#they’re just minding their own business and all of the sudden are ROY KENT DID WHAT?

[jamietarttsnorthernattitude]

Sitting in annual training and during the sexual harassment class all I can think of is the poor AFC Richmond HR coordinator when they found out Roy Kent tied a bunch of dicks together.

[redhoodieone]

My Best Friend’s Wedding

A/N: A new one.

Plot: AU. Jason Todd and Y/N Y/LN have been best friends since they were kids. They’ve dated once, but their relationship ended in heartbreak for her when he realized he wasn’t in love. Five years later, Jason’s best friend Y/N calls out of the blue with big news: she’s getting married…in 5 days. Jason’s world suddenly turns into a million fucking problems when he realizes he’s in love with Y/N and he’ll do whatever it takes to stop the wedding. But will he succeed…or fail?    

Warnings: Language and sexual content…so far.

 It seemed like every Friday night that Jason Todd would get very drunk just to forget about the busy-ass week he’s endured. At just twenty-five years old, his life revolved around being a young, attractive playboy bachelor in Gotham’s eyes and for working with his father Bruce Wayne at Wayne Enterprises with his brothers Dick Grayson and Tim Drake, and good friend Roy Harper.

It was like every day their faces were in tabloids and on TV. Bruce had always been a womanizer and the same reputation had been passed down to the four of them. Jason knew his life was nothing but a party; a big-ass huge party with several sexy women who were never more than one-night stands.

Add billions of dollars and booze to that and Jason’s life would be set.

But this week had been nothing but a shit show for him, and it wasn’t even Friday yet. It was just a Tuesday night. After work, Roy had insisted the boys drop by Rocky’s and get shit faced before calling it a night. Rocky’s was the closest bar near Wayne Enterprises; owned by Hal Jordan, a friend of Bruce’s from college.

Zatanna, a beautiful and kind bartender, set down four shot glasses of Tequila with salt and slices of lime.

“Is there anything else I can get you boys?” Zatanna asks, leaning over the counter with her breasts aching to pop out from her white corset top.

Jason wasn’t an idiot. As buzzed as he was feeling, he knew Zatanna was just trying to hook up with him again. The last time they fucked was probably a few months ago when he needed a date for a gala Bruce was hosting.

Sure, Zatanna was a good fuck. She was definitely a screamer, clawed Jason’s back rather good to where he needed a couple of stitches, and she was willing to try anything he suggested. But she wasn’t a “constant fuck” that he wanted. A “constant fuck” was someone you wanted in your bed all the time; never caring about one being a blanket hog, kiss despite the morning breath, and always looking forward to cooking and sharing breakfast in bed.

No. No, Zatanna wasn’t a “constant fuck” at all.

There was only one girl who had earned that title and so much more.

The one important girl Jason hadn’t seen in a few years since she left him for Smallville.

“I’m good, thanks,” Jason mumbles under his breath. He downs his shot and winces at the burn before he pulls out his cell phone from his back pocket to check it.

Roy smirks and winks at her. “Oh, kitten…keep showing us those ladies and you can get us whatever you want.”

“Roy, you’re drunk,” Tim snickers.

“I’m…I’m not drunk. I’m just…friendly is all,” Roy slurs. “Now, how about I show you what I can do with my mouth? I can use my mouth all over you, gorgeous.”

Tim gasps and slaps Roy’s arm. “Roy!”

“Look, don’t take Jason’s rejection and Roy’s sexual harassment seriously, okay? They’re not bad guys,” Dick smiles and tries to do damage control.

“Whatever. The fact that you have to defend them is pathetic,” Zatanna snaps, before she rolls her eyes and moves down to check on the other regulars.

Dick, Tim, and Roy glance over at Jason with wide eyes. Jason looks up and finally notices.

“What?” Jason asks.

“Dude, you really fucked up Zatanna, didn’t you?” Dick muses.

“What the hell are you even talking about?”

“Dick is trying to say you must have really broke Zatanna’s heart for her to act so cold to us,” Tim says.

“We haven’t fucked each other since a few months ago,” Jason says defensively.

“Well, has she tried to call or text you since?” Roy asks.

Jason pouts his lips and appears to be thinking about it. “Maybe…I don’t fucking know. I blocked her number the day after we fucked.”

“Jesus Jason…” Dick sighs and shakes his head.

“What? Why are you getting on my ass for the stupidest shit, Dick?”

“Maybe because you’ve been doing nothing but screwing and upsetting chicks left and right like it’s second nature for you!”

Jason scoffs and reaches for his beer.

“Don’t fucking lecture me, dicky boy! You do the exact same shit, too!” Jason snaps.

“At least I don’t piss off and upset my chicks. God! At least have the decency to have respect or something,” Dick says.

Tim points at Jason and chuckles. “Maybe we should make a list of all the hearts Jason’s broke in all of Gotham!”

“That’s easy! Okay, there’s Isabel, Donna, Kori, and Y/N…” Roy trails off in his loud drunken voice.

Jason glares at them before looking down at his cell phone. Someone left him a voicemail. He checks his voicemail and his chest suddenly aches in familiar pain when he hears her voice.

Y/N.

“Hey guys, I’m gonna head on home. I feel like fucking shit,” Jason says, already standing up, dropping down a fifty-dollar bill, and leaving without hearing what the guys had to say.

He didn’t hear the whole message, but he knew he couldn’t listen to it there.

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The moment Jason entered his penthouse, he didn’t waste anytime getting comfortable. He kicked off his shoes, slipping out of his expensive black pants and dress shirt, and getting a glass of water to soothe his burning throat from the alcohol from earlier.

In just his black boxers, Jason grabs his cell phone and enters his master bedroom to call Y/N. He clears his voice as soon as she picks up.

“Hello?”

“Y/N, hey sweetheart. I’m sorry I missed your phone call. I was at Rocky’s with the guys.”

“On a Tuesday night?” She actually fucking giggles at him. He loves hearing her giggle.

Jason smirks. “Yeah, work’s been hell, you know. Bruce and Lucius are thinking of expanding the new technology program that Tim built. They’re already thinking of sending us out to Japan, Switzerland, and wherever else they think we should go.”

“That is so cool! I wish Tim told me about his new program. Whenever he calls me, he never tells me anything. It’s always about me.”

“Well, you’re really fucking interesting, sweetheart. Now that you’re in Smallville, you must be bored out of your damn mind and you gotta have stories.”

A pause.

“Sweetheart? You still there?” Jason asks nervously. He’s immediately worried about the sudden silence.

“I’m still here. Sorry…” Y/N’s voice is soft and uneasy.

“Are you okay? Did something happen over there? Does Clark Kent need to get his ass kicked? Because I’ll tell Bruce, and he fucking would beat his ass for you, Y/N.”

“No! No, Clark has been great. He’s been very wonderful to me. He’s helped me out a lot here since starting out at the Daily Planet and everything. Everything is amazing…so amazing.” Her voice is lovely and sounds as if she’s…in love.

“Sounds to me as if you already met a guy, Y/N. I thought you were there to work; not date,” Jason jokes. He’s suddenly uncomfortable now.

“Well, that’s actually why I called you, Jason. I met someone.”

Jason pauses now. His eyes widen and his chest instantly hurts again.

“You…you did?” he chokes.

“Yeah, and oh my God, Jay…he is sooo amazing. He’s a really great guy, and you’re going to love him like I do. He’s not a bad guy. He’s loving, he’s kind, he’s funny, and he is so unbelievably sexy that I sometimes wonder why he’s even with me. But he is honesty the super guy in my life.” Y/N confesses breathlessly.

Jason exhales hard. “Really?”

“And…we’re getting married…in five days…and I want you there for me…for us.”

And just like that, Jason trips over his own feet when he tries to get to his bed to sit down.