#they're not even all on that relationship chart bc. some of the designs are so flimsy i could not put. them there

[squishosaur]

fankids again

[moopsloops]

Maple's Clown Chart

My most intellectual and unhinged post. I have organized clown characters from various media I've consumed on a chart on a scale of how hot I think they are and how interesting they are to me. Note that Not Hot =/= bad design and Not Interesting =/= bad character, I love just about every character shown. More comprehensive explanations are below, spoilers ahead for various media. Each character will have the game they're form listed in front of them so you can scroll past. Character explanations are in order starting from to right quadrant and moving clockwise. I made this to gush abt my fav characters and fav games, just for fun <33

Some general conclusions:

1.) WE NEED MORE FEMALE CLOWNS IN MEDIA. The gender gap is ridiculous, only 5/16 of the depicted clowns are women, a shocking 31.25%. Media needs more unhinged women with clown aesthetics.

2.) Most clown characters tend to be interesting and have engaging lore, just goes to show how clowns really are supreme.

3.) I have horrible taste in characters considering how many of this circus rejects I find hot, it's never a dull day in my mind

Note: DC Joker isn't depicted, he would be quarantined in his own separate box outside of this chart if I had to add him

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR: Ace Attorney 6, Apollo Justice Ace Attorney, The Great Ace Attorney 2, Ace Attorney Investigations 2, Brave Frontier 2, Deltarune

(Homestuck) Gamzee Makara: The start of my clown brainrot. He's highest ranked in terms of being interesting. He has such a complex and fascinating character that none of homestuck explores. Watching your worldview and beliefs get shattered? Discovering that the future is inevitable and choosing between fighting it or embracing it despite it being against your beliefs and wishes? The struggle of being in control of your own mind when there's constantly some sort of influence over it that suppresses the authentic you? That one brief scene before he dies in the game over timeline in which he's finally free of all forms of mind control and outside influence where we finally see his true emotion and pain? THE CLEAR ANGUISH HE FEELS WHEN HAVING TO FACE HIS ANGER AND VIOLENCE IN FRIENDSIM, A GAME DESIGNED TO FURTHER EXPLORE EXISTING CHARACTERS UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES, THAT JUST. DOESN'T GET EXPLORED EVEN THOUGH THE OPPORTUNITY WAS RIGHT THERE ??? There's so much to analyze and pick at with him, he deserves much better I have so many thoughts about him. Homestuck would have been infinitely better if his character was explored more. Hussie better watch his back. I lack the mental strength and fortitude to place him on the hotness scale, therefore he stays in the middle.

(Homestuck) Kurloz Makara: This guy is so cool. His strange relationship with meulin intrigues me so much (if relationship toxic why make brain go brrrr). The mind control is a cool power, lots of potential fuckery. His big scream thing is also really interesting, especially with the implications it has. His potential guilt and mouth stitching and how it impacts his relation with Meulin is fun to explore. There was also a brief snippet of info about him being "annoying" and talking in riddles before going mute and that's so cool???? I love that so much I wish we could have seen that. Unfortunately, he's less interesting than Gamzee simply because he doesn't have as much presence as him, though that's mainly bc of the criminally low amount of time the dancestors received. He's definitely more hot than Gamzee tho.

(DC Comics) Harley Quinn: I don't engage with DC much but it felt illegal to not include Harley. Literally the blueprint for crazy clown villains with tragic backstories. All her outfits are gorgeous, her relation with Joker and how she thrives without him is so fun to follow. I watched Birds of Prey and literally adored her. She's crazy and gay and has such a fun personality. I love her and she deserves so much.

(Brave Frontier 2) Melfel: This motherfucker ruined my life. From the moment I first saw him in the Battles of Brave Frontier 2 event I knew I would simp for him. He has a sexy clown design, makes puns, has a fun personality, insanely difficult to beat, and is fucked up and evil. Checks off every box on my simp list. His dialogue is so fun, he's just a little shit that makes illusions, most of which are really cool and interesting to see. He either feeds off trauma or really loves making people relive it because that's what one of his biggest illusions was entered around, which I LOVE. He's also like, really gay?? He constantly reiterates that he does everything for Elhaza instead of Neo Orcus, he wants to go terrorize protagonists with him, his dying words are literally "For Elhaza", kinda gay :/ I have to continue reading the game their relationship is so interesting, I hope I can learn more. There's also hints of some messy backstory, lots to think about with him. Overall a very hot and very interesting character for an old, shitty mobile gacha game.

(Super Paper Mario) Dimentio: Maybe I was just a dumb kid but the reveal where he was the real villain screwed with my brain so hard. My memory of the game is a bit blurry so take this review with a grain of salt. All his actions were so unpredictable, it was so so fun to just see what he would do every time he popped up. He falls under the self0serving traitor archetype, which is already incredible in and of itself, but the clownery of his design makes it better. His design is so fun, the style of the game really accentuates it. Unfortunately, it's mostly just kite-shapes, so not many points in the hotness category, but there's some appeal in it okay look. There's something about his movements and speech and face that makes his design appealing. I really need to revisit Paper Mario, it's such an interesting and lowkey-dark game.

(Ace Attorney Spirit of Justice) Geiru Toneido: This is probably the most kinnable clown on the list for me. She just wants to make her father proud and inherit the family name. She is the embodiment of a woman scorned, her anger and sadness and jealousy get the best of her and she literally endangers her life to exact vengeance on her father. Peak girlboss behavior tbh. She just wants love and appreciation from her family and she wants to follow in their footsteps, but struggles and fails each time and she has to watch her friend get the name and recognition she wanted, relatable af lmaoooo. Her clown and non-clown design are both so so pretty, my gay heart go weeeeee. The innuendos with her design put me off at first (i.e the balloon tits), but she's such an enjoyable character with a deeply relatable motive and backstory that I saw past that. A very tragic character with a very interesting backstory, but considering that she's a one-off villain in a filler case between two emotionally draining major plot cases, she doesn't get as much time to explore her character, making her a little less interesting. However, I love her so so much I just want to hug her she reminds me of myself just a little too much.

(Ace Attorney Spirit of Justice/Apollo Justice) Mr. Reus: I'm mad at this character simply because his lore contradicts the already existing Gramarye lore. (Note that this is about Roger Retinz and not Manov Mistree, who literally got like, one line of dialogue before being shanked). He just feels out of place, and the forced Gramarye connection just falls apart when given two seconds of thought. He got kicked out of the troupe after burning himself, but then Zak and Valant were out here shooting Thalassa like it was no big deal so like??? I know they say in game that it's technically because of his seeming hatred for life that he got removed but it just,,, falls flat in my opinion. The concept of his character is neat: A scorned magician wo wears to end his former troupe's legacy, mmm I dig revenge stories, but I wish it could have worked better, he would've then ranked higher on the interesting scale. His actions in the case were so cool though, which makes me upset. The whole false document signature that led to the Wright Anything Agency nearly being sold off was haunting, seeing that background still with all the repossession stickers genuinely shocked me, such a power move. His joker card inspired design is so cool too, the green and purple design is very gorgeous, but again it stands out against the other Gramaryes' outfits aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Overall a hot character that could have been so much better.

(Glitter Force) Rascal: I uncovered this clown from the deepest recesses of my memory just for this. I would argue that their design is the most sexyman-bait on this chart. They were a very rare appearance in the show, sort of like the mysterious manager that only manifested for dramatic effect. But dammit, those few encounters with them were awesome. I remember them having such fun little movements and gestures, as well as some cool powers centered around a playing cards theme. Unfortunately we just never learned much about them due to how infrequently they appeared. Their arc concludes with them sacrificing themselves for the clown demon that was the series' main villain, and that's about the extent to which we learn of their motivations. Considering the genre of the show it isn't really surprising, but they seemed so cool I wish we could have learned more about them. Overall they're a hot, but less fascinating, clown.

Tomhamhat Kyo's Clowngirl persona: I'm not sure if she falls under the category of clown but god I love her design too much to leave her off of this chart. Crazy blue haired clown girl my beloved. Determining if they're an interesting character is a bit weird considering that they are a persona of the musician, and the "story" they have is really just reflected in the songs, which have their own unique plots and messages, so it's tough to classify her like I would with the other clowns. Therefore, I have settled on leaving them in the "Just There" side of the chart simply because she is technically "just there" for the artist to have a visual depiction in music videos. I still love her design and THHK's music is so fun to listen to, highly recommend him if you haven't checked him out yet.

(Brave Frontier) Malef: Yes this is different from Melfel, I had to do a double-take on the name too. Their design is so fucking cool????? Love horribly disfigured mad scientists who destroy themselves in the name of research. He's a horrid human/demon fusion that resembles a jester (not sure if that was the intent or if I horribly misinterpreted it) However, he's literally just an in-game unit, I don't recall him appearing in an event where he was extensively involved in lore? If there was one I wasn't on the game when it was so :/ All the lore he has is from a couple of character description paragraphs, not much to go off of so he unfortunately doesn't get to rank high on the interesting scale. Also he's kind of a bad unit in general?? Like, is status infliction that big of a deal to make a character center around it? His abilities are pretty unique tho, I still don't have him but I wanna get him, very cool design.

(Animal Crossing) Pietro: It's pietro animal crossing what do you want me to say? He's a rainbow sheep, so he's not hot. He's a fucking Animal Crossing villager, not much lore or backstory or character development. I deeply love and adore him though, one of my favorite villagers. He's just a sassy dumb little fluffy sheep. My emotional support digital animal, my pillow to cry into, my little jester that makes me smile, the single thread holding me together. The sheep are the best Animal Crossing characters and he proves it. This is my Raymond, if I had New Horizons I would constantly reset my island until I had him I literally need him.

(IT) Pennywise: This is the ugliest thing I've ever seen. You're an all powerful interdimensional demon and chose to be a big-headed ugly sewer-dweller? Kinda dumb. He doesn't even scare me he just makes me mad. "You want to fly?" Well do you want to take a shower? Stinky mf. IT was an alright movie, don't have any super strong positive or negative opinions about it. I haven't read the longass book and don't plan on doing so any time soon. I'm not horribly informed or interested in the Pennywise lore, so he get's the mid placement in the interesting scale. This mf is not hot in any shape or form. At least get clean clothes :/

(Cookie Run Ovenbreak) Ice Juggler Cookie: Again, this is a young performer, not hot in any way shape or form. But she is an absolute menace and I love that. This is just a super cutesy design that roasts all the people around her. She struggles with perfection and that reflects on her opinions of others as she holds them up to impossibly high standards, causing the harsh roasts. Her design is deceptively cute and colorful and happy and I love that it's paired with a toxic personality. She deserves better though, I want to hug her. I also just love circus aesthetics in general, so the circus event was just super fun, and she was a super fun character to see. She has no chill and I love that, go ahead and be unhinged funky little cookie.

(The Great Ace Attorney 2) William Petenshy/Shamspeare: Ok first off Shamspeare is the FUNNIEST possible name they could have given him in the localization I'm still not over it, makes me laugh so hard every time. Second, I don't think he qualifies as a clown but my DGS friends all call him one so here he is. His introduction? Absolutely iconic, unprecedented in the AA series. His animations are wild and all over the place, which I absolutely adore. But he's not very hot. He's a lanky, crusty Shakespearean theatre kid, not my type at all. Outside of his clownery he's also just such an intriguing character. He's poor and lives in a pretty shitty part of London, he just wants to move up in life and does fucked up things to get there. He's also like, shockingly intelligent? Half his schemes were so crazy yet brilliant, perfect for AA. TGAA does a brilliant job of making sure that even if characters appear for just one case, they are so thoroughly fleshed out and well explored that they feel complete and complex in the brief time they have in game, which is what makes Petenshy so much more interesting than the other AA characters on the chart. TGAA2-2 is seen as a filler case but it really doesn't feel like it there's so much to engage with and explore in it, and Petenshy's motives and methods for his crimes are so interesting and uncovered in a great way. TGAA2-2 is also just. A horribly tragic story for Veridian/Olive Green, and how she interacts with Petenshy just seals the deal with making him an incredible character and TGAA2-2 a brilliant case.

(Ace Attorney Investigations 2) Simon Keyes: Oh god where do I even start with him. AAI2 is such a brilliant game and Simon plays a huge role in making that the case. He is such a fascinating character. His backstory is one that is witnessed all throughout the game and tied in very well with ever case of the game, we just string everything together at the end. With ever subsequent reveal in the case you slowly realize just how much he's been involved in, how much he's done with just a whisper here and payment there and a little meddling elsewhere. Without taking any direct action, he's fucked up so many people's lives and played this giant 4D chess game and he puts up this aloof and air-headed personality that dissolves in such a satisfying way when he's confronted. His motives make so much sense as we learn how the actions of the game and its past shaped him into the horribly mentally ill man he is in present. He feels wronged by the world and bites back hard against it. He was just a id who experienced immense amounts of trauma, and it shaped him into the villain that pulls all the strings of AAI2. I can gush about him forever, AAI2 is such a brilliant game you guys have to watch a playthrough or emulate it or something if you haven't, it's such an incredible experience I'm omitting some very juicy details so you guys can still have some secrets to uncover if you ignored my spoiler warnings. I just don't like his design that's all. It's not very interesting imo, the hair is cool though. His circus outfit with the animals is more cool, but not hot.

(My Little Pony) Pinkie Pie: The fandom clown characters list included her for some reason, so dammit I added her to the chart. MLP shaped my childhood and sparked my love for art, wouldn't be the same person without it. Pinkie Pie is such a funny character with such complexity, she's so much more than a party girl. She broke out of her family's expectations for her and forged her own way in life that made her happy and allowed her to express herself the way she wanted to, which is just so cool. She isn't toxically positive either, though it seems like that at times. She knows when to take things seriously, but always has a fun way of approaching things. I don't know why the horror side of the fandom was so fixated on her, they made so much fucked up shit with her it's something else. She's such a fun and happy and positive character. She makes me smile, and I love that. She's so supportive, which I bet is because of her childhood and wanting to encourage others to be their best selves and have fun just as she does. She's so nice and lively, there's no one else really like her. The only weird thing abt her was how she got married to the Weird Al Yankovic insert character, which has to be one of the biggest and strangest flexes someone can have. In equestria girls she had a really pretty design, so he gets some points in the hot category, but she's still a pink pony so it isn't much.

(Deltarune) Jevil: There's just so much to talk about with Jevil, he's such a cool character with such interesting and sad lore. His corruption and eventual imprisonment that breaks his mind in such a way that within captivity, he feels all powerful and free. It's such an interesting contradiction that warrants deeper exploration. His whole worldview is interesting to look at, how everyone is imprisoned by themselves (at least I think its by themselves? there's probably some meta af explanation) and how true freedom is possible through his help. perhaps he sees himself as a speaker for the one that "freed" him and caused this worldview and mental break to occur. His fight is insanely difficult, no surprise there. His dialogue and animations are so fun, his fight in general was hell but fun all at once. His design is not hot but so fun. He's modeled after the joker card and I LOVE that. He looks like a rancid little creature though, would not let him within 5 meters of me. I wonder if we will ever get more information about him or the entity that corrupted him, I guess only time can tell. Overall such an interesting character I love reading the various analyses about him.

[clanonadventures]

𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀

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Dutch anon - dutchy

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

-Preferably goes by she/her

-They/them would also be fine

-Fairly tall

-M e s s y a s s h a i r

-Struggles to speak English

-Her room is full of orange, red, white and blue

-First option to anything is just violence

-Very athletic (but competitive)

-Gets hurt a lot while sporting

-Overworks a lot, so she barely get sleep

-Don’t insult her s/o if you enjoy not having someone go apeshit on you

-Give her a tulip and she’ll melt

-good friendship with rhinestone 👌

-Loves all pets of the other anons

-Pls pet her tail, she loves it <3.

Design

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Squid anon - Squiddy

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

-19 years old

-Works at Anon city (AC) Aquarium

-Obsessed with sea life and pirates

-Is bi

-Occasionally wears a squid hoodie

-Was kicked out of the house at 16

-Loves musicals

Design

Her eyes are purple

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ENON

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

"A chaotic trickster entity with a dark and mysterious past that takes a form resembling that of popular character ENA. ENON shares many similarities and mannerisms with her counterpart, but is know to be more brutal. A lawful evil type to be sure. Her moral compass is a roulette wheel. Just wants to be entertained.

Come to think of it, I don't really think ENON had an "original form" Like she just kinda existed as a spirit/eldrich demi goddess who had it really rough before deciding to join the physical world like 'all I know is cause problems on purpose- what is love and friendship'"

Design

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Satyr Anon

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

-Loves horror movies and scary video games

-18 years old and already wasted her entire life-

-Aspiring Therapist/Psychologist, is the mom friend ™️. Very sweet, with sarcastic and wise advice whenever she's needed

-Never gets enough sleep, ever.

Design

She is actually a Satyr (goat ears, goat lower half with mostly human top half, long tail, horns, etc) with thick mane of white hair.

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Peacock Anon - Viernes

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

-24-doesn't have a gender, but goes by she/her

-shapeshifter of sorts

-if she becomes overly stressed (which is somewhat often) her face begins to crack and give way to static

-only reveals her true form to people she trusts a LOT, and even then, she'll only reveal her true form in private

-somewhat energetic, full of herself and sarcastic

-can change her appearance to some extent (can't change her clothes tho)

-underpaid tv host

-actually quite introverted when off stage

-sounds like ruby vocaloid

Design

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Rhinestone Anon

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

-He/Him

-Has had a bad past with relationships so it's hard for them to trust anyone

-Comes off as cold and unapproachable but once they trust you then they are sweet, affectionate, honest, and cuddly

-They're really fucking tall (9'3)

-They're a cuddle-bug

-Really soft hair

-Love language is physical touch

-Has never shown anyone their true form

-Big history nerd

Design

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Bug anon

☑ Platonic - ☒ Romantic

Facts

-Average height (5’00”)

-Really nice but is quiet and likes to lurk. Really shy.

-Likes bugs, drawing, video games, reading, going on walks, sunsets, forests, cats, sweets and plushes!

-Has ASD!

-Tired (™)

-Drawing later

-Tries to be optimistic when she can

-Uses she/her, they/them, it/its and bug/bugs (in no particular order)

-Asexual and aromantic!

-Age unknown, but is a teenager

-Backstory: A sentient bug who dreamed of being an Anon so they could make friends, who’s wish was granted by a strange Higher Being/entity of light and rainbows. They live among the anons now as an anon, trying to adjust to their body and life.

-Her “hair” is her antennae- DO NOT PULL ON IT!

Design

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Coke Anon

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

-Unspecified age

-Has no concept of personal space

-Someone referred to coke by they/them and they took off w/ that

-Their body is like jello in their blob form

-Their voice is autotuned on command, they do it to annoy people

-The red bit is a shirt

-Was originally named E-304 but changed their named to Coke

-Can shapeshift with no known bounds

-They CAN turn into other people, but you can tell its coke by a chunk of their hair being white/red

-Kinda stupid

-Enjoys bone marrow

-Also enjoys icecream

-Was kinda lonely for a long while

Design

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Mask anon - Melian

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

- She/they

- 8'7 ft tall

- she's 19

- e n d e r m a n

- friendly, aggressive is looked at in the eyes

- wears sunglasses out in public bc for some reason she doesnt mind eye contact with them

- is only comfortable with eye contact with people they're comfortable with

- has terrible memory

- sleepwalks a lot

- loves to collect toys like dolls, plushies, action figures and small toys

- s o m e h o w manages to break an exact block of anything, even concrete

- if you mention you want something, she'll bring it to you, may or may not have stolen it

- doesnt understand what is means to steal

- can purr

- changes to enderman language when talking too fast

- knows how to speak Portuguese and will change to it when curssing at something

- used to have a brother

- knows how to play the piano and acoustic guitar

- adores calm songs like Cavetown, Mitski Mitski, etc.

- has a few pet moths that live in her pockets and two cats

- t o u c h e d s t a r v e d

- treats most of the other anons like her siblings

- only the ones closer to them can call them Meli

Design

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Bamboo Fox

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

- A shapeshifting fox [REDACTED]? that guards and tends to a sacred bamboo forest on a mountain somewhere in the astral sea, I don't know.

- Has no concept of gender or age, but enjoys the sound of being referred to as he, or they.

- Is very small, like about 2 feet tall when standing on back legs in fox form.

- Has a very comforting aura to them, very chill vibe

- Will invite you in for tea

- Their rapping sounds like little yips. They can't speak, no matter what form they are in.

- If he likes you, he will offer you a single piece of bamboo with sticky rice inside

- If he does not like you, he will eat your soul

Design

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Basil Anon

☑ Platonic - ☑ Romantic

Facts

Is 7' tall. Hes a tall boy

Goes by he/they pronouns though is also agender.

Can shapeshift to an extent. Cannot shapeshift his eyes though.

Isnt even really human but doesnt talk about that, like ever.

Eyes are pitch black- like completely flat black- hair covers eyes always. (unless they really trust you)

Cheerful baby! But gets depressive episodes alone! Tries to keep a smile on his face. When in those episodes he is more likely to isolate.

Has a pet chicken named fluffy. Is actually immortal. Literally. The whole anon fam loves fluffy, and he keeps a chart to see who gets to pet fluffy, and who needs to be watched (coke).

Design

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Part 2