#they're acting like it's nbd or whatever

[hippo-pot]

i'm being so normal about OMitB. Mabel as the hearing counterpart to the Deaf character is not pissing me off. because i am normal

[gloomygloworm]

why is no one talking about modern edwin and crystal being besties because they have the same shitty hobbies? crystal exhibits rich kid mannerisms obviously yes but also abandoned kid mannerisms through shoplifting and stuff, i wanna see burnout edwin smoking a cigarette smart enough to pass his classes easily but failing every single one of them, doped out on drugs at house parties (ur friends only like you when ur "fun" and "dumb" like them) i wanna see a slightly jaded edwin that keeps his niche hobbies under wraps (collecting special and rare editions of books, taxidermy, thrifting/collecting antiques, aquariums??? maybe???) approached by smiley cheery charles (maybe they get tossed in the same tutoring program?) who slowly finds the will to live again cause charles is the sun breaking the storm clouds.

i want niko wedging herself between crystal's ribs. crystal who gets egged on by edwin because they're both tired and jaded. i want to see her drinking too much at parties and being cruel because shes made of broken glass. i want niko's sweetness to piece her back together slowly, gently collecting the shards of crystals actual personality (fierce, and loyal, and oh so GOOD) i want niko to make crystal feel warm and fuzzy and like she wants to TRY again.

everyones always talking about how edwin wouldnt really change if he was born closer to crystals years or whatever but i think thats wrong. i think the way the world has developed socially would make radical changes to the way he acts, to the way he thinks. i want modern exploration of how people think edwin would evolve - how his sexuality expands, the way he dresses. because i think he indulges. i think he dresses for fun at parties, a little more revealing a little more form fitting. i think he has dark circles under his eyes, that he showers every single day, that his hair is a mess. i think hes sassy and rude and bitchier than he should be because theres no one to dilute his salt laden personality until charles and niko show up.

i also need him to be ill. chronically. i need exhaustion to settle in his joints, for his paranoia to make him twitchy and unpleasant to talk to. i need him to grit his teeth and be on edge because i think he comes from a rich but large family and i think the dynamics there can be very backstabby.

really what i want is a fcking - 5 + 1 the 5 times charles panics and hides his cigarette cause edwin thinks he's quit and can't see him weak and the 1 time he catches edwin smoking on the roof and he just goes "yeah i dont like the smoke in the house or how crowded it gets here so i just do it when no one else is awake"

i also need edwin and charles fwb because edwin doesnt know how to be friends and the emotional exploration of attachment - charles thinks everything is fine theyre besties and having sex nbd but edwin has a panic attack every time charles leaves his room cause what if he just goes away and never comes back

[the-elder-polls]

been watching a ton of horror stuff lately, so thought about how my tes ocs would be in horror movies. putting it under the cut to spare anyone who doesn't wanna read it lol

vedyra: she is the daughter of dagoth ur. she is fine. something would charge her and try to kill her and she'd smack it so hard that its jaw would fall off. she would cast "brain hemorrhage" and explode their brains inside their skulls. she'd be fine and save everyone within the first five minutes of the movie. that's it. vedyra is immune to horror movie logic.

vedathyr: classic slasher. he'd be quiet for a majority of the movie and would just be protecting everyone else, even if it gets him hurt to do so. he's the textbook "quiet big dude" trope. then, near the end of the movie, he'd either Shout the threat to death or transform into his werewolf form and just eat them at the perfect moment. that's it. then he'd scratch at his jaw and go to bed.

rildras: supernatural psychological horror. god help him, he's been through enough. he'd do his best to resolve things peacefully via whatever means he has to up til the threat hurts someone or something he cares for, then he'd put on the indoril helm and mantle warlord nerevar for a bit to get shit solved. in the end, he'd be covered in blood and objectively a monster of his own making. but y'know. pyrrhic victories and all that.

konahrik: kona IS the monster in the movie. kona is fine. everyone else is not. they're the "child turned monster" trope, ala jason voorhees, and also share the "masked monster" trope with jason. miraak is a part of the main cast and it isn't til the end that the viewers learn that miraak has been a traitor this entire time. the movie ends with miraak and kona holding hands while surrounded by the bodies of the main cast. gay rights AND gay wrongs!

kanbael: comedy slasher. he's too stupid to die. the monster or killer would lunge for him and he'd give them a hug, pat them on the back, and skip away while humming. he's fine. he's the comic relief that somehow evades death at every opportunity. he's ALSO who kills the threat at the end of the movie via cleaving the threat in half with a huge fuckoff battle axe that he should not, in theory, be able to even lift. he'd smile and act like it's nbd, dust himself off, and make some comment like "boy, that sure was a mess, wasn't it?"

[australianklaviergavin]

★ PINNED POST

Puff / Holmes / The Great Detective / whatever else ★ They / them (or she/her, nbd really) ★ Proud owner of the most insane Klavier headcanon(s) ★ This is a sideblog! ★ Associated with my friend @/purpleleavesday ★ Tagging "#dgs2 spoilers" ★ Critter masterpost ★ Ask about my server!

I'm very chatty, so assorted trivia is below the Read More, as to not turn my bio into an eyesore. Will be updated as relevant. Asks are always appreciated!

Total time spent in the Attorney Mines...

When I say I've been enjoying these games since I was a kid, however it's a bit false to say I've been playing them that long. I've more been watching them be played, until now, as well as observing the lawyer yaoi on my dash. This series has been a massive part of my life for about as long as I can recall, I just... Didn't quite play them until recently. I'm new-ish but I feel like it's important to point out that I really have been here a while, in spirit.

Klavier headcanons..?

There's about two total, the one in my URL, and one I'm moreso sworn into secrecy over. The one in my URL is... It's very important to me. If you see Klavier on this blog, please read him in a goofy Australian accent. My brother does voice stuff, and when we were reading for Ace Attorney, he just turned Australian and I can't unhear it.

Sholmes kinning you..?

Yeah, so... He just like me. Same poses, same catchphrases, detective as a gender and not a profession, big yellow-ish coat. Most damningly, I do unfortunately represent myself through a funny little bunny, and have since I was a small child, and it's literally just the Sholmes bunny. I'm so serious and I could prove it. Most importantly, I've been doing all this for years. It's literally just how I act! And almost always have! What! I joke about kinning him (or, in this case, being kinned by him) but it's just in good fun.

You look familiar...

HI. YOU GOT ME. Yes, it's Puff, your silly rabbit and right hand arm man. Sorry to all my main blog oomfies to which I did NOT announce this to, but hi, enjoy your stay!

Dear fellow, what in the world is happening in your icon?

Gonna make this quick or I'm gonna start crying laughing again. I sometimes use 3D models as reference, and a friend was helping me clean / rig the Sholmes model rip I had and... When he sent me the file, he did something wrong by accident..? And Sholmes ended up looking SO joyous, but he strictly did NOT do that on purpose like I thought, so we both ended up crying real tears over it. Therefore, I'm using that as a base for my icon while I work on a better one.

Mutuals* can...

By mutuals, I mean followers, really, but feel free to ask for my main if you're unsure or otherwise reach out! I don't have a lot else going on (I started playing Ace Attorney because I'm too injured for my other hobbies so any distraction is very welcomed) and am willing to chat, as long as you don't mind the fact I'm maybe a little Insane :')

Tags to acquaint yourself with

I don't keep many, but my save tag is "#case notes", my catch-all art tag is "#the deduction of art", my tag for polls is "#I can’t make bricks without clay", my talking tag is "#a study in screaming", and my asks tag is "#consultations"! Will be updating this later as necessary

The banners...

First off! No interest in men. I like to make jokes, but they're just that! I've called Kazuma "dreamy" more times than I can recall, but legit I do not mean it outside an objective context. I don't mean to be needlessly hostile, but the second is to preemptively warn off weirdos! If you're going to be Nasty or Weird (especially about characters who are minors) then please see yourself out! If you're "proship" or whatever, I don't have much interest in welcoming you to my blog.

[zmediaoutlet]

happy wincest wednesday! inspired by that ask you answered earlier, is there a canon male character sam would allow to join them for dp-ing dean purposes?

helloooooooo happy happy wincest wednesday!

umm in actual honest to g nothing at all about canon has changed except that S&D are canonically fucking? I think the answer is... no. I think there are plenty of dudes Dean would be open to and there may be some that Sam is open to on his own (though clearly that's a vastly smaller number), but it's the integration of the other into the world of obsessive two that makes it so much more difficult. A random stranger? Sure, there's not really any problem there, although I think there might be a dynamic assessment that they'd do -- a twink is nbd, but another toppy guy...? Sam's going to have to assess, lol. (Of course this also slightly depends on when it happens, but I find my mental established relationship!chesters tend to be in the solidity of s11, and there Sam is very watchful of Dean's safety and happiness and so if he were doing the choosing, which lbr he would, it would be a very careful choice, just for Dean's sake. [muffled scream, they love each other so muhuhuhuhuch.])

But like, let's go through the likely candidates:

Castiel: no. It'd have to be in a VERY specific timeframe, particularly a moment when Dean wasn't mostly angry at him all the time. s4/5 is one of the better spots for the destiel part of the model, but they're really fraught in the wincest relationship -- and Sam's on his back foot for a while there, but he's never at a lack-of-self-respect spot where he'd let Dean supersede him at the same moment that Dean might consider Cas. s6, no. s7, no. s8, tricky -- Sam's guilt might allow it, but Cas is acting too g.d. weird w/r/t the mind control for Dean to let him in. s9 when Cas is human is the best shot I think they've got, and I have actually written that under commission, but Dean letting Gadreel into that situation already feels... off. Possible, but not for the most in-character versions I can think of. And then after s9 the likelihood just gets lower and lower. Sorry, Cas.

Crowley: lol, no. There's like 45 seconds where Sam almost kinda likes him but then the jealousy goes SUPERNOVA.

Benny: no, and it's really too bad. Sam doesn't trust him until he's dead. (What does that tell us about jealous!Sam, by the way.) But Benny's such a great candidate because he knows his place, exactly -- Sam's uppermost in Dean's mind always, and Benny doesn't argue about that at all, and everyone knows the score. I wrote a little canon divergence to make room, but in canon as presented -- sorry, Dean, you'll have to get your DP elsewhere.

And after that, really, who are our other legit options? Bobby? No. John? Ahaha but no. Garth, Ash, Max the Witch, Paul the Bartender, Cesar & Jesse for a fun foursome? Just doesn't seem likely.

You can construct these hyperspecific moments where a really-for-real-canon character might go for it, but you have to get past 1) whatever canon debacle is happening at the moment, 2) ensure that the wincest element is safe and solid, and 3) get the third over the fact that they're fucking brothers -- something easy to gloss over in 'private' wincest, but it's something that shouldn't be discarded in threesome fic. Even if the third might not care -- monsters&angels&demons might totally shrug -- Sam and Dean might care, and particularly Dean, and Sam knows that Dean sometimes gets off hardest when he's humiliated but it doesn't mean he wants to invite that into their bed when he doesn't need to.

So. A hard sell. (Canon divergence AUs are our friend.)

[georgieluz]

Maxi???? What a basic choice (jks) my faves were mouse, matt dee and bisho lmao . I feel like leckie or sledge would get stuck in the tower for sure and everyone would just be howling. Leckie would bog the fucking buggy, forget just knocking the garage door off, and then refuse help to dig it out. Jay on shark duty would be so fucking funny, clinging to the jet ski for dear fucking life while someone is like its just a shark its not gonna eat you. I feel like chuckler defo has a picture of him fake kissing a dead shark or something like that one episode. Or snaf doing a jethro dislocated shoulder green whistle moment, high as a fucking kite just mumbling bullshit. Harries/AckAck sat in the tower with a lil lost kid is <333 paternal instincts kicking in. All lost kids/mums/drunk beachgoers/eddie love him. Hes rescuing sharks from the pool. Hes dressed as santa on the beach (?????). Hes in love with david hasselhoff.

The iron man challenge would be so competitive. Everyone (snaf) would fuck with each other like how they lubed up one of the boards. Snaf gives me Jessie vibes especially when he goes and surfs the massive swell on lunch break like nbd. Or when he is like “oh I can totally catch a rat no problem yous are all pussies” and it backfires. Ugh so many things u are a genius for connecting the two

Noo I used to watch it all the time. Then they started uploading episodes to utube and it was like bang lets go rewatch em all. Such good trashy TV. Shame more people don’t watch it

damn, anon </3 maxi rights!!

it's not rly about favourites in that instance tho, tbh, it's more about the sheer amount of episodes he's in and how much i've watched lately, like i've watched so much that both him and harries in a dress have appeared in my dreams lmao.. but that aside, i do like maxi a lot actually.. the firefighter thing definitely helps lol, like maybe it's basic but how am i gonna say no to stanning a firefighter-lifeguard hybrid.. like c'mon i'm gay, it's gonna work on me! i also think his work educating families about water safety is really nice too.

i don't think i have an official list of faves, i'd need to think about it more, but mouse is definitely one of my favourites too! top 3 for sure! the episode with him and matt dee having opposite extremes of good/bad luck was so funny! and i always love it when he appears in an episode. i really like gonzo, deano, chappo, and bagus too... bagus always makes me laugh, like you think he's gonna be all laddish but then he's actually not?? like he's funny and jokes around but then he has little moments where he's very open and i don't wanna say vulnerable bc that's a bit too deep for what i'm actually talking about lol, but like he doesn't try to act all like he knows everything or like he's a bigshot or whatever. idk. it's just refreshing? he reminds me of someone i know irl as well, so i feel like that probably helps. mario was so adorable too, he was definitely one of my faves. and i would say that i like harrison quite a bit too.. like he's gone from the sweet somewhat naive newbie to a pretty funny dude, so yeah, i do like him too. deano has such big dad energy, but like a dad who plays practical jokes on his kids, but who is also really wholesome. i really liked him in the bali episodes. there are a few others who i like too, but who haven't been in it as much, or i haven't seen the eps that they're in more of, so i don't feel like i know them well enough to call them my favourites yet.

poor jay on net duty, like i 100% can see it so clearly. just clinging onto the back of the jetski, refusing to get in the water, whilst whoever he's with is like "ohhh i think i spotted one!"

and snafu on the green whistle, ABSOLUTELY!! he would be talking sooooo much shit lmao but tbh his personality is kinda green whistle vibes already so would it even be that noticeable lol

i was watching the episode where he rescues the baby shark just the other night actually... very ack ack coded! can def imagine ack ack soaking up the love and attention of all the kids and families, and eddie standing to the side affectionately rolling his eyes.

i feel like snafu and burgie together would get up to A LOT of jesse antics! just imagine the two of them trying to get the rat out of the skate bowl.. absolute disaster.

right???? sometimes the world just needs a good trashy tv show that isn't a dating show bc we do not need any more of those, my god, but this type of trashy reality (or "factual" as they call it) tv.. yes please!

[miomines]

OK so two things, and obviously u can separate them or only answer one if either strike ur fancy, feel free to ignore :)

First, u asked for prompts, and honestly I'm hype for the newlyweds au too, it's so cute and I also wanna make Tao blush. So following the thought of them blushing when u call them "my spouse" maybe u introduce them to someone that way? And for bonus points for both u and us, u hug them around their waist and touch *the hips*. Maybe if it tickles ur fancy Mingyu teases Tao the way they undoubtedly teased him hehe

And the second thing, Tao is a demon right? In the bonding over gender one I asked for (ty again ❤) I think Tao said spirit? And I have a habit of overanalyzing so I figured maybe I'd just ask instead of hyperfocusing lmao 🤣 basically may we have Tao lore 🥺

P.s. I haven't said this yet but while I'm thinking about it I love ur art and ur style.

P.p.s. actually I'm here often enough do you like to know when certain ppl are here often? Should I (or u) pick a lil anon sign off or smthn? It's nbd to me I'm shy and happy to be here, but if it matters to u I'm totally OK with it.

tao said they were a spirit but it's mostly because it's hard to describe what they were before they met mingyu! they're a demon first and foremost, even though they're a pretty weak one. like venti was a little wind spirit wisp thing? kinda like that except tao didn't have any type of physical form. tao just was kinda. thrown into existence one day and now they're here. not much lore. they're a pretty young demon honestly!

and if u wanna be a named anon that's fine by me!! it is nice knowing which anons have been here awhile i only have like one named anon. they are very nice. honestly it doesn't matter to me either you can do whatever u want!!

i did this in lapslock because writing with proper capitalization is harder for me apparently. here is tao being flustered. i hope u enjoy it

"-and this is my lovely spouse!"

huh??

tao blinks and stares owlishly at their companion. the one tao had mischievously dubbed 'darling' to fluster them in front of others. darling, who had started the newlyweds act with mingyu and flustered him. darling, the one who got flustered when tao did the act because tao goes all in. they are the one who is shamelessly introducing tao as their spouse in front of their acolytes.

darling laughs and smushes tao's face in their hands. he probably has a dumb look on their face but they can't seem to change it. all tao can do is stare dumbly at darling and try to ignore the heat rising to his face.

"aren't they just a cutie?" darling says in a sing-song voice as they pull him closer. tao can feel as mingyu starts to rouse and desperately tries to push him down. don't be awake for this please.

"your grace.." one of the acolytes starts. it's an archon. tao isn't sure what their name is but they're very purple. the electro one? the one that mingyu respected before the whole hunt began.. "are you aware of your…" her expression pinches up in distaste. "your spouse's… nature?"

"oh, the fact that they're part demon?" darling replies casually. "the whole situation with tao and mingyu is pretty complicated! it's not something you're allowed to hear though. but yes, i am aware of their 'nature'." darling rolls their eyes as they snake an arm around his waist.

"i see," she says slowly. the frown on her face says otherwise. "forgive me, your grace, i was just worried about your safety."

"my safety? you?" darling barks out a laugh as they pull tao closer. he doesn't say anything, too focused on the hand tracing his hip in careful motions. "tao and mingyu have kept me safe the entire time i've been in teyvat. my safety is guaranteed around them but i can't say the same for my safety when it comes to you."

the three archons flinch back as if struck. the electro archon drops to her knees and bows, her forehead touching the floor. if tao had any coherent thoughts at the moment, they might've mocked her. instead, all they can focus on is the hand that traces his skin.

tao can tell that darling is reprimanding the archons but he isn't quite there. all tao can focus on is the closeness, their touch, and the beating of his own heart. has darling always had this effect on him? why is he just noticing it now? they're brought back to the moment as darling lightly runs their fingers along his jawline.

"are you with me, my love?"

what the fuck-

tao chokes on a breath and nods, ducking their head as they cough into their fist. this wasn't how the act was supposed to go. tao was supposed to make darling blush. tao was meant to be the one who was suave and cool. darling was supposed to be shy and cute, red faced and embarrassed as tao flirted shamelessly. 

their face heats up more as he hears darling's amused laughter. is this why mingyu lets tao take control whenever they have to do the act? it's because their darling is an absolute menace when they want to be? tao can't even make fun of mingyu anymore by the way he reacts because tao reacted the same way.

"excuse me," tao hears distantly. the grip on his waist tightens and it takes everything inside of him not to whine at the feeling. tao swallows down the noise, stumbling even as darling guides them out of the room with a hand to his waist. he's lightheaded. is that normal? is he dying? he doesn't want mingyu to be here to tease him but tao isn't sure if it's normal.

"tao?"

the hold on him loosens and without thinking, tao's hand shoots down to keep their arm wrapped around him. they stiffen and all they can hear is their heartbeat pounding in his ears. they can hear darling as they huff, amused and somewhat fond(?). 

"you're normally such a chatterbox," darling drawls as they slide their other arm around him. tao bites his tongue, suppressing any involuntary noises. their hands find his waist and squeeze. tao can almost feel their amusement when he shivers. "i didn't know you had an off button."

tao pouts even as his blush spreads down to his shoulders. they can feel when mingyu finally rouses in the back of their head, only to be met with unrelenting amusement. tao directs his gaze at the floor as they glare, shoving all his distaste at mingyu's presence.

"quite the situation you're in, huh?" mingyu laughs. their expression twitches as tao huffs. they raise their hands to rub at their face, as if pressure alone would get rid of the blush. "i thought demons didn't get affected by things like this, hm?" 

tao is filled with the urge to throw mingyu into a wall. if they didn't share the same body, they probably would have tried. tao tries to direct all their annoyance towards mingyu but all it does is make him laugh more. "shut up, shut up, shut up," tao directs to him on repeat.

"tao?" they blink owlishly as darling turns their head carefully, their hand now under tao's chin. mingyu's snickering in the back of their head is not helping. "you there, love?"

without a second thought, tao drags mingyu into the front to control. the body stumbles as mingyu has to suddenly adjust. tao retreats quickly into the back of their consciousness, burying themselves away. they're vaguely aware of mingyu laughing and telling darling that it's him there now.

tao huffs and makes mingyu stumble again, hitting his arm into a wall before he fully retreats. perhaps this is a good thing about sharing a body… being able to shove mingyu in control while tao retreats. it gives him time to recuperate and try to make sense of all the emotions that swirl around his head.

tao ignores the pointed amusement sent his way. if mingyu trips more than he usually does, then that's his own fault.

[mrdarcysdadbod]

So throughout North and South there's all these instances of Margaret needing to be the Backbone of her family/community/acquaintance/whatever, and roll up her sleeves and do the hard work or put aside her feelings to deal with problems, starting with her father having her be the one to tell her mother they're moving, and persisting through the move to Milton and her mother's illness and death, and then even outside the family circle, she's the one who goes and tells Boucher's wife that he's dead (because Higgins and Mr. Hale pussy out) and she's the one that literally takes the blow meant for Thornton, and ultimately to her this is her duty, and it's the right and noble and just thing to do, and she's not lying when she tells Thornton that she would've done the same for any man in that crowd, because all Margaret does all the time is take care of other people, and nobody ever takes care of her.

Which, in my opinion, is why it becomes such an affecting thing that Thornton takes care of the coroner's inquest even as he tries to think so lowly of her. Like, yes, people show Margaret kindness and care (otherwise she never could have coped with, like, everything lmao) but it's mostly out of a sense of obligation, and imo it's not equal to what she does for everyone else. Meanwhile here's Thornton, who's been rejected by her, who thinks poorly of her (and even more poorly still after she knows that he knows that she lied to the cops), who isn't her friend and owes her nothing, but still intervenes to protect her, and brings fruit to her ailing mother, and entreats his own mother to try and advise her (as disastrous as it was) and I just like...

Ok I'm gonna get emotional about this but I feel like Thornton definitely understands that she's sensitive to acts of service as acts of love, so at the very end when she's making the offer to invest in his mill, an act of service that will both save him from ruin and protect his pride, they're FINALLY face to face, speaking the same language and understanding each other, and it's SO telling to me that the scene immediately before has Lennox despairing of his idea to ask Margaret to marry him again, just because she talked to him about the idea of the investment scheme and, like. There's no way she casually threw in the line "oh and I'm in love with Thornton, nbd" but the entire idea is just such an enormous expression of love that, like. Yeah of COURSE she's hopelessly in love with this man! And the same way that Thornton's ending the inquest revealed to Margaret the depth of his feelings and made her understand that he loved her (truly, genuinely loved her with no hope of return and even when she was at the worst she could be in his opinion), Margaret saving the mill is telling Thornton that she loves him in a way she literally could not have expressed more clearly with words and I'm just,,,, damn

[pega-chan]

actually no, i will NOT tolerate ali x raib. the ship is AWFUL and here's why:

ali and raib have virtually nothing in common. they really only hang out bc they've become so used to each other after going on this big inter-galaxy adventure, and it's easier to just stick with people who know your secret. there is literally no basis for their friendship at all except how they "bonded" over a shared life-threatening experience. even the "moments" where their relationship is supposed to move from enemy to frenemy/friend status has no impact WHATSOEVER on their relationship, bc ali goes right back to being a spoiled jerk with no regard for raib.

ali's nonexistent character development. imo ali suffers from serious author's favouritism, what with him getting OP by the later books, and he suffers no consequence for every mistake he does. he's still the same jerk that he was in the first book, bc he never learns anything even though there are plenty of chances for him to. i like ali bc of the potential his character has but it is NEVER expanded upon. i don't want raib growing to tolerate and "like" ali's horrible attitude; ali needs to learn how to be a good person. raib feels the need to keep an eye on ali bc he can't even be trusted not to leak the existence of parallel universes to earth dwellers. Selena and co. still suspect him of this later on in the series bc he hasn't learned his goddamn lesson! i don't wanna say it's reflective of tere liye's values, but it kinda is. raib deserves better than mr arrogant ali.

most of their interactions are neither postive nor healthy. ali just likes annoying raib, and raib can't stand him. they only act like they care when they're at their lowest point where they're forced to be vulnerable, then act like that never happened at all. whatever ali does ruins raib's day.

it's amatonormative. the trope of "if they hate each other, it means they secretly like each other" is, (not) sorry to say, a load of horse manure, and not always true, especially not for them. their hate goes beyond general annoyance. it's not even friendly banter, ali keeps harassing raib about her powers to sate his own curiosity. also a girl and guy protagonist can't be best friends without getting together i guess!

ali doesn't respect raib or her boundaries. he straight up stuck a recording device to her stuff to spy on her "in the name of science" and when raib gets understandably upset about it, he treats it as NBD and thinks she's overreacting. do y'all honestly think this is okay? ali invading her privacy and using her as a test subject without her consent is okay?? i worry for you all, fr.

it ruins the whole team dynamic. whenever tere liye pushes for an ali x raib "moment" seli is relegated to shipper and the third wheel. with the little character development she gets, this is not a role i want her playing. she's part of this trio, and just as important as ali and raib.

you're telling me these two would make a cute couple together?? REALLY??? i cannot FATHOM why this is the most popular ship in the fandom and why it's even canon. and even if ali gets character development the series would be better off if romance wasn't involved.

[supportanimy]

All Stars Verse - Hologram Boy

Synopsis : The coaches of #thatPOWER are angry at Panda for turning P2 into a hologram

Word count : 2803

Notes : Can y'all guess what the title is referencing? Please guess what the title is referencing

"We did it, we did it! We did it, yay!" The coaches sing and dance together in the new galaxy, after Panda traveled to all the planets and achieved the All Stars.

But just as they started to party, a spaceship arrived and out came three people, all with grey skin and white hair, wearing different outfits consisting of only red and black. 

"YOU!" The shortest one pointed angrily at Panda. "You killed our friend!"

"He's not dead, but he is hurt. And trapped," the muscly guy said.

"Hey, I know these guys!" Starships mentions excitedly. "That Power, right?  Or #thatPOWER, I guess. But don't you guys have four? Where's P2?"

"Here," the P3 drops a tiny machine, and a hologram of P2 appears. 

"Oh. Your hair has gotten...longer. And darker."

"Yeah, well as I was saying, PANDA MURDERED HIM!" P1 yells angrily and attempts to tackle Panda, but Reindeer shields them. 

"No, Panda would never do such a thing! They're too sweet and kind to! You must be confusing them with some other panda!"

P4 walks forward and pushes her friend back, but turns around to glare at them. "Impossible, there are no other pandas here," she explains. "Number 2 is not dead," Someone laughs, "he cannot die. However, he is permanently trapped as a hologram because of Panda's actions, and according to him, Panda was constantly taunting and harassing him just before that. Isn't that right?" P2 nods.

"Quiet as ever, huh?" Starships tries to lean on him, but passes through and falls.

"Then it must have been an accident!" Reindeer continues to defend their friend. The two had been close since childhood. One would know that if one played Kids Mode.

SS1, interested in whatever argument is happening, eats popcorn and shares it with the other coaches. "You know, *munch* Panda harassing some rando *munch* is honestly not that *munch* out of character for him." SS2 grabs a handful. "Agreed."

ME4 fixes his glasses, "Wait, I think I know what's happening here. Battle Mode, I'm guessing. Never got a chance on one of those."

"What's Battle Mode?" Rasputin's coach scratches his beard. 

Out of nowhere, Starships slides in to chime in the conversation. "A mode where coaches from two different songs go head to head in a dance battle! Only appeared in two games though, and I never got to join one," she pouts. 

Back to the argument, Reindeer gives up trying to defend Panda and is instead resorting to insulting P2. "He's just a robot! Can't he be replaced?!" the power coaches and BFT gasp.

P1 is now being restrained by P3 and P4 as she tries to attack Reindeer now. "I'm going to kill both of you!"

"No need to waste your energy on those lowlives, Number 1. We just need to get money from them so we can make a time machine and change the events of the battle, making it so that Number 2 wins instead."

Hearing that, HH2 gets a bright idea.

"We don't need to go that far, P4. We just want them to apologize-What do you mean no, Two?! Don't tell me you want revenge too?!

"Psst, P1," HH2 whispers to her friend. "Don't we have a friend with a time machine?"

"You mean Goddess? Does she count as our friend?" he replies before getting elbowed by HH4, who enters their talk uninvited. "I think she means the Backstreet Wannabes." "I mean, Goddess could probably time travel-" "No one asked, P3!"

"BE QUIET!" HH2 shouted loud enough for everyone to hear. 

"Ooh," SS1 directs his attention to her.

"So, #thatPower...I think I may know the ones to help you. Though, we have to fly there since...they're on the other galaxy."

"Sure! We appreciate any help! Even though I'm not sure what kind of help these people you're saying will offer," P3 agrees immediately.

P4 is a bit more skeptical. "How do we know you aren't lying to us? We aren't even sure what help we're getting."

"Some people with a time machine," HH1 tells them. "Like what you said earlier. I'm not sure who P2 is talking about though."

P1 finally stopped being filled with rage, and it was replaced with joy. "You actually have a time machine?! Oh, how I long to return to my time!"

The other coaches are understandably confused over her statement. P3 tells them to shrug it off, "Don't mind her, she gets like that. We're not sure why."

"So what about it, Two? Wanna time travel so you don't get stuck as a hologram anymore?" The hologram nods, grinning from ear to ear. "Great!" P3 turns the projector off and keeps it in his pocket.

"P3, I will murder you, and then dismember you, and feed you to tigers." "We-we don't have tigers. Also your arms are twigs." "Don't you act smart with me!"

"Chill 4, it's just a tiny mistake, NBD," the blonde woman remarks without looking away from her phone. "P1 hit my hand too, but you don't see me threatening him."

"Who the fuck actually says NBD-Oh uh, sorry for that."

"Yeah, but he didn't hit it hard enough that you punch yourself in the face enough to hurt!"

"How did that even happen? Like I said, your arms are twigs-" "Do NOT!"

Just as the two were about to attack each other, they heard the faint sound of an aircraft. 

"Hey, I'm trying to strangle someone! Can you not-" she stops her sentence when she sees a spaceship getting closer to the four.

"Get cover!" "Calm down First, it's probably just going to pass by us like airplanes." "No, P2, it's actually gonna fall on us!" he points at the ship landing fast. "Oh," she's pulled to safety by him, where their colour scheme changes.

It stayed at a steady pace going down, but stopped just 100 meters off the ground and slowly went straight down.

"Seriously? After all that drama?" "Hey, be grateful we're safe!"

When it finally finished landing, four familiar faces and four unfamiliar faces walked out.

"Hey look, it's High Hopes! And some Homestuck cosplayers!" the woman jumps back out from their hiding spot, which made her hair turn back to blonde. "That's not-whatever, I'm tired of your dumb ass."

"Dirty Bit Gang!" HH4 runs to hug DB2. 

"Wait, they have a time machine?!" HH3 never knew that fact. If he did, he would've begged to use it to appear earlier in more songs.

"Well duh, their song is called The Time, and one of us should definitely have a time machine."

"So I see you guys have a spaceship. I assume you guys are here to use our time machine, but who are they?" DB1 asks. 

"Hi, I'm the Starships coach! Love your outfits, but feel like the colours could be better. These are coaches from #thatPOWER, but one member is kinda stuck right now-"

"I hope you don't mind if we borrow it for a while," P3 drops the projector and P2 sighs quietly in relief. 

DB4 stops her punch to DB3 midway to look at P2. "Uh, is he okay?"

"That's the reason we're here. Number 2-" "PFFFFT!" "Number 2, is stuck as a hologram and we have no way of transferring his AI to a body so we were hoping that we can travel to the past to change the course of the battle that made him this way in the first place."

"Cool," DB1 responds, not catching any of that. "Say, why do you need eight people plus a hologram to do that?"

HH2 raised a finger as if to answer him, but put it on her chin instead. "I'm-I'm not sure."

"C'mon, it's easy!" HH1 tries his best to explain. "There's That Power, the ones who want to go to the past, Starships, the representative of 2014, We're here to-wait, P2 was their guide, I'm not sure why the rest of us are here."

"Okayyy, sure, we'll do that, but do you have a plan?"

Silence. "Yeah, we didn't think of that."

"Of course you didn't," frustration was evident in his voice. "Fine, follow me."

DB3 and DB4 continued to fight, while the eight were led to a dark room with a massive TV screen, and a few couches. There was a table with a flower pot on it, with some cookies and candy beside it. 

"So, it would be dangerous to just alter the past with no plans and no actual clue on what happened. That's why, we're going to watch it, then decide what to do," the bearded man takes the remote next to the screen and switches to different channels. "2014, it's a battle, correct?"

The screen switched to a scene on a stage with multiple monitors and the letters VS in the middle, displaying a dance floor with some other items beside it such as a chair. Panda rushed in and stood there while P2 slowly approached them, C'mon by Kesha playing in the background. When P2 was close enough, Panda started circling around him, then went back to their position, but not before blowing a kiss at the robot, which he moved his head to avoid.

"Oh, Panda blew a kiss at you? That should be a reminder," HH4 notes.

"What a shame," HH3 comments.

They began dancing, with Panda moving their arms towards their chest and P2 doing robotic movements. That was until just before the first pre-chorus started where P2's movements look like he was being controlled by a puppeteer, then they became more "free".  

"Haha!" Starships laugh. "Seeing such a serious face on a cute dance move is so-" As past Panda and P2 turned to each other, the lyrics sang at the part made her stop. "Oh no. Oh no no no no. Oh god no."

"Is she okay?" DB2's question had a worried tone. "She's fine. Probably," HH2 assures.

"There are 2 images burned into my mind, and I don't like either of them!"

The rest ignore her dramatics and continue watching the battle. The chorus played, with the two performing an all too common move, putting your elbow on your raised leg, but coupled with some pushing each other to the side in between. When the singer sang the song's title repeatedly, Panda is seen establishing dominance over P2.

"Uhh," P3's braincells, or whatever robots have, seemed to have been fried from just watching the battle. "How are you losing to a panda?!" P2 shrugs.

The beginning of the final round consisted of Panda taunting P2, and P2 attempting to damage Panda but to no avail. P2 looked like he was about to faint right before the chorus started again, with them repeating the same moves earlier. The battle finally ended, in which Panda brings out a button and presses it, turning P2 into a hologram while they laugh.

"Okay, that was way too far now that I've seen it! I'm going to join the others in killing them-"

"Yo, calm down. We watched this to help you think of a plan, remember? While it was very weird to watch, we can decide what to do now, or in the past," DB1 brought out a piece of paper and puts it on the table. "Write your plan of action there, then I'll check over it to make sure it's nothing drastic."

P4 grabs the paper and begins writing on it with her built-in pen. "What we want to do is to make it so that P2 wins this fight. I think that can be easily done if we change the music."

"But won't Panda just press the button either way?" HH1 has a solid question.

"Hmm, then I guess we'll just destroy it."

"Wait, if we're going to destroy it anyways, what's the point in changing the song?" HH3 is surprisingly thinking a bit smarter now.

"Oh, that one is to save his honor. And to destroy Panda's-!" P1 clenches her fist tight.

"Riiight. Right. Right."

"Yes, but how are we doing that? Won't doing that alter a whole lot of events now since he's the mascot?" P3 tries to think deeply.

"Not really," DB1 answers, having a braincell for once. "Since you're from the same game, and you don't have any future appearances besides that one mashup, I think you guys would be fine."

"That's it, yes? Number 2's battle wasn't quite complicated, so maybe that's enough. Sir?"

DB1 takes the paper from P4, and looks it over. "Goddammit why am I reading with shades-yeah, that's okay I guess."

"Great, now we can go!" P1 is ecstatic to finally be able to return her friend back to his original state. So is the rest, even if P4 doesn't show it.

"Well, I guess that's our queue to leave. Goodbye and your welcome!" HH2 grabs her friends to drag them home.

"Wait, but didn't you go by spaceship?" P3 doesn't know how they would even return.

"Now worries, this is our planet, we'll teleport home!" "We can teleport?!" "HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED THIS WHOLE TIME-"

"What about...her?" P4 looks down on Starships, who was still freaking out. 

"Well, since she's the 2014 rep, we have to get her gloves if you want to travel there and back-" "I CAN'T TRAVEL TO MY TIME???" "-Would you mind…?" 

Starships takes it off and throws it at the pink-haired woman. "Just, just take it. Heck, keep it."

"Kay."

"Alright, follow me again," he gestures.

This time, a room that looks like it came from a certain sci-fi franchise involving space travel, but not time travel for some reason.

"Ight, just stand there," DB1 points at a platform," and you'll be fine. Also, here are the gloves, just wear it when you're done."

"Thanks a lot for helping us," P3 did a polite bow, "we're very grateful." He elbows the others to follow.

"No probs, we do this all the time, just be mindful that there are some side effects of time travel-" "Excuse me-?!" "But they're harmless! Have fun!" And the three robots plus hologram go back in time.

They arrived at a weird green space. There was a door quite far away, and would take a while to walk to. They felt something weird, and looked at their hands and each other to realize that they became green too. Except for P2.

"Changing colours is not what I expected but…" P4 spins her hand around.

"Maybe this could be useful, since we blend in with everything else," P3 compares his shade to the space.

They see Panda coming out of nowhere, heading to the door. Without speaking, they all immediately followed them. "Number 1, go grab the button. Number 3, get there and change the music." "Aye aye, 4."

P1 gets on the floor and crawls to the panda, P3 rushes to the door, and P4 carries P2's projector, following them from a distance. 

The short woman finds a pocket on Panda's body and tries to find the button. Instead, there was a tophat, a tennis racket, a trumpet and a whole lot of other things that should not be able to fit there. Somehow, Panda didn't notice any of that. She finally got her hands on the button, and immediately destroyed it. 

The sound alerts Panda, causing them to look around, but not finding anyone since they all blend in and P4 had turned off the projector, and shrugs it off. P3 uses that minor distraction to enter through the door. 

Immediately after passing through, his skin changed again, now blending into the room which was where the battle took place. Past P2, stood there, already arrived, but didn't take notice of P3, who climbed the ceiling and found the sound system. He used it and changed the settings so #thatPOWER was gonna play instead of C'mon.

When Panda comes in to start the fight, with the remaining two sneaking in, the course of it had already been decided. Past P2 had started attacking them and charging himself up. The fight continued on with P2 having an advantage, and at the end when P2 won, Panda jumped off, leaving the room while P2 laughs then leaves from the other exit. In that moment, the room turned to a black space, everyone turning back to normal, P2's projector disappeared, and a blended in silhouette of him was there.

"P2, you're back!" P1 goes to hug him. P2 clearly had been confused by what she said, but accepted it anyways. P3 and even P4, who isn't very physically affectionate, joins in the hug.  "We missed being able to actually touch you, buddy. Now I don't have to kneel down just to fistbump someone." "HEY!"

"I guess we can go home now," P4 puts on the glove and they teleported back to their starting point. 

-

So as you can read, there's like zero logic here, but I'm proud of.it cause it's my longest one-shot!

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [So, the night before this friendmas, which is probably the next day from the nativity moment, like this is the first day of the holiday vibe] Janis: We're still on for their friendmas bullshit? Jimmy: can't 😭 off Janis: It's still worth it Janis: for the amount of damage that can be done in one sitting Jimmy: it were my 🥇💡 don't need telling Janis: Checking you were still up for it Janis: and we have to make the food to bring Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Helpful as that is, what do you want to make and where do you want to make it? Jimmy: Where are you? Janis: my grandparents Jimmy: nearer yours or mine? Janis: yours Janis: mine is near nothing Jimmy: come here then Janis: alright Janis: just trying to think of ways to sneak calories into shit without pouring butter onto a salad Jimmy: look up thanksgiving recipes, they're known for that bollocks Janis: okay Janis: and you'll be...? Jimmy: cleaning my kitchen, that alright with you? Janis: Fine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: My sister thinks Mia might invite her boyfriend Jimmy: 💰 on him not showing up Janis: What I said Janis: in case he does though Janis: she was useless with any other info Jimmy: 💔 her and this group chat Jimmy: not actually that bothered what Asia might wear Janis: 🙄 Janis: how much freedom is there with a fucking jumper Janis: she said they don't eat fuck all sustaining but no shit there, hence the plan Jimmy: [sends her a pic I saw of a real jumper that has the tit cut out and like a red reindeer nose over the person's nip or something I can't remember] Janis: Oh Janis: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: distract from the teeth but nah Jimmy: Dunno who's got her for the 🎁 giving but 🤞 for invisalign Janis: budget kit that ain't dentist-approved I saw on insta Janis: 🤞 it'll fuck her up harder Jimmy: all teeth to no teeth Janis: fit in with 💀👑 and 💀#2 Jimmy: mash 🥔 or 🍠 it is Janis: 🍠 is too vom-inducing as is Janis: hide 💊s in it like 👶🐶 Jimmy: is that marshmallow thing bollocks or what? Janis: nah, that's legit Janis: we could do that Janis: cultural Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: you can cover everyone's plates in gravy Janis: not a euphemism Janis: #northern Jimmy: I'd have a job if you were expecting the euphemism Janis: you're alright Janis: amusing, but suspicious when I'm not touching my plate Jimmy: very trusting of you to crack on with any of it as is Janis: I doubt they're wasting laxatives on me Janis: skinny enough Janis: it'll just be gross Jimmy: weren't where my 🧠 went but alright Janis: ? Janis: oh, very Agatha Christie Janis: not gonna kill themselves to kill me, I'll watch the plates and serving up Jimmy: nowt rich lasses won't monogram, theirs'll be safe and sound Janis: what about yours? Janis: you might get roofied Jimmy: take my chances downing the gravy, too northern for owt else, you said it Janis: that'll be nice Jimmy: 😍 obvs Janis: I meant for me when I inevitably have to 💋 you Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: it's at #2s Janis: odds on a 👑 shrine somewhere? Jimmy: near her 🛏 Janis: under it when she's about Janis: in it when she ain't 💔 Jimmy: we don't have to sleep there in a bit, do we? Janis: oh bollocks Janis: I'm sure we can get out of it, as we technically were not invited Janis: pretty sure they do a sleepover too though Janis: any excuse Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: I know Jimmy: I'm going down the shop, what bollocks do we need? Janis: [a list I'm not committing you to but we know the vibe] Janis: I've already got [shit we're stealing soz mcvickers] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: if you get here before I'm back, my sister'll let you in Janis: did she come to the nativity with yous? Jimmy: dragged kicking and marding, weren't that what I said? Janis: right Janis: apologies for doubting you Jimmy: tah Janis: what about the kid? Jimmy: what about him? Janis: where'd he end up on the scale Jimmy: we don't have a scale for him Janis: 😭 to 😁 Jimmy: near ☹️ Janis: no tears, at least Jimmy: can sign what we like without being those dickheads shouting out 🦻 perks Janis: that is useful Jimmy: and the 🐕's got somewhere new to sleep an' all Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: totally worth the money we didn't spend then Janis: can have these jumpers too after Jimmy: ain't yours itchy? Janis: feels like I'm wearing a barbershop floor Janis: but I didn't reckon your dog would be that fussy Jimmy: meant to be your specialist subject Janis: like ☕ is yours? Janis: not my passion, it's easy money Jimmy: there ain't much to know about ☕ don't need passion Janis: 🤫 Janis: you 💘 every bean Jimmy: it's only 💕 for your sister and her mates Janis: anything but getting a personality Janis: I know Jimmy: gotta put something in their bio Janis: 'IM AN EMPTY VESSEL' comes off desperate, even on tinder Jimmy: as 🤰 pact's go Janis: don't even Jimmy: very festive Janis: messiahs aren't being popped out 5 at a time Jimmy: they'd never be satisfied with 3 🎁s any road Jimmy: full baby shower or nowt Janis: yeah Janis: no doubt Grace will be torturing me with as much any time soon Jimmy: 🍾🍾🍾 Janis: 🔨🔨🔨 Jimmy: 👶👶👶👶👶 Janis: have to smash the poor bastards and all Janis: not worth thinking about Jimmy: ⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️ Janis: yeah funerals are much better craic Janis: have as many of them as she likes Jimmy: matching the shades of black'll do her head in Janis: 🤞 Janis: the breakdown will give her a personality Janis: got there in the end, babes Jimmy: @ me Jimmy: be on the edge of my seat waiting to find out Janis: if your details don't get lost when you change back to your real identity Jimmy: 💔 I can't be @ing you on the off chance, be coming off as desperate an' all, me Janis: doubt she'll be so bombastic herself she'll turn down a DM request Janis: have a go, like Janis: dare to 💭 Jimmy: just pop in using my 👻 form, can't I? Jimmy: keep it between us Janis: my lips are sealed Janis: how you use your afterlife is your business Jimmy: got nowt else on Janis: optimistic Janis: you might be moving to 🥳 central Jimmy: Go on, where's that? Janis: Ian in the know, not me Jimmy: dare to 💭 Janet Janis: I don't care where I end up Janis: just not here is fine Jimmy: weren't talking about you, big head Janis: Not too fussed where you end up either Janis: not gonna lie Jimmy: What did you bring it up for then? Janis: You're moving Janis: you said Jimmy: and? Jimmy: 🥳 central were what you said, not me Janis: I don't know what you're getting at Jimmy: if you're not bothered, what are you getting at? Jimmy: no need to 🗨 bollocks were something else you said Janis: I was just messing about, both statements Janis: I didn't know everything I 🗨 had to be deadly serious Jimmy: I didn't know there were 1 rule for you and another for me Janis: it's a bit different from you calling me a slag but fine Janis: you've made your point Jimmy: nah, the point were that I were never calling you a slag Janis: you were joking, okay Jimmy: but go on and take it to your ⚰ Janis: I'm trying to have a normal conversation with you right now and you're the one being moody Jimmy: you're the one who said we don't need to have a conversation Janis: well we clearly do when we have shit to do Jimmy: we've sorted the 🍽 Janis: right, so tell me to piss off then Jimmy: and have to piss about cooking on my own? You're alright Jimmy: nowt like the threat of a good time, that Janis: then what Jimmy: then come here Janis: [do that] Jimmy: [this won't be awkward at all] Janis: [the tension and the kids are home so that'll not be remotely getting dealt with] Jimmy: [cos I'm evil like that hahaha, we're gonna both be so extra at friendmas, love it] Janis: [it also makes sense like if school is out now where you gonna be hens, truly idk what you're gonna say though girl] Jimmy: [like you could've hooked up on the trampoline but you would probably freeze to death and also Twix wouldn't allow it soz lads] Janis: [not on my watch Twix says, at least you can focus on making this side dish the weirdest most calorific moment] Jimmy: [having fun in spite of yourselves as per] Janis: [I want you to apologize but also not but that is difficile hmm, probably later if you get vaguely tipsy at this event] Jimmy: [and get swept away by the emoshness of fake gifting] Janis: [we know there will be plenty of time for moments abound then] Jimmy: [you'll be bored rigid otherwise] Janis: [mhmm and this is far from over hunnies] Jimmy: [whatever you do don't let Twix eat that while you're shamelessly distracted acting like it's all nbd] Janis: [or the kids lmao lowkey gotta hide this monstrosity when you're done] Jimmy: [hide it when you go 🚬 boy because we're stressed by the fact that whenever we try to have fun rn we then remember she said it was a mistake] Janis: [oh this misunderstanding, 'cos we only said it 'cos we thought that's what he was saying basically, lordy, also hate being left in his house like excuse me do I go now or] Jimmy: [what a time to wish you weren't alive] Janis: [coming out 'cos fuck just waiting or leaving, 'is there anything else we need to do?'] Jimmy: [automatically passes her a  🚬 because that bitch] Janis: [takes it like true, can't hurt] Jimmy: ['what time's the last bus?' cos he's assuming she's going home and that she's probably missed it] Janis: [shakes head 'I'll stay at my grandparents, no need to go home now'] Jimmy: [a look around like alright where's that because the ankle is still a thing and we're still worried about it] Janis: [a genuine oh-you kinda smile 'cos honestly 'literally a couple of streets from here, actually] Jimmy: [nods like okay, we'll go when you're ready cos obvs he's walking her whether she likes it or not] Janis: ['don't need an early night for friendmas, do we' like excuse you, I might have plans] Jimmy: [shrugs 'bit of a ball ache to get the chains of the bed and bring 'em with'] Janis: [😏'you could have a night off'] Jimmy: [makes a point of putting her leg on him to rest and elevate that ankle like no I cannot] Janis: [just looks at it and sighs 'I can't not walk, there's shit to do'] Jimmy: [just looks at her and you know they haven't made eye contact this whole time SO THERE'S THAT 'I know it hurts' in a soft way] Janis: [we gotta look away 'cos byeeeeee, shrugging and mumbling like 'it was just a stupid accident, I'm fine'] Jimmy: [nudging her, not hard obvs like 1. look at me and 2. don't be shrugging at me rn and shaking his head 'a stupid accident that were my fault' like LET ME HELP YOU!!] Janis: [shaking her head for all the reasons and then blurting out 'I'm embarrassed!' then being even more so like ffs] Jimmy: [cupping her little face in his hands the gentlest EVER 'what for?' because she literally has nothing to be embarrassed about] Janis: [looking at him like where do I start lol 'cos this has been so fast and so messy, not to mention the fact you now wanna kiss him and that's one of the things you think you need to be embarrassed over 'I don't need help, that's not- I'm not used to that'] Jimmy: ['it's alright' spoken like it'll be true if he just says it soft and with enough feeling, but then obvs we gotta recover ourselves a bit because vulnerability who is she 'I only were offering to take all them dogs out for a piss for you, not a kidney' but we're still not giving it full pisstake in how we're saying that or being] Janis: [pushing him but gently too, because likewise trying to get back to this more pisstakey energy without going too hard too fast 'not my fault you're like top nurse without even trying then' 'cos you're doing and have done way more than that, we know boy] Jimmy: [lowkey 😳 but we're hiding it with 😏 and the wintery darkness as we nudge her back but turn it into a feelsy lean for a while then giving her his phone like put that dog walking schedule in there girl I mean it] Janis: ['I ain't gonna be able to take your CG shifts, like' and mimes murdering all the customers in various ways but we do lean back too, even if momentarily 'you could meet me for the ones you can and do the hard work, and I'll sit on the bench, yeah?' and puts hand out like deal?] Jimmy: [does a 💔 mime because we would love to see that murder spree but obvs shaking on that legit suggestion with a legit little smile cos we're chuffed she's actually accepting a hand in any way] Janis: ['I can do more hard work with the plan' like all the socials whilst I sit there honey and mimes taking creep shots of him] Jimmy: [OTT 😍 to hide the realness, then he remembers that speaking of, he obvs won't have done a doodle for her today so gesture for her to stay put while we run and get a pen and paper right now immediately but as we're going we turn back like oh! again 'do you want the bag  peas chucked back for a bit?'] Janis: [going to shake our head automatically but then checking ourself like oop 'might freeze to my skin out here, like' shrugs 'but go ahead'] Jimmy: [does bring a blanket with all the other shit because we just wanna be out here away from kids and dogs soz] Janis: [day #1 of this hol and we're done lmao, little kids do be feral when it's this close to xmas, even good ones like bobby] Jimmy: [yeah and don't even start me on how all the pressure for having a good christmas is on him because Ian isn't that bitch and Cass is highkey hoping their mum will appear even though they've moved and that ain't happening babe soz] Janis: [mHMM thank god Ian is a buy your love type so he will get them presents, it's just the rest] Jimmy: [what are you doodling today boy, obvs some kind of domestic af cooking moment but no #spoilers gals] Janis: [just get snuggled in these blankets and make sure he is too] Jimmy: [can't and won't stop the happy sigh because we've been so stressed] Janis: [some joke about art being his 💘 but we're glad obvs] Jimmy: [🙄 but 😏] Janis: [tryna peep at what he is drawing though, obvs x2] Jimmy: [will playfully get you with this pen like oi] Janis: [offended like where's my pen 'play fair' accidentally saucy] Jimmy: [we know he'll give you that pen and just write on you/tickle you in his fave manner, drawing a 🏆 like we're playing to win not fairly hen] Janis: [just loling like get off 'cos ticklish af 'we're meant to be a team, dickhead' and draws her own 🏆 with 'worst sport' in the plaque thing] Jimmy: [draws the JJ 💘 really big and deliberate to really tickle and also make a point like okay] Janis: [a question mark when we've stopped squirming like do you really get it though, also a throwback] Jimmy: [a LOOK like do you] Janis: [just nods and gives the pen back like okay, finish your drawing] Jimmy: [does and again signs it like a big nerd before giving it to her] Janis: [we love it hun but we never know what to say 'tah for not giving away the poison plot in your art like an idiot' and putting it away to photo later in an indoor light moment] Jimmy: [a noise like not an amateur tah and going to make tea because 1.northern 2. it's cold 3. he doesn't know what to say/is awks about his art too] Janis: you're in the wrong profession Jimmy: ? Janis: 1. artiste 2. only old ladies order pots of tea, yeah? Jimmy: 1. why be starving when there's loads of 🍪🥐🥪🍰 going at the job I've got 2. bit sexist to the 👴 Janis: 1. 🐷 2. tell me they ain't always with their 👵 Jimmy: 1. Only 💕🐕's you, I get it 💔🦝🗑 2. sounds fake, so obvs I'll 🗨 it to you, mate Janis: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: miss you an' all Janis: You could see me from there if you really wanted Jimmy: [peeps from the kitchen window like hey] Janis: [waving like oh hey you fool] Jimmy: [signs something feelsy because she won't understand it we're safe] Janis: [big ? in the air} Jimmy: [just loling like nope as we mime confusion like idk what you mean or want rn soz because we're taking that to our grave] Janis: [shouting 'bring me my fucking tea' manners and decorum] Jimmy: [does and a box of some kind of festive biscuit selection that the children have already got at so there's only shit ones left lowkey but still] Janis: ['you know how to treat a girl' when we're saying it like we're joking but not really lmao] Jimmy: [shove a biscuit in your mouth boy so you don't say anything you wish you hadn't and also because we're making a bants point like yeah so romantic me] Janis: [wipe the crumbs from his bottom lip like he did 'oi, I've had an idea' softer than that oi suggests, we're not shouting now lol] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her lips once she's touched his like is that your idea, focus please sir 'go on'] Janis: [failing to pretend we didn't notice that but still carry on tah 'well #2 and every fucker on her street is gonna have excessive lights and decorations about, what do you reckon to shrinking their energy bill? if we go out when they're asleep, they'll not notice, and we could get back here and do your house before your brother and sister wake up' like how magical even you will love it don't lie cass] Jimmy: [when you can't help genuinely grinning because that's such a good idea we're falling in love rn okay like he's gonna have felt so bad about not having the time, money or energy to decorate, gotta recover ourselves again quick so does an IRL 🤞 'all her pink glittery baubles'll really get Ian in the christmas spirit' but really we're not thinking about him and it'll look epic Janis: [grin back 'cos it's infectious ''cos no way am I sleeping in a room with that lot in' and shrug like, we may as well, as if you remotely had to suggest anything of the sort] Jimmy: ['give us nightmares if all them calories don't' never miss a opportunity to shade the flatwhites honey] Janis: ['I can protect you from them, but not the calories, I'm so sorry' 😏] Jimmy: [eats another biscuit like I reckon I'll live] Janis: [an impression of a Mia shade face like you fat bitch] Jimmy: [an impression of Ella being 😭💔 DEVASTATED] Janis: [snatching the tin like no more for you, and getting one all smug like delicious] Jimmy: [OTT Jimothy pout because always] Janis: [flippant 'deal with it, babes' 'cos mustn't linger LOOKING at him again] Jimmy: [cringing in a way that is OTT but not that fake because she's too good at these impressions and chucking the blanket over her head like begone] Janis: [had enough years of this hoe being present to be an expert, just pulling the blanket down and around our shoulders like ha ha more for me, but gesturing that he should move closer and get under to keep warm too] Jimmy: [does because any excuse to snuggle and likewise play with her hair like it's so in my way rn lemme just] Janis: [hence I got you the present I did honey heheheh, know we're likewise here for this] Jimmy: [just having a moment ™] Janis: [one of the kids should need you or Twix should start wildin' soz boys] Jimmy: [yeah realistically it could be time for Bobby to go to bed depending what time she came over/he could have woken up] Janis: [either way honey, you better skeddale so he can sort this] Jimmy: [we know you're both fuming but especially him because he was gonna carry you to mcvickers gaff] Janis: [soz boy, you can be the most tomorrow though] Jimmy: [we both know he will LOL] Jimmy: [also gonna say he opens up at the CG because putting in a quick shift and doing any dog walking he can for the bae all before this friendmas has even started is just the difference between him and the gals, with the exception of Grace] Janis: [wig tea sis] Jimmy: [tired before you even get there] Janis: [we are that sick of y'all so it's a mood, frankly, but for now] Janis: night Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: you better be hopping back, dickhead Janis: [video of her hopping like don't fall] Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 you Jimmy: 🦩 goals if nowt else Janis: 🤔 not not a compliment Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: the first bit were Janis: True Janis: pretend I didn't see the rest Jimmy: 🙈🙈🙈 Janis: I've learnt my lesson with blindfolds, tah Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: and here's me with no chance to find out if sir's gonna be more receptive to my kinks Janis: find out if he's alright with broken bones Janis: gonna say unlikely, he flipped his shit over some cut ties Jimmy: @ something about virgin school girls Janis: mhmm Janis: he'd much rather injure you than the other way 'round Janis: it's alright, maybe tomorrow Janis: don't need to be blinded by the decor tbh Jimmy: should've got you a onesie to zip over your head, up for that challenge, massive though it is Janis: oh yeah, the gimp range Janis: 🙄 Janis: you have to pretend to be pleased to see my beautiful face, remember Jimmy: tah for the reminder, would've forgot and done full Home Alone 😱 Janis: yeah, you're about as annoying as that little fucker Janis: tracks Jimmy: rude Jimmy: you'd be chuffed if I had his house Janis: what for? Janis: so I could get you tenants and take the cash? Jimmy: 'cause what's fake mine is fake yours Jimmy: and you must have a bigger 🧠 in that MASSIVE head than the robbers he had to see off Janis: if I was worried about that, I'd let Mia make the moves she wants to Jimmy: so ominous, that Janis: 💋 not 💀 Jimmy: I'd rather 💀💀💀 Jimmy: but you crack on Janis: that's why I said IF I gave a fuck Jimmy: if as massive as her 😍 for her daddy, I get it Janis: thank god it's at Ella's Janis: wouldn't be getting away from hers unmolested Jimmy: can't move for mistletoe, I bet Janis: Baby, it's cold outside Janis: 😈 Jimmy: What IS in that drink? 😏 Janis: me checking yours tomorrow so they don't do my job for me Jimmy: Bill's 👻'll only let us have owt off each other's lips, it'll take fucking ages to 💀💀💀 Janis: you're just an actor on his stage and a player in his 🌍 Janis: have to suck it up and deal with the torture Jimmy: 👍 Janis: No enthusiasm needed 'til tomorrow Janis: 👋 then Jimmy: don't need an early night, you said Janis: your brother seemed like he did though Janis: not trying to get in the way of that top brother 🏆 Jimmy: 🍪 sugar crash did him before us Janis: fair Janis: feeling it and all Janis: still buzzing though Jimmy: yeah? Janis: 😵 🥴 🤢 🤮 scale Janis: I'm solidly 🥴 Jimmy: lightweight Janis: I don't work in a cafe Jimmy: and what? Janis: 🍪🥐🥪🍰 Jimmy: never pull your weight, you Janis: just 'cos you eat yours in baked goods Janis: one of us has to be 💪 Jimmy: hang on, who's been carrying who? Janis: I would carry you Janis: you monopolized it by crippling me Jimmy: convenient excuse that Janis: okay, you aren't 💀👑 daddy don't try it Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: rudest bollocks you've ever said to me Jimmy: how dare you TBH Janis: come back when you've got your law degree and fathered a demon Janis: then we'll talk Jimmy: I'll chuck 'em both at your window, Juliet 📜👶 Janis: 😍 Janis: just don't break it Janis: my window, that is Jimmy: any 👶 of mine's gonna be a right fat bastard, nowt I can do about that, soz Janis: soft landing Janis: all's well that ends well Jimmy: do what you like with the broken glass, so crafty, you Janis: depends if you're gonna come in Janis: obviously Jimmy: it's how it's written Janis: ? Jimmy: I get your attention, you give me it Jimmy: hang your head out or Bill will be fuming Janis: unfortunately there ain't no pool under my window Janis: but that's probably not an original feature of the play Janis: just an excuse to see Leo all bedraggled Jimmy: get him wet to do the same for all the lasses 👀🍿 Janis: poetic Jimmy: IKR Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: Shame it's not festive or I'd suggest it Jimmy: fucking hell, if they're gonna force us to watch Elf, sod the plan, I'll 💀💀💀 myself Jimmy: another poem for you Janis: 1. hot 2. I refuse, think it's gotta be illegal to force us to watch it, it's in the geneva convention, yeah? I'll ask daddy Jimmy: @ him Janis: @litigationandtitilation Jimmy: 😂 Janis: she helped him come up with it Jimmy: DUH, nowt they don't do together Janis: 💕 Janis: dead jealous Jimmy: me an' all Janis: we'll all get to bond over our daddy issues Janis: can't wait Jimmy: #realgoals Janis: obviously Janis: I ain't got them any gifts, have you? Jimmy: I'm working, I'll bring 'em a latte Jimmy: menu full of 🎄 bollocks they ain't bothered to work through yet Janis: how disappointing they'll literally be thrilled Janis: too 😍 to handle, you Jimmy: you gonna meet me there or what? Janis: 🤔 Janis: probably the most #goals if we arrive together Janis: and fuck knows how far they can see from her tower Janis: I could come to your work Janis: pick you and the lattes up 💪🏆 Jimmy: alright Janis: 👌 Janis: just lemme know when you're finishing up then Jimmy: I'll make you something that ain't poisoned Janis: that a threat? Jimmy: more #goals to call it a romantic gesture Janis: 'course Jimmy: get your head in the game, girl Janis: it is Janis: just working out if there's any ways we can fuck it up before even arriving Jimmy: what, like get 💀👑 hopes up and then piss on them even harder? Janis: yeah, like that Janis: or get all the rest on our side, somehow Janis: that'd fuck her off no end Jimmy: so go on, what would it take? Jimmy: other than 💀#2 there's no challenge in it Jimmy: piss easy it were to get Asia to invite us Janis: you're probably more of an expert than me then Janis: like, we've got to make it actually a decent time, the kinda party they wanna have Janis: instead of what 📸s well Janis: and what Mia allows Janis: but we can't just fully steamroll in and be blatant about it Janis: or 💀👑 & 💀#2 would pull ranks Jimmy: what kind of party do they wanna have? Janis: they never look like they're having fun Janis: they're dead in the eyes Janis: even if it ain't my exact idea of, sure we can come up with better, right? Jimmy: easy when we put our massive heads together Janis: Asia is the easiest, we could basically ask her and she'd tell us without clocking Jimmy: hang on then Jimmy: Grace were #livingherbestlife when she punched you with a beauty blender, I'll let her 💄💅 me if it pushes 💀👑 off the scale Janis: I'm sure that's just pent-up anger issues Janis: but maybe you've messed up her order one too many times 🔪🔪 Jimmy: deliberately Jimmy: my only joy, that Janis: 😂 Janis: might have a tiny bit of respect for you now Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: pretend to be her boyfriend for a change and you can do one of those tag videos Jimmy: you're alright, my CV'll survive without that oscar Janis: 😏 Janis: fair Janis: don't need the rumours Jimmy: if she wants footage, WE'LL get her some, as a team, dickhead Janis: she will be 📽 Janis: so alright Jimmy: always ready for a close up, me Jimmy: and you do alright keeping up an' all Janis: wait 'til I ain't hopping, like Jimmy: that's her, what does the big one want? Janis: you haven't 👀 her about doing this weird dances? Jimmy: steady on, she WEREN'T having seizures? Janis: yeah, I know Janis: it's shocking Jimmy: you'll fuck your other ankle, I ain't having that Janis: you volunteer then? Jimmy: there's gotta be something else they do on that app Janis: are you interested in miming the lyrics to a shitty dance song? Jimmy: POV: your 👻 fake boyfriend Janis: you can go for that oscar Janis: I hope she doesn't try to be funny, or if she does, then I need to watch all her content rn Janis: welcome for the view Jimmy: might win 💀👑 over with the one where I play her dad Janis: 💀💀💀💀💀 Jimmy: or better yet 💀#2 when I have a go at 💀👑 Janis: the plan isn't you seduce everyone Janis: friends not 💦💦 boy Jimmy: it's a fucked plan then Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you're that insatiable or irresistible? Jimmy: I'll be that itchy Jimmy: jumper's coming off any road Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: I'll bring it tomorrow, babe Jimmy: UGH FINE Janis: put your tits away Janis: honestly Jimmy: SO jealous, you Janis: Ha Janis: SO original, you Jimmy: your tits can have 🥈 Joanne, nowt wrong with them or that Janis: Piss off Janis: 💀👑 tell you it don't count if it's just fat Jimmy: 😱😱😱 OMFG! 😱😱😱 Jimmy: should've said you wanted to get her hopes up with a fake breakup Janis: would be well triggering, no doubt Janis: only talk to argue, her lot, you can tell Jimmy: #relatable Jimmy: gonna have to 💀💀💀 myself now Jimmy: been nice fake knowing you, my dear Janis: oh no you don't Janis: not being a fake widow Janis: can't pretend to be that 💔💔💔 for the rest of my life Jimmy: @iantaylor8 with your 💔😭🎻 Jimmy: can't have owt in common with that lot for a day in my life, tah Janis: I'll feel sorry for you when you're fucking twins with one of them Jimmy: So you want my pity? Don't sound like you but alright Janis: nah, just won't be giving you no 🤗 and 😘 Jimmy: What then? What's my 🎁? Janis: 🕞👀 Jimmy: Come on, I'll fake the surprise Janis: don't get too excited Janis: I haven't nicked you no 💎 Jimmy: bit rude but that's probably my fault for not sitting on your lap and telling you what I want Janis: not too late Janis: see what her ma has lying about Janis: but yeah, if you'd have been more prepared, maybe I woulda been too Jimmy: just the odd 💍👑💼💰 or 🐴 nbd Janis: you're demanding now but you've missed your chance Janis: gutted Jimmy: not too late, you said Janis: you might get A 💎 Janis: can't do the full list now Jimmy: [pouty face 🥺 selfie, we're coming for your life Savannah, soz] Janis: what's in it for me if you ain't gonna sit on my lap? 🎅 Jimmy: never said I wouldn't Janis: 🔊 is cheap Janis: 🐴 are expensive Jimmy: what were it you said, tomorrow, babe Jimmy: giving someone a bell to install a pool or a balcony as I 🗨'd expensive an' all Janis: I've got patience to 🕞👀 Jimmy: good Jimmy: we're just that starcrossed, girl, nowt to be done about it Janis: or lots to do Janis: depending on your point of view Jimmy: lots of 🕞👀 'cause that's your #kink Janis: must be Jimmy: and mine's doing owt for you 💕 Janis: what more could I ask for Janis: ❌🎅 Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: ? Janis: ? Jimmy: ��� Janis: You can surprise me Jimmy: alright Janis: is it? Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: alright, alright Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: it'll be good Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: [picture to prove you are at mcvickers] Jimmy: [a picture back of Bobby and Twix snoozing all over you] Janis: looks cozy Jimmy: *uncomfortable Jimmy: speaking of, I'll bring you the 👑 back tomorrow, you can chuck it on instead of a cracker hat Janis: Bless Janis: 🤞 there's no one sleeping in my bed Janis: 💡💡 Jimmy: 🐻🐻🐻 Janis: sounds like a party in theory Jimmy: 🔑's [wherever there is a key hidden] if you need to come back Janis: be even weirder for your poor brother if I got in his whilst you're all 🥳 Jimmy: not like he'll hear you come in Jimmy: you or the 🐻🐻🐻 Janis: don't tell him that as his next bedtime story Janis: should be good though, but cheers Jimmy: 👍 Janis: though it's tempting as it's the furthest you've wanted to let me walk in ages Jimmy: want's pushing it Jimmy: but I've seen your top 🦩 impression now Janis: I get it Janis: you wanna see it more Janis: well attractive Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Jimmy: 🎪🤹🤡 you Jimmy: dead chuffed to see your trapeze next Janis: suppose freak can be a compliment Janis: in the right context Jimmy: [puts it in the right context for a pisstakey 🔥 sext] Janis: yeah Janis: like that Janis: 🥇 asshole Jimmy: 🥉 more like Janis: why's that Jimmy: a 🥇 dickhead ain't that easy to ✔ off as a dickhead Janis: you wanted 😳 Janis: it's not not happening but I don't need to admit it Jimmy: if I wanted 😳 I'd get it Jimmy: with no need for you to admit owt Janis: alright then Janis: take your 🥉 Jimmy: you're alright Janis: time for bed then, dickhead Jimmy: as a piss off goes, I've heard worse Janis: I've done better Janis: but it must be the sugar crash Jimmy: I can do better with compliments an' all Janis: so you say Jimmy: and 🖋 Janis: I'm not doubting your fake boyf ability Jimmy: that weren't what I said Janis: or your 🎨 Jimmy: weren't bringing that up either Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about Janis: it's mutual Janis: don't worry Jimmy: you heard, I can do better, nowt to be 🤯 or do a 🥁 for Janis: You can't tell me what to do or not to do either way Jimmy: that ain't what I'm trying to do Janis: that's good then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I know you have a dog and a kid kicking you right now Janis: but you really need the beauty sleep Jimmy: rude Janis: you're ruder Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you're just Janis: I don't know Janis: but worse than me Janis: sure of that Jimmy: I were just trying to be less of a twat right then Janis: 😂 Janis: you just confuse me Janis: you aren't like 😡 🤬 rude right now Jimmy: it ain't my fault you can't take a compliment or apology attempt, dickhead Janis: I tried to take a compliment and you said it barely was one Janis: that's what I mean Janis: you're just weird and it's SO rude that you're letting Mia be right, tbh Jimmy: 'cause it weren't Jimmy: a pisstake's a pisstake, a compliment's a compliment Janis: then where have you tried to say sorry or anything not a pisstake Jimmy: what the fuck else does I can do better mean? Janis: Alright, God Janis: don't act like I'm thick Janis: you ain't speaking English Jimmy: bit racist Jimmy: this ain't even a voice memo Janis: yeah, you're well oppressed Jimmy: tah for recognising it, mate Janis: annoying, that's the word I was looking for Jimmy: funny'll do for you, oh hang on, nah Jimmy: meant to go the other way there Janis: yeah the sign of a proper jokes person is cracking yourself up Janis: 👌 babes Jimmy: piss off to bed, babes Janis: don't be jealous of all the space I've got Janis: gonna proper stretch out Jimmy: like I said, well unfunny you Janis: you can't escape when he's proper asleep? Jimmy: to where? Janis: your bed? Janis: his, if that is where you are Jimmy: his is a little kid bed, not stretching out in there Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: You poor thing Janis: bunk bed sharing would almost be preferable Jimmy: yeah Janis: at least your brother don't vape Jimmy: #ultimatesilverlining Janis: ☀ Jimmy: tah Jimmy: proper cheered now Janis: have only got a single here Janis: not living that luxurious Jimmy: and a 🐻 bear either side, you'll be fucked when the 3rd one comes through after having a piss Janis: better off taking my chances in the park? Janis: still time for that as well Jimmy: never nursed a dickhead with hypothermia before, decent way to pad out my CV Janis: 😒 Janis: yeah, go on Janis: just a neverending case study, me Jimmy: 🥇 muse in every way Janis: real or pisstake Jimmy: reckon I'd be able to 👀 you from here, could be a real inspiration Janis: you probably could anyway, nearly Janis: live pretty close but not giving any more away Janis: gotta keep the privacy and mystery, like Jimmy: brb gotta start a new 📷 IG Jimmy: @longlens Janis: 😂 Janis: if I've got a stalker I'm definitely 🥇 Janis: #madeit Jimmy: you do now Jimmy: 👋👀 Janis: get in Janis: mum'll be so proud Jimmy: got nowt else to do but crack on looking in windows til I find yours, mine'll chuffed to bits an' all Janis: Bill's 👻 will be Janis: unless you get distracted by some other random, then he'll be raging Jimmy: it's his script, I'd just be sticking to it Janis: that's going off script Janis: the other girl is before Janis: don't just get the wrong balcony and change your mind Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: it's Bill's 👻 not me Janis: he don't like improv Jimmy: harder to please than Lucas, him Janis: I'm doing alright 😇 Jimmy: he reckons your tits are 🥇 no accounting for taste Janis: nothing wrong with 🥈 Jimmy: when it's around your neck Janis: the view helps, yeah Janis: #toptits Jimmy: 😏 Janis: not your fault I'm exactly his type Janis: don't feel bad Jimmy: we can both wear the white 👰 but it don't make us exactly his type Jimmy: he'd be the one to call you a slag Janis: you have defiled me Janis: told you that's why he's so pissed off Jimmy: you gonna take an apology for that then? Janis: be a bit weird if you apologized Janis: was the plan Janis: just unfortunate collateral, him Jimmy: it weren't actually Janis: 'course it was Janis: nothing #goals about celibacy Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: was just a joke Janis: I don't need an apology Jimmy: don't you? Janis: no Janis: why do you think I do? Jimmy: why have I got it in your own words loads of times that you reckon it shouldn't have happened if you don't? Janis: No, I only meant it like Janis: it's made things awkward now, is why we shouldn't have Janis: not in a, I didn't want to at the time way Janis: it's not like you did anything wrong Jimmy: and what, it weren't awkward for you before? Janis: What, like I've got loads of past experience with how to navigate a fake dating scenario? Jimmy: exactly my point Jimmy: it were weird as soon as I suggested it Janis: granted Janis: it's just weirder now you don't want to but we still have to fake shit Janis: if we'd not gone there, that wouldn't factor into the overall headfuckery Jimmy: I don't want to what? Janis: not fake it Janis: sometimes, like Jimmy: we've not talked about what I do or don't want Jimmy: so that's bollocks for a start Janis: it ain't Janis: I can read a room Jimmy: so can I, don't be putting it all on me like I fucked it Janis: I weren't but you clearly are so cheers for that Jimmy: you said me, I ain't speaking for you Janis: I haven't said you've fucked anything up Jimmy: I've made it weirder is what you said Janis: no, it IS weirder Janis: 'cos of decisions we both made Jimmy: that's a cop out Jimmy: I can also read between the lines and that's you reckoning the decisions you're making now are right and mine are bollocks Janis: all I'm trying to do is not be a massive twat here Janis: it's not right or wrong Janis: I can't help if I still wanna but I'm not gonna whinge about it like some nice guy or something as lame Jimmy: nicely done then Janis: fine Janis: fuck this Jimmy: I don't get what your problem is Janis: what do you mean? Janis: how do you not get that I'm accepting what you want and dealing with it and you're just taking the piss Jimmy: I've never said I want that Janis: What? Jimmy: when or where have I? Janis: that you don't want me to just do what I want and not give a fuck about what you do? Janis: it's just a given that I won't be a total cunt like that, surely Jimmy: you heard me, you don't know what I want Jimmy: dunno why it's a given that you'd just guess Janis: then tell me Janis: why am I guessing Jimmy: you've got some bollocks 💭 in your head that's nowt to do with me or what I've 🗨 Jimmy: that'll be why Janis: tell me Jimmy: It didn't feel like a mistake to me Janis: that's the opposite of what I thought you thought Janis: alright Jimmy: you were being a massive twat, keep up, we've done that bit Janis: no, great Janis: actually got to go bludgeon myself with a big rock now Jimmy: don't Jimmy: it's a job to talk to you when you ain't brain damaged Janis: I'm serious Janis: and I'm sorry Janis: jesus fucking christ Jimmy: me an' all, dunno if it's safe for you to go to this friendmas 'cause you obvs CAN'T read a room, sweetheart Jimmy: could be deadly serious, that Janis: I know I deserve it but please shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: why haven't you done anything about it then Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: if you can read a room, allegedly Janis: works both ways right Jimmy: you said it shouldn't have happened, how else would you like me to read into that? Jimmy: a mistake is what I heard Janis: I said that when you called me a slag Jimmy: but I didn't Jimmy: and what works both ways an' all is that you haven't done owt since then either Janis: yeah, because from my point of view, you called me easy, I made you apologize for it and then you ain't come near me since Janis: I'm not killing myself for no reason Janis: you've never said bullshit when you're fuming? Jimmy: I ain't the baby Jesus Jimmy: 'course I have Jimmy: and will do again, might be to you Janis: There you go then Janis: I said it was a mistake 'cos it sounded like you reckoned as much Janis: we may as well be on the same page Janis: didn't want to be that twat but that worked out well Jimmy: it just Jimmy: touched a nerve, alright Janis: yeah Janis: alright Janis: clearly so did the easy thing so not gonna judge Jimmy: our lives are headfucks, that's why we need this to make it easier Janis: that was meant to be the idea Janis: we just need to Janis: replan Janis: maybe? Jimmy: we just need to talk to each other Janis: easier said than done Janis: but yeah Janis: not wrong Jimmy: if I have to spell it out and stick my CAPS on, I can do Jimmy: I work in customer service, like Janis: that's lovely Janis: really wanna be compared to one of your customers Jimmy: hey, you know you're way too fit and mysterious Janis: barely at this point Janis: I've come across as a total fucking state Jimmy: Oi, we can do this ☀ girl Janis: I'm up for listening Janis: and I won't infer the rest, that much is a deal Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🩸🖋 Jimmy: We going to the park then or what? Janis: we don't have to speak when we get there, do we? Jimmy: bit rude you ain't gonna recite a sonnet to me, Jules, but I'll live Janis: maybe another night Janis: but I'm still pretty fucking mortified right now so you gotta promise Jimmy: we're doing alright if you're promising me another night Jimmy: and I'm clearly on fine form for giving you more accidental poetry so Janis: shame to waste it? Janis: I guess you can but don't expect me to because I'm better when I keep it shut Jimmy: you're Janis: don't finish that before I've had the chance to change your mind Jimmy: as promises go, I reckon I can keep that one Janis: and I can promise it'll be worth it Jimmy: go on Jimmy: before you stop saying owt to me Janis: I promise Janis: that you're gonna have even more to say about me and even less idea how to say it Jimmy: I Jimmy: there, you're managing to stop me going on already Janis: I don't mind when you go on Janis: just not what I want right now Jimmy: time and a place to be on script, I get it Janis: exactly Janis: and you've gotta be off the clock sometimes Jimmy: @ my manager in a bit Jimmy: just not right now Janis: not invited Jimmy: and you can't hop and @ Janis: don't challenge me Jimmy: nursing kink ain't gonna go away when your ankle stops being the size of your head Jimmy: gotta plan ahead Janis: you could just look after me Janis: I'll fake whatever injury you fancy Jimmy: how many oscars you after? Janis: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: get a hop on then Janis: Am Janis: not trying to get caught mid-hop though so 🤫 Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: you could just tell me where you are and have a hand, I ain't allowed to be the one who 💀💀💀 you Janis: I could Janis: was mainly arsed about getting caught in the gaff but still Janis: be quicker Janis: [location] Jimmy: if I get there and there ain't no nan or granddad I'll chuck you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: like I've made 'em up Janis: and I've broke into a house just to be close-by? Janis: I don't reckon I'm that dedicated Jimmy: dunno about that, all I know is I could spit and you'd be hopping on a wet foot Janis: 🤤 would've been more romantic, Romeo Jimmy: Oi, I deliberately didn't say piss to be more romantic Janis: erm, talk to me!!! 😤😤😤 Janis: #ultimatekinkunlocked Jimmy: alright fine, I'll piss on the side of the house you're squatting in, stop begging Janis: 😂 Janis: good luck Janis: it's freezing Jimmy: sounds like some weird ⛄ challenge, I'd better film it for Tammy's tiktok Janis: SO thoughtful, babe Janis: just giving her that clout for free Jimmy: just that kind of dickhead, me Janis: I'll @ you in my glowing review later Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [show up boy it's really not far] Jimmy: which window am I climbing up to with a 🌹 in my 🦷🦷 Janis: you mean, which bit of pavement am I gonna be scraping you off of when you slip to your 💀💀💀 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: your nan'll love the 💕 if you don't bother directing me Janis: I'll remember to pick up your 🦷🦷 and all Janis: [but flashing the light of the room you in like sup] Jimmy: wrap 'em up for Asia and it's job done on winning them all over Jimmy: [get your bae Jimothy] Janis: 💕🎁 Jimmy: [please don't actually die lol] Janis: [at least there is a genuine ladder up lmao, just don't wake the child or mcvickers] Jimmy: [now isn't the time for you to recite shakespeare, another time nerd] Janis: [you gotta be quiet, which is why we're not staying 'cos we know the vibe] Jimmy: [likewise why we're not going to his house either even though it's cold af] Janis: [soz about it but not, you're young and you'll be warm af soon enough] Jimmy: [gotta do what you gotta do lads and the park has those good mems and the graffiti you did so] Janis: [enjoy ladies] Jimmy: [until you have to go to work live your best life] Janis: [at least you have reconciled to totally boss this friendmas] Jimmy: [soz I ruined the tension but it would've been hard to concentrate on ruining Mia's life with that hanging over you] Janis: [we go with the flow honey] Jimmy: [we can totally skip to friendmas if you want unless you wanna have a CG work moment] Janis: [like you could but you probably shouldn't sleep out here again all night so yes, we could do a little CG moment] Jimmy: [gotta go there for the first time at some point, get that off menu smoothie and some food that's actually vaguely edible] Janis: [have cute moments, even though we know none of the flatwhites will be there] Jimmy: [we can post them to annoy Mia before we even get there because we all know Pablo isn't coming] Janis: [try one of calebs other kids hen, might be easier to use] Jimmy: [teach the bae how to do festive latte art they'll be jealous af and the manager is never there either] Janis: [do have some funny latte art pics, along with whatever we invariably actually bring yous] Jimmy: [#fated] Janis: [I kinda want you to go out and get them something pisstakey but I really cannot think what] Jimmy: [it would be funny, hmm what could we do?] Janis: [some kind of game/drinking game/or forbidden food vibe, actual fun Mia would not be happy about is the point] Jimmy: [things should totally get said during these games that they have for more blackmail potential to add to her cheating on the school trip] Jimmy: [I'm just debating whether Asia should have a bf who comes like we did at that sleepover that time or if we wanna save that for another time] Janis: [spill that tea ladies, we all know it don't take much for you to turn on each other so] Janis: [and I vote no, I think, plenty of opportunities to do that later though] Jimmy: [fair, Mia probably is hoping Asia'll seduce Jimothy so can't have a bf in the way] Janis: [and it's just BFF goals vibes, like you aren't allowed boys because they aren't important, soz Asia you hoe] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [can't let lads know how weird you all are] Jimmy: [the scolding tea] Janis: [pretending to be normal is for real xmas with your fams hens] Jimmy: [I don't need to be thinking about you gals at christmas thanks] Janis: [teenage xmas is the worst tbh] Jimmy: [agreed] Jimmy: [do you think there's any decorations they could steal out of the CG or are they too hipstery?] Janis: [I think we could probably get decent indoor ones from there, steal a lil tree moment] Jimmy: [do it while the flatwhites aren't there because Mia and Ella are snitches and he don't need to get fired this close to christmas] Janis: [do it at the start of your shift and hide it, who's noticing this close to xmas, no hoe except them so stay away] Jimmy: [we need this christmas cheer excuse us] Janis: [kids would do it anyway or they'd get broke, get a life gals] Jimmy: [we're trying to save christmas for Bobby here so bye] Janis: [it'll be magical and we're stealing your lights bitch bye] Jimmy: [Ella doesn't need them, not sorry] Janis: [also, not related but meet Pete too] Jimmy: [not in a way that makes him 😒 and jealous though we've only just reconciled] Janis: [my boo says give me my fluff] Jimmy: [defs gonna draw JJ and Twix tangled up in christmas lights for today's doodle once they've decorated so there's my fluff] Janis: [that's cute af get it boy] Janis: [we can go through lowkey and then stop whenever we wanna fully do something, so, should we be one of the first to get there or last what's the vibe] Jimmy: [I think first like it's just Mia and obvs Ella cos it's her house LOL there because they'd hate that and I said Grace was late, it makes sense Hollie would be too because she's even more done with them] Janis: [that's a mood, oh gals, how welcome are you gonna make them feel] Jimmy: [can't even do the gift exchange until everyone gets here, how awkward, good thing Jimothy will shamelessly request a house tour] Janis: [the casual side-eye you're gonna have to hold in, like lemme pretend to be so uninterested in your house which is undeniably big without coming off as salty] Jimmy: [he'll carry you through this gaff gal, nothing will annoy Ella and Mia more than when you're more into each other and being coupley af than the rich gal flexes in every room] Janis: [at least we can play up how bad the ankle is again, get me ice ho] Jimmy: [Ella never did get any sympathy she'll be fuming, play up that nursing conveniently like when you get to Ella's room like oops gotta just rest here for a bit soz] Janis: [just regaling how much he's looked after you like that bitch] Jimmy: [as he fusses over you, god bless, we're literally gonna do all we can to make Mia storm out and back downstairs haha] Janis: [ergo asking where Pablo is, like oh, thought he'd be here] Jimmy: [Jimothy is so amused he's gonna hide his face in the bae] Janis: [just lowkey ignoring her to be subtly all over him when she rants about the importance of gal time or whatever like mhmm interesting] Jimmy: [literally why wasn't he banned if that's true hun, hence he'll be even more unsubtly all over her until we're genuinely ignoring the gals] Janis: [we all know it's one rule for you and another for them but that didn't pan out lololol, awkward when you'd wanna watch for an uncomfortable amount of time Mia, make Asia show please so you can't] Jimmy: [go answer the door to her so they can have a moment but also snoop through Ella's shit thank you] Janis: [just like where it the shrine honey] Jimmy: [shame it's so far in the future that she wouldn't have a paper diary for them to find, unless like they used to have those kid ones and Ella kept hers because the golden age of this friendship obvs] Janis: [imagine how 1. gay it'd be 2. all the goss on them all, have a read of that lads] Jimmy: [take 📷 because you'll never know when you might need them] Janis: [get that relevant tea 'was her sister the donkey?' 'cos Asia is here and we remembering] Jimmy: [a little lol as we forlornly shake our head because she sadly was not and they missed a trick 'Mary' because why not 'makes sense why Joseph was having none of her' just calling a child ugly here nbd] Janis: [makes a face like she's so appalled like oh no 'your brother's year must be a real bunch of uggos' 'cos we're on the same wavelength here] Jimmy: ['not saying the director's onto something but as top casting for a homeless virgin who looks like she's had her head shut in a door goes..' trailing off with a shrug like we haven't just dragged a little girl to within an inch of her life] Janis: [violently shushing him as they come up, as if Asia would ever clock it, god bless, but then it just looks like you've got an amazing in joke 'cos it's like omg babe] Jimmy: [love that cos we've gotta actually be nice to Asia as she's the first person here you can actually get on your side, so use your barista charm boy] Janis: [compliment her jumper or something girl, can't let him do everything Jimmy: [and take some selfies with her that you can easily but subtly exclude the other 2 from cos 3's already a crowd huns] Janis: [love that, and Asia should have a boyf that she wanna talk about 'cos then you can actually let her gal and she'll be buzzing] Jimmy: [yassssss encourage her in all the ways those 2 don't and won't ever] Janis: [at least you can pretend you're throwing 😍 at him when really it's pained looks lmao] Jimmy: [and we can talk about the nativity and younger sibling christmas bs because those 2 bitchy only children could never] Janis: [mhmm, hopefully you love your sisters more than just accessories gal] Jimmy: [there's no way to know but JJ are slaying this so well done lads] Janis: [honestly need some kind of award 'cos it can't be overstated how hard Mia & Ella would be trying to bitch you both out] Jimmy: [hence I'm like is there anything else you can do while it's just shameless stealing Asia tactics before the others get here because we know it's not hard to get those two on side] Janis: [Hmm, what's a stupid bitch want what's a stupid bitch need] Janis: [you'll want your latte before they go cold tbf] Jimmy: [I hope he's brought like some christmas ugly jumper biscuits from the CG because getting her hyped up on sugar will only make her more annoying] Janis: [she's basically a child, just let her live in the ways they don't tbh and she'll be thrilled] Jimmy: [literally talking to her about what she wants for christmas like she is a child LOL] Janis: [try not to cackle, but we are 1000% getting on his lap to make a sneaky point like easy 🎅} Jimmy: [never have to fake how into that we are and it's a great segue to tell her all the #goals shit we've been up to and all the festive coupley plans we have] Janis: [when you truly have like it sounds like so much, y'all will be jealous] Jimmy: [as if you aren't fuming enough by how touchy feely and loved up they are before they've even said a word] Janis: [trying to separate them but also don't want their help with anything, we see you] Jimmy: [at least when JJ have had enough they can go 🚬 and on a christmas lights scouting mission because it's #goals to go have a wander and look at lights and it gets dark early af so you can] Janis: [that is goals, don't lie, you probably need to get through dinner first my loves, just be overly helpful with the food prep so you can lowkey fuck it up and they'll be raging] Jimmy: [Grace will be buzzing when she gets there cos not only is Pablo not but she's the only one who has gifts for jj out of these gals] Janis: [thank god he ain't there, we would simply throw hands lmao, lord knows shit nan and the extra ex will be making an appearance soon] Jimmy: [Grace would have straight up walked in and straight back out again if he was and you know it Mia so good luck chatting shit about friendship then] Janis: [get to getting this starter everyone try not to actively vom at the table] Jimmy: [at least that would taste nice cos it's literally brie and cranberry and walnuts and honey so you're welcome everyone] Janis: [looking at y'all 💀💀 why do I feel like JJ need to go to the toilets immediately after like you two cannot, the shade of it all] Jimmy: [LOVE that] Janis: [sure you have more than 2 but we know what's being said huns] Jimmy: [the point has been made] Janis: 😈💩🤮❌ Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: oh no, is this the group chat? Janis: sorry Jimmy: *😱😱😱 Jimmy: if it were Janis: 😱😱😱😱😱 of 'em Jimmy: soz, you're dead right, babe Janis: though I don't think the big one is doing it right Janis: awks Jimmy: she'll be getting her bollocking now Janis: poor cow Janis: if I were to cast her in a nativity Janis: but I'm just seeing what meds they've got Jimmy: @Helena Janis: ugh, I wish Janis: what back problems is this flat-chested 💀 gonna have Jimmy: you're alright though, yeah? Janis: of course I am Janis: just potential dirt Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you alright? Jimmy: nowt wrong with my 🦶 Jimmy: might end up with back problems of my own if you ain't 💩🤮 in there but Helena'll sort it Janis: fuck off Janis: negging me, dickhead Jimmy: I get it, you're gutted there weren't no 🦒 at the birth of Jesus Jimmy: no need to take it out on me Janis: only elves in the christmas story, so you're no better off Jimmy: your 👂 kink is blatant, Jennifer Janis: psh Jimmy: not gonna stick that 💎 you owe me in mine if that's the best comeback you've got Janis: you're very annoying, I'm pretending to 💩🤮 Jimmy: no 👂's pressed against the door, putting you off? Janis: you tell me Janis: can I perform without an audience? Jimmy: we've not done 💩🤮 Janis: #kinkstillonlock Jimmy: [another pisstakey 🥺 selfie because gotta kill time in this bathroom somehow] Janis: do you reckon that's 💀#2 thing? Janis: 💀👑 is obviously killing people slowly Jimmy: bit weird you having that in common Janis: oh no Janis: have to speed it up Jimmy: ready when you are Janis: come here? Jimmy: [does] Janis: [have a little makeout moment because we're swagging this and deserve it Jimmy: [pick her up and sit her on the sink so she doesn't have to stand up and because it's a #mood] Janis: [so shook that we gasping but in a good way, like] Jimmy: [you can have a noise back gal because we're into it] Janis: [IRL 🥺 'cos we have to go back, even if we're purposefully taking ages here] Jimmy: [just doing the MOST to make her forget that we have to go back because we don't want to either] Janis: [at least there's a perfect excuse to be loud and extra so you can go 'til you get caught and someone is like excuse me get out lol] Jimmy: [the joys] Janis: [will definitely be Ella or Asia] Jimmy: [we know Mia sent you whichever one it is, probably Ella cos it's her house so she can be that bitch] Janis: [I mean, at least we didn't break your sink hun] Jimmy: [or fuck in your bed which we easily could have] Janis: [nights still young but yeah count your blessings xoxo anyway, the main meal, we probably know the vibe?] Jimmy: [you know Mia and Ella were in charge of that bit cos clearly giving Hollie pudding to call her a fat bitch and not trusting Asia with basically anything so it's not gonna be 🥇] Janis: [it's gonna be so bland with like low-fat everything and ew] Jimmy: [gonna have to start a cute little flirty food fight moment like Tony and Effy had, skins we see you and your incesty energy, when they made those faces then that spoon got flicked etc, so you don't have to eat this] Janis: [their energy was so strange lol, like they did go out so it probably didn't help but we see you, also doing a fake like you're going to eat it and you're trying to be polite but it's so gross soz we cannot] Jimmy: [everyone be pushing that food hardcore around their plates,, can't even do a feeding each other romantic moment because it's too grim] Janis: [like ladies, you can't binge and go to town for one day, not when the others can see, we get it] Jimmy: [save the day with whatever pudding you've brought Hollie thank you] Janis: [bitches be ravenous, at least we eat at the CG] Jimmy: [jimothy got your back gal, can and will eat again when you're decorating too so] Janis: [and it's time for presents] Jimmy: [I literally can't stress enough how happy and shook he's gonna be because feelsy gifts are not a thing in his life rn it's all on Bobby to make a cute card or whatever so his thank you hug will be very genuine and emosh and he'll write 'you're' on her back for that throwback because we are speechless and a ! for emphasis] Janis: [when you're lowkey thinking he's faking most of that at least but then he writes on you so you know it's real so then you're smiley af, enjoy that guys, you can't even shade 'cos it's personal and shit he wants and what do any of y'all know about that, and writing 'you' back] Jimmy: [the gals can't be shading anyway because they'll too busy DYING when he puts this necklace on her because it's intimate af, gotta gently move that hair out of the way, kiss the back of her neck in a soft way, the whole 9] Janis: [just fully ignoring them all and it ain't even fake, gotta be SO grateful excuse us] Jimmy: [we're in the moment and our feelings bitches] Janis: ['I can't even deal with you' talking more like them but where is the lie] Jimmy: [we gotta just kiss her because 1. what are words even fake words 2. you know exactly how to deal with me cos we're 🥇] Janis: [just ignore the 😒😒😒😒😒 you're getting for AGES then be like oh, please, open your presents] Jimmy: [just being couple goals casually in the background while the gals pretend to care about each other's gifts] Janis: [I live] Jimmy: [highlight of the day tbh] Janis: [you know they wrapping up and putting that shite film on so fast honey, like oh yeah, give them an excuse to cuddle under a blanket] Jimmy: [literally Mia is this close to kicking all of y'all out and it ain't even her house] Janis: [it's so funny how easy it is to piss y'all off, do have to remember to keep the rest vaguely on side though] Jimmy: [you've done well lads and we all know none of the gals actually wanna watch this film they probably do the same one every year, just on their phones super bored] Janis: [you gotta lowkey suggest you play a game instead like come on this is BOOOOOOOORING] Jimmy: [he's a boy he's allowed to hate rom coms so it's easily done] Janis: [you two 💀 can protest but clearly we're over it so you outnumbered even if Asia was like I don't mind or whatever] Jimmy: [get that tea, especially if it's a drinking game because they are all lightweights] Janis: [we know this could get passive-aggressive fast lol] Jimmy: [it will blatantly which is how we can bring this friendmas to an end without it looking like JJ's fault] Janis: [hohaha just like this is awkward gals] Jimmy: [run away and look at aka steal some lights lads, your work here is done] Janis: [you can go decorate his now and make the kids day] Jimmy: [though we might have to kill some time and do it when they're asleep because I doubt we were at Ella's that late] Janis: [true hen, we know we killed this party before tea time honestly lol] Jimmy: [walk some dogs together first of all] Janis: [get that cash babies] Jimmy: [they should come back and eat some actually nice christmassy snacks and watch a christmas film that doesn't suck and play a game with Bobby that doesn't end in murder like this is how easy it is to do better than you gals] Janis: [yes, 'cos 1. real 2. all they'd have to do was a couple of pics and everyone would know the flatwhites was a flop] Jimmy: [exactly and she hasn't met Bobby yet so I thought that'd be a nice chill way to do it cos not trying to make it a thing™] Janis: [yes, this is true, rip to not seeing your marvellous sheep performance hen] Jimmy: [and he can talk about wanting to see Santa to put that idea in jj's heads] Janis: [easy] Janis: Oi Janis: use your elf connections Jimmy: 🎅 or nowt, me Jimmy: [takes off that ugly christmas jumper in a pisstakey way like I've got the body for it] Janis: [😏 and pats his tummy like yeah] Jimmy: [fakes like he's gonna put a cushion up his top but then chucks it at her head] Janis: [whispers the obscenities behind Bobby's head] Jimmy: [signs something at her which is obvs 6 year old level insults to make Bobby lol and join in] Janis: [just getting dragged, fake cry so Twix comes to support you gal] Jimmy: [we'll teach you gal it's always useful] Janis: [love that] Jimmy: [at least if Cass comes back we can bribe her into walking some dogs for us because don't need the 😒 when we've just escaped the flatwhites] Janis: [at least you'll get some spends gal, because that age you can't even get your own job so it's pocket money purely] Jimmy: [win her over as well lads nicely done] Jimmy: 🏆🥇💪 us Janis: I'll be waiting for my card, like Jimmy: 🐾 an' all Janis: awh Janis: you don't need to sign it Janis: got the doodles Jimmy: subtle Jimmy: I ain't forgot I owe you one Janis: 🕥 Janis: gonna be THAT bitch 🙄 Jimmy: nowt more #goals than nagging a lad to 💀💀💀 babes Janis: except that friendmas, AM I RIGHT Jimmy: [IRL LOL because] Janis: [😏] Janis: kinda sad how easy that was Jimmy: [a shrug because we see them all the damn time at the CG we knew how easy it'd be] Jimmy: alright, I'll give you a challenge, girl, stop begging Janis: just saying Janis: BFFs it ain't Jimmy: and you'd never know from the group chat Janis: yeah Janis: the performance they put on would be almost impressive if it weren't tragic 'cos no one cares Jimmy: [chucks her some gingerbread house kit like there's your challenge babe because they always suck and never stick together and taste gross 'make that look goals and you'll impress me']] Janis: [obviously we're gonna do it 'cos can't turn a challenge, also roping Bobby into helping by letting him eat some of the sweets which are the only nice part of tbh, just LOOKing at him like 'why would I need to do that?' like is it don't care to or is it already have, we know] Janis: *down Jimmy: [Twix not helping but getting involved god bless her, we're giving her a LOOK back because always will hen 'might just be worth it' cos remember when she made that promise before they went to the park last night, he does] Janis: [God loves a trier Twix, lowkey feeding one of the gingerbread people to her and doing mini screams of terror as it gets its head chomped off lol, then having to hide our 😳s 'cos of course it will be and of course we do] Jimmy: [just watching this and falling in love nbd] Janis: [when you've inadvertently done them a solid there 'cos there's usually a mummy and a daddy and then 2 kids so like, fuck you Ian we're just making Jimmy and Cass and Bobby and there's no awkwardness over missing mum] Jimmy: [I didn't even think of that goodbye] Janis: [like thank you girl for swerving that lmao, also putting the shades on him and holding it up like eh, eh?!] Janis: likeness is uncanny Jimmy: Oi, where's my 🚬? Janis: there's nothing festive about throat cancer Jimmy: Dickens 👻'd disagree Jimmy: he's 💔 it got cut in the edit Janis: there's still time for your manager to show up with a goose Janis: and if you get me some crutches, you won't have to do so much heavy lifting Jimmy: more of a 🐷 you but we'll crack on regardless Janis: you're so rude Janis: if I WAS Miss Piggy, I'd kick you down right now Jimmy: one good trotter an' all 💕 Janis: it's important I keep you under it Janis: Kermit is the ultimate cuck Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: 💀👑 can't even get a text back Janis: she's the rat Jimmy: keep it between us 💀#2 is gonna be gutted they ain't ⛓ together Janis: for all eternity Janis: being judgy af Jimmy: her only kink unlocked Janis: there's fuck all 🧠 or 💪 energy left to have any other passion Janis: it's 💀👑 and nothing else and that's the way they 💕 it Jimmy: [sends her his fave gayest pages of the diary like LOL cos they only had time to skim read at the time] Janis: [trying not to actually lol out loud 'cos still doing this house and watching this film] Janis: imagine 💬 that and not faking it Jimmy: [nudges her because we wanna hear that lol soz if we knock you when you're building] Jimmy: imagine 💭 that BEFORE you were 🧠 dead Janis: [a face like HOW DARE, don't sabotage me, boy but we grinning] Janis: maybe she was WELL lovely before my sister started hanging about Janis: she will do that to you, like Jimmy: [😘 like ILY babe I would NEVER] Jimmy: Puberty'll do that when you wanna fuck your daddy an' all Jimmy: not to snatch away your 🏆 or owt, Gracie Janis: [dangling gingerbread him over her tea like I'll do it, bitch, try me] Janis: she's used to it Janis: 🏅 participation Jimmy: [a look like do it because death wish 5ever] Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: [acting like we really considering it, before putting him back and getting to work on a frosting Twix 'cos tah for being the right colour and texture lowkey lol] Janis: death march more appropriate after today Jimmy: kill bill siren sound Janis: love to take a samurai sword to 'em                                                                                                                         ' Janis: 💔 my christmas ruined Jimmy: more 🏆 than them tiktoks with the 🍏 🍎 🍐 🍊 🍋 🍌 🍉 🍇 🍓 🍈 🍒 🍑 🥭 🍍 🥥 🥝 Janis: but not more 🏆 than this gaff Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: yeah, reserve your judgment 'til I'm finished Jimmy: til we're finished, dickhead Janis: I will have to do the high ones though Jimmy: [another playful nudge like piss off and the gingerbread house wall will be falling] Janis: [lowkey pissed off haha not majorly but attacking him with this frosting like STAPH] Jimmy: [playfight because always] Janis: [being like, Bobby, please protect the castle, I'mma fight off this monster real quick] Jimmy: [that sweet boy gonna take his job so seriously god bless] Janis: [as are we you're going down jimothy] Jimmy: [until we use distracting tactics like picking up the pendant part of that necklace like oh hey remember this and how much you love me] Janis: [looking at Bobby like you have to play fair when there's other people about] Jimmy: [draws a 🏆 on whatever bare skin there is, obvs taking our time to be flirty af cos we're always playing to win honey] Janis: [at least you don't have to worry about calling him a dickhead right now 'cos we must lest we say anything else] Jimmy: [likewise can say 'you' back and not worry about how his voice shamelessly sounds, ah deaf brother perks] Janis: [write 'later' on him 'cos we can promise that] Jimmy: [just as well because Cass can't be out walking dogs forever and she will charge in all snowy and cold like make me a cuppa bitch and obvs Jimothy will] Janis: [and she would not be happy at this scene because grumpy tween life, so focus you two] Janis: you know how I like it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [jimothy just shouting through like a fussy dad @ Cass like if you want a warm shower or bath go after this cos I'mma be starting Bobby's bedtime routine soon] Janis: [probs not at all mortified you did that in front of Janis, nice one boy] Jimmy: [she hates him so much during this time period I lol Janis: [poor boy, you're doing you're best, we all are] Janis: [at least you can clear away this gingerbread carnage] Jimmy: [join him in the kitchen gal but not in the flirty way he hoped would be happening a bit ago] Janis: [just subtly helping without being asked always, love that for yous] Jimmy: [she's so caring in a way that he is not used to at all, it kills me] Janis: [just coming up behind him in a fake-out trying to scare you but not actually way 'you want me to clear out of here for a bit?' like, come back later when they're asleep vibes] Jimmy: [just saying no before he can stop himself and then it's like well now I wanna die] Janis: [just nodding like okay, 'cos not gonna make a big deal even though that was obviously a speedy reply] Jimmy: [doing his own nod towards the window like the weather is the reason we don't want her to go even though we know now how close mcvickers gaff is and that she'd be fine] Janis: ['I'm fine with staying cosy' and takes half the teas in] Jimmy: [shit like this is why we're falling in love with you gal] Janis: [like we are gonna feel slightly awkward whilst he's sorting his siblings but we know the drill from our own back in the day so we can deal] Jimmy: [we'll be sending Cass upstairs for her long bath like my boo used to have because being a tween is the worst okay, good thing Ian isn't here for how long she'll be in there and the music blasting but we're gonna be stuck with Bobert for a while cos he won't wanna go to bed] Janis: [when you partying, live your dreams babe, can't fight you, put on a slightly more chill xmas movie maybe, like idk, polar express or something, he'll fall asleep eventually] Jimmy: [Twix and Bobby falling asleep between you on this sofa like an adorable cockblock] Janis: [just looking over at him like, mission accomplished] Jimmy: [taking them upstairs to bed when it's safe to without waking them, the bae can take a snoozy Twix for you, nodding at Bobby's bed like told you I wouldn't be able to stretch out on that] Janis: [mimes measuring the bed and him like hmm, idk] Jimmy: [playfully pushes her out of the room] Janis: [at least you can take your chance to push him back and have a kiss in this corridor] Jimmy: [glad Cass' music will cover up how loud Jimothy is because of how badly he's wanted to kiss her for what would feel like an age] Janis: [you'll be so glad you didn't hear that, gal, well done, just like 'some santa' though 'cos where is your sneakiness] Jimmy: [looking at the necklace and back to her like excuse you I'm a great santa] Janis: [looking down and then touching it 'it's not totally shit, actually' obvs we were 😍 earlier but that was in front of the gals] Jimmy: [a shrug like it's all so casual and we don't give a fuck either 'did the job' because obvs it was all about impressing the gals and not her] Janis: ['glad I don't have to bin it' 'cos we actually like it and it's not basic just because we had to do a #goals gift moment] Jimmy: ['weren't where I got it out of' because we clearly did buy this there's no way you could've stolen it feasibly as it's jewellery] Janis: [raising a brow, 'you don't want it back, do you?' like are you saying it's too expensive or something] Jimmy: [shakes his head 'my tits'll never pass for yours' like I can't take #goals pics for the gram pretending I'm you so there's no point] Janis: [turns like good, 'cos I'm not giving it back, good day] Jimmy: [go put these decorations up and Jimothy will play the I saw mummy kissing Santa song to make the point like he ain't sneaky either so] Janis: ['that's because it's the dad, not the real santa, dickhead' like get ur facts straight hun] Jimmy: ['never said I were the real santa, Janet' like I'm just good at it like I am at everything thank you] Janis: [mime a 💔 and also a 🤫 'you are tonight'] Jimmy: ['sounds like I'll be going to see him in a bit' cos Bobby wants to, an unimpressed face like lucky me 'don't reckon he'll be fuming about the roleplay though, we're alright'] Janis: [😍 like LUCKY YOU 'there's one in [a place I've not looked up but I'm sure exists lol] that's meant to be pretty good'] Jimmy: [gets his phone out and has a look before giving her an IRL 👍 like a nerd because it looks decent enough] Janis: [bows like ya welcome] Jimmy: ['you coming?' cos she didn't do the nativity and the reason that would've looked #goals is the same here] Janis: [is thinking 'can I bring someone?'] Jimmy: [is a bit like whomst but nods because yeah obvs you can] Janis: ['alright then' like not gonna elaborate lol ok] Jimmy: [says it back and we're cracking on with these decorations] Janis: [get it gals, make it look magical] Jimmy: [at least his house isn't huge so it won't take you forever] Janis: [though it is a house so don't die doing an outside moment, make it work, like] Jimmy: [#teamwork but do take a break when you are outside to piss about with the snow even though there isn't loads you can still chuck it at each other and then get each other with your cold hands] Janis: [no more park for you gals, looking in the general direction of thinking as much] Jimmy: [looking where she's looking and thinking the same things, it was nice while it lasted lads, when he REALLY wants to tell her to stay here but we already embarrassed ourselves in the kitchen being like DON'T GO so we can't say anything] Janis: [at least this will keep you busy for a while, before you have no obvious reason to stay] Jimmy: [could feasibly take hours because it takes ages just to do a tree sometimes] Janis: [mhmm honey bunny, this is still gonna be awks though, at least you can say that you wanna bring your niece and work out those logistics like are we going tomorrow orrr 'cos not long now sweaty] Jimmy: [we probably are realistically, ew I hate to imagine how busy it would be] Janis: [my boo say disgusting lmao, at least you can make this goodbye more natural now like gotta get up for that hens, just being like, hope Bobby loves the decs 'cos we do] Jimmy: [gotta be in the morning so he can work in the afternoon because busy time and we need that cash honey, the greatest and best hug goodbye because it's been such a feelsy day] Janis: [trying not to linger and failing lowkey, we see y'all] Jimmy: [will offer to walk you home as if you haven't just been putting decs up with that ankle, we know you just are trying to keep this going] Janis: [do we reckon it's too late for public transport, like you don't wanna go home and you are just gonna come back tomorrow, soz mcvickers showing up again] Jimmy: [mcvickers are used to it and she needs Libi early that's our excuse] Janis: [let him walk you back then gal] Jimmy: [🚬 break during this walk back because there wouldn't have been enough of those today] Janis: [chance to breathe hens, you been busy, ruining lives, making days] Jimmy: [let it hit you boy how close christmas actually is] Janis: [we're all shook, like your mother must be hitting you up gal, what's the tea this year] Jimmy: [gonna ask her if she wants to go for breakfast tomorrow before this santa appointment because he wants Bobby to have a nice time, like we know we have to work a lot soz little man] Janis: ['as long as you aren't suggesting going in to work early' like you love your job SO much babe but obvs, we are down] Jimmy: [such an unamused noise and face because I can only imagine the hell that the CG is on the daily never mind at festive times] Janis: [😏 'cos we've literally been in ONCE at this point and we're like yeah, I know, y'all can go somewhere decent] Jimmy: [somewhere these bubs will love and think is so swag but you won't hate every second of] Jimmy: [when you wanna be like THANKS for today post friendmas but it's awkward so you just pull her back a little bit and then you're just there like -] Janis: [Dublin looks like there's loads of cool places in general so I have faith, doing the signature ?] Jimmy: [just looking at her like if you could read my mind rn that would be great] Janis: [so rude you cannot tbh, just pushing him gently like what though, like don't freak me out] Jimmy: ['tah for-' gestures back in the direction of his house 'our kid'll be chuffed to bits when he has a look'] Janis: [shrugs like nbd 'won't pass it on to #2' 'cos lots of those decs were hers but fuck you gal 'take a pic if he looks cute' 'cos we blatantly wanna see his reaction but not gonna outright say that so we just pretending it could be #goals content] Jimmy: ['should work in a grotto or some bollocks next year, you' not even a pisstake because she's great with kids and swagged that but we'll pretend we are, nods and mimes that he'll record his 😱 reaction, again we probably will but we can pretend we're taking the piss out of Grace's vlogmas vibes] Janis: ['you're the elf' and a face like lord no, do your own 👍 and go inside bitch] Jimmy: ['yeah and I'll have a word' heart hands like love you gal] Janis: [blow a kiss like you're buzzing at the prospect] Jimmy: [catch it as you watch her go boy]

[killerchickadee]

So there's this girl at work, Jazzmin, who works in the clothing department. She's super nice and friendly and always asks me how I doing and all that.

Except sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she acts like we've never spoken. I always thought it was odd but like maybe she was having random bad days or something, whatever, confusing but nbd.

But then the other day I heard someone call her Melody. And I was confused until they told me.... they're twins. Identical twins who both have the same haircut and glasses and work in the clothing department. AND I DIDN'T KNOW. I'VE THOUGHT THEY WERE THE SAME PERSON FOR MONTHS.

[yoonminist]

i feel like the tense atmosphere that anon noticed between jm and yg is b/c they seem to be more aware of each other's presence when they're in the public eye? idk it appears that they tend to overthink and try to be more careful with their interactions to keep it lowkey for whatever reasons they have and they honestly don't seem to mind it too much when these dumbshit friends of theirs just take joy in selling them out completely (lookin' at you rap dude and mr worldwide handsome)

ohhh yeah totally their r/s doesn’t have any awkwardness in it but i feel like any time it seems that way is because of them not being able to act a certain way on camera or trying to play things off as nbd or be casual about it when they’re clearly not,,,,,,,,,, i’ll always wonder why they Do that 

[robotslenderman]

(The real) Strauss spends the next week acting jumpy and twitchy, because he had no idea how realistic Madeline's auditory hallucinations were and doesn't understand their patterns enough to tell the difference between when someone smashes a vase and he THINKS someone just smashed a vase. Yeah, while Strauss is not easy at all to ruffle, I think being stuck in the head of a Malkavian would almost certainly do it.

Strauss staring uncertainly at a curtain rope, and Madeline's like "oh, are you getting the snake hallucination? Don't worry, it's not real. I get that one a lot."

Strauss gets in the habit of asking for reality checks sometimes. It's a habit Madeline keeps up once she gets her body back.

Madeline never shuts up because this is the first time in YEARS she's actually been able to say what she wants to say without her dysphasia fucking it up.

Madeline is also in a really good mood for the whole thing because "Strauss's brain is so quiet! The Chantry is so quiet! I can actually hear myself think!"

Madeline is thinking as to whether or not to voice a certain question, and Strauss answers it out loud. Madeline is like "aww, fuck, I forgot you can read minds now!"

(Cue a batch of horrified apprentices saying "he can do WHAT???" and Maddy has to explain thst it's not like she hears their running internal commentary, but sometimes stuff does slip through and she hears them as if they said something out loud. The apprentices are not reassured. Especially when she says to one of them, "Yes, I know you're fucking that Ventrue. No, I don't care.")

Someone walks in on Strauss having a full conversation with a statue. The apprentices are weirded out. Madeline approaches like it's nbd, taps on it, and says "I don't know who you think you're talking to, but it's not them. Sorry, Malkav's pranking you again." At this point Strauss is just annoyed he has to have the conversation all over again with the real person.

Madeline doesn't leave the Chantry for the whole thing, but she says Strauss can do whatever he wants. "Seriously, if you go out there and people try to talk to you about something I know but you don't, they'll just write off your confusion as a Malkavian episode. They won't even have a clue you're not actually me. Go nuts and have fun."

Once Strauss starts coping better with the hallucinations, he does have a lot of fun experimenting with Madeline's oracular abilities. It does get a bit frustrating when the apprentice he recruited into helping him conduct the experiments turns out to be a teddy bear Nicolai left out, but he's getting better at rolling with the Malkavian punches by then.

Strauss used to wonder why Madeline would indulge her hallucinations even knowing she's hallucinating, but after the twelfth time she gives him a reality check he's like, "You know what? Just let me sing to myself, I'll lose the tune otherwise." Madeline's like "yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I'll bring you out if you act too nuts, okay?" "You have my grates." "No problem."

Strauss is absolutely delighted every time he gets an urge to go somewhere or do something and something good happens. Malkavian instinct and insight is great!

Madeline just about shits herself the first time Strauss's Lord contacts her telepathically because "what the hell, the voices are back??" The Lord is extremely confused that he's apparently "dialed the wrong number", because Madeline's internal voice is still her own. Madeline is like "how the hell do I deal with this??" to Strauss, who just sighs and does a ritual to get in touch with the Lord himself. The telepathic conversation is... interesting, with the hallucinations and the Cobweb frequently interrupting. Once the Lord gets the gist of what's going on he's like "I am never dismissing a Malkavian again, this is exhausting and it's not even my head they're in!"

OK but thanks to this post

I'm imagining some Tremere ritual happening in the Chantry. Oliver's running it, Madeline and Strauss are there and a few apprentices, and then shit goes wrong.

"Madeline" sits up, frowns, and says, "This wasn't foretold -"

Pauses.

Says, "Ah."

Then "Strauss" sits up and says, his dulcet tones sounding strangely Welsh, "good job, Oliver, you just fucked up the ritual."

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: UGH Grace: tell me your secrets Grace: this boy will NOT take a hint 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: My secrets on repelling lads? Charming 😏 Grace: OMG I meant on getting people to leave you alone Grace: but if you do have any obvs Grace: 😂 Janis: Being real mean and telling 'em to fuck off usually works Janis: but not always case in point ☝ Grace: It's like he thinks it's a challenge now Grace: Like NO Janis: Love a challenge Janis: don't tell Mia Janis: do you not rate him at all or what? Grace: idk it's not that Grace: there's just TOO MUCH build up at this point Grace: he's highkey Janis: You reckon you ain't gonna meet expectation then, I get it Janis: just 'cos he wants it don't mean you gotta, you know Janis: can still get what you want out of it though Grace: if he tells everyone that I can't I'll have to kms Grace: boys talk too, remember? Janis: Yeah but who cares Grace: UM ME OBVS Grace: now he thinks I'm like playing hard to get Grace: not hard to want Janis: Just bite the bullet and do it then Janis: if it's shit you can blame him Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: oh please! who do I have in my corner rn? Grace: can't work the narrative on my own Grace: just tell me what to say so he'll FINALLY get the message Grace: like I'm too good for him or something Grace: you always do that Janis: Why not? Her word ain't law no matter what she reckons, you know Janis: Assumedly unless he's so un-you-type that he's a decent lad Janis: Who is he, does he go to our School Grace: he's from some posh school that Mia didn't get into Grace: but she knows him Grace: FOCUS Janis Janis: ew Janis: he's probably a snob anyway Janis: and it don't matter what he's chatting to his mates Janis: you're sure Mia isn't like Janis: setting you up here or Grace: OMG Grace: what if she is Grace: he's like WAY persistent Grace: 😱😱😱 Janis: Didn't wanna be that bitch but Janis: she is Janis: all the more reason to a. not fuck him b. have a good time and leave him wishing you would Grace: DUH Grace: but like I said expectations are soooooooooooooo OTT Grace: idk Janis: so? Janis: you can do it Janis: boys are easily impressed Janis: lbr Grace: what if he IS a snob tho!? Grace: 🤔🤔🤔 Janis: We're rich Janis: he don't need to know the specifics Janis: know how to behave, have to deal with Ri and Buster so Grace: true he's soooo Grace: ugh Grace: still, NEED to shop if this is happening Grace: this is what I mean, such an EVENT Grace: & if I'm not even gonna shag him LIKE 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: The amount of clothes you have Janis: really Grace: don't start Grace: do I have clothes to snare a posh boy?! Think not Grace: If I've worn it before I LITERALLY CAN'T Grace: I'm telling you he's EXTRA Grace: trying to impress here Janis: 🙄 Janis: Well let's not act like it's a hardship, any excuse to shop with you Janis: so go for it Grace: UM rude Janis: 😂 Come on Janis: you should have a share in Topshop at this point Grace: If I did I wouldn't need to impress any lads 💸💸💸 Janis: 'Course Janis: forgot you were in it for the 💰 Grace: Excuse you, not Ri Grace: wish she was here tho Janis: Sure she can spare time to facetime you if nowt else Grace: you'd think Grace: ugh Grace: this family, only around when you don't want them Grace: so typical Janis: Preaching to the choir Grace: did mum & dad catch barista boy the other night?? Grace: assuming not as you haven't died of shame Grace: sooooooooo cringe Janis: Don't think so Janis: Not that I was trying to sneak, just don't want them to chat to him Janis: or me, for that matter Grace: OMG dad would try & feed him Grace: LET IT GO Janis: Don't Janis: I have to have dinner with his family, and his Dad's girlfriend Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: next level cringe Janis: Yeah Janis: idc about the kids they're cool but Grace: his little brother is sooooooooooo cute 😍😍 Grace: & not to be a bitch but better at art than your bf Janis: 😂 Janis: alright go on a date with him Grace: if I was 6 I would Janis: You weirdo Janis: 😏 Grace: whatever he's adorable shhh Grace: Asia's little brother is 👾 like actually soooooooo mean Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Know the feeling, babe Grace: bitch don't be calling me out Grace: I'm so nice Janis: 😏 Janis: so self-centred, you know there's 10 of us Janis: could be talking about any one of yous Janis: talking 'bout you all, as it goes but Grace: you're the mean one 👌👌👌 Grace: are you still gonna help me with my OOTD or not? Janis: Never Janis: so shocking you would suggest that Janis: yeah, go on then Grace: don't be a bitch when I spam you with dressing room selfies Grace: the lighting is literally designed to make us wanna kill ourselves Janis: 🐸🍵 Janis: hot take Grace: 🐸 to 👸 🤞 Janis: Don't be tryna lips the sales assistant Janis: she don't get paid enough for that Grace: if I'm not getting any from my date Janis: 🙄 called that in the air Janis: no need to have that many sleepovers Grace: 😂 Grace: Mia obvs would have invited you babes if that was true Janis: 🤢 it's gross 'cos it's true Grace: should we throw her a coming out party or?? Grace: It is pride month Grace: before you know it Janis: 😂 Bitch I wish you would Grace: if I knew that was all it would take for you to like me Grace: 💔💔💔 Janis: What, dragging that bitch? No duh Janis: You been knew Grace: she's the only one who thinks being gay is a drag Grace: idk why even Grace: I'd love that, boys are the WORST Janis: 💔 Janis: The tragedy that is hetrosexuality Grace: I know, right? Grace: so unfair Grace: but like I'd just be worried that the girl is hotter than me the whole time anyway so Janis: 😂 Janis: Looks like you can't win, babe Grace: Truly Grace: [sends first potential outfit] Grace: 😱😱😱 LOOK at this! UGH I wanna die Janis: It isn't that bad, calm down Janis: the colour is a bit Janis: though, so yeah, keep looking Grace: No way this assistant is getting 💋 now thank you Grace: you're more help & that's Grace: just weird Janis: not working on commission Janis: though I should charge Grace: IOU Grace: whenever Janis: Whatever Janis: nbd Grace: I'm serious, not THAT much of a bitch Grace: [sends outfit option 2] Grace: OMG!! HOW ARE THEY GETTING WORSE! Grace: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: Nah, don't even bother to hang that back up Janis: why are they selling that Grace: gonna have to be ✂ out & buy it anyway Grace: 😭😭😭 Grace: who it is for? cos I DON'T know her? Janis: Don't be stupid Janis: you're just flapping Janis: get your woman to help Grace: sure cos she's been sooooo helpful so far Grace: this is the worst day of my actual life Janis: 🙄 Janis: get your arse outta that and into something decent 'fore I have time to address that please Grace: [outfit 3 cos we know you ain't stuck bitch calm down] Janis: That's better Janis: it's a decent fit Janis: not slag short but you don't look like a nun either Grace: yeah but it needs to be 🔥 not just better than the worst this shop has to offer Grace: so what's bad about it? Grace: Gotta improve Janis: Not crazy about that Janis: idk what you'd call it Janis: but the frilly hem Janis: bit cutesy Grace: 👌👌👌 Grace: same Grace: not a mood Janis: Will they ever stop bringing the 90s back Janis: the real question Grace: IKR Grace: over it Grace: never was about it but like go off Grace: OMG he's sent me the place we're going, search it for me to check I won't get thrown out for looking like a slag Grace: [sends deets] Janis: Bit fancy for a usual teenage lad but nothing too pretentious you gonna get kicked out Janis: You can deal Grace: so like???!! Grace: [outfit 4] Janis: Grace, that isn't the right size Janis: it's 10x too big for you Grace: Are you even looking at the same picture as me?! Janis: Yes bitch Janis: it has potential but you need the size down at least Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: 👌 wait Grace: [take 2] Janis: Way better Janis: can actually see you have a body Grace: I s2g if you're trolling me rn Grace: I will kill you Janis: I ain't, that's how it's meant to look Janis: not 2 foot of extra material Grace: I don't wanna do this Grace: no offense Grace: not this specifically Grace: just ugh Janis: Why not Grace: idk I haven't been to the gym in FOREVER Grace: & none of this is working either Janis: so you feel shit Janis: what's a better way to feel better about yourself than having a boy all 😍 and Mia all 😡 Grace: but what if it goes wrong Grace: I haven't been on a date date for ages either Grace: & not to like Grace: wherever this is Grace: like excuse me while I load up a tutorial about which fork to use when 🙄🙄 Janis: It won't Janis: you're chatty, you're the nice one Janis: unless he's really boring or a dick then like Janis: that's on him Janis: if anyone is suited to dates, it's you Grace: Oh please Grace: anyone can be chatty & nice when they want a boy to get off with them at a party Grace: even you Janis: Yeah? Why didn't I then Janis: Massive virgin you reckon Grace: duh cos you don't want to Grace: waiting on your rom-com moment with barista boy obvs Janis: 😑 piss off Grace: it's not shade babes Grace: it's like the opposite Janis: It's you that likes rom-coms, not me Grace: everyone's jealous for a reason tho Grace: not saying I am cos EW Grace: kms Janis: Nice save Grace: OMG shut up Grace: you know what I mean Janis: Whatever Janis: not trying to make you jealous Grace: I'm just saying Grace: he's actually a decent boy & he likes you & knows how to treat you Grace: how often is that happening around here? Janis: not with the lads you like Janis: not all of 'em are cunts Grace: CAN YOU NOT Grace: so rude to me Janis: it's not, it's your taste Grace: OMG didn't open my mouth to be attacked Grace: thank you Janis: 🙄 calm down Grace: you first Grace: you're so mean literally ALL the time Janis: Not telling you exactly what you wanna hear isn't mean, Mia Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: whatever Grace: this was a bad idea Janis: You're so dramatic Grace: and? Grace: we've established you want me to change my entire personality Grace: get over it Janis: I don't give a shit Janis: I said you should Janis: then you wouldn't be 😭 all the time Grace: you have no idea Janis: Mhmm Janis: your struggle is so unique and complex Grace: no, but it's mine & you don't want any part in it so don't comment Janis: Nah Janis: I can do what I want Grace: yeah exactly Grace: it's so easy for you Janis: 🙄 Janis: sure Grace: I am Grace: I'd love not to care, babes Grace: such a mood Janis: then grow a pair and do it Grace: I can't Grace: I'm not you Janis: Not a requirement Grace: isn't it? Grace: if I put in as much effort or lack of as you, no boys would be falling in love with me Grace: trust Grace: they don't now Janis: you can't control other people, that's why Grace: I can't control what I look like either Janis: well you do so Janis: lie Grace: no I don't Grace: I have to be so extra to get anyone to pay attention to me Grace: you don't, you never would Janis: It's not a comparison to be made Janis: look at where you're looking to get attention from, like I said Grace: THAT'S the lie Grace: I'm compared to every sister we've got Grace: especially you Janis: and I'm not? Janis: People are dicks Grace: it just matters Grace: like it or not Grace: so I have to care about it Janis: Why Janis: you think you're gonna suddenly be hotter than Ri or a model like Billie 'cos you try Janis: that won't happen and people are still gonna chat Grace: so what I let myself be a 2 cos I can't be a 10? Grace: Like I wanna be alone forever Janis: People like what they like, you can't control it Janis: if you felt like a 10, it'd be irrelevant Grace: well I don't so it's not Janis: aren't you bored Grace: do you care? Janis: asked didn't I Grace: Like that means anything Grace: I asked you for help it doesn't mean it'll save my date disaster Janis: 🙄 Sod you then Grace: sure Janis: 👌 Grace: thanks for the help Grace: wasn't like a totally tragic attempt Janis: Like I care Janis: you try so hard you should have it figured out by now Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Bye then Janis: have fun on your date Grace: I'll try Grace: obvs Janis: Got to stay true to type Grace: exactly Janis: go with the last one you tried on Janis: welcome Grace: The search continues Grace: stopping at like 4 lacklustre outfits? UM NO Janis: yeah how crazy not to waste another 4 hours having emotional breakdowns in a changing room Grace: how crazy to bother going on this date at all if I'm not bringing it Grace: bitch please Janis: so pick 4 Grace: it's not good enough Grace: need a jaw dropping moment duh Janis: 🙄 Grace: I don't need anymore help don't do yourself an injury Janis: yeah you do Janis: call one of your friend Grace: No I don't Grace: rude bitch Janis: found an outfit then? no Grace: I can do it Grace: I'm not that tragic Janis: 👌 Grace: such 🔥 advice from you, babes Grace: that's the secret Janis: You said it yourself, I don't need to try Janis: boohoo Grace: duh why I asked Grace: if I was gonna ask my friends I could just ask myself Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: Well you ain't listening and apparently can't 'cos you ain't me so how did you think it'd work Grace: I am listening I'm just choosing to ignore you Grace: cos I don't trust you Janis: well then why waste both our time asking Grace: IDK Grace: I thought maybe you'd hold off being a judgey bitch for long enough Janis: Oh fuck off Janis: You're literally asking for judgment Janis: and I gave it you Grace: of the clothes not EVERYTHING else Grace: I feel bad enough thank you Janis: I haven't said shit Janis: it's you Grace: you're always shading me Grace: check back in with yourself & this convo Grace: not even passive aggressive just aggressive Janis: I said you had shit taste in men and friends, which is true Janis: and that's all I've said so jog on Grace: no, you're making fun of me for trying when I literally told you I have to Janis: No, I'm not Janis: you're saying how hard it is so I'm telling you to not Janis: ask why that bothers you so much Grace: if it wasn't hard I wouldn't have to, would I? Grace: I'd just be walking around #effortless like you Grace: you acting like crying in a dressing room is such a big joke bothers me Janis: You can, literally you are the only person stopping yourself Janis: If being you is harder than all this effort then you've got bigger problems than what dress to wear on this date Grace: I'm aware Grace: but one thing at a time, hun Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Priorities, Grace Grace: oh excuse me Grace: I'll just put everything on hold while I address being me 👌👌 Janis: well bitch Janis: what is your excuse Janis: just do it before you're 40 your midlife crisis would be tragic Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: best advice yet obvs Grace: maybe you should charge, babes Janis: That's the plan Janis: you owe me, remember Grace: & you're taking it in 💸 yeah? weird flex but sure Janis: what else have you got Janis: don't look enough alike I can force you to go to this dinner so Grace: You could literally make me do ANYTHING & that's what you're going with? Grace: Having a bf has obvs changed you Grace: real tragedy Janis: Clearly not as mean as you reckon Janis: gutted Grace: for you, you had being a savage going for you at least Janis: Mhmm Janis: one moment I'm #effortless the next I've got nowt Janis: give it up, kid Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: didn't say that Grace: also am literally older than you, bitch Janis: what are you saying Janis: you don't make no sense, babe Grace: your looks are effortless, your personality needs work Grace: but nothing is going too far Grace: you're got an IOU Grace: & the barista whose speech you're stealing now like Janis: Go me Janis: 👏 Grace: mhmmm Janis: Poor Gracie Janis: enough cafes about, do a crawl, get you your own Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: & I'm not listening to you, sure Grace: that'll solve all my problems rn thanks so much Grace: I don't wanna go on the date I agreed to Janis: Only 'cos you're nervous Janis: you aren't sworn off of dick are you Grace: you told me not to shag him Grace: so not the point Janis: You aren't on a ban Janis: just not him in case Mia is scheming Grace: you don't know what self imposed rules I'm living by Janis: 😂 Really Grace: Better story than nobody being interested Grace: schemes aside Janis: 🙄 come off it Grace: Oh sorry are you not living for my honesty Janis: you said it, anyone can get lads to get off with them Janis: so that ain't what you want either Grace: I also told you it's been ages Grace: & never said that's what I want anyway Janis: well you ain't forgot, like Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: what it's like to have an actual boyfriend maybe Janis: maybe Janis: like he's maybe several squirrels in a boy suit Grace: You're so weird Grace: what am I meant to do with that Janis: Says you Janis: You've had boyfriends, ain't you, like, what do you mean Grace: not really Janis: ? Grace: I've had boys Grace: sometimes they wanna get off with me more than once Grace: I'm not going to family dinners Grace: I'm not even #official Janis: Oh Janis: Okay Janis: well I'm just going to this dinner to piss off his Dad so like Janis: but I don't know Janis: it's Janis: nice Grace: Well you'll be amazing at that Grace: what's his dad's thing? Grace: why he so idk Janis: 👍🖕 cheers, bitch Janis: He don't like me but he's just a moody twat in general Grace: you should play the race card at dinner Grace: that'll really get to him Janis: 😂 Janis: Probably ain't looked at me long enough to notice Grace: it'll make him uncomfortable anyway Grace: I get comments on my vids all the time Janis: Idk why you keep doing it Grace: obvs Grace: you don't know anything about me Janis: 🙄 Janis: it wasn't a read Janis: I'm just saying Janis: all the trolling you get Grace: I'm just saying Grace: It's a fact Grace: we don't know each other Grace: another reason I asked for your help before, duh Janis: How's that make sense Grace: what do you even mean? Janis: How'd you reckon I could help you if I don't know you, is what I mean Grace: cos I'm not trying to be myself Grace: so you don't need to Grace: get in, make him want me, get out Grace: but not the real me, just whoever he wants me to be Grace: or thinks I am already whatever Janis: It would help if I knew him, or you did Janis: not all boys like one look Janis: contrary to what you might think Grace: I know enough Grace: & I know the kind of boys Mia is 'friends' with Grace: I'm not as stupid as you think Janis: then why do you need my help Janis: Jesus Grace: I didn't need it Grace: I just wanted it Grace: like I said, I've got no backup Janis: have you tried on any more or what Janis: what are you even doing Grace: I'm in a different shop Grace: excuse you Janis: Oh God Janis: Are you gonna be this unbearable if I come find you? Grace: I can go harder, bitch Grace: Is this a test? Grace: this one's got more potential Grace: so not sorry Janis: Shut up, do you want me to come or nah Grace: not really Grace: can't mute you in person Janis: Fuck you then Grace: Like you said, I feel shit Grace: do I need you adding to it? 🤔 Janis: I was coming to help 'cos I felt sorry for you but literally get to fuck Grace: yeah your pity is really gonna help Grace: I'd rather die Janis: FYI then, you're coming on strong with the sobstory Janis: not a mood Grace: thanks Janis: 👋 Grace: 💋 Grace: [later] Grace: my phone's dying tell mum & dad where I am so they don't get extra Janis: Alright Janis: another IOU though Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: whatever Grace: I've got money so Grace: haven't shopped THAT hard Janis: Nah Janis: like I ain't gonna rise to the challenge Janis: HATE to disappoint Grace: awkward considering how often you do it Grace: but sure Janis: Whatever you say 😏 Grace: Mia's still walking around being THAT bitch so yeah Grace: disappointed™️ Janis: sounds a bit like you want me to murder her...? Grace: 😂 Grace: better idea Grace: come with me Janis: Twin murder Janis: someone's got to have beat us to that 👯 Grace: UM HELLO!? I'm being serious Grace: come on the date with me & she'll die Janis: 🤔 Janis: Hmm Grace: you know I'm right Grace: you don't even have to have a good time as long as the #s say you do Grace: not like I'm seeing this boy again you can literally leave after pics Janis: Yeah, alright Janis: I'll ask Jim, as long as he ain't busy then why not Grace: yay! Grace: 👌👌👌 Grace: persuade him babes Janis: Sometimes he has to look after his sibs it's not that easy but I'm asking Grace: tell him I'll take a shift Grace: I'm an amazing babysitter Janis: dope, you gotta come on your own date 😂 Grace: I mean as an IOU like Grace: so you two can go on one that you actually wanna Grace: 💖💖 Janis: I'll throw that out too Janis: Yeah, he'll do it Grace: OMG Grace: yay Grace: wear something she'll hate Janis: Know I said it weren't that posh but reckon trackies are a no-go Janis: but she hates everything I do so not hard still Grace: duh just look 🔥🔥🔥 Grace: she thinks you can't Janis: Yeah right Janis: 👌🍆 Janis: established Grace: don't be borrowing any of my clothes to do it bitch, I saw that! Janis: Don't worry, I won't 😂 Grace: HOW DARE Grace: that dress was in reach of you for a reason Grace: not like it's my fave Janis: Should hope not Janis: it got the job done Grace: I'm not wearing it on the date so chill Grace: or like EVER now you have Janis: 🙄 Janis: I'm not diseased Grace: bitch you 'grammed it Grace: do you wanna share clothes with me? I think not Janis: Technically I didn't Janis: 🤷 Grace: It's still there Grace: we aren't 6, not a mood Janis: 💔 Janis: Turn it into curtains then Janis: switch it up Grace: You're so weird Grace: not that kind of youtuber thanks Janis: like you've not seen the sound of music Grace: Indie & Ri made me Grace: 🙄 Janis: 👌 you loved it Grace: shut up Grace: I did not Grace: soooooooooo cringe Janis: you loved any time they'd let you hang Grace: glad my phone's about to die if you're going back to being a bitch Janis: oh hush Janis: got the place, give us the time then Grace: be there at 8 Grace: we don't need to go together Janis: would feel a bit ganged up on Janis: poor lad Janis: you can have drinks first, I know to be fashionably late Grace: thank god Grace: I'll need them Grace: he's so Janis: so? Grace: ugh idk so MUCH Grace: the ego is like Grace: I can't Janis: sounds like a keeper Janis: whatever Janis: had worse night's out for less, yeah? Grace: IKR Grace: 🙄 whatever I'm focused Grace: he thinks I'm gonna be all 😍😍😍 that'll be you boy Janis: 👍 Janis: exactly Grace: OMG what should I drink? Drunk is not the mood Janis: Yeah, go easy Janis: just like rose or some shit Grace: champagne 'cause he's rich Grace: it doesn't taste nice so Grace: not gonna be wild Janis: as long as there's water at the table Janis: so dry Grace: & as long as he's paying Grace: no way I am Grace: sorry about it ladies but this isn't a typical date night Janis: 😶 Janis: secret's safe with me Grace: tell the barista Grace: if anything's on the 'gram that ruins me I'm gonna murder him Janis: 😂 Janis: don't get your bad side, got it Grace: girl please, for that night only I don't have one Janis: That's the attitude Janis: if he's paying got more funds to go all out Grace: I hope it's not actually too expensive if you have to Grace: Mia's not worth THAT much Janis: Nah, I checked Janis: he's not going that hard Grace: Phew Grace: last thing I need is his entitlement 🙄 Janis: Obvs Daddy's spends aren't going that far Grace: how embarrassing Janis: all sorted then? Grace: sure Janis: in a bit then Grace: 😘

[expfcultragreen]

Interesting how the dirtbagosphere noticed that being "anti" makes things sounds bad even if you agree with them, eg, from the outsider perspective most commonly held--ie the optics--of two ideologically opposite groups like anti-sj and antifa, theyre the same hostile miscreants with pseudonyms running around in masks and hiding their destructiveness behind a nominal cause. Ironically, despite wildly contrasting ideology as scaffolding, both their causes--their general goals--are "dealing with those freedom haters", ie one another.

This brings me back to keemstar picking on abused young folks nearly half his age by, among other things (like minimizing their experiences while theyre not present to question it), plainly saying he felt he HAD to platform the abuser, because the talk surrounding what happened to them "isnt fair"...to greg. Because gregs critics who make hundreds of videos rebroadcasting his meltdowns "arent giving him space to speak for himself".....somehow

Like, your jedi mind tricks dont work on me and this is absurd

Anti o sounds like, "trying to establish a moratorium on orgasms. The brigade."

Nifty marketing, whoever coined that; works on anyone who thinks orgasms wont happen in a world without dubious consent and the zesty taste of plausible deniability you get with heteropatriarchy

So like what the hell is going on here if my pomoneoblablabla assessment is "wrong". Keemstar is either doing all this on purpose because he likes people like onision and kai running around abusing people he doesnt care about, or, he is too incompetent to gauge reality with clarity and is accidentally on what he would consider the wrong side because he refuses to look at evidence out of what he admits is spite for the people presenting it. Which of those alternatives would be worse? And arent they both just demonstrations of patriarchal bullshit in motion?

You cant say the dude hasnt lied to make various details less bad, but keem does say that, and when he's provided with documentation of these contradictions, he moves the goalposts, focuses on any errors or emotionality embedded in whatever otherwise disproves some major nonfactual statement he made about what did or didnt happen with the forums etc, the guardianship/adoption, etc. And when he does this, he acts like its not making him look bad. He acts like he's the new transfer student here to rock the world of highschool debate teams.

This whole thing is about kids saying "fuck that" to adults who want to bang teenagers publicly messing with their underage fans senses of reality and telling them abuse isnt abuse, and the place keem is coming from wrt that seems to be wanting the kids to shut up and suck it up. (Im talking about loads.) Because the critical tweets about these fanfuckers use naughty hurtwords 😢 so they're not worth addressing in good faith and cant contain anything valid. I wonder if he hates on family guy for having a character like quagmire; "that show is so unfair to the guy, calling him a rapist and so on, but he's not real so consent is moot and he can't be a rapist, legally, and its just mob mentality gone wild to call him that like its nbd. Someone should say something before this gets out of hand. Dont get me started on that misunderstood angel of a man, herbert. People call him a pedo but ive personally never seen him fuck a kid on the show, its just implied and thats a joke, so anyone calling him a pedo should be branded a wokescold and a cryptoabuser of old people cartoons." Or like, does he get that thats just family guy humor.