of his life and his best friend. 

I’m too late again.

“Suna? What’s wrong?” Aran had just come up next to him and Suna turned to look at him, trying to blink tears back and put up his usual monotonous expression. But Aran knew something was going on, even through the facade. “Hey. What happened?”

Suna’s voice cracked as he tried to speak before hiding his face in his hands, salty and wet tears already sliding through his fingers. He attempted to hide his real emotions, failing immediately. “I trusted him and--”

“Oh…” 

Suna was led back to his place, trying to stifle his sobs the whole way. The snack bag was abandoned at the campus. Maybe someone else would get it, but he didn’t care. It wouldn’t be for her so it didn’t matter.

He was finally home alone and that’s when he started to scream, cursing every single thing he could think of. He cursed himself for being stupid and naive, he cursed himself for thinking he could hold a candle to Kita, he cursed himself for falling for his best friend. 

Suna sank into a chair and dissolved into uncontrolled sobs, one hand over his face as heartbreaking and gut wrenching bawls came out of him. He didn’t hold back, he had held the mask up for too long and this was the consequence. Through his tears he could see Y/N’s face  towards Kita and that made him break down again.

He didn’t remember getting into bed. He didn’t remember anything but that smile and how it was for someone he had wholeheartedly trusted.

There are things I wish I could tell you, but it’d be too insensitive of me when it’s not me you’re in love with.

~

Taglist: @skyguy-peach @jovialnoise @versatilewindow @tsukiibaka @jaegersblogh @kodzuken-pie @kara-grayson04 @caxsthetic​ @iwantnoizsdick​ @attixca​ @volleybloop​ @selca11​ @osterfield-hollandwriter @seiijixcia​ @sunareii​

[irandrura]

And the mausoleum mission done, time for more thoughts...

I’d better put this one under a cut, because I do mention a big spoiler.

I still have no idea what the correct, optimal way to spend your limited free time is. So far I’ve prioritised battles over seminars. They provide more XP, more money and resources, and more tactical battles, which are the things I play FE for in the first place.

I thought the White Clouds missions were identical for all three houses? How does this one work if you’re Black Eagles? I mean, the Death Knight works for the Flame Emperor, and the Flame Emperor is Edelgard, so why would she be fighting him? Is it all careful cover?

(I actually don’t remember how I know that the Flame Emperor is Edelgard. It might have been in Heroes? Maybe I wikied the Emperor once? I don’t know. I’m still kind of grumpy that once I wikied the Black Knight, and wiki redirected to Zelgius. Come on...)

It’s hard to overstate how suspicious I am of Rhea at this point. She immediately has all the prisoners executed, thus preventing us interrogating them for information, and now she’s sent the Knights of Seiros off to ruthlessly suppress the Western Church. So far it definitely seems like the Western Church are being set up. Even if I didn’t know it was actually the Flame Emperor, given Lonato’s dialogue in the last mission and the prisoners’ evident confusion at the Western Church connection, the claim seems very tenuous.

So my read on it is more that the Central Church is trying to concentrate power, and is just using this as an excuse to crack down on regional powers.

Speaking of Rhea, it is also pretty clear that she has some secret plot regarding Byleth. Again, this is partly informed by half-remembered spoilers that I read six months ago, but even just from the game itself, Rhea has now made two completely bizarre, indefensible decisions with regard to Byleth: making him a professor and giving him the Sword of the Creator. I wish I could get Byleth to show a bit more initiative and investigate that. Seteth’s suspicion is wholly reasonable.

Finally, some other side details:

I love the little medieval art prints at the beginning of each month. Those are gorgeous and help give Fódlan its own distinctive style. In hindsight it’s particularly nice how each Fire Emblem world has its own particular aesthetic: when I think of Elibe I think of pixel art, Tellius is unified around Senri Kita’s beautiful character designs, Awakening has that very light style that I can’t quite define, with lots of pale colours and blues and whites, Fates is of course all about black and white, Valentia felt dark and rich and earthy, and now Fódlan has these lovely seasonal panoramas. Those help make each universe feel distinct.

On characters...

So far I like most of these characters, which is good, and an improvement over Fates. Supports have generally been good as well. They’re not always terribly complex, but they generally work and are likeable enough. Voice acting is mostly fine, though Mercedes stands out to me as noticeably poor. (Also, people pronounce it ‘mer-sed-ez’, rather than ‘mer-say-dees’? Huh?)

I think Dedue and Ashe are the characters I’m most interested in so far. The others are all pretty easy to get a handle on: Felix is a jerk like Shinon, Ingrid wants to be a knight, Sylvain is just another flirt like Sain or Inigo, and so on. However, every time someone gets a support with Dedue I get more of a sense that there’s a lot going on with him beneath the surface. I want to find out more about Duscur, its history, and its people. And Ashe is, well, just a total sweetie-pie, and that’s fun.

[sailor-cresselia]

Zi-O Ep 36: Let’s mix it up a little!

So, I did things a little differently this week. Me and @miyukomatsuda​ were watching Marcosatsu’s History of Kabuto vid, and she suggested we watch Zi-O 36 together., too, since watching this alone my first time through would have been AWFUL. So, my notes might be a little. Weird this time around. I’m going to try to transcribe my chat with her in here.

*Fair warning, it gets a little... swear-y in here this time. Also, sorry for the length. Chats do that, and this is condensed down.*

(M is Miyuko, S is me.)

M: wanna try suffering through zi o

S: sure, just give me a couple minutes to get something

M: (thumbsup emoji)

S: how do we want to do this?

M: this should work. and if in doubt we both have the ep downloaded

- (insert cut here) -

M: Ginga. What is you

S: SPACE MAN

M: -suddenly here

S: WAIT NO THATS GEN

S: ahahaha “his power is worlds beyond us”

M: 13 THIS IS ON YOU

S: DECADE THIS IS ON YOU

M: Woz: “fuck if I know guys”

M: 13 AND DECADE THIS ON YOU

[there’s a whole group chat thing about a Doctor Who / Kamen Rider crossover universe, so the whole ‘Ginga’s from some other far off region of space-time’ thing brought it back up]

S: Swartz: FUCKING SWEET - whoops no Swartz is pissed never mind

M: *sweet new toy*

M: Woz: >:(

S: “world is /mine/ to destroy”

M: hahahaha

M: Woz: >:|

M: (dancing emoji, because we hit the OP)

M: I still think the statues are gonna unstatue in show

S: over quartzer is a JAM (don’t mind me, singing along)

M: that’s a MATH BREAKS THE WALLS level weird

M: (same hat) Rider music is top tier.

[title card, “2019: First Love, Finaly!”]

S: first kokoros

M: okay yuko.

M: LAYING IT ON A WEEE BIT THICK THERE MY DUDE

[swartz was sucking up to Yuko for her assistance w/ Ginga]

S: hora’s so tired of this

M: if he is a servant to oma zi o-explains a lot

M: TIME FOR BOWING

M: ofc woz is second

S: ahaha he just yoinks hora and heure

S: everyone drags geiz

M: YANK HIM DOWN

M: FORCES HIS KIDS DOWN

M: AND THEY JUST SLAM GEIZ DOWN

S: hve to shove him and hora download

M: JUST FUCKING LEAVES

S: woz and swartz are first to drop to their knees

S: WOW SCREW THIS LADY

M: of course woz does this

M: AND NOW FOR: INOUE IS SEXIST

M: heure laughing at swartz tho

S: HEURE GET OUT OF THERE

M: RUN KID

S: YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER

M: Woz: MajoOu

S: WOZ NO

M: me: :)  (I KNEW IT!)

S: horny on main for evil

S: sougo’s kingdom to know why he betrayed the rebellion

M: SOUGO: GET YOUR HEART OUT OF YOUR PANTS YOU DUMB KITTY

S: SOUGO NO

S: YOU KNOW LIKE NYA

M: AND THEN SHE LIES TO HIM. LIAR

S: BLATANTLY NOT HER

M: Sougo you DUMB KITTY -SOUGO I AM FUCKING KINK SHAMING YOU

S: sougo ffs

M: INOUEEEEEE

M: Geiz is gonna kill him for real

S: uncle’s so confused

M: poor uncle

[miyuko had to go get food at this point]

M: IWAE I RETURN

S: IAWAE

M: Also Uncle: IT’S A MIRACLE

S: “screw this ginga guy, I don’t give a f. i’mma queen now”

S: the fact swartz actually thought this would work when she already hated him

M: that’s hilarious

M: Woz in the straightest he’s acted all season

S: sougo is a stupid stupid cat. surprised he’s never gotten his head stuck in a box

M: incredibly dumb kitty

M: SOUGO PUT DOWN THAT MILK. IT’S STUPID JUICE

S: ...i wonder if someone’s drawn that now actually after this arc

M: i’ve seen sougo with kitty ears-

M: UNCLE

S: NYA

M: GEIZ TRIES TO FLEE THIS BAD EP

M: Sougo you DUMB Kitty

S: sougo why do you know she had a bf in ‘08? you met her a long time before that.

[I was wrong, he met her in ‘08, she did the violence in ‘15]

M: Those poor extras on the stairs

S: GINGA RETURNS. KILLIN ERRYONE

M: TO TORMENT A STRIP MALL

S: ahahahah that’s hilarious

[I was talking about the fact that it’s just a freaking strip mall, not the fact that Ginga was destroying EVERYTHING]

M: also: something I noticed

S: that’s a fucking showa era attack name if I every heard one [Dynamite Sunshine]

M: thanks to a youtube comp of woz’s speech... Woz does the energy blast that our main three time jackers do

S: fourze and faiz pt 1

M: yeah!

S: one does not interupt his overlord’s transformation

M: I think woz is a time jacker.

S: also he kicked geiz’s ass in wizard pt 1

M: And of course bastard man is fine while his cohorts get blown back

S: b/c he’s too OP

M: SOUGO NO. SOUGO YOU DUMB KITTY

S: also evidence for woz being a time jacker: Hat!Woz called Swartz ‘Sir Swartz’

S: FFS SOUGO [when he took the hit for Yuko]

M: (yeah!)

M: also. JIRO

M: JIRO WHY

S: Woof. awoo

M: [don’t awoo, $350 penalty sign]

S: :sad wolf:

M: HE’S SOLAR POWERED [re: Ginga]

M: oh hey otoya violin

S: EVIL KIKAI

M: SOUGO GET YOUR HEART AND YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR PANTS

S: Sougo you stupid, stupid cat, she’s just got a ruler complex

M: YOU DUMB KITTY WHO I AM KINK SHAMING

[re: sougo calling her Miss Sailor, because that’s what he’s always called his crush]

S: it’s just your nickname for her anyway, she wouldn’t have known it even if it IS her

S: She’d be in charge sougo. you’d be the consort

M: HIS FACE

S: “WHOOPS”

M: Canon sougo: “OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT CHILDREN”

S: “FORGOT ABOUT THE HEIR PART”

[lost some more of the chat. Couldn’t quite screencap it because Rabbit disagreed with keeping the chat where I scrolled to]

S: GOODBYE

M: YEET. TIME FOR A FIGHT

S: AWOOOO

S: so like where did she GET these three? And why does this only this one seem to be aware

M: I think it’s SUPPOESD to be the real vers and they just serve Kiva

S: It’s *probably* him.

S: True, Kiva’s a title, isn’t it? Like hibiki.

S: also PRIME time to pause that wow [Jiro saying “Men become more refined through pain.”]

M: OF COURSE. INOUEEEEE

M: BYE JIRO YOU WERE POINTLESS

S: INOUE NO

S: FAREWELL PUPPER

M: oh hey the bf

M: “scary”

S: understatement of the era

M: OF COURSE

M: Geiz now has to see a murder

M: MANHOLE. Which note she can barely lift. JFC

S: YUKO NO

S: SHE TRAINED LATER

M: WAHT THE FUCK LADY

S: AND LEARNS TO KICK THEM UP. IN HEELS

M: Poor Tetsuya

S: SHE DID A MURDER

M: WHY WOULD YOU HANG OUT TOGETHER JFC

S: you idiots you made it easier for her

M: YEET. RIP ALL THREE OF THESE DUDES.

S: yooooo.

M: SORRY YOU WON’T GET PAID FOR WATCH REPAIR JUNICHIRO

M: SOUGO YOU ABSOLUTE DUMB KITTY

S: I like how the Another Kiva transformation includes the bats instead of just the usual Another Rider special effects

[on to the last fight against Ginga]

M: Ey! TOKI NO OUJA

S: YES [it’s actually the instrumental used as a fight music, but it’s still always nice to hear. I like noting the piano versions more, though. The ones that are used for atmosphere]

M: YEET! THIS MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE THAN NORMAL

S: WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW THE SWORD. THROWING YOUR SWORD ALWAYS WORKS.

M: SURE WHY NOT

[seriously, Sougo, Geiz, and Woz all threw their weapons at Ginga, then rider kicked said weapons into his chest as the finisher. wtf]

S: beams the hell out of there

[Woz nabs the Ginga watch with his scarf]

M: YOINK

M: “I CAN’T TRINITY ANYMORE”

S: Swartz: YOINK GOT YOUR- HOLD UP

S: Woz: “I CAN’T KEEP DOING THAT”

M: the real reason Woz did this is clearly: “FUCK YOU I AM NOT BODYSHARING AGAIN”

S: “Waga Maou I adore you but. No. I can’t do this again.

M: also lbr SWARTZ WOULD BE TERRIFYING WITH GINGA’S POWER

M: JFC LADY, HE **DUMPED** YOU

S: Swartz is terrifying with his OWN power

M: SOUGO PLS STOP WITH THE STUPID JUICE

S: SOUGO

M: SOUGO AND JON BOTH DRANK STUPID JUICE THIS WEEK

S: at least he’s *kind of* willing to fight her.

M: AT LEAST JON MANNED UP AND KILLED DANY

S: okay only kind of

M: Woz: “FUCK THIS, MY TURN”

S: he pulled out the watch at least

S: UCHUU KITAA

M: :D  HE ABRIDGED

S: WOZ

M: I hope he makes the full speech next time :D

S: GOTTA CUT IT SHORT

M: (I love woz’s speeches)

S: waga maou is being a moron

M: OKAY

S: don’t have time for this

M: Woz: **FUCK THIS I ROLL TO USE GINGA**

M: everyone: **THANK YOU**

[for ref, Miyuko has an AU where the Heisei Rider seasons are D&D campaigns]

M: -SO MANY QUESTIONS

S: and they just turn back into their weapon forms

M: yeah

S: not even disappear,  just the weapons again

M: they uh kind of got sealed in their-

M: STOP

M: INOUE

S: INOUE, Another Riders don’t DIE

M: **THANK FUCK** BUT ALSO INOUE

S: OH WAIT IT’S HORA

S: BANG

M: GOOD RIDDENCE

S: I MEAN SHE HAD IT COMING BUT

M: :(

M: INOUEEEEEE

M: first heartbreak, WOZ PLS

M: toki no ouja

S: HEY WE NEVER HAD THE RECAP EARLIER

M: INOUEEEE

M: SHE RUINED PIE FOR HIM

S: om nom pie

M: WOZ JUST INHALING PIE

S: YOINKING YOUR PIE (respect the pie)

M: GEIZ NEARLY CHOKING THIS TIME (Woz choked on pie TWICE last time)

M: SOUGO’S REAL FIRST LOVE AS PLAYED BY YURI FROM KIVA

M: -oh my fucking god he’s a cat jfc

S: sougo. no. sweetie.

M: Tsukuyomi are you the only women who didn’t know this would work

M: NEXT TIME

M: OKAY

S: Decade: STOP THAT

S: Decade: I am the multiverses janitor

M: well if tendou can’t come back might as well get his successor to arrogance

S: ahahahah

M: DO YOU SEE WY I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE CRINGE JFC

S: YEAH

M: INOUE WHAT THE FUCK

S: WOW. NOT GREAT

M: THAT IS NOT AN EP TO WATCH ALONE

S: MY NOTES WOULD HAVE JUST BEEN “uuuggghghh”

M: that was me watching

M: I GIFFED parts because of how bad it was and I need people to KNOW in chat

S: this was. Bad. So bad. neither villain did well

M: nope

S: just yeet ginga back off into space

M: rider wikia says we learn ginga lore next time too so HERE’S FUCKING HOPING

S: Thats something

M: and yuko just got TRASHED

S: RIGHT BECAUSE METEORITE AND SPACE

M: SHE DIDN’T NEED TO BE INSANE INOUE

S: AND HE’S FROM SPACE

M: Ginga also means Galaxy

S: ye, I know

M: ye. Themeing.  -also

S: SPACE MAN

M: has sougo not used fourze armor before now because I thought he did

M: WHY IS SOUGO UCHU KITA-ING

S: he’s used it in it’s debut

M: **SOUGO WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GENTARO**

S: and then in the mass fight against the Another Riders in the Another ZiO arc. but that’s it

M: yeah! Ty

M: SOUGO WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GENTARO NOW WHY IS THAT IN THE PREVIEW-

M: oh my god

S: much like gatakiriba, it would probably murder the CG budget

M: he’s going to fucking space.

M: THEY’RE GOING TO FUCKING SPCAE ARNE’T THEY

S: the zi-o Fourze finisher is him just. Armoring up and BEING the rocket. It was ridiculous.

M: YEP. I love it!

S: goes all Snipe Level One on the monster, spinning like a bullet

M: YUP. Remember him fucking up build’s catch phrase AND math

S: even Ryuuga knew he was getting it wrong. that takes “skill”

M: WHEN EVEN THE BF KNOWS

S: we should have seen babby reality warper coming when he used Ex-Aid and took the speciall effects and threw them at the Another Rider

M: yep

S: ~casual reminder that zi o can be read as ‘character king’~

M: (eyes emoji)

S: ~as in written character~

So, over all… NOT A GOOD EPISODE. I basically went from assorted variants of “Eh” to “ugh why this” throughout. This was definitely a low point on the ‘tribute episodes’ scale, and that’s taking the character assassination from the Build arc into account.

[kerahlekung]

UMNO tetap meluat Bersatu...

UMNO tetap meluat Bersatu....

Pengerusi Jemaah Penasihat Umno, Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah, melihat masalah akan timbul sekiranya mereka bekerjsama dengan Bersatu dalam pilihan raya umum akan datang. Beliau memberitahu Channel News Asia bahawa akan berlaku masalah pembahagian kerusi dan Umno boleh hilang kedudukan dominan dalam kerajaan. “Bersatu tak sepatutnya ada pun (dalam kemungkinan itu). Mereka (ahli parti Umno) berasa bahawa ia (kerjasama) harus berlaku hanya dalam kalangan Muafakat (Nasional) - PAS, Umno dengan rakan-rakan tradisi BN, (iaitu) MCA dan MIC. Begitu, barulah anda tidak akan ada masalah agihan kerusi." “Tapi kalau kamu bawa Bersatu, kami mungkin akan berdepan (keputusan) pilihan raya yang menyebabkan kita berada dalam situasi ‘tergantung’ sekali lagi - tiada yang ada kedudukan dominan, tiada yang mempunyai majoriti jelas. “Kemudian, kita akan menghadapi situasi yang sangat tidak stabil,” kata Tengku Razaleigh, 83, yang kini dalam penggal kelapan berkhidmat sebagai ahli parlimen Gua Musang. Ketika ditanya apakah dia percaya Umno akan terus menyokong Muyiddin Yassin sebagai perdana menteri dalam PRU akan datang, jawab Tengku Razaleigh, dia tidak rasa hal itu akan berlaku.

“Saya tak rasa begitu. Susunan di dalam Perikatan Nasional (seperti sekarang), hanyalah semata-mata demi memastikan kestabilan. Bila kita berdepan dengan PRU, itu satu situasi yang berbeza. Umno akan  fikir dan mengambil tindakan sewajarnya," katanya lagi. Semalam, setiausaha bersama sekretariat Muafakat Nasional, Annuar Musa dilaporkan berkata bahawa Umno dan PAS bersetuju menyokong Muhyiddin sebagai calon perdana menteri bagi PRU-15, setelah perkara itu dibincangkan dalam mesyuarat baru-baru ini. “Untuk pilihan raya akan datang, secara prinsipnya kedua-dua parti telah bersetuju untuk menamakan atau menyokong perdana menteri, Muhyiddin sebagai calon perdana menteri seterusnya," Annuar dipetik sebagai berkata. Sehari sebelum itu pula, mesyuarat pemimpin tertinggi Perikatan Nasional mengulangi sokongan mereka terhadap Muhyiddin, tetapi tidak disebutkan mengenai usaha memformalkan gabungan itu. - mk Kelmarin meeting PN di Putrajaya, PN sebulat suara menamakan TS Muhyidin sbg PM selepas PRU 15. Kononnya UMNO, Bersatu, MCA, MIC, PBS, STAR, GPS semua setuju. PAS tak payah cakap lah.  Tapi hari ini... Fuhhh... Bingit telinga. Dlm rumah UMNO bunyi mcm org pecahkan dinding pun ada. Di Selatan, Sahrir Samad, di Sabah, Bung Mokhtar dan di Kelantan, Tengku Razaleigh antara yg memekak. Tak kira lagi berpuluh2 Ketua Bahagian UMNO yg melenting dgn keputusan Zahid Hamidi dan Anuar Musa.  UMNO mana sokong Muhyiddin PM bro. Sapa yg bagi authoriti utk Zahid dan Anuar menamakan Muhyidin sbg PM?.. itu yg dipersoalkan mereka.  Yg Annuar Musa umum semalam tu bukan suara UMNO. Silap haribulan sidang parlimen bulan ni, PN niat nak tukar speaker, PN yang tumbang. Haha.  Hat terhegeh² sokong Muhyiddin ni PAS aje. Itu pun goyang gak tu. PAS ni mcm pelacur politik. Dulu beriya sokong Mahathir. Siap keluar kenyataan akan sokong sehingga habis penggal. Sekarang apa sudah jadi? - Ariff Kadir/f/bk

Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah said Umno should be in a dominant position after the next general election or there would be political instability. "Bersatu shouldn't come into the picture. They (Umno members) feel it should be just Muafakat (Nasional) - PAS and Umno - along with traditional partners of BN (which are) MCA and MIC. "Then you won't have much of a problem in terms of allocation of seats. "But if you bring in Bersatu, we may face an election (outcome) that would put us in a hung situation again - nobody in a dominant position and nobody with a clear majority. "Then we are going to have a very unstable situation," the 83-year-old Umno advisor, who is now in his eighth-term as the Gua Musang MP, told Channel News Asia. Asked if he believed Umno would continue to support Muhyiddin Yassin as the prime minister after the next general election, Tengku Razaleigh disagreed. "I don't think so. The arrangement in Perikatan Nasional (now) is purely to ensure stability. "When we face the general election, it is a different ball game. Umno will have to get its act together (before then)," he added. Tengku Razaleigh believes that Umno's chances in the next election are bright but was unable to name a possible candidate for prime minister. "That is the big question. What Umno and BN have to decide is to hoist a person that can lead. One with integrity. "Those who were leaders yesterday must be prepared to sacrifice themselves and give way to new people who are not tainted," he added. There are question marks over whether PN - formed on an ad hoc basis in March - would survive until the next general election, which must be held by 2023. All three parties faced off against each other during the 2018 election, which saw Umno coming on top. - mk

There you go again 8th PM Mujyiddin,the going was good when UMNO Needed Party Bersatu to break-up Pakatan Harapan and you fell for the trick.During the 15th GE,your Party Bersatu will be played out by UMNO and will be swept aside to allow UMNO a clean sweep and return to Putrajaya again.All those Katak politicians led by Azmin Ali will be written-off as traitors by the voters.Blue sky and happy days are back for UMNO leaders to return to their old ways where Cash and $$$$$ are King. - Dont just talk Kuli is telling moodin Bersatu is a condom lar... Single use only... Not recyclable.... Bersatu already served its purpose.... Its time to disappear according to Kuli.. - Bibut Sounds like Ku Li still hoping to taste the pie? Everyone trying to be the defenders of the race but nobody has any real ideas on how to bring the country forward. Economic minister also kosong.- One Rakyat dah tahu.... Sapa x kenal org Umno bila dapat kuasa sampai masa Bersatu ditinggalkan dan ikuti oleh parti Pas...kita tngok sapa yg kena. - Maslan Mamat Lan "‘Payah bahagi kerusi dengan Bersatu, Umno boleh hilang dominasi’" Dulu bila dah dominasi hangpa tak jaga..makan duit rakyat ..pusing sana sini.. lupa diri lupa tuhan lepas PRU14 Allah bagi terbalik hangpa duk cerita pasai dominasi lagi.. betui betui muka tak malu..- Ujang Mohd

PH must leave Mahathir 

behind and move forward...

Political analyst Dr Jeniri Amir said former prime minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad has lost the legitimacy to nominate Parti Warisan Sabah president Datuk Seri Shafie Apdal as PH++ prime ministerial candidate, or decide who the country's future prime minister should be.

'Mahathir a problem maker, not problem solver' He told Sinchew.com.my in an interview that in any democracy, the party with the most seats should get to decide who the prime minister is. "Mahathir now doesn't even have a party, and only has five seats. He has absolutely no right to name Shafie Apdal as PM candidate. "Moreover, Parti Warisan also only has nine seats." Jeniri said cracks and suspicions have already emerged in the cooperation among Pakatan Harapan parties, and this does not augur well for the political pact's future. "They all have their own agendas, to make sure their parties remain relevant in Malaysian politics."

He also said Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim is feeling upset about Amanah's and DAP's support of Tun Mahathir. "Anwar may turn to support PM Muhyiddin, but will Perikatan Nasional accept him?" He said Mahathir is only a problem maker, not a problem solver, and if PH were to move forward, it must free itself from Mahathir's control and not to listen to him any more.

'PM candidate issue must be settled fast' Political analyst Dr Phoon Wing Keong said conflicts and frictions over the issue of prime ministerial candidate have tensed up the relationship of PH component parties. However, he said this is not going to cause the pact to collapse. "The cost of a split is definitely higher than maintaining their mutual cooperation," he said. Phoon said there isn't much problem with PH parties when it comes to political ideologies, seat allocation, fighting the PN government, Umno or policy consensus. "The only problem is the choice of prime minster."

He said this is a problem that must be settled first and not to be delayed any further, be it for the July parliamentary sitting or a snap election. "Both Mahathir and Anwar have their own agendas, but at this point, Anwar as the opposition leader to a certain extent has failed to play this role." Possible rise of demagogue Meanwhile, local political scientist, activist and columnist Dr Wong Chin Huat pointed out that given the current political turmoil, what Malaysians should worry about is not PH, but the country's multi-party democracy. He said the chaotic situation would eventually make the voters feel disgusted at major political parties and leaders and turn to support political outsiders, adding that this could also give rise to a demagogue, such as the rise of Nazism during the Weimar Republic of Germany after the first world war. Wong said if Malaysians have lost their faith in democracy, the demagogue that will rise to power is very likely an extreme racist, and this will undermine the country's multiculturalism. - mysinchew

Pengerusi SPR Letak Jawatan?Status Pengundi 18 Tahun,camna?

cheers.

Sumber asal: UMNO tetap meluat Bersatu... Baca selebihnya di UMNO tetap meluat Bersatu...

[neuelib]

MAY DAY POETRY PICKS

From the confines of a cramped rented room along the rhythms of machines growling. As statistics, as slaves, as ants, as lazy sloths. Our May Day Poetry Picks: poetry by and about the working class.

1. Ruminating life and death from a cramped rented room

Walking along the thin line separating life from death is Xu Lizhi’s poem titled “Rented Room”. Xu worked for Foxconn, a technology company based in Shezhen, China, one of the major producers of Apple’s iPhone. In 2014, the migrant worker took his life jumping out of his dorm window, one of the numerous suicide attempts by Chinese factory workers struggling with harsh workplace conditions while barely making ends meet. 

The poem below was among those collected by his friends and published in the Shenzhen Evening News posthumously. It was translated through the Nào project.

出租屋 Rented Room

by Xu Lizhi

十平米左右的空间 A space of ten square meters

局促，潮湿，终年不见天日 Cramped and damp, no sunlight all year

我在这里吃饭，睡觉，拉屎，思考 Here I eat, sleep, shit, and think

咳嗽，偏头痛，生老，病不死 Cough, get headaches, grow old, get sick but still fail to die

昏黄的灯光下我一再发呆，傻笑 Under the dull yellow light again I stare blankly, chuckling like an idiot

来回踱步，低声唱歌，阅读，写诗 I pace back and forth, singing softly, reading, writing poems

每当我打开窗户或者柴门 Every time I open the window or the wicker gate

我都像一位死者 I seem like a dead man

把棺材盖，缓缓推开 Slowly pushing open the lid of a coffin.

2. Cutting the bullshit 

Capturing the essential bullshit of all tedious, repetitive work, Jim Waters’ nihilistic take on the mundanity of work contains more numbness than anger. Statistics was originally published in Poems for Workers, an anthology showcasing poems for working class readers.

Statistics

by Jim Waters

I'm tired of listening to sun-shine talk, This pie-in-the-sky stuff, This travesty on patient toil;

Let the Jesus-screamers, The open-shop artists, And their ilk. . . Hook their fat necks over a flying emery wheel For. . . . eight. . . . long. . . . hours; And to the beat and whir of machinery,

                            Chant this:

"I work to get money to buy food to get strong, So I can work to get money to buy food and get strong.". . . Then, maybe, they will understand Why the church pews are empty,  And men die for unionism.

3. Commuting from work in the rough hours

Ratri Ninditya’s poem “Ursula” is a raw, candid sensory journal of a coming-home-from-work trip any "poor, unfortunate soul” from and around Jakarta would deem familiar. We can almost feel the sweat dripping.

Read more from Ninin in her 2019 poetry book, Rusunothing.

Ursula

by Ratri Ninditya

di pinggir sudirman kau punguti kecoa-kecoa setengah matang. koyo berlubang sudah menempel di lehermu 1 minggu, dan kamu selalu tertidur di 76 dengan kepala tertempel di dada.

mau pergi ke mana, bu?

jalan raya beraroma minyak goreng, hujan asam, keringat sales unicef pantang menyerah. pernahkah tusuk gigi bekas siomay nyangkut di rambutmu karena dilempar orang dari atas jembatan? aku pernah. selokan itu tak pernah melaju lebih cepat. semacet malam jumat. mengalir di dalamnya wajah-wajah yang terlupakan, belum sempat diterimakasihkan.

mereka yang reyot sebelum kehidupannya sendiri dimulai. those poor unfortunate souls. this poor unfortunate soul. kita jadi tikus-tikus yang malu dengan jembrewi sendiri. makan, olah raga, makan lagi, lalu mati.

tubuhmu terbungkus botol plastik. transparan dan statik.

4. Marking inequalities and stark contrasts—with dignity

Contrasting one worker-related experience to another with prowess, Ernest Jones points at how workers are considered fitting for growing food and undeserving to eat them, how it is acceptable for them to make clothes and to not afford wearing them. This work is powerful as it captures Jones standing on his dignity through a declaration of his principles—”too low to vote the tax, too low to touch the spoil, but not to pay and kill the foe.” “The Song of the Classes” sings like a chant, emphasising on the burdens and expectations put upon workers with so much taken away from them to the point that they appear to deserve nothing. 

Jones was a working-class male suffrage leader who was imprisoned in 1848 for his seditious speeches. This poem is also available in the Poems for Workers anthology. 

The Song of the Classes

by Ernest Jones

We plough and sow—we're so very, very low        That we delve in the dirty clay, Till we bless the plain—with the golden grain,        And the vale with the fragrant hay. Our place we know—we're so very low.         'Tis down at the landlord's feet: We're not too low—the bread to grow,         But too low the bread to eat.

Down, down we go—we're so very, very low,         To the hell of the deep sunk mines, But we gather the proudest gems that glow         Where the crown of a despot shines. And whenever he lacks,—upon our backs         Fresh loads he deigns to lay: We're far too low to vote the tax,         But not too low to pay.

We're low—we're low—mere rabble, we know,       But at our plastic power The mould at the lordlings’ feet will grow       Into palace and church and tower Then prostrate fall—in the rich man's hall,        And cringe at the rich man's door: We're not too low to build the wall,         But too low to tread the floor.

We're low—we're low—we're very, very low,      Yet from our fingers glide The silken flow—and the robes that glow       Round the limbs of the sons of pride. And what we get—and what we give—      We know, and we know our share: We're not too low the cloth to weave,        But too low the cloth to wear.

We're low—we're low—we're very, very low,     And yet when the trumpets ring, The thrust of a poor man's arm will go      Through the heart of the proudest king. We're low—we're low—our place we know     We're only the rank and file, We're not too low to kill the foe,        But too low to touch the spoil.

5. Confronting the pains of physical work in the intimate exchange between humans and machines

The ramifications of capitalist exploitation are real and most of the time physical. Through this poem, Xu Lizhi creates a narrative on work using the body—both workers’ and machines’—as a starting point. 

On each line, as machines go to sleep, emotions disappear into dust, stomachs turn hard as iron, ore separating machines peel the skin, we witness a total, brutal, industrialist catastrophe involving the human body and machines, where it becomes hard to tell which from which.

最后的墓地 The Last Graveyard

by Xu Lizhi

机台的鸣叫也打着瞌睡 Even the machine is nodding off

密封的车间贮藏疾病的铁 Sealed workshops store diseased iron

薪资隐藏在窗帘后面 Wages concealed behind curtains

仿似年轻打工者深埋于心底的爱情 Like the love that young workers bury at the bottom of their hearts

没有时间开口，情感徒留灰尘 With no time for expression, emotion crumbles into dust

他们有着铁打的胃 They have stomachs forged of iron

盛满浓稠的硫酸，硝酸 Full of thick acid, sulfuric and nitric

工业向他们收缴来不及流出的泪 Industry captures their tears before they have the chance to fall

时辰走过，他们清醒全无 Time flows by, their heads lost in fog

产量压低了年龄，疼痛在日夜加班 Output weighs down their age, pain works overtime day and night

还未老去的头晕潜伏生命 In their lives, dizziness before their time is latent

皮肤被治具强迫褪去 The jig forces the skin to peel

顺手镀上一层铝合金 And while it's at it, plates on a layer of aluminum alloy

有人还在坚持着，有人含病离去 Some still endure, while others are taken by illness

我在他们中间打盹，留守青春的 I am dozing between them, guarding

最后一块墓地 The last graveyard of our youth.

6. Exploring surrealist cities (and selves)

Originally appeared in Subbed In, Bullen’s "City Exchange” set in Birraranga (Melbourne, Australia) is a surreal encounter with the city, without the self. 

City Exchange

by Brianna Bullen

I order my eyes off Amazon, my spine off eBay and a cochlear implant straight from Coles. Falling apart in reverse has never been so seamless. We talk about moving to the city (permanently, in parenthesis: city as a homogenous w/hole because we can’t see the specific suburbs yet) but it’s crumbling in its own catharsis, a release from structure and history. I’m nostalgic, neurotic and in the process of learning semiotics, signifying nothing and searching for home and meaning in a postcard, the latest neurochemical upgrade and failed relationship. The advertisement on the high-rise for GMHBA glitches to a teaser trailer flickers to Coca-Cola: the duality of (hu)man. I take The Frankston line between Southern Cross and Flinders train rides my liminal stage where I can watch people yawn in the latest fashion and flick through a book page or two on the commute which won’t be remembered. I turn twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five Body machine the old biological clock running in analogue and cellular death. Not a teenager, or a young adult: am I a human yet? I now feel the cynicism I only used to perform now too apathetic to bother expressing the dissatisfaction in vogue. I flicker in industrial space, vague.

7.  Condemning dreadful nine-to-five jobs

Disclaimer: It is never 9 to 5.

Letter to John Martin (1986)

by Charles Bukowski

August 12, 1986

Hello John:

Thanks for the good letter. I don’t think it hurts, sometimes, to remember where you came from. You know the places where I came from. Even the people who try to write about that or make films about it, they don’t get it right. They call it “9 to 5.” It’s never 9 to 5, there’s no free lunch break at those places, in fact, at many of them in order to keep your job you don’t take lunch. Then there’sovertime and the books never seem to get the overtime right and if you complain about that, there’s another sucker to take your place.

You know my old saying, “Slavery was never abolished, it was only extended to include all the colors.”

And what hurts is the steadily diminishing humanity of those fighting to hold jobs they don’t want but fear the alternative worse. People simply empty out. They are bodies with fearful and obedient minds. The color leaves the eye. The voice becomes ugly. And the body. The hair. The fingernails. The shoes. Everything does.

As a young man I could not believe that people could give their lives over to those conditions. As an old man, I still can’t believe it. What do they do it for? Sex? TV? An automobile on monthly payments? Or children? Children who are just going to do the same things that they did?

Early on, when I was quite young and going from job to job I was foolish enough to sometimes speak to my fellow workers: “Hey, the boss can come in here at any moment and lay all of us off, just like that, don’t you realize that?”

They would just look at me. I was posing something that they didn’t want to enter their minds.

Now in industry, there are vast layoffs (steel mills dead, technical changes in other factors of the work place). They are layed off by the hundreds of thousands and their faces are stunned:

“I put in 35 years…”

“It ain’t right…”

“I don’t know what to do…”

They never pay the slaves enough so they can get free, just enough so they can stay alive and come back to work. I could see all this. Why couldn’t they? I figured the park bench was just as good or being a barfly was just as good. Why not get there first before they put me there? Why wait?

I just wrote in disgust against it all, it was a relief to get the shit out of my system. And now that I’m here, a so-called professional writer, after giving the first 50 years away, I’ve found out that there are other disgusts beyond the system.

I remember once, working as a packer in this lighting fixture company, one of the packers suddenly said: “I’ll never be free!”

One of the bosses was walking by (his name was Morrie) and he let out this delicious cackle of a laugh, enjoying the fact that this fellow was trapped for life.

So, the luck I finally had in getting out of those places, no matter how long it took, has given me a kind of joy, the jolly joy of the miracle. I now write from an old mind and an old body, long beyond the time when most men would ever think of continuing such a thing, but since I started so late I owe it to myself to continue, and when the words begin to falter and I must be helped up stairways and I can no longer tell a bluebird from a paperclip, I still feel that something in me is going to remember (no matter how far I’m gone) how I’ve come through the murder and the mess and the moil, to at least a generous way to die.

To not to have entirely wasted one’s life seems to be a worthy accomplishment, if only for myself.

yr boy,

Hank

An audio version is available here.

8. Asking difficult working class questions

From one of our favorite poets Gratiagusti Chananya Rompas is this poem asking difficult, working class questions. Set at a metropolitan mall, Anya describes the whole consumerist brouhaha as she verbalises the personal terror of discomfort lurking in the everyday.

Berada di Sebuah Mall Pada Suatu Akhir Pekan

by Gratiagusti Chananya Rompas

kadang aku perlu beberapa detik untuk memutuskan eskalator berjalan atau berhenti aku tak mengerti orang orang di depan dan di belakangku ingin pergi ke mana mereka berbaris berseliweran mendorong bayi bayi mereka di dalam stroller atau mengejar anak anak mereka yang sudah pandai berlari aku menggandeng anakku tangannya kecil dan lembut menuntunku membelah lautan orang orang yang tak kukenal itu

kadang orang orang diam tetapi suara mereka tumpang tindih dengan suaraku sendiri kadang orang orang begitu banyak bicara tapi aku tak mengerti apa yang mereka katakan beli selusin donat dapat potongan setengah harga kalau beli selusin donat? siapa yang akan makan begitu banyak donat di rumah? beli satu set alat masak dapat diskon 25% kalau punya kartu kredit dari sebuah bank tapi aku hanya perlu centong? beli semangkuk nasi daging lengkap dengan minum bisa beli boneka seharga 75 ribu? apa hubungan antara makan siang dan boneka? beli frozen yogurt small dapat 1 topping, medium dapat 3 topping, tapi large dapat 3 topping juga? beli makanan dengan kartu anggota bisa dapat satu makanan gratis tapi harus top up dulu tidak bisa pisah bill? yang gratis bisa yang paling mahal mbak?

anakku sayang, tolong antar mama keluar dari sini

dan di dalam mobil dalam perjalanan pulang mobil ini bergabung dengan mobil mobil lain seperti gorong gorong yang mampat

aku harus berkedip dua kali karena aku merasa permukaan jalan di jalur sebelah yang masih kosong terlihat mengalir seperti sungai yang airnya hitam.

9. At last—embracing rage

What’s a May Day poetry list without the angry verses? In “Canned”, Jim Waters exclaims in great fury a slogan we can all relate with—to hell with you!

Canned

by Jim Waters

          To hell with you!

          You ain't the whole earth, 

          Not by a damn sight!

You sneak around shaking your fat paunch shouting: "I'm losing money . . . hurry-up . . . pull-out. . . "Step-on-it!" . . , and you "can" anybody that talks back. I've seen your kind before—always losing money—Riding in limousines, showing off on the golf links, And talking open shop at the Union Club.

On Sunday you go to church and tell everybody What a nice employer you are. . . On Monday you go blue in the face cursing your men.

          You can't bull-doze me!

          To hell with youl

          You ain't the whole earth, Not by a damn sight!

Bonus poems

We’ve added four poems to this post that were not included on our Instagram version of May Day Poetry Picks. “Self Inquiry before the Job Interview” by Gary Soto, “Coal Deliveryman” by Ramón Cote Baraibar, and ultimately another work from Xu Lizhi, “I Swallowed An Iron Moon”, just because.

10. Self-Inquiry before the Job Interview

by Gary Soto

Did you sneeze? Yes, I rid myself of the imposter inside me. Did you iron your shirt? Yes, I used the steam of mother's hate. Did you wash your hands? Yes, I learned my hygiene from a raccoon. I prayed on my knees, and my knees answered with pain. I gargled. I polished my shoes until I saw who I was. I inflated my résumé by employing my middle name. I walked to my interview, early, The sun like a ring on an electric stove. I patted my hair when I entered the wind of a revolving door. The guard said, For a guy like you, it's the 19th floor. The economy was up. Flags whipped in every city plaza In America. This I saw for myself as I rode the elevator, Empty because everyone had a job but me. Did you clean your ears? Yes, I heard my fate in the drinking fountain's idiotic drivel. Did you slice a banana into your daily mush? I added a pinch of salt, two raisins to sweeten my breath. Did you remember your pen? I remembered my fingers when the elevator opened. I shook hands that dripped like a dirty sea. I found a chair and desk. My name tag said my name. Through the glass ceiling, I saw the heavy rumps of CEOs. Outside my window, the sun was a burning stove, All of us pushing papers To keep it going.

11. Coal Deliveryman

by Ramón Cote Baraibar

translated by Craig Arnold

Like finding a bar of aluminum wedged in a bull’s jaw. Like discovering in a sea chest a short obsidian head. Like looking through a padlock   and seeing an undeserved dawn. As impossible as all these, as melancholy and lonely, was it to see the green truck that with the punctuality   of a sacrament delivered the coal each month. On the slope its strained   heart would announce itself vociferously, at the brink of death, and it   would stop in front of the house as if to deliver the agonizing news of   the fall of Troy. And then a man, wrapped in sacking, would pitch   his cargo, resonant and angular, into an orange-painted crate.

Like opening a Bible and finding three leaves of laurel. Like lifting   a stone and remembering someone’s name. Like finding the same   snail again a hundred miles away. As impossible as all these, as melancholy and lonely, would it be to find, fifteen years later, the same coal    deliveryman carrying on his trade, bent from the strain, determined   to show the heavens that a man might do that job his entire life, that   he scraped in the mines, that he stole thread from his wife to sew his   sacking, that he dreamed of infinite excavations, of tunnels, and that   they might forgive him for not having done more than that.

12. I Swallowed An Iron Moon

by Xu Lizhi

I swallowed an iron moon

they called it a screw

I swallowed industrial wastewater and unemployment forms

bent over machines, our youth died young

I swallowed labour, I swallowed poverty

swallowed pedestrian bridges, swallowed this rusted-out life

I can’t swallow any more

everything I’ve swallowed roils up in my throat

I spread across my country

a poem of shame

[evermorehaikyuu]

Day 20

Title: The Blossoming of Demise

Note: Ten days left to go. Yes, there is a major character death here, enjoy and see you on the other side. Warning: It has blood in it, but it’s not in graphic detail.

˜”*°•.˜”*°•.•°*”˜.•°*”˜ 

The sight of flowers was always a pleasure to see, tons of people usually decided. It always meant that spring was full on in motion and it was ready to burst full of color, hope and warmth. It was a sight to behold, the beauty in the eye of the beholder. 

And yet somehow, Kita couldn’t find himself looking at these blooms with the same love and fondness that most people had. Especially not after he had gotten the worst news someone could possibly get. His grandmother had always told him this legend when he was younger and he was never terrified of it, always thinking that it was false. After all, what good was a tale from an old woman? Sure, he cared about her deeply, but the story was too far-fetched.

He now regretted it. Every single second. Kita only recalled the day that he was told that he had the hanahaki disease. 

~

“Why was I coughing up petals?” Kita asked as he stared at the doctor in full white, holding a clipboard right in front of him. Kita had a medical bracelet on his wrist, yet it felt like it was shackling him to the bed. He had collapsed in the middle of practice, coughing up all sorts of petals. Red tulips, forget-me-nots, poppies, violets and daisies. This was part of the legend, and still he refused to believe it was true. 

The doctors gazed at him over his clipboard, pity in his eyes. Kita did not like it, he did not like being pitied. Taking a deep breath in, he said, “I’m sorry, but you have the hanahaki disease.”

Hanahaki. It technically meant “flower death” if paired with disease. Swallowing dryly, he pushed away the thought that his grandmother had told him so. “There’s a cure for this, right?” Silence. “Right?”

“No. Technically there is, but that would mean cutting the roots out. It would leave you emotionless, a shell of the man you once were. In exchange, you’d never have to fear one-sided love and the demise that came along with it.”

You would think that with information like that, the answer would be obvious. Kita, however, chose not to let the roots be cut. He did not want to be emotionless. He had hoped that someday, he’d find the love he’d always searched for and forget about the whole ordeal in his lungs.

However, not everything comes out as one would expect it to. 

~

There she was. Everyday she went past him with the brightest smile on her face, one that he had made a secret oath to himself that he’d protect. He wanted to keep her smiling as long as possible. 

“How do you feel about Y/N?” Aran once asked casually as they were walking back home together. 

“What?” Kita looked at him. He thought he had been hiding it well; however, Aran was too smart and observant for that. Maybe the rest of the team hadn’t noticed. He was probably the only person he could trust. “I like her smile.”

“That’s it?” Aran couldn’t help but chuckle at his captain’s simple answer. “I thought you’d have more.”

“I...don’t want to feel more.” He was scared. He didn’t want to fall in love with Y/N L/N out of fear that she wouldn’t love him back. It would cause a major problem, a life or death matter. “What are you doing tomorrow?” He tried to shift the topic as casually as he could. He wasn’t slick, Aran caught it yet he never pried.

It was perilous to go into the deep end, but somehow, he paid no heed and took the plunge.

~

Weeks went by of Kita obviously pining after Y/N and then he realized that he had fallen madly in love with her. As much as he tried to hide the feelings both from everyone around him and from himself, his heart did not go along with the plan. It caused him to cough up rose petals and he spit them into the palm of his hand, a speck of blood coming with it. It was getting worse. There was only one thing to do.

“Aran, how do you confess to someone?” Kita questioned on the way back home.

Aran looked at him, bewildered. “Well, first you gather your courage. Then get them alone and confess to them. From then on, everything could change or stay the same, it all depends on the person.”

“Thank you, Aran.” With those words, Kita went back to school the next day. He searched everywhere for Y/N and when he found her, he asked, “Can we...talk?”

“Oh! Of course, Kita!” They had talked before but it was mainly small talk as neither of them dwelled in the deeper stuff. It didn’t matter, they liked each other and sometimes hung out. “What’s wrong?”

This was it. The moment that he had planned. Taking a deep breath in, he took her hands gently and said, “Y/N. I...I think I’m in love with you. I know it’s all of a sudden and you’ve probably never expected this, but I couldn’t go another day without telling you. Maybe we’re meant to be, maybe we’re not. I wanted to tell you anyways, because you deserve to know as you’re the one this is all for. Do you...do you think you could love me back?” He cringed at the last sentence, thinking it was childish and foolish, perhaps even naive. It felt like a declaration that she would love him or maybe he was overthinking all of this.

Y/N stayed silent the whole time before taking her hands out of his and looking down at the floor. She kicked the ground gently, not looking in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Kita.” There it was. The words that would destroy him. It was over. “I can’t love you….I wish I could, but you deserve someone better than me. You risked it all for me and this is what I gave you, and it’s the honest truth.” She finally locked eyes with him. “Please understand where I’m coming from.”

“O-Of course.” Kita gave her a gentle smile, not noticing that the roots inside of his lungs were quickly doing their job.  He only had a few minutes to get to the hospital. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you.” With a quick peck on the cheek, she was gone.

Kita looked around, panicking as he tried to search for a way out. Soon he was coughing again, this time yellow daffodils coming onto his hand and more blood coming out. Daffodils, the flowers of unrequited love.

Sprinting out of there, he moved through the city streets, surprisingly empty at the time. However, he was in the city, there was no way people wouldn’t see him. It was getting harder and harder to breathe with each step he took. He would never make it, even if the ambulance was called. Kita took a turn and ran into an abandoned place full of flowers. It was the metaphor for what was going on inside of him. 

Hacking up more and more flowers and blood, he found himself stumbling. He didn’t know where to go. He clutched at his throat, falling to the floor. The flowers were still coming out of him, tears mingling with the iron taste of blood. Kita crawled across the ground, harsh sobs coming out of him from the pain physically and mentally. Lying on his side, he curled up into a ball. This isn’t a bad place. This represents what happened. I should’ve said yes, I should’ve told them to do it but I was a fool. An utter fool….

With one last cough, a full rose of thorns came out of him, scratching his throat on the way out and finalizing the job. His eyes became glazed over. With one final movement, he reached out for the beautiful flower, his hand turning limp.

Kita Shinsuke, captain of Inarizaki, was found dead the very next day. Cause of death: hanahaki disease. The person he loved couldn’t love him back, leading to his own doom that he tried so hard to stop. As much as he had wished this wouldn’t happen, it had. Even after his death, he watched over Y/N, wanting to do something but found himself powerless. Every time, without fail, it made him sorrowful all over again.

Tell me you’ll come to me when it’s your turn. I want to see you again, even if it takes a thousand years.

~

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