#they're very. ~i scream for whatever it's worth i love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard!!!!! yeah.

[annasvinyl]

Rain Dogs (2023-) written by Cash Carraway

[cas-coding]

Nine times out of ten, Cas enjoys the music that Jack puts on for the pair of them in the Continental. He'll pick some softer, poppy stuff, nothing rock or old like Dean's music, which Cas appreciates. Outside of the Impala, Castiel did not particularly enjoy Dean's music taste, though he doesn't dislike it.

They're on an empty highway when Jack reaches across the dash to turn up the radio, somehow connected to his phone's music, which was a mystery to Castiel. Instantly, the music grows louder and Jack bops his head around to it, wiggling in his seat.

"This is one of my favorites, Dad," Jack remarks, pointing happily to the screen of his phone. "It's Taylor Swift! The Taylor who wrote Shake It Off?"

Cas laughs but keeps his eyes trained on the road ahead, unwilling to drive distracted with Jack in the front seat. "I'm familiar with Taylor Swift, Jack," Cas says, adding, "What song is this?"

That gets Jack excited, practically hopping in his seat as he pauses the song to explain it all. "It's called Cruel Summer. It's from her Lover album and it's about like a secret summer relationship where she just wants it to be a real relationship and be in love openly. If you listen to the lyrics," Jack unpauses the song, and sound once again pours out of the car speakers, "You can really hear some of her lyrical genius."

What doesn't kill me makes me want you more, Jack hums along, looking at Cas expectantly. This isn't quite what he imagined tempo-wise when Jack explained the concept, but he couldn't help but admit it worked very well.

By the time they reached the bridge, Cas is hanging on to every word, Jack closing his eyes and tapping out the beats with all ten of his fingers, and likely all ten of his toes. It's fun, distracted, and meaningful, and Cas wants to smile wider than possible inside his vessel, but he knows Jack can see his true form glowing.

Said "I'm fine" but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

At those lines, Cas blinks, feeling something settle deep in his chest. He knew that feeling, didn't he? He didn't know much about fever dreams and vending machines, but he knew secrets. Secrets he couldn't tell or he'd lose it all, everything he wanted, but this wasn't what he wanted, he wanted more, more than just Dean's lips on his behind closed doors, more than just meaningless sex.

Jack has noticed Castiel's stilling, looking over at him with concern on his features, but Cas pays no mind to it, just listens more, gets lost inside the lyrics.

And I scream for whatever it's worth

"I love you," ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

It's dark, Cas' world is dark, and his vessel is leaving, pulled into the dark goo surrounding him, blocking his view of Dean, of Dean's sad features and loveless eyes. Dean didn't love Cas, he couldn't. Cas was dying, almost for real that time, and Dean couldn't say it, couldn't squeeze it out.

Cas comes to and he's got his hands fisted in his hair, the car pulled to the side of the road, Jack's eyes locked on him. There's concern there, a lot of concern, but Cas' heart is thudding in his chest and this isn't supposed to happen and it's a happy song and Jack is going to be so mad at him and Cas is stupid, so stupid, and,

"Dad?" Jack whispers, poking at Cas' arm, "I'm sorry if the song was a lot. Are you okay?" Of course Jack isn't mad at Cas, Jack is a kind person, a loving person.

All Cas can squeeze out in response is, "He doesn't love me. He'll never love me."

"Dean?" Jack asks, and that's what shatters Cas, his last wall crumbling down, tears flowing from his eyes like he's been saving them for years.

"I'm sorry," Cas sobs, "I'm sorry."

There's a skidding noise, sharp in Cas' ears, from just outside the car, and of course, Dean has just thrown Baby in park in the middle of the road, looking over at Cas. Then Dean's running, dashing towards Cas' car, Sam right behind, and then they're both banging on the Continental window, pulling the door handle, trying anything to get in.

Jack hits the unlock button and then there's hands all over Cas, a hand on his shoulder and in his hair and then on his cheek and then down his back and then just waiting for him to respond. "Cas?"

All Cas can do is shake his head, unable to voice any of it, to explain it, because it really was stupid, wasn't it? A song affecting him like this, making him sob like this?

"He doesn't think you love him," Jack explains, staring directly at Dean, earning a soft and quick chuckle from Sam.

It takes Dean a lot less time than Cas assumed to process, Dean responding instantly with a soft, "I love him," and a pat on Cas' shoulder.

Sam clears his throat, leaning into the car, saying, "Not that kind of love, Dean," and rolling his eyes at his brother.

"Oh," Dean says softly, picking up Cas' face with his hands, palms cupping Cas' cheeks, green eyes warming Cas up. "I love you, y'know. That's why I kissed you. Like, multiple times. And the, y'know," Dean sighs, motioning with his tongue against his cheek exactly what he meant (that was going to be an interesting talk with Jack later).

"I'm sorry," Cas sobs, "I know, I know you do, but you don't say it, and I," he pauses, gasping for a breath, "I need to hear it, and not switch back into just friends when we're in a public space. I want," Cas stutters, "I want all of you. I'm sorry."

There's the look in Dean's eyes, a look of utter pity and guilt, of hurt and a dire need to comfort. He's silent, dead silent, and Cas almost needs to count under his breath, remember exactly how long it took to ruin everything, and then Dean's lips are on his and he can't count anymore.

It's quick, no more than a press of lips, but it's warm and feels good inside of Cas' chest, fizzing up and calming the shakes in his body, tears still flowing. "Cas, I love you, and I'm the one who's sorry," Dean says, "I'm stupid sometimes, and I didn't know you wanted that. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for hiding," and then Dean pulls Cas up into another kiss, this one better, deeper, realer.

Cas can still vaguely make out the background sounds of Jack and Sam giggling, and when he pulls back from the kiss, Sam has just handed Jack a $20.

[lesbianfreyja]

Ok I’m genuinely curious… can you like explain Gaylors? It’s like usually even if I don’t get something I can see how people got there but that is not the case here. Like I’m coming from a biased place because I do not like her music and I can’t prove it but she gives me the vibe she would have bullied me in high school and I have a very low tolerance for White Feminism but like as a queer person on the queer internet I can’t not see stuff about it. Is it like they want her to be gay so they have a chance or is it like something they actually believe? Neither? Both?

ok i will try to answer this accessibly 🙏 without delving into her personal life and focusing more on lyrical analysis because it's more interesting <3 and less invasive & takes into account that there is always an element of storytelling to songwriting that will beget themes and so on, without always aligning directly with the truth because...it's a story <3

let's get into it!!

i'd like to start with how she repeatedly comes back to this hidden, forbidden love that she can't let anyone know about. this is a recurring theme on basically every album, and while some of it is because of the media attention and investigations on her & her relationships….

i know places that we can hide and they'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down

outside, they're pushing & shoving; everyone's up to something / you're in the kitchen humming, all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

make sure nobody sees you leave, keep your hood up and your head down / that's the thing about illicit affairs

no deal, that 1950s shit they want from me / all they see is a one night or a wife / i just wanna stay in this lavender haze (a song she specifically said was about rumors she loathed, which as an interesting aside, the internet took to mean gaylors until the album came out)

some of it relies a little too heavily on the "this is something BAD/secret that CANNOT be discovered" with full religious imagery to boot

don't blame me, love made me crazy / lord, save me / i would fall from grace just to touch your face

they say i did something bad, then why's it feel so good?

your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand / i wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed

i'm drunk in the back of the car and i cried like a baby coming home from the bar said i'm fine but it wasn't true i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you and i snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate and i scream "for whatever it's worth, i love you; ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?"

there's her repeated instances of "writing from a man's perspective" i.e. betty, the man; which is interesting when in Dear Reader she refers to herself as "a fourth drink in my hand, these desperate prayers from a cursed man" & it's worth noting that this album leaned heavily on the grief of being unknowable to ANYONE and going home alone everyday, even when she....had a boyfriend but i digress because we're getting away from literary analysis. it's worth nothing that evermore also included ivy, which is about how one of the bronte sisters stole their brother's wife

interestingly, she also capitalizes certain letters in the songbooks sent out with physical CDs. some fun ones to note include WHEN I SAW YOU IN HYIANNIS PORT (specifically spelled incorrectly to match the letters of dianna agrons name; dianna also had an alice in wonderland tattoo on her ribs that she got lasered off after Wonderland was released). there are other, similar instances of this.

then there's the things that just plain...don't sound like they're about a man because of the words she uses. not a trump card, but certainly an interesting cherry on top

you're so gorgeous, i can't say anything to your face

i used to switch out these kens, i'd just ghost / it hits different 'cos its you

the lips i used to call home so scarlet it was maroon

hair falling into place like dominos

i don't want you like a best friend

it feels like i'm losing a friend / i can't breathe without you

feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend; its nice to have a friend

i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

it's interesting that she "went from friends to this" when there's no evidence her and joe knew each other at all before dating. actually, friends to this is more of a gay thing.

then there's things that seem like clear flagging.

her hair dyed the bi pride colors in You Need to Calm Down mv

the miss americana documentary in which she lists things that make her her, amongst them "cowboy boots, rainbows, gay pride"

her midnights merch included a bracelet that just says PRIDE with the bi flag

i heard that the Eras tour starts out with the lesbian flag colors splashed on the stage

fun fact: if you lay out each color she lists in maroon, you get lesbian flag colors (rose, burgundy, scarlet, rust, maroon, ruby)

some throwaway things that are i think are funny gaylor "evidence":

starting out reputation with "you & me got big reputations and would be a big conversation" when no one knew who joe was at all

the chorus of this song: "they don't know about the night in the hotel, they weren't riding in the car when we both fell, didn't read the note on the polaroid picture, they don't know how much i miss..........you"

referring to red lips in maroon when she's never dated a man with lips, let alone red lips

she advocates for gay rights & taylor never speaks up about anything that doesn't affect her

[agentgrumpy-gils]

Anya’s SwynWriMo : Task 15

NPC Playlist!: Make a playlist for an important NPC in your character’s life – 10 songs minimum, a little description for each song.

i'm losing by their side (i'm sorry i'm the one you love) : a gil x leo playlist <3 <3

Well, well, well! I feel like we all knew this was coming. Anyway, I have a running Gil x Leo playlist that I indiscriminately add to, but for purposes of this task I pruned it up a bit, added songs so it's an even 20, and put it in thematic order (which means I will probably copy it to a different playlist for less curation and more vibes). The brief glance TLDR key to this playlist is that Odd Numbered Songs are Leo POV and Even Numbered Songs are Gil POV. 

The descriptions are below the embed:

CW for generally unhealthy relationship vibes, bad copiing mechanisms, and a LOT of self hatred <3

And I screamed for whatever it's worth "I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

Cruel Summer - Taylor Swift

The first rule of this playlist is that all the Taylor Swift songs are Leo POV. I’ve decided he unabashedly likes Taylor Swift. Anyway, I imagine the first summer they were in New York really kicked off this scandalous secret love affair. Secret relationships and yearning are a big part of this playlist. 

I know who I am when I'm alone I'm something else when I see you You don't understand, you should never know How easy you are to need

It Will Come Back - Hozier

This is a Very Gil song because your boy does not let himself feel affection <3 

Come inside and be with me, alone with me Alone, with me alone If you would let me give you pinky promise kisses Then I wouldn't have to scream your name Atop of every roof in the city of my heart If I could see you Once more to see you

Once More to See You - Mitski

Oh, yes there’s also a LOT of Mitski on this playlist! And she applies to both of them! Woooo! The line about screaming your lover’s name on rooftops just lives rent free in my mind always, and it seems like the big big emotion and metaphor that Leo would have. Leo wears his heart on his sleeve, whereas Gil zips his up. 

And if you don't love me now You will never love me again I can still hear you saying You would never break the chain

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

IYKYK. This one’s mostly vibes idk what else to tell you. 

When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy How the hell did we lose sight of us again? Sobbin' with your head in your hands Ain't that the way shit always ends?

Maroon - Taylor Swift

More Taylor for Leo! I think this is like maybe the First Slip that Gil has, and maybe around where Leo has trepidations. 

If you would just make one mistake What a relief that would be But I think for as long as we're together I'll be the only heartbreaker

The Only Heartbreaker - Mitski

…and this is Gil acknowledging that he fucked up and he’s gonna break Leo’s heart but he cannot help it, that’s just who he is and it would be SO MUCH EASIER too if Leo just fucked up too but he’s not gonna because Leo’s gonna stay at his side and aajkdKLSDJLKASDjlk

Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? 'Cause I always do Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new Now I've thought it through

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys

Leo can't even bring himself to fall for anyone else <3

I shine only with the light you gave me

The Moon Will Sing - The Crane Wives

IDK what else to say besides Gil doesn’t think he’s a very light person. 

I bet on losing dogs I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place By the ring Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down I'll be there on their side I'm losing by their side

I Bet on Losing Dogs - Mitski

Gil is the losing dog <3 <3 Leo is still betting on him <3 <3 Even though he’s losing <3 <3 He’ll stay by Gil’s side <3 <3 when he’s down <3 im gonna be sick 

You're an angel, I'm a dog Or you're a dog and I'm your man You believe me like a god I destroy you like I am I'm sorry I'm the one you love No one will ever love me like you again So, when you leave me, I should die I deserve it, don't I?

I’m Your Man - Mitski

YEAH I PUT THE DOG METAPHOR MITSKI LYRICS BACK TO BACK AND WHAT OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IDK what else to say about this one, except woof. (ha)

Habibi, light is burning As I am burning Habibi, light is burning And I am yearning

Habibi - Tamino

This is #meta bc this is a Tamino song, but I also like the idea that Gil taught Leo some arabic and Leo calls him habibi, at first in a teasing way, but then genuinely, because Gil doesn’t like calling people pet names but he sure as hell loves them secretly. 

I had been lost to you, sunlight And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight But it is sunlight

Sunlight - Hozier

Leo’s love is Gil’s small little bit of sunlight slkjdalkjds

Give me more, I'll be all your love I believe in heaven above Come and give me life Show me what it's like to fall into your arms

God in Jeans - Ryan Beaetty

Leo being hopeful! He wants this to work!

Relive all the ways you still want me I haven't given you what you need You wanted me but couldn't reach me I'm sorry it should've been me

Should’ve Been Me - Mitski

This entire Mitski album makes me want to carve my heart out with how Gil-coded it is. This is Gil running off! He’s running off! He’s not reachable! He’s closing himself off!

So if you need to be mean Be mean to me I can take it and put it inside of me If your hands need to break More than trinkets in your room You can lean on my arm As you break my heart

I Don’t Smoke - Mitski

AND HERE IS THE COUNTER, WHERE LEO IS LIKE I DONT CARE ILL LET YOU BE MEAN TO ME TAKE ALL THAT HATE AND ANGER AND GRIEF IN YOUR HEART AND GIVE IT TO ME

I will poison all your happy thoughts I will love you like the ashes in my cigarette box And if you're fine with that You can be mine If you're fine with that You can be mine, oh

Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives

And Gil’s like bet. I will literally destroy you. But if you're okay with that... jk... unless

Well, there was a time when you let me know What's really going on below But now you never show that to me, do you? But remember, when I moved in you And the holy dove was moving too And every breath, we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

Listen. LISTEN. For whatever reason, I had this pegged as Gil POV, because it’s on his regular playlist, but then I listened to it and i was like oh God no this is SO Leo-coded. It was hard to pick a specific line, but I picked my favorite stanza (the moved in you, holy dove was moving too M U R D E R S me). 

I wanna love you but I don't know how I don't know how

Neptune - Sleeping At Last

Yeah <3

And there we are again when nobody had to know You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath

All Too Well (10 Minute Version) - Taylor Swift

If you listen to this too specifically of course it does not fit, but there are lines that just work so dang well, and I think this one is one of my favorites. I’m actually really torn on All Too Well (10 Minutes) because what I loved about the universal was how flexible it was (aka how well I could project it on my Blorbos). But the specificity of the 10 minute version really just **oof** gets ya and Miss Taylor, I will be cutting and pasting all the out of context lines for my own use. 

I push you away Although I wish you could stay

Sinking Man - Of Monsters and Men

Also yeah <3 

[mytrashs-blog]

NEW FIC ALERT!!!!

Surprise, surprise!!! Your girl finally decided to write a chaptered fic!!

But of course, she's angsty and heartbreaking! Tom's gonna suffer a lot in this one lol. But she's also a little smutty.

This is NOT a self insert fic, so my main character does have a name... Amelia Hicks. Please, feel free to have a love-hate relationship with her, I know I have one.

Okay, here's a summary and a little sneak peak of the first chapter, coming your way TOMORROW !!!!

Cruel Summer

Amelia and Tom go on one last weekend getaway.

"Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

[...]

And I screamed for whatever it's worth

"I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

It was a terrible situation, really. But she was not about to throw away the last few days of her life being her own; not when Tom was right there, looking dashing as ever and staring right into her eyes with his beautiful brown eyes and that smile that could easily bring the Queen of England herself to her knees and give him everything he wants. The biggest problem is that she wanted to give him everything he asked of her, and he wanted her, all of her; and that was exactly what she could not give him. Not now, not ever. Not anymore.

When this whole shit show came down on Amelia, she decided to just ignore it and keep on going with her life as if nothing had happened, but things seemed so far away two years ago, and now they're literally one week away and she needed to start facing them.

Then there is also the fact that she and Tom have been very close for at least the last four years, and though things have never been serious, it was the most stable relationship in her life and she would never admit it out loud, but he is the only person she's ever loved in her 24 years of life and she was having a hard time coming to terms with letting him go.

Every time she's tried to explain the situation to Tom, she would get too cowardly and say something completely different or change the subject; and right now, with him naked in his room, right in his bed, she knows she has to tell him.

"Tommy... I need to tell you something." Amelia said in a serious tone while getting up from the bed to avoid his eyes..

That's all I'm giving you for now.

The first chapter is NOW available in my Wattpad, so if you want to read this right now, she's right here!

Please, do reblog this if you liked this little snippet, I've been working on this fic for a year now and I'd hate it if it doesn't do really well.

Tagging people for good measure:

@caeruleum-in-caritate-lupus, @softstarkk, @peterparkerbabyy, @dottirose, @legit-fandom-trash, @carostar2020, @appreciating-chase-brody, @mvmakki @madmadmilk @hollandrecs @starksparker @sunshinehollandd