#thicc ric for the tag?

[dannyric333]

😳

via motorsportimages

[placetobenation]

Honesty.

Let’s be honest with ourselves WWE Universe. The WWE has let us down.

With a chance to lead the way through the pandemic with fun, entertaining and new advances for their shows, talent and superstars, it seems like the WWE creative team has just chosen to take the Summer off. It’s too bad, because they are wasting a valuable opportunity. And now, with MLB, NBA and NHL all back playing as we head into August and the NFL ready to head back to training camps, the eyeballs are even more split on what to watch.

For the past five months, we’ve all been looking to watch the next WOW on TV and digital screens. The WWE could’ve used the opportunity to be fresh, innovative and edgy, things they’ve been known for in the past. Yet, it’s been show after show of the same ol’ predictable and formulaic shows.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the in-ring product has always been phenomenal. Let’s not take anything away from the women and men in the squared circle. It’s what they do to tell the story that’s been lacking. Let’s be honest again, the person with the best told story of the Summer has been Randy Orton. And after that, it’s been the Summer of Sasha and Bayla leading their own women’s revolution as the game’s best! It’s amazing that we’ve been met with 50-50 booking that have seen stars like Angel Garza, Andrade, Apollo Crews get stuck in mid-card status. There were a few signs of positivity which you’ll see in the show recaps, but there needs to be more!

Why the WWE has never come clean with its audience on the COVID-19 pandemic is beyond me! Why not tell people why Roman Reigns, Kevin Owens (at times), Crews, Renee Young and others haven’t been on TV. It’s ok to let us see behind the curtain folks! It would humanize and freshen the content. Plus, hearing Reigns talk about sacrificing his own career for the health of his family is compelling content, something the WWE needs more, not less of these days.

If you don’t believe things have gotten stale, here’s a reminder – coming up next week, we’ve got three title rematches coming your way.

Finally, the look of the shows is the same each and every week. Dark, small and in the Performance Center makes it look like you’re hiding the product. Having the same NXT up-and-comers be stand-ins for crowd each and every show is better than nothing, but could be improved. I do LOVE the “you suck” chants though!

I want the WWE to go back to having fun and not caring so much about every little thing affecting sponsors. Be bold, have common sense and take care of the details. With those changes, we could all be back loving the WWE again.

Honestly.

Horror Show at Extreme Rules – Recap I’m not going to waste too much time with this one. I’ll say this. The in-ring stuff was fine, especially with Drew McIntyre/Dolph Ziggler and Asuka/Sasha Banks before the end. The booking was terrible. Why ruin Asuka vs. Sasha with a ref bump (or mist!)? Why have an Eye for an Eye Match end with no eye being taken out? Why have Apollo Crews (rumored to have tested positive for COVID-19) out with an “injury” instead of telling the truth? Why have a Swamp Match include Alexa Bliss when she wasn’t there in the beginning with Braun Strowman (the Mixed Match Challenge was later)? Common sense was thrown out the window folks! And we’ll leave it at that.

STAR OF THE WEEK – Kairi Sane – We may not know how long she’s going to stay here in the United States as rumors of her returning to Japan are out there, but her win over Bayley is a highlight to be proud of! She’s been a bundle of excitement and a wonderful side kick to Asuka in the Kabuki Warriors. Thank you Kairi Sane!

Honorable Mention: Montez Ford and his unforgettable frogsplash to beat Angel Garza & Andrade was breathtaking! That dude is a future World Champion!

RAW

RESULTS

Seth Rollins defeated Aleister Black

Shelton Benjamin defeated R-Truth to win 24/7 Championship

Mustafa Ali, Ricochet & Cedric Alexander defeated Bobby Lashley, MVP & Shelton Benjamin

Ruby Riott defeated Peyton Royce

Non-Title RAW Tag Team Championship Match: The Street Profits defeated Andrade & Angel Garza

Unsanctioned Match: Randy Orton defeated The Big Show

Loved It:

Rollins vs. Black – A great back and forth and a match I really thought Black was going to pull out.

Hated It:

When IS enough enough, @WWERollins?! #WWERaw pic.twitter.com/vGIuFEU9AS

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) July 21, 2020

Rollins vs. Black – What? No friends for Aleister Black?

Rollins’ lies – No Seth, we didn’t have any blood Sunday night and no we didn’t have an eye popped out of the socket of Rey Mysterio. Stop lying to us!

Welcome back:

This GIF will live forever.#WWERaw @AliWWE pic.twitter.com/eFQUC64pvy

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) July 21, 2020

Mustafa Ali – We haven’t seen Ali for months and it was awesome to see his athleticism return to Monday night! A win over MVP was a welcome sight too instead of the predictable job out of late for the team of Ricochet & Cedric Alexander.

SHE HAS SPOKEN.@StephMcMahon rules that @WWEAsuka and @SashaBanksWWE will compete for the #WWERaw #WomensTitle NEXT WEEK … and Sasha can lose by pinfall, submission, countout, disqualification, or even if anyone 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴. pic.twitter.com/qHn0P83ilI

— WWE (@WWE) July 21, 2020

Stephanie McMahon – Even if it was through video on the big screen, it was good to see Steph return to put the RAW’s Women’s Championship back on Asuka and set a championship match for this upcoming Monday night. Monday nights are always bigger and better when the Princess is around.

AIN'T NO STOPPIN' HIM NOW.@Sheltyb803 just pinned @RonKillings to become the NEW #247Champion! #WWERaw pic.twitter.com/ChBAXgXqsE

— WWE (@WWE) July 21, 2020

Shelton Benjamin – Sure, he’s been around of late, but we welcome back to the Title picture with a 24/7 Championship victory over R-Truth. The Hurt Business is definitely in Shelton’s best interest as he joins ranks with MVP and Bobby Lashley.

Are they or aren’t they?

Andrade & Angel – Zelina Vega’s boys lost a non-title match to The Street Profits but say they are on the same page. I guess that meant they were on the same page to help Randy Orton take out The Big Show in the Unsanctioned Match and not in their own best interests. Their up and down weeks continue.

Meh:

Orton vs. Big Show – The buildup was better than the expected payoff, especially with no Ric Flair there.

Drew vs. Dolph II – Why exactly do we need it? As McIntyre said, he just beat Ziggler 24 hours ago.

NXT

RESULTS

Dexter Lumis defeated Killian Dain

Breezango defeated Ever-Rise

Shotzi Blackheart defeated Aliyah

NXT North American Qualifying Triple Threat Match: Bronson Reed defeated Johnny Gargano & Roderick Strong

Timothy Thatcher defeated Oney Lorcan

Karrion Kross defeated Dominik Dijakovic

Opportunity reigns:

NXT North American Title – With Keith Lee giving up his North American Championship, NXT is the land of opportunity (sorry SmackDown) as we’re getting a bevy of triple threat matches over the next few weeks to decide who will get into the Ladder Match at NXT TakeOver: XXX in August to decide the next champion.

Bronson Reed – Very happy to see Reed get his shot in the spotlight after his tasty triple threat victory over Johnny Gargano & Roderick Strong. Match of the night as Reed takes out two of NXT’s best in a very entertaining match. Anytime a big man like that comes flying off the top rope – WATCH OUT!. Well done Thicc Boi!

#Bronson2020 #WWENXT #NXTTakeOver @bronsonreedwwe pic.twitter.com/9gjoMDzsPo

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) July 23, 2020

.@WWEKarrionKross just made it PERSONAL. #WWENXT @RealKeithLee pic.twitter.com/V2ml418PZK

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) July 23, 2020

Kross vs. Lee – Diggin’ the slow build to Karrion Kross vs. Keith Lee for the NXT Championship. Having Lee watch Kross take out his BFF Dominik Dijakovic makes this personal right from the get go. Making the physicality wait makes it more and more worth the wait!

Nod to the Mountie:

Breezango – Nice touch by Breezango with the tribute to The Mountie before a win over Ever-Rise. Tyler Breeze and Fandango never fail to entertain in and out of the ring! A perfect fit in NXT is there for them.

Don’t get:

Timothy Thatcher – Count me as one who just doesn’t get the gimmick. Is there something I’m missing? Shouldn’t he have a bunch of minions by now to teach and be followed by?

Solid:

Shotzi vs. Aliyah – Shotzi is a sure bet week in and week out and Aliyah is getting better as well. Down the road, we need a hair match of Shotzi vs. Sasha too! And yes, give me more tank shots!

The brand gets bigger:

WOW. @RealMMartinez has officially joined The #RobertStoneBrand!#WWENXT @RobertStoneWWE @WWE_Aliyah pic.twitter.com/ogGnPvfCw0

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) July 23, 2020

Mercedes Martinez – Sure, The Robert Stone Brand snagged a big fish in Martinez, but we all know it’s only a matter of time before she’s kicking his ass for a big misstep!

SMACKDOWN

RESULTS

Nikki Cross defeated Alexa Bliss – Cross wins shot at Bayley’s SmackDown Championship next week

Matt Riddle defeated Tony Nese

Fatal Four-Way Match: Gran Metalik defeated Shorty G, Drew Gulak and Lince Dorado to win shot at AJ Styles Intercontinental Championship next week

Bar Fight: Jeff Hardy defeated Sheamus

Loved it:

Last call for @WWESheamus.@JEFFHARDYBRAND wins the Bar Fight on #SmackDown! pic.twitter.com/oDyEPnZlXT

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) July 25, 2020

The Bar Fight – Sure, my expectations for it were low, but it had me hooked! I would’ve done without the commercial interruption too! But, all in all, it was a very good way to end a pretty good SmackDown. Jeff Hardy exercising his demons, complete with his face paint and evil eyes, flying off a ladder (of course Jeff Hardy finds a ladder in the storage closet!) to get the three count after the Swanton is fitting! Now, it should be time for Hardy to move on to a new feud, maybe for the I-C Title with Styles? I did like the little nod to Matt Hardy having to delete his WWE career too.

Looking forward:

.@AlexaBliss_WWE continues to PUNISH the injured ribs of @NikkiCrossWWE on #SmackDown! An opportunity at the SmackDown #WomensTitle is ON THE LINE! pic.twitter.com/mYQZpRapqa

— WWE (@WWE) July 25, 2020

Bliss vs. Cross – It was amusing to see Bayley pit Alexa Bliss against Nikki Cross for a shot at her title next week. It was fun to see the besties go at it again. Somehow, me thinks there’s a Little Miss Bliss heel turn coming that will cost her BFF another title shot next week. Well, at least I’m hoping. Because otherwise, I’m not that excited about another Bayley vs. Cross match.

A King’s Ransom – Love that King Corbin put out the King’s Ransom for anyone to put down Matt Riddle. There’s nothing like a good bounty in wrestling. Just ask the likes of Harley Race and Ric Flair!

"It's your time." – @TrueKofi to @WWEBigE #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/cTL3ZIVnRP

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) July 25, 2020

Big E – With Kofi Kingston’s injuries from the tables match at Extreme Rules putting him on the shelf for six weeks, it’s time for Big E to make a big-time title run! #PutYourMeatOnMyMeat

Fun in a Fatal Four-Way – Congrats to Gran Metalik for winning an I-C Title match next week against AJ Styles. He has no chance of winning but it will be a good match. Plus, the four-way got a tease of Drew Gulak vs. Shorty G too, which would entertain for us wrestling fans!

Reality:

Naomi in MizTV – Finally a little reality into the mix. Bringing Naomi’s #NaomiDeservesBetter internet squabble to TV. As we said at the top, the WWE has gotten far too predictable and formulaic during the pandemic instead of using it to try new things. Here’s hoping we continue moving forward.

Disappointing:

“It’s 𝙃𝙄𝙎 turn now. 𝙃𝙀 has been unleashed.” #SmackDown @WWEBrayWyatt pic.twitter.com/hAo84L8K2w

— WWE (@WWE) July 25, 2020

Firefly Fun House – Showing no ill effects from the Swamp Match, Bray Wyatt is fresh as a daisy for a new episode of the Firefly Fun House. And yet, Wyatt says The Fiend is unleashed? We’ve heard that before and yet it’s like he’s been muted lately. A wonderful gimmick has been neutered when he should run roughshod over the entire WWE. Well, we can dream, right?!

Where ya been?

Mandy & Otis – Did we really need a rehash? Maybe you could just tell us where Mr. Money in the Bank has been right? Instead, I’m sure we’ll get some more non-sense next Friday night.

Daniel Bryan – Did someone lock him in the writer’s room?

Parting Shots:

Welcome back Kayla Braxton! We’re happy to see her on TV healthy again after beating COVID-19. Up next, here’s hoping we see Renee Young soon as well.

Upcoming this week:

RAW: RAW Women’s Championship Match: Asuka vs. Sasha BanksWWE Championship Match – McIntyre picks the stipulation: Drew McIntyre vs. Dolph Ziggler

Timothy Thatcher.@DexterLumis. You've been warned.@FinnBalor has his eyes on the #WWENXT #NorthAmericanTitle. pic.twitter.com/e1u2GlOkCF

— WWE (@WWE) July 23, 2020

NXT: NXT North American Qualifying Triple Threat Match: Finn Balor vs. Dexter Lumis vs. Timothy Thatcher

SMACKDOWN: SmackDown Women’s Championship Match: Bayley vs. Nikki Cross Intercontinental Championship Match: AJ Styles vs. Gran Metalik Naomi vs. Lacey Evans

Thanks for letting us share our thoughts! Shoot me an email at jcrowe567@gmail.com. We’d love to hear your comments and suggestions! You can also check out my blog, The Crowe’s Nest as we delve into more pro wrestling, sports entertainment and the World of Sports. My apologies ahead of time – I AM a Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins fan! If you’re not down with that, I’ve got TWO WORDS for you… NEW ENGLAND

[welcometowcwmondaynitro]

WCW Monday Nitro 29/07/1996

 Here we go boys and girls...

You know, I just realised I have no idea what that “Q” shape in the top right hand corner actually means. To Google! 

OK well, I had a brief check and I still don’t know. Answers on a postcard. 

Something else I just noticed...

Hogan’s screaming face right next to a building that says “prescriptions”... I don’t think I need to comment any further.

“WCW Monday Nitro ignites once again!” screams Tony Schiavone as we get a high shot of the WCW set at Universal.

The magic kingdom has never been more magical.

As always we are welcomed by Mr Schiavone and “Living Legend” Larry Zbyszko. They’re both wearing Mickey Mouse shirts which is somewhat appropriate. Larry doesn’t look best pleased about it.

Tony informs us that there are two title matches tonight. The Giant will be defending his World Heavyweight title against Arn Anderson, whilst Rey Mysterio Jr will be defending his cruisweight title against Eddie Guerrero. I’m guessing one of those matches is going to be far more entertaining than the other. Tony also hypes the American Males Vs the Steiner Brothers, but... meh. The American Males suck. 

Tony brings up that WCW has recently been under attack from the New World Order. Larry refers to them as the “new world odor”. Very clever, Larry. Zbszko says the nWo are in control and picking their spots. Really they’re just being allowed to do pretty much whatever they want. WCW could have these guys thrown out in their asses for all sorts of shit, but nope. Nobody ever questions why.

We go to footage that Tony says was sent to them (not established by who) of Hall and Nash standing outside some kind of building looking a little bit high.

Next up we see footage of Luger and Sting coming out the back of some arena. Apparently this is a WCW Saturday Night taping. I assume the Outsiders filmed this footage or had somebody film it for them, as you can hear them saying mostly unintelligible shit in the background. Luger gets called away, leaving Sting by himself. 

At this point the Outsiders attack Sting from behind, shove him half way into the boot of a car and slam the door onto his back. They then beat Sting up some more before running off. This is all being filmed. Larry and Tony express minor disgust, as if they aren’t literally watching a guy getting the shit beaten out of him on tape, and say it’ll be dealt with at the Hog Wild PPV. 

Obviously another way to deal with it would be to, I don’t know, send this tape to the police? A blatant, pre-meditated assault filmed in its entirety before and after. You aren’t going to get much more clear-cut evidence. But, y’know, wrestling.

Tony calmly states that Sting is OK and suffered “minor injuries”. Well, that’s fine then. 

Some vaguely old school Western movie music plays and out comes the former Mauler, Mike Enos, aka one half of the worst named team in the world, “Rough ‘n’ Ready”. I think he was Ready.

His opponent is the ultra patriotic numbskull Jim Duggan. “Not Hacksaw” sighs Larry, and I’m with you living legend. Why? Why?

Mike “Ready” Enos Vs “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

What a way to start the show. And yes, that was heavy, heavy sarcasm. For fuck’s sake. Couldn’t we have started with Rey Vs Eddie? Maybe just not had this match at all?

There are some contrasting emotions in the crowd as Hacksaw comes out...

The guy on the right seems happy to see Duggan. The guy on the left looks like me when I realised who was coming out. Come to think of it, I think that guy on the right was the dude aggressively booing Konnan last time. Loves ultra patriotic Jim Duggan, hates Mexican konnan to the point where it looked like his head was about to explode... pretty sure this guy is now a Trump supporter. I’ve just dated this blog, but for reference we’re in 2018, so that’s a relevant thought for at least another few years.

The crowd start chanting “USA” straight away. I think they’re both from the States so it’s not a chant that favours either man. Hacksaw is instantly furious, for some reason, and wants to start beating up Enos before the bell event rings.

The ref is like “bro, bro... calm down. We’re at Disneyworld.”

Duggan clotheslines Enos over the top rope after about a minute. Remember how last week Norton got disqualified for doing the exact same thing to Dave Taylor? No such luck here. Damn it.

I notice Enos has “Rough and Ready” on the back of his sleeveless jacket..

.What’s the snake meant to represent? Are snakes known for being rough or ready?

Enos and Hacksaw give each other some pretty nasty looking headbutts...

What’s funny is that Enos’s headbutt was more of a leaning his head in and pushing, whereas Hacksaw just went charging in there and smashed their heads together. Looked brutal. Also Hacksaw is fucking thick. And I don’t mean “thicc”, I just mean thick. Stout. Rotund.

Larry repeats his “new world odor” phrase for about the fifth time already. It’s not that original or funny Larry, give it a rest.

Look how empty the front row is. Where the hell is everybody? Normally that front row is full, and usually with really strange people too. I wonder if the black guy in the bottom left still has his “hulkster” shirt, or whether that’s now been disposed of...

Enos is putting on this really shitty looking chinlock.

It doesn’t look remotely painful. He’s literally just cupping Hacksaw’s chin in his hands. I mean, to go from those brutal headbutts to this is silly. This goes on forever. Even Larry basically says the chinlock is bullshit and not being applied properly.

This match has been going on for about 6 minutes and Duggan looks like he’s run a marathon.  

Duggan comes off the ropes and goes for a roll up...

Did not want or need to see Enos’s arse crack, thanks. Sometimes I wonder if WCW understand their audience is predominantly heterosexual males. I mean, between this and that baywatch-esque clip from a few shows ago with Jim “Jobber” Powers, Alex Wright, etc stripping off their clothes in slow motion... I’m starting to wonder.

Tony actually calls attention to the four empty seats in the front row and wonders whether they’re for the new world order. I suppose it’s possible, and I can’t blame them for deciding against watching this classic.

Match ends when Enos is arguing with the ref, allowing Duggan to tape up his fist and crack Enos over the head.

Check out the black guy in the upper right. He’s loving this way more than I am.

“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan defeats Mike “Ready” Enos via Pinfall.

Expert shit-stirrer Mean Gene is in the ring to interview Duggan. 

Poor Hacksaw looks like he’s ready to go to bed.

Okerlund asks Hacksaw for his opinion on the nWo. Not sure why anybody would be particularly interested in what Duggan has to say on the subject, but whatever. Hacksaw gets unusually serious as he asks people to listen. 

Hacksaw asks “Hulk, what have you done?” 

He reminds Hogan about the kids who look up to him, and brings up going with Hogan to the make-a-wish and special olympic events. Duggan asks why Hogan would turn his back on everything he loved, and everyone that loved him. Duggan says Hogan has held his children, and the first word his oldest child said was “hulkster”. That’s not weird at all. Duggan says “Hulkster, you’re a great technical wrestler” - lol - “but I don’t want to wrestle ya, I wanna beat ya up”. Broadly the same thing but OK. Gene says, referring to Hogan, “if you put a good apple into a basket of bad apples... enough said”. I guess so.

Hacksaw’s promo here was actually pretty good. He conveyed his emotions well, and his facial expressions really sold what he was saying as genuine. Just a shame I had to watch a match with him involved first.

We see footage of Arn creepily peering into a random limo last week...

Totally normal behaviour.

WCW loves showing this shot of Mickey. Maybe they were contractually obliged to do it.

Ric Flair’s music hits, and out come three of the four horsemen, plus the ladies.

As of yet no explanation has been given for Flair’s no-show last week. The horsemen don’t seem overly bothered by it though. 

Sting’s theme music hits, and out come the Stinger, Lex Luger, and the Macho Man.

I’ll admit to having a bit of a soft spot for the “Man Called Sting” theme song. I actually like a lot of those older WCW songs - Man Called Sting, Steinerized, American Made... I have an eclectic taste in music. Don’t judge me.

Tony repeats that Sting only suffered “minor injuries” after being attacked and he thinks the Outsiders were “just trying to send a message”. Uh, no. If they were sending a message they maybe would have shoved him over, or yelled some threats, or something else vaguely threatening. The pair of them quite literally punched Sting repeatedly and slammed a car boot against his back. I love how the commentators don’t see this as anything major. Just another day in the crazy world of wrestling. Larry calls it “a game of chess”. Most people would call it criminal assault.

Well anyway, these guys waste no time, a brawl starts...

And the match is on.

Ric Flair, Steve McMichael & Chris Benoit Vs Sting, Lex Luger & Macho Man

The match starts with mostly brawling outside of the ring. Sting and Flair are in the ring fighting for about twenty seconds but they’re soon out on the floor as well. We have to go to a break, and during that break we see...

Remember how I noted the dates had been dropping from the “coming soon” part of Glacier’s promo? Now even COMING SOON has gone. Maybe eventually it won’t even show “GLACIER” any more, it’ll just be the symbol in the background. Then a black screen. Then maybe it’ll just become a Mortal Kombat advert. Would have been a better idea than what eventually happened, but let’s forget about BLOOD RUNS COLD for now.  

We come back and the bell sounds. Things are finally under control.

We start off with Sting and Benoit. Sting takes charge and Benoit rolls over towards Flair and Mongo. Flair holds out his hand for a tag...

And comes in. Sting is going to tag Macho in but Flair knocks Macho off the apron before Sting can make a tag. Soon Flair and Savage are fighting on the floor, near that stupid unnecessary VIP table. The ridiculous candlestick in the middle gets knocked over...

Good. Although they’re lucky it wasn’t lit, or that shit could have ended up on fire. Meanwhile Savage picks up the bowl of fruit and dumps it onto Flair. 

Fruit all over the floor. What a waste.

Flair runs back into the ring but immediately eats a press slam from Sting.

As you can see, the crowd are loving it.

Macho gets tagged in, which leads Flair to drop to the outside and plant a kiss on Miss Elizabeth. This angers Macho who runs over, but gets caught out and double-teamed by Flair and Mongo. The advantage doesn’t last for long though, and soon Savage is back on top. Annoyed by how useless he is at fighting, Flair walks off.

Bye, then.

For some reason Flair stops walking away, sees Savage coming after him and just drops to his knees begging off. This never works and I don’t know why he didn’t just start running. Schaivone says Flair was trying to hide, but if so that was a pretty shitty place to try and hide. Savage throws Flair into the metal bleachers. As he leads Flair back to the ring, I’m sure I hear someone in the crowd say “Macho, put some cheese on it”. What? He might have said “Nacho” instead, so I guess that is kind of a burn, but... not really. I suppose it’s possible he was advising a friend how to best serve nachos, very loudly, and just happened to get picked up on camera. You gotta put cheese on nachos, no doubt.  

Next up Mongo and Luger are tagged in. Oh joy. The fans chant “Luger”. Say what you want about Lex, but until mid-1998 or so he was consistently over with WCW fans.

As Larry is talking about Mongo having “great teachers” in Flair and Anderson, Mongo completely botches running into the ropes and somehow falls through them.

Look at the faces on Lex, Benoit and Flair. W T Fuck? Mongo - unable to run the fucking ropes without botching, but still a member of the Four Horsemen. Both hilarious and tragic. The announcers cover for this by saying that Luger threw Mongo out of the ring through sheer strength. It’s not a bad save in fairness.

Thankfully Mongo tags back out to Flair, who is able to run the ropes without falling outside the ring. He just gets beaten up again though. Flair is just the worst fighter. He so rarely gets in any offence. Benoit comes in and kicks the shit out of Luger. Savage comes in and takes Benoit down, even though he isn’t the legal man. 

Tony mentions that the Dungeon of Doom have “literally” put a bounty on Benoit’s head. I assume that’s just to beat him in a wrestling match, not actually kill him, but it’s the Dungeon of Doom so... who fucking knows. It might be to shave Benoit’s entire body. According to the Giant that’s what the Dungeon like doing.

Flair takes a brutal superplex from Sting. 

That image is a second or so after they landed. Some serious impact. They both literally bounce up like they’re on a trampoline. Mongo is then tagged in again - uh oh spagettios. He basically clotheslines Sting in the corner, executes a tame looking backbreaker, and tags back out to Benoit. Good idea.

Eventually it’s back to Flair and Sting. Slick Ric puts Sting in the Figure Four.

Sting isn’t really selling it much. He looks mildly inconvenienced. Flair starts slapping Sting in the face.

This just annoys Sting, who ends up reversing the Figure Four. Flair tries locking it in again but Sting counters into a rollup.

Flair kicks out and tags in Benoit. The Crippler attacks Sting’s leg and hits him with a snap suplex. Sting kicks out at two. Benoit then puts Sting in a nasty looking Lion Tamer.

He struggles to get full extension on it due to the height difference but it still looks uncomfortable to say the least. 

Luger comes in and breaks the submission up. Benoit tags Flair back in. 

Suddenly Jimmy Hart comes running out, yelling at the cameraman that “we need help” and for him to “come to the back”. 

What good is a cameraman going to do if you need help? 

Drunk?

Well, regardless, the cameraman decides to listen to this lunatic and starts running towards the backstage area. Hart gets up on the apron and tries to get everybody’s attention.

Hilariously the wrestlers just totally ignore him, even though he’s going berserk on the apron. 

Hart finally gets Luger’s attention and yells at him that they need to get to the back.

Who’s on the bottom of Jimmy’s insane tie by the way? I want that tie.

We cut to the back where the cameraman has assumedly ended up, and we see Arn Anderson is down. Hall and Nash are hanging around with baseball bats.

Not sure what that stain is down by Arn’s foot. Not sure I want to know.

I love how these two are just smashing the shit out of people with baseball bats, and still... no thought to call the police. I feel like at this point these two could literally cave somebody’s head in with those bats, murder them live on TV, and Tony would say they’re “sending a message”, Larry would say it’s a “game of chess” - where you smash the fuck out of your opponent’s pieces, apparently - and they’d try to settle it at a PPV. 

Anyhow, the other guy laying on the ground is Marcus Bagwell. 

His tag team partner Scotty Riggs comes out and turns his back to the Outsiders, oblivious to the fact they are obviously the cause of his partner’s injury. What a dunce. He’s also standing like he’s got rickets. 

Hall cracks him over the head with something like light rigging. The camera turns...

And we see Rey Mysterio is standing on the rails here like it’s a turnbuckle. He tries a flying cross body onto Nash, but the big man catches Rey like he’s a small child, aims him towards the trailer and...

Tosses him into the side of it like a lawn dart. One of the more iconic moments of the original nWo invasion, one that everybody remembers. It looked like a rough bump to take, but kudos to Rey for taking it.

The Outsiders get back into their limo just as the Macho Man arrives. Savage dives on top of the limo and reaches through the sunroof as it starts to drive off...

This won’t end well. 

The limo literally drives off with Savage riding on top. Nice knowing you, Macho.

As Savage rides off into the night atop of the Outsiders’ limousine, the backstage area is now filled with wrestlers and yellow shirt security. Just where the fuck were these fuckers when the Outsiders were beating the shit out of people? Obviously the wrestlers in the ring had a reason not to be there, but what were these security people doing? It’s a bit late to be out there now, assholes.

We come back from a break and Woman is cradling Arn like he’s about to die.

Liz and her boobs are there too.

A fire truck arrives. What incompetent idiot called for a fucking fire truck? You have three choices and the only wrong choice would be to call a fire truck. Yet here we are. What are the firemen going to do, hose everybody down? 

Rey is on the ground, holding his head and yelling that “there were four”. Well, unless he’s counting the baseball bats as members of the nWo there were definitely only two. I suppose you could count three if you include the limo driver, but the assumption is that he was just a random dude hired to drive, rather than an nWo member.

An ambulance turns up. That’s more like it. 

I’ve just realised this fucks the rest of the card. Eddie Vs Rey ain’t happening now, neither is American Males Vs the Steiners or Anderson Vs the Giant. Why do I get the feeling the replacements in these matches are going to be a significant downgrade?

Mysterio is having a neck brace put on, and during this time Alex Wright is yelling “Hey Rey! What do you mean by four? What do you mean by four?” ... dude, the guy just got thrown head first into the side of a fucking trailer. Screaming questions at him probably isn’t the best thing to do right now. The medics take Rey’s mask off to treat him. Tony acts shocked by this and says that in Mexico masked wrestlers never take their masks off. Of course, in Mexico they probably aren’t propelled head first into trailers either, so, you know. Hard to treat a head injury when the entire skull is covered by a mask, Tony. 

 Benoit appears to be crying over Arn’s condition. 

Eddie wants to go to the hospital with Rey, but Alex Wright reminds Eddie he’s got a match, and he’ll go instead. The match was with Mysterio so actually Eddie doesn’t have a match anymore, but whatever. If I was Rey I wouldn’t want some German guy sitting next to me yelling “WHAT DO YOU MEAN FOUR?” over and over but the ambulance crew evidently don’t see a problem with it. 

Benoit is still on the verge of tears. He looks like a little boy who’s just seen a dog get run over. Larry says “I know how much Benoit looks up to Arn. This is disheartening”. Disheartening? Is that the best word you can come up with, Larry? Disheartening would be if Arn forgot a conversation they’d had last week. The guy just got attacked and apparently severely injured by two big guys with baseball bats and all you can say is it’s “disheartening”? Jeez.

For some reason Benoit starts getting into it with Meng...

Good thing those ambulances are there. Benoit’s going to need one as well if he starts on Meng.

We go back to Tony and Larry who look a little lost. How boring must this be for the fans out there? As far as I’m aware there’s no screen anywhere showing them what’s happening out the back, so they’re just sitting there looking at an empty ring. I appreciate the tickets were free, but still... 

We go to a break, and when we come back there’s still nothing of note happening. 

Bischoff and Heenan (wearing the same shirt as Zybszko) have arrived, but Tony and Larry haven’e gone anywhere yet. I’m surprised the crowd are still hanging around to be honest. It’s surely been at least twenty minutes for them now.

Heenan says he’s not going to do the broadcast tonight unless he can be guaranteed he won’t be physically hurt. Probably a conversation that should have happened off-air, but whatever. Bischoff says he can’t give Heenan any promises and he should do whatever he feels he has to do. So Bobby leaves. 

Tony says “the wheels are falling off here”. Bischoff says that “fortunately” the fans in attendance can’t see what happened or is happening in the back. Yeah, Eric, I’m sure they would much prefer to stand around staring at an empty ring for half an hour. What a fun time.

A funny thing to note whilst this shit continues to go down - apparently during this incident somebody legitimately did call the emergency services as they thought a gang fight had broken out. At Disneyworld. I’d like to know which gang has claimed the Disney/MGM studios as their turf. Going around spraying Mickey Mouse graffiti everywhere. You don’t fuck with the DisneyWorld Baseball Bat Crew.

Understandably, there’s a loud “BORING” chant from the crowd. Eric says the crowd are “anxious”, Tony points out more astutely that it’s because they’re not seeing what’s going on backstage and nothing is happening in the ring. Of course they’re fucking bored. This is a really cool angle on TV, don’t get me wrong, but those poor fuckers in the crowd are being screwed over big time.

An “nWo” chant breaks out. We see Arn Anderson getting loaded into the ambulance. Bagwell is then loaded into the same ambulance. Sting is holding one of the baseball bats that the Outsiders used. Bischoff calls it “evidence”. Should probably be handing that over to the police, although it only appears that an ambulance and fire truck have shown up. It’s almost like in the world of WCW police simply don’t exist. They’re never mentioned and never seen. The best we get are security guards who are absolutely useless. Remember a few Nitros ago when it took about a hundred security guards to get Hall and Nash out of the arena, and half an hour later the Outsiders were still backstage fucking shit up? WCW hires terrible security and has no understanding of how to file a charge with the police. No wonder Heenan ran off.

Fireworks inappropriately go off behind the WCW sign as we go into a commercial break. That’s the most exciting thing that crowd has seen in about half an hour or so. 

It looks like High Voltage are replacing the American Males.

They’re both yelling stuff that makes no sense.

These kids have become so bored that they’re screaming in excitement for High Voltage of all teams. 

“Here’s a story of two brothers, Rick and Scott...”

Scott’s gigantic arms are covered by his Michigan jersey. The Steiners come out looking quite subdued, with Rick constantly looking behind him. The Outsiders drove off in a limo with Macho Man on top, guys, I think you’re OK. Macho hopefully isn’t laying splattered on a pavement somewhere. Nobody really seems bothered that they saw Savage hanging onto a moving vehicle as it drove away. 

Even though Rick is clearly bothered by what’s happened, he’s still barking. But it’s kind of a sad, tentative bark. You could argue that he shouldn’t be barking at all, but, that’s another story. A lot of things happen in WCW that make no sense.

The Steiner Brothers Vs High Voltage

Scott Steiner starts off dominating Chaos. Fireworks are still going off. Rick Steiner is still totally distracted and won’t get up on the ring apron.

Scott is starting to get pissed off. 

Rick gets tagged in. He barks a few times, then turns away from Chaos and starts pointing towards the empty entranceway. Chaos takes advantage and hammers Rick with a few punches. Rage gets tagged in, and he and Chaos hit a double drop kick on Rick Steiner. Fireworks are STILL going off behind the WCW sign. I have to assume WCW has no control over this.

Rage hits Rick with a flying shoulder block from the top turnbuckle. Rick kicks out at two. The crowd bark in unison to try and lift Rick Steiner.

Chaos goes up to the top turnbuckle, and I think Rick is supposed to reverse Chaos’ jump into a powerslam, but Rick instead just kind of ignores Chaos and does a half-hearted slam motion as Chaos flips over him and crashes to the mat. Made Chaos look like a total chode.

Scotty gets tagged back in and hits Rage with an underarm suplex. For some reason Scotty tags Rick straight back in. Questionable decision considering Rick seems to be struggling to focus unless the crowd is barking “woof woof woof” at him.

Well anyhow, Rick tags Scotty back in after hitting a few moves on Rage and knocking Chaos off the apron. Scott picks Rage up in a Falcon Arrow type position, holds him there for a few moments...

Then drops him right on his head.

It’s basically the Falcon Arrow but way more hardcore. 

Scott gets the three count and this one is over. Low Voltage.

The Steiner Brothers defeat High Voltage via Pinfall.

The crowd are very happy with this outcome. Two guys in the front row exchange a double high five. I guess they wouldn’t mind getting Steinerized.

Yeah... sorry. Anyway.

We’re back to the broadcast position and Bischoff calls it “A heck of a broadcast so far”. Yep. As long as you aren’t in the crowd it’s been a fairly good show.

Tony and Larry look like they’ve just been told Christmas is cancelled. Cheer up guys. Bischoff says “half of WCW have left in ambulances”, which is a pretty significant exaggeration. Bagwell, Riggs, Rey and Arn. That’s four. So unless WCW only has an official roster of eight people I think we can say that an estimate of half is wildly out. I suppose you can count Alex Wright, Sting and Flair as well, since they hopped into the ambulances too, but still.  

I think Tony and Larry are supposed to be looking upset/irritated, but Tony just looks fucking depressed and Larry looks like a kid who’s just been given a time out. Eric says the Outsiders will go “wherever there isn’t security, wherever the weakness of WCW is. That’s where they’ll be”. Well, to review, they’ve come through the crowd and into the ring without being stopped. They’ve ended up at the broadcast booth multiple times without being stopped. They’ve been able to commandeer a live microphone and talk trash multiple times without being stopped. They’ve draped banners over the WCW logo without being stopped. They’ve broken into the production truck and fucked around with the broadcast without being stopped. They’ve powerbombed Bischoff off a stage on PPV without being stopped. They’ve attacked Sting after a Saturday Night taping without being stopped. And they’ve just beaten up multiple people with baseball bats without being stopped. So, yeah, WCW’s weaknesses are basically everything and I’m not convinced they even hire genuine security. If they do then they should probably look at hiring another company.

Oh, here comes Rey’s replacement.

You’ve got to be kidding. How is Big Bubba an appropriate replacement for Rey Mysterio? He weighs about five times as much as Rey and has about a fifth of Rey’s ability in the ring. The name graphic makes it look like Jimmy Hart is “Big Bubba”, which did make me chuckle.

Out comes Eddie.

Eddie Guerrero Vs Big Bubba

This match goes on for a while. I’m skipping towards the end because who cares about any match involving Big Bubba?

I skip ahead and get this visual.

Imagine waking up with that hovering over your face. Terrifying. He mumbles “Big Bubba Rogers” but I can’t make anything else out. 

Match ends when Jimmy Hart attempts to throw Bubba his megaphone to use as a weapon. 

Hart also hugs the referee. 

Bubba lets go o the megaphone, which goes flying into the air, as Eddie grabs him in a rollup. Eddie gets the three, and that’s that. 

Eddie Guerrero defeats Big Bubba via Pinfall. 

We come back from the break to “the following announcement has been paid for by the New World Order”.

Cool. I think this is the first time we’ve had one of these on Nitro. The Outsiders and Hogan are in some kind of studio. The camera cuts randomly between them as the nWo music plays in the background. The video begins like a computer game struggling with inconsistent framerate. 

Hogan says “it’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it”. Nash says “people wonder who’s gonna be next? Don’t call us, we’ll call you”. “Yeah,” says Hall. “It’s invitation only, chicos”. 

We get a shot of the three nWo members, whilst video highlights of Hogan play behind them. Hogan says there’s a new world order, and he hopes that’s okay, because there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Nash lists “power, fame, money, and now our own corporation” as the positives. Hall says “think about it, nWo, we’re new, we’re taking over World Championship Wrestling, and we’re giving all the orders”. Not sure the nWo name really needed an explanation, but OK, sure. Hogan yells “it’s the new way, is that OK, billionaire Ted?” ... not sure if he intended to rhyme or not. Hogan quotes humpty dumpty be saying all of Ted Turner’s horses and all of his men won’t be able to put WCW back together again. That’s the second promo in recent times that’s referenced humpty dumpty. First the Giant, now Hogan. Coincidence, I guess? Or the WCW locker room really loves that nursery rhyme.

Hall starts talking about who the fourth or fifth member of the nWo is going to be, and Hogan starts laughing really loudly. A typical evil villain type laugh which kind of throws Hall for a second.

Nash is trying not to laugh at Hogan’s cartoon-villain cackle. Hall says that Sting and Luger have gotten soft at “billionaire Ted’s country club”. He says that he and Nash have had to claw and scratch for everything they’ve got, and that they want Sting and Luger. In the ring, I assume/hope. 

Hogan says he almost forgot that he’s wrestling the Giant at Hog Wild for the world title. Liar. He says that he finds it ironic that WCW could be so weak to have to beg for the Giant to save them from the nWo. Hogan says on August 10th the Outsiders will become the Insiders, and with 500,000 “vroom-baa Harley Davidsons” by their side the nWo “will establish itself as the greatest wrestling organisation on the Earth, brother”. 

OK. The nWo is not exactly a wrestling organisation. It’s just a faction with three dudes in it. Later on you could argue it’s more of an organisation, but right now? No. 

Hall calls Sting a “painted face punk” and says “don’t sing it, bring it.” Nash says they call it “Armageddon” and that “Genesis has begun. It’s the beginning of the new world order”. Didn’t expect a shout out to the bible in here but there you go. Hogan finishes the promo by saying that as the Outsiders take care of the “top talent” in WCW, the Giant will crumble at his feet.

It’s amusing how in these promos Hogan is still basically in Hulk promo mode, yelling, hollering and using big words that don’t necessarily mean what he thinks they mean. Hall and Nash have much calmer, cooler delivery which contrasts quite sharply to Hogan’s more 80′s approach. They pull it together well by editing a lot of Hogan’s stuff to make it more succinct and to the point.

Eric Bischoff has left the broadcast position, leaving Tony and Larry to handle the last fifteen minutes or so of the broadcast. They recap events from earlier in the night. The crowd have had another long wait, between the end of the last match, the nWo promo which none of them would have seen, and now this recap of events earlier in the night that they’re also not seeing. Oh, and they had to sit through long matches involving Jim Duggan, Mike Enos and Big Bubba. I know they got into this show for free, but they still deserve a refund. 

Still, we have the main event left. This is WCW’s chance to replace Arn Anderson with somebody exciting, somebody fresh, somebody who can get the crowd on their feet, somebody who...

Oh.

Greg Valentine.

Greg “charisma” Valentine.

I mean, if this was 1986 then this would have been a decent replacement, but it’s not. These poor fans. 

On the plus side this is unlikely to lost long.

The Giant Vs Greg “the hammer” Valentine

It’s for all the gold. The WCW world title looked so awesome. 

The Hammer manages to rock the Giant early on with a few chops to the chest and clotheslines. 

Doesn’t last long though. Giant knocks Valentine down, picks him up, smashes him across the back, then puts him into the corner and chokes him with his boot. Giant then throws Valentine across to the opposite turnbuckle, goes for some kind of weird splash/elbow but misses in a move very obviously telegraphed, yet somehow the cameramen miss it anyway. 

Valentine heads up top and hits a double axe handle. Giant is momentarily dizzy, but as Valentine scrambles up to the second turnbuckle to try another move, Giant drops the strap on his outfit, runs over and puts his hand around Valentine’s neck.

Uh oh.

Splat. Unsatisfied, Giant roars a few times then picks Valentine up and hits a second chokeslam.

Thanks for coming, Greg. Hey, I’ve just noticed, the dude in the middle on the left with the tash has definitely been at previous shows. So has the woman three to the right from him. I remember her dancing with her daughter to the Nasty Boys theme. The daughter doesn’t appear to be there this time. No Nasty Boys, no interest, I guess. I had no idea WCW had repeated customers for these shows, I always assumed it was just random park guests turning up.

As an aside, check out the guys on the bottom right. Either doing the most awkward wave ever or vicariously living through the Giant chokeslamming poor old Greg. 

The Giant defeats Greg “the hammer” Valentine via Pinfall.

Post-match, Giant leans into the camera and says “I want you to listen real close Hulk Hogan. Pay attention, and listen real close”. He then walks away. I assume he’s going to be interviewed?

Yes, indeed, Mean Gene is in the ring with the Giant. Haven’t seen much of Gene-o tonight. I kind of missed the shit-stirring bell.

Giant is either ripping a major fart or mocking Hogan’s poses. Hopefully the latter, although Jimmy Hart’s expression suggests it could be the former.

Gene asks Giant about Hog Wild. Giant continues mocking Hogan by saying “well you know something Mean Gene, I’ve been to the top of the mountain brother, I’ve walked through the valley of the shadow of death...” Gene pulls the mic away and asks if the Giant has lost his marbles. “That’s a knock off on Hogan!” - no shit, Gene. 

Giant laughs. He says Hogan “conned America”, because he didn’t believe the things he preached. Giant says Hogan started the nWo because he knew he couldn’t be “the big fish in WCW”. Giant says that whilst Hogan has been making movies, he’s been defending the title. Giant says if WCW doesn’t hang together, then they’ll all hang separately, and he’s got a chokeslam noose that’ll fit around Hogan’s neck.

For some reason Okerlund gives the mic to Jimmy Hart, who appears to have taken a shitload of High Voltage’s uppers. He’s all over the place, ranting about “living wrestling 24/7″ and says sometimes he lies so much he believes in his own lies. 

Hart says that one day he’ll have to pay for the things he’s done, but at Hog Wild, they’ll take Hogan out. Well... OK, then. Sounds like Jimmy is involved in some pretty shady shit.

Gene bids us goodnight from Orlando, and WCW decide to show the Outsiders beating the shit out of the WCW guys one more time. Because why not, I guess? They show a slow mo of Rey getting lawn darted into the trailer, and the show ends with a still shot of this as the Nitro music plays in the background.

Nice. I’m sure Rey appreciates that.