#think im going to be grieving bc of disability for a long time but i rly do feel like I’m losing so much

[bunnybisexual]

-

[haloburns]

i know the show is about bones and booth, technically

but hodgins and angela's love story is my favorite part of the show. they love each other wholly and unconditionally. its the kind of all encompassing love that i hope i have with my partner. they go thru hell, and still they stay together.

like their proposal??? hodgins fully accepting that angela isnt ready for proposal and marriage just yet and simply asking her to be his??? and her finally agreeing to marriage bc she needed to know he accepted her in all of her funky insanity???

AND THEN

they find out angela is still married and hodgins is like "cool. we'll find the broomstick guy and get ur marriage annulled so we can still get married." when MOST shows wouldce used that drama to have them break up or fight or whatever.

AND THEN

they get married in a jail cell. by the judge/barber.

and then when angie gets pregnant and michael vincent (rip) tells them that there's a chance their son could be blind, theyre like "okay. okay, we'll just. pivot. we'll deal with it." even as they grieve the life theyd already been dreaming of bc. well. they love each other, and they love their son, so everything else is inconsequential

and that is the theme of their love story. when pelant conpletely obliterates their funds (which. the way he did that was impossible. im still so angry about it. but thats another post), theyre devestated but theyre like "we'll deal. we'll switch to generic and take the bus. as long as we have each other, thats all that matters."

when hodgins is disabled in that explosion and paralyzed, even while he's angry and grieving, angie stays by him. she never ONCE lets hodgins think shell stop loving him just because his needs have changed. they change their WHOLE LIFE to make everything easier and accessible for him, and angie is just like "this is what i have to do for you and, yes its a burden, but its one i bear because i love you, i cant imagine my life without you."

they are the epitome of "its rotten work/not to me. not if its you." and it gets me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

[horizon-verizon]

Queen Alicent was outraged by Lord Velaryon’s “arrogance,” Munkun tells us, especially his demand that Queen Rhaenyra’s Aegon be named as heir to her own Aegon. She had suffered the loss of two of her three sons and her only daughter during the Dance, and could not bear the thought that any of her rival’s sons should live. Angrily, Her Grace reminded Lord Corlys that she had twice proposed terms of peace to Rhaenyra, only to have her overtures rejected with scorn. It fell to Lord Larys the Clubfoot to pour oil on the troubled waters, calming the queen with a quiet reminder of all they had discussed in Lord Baratheon’s tent, and persuading her to consent to the Sea Snake’s proposals. - Fire & Blood [the short, sad reign of Aegon II]

at this point, I'll personally put Alicent to sword istg. like this particular part:

She had suffered the loss of two of her three sons and her only daughter during the Dance, and could not bear the thought that any of her rival’s sons should live.

In the war she started! Like the fuck?! its her own fault. the gall to wish that 'non of her rival's sons should live' like ugh im so angry. Luke, Jace, Joffrey, Daemon, Rhaenyra, Rhaenys all dead, along with Alicent's sons, in the war she started. not to forget countless others noble born or common. And the dragons.

Rhaenyra was too good just too decent for the greens. should have put each and every green to sword when she took kings landing.

As far as we've seen of Rhaenyra, if she would have won, I think she would have taken Jaehaera under her wing like a decent person unlike what greens did to Aegon the younger and Lady Baela. Cruelty towards children is NOT Rhaenyra.

"Under her wing" vs making sure she's well taken care of, fostered under a specific lord/lady (bc as far as I know, monarchs don't and never foster), or becoming a lady-in-waiting are all different things. One implies a closer relationship than I think Rhaenyra could have been capable of with Jaehaera, since:

Rhaenyra was present enough to like Helana and refer to her as just her "sister" unlike her saying the rest were her "half-brothers". Still, Jaehaera would still be Aegon's daughter. And Rhaenyra lost 3 children, one of them a girl who never got to live at all (let's pretend the Storming never happened and Joffrey lived and Rhaenyra won it all) already by the time she took KL. Going by her passionate love and her already hot personality AND her grief-paranoia isolating her from people partially because she seemed to have felt too plied-on, I don't know if she'd be able to be around Jaehaera for long to endure that resentment/pain.

Jaehaera herself was mentally disabled and prone to crying. While seemingly sweet and obedient, I don't know if she'd be able to truly be able to emotionally connect with the busy/Queen Rhaenyra, especially concerning my point above. Not hate, just emotional distance.

Other than this, yes, I relate. I disliked Alicent for her words and behavior more than ever after the Dance ended. One may say that she grieved her kids and her losses and that is enough for us to not criticize her or be correct in saying that she was unforgivingly destructive or evil.

I say differently. That when Rhaenyra had Alicent in her clutches after KL--and she lost not one, but 2 sons and a daughter by the greens while only putting Alicent in chains--Rhaenyra did not act as Alicent did later. Which was to kill or maim children or Alicent herself. And Alicent tried 2x.

CORRECTION/EDIT 9/8/23: Maelor & Jaehaera were out before Rhaenyra could really know they were gone by Larys' orders. Aegon the Elder & Aemond are not children [she did order these deaths]; Daeron is 15-16 at this time & "leading" the Hightower army with his uncle the Lord of such house. I think she included Daeron in this order of execution & it's a bit of a grey area bc her own sons were all 16 & under as Jace still participated in a battle/died AND Daeron was actively fighting for his own side and thus was an enemy. He would have to be eliminated whether he was 15 or 16. Plus as 16 yr olds were "legal" adults in Westeros. Helaena was in Rhaenyra's custody and half mad, but Rhaenyra both saw no threat in her as she was never actually trained to be and already liked her alive her hostile, openly misogynist & murderous brothers, so Helaena was in no danger from Rhaenyra herself. Therefore there were no kids for Rhaenyra to hurt except maybe Jaehaerys (except we don't know if she knew/allowed Daemon to send B&C). Some of those kids were out of her reach to hurt, some were not "kids". But her reasoning for going after Alicents sons was that they were active hostile agents against her, which I think is enough for a justification of execution. Aegon III however did nothing and would do nothing to Alicent other than being her former rival's child. END OF EDIT

Aemond killed Luke. To keep his crown that he took from Rhaenyra and ALL of her own kids, Aegon II, and the greens also caused Jacaerys to die in a battle that never should have happened in the first place. It was one of those moments where I wish I could reach into a book/tv and knock someone out.

[caz-is-gay]

so. currently actually sobbing bc i made the horrible decision to look through techno’s channel. i saw the gravity mod vid he posted after the announcement that he had cancer. i remember being so happy. sbi content! god. i still haven’t watched the video. yknow the one. a year ago i tried to watch squids video on part of the potato war. i didnt get 3 mins in b4 i heard his voice (he was celebrating!! he was happy!) and started crying. maybe in a decade ill be able to watch it and smile. and ill be able to watch the new one, and old ones and laugh like i used to. i looked through the community posts. he really loved birds, didnt he? i feel so bad for his dad.

june 2022. worst month of my life i think. everything happened at once. on june 1st lizzy was over. i was so desperately in love with her. still in denial about the inevitable friend zone. we went to zydecos grad party! she left halfway through to call her ex. they got back together. the facade was broken. obviously she didn’t like me back and anything romantic with her is a pipe dream. (i mean who would ever love to be attracted to an ugly fat pig like me?) so lizzy is over. im trying to ignore the heartbreak. then i hear the news. techno died. my sister hears it from a friend and tells me. the ppl we have over dont get it. they dont get why it hits me so hard, and god i dont want to explain it. so i pretend im fine. keep hosting, keep being nice. every second is agony! i cry myself to sleep. that had stopped a few months ago. i wasnt suicidal anymore but god. 2 weeks later im starting to back to *normal* levels of summer break depression. my dad finds out. he loved techno. im gone again. my mom fonds out, she doesn’t know who he is., doesn’t know the other 3 ppl at the table have already been grieving. shes lost so many to cancer. “did you hear about that minecraft youtuber who died of cancer? he was only 23, its so sad” i didnt know what to say. “yes i watched him everyday for 4 years his videos were the only thing that could get me to sleep when i started having suicidal thoughts if not for him i wouldn’t be here and now he dead.” yeah.

i still didn’t get over lizzy for months. fantasizing about a life with her was my escape. it was unrealistic and i couldn’t think about her like that anymore. then my dad brought covid home from work. june 23rd, my mom almost dies. thats the worst day of my life. it was mcc day. i was watching it on my tv, because my dad went to see his parents and mom was sick. she had been in bed for days. she got sick a lot. she had bronchitis for 10 years at this point. i was taking care of her. she was obviously delirious. asking me to pour water on her because she was so hot. i didnt know what to do. i waited for so long. i couldn’t deal with this right now i needed to de stress not have more. it got too much, i called my dad and he said she must have high blood sugar. fuck. i looked at her insulin log, nothing written for 2 days. fuck fuck fuck. he told me, if she cant draw her own blood for a reading, call 911. so we did. she could have died. if i waited any longer she could have passed out and stopped breathing. she went to the hospital. medically induced coma, intubated. she had told us many times shed rather die than be on a ventilator. none of us mentioned it. she was in a coma for 2 weeks. woke up, had to be in vent for longer. she was finally extubated. she couldn’t talk but she managed to be sarcastic still. i had to hold back tears. best day of my life.

that month changed the course of my life forever. my disability was most likely caused by the mild covid infection i got b4 my mom got sick. my mom doesn’t have a fungal lung infection anymore. my parents are sleeping in the same room again, and going to therapy. my mom has a cgm and a cpap and is on top of her health.

i cant stand the sounds of artificial breathing after sitting next to her for so long. im more afraid of my future than ever. im still getting over my best friend (fuck being demiromantic man) and i am still crying over technoblade.

[pearlcages]

yeah i definitely agree that arizona's behaviour and amputation are interconnected, i just feel like hmm. the way some of the callie's bits of dialogue were written in s9 and early s10 were aimed at arizona's disability ('you aren't even sick anymore' + 'i haven't had sex' and a couple more), and like the fact that she has a disabled wife is not bad or good, it is sort of just neutral and it's a fact now. i actually thought that in the scene where she is like 'this is my life too' she was frustrated that arizona was shutting her off when they are supposed to grieve together. how arizona copes with it and how callie copes with it, that isn't neutral. that IS bad/good. and i don't mean the difficulties that come with being disabled, which callie got annoyed at (for example not having sex, which is a valid thing to be dissapionted about but the way she expressed it was kinda terrible), i mean the way they communicate with each other. like callie being resentful of arizona lashing out at her doesn't mean she sees her disabled wife as a burden, but callie being resentful and not trying to fully comprehend why having sex is difficult for arizona does kind of paint this marrige as a burden to callie. and i do see how she would want everything to just go back to normal and not process it, but it just felt like their fights didn't dig deep enough to talk about the underlying issues, which is in character to some point, but it lasted for several seasons w/o resolution and like. i loved the break up scene in season 11, but it made no sense that we never saw the dialogue about why callie didn't want to do therapy earlier than that ep (im guessing it was because she wasn't ready to face all of their issues, but she did come back to arizona and they did work really hard to be in a good place in season 10, so it did seem like callie was more open to doing the work) + that therapist never explained to callie why they were doing 30 days and she was obviously not on board?? never made arizona explain why she needed those 30 days, and im sure it was because she was feeling kind of exhausted too

i honestly have issues with how callie is written, because all of her emotions and flaws are so valid, but some of the scenes with her are just terrible. like i don't believe she would be so oblivious as to say something like that, and if she was that's ok! but then i don't believe it's right to never have someone call her out on it, bc it doesn't send a good message. it feels like arizona's pain is sometimes made into a storyline for callie and it's just.. weird. like they had so many chances to resolve their issues, and instead it was like callie repeteadly confirming harmful messages ab disability/arizona's fears and more often than not we see callie's pov on that. IM SO SORRY THIS TURNED INTO A RANT

okay honestly my first question is just how do you get your asks so long??? everyone else in my inbox has to break them up into three or four parts so this is genuinely impressive. loving this rant moment you're having though

and honestly, yes, completely, for callie it was absolutely about being shut out, but i think that how it's written and validated in the narrative of the show sends the message to both arizona and the audience that this is about arizona's disability, and it's not necessarily wrong to interpret it that way because that's how it's being posed to us in the audience. which i think is kind of what you're saying here, right?

ultimately, i genuinely believe callie just wants to help. you just can't expect someone like arizona to accept help in a time as traumatic as s9

wrt the communication issues within their relationship, it's SO strange that their breaking point was the conversation about when to have a second child and they never considered therapy prior to this. there's very little explanation for most of what happens emotionally in their marriage, so a lot of the time we just have to infer. we know that they're fighting, and sometimes we know what they're fighting about, but mostly we just get this vague general sense that things are bad

also arizona is totally written as a love interest until at least s12, maybe even s13 and that totally leads to a lack of depth in her emotional arcs. everything arizona goes through is told through the lens of how it impacts callie which is weird and unbalanced for people who enjoy them both equally.