#they're gonna ask about alexander the great or some shit and what am I gonna writeeeee

[saucetail-hasanewblog]

The history test I'm gonna do is more than likely gonna ask about ancient Greece and Rome and shit so tell me why am I studying about the 1000000 times Brasil changed it's own currency in the 80s and 90s

[lazywitchling]

[button tapping noises]

So a theme I keep seeing in these witch books is 'make sure your intent is specific in your spellwork, otherwise your results may be inaccurate'.

[shanks a Deku Baba]

And I agree with that to an extent, but not in the reasoning why. The infamous Skye Alexander book said that your 'hidden agendas' might 'interfere', which is like... a hard disagree. (But it's Skye, and you all know how I feel about her and The Book That Would Have Been Yitten From The Window Had It Not Been A Digital Library Book.)

[flips open a treasure chest and takes a pause to sing along with the Got Item song]

But I'm also noticing is how vague a lot of these books are. I have a whole paragraph in my notebook where I'm screaming at Skye because one of her money-drawing spells starts off saying 'If YOU need more money and some quick cash and you have bills to pay off, then THIS SPELL WILL... bring you abundance, but I'm not gonna say what kind of abundance, because tbh abundance can be anything and you really should be grateful for what you have instead of wanting more more more, amiright?'

[snipes a few Skullwalltullas and starts climbing vines]

So my theory on these things is that these books published in larger distributors have a reluctance to make any promises about spell results. Obviously they don't want you to return a book because 'I tried the spells and none of them worked!' (Which, tbh, on the Mythbusters principal, IS A RESULT. Write it down and figure out why not. Try it differently. Write it down again.) And if they're vague enough in their promises, e.g. "This will bring you abundance of an undefined nature", then when your neighbor brings you over a loaf of friendship bread, you might be like "Oh, my spell worked!" even though you definitely did an abundance spell expecting money, not bread.

[attempts to shank a Skulltulla but gets hit by the spin attack]

Fuck--

[shanks it with better timing]

So back to the original point. (Caution: UPG ahead) Yeah, I agree that you should have a well-defined intent/goal/purpose, it's not because I think that your Secret Hidden Agendas will Get In The Way. I've had some very vaguely worded spells work exactly as I wanted them to (See: sticking two pennies under a candle and yelling 'GIMME' to get a raise). But I think that if you're vague on your goal, it's easier for you to trick yourself into accepting weak spell results.

Wait I think I missed a chamber. [backtracks]

See, with that penny-candle spell, I did end up getting a store gift card, and I thought "Oh shit, was my spell so vague that I got this monopoly money instead of the raise that I wanted?" I saw that gift card, I wanted my spell and my magic to work, so I did a little mental gymnastics to make it work.

Does spell for a raise > Get a gift card > Retcon my own spell to have been for Money and not for Raise

So then I repeated the spell, saying "GIMME A RAISE" instead. And then you know what happened? Do you know what happened? I got two raises. One, followed by a second one about a week later.

See, I didn't have to do the mental gymnastics to make my spell work, because my spell was already working. But I really really wanted to see results, so I convinced myself that my spell was so vague that the results were inaccurate. In initially casting the spell, I didn't have to say 'gimme a raise' because I knew that this spell was for a raise. I was confident in that. But then when I let my confidence waiver, I almost accepted a vague result.

[leaps from a ledge, through a web, into a pool of water]

Anyway. What am I saying? Know what you want, sure. When you see results, ask yourself 'Is this really a result, or do I just really really want it to work?' Analyze the results you got. Write them down. Was it exactly what you wanted? Great! Was it sort of what you wanted? Figure out why. Hit your spell with a wrench. Figure out what's wonky. Try it again, but different. In this house, we don't accept spells that only kinda work if you squint at them and tilt your head a bit. We pop the hood and figure out wtf is going on in there.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Concept: enemies/rivals to lovers au where malec decide to hook up and have "hate sex" bc "I hate u but that doesnt mean u arent hot" but then it somehow ends up getting really tender and sweet anyway (bc of course they're both pining whether they realize it or not... bonus angst: magnus realizes and is Hurting alec is oblivious) and afterwards theres just this awkward silence of hm.. that was... Not hate sex

Bonus if it begins rough (not actually hurtful but rough) like alec slams him against a wall and it's all Flirting and Teasing but them they get to the making out and it's less rough and more very soft. (Also thinking alec slams magnus against a wall and magnus, embarrassingly, melts immediately bc he sub,, alec may tease him a little but hes also nonjudgemental and weirdly soft and magnus is like 😊)

hmmmmm i do love this concept but tbh i have trouble imagining a enemies to lovers au with malec because lmao when would they ever hate each other. i mean they had the perfect setup for this with alec being a shadowhunter but they’re just like nope. we ain’t about that life. like dahdsaidhasihdaihda

i guess rivals works tho, like they’re both competitive and turned on by competition oops yeah magnus reinvigorating sure and talented so i can see them both being like, idk athletes or some other shit who cares, and they’re like on opposing teams and there’s a rivalry going on because they’re both the aces

or if we want to be a healthy amount of ridiculous that fits our boys, they are just like. pool rivals in the local bar. izzy or fucking somebody dragged alec to the bar one (1) time and because alec isn’t big on drinking or noise or anything he just beelined to the pool table, and magnus immediately joined him, and they just turned like. VICIOUS. immediately. because they’re both about as good and competitive

so it becomes kind of a Thing - every saturday night they’ll “happen to be at the bar” and “see each other” and be like “i want a rematch” and monopolize the pool table. i mean other people can join them but it’s hell because they’re so focused on each other they just keep quipping and bantering and basically all but ignoring them. and everyone is like sigh. but it’s fun to watch so other ppl quickly start getting there to watch them and making bets and shit, and it gets the bar considerably more popular, so the owners aren’t mad

(i’m picturing that the owners are meliorn/maia/raphael because hoo boy am i a slut for the polycule. maia is the bartender and raphael cooks and meliorn kind of handles logistics. simon is a musician but he plays there all the time too and they’re all together and it’s cute. anyway that’s why magnus is always there, he always comes to see raphael and they spend most of the afternoon talking - idk he works mostly at the counter along with maia? look don’t question me. also earlier there aren’t a lot of people anyway so it’s mostly slow so they’re going around and getting everything ready and magnus helps okay let me have this - until eventually raphael sighs all like “tall boy is here” and magnus turns and sure enough, there is alec and there they go to the pool table)

okay so eventually alec learns that magnus is usually there on tuesdays as well as saturdays, so he starts coming in on tuesdays too because it’s better anyway and he gets to play and unwind with like, less people around, and it’s nice. and that’s when they start to know each other a little more deeply because they can engage in conversation without anyone watching (well. the polycule is definitely watching, but subtly. raphael will deny it in the face of overwhelming evidence but they all know he’s watching and desperately rooting for magnus and getting way too invested in their pool games) and actually like, talk about themselves without feeling weird? you know. usually they start talking to try and “distract” the other but their banter comes in so easily and they do have a lot of common interests and experiences and it just progresses naturally. talking and playing, playing and talking

(lmao there’s probably a point when magnus won’t be able to go to the bar as usual and he lets raphael know and raphael’s all teasingly like “should i tell tall boy not to come then?” and magnus is like don’t be ridiculous. but alec comes in and raphael tells him that magnus isn’t here today and alec is like *SULKS* and maia just kinda pets him on the head and it’s funny and ridiculous okay)

ANYWAY onto the theme of this ask (god why can’t i stick to the original idea for anything ever) they start to know each other better and fall in love and all that jazz, but their whole relationship is like. laced by the competitiveness and the game, you know? so they’re like ah yes haha we’re definitely rivals not friends at all. yes i did tell him some of my secrets and past experiences and we see each other almost every week why do you ask

and there’s obviously a lot of flirting involved because you CAN’T tell me that they don’t get turned on by competitiveness and each other’s skill, okay. like alec will score or whatever it’s called and magnus is equal parts big mad because they’re tied again and just like oh myh ofd so muhc arm jhmmmm strong competentt,,, god please fuck me until i cant speak and magnus has Even More Arm so alec is just watching him (also he’s so graceful and flexible and focused and every time he gets into position to idk what it’s called you get the idea, do the thing, alec is just. mesmerized by his movements and looking respectfully. and then he scores and smirks at him and alec is like god DAMN it you little brat i’m going to fuck you so hard haha what who said that) 

so anyway they flirt a lot and you can’t tell what is bantering and that is flirting anymore, and the sexual (and romantic but they don’t wanna acknowledge that. tbh mostly romantic because while i love some good ole sexual tension i feel like sometimes fics like this rely too much on that and u can’t feel the romance but like, they definitely start to talk about their lives and have a lot of fun together not just sexyal tension you know? like most of the time they’re really just talking normally about their days and they open up and just talking to each other makes them feel so much lighter and that’s why they keep coming back, you know? but they also flirt) tension is thick and eventually they end up kissing kinda roughly and passionately

and YEAH it begins kinda rough like wall slamming and all and magnus is all melty and like of course they’re not gonna do anything kinky because that’s a kinda spur of the moment thing and they didn’t discuss boundaries, or anything. but just like alec towering over him, kissing him roughly, clearly taking control and magnus being super into it and grabbing him and bringing him closer and wrapping his legs around him and just humping him and moaning? hmmm delicious 

anywAY yeah they’re supposed to have “hate sex” (not like really hate but more like, oh my god i’m so tired of you teasing me all the time and being an asshole and my totally rival not anything else, we should fuck about it) but like. they’re just. in love tbh and soon the kisses turn more reverent and alec’s wandering hands get softer and start just exploring and loving and it’s suddenly slow and sweet and he’s kissing every inch of magnus’ skin (even as magnus is kinda bratty like come on alexander, fuck me) and it’s just hmmm just great and loving. and alec fucks him slowly and magnus kisses him deeply and they’re both holding each other close and when magnus comes he lets out this beautiful moan and alec comes too, all like “oh my god, you are so perfect, so beautiful” 

and then they’re kinda like, panting and coming down from the high, and maybe they even kiss again after they’ve come without realizing what they’re doing? just like hmm good and nice and they’re still embracing and alec’s dick is still inside of magnus lol and they kiss slowly and languidly and then they just kind of come down from the high and look at each other like. oh god. shit. fuck 

but there’s no denying it so they’re just kind of like. hm. i guess we should. talk about this? haha. and they do because we stan healthy communication and that’s the story of how malec used hate sex as an excuse to be boyfriends 

[lancelotdeservedbetter]

@asswheat i was gonna jam them into the same post but i got a bit carried away so Morgause is here

-Kilgharrah was hatched in about 450 BC by a dude called Ryan. Ryan didn't mean to hatch any dragon eggs, he didn't even know dragonlords were a thing but about a month after his dad died he was chilling with some of his friends trying to work out what the weird looking egg thing he'd been left was and they were all guessing. Thelxiepeia though it was just a really fancy rock and they all went yeah that's probably right. having forgotten about the dragon egg, they started absentmindedly singing a song they'd heard in the square yesterday and Ryan went a bit off script with the lyrics

Ryan: La la laaa la O DRAKON

his friend: i dont think those are the words- FUCK ME WHAT IS THAT

Baby kilgharrah: greetings. why am i alive

and Ryan goes to his mum asking what the hell he just did and she's like oh yeah sorry did i not tell you? here's a book of dragon stuff that you should probably learn unless you want this little guy to destroy the world

Ryan: you wouldn't destroy the world would you, buddy?

Kilgharrah:

Ryan, squinting:

Kligharrah:

Ryan: yeah i'd better start reading

-Kilgharrah has the time of his life fucking about in ancient Greece. so many people to harass and a lot of them are out of it enough that they don't even question him being a dragon

Kilgharrah: hello sir!! how are you today

Archimedes, who has been awake for six days staring at spheres: cirmcle

-He starts looking for people to teach him stuff. He's worked out pretty quickly that it's always more fun knowing stuff so you can be weird and cryptic and he makes it his mission to learn everything. his most important skill, of course, is being a little bitch. the guy he learned that from? Socrates. you know that philosopher who asked 'why?' so much that people had enough and executed him? Kilgharrah saw him get sentenced to death for annoying people and went fuck yes i will have some of that.

Socrates, in prison: so i kept asking why. just all the time. relentless. anyway now they're killing me. don't know what their problem is

Kilgharrah, taking notes: wind people up, do not admit to being wrong, got it

-He has grievances with a number of significant historical figures: Caesar, Hippocrates (do no harm, what a load of shit) and at least six popes but his biggest beef was with Alexander the great. Kilgharrah did not like the cut of his jib and started calling himself the great dragon to irritate the guy

Kilgharrah: great? you're not that great? what if i take your name huh ill be the great dragon? how do you like them apples?

Alexander: i'm literally just trying to have a good time and kill my cousins can you go away

-He loves to take credit for organising the Caesar stabbing

Kilgharrah to Merlin: i am the great dragon. i have been there for many an event. in fact, i co-ordinated the death of Julius Caesar

Brutus, rolling in his grave: you did fuck all!! you came to one meeting!! stop erasing my organisational achievements!! you know how hard it is to get 60 people to do one thing? PRETTY HARD

-Kilgharrah comes to Albion around the time of Commodus because Commodus is a bitch and he's heard about a land with other dragons. He lives in Fingal's cave for a few hundred years, watches a couple of civilisations end, you know how it is

(this is Fingal's cave look at this and tell me it's not a dragon cave i fucking dare you)

-He spends some time with the druids, sneakily learning their prophecies, which is quite an accomplishment. it's very difficult to be sneaky when you're an enormous dragon. He knows the prophecies are not to be read yet but he can't help himself, he wants to know everything.

-Kilgharrah eventually meets another dragonlord. His name is Rowan and he seems like a very nice man even if his three year old son Balinor is a bit of an asshole. Rowan officially introduces Kilgharrah to the kingdoms of Albion, including Camelot.

-In Camelot, there is a woman named Vivienne. She is either blessed or cursed, depending on who you asked, but is consumed by the gift of prophecy. She has no magical ability but it is strong in her blood. Kilgharrah knows the prophecies and knows who her daughters will grow up to be and decides it's his mission to kill her. He waits until she's an adult so it's a fair fight. (He wouldn't make that mistake again, that's why he encouraged Merlin to murk Mordred while he was still a child) The slight flaw in his plan was Rowan died before Vivienne was an adult, leaving Balinor with his powers and Balinor didn't seem to approve of murdering her for some reason. Balinor used dragon speak to stop him every time except for the last, when he wasn't there. Instead, he was threatened to stay away from Vivienne by Ygraine Du Bois, who waved a sword in his face and called him some very mean names. After that he gave up. if the queen wants her son's greatest enemy and attempted murderer to be born, fine whatever, have fun dealing with that.

-When Balinor summons him to Camelot at the beginning of the purge, he's suspicious to say the least but if the king is willing to negotiate peace, he'll do his best. Unfortunately, the king is not willing to negotiate peace and knocks him out with a burning poultice. He wakes up chained below the castle, hearing the screams of sorcerers.

-Obviously being a prisoner isn't fun but listening to the bullshit happening around the castle is relatively entertaining. sometimes fun to scream telepathically and see who has magic. One guy didn't understand druid mind speak and thought Kilgharrah was his conscience, which Kilgharrah had a field day with

-He doesn't really know what to do with Merlin. On one hand, he's an all powerful sorcerer destined to bring magic back to Albion. On the other, he seems kind of annoying. Kilgharrah opts to just be helpful but in the most unhelpful way he can think of.

-Attacking Camelot was more of a stress relief kind of thing. imagine you're just chilling in prison and this dramatic little bitch starts using you as his therapist. suddenly you have responsibilities again?? and he doesn't even listen to you?? why not fuck around and burn down the kingdom