#they're beautiful birds and those mean humans hurt them

[number1spongebobfan]

I will be honest, I didn't feel like coloring this one. Enjoy the lineart instead!

[mellifluousprince]

in progressive spaces there are so many unique, personable expressions of what it means to be a woman, and how girlhood is this beautiful open ended thing that everyone has their own definition of. I think it's wonderful to see women bond over their shared experiences & find companionship in each other as a result. meanwhile, what it means to be a man is essentially getting pigeonholed into this idea of being some violent, sex-obsessed beast; both by obnoxious men who keep pushing the whole alpha male manosphere garbage, and by women who see that trend & then view all men that way, ascribing every man with the label of a monster in order to protect themselves. there's nowhere else you can go. if you try to strike out on your own and define masculinity in your own way, in the eyes of everyone else you just fade into obscurity. it's like you don't even exist. the worst part is, it feels like i'm the only one who wants masculinity to have a broader meaning. so many other men i know want so badly to live up to this ridiculous ideal being forced on them. meanwhile i've known my whole life that i'll never be an "alpha male", because i don't want to be. but even if you don't subscribe to all the manosphere stuff and live your life free of those toxic expectations, as long as you're a man you'll only be thought of as bland and uninteresting. Women are seen as these inherently ethereal gorgeous beings(they're not, they're just people and saying this just further pressures them into feeling like they need to be attractive objects, but that's a different post), and men are either monsters or...nobodies. "Just some guy". John Doe. If that's what you want, then that's all well and good. But is that really all there is to being a man? when you strip away all of those preconceived notions about how men should look or behave or be seen by others, then what is masculinity, really? ideally, it should be the same as femininity in the sense that it's whatever you want it to be. you can see yourself in a traditional sense, as a proud, strong warrior who fights for honor & protects and provides for his loved ones, or a more non-traditional way, a demure prince who waits calmly for a princess or knight or other lover to sweep him off his feet. you can romanticize yourself as anyone you want: a hardworking scholar who wants to learn as much as he can or improve the world around him, a powerful athlete who lives for the joy of sport, an early-bird baker who embraces the quiet life, an iron-willed blacksmith who endures the forge to arm his brothers and sisters, a singer who lends his strong voice to uplifting the oppressed, a warm-hearted husband and/or father who has so many good wishes for others. sky's the limit. i understand why women often put men in a box and view men the way that they do. if you don't know a man's intentions, it's safer to lead with distrust. but i know in my heart that i would never hurt anyone like that, and so i don't want my personal sense of masculinity to be defined by those men who do such horrid things. i don't think any man should personally feel like their masculinity is synonymous with being a monster. i think they should burn the manosphere to the ground and just find the answer themselves. what's manlier than that? someday i hope people will feel comfortable enough to no longer think of masculinity as this stagnant, unmoving collection of violent, angry traits. i want it to be sought after and romanticized the same way femininity often is; as another equally glorious representation of what it means to be human.

[misc-obeyme]

Would you do a fanfic about mc hurting them selfs ( brothers +dateables)

Or (if you don’t wanna do that) ((understandable))

How would the brother react to little paper origami cranes

*have a good day*



Hello there and thank you for the request!

I'm afraid I wasn't sure if you meant that MC hurts themselves on accident or on purpose. I can certainly write about MC accidentally hurting themselves and that would likely be pretty fluffy coming from me lol. I can do angst too but if we're talking about self harm, that's a bit too heavy of a topic for me. So if you did mean accidentally hurting themselves, please feel free to send another request and I will gladly write that for you.

However, I absolutely loved the origami crane idea, too, so I went ahead and did that one for the brothers! It was fun to write, so I would be happy to do the dateables too if requested. I hope you like it :)

GN!MC is making origami cranes and the brothers react.

Warnings: None!

Lucifer

Ah yes, he's heard about this. Isn't paper folding an art form in the human world? Your tiny cranes are well crafted, MC.

Teach him how to make them and he's instantly better at it than you are. His cranes are perfect.

He's secretly quite pleased that you showed him how to make them, though. If you sneak into his office when he's not around, you'll find discarded paperwork folded into little cranes.

Keeps a handful of the ones you made on his desk.

Mammon

He's curious about what you're doing when he sees you folding little pieces of paper. Actually watches you in fascination until you present the finished product to him and blow his mind.

What! How did ya turn that scrap paper into a little crane, MC? And you didn't even use magic?

He's gonna struggle a bit if you try to teach him how to make them. He might even give up until you tell him that origami cranes are good luck. Once he's sufficiently motivated, his cranes are almost as perfect as Lucifer's.

You make him one out of gold origami paper and it becomes one of his most prized possessions.

Leviathan

Levi is pretty sure he's seen these little origami cranes in an anime before. They're symbols of prosperity, aren't they, MC?

Catches on really quickly when you show him how to make them. He gets really into it and finds other folding patterns. You guys end up making all kinds of different origami objects.

Makes cranes in the colors of all his favorite anime characters. He might even draw his own themed patterns on the paper before folding it.

Puts his cranes and your cranes together in the display case in his room. Keeps several that you made around his computer.

Satan

MC, are those origami cranes you're making? He's impressed with your paper folding skills.

Of course Satan has read about this in books. He knows quite a lot about the history of origami and the significance of the crane.

Lets you show him how to do the folds and makes a few himself. He enjoys the process as it's rather relaxing. You look away for two seconds and he's already coming up with a way to fold the paper into a cat. You have to look up the real instructions for it, but he's actually not far off.

Give him some of your cranes and he'll flatten them out to use as bookmarks.

Asmodeus

What are these adorable paper birds, MC? The patterns on this paper are so beautiful!

You tell him about origami and he's fascinated. He loves them so much, he's so excited for you to teach him how to make them himself. Asmo is pretty good at making delicate things, as it turns out. His cranes are gorgeous.

He takes several of your cranes in various patterned papers. You wonder what he's going to do with them. Later, you discover that he used them as inspiration for little origami crane hair clips. He will insist on doing your hair with them.

He hangs your cranes around the vanity in his room.

Beelzebub

Another one who has no idea what he's looking at, but finds it fascinating. The concept of folding paper into little birds without any magic is amazing.

Teach him how to do it and he'll struggle at first. But he's determined to make a good one for you, so he keeps at it. Gets real focused on it.

He's amazed that you can make these so easily, MC. Eventually makes one that turns out really good and gives it to you in satisfaction.

Keeps your cranes in his room where he keeps his snacks. That way he sees them frequently and they make him smile.

Belphegor

Hmm origami cranes, huh? He's heard about that. Folding paper into little animals, right, MC?

He'll make a little bit of an effort to make one if you try to teach him. But let's be real, he'd much rather watch you make them.

You make him a few, then switch to origami stars. Now you've got his attention. He's not going to try any harder to make these, of course, but you can tell he really likes the ones you've made.

Go into the attic a little later and you'll find all the little stars and cranes you made hanging from the ceiling.

masterlist | part 2 with the side characters | Thank you for reading!

[lovestaged]

✱    the verses (more tba)  open for any connections / plots tbh!

- horror verse: you see, despite whatever stories (truths and lies alike) that she tells about her past, you know for one thing is that siyue is not one to be trusted. after all, the ghosts that follow her around would be the dead giveaway. she does an exceptionally great job at pretending nothing's wrong, really, but only she knows what goes on behind closed doors when she's alone. facing her demons surely isn't her favorite pastime, but maybe she'd have to give in to their requests and demands to finally be left alone, and maybe that includes paying her own debt. (inspo tag: the horror of a carcass is the beauty of a butcher shop) - crime verse: the crowd that she likes to mingle with certainly isn't all that different from the likes of her. birds of a feather flock together, after all. none of them are ever innocent. so when she happens to be the witness of a murder in one of the most anticipated parties in downtown, it seems now that she has more than just her reputation to fear losing, and that includes her own life as one by one the party attenders who have been in contact with the victim start dying in mysterious ways all over.  - a darker crime verse: queenie enjoys competitions. but only when she's the one winning. many would say she’s good at what she does, that she’s born for it. but there’s always someone new, that has her feeling threatened. less about her records and status, but more about her pride and ego. but it’s alright, she’ll take it into her own hands to eliminate those who stand in her way, so that she's the last one standing, by whatever means necessary. after all, red is definitely her color. (yes let me write singer-slash-murderer!queenie thanks) (inspo tag: they say I did something bad but why's it feel so good) - heist verse: nowhere else to put her talents of charming and deceiving with a flair for the dramatic for good, especially after giving up a singer dream due to various reasons, siyue has ended up becoming the resident con artist, yet she loves working in groups, simply for the fact that there's always someone else to blame on whenever something goes wrong. plus, it's fun! (inspo tag: they're the hunters we're the foxes) (ps: highly inspired by da.phne k.luger in o.cean's eight) - reincarnation verse: (to be expanded - see you in my 19th life inspired) basically she reincarnated with previous memories of her past lives intact. still a singer here, having decided that becoming a high-profile celebrity surrounded by security should make it harder for someone to get to her, and is determined to get revenge because she gets murdered by the same person. every single life. only that she doesn't quite know who it is, or why. (inspo tag: i know hurt is a wandering song)

- apocalypse verse (re.sident e.vil): (to be expanded)

- supernatural verse: (to be expanded) a nine-tailed fox who has had amnesia, more or less after finally becoming human, or so it's said. - d.c comics verse: (to be expanded) she lives in go.tham because she's in debt after breaking an exclusive contract, thinking that she'd be well hidden in a crime-ridden city. what do you expect.

[takamikeiigos]

• though keigo tends to be loud, seemingly carefree, and outgoing, he's convinced himself that hero work is his #1 priority and he has zero time to be getting all up in a tizzy about feelings

• this man probably doesn't even know what a long, meaningful hug feels like. but what does it matter because he's a hero, he doesn't have time to be mulling over that kinda stuff

• now don't get me wrong, keigo has all of the basic human wants and needs for love, affection, companionship, etc. but has managed to tuck those thoughts away deep in the back of his mind

• so he spends his free time alone watching movies by himself while eating takeout, or finding somewhere high on the skyline to perch upon while the breeze caresses him and gives him comfort while he's deep in his thoughts

• when it comes to his avian characteristics and needs, he knows many people don't understand so he tends to them himself

• long tiresome processes of preening his own wings, often getting aggravated when he can't reach a spot or can't get certain feathers to lay flat

• or when it's that time of the season and he continuously chooses to go through his ruts alone because he hasn't allowed himself time to slow down and properly take care of it, because he grew up too fast and exploring his own wants and needs was never an option

• let's talk about keigo nesting during a rut bc of pure instinct but suddenly coming to the harsh reality that he has no one to share it with

• ouch

• imagine the first time he meets you

• you think he's probably the most loud and obnoxious motherfucker you've ever met but he grows on you over time

• its only after spending a bit of time by his side that you realize little things about him that kinda break your heart

• he smiles and jokes around a lot, but when you catch him deep in thought or slipping you notice the vacant stares that make him seem far, far away

• or the fact that he doesn't touch people unless they prompt first, whether it's a high five or a pat on the shoulder, but his hands mostly remain in his pockets or by his sides otherwise

• so it breaks your heart even more when you go to give him a quick hug before checking out for the day and he completely tenses up, clearly not sure how to react

• it occupies most of your thoughts that night, before it finally dawns on you that keigo didn't reciprocate because he didn't know how to (not literally, of course)

• from then on you touch him more often - like gently putting your hand on his shoulder when you're reaching over him, or placing your hand on the small of his back when moving around him

• over-all you're in his space more, always standing a few inches closer so your shoulders touch or your hands brush

• but let's talk about that one time you both go on a mission together and keigo gets knocked around a lil bit

• you're finally able to catch up to him and the idiot is standing there covered in bruises, feathers missing and his hero outfit almost torn to shreds, and he has the audacity to smile at you like he didn't just get knocked into next week

• he tenses again when you run up to him and pull him into a frantic hug, worry ebbing from your entire being but grateful that he's still standing and alive

• but the exhaustion finally catches up to him and its then that his wall comes crashing down, his arms wrapping around you like he's clinging to you for dear life, and his head is resting on your shoulder, coming free of all those heavy thoughts he's been carrying with him

• things slowly change after that

• months later you two end up together, like two pieces of a puzzle that were lost but finally found, a relief of a perfect fit

• he texts you constantly - whether it's of things that remind him of you, or a picture of a cat he saw while on patrols, or even just to let you know you mean the world to him

• when you’re both together he almost always ends up being the one to initiate physical contact now, staying close in your space and his hand always rest against you

• on nights after a long day of patrolling, he'll come over and you'll put a movie on, cuddling close together on the couch while eating the most unhealthy junk food you could find to take the edge off

• you catch him smiling to himself one of those times, and when you look at him curiously, he shakes his head and laughs quietly

• "'s nothing baby bird, just nice to finally have someone to do this with"

• on another tiresome evening of patrolling, he flies through your bedroom window (you always leave it unlocked and open for him) and perches on your windowsill

• you can instantly tell something is bothering him by the way he's holding himself, his wings twitching and his body tense

• so you beckon him to come sit on your bed with you, thinking maybe a back rub will ease the tension. but when he finally sits down in front of you, the disarray of tangled feathers is the answer to your unasked questions

• you tell him to relax and he does, but when you hesitantly run your fingers against his feathers he nearly jumps out of his skin

• you pull your hand away as if it was burned and when you ask if you accidentally hurt him, he flushes and avoids eye contact

• "no! no, you didn't hurt me. they're just.. sensitive. 'm just not used to people touching them like that. but it.. it feels good"

• so you continue running your fingers through his feathers gently, making sure they're all in place and pulling the loose ones from his wings

• he’s all breathy sighs underneath your hands and you swear you hear him cooing every once in a while and your heart melts at the amount of intimacy and trust

• it turns into a ritual after rough days, and neither of you mind it

《《 NSFW 》》

• so look, i’m not saying keigo is a virgin but we're gonna keep going with this little needy & touch starved trend we got going. to each their own

• keigo loves being touched, but he also loves touching you

• i’m talking always pressing up against you when you’re both alone, face nuzzled in your neck while biting and licking, hands on your hips and squeezing

• clinging to you when you’re about to get out of bed, or sneaking into the shower with you bc he misses your warmth and is craving some skin on skin contact, his head nuzzled into your shoulder and his arms wrapped around you from behind

• tbh he’s probably still half asleep as he does this, too. you basically have him completely limp in your arms when you turn to start scrubbing his hair

• i’m getting a little off topic, huh?

• he’s always trying to get your attention, especially when he knows you’re busy

• he’s almost always breathless when things get hot and heavy, nearly falling apart over a make-out session

• but when you finally get him out of his clothes and on the bed where you want him, the experience is one you want to relive forever

• he’s got this wonton facial expression, chest flushed and wings puffed out, lips parted with unspoken pleas as you touch him

• the first time you even touch his dick he nearly loses it, head tossed back and fingers gripping the sheets

• "fuck.. fuck that feels so good dove, please don't stop"

• he’s so sensitive, his skin feels like it might burst into flames because of how worked-up he's getting

• the sight of him falling apart from a simple hand job is a sight to see, something you weren't expecting to get you going but it is

• you stroke him slow, your grip just loose enough where he ends up having to work for it, all the while you're gauging his expressions

• keigo is a talker, loud and completely unashamed of the filth pouring from his lips as he fucks up into your fist, his jaw slack and his brown pinched in pleasure and concentration

• "please baby, right there. god, you feel so fucking good, please don't stop. fuuuuck"

• when you decide to touch his wings out of sheer curiosity, you weren't expecting to his reaction to turn you on as much as it did

• keigo arching off the bed with a broken "f-fuck!", yanking you forward into a harsh kiss as he moans broken please and appraisals into your mouth, whining

• he finally comes in thick spurts over your hand, his hips stuttering as he thrusts upward to milk the final drops of his come, chest heaving and breathy pants falling against your lips, his hands tangled in your hair

• touch starved, needy, and sensitive

don't get me started on my man's going into a rut. whoo, good stuff.

sorry this is so long!! i got very carried away once i got into it.

if anyone wants to request anything, please do?? i would love that, especially since I'm trying to learn more about this beautiful bird-boy. nonetheless i hope y'all enjoyed!!

♡ ky

[whaleofatjme1920]

Can I just have some Nice EJ hcs? I simp for this man, and I need that simp juice, and your writing of him surely gives me the juice of simp

Soft Eyeless Jack Things

Hi love bug, hope this simp juice is what you wanted and quenches your thirst <3

He's actually really, really gentle with cats and birds! I just think EJ has a super soft spot for birds especially. He likes most animals, but these two have a special place with him.

When he thinks no one is looking when no one is looking, he heads outside and feeds the birds. Ravens are weirdly attracted to him.

He's sometimes known as "The Raven Feeder" yes I love AC Valhalla

The birds are always flocking around him as he walks around in the woods

Sometimes they bring him little presents.

He also leaves them presents.

EJ is also big into gardening. He deals in poisonous plants mostly, but his flowers also really turn out well

I have a feeling he has a fondness for both elderberry and blue hydrangea! Don't touch his plants, he will fight you.

EJ won't admit it, but he's got a certain fondness towards smaller creatures - this includes humans.

He won't harm children is what I'm getting at. It's some weird moral code he follows. "Oh their organs aren't fully developed" headass you know you're soft shut up

When he's doing his medical stuff, he actually tries to be gentle if he knows the person is in pain. He doesn't want to exacerbate the issue or make the person act out worse.

EJ likes to journal! His penmanship is actually really beautiful.

People think EJ is perceptive but he actually learned to smell emotions. If someone is nervous, he'll try his hardest to not make them nervous.

EJ is also a little protective over people he recognizes as weaker and smaller than him. He says he doesn't care, but he really does.

7 times out of 10, he will put himself in front of danger to protect those he perceives as weaker than him.

EJ also tends to make tea for people if they're upset for whatever reason. He can tell what kind you'll like based on just looking at you (and also tends to choose based on why you're upset).

He also tends to give nicknames to people he likes! The nicknames tend to be weird as all hell based on little inside jokes he has with you!

He's a little sarcastic and sometimes a little mean but if he hurts you, he'll always be the first to apologize.

His pride is never too high to apologize to someone he holds dear.

EJ also really likes being out at night, big shocker. He can spend hours just looking up at the stars, getting lost in them.

He's actually big on astronomy.

Literally ask him about space and he will go off entirely.

Library hang outs!! He loves just getting lost in shelves of books learning and reading.

Everything from history to fiction and sometimes even fanfic he' just loves reading.

He made friends with his library's cat.

Her name is Bean. Apparently, she didn't have a name prior to, she was just the library cat. So he named her after she took a shine to him.

He loves Bean.

If you ever want to wander with him, you totally can. He's really good for just walking beside you in a conversation that is communicated in small glances, soft smiles and chuckles.

He's really good at being alone together.

[mondayrobot]

120-Day Fanfiction List (M)

A collection of my recommended Eren/Mikasa fanfictions for the first one-hundred and twenty days of the year.

Warning: The contents contain adult themes.

Rating: Mature

A Prompt for a Romp by Timid Mew

A bunch of short stories compressed together in one big pile. All of which are EreMika and AruAni.

Across Realities by BladeOfRain

Eren stands on Paradis Island as its saviour. Yet he could not help but question if the sacrifices he had made were worth it. They were free, but his demons still haunted him. He was ready to let go, but a second chance sparked hope inside him, hope that he had not felt for a long time. In this new reality, he strives to protect those he had lost and protect the future of Paradis.

After It's All Done by somecatastrophe

In another life, there was no one waiting on the other side of the sea. Thus Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman get to live the peaceful and domestic life they always wanted.

Came Out Swinging by fevversinherhair

Nine months ago, Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman fought for the first time. Eren pursues his MMA career, Mikasa goes off to college. When his first big amateur match brings them back together, old memories and new feelings muddle the issue.

Encounters by rainycliff213

Mikasa had not expected to find a creature like him, supposedly extinct for millennia, wandering in the same woods as her. The monsters had for centuries terrorized humanity, and it seemed she was the next victim.

Yet, after her escape, it seemed that neither the princess nor the monster could shake their encounter.

fide et amor by hellsiren @zoldyckvevo

drabbles. Eren, Mikasa, and a different kind of love.

Four Years by Kaekiro @kaekiro

A collection of drabbles that center around Eren and Mikasa's life after running away together.

Hearts afire by Sharinganblossoms

Collection of eremika snippets exploring the spectrum from canonverse to AU.

In another life by Sharinganblossoms

In a world without walls and burden and dreadful fate their paths collide once again.

Matrimony by waddlestreet

A marriage of convenience between Azumabito Princess, Mikasa Ackerman and General of Eldian army, Eren Jaeger.

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore by ygrittewildthing @ackermanstyle

Historia Reiss could not have approached Mikasa Ackerman with the idea of joining a band at a better time. After a falling out with Armin Arlert and Eren Jaeger, Mikasa decides to take her up on her offer joining alongside Ymir Langnar (bassist), Sasha Blouse (drummer), and Annie Leonhart (guitarist). With their new keyboard player and lyricist, they set off on a journey that takes them away from their hometown. After winning the battle of the bands, they scored a record deal. As they set out to record their first album, their past begins to catch up to them.

my most beloved by misswongs

Within the false reality he's created, in a cabin that encompasses all of the selfish desires he'll never have, Eren makes sure Mikasa is happy. She’s here, and for a quiet, fleeting eternity, she’s his.

Mysterium by dialectus @dialectus

She sees him change, he sees her grow. After discovering a piece of the world to call their own, two troubled souls find solace in each other

Never again by iliankasmoulinka91 @ili-akkaman

On the verge of death, they both regret what could have been but was never. But there is always an afterlife.

Oath by StormyInk

She didn't want to leave Eren but her past had caught up with her and she refused to let those shadowy fingers reach him, refusing to keep putting him in danger, even if it meant tearing herself out of his life. "Are you coming?" Levi asked her & she looked away from the boy who'd saved her life all those years ago. It was time to keep the oath she'd made. "Yes. I am."

On a Beautiful Mountainside, I Love You by sentimentalblue @isayamasideblog

How easy it was to run. Runaways. That’s what they are.

Sight Beyond Sight by Timid Mew

Mikasa ponders over the loss of her sight, making her feel isolated and detached. Eren, however, quickly shows her that even though she's lost the use of her eyes, she still has him.

Somewhere Impossible and Lovely by rainycliff213

Could they escape it all, if they ran away? Would a life in peace be worth it?

Stress Relief by Pepin-Bones

Soldiers lead stressful lives, which means they need ways to unwind and cope with the stress of what they see and what they do - sometimes in unconventional ways. But Eren thinks it's ridiculous, or at least he did...

Teenagers by theothardus

In a world of no Titans, they would be normal, and normal teenagers might snuggle up, and Mikasa might be the one to make the first move.

The Journey by adieemus

Running away to the edge of the world with her lover, makes a soldier wonder how to get back living in her own body, after holding another in her arms for one night.

The Life I Wished For You by Timid Mew

Eren never expected to find a woman tucked away in the dark depths of a deep cave when finding shelter from the rain. He also never expected her to be a mythical creature only depicted in books.

the way home by bacondestiny @@inbothourhandsgloria

Eren crosses the ocean on the backs of his Colossals.

They can swim; he cannot. This body is too huge, too dense. He has arms but they’re useless. He has legs but they drag after him. He scuttles along the ground on his hundreds of protruding ribs. He feels them puncture the soil, the sand. Rocks scrape against the exposed bone, and when he stands on the blisteringly hot exposed muscle of his Titans, the water steaming up around, it would be enough to char if it weren’t for his healing. He’s kept on the brink of burning, unable to let the heat kill his nerves.

It hurts.

But it only lasts a few hours.

And while the steam still burns, while the pressure on the points of his ribs is odd and painful, now, it is time for others to hurt —

—“Mikasa,” Eren says, shaking her awake. “Mikasa, wake up.”

this love we share by MintToy @minttoy

She loves him and he loves her back. On the surface, it seems easy, but she knows in some dark crevice of her mind, that even though love is selfish – escaping to these mountains was selfish – it is also good.

Her source of strength. The root of his humanity.

Time will come when it will teach her to grow, too.

Through Thick and Thin by Moonstars (Flamingo27)

Eren is a university student with a bright future ahead in the field of medicine, very much like his father. At the same time, Mikasa is a student in the same university, specifically in the nursing school. Just like the green-eyed boy, she is very much considered a genius in her department. When the two met, they fell in love and it was widely known in the university for both of the students had a promising future in their respective fields.

However, a sudden revelation had shattered both of their future plans: Mikasa’s unexpected pregnancy.

Till Death Do Us Apart by misswongs

Through the confined expansions of the wood that it's made of, through the grass, the trees, the birds soaring in the skies, they feel each other. They exist for one another, holding on to whatever is left of their fragmented bodies and withered souls—for everyone will be bone and ashes soon but they're still here, still flesh and blood, still alive.

Still alive.

And for now, just for now, it's enough.

we'll never be those kids again (but we can try) by rilakkuma5 @uhhstar

She had hoped this would happen differently. In an ideal world, it would have. They’d have been blushing and fumbling. Awkward laughter. Unsure hands. Soft kisses. All of it. In an ideal world, this would have played out like her fantasies—tender and loving.

But the world is ending. For the umpteenth time. She’s lost count.

What Ifs by qeen124

"I love you, Eren."

She gasped as soon as the words came out of her mouth. There was a sense of relief, followed by a wave of panic. She kept her eyes fixed on the ground. Suddenly, she saw his shoes step closer to hers, and felt his fingers lift her chin up, allowing her dark eyes to settle into his.

He didn't speak a word but what he did next was more than enough as a response.

Your one and only Dark Knight by kuchenackerman @kuchenackerman

In the daytime I’m Eren. Just a normal boy with a normal boring life. But there’s something about me that no one knows yet. Emphasis on yet. ‘Cause I have a secret. No, but seriously, can I at least tell her? It's so unfair...

You can also check out: 2020 Eremika Fanfiction Masterlist

[patchun]

WBaWC Deep Dive: Part 1/2

Lots of philosophical ideas are presented and explored in this game. In this post I aim to point them out. ZUN stated this in his SCooW interview:

"There isn't any sort of obvious theme to the story this time. It's mainly just an introduction of "there's a world like this out there". There's a variety of things going into that world, particularly satire, but if you ask what the work wants to show you, there isn't much in particular. "Here's this world called the Animal Realm, and here's these various elements spread throughout it."

And after doing a ton of digging... yeah, I think he's right. I was kind of hoping there would be something unintentional, but because the perspectives of the human and beast spirits aren't really shown, and only the spirits of their rulers, taking an actual message away from this game is very difficult. That said, I feel with this game more than any other, it's very easy to identify why certain decisions were made. Why is the first boss a stillborn child? Isn't that pretty random? No, let's look into it.

The story this time is quite complicated, so you may not be able to see the whole picture if you just play as one character. To be fair, you may not be able to do so even if you clear them all. (lol)

This will obviously be based on my own interpretation. Long post ahead.

Eika Ebisu. The soul of a stillborn child, and a master of stacking stones. Importantly:

She and the rest of the stillborn child spirits at Sai no Kawara stack stones as work every day. They stack stones as work, in Shinto mythology this is as repentance - because they brought sorrow to their parents by dying too early. Kind of morbidly amusing, I guess, but ZUN makes it a point to say this:

She's also a god of fortune who's able to change simple, pointless work into something that's enjoyable and worth doing, and who can make the best out of any bad situation.

Her ever-cheery demeanor, bright intellect, and penchant for constantly holding exciting new events like stone-stacking contests makes her the Sai no Kawara's resident idol, beloved by all the children's spirits there.

With the spirits of stillborns, yes. I feel like it's more hopeful to portray them as having fun in the afterlife, you know?

Being a god of fortune, Eika is able to make stone stacking FUN. The simple labor of stacking stones for these kids is no longer labor for repentance, but a game, thanks to her (NOTE: labor.) For that reason she is the resident "idol". She is probably the most healthy idol in the game, according to the ideology ZUN seems to be presenting, but we'll get into that later. There's more to this character.

In philosophical discussions of animal rights, when we ask "what is it that makes humans worthy of moral rights", we try to find a criteria. Something that humans have that nothing else does. That criteria then needs to be defended as being a good reason for humans to have moral rights. Used to, sentience was the argument made for human uniqueness. Humans are sentient and conscious, while animals are, in Descartes' scummy terms (sorry, I hate Descartes) "mere automata". We worked on this assumption from that idiot for years, but recently it has been scientifically proven that animals, at LEAST mammals, birds, crustaceans, cephalopods, and reptiles, are sentient, and it is summarized in a document called the Cambridge Declaration of Consciousness.

So this proves a problem for those who believe animals aren't worthy of moral rights. So then, what else do humans have that animals don't? Why are we special in deserving moral rights? Well, that would be our intelligence, right! Even the smartest animals are only about as smart as a five year old (this is not actually true but let's just pretend it is, they're smarter). But then, if intelligence is the criteria for moral rights, then what exactly is the system here? Does that mean that children are less worthy of moral rights than adults because they aren't as intelligent? Does this mean that people who mentally disabled and not viewed as "intelligent" by parts of the populace should be less deserving of moral treatment?

This has been a veryyy simplified summary of the discussion, but here's where it gets even more interesting. You see, here, two controversial ethical topics meet - abortion and animal rights. Because if you want to argue that sentience OR intelligence are the criteria for moral rights, then in either case, early fetuses absolutely do not have moral rights! This is a problem for anti-abortion arguers, which is a funny intersection in my opinion. I bring this up because, of course, while Eika is not an aborted fetus as far as I know, she is still a fetus. She is quite out of place in a game where the rest of the opponents up to Keiki are animal spirits, right? But no, the fetus and children in general actually have a very philosophically interesting place in animal rights discussions, because oftentimes to argue that animals are not deserving of moral rights you also have to take away the moral rights of children. In case this whole thing has left you confused, the side I took was that sentience IS the criteria for moral rights, meaning both animals and children have moral rights, while fetuses don't.

Now, what does Eika tell us about this? Well, nothing. Just that ZUN seems to have thought about it, really. But there are two keywords that apply broadly to WBaWC as a whole when talking about Eika:

Labor

Moral value

So let's continue.

Urumi Ushizaki. Seeing a farm animal after a stillborn child really set off some alarms. Her name translates to "moist beauty". Not sure I needed to know that, but I came across it in my research so now you do too.

She carries a stone carving of a baby. Once she gives the baby to someone to hold, she makes it heavier and submerges them in the river. She was an awe-inspiring youkai who took advantage of humans' kindness. However, since she's forbidden to attack humans in Gensokyo, she currently runs a fishery at the Sanzu River.

If one tries to cross the river without a shinigami's permission, they'll be attacked by creatures like extinct giant fish and plesiosaurs. Nowadays, she spends her time domesticating those giant fish, and makes a living wage by sometimes selling them in Gensokyo.

A baby then a cow with a baby. Urumi is the "Parental Guardian of Ancient Fish". She apparently domesticates them and makes a living wage (interesting terminology?) sometimes selling them to Gensokyo. But, it's implied that as a fisher, she actually cares about these fish. In Reimu (Wolf)'s story:

Reimu: I'm fine, thanks. If it's just fish I'll have to deal with, I'll filet 'em no problem.

Urumi: That so? Fine by me, then. I won't hold back when I turn you into food for my beloved ancient fish!

When Reimu threatens her fish, Urumi gets defensive. She refers to her fish as "beloved" and suggests valuing them over the protagonist, even though she isn't supposed to attack humans. In the SCooW interview, ZUN is asked, more or less, what's up with the fish in the Sanzu river? He responds:

It's full of fish that died, or went extinct. They can't go to Hell or the Netherworld after they die, you see... since fish and insects are in a bit of a separate category, the way I think about it.

So, remember that distinction we made earlier when talking about Ebisu? How the animals that have been proven to be sentient are mammals, birds, reptiles (cephalopods, crustaceans)? That excludes fish and insects, and here, ZUN makes that distinction as well. Fish sentience is still pretty up in the air at the moment. But that said, if there's any unintentional message in WBaWC, I suppose it would be here.

The fact that Urumi is able to domesticate these ancient fish in the first place implies a certain degree of sentience, and moreso, even without that, Urumi pretty clearly ascribes moral value to her fish in Reimu (Wolf)! In almost all routes, she defends her fish and suggests she'll feed the protagonist to them, but Reimu(Wolf) makes it the most clear that she actually cares about them. Which, when you think about it, of course you'll care about the things you domesticate.

Also Urumi's design is so cool and yet no one draws her anymore. Justice for Moist Beauty. There is more to be said about the livestock theme of this character, but we'll get back to that when we talk about Yachie's profile.

Kuwaka Niwatari.

Her true identity is that of Niwatarijin, the god of wild chickens from before they were domesticated. People tend to think of chickens as being sort of weak and cowardly, but she's a polite and just god who values equality and altruism above all. She's quietly considering what she can do to help raise the status of chickens, who've been reduced to a food source for humans.

If you've been following along so far, you probably understand already where this is going. A few words may stand out here. Domestication, equality and altruism above all, status, and "food source for humans."

Kutaka is probably the blatantly nicest character in WBaWC, who tests you because she's worried that if you go further, you'll be hurt (after winning, of course, the protagonists insult her). There's not just a ton to say about Kutaka's character itself, but there is this tidbit in ZUN's interview:

Chickens don't usually have a very positive image attached to them. Calling someone a "chicken" certainly doesn't make them sound strong either, right? And the only other common impression of them is as food, so I tried to give her a dignified feeling.

So, ZUN has deliberately designed Kutaka to be dignified, noted that she is a character who values equality and altruism, and included that one of her motivations is to raise the status of chickens who have been "reduced to a food source for humans." What's fascinating is that by creating Kutaka this way, he has given us a message - ZUN believes, to a degree, that Kutaka's motivation is a just one. Kutaka is intended TO raise the status of chickens. So let me say this. To those of you who made fucking chicken wing jokes after this character was revealed:

STOP. FUCK YOU. STOP.

If you'd like to repent, you can start by stacking stones. Trust me, it's fun!

Now, all of this is cool, but part 2 is where it's going to get interesting - when we finally get to Yachie's profile, the description of the "Animal Realm" of Hell. I'm excited, but I need to make dinner. Part 2 coming soon.

[indigobackfire]

HPHM OC Profile ✧

Phoenix Nobleworth

" You're like a poisonous flower, Phoenix. Beautiful and inviting with all your colors and aromas and deadly force. "

Full Name: Phoenix Lazar Nobleworth Silverwood

Nicknames: Pheny. Birdy (by some of his Hufflepuff friends). Nobleworth. Silverwood (by Snape out of spite).

Gender: Male.

Birthday: 12th of May, 1973.

Born: Deva, Transylvania, Romania.

Mother: Biological: Antonia Lazar, full Veela. Adoptive: Clarin (née Tramer) Silverwood.

Father: Biological: Emilian Nobleworth, Scottish, Half-Veela, Gryffindor. Adoptive: Palmer Silverwood.

Siblings: Jacob Silverwood (b. 1968), Indigo Silverwood (b. 1973).

Ethnicity: Romanian, Scottish.

Species: Veela.

Sexuality: Heterosexual.

MBTI Type: IN(TorF)P-T (I can't decide, so he's both).

Blood Status: Half-blood (I think.)

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff.

Appearance

Eyes: His eyes are a shade between green and blue with very light tones of lilac depending on the light. But due to his Veela powers he can change them into an shape or color he likes.

Hair: A light shade of golden blonde, wavy, usually grown below his chin. (At some point, he dyed a strand turquoise to impress his crush, I know, wild.)

Height: He's reasonably tall usually towering by little other boys, with long legs.

• He's got those handsome looks expected from a full Veela, structural face but round features give him a soft look. He's very strong despite his slim figure. His skin is pretty fair but he has a myriad of scars from past transformations.

• He's told he's a perfect mixture of his parents which gives him a friendly and suave look that easily turns authoritative and seductive when he uses his Veela powers of seduction.

Veela Form: Different from what's described in canon, I like to imagine Veelas having feathers that differ from people to people. Phoenix's feathers are fair golden with the inner side of his wing in shades of red, the feathers go up to the knees and elbows while hands and feet become bird-like with long black talons. His features and ears become sharper, and his teeth, fangs. His eyes turn silver-white when he turns by his will and bright yellow when forced to turn.

Transformation is hardly ever painless and he often hurts himself and takes longer to heal because of the Veela blood. Both spells and potions don't work as effectively, which is why he fights to control his temper, beyond the fact he can end up hurting somebody else.

Transformation occurs when he's either angry, instigated or when someone pulls out a string of his hair. Unless for the latter, he has partial control over his transformation/consciousness (nevertheless requiring practice and focus).

Magical Aspects

Wand: Pearwood with Veela hair core and an amber stone for stability, 14'' and flexibility. "Pearwood produces wands of splendid magical powers, which give of their best in the hands of the warm-hearted, the generous, and the wise, also among the most resilient." Veela's hair core is known to be temperamental — which is why Olivander had trouble making Phoenix's wand, having to insert molten amber to the torn wand for stability. The hair came from one shed by his mother which they used to keep stored for such use.

Patronus: Thunderbird. The Thunderbird is a large, magical avian beast native to North America. A close relative of the Phoenix. They can create storms as it flies and is highly sensitive to danger. They possess three pairs of powerful wings and have feathers that shimmer with cloud-like patterns.

Patronus memory: The day his wizard powers started presenting themselves — he stopped a sculpture from falling on his dad's head within a beat of his heart — and they had a real feast that night.

Veela Abilities: Beyond the popular ability to seduce - which really began when he turned 14 -, Veelas can also dwell and create fire from their hands in human form but requires training to control.

Boggart:

Penny (in specific because he hates to see her cry) holding his dead sister, hurt and bleeding, and hearing Penny say how could he have done that, because he's terribly afraid of losing his control and hurting Indigo.

Riddikulus: Penny tuns into Tonks and Indigo wakes up saying it was ketchup and makeup all along.

Amortentia: Regular burning candles, purple passionfruit, the smell of the house/apartment he lives in with his family, Peppermint tea, and the smell of fresh clay.

Once he gets over the fear of losing control somewhere around the end of his 4th year, his boggart in year 5 turns into Inferius versions of his parents after he learns about them in DADA, but even worse than described in the textbooks, with bugs crawling out of their mouths, a half-rotten dragon head on their lap and clothes stained with nearly black blood.

He has a hard time using Riddikulus on that one.

Miscellaneous

Pets: A Flama Squirrel (I made up from a real one), a magical squirrel that sets itself on fire when threatened, mostly predated by smaller breeds of dragons and Chimeras. The Flama's liver is commonly used in Erumpent potion with the intention of increasing its property but its lack doesn't spoil the potion, and their glands used to be common in perfumes for aphrodisiac fragrances until they started going extinct from excessive hunting.

Things he always carries with him: His wand, a chocolate bar, his favorite quill, a flask of water, and his class schedule cause he forgets them very often.

Lucky Amulets: A feather from his mom and another from his dad that he can wear on his hair and does on special occasions.

Best Friends

His sister, but as I did for her, I want to write their relationship in another post.

Aspen: Not only his cousin but also one of his best friends. Their personalities clash, her being outspoken and feral, and him being softer and more collected, yet they can't live without each other. He considers himself her protector, but from how savvy she is, it's her who ends up protecting him most times.

Boy!Rowan: His first Hufflepuff friend having met at the Hogwarts Express on their first ride. Rowan is his best friend and partner in crime. They usually spend time reading, walking open fields, and helping his sister with her plans of finding the cursed vault. Rowan supports him with tests and homework when his personal life gets overwhelming.

Chiara: They easily bond after he finds out her secret about being a werewolf, and they share support and help in times of instability. They like going out on picnics and to watch the creatures in the reserve. They actually enjoy dueling each other for fun, it's cute.

Penny: His first crush while still a boy in Hogwarts, he enjoys her company from her confidence and overall bright personality. Despite growing out of his affection for her, they're still good friends and enjoy each other's company. He offers a comforting shoulder when her relationship with her sister gets tricky.

Diego: He and Diego take a long time until they officially hit it off. Diego's personality being too grandiose and extroverted for Phoenix's taste. But as soon as he discovers that Aspen has a mad crush on him, goes out of his way to find out more about him, not trusting him to be a proper suitor for her. Despite his opinions, with time, their relationship evolves into a sincere friendship from Diego's good humor and adventurous heart.

Badeea: The one person he never thought he'd be friends with considering her intellectual (Ravenclaw-like) demeanor and collected attitude. But one day, when she gathers the courage to call him to pose for one of her paintings, he finds out she shared the exact same thoughts about him. Their friendship is quiet-like and profound, they share their thoughts about recent reads and go stargazing.

Orion: He first interacts with Orion when his sister joins the Gryffindor quidditch team and never he would've guessed how much Orion would mean to him. But with time he learns that Orion's presence is a suave and soothing one, and when he confronts Orion about how he can be that way, he decides to guide him into spiritual and mental balance. They meditate, chill and bond over shared experiences -- both being orphans, cool-headed, and deeply compassionate people.

Dormmates: It's him, Rowan, Diego, and two muggle-born boys, Lance and Edward, through which they learn a lot from the muggle world.

Academics

Favorite Classes:

History of Magic (when his friends are teaching)

Herbology

Ancient Runes*

Divination

Least Favorite:

Potions

Arithmancy

Favorite Professor: Minerva McGonagall. She's just so thoughtful and poise, the coolest animagus and the most powerful witch he knows.

Least Favorite: Snape for obvious reasons. He doesn't hate Snape but he also rather not be in his presence in potions class.

Quidditch: He cheers for Gryffindor when his sister is playing against the other houses, but his allegiance is to Hufflepuff. Imagine his excitement when Cedric Diggory joined the team and came down slaying with his abilities.

Yum,yum my Hufflepuffy boy, I love him. Can't wait to get into more detail about his past and romantic relationships.

[rainecloud020604]

your ass better appreciate this

for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.