#they've been in my brain today idk why lol

[sunflowerpastels]

ok but what if ben realizes he has a crush on taylor and makes a playlist to confess

[mysteriouswolf]

Adding a read more cause it's literally just my random thoughts and a bit of a vent:

Being acespec and arospec as a minor fucking sucks. Because if I even begin to mention it to anyone besides some of my close friends, I get shut down with "but you're only *insert age*. Things change as you get older. You'll want those things someday."

And it hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts because I KNOW. SEXUALITY IS FLUID. I KNOW THIS OKAY? And I don't need you to tell me that. I just- I want to be met with "okay. If you never want those things, that's fine. You're your own person who gets to choose what they want and what they don't."

I know things might change. But I want support for who I am now. Because I hate to break it to you, but almost everyone I know has had at least a crush, if not a first kiss and a romantic relationship by this time. And I don't want one. I don't have any interest at ALL. And I don't remember really ever truly wanting it except for wanting to fit in with other people.

I dunno why I'm so suddenly upset about this. I haven't even came out to anyone recently. It's just hitting right now and I don't know why

Oh wait fuck I need to take my meds. Wait this makes so much more sense now. That's why I'm freaking out--OHHHHHHH WAIT OKAY IMMA GO DO THAT

I'm not expecting anyone to really read this besides maybe Royal, Char, or Geode. If you're here and actually made it this far, hi lmao.

The other thing that bothers me a lot is just like- I have this one friend that I've had since 7th grade. They're really kind and supportive, but they've got a lot of shit they deal with in their personal life too. (Home issues, anxiety, anorexia, etc). And so I'm always there to support them because I care about them so fucking much and they really care about me. And if I ever need help, I can go to them and they won't question it.

It's just- they've like...been infected with romance-fever. For the past year. And it's all they wanna talk about, and usually that's fine because it *usually* isn't repulsive to me. But sometimes it is and I feel like they don't know how to communicate with me otherwise

Also random side note. They like guys. I don't find guys at ALL attractive (very rarely I get aesthetic attraction towards a guy but usually it's like one on the Internet or a fictional character lol) but they wanna show me whoever they're currently dating and I don't know how to react. I'm just like...yeah. cool.

And for the record, I'm not gonna stop being their friend. I care about them too much for that. And this literally won't even be an issue anymore cause I don't think I'll have any classes with them next year and they're mainly a school friend so whY IS THIS STILL BOTHERING ME

Oh

Wait

It's cause it's 10pm and I literally just took my meds. They haven't done their magic yet

Right

Okay. Good. Then my brain will go back to normal soon.

You get a picture of Rosie is you actually made it this far into the post. I'm impressed lmao.

Imma go listen to some music until my brain shuts off now. That's probably a good idea. I'll probably put on your cover of Well It's Better Than The Alternative Royal because it's stuck in my head and it's really nice to hear someone singing who isn't doing it to like. make money. Just to sing and make their friend happy cause sing. :)

Idk if that made any sense. Okay. I did a shit ton of work today. I didn't know setting up a fish tank for the first time was so much work. But not I am tired.

Byeeee

-Mysterious

P.S. I found a really pretty shell today :333 Also wtf does P.S. stand for???

[zannolin]

loving the stranger things posting as someone going through a sudden random stranger things phase lol. i have a question: what makes byler an interesting dynamic for you? i'm not a big shipper person personally but i like to hear people's thoughts!

it's so funny i got here because i was suffering from cares too much disease about the karate kid and i needed something to distract me and then um. it did more than distract.

sidenote: coming back to say this got??? so long. so i'm sorry lol. i'm a chronic rambler.

i'll be honest i never actually shipped byler seriously until literally 2 months ago today. i sort of went "haha what if...?" back in 2022 mostly because my friend was into it and i really love mike as a character. oh mike wheeler the character that you are...i've loved him since 2016 lol and i loved him and will as a dynamic since i saw s2. i was so sold on their friendship, and then s3 and s4 were brutal for me to watch as someone who has grown apart from a lot of friends because of similar circumstances (moving, mostly, but also some relationships, and the inherent tragedy of growing up, and the fact that having a shitty family and being 15 can do a lot of damage to your relationships if you're not careful, etc) so like basically i then got More into them because i am obsessed with friendship estrangement plots. and i like both their characters. ("like" is such an understatement even in 2022 i was unhinged about michael wheeler)

frankly they're interesting to me as a ship for all the same reasons as they're interesting to me as a friendship: devotion, knowing someone better than you know yourself, the fear of loss, the fear of change, how easy vs how hard it is to grow up with someone, estrangement, feeling like you're a bad person and self-sabotaging, etc. the funny thing is i didn't even think will was gay or that there WAS (one-sided, anyway) byler until the literal van scene in s4 because i have that little faith in netflix lol, not to mention i used to be a mileven shipper. and then s3 happened which killed my interest in that and then s4 beat the dead horse from here to california. i realized for one thing mike being queer is really interesting to me and opens a lot of room for fun angles on his canonical character with comphet and internalized homophobia, etc, and it works very well with established canon. to me.

i'm honestlyyyy kind of surprised i got into it at all because besides the fact that i'm not a big shipper anymore, i'm RARELY a childhood friends to lovers fan because 1) it's often boring to me, i'm like but why do we need something Other than friendship?? (aro alert) and 2) i personally do not enjoy romance where it's like. you end up with the person you dated in high school? like it's jsut a me thing but i go aaaaaa when it's idk 12 year olds being like "i'm in love" no you're not you're twelve. i literally have DMs of me to my sister watching s4 where i was like michael why are you saying you loved eleven the day you met her, you were twelve and spent the entire season fucking obsessed with finding your best friend and kept dropping her the second she wasn't useful for that, like i love you but you were— what. (regardless of whether or not that bullshit turns out to be, you know, Actually canonically bullshit. that was my reaction lol). um i'm rambling sorry. anyway. they just happened to hit really good beats for me where it could go either way for me (platonic or romantic) and i wouldn't mind and i'm happy with both. but apparently my brain is like What If Romance when it comes to fic for them and i'm being a bit self-indulgent. i want will byers to have nice things and i want mike to not be stuck in the world's worst written relationship ever (to me).

actually the tl;dr is basically everything i like about mike as a character has to do with his plots concerning will, and everything i don't like about what they've been doing with him lately has to do with his relationship with el, so via potentially unintentional gay symbolism, the power of friendship estrangement plots + my love of friendship breakup/makeup scenarios, and my fascination with writing queer loneliness and mutual pining, AND that "good luck, babe" edit, i ended up here.

also finn wolfhard keeps making the most ridiculously intensely tender expressions during byler scenes and i'm a simple creature i see a man with big wet brown eyes and i go oh well mayyybe....

[andthebubbles]

gonna do something totally novel tonight (haha) ... i am gonna put a/b fic away!!! i edited ch 14 tonight and it's okay, still needs a bit more editing here and there but it's nothing massive, so that's... good. and then the next part needs some thinking/headcanoning...

like i think i could use humboldt (making him the butler in this universe) to stop benedict from sneaking out to see anthony, and also maybe berbrooke could throw a ball as an official introduction for himself into society as the baron... and maybe i can drop some hints via that (like maybe just that he was educated at harrow?)... and violet can be well-meaningly pushy when she finds out that benedict danced three dances with someone at the ball... AND his mystery friend supposedly punched someone lol. a lot to plan i guess, or like, ... use the upcoming stuff to set up the next part. and also i suppose benedict (and violet) might have to go to more than one event, with perhaps a few days break in between, or........ well, idk.

in the more immediate future, i need to plan out what frederick is gonna say to like, ... set this in motion lol (like, re right where i'm up to in the fic/how to get benedict to convincingly yeet anthony off to an inn (i mean i have some idea, but my brain is kinda scrambled today so i don't want to write it now))

mmkay! so i shut the fic doc :O i think i sorta have an upper limit of 3-4 consecutive days (four in this case) of writing before my brain sorta needs a break.

sims 4 news!! well, not news, but i've been watching deligracy's apartment renos, and i wanna open up the game now and try and do a reno on one of the apartments, because she did it in a particular way and the second bedroom looked like a closet, so i wonder if i could put the two bedrooms on the other side of the apartment since i don't mind pipes in the bedroom... (and then i want to make a family and have as many kids as i can cram into the tiny apartment hahaha)

aaaaaaaaaaaas for bridgerton 3x01 spoilers, i read a whole twitter thread of them yesterday, and i'll probably say this on another post when we get closer to the release date, but the four things i'm most looking forward to in s3 are these:

any scenes with anthony

any scenes with benedict

any scenes with anthony and benedict (there are (at least?) two in the first ep!!!! i'm so happy!! skjdnskJNKJNFGKJGN WHY DID I HAVE TO FIND THIS OUT MYSELF??)

CRELOISE OMG. i didn't know i needed creloise until the trailer dropped and now i'm so looking forward to it! i need cressida to be an evil bitch and skfjgnfkg if she gets a softer side on-screen, then that'll be interesting (but if she doesn't, that's... okay (maybe a missed opportunity haha); anyway if there's enough material/i am inspired enough, I WILL BE WRITING FIC and then maybe i'll put a softer side into her if i want to, aaaaaaaaaaaaaah (kinda interested in a non-sexual power play thing between them, then moving to sexual... but skjfngkfg let's see when s3 drops. suuuuper interesting that they've been hanging out in the country during the off-season :3)

[practically-an-x-man]

pros:

I have Tuesday off already so that's two extra days to recover before I'm back at work

I have not yet missed a day or been late (even when my car battery died and I had to walk to work) so it's not like taking one day off will ruin what the manager thinks of me

^ and even if it did, they've been losing employees so I guarantee they need me more than I need their 13.50 an hour lol

I'm fucking exhausted dude I can't imagine being on my feet in the sun for 8 hours. my joints are already staging a revolt and that's not even considering the physical exhaustion

Last Monday I was the only one who bothered to show up and as a whole my coworkers have been pretty lax about showing up/being there on time, so I don't think me taking one day off should be too much of a problem in this work environment

what fucking consequences are there. Genuinely. I'm not rooted to this job. It's not my career. It doesn't pay well and the work environment is not fantastic. It's just a tide-over until my FX job opens up. Even if people DO judge me for taking tomorrow off, why should I give a shit? At least beyond maybe feeling bad for inconveniencing people?

cons:

Feel guilty bc it's not like I'm genuinely sick or anything

Technically I was supposed to work Saturday but there was a scheduling conflict. Managers knew 2 weeks in advance (from literally two minutes after the schedule was posted, and I offered to work today if they needed me) but I still don't know if they're considering that me "calling out" so it could be interpreted as two workdays missed in a row?

We're understaffed as it is and I know me not being there will make some things difficult schedule-wise especially if there are a lot of dogs tomorrow

Anxiety brain says I have Tuesday off so can't I just fight my way through Monday and get it over with???

What if I get genuinely sick next week or my period hits me like a truck and then I have to call out again - or feel like I CAN'T call out again bc I'm calling out for this?

Idk the anxiety is driving me nuts over all of this even though I know it's not really that big a deal

i am so unbelievably drained right now (not sure why. maybe just life as a whole or chronic fatigue flareup or something) and I'm really genuinely tempted to call out of work tomorrow