#theyre gonna be REAL WEIRED OUT BY THIS WHOLE THING | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rainbowgod666 · 1 year ago

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Alien assassin: I told the human that I was gifting them a delicacy from my homeworld. But I really gave them a block of the deadly chemical Theobromine! THEY WILL BE DEAD BY DAWN MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!

*human walks into the room*

Human: Oh hey 👋 I want to thank you for your gift. Best chocolate I ever had. Do you know where I can get more?

Alien:

#yeah #if we EVER find aliens #and they're as alien as they can be before it escapes human imagination #theyre gonna be REAL WEIRED OUT BY THIS WHOLE THING #“human i just watched you feast on what i can only ASSUME is basically a dirty bomb made of the most toxic stuff my homeworld offers. how-”#“b e e s e c h u r g e r” (fucking collapses)#“...why do i feel that THIS isnt caused by the dirty bomb?”#and then another alien entirely goes “DUDE YOU LIVED WITH HUMANS FOR [over 3 months] YOURE BASICALLY ONE OF THEM LMAOOO”#“oh great im a fucking packmate now”#also the dirty bomb in question is just... a really large hamburger made entirely of synthetic products #i mean imagine an alien that basically eats frag grenades but like literally and shit #yeah that

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