#they're growin up and i'm gonna cry ;u;

[byanyan]

She doesn't give them a present, per set. The cake and the balloons and the streamers all seem a little tacky if she's honest, and it's easier than trying to wait for them when she knows they'll be out late. But if they end up stumbling back into the small flat and dodging the face licks from Chickadee, they'll be greeted with a few things on the table, unwrapped with a sticky note that just reads "For Byan, love Lena". A knife sharpening and oiling kit, to care for their blades, a bag of their favorite candies, and a new sketchbook with a set of sharpened, high end coloring pencils sits besides it.

ㅤthey aren't expecting anything. (expectations are dangerous. they always end in the most crushing disappointment.) even though lena did put together a small celebration for them last year, they aren't expecting anything this year. in fact, they fully anticipate that she hasn't even realized it's their birthday today — having just wanted to forget about it themself, they'd not bothered to mention it. (they hadn't mentioned it last year either, though...)

it's well past two in the morning when they slide the window closed behind themself. tired, out of it, and all around miserable, byan drops their backpack to the floor with a quiet thunk and heaves a slow exhale. claws click-clacking across the kitchen tile announce chickadee's presence and have the teen turning on their heel before they can even bend down to start unbuckling their boots. through the dim light of the moon and streetlights outside, they can tell that their arrival must have woken her up, but her tail wags as she trots over all the same.

for the first time in a week, a faint smile makes an appearance on byan's face.

only after they've given chickadee her greeting in the form of affectionate pats, ear scritches, and a few long hugs do they finally clamber back to their feet and flick the kitchen light on. —that was a mistake. squinting against the sudden and rather harsh lighting, byan grimaces and moves to undo the gesture. just before their fingertips find the switch again, however, the small display set across the table finally catches their eye and stops them in their tracks.

...oh. so, she did remember. she remembered and, same as last year, anticipated that they'd be off drowning their sorrows in solitude and substances all day. ...and instead of trying to stop them, instead of trying to make any sort of big deal of their birthday, she just... let them be. let them cope with it the way that they chose to, but made sure to leave them a show that she remembered. a show that she thought of them. a show that, despite everything and despite what they might believe, there is someone out there who cares about them.

last year, the emotion to come from such a realization was slow to hit them. this year, it wallops them all at once.

a quiet sob is choked out before they can stop it, and byan slaps a hand over their mouth, sinking into a chair. they should have just come here today. instead of sitting around, drowning in drugs and their own misery, they should have come to lena's and had a nice day. a nice dinner. a normal birthday. isn't that what they've always wanted? finally, after all these years, they could have had exactly that — lena surely would have even encouraged them to invite sol to join them — but instead, like fucking always, they'd chosen to be too damn absorbed in self pity, focusing on all the things they don't have instead of what they finally do.

...it's still new, they suppose. they aren't used to having people in their life, aren't used to trusting that those people aren't going anywhere.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤidiot.

byan isn't sure when, exactly, chickadee sat down with them, her head tucked into their lap and her big doleful eyes blinking slowly up at them. they aren't sure how long they just sit there crying. what they are sure of, however, is that they're going to express their gratitude to lena tomorrow. they're going to give her the biggest, mushiest fucking hug they've ever given to anyone, and they're going to spend the day with her, if she'll let them. maybe see if she wants to go out for breakfast and then take chickadee to the dog park, or something.

it's how they should have spent today, but... better late than never, right?