#they’re just chillin and enjoying hearing about everyone’s adventures

[rainydayzo]

Sadly I got busy so I missed a few days but here’s you go!!

[analyzingadventure]

Oh boy have I not watched Psi for a long time, oh man have I missed out on Some Stuff (I’ve only heard the names of like three Digimon mentioned but oh man did those names alone come with Some Package)

Let’s watch episodes 25-31 then and catch up!

So just to recap, last time Agumon evolved to Mugendramon, fucked some shit up because Taichi totally 100% legit died, temporary evolved to WarGreymon I think (I can’t remember man lmao) and beat the shit outta DoneDevimon

25! Dive to the Next Ocean!

Uhhh who the fuck yeeted ElDoradimon into the sky

This is so bad

They should die so hard

OHHH CLOUD CONTINENT IS IN THE SKYYY YESSS I LOVE THAT

Have I mentioned how much I love seeing the kids interact with their non-partner Digimon (and vice versa)? Because I do, I love this a lot (even if it ain’t much)

Ohhh Mugendramon was so sexy... I wanna rewatch episode 24 but I really need to catch up on this first

ElDoradimon’s gonna die from that fall, right? His joints are gonna get pulverized

Zurumon! :D I love these lemon jelly goops

HIKARI!!!!!! Baby!!

I wish Taichi and co would be like, trying to even think about how they’re gonna survive the fall- like I know Leomon saved them but they couldn’t like plan to just Get Saved, IDK it’s kinda off-putting how they’re so calm

Leomon to the rescue tho! Finally!

Patamon is so chumby, v good

Holy shit Leomon punches HARD, a single punch just straightened out ElDoradimon in one go, holy fuck

Finally they’re worried about dying from the fall

What happened to the Agu and Gabu being too exhausted to fight (I’m sorry this is just a massive pet peeve for me, ‘esp cause there’s like no reprecussions for the Digimon for pushing themselves here)

(Like it’d be one thing if they managed to evolve out of desperation but this ended up being like bad for them and force them to take longer rests later or IDK kill them, but when you’re just like “I’m too tired to fight- oh wait my friend is slightly in more danger now than before, I guess I can fight again”)

(This is an issue with most MotW shows and even some shounen series (I’m looking at you Bleach) so it’s not unique to Psi, p sure Adventure had this issue to some degree too, but still man, it’s a massive pet peeve and bothers me so much)

26! Break through the sea monster barricade!

God I love that the Cloud Continent is actually in the sky

Quality content (slightly cursed maybe)

Seadramon! Honestly I really love Seadramon?? Like it’s such a simple, minimalistic design but... IDK man I love Seadramon, it’s such a cool Digimon

OH SHIT IT EVOLVED! :O

I’m sorry I am just so not interested in the real world crisis (in the show), it’s... I’m sorry it’s so Mundane and I’m here for the Fantastical

WARUSEADRAMON! THE SLIGHTLY MORE GOTH SEADRAMON!! YEAAHHHHH

God I wish Psi just had perma-evolution, so many of my issues would be solved with perma-evolution

Aweeee yeah, MegaSeadramon’s here too, now we got both of them, yeeeeee

I love how Hikari is just quietly judging the other kids

Y’all okay with talking about Taichi being in a different world right in front of Hikari? I mean She Knows Things and they all just got taken to back to that world but still like, should you try to be more inconspicuous maybe

Oh my god how many times have they used that clip of Falcomon throwing bombs in this episode- four? That’s a lot yo

Taichi’s gonna get vored again, press F for him

The water is so deep how is Zudomon standing- oh I need to stop asking these things

HIKARIIIIII SHE’S HEEEREEE YEEEEEE

27! To the New Continent!

"Hikari, who called you?” “I don’t know :)” Honey that is so ominous I love you

AGUMON COMFORTING HIKARI AAAAAA I LOVE THAAAT

YESSSSS I LOVE THIS

This image has heavy Digimon Kaiser energy in it

I love how Psi!Jyou is like a try-hard in trying to help (while OG!Jyou was always struggling with figuring out what the right thing to do was etc)

Is... is the enemy a Tortamon? Oh yeah it’s Tortamons

OH WOW THERE’S A LOT OF THEM

OH SHIT IT’S AN GROUNDDRAMON! OH GOD THIS IS GRUESOME

Ikkakumon’s gonna get vored, F

You know I never thought Grounddramon would be so chomby based on the Bandai art but I guess Groundramon’s a real chomper

“Everyone, give Angewomon your power!”

GIGA DESTROYER AAAAAAAAAA

OH IT’S THE BASTARD!! DARK KNIGHTMON!!! THE SEXY BASTARD!! The one I’ve heard an interesting theory about... But I ain’t saying anything fornow

PATAMON EVOLVES??? (On command which is kinda bs)

ANGEMOOOOOON YEAAAAAHHHHHH

NEW ENDING TOO, YAY

Ohhh this ending has such nice, soft but jolly energy c: Also yay Tailmon

28! The Children’s Fight for Survival!

BTW Patamon with angel wings was a lowkey hilarious visual, 10/10 would laugh again

Still don’t like how we just got Angemon on demand like that

Oh yeah, out-of-context I heard a theory that DarkKnightmon is Tailmon and hearing Dark Knightmon’s voice, yeah I can see that (not to mention their facination with Hikari)

Oh man those are some Big Wings

Whu happen, did the kids get yeeted back to the Human World?? Oh no they’re still here

I bet Angemon’s dead again lmao

LMFAO JYOU FINALLY GETS TO CATCH A BREAK--

NANIMON NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Oh Patamon’s okay- REALLY TIRED (thank you Psi) but okay

I NEVER DISLIKED NANIMON UNTIL THIS VERY MOMENT

I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE

PLEASE GO AT LEAST 500 METERS FURTHER AWAY FROM JYOU, PLEASE

Hikari being worried for MetalGreymon ;__;

Aweee yeah HIkari’s special Evolution Powers are still here! GET ‘IM WARGREYMON!!

Whoop Hikari got spirited away, F (she’ll be fine, SkullKnightmon ain’t gonna do shit to her, I’m sure)

Hikari volunteered to go... ;_;

29! Escape the Burning Jungle!

THERE’S MORE OF THEM

I mean at least they’re all just chillin’ and enjoying the bath instead of just staring at Jyou. I’ll considder that an improvement

YEAHHHH MEGADRAMONS!!

Ooooo a single lil Lopmon, I wonder if this will be an important character later

I like Woodmon, Woodmon are cool and chill

YEAH, DEFEND THE SMALL AND INNOCENT!

WOODMON NOOOOOOO ;A;

NOOOOOO A BUDMON DIED!!! NOT THE BABIES!!!

What do you mean MetalGreymon hurt when the tiny Allomon bit him ON HIS METAL ARM

I- I need to stay quiet or else I’m gonna end up with too many questions. I mean I already have too many but the less I question it the better

Woodmon, Budmon, I love your energy, please aim for Tankdramon’s eye, you could blind that fucker with ease

PARROTMON?!

30! WARGREYMON AAAAAAA

Man I have been quiet through this entire episode so far lmao

ANYWAY CROSSMON! HELL YEAH have we seen Crossmon animated before?

GIGA DESTROYER AAAAAAAAAAA anyways I think this is the first tme we’re seeing Crossmon animated (unless my memory is garbage, which it might just be)

Aaaand Taichi is dead

OH, HIS CREST IS THERE

WHAT’S THIS

WHAT’S THIS

Agumon....... I love you..........

Man this animator is making Crossmon look vaguely too humanoid for my taste.... And MetalGreymon’s super fucking jacked yo

NEW SONG YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

OH THAT’S SOME SEXY SEXY ANIMATION

OH WARGREYMON’S HUUUGE BRO

HOLY FUCK GAIA FORCE ANNIHILATED ALL OF THEM (but didn’t cause any environmental damage? Handy!)

Lopmon’s totally like Cherubimon or something, right? Reborn Cherubimon, right?

31. MILLENNIUMON

HERE IT IS, THE HEAVY PACKAGE I MENTIONED, THE EPISODE TITLE THAT MADE PEOPLE LOSE THEIR MINDS WHEN IT GOT ANNOUNCED

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING PSIIIII where the fuck are you going yoooooo

God WarGreymon’s so fucking big holy shit

OH YEAH LOPMON’S TOTALLY LIKE CHERUBIMON OR SOMETHING (I mean it’s not a plottwist by anymeans lmao)

LMAO Skull Knightmon looked away when Hikari noticed them looking at her lmao tsundere ass fucker

Wait the temple was also on Cloud Continent??? Like that whole area was still a part of Cloud Continent?????????? The geography of this world confuses me yo

BAKEMON!!! THERE’S BAKEMON!!! I LOVE BAKEMON SO MUCH!!! GIMME THE GHOSTIES!!!

NOOO MILLE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY BAKEMON BABIES!! FUCK YOU LEAVE MY GHOST BUDDIES ALONE

YESSSS CHERUBIMON

OH IT WAS MILLE WHO STARTED THIS ENTIRE FUCKING MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE, HUH

WAIT FUCK MILLE IS BEHIND THE ENTIRE BS IN PSI

...AGUMON CAN EVOLVE TO MUGENDRAMON, WHO IS LIKE, KEY COMPONENT #1 TO MILLE

OH GOD WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

AGUMON EVOLVING TO MUGENDRAMON WASN’T JUST A CUTE REFERENCE TO THE DARK MASTERS, IS THERE GONNA BE THING WHERE AGUMON IS USED TO RECREATE MILLENIUMON??? (And they have to get Agumon Out Of There like they had to extract Tailmon (and Meicoomon until they gave up) out of Ordinemon in tri.???)

ANGEWOMON!!! THERE SHE IS!!

PSI SAYS OFANIMON RIGHTS

Oooo we’re on Eternal/Mugen Continent... Oooo :oc

I like how Sora is the Dedicated Character who will be there when we get like Backstory lmao

METALFANTOMON?! :O YEEAAAHHHH (Ngl when I saw the pink scythe for a moment I was hoping for Jokermon.......)

Oh wow that’s a lot of MetalFantomons

Man Kabuterimon sure is flying quietly (I mean adding the flying sound effect probbaly wouldn’t add much here but... It’s so quiet)

OH SHIT WE’RE GOING TO ULTIMATE ALREADY

I am gonna say, because Psi is constantly moving, like there’s constantly an oncoming threat and the characters never get to take a fucking break (that’s longer than 5 minutes), it just... Because there’s no contrast between danger and peace, it makes the non-stop danger feel far less dangerous imo

DOGGO DIGIMON!!

KOMONDOMON!!

OH SKULL KNIGHTMON HAS MILLE

OH FUCK DUDE

There is one more episode out but sadly I can’t watch it yet because region lock. I do know there’s an interesting, familiar face in there tho and I’m excited for that!

I... I... I can’t believe he actually said that...

“They’re cool pants!” KOUSHIROU LMAO

Anyways, episode preview!

Aaaand nothing of value was seen there. I mean I do know what Patamon probably evolves into because I do follow the Digimon Twitter so like, I saw the relevant art they shared but ye

Anyways  a lot of these episodes were dull as usual, I didn’t feel like I missed out on much tbh aside from the sexy animation and the lore

This really drives it home to me how not having a villian of somekind just constantly present and active really makes a story so much more flat for me... Like I ain’t gonna argue Devimon or MetalSeadramon were interesting villians, but even just seeing them planning their next moves outloud and talking to their minions drove home what kind of people they were, and they weren’t even the most Packed-With-Personality villians in Adventure.    And while SkullKnightmon is there... they’re just kinda standing around. I don’t know much about them really and it makes me sad

(Look I’m sorry I’m a filthy villian-stan and not having interesting villians to stan makes me sad)

Anyways, as always, I am definitely looking forward to whatever the fuck Psi is planning on doing because 1. Holy Shit It’s Milleniummon and 2. Holy fuck we got WarGreymon and it’s only episode 31, what the fuck are they planning on doing with the rest of the series and indeed 3. Patamon evolves into what

[thewritewolf]

Nino’s Quest Chapter 8: The Quest Begins Again

Adrien and Marinette are a stuttering mess for reasons unknown to the Lord DM, but that won't stop him from pushing this story forward. The party seeks out a dread enemy - The Necromancer!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3.  My ko-fi.

Nino knocked at the door to the familiar apartment and heard his girlfriend’s voice call, “Come in!”

Stepping inside, the first thing he noticed - after Alya, of course - was the bags of groceries on the table. A warm smile lit up his face as he recognized them as the ingredients for one of his favorite meals that he’d ever had at the Cesaire household.

“Is all this for me, babe?”

Alya quirked an eyebrow and put a hand on her hip. “Well, I was hoping that you’d share with the rest of the party…”

“Hm…” He tapped at his cheek, pretending to give it some thought. “I guess that’s a fair deal. Need a hand cooking it up?”

She scoffed. “No, but I wouldn’t turn down help if you’re offering.”

The sound of chopping vegetables and the sizzle of the meat on the stove was all the noise that passed between them for a few minutes. The two of them worked well together, especially when it came to the kitchen. As Nino was busy cutting the carrots, he finally broke the silence.

“So where is everyone today?”

“You probably guessed Nora is at a tournament. If you did, congrats - you were right.” Alya leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms. “Took awhile but she’s finally in a league that she doesn’t just completely wreck instantly.”

Nino nodded along. “That’s totally sweet. She needs to be challenged if she’s gonna get any better.”

“Her point exactly. Ella and Etta are with mom and dad. They were going to the park, then to a movie. We should be clear for the next few hours, at least.”

“That’s not far off from what our last couple dates have been like.” Nino chuckled. “Park, movies, although we did go out for dinner a few days ago…”

“It’s good exercise. Can’t be too out of shape when Ladybug calls us back into the fight.”

“Right on. And if we are already out and about, it's way easier for you to go charging into an akuma battle phone-first, yeah?”

Alya had the decency to blush at that. “So, ah, you noticed that, huh?”

“Mhm. Don’t worry, babe. It’s all good to me, so long as we’re chillin’ together.”

“Aw, thanks babe.” She turned around to stir the rice some more. Still stirring, she asked over her shoulder, “By the way, have you seen the footage of the last akuma battle?”

He snorted. “Babe you say that as if you don’t have me read all your posts to edit them.”

“Okay, fair. So you’ve noticed that Ladybug and Chat Noir have been acting… kinda weird lately?”

“Understatement of the year. Stealing glances at each other, stutters when they actually manage to talk to each other, all those blushes. They’re the second biggest mess of all the couples in Paris.”

“And the biggest mess is our babies, right?”

“Yup.” Nino dumped the carrots in with what Alya was stirring. “All props to Ladybug and Chat Noir though - they’re giving our kids a run for their money, even though Marinette has had way more practice being awkward. And my boy Adrien is right there with the best of ‘em.”

Alya sighed. “It’s a mess. But I bet we can fix-”

“Babe.”

“What? I’m just saying if we-” Nino put a finger on her lips, silencing her despite the glare she shot his way.

“You gotta let them figure it out on their own. They’ll get there eventually.”

“Yeah? Well, let’s see how you feel after this session. You haven’t had to see them together nearly as much as I have.”

“Yeah, I really wish Ms. Bustier would start letting us do groups of four.” He paused. “Is it seriously that bad?”

Her eyes widened for a moment, remembered exasperation crossing her face. “You’ll see, cappy.”

Her phone went off. “Well, that’s them. Just in time for lunch, too.”

---------------------

As he’d expected, Marinette and Adrien were quiet and blushy as ever. This ultimately left the leadership of the party in Alya’s hands - a task that she was uniquely qualified for as they sought out leads for the Necromancer’s lair.

“Alright, dudes. We’ve all leveled up. You’ve just finished shopping in the marketplace and you’re ready to leave town on a moment’s notice. But you’ve got no clue on where to head out. What’re you going to do about it?”

Silence greeted him as Alya looked between their friends and the way they very deliberately avoided each other’s eyes while surreptitiously staring as much at each other as possible.

“Right, well…” Her eyes sparked as an idea occurred to her. “So we’re basically drumming up leads, right? Doing research, chasing down rumors of this bad guy?”

“Yeah, babe, you got it.”

She rubbed her hands together in excitement. “Now that is something I can do. What’s the marketplace look like? What sort of people do I see there?”

“Besides the locals? Rough mercenary types, travellers dusty from the road, wandering merchants, that sort of thing.”

There was a pause as she narrowed her eyes in thought. “Tell me more about the travellers. What do they look like?”

He rolled a perception check behind his DM screen. “You notice that a bunch of ‘em are sticking together and they’ve got kids with them. Their threads are pretty similar too, like they got ‘em from the same place. They seem pretty uneasy, casting suspicious looks around them.”

“It’s not normal for wanderers to take their children with them, yeah?”

“Not usually, no. Unless they’re nomads.”

She shook her head. “Nah. Nomads wouldn’t be that freaked out by new people. It sounds like they’re country folk that were driven into the city. Which means…”

“...Refugees?” Adrien supplied, frowning at the table.

“Only one way to find out. I’ll walk up to them.” Alya cleared her throat and adopted her character’s voice. “Excuse me, can I ask you where you’re from?”

Nino dropped his voice an octave. “Doesn’t matter much anymore, does it? Nothing left to go back to now.”

“What do you mean?”

“‘Strange happenings up in the mountains, lass. Smoke billowing out. Scared me to my bones, it did. We picked up and headed out.’ The dude gets a distant look, like he’s remembering the sight. ‘Been on that farm for six generations. But I hear we were the lucky ones.’”

“I thank him for his time. What do you guys think?”

Marinette and Adrien seemed to have forgotten their embarrassment for the moment. Adrien shuffled his character sheets again. “Do I know any legends about the mountains? Like, monsters that lived up there, or old forts? Maybe it’s not the Necromancer at all but something else.”

Nino took a long sip of his pop. “Roll it.”

A grin split Adrien’s face as the die landed high. “What’ve you got for me, bro?”

“You remember hearing stories about a lost dwarven city out there. It went quiet decades ago, though.”

“Dwarves…” Marinette cupped her chin, her eyebrows creased with worry. “Like, big forges, deep mines, strong doors? Enough space to arm and equip and army? That sort of dwarves?”

Nino finger gunned at her. “One and the same, my dude!”

Alya buried her face in her hands. “Fantastic. If the Necromancer isn’t there, I bet he wished he was. Let’s go.”

“Don’t we want to look for other clues?” Marinette asked.

“Y-yeah.” Adrien swallowed heavily, dragging his eyes away from Marinette to Alya. “He could be somewhere else.”

“Doubt it. And even if he isn’t, someone is driving honest people away from their homes. Necromancer or no, we’ve got to do something about it.”

Steely determination dawned on their faces. “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil…” Marinette began.

“...Is that good people do nothing,” Adrien finished. “Guess it’s settled then.”

With their goal in mind, the rest of the session was spent on travel. They met more people on the road - battered survivors and the usual wanderers alike. It put a strain on their supplies, but they helped out as best they could while approaching their destination. After a couple hours of social encounters and skill checks to help the displaced, they were close.

“Looming on the horizon are the great western mountains. While they’re usually supes gorgeous, something about ‘em feels off. Just like the farmer dude said, there are smoke plums coming from somewhere in the mountain range. And that…” Nino said as he closed his DM notebook, “Is where we’ll end today’s session. If you chose right, next session might totally be the end of the Necromancer, and this adventure.”

The tapping of Adrien’s pen came to a stop, Marinette’s packing finished, and even Alya looked up from her character sheet. All of them wore similar expressions of surprise.

“Wow, really? It doesn’t feel like its been that long…” Alya muttered.

Marinette frowned. “It can’t be almost over already, can it?”

“No way!” Adrien brushed the thought aside. “I’m sure we’ve got plenty of adventures still in us.”

“That’s up to you, my dudes. This campaign might be almost over, but there could be more.” Nino shrugged and chugged the last of his pop. “If you want to, I mean. But anyway, that’s a question for later.”

Slightly more somber, they finished packing up. Adrien took Marinette and Nino home

----------------

Direct Message to Adrien

Nino: So Bro Wanna tell me whats goin on between you and M?

Adrien: There isn’t anything Which is half the problem But don’t worry about it

Nino: No can do We’re best buds Its my job to worry about you

Adrien: And I get that I really do! But you’ve gotta trust me There isn’t anything you can do Sorry :(

Nino: Well… okay. I’m here if you need me dude

Adrien: I know [heart emoji]

-----

Direct Message From Alya

Alya: Did he tell you anything?

Nino: Nah, babe Clammed up U?

Alya: dang No Mari is hiding something Not sure if it is a BAD something But def something

Nino: Not much we can do about it I guess Just let ‘em figure it out

Alya: Speak for yourself, cappy Theyre almost there They just need… ...a little push

Nino: Alya...

Alya: What? It won’t be much Just a gentle nudge Really

Nino: [eye roll emoji] Alright fine What did you have in mind?

Alya: heh heh heh Okay so! We get them into class early Like SUPER early Maybe like an hour

Nino: Alright… Tough to pull off Esp for Mari But doable

Alya: ...and then we lock the door behind them And we leave them alone We don’t open it until either they’re dating Or class starts Preferably the former

Nino: That’s What No Stop

Alya: Why not? It worked for us And it smells a whole lot nicer too

Nino: point You know what? Sure We’ll do it Otherwise we might be waiting on them for a g e s

Alya: I knew you’d see it my way. ;)

[attract-mode-collective]

Review: A Day with Sid, Ed, & CD-i

Longtime readers may be less than surprised to learn that I have a deep fondness for infomercials designed to sell game hardware, be they arcade machines or computers and consoles. Why? Well, they’re the perfect combination of the two things I loved most growing up, that being video games and late night television, both of which were at their absolute apex around the early 90s (IMHO).

The one I watched and loved the most was a 30 minute long piece of paid programming dedicated to the Phillips CD-i, which attempted to usher CD-ROM based entertainment into living rooms during the 16-bit era of gaming and ultimately failed, with much of its infamy due to the rather poor utilization of Nintendo IP that Phillips had access to (due to them being there to pick up the pieces of the SNES CD project, when Nintendo and Sony had a falling out).

Alas, I have yet to find an acceptable, let alone complete copy on YouTube. I should know; I regularly check and see if one has been finally uploaded. The bits and pieces that are currently present is the infomercial split into three parts (it was shared at a time in which uploads could not be longer than ten minutes), and even then, a sizable chunk of the beginning portion is missing. Though during a regular check, I came across the existence of a second informercial that I had no idea existed!

Despite the beginning being cut off here as well, enough of the set-up is present for the following half-hour to make sense. Basically, we have a pair of twin brothers in the same line of business, more or less: assisting those with technical difficulties.

Ed is a repair person who specializes in VCRs, game systems, and personal computers. Consumer tech that the informercial portrays as being less than consumer friendly, to the point that they’re practically consumer hostile. As such, Ed’s characterization reflects this stance; he’s slow, lazy, and aloof. Which is pretty much all the justification that Sid needs to swoop in and hijack Ed’s clientele, to then perform his role of CD-i salesperson.

Sid believes that he’s not so much stealing them but is instead “steering them in the right direction” and even describes himself as a “Robin Hood for the information age”. The dude loves his job, cuz he loves the CD-i! All of which is illustrated via three vignettes that the informercial presents. The first is Little Timmy and the Wrong Button and it depicts an early 90s mom and her young early 90s son, at the computer… dad’s computer to be exact. The scene opens with mom trying to get a game running by inserting a long string of DOS commands. When she has to step away from the computer, to refer to some manual that’s high atop the book shelf, her child disobeys the commandment of not touching the keyboard, which results in him completely erasing the hard drive.

Believe it or not, for the younger folks reading this, such a scene was somewhat common in television and film at the time: kids were portrayed as being dumb, unable to grasp technology. Crazy, I know! Anyhow, the point of this scene is to demonstrate that computers are super fragile and needlessly complicated, so mom makes a call to Ed, though Sid shows up instead (mom actually calls an office, where Ed’s boss is, who relays jobs to his repairman in the field via CB radio, which Sid snoops in on… kinda messed up, I know). As he barges inside the house, Sid states “So, you hit a pot hole in the information super highway, huh?”

Mom points towards the computer but Sid makes his way straight towards the TV and hooks up a later model of the CD-i, the one that resembles a game console, so I know it came after the other informercial, cuz that one featured the version of the hardware that looks like a VCR. Anyhow, Sid immediately starts doing his pitch, which is how the CD-i does everything a computer can, but instead of a tiny monitor on a desk, you can enjoy everything on your big ass living room TV and on the comfort of your couch.

And what’s the first piece of software to demonstrate the power of CD-i, to not only impress the young man in the skit but everyone watching at home? Why, an edutainment title called Crayon Factory. Seriously. Sid (presumably) gets the idea after noticing the young scribbling all over the walls of the house with crayons, though he’s a bit too old for such behavior. And thus we have my fave little touch of the informercial; when the kid inserts the disc, Sid adjusts it so its properly resting on the spool. Not sure why I like that so much…

But yeah, it’s hardly the first taste for the viewing audience at home that I would have chosen. Yet Crayon Factory is exciting enough for Sid to steal the controller (and a rather cheap looking one at that; on the long list of problems with the CD-i is the rather chintzy input devices) from the boy and play the game himself. While playing, Sid continues on with the hard sell, by noting “CD-i has everything you get with a CD-ROM… except the problems!” Which means zero loading time (not according to footage I’ve seen on YouTube) and no complicated equipment (speaking as a Mac guy, I will agree that PCs are hard to figure out, sorry). He also runs down all the other things that the machine can play, like music CDs (this is the early 90s and compact discs were still relatively new) and movies (with Four Weddings And A Funeral mentioned, the first instance of several) plus actual video games!

The first legit gameplay we see is of Chaos Control, a rather subpar on-rails shooter that heavily relies upon full motion video. But instead of the enemies being sprites that are super imposed on top, which is usually the case, here they’re part of the pre-rendered backdrop. So when you shoot something, it becomes obscured by a puff of smoke, and a really crappy looking one at that. It’s also worth noting that Chaos Control was released on other platforms, and I see the Japanese Sega Saturn version a lot when looking for imports on eBay. There are TONS of copies out there for sale and no one’s buying.

Mom is less than impressed, cuz she’s a woman, and women don’t play video games, according to the informercial. Though she’s also worried about how her husband will react to the loss of the computer (which is referred to as to simply “the CD-ROM”; I think it has less to do with a female being unfamiliar with tech yet again, and more with how no one on staff was fluent period). Which is why Sid bring up Palm Springs Golf, cuz all dads love golf, right? Though CD-is are for mothers as well, which is why Sid introduces her to Kathy Smith Personal Trainer, a work out video disc that has an aerobics instructor with an eye patch. Just figured I’d mention that.

After Four Weddings And A Funeral’s name is dropped for the second time (btw, not once does the informercial ever show a clip, we never even see what the packaging looks like), several other games are mentioned. Nothing manages to pique mom’s interest, until she finds out that there’s a CD-i version of Jeopardy, which is what allows mother and child to bond over technology, and in a way that simply is impossible via CD-ROM or any other old-fashioned piece of tech! As Sid exits the house, after successfully extolling the virtues of the CD-i yet again, he comes across Ed who is only now arriving (his tardiness is largely due to the nap he took on the way). Sid notes “not to make excuses for him, but Ed was born twenty minutes after me and has been late ever since.” Sick burn Sid, sick burn.

Afterwards is the first commercial break within the commercial programming, which is consistent with the format of the medium. This is the first opportunity for the viewing audience to purchase their own machine, for just 8 payments of $62.50? That’s $500. Plus $19.95 for shipping and handling (also, please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery). The selection of software and entertainment available is detailed, including yet another mention of Four Weddings And A Funeral (we are told there are plenty of movies for the platform, but we only ever hear about one specifically, with the key word here being “hear”). I seem to recall the Turbo Duo’s hefty price tag being justified with a slew of quality pack in titles, and the CD-i is no slouch in comparison… of the six discs included there’s Chaos Control (yawn), Space Ace (okay, that’s slightly better), Compton’s Encyclopedia (okay, before there was Wikipedia there were encyclopedias, so I can see Compton’s actually being a legit enticing piece of software at the time), and a Beatles cover record.

Next is our second tale of truth and discovery, entitled Game Machine. The scene opens up in a living room inhabited by three totally radical teens. The kid any gamer could at home could totally relate to! One’s playing an unspecified game console, another’s just rocking on to some killer tunes via headphones. Unfortunately he gets a bit into the music and ends up knocking over the console, which breaks (which upon freezing of the frame reveals an answering machine instead of a SNES or Genesis). This pisses of the third kid, who had been chillin’ on the couch, eating pizza while on his back (I used to that a lot as a kid… okay, not really). It’s his house and the console is technically his father’s, so a call for help is made.

As before, Sid intercepts Ed’s communiqué from his boss. And as one might expect, video games take center stage in this segment; first up is a full motion driven adventure game called Burn:Cycle that’s about cyber espionage though the mid 90s lens (the best kind, of course). Which is where my other fave shot from the infomercial shows up, right after one of them bites it. I love it when actors are supposed to do something that should be natural, yet either due to poor acting skills or a clueless director (I want to believe in this case it’s the latter), it comes off as anything but... 

We then check in on Ed real quick, who is being proactive this time but unfortunately got the address wrong, so he instead shows up at some biker gang’s hideout. Back to Sid, who details the second game for the segment… and it’s Chaos Control for the second time?! Footage from Space Ace is shown after, which is odd, given the type of game that the CD-i was practically made for. Otherwise… we’re constantly told that there are 200 titles available, but the same ones that were showcased with the mom and the small boy are mentioned yet again, even the workout video.

This second segment is not as interesting as the first one, plus it’s not as long either. When the gamer dorks assume that dad has come home, they start panicking because the place is a mess, due to abundance of half eaten pizza slices all over the place (cuz, you know, teenagers). But it’s Ed, who got lost on the way; instead of the boys’ house, he encountered a biker gang. Though we get zero explanation as to what, if anything, had happened.

The ending is also fairly anticlimactic, and the whole thing’s a disappointment to be honest. After a repeat of the commercial break from before, we arrive at the third and final vignette, A VCR’s Last Meal. So you all know already what this one is going to be. As before, the scene opens up in a living room with a man and a woman, a couple sitting on the couch, watching a movie. Sid tells us that they’re movie buffs, though he also explains how their VCR has also developed “quite the appetite” for film as well, hence why they’re regular customers of Ed.

Not surprisingly, their tape (which we are told is Forest Gump, and not Four Weddings And A Funeral; talk about a missed opportunity to flex the CD-i version being superior over the VHS edition) is eaten up by their machine. A call is immediately made the guy has a slightly argumentative exchange on the phone, who states that because of their extended warranty, he wants Ed to give it another shot at fixing it. Ed gets the dispatch, but his hands are full, eating what appears to be two maybe even three slices of pizza at once... 

At this point, the infomercial’s negative characterization of Ed and all that he represents officially went over the line. Sid, whose very healthy lunch is an assortment of fruit and vegetable slices and is an additional dig at his brother, decides to steal yet another client from Ed. What a jerk.

The moment Sid arrives, he barges himself into the couple’s abode, replaces the VCR with a CD-i and considers the job done. The dude wonders what the f and our pitchman explains that he’s offering a new way to consume movies. Sid identifies just one title… any guesses which… and then goes onto to tout the CD-quality sound. The girlfriend or wife (not sure what the nature of their relationship really is) seems immediately sold, but the boyfriend or husband is not. So Sid fires up a movie, and just when we see a “Feature Presentation” graphic, he suggests play a video game instead? Great, so Four Weddings And A Funeral is seriously the ONLY movie for the platform, which they either don’t have the rights to show footage from or maybe it’s not even ready.

The game we see is Caesars World of Boxing. Sid initially hands the controller over to the man but then gives it to the woman instead. Cuz it’s funny you see. Because women don’t play video games you see. We briefly cut to Ed who is having engine troubles, and then it’s back to the woman playing the boxing game. And only her. Not sure if it’s a one player game only or if Sid simply doesn’t have a second controller. Can you plug more than one controller into the machine? I honestly don’t know! The woman is way into the game, mostly the violence, so Sid cuts her bloodlust off by popping in the CD-i version of Clue. It’s a video board game that has clips of all the characters, and because it’s not footage from the famous movie, I didn’t care and you probably won’t either.

The third video game used to convince a movie buff couple as to why they should dump their VCR for a CD-i is Burn:Cycle of all things. Afterwards, while Sid is applying the icing on the cake by pointing out how machine also plays games in addition to video games and nonexistent movies, Ed shows up looking pretty pissed. And for good reason; this bother has been stealing his customers for the past 24 minutes, or should I say stealing Ed of his livelihood. What we get is a shot in which Sid and Ed are facing each other, and since it’s the same actor playing both roles once again, it’s a bit of trick photography, but because their eye lines are not meeting the special effect is less than convincing. Anyhow, as Ed rambles on about how the couple is like family, the woman slips in a copy of Mad Dog McCree. Given how it’s an interactive movie, front and center, why wasn’t it brought up front and center to the film fanatics? Then again, playing a light gun with a standard controller is always lame, so maybe that’s why it barely gets any screen time.

In the middle of this, Sid notes that it’s quitting time for both him and his brother, so cut to them sitting on the couch, alongside the couple, with Ed enjoying some Mad Dog McCree himself! Am shocked it’s not all of them watching a movie, Four Weddings And A Funeral of course (we don’t see what they’re seeing, so it could have been possible). Sid’s voice over states “A minute of CD-i and years of rivalry just disappeared!” The last shot we see, before the infomercial ends with the third and final showing of the commercial, is of the van driving off. Before it said Sid’s CD-i Sales but there’s been some alterations, and now it states Sid & Ed’s CD-i Sales. Isn’t that cute. Am assuming this would last for maybe 4 more months, until Sid was forced to adopt Ed’s line of work. Or who knows, maybe the two would go onto drive around town and pitching Atari Jaguars?