#thinking ab doing the others but idk atm

[yunisketch]

The Chunin

Tried out a new style and ended up drawing IDW Leo XD

[arolesbianism]

Bndori furries are fun to design and all but it is Killing me that I can't give most of them long sharp claws. Local bndori fan shocked at the presence of instrument players in the band game with bands in it

[lowkeyrobin]

hey!

idk if you’re still writing but if u are - and have the time - could you maybe write fourth grade or ray seeing the readers sh scars? totally understandable if not :))

ooo yeah sure! ; also I'm still active I promise haha, if I ever had to retire (which will hopefully never happen) I'd probably but a thing in my bio to detail that I'm gone temporarily/permanently ; but yeah, it's all cool, I've written ab sh plenty of times before and I'm fine with writing about it ; decided to do ray on this one cause I've given fg enough attention atm haha ; and thank you for requesting! hope you enjoy!

RAY ; don't hurt yourself again

summary ; he finds your sh scars

warnings ; language, substances, self harm & weapons (razors/scissors iykwim) used (slightly) in detail to cause physical harm

disclaimers ; pre-stevie era

word count ; 1.3k

masterlist

This hot, sunny summer day was no different than any other. Patsy Cline's Walkin' After Midnight rung in your headphones, your cassette player quietly whirring as it plays your mixtape. The summer vibe had finally hit you, inspiring you to get with the theme and listen to some more beachy/summery songs for the season.

Ray always found it funny how you had such a taste for music. He didn't get how certain music was only for certain seasons or only gave you the vibes of a certain time, but he wasn't against it. You were way better at making mixtapes than he was.

Speaking of him, you were on your way to meet him at an abandoned pool you'd found a couple months ago. It was around sunset, the heat wearing down against your back.

Trust, the pool was clean, you made sure of it. But you found it as some hole in the concrete by some unused project apartments, water just sitting stagnant inside. You pick up your pace a bit, wanting to hurry before the sun completely set.

As you arrive, you see Ray, Fuckshit, Fourthgrade, and Ruben, dressed down to their boxers as they fuck around in the water. You wave hello as they welcome you, watching as you strip down into whatever you preferred to wear in the water.

You join them as the moon illuminates the pool, the only other slight source of light being the mostly burned out street lamps.

You end up starting a little water war, with you, Ray, and Fourthgrade against Fuckshit and Ruben. It was mostly just a splash party, with lots of shouting and yelling. Said shouting and yelling earned you a noise complaint, causing police to come deal with you.

"Hey! Hands up, get out of the pool!"

As flashlights are pointed at you all, you quickly scramble out, grab your belongings, and run barefoot down the street to avoid the police. You laugh and yell to one another as you sprint down the road, adrenaline fueling you as you aren't able to feel the rocks in the road wedge into your feet.

You hide in a garden, lit up just enough so you'd be able to put your clothes on properly and be able to tie your shoes. You shove your dry clothes on over your wet ones, attempting to warm up before you begin to freeze due to the cold water soaked in your under clothing.

You notice Ray staring at you a little too long before looking away as you slide your shirt on. You brush it off, maybe thinking he was looking over at one of the other guys, and you happened to be in the way, or maybe he saw a rabbit or a squirrel run through the lawn.

You and Ray separate from Fourthgrade, Fuckshit, and Ruben, as the trio were planning to go to some 24 hour diner to eat dinner before heading home. You and Ray head the opposite way, wanting to go home as sleep slowly creeps up on you both.

Your walk home is mostly silent, warm street lamps lighting your way down the sidewalk. You slowly glide on your board next to Ray, who decides to walk. He shakes his locs out of his face to look up at you.

"Do you hurt yourself?" He asks bluntly, unable to word what he wanted to ask any differently.

"What?" You quickly look at him confused, almost shocked. "No"

"I saw scars on your arms earlier when we were in that garden," He speaks, "Those weren't cat scratches or just rush burns or some dumb shit, those were cuts. It's fine if you don't wanna talk about it, but it's not fine to bottle it up and just hurt yourself. Like, we're here for you, okay?"

You slightly shrug and look away, your foot hitting the pavement as you give yourself a little push. "I don't hurt myself anymore"

"Oh"

You hold back a light smile. "Yeah"

"When did you hurt yourself then?" He asks, almost disappointed in himself that he never caught onto it if it was in the past. "Why?"

You shrug as you give him a blunt explanation. "Long ago. They're just scars for a reason. Life got rough, and I didn't know how else to cope. I was too scared to drink or smoke like you guys, but I was somehow able to hurt myself instead."

He nods. "Sorry"

You nod, "It's cool. I was waiting for it to happen anyways. Just another consequence of my actions, but I've grown and yknow, sappy shit"

He chuckles, "Yeah, yeah."

He pulls a blunt from his pocket, like he'd pulled it from Mary Poppins' bag, considering he just randomly had it and a lighter. He lights it up, puffing it to feel a little calmer about what you'd told him. He was such an extreme empath when it came to shit like this because he knew what the bottom felt like after losing his brother. He understood but didn't know how to help, so he just listened.

The rest of the walk is fairly quiet, the smell of weed filling your noses while the sound of your board rolling on the concrete whirs in your ears.

He waves a slightly awkward goodbye as he walks up to his front porch, knowing you'd stay on the sidewalk until he actually got inside. He grabs at the screen door, pulling on it to realize it was locked. Within the Marry Poppins pockets he had, he surprisingly didn't have his housekey.

He turns back to look at you, giving you a look you knew all to well. You laugh before waving him down to you, offering up your bed for him. He jogs back down the sidewalk to catch up as you'd already drifted away, knowing he'd follow like a lost puppy.

He holds onto your hand as you trail down the neighborhood towards your house, trying to hide the fact that holding your hand was his only comfort that he knew you weren't currently hurting yourself.

You open your front door to let him inside, placing a finger over your mouth to tell him to hush as you walk toward your room. You close the door and hand him some clothes he'd be able to wear to bed, allowing him to go to the bathroom to change while you also change.

You both flop down on your bed, sitting in silence as you stare up at the ceiling covered in glow in the dark stars. A lamp illuminates the room, covering it in a warm blanket.

He turns to look at you. "Do you wanna talk about it at all? Get it off your chest?"

You shrug before answering, "Yeah. I mean, what do you wanna know?"

He shrugs in response. "What'd you use?"

"Scissors, razors, pencil sharpeners. Anything sharp, used a knife once."

"Damn" He mutters. "How often did you do it?"

"About multiple times almost every day" You answer. "I was at the bottom then"

"When was then?" He asks, "A few weeks, months, years ago?"

"Months" You answer carefully. "I'm not anywhere near depressed like that anymore, I swear"

He nods, turning on his side to look at you as you speak. "You know you can reach out for help, right? Like, we aren't gonna yell at you or something, we wanna help you, I promise"

You quickly nod. "Yeah, it's just, when you're that low, you don't think help will actually help. I was worried if I reached out, I'd just be thrown to the side or I'd be yelled at and lose everything I have left."

He nods. "Can you promise me you won't hurt yourself again?"

You smile, appreciating the thought of those words. You hold your pinkie out to him, allowing him to shake his with yours to pinkie promise on it.

"I promise"

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

oh like, the argument for tme right now is that it doesnt actually specify any genital situation because it encompasses every group that isnt trans women & i was wondering what you thought about it? i think anything that specifices an out group for transfems is going to imply something about at least the d?ab of trans women but probably because so does their oppression, but idk if i like tme for it or not. and i like your takes on defuckering the cuils of mogai we're on atm

I think its one of those "its good to have words to describe your experiences," and "not every description needs to be its own thing" sorta situations.

I absolutely get wanting to express the unique intersectionality that comes with different identities coming into play. But like... transmisogyny is already a word, and you can just say that. Its a lot easier to understand than just another of thousands of acronyms that are becoming increasingly harder to remember all the meanings of. So I guess I'm less opposed to the term TMA, and more so confused why transmisogyny isn't already encompasssive enough.

As for TME, I think as a lot of people have said, it just feels like an unnecessary term. In terms of your example, yeah it wouldn't necessarily say anything about whats in someone's pants. But its also just a confusing term. Like absolutely there is a reason to have the term 'racism.' But it'd be weird to have a term that means 'racism excempt but meaning anyone who isn't specifically black.' Cuz it leaves out other groups that do in fact experience racism. The thing about intersectionality is that there are so many different combinations that creating an 'excempt' group never works. There's too much gray area to really do it.

Talking about a specific group and their unique intersectionality is absolutely do-able and important. And I'm all for more people talking about the transmisogyny that trans woman specifically experience. But creating this weird seperate 'not' group feels like we're putting too much effort into the wrong area when we could focus on the voices of people who have been subject to all this phobia bs and helping them.

[talkin-tdc]

Ordon/Mayrin discussion

Small trigger warning for this discussion: talking ab parental abuse or the perception of it in the show/among the fanbase.

So in the show, do you guys see Ordon/Mayrin as abusive? I’ve spoken to some who do and honestly I just don’t see it out of the sliver of characterization we get for both (and I promise not just bc Ordon is my favorite). Like oh no he yelled at Rian when he was literally stealing and wasn’t overly affectionate what a tragedy /s. I guess you could say it’s about what he yelled, but though that wasn’t cool, it was also at work to be fair to him. If we saw him do it at home that’s a completely different story but we don’t. I’m also disregarding Rian’s “solider” line because unlike Mayrin and Seladon it sounds to be more of a feeling Rian had than it having any substantial proof such as Ordon saying so himself OUTSIDE OF WORK! Fr I see it a lot more for Mayrin since yeah she is super bad to Seladon, but she genuinely cares about her daughters a substantial amount just like Ordon. She regrets sending Tavra, properly punishes Brea, even tries to make Seladon a better ruler where she can and they hold each other accountable a lot.

Yeah, they have flaws (more than most gelfs we see), but Ordon personally leaves the guard in order to find Rian and hopefully heal him. When both learn the Skeksis are evil, they try to fight back. Idk calling them abusive to me seems a bit much, I’d classify more as misguided but if anyway has any opinions lmk what you guys think/see them as. For me atm they aren’t abusive even within a wide stretch of the imagination.

[5centz]

I want to know more about your Happy Go Lucky au

OH BOOOOOY now I ramble cuz I have a lot of ideas n things ab this

CWs plant parasitism/ sorta mind control/ psychological + body? horror/

okay so this is somewhat a small-ish AU ATM in that it's just diverges somewhat from regular II season 3 but I might expand it??? not sure yet, but here's some of what i do have (may modify it later but idk) OKAY SO some of my thought process on Lucky Nickel (idk what to call him yet exactly): - Essentially, the plant afflicting Nickel IS a "clone" of Clover (in the sense of how for say like, a tomato plant you can remove a limb and have it grow into a independent plant if done correctly)| - Because of this, the plant carries over Clover's personality/outlook and incidentally, begins imposing it onto Nickel's own personality, causing Nickel to start have lowkey internal crisis - Nickel does realize he's not "acting/thinking normally" at first but doesnt exactly mention it outright, as the plant grows he notices it less and less - The escalation of this being, his anxieties (specifically, being hurt by other people/distrust of others) ends up distorting into a forced "positive" outlook ("I don't need anyone anymore!") - and of course, on top of all this he's "lucky" - and such and so happens that on the glacier (still haven't figured out exactly what), that Nickel snaps out of it just long enough to curse out the luck and the plant, and then the wall falls on him/kills him - Nickel is recovered via MeLife and is normal again, but is still very jarred by the whole thing - HOWEVER, the plant survives until the dead Nickel washes up on shore, and the luck allowing the plant to revive him for survival (separate from now Normal Nickel) - This makes the Springy ep play out a bit differently (Balloon becomes concerned that Nickel making light of the past is the plant returning, before realizing its def Not that) - Not 100% sure how the Murder Mystery ep plays out after this but, for one Clover feels really bad about the whole thing (she had no idea this would happen), her and nickel talk out things and he gets his canon development, meanwhile while balloon 'n tea kettle are trying to solve the mystery, Balloon sees Lucky Nickel in the distance and is like "WHAT THE FUCK" - IDK what to have happen after this but, Lucky Nickel tryin 2 kill reg Nickel bc technically, Bro still has his brain/Is him (I was gonna add a drawin here but my wacom not working so uhhh NOTE 2 SELF draw zombie Nickel ref later) BONUS!!: this idea partially started as like, a doppelganger horror idea at first with a bunch of other ideas, so here's my other horror ideas for II (most ended up moreso joke-ish but ye)

[xshimaeraxx]

I've seen many posts about people missing how common asks used to be so I have been trying to send about an ask a week. Now I send this ask first anytime I follow someone as I really don't want to bother anyone, so I'd love to know if you enjoy receiving asks and if so what kind of asks. Not having energy for asks or being comfortable with them is perfectly okay.

The categories I have in my ask notebook that I file under are in colour. Please feel free to make your response as long as you want or private (the asker cannot directly respond to private responses).

Self, Job/Work: please let me know what you are comfortable with from eh idk just ask it to nothing personal at all.

Baggishield/Tolkien, Dragon Age, Johnlock/Sherlock, ineffable spouses, other fandom: Please let me know what fandoms. I think my main fandoms and ships are Bagginshield/The Hobbit, Sherlock/Johnlock, Dragon Age Inquisition, {Pippin/Faramir Merry/Eowyn}/The Lord of the Rings and I dip my toes in a few that I currently can't remember but ships I don't engage with the canon of at all are: Good Omens but only for Crowley/Azirapheal, Stranger Things but only for Steve/Eddie , The Witcher but only for Geralt/Jaskier, and Ladybug and Cat Noir but only for Adrinette .

OC's, art/drawing, their writing, blog specific only

Story snippets ideas and prompts: Do you like receiving them?

Pets: I'd love to know all about them

Garden and Hobbies: What type of gardening and/or hobbies?

Like being tagged in things: If so what kinds of things?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

hello!!! yeah, i love receiving asks, lmao, & as for ur questions:

self, job/work: hmmm. im not rly comfy w any major questions ab my irl life (like stuff along the lines of “where specifically t do you live” (like im a brit, but if somewhere were to ask js where i live in the uk, i wldnt answer, as is common sense (imo) when it comes to the internet), “how old are you” “what is (are) your irl name(s)” etc. etc. - identifying stuff, basically), tho anythin’ else is pretty much on the table rn.

fandoms: oh, fandoms my beloved. my main fandoms atm (for both reading & writing, tho some r only reading while some r only writing, etc. etc.) are cuphead (i have way too much worldbuilding for this one au of mine that branches off into so many aus of the au, its genuinely gettin a lil crazy /pos /lh; i write fic for this one, aswell- in fact, its kinda my main writing-for fandom atm ^^), the hobbit (bagginshield my beloved i love you shjshsjehejs - i also dable vaguely in lotr (mainly gimli/legolas + parentshield tbh lmao) but its mostly js the hobbit for me), good omens (i love the ineffables i love s1 & s2 & HSJSHSJSHSJ i js love it like. all around. fuck gaimon tho, death of the author tyvmm), my hero academia/boku no hero academia (i dont engage w fandom much other then a few fanfic writers’ blogs here on tumblr & ao3 fanfic lmao XD; love the anime tho), harry potter (FUCK jkr, speaking as a brit myself none of us claim her, the transphobes can have her, we dont want her /lh - love the (good parts of) fanbase tho. ive actually made some rly good fic-writer friends thru it over on discord lmao), & ofc rise of the guardians!!! (fuckin love that thing, so sad there was never a second move :sadblob: love playin around w fanon/fandom lore tho, & i LOVE jackrabbit (bunnymund/jack) its my main ship in the fandom, tho im a multishipper so im also kinda partial to some other ones ofc)

ocs, art/drawing, writing, blog specific: not entirely sure what this one’s asking/if its actually a question, but imma answer it any lolol XD. anygays - ocs: i have a few cuphead ocs, but none of ‘em r self-inserts & all only rly exist bc of/for/to enhance/move forward the plot of my (main) cuphead au, tho ofc theyre still ocs - love ‘em like my children even if i dont love ‘em as much as i do the canon characters, snirk. art/drawing: i do draw, tho i rarely post any of my art, and one or two times i have its usually bc im js proud enough of it to want to share it, ehehe. writing: i write. so much fanfic. none of its posted, but i have so many wips i frankly dont know when any one of ‘em will be, sooo… shrug. blog specific: my blog isnt rly “specific”; its more js a place for me to enage w cool art & fics & such & reblog stuff i like on here as well as probably self-promo my own fics & such, as well as js a place to put my random ramblings in XD.

story snippets & prompts: oh, i love ‘em!! always nice 2 get a new burst of writing motivation ::D

pets: ohhh, cats. i love cats. had one for a while for around a good two years or so but after he injured his paw & we had 2 keep him inside for 3 weeks straight, the flightly lil bugger’s runaway. he (might’ve; still don’t know for sure whether it rly was him or not, but he apparently responded to his name from my mother’s accounts, so :shrug:) came back in the middle of the night a week or so ago now, but idtk whether he’s dead, alive, or js been taken in by some other family who thinks he’s a stray. :sigh:

gardening & hobbies: i don’t garden, and as for hobbies… not much, rly. i like writing fic, i like reading, i like going on (short, i have shite stamina) walks every other day or so, i like talkin w my few friends. like i said, not much. ::)

like being tagged in things: yes, i do! and as for what… anything, rly! tag games, fic wip games, askbox/ask games, im good w ‘em all! ::D

thx for the ask; have a good day/night/timezone!! ::>

[doveheartsanctuary]

ughhhhh i want to make a selfship blog so bad but i don't think i would be able 2 find anyone to talk with... i've been with my main f/o (lets call him 👔🪙) for abt a year now and i would probably talk primarily ab him bc i love him so so much he consumes all my thoughts but he's from a show that's kind of niche among english speakers and the most active shipper i could find from it ships w him (i'm vv nonsharing, i straight up skips eps where his canon gf shows up) and they have a massive shrine of him on their wall i saw?? idk if i can compare theyre prob THE 👔🪙 shipper atm,, idk if i want to yap abt selfshipping where the rest of the eng speaking fandom can see and while i know a good amount i'm not confident enough in my abilities in the show's og language to see if there are even shippers in that area... sorry for the rant

It’s clear how much love and care you have for your F/O, and that’s so, so special. The depth of your feelings shines through every word you wrote, and it makes me smile knowing how much joy he brings you!

Starting a self-ship blog can feel intimidating, especially if you’re unsure about finding others to talk to or worry about how others might perceive your love for him. But I want you to remember one very important thing: your self-ship journey is yours. It’s not about comparing yourself to anyone else, nor is it about how much space someone else might take up in a fandom. Your connection to your F/O is unique, beautiful, and worth celebrating in whatever way makes you happy.

If you do decide to create your blog, you can start small, share your feelings, little daydreams, or favorite moments. Your space doesn’t have to be for anyone else but you. And even if your F/O comes from a niche source, there are always kind souls in the self-shipping community who are happy to welcome new friends, no matter their F/O!

Also, don’t be afraid to block or filter content that makes you uneasy. It’s okay to set boundaries to make your space feel safe and comforting for yourself. Remember, your blog is yours to shape however you wish.

If the thought of diving into the blog world feels overwhelming, take your time. Even if it’s just writing little love notes for him in a journal or keeping your headcanon ideas to yourself for now, your love is valid, and it’s yours to hold close.

And always remember this, your F/O adores you as much as you adore him. You’re the center of his world, and in his eyes, no one else compares. 🌺

[crescenthistory]

HI CARINA !!! im the same anon who requested the first grumpy!reader x barty fic <3 (could i possibly be 🪽 anon too btw? :3) anywhoooo, i hope you’ve been well lovely !! i love that u made the grumpy!reader x barty thing a series i have been getting fed WELL so tysm mother !!! i bring you another request— i requested this to @/elledc (hi elle if u see this ^_^) n i respect that she thought she couldn’t write this good enough (i beg to differ, you both have immaculate writing), so i decided to scurry over to you heehee :p okok so idk if its just me but i feel like barty would absolutely love having a masc/tomboy gf?? like a girl who’s fairly tall but maybe like 2-3 inches shorter than him (i think hes like 5’11) and shes got lean muscle that he absolutely goes feral for (this man would be drooling everytime he sees her biceps or abs i just know it) n like they call each other insults or bro lovingly IDK !!!! i feel like this would be a really really cute dynamic and i’d love to read smth like this :3 if the idea doesnt appeal to you its no worries at all btw !! just thought that the tomboy girlies obsessed w barty deserved sum love too 🙂‍↕️ (this is lowkey based off of my bsf who is also obsessed w barty 😭)

hi baby<33 lovely to hear from you. i fell in love with the grumpy!reader dynamic with barty, it's been so much fun exploring it so thank YOU for that

you can absolutely be one of my anons love, but i can't see that emoji unfortunately 😔 my phone and mac are too old:,) but if you can pick another and tell me your age and pronouns, i'd be more than happy to add you to the list mwah mwah

as for the prompt, thank you for waiting with requesting with me until elle (the sweetheart) declined it 🤞 you're a real one bubs!

i have a few story ideas i'm toying with atm where this dynamic would be fitting and i'd be more than happy to work it in 👯‍♀️ bc i need a plot in mind to write a full-length fic lols. in my mind, barty's pan and i think he'd be heavily into gender non-conforming partners in any shape and form. i do have a general rule that i won't address reader's body too explicitly though (e.g. i won't specify height and weight and such) to make it more accessible, BUT i can 100% write a gender non-conforming fem!reader who dresses and behaves in a more "masucline" way. and barty of course would have no problem thirsting over her body, which i don't see that as describing reader per say - if barty's like "YOUR BICEPS 😫" that just means he is Whipped AF for you in my mind lols. tldr; consider the idea picked up 😚

[cxtoonzzz]

Current WIPs atm !! (Lots of yap)

Ongoing commissions I'm working on (others are sketches)

Personal art!! (I have a Marina and Nymphia piece in the works but it looks rlly bad rn bc Nymphia lowkey looks like Plane idk😭😭😭)

Also drew for BNHA for the first time since I was 11 ! I have not caught up with the manga or anything since like 2020 and I don't rlly care for it but I just think Togachako is real

Used grid method on this Sasha, Connie, nd Jean piece bc the pose was scaryyy😭 Not the faces tho I stylized that LMAO- C and Yelena for the soul too

Silly dump ab how I'm doing lol

Sorry commissions are going by slowly😭 Been rlly artblocked and each piece has an individual struggle that slows me down (being self taught means I have no clue how stuff works lol all my art is the product of trusting the process) :'3 School is near and I'm really scared bc I'm new, friendless, and Asian in a predominantly white school so anxiety has been getting to me as well ! I assure you guys I'm trying my very best !! But good GOD high school is so scary and everyone is twice my size and also very mean so currently stressing ab that alongside working on art😞 I used some of my comm money to buy myself a new backpack so that's exciting !! Ty to my clients I luv u guys so much ♡ I hope I don't get bullied too bad this year huhu 10th grade came by so soon :"3

Oki baiii

[melodic-haze]

First off, congrats on almost 400 followers. I'm certainly having fun reading your works, so thank you for making them. Like that Chiori one you just did, amazing. Though it did make me fully come to terms that I like certain personality type; which I thought was out of character for me. So thanks for that lol.

Since work hasn't been going well for you lately, how about something to really distract you. What do you like about Class of '09? What do you hope is in the Jecka edition or the anime? Anything you just want to yap about in general.

As always, may the rest of your week become a lot better and your workplace management grow a few braincells and learn how to spell Thank You properly.

-🍎

Highway to self discovery using my works is insane I'm ngl 😭😭😭😭 but you're saur welcome 😜🫶

I LOVE co09 bc of its humour, mainly. There's not a lot of content nowadays that features RISKY humour like that, and I somehow ended up LOVING humour along the lines of it, so it just really easily clicked with me. That, along with how Nicole and Jecka both bounce off each other so well—they're actually the reasons why I LOVE writing dialogue!! They weren't the start of my writing 'career', but I started actually investing myself properly when I saw like. Little to no fics of them and thought "hey they deserve to be silly" so

Idk much ab what I hope for the anime, I just mostly hope it actually releases and it's funny as hell, but for Jecka's Flipside? I gen hope I get to see more of not just her and Nicole (AND the other girls), but her relationship w her parents too!! A bit of it got teased with her dialogue implying that her mum's the hardass, but I just wanna see it in action with full voiceover tbh. I don't really expect much in regards to DEEP deep storytelling—most of the actual character-building is made by fic writers tbh—but I just wanna see enough that I can think on it a bit. But really I just mainly want more of the Bombastic humour and the amazing one-liner delivery the vas do

It BETTER get better man, I was supposed to get dinner w my bestie tomorrow AND I'm going to Megan's Hot Girl Summer tour next week mannnnnn........I do hope management fixes their shit up too cuz they're being atrocious atm 😭😭😭

[silverware-is-interesting]

Info post

Please do not repost my art.

Some stuff about me

Usually I just go by silver, call me silverware if you want to, or my username, it's not that important. i use they/it/vi, i'm aroace, and a minor

I type weird. i dunno why. (I think it's at least partially due to tumblr tags. :/ ) i talk in tags a lot sometimes

the ask box is always open, for questions, random things, or requests. idrc. just send random things, esp if we're mutuals :)

ALSO! I have (admittedly, it looks terrible [because i didn't really try]) a strawpage now. you can send notes or drawings. AND have a link to my marvelous spotify playlist. because uh. idk. why not.

i rb things on @silverwares-reblogs (veery creative naming, i know.)

(cut so people don't have to scroll pas this like it's a brick wall on my blog)

---

Tags I'll use

#silverware's art

for my art, it's pretty self explanatory

#silverware's shenanigans

anything not art related, this will be the tag i use for it (also the tag i use for my rb account)

#silverware's ocs

for when i post my ocs, not including fandom ocs, might start including fandom ocs

---

#silverwarre's collection - [oc name]

this is just to organize my ocs. that i don't post often... (tumblr has not seen probably over half of them-)

Some things I like

Shows, games, n other things like that

mainly object shows atm (II, BFDI, AB, ITFT, Showvember, one, TNM, BURNER, LOTS, GOB, CTBC/C2BC + a couple more, but those mainly)

Kinitopet

Undertale/Deltarune

Dialtown

+ a lot more, but mainly those

Music

(The main ones, no specific order)

Will Wood [and The Tapeworms], Lemon Demon , Tally Hall, Miracle Musical, LuLuYam, Toby Fox, Sodikken, I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME, and OST's from things i like (musicals, games, shows)

+ more :]

(Other's i quite enjoy and think are worth mentioning, not specific order)

Melanie Martinez, Chonny Jash, Oingo Boingo, Ghost and Pals, atsuover, Ricky Montgomery, Stomach Book, The Crane Wives, MARINA

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That SHOULD be it for now! I'll update this from time-to-time, but not too often.

[lucysweatslove]

TW/Content warning re: domestic violence, IPV, questioning. May be v. triggering for victims/survivors of DV and IPV especially those who were not believed. (btw it is NOT about me directly; I am in a loving and generally healthy relationship and I have never personally experienced DV (as a side-side note, one of my best friends has, we helped her get out))

So. My sister is visiting my parents atm. My mom's family reunion thing is going on rn and my sis drove up to attend. (I have just barely started to feel like Me again after Rural Site Adventure, hence opting out).

Background, p 1: my family has a fam friend we'll call N. N was a past student of my mom's, I think potentially a past client but I can't fully remember the story there. She is "in between" my parents' age and mine/my sister's- I'm not sure if she's technically a young Gen X or an older Millennial, but just to give some context regarding age. My family gave her a lot of support when she was getting her life set up, including financial support in the form of interest-free loans. When my little sis was tiny (she is very much Gen Z, still in high school), N lived with us and would help out a ton around the house, with child care, even doing things like chaperoning my dates when I was in high school. There was a bit of a blow-up idk how long ago where my mom felt like N was mothering my little sis too much and boundaries were getting mixed up, and then idk when but then they made up. I've been mostly out of the house for 12 years and totally living away from them for like 9 years, so I don't remember a lot of the specifics.

Background, p 2: My parents' relationship is not great. The gist is: a lot of infidelity from dad and my mom has a lot of emotional lability for as long as I can remember. She can get pretty mean and is prone to a lot of emotional manipulation and tactics like gaslighting, goalpost-moving, triangulation with me + my older sis, guilt-tripping, diminishing others' experiences... i mean we all do these things from time to time, but she does them very often and only on the VERY rare occasion does she take responsibility (I am not saying my dad's infidelity was caused by my mom's emotional lability or that it set off the emotional lability, and I'm not excusing anybody's behaviors; I think all of this is super multi-factorial). Early on when I was in college, before I really knew much, my dad sat us all down (with my mom, after talking with her) and confessed to his infidelity + said he was considering divorcing mom to be with the woman he was cheating with. I laid into him basically saying that running away from all of us wouldn't solve whatever lead to his cheating and make him happy. He already is once divorced (idk why/what happened with his prior marriage, he hadn't yet met my mom even so that wasn't it). I told him maybe he needs to figure out what HE needs to change rather than flitting around from person to person hoping it'll work out. He decided to stay, they went to therapy, there have been no signs of further incidence (not that it's impossible, but my mom also monitors everything his does including his whereabouts via his phone 24/7). Though my mom will say she's forgiven him, she doesn't act like it- and I get trust has been broken, but it extends further to like, financial control, eg, refusing to let my dad who is actually considered elderly now retire, won't let him buy a new speaker system while my mom takes multiple long international trips. And my parents are well-off. They have the money for all of that.

Okay now the issue.

Apparently N was talking with my sister and mentioned something about Mom and domestic violence. My sis asked if I've ever heard any of their issues phrased like that- and no, never. That alone doesn't mean much - although my mom has called BOTH of us in tearful crisis-mode before and has shared more than I think is appropriate, DV is like the one thing many victims/survivors hide and never actually speak up about.

But... my mom is not shy with her body around any of us. Not a nudist, but has no issue changing while talking with us, going to the bathroom with doors open. She has never "hidden" her body in any way at home. She will hide sometimes (choosing baggier clothing, longer sleeves or lengths) when she is out in public, but I think this is partly Mormon modesty and partly body image issues, as again, she has never taken any precautions to hide her body around us kids. In all my memorable life, I have never not once seen unexplained injuries on my mom. I have seen a few small bruises on legs or arms and not known exactly where they have come- but honestly, I would see them after she was doing manual type labor like moving wood, working outside, reorganizing the pantry, moving heavy furniture... and never bruises in a weird pattern or suspicious location, never multiple bruises in different stages of healing.

I also don't sleep well and often don't have a good 24 hr sleep cycle. I don't think I'm non-24, but my sleep/wake cycles are highly variable. My little sister would have night terrors, too, and wake up from them not remembering but also needing help settling back to bed (she would come and get me or ask to sleep in my room frequently). Since I was the only other person upstairs, I stayed up to listen for her terrors so I could be there when she woke up and she wouldn't have to toddle around to find support. This means that during middle school and all throughout high school, I very rarely slept throughout the night. This also means I heard many many many fights between my parents. I have also quietly tiptoed down the stairs to see what tf was going on more times than I can count. I have never seen any signs of physical aggression from my father in these arguments. Definitely both sides are v guilty of emotional and verbal abuse, which is still abuse and is still a problem. I'm just saying I have never seen outward aggression (hitting, punching, kicking, flailing, throwing anything at all, breaking anything, etc) nor have I seen posturing or yelling. More times than not, if somebody even raised their voice, it was my mom.

When I was a child and spanking was still a think "experts" recommended (apparently), my mom would tell my dad to spank me for a punishment, and my dad couldn't do it and would pretend- he would whisper to me that he was going to put his hand palm-up and smack his own hand so it "looked" real if my mom was watching, and I was to scream and cry so it sounded real.

My dad was a vet before he was a psychiatrist. He left vet medicine in part because he was so sad every time he had to put down an animal, or see animals being mistreated. We had many animals growing up from dogs to hamsters and rats and guinea pigs to horses and bird and fish and cats. 0 signs of aggression with them- the worst thing is when he's really mad because a dog went potty in the house he'd get kinda gruff and grumble and swear.

This does not mean that my dad cannot ever be aggressive, or has not ever been aggressive. This does not mean that when I'm not around he acts the same way. I'm not saying it is impossible, or that my mom is definitely lying or "lying by omission" and hinting that the verbal abuse has extended to physical abuse too. I'm not saying things haven't been hidden from me.

I'm just saying... in my nearly 3 decades of life, I have not once seen my dad be truly aggressive. Even while drunk- he's not aggressive, he gets giggly and silly and then tired and falls asleep. My sisters (both of them) have not seen anything, any signs. Even looking back retroactively- nothing that we can say "omg maybe that was a sign we missed." In the patterns I've seen, including where my parents don't know I'm witnessing it, my dad is a huge pushover and my mom will show more signs of anger and aggression. I am getting weird vibes from all of this, and I'm legitimately concerned about why my mom is saying / insinuating these things.

Edit bc I forgot a part that I wanted to share but got too distracted.

My mom also has had some health stuff. She has MGUS which is kinda like a blood pre-cancer, specifically for her it’s like pre-multiple myeloma, but progression is slow and prognosis is overall good. But, this was discovered during workup for pernicious anemia. There’s no real known time frame for how long she had pernicious anemia. B12 deficiency (a main cause of pernicious anemia) can lead to a host of psych stuff including cognitive slowing, confusion, changes in memory, depression, and sometimes even delirium or acute psychosis. She did do B12 shots but it’s been a while since she’s done them, I think. But during that time, her memories were WEIRD. Like she would mix up things between us kids frequently, invent random and totally benign memories (she was convinced I not only ran track in 4th/ 5th grade but was really good at it, when reality was I tried to get out of running in PE because it hurt my throat/burned to breathe while running).

When she was a child, there was also possibly some DV in the home? It’s kind of unclear what exactly happened, but it’s a real possibility. My granny had some form of psychosis at one point- again not sure exactly because this was a long time ago (my mom’s a boomer) but I was told had a gyn condition that would cause her hallucinate/send her into an acute psychotic state, and once she had a hysterectomy, she was better. There was speculation it was ovarian cysts (per my mother; also, not PCOS) but never a confirmation. I have had a burst ovarian cyst that sent me to the hospital and I thought I was dying from the pain, but no psychosis. Anyway. My sis and I wonder if she had a teratoma and had autoimmune encephalopathy.

The point tho, my granny would hallucinate something like dishes in the sink and tell my mom to do them, but there wouldn’t be any dishes to do. So then granny would think she was blatantly disobedient, and punishment back then sometimes was corporal. I don’t have details from my mom, so I don’t know what happened, but we now know that any corporal punishment is detrimental and essentially DV, so regardless of how far it went, it’s problematic.

So, what I’m getting at: my mom has historically had B12 deficiency bad enough to have serious pernicious anemia, and my sis and I noticed a major cognitive shift around that time. She would mix up memories all the time. Since she’s had it before, she could develop it again. And that could lead to increased irritability, cognitive change, MEMORY issues. And she likely has very real DV memories.

Me, wanting to see best in everybody bc I’m just the perfect picture of an optimist (sarcasm), wonders: what if my mom currently has pernicious anemia and B12 deficiency again to the point her memory and cognition are all kinds of messed up, and she’s confusing her real memories from her childhood with my dad? Especially if the same feelings (eg powerlessness) came up.

[stateswscarlet]

hi scarlet this could seem like a stupid q, and im not rlly in this situation atm but my brain was pondering over it yesterday nd i wanted to know ur thoughts on it

If two people are manifesting the exact same person to get w them, what would happen?? Like obvs there r multiple states and realities coexisting at once, so there would be a reality where person A has this person, and person B does too

Would that mean that there would also be a reality where both people have the same person lol?? It's confusing to me. Would both person A and B get the same person but like.. the person has a twin or smth idk 😓

lmk ur thoughts im kinda confused w this, ty

no one else can “manifest” in ur reality. even if u think they are, its still only you. even if they “get” ur sp its still u giving it to them. only you get it in ur reality.

why worry so much ab whats in other realities? just focus on having ur sp now. it doesnt matter what others are doing elsewhere u will never experience that.

[lowkeychenle]

see my sea is my comfort fic fr like i love the trope of mc being anti romance due to prior experiences and love interest changes the fact ,, i enjoy them cos i relate to it n then the other reason is bc its chenle ?? theres a lack of GOOOOD written works for him (or any written works for that matter) (i mean like aside from like 7drm headcanons n reactions, theres not tew many chenle x reader in comparison to the other dreamies)

so the fact that your blog is enriched w chenle works = immediate follow

+ oh and ur chenle smut is so good too?? = post notifs on! literally digging thru the chenle smut tag is sooo 😐😐 so i can only rely on u my friend 😔 thank u 4 ur service<3

i would like to reiterate how much i love ur jaemle series as a fellow jaemle stan..... pretty sure i sent u an ask about it and your guidelines surrounding it but idk if i ever sent it bc i was half asleep (no like actually frl lmao) or if tumblr ate my ask

i also was the anon who asked ab emoji anons n oh i def would love to (/gen) but idk how much i'd be interacting cos im in a bit of a mental rut atm so my social interaction is looowww. still supporting my fav blogs tho no worries, w rbs opposed to asks :<

all that being said , i was js curious ab ur current wips if u have any or if ur main focus is on 'is it over now' ? was wondering what we could expect from u is all, no pressure whatsoever!

HIIII <3 omg thank you for reading my work and loving it and also following me that's so cute :')

I've received a couple asks about the Jaemle series and I do plan on continuing it, I'm just not sure when lollll. I have a bunch of misc. smut ideas I'll be writing at some point. These next few months are super busy for me as I'm hoping to graduate in August this year, but that means I, unfortunately, do not have much writing time.

I hope you feel better soon for real :( mental ruts are the WORST I was just in one myself so make sure you take care of yourself <3 if you ever just want to chat, you're more than welcome to send me a message :)

Some of my current wips include:

Is It Over Now? - Chenle x Reader / Jisung x Reader! Based off of the song of the same name by Taylor Swift. This one is crazy and I'm still kinda questioning myself on how to end it (because I'm a chenle slut but how do you like...pivot on bad behavior idk)

Somewhere Else - ??? x Reader; lol I'm thinking Mark or Jaemin for this one. They seem to fit the picture in my head more than Chenle for this one unfortunately. Basically just an achingly fluffy piece with some smut in it lol

Stars Aligned - Chenle x Reader; basically Mastermind by Taylor Swift but he for sure knows the whole time and when the relationship becomes public (ex. gets exposed), things start to switch up

Several miscellaneous smuts that just pop into my head randomly. I have like 10 docs of just random smut scenes I haven't completed yet LOL

And then, of course, I have some text au reqs in my inbox I'm working on and my new smau titled Musically Inclined. That one is fun lol.

[hazeday]

Logging in to Tumblr simply to vent sorry I don't really want to talk about this anywhere else also sorry for not being online ever anymore my only online presence atm is solely on xiv 🫡 god bless.

It's been like. Three months? I think? Since starting hormones and idk I'm like. Going into the depressed phase about it which I think is normal around this stage. I think. Maybe. I was really excited still up until a week or two ago and it's just been a downhill sinking feeling of like. Yaaay nothing. Has changed. Like. There are very slight changes noticable in hair distribution on my body and I think the shape of my neck is slightly different but other than that. Idk it's starting to kinda get to me. I know like logically in my brain that it's a waiting game like I have know that as long as I have been aware of hormone replacement being an option. But idk I remember seeing a little comic the other day someone made about like, dressing "androgenous" for the first time in public and getting immediately gendered differently by a stranger and yeah I know it's a bad mentality to take shit like that personal of other people celebrating gender wins. But it really just reminded me that despite every effort I've ever made to change my appearance, all of the different styles of clothes and hair and makeup I've done in my life, and now even having some hormone therapy that this has still. Just never happened to me. And this ofc started a whole mental spiral of having realized in not too recent history but still grappling with the fact that a LOT of my dysphoria or rather specifically desire to be perceived as something different gender wise by the public is trauma based for me. It just makes me idk think about how much more comfortable I'd feel leaving my house. I dunno I know it's also just winter and whatnot but every year I come to terms more and more with the fact that my agoraphobia is 1. Getting worse 2. Based almost entirely in different forms of trauma, mostly the yk ab/se kind and abl/ism specifically. And it makes me feel! So bad! Because I feel like I'm missing out constantly on things. I want to get excited to go out and do things and generally just be outside of my house but I the fear associated with how people perceive my gender and the legitimate PTSD panic I have every time a curb isn't cut or my wheelchair doesn't fit in a door or strangers stare is like. So hard to communicate. Sorry I dont wanna go out guys I'm just acutely aware of everyone in the world wondering what's wrong with me and also feel like I'm not welcomed in the majority of spaces bc they are inaccessible. Also I'm constantly afraid of being assaulted by every stranger I encounter. 🤪 Which ofc just feed into each other of feeling physically helpless and vulnerable bc of my disability and then the moment a stranger misgenders me I'm like "oh yeah I'm like the easiest target on earth." Anyway this is incoherent as fuck once I figure out how to make strangers perceive my gender different and also how to walk it's over for all of you.