#they're adorable and their whole body language is so interesting to watch

[cinnamon-flame]

A fed lizard is a happy lizard

[santaasi]

DANCE WITH ME

pairing: jj maybank x dancer!fem!reader

summary: jj maybank loves the sea, the sandy beach of north carolina and the warm sun. new york is the exact opposite of all this. and he hates it. but she... she changes everything.

warnings: new york au, fluff, slight angst (as usual), but happy ending, miscommunication trope, a little use of y/n, some language, english is not my first language

word count: 5.9k

a/n: first of all, thank u all for supporting my first two works here. I rly couldn’t have expected so much love and support from all of u, but i appreciate it. secondly, I can't write summaries, so i think it sounds kinda shitty. thirdly, it was supposed to be a small blurb, but I was carried away and I couldn't stop. and fourthly, I listened to Slaves - Body on Fire and Katy Perry - Wide Awake while writing this oneshot, so I advise everyone to do the same.

The huge theater hall of the New York School of the Fine Arts was getting more crowded and noisier by the second. People dressed in ridiculously posh suits, as if they had come to a reception at Buckingham Palace, took their seats and from time to time looked askance at the two guys sitting in one of the front rows.

In particular, all those present, as it seemed to JJ himself, looked at him with special disapproval interest. Compared to this bunch of rich bastards who had nothing to do on Thursday night except watch their ‘creatively gifted’ children jumping around the stage in tutus, he looked like a black sheep in his dark jeans, a white T-shirt with unwashed ketchup stains and a cap on. He looked like a total looser, who had missed his shift at a godforsaken restaurant in the Bronx only to watch his best friend’s new girlfriend performance, while everyone around him was showing off their wealth and position. Showing JJ his place.

JJ Maybank had no place in this money-rotten world. And he knew it perfectly well.

And why was he sitting here then?

Just as simple as it is. Because of John Booker Routledge. JJ Maybank adored his best friend. No, not best friend. JJ Maybank adored his brother, John B., who saved him from an abusive and alcoholic father, allowing him to move into his small flat in the Bronx and gave him a chance to make a fresh start.

John B. Routledge was always there for JJ. They spent all the happy and sad moments together, supporting and helping each other. And Maybank, in gratitude for everything, was ready to do anything for John B. Absolutely anything.

That's why he was now sitting in a maroon-upholstered theater chair, waiting for the start of a ballet performance in which John B's new girlfriend, Sarah, had the main role, and felt all these rich jerks staring at him. And it annoyed him.

He was annoyed by all these vain idiots and how they always looked down on guys like John and J, who had to literally fight for their lives in this huge city, while those rich bastards were drinking prosecco on the veranda of their Soho estate.

He was annoyed by the kids of these jerks who studied at these luxurious art schools, a semester in which cost so much that JJ could live happily on this money for five years or even more.

He was annoyed by whole this situation, which literally screamed: “Look at us! We have a lot of money that we spend on stupid school performances, so that our kids would think they're talented.”

JJ Maybank was not envious. It was just that he, a man who had worked his whole life in order not to starve, did not perceive all this creative entertainments as something serious at all. He didn't go to theaters, operas, ballets and the like. For him, it was stupid shows to launder money from these rich peeps. And JJ wouldn't be sitting in this chair waiting for the play to start if it wasn't for John B. John B., who needed his support in this fashionable enemy lair.

Exhaling irritably, catching another look of disgust from some elderly lady in furs, J took off his cap and ran fingers through his blond hair, turning to John B., who was looking at the curtains and tapping his feet on the floor.

“I'm going to take a leak and smoke, okay, John?" JJ patted him on the shoulder before getting up from his seat and heading out of the hall. John just nodded without taking his eyes off the stage.

This guy was obsessed with Sarah. And it's not that JJ didn't understand what his best mate found in a pretty blonde girl, it's just... it's just that Maybank never thought that John B would be all lovey-dovey with some chick that was completely out of his league. Although Routledge always had freer views in this rich/poor hierarchy, while JJ was sure that all the kids born with a golden spoon in their mouths were stuck up bitches not worth his attention.

Of course, Sarah Cameron proved the opposite. As they would say in North Carolina, she was kook on the outside, but a true pogue in her heart. But, as Maybank believed, this was a one-in-a-million exception.

JJ was walking along a bright corridor, trying to find the exit, when he caught a barely audible melodie. The guy followed the sound, looking through the glass in the slightly ajar door leading to a bright, spacious ballroom with large panoramic windows and ballet bars. In the middle of the sunset-drenched hall stood a young girl, who sometimes came with Sarah to hang out with John and JJ, but he never paid enough attention to her.

More precisely, she was too out of reach for a guy like JJ, to pay her attention that he wanted to. She was kind, sincere, her smile could light up, it seemed, the whole world. She always laughed at his jokes, even the dumbest ones. The mere touch of her fingers on his skin made JJ burn as if he were being immersed in a flaming cauldron of hell.

She was incredibly smart, funny and breathtakingly beautiful. Just the sight of her in a small summer dress made everything in front of his eyes fade, leaving only her. She was too perfect in his eyes, like an angel descending from heaven to torment him, JJ Maybank, showing him what he could never have. Making him hate his position and his life. Making him envious of these dumb rich assholes. Because she was too good for a bad guy like JJ Maybank.

And now, looking at her fragile frame, watching the elegant swings of her hands, perfectly honed movements and the flight of her hair from each new spin, JJ's heart in the chest was treacherously squeezed with delight. His breathing, as well as time, stopped, and it seemed to the guy as if the world had stopped too, leaving only her in his field of vision. Neat facial features, flushed cheeks, slightly parted lips, gaze concentrated on the mirror, but as if looking into another dimension. She looked beautiful, flawless... No, she looked divine.

JJ didn't know how long he had been standing in the hallway looking at Sarah Cameron's friend. But as soon as the music ended, and she ran her hand over her hot face, pushing back the hair stuck to her skin. As soon as she raised a bottle of water to her lips taking a couple of sips. And as soon as her gaze fell on the guy on the other side of the door. Maybank immediately came out of his entranced state, feeling caught and ashamed.

Turning around on his heels, JJ walked swiftly to the exit, still feeling his heart beating in his chest at breakneck speed, and her gentle image rises before his eyes. A wave of the hand. Jump. Spin. And again the hand is in the air. Jump… Spin… The music is like the sound of the sea... Her eyes are like warm sand…

The cold February wind hit him in the face and without even thinking, the guy lit a cigarette, looking into the void.

He hated New York and the cold of the city. He missed North Carolina. Kildare with its warm sun and sandy beaches. The smell of the sea, the sound of waves and surfing…

Why is he even thinking about the Outer Banks now, three years after he left without even once looking back…?

JJ Maybank did not return to that room full of these loaded bastards, steeped in luxury and affectation. Instead, he lowered his head and got to their shared apartment on the outskirts of the Bronx, where the rats and the crazy granny neighbor who was always bothering him for nothing were waiting for him.

But for the first time in three years, JJ Maybank didn't care about any of this. He was still standing in that hallway. He looked through the glass at the sunlit room.

A wave of the hand. Jump. Spin.

And again. Her hand is in the air... Jump… Spin…

The music is like the sound of the sea... Her eyes are like warm sand… And her light smile, like the warm sun of Kildare…

JJ Maybank fell in love.

If someone had told him six months ago that his heart would beat a thousand beats per minute just by looking at her, or that when talking to her, he would not be able to find more than one suitable word and would only stand and watch her giggle softly at his reaction... He would have laughed in the man's face. Because JJ Maybank doesn't fall in love. He spends one night with a girl and forgets about her in the morning. He takes napkins with numbers he will never call and throws them in the nearest trash can.

JJ Maybank is not made for relationships. He does not get attached and cannot love. But for some reason, he feels differently with her.

JJ Maybank fell in love.

And if six months ago he would have been told that he would work two shifts to buy himself a white dress shirt and a pair of decent trousers just to sit in a maroon velvet armchair among rich pompous bastards and watch her dance on stage... Watch how she transforms in her dance, becoming even more beautiful... Watch her every move, every curve of her body and the soft rise of her hands just to catch the smallest changes on her flawless face…

And then, meet her in the hall with a bouquet of her favorite tulips in his hands, for which he borrowed money from John B., just to see her smile like Kildare's sun and hear her laugh that reminds him of waves crashing on the shore.

JJ Maybank fell head over heels in love with her.

And it was obvious to everyone as a clear day.

John B. saw his friend's pupils turn into two big throbbing hearts when he saw her. John B. saw how JJ, who had always been confident around the girls, turned into a small helpless puppy who could not utter a single word as soon as she appeared next to him. John B. noticed how his best friend's life changed dramatically with the arrival of her in JJ's life.

JJ Maybank's life, which previously consisted only of home, work and a couple of weekend parties, now consisted only of work and meetings with her after which he went back to work.

Sarah wasn't blind to the changes in JJ's behavior either. The first time she saw him on the steps of the NYAFA, she thought that something had happened to John B., but when she realized that Maybank was not waiting for her, but for her friend, everything immediately fell into place. JJ's frequent appearance at performances at the academy, even when John B. did not go to them, the flowers that changed every three days in their shared with Y/N house, his questions about her best friend's preferences and many other things finally made sense.

Therefore, at her birthday party, Sarah decided to be a wingman and do everything possible to connect loving hearts. After all, Cameron did not escape the reactions from Y/N, who too often began to ask questions about JJ, who began to devote more time to her appearance and blushed every time Sarah mentioned only the name of the blonde.

Now JJ was sitting at a table in the Cameron's house backyard in Soho, which was decorated with sparkling lights in honor of the birthday girl, and stirring a glass of brandy in his hand. His gaze was once again focused only on her, dancing with Sarah on an improvised dance floor to some Latin music. The skirt of her white dress was like sea foam rising and falling with her every movement, and her ringing laughter made his heart skip a beat. During the four months of his addiction to her, it became a habitual body reaction for him.

JJ chuckled as he drained the rest of the brandy before lifting his head and meeting her glittering, emerald-like eyes. Her cheeks were red and her lips stretched into a wide smile. The guy saw how her chest quickly fell and rose after active dancing. The girl tilted her head slightly, bringing a red cup with drink to her lips before sitting down next to Maybank.

“Are you enjoying the party, Jay?" the girl teased. Her velvety voice carried like an electric current through his body before Maybank turned his head in her direction.

“Rather enjoying the view,” JJ grinned, winking at her, making the poor girl blush. She giggled softly and rolled her eyes playfully, nudging him lightly on the shoulder.

“I'm serious, by the way. You look tired,” the girl murmured and a line appeared between her brows. “And lately, I- I rarely see you.”

JJ's heart skipped a beat at the thought that she was worried about him and a corners of his mouth lifted. He sat closure to her, putting his hand on the back of her chair, looking straight into her doe-eyes. The girl felt as if the air had been knocked out of her lungs by the very sight of that self-confident grin and the look into those deep blue eyes. J's hand softly touched her cheek as he brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. The girl sucked in a loud breath and involuntarily leaned into his touch.

“You shouldn't bother that pretty little head of yours with worries about me, princess,” the guy whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself.”

“And what if I want to take care of you...” the girl said in a barely audible voice, swallowing a lump in her throat.

She could feel her heart about to burst out when JJ slightly closed the distance between them. His lips were unbearably close to hers and she felt his hot breath burning her skin, and his hand continued to gently stroke her cheek. She had never wanted to kiss someone so much in her life.

For the past four months, all she could think about was the guy who came to her every performance when even her parents weren't there. The guy who meets her every night from rehearsals and asks her about her day. The guy who gives her his hoodie when she gets cold. The guy who brings her a bouquet of her favorite tulips every three days and leaves cute notes inside that she keeps in a shoe box under the bed.

Before JJ Maybank, all her thoughts were occupied only with dancing, which she lived and breathed, rehearsals, preparations for concerts and dreams of Broadway.

Now everything that surrounded her: a fresh bouquet of tulips in the kitchen, a blue hoodie with the smell of the sea in her closet, notes in a box under her bed and even the music she danced to - reminds her of him. She thinks about JJ when she wakes up and when she fall asleep. When she's dancing, when she's choosing music for a new performance, when she's walking, when she's reading, when she's resting. She thinks about JJ Maybank, about his light soft disheveled hair, about his blue eyes in which she could drown, about the smell of the salty sea that seemed to soak into his skin, constantly.

And now that he was so close to her, when he touched her face and looked at her with such tenderness, all she wanted to do was pull him closer and kiss him. But instead she swallowed, barely breaking away from him as Sarah's voice shattered their little vacuum world. Maybank cursed softly, running his hand through his hair before looking back at the girl who had already got up from her seat, preparing to head towards Sarah.

“Will you dance with me when I'm done with her?" A nervous laugh escaped her lips as she turned around halfway, looking hopefully at the guy.

JJ was taken aback. He wanted to agree. He wanted to say that he would be happy to dance with her, but... but he couldn't dance. And he was ashamed to admit it to someone for whom dancing was hers whole life. And he didn't want their first dance to be a complete failure just because he was a fool who couldn't move his bear paws and didn't know where to put his hands and how to behave properly and…

“Mhm. I'm already leaving. I have a night shift, so… Maybe another time?” the guy said distantly and shrugged, getting up from his chair.

Meeting her gaze, which literally screamed disappointment and that his answer hurt her, J immediately regretted his words and wanted to return them, but it was too late. The girl faked a smile and nodded.

“Then... maybe... another time? See ya, Jay,” she said finally and disappeared into the crowd, trying to suppress the tears that are starting to fill her eyes.

"Yeah… next time," the guy echoed, watching her move further away from him.

JJ Maybank was head over heels in love.

And even though he wasn't a genius before, he was a complete fool now.

Three weeks later, her dreams and her heart were broken. Three weeks after Sarah's birthday, she realized that all of JJ's feelings for her were just her own delusions.

At first, they just started seeing each other less often. He no longer met her after rehearsals, as he took extra shifts at work, but still sent her flowers every three days. He messaged her every day asking how her day was and how she was feeling, told her funny stories from work on their evenings phone calls and everything seemed fine. But after two weeks, all their communication came to naught. She offered to meet a couple of times, but JJ refused, saying that he had a job and as soon as his co-worker will recover from his unexpected illness, they would definitely meet.

And she believed him. And waited.

Until one day she saw JJ Maybank with a cup of coffee in his hand, strolling down Lexington Avenue smiling at a dark-haired girl, so beautiful as if she had stepped off the cover of vogue magazine when, according to him, he was supposed to be at work.

And at that moment, her whole world seemed to collapse.

She knew that she had no rights to the guy, that he had promised her nothing. And she understood perfectly well that they were not in a relationship, and that in fact he could spend his time with anyone. But her heart beat painfully in her chest from the realization that all those sweet and meaningful moments with him were now just nothing.

All those notes, flowers, late-night calls and conversations, that almost kiss - were now nothing and it broke her heart.

But the worst thing about this situation was the realization that instead of talking, JJ just decided to ignore her and ghost her, coming up with stupid excuses not to see her.

Maybe she did something wrong? Or maybe some of her words hurt him? Or was she too clingy? A lot of questions were spinning in the girl's head, but all she could do was lock herself in her room and cry, glad that Sarah had gone to her family for a couple of days. She didn't want to discuss this topic with anyone, not even with her best friend.

From that day on, she stopped texting JJ in the morning and calling in the evenings when she returned from rehearsals. She stopped opening the door to the courier, who continued to bring her flowers from him. And she hid his hoodie, smelling of the sea, away in the closet. She cut JJ Maybank out of her life, devoting herself to dancing, shutting herself off from the world around her.

At first, JJ did not notice that the girl had pulled away from him, immersed in her business and work.

More precisely, he noticed that she no longer wrote or called him after training, but for the first three days he attributed it to her busy schedule. Maybank remembered that she had mentioned preparing for an audition for a Broadway troupe, and thought that was what she was doing. But when he hadn't heard from her for a week, he got worried.

To tell the truth, JJ has been restless all week. He was so used to her presence in his life, to her morning messages that gave him energy for the whole day, to her evening calls and laughter on the phone that made his soul feel better, that the absence of these small moments felt like emptiness. Like a black corridor with no exit.

And JJ started writing to her himself, but he didn't get a reply. Then he started calling her, but all the calls were forwarded to the voicemail. He went to the academy, but he never saw her. And eventually he met Sarah, who was also completely unaware.

“Since I came from my parents, she hasn't been herself,” Sarah admitted, biting her lip, frowning slightly. “She hardly talks to me, she's always rehearsing, and it's like she's dropped out of life. I do not know what's wrong with her, JJ.”

Because of the whole situation, JJ Maybank couldn't live fully.

He continued to write to her, call her, even wrote letters by hand, as in those romantic films that she loved so much, throwing them under her door, but he never received an answer. Not a single response in a month.

He had been living without her in his life for a whole fucking month, and if before he was sure that he was in love with her, now JJ Maybank was a thousand percent sure that he loved her to the point of insanity and physical pain.

He wanted to hear her laugh every day. He wanted to wake up and see her smile and sparkling eyes first. He wanted to listen to her endless chatter about her favorite actors, singers and dancers. He wanted to watch her dance, watch how her soul seemed to rise somewhere higher, to where he had no access. He wanted to watch her laugh, blush, cry, be sad or angry for the rest of his life.

JJ Maybank wanted to spend his whole life with her. Because she is life itself. She is the ocean, the sound of waves, wet sand and warm sun. She's Kildare. She's his home.

And JJ Maybank wasn't going to give up on that. Not today. Not now. Never.

The sun had long sunk below the horizon. It was raining like hell, and even if JJ had an umbrella, it definitely wouldn't have saved him. No one could hide from the spring rains of New York.

JJ was standing under a tree near the entrance to the Academy of Fine Arts, waiting for her.

Today, JJ will solve all their problems and confess his feelings to her. No matter the weather, no matter her mood, or even the meteor shower, he will do everything to make her listen to him. And if after that she decides that she doesn't want to see him, then he will leave her life forever. But if, for once in his life, luck would be on his side, and she reciprocates, then... then he will never let her go.

The big front door opened and Y/N walked out of the building, lifting her head up, looking at the sky. JJ froze for a second, watching as she lifted her backpack over her head and walked down the marble steps so beautiful and elegant. He hadn't seen her for almost a month and a half, and now that she was so close to him, all thoughts and intentions left his head. And just like the first time they met, he could only look at her and enjoy the view. But as soon as her foot hit the sidewalk and she headed for the bus stop, JJ came out of his hiding place calling her name.

The girl stopped halfway, slowly looking over her shoulder at the blond man approaching her. The world stopped around her in a second. She felt her knees ready to buckle, and her heart began to beat a painfully familiar accelerated rhythm. But before her feelings could fully grasp her again, the girl pulled herself together and turned away, swiftly walking away from him.

“No, wait! We need to talk!" JJ shouted through the noise of the rain, starting to run, catching her by the forearm and turning her towards him. The girl's eyes widened when his hand touched the bare skin of her forearm and her whole body felt like it was on fire.

“Let me go,” she said coldly, and JJ was a little taken aback, but did not let go of her hands, shaking his head negatively. He won't leave until he's sorted it out. He needed answers. And he needed her even more.

“I won't let you go until you tell me what's the matter with you"

The girl stared at the guy in shock, and then laughed out loud, throwing her head back, lowering the bag, as her hand was tired of holding it over her head. Raindrops immediately began to roll down her face and hair, drenching her to the skin in a second.

“Are you serious? What's the matter? You tell me what's the matter, JJ! Tired of your new doll and you decided to come back to me again, huh?”

Her eyes sparkled with the fire of anger, burning a hole in the uncomprehending JJ. She was furious and it was the first time he had seen her like this and did not understand what he had done to arouse such reaction in her. Her bag fell to the sidewalk and she came closer, lifting her head a little higher, looking straight into his eyes.

“What? Did you also play with her, made her feel needed, desired, and then dumped her? Yeah, Maybank? Did you do the same to her?”

She pulled her hand out of his grasp and pushed her palms into his chest. The guy staggered, but remained standing in place, frowning, watching her eyes fill with tears. Or was it just the rain?

“Why aren't you saying anything? Answer me! Did you do the same to her as you did to me?" The girl roared in his face, pushing him in the chest once more before taking a step back, shaking her head.

She turned away for a couple of seconds, gathering her thoughts. JJ heard her sniffle and felt his heart clench with pain. He didn't understand what she was angry about, who she was talking about and what she wanted him to say. Maybank wanted to pull her closer to him and calm her down, to tell her that everything would be fine and that they could work it out, but he was too overwhelmed by everything that was happening and couldn't even move.

“You know, I believed that you really liked me. I believed that for the first time in my life, someone liked me, and not Sarah or one of my friends, but you...” she sniffled again, wiping the tears that rolled down her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I-I really believed you… Why didn't you tell me you weren't interested in me? Why didn't you say you didn't want to talk to me? Why did you make up excuses that you were working or-”

“Excuses? I was really working. I took extra shifts and I-” finally realizing the reality of the situation, JJ began to speak, but she immediately interrupted him, throwing a look full of pain and resentment.

“I saw you and that girl coming out of the coffee shop together when you said you were going to work!" She exclaimed, covering her face with her hands, running her fingers through her dump hair.

JJ rubbed his eyes, trying to figure out what she meant, which girl she was talking about, until he remembered Brittany, his dance coach. He signed up for dance classes a month ago. Was it really all because of that? Was she ignoring him because she thought he was just having fun with her? No, no, she couldn't have thought that.…

“Hey, hey, no, it's all not what it seems,” the guy shook his head, taking a step forward, reaching for her hands, removing them from her face, squeezing them in his own.

His eyes scanned her face. The mascara flowed from moisture and tears, the eyes were slightly reddened, and the nose was swollen. And JJ looked at her again. Not understanding why she would even think that he would like someone like Brittany when she was all he could dream of. His hands cupped her face and with his thumbs he gently wiped away the black marks under her eyes. A soft sob escaped her lips and a fresh batch of tears rolled down her cheeks. He exhaled, pressing his forehead against hers, swallowing, breathing heavily.

“The truth is... that Brittany girl... she's my dance teacher,” JJ whispered and looked into her eyes, which were looking at him questioningly. She looked like a little lost child and he chuckled softly.

“That night, at Sarah's birthday party, when you asked me to dance…" J closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. He hoped that he would never have to admit it, and that his dancing lessons would remain a secret, but she had to know the truth so as not to consider him the jerk who played with her feelings. JJ didn't want her to think that of him. “I refused because I can't dance. And I was... I was ashamed. Dancing is your whole life and I would just embarrass myself in front of you… And you'd think I was some kind of fool...”

“But I-I would never have th-thought that,” the girl whispered softly. J opened his eyes, caught her sincere gaze and smiled. God, what a fool he was.

“That's right, but I... I was an insecure jerk, princess,” the guy admitted, grinning, tucking a wet curl behind her ear. “I'm… It all happened so fast and I... I never saw myself catching these feelings. I never asked for help or needed the healing. And I decided to take these damn dance classes for you... and I didn't want you to find out because I... because I'm a complete idiot, apparently,” the guy laughed softly, shaking his head.

JJ let go of her face and took a couple of steps back, giving her time to process everything he said. He could feel his heart beating wildly against the walls of his chest while she stood and was silent, fluttering her eyelashes.

“Listen, Princess. I know I should have told you and all that earlier, but I... God, you're driving me crazy, you know? I can't think, speak, or breathe when you're around. I'm head over heels in love with you, angel” Maybank ran his fingers through the hair, trying to collect his thoughts. “I can't stop the way that this felt. It keeps coming round and round and round and back again”

She looked at him in silence, feeling as if the heart that she had broken herself was beginning to heal from his words. And she wanted to cry how stupid she had been to believe that JJ was playing with her. While he was taking dance lessons so as not to look like a fool in front of her… She knew he didn't like dancing, but for her sake he went to classes to learn. For her sake, he stepped over himself a bunch of times, worked overtime and did everything to make her happy, and she just...

A loud sob escaped her lips and she covered her mouth with her hand, feeling tears blurring her eyes. Her legs buckled and she almost fell to the ground, but JJ quickly picked her up, hugging her to him.

“I'm sorry, Jay! I'm so so so sorry, I was such a fool! I-I-I didn't mean to! I-I-didn't know,” the girl whimpered into his chest, clinging to his soaked T-shirt. His free hand slowly stroked her wet hair while his other hand held her on her feet.

“Shhh… Everything's fine now, right? We'll figure it out and everything will be fine,” the guy whispered in her ear, kissing the top of her head. “You believe me, don't you?”

The girl raised her head looking at his calm face, on which raindrops were running, at his wet hair and soft smile, and her soul felt so warm, as if in a second she was at home in the warmth next to the fireplace with a warm mug of tea in her hands, and not standing under the cold pouring rain in the middle of the street. Her hand slowly soared into the air and removed the bangs that stuck to his forehead before nodding in agreement.

JJ's gaze swept over her soft features. First the eyes, then the pink cheeks and plump lips that he wanted to kiss so much. The guy exhaled, raising his eyes again, looking into hers.

“Will you dance with me?” He whispered hoarsely, without taking his eyes off her, holding out his hand.

She smiled, and it seemed to him that this smile could light up the whole world if the sun ever went out. She gently placed her hand in his palm, and put the other on his shoulder. JJ squeezed her hand, pulling her closer by the waist, so that he felt every cell of her body and took the first hesitant step, which she followed without even thinking.

Her gaze was focused on his eyes, blue as two oceans, in which she was drowning more and more with each new step of the dance. For the first time, she didn't think about what move she should make next, or what position to stand in to look good on stage, or about getting to the beat of the music. For the first time in a long time, she danced just for herself, as she felt and as she wanted, completely trusting in the hands of JJ Maybank. He with trepidation and tenderness whirled her around in a dance on the ever-hurrying streets of New York, which at that moment stopped their run. Leaving only her, JJ and their dance in this vast world.

“I think love you, JJ,” she whispered softly, looking into his eyes, feeling a lump rise in her throat from excitement. Maybank stopped holding her in his arms, studying her face carefully before saying hoarsely, “Say it again".

“I love you,” she said on an exhale, and as soon as these words were uttered for the second time, Maybank pulled her face closer and kissed her. Gently. No rush. Like he haven't kissed anyone else before her. Trying to feel every emotion to the fullest.

The New York's rain comes pouring down, not even thinking to stop. And JJ Maybank didn't like the New York's rain. He didn't like New York and the people who live here. He disliked theater, ballet and dancing.

But JJ Maybank loved the sea, the sun and sandy beaches. He also loved surfing and Kildare, which he had to leave three years ago. He loved his home, which was thousands of miles from New York.

Y/N Y/L loved New York with its weather and people. She lived by dancing and dreamed of performing on Broadway and had never been to North Carolina. But despite this, JJ Maybank saw her as his home: the waves of the sea in her laughter, the sandy beaches in her eyes and the warmth of the sun in her smile.

And next to her, it turned out that New York and North Carolina were not so different, and that his home would never be a thousand miles away. And from now on, It will always stay next to him, in his arms, on his lips, in his heart.

Because now JJ Maybank knew that his home had never been a place. It's always been a person. And it's her.

that’s my first such loooong oneshot here so, i’m a little nervous to post it. but i rly hope it came out good n not too boring.

I will be glad to receive any feedback. a comment, like or reblog always pleases that little writer’s heart of mine.

but, nevertheless, thankx for reading <3

– your santi ✨

masterlist

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#23: Glad To See You (S4E01)

Platonic where? 😋 I love this lovely scene that lets us know Rick and Michonne had fully won each other over during the time jump between s3 and s4. This scene arrives after several couples are spotlighted in the ep - Which is no coincidence. It also arrives directly after the sweet 'whole new plant' scene with our beloved Hershel - Which is no coincidence. Michonne even whistles to get your attention with it. Richonne and the family they form together are Rick and Michonne’s whole new plant...

I love that as the queen arrives on her horse it’s Rick and Carl who rush to let her in. Like Rick hears her coming and eagerly stands up (with a subtle smile I do believe) and immediately looks over to Carl, who is ready to run over, because they know they’ve both grown really fond of our girl Michonne.

The way Rick and Carl hustle over to her with smiles on their faces will forever melt my heart. And as if their whole body language didn’t make it clear they were happy she’s back, the first thing Rick sweetly tells Michonne is, “We’re glad to see you.” I love how much Rick and Carl like her and can’t hide it.

It's funny too because I always thought it was both Rick and Carl donning big smiles when they run to her, but watching it back, Carl is actually way more subtle in his expression than Rick lol. Gotta love that extra man. 😋

It’s sweet the way Michonne says, “Glad to see you too.” Rick and Michonne are both just the cutest, and they already look like they go together. Every scene they have reminds you that they are meant to be each other's person.

I love that Michonne got Carl that comic, and he’s so excited about it. And she's clearly so happy to have put a smile on his face. Their friendship is everything. And Carl's sincere little thank you. She brings out such a sweet side of him.

I adore that Michonne's personality is coming out more with her boys and Rick gets to witness her bond with his son here. Through Carl, Michonne began to be a mom again and I just so appreciate that. 

And Michonne saying, "I get to read them when you’re done" - it's pretty much canon that she and her kids love books together and it’s adorable. 😊

Then it's so sweet Michonne's playful teasing of Rick with the razor and saying his face is losing the war. Sis told on herself a little bit, thinking about his face while out on her run. But I mean again, who can blame her? 

And it's interesting that the show highlights her getting gifts for Carl and Rick specifically, showing how they're who she's grown closest to and who she thinks about while she's out. Even while somewhat still in her lone wolf era, they were already becoming family. 🥹

I like how getting gifts for both of them helps suggest that Michonne's not just on the fast track to becoming Carl's future mom, but also Rick's future wife. She's growing an undeniable bond with both of them.

I think it’s cute how Rick takes the razor and ponders what it all means, and then Michonne brings some playfulness when teasing him and smiling. She likes him, y’all. 😊 And Rick needs this kind of levity in his life. It's great how before Rick and Michonne loved each other, they really really liked each other as people and it didn't take long for them to realize that.

Also, one of the many things I so adore about how Andy and Danai play their characters is that they never play them one-dimensional. Instead of just coming across as typical 'strong and stoic survivors,' they instead add such compelling layers to their characters.

Rick isn't just tough, he's also capable of being truly warm and affectionate. Michonne isn't just a warrior, she's capable of being genuinely warm, affectionate, and playful too. 👌🏽

So Rick gives a little laugh when she teases him, and then he’s quiet for a bit. And watching this back, I'm tickled because he’s definitely a little nervous around her. 😊 This is Richonne's crush era after all, and so he seems to be feeling a lot inside perhaps.

And then he steps closer to her and asks if she’s going to stay a little while, which is something Rick always wants - Michonne to stay with him awhile. And I like that he can’t help but make it clear he wants her around.

I'm telling you, they’re so adorable in every frame of the scene, and their body language is giving ‘this won’t be platonic for long’ lol. 

Michonne answers, “Just a little while,” and Rick nods cuz more time around her is always music to his ears.

Then Daryl arrives, and y’all, this part of the scene will always be curious to me.

Cuz they have Daryl say glad to see Michonne in one piece and look right over at Rick, almost like he’s especially speaking for Rick (who we already know is particularly glad to see her from their moment just seconds before). And then Rick looks from Daryl over to Michonne like he wants Daryl to be more subtle or something lol. Which had me like...

Rick has that little frustrated reaction when Michonne says she’s going to look over near Macon, and Michonne seems to notice Rick’s reaction cuz she then emphasizes, "it’s worth a shot."

It’s interesting how Rick isn’t very talkative at this moment, but his face is giving away that he clearly has thoughts and doesn't want her to go lol. But he knows Michonne can do what she wants, even if he most wants her here safe. 

Rick says he’s going to stay at the prison when Daryl says he’s going on a run, and then Michonne quickly volunteers to go. And y'all, again...

Cuz idk, it almost reads like knowing Rick was staying makes Michonne quickly volunteer to go since she can’t let herself get too close to him yet - cuz the sparks be sparking when they’re together and right now that's a bit too vulnerable after her traumas from the last time she let people in close. I mean, I'm just saying.

And Carl is quick to remind Michonne that she just got here, which is super cute. It's clear that, like his dad, Carl really wants her around and fully a part of the family. But we’re not there yet in their journey, so Michonne just smiles and says she’ll be back and then walks away. My heart is always so warmed to see her presence so wanted by her boys. 

Rick watches her go, of course, and then Daryl pats him in a seemingly sympathetic way before Rick goes to help them head out. And, y’all, I stand by it…Daryl knew something. 😋

I might not know what exactly, but brother Daryl knew early that something was stirring between Rick and Michonne and that she was special to Rick somehow.

I've noticed how several characters seemed to be picking up on something between Rick and Michonne even before Rick and Michonne became fully aware of their feelings - Carl in s3’s Clear, Daryl in this s4 premiere, Sasha in s5 when she tells Michonne “it worked out for you,” Deanna clocked Richonne real early, and even Abe in s6 wondered if Rick and Michonne had been intimate for awhile. Lol by the time Rick and Michonne made their romance official, you know team family was just like…

Season 4 is a big one in the making of Richonne, and Rick and Michonne's first scene together in season 4 effectively planted more seeds toward how much their relationship would blossom as this season progressed.

Establishing Rick, Michonne, and Carl’s dynamic and heightened fondness for each other in the season 4 premiere was a great way to set up how they would soon become family in the fullest sense by the end of the season.

Like to go from this scene at the prison to traveling as a trio in 4b and having such familial moments in the s4 finale is perfection. Rick and Michonne's fondness for each other only strengthened, and they became an undeniable family unit that managed to carve out some genuine happiness even wandering the woods with no home base. This truly is the season when Rick and Michonne start to become home to each other.

And I love that from the premiere to the finale of season four, these two only grew closer and closer and more and more glad to see each other. 😌

[thecactifindahome]

Yeah, I'm in the middle of the books and I've already decided to read them again because some details can go unnoticed. And there are so many characters, stories, different historical periods, countries etc that you kind of need to study them like a bible. No wonder Sam Reid seems to read a little bit of them on a daily basis. TVC bible studies. 🤣😅 But I admit I compartmentalize and ignore some stuff on purpose because they're way too uncomfortable to me (some TTOTBT parts, for example, even if I find it a good book). Just my personal approach to it. Oh, I'm glad you love Armand too. 💗 Do you watch the show? Is he your favorite there too? Book Armand is my baby, but on the show everyone is at the top of their game that my love is equal. But Assad has this really creep thing where he is 100% my Armand. Most times people are 85%, 90% how I envision those characters, but he is totally my Armand. The face, expressions, body language, eyes, voice, walk... I've never seen someone match a character so well that I wouldn't change even the tiniest thing. It's like he was born out of my thoughts. 🤯 Still, in terms of adoration and rooting for, their show counterparts are on the same level for me.

Sorry for the late response! Tumblr is erratic about showing me my inbox on mobile, and I tend to just leave it to the queue on weekends/days off.

Yeah, I think it's fine to engage with the aspects of the series you enjoy and box up the others - god knows I'm more familiar with tva than anything that happens in totbt, lol. My little guy isn't even in it 🥺

Oh, showmand, showmand...he's my favorite both because he's Armand and because his portrayal in the show and reception by the fandom have produced a powerful protective instinct in me. Showmand comes across to me as a completely destroyed person in a way bookmand isn't - can you imagine showmand breaking down Marius' door with an axe? Can you imagine bookmand letting Louis break a wall with him? Or tolerating that level of disrespect from the theater coven? I can't, at all - showmand reads to me like a version of Armand who was broken by spending 10+ years with the show's version of Marius actively pimping him out that whole time. He's lost the pride and energy that kept bookmand hoping for something better out of life, and I hope he gets it back somehow. I love him dearly and it genuinely hurts my feelings to see bad things happen to what's left of him. I hope he gets to yank someone's scalp off next season, I sincerely think it would help him feel better.

I love Zaman's portrayal though! I honestly think he understands the character a lot better than some people involved in the show* do, it's evident in his acting and things he's said. S2E5 in particular demonstrates that he can bring the monstrous insect energy, and the confident menace that's just as important as the vulnerability also shows up whenever the script allows it. But good lord, that script was an anchor around his neck at times.

*Rolin Jones, I am talking about Rolin Jones right now. It's becoming increasingly apparent that his interest wanes the further away any aspect of the story gets from ☆♡☆|oustat☆♡☆ and if the other writers/Sam Reid don't rein him in soon I think he'll poison the show with it.

[bi-turtle-enthusiast]

Hello.... Can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from MDZS? And why you loved them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the series? Thanks if you want to answer....

yeah sure!

Characters:

5. Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi I love their dynamic SO much. They're best friends who have clearly known each other for such a long time, and they're both really interesting characters in their own right! Lan Sizhui is so interesting, what with his Lan upbringing and his Wen heritage, and the fact that he's connecting to both by the end of the book. Lan Jingyi is Lan Sizhui's ride-or-die, protecting his best friend at every opportunity while having the best lines in the entire book, and he makes every scene he's in 100x better.

4. Wen Qing Medical malplractice queen!! But in all seriousness, there's something so viscerally powerful about the fact that she's willing to go against nature itself for her baby brother. She'd both die and kill for Wen Ning, and later for Wei Wuxian. I feel like her type of character (murderous older sister) is kind of rare and I really, really like her. I feel like The Untamed really fleshed out her character and I really appreciated her after I watched it. She's equally capable of nurturing and destroying—a force of nature herself.

3. Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian Fun fact: I hated Lan Wangji when I first read MDZS, and to be honest I'm still so-so on novel Lan Wangji. However, he was easily one of my favorite characters in The Untamed, and watching it made me see him in a whole different light. He doesn't communicate through his words, but through his actions. I think Wang Yibo was perfect casting because he NAILED Lan Wangji's micro-expressions and body language and really brought the character to life. Reading Lan Wangji as autistic also made me understand him a lot more. As for Wei Wuxian, I initially read him as a silly guy and... was right. Despite everything, he stays silly. I do find him a little insufferable pre-death, but I think that was intentional. He probably would have been higher on the list, but while I think he's a really compelling character (and ADHD personified, just like me fr), I'm also very frustrated by him and I don't like how he treats people sometimes. Still, I adore the way he looks after Jin Ling, refuses to let anyone blame Jiang Cheng for anything that happened to him, and takes care of Lan Wangji (towards the end, anyway).

2. Jin Ling Ok he probably would have been at the very top of this list but unfortunately jiang cheng brainrot is real. But CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIM. Over the course of the story, he finds out that his disgraced uncle who insulted him for not having a mom was actually Wei Wuxian reincarnated, then had to contend with the fact that Wei Wuxian was both the reason his parents and grandparents died AND the guy who protected him at every opportunity. Not to mention, he learned that Jin Guangyao, his beloved uncle who gifted him his beloved dog, had orchestrated his parents' death and was ready to kill him too. And what does he do at the end of the novel? He cries. He doesn't seek revenge, he doesn't get angry, he just cries, and he lets go. He chooses not to pursue revenge, because he's seen how the quest for revenge has destroyed everyone around him in one way or another. He's a little shit (because he's an edgy 15 year old) but he's a really intelligent and kind person who loves Jiang Cheng more than anything.

1. Jiang Cheng Some of y'all are going to disagree with me but it must be said. Jiang Cheng is the best MDZS character. Jiang Yanli's love and care taught him how to be loving and caring too. He loved Wei Wuxian, he loved Jin Ling, and he loved his sect. Jiang Cheng never stopped loving Wei Wuxian, even after everything that happened. He hated Wei Wuxian too—that's undeniable—but he also loved him. He kept his belongings intact, he never stopped believing he would come back, he literally gave up his golden core to protect Wei Wuxian. And Jin Ling! He loves Jin Ling so much! Despite having AWFUL parents himself, he was determined not to be that way towards Jin Ling. He did his best to break the generational trauma of his family because he wanted Jin Ling to have it better than he did. When Jin Ling becomes sect leader, he makes sure that he knows that if he EVER needs ANYTHING, he'll provide it to the best of his ability. I could go on for hours about this man. Best MDZS character. He's so full of resentment and hatred and vengeance, but in the end, the thing that always wins out over everything else is his unshakeable love.

Honorable mention: I loved MianMian in the Untamed and wish she got more time to shine in the novel

Favorite moments: 5. Literally anytime Lan Jingyi is in a scene. Every time he opens his mouth it's my favorite scene. He keeps Wei Wuxian humble in a way that only a teenager can. 4. The WangXian scene where Wei Wuxian hides porn in Lan Wangji's book. It starts off so genuinely nice—you can tell Lan Wangji isn't really serious anymore when he tells Wei Wuxian to stfu, and you get the feeling that Wei Wuxian is probably the closest thing Lan Wangji has to a friend. Wei Wuxian draws Lan Wangji a little portrait, and it's genuinely a sweet gesture. Lan Wangji thinks so too—he hasn't ever gotten something like this, and the fact that Wei Wuxian took the time to learn his appearance and commit it to paper makes him feel some type of way. And then, it turns out that everything was just a ruse so Wei Wuxian could prank Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji is,, understandably enraged. It feels cruel that Wei Wuxian would be so insincere just to do that. I kind of hated Wei Wuxian in this scene, but it's one of my favorites because it kind of shows the nature of their initial relationship—half-sincere, but never truly sincere. 3. Xuanwu cave scene. It's so funny and so painful and so sweet. We really see everyone's characters coming out—Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji being selfless protective, Jiang Cheng being capable and responsible, Jin Zixuan being brave and righteous, MianMian being the GOAT, Wang Lingjiao and Wen Chao deserving death, etc. 2. The umbrella scene in the Untamed. It was just so powerful. Lan Wangji putting down his umbrella, which represents the rules and morality of his sect, and just letting the rain mess up his perfect appearance. He doesn't know what's right and wrong anymore, because he loves Wei Wuxian, but everyone is telling him that's wrong. Wei Wuxian himself doesn't know what's right and wrong. Lan Wangji has been thinking in terms of black and white all this time, and for the first time, he finds himself in a gray area. It was just so powerful!! 1. The conversation between Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng after the temple scene at the end. It was just so beautiful. Go read/watch it.

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 4 rewatch thoughts part 5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 6

Ok this is from the uncut uncut version so prepare yourselves.

I love how easily Rain forgives Phayu but then immediately is like I want more kisses. Priorities, Rain, priorities

Phayu HANDS!

And so it begins. I've never enjoyed watching sex scenes in media - in fact, I usually avert my eyes or skip them entirely. But this scene just makes me happy, and I attribute that to BossNoeul and the production crew. First, watching the BTS for LITA's NC scenes makes it apparent how comfortable everyone was during filming, and that comes across well in the final product. Boss and Noeul in particular have very easy body language between them, and it makes their on-screen coupling believable and enjoyable to watch. The emotional connection is obvious and makes the physical aspect almost an afterthought. I think I've watched this scene upwards of 10 times, but whenever I do, I mostly look at their faces. Let's get into it.

Starting off, we have Rain laid out in the middle of the bed, Phayu is basically blanketing him, and in the background we can see Rain's hand wrapped around Phayu's collar. Although Rain does take a moment to remind Phayu he just came here to tell him about the teachers praising him, he does remain an active and enthusiastic participant in the kissing and holding. Phayu continues to look at Rain like he's the center of his universe (facts!)

Boss is truly a pro at the little gestures that make PhayuRain so convincing - he didn't need to turn his head to kiss Rain's hand, but he does and it feels so reassuring. Also Rain's death-grip-on-Phayu counter goes up once more, and I love how Phayu clutches at Rain's shoulders and then slides his hand down to grip Rain's palm and press it against the bed. That's very attractive, ngl.

I also love how Rain doesn't wait for Phayu to push his other hand against the bed and he just does it himself. How very...interesting

I just really like how their chins are resting against each other in this shot.

Alright Boss, do you want to give us a second to breathe before you bite your lips like that? Right in front of my salad??

Where is that hand going, Phayu???

This is a good part to mention how sound plays such an important role in this scene. I think they must've been wearing their mics somewhere on their skin because I feel like we hear it when they brush up against each other. I LOVE that. I also liked that we got to hear them moan in enjoyment - in addition to the adoring looks on their faces, the moans really sell the scene. I specifically like that they both make noise and it's not one-sided. I bet we can all hear this image:

This is one of my other favorite shots. Observe how one of Phayu's hands goes to cradle the back of Rain's neck while the other tries to intertwine fingers with Rain. Rain truly looks like he's having the time of his life being devoured here.

Does Boss want to consider hand modeling?

I love that Phayu keeps looking up at his face even as he's moving downwards to gauge Rain's reactions and make sure they're both comfortable. I actually don't think Phayu takes his eyes off Rain's face the entire time unless he was kissing Rain's neck. It's really sweet of him to check in the whole time. This is the epitome of body worship.

I don't think I need to say anything about this. Everyone BREATHE

We haven't even gotten to the actual lovemaking yet, so that will be the final part. See you there!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 6

[doodlesbf]

Elam lore list

Elam *like the post of him with wind's sister* wake up in a new world he's never been into before or understand but save the girl

Elam used to be a girl but isnnow a boy since he feel more comfortable that way

His pronouns are *he/they* but called a her well buddy better hope time,warrior or twilight is nearby cause whoever call him that will not have their skin or organs

Elam is taller than wind,four but is short to legend

Elam have a difficult time in understanding hyrulian language so there's lots of misunderstanding and Elam will just look for the chain body language more than them talking since it's pointless in the end

Elam is a warm during the winter and cold in the summer so his fur doesn't bother him but hyrule and wind need to stop hug him when they're sleeping

Elam will hiss as a warning but after he'll bite ya, he even bite a pervert for mistake him or four as cute kids, Elam nearly kill that man if four having pick him up and walk away

Elam is strong for his size and fast too, he used to live his entire life so he'll bend and broken anything so wild and wind give him stuff to see if it'll break or bend

Elam enjoy relaxing with sky or twilight when they have down time

Elam allow only sky petting since he smell of strangely fresh air and hyrule since he very strangely smell like his dead little brother but wont say it, both boys are kind that Elam may start purring and tail wagging so wild take secrets pictures for blackmail

Elam is like his sister immoral,never aged and like his name he's eternal, hes immune to the abyss curse but hell try to give out warnings to the chain about the abyss curse. so he'll never died even if he wanted to or not

Elam with the chain zeldas are interesting since Elam call every single one of zelda *peals* in his native tongue and he try to avoid them since they wanted to try testing him in a humanly way but lucky the chain wouldn't allow that

Elam isn't a picky eater but will give more food to the chain since he thinks their starving put of habit since the abyss food are hard to find ot fight for survival types of situations plus with the whole abyss curse too

Elam watch both legend and warrior are always roasting each other to the point Elam hiss and try to speak hyrulian language yell out to the two *ladys your both pretty and all but shut the hell up!* or * go make out in the other room!* the two immediately stop and blushing to being called ladys

Elam have a love internet which is hyrule but he'll try to avoid those feelings since that new to him so he's a bit confused on romantic matters

If the chain are heavy hurt Elam goes bloodthirsty and overly protective that he'll full out destroy all the monsters and if up against dark link (dark link better hope he have strong powers since he's gut feelings are tell him to ran away right now)

Elam will keep fighting til the one responsible is killed or limbs rip off their bodies then walk to the injured chain ignore his own injuries since all he have to do is eat something and he'll regenerate his lost body parts so one thing the chain find out on the spot.

Elam is a good hunter so he'll have a hidden spot for injury chain to hide in while he's out

Elam with wolfie is adorable buddies

Elam and wolfie are play buddies and nap buddies too but wolfie later to be twilight and Elam find out

Elam will rough house twilight like nothing changes

Elam hates wearing shirts since his extra pair of arms plus it's uncomfortable but is curious about it too just the shirt rip so easily and the fabric is weird, legend nearly scream out of frustration cause Elam rip another shirt again and he just sew that

Elam meting fi is interesting for sky cause fi and Elam will just star at each other than do a stand off-shore short dance with each other and fi giggle and Elam make a noise like a cat who curious

If Elam is in trouble like bite a man, time have Elam in his arms to keep him from doing something stupid

Elam gentle always to aryll and small children since it reminds him of his dead silbings and sister

Elam have scars on his chest to show he used to be a she

Elam treats four and wind and as well as the chain like his silbings ,time though is almost like a dad, warrior is the uncle

Elam twitches in his sleep a show he's having a very bad nightmare or reliving a moment so please pet him, he'll stop twitches and be fine

Don't pull pranks on him, he doesn't understand pranks well and it'll maybe your death if they do

If there's no healing potions and hyrule can't heal do to over doing it, Elam will lick the chain member injury and the injury will close up since Elam have healing spit and the chain try be gross out but Elam shrugs since this is normal

Elam lore prt.1 is done and up

Enjoy him everyone^^

[fungidog]

If it's no trouble I'd like to make a match-up request, Gemini INFP still on early 20s. Non binary who have a preference for woman (To be fair woman hot), I'd say my love languages are gifting and spending time with my friends/lover which also end up being what I enjoy receiving.

Currently only freelancer but due to several disabilities, psychiatric and physical, I'm not even allowed to work actually ;;;; list is too long for me to add everything but social anxiety, severe depression and ADHD along a very annoying chronic pain are the most notable ones right now so I believe I would end spending quite a lot of time with the medical staff and other people in treatment.

I quite enjoy playing games and handling animals, they're pretty much a big interest I have which taught me lots of interesting but also morbid facts on animals. My friends do say I'm funny and good listener but I struggle quite a lot with communication and take my time to open up.

Two things I absolutely adore are animal plushies and sweets, I still sleep hugging one bear plushie plus have quite a few scattered around my room. Chocolate derived deserts are the ones I enjoy most having petit gateau as my favorite food, I do end craving eating anything that have cinnamon and sugar quite often too.

>~> also in Arknights I totally would have Rosmontis plus the Ursus Self Governing Students as my adopted children. Probably a Feline Supporter from Bolívar as it match my birth country and what people usually compare me to.

Thank you in advance, don't forget to take care of yourself and have fun doing these match-ups ♡

Your Girlfriend DM'ed You!

Crushing

You had big plans for today and boy, were you excited to go out with Silence! It wasn’t everyday that Silence took a day off and spend it with you outside of the laboratory.  Usually you spent your time in owl lady’s labratory, watching her work on her drones, always trying to better her work and fixating on her biggest mission; Originium. Despite her missions to make everyones life better, she always finds time for you. She truly appreaciates you being around her while she works. Often forgetting to do the bare minimum for herself, but giving the maximum effort for others is taking a lot of energy. A lot of Energy that she doesn’t has, regardless she forces to go through her work as if her life depends on it. And it does, she would give her life for others, including yours. Why must your body punish you today? That’s just so unfair towards you and Silence.

It’s been fifteen minutes since you were supposed to meet Silence in front of her lab. But you just can’t get up! You can’t move an inch without your body flaring up and spreading the pain throughout your body. Sure, Silence’s patience was very generous, but you couldn’t just let her wait for the whole day. It’ll take so long until you two get to spend time together outside again. Speak of the Devil.

With a knock, and opening your door to let herself in, she greets you with an apology. “Pardon, my sudden Intrusion, [Y/N]. You didn’t send me message, so I started getting worried. I’m glad I decided to give you a visit in person. Let’s take care of you and spend our day here. We can visit Kafka’s Garden another time, how does that sound?” Mayhaps with Silence being around, your day would turn out better than it has started. After a few hours Ifrit started to knock on your door as well, she looked a lot like that she missed being around Silence and you. You got to learn a lot about Silence and Ifrit that day, both respecting that you can’t exactly do much in your flare ups, but at least make it a sweet day by watching kid cartoons, talking a tiny bit about work because Silence can’t go a day without mentioning her projects and of course, ordering good food from Wackdonalds.

General Dating

There’s a lot that Silence treasures about you, and she makes sure that you’ll always get the right treatment for your woos. If she can avoid it, she’ll make sure to always bring that precious smile of yours back on your face! She may not a professional in the psychologic department, and nor does she want to council you, as it’s very private and unhealthy for the relationship. She does listen to your vents, she listens, gives advice and comfort the best as she can. She’s also a good rely on medication! And if you’re going to play video games near her, please let her know which game has taken your interest. She loves listening to your rambles about various characters and their stories. It’s a giving and taking in your relationship to infodump about each others interest. Silence also likes to compare real world medicine with unrealistic medicine in games, and tells you in details why GTA or Squid Game’s wounds would never work out in that way.

Love Language

Her love language is a mix out of Quality Time and Acts of Service. She loves helping you in anyway that she can, especially with your many disabilities, and next to that, she loves having you just around her. It’s soothing for Silence to have her love of her life always just a few meters next to her. She isn’t going to intitiate phyiscal affection in public, unless it’s hand-holding and on occassion a cheek kiss. Please wait until you two are back into your dorm or her labratory. She prefers to have you for herself in privacy, giving you as many kisses as she can handle.

She noticed that you enjoy her making tiny gadgets for you, such as the mini drone she exclusively made for you in your favorite color! Silence’s always surprised by your gifts, “There’s no need to give me that…I will make sure to use it a lot from now on.” The stoic expression on her face can mask her excitement very well by the presents you came up for her. The latern necklace you gifte her? She wears it always to work under her labcoat. The snacks you have given her? She enjoys them with Ifrit during lunch. On that note, you’re now also responsible for Ifrit! This tiny wild girl loves you so much! She always coxes Silence to meet up together and spent time with you, and sometimes Ifrit is seeing you more than Silence does!

Helper and Flaw

Silence biggest flaw and greatest trait is that she’s such a workaholic. She’s so fixated on her work, that she forgets everything else. Once she starts concentrating, she’s in the zone. Do not bother her unless it’s important, just be Silent. She appreaciate that you take care about her, but sometimes she gets mildly irritated that she can’t concentrate on her work when you’re around. Sometimes she has to send you out, and tells you her thanks for coming by before rushing to her work again. It’s rather hard to get Silence worked up unless you really fucked up big time, like Saria! So, whenever you two should end up arguing, it’ll always be her considering your words first before acting. Yet, she’s not a mind reader. You have to talk with her about the issues you have, she might get a hint or two that you’re bothered, so she’s always going to offer her help, because you would do the same for her.

Fun Facts

Silence can sing you a song about morbid animal facts, nd Ifrit likes asking you about fun animal facts too!

Ifrit saw you kiss Silence once and immediately asked if you’re going to be her new cool mom. You better accept!

Silence puts new desserts into your fridge and stores whenever she visits you. She knows that you have a sweet tooth for these lava cakes!

Silence lets you stim with her uniform, she really likes how close you get to her, plus it’s a good sensation feeling.

Silence has really bad bed hair in the morning, and you were the first to witness that.

Other Matchups: Nearl, Eunectes and Saria. Defender’s Favorite! Fun Fact: I was this close to write a Saria x You x Silence for you, but decided against it later.

[i-love-sweet-william]

out of context pre-stozyers #1

I dunno how many of these I'll end up making and they definitely won't be in any particular order but fUck it I'm making the content I wanna see in this world! no one can stop me!!

now you may be wondering where Stan is, thanks for asking—no one asked, but let me dream.

so Stan's in like new york or some shit, but his exact location doesn't matter tbh. just that he's not in california with ryers. but ryers isn't even ryers yet, while stozier is established as Fuck.

it's still hella early here obviously, too early for Stan to have a reason to have any interest yet, and even at the point when stozier Does decide they have mutual interest, they still want to become closer friends with Will first...while also "subtly" (Richie's never heard of the word subtle in his life, but no one takes him fucking seriously) dropping hints to see how Will responds, if he even wants a relationship.....if he would even Consider this sort of relationship

Stan gains his initial "interest" just from Richie talking about him and thinking maybe he was Loser Material, and he builds on that interest upon finding out he's seen some of Will's drawings online and trying to imagine that fucked up art coming from Richie's exhausted roommate. when byeris (will/stan) starts messaging directly, Stan develops a more genuine interest as he steadily gets to know Will a little better, and it's solidified by the first time he meets Will in person, getting to hear him talk, watch him interact with Richie and the other Losers, learn his body language, etc

and through all of stozier pining, Will remains fucking oblivious. because even when he thought Richie was single, he didn't think any attempts at flirting were real, but rather "Richie's just like that". and when he finds out stozier is dating, he 735% does not even consider the idea of both of them deliberately trying to get closer to him, instead he thinks "so I guess the Losers are like that" since they're all close and soft and intimate with each other even between those who are """just friends""" (the whole Losers Club is stupid and this shit is lowkey pre-poly-losers too. but one step at a time. one step at a time.)

Will thinks the soft shit stozier does is just how they treat their friends. even tho the other Losers don't attempt to treat Will the same way....soft shit like...touching his hands and face and. blatantly hanging off him or. holding him like something small and precious. or silently staring at him with fuckin adoration and shit. n...not that Will notices all of that. but he notices at least a little bit......

anyway the self-indulgence is off the fucking charts in this one and stozier's "kiss" is pressing their foreheads together (it2 hanbrough love language god bless) and Will like......Acknowledges that stozier does it with each other and not the other Losers, and Recognizes that it's intimate, but he doesn't fucking. he.....

he doesn't. Comprehend. that Stan putting his head real fuckin close to Will's. is like. practically making out. or leaving an invisible hickey. he's. he can't imagine one (1) person having interest in dating him, let alone two (2). god. I need to stop before I just spiral into 478984 ways of calling Will stupid, while stozier pursues him under the Painfully Wrong Assumption that not only does Will know that they're dating, but also that they're Both deliberately making physical and/or emotional advances

[aeempress]

Apritello Express Evidences, part 1

Greetings, Apritello enthusiasts and attention! Here comes a loong post is written by totally nerd. You've been warned. Here we go.

The thing is that Apritello is a double-edged sword. The series shows us established friendship of these two, give us a lot of content with them. We can see development of relationship through interaction between the characters, their reaction about the situations they are put in. We can sense their synergy and bound through the show.

Donnie and April have incredible chemistry, and both options, brotp and otp seems fine to me.

But let me tell you why I ship them.

Apritello is the kind of pairings, which consists of small details, hints, that's hidden, but if you're sharp and attentive one, you will notice that. Apritello has a strong foundation: the best friends trope.

And from the very beginning, it works as planned.

When I start watching show, I could say that April and Donnie are best friends. It is worth noting that April is like an older sister to the other brothers, more of a sisterly figure than a friend, but with Donnie she behaves somewhat differently, namely, as best friend. Obviously, she sets him apart from his brothers, although girl tries to pay attention to all of them equally. And Donnie behaves as well.

Dee's battle shell designs for April needs as well as his. His shell transform into comfy spot for taking ride for April. Special and only for her. Because his bros are not supposed to use it (at least, he carries no one on his back), Donnie carries them by his techno-bó or his limbs.

This tiny detail shows his special treatment to her. April is a very, very special occasion to D. Don does care about her comfort, he accept the way she is. Donatello does not try to prevent her from participating in their affairs because he respects her decisions and is pleased that April can be shoulder to shoulder with him.

D is glad to be at her service.

Yeah, Dee's still playing cool, he has image to perform as tough and coolheaded guy. So Don doesn't show his intentions, interest and feeling to other people (he's tryin', but fails). Because his actions matter. They are always small, hidden, but meaningful.

April, in return, trusts Dee and depends on his tech, even knowing what his inventions are the opposite of success (usually).

Go on. Look at Donnie's facial expressions and body language when April is near.

Donnie seems more relaxed when she's around, happier. His emotional response is always different from his brothers ones.

Oh, and look, he wanted to be first to give her a high three.

They worry about each other. Look at Don. He does worry about her way more than his brothers. Yeah, they all want to protect her, but Donnie is more expressive.

Mayham has no particular sympathy for the brothers: he is afraid of Raph and behaves aggressively, he is indifferent to Leo and Mikey. Mayham immediately takes a liking to April. And then the details come back: he let Donnie touch his neck. The most vulnerable place for any living creation, for a second. Let him to study an important vial without any hesitation. Mayham depends on April trust for Donnie. When everything goes wrong for Don, the little doggie comes to his rescue, just as April would have done. Is the hint transparent enough?

We can see links with "A mystic library", wherе Donnie begins to look for solutions to save April's pet. Yes, this may seem like his next leap, "sit down, I'm smart, and now I'll solve all the problems, watch and learn," but Don says one phrase that opens up the veil of the second plan, what happens behind the scenes. "My illiteral colleagues and I was conducting a mustic research, with a life of the beloved pet, hanging in a bounce".

Strange wording, Donatello. Beloved pet? Not yours, as we can see. I can say, that everything in this sentence is true, but Donnie and Mayham has something more.

Continue. Next episode "Origami tsunami". Interactions are kept to a minimum, as April herself appears for a maximum of 5 minutes in the series itself. But devil is always in the details, dear friends.

When April was attacked and hung up, the only one who excitedly called out to her was Donny. Raph is furious that the thieves have escaped, Leo is frustrated that their plan has failed, and Mikey is worried about the salami.

Yeah, we didn't see his worries about her when she fell, because Donnie is on the mission and must be coolheaded turtle, and second, he's calm because now April life is safe and sound, out of the danger.

Dear passangers, Apritello Express arrives to the next station - episode "War and Pizza".

Bare facts:

1. April has Donnie's number on an emergency call.

2. "Anything for you"

3. Donnie is the reason why Alberto knows April's name.

No one calles April by her name (except for Donnie, while phone call, but Alberto wasn't nearby) it was "Captain O'Neil" by her chief, her badge seems blank. And yeah, you can say, that's just economy of budget, but I assure you: in the first episode we were shown the name of the delivery guy. The animators were not lazy bones and wrore "Stewart" on his badge. So if something isn't there, then it either shouldn't be there, or it really isn't, that's how this show works.

So, the reason explained in the episode. When Al has short circuit, parts of its new code flashed through its mind.

Info about April was in its memory, in its code. Alberto was a lame animatronic, and it seems somewhat outdated. I do really doubt about Alberto is being something smartass machine with complicated AI like Freddy's Pizza's ones. Quite questionable. Donatello fix Al's brain and wrote code, synchronize with his remote control. He put information about Cap O'Neil into animatronic's head. All this pictures are kind of massage: "You was created for birthday celebrations. You are machine, and there concepts of "life" and "birth". Do great party for this birthday kid and April won't be like this". Or, something like that.

So Alberto did - do a memorable party. And he do what his creator programmed him to do, but in his way.

4. In other words, Alberto was a tool to impress April. Don flaunts himself in front of her, stating how he did the upgrade while doing the upgrade, even though April is fully aware of his tech wizard. And his abilities supposed to help Cap O'Neil to finish the birthday party, so she will stay at her job, not fired. All thanks to Donnie and his upgrade Alberto. (Or not)

By the way, Donnie was the last to leave April in ruined "Alberto's". And it's not an isolated case, it is a pattern.

5. They understand each other without words.

First, Donny came at her at the speed of light. Second, she hadn't even finished speaking before Dee was taking Al apart. Third, their chaotic, well-coordinated work? Donnie was a distraction (although he wanted to just take a break from the battle or let Alberto's guard down, while April just knocked him out). Donnie and April are great team, and sometimes the DonniexApril team is much more precise, coordinated, and interdependent than the DonniexBrothers one.

D&A feel each other and anticipate each other's actions, their skills complement each other, creating an incredible synergy of their interaction. They act as a whole, while it's not always possible with his brothers, even though they're family and know each other the way more Donnie know April. And Dee hasn't trained with cap O'Neil.

Donatello didn't show his crush for April. No puppy, loving eyes, no lovey-dovey speeches, no planning schemes (at least, the audience don't see one) . He just want her attention, but stays cool and hidden. D is already her BFF, but still.

The same thing is claimed in 5B episode - Mascot Melee. Donnie has no problems with interaction with idol of his childhood - Atomic Lass. She'd put Leo in a stupor, but Donnie? He playfully challenges her to a dance duel. Yes, he adores this character, who may have become his measure of the attractiveness of others to Donatello, determined his type. But still, he's playing all cool and confident guy, he's really smooth with girls, so you will never see a puppy loving eyes from him. Only two things can betray him at this point: his voice and his body language. Remember, how's soft his voice became for Atomic Lass? Now I want you to remember the scene before, in turtle tank, when April sent guys a meme.

D is the first to respond to the message, despite the fact that Mikey is sitting closest to the screen. And the responding is a little too emotional for this situation, don't you think?

And this face of his. And he comments it. He likes her sense of humour.

The only difference between April and Atomic Lass is that the first one is a real girl who is a friend of their family, practically a member of it; and the other one is just a fictional character. It is easier to say about love for a fictional character, because it brings less problems for a teenager, especially when he is living with three brothers and a father who likes to tease as well. Donatello needs to be careful and outline the area of emotions he could show, so that he does not get hurt.

Now, dear passangers, we are returning to the previous episode, shall we?

Donnie presents to his brothers his precious Turtle tank, but she's gone, and it's really necessary to find out, who has taken her. And the first person to suspect is April.

Something is odd, don't you think? Yeah, Raphael has taken tyre for their "Midnight special", Leo claimed that Donnie's stuff is common, but they are D's beothers. It's natural for family to borrow(stole) stuff of each other. But this trend was not observed in April. She would never steal anything from Donnie, much less steal anything from him.

Actually, there is a good, logical and solid explanation here. April was number 1 in Donatello' suspect list, because he simply told her about Turtle tank. His brothers didn't know he were working at Moon buggy, except Mikey (Orange helps Dee get the vehicle from Repomantis), but they didn't know what exactly Donnie was working for. They didn't know he build the Turtle tank, he kept it a secret, to surprise his brothers. But April knew.

- Alright you! Where's our turtle tank?

- Hi, DONNIE. You have 9 seconds to say, why are you just broke my door.

- Someone's stole Donnie's turtle tank.

- Haha-ow, I see. As your best friend, you naturally suspect me.

- She gets it!

- Oh-ho, don't give me that! You're the only one could taken it!

The only one, because she knew about it.

As Splints said in this episode - "April is not a snitch"

Donatello does trust April and share with her both, sorrows and joys. But we are not shown this directly. We do not see the action itself, we do not see their calls and conversations on the phone late at night, we only see the consequence. We have no choice and take it as a given.

And the way she cooled him down? Fast, efficient, and Donnie seems to used to it. Moreover, she slapped everyone, but still, she throw Don out of window the last. However, why such a large time delay between him, being slapped and him, was throwing out of the window?

And my favourite scene. It was obvious that Donnie had taken the hardest hit (judging by his scream and the way he was putting his knuckles back in place). Don then claims that their inner circle is secure, Mikey tries to make amends for everyone, and April agrees, blowing them a kiss and closing the window. Cute and mean, isn't it? (You're cute! but mean! why do I always go for your type?! - ep. War and Pizza)

Nota bene: Donnie wouldn't apologize to April. Tough, not caring badass boy image, remember? Even to best friends. It's hard to him to express his feelings by using words, he cannot do it in proper way. But he has Mikey, who is so alike inner him. Michelangelo apologizes not only for himself, but for D mostly, because D starts suspected April.

Let's continue: the episode 8B: Hypno Part Deux

• Donnie put "Donnie's blocker" at April's phone to protect her.

It's common thing that your friend install some programs or apps on your device. But you will always ask your friend to do such a favour, and you will always know about what, when and where were installed on your phone.

And April didn't know Donnie had done something with her phone. It was a real surprise for her, to see blocker with "Donnie says no-no-no".

And you know, the interface of his app. The way he tell this current phrase. Donnie could put a huge banner "THE APP YOU WANT DOWNLOAD TO IS A REAL PIECE OF GARBAGE", as usual antiviruses do. But no, voice interface. It makes the app more personal and thoughtful. Because when Don made gifts for his brother, the program was voiced by a computer-generated female voice. Yes, the tank's interface is voiced by Donatello himself, but his voice sounds more like Google than the real Don. And, we talking about HIS BABEY, for a second. Bit still, the point remains.

• Also, Dale.

Dale is nerdy boy in purple, wow, how convenient for making a parallel with certain purple turtle.

But thing is, April doesn't like Dale. He's clingy, remora guy, who has a little obsession with April, even he's not harmful, still, such behaviour freaks girls (and not them only) out. Her classmate is usually tell her what April O'Neil is "his favourite person" and he loves her. There is little that is attractive about this behavior.

So, there is nothing new and unpredictable here that Dale was rejected. Because April didn't, doesn't and won't like him because of his lame personality and strange behaviour. Our girl in yellow do right thing: she clearly sets personal boundaries and does not allow any dubious personalities to invade them. So that's the reason she refuses to go on a date with him at the end. He's weird, obsessed, and she doesn't like him.

Donatello, as far as I concerned from different versions of TMNT, was always a little obsessive with some things. And, you know, putting a blocker inside your best friend's phone seems a little weird, because it's, in simple words, violation of privacy and personal space. And there are people who may regard this as stalking or sorta.

Yeah, for the most part, he gets away with it, not only because April's focus is in a different area, but also because their bond is stronger than April's with anyone else at school.

She has known him for years. Donnie is her best friend. I can't say that it's fine to her when Dee violates her personal space - her phone, but April can accept Donatello's personality in general.

And he does really have good intentions. Donnie installed this blocker, developed by himself only for one reason: to protect personal space April from fishy apps from nowhere, from being hacked and etc. Don knew her too well, how much she depends on stupid apps that will distract her. He also knew well, that he can't be with her 24/7 to fix problems with April's phone, so Dee put a part of himself to prevent any harm in the future.

And again, "Donnie's gifts"'s vibes. Donatello genuinely cared about April, because he wrote, coded, developed, designed, and dubbed it, turned on the database, and installed it all on April's phone. 'cause, you know, writing programs in general is a bit of a hassle, but writing an antivirus is much more difficult, because viruses are changing, and questionable applications are finding ways to bypass. Do you feel how much effort Dee put in for her?

But Donatello didn't mean to fix April, as he tried to do with his brothers. Purple turtle accepts this girl the way she is, and tries his best to play smoothly with April, by adjusting, not being passive aggressive jerk. It's his outstanding way to show his caring nature, soft side.

Remember, small but meaningful actions.

Maybe, Donnie also can foresee that April may be forced to download some suspicious program, but still, it work: he managed to prevent April being hypnotized, even if couldn't be physically with April at the this moment - Dee was working for Repo Mantis, building dog's paradise for Todd. That's why, by the way, Leo and Raph were dragged into this whole situation. Mayham would teleported literally anyone to help his hostess. Donnie just wasn't at the Lair at the moment.

And on this note, we'll take a break for now. Stay tuned, expect parsing of the series, there's a lot to discuss.

Part 2

Part 3

[seancamerons]

Ships to get your opinion on - Degrassi :) Jay and Manny Joey and Caitlin Ashley and Jimmy Marco and Dylan Paige and Alex

jay and manny so we start with jay and manny and i'm saying this honestly i actually was in an rp on a message board in like 05 06 and i crackshipped the hell out of them. i had this whole story where circa season 5 manny and jay kind of used each other to get their love interests of the time's jealous. it didn't work since they fell for each other but then fast forward season 7 comes along and what's a new couple? jay and manny. i felt like maybe idk kinda pissed. sure it started out as a sham relationship like i remember but then it ended up working out. so my first impression of them wasn't really great. i was hoping it go in a different direction. at the time i was gunning for emma/jay also, i liked cranny too much at the time. i ended up writing a fanfiction called backtrack where my full plan was for a cranny endgame but i ended up backing out of it when i really started to ship them after writing their (almost) breakup. shortly after, i legit re-watched and fell in love with janny and found them super adorable and i love how he believed in her and her gift of acting when her asshat of a drama teacher and boyfriend mick was verbally absuing her.

jay was the first boyfriend who really appreciated the hell out of manny and was good to her and did a lot of things to help her advance her career and do what she loves and he loves doing it because he makes her legit happy. i find them awesome and i can't believe my salty ass didn't love them all the while! things change and so do opinions and i imagine they're still together today. possibly engaged and happy. he has his own garage and manny has a semi- successful career possibly. joey and caitlin growing up as a teen i didn't know who they were but that they had to be together when i watched for the first time.

i got curious and i looked into their history and started watching their early days but i can't really remember what i liked about them then, i'm actually doing a degrassi junior high/high rewatch with my boyfriend (who is a first time watcher) and we haven't reached that chapter yet.

i personally like jaitlin and used to think they were gonna get married. the older i get the less i think that's the case. yes, they were robbed. yes kevin smith got in the way. but we also have to remember a lot changes when your high school sweetheart is also a journalist/reporter and joey who owns a used car lot has his life pretty much rooted and caitlin never really grew her own it wouldn't be fair to caitlin to always be gone and joey to be at home. they were doing two totally different things in their life. she bought his house but that didn't mean that would put a bandaid on all their problems. let's face it, caitlin loves joey and she wanted to give their relationship a chance because she loved him and joey was still kicking himself for their big breakup in 1992? because it was his fault. then he moved on but 'never really left'. of course he missed her and felt guilty. that doesn't mean they should be together, he hurt her and burned her trust. maybe that's another struggle caitlin has in relationships because of her true heartbreak with joey? maybe that's a stretch but she finally found the JERKIEST OF JERKS to be her fiance. caitlin as a adult is a mess but she really loved joey and she figured years later the best they could do for each other is to be friends. i guess spike and caitlin got close after high school and joey and snake remained close but it didn't seem like they crossed paths until the big reunion so seeing her for the first time in almost 10 years scared him. did he really think she'd be still burning angry at him but he was definitely uncomfortable with the notion of caitlin getting engaged to somebody who wasn't him. his words didn't match his body language of someone who was 'over' it. they even joked about their failed engagement at spike and snake's wedding and dare i say they were totally flirting. it seemed like maybe they could've been more. in their case no matter how many arrangements, flights, videos and visits their relationship is never gonna work the way it did when they were just two kids attending degrassi. when you grow up, you tend to grow apart for better or for worse and these two were headed for the altar but we all know how this ended up. for a long time joey longed (and most guys his age) feel like high school was some of the best times of their lives and also the worst.

i know they badly wanted it to work, and were having a good run at being a long distance relationship and while their fight was kind of lazy writing but ultimately i think they dropped the ball with jaitlin because why bring them back if they were gonna break them up again? i always used to use that as my i love jaitlin argument that they were each others first loves that doesn't always equate to true love i have a special place for them even though i'm not so keen on thinking they'd ever reunite. if i were in joey's shoes i'd move on. i can't help but wonder has caitlin given up on finding a lasting relationship after that jesse/ellie debacle. i think caitlin is lost but she still deserves to find someone even though i believe that joey will likely move on, marry, date whatever that girl who he moved with but i don't know if he'd ever forgive himself for what happened with caitlin but it's kind of realistic unfortunately they didn't last forever. i recall being super super angry when i was 14 'cause it kind of gave me hope that all those years could go by and you can cross paths with an ex boyfriend or former flame and it still won't work out. some people who are exes should just stay apart. too long didn't read? i used to believe that joey and caitlin could be together and endgame, i mean why bring em back if they were just gonna break 'em up? then adulthood happened. ashley and jimmy alrighty so as a young teen i thought they and spaige were like the epitome of high school romance and they'd be together forever. back when eight months seemed like an eternity lol but their second whirl at a relationship after their brutal break up ended and that should've been their end or after the first split at ashley's party. remember when she wrote their breakup in a sad gothic twist in his YEARBOOK. what about how he was creeped out instead of intrigued by her 'love song'. either way, despite everything she comes back to town and instead they go out for a third time i found it underwhelming. back then i wanted them to work out but they bored me to death quite frankly in seasons 6 and 7 . in rewatches they were constantly bickering and didn't seem to have much in common aside from the same friend group. i used to like them and i'm not sure why they were that readymade ship that we introduced to early on but back then everything was so serious now we know different. plus ashley was devoid of personality and was simply jimmy's transportation when he was wheelchair bound. then the final straw you know the whole cd thing the show dragged out their break up for too long. marco and dylan so i like marco and marco and dylan isn't fair to marco.

we all kind of knew it wasn't gonna last right? i mean dylan is significantly older than marco and graduated when marco was a sophomore or something but then he cheated on marco and pretty much broke his heart. i didn't think dylan was into or invested in the relationship as much as marco was. marco was in love.

lets face it tho it's not like marco had any other choices. dylan was the only gay guy in the show so for all intens if he was gonna fall for someone it'd be him.

it's hard to watch marco and dylan because dylan reminds me of my first love who was always jerking with my feelings. long story short we were never like officially official but he'd come around right when i thought i had moved on, play with my emotions and leave me again. it went on a few years before i finally gave up on him and ceased communication. i guess that's a bias but it just gives me this impression that i cared way more about that person than he did of me and it rings true for marco and dylan who ran away to be on a hockey team and leave poor marco with the fall out. not a good guy. paige and alex i really don't ship paige and alex.

i guess if were talking teams i'm team alex she worked hard at the relationship and paige was cruel and hurtful to alex. alex was highkey invested and paige didn't care about alex period. if she did care about alex, she had a shoddy way of showing it.

she was always dogging her. making her feel like nothing or dirt or she didn't have a future all those sort of comments and alex looked after paige and she does one thing paige doesn't like? newsftlash paige can't get what she wants all the time she goes bitchin and always saying mean things to alex. paige was cruel and would really say some awful shit. alex isn't a punching bag and didn't deserve that. near the end sure alex could've helped paige more with that job and didn't have to wear the dress or didn't even do what she told paige she'd handle but i don't like that paige priortizes her shit over alex's shit. i really disliked how paige treated alex who she really liked and dated for a time. i truly hope alex found love in ajax that wasn't like whatever the relationship she had with paige that was pretty much shit. she didn't deserve that idc what people say that was such a horrible relationship and a bad example of how couples should treat one another

Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[seeyoumondaydevi]

Now that they're official, what do you see Paxton and Devi’s relationship dynamic looking like next season? In terms of dates, PDA, studying together, physical stuff, conversations, dinner with each other’s families (Nalini PLEASE warm up to Paxton thank you), sex, fights, etc? I personally thought Paxton falling asleep on Devi at the relay was an adorable touch and I hope we see them cuddling up next season or lying on each other’s laps and things like that. It’s also pretty clear that they really really like making out with each other lol :) and I’m wondering if they’ll take that to second base or further next season. It’s interesting to think about– they’re such a fun, unique couple and I'm a sucker for teen romances with body language! I also think that regarding sex, it could definitely be hilarious to contrast Devi's total inexperience with Paxton's plentiful experience, but based on how much he genuinely likes her I think he'd be totally okay taking things slow for a change.

I'm also wondering if Devi will open up to Paxton about her therapy and how much she's been going through mentally. It'd also be neat to see her encourage Paxton to trust more people with Rebecca, and for him to talk more about how affected he was over her being bullied and how it's made him overprotective. I still think that Devi is very starstruck by Paxton and still sees him as her Superman, whereas he likes her more for who she is and how happy she makes him. I hope there's a turning point where she starts to see him as a human being rather than a celebrity figure but that's hard after so many years of obsessing over someone.

Hey anon! I reallyy like this ask alot <3

I personally don't think they will have a smooth start? I feel like they are going to be exposed to a LOT of gossip and looks especially how Paxton's friends looked at him for getting with a girl who cheated on him. But now I'm glad that doesn't stop Paxton from making Devi his public girlfriend, so that shouldn't stop him from public display of affection either. So we might see both of them in a public relationship but getting judged at the same time? But I really want them to hold hands (which I'm very sure they will) random hugs by the lockers, pecks before class but I don't know we'll see. Give me Paxton hugging Devi from the back when she's taking her books out from her locker.

I will riot if season 3 doesn't give us Daxton study dates and then Paxton just teasing her with his "bedroom eyes" them makin jokes about random facts.. physical stuff, I'm sure we are gonna see them make out more and maybe have a conversation about sex? Paxton wanting to take things slow because I believe Devi is his first actual girlfriend also I can totally picture Devi saying something weird due to lack of experience but Paxton just finding it endearing which makes it adorable AF.. and about fights.. I honestly don't know. Don't come at me okay but I think Nalini can warm up to Paxton, but I don't think she can warm up to Paxton and Devi dating, which could be a problem for them in season three. See well, I have an Indian mother who is literally Nalini but a hundred times more Nalini(if that makes sense). She lost it when I made a few guy friends. She yelled at me for talking to guys even if it was for a group project.. now she slowly warms up to my guy friends... but if I ever dated. SHE'D HAVE ME AND MY HYPOTHETICAL BOYFRIEND BURRIED. Also Devi isn't allowed to date until she's old enough to rent a car... so I don't think she'll take it well even if she's warmed up to Paxton (even though I want her too smh) ANON YES, I've replayed that way too much. Give me daxton cuddles , them lying on each others laps, falling asleep on shoulders and yes lmfao they really enjoy making out with each other, and I quote "you are very good at kissing" lol I love Devi complements him when she's breaking things off with him. Devi mostly might open up to Paxton? I feel like she would because she has in season 1 (about how she saw her dad in a coyote, her temper, culture and how people don't think she's Indian enough etc, how she thinks people are done with her) also Paxton is a VERY good listener so I can see her opening up to him. Plus he also says the right things to calm her down or cheer her up so I really want her too but if the writers decide to ruin them... I dont know.

True, we've only seen becca in the house. I wanna see her with other people. I wanna know how she reacts when Paxton tells her Devi is his girlfriend. I wanna see her and Devi roasting Paxton. I also want to see more of protective Paxton. I loved it when he opened up to her about how his sister was bullied and I do wanna see more of that.

Yeah I get what you're saying. She did think he was WAY out of her league and she's enchanted by him.. but I feel like the whole point of HER breaking things off with him was to show that she isn't anymore? I don't mean she doesn't have feelings for him.. she isn't gonna take any crap he gives her just because SHE THINKS he's a boy way out of her league. Like every time he makes a move, Devi is in SHOCK or wonderstruck (ahh I randomly remembered how 'enchanted' by Taylor suits so well with them) .

I also have a whole list of other things I want to see with Daxton in season 3. Paxton calming Devi down, helping her appreciate her culture more. Devi taking part in some Japanese event. Paxton teaching Devi two or three words in Japanese (IMAGINE IF DEVI WANTS TO SAY "I love you" first and she says it in Japanese). I want them to watch T.V shows together, have inside jokes so much more but I guess we'll have to see lol.

[imaginariaextraordinaire]

So much of this episode is about the unacknowledged labour of women, the sexism they face in different areas and the various methods women adopt to negotiate it.

Ji-Woo is such a great character because the show takes the idea of a film star and layers it with angularities and tenderness. She's well aware of what she's sacrificed on the personal front to become the successful professional she is in the present. I love how she's neither ashamed of it nor does she ignore that its a choice that came with lots of unpleasant baggage. We get a sense of this awareness in the conversation she has with Seon-Gyeom in the parking lot (it's also striking me as I rewatch the show that there's a beautiful little arc of Seon-Gyeom and Ji-Woo building a mother-son relationship almost from scratch).

The church scenes are also a great example of show-don't-tell storytelling. While Assemblyman Ki has to bribe and flatter people in order to get their attention, adoring gazes turn to Ji-Woo seemingly automatically. Except of course, it's not automatic, as the conversation with Ms Dong reminds us. Her fame as an actress is the result of hard work and putting everything else aside. I love the easy understanding between Ms Dong and Ji-Woo — both working women, both mothers. There's no shame in Ji-Woo asking Ms Dong to look out for Seon-Gyeom and no recrimination when she says Seon-Gyeom is closer to Ms Dong than he is to his mother. It takes a village, people.

In Ji-Woo and Seon-Gyeom's chance meeting at the parking lot, there's something tentative and formal about them. They're both putting up façades — Seon-Gyeom's polite mask, Ji-Woo's tinkling laughter — although she does allow him to glimpse what lies beneath. Ji-Woo only drops a vague mention of Assemblyman Ki making life miserable for the rest of the family because Seon-Gyeom isn't falling in line. It's obvious from both mother and son's body language that she doesn't need to elaborate. What's lovely though is that there's no complaint in her tone. She isn't telling Seon-Gyeom this detail so that he feels guilty; quite to the contrary. The laughter and ease of her body language is reassuring, as though she's subtly telling him that she can handle this.

While we're on Ji-Woo, how great is her barely-concealed impatience with all the smiling and greeting and praying in church!

I'm not sure what I love more — the shot of a the stained-glass Jesus, looking pained while the minister thunders out a prayer for Assemblyman Ki; or the fact that the very next scene shows a kid throwing a tantrum in a supermarket. It cannot be a coincidence that this is the one time that Seon-Gyeom is filmed from an angle that makes it look like he's descending down upon the kid (whom he bribes with a chocolate bar). Particularly love the longing on the kid's face as she stares at the retreating figure of the divine Seon-Gyeom.

The scene between Mi-Joo and Seon-Gyeom outside his hotel is so heartbreaking to watch and it's the first time we understand just how hard Mi-Joo is on herself. All this began with a drunk professor making offensive, sexist comments that demeaned Mi-Joo, but to explain all that to Seon-Gyeom feels almost indulgent so she takes the blame. She's the disappointment — for being poor, for being seen as someone who can be bribed, for having taken the money. She doesn't hear him when he places the onus of the blame on his father. It's so achingly obvious that all her belligerence is posturing and she's ending the budding relationship between her and Seon-Gyeom because she doesn't think she deserves him.

Thank the gods for May. Even if she and Mi-Joo start off at odds, it takes only seconds for them to be in sync. God bless the womance.

You've got to feel thankful for the family of choice when Dan-Ah bumps into human-trash brother. He's a strong reminder of the everyday sexism in society and how privilege doesn't mean you're protected from this venom.

Over the course of Run On, Dan-Ah figures out how to fight her battles in her own way, rather than by employing toxic methods, like putting her (half-) brothers down because society considers them illegitimate. At this point though, while her brother is disgusting and Dan-Ah is obviously nothing like him as a person, the weapons she uses to fight him — hierarchy, contempt, violence — are the same as those he uses on her.

In the middle of all these tortured, messed-up men, the kids are alright. We know this from not only the way the schoolkids whom Seon-Gyeom coaches react to the bullying scandal — interesting that the children have more perspective than the grown-ups who care about appearances rather than the truth — but also thanks to Yeong-Hwa.

I love Dan-Ah trying to subtle suss out exactly how young Yeong-Hwa is when he and Ye-Joon come to Dan-Ah's office. I also love how not for a second does Yeong-Hwa, for all his puppy-eyes, call her "noona". There's no ambiguity about this relationship. Also, while I still can't find anything remotely good to say about those wretched paintings, the idea that art forges connections irrespective of social convention/ hierarchy is one that has my heart.

If the Gyeommi couple is all about being heard and understood, the Danhwa couple is all about being seen for what you really are.

Speaking of Gyeommi, how cute is it that Woo-Sik is the one playing Cupid! In this episode, Seon-Gyeom is frequently reminded of how alone and solitary he is, but what we also see is that he's building friendships. The relationship with Woo-Sik changes from that of a senior with a junior colleague to something softer, warmer. With Mi-Joo, particularly at the dinner that Woo-Sik organises, you see Seon-Gyeom finding companionship as they attempt to set aside their attraction and actually understand each other. This is a relationship that works because they're so different. The fact that they don't think alike is why she can offer him the piercing insight of, "Why not include your failures as a part of your process?"

Also, what a bombshell to drop on audiences in a country (and continent) known for its fiercely competitive spirit... .

Rewatching this episode, Mi-Joo running back to home to translate the article in which Woo-Sik clears Seon-Gyeom's name reminded me of how different this is from the marathon run. Both times, she's running towards Seon-Gyeom, but this time it's more adrenaline than anything else and it's for him. It's the unthinking running that Seon-Gyeom told her about during their first drinking session — you're just running ahead, without looking back, focused on one external goal. The marathon run is much more internal as it pushes Mi-Joo to make peace with her past before she decides what she wants to run towards.

Also, looping back to that idea of unacknowledged women's labour, Mi-Joo works HARD to make sure the article goes viral and she claims no credit for it. She only tells an online group that she translated it because she knows that they will circulate it with more gusto if they know it's her work. This little snippet is also a good reminder that rarely do things go viral without a whole lotta effort from people in the background.

Finally, this hug in the rain turned me into full mush. By now, we know that Seon-Gyeom has grown up with very little affection. He prefers a hotel room to the family house. The only person he's felt comfortable enough to hug is the housekeeper. As far as he can tell, he has no friends (Woo-Sik and Yeong-Il will eventually set him straight on that account, but for now, he's utterly alone). At this point, the hug from Mi-Joo is something much more tender and basic than romantic love or sexual chemistry.

MJ: Don't tell me you don't know what I'm doing.

SG: I know. You're comforting me.

MJ: Correct.

I can't help but remember the later scene when they'll be on either sides of metal gates, when she won't reach out to him and he'll be upset that she won't trust him. Perhaps that's the difference between finding friendship and falling in love — they both can make you stronger, but the process is very different.

[theelliottsmiths]

So anyway, Mein Herz Brennt Making of liveblog, one of my favourites

First of all, I do take any use of piano MHB as a slight towards my tiny hands. -1 point

I really would love to visit this place, it's beautiful

I love that Oli introduces it and then Till is straight in there talking about murder and stabbings. Trust that to be what intrigues him. I feel like 'smells like murder' isn't a direct translation but that's purely because I spent like ten minutes trying to work out what words he says. It rhymes, which is suspicious.

Oh this was before he let his chest piercing reject all the way out in the grossest way

When schneider says Krankenhaus it sounds very Geordie and I'm convinced that kind of thing is why Auf Wiedersehen, Pet was created

Richards eyes light up when he's talking about the room he's in and it's one of those looks where it's just. I would love to listen to anything anyone has to say when their eyes have that sparkle.

"the scavengers had already been here" cue Paul talking about his criminal past thieving from there. See, another example everyone forgets of him being the biggest bastard of them all. The smile is a front.

One of my favourite ever Rammstein things is the combined joy and mockery from Paul when Richard is revealed to be wearing the bird mask and it wiggles as he nods. He looks like a little black cockatoo. Richard looks embarrassed to be wearing it but Paul is having the time of his LIFE.

The way is echoes in his mask makes him sound like he's clucking

Flakes glasses perching in his cone make him look like that sesame Street doctor or scientist

They all suit this make up so much and I wish they'd consider it as a stage look

Peck. Not intimidated.

Considering the nightmares Till has/had, ouch

Richard looks so much like a little vampire prince but like, a character from what we do in the shadows. He makes his own smokescreen entry/exist and everything.

Melanie!!!

Richard has many tendons in his neck huh.

The sounddd. I used to always be curious as to whether or not people in music videos were making the sounds it looks like they're making and now I know and I'm uncomfortable. This and also later when till does the heart

His laugh is never what I expect it to be

That uh. That doesn't look like he's in pain the way the injection sounds implied. At all. Not that I'm complaining but it gives mixed messages.

I'm so sure Richard is the only one I've ever heard use the word quasi. It makes sense for him if true but maybe I only notice because of the tone he uses? His is quite a punchy nasal tone it might just be more noticeable.

Till with kids is always the most adorable wonderful thing. He's really helping to keep them relaxed despite the creepiness of the stuff they're shooting.

"if you look at the cover then you'll recognise a morbidity to the whole thing" till, my darling, do you think people don't already ~see the morbidity~?

I googled and the lady doesn't pronounce renaissance with a g like Till does and that interests me. In fairness I have to assume it's like in Norwegian how words like restaurant are pronounced with a g sound because it's closer to the French sounds? It's not like we in English donut the French way either but the Google translate lady does. This is why I always suspect that when I'm learning a language I'm learning the language wrong and at some point I'll find out there's a Real, For Adults version if the language that's totally different. This is irrelevant. Accents are fun and I like being able to notice them.

It feels so strange seeing this knowing what Eugenio did

Paul taking pictures because he knows better than them

Something about a child saying "ah yes, I know Till and Flake very well" is hysterical.

You can feel the dismay and disapproval radiating off till as he tries to be diplomatic about the Spanish understanding of linear time. He struggles to find a positive and only comes up with the fire walls. "It should have gone out before we filmed anything because they were fucking around with the playback so long but it didn't" is his only compliment.

The German word for French is wild.

Do they know they could have hired an interpreter? Interpreters existed in 2012 I know this

This whole thing with Melanie is beautiful you can't deny that the arm Eugenio made with then was lovely.

Till in the dress with Melanie in his lap. I don't off the top of my head remember seeing it in either video so I simply must assume that it was just what he was wearing that day when he showed up. She's so tiny on his knee I'm glad they're still friends.

"you're left in a state of trauma when everyone stares at you all the time" did this need to get so heavy? It's interesting that he focused more on her voice than her appearance there, though in fairness it's pretty high

They all love her so much and it's totally understandable.

Mit rock n roll und cola trinken

I have to skip the screaming the secondhand embarrassment is too much.

Part 2

Again, this liveblog is so long

Sometimes Oli speaks like his body isn't used to talking.

I want, so badly, to know if Richard was having memories of his dreadlocked youth The tiny cup in his elegant hand is so pleading and then you look left and. It sure is something.

Are they freckles or acne scars across Tills shoulders?...cute. The first set of arm/chest wounds, not so much. I do spy his lil tummy scar

Richard does look like he almost swooped in for a kiss and then changed his mind because of the camera. Paul turns his head that way and then Richard tries to save with a step back and face rub (his own). Just saying.

The fact that a few of them have taken pictures on their personal phones warms my soul it's such a nice reminder that they're good friends outside of work and My Heart

Schneider and Paul ready at a moment's notice to be Dumbasses. J'adore.

What if Zoran was more of a background character tho actually

God, schneider is beautiful. An ethereal, pure beauty that exists no matter how he's being styled.

See okay how is flake almost taller than Oli right now he's not even doing his standard open legs and swan spine thing

It must be so hard to find Oli sized clothes. Flake is also tall and slim but he's a lot more leg, whereas Olis height seems largely to be torso. I have to assume a lot of his stuff is tailored or custom made now.

I always forget about the marks on tills back when he's in the nightmare dress

The child staring with great confusion at a bright red flake reading. I would love to know what his favourite books are.

The childs plural poking and prodding at a very patient Oli, who gracefully bends his spine in ways I've never seen a human do before. I wonder if he's ever dressed up as Lurch from the Addams family.

The actress playing the woman in this half is so beautiful and has a power her younger counterpart lacked when she was threatening him with her weapon.

I am a dummy and was like weird why is Paul speaking Norwegian. I know full well he wasn't saying unnskyld because I've heard Germans say their equivalent before and I assume Entschuldigen either sounds like that fast or shortens so what the fuck, rhi

Till guiding people through him murdering them is truly one of life's greatest pleasures. They trust him so completely. I would like to watch them dance the elegance would be astounding.

Paul lurking watching with what I choose to see as pride as till slaughters an old woman.

Paul being critical (again, as always, rightly so) of the hallway mouthing the lyrics decision.

"for this in prepared to make compromises" he says, hating every bitter word of it

I would like to know what he wanted to say about till and then see him get into trouble over it.

I would like to see till in a bouncy castle. He's adorable jumping into the comfy pit I want to see him in a bouncy castle. Child, utter child.

Paul takes every opportunity to say how hot he thinks they all are and I love that about him. Sometimes your friends are all hot and everybody needs to understand that fact.

Their approaches to pretending to play cello are all so uniquely them. Flake and Richard are taking the time to try and understand what they're being told, whereas Paul just fucking. Lays into it, attracting the weirdest looks from Oli. Richard looks beautiful with that cello and I think he should learn to play. For fun not for work. It's not just that he looks so handsome, but I think that's the easiest way to convince him. I think he'd be good at it, and not being the lead at something might be good for him.

I appreciate that Oli is skeptical because yeah they do all look like they've never held a cello before.

They do, however, all look lovely in their dresses. I'm trying but actually I can't not say that Schneiders little sternum dip makes it seem like he has breasts in that dress and it's a good look for him.

Till singing it in such a high voice, more like his speaking voice, is both interesting and lovely. Oli is trying... So little compared to the others. Laughably incorrect

Why yes, I am laughing at the sheer length of the spikes. They're just... They're so fucking long. So long.

Paul is actually probably the best one there, ironically. They're all comically out of time. They're professional musicians. I know they aren't used to bowed instruments I do understand and I don't want to be uncharitable but also they are struggling. I want to see cellists react to this.

Pretty dresses! And the nightmare but with the most awful and worst fingers! Like the Grinch but goth.

Both Schneider and Richard had the same neverending shoot idea and I am Intrigued.

Till waiting for Schneider with the umbrella :)

Wir brennen! Paul is always so happy to play with fire.

[miracvlovs]

✗✗✗   you see [ kaleb yıldırım ] around lately? yeah i heard that the [ cis male ] is up to no good. [ he / him ] has been here for [ five years ] now but they’re still pretty [ abrasive ] which is fine because they’re also [ debonair ] so it balances out. the [ twenty-eight ] year old [ hitman for hire ] actually looks like a lot like [ alperen duymaz ], don’t you think? it’s best to watch out, though, because it’s been said that they’re really into [ strong cigarettes & even stronger whiskey ].

hey, hello, hi, bonjour! s’up buttercups? ‘tis i, your friendly neighbourhood loser chrissie ( a.k.a an irish doofus who is utter plot trash and the actual WORST at keeping track with discord messages, oops ) and i’m super duper excited to be here among you fab human beings! anywho, this is my first kiddo kaleb and he is … how do you say … morally grey. basically his morals are very questionable in every aspect. but! on the plus side, he’s very talented and good at his job even if he is ruthless and callous, oop. he is … the worst and also lowkey messed up inside tbh so pls excuse his blunt and sarcastic nature. plot-wise i’m open to literally anything and everything so come at me with any ideas ya got! i’m always diggity down to spit ball ideas and form some dope connections so pls feel free to invade my ims or hmu on le cord ( chrissie.#9606 ) and we can brainstorm until our heart’s content! if ya wanna, go ahead and light that lil grey heart up red and i’ll shimmy my butt your way for all of the good stuff. anywho, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we?

fundamentals.

KALEB EMER YILDIRIM     —     twenty-eight, hitman for hire,   +   one snarky son of a gun   /   troubled dude with daddy issues   /   all issues tbh ! 

aesthetics   ➤   dried blood caked into the grooves of cut knuckles, the lingering scent of smoke and gasoline, silver slivers of past scarring, five o’clock shadow peppering a blunt jawline, discolourations of blue and purple decorating battered hands, a subtle smirk etched upon a devious countenance, calloused fingertips riddled with small paper cuts, dark circles under almost-black eyes, the noise of screeching tires in the middle of the night, a tall stature adorned in all-black attire, ghosts of bruises staining calloused skin green, a scuffed zippo lighter in a pack of marlboros containing only one cigarette, white shirts with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, a sly grin under stormy dark eyes, a sniper on the roof of a deserted building, the roar of a car engine, & clenched, white-knuckled fists.

nicknames. kal.

date of birth. november third.

gender. cis male.

pronouns. he + him.

birthplace. manhattan, nyc.

orientation. bisexual + aromantic.

education. bachelor of music degree obtained from manhattan school of music.

spoken languages. can speak fluent english, turkish, spanish, & french.

negative traits. haughty, abrasive, enigmatic, cynical, temperamental, calculating, hedonistic, distant, sarcastic, & volatile.

positive traits. adept, diligent, charming, resilient, candid, adept, charming, audacious, determined, & resourceful.

strengths. efficient, energetic, self-confident, strong-willed, strategic thinker, charismatic, & inspiring.

weaknesses. stubborn, dominant, intolerant, impatient, arrogant, poor handling of emotions, cold, & ruthless.

talents. piano, retaining information, memory recall, lock-picking, carjacking, hand-to-hand combat, automobile knowledge, tracking people down, & excellent problem-solving abilities. 

physiology. dark brown eyes. dark brown hair. six feet, one inch tall. of a lean, broad stature with a straight posture and evident height. has a few silvery scars littered across his skin. has a few tattoos in a few less visible places. is ambidextrous.

psychology. scorpio zodiac. water element. slytherin house. entj-a. chaotic neutral. type eight enneagram. choleric temperament. interpersonal intelligence type. addicted to alcohol, tobacco, prescription drugs, cocaine, and cannabis. suffers from addiction and insomnia. his vices are lust, wrath and pride. his virtues are ... honestly, probably just diligence tbh.

background.

possible triggers   :   infidelity, divorce, alcoholism, drug abuse, cancer, death, car crash, funeral, blood, murder, suicide mention, gun mention, & various references to death and murder. 

a synopsis.   ah, here he is—my tol, troubled, grouchy son : ' ) don't u just adore ur resident trashy, snarky, but precious and sad fuckboi muse? bc i know I DO! anyways, before i digress, i'll cut to the chase. so, waaay before he blessed the universe with his presence, his mother ( who was originally from turkey ) moved to the states where she met one alexander hale. you can probably guess the rest: the pair married, they had children, everything seemed to be going swimmingly, yada yada. here’s a lil background: the hale family—a line of manhattan-born businessmen / lawyers / diplomats etc. they're dripping in wealth, not always as squeaky clean as they portray themselves as to be. kaleb’s dad was a douche, expected both of his sons to follow in his shadow and become lawyers, ran around behind his wife's back: the whole shoot and shebang of a classic a-hole. he always kind of ignored kaleb in favour of his eldest son joshua so kaleb kinda became hard-hearted and resentful due to the lack of his father's attention. skip a few years and he spied his dad cheating on his mother with his secretary though he refused to tell another soul for fear of any potential backlash. soon enough, his mother found this out for herself, their argument ruined his thirteenth birthday party then they divorced soon after. his mother fell off the wagon, became terminally ill—all while his father was remarrying and expecting a daughter with his secretary. it was a hella rough two years for kaleb. it got even worse. eventually, his mother passed away and his step-mother divorced his father to breeze off into the sunset with her new lover; leaving her daughter with her piss-poor excuse of a dad. at this point, kaleb was lonely and angry but adopted the role of his step-sister's protector, shielding her from their father's increasing substance abuse induced violence. just before his seventeenth birthday, his father died in a car crash. of course, he didn't entirely mourn the loss. almost immediately, he and his younger sister moved in with their elder brother who helped kaleb get into university. with dear ole dad out of the picture, he could finally pursue his interest and flair for music. after he graduated, he moved to santa ysabel with his brother and brother's family. in the beginning, things were going fine. yeah, sure, he was struggling for work and felt bad that his brother had to keep him afloat. normal stuff. then, one day, things quickly turned sour in his world. [ TRIGGER FOR GORE, BLOOD, SUICIDE MENTION, GUN MENTION, MURDER, DEATH ] he’d came home to find the locks on the doors busted, advancing into the house carefully only to find his brother’s lifeless corpse crumbled on the kitchen tiles: his throat and wrists slashed, posed as a suicide. of course, kaleb knew better. he knew his brother; knew he would never leave him or his family. upon further inspection of the house, he’d discovered the body of his wife upstairs: a bullet hole between her eyes. [ TRIGGER OVER ] the whole ordeal was enough to turn his stomach but once the sickness had subsided, all kaleb felt was a strong thirst for blood. sure, it was pretty damn stupid to try and seek revenge or whatnot ... but kaleb had always been one to let his heart guide his brain. anyways, time skip now to the moment he’d uncovered his brother’s entanglement with some dodgy loan shark, drug dealing criminals who were responsible for his murder. in the end, he’d hunted them down and eradicated them one by one, over a span of weeks. at first, he hated himself and what his desire for vengeance had turned him into but he kept going until he’d got them all: until he’d grown numb. truthfully, how he wound up taking lives for a living is beyond him. he woke up one day, found himself hired by some big-wig businessman who wanted rid of his business partner and et voilà, he was tangled up in the dark side of existence. i mean, was he blackmailed into doing his first paid hit? yes. but who can blame him? especially when they claimed to have intel regarding the sudden demise of a prominent figure in the criminal underbelly of the city, a.k.a his brother’s killer. it was a risk kaleb simply couldn’t take. he prefers to keep himself anonymous, hidden behind shadows, unsuspecting. death has become a job. nothing more. nothing less. it’s simply the algorithm of his existence: receive a dossier, take care of the target, get paid a hefty lump sum. and all just for enacting a stranger’s revenge in the blood of another. he moves like a deadly phantom, his footsteps light as a feather, whipping through the night like a bullet through a target’s skull. sartre claims that hell is other people. and if you were to stare into kaleb’s eyes—eyes eerily similar to having been cut from coal—you might just see hell and everyone in it staring right back at you. as nietzsche wrote: “ he who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. and if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. ”

random extras.

he has a lot of small scars over his body, most of which he can’t account for or has forgotten about.

owns and drives a black 1969 boss 429 mustang which he loves arguably more than he loves himself.

speaking of, he actually is full of self-hatred so don’t let the haughtiness fool you.

trusts nobody but himself and is loyal to nobody but himself.

has a lot of anger issues so often ends up taking part in underground fights.

he rates around a solid three on the kinsey scale.

is a distant person; closed-off emotionally and prefers to keep himself to himself.

when it comes to whether or not he is morally decent or an extremely bad person, he is somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.

he isn’t heartless but he isn’t exactly compassionate either.

kind of shady but knows how to pass himself as charming. 

has been thru sum shit n seen sum shit so he’s v messed up inside.

though he does have a soft spot for animals and children.

his marksmanship is impeccable.

he’s naturally gifted with firearms and his shot is always on point.

dark eyes and bruised knuckles are his ultimate aesthetic tbh.

actually really appreciates classical music, though he’ll never tell. blame it on his piano lessons from childhood.

speaking of piano, he’s low key gifted at playing although he rarely does these days.

has a very short fuse and can lose his temper quite easily.

he has a good heart and good intentions when it comes to those he actually cares about although he’ll never let this show.

favourite coping mechanism? isolation.

a bit of a lone wolf. he keeps people at arm’s length but acts in a way where people are under the illusion he’s their friend.

basically the tall, dark and handsome trope: ( most of the tall, dark and handsome men display aloof, cold and distant personality but they do have a gentle and caring side. )

is a little snarky and grumpy but if you manage to break this exterior, you’ll find he’s quite witty and easy going.

he got into fighting at a young age. it was the only way to try and learn how to defend himself against his father.

sleep?? he doesn’t know her.

tends to repress his emotions until he explodes.

healthy coping mechanisms?? he doesn’t know them either.

is prone to pushing the self destruct button.

you can find a pinterest board for him by clicking anywhere here.

[likesomekindofcheese]

Hello! I saw that you were doing ships and I'm interested if they're still open? If so, could I please get ships for The Beatles, Queen and Bohrap? I will be sending a few of these to give a full description so I'm sorry for the spam! I never exactly know what to put in these! So, My name is Jasmine, I'm Australian and I speak English, German, Czech (Gotta love family that doesn't speak English..) and Japanese. I've always been considered the 'artsy' person among my peers. (1/5)

I'm usually rather quiet at first, often the person just sitting in the back and drawing. The main exception of this being if I'm performing, wearing a fashion I love or doing a hobby of mine. I love the arts and have always been a big creative type. I will admit, I'm quite passive/submissive and very indecisive. I'm also kind of insecure. I tend to do whatever I can to make my friends happy due to negative experiences in the past. Also because I love doing things for people (2/5)

I'm 5'7" and pale, I have hair that reaches past my waist and is naturally a honey blonde in colour, I sometimes dye it magenta. My eyes are a blue/green colour and for some issue, one tends dilate more than the other, I have an hourglass body and because of that, I do have some cuves on me. I also have a slight overbite (which got "fixed" with braces). In terms of clothing, I love wearing alt fashion such as Lolita fashion, Cult Party Kei, and my own style which is quite doll-like. (3/5)

For my job, I'm currently studying Primary Teaching and Drama in University and a few years ago in Highschool, I began work as a Professional Mermaid and Princess for hire, as well as working part time in an OSHC. I love the water and I've been an actor since I was a child, For hobbies I love to Draw, Make accessories/clothes/costumes, Cosplay and I'm also a trained Singer, Dancer and Aerialist. (My mum always said " if you want to do something, do it while you're young") (4/5)

I'm actually a Pagan and practise White magick and am starting to learn Green magick, my deities are Poseiodon, Persephone and Aphrodite. Unfortuntely, I also live with a few physical and mental issues such as Endometriosis and Chronic Fatigue, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Dress Disorder as well as being Photosensitive. So that can sometimes make certain things hard for me, but we get past that! I tend to easily befriend all Cats and Birds I meet. Sorry this was so long, I suck at this (5/5)

Of course I can! You seem like such a cool, fascinating person with an incredible life and abilities!! 😯🤩 and don’t worry about giving extra info, I don’t mind.

For the Beatles, I ship you with...

Paul McCartney!

So with your pale skin and dyed hair, Paul basically thinks you are a princess

So when you get your mermaid job, Paul loves to tease you, but he also takes cute little photos and lovingly calls you “me siren!”

Even though he will lightly tease you for your Australian accent, but you tease him back for his Liverpool one!

He loves animals, so he always notices how his sheepdog, Martha, wags her tail and even wiggles on her feet like a tap dancer for you when you come in to visit her. He adores that even animals know they can love you are trust you.

You both often go wining and dining, especially in your beautiful Lolita style dress, enjoying the food, atmosphere, and each other’s company.

Though the first time you went to one of those fancy places, you were intimidated by the menu that was twice the size of your head and half the items were in French. “Paul, what should I get here? I’m not even sure!” “Would you like me to choose for you, Jasmine?” “Please!”

He ordered you a nice dish and you both had a drink and then went walking out in the moonlight, opening up about each other’s souls and insecurities but holding hands and assuring each other’s worth.

Since you are a more quiet, “submissive”’person, Paul loves it when he can “baby” you and take care of you, as much as helping you with your hair and outfits and plenty of times he will order for you at restaurants.

He even made you flashcards and notes to help with University, though sometimes you caught him doodling on your name full of hearts.

He probably composed “And I Love Her” for you if you ever felt sad or insecure

For Queen, I ship you with...

Brian May!!

He loves that you are a bit taller than most, even if he is technically taller, it means he doesn’t have to do a squat to hug you.

He is amazed at your creativity and multiple hobbies! He even loves watching you fly up in arealist in the air, he even took a beautiful stereoscopic photo of you!

When he decides to flirt with you at first, he noticed you were back there drawing so he went over and asked about your art and you showed him and you both were soon smiling and subtly flirting with each other.

He was nervous about asking you out until the whole band pushed him to, they all shipped it from day one.

He loves to hear you sing and he enjoys hearing you practice from upstairs, sometimes he will slowly pluck your notes on a guitar until he gets a song idea. Then he will run up to give you a hug and kiss as a thanks (despite your confusion)

He loves that you know all those languages and begs you to go on tour with him to help translate (and see things like Japenese cherry blossoms and German castles together linking arms).

He makes little lovey comments related to your pagan beliefs

“Jasmine, you bewitch me!” “Well, I didn’t intend to!”

“Jasmine, you’re a goddess of beauty”

“Don’t let Aphrodite hear you! You’ll be in trouble, Bri!” “Not if it’s the truth, sweetheart”

And he understands your PTSD and anxiety and helps to make sure you have counseling, and always leans in with a glass of water and a patient, listening ear

As for BohRap, I ship you with...

Rami Malek!!!

He thinks you are an absolute doll, from your eyes to your figure and calls you it all the time!

Plus you are both the most fashionable couple ever and when there is a premiere and he brings you along, you both grin at each other as the media looks at you both, shooketh to the coreth.

He is so sweet and understanding of your acting life that he comes to all of your premiering shows in the front row with a bouquet of flowers so big it needs it’s own seat. Plus he loves to help you think through characterization with auditions and rehearsals.

He loves to notice how you make beautiful costumes and things and if you need something like fabric or a certain color of paint, he runs and grabs it.

You both paid up when the BohRap cast has a board game night and defeat everyone through teamwork, until you both laugh and kiss each other.

He loves to learn bits of phrases of German and Japenese from you, and he brags about your abilities in interviews.

Gladly flips off anyone who gives you crap about your overbite and is always protective of you, with an arm around your waist.

He admires your strength and determination in spite of your physical and mental problems, it gives him hope to go on.

And he understands anxiety, so he will gladly cuddle you and help you with breathing deep when you’re anxious.

You both have a busy life together, but then you both snuggle into bed, giggling and playing footsie and gently touching each other’s faces.