#they’re sorta dating atm but not official

[giisip]

Hangover coffee meet up… but that’s totally not Asami’s sweater.. 🤫

[robertdowneyjjr]

nursey the tech disaster and dex the apple support guy: an au

a conversation between me & @brandnewfashion

(interspersed with random hockey commentary)

kayytx

au where nursey keeps having IT trouble and every time he goes online to use that quick chat help service (bc he doesn't want to call. that's awkward af) he gets dex as the service guy

brandnewfashion

oooooh

nice!!!!!!!!!!!!

TELL ME MOER

kayytx

i'm trying to decide what products nursey's using that he keeps having issues lmao

i feel like fandom consensus states nursey is a mac guy?

brandnewfashion

yeah i can't see him not using them

kayytx

so basing off of my experience trying to update my software for FOUR HOURS at staying up until 3am bc of that shit ugh

the first time he has to contact apple support online he's trying to upgrade his OSX to the latest software, but it keeps stalling a quarter of the way through

so nursey borrows chowder's laptop to go on apple's website for support help and dex answers

and legit, that shit takes...four hours

brandnewfashion

lol i wouldn't know

sounds annoying tho

kayytx

it's supposed to be only half an hour but my laptop just decided to be a little shit

but anyway

in between dex telling nursey what to do, and nursey following instructions and waiting for his laptop to show some progress

they start chatting

bc nursey is bored and it's late at night and there's nothing else for him to do, especially since his computer isn't working

imagine nursey like, suddenly thinks of a few verses for a poem and types them in the chat bc he couldn't find anywhere else to write atm

and dex is like ??????

brandnewfashion

yesss

kayytx

YASSS HABS WIN

ok anyway

brandnewfashion

GOOD

kayytx

so that obvi leads to a convo where dex asks what nursey does and nursey talks about being an english major

and dex tells him about doing comp sci and working for apple part time

brandnewfashion

FINALLY THE FLAMES SCORED

and yes good i'm liking this au

kayytx

idk how many call locations there are in the US though so i'm trying to figure out where dex is based rn

like i'm kinda tempted to have him live in nyc

but i don't work for apple so idk how true this is

brandnewfashion

dude that'd be cool though? and nursey could be like "YO I'M FROM THERE" and dex, who just started school there, could be like "ok is there any place to get decent ____ bc i haven't found one yet"

kayytx

yeS EXACTLY

so nursey recommends some like hipster coffee places and one day dex remembers this convo and goes and at first he's like, what the FUCK this place serves out of mason jars NO

but he tries the coffee and he honestly thinks it's liquid cocaine so he keeps going back

brandnewfashion

lolllll

kayytx

anyway so like after three hours of chitchat and apple support nursey's computer finally boots properly and installs the update

so they say goodbye, it's been really fun talking to you, thanks for the help, etc. etc. and sign off

then three weeks later nursey's iphone spazzes out

and the nearest apple store is an hour away and he just doesn't have the time to go there, wait another hour for the genius bar to have an opening, and then go back to campus

so he goes online to apple support and clicks the chat option

and it's dex again

dex recognizes him from his apple ID, which usually never happens but bc they had such a good convo last time nursey left an impression

and so again in between helping out nursey he's just like, oh HEY i went to that place you told me about!

so nursey tells him about more places to visit

brandnewfashion

ok ben bishop is in net for the kings (no surprise) but he's wearing his lightning mask and it's really throwing me off

kayytx

god that's so weird

brandnewfashion

ANYWAY

what places does nursey tell him to go toooooo

how long does tihs go on before they get the opportunity to meet?????

kayytx

OKAY OK so

idk i think this happens like four or five times?

apple products arent THAT terrible lmao you can't have that many issues with your products

but nursey's a disaster so

he manages to fuck up something every few weeks

and like after the third time he enters the chat dex's coworkers recognize him also and they just pass him off to dex immediately hahaha

brandnewfashion

lmaooo

kayytx

oh FUCK stars tied the game

anyway

brandnewfashion

RUDE

kayytx

honestly after the fourth time nursey goes online with an issue about his ipad's storage issue or whatever dex is just really tempted to give nursey his number bc for the most part he's been able to solve his problems without referring to the resources at his desk

OH SHIT STARS IN THE LEAD

brandnewfashion

EXCUSE ME WHAT

FUCK U STARS

kayytx

UGH

anyway so yeah dex wants to give nursey his number and nursey wants to ask for it, but they both know the chats are monitored and that's just highly inappropriate and nursey doesn't want to get dex fired

so they both resist but like

it's kinda killing both of them

brandnewfashion

D:

kayytx

yeah like they're both p sure they're gonna die before they ever meet bc they're Dramatic af

BUT!! THIS IS FIC!!! and i love them and want them to be together so DO NOT DESPAIR

nursey goes back to nyc for winter break

and he doesn't want to be all cooped up at home with nothing to do

so he decides to go out, find some inspo, write a bit

AND THEN this suddenly becomes a coffee shop au

nursey goes to that mason jar hipster cafe to get some work done

but in the middle of writing his computer shuts down and he panics REALLY LOUDLY

and what??? dex is THERE???

brandnewfashion

LOL

AMAZING

HOW CONVENIENT

kayytx

R I G H T

he had the day off and was also there to work on some freelance coding projects he has on the side and in the middle of coding he hears this really loud person screaming at his laptop and he's like, what the FUCK

so he looks up and sees nursey doing SOMETHING with his computer. he's not even sure what

and in teh cafe there are like three other people with their laptops out, but dex is the closest and he looks the least busy (nursey is wrong. dex is the busiest, he just looked up at the wrong time and Eye Contact happened and now he's stuck)

so nursey goes over to him and he's like, "yo bro can i borrow your laptop to go on apple support and get some help"

bc that response is just like ingrained in him now. anytime something happens he just. goes on apple support

dex, being the lil shit he is, just goes, "have u tried turning ur computer off and on again"

brandnewfashion

HA

kayytx

nursey: it won't even turn ON dex: maybe its out of battery nursey: it's plugged in??? do u not see it????? dex: maybe your cord doesn't work

dex just. doesn't want to help

he does enough of that at work

brandnewfashion

lollll

kayytx

but nursey is really annoying and he figures the easiest way to get rid of him is to help him so he's like, ok fine i actually work at apple i'll help you

brandnewfashion

wow

the pens are gonna lose

to the STARS

kayytx

.....that's so depressing

brandnewfashion

they got too fucking cocky

ugh

kayytx

D:

brandnewfashion

anyway

dex helps him?

kayytx

dex helps him!

and meanwhile nursey's chattering on and on about how this is the first time someone's actually physically helped him with his laptop bc he never goes to the genius bar even though he probably should and he's terrible with technology and things always just die on him so he always has to get help from online support and it's kinda funny how he always gets the same guy who helps with his problems and it's actually kinda nice talking to him, and he kinda really likes him, but he doesn't think they'll ever meet bc why would that ever happen right? hey maybe dex would know him since they're both working for apple? but what are the chances?? surely there are thousands of people who work for apple

and like all this time dex has sorta just been tuning him out while he works on nursey's computer but he catches a few things here and there

and he's like

wait

rewind

dex: holy shit nursey: what? what is it, is my computer really dead this time? dex: you're derek nurse nursey: umm? yes?

and for a sec nursey thinks that he's just somehow become notorious within apple support center circles or something bc he's gone for help so many times

but then dex introduces himself and he's like OH HOLY SHIT

brandnewfashion

NICE

kayytx

and like sometime during nursey's little ramble he mentioned how he thought dex is funny and really nice and seems like someone he'd like to date and of COURSE dex totally heard all of that

dex: so. you think i'm funny. and you want to date me huh? nursey: ...well i mean maybe? dex: okay well just do you know just because we're both in a coffee shop right now declaring our feelings this ISN'T our first date okay bc i refuse to have our first date be one where i fix something for you again nursey: oh so YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME TOO?

brandnewfashion

HA

kayytx

dex: well yeah. i wanted to give you my number but i couldn't do that without a monitored chatroom nursey: i wanted to give you my number too! dex: well? technically? i have your number? because it's in our systems dex: but i didn't want to seem like a creep if i'd just randomly texted you

but anyway they finally exchange numbers like normal people and nursey Officially asks dex out on a date

but then internally he's struggling bc he basically already gave dex a list of all the best places in nyc and now he has nothing to impress dex with lmfao

brandnewfashion

HAHAHAHA

kayytx

they end up going to brooklyn for smorgasburg bc you cant really ever go wrong with that

wait jk that's seasonal so it wouldn't be open for winter break LMAO

brandnewfashion

oh gosh they're gonna become a disgustingly sweet long distance couple

kayytx

yeah nursey's fucked

YES THEY ARE

they're so gross honestly

brandnewfashion

they always have shit going on

there's ALWAYS something hapening haha

kayytx

and dex's coworkers notice that this dude hasn't been on the chat in a really long time??? and they kinda start feeling bad for dex bc they knew he had a bit of a crush on nursey lmao

brandnewfashion

ok but then dex has them all over to meet his "new boyfriend" and they all walk in on nursey screaming at his laptop and they're like "OH"

kayytx

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and at this point dex is already at the fondly exasperated stage and he's like, jfc nurse you should just give up on technology altogether

[wishingfornever]

12/29/17 – No Contact:  Party?

Current time is 7pm.  I was invited to a party by Diana.  I get the feeling she probably has a boyfriend.  Not sure why.  Regardless, I want to go but I work.  So, at about 10:30 I’ll be getting off maybe?  I can walk there, that’s not an issue.  Of course, I’d want to bring a bag with my clothing.  The party starts at 7 but nobody gets there on time.  So… still going to be late.  Party has no official end.

I’m concerned.  I don’t know anyone!  I don’t want to pester Diana if I get drunk.  Because I have to mingle with other people. Bleeeeeeeeeeergh.  So… she’s the only person I know.  I mean, I bumped into her sister, but… I know her better than anyone out there and I guarantee I don’t know her that well.  I don’t want to embarrass myself.  I’ll drink, but I’ll control myself.  I’ll be… Oskar Schindler.  Always drinking but never drunk.

I was hoping I’d be able to ask Diana on a date, mind you.  D’oh. Of course, she might have a boyfriend.  What makes me say this? She’s always on her phone.  Then again, I’ve flirted with her but she never pushed me back or shot me down.  Maybe I should ask.  Only a few days, though.

Work was… not that bad.  It was slower than usual but I was in good spirits.  Sorta worked with Diana.  I mean, she stocks and I’m a cashier but I worked with her.  I noticed last time I worked with her, I was in a good mood too.  Then again, I left feeling incomplete again.  Eh… it happens.

My mom and Adela picked me up from work.  And by that, I mean I walked home.  And by that, I mean I was stopped by them in a car about 50 yards from the house.  Not that far away.  They had basically just left and I was almost home.  Regardless, I appreciate it.  We went to Chipotle after.  Fucking love that place.

After that, we went to this Mexican shopping center.  I think my mom is a Nationalist.  At least when it comes to Mexican food… of course, fucking EVERY Mexican is a Nationalist when it comes to Mexican food. With the exception of my sandwiches, I’ve had NOTHING but Mexican food since my mom got here.  Like, mom.  We’re Mexican.  It’s just food to us.

Eh… I’m not complaining.  I like Chipotle.  I didn’t like those enchiladas from that one place, though.  The torta was alright. That’s all the Mexican food I can remember.  Of course, my mom intends to cook breakfast tomorrow.  Craaaaaaaaaaap!  It’ll be fine.  I woke up super early.

I had a dream that involved Batman eating out Wonderwoman.  That may sound hot, but they were cartoons or something so it’s not that hot.  Then there was something else…  I can’t remember it because MY MOM WAS FUCKING NAGGING ME BEFORE MY ALARM EVEN WENT OFF!!!  Like, fucking hell, Mom!  Give me a break.  -,-

Worse yet, she just sat there, watching me.  Like… no privacy.  And I couldn’t at least write down my dreams so I can write something more interesting than shitty cartoon sex.  I hate Batman.  Such a boring character.

Shower was pretty meh, too.  I didn’t have my phone.  Couldn’t listen to music.  I wish I could, but phone was lost.  D’oh.

It’s a miracle so much has happened today.  Diana and I may be connecting a bit more.  I’m having fun at her expense and she’s having fun at mine.  I realize that my humor tends to have a victim but I realize almost all jokes do.  Someone looks foolish and that creates humor.  Esther thought I was picking on her.  Really, I was making shitty jokes.  I clearly care about her.  I don’t need to destroy her to bring myself up.  Especially not her.  If anything, this entire affair has brought me further down than I’ve ever been.

I’ve been reminded of her a lot today.  Saw someone who was her age, buying Swisher Sweet cigars.  Here is the thing:  If you buy those dumb cigars, you’re not enjoying the cigars.  You’re getting high.  They’re skins for marijuana.  This guy who was her age was going to get blitzed and she is the same.

There were other things, too.  Eh…  It’ll fade.  It has to.

I’m also being haunted by the other spectre.  Alcohol.  However, this spectre I’ll be confronting at the previously mentioned party.  I think I’ll be fine.  So long as I don’t overindulge.  If other coworkers go, then I might be fine.  People think I’m super happy generally.  They don’t realize that behind my smile and optimistic nature, I’ve never felt more dead.

I’m not depressed, but I feel… low.  Like, I’m carrying my shadow with me and it’s heavy.  It’s dragging me back.  Dragging me down.

I used to get these nightmares where I basically disintegrate.  The muscles I’m proud of erode to nothingness, I grasp desperately but I lack the strength to continue.  It’s horrifying and used to be frequent.  However, Esther’s spectre has turned my horrors into something far worse.

I guess my fear is that of aging.  Makes sense since all my neighbors have been super old.  And, of course, I’m always concerned that I’ll lose my strength.  It’s all I have going for myself.  I wish I had so much more, but I don’t.  I guess I’m smart but I’m so bullheaded that it doesn’t matter.  I’m not very agile.  My hands shake and I often find I have a hard time holding things.  I can be charming but I lack the commitment to make much use of it.  Most my conversations are rehearsed.  People are so similar that a conversation that works with one will often work with another, even if they are of a different background with different beliefs.

I might be pretty lucky though.  I guess Esther was proof of that. Then again, I haven’t been very lucky for a while.  Maybe I’ll get lucky on Sunday.  Won’t count on it, though.  I don’t think Diana would be that sort of girl.  Even when drunk.

I have good eye sight, but my hearing is sometimes lacking.  I think that’s because my dad was deaf thus everything had to be loud as possible.  A lot of yelling in my house.  Also why I have such a loud voice.  I have to yell to talk to him.

Endurance is… alright?  I mean, if I jog for a bit I’ll start gasping for air but that’s because I’m fat.  But I lost a lot of weight.  I think I’m pretty durable otherwise.  Like I’m not affected by physical pain that much.  And I can’t remember the last time I legitimately broke a bone.  That’ll change too.

That basically covers “SPECIAL” from fallout, lel.

Strength, intellect, and sometimes luck.  Take some notes.

I’ll hope that this party isn’t the end of me.  I have… two days to prepare and I work all of them.  And my mom is also here, so that means no time nor privacy to prepare.  Maybe I should shave my nether region.  Just in case I get lucky.  JUST in case.

That’d guarantee that I wouldn’t get laid.  When you prepare for it. Whenever you expect something, that’s when it fails.  When you don’t expect something, that’s when it succeeds.  So, I need to do everything that implies I’m not expecting to get action if I want to get action.

Honestly, that’d be nice.  I mean… I’d have to pick up some condoms, just in case.  But if I buy them, I won’t get laid.  GRAAAAAAAAAAH!!!  I wasn’t prepared!  I’m NEVER prepared!  Maybe that means I might get lucky, lel.  We’ll see.

It’s going to be a long day.  I can see it now.  I’m planning an outfit. Got this red shirt and plain white tee.  I need dress shoes though. I’ll see what I can do.  I want to get something that’d work with gaiters.  Of course, I don’t have gaiters… drat.

I think red shirt, rolled up sleeves with a white tee underneath and khaki pants is fine.  It’s formal but not too formal.  I don’t have a formal belt but I might not need one.  I’ll check the size of the red shirt.  If it’s too short, I’ll leave it untucked.  If it’s too long, I’ll tuck it in.  I’ll have to work the fashion and I look good in red.  A nice fresh shirt with some cologne and fresh kicks… yeah, I think I’d look very attractive.

I’ll need it.  There will be men my age and younger who perhaps look more handsome than me.  Of course, I might be the tallest one there because Mexicans but whatever.  I’ll see if they play that Uno game that Dennis and Daniel used to do.  I’ll explain it in a later entry.

Hrm… I wish I wasn’t working that night.  Drat.  I’ll be fine, though.  I’ve lost a ton of weight so I’m more confident than I ever have.  I just need to watch my hands.  I have been a bit handsy in the past, not just with women.  It’s not sexual it’s just I touch people.  It’s NOT supposed to be threatening, either.  It’s just I talk with my hands a lot and when talking, it’s just… well, inconvenient.

That’s assuming I get FUCKING THRASHED.  I don’t want to black out.  I doubt I will.  I’ll probably keep to myself in the corner.  I won’t have the energy that I need… so I might load up on energy coffees.

There will probably be pot, too.  That’ll fuck me up beyond all recognition so I’ll avoid it.  I should perhaps avoid most things. Oof, I’m the only one preparing this much.  Good thing I’m a guy and don’t need makeup.  That saves me a lot of time and effort and considering I’ll be getting RIGHT out from work, I won’t have much of either.

I’ll have to bring a bag.  Wish shoes and an outfit.  Hrm…  Yeah, I guess I can do that.  I just have to remember to not leave it.  And I’d have to at least groom myself a bit.  I work early tomorrow (saturday) so I can wake up relatively early for tomorrow.  I’ll pluck my eyebrows, trim my beard, brush my teeth (maybe twice; once after breakfast), heavy on cologne.  I should get hair gel.  Nothing heavy, just something to help control my hair.  I need some control but I can’t lose the character.

Really, I’m just hoping it’d decrease the poof.  If there is alcohol in the gel, it’d dry out my hair which will be good because that means less poof.  Humidity, meaning showers every morning before work, will make my hair poof.  It’s not easy having my hair.  Women love it though.  Definitely worth.  If I get lucky, I need to keep it.

They’re still talking.  It’s been an hour.  Adela is basically lying in my dumb, foam bed.  The nerve.  >:C

I’m not actually mad, mind you.  But still I want to watch some videos before I go to sleep.  And this isn’t helping… at all.  I’m pretty tired atm.  I’m ready to fall asleep.  Tomorrow, I’ll stay up to the point where I think the party will end.  I’ll say…  2 at the most.  I probably won’t last past 1, tbh.

Perhaps I should establish a goal… of course, that goal would immediately be “Get some” and I won’t get any.  So, perhaps I’ll try to set my goal, “Take Diana on a date.”  That’s far easier and less sleazy.

I really have to not get too drunk, though.  Like, really.  If I get too drunk, I’ll have to walk home and I’ll get arrested by the police, I’ll let them know that they kill 25 dogs EVERY day, and then I’ll get shot.  -,-

Oof. This won’t be easy.

Anyways, it appears that my mom and my cousin finished talking.  Getting ready to go to bed.  Which is perfect.  I can watch my videos without interfering with them.  I’ll head to bed after I’m through.  :D

We’ll go shopping for shoes tomorrow.  It’ll be well.  A lot is coming up for me.  Just gotta stay strong and optimistic.  ^^

Fuck… One of the videos I opened didn’t have a title.  Or, at least it didn’t have the correct title.  It was called “I was feeling sad until I listened to this song.”  The name of the song is “Bubble Tea Date.”  FUCK YOU Esther!!!  ><

Alright, finished my videos.  I’ve noticed I’ve been more prone to jump on bandwagons, so to speak.  Like Doki Doki Literature Club.  As someone who likes poetry, it definitely appeals to me.  Of course, I try to identify the characters with people I know irl.  I really shouldn’t though.  Anyways, it’s 9:17.  Watching videos at double speed is great.  I’m going to brush my teeth and prepare for bed.  Good night.

Oh, crap.  I just realized the toilet on the second floor.  The one I use now that I’m downstairs.  It doesn’t flush.  Fuck!  That means I can’t fap.  D’oh.  There is no god.  :c