#they're all so fuckin grey morally lol

[dirkxcaliborn]

something that just really gets me about ensemble stars is that throughout the series, not only do characters grow and change, but you see that change as it happens and see how it follows through in their daily life as they make genuine efforts to become better versions of themselves

like... as an example there's a character (Izumi) who was super obsessive over another another character (Makoto) to the point that he straight up kidnapped him and held him captive. There was a big moment where Makoto finally made it clear to him that he needed space and Izumi promised to respect that.... but then!!! he still mostly acted the same and there was another moment where Makoto was able to talk to him and be like... dude you promised? but your actions aren't actually changing at all and I'm still really uncomfortable with how you interact with me.... and over time Izumi has gotten a lot better in holding back and actually giving Makoto space and respecting his boundaries.... and it's like. idk not only seeing a character go through an arc to improve upon a character flaw but also seeing that they don't just suddenly and magically change??? that change is difficult and that they struggle with it but ultimately and gradually make progress?????? like dude that is so fucking much

There's another character who has a huge issue with perfectionism and control to the point that he basically destroyed the autonomy of his teammates in a way that one is still struggling to come back from (while the other separated himself and has been able to heal from his interactions in either group) and to see him go from this massive control freak to understanding the harm he caused people and learning to let go???

like if you were to write a blurb about the characters at the beginning and look at them at the end.... rather than falling victim to the common narrative of simplifying all their character traits and exaggerating them to extremes... they were allowed to grow and develop and become better versions of themselves but ones that still made mistakes reminiscint of their initial flaws. They graduated high school and realized that their actions have consequences and they had to take responsibility for that.

And there's been a lot of major events that had lasting impacts on the narrative. Like it's just so nice I think to have a story about characters that isn't afraid to move away from who they were originally introduced as and doesn't feel the need to stick to a simplified version of them that's never allowed to change. They do make lasting decisions about themselves and the world around them that carry through the story. The obsessive characters are less obsessive but they still have a lot of personality and are very clearly the exact same character.

I'll stop now because I'm mostly restating the same thing over and over lol but it's like... idk we get the characters' pasts and their presents.... but there's also a future version of them that doesn't only exist in an epilogue. It's a version of them you actually get to see them working towards and that's just.... not something you often get in my experience

[wannaeatramyeon]

Do you write for Seo Haesu? even though he hasn't appeared much, that boy really drives me crazy 😭

I literally had to go back and reread some chapters to remember who that guy is. You can see I gave him a lot of thought lol. That boy is a blank canvas to me though. You probably can't tell with the shit I come out with but I do attempt to stay in character (key word is ATTEMPT) and he's too much of a mystery right now. Hey, having a shit imagination isn't a crime >:(

Anyway, have some fresh brainfarts... and thanks for the ask anon!

Some Seo Haesu bs (I can't in good conscience even call these headcanons)

I swear to god PTJ loves the 'i can fix him' trope.

What you making all these morally grey characters with sad backstories for?

What is there about Haesu? Well for one we know this guy just wants to eat. Hobin shared a meal with him once at that academy and they're bff. Literally the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Some parallels with Johan Seong (Lookism). I've seen Haesu described as a cat - definitely true. A stray cat vs a wild pup.

Haesu just wants a decent life, and to eat and sleep. This man is all of us.

Opposite in other ways - he's not reckless or childish and he is perceptive. Haesu is calm and collected, weighing up his options. But nowadays, what he wants he usually gets. Violence has a way of forcing people's hands.

Surprisingly doesn't bite the hand that feeds though, considering Hobin a friend even after the rejection.

IMO, VERY easy to break with kindness (like many of PTJ's fools).

Like I said, he just wants some good fuckin' food. He may have jinho on his side now but old habits die hard. You're just sitting there mid mouthful and this kid steals your food? "Im hungry" Tsk. Look at him in his scrubby clothes and overgrown bangs. You and your stupid weak heart. "Fine - take it. Have more. Are you full yet? Shall I put another order in?"

Or he had some sort of life up to 14, however pitiful it was. Imagine if you and your family were his only escape to whatever dreadful home life he had, kept him clothed and well fed until he's had enough of your charity... And had enough of being a burden. It's easier to go to juvie and that's what he chooses.

In both these instances, it's not that he seeks you out while working under Jinho but he can't figure you out. Nothing in his life is free, and kindness always comes with a hidden agenda - at least in his experience. So what's up with you?

[explodingchantry]

there's something a bit difficult when it comes to RPGs, in the freedom of choice you give players. there's statistics out there from bioware themselves actually lol that I've seen used a few times, about how the majority of mass effect players play paragon and only a few have ever touched renegade. The numbers for dragon age and its more "evil" options are likely similar. so the question that is thus raised is: do we allow our players to be evil? wrong? Or just... less than a perfect protagonist? Do we allow them to make morally grey choices, if the effort we put into this part of the game isn't seen by the vast majority of players?

i find that question stupid as fuck, personally. it's not a storyfocused, choice-heavy rpg if you don't allow your players to be absolute cunts. the player doesn't truly have a choice if the only options presented to them is "be a hero" and "be a hero but kinda rude about it".

Not only that, but really the very simple dichotomy of good vs evil itself is so .... reductive. this character is a hero, so they would not dabble in this morally reprehensible act. really? I find that the hero of ferelden is so much more fascinating if they had to make very difficult choices to save ferelden. i find it interesting when they carry the hurt from their origin and don't react to it in a poetic, or rightful way. i like when they're angry, when they're selfish, but most of all when they're scared.

i like when hawke is immensely flawed, because they're just some guy - a drop in an ocean, at the end of the day. a drop in the ocean who went through immense hardship and grief. why would they be rightful?

the quizzie has always felt to me like the most boring milquetoast pc to me theyre soooo boring their origin means nothing the dialogue choices don't mean anything and have no personality to it. it's like insane just how hollow the quizzie is -- and it's partly because you don't get those nuanced choices. really the most nuanced choice you get in dai is at the winter palace. even later when you get to decide who will be the literal fuckin divine, it all means so little. you're not engaged with the rammifications of your choices properly. even the winter palace only slightly passes that bar. and into the abyss is a fucking joke - akin to the writers admitting themselves that the only way to give you an engaging choice is to pit two beloved characters against one another and hold a gun to both their heads (or hold ONE beloved character against another you might vaguely remember from like one and a half cutscenes in dragon age 2).

in dao, a lot of the major choices you make aren't actually... easy. that boy in redcliffe -- do you rid him of the desire demon inside of him, and pass on incredible power (blood magic)? One demon, one abomination is nothing compared to something that might give you an edge against the blight, especially considering you're two very new grey wardens, begging the whole nation for aid they only mildly agree to offer. that choice has punch. it's interesting. it's not evil, but it's not good, either. it's nuanced.

da2 lacks it a little bit but with how much the mages' plight and blood magic is a part of the narrative, the very act of choosing to specialise as blood mage is significant. when the entire narrative, and especially characters whom you're meant to build strong bonds with, condemn this specialisation... do you even dare to look at its spells? Do you even dare to spend a point to unlock the blood magic mode? Do you engage with the slow build up of hawke's blood magic -- from simply using their blood to power their usual spells, to stealing their allies' lifeforce, to puppeting their enemies, and finally to stabbing themselves with their own staff to do devastating damage to the enemies?

blood magic is just such a fascinating specialisation, a fascinating gameplay choice. it has so many rammifications in terms of gameplay, storytelling, and characterisation. it's unique in its position, and serves as such an effective way to put the narrative into question through gameplay. it's genuinely such a shame to see this depth being flattened.

[bloodyraremedium]

Hello! I have seen you comparing the songs (mostly to how Mike is), could you go into a more detailed analysis of the last two, please?

aw yiss okay!!! i mainly think of them in animatic form so it was a bit hard to transfer that into writing but here we go!!! a bit of it needs theories to work but. oh well

so moonsickness i think works best for around ffps time. mainly cause of the lyrics There's so much to do/I'll never have the wherewithal to do it all again/Or fucking do it all at all and I've got one hundred hours to rearrange the stars

i think that works even better if you think that mike and henry worked together on ffps, and it really shows how much mike is just tired. Also with the amount of planning it must've took to get all the scraps and prepare for the end

lyrics like I am such a fuck up/If you only knew that I am such a fuck up and I'm the worst mistake that God has ever made are just like. general mike hating himself and thinking of himself like a monster etc etc, but if you wanna go deeper with the religious imagery of Henry and William you could really call either of them "God" depending on how you want it.

the repeating of The beast refuses to die is about springtrap/scraptrap "i always come back" stuff that mike is probably fucking sick of at this point.

Blood clots and death cramps would be good for michael getting scooped, while Blood clots and death camps could be a combo of william getting springlocked and the mci being led to their death unknowingly

Aztec circles of the death of all deaths/Concentric circles of torture wheels could defo be about william's remnant research and how it runs on suffering.

And in your blood you know what's right/And in your bones you know what wrong could play off the fact that mike no longer has blood or most of his bones lol, and how he's kinda morally grey for most of the story.

And you know nobody belongs in this hell/And there is not a single choice left to make would be mike knowing how it feels to be alive when you shouldn't, and that him and henry know there's only really one way to end it

I can't get the numbers right, I can't fucking count/Because not one goddamned thing is in its place would be how everyone including him, should be dead and buried and at peace. Or even alive and healthy and thriving.

Fucking up your definitions even though it's life or death/Who fuckin' told you you were selfish or even self-interested? is how the way william raised him sometimes make him question if maybe he's in the wrong somehow, the murders were justified etc etc

And it's not all you, man, you were just a kid once - how mike knows that his father had a terrible childhood too and at some point will was just a little kid like he was.

Everybody knows this place is dying, as am I/I might not get another chance/It's such a careful dance could be the difficulty of surviving the night, but mike knows they're just kids.

so for Feel Better. this would be super willry and charlie heavy. i like just thought of this so bear with me on this... it would also work with/without robo charlie (the whole thing is a little bit of a stretch but idgaf)

The book sits on top of clean and messy blankets/On a bed that fuckin' creaks at night when I get in it late and Or I'm a healthy baby-girl who traded sunshine for disease could be henry's depression and self-isolation after charlie's death and how he spends most of his time inside his house

I'm a communist, a terrorist, an MPDG thot/I'm a socialist, Marxist, libertarian slut/I'm a nihilist, a soldier, an OCD-machine could be a couple different things, but what I like most is Henry getting blamed for the MCI because of how suspicious he seems, and the town making up stories about him.

I guess I loved you, I guess I really loved you/All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew is how henry didn't really actually know william, he just knew the mask he always put on. This is also assuming Henry knows abt the murders at this point.

and we were all a train-wreck/And also somehow making it/I think I might've died there twice and I would do it all again is henry having good memories of when the restaurant first opened, and things were good.

I don't wanna get over it, I wanna rip the stars to shreds and I could tell I had a heart/And I wanna tear this fascist Milky Way apart would be henry's decision to start ffps and put everyone out of their misery

pretty much all of verse three is just henry being Sad and Reminiscing

Or I'm just really fuckin' selfish and really fuckin' lost would work great if you go the Robo Charlie route, since that was kinda a... not good thing to do.

I had my cake (I ate it, it ate me too and, God, no) is pretty much what the metaphor already means. He let William get close to him and paid the price for it.

And then all of the choruses are a combo of him being sad about Charlie's death and the "death" of the will he thought he knew. very sappy sad stuff

is this even coherent? i wrote half of this at like midnight,,,

[nerves-nebula]

ooo thanks for sharing more about Huxley! He sounds like a pretty interesting character! Very sad and I hope he gets to recover, but it sounds VERY interesting that you (might, no expectations of course!) explore the morally grey aspect of his role in the family unit (dude that is like.. I l o v e the exploration of morally grey situations. that's my j a m)

He sounds kind of like what people were calling a babygirl lol. A little noodle of a man. Does he have a favourite food?

possible tw?

If you go for a reality that's uh, similar to our own and homophobia exists, you could add another layer to why Huxley didn't get/failed to get outside help if he had a husband? An extra layer of social isolation and worry, and perhaps manufactured paranoia? idk just some thoughts!

YEAH haha im gonna have a lot of fun making him SUFFER. And also making him be just kind of a bad person. I mean he's not irredeemable but! Yknow! sometimes you do shitty things and sometimes your a shitty father and you gotta live with that.

tbh i havent decided a lot of cultural stuff about this story yet, but I know it's gonna take place in a different, magical world, so not too much like ours in that aspect.

but if I had to make something up on the spot based on vibes alone, then I think that the culture that Groe and Maureno currently live in doesn't have a concept of queerness or cis-het-ness as we think of it. So people would be mostly chill, and if they weren't it wouldn't be for the reasons we'd think (have to think about this more though)

meanwhile where Etik and her family come from (which is a different country/city/city-state to be clear) there might be more rigid ideas of gender and sexuality.

I like the idea of both societies being like, gay and trans "friendly" as in generally accepting of those identities as valid compared to the world we live in. But going about it in different ways.

So Groe & Maureno's culture plays it very loose with gender and sex and relationships, which is cool but can make people feel lonely because they don't have a community or a word to really pin down their experiences. But they also don't feel "othered" so it's not too bad.

MEANWHILE the Allwile family come from a place where you can be gay or trans or whatever but you HAVE to pick out a box and people will nitpick you if you step out of line.

for example, identifying as gay and then being bullied into identifying as Bi because you said you liked someone of a different gender one time, or identifying as a trans man but having people question you about it because you like to dress "like a woman" (whatever that means in that context)

Like, what if the worst queer community discourse was the predominant social structure, I guess XD?? So kinda queerphobic and obsessed with labels.

BUT this is all subject to change. I'm just spitballing ideas here and I think that could be a fun way to differentiate the societies (among other fundamental structural stuff that I'm still thinking about)

i need to like, come up with a name for this cultures or something. Groe and Maureno live in the fuckin woods in a big ole' magical settlement that they sort of founded together hundreds of years ago.

and the Allwile family lives in like, a huge manor?? i think?? near a city?? i dont have it all figured out yet but they're rich.