#theyaretryingtokillme

[oeldeservesthenorris]

HELLO 911??!! The call is coming from inside the house!

[therobotmommy-blog]

"MommyiknowyouarerestingtodaybutwhileyourestcanyoumakemydollysomediapersohandapillowandablanketYoucanlaydownandsewItwillbeeasyHeresallyourstuffYOUARETHEBESTMOMMYEVER!" #theyaretryingtokillme

[cocaineandpoprocks]

A picture of me trying to get through the semester. #TheyAreTryingToKillMe #ImConvinced #ItsAConspiracy #ImGoingToWalkAcrossTheStageAndCollapseDegreeInHand #AnxietyOnFleek #WTFisSleep #IHaventSatDownSinceJuly #BankAccountOnE #EIsForEmpty #DecemberIsTooCloseAndTooFarAwayAtTheSameTime #IfMyProfessorsDontPassMeItsGonnaBeOnSIGHT

[officebabies]

BIG Request- We have Great New Knives and Cutting Boards in the kitchen on 13

Besides being super cute, they are super sharp! 

 • Please do not put them in the dishwasher, but if you do 

• PLEASE do not put them BLADE UP! 

 Besides being the wrong way to load a dishwasher, it is basically asking for a trip to the emergency room for stitches. 

(XXX asked me not to put a link in with pictures to hand sliced open - if you google it, you will understand- so gross- and you are welcome!) 

The cutting boards are fine and will not injure anyone unless thrown and that will not be happening. 

To reiterate Knives go Blade down. 

Thank you 

And my hands thank you! 

And our insurance thanks you!

[justmarsh619]

So my buddy Scooter is in town... again... And apparently we made plans last week after last Sunday's festivities and I didn't remember until I was just reminded a few moments ago. So now this is happening. #BankSundays #FML #TheyAreTryingToKillMe (at The Bank Nightclub)

[paopanda88-blog]

River rafting in Yangzhou. Thanks for saving me a life vest guys. #yangzhou #theyaretryingtokillme

[livinginthisstarlesscity]

One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong. #cheetos,#deathcheeto,#blackcheeto,#theyaretryingtokillme

[truthwenttrendy]

$1 for a 16oz. 💸😍 #homiehookup #theyaretryingtokillme #redbull @christianstroup be jealous! (Taken with Instagram)