#they’re defunct anyway lmao

[dozydawn]

diane & her daughter fleur

[callsign-rogueone]

This is my reminder to you to Hydrate or Die-drate. The summer is hot in America, as someone in the medical field I have seen one too many people faint from lack of fluids.

On a stupid side to make you smile at a scenario while you drink a glass. After reading the bonus Xaden Scenes from FW; Garrick knew from the start that Xaden had a thing for Violet even back to the first time they sparred together. Very observant; do you think that he and a select few other Marked ones had a betting ring of if they would in the very least hook up? It made me laugh thinking about this at work cause like imagine:

Xaden and Violet first hook up, there is lightning everywhere; Garrick and Liam had to change the Armoire the next day, when they meet for the next dagger exchange a few of them exchange coins and Xaden is just like "Really guys? Couldn't do it when I wasn't looking and wouldn't know."

Or Alternatively where he just says "guys she's special to me." And Imogen sarcastically says "omg that's so surprising."

I’ve got my emotional support Starbucks cold cup on deck, not to worry 🫡 it’s an iridescent dark blue that reminds me of dragon scales. I have a matching red one too hehe

oh I believe they absolutely have a betting ring on that, and on several other things.

in my little au, I’m gonna have them use a devalued Tyrrish currency for betting and favors since cadets don’t get paid. the idea being that it’s like Monopoly money as far as Navarre is concerned, since they no longer accept it outside of Tyrrendor post-revolution. it only has value within the marked group because they agree that it does.

a little peek of that from an upcoming chapter:

“Tyrrish Krown,” he explains before Violet can ask. “A defunct currency that has no value against Navarrian coin. We just use them to settle bets and call in favors.”

“If it doesn’t have exchange value, then…”

“They bankrupted us. All we had left was our gold, and whatever they didn’t burn.”

so they’d use that as betting chips. anyway, I got off the trail and into the weeds here, back to the original question:

Garrick was absolutely on the side of “they’re gonna do it”. Liam too after he started spending more time with Vi / became her bodyguard. idk who would be on the opposite side. maybe Imogen, because she really didn’t want Vi in the group at first. she’d be extra pissed having to fork the money over to Garrick of all people.

Xaden would be deeply unamused. definitely like you said… “really. you had to do this in front of me.”

to which Garrick would come back with something like… “you are singlehandedly responsible for a lightning storm that we all had to witness.”

cue some brotherly bickering.

also I don’t remember who I saw post it first, but I agree with the theory that they just swapped the armoires — Xaden ended up with the broken one, since it was either that or having to ask the school for a new one… and he’s not going to explain the circumstances of it breaking to anyone else, no thank you. (and assuming that the wingleaders have specific rooms like college RAs… that means Dain ended up with it the year after, lmao)

Liam and Garrick were laughing about it the whole time. but they’d also constantly remind him for the rest of the year how much he owes them for making them haul a bigass cabinet up and down two flights of stairs.

the details of her window being repaired remain unclear. they’ve caused a fair amount of property damage with their love… 😅

[beardedhandstoadshark]

What Jrpg games do you recommend checking out?

jrpgs are more of a playstation thing which I don’t own so my recommendations most likely wont be the best ^^;

Ans you probably mean the classic "round based w/party system I’m guessing, and not "rpg and from japan” like Dark Souls would be, sooo…

Short version:

Etrian Odyssey (if you can deal with occasional jank)

Mother/Earthbound series

Undertale/Deltarune

Mario & Luigi series (kinda)

Honkai star rail (if you do not engage with the gacha)

…turns out that despite playing a lot of jrpgs, a good chunk are defunct now cuz they were taken off, aren’t actually true jrpgs, and also I. Kinda really dislike how 95% of them make you stop every few seconds to load and go into a different screen just to spam a, sit through a minute of animations and screens, and then go out again to do it again a few sec later. So these choices are heavily biased to that.

Long version/reasons:

Obligatory Etrian Odyssey plug here! Ever wanted to throw your favorite blorbos together and make them go on a dungeon crawler adventure? Fan of 5-member round based battle systems with front/back row formation and boosts? Thought "the ingame map is crap, lemme make my own”, thirsting for a true challenge where pressing A to win isnt enough and you’re encouraged to treat even normal encounters like the danger they’re supposed to be? And maybe finally figure out what the heck that one random blog on your dash keeps talking about? Well then, youre in luck, as a certain game series called Etrian Odyssey might just be for you, and HD Remasters of the first 3 games are on steam!

…though just as a warning, as much as I loved the og game (and I heard the remasters have lots of Quality of Life upgrades), EO1 is kinda janky in corners lmao. The "old school” vibe it was going for in these older games reflects on the gameplay at times. Haven’t played og or hd 2 but apparently it’s similar. Only heard good things about 3 though!

Earthbound (as far as I played it anyways) is very cool and unique too. Especially the presentation and interactions with the world and all. Comes with switch online, though its VERY easy to find it emulated in random websites. It also heavily inspired Undertale, thats gotta count for something. Mother 3 just got released on there too but for some reason again only in Japan, so its still free sailing on the seas for that one, more than ever now.

Also if you can press A to win in a battle the game just instantly defeats the enemy on the map instead which is the best thing in any jrpg ever and should be done by more games. …It flashes though, which sucks for the eyes a bit.

Speaking of which, Undertale + Deltarune are absolutely deserving of their hype. They might not be from Japan but they carry the energy.

Aside from that…I mean. Theoretically speaking the Mario & Luigi games count as jrpgs. They’re pretty cute and fun, the setting is quirky, the more active gameplay that lets you dodge and counter is a neat breakup from the standing around doing nothing wait of the genre, and I just love the bros being bros ok. They’re the bros ever, always but especially here.

Honkai Star Rail is also not from Japan but very much aiming at weebs, plus powered by the floods of money coming from 2 other big budget hyper-successful and hyper-exploiting gacha games, while also being one. It being Honkai and therefore Hoyo’s favorite child, the presentation is even more on point than Genshin. Also slightly more f2p friendly than its cousin, and that game is already more fun as f2p than whaling like they want you to. …the auto-battle button unfortunately gets use at time, though. Can’t say if it gets too grindy later on though, haven’t played that far.

…yea that pretty much it rn. Sorry :( If I remember more i might come back to this but otherwise thats that ^^

[variantia]

BELLUM.   anyway I’m gonna be probably on my general art/writing blog over at @crystallinearts and/or @yougainedlove for most of the day but send me asks if you’d like !   Undertale and Deltarune babies because whew the mood is high for that

and ALSO before I Houdini over there

for anyone who’s new or just doesn’t understand my ... weird Dreemurr fam here, their main verses are kind of an AU ?   main points being :

everything that happened in Undertale still happened, pacifist golden ending

Kris is the oldest, they’re currently in their early 20s and were adopted as a baby when monsters were still Underground, haven’t thought up their backstory much yet

Kris has been away at college for like a year now and has only recently returned home for a break, for maybe a year before they go back

Chara was raised in a semi-religious cult that worships magic and hates monsters, the cult is now mostly defunct with its village being largely abandoned with only the leader (their father) and two other members left

Asriel and Flowey exist as separate beings, and they kind of ‘share’ their SOUL (Azzy gets the majority of it most of the time, hence why Flowey is still an ankle-biting little gremlin weed almost always)

as far as the younger kids go, Chara is the oldest at ten years, Frisk is the middle at nine, and Asriel is the youngest at eight, with Flowey technically being the youngest but he has so many memories and shit from RESETs and LOADs that he feels and acts a lot older than he actually is

everybody got they issues, with Kris being taken over by The Player (which is the whole reason they left for college in the first place, so The Player wouldn’t interfere with their family), and Chara and Asriel’s shared trauma of everything that went wrong with their plan, as well as Chara’s trauma and trust issues from almost ten years of abuse from the cult and Asriel’s trauma from his time as Flowey, and Frisk’s reckless behavior shaped by their magic and pressure from their power on their shoulders, and Flowey’s trauma and guilt from everything he did living without a SOUL for so long

they all have a superpowered babysitter, Lorelei “Lo” Snow @starfoam, and will talk about her a lot because they all care her

Asgore and Toriel aren’t “together” but they live in the same house as a family for the kids’ sake, just that nobody including the kids ever mistakes them for being anything but happily divorced, simply sharing a living space because it’s easiest

Kris still has DARK World adventures, Susie and Ralsei will show up from time to time, and perhaps Rouxls and Lancer, given that Kris has managed to find a way to give Darkners real form in the LIGHT World (Darkners don’t visit often, trying to give Kris their own life, buuuuut, well, when the circumstances call for it ... or when it just seems like fun)

there’s probably more that I’m forgetting, it’s a really weird AU lmao let’s fuckin GOOOOO lads

[agentmika]

@alwaysanoriginal thank u sm for the tag Char!!! And it’s technically after midnight so Ik it’s not ur bday anymore but happy bday again <3 sorry I took like 2 weeks to get to this lmao

RULES: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

(^ clearly I do not follow the rules because oh my God I am not tagging 20 people but I copy and pasted the rules anyway)

^^keeping what Char said however I have no shame and absolutely will tag 20 people. Don’t feel like you have to do it tho! 

Name/Nickname: Cherish, I generally don’t go by nicknames but I have had friends call me Cheroosh, Cherie, and once upon a time this douchebag in middle school tried to be way too chummy and said “cherbear.” Unfortunately I actually think this is cute but he was annoying so if anyone wants to reclaim that for me be my guest <3

Gender: female, she/her

Star sign: Taurus (I don’t follow astrology stuff but I am happy w/ this in a vague sense)

Height: 5′8″ / 172.72 cm

Time: right now?? 12:18 AM baybeee

Birthday: April 26th! It is fast approaching and I shall be 21

Favorite bands: this will be hard and far from a comprehensive list. Muse. Saint Motel. FOB. AJR. Florence and the Machine. Green Day. The Hot Sardines. Queen. The Regrettes. Uhh, this feels like a unique thing to mention here so I also still like and listen to some songs by Chameleon Circuit, a band that made music inspired by Doctor Who. 

Favorite solo artists: seconding what I said before but here we go: MIKA, Lizzo, Mitski, Hozier, Janelle Monáe, Watsky, uh Daft Punk is technically a duo but they’re not a band and I gotta mention them

Song stuck in my head: I’ll give you two. At the time of being tagged it was "Runs in the Family” by Amanda Palmer because of this amv and currently it is “What the Hell,” by Avril Lavigne because of this one

Last movie: Space Sweepers with my friend Cindy :))) It’s space found family and has a really cool universal translator thing b/c sci-fi that has sooo many languages in the film including Nigerian Pidgin!!!

Last show: in full? Wandavision. in part? I watched the first episode of the new pacrim anime :/

When did I create this blog: 2014...yes I’ll admit it I was once superwholock. 

What I post: whatever I want catered to an audience of me 😌 currently that consists of predominantly SPN renaissance posting, some more recent occasional personal sharing, the old guard, writing and poetry I like, memes, etc 

Last thing googled: not counting the cm thing so “was this song used in a movie” (trying to find if there was a site for that sort of thing)

Other blogs: I have some saved URLs but honestly I don’t have the energy to maintain multiple blogs. it’s all on main baybee!

Do I get asks: rarely but sometimes! ty to those who sent me desticule asks yesterday  <3 Ily 

Why I chose my url: as I admitted before I joined in superwholock era (tho admittedly I began spn after starting my blog im pretty sure) and I couldn’t decide upon a URL that mashed together all the things I cared about so that-one-fandom-chick was born because it was an umbrella thing

Following: uhhhhh...1695....I’ve been meaning to go through and clear this out b/c some are def defunct and I followed a bunch of new ones in the aforementioned spn renaissance

Followers: 788. I’m a relatively small blog in my corner of the internet I think? Plus tbh  like 200 of these have been since Nov 5th lmao when I turned full spn blog

Average hours of sleep: according to my Fitbit, currently 7h 8min. would prefer 8+

Lucky number: big fan of the first few multiples of 7, in particular 7, 14, and 21. I like 64 quite a bit, and thanks to my sister, also 11

Instruments: :/// I wish. I have a keyboard and took like a month of lessons as a child and have tried and failed to teach myself at least 3x. It taunts me. I will try again one day. For now I can kinda play Charlie Brown theme one hand at a time, still memorized from early childhood. 

What am I wearing: My comfy pair of pants that look like a bowling alley floor, fuzzy socks, a periodic table pun t-shirt, and a purple Comfy aka this thing for the uninitiated

Dream trip: keeping the diff versions from Char: 1. also a road trip with friends across America (preferably with a playlist including Fragments of Time - Daft Punk) 2. One of my childhood history obsessions was Pompeii. I would like to see it. 3. Literally almost anywhere outside of the US. I have not left it except for a few trips to Canada since I’m right at the border. 

Favorite food: I have very simple tastes. I love my mom’s holiday baked mac & chz w/ bacon <3

Nationality: American

Favorite song: no ♥️ (also keeping this from Char lmao) One that I always love the vibe of tho is So it Goes by Hi-Lo Jack

Last book read: :(((( this makes me sad b/c I read a lot but I’m actually in a reading drought rn b/c I got stuck on a book and I’m a completionist. Technically still reading The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin, but soon to begin a book club with Neuromancer by William Gibson 

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: Star Trek PLEASE. One where magic is real, maybe the Graceling universe? Gimme a special ability and heterochromia. Tbh I haven’t thought about this much but I want space and magic so whatever gives me that. Since I’m very into superheroes and the prior statement I will also say maybe Marvel. 

Favorite color: Yellow 💛

If you actually read this all, hi ily <3 say hi :) this was an excellent way to stay up much later than I should’ve! 

andddddd taglist at the end: @fan-art-ic, @hirschco, @davidfosterwallaceandgromit, @autisticandroids, @princesshamlet, @shitun0t, @crisp-breeze, @hotgirlcastiel, @omniscientoranges, @cor-aeterna, @actually-a-hobbit, @galaxybrian, @char-arts-occasionally, @sobsicles, @spriteofwinter, @ohsweetflips, @stevebeyonce, @casthyelle, @internetcrimes, @tinyneverthelessfierce

again: this is voluntaryyyyy <3

[oodlyenough]

Okay I've been following you since the early Tumblr fandom days, but now I've come back to Tumblr after several years to find you talking video games now that I'm getting into them and I just 😍. Anyways, the question: I got Borderlands 2 for free on Epic, and the games look really interesting to me but I'm not sure if I wanna invest the money into buying the other ones. Can you play 2 without knowing the story from the first one? Or is it worth it to shell out the money for the others? Also, take into consideration that I'm someone who is generally very mediocre at fps, sadly.

Love this ask, hell yeah man!! Here is more information than you probably need: You can definitely play Borderlands 2 without knowing Borderlands 1. It will cover any of the key stuff you need to know, and it was most people’s entryway into the series and generally considered the “best” Borderlands game. (Not necessarily by me... but by lots of people!) It will give you a taste for the gameplay, as well as the world and style, and you can see if you like it. The gameplay loop in Borderlands 1, 2, “The Pre-Sequel” and 3 is more-or-less the same, they’re all FPS shoot and looters. So if you enjoy that part of BL2, then it might be worth checking out the other games. If you don’t enjoy that, save the money. Borderlands 2 is a good way to test the waters. The writing quality otherwise varies a bit from game to game.

HOWEVER, regardless of your feelings on FPS, I absolutely 100% recommend Tales from the Borderlands, which is from the now-defunct Telltale games but is back in digital storefronts now (finally). So unlike the others it’s narrative- and choice-driven, rather than combat, with the emphasis being on the story and the characters. IMO it has the best writing of the series by a significant margin, so I would honestly say give it a shot even if BL2′s humour isn’t quite doing it for you. (Unless you like... hate EVERYTHING about it lol.) Very funny and also surprisingly heartfelt, I loved it, a top 3 for me, as evidenced by me writing fic about it for the past four years lmao... 

Story-wise, TFTBL takes place after Borderlands 2, so if you’re playing that first it’ll give you more context and some of the jokes might land better, but I played Tales before I played any of the other Borderlands games and got through fine, so it’s not make-or-break. Most of the major characters in it are unique to Tales, with cameos from the main games. 

[atimefordragons]

10 Signs That You’re in a Clara Novel/Project/Writing Collab/Rp/~Thing~

tagged by @ayzrules thanks for the tag! I love tag games and talking about myself XD 

1. DRAGON MOTIFS - [svea, Vera, deevi, shiera, rhaella, ilyana, aurora, literally all of them] lmao, every character and thing ever of mine. I always loved dragons, but the obsession really just clicked in my soul when I watched emilia clarke emerge unharmed from fire with three new dragon hatchlings. after that it was forget whatever witchy and murder shit I was obsessed with as a gothic and macab tween, dragons only now and forever. the dragons can be either literal or figurative, but they are always there. The Dragon does not fear bby. 

2. FIRE & ICE DICHOTOMY - [vera, shiera, raya, svea, zlata] almost always in one person, this kind of happened by accident, I’ve always loved winter and the cold, so naturally, all my characters and worlds end up like that too, but I am also hot headed, and the obsession with dragons results in my winter princesses/queens/etc having a fire dragon while also being ruler of the snow and ice. Sometimes more metaphorically with WRC/FTC Vera, who was ruler of the coldest nation on earth and also had a bunch of nukes and wars, but also ITU Vera, again, ruler of the coldest nation in the realms, but her nuke was a literally dragon this time, she also supernaturally caused a volcanic eruption (spoilers). 

3. HATING ON/JUDGING AMERICA - [all characters] this is intrinsic to my personality. I hate America and so do all my characters. even characters that exist in realities without america, they still hate it. I will not elaborate. 

4. RUSSIANS - [ilyana, zhenya, nika, katya, marena, zlata, vika, vitya, dima, kolya, raya, vova, etc] honestly, I don’t know where my russian obsession started, predates eurovision, post-dragon, but not by much, like, I just woke up one day and decided 80% of my characters are gonna be russian from now on. They tend to be oligarchs, FSB/KGB, bratva is a newer trend for moi. I dunno, but I, a person who has never been to Russia and is not remotely Russian in any way, got brainrot for Russia and Russian history, hmu with them imperial, communist, and modern facts. See you all at Blue Light next year. 

5. BOURGEOISIE -  [99.9% of all my characters] moi: fucking hates capitalism and finds a way to blame everything on capitalism, also me: makes 99.9% of my characters ungodly wealthy. it’s about the financial security and desire for things. probably. idk, but tis my thing, probably one of my oldest things, always loved royalty and nobility, I tend to make vieux riche as opposed to nouveau riche characters, defunct titles, lost glory and all that.

6. THINLY VEILED REFERENCES TO PPL - [lol, not gonna out myself] this isn’t always a negative, this is something that started in like middle school when I would name characters after my friends and just base their personalities on them without having to think, as I got older, this shifted into being references to other characters, like I’ve made an Oikawa and an Ushijima, etc, and still do that, but on the flipside, also use this to create characters based on people I detest and vicariously act out vengeance. 

7. SASS MASTER MEDIEVAL FEMINIST - [élodie i] there were others, but I like to think I’ve grown past this a little, like, don’t get me wrong, I still got my medieval snarky ass ladies who are all for the girl power, but that exact level of my writing at the time was pretty white feminist, and I’m woc, so pathetic me. hopefully, you can find more dynamic and evolved versions of this trope in my writing now, but whatever. I write for me and my friends to enjoy, my bad writing is your problem guys. 

8. DESTRUCTION OF A RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATION - [into the unknown, for the crown, serve or burn] this isn’t as common as the other things, but in a setting where I have full control of the world, there’s always something like this, either it is christianity, or is a thinly veiled reference to it. Look, while I do technically agree that there’s no such thing as an “evil religion”, there is nothing more evil than the christain organization, usually I mean catholism, but the evangelicals and mormons are weird and fucked up cults too. Anyway, imma die bitter about all the damage christanity has done to the world, so in my worlds, it gets burned to the ground. I am not sorry.   

9. MALE LOVER BOYS ARE JUST A MANIESTFATION OF JOHN MULANEY’S “MY WIFE IS A BITCH AND I LIKE HER SO MUCH” - [nika, lucas, ademir, vorian, kolya, etc ] listen, the only type of male lover I want are those who are deeply devoted to the subject of their affections, no “I lie to protect you” bullshit, they’re pretty, usually buff, but not necessarily, that’s just a common aesthetical attraction choice of mine, and they have like skills and talent I guess, but most of the time they stand behind their wife while she does whatever is plot relevant and hold her hand when she’s sad. 

10. A WORLD THAT’S TOO BIG AND TAKES TO LONG TO DEVELOP - [see; into the unknown] listen, listen, I know this is like, a problem with me, okay? I make the world too big and get buried in all the plots and the calendars and the timelines and the history and it’s all an exhausting mess that I never quite finish. but, whatever. I can’t have a basic ass world with no detail, I hate that shit, I’d rather take forever building the world, than the world being empty. 

tagging: @celestialfairies @kzombi3 / @thots4daze @themonsterslut @turquoisesiren @heartless241 @alittlebitluna @eternalsailorstar @themadmonarchist @forebodinq + anyone else who wants to do this

[rpbetter]

Today I learned a popular vent blog is repressing submissions about the drama with the now defunct resource blog. They probably have a relationship to the resource blog admin, or they are the admin. I know two people who sent submissions that were not published, but new submissions they made after were. The admin is silent after inquiries about it. They are ignoring everyone who tries to talk about it. It is so hard to find a place in the rpc that is transparent right now, a place that does not censor people who need to get things off their chest. Of all places that should keep their bias in check. It should not be a vent blog. That is one of the last places people go when they can not confide in their rp partners, or people in real life. Sometimes just having a vent post published can be everything. It is more silencing than people think.

Okay, I do know what you're talking about. I've said in the past that I specifically look around the RPC to gauge a rounder set of experiences, problems, etc. That blog is such a place that I have visited in the past to do so, and I have both noticed and been told what you're telling me now. I will admit, because I do believe in honesty here as a part of transparency one should strive to uphold off of their RP and personal blogs, that I have held exactly these suspicions since the blog choose to "handle" recent events the way they did. That is why I was paying attention to the disparity in both original submissions published and the responses to them.

What I have seen is a little uncomfortable feeling. It isn't just The Topic itself, it's also anything relating too closely to that mun's repeatedly expressed positions on things as well. Well, you know, a frightening number of people do feel the same way, do engage in those behaviors, so I am willing to believe that I am merely seeing shit where it doesn't exist. I am, after all, just a person, doing what people do, being fallible. I'm not acting on any information that anyone else out there isn't privy to, I also want t be clear about that. It's the opposite of my interest to withhold information, make it up, or inflame the situation.

Like everyone else in the RPC right now, it's incredibly difficult to not be suspicious. So many really ugly things were revealed and transpired, it was like every three hours there was something horrifying and new going on. And the way that it was left off, with the meme blog mun and with that vent blog just served to chafe those feelings for many.

So, again, while I am not trying to give this all a spritzer of gasoline, and neither am I acting on any knowledge none of you have, I've had suspicions since the time that vent blog decided that it was fully appropriate to refuse action for what went on that there was a bit of a personal connection going on. When your blog has established that it will mass-block people for far less, but suddenly, over this, it's a useless effort not going to help anyone? I'm sorry, that's suspicious to me. If nothing else, it was incredibly shitty to tell muns who were targetted because of interactions on their blog to just get over it and be adults when the adult thing is to approach the mods (hello, it does stand for moderator) with concerns, and this is a serious concern.

One that has done exactly as you say - effectively shut down venting and communication on that blog. I love that the direction is constantly to take things to the comments lmao gee, I wonder why no one is willing to openly comment anymore? Total mystery! Could it be that even you feel you can handle potential harassment, you don't want to endanger anyone else who might not be able to? Possibly.

Venting has a negative connotation here anyway, that doesn't help. Months before this all happened, I was seeing an increasing number of people equating such blogs to burnbooks, or at best, "childish echo chambers."

However, venting on one's own blog is not alright either. We're not supposed to have a visible problem with anyone or anything they're doing, ever. It's supposed to work out every time like this: you approach the person(s) causing you this problem and discuss it maturely with them in private, the issue is resolved, and everyone goes off into the sunset crapping rainbows. Double ones, even.

The problem is...it doesn't work out like that very often. That isn't to say it shouldn't be your first action, it should. Sometimes, especially if you've been both lucky and extremely careful about your writing partners, you'll be wonderfully surprised and it'll be a great conversation that helps both muns. So much of the time though, it instigates a fight because everyone is automatically defensive as hell, or one or both muns are so afraid of that happening that they'll refuse to have a meaningful confrontation (confrontation is not always negative, we need to stop viewing it that way). One or both say whatever is necessary to smooth over the problem, while they change nothing at all, making the feelings of anger so much worse.

And maybe, this problem isn't that big of a deal, one needs to work themselves up into addressing it, or they've cause to actually fear the other mun's response to them.

So, they have three options, and none of them is alright with the RPC:

vent to a friend - this is unacceptable because it is always seen as talking shit behind another mun's back, bringing drama to others, and trying to force people to take sides, no matter how much none of these may be the case and hold a lot of variables depending on the type of venting and the relationship of the muns involved

vent/vague on the dash - not always the same thing, not always occurring at the same time, and not always invalid either, but always viewed as incredibly malicious and wrong. Even if the result was either getting the friend who wouldn't stop refusing to engage to have a meaningful conversation with you or finding a new partner because someone else has been experiencing it too, you know you're not going to do this to each other, and a mutual you've been ignoring is now a valued partner

vent on a vent blog - seen as even worse than venting on one's blog in some corners because it's a more open to visit place, it's just stirring up drama and fights, this makes everyone feel vagued about and suspicions and accusations of being mentioned/mentioning someone run wild. Everyone wants a drama-free dash, no one wants to allow anyone a better place to do it

Venting is important. I think it is necessary to maintaining a less explosive environment. It's called "venting" for a reason!

Maybe it is the most ridiculous complaint in history, but those things do build. And build. And build. Until they blow up all over in someone's face, it might even be someone totally innocent who happened to be in the right place at the wrong time with exactly the worst coincidental words spoken to you. These places allow for people to get it out without hurting anyone's feelings or starting a massive argument when it wasn't even anything that serious. They offer, or used to, different perspectives that let muns feel seen while helping them to decide whether they are just blowing things out of proportion, misunderstanding/potentially unaware of another aspect, or even in a worse situation than they were allowing themselves to be aware of with a harmful relationship.

It goes beyond just venting when there are conversations going on about the topics! Sometimes, people just need to feel like they're not so isolated. Sometimes, they legitimately lack the tools and perspectives to approach a problem more directly or successfully. And yes, sometimes, they even need to see that this is kind of shitty of them and they should reevaluate.

Vent blogs are difficult to manage.

We all have biases, and when it comes to more personal situations we can recognize or see ourselves within, that is never more likely to become a point of extra difficulty to keep in check. This is actually why I left that vent blog the first time around, there was way too much bias being expressed with a mod taking it upon themselves to opine on submissions, fight with people about them, and refuse to post them while vaguing about them. Among other, increasingly perturbing behaviors I had no desire to keep seeing daily on my dash.

When you decide to create or accept a position moderating such a blog, you have to know that you will be thus challenged. Someone is going to vent about someone you'll recognize, a situation you feel passionately about, or say something in a vent that upsets you. You have got to remain visibly impartial. Go on and vent about it yourself to friends, write a post on your personal, do whatever the hell you need to in order to not be visibly biased and acting upon that bias.

I see blogs like this, as well as other places of moderation, often becoming incensed and offering the angry justification that "mods are people." Yes, I should hope you are! No one is saying you must be an impossibly perfect person without opinions, biases, or mistakes. We are holding you to a higher standard of you deal with these things out in the open where you hold this position, yes. That's literally what your job is, my friends. Go off about it, feel your feelings, even cultivate a block list from that blog! But you don't show it, you don't ever make people feel worse when the point of your blog is to allow them a voice.

The only time you need to give a personal opinion is when it is requested or you need to express that a submission was declined/comment had to be moderated due to you exercising your judgment that it violated the rules.

This is supposed to be a safe place for muns to anonymously let it out of their systems and discuss these topics. Not a place where they'll feel exposed, judged by the mods themselves, and denied a voice because of a mod's biases being exercised.

And I'm extremely sorry that people are being made to feel this way, all over again in some cases, because someone cannot handle the position they took up. I'm sorry for the whole community who has lost an important outlet. I wish that I could recommend another place for people to go that might provide a better experience, but as yet, I do not. Hopefully, that'll be changing in the near-enough future, but for right now...all of the vent blogs I was familiar with have long since closed down.

If anyone has any currently running vent blog suggestions, I'd love to know about them and share them! Please, they do have to be legitimate vent blogs. I'm not going to recommend here that might be too close to actually being burnbook-like, deals in publishing URLs, and so on. If you want to engage with that, it's absolutely your choice, but it's not something I want to give certified approval to on this blog, and I hope you understand why. If they're legitimately anonymous, safer places serving as vent blogs, let me know so I can check them out for a few days and publish your ask!

It wasn't my intention with this blog, though I did offer that a couple of times just to get people talking about problems important to them in the past, but if you want to vent here, I'll do my best to publish them (unless you request otherwise) in a relatively timely fashion.

I'm just not a proper vent blog, and people should be aware of that! I do offer opinions on those matters. It's more in line with the point of this blog to do so - I want to be able to give some point of assistance in publishing them. I cannot promise, therefore, to be impartial, but I can promise to not judge you or ignore what you send because I don't agree, am tired of it, etc.

I'd just ask that, once again, everyone realize that sending hateful messages to me isn't going to result in me being nice to you in return. If you've a complaint to lodge, lodge it respectfully if you desire to be treated that way yourself. This blog will publish anon hate, that doesn't mean I'm going to be nice when you send it. Anything else, however, I will genuinely try to offer you the opportunity to be seen and heard, some advice, experiences I might have had with a similar issue, and to approach it fairly.

Sorry that everyone is going through a hard time, that it just doesn't seem to stop, and probably will not for some time now. Thank you for sending this, I hope it made you feel a little better! That has been, and will continue to be, my objective in publishing asks relating to this matter - I just want everyone to feel like they have some agency and respect somewhere, that they're being seen, and that they have the support of others in the community.

[pangtasias-atelier]

An Inexperienced Ghost Agent (unedited story from 2014)

Just to preface this, this is a fic I wrote way back ago when I was still a sophomore in highschool. This was probably like one of my first ever attempts at any type of story. So it's bad. Like, really bad. And it honestly does make me cringe, but it also makes me happy to see my level of writing be way above this. (Not that my current level is far from average lmao) Nothing explicit or bad in this. The worst is the awful like se/me u/ke relationships in typical BL fashion. The last portion is where it gets kinda bad too. Though it's more cringey than anything lmao. But again, happy to see myself move past those stereotypes that had been ingrained in my mind as a young gay still unsure of anything. I remember telling myself that I couldn't be gay cause I'm Mexican lol. Which is admittedly really sad, but like, that's growth there! Anyways, enough about my stupidity, this fic is from 2014 and about the now defunct gacha, Ayakashi Ghost Guild. This work is entirely unedited, so it doesn't even have an ending. I wanted to preserve its age by not altering it in any way. So yeah. I doubt this'll be enjoyable to anyone, but I hope at least someone gets some good laughs over how mediocre this is!

Edit: actually, there are some edits, but it's just me combining paragraphs and cutting off dialogue marked by a lack of a response aka "..." Cause this story actually exceeded the 250 paragraphs limit on Tumblr sbdksnksnslalansma

_______________

"Nnngh. That felt really good. How long was I asleep?"

"For a pretty long time. Trust me I was beside you the entire time." I turn to my right and see that Santa Claus is right beside me.

"Why are you on my bed?"

"Because you're so comfortable." Santa Claus said it so matter of factly.

"Please get off."

"No. I wanna lay down with you, so get used to it." Barely a second goes by and I hear an arrow wiz by.

"Leave Alex alone Santa Claus."

"You're just jealous that I can cuddle with him. Besides, you missed me."

"I never miss my mark. It was intentional."

"Just because you transmigrated doesn't mean that."

"Do you want to find out." Kyu raised his bow and pulled it back; ready to shoot it.

"Stop it you two! Let go of me Santa Claus, and put your coat back on; the Anniversary Event is already over." He's so pressed up to me that I can feel his chest on my back.

"I know it's over. That's why I took it off. I can also take off the rest of my clothes if you want me to." I can't stop the blush on my face. Kyu sees it and he scowls.

"One more remark like that and this arrow is going straight for your neck." Would Kyu really do it? I didn't want to find out.

"Stop it Kyu. And let go of me."

"Sheesh Alex no need to be rough. Of course I'm going to be rough to you later tonight." That last remarks makes me blush even more and before I can make a retort Mira steps in.

"I think it's time for me to step in before Kyu and Claus kill each other." Thank God Mira stepped in! I wouldn't doubt them killing each other either. Wait, she has chocolate on her cheek.

"Were you raiding the fridge for some pudding Mira?"

"Yes master. That's why I barely came." She puts her head down in slight embarrassment and shame. If she's eating some pudding then that means it's night.

"What time is it Mira?" Thankfully Kyu and Claus have finally shut up.

"It's 1:37 a.m."

"Screw it. I'm watching some anime with you Mira." Before Santa Claus can tighten his grip on me I quickly get off the bed and go into the living room.

"I'm going back to my room." Thankfully Kyu left which just leaves Santa Claus on my bed *sigh*.

"Thank god I have such a big house. They'd probably kill each other already if they lived any closer." Mira just laughs at me. When we finally arrive at the living room, Ranmaru is sitting there entranced by the TV. "Why is Ranmaru with you this late?"

"I'm not a kid anymore! Plus I wanted to see if you people correctly got how all of us looked in the Sengoku period. How do they know how we look? Technology sure has gotten far." It takes me awhile to understand everything he said. He's half right about not being a kid at least. When he transmigrated he grew up but he still acts like a kid.

"Wait, they're actually right on how all of you look!"

"Yeah look at me and the cartoon of me on the TV!" Oh my god they actually are.

"Is their depiction of Nobunaga right?"

"Especially him!" I take note of how he looks in case we ever run into him. Mira just sits on the couch laughing at Ranmaru's reaction.

I go into the kitchen feeling a bit peckish. "Do either of you want pudding." I know Mira wants one, so I grab her one on reflex.

"Yes please." They both reply unsurprisingly. Ranmaru being childish obviously would have a sweet tooth.

"Here you go you two." They simultaneously replied with a thank you and I sat down on the floor. A while passes and the show is finally over. Ranmaru and Mira are absolutely hooked on it but I'm just tired to the point I'm tempted to sleep on the floor. The front doorknob starts to shake and I quickly get up out of fear. Then I hear that a key is being inserted into it and then curiosity takes over. Who the hell is out this late. The door opens and I see that it's rat clan boss in his anniversary getup. I quickly go up to him all worried.

"What is it Alex?"

"Your jacket is covered in blood! What were you doing out so late?" I yell even though I didn't mean to. I hope I didn't wake anyone up.

"It's not my blood. Don't worry."

"That makes me all the more worried. What did you do?" While I'm no longer yelling I'm still somewhat raising my voice to him.

"Calm down don't get your panties in a knot. Come with me."

"Wait, what are you doing? Let me go!" He walks up to me and hoists me up to his shoulder and he carries me like a sack of flour. Since when did I start to get pushed around. I'm the ghost hunter here. I fought mostly everyone here and I beat everybody that I fought.

"Calm down. We're going to my room. You can sleep with me for tonight." Before Rat Clan Boss can react Ranmaru suddenly appears before us.

"Oh no he's not. Let him go Nezumi "

"Nezumi? The hell did you get that from; that's not my real name. "

"It means rat in Japanese you idiot. Now let go of Alex." Oh dear God. Ranmaru just drew his sword. This isn't good. Then they'll both fight. I need to stop to them.

"Stop it both of you! And Nezumi I'll come with you if you promise that you'll let me go with you whenever you leave so late.

"Fine I don't see a problem with that but you be careful when you come with me. Now let's go." He starts to walk towards his room. I turn around, embarrassed to see Ranmaru's and Mira's reaction.

"Don't worry. I'll take good care of him."

"Shut up already." Ranmaru is still confused about the situation but I hear Mira calling him over and then I hear whispering. What are they saying? I turn around towards them and they both give me a wink. I blush and turn back around regretting looking at them. Once we're out of sight Nezumi takes me off his shoulder and carries me bridal style.

"How cliche."

"Anything to woo you." He smirks at me. When we finally reach his room, he gently puts me on his bed.

"Get me the blanket, please."

"I thought we were going to have some fun before we go to sleep." Not this again.

"No. Now hand me the blanket."

"Fine. I was only teasing you." He drapes the blanket over me while he changes. I quickly turn around to face away from him.

"Don't care. Just go to sleep. *sigh* I'm tired. And if you sleep in the buff I'm leaving." The warmth from the blanket is making me even more tired.

"Calm down already. I don't. I need to be prepared if someone attacks me."

"What do you mean if someone attacks you?"

"It's out of habit. No need to worry. I feel more comfortable carrying it when I go to sleep."

I wonder what he means by 'it' until it finally clicks with me. "You better not carry a knife with you while you sleep."

"And what if I do." I slowly turn around to yell at him, but I stop when I see him wearing nothing except plain boxers. I quickly turn around out of embarrassment. It takes me a while for me to calm down, but when I do I'm absolutely annoyed.

"I don't want you stabbing me when I wake up!"

"I won't carry a knife then. Hold on a bit." He gets something from one of his shelves and grabs a bottle filled with liquid.

"Are you going to drug me!?"

"It's to clean my piercings so they don't get infected. Calm down already. And quit yelling."

"*yawn* Fine." I'm too tired for anything else so I start to get comfortable.

"Since you won't let me carry a knife while I sleep, how 'bout I hold you for tonight." He laid down on his bed with me and wrapped his arms around my chest. I can feel his bare chest against the light fabric of my shirt. His biceps are pressing into my arms.

"Let go of me! Stop it." I'm so tired that it sounds halfhearted.

"You know you sound cute when you're tired."

"Whatever. I'm going to kill you when I wake up."

"Goodnight." He tightens his grip on me even further. Maybe I should talk to Eisuke how to deal with this tomorrow. I'll look for him at the institute.

"Goodnight." Finding no way to get out I snuggle up to him.

"Someone's getting comfortable."

"Shut up. Now let me go to sleep."

"I wish we didn't have to go to sleep." I shiver from how softly he says it right into my ear. "This is a lot better than carrying a knife. Looks like I'll have to take you from your bed from now on."

"Don't. Now let me sleep I'm tired." I don't care at how whiny I sound; I want to go to sleep.

When I wake up in the morning I see Kyu and Pearce staring at me in Nezumi's arms.

"What?" Maybe I should ask Pearce how to contact Eisuke.

"Get up."

"Do you honestly think that if I could get up that I wouldn't." Does Pearce honestly think I'm that strong.

"Move his arms Kyu."

"Fine."

"Don't. He's a light sleeper. I'll wake him up myself. Just leave the room real quick. I'll be out in a bit."

"Let's go Kyu." Pearce forcefully drags Kyu along with him. At least he listens to me still.

"Thank you. Now get up you!" I start to flail my entire body to wake him up not caring about being nice. I did promise to kill him.

"Give me a kiss first."

"When I'm in hell. And what about Koko?"

"We're not going out. She's just popular with the henchmen. Now about that kiss."

"Never."

"Then I guess you're not leaving this bed." I hear movement behind the door and the sounds of struggling. Most likely Pearce stopping Kyu from barging into here.

"Fine." I give him a quick peck on the cheek. "Now let me go."

"I mean a kiss on the mouth. Now give it to me."

"You just said a kiss. You never said on the mouth!"

"Doesn't matter."

"I can't if you don't loosen your grip!" He completely lets go and before I can risk quickly running away he speaks.

"If you even try to leave before you give me a kiss you're going to be in my arms all day."

I get up to give him a kiss and when my face is right in front of his he puts his hand on the back of my head and he brings my head down to his and he forcefully kisses me. I close my lips so he can't put his tongue inside my mouth but he doesn't get the tip so he bites my lips with his teeth and I open my mouth out of reflex and that's enough time for him to slide his tongue into my mouth. Once he's done I can barely breath from the lack of oxygen and the heat rising to my face. Yet he doesn't stop there, he brings his lips down to my neck and he bites down. HARD. His sharp teeth pierce my skin. I whimper from the pain and I realize Pearce and Kyu are outside the door.

"Pearce help!" He quickly barges through the door and he notices what Nezumi is doing to me. He rushes to the bed and he forces Nezumi off of me.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" The way Nezumi says it is pretty scary. He quickly stands up to punch Pearce but I put both of my hands on his arm to stop him before his fist and Pearce's face make contact.

He turns back at me surprised and when he sees that I have tears in my eyes and I'm slightly bleeding where he bit me on my neck. He embraces me in a hug. I don't even want to give him a hug so he knows that I don't forgive him.

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Just let me go please."

"Again I'm sorry." Thankfully Ne- no rat clan boss let me go. As I leave the room with Pearce I turn around to see that he's sitting on the bed silently crying. I quickly run to his side and give him a hug.

"I forgive you. Just don't do it again please."

"Okay I'm sorry." He grabs a handkerchief and starts to clean my tears and then proceeds to clean my blood. "Sorry if it hurts." He hugs me one more time and tells me to do whatever I was going to do.

"Goodbye Nezumi. See ya later. Let's go Pearce. " I wait until we're both out of Nezumi's range of hearing before I talk to Pearce. "Where did Kyu go?"

"He went to go get his bow and arrow." Right after he says that Kyu comes to us running.

"Darn you and your large house master. I got lost again." He sees my neck. "What's wrong with your neck."

"Kyu. Leave our master alone. Let's go Alex." Pearce drags me by my hand and exit out the front door.

"Tell everyone I'll be gone for awhile. Okay Kyu." I close the door and I turn to Pearce. "Thank you. Do you know how to contact Eisuke."

"We need to go to the institute. He's always there at this time of day."

"Let's go then." We quietly walk together to the institute and when we enter I walk up to the receptionist desk. "Excuse me Mrs. I'd like to speak with Eisuke. Is he currently here ?"

"My such manners, and cute as well. No wonder you went with him Pearce. Yes he is here. He is currently in his room. Pearce should know where it is."

"Thank you mam. Have a nice day." How embarrassing! I turn to Pearce and see that he's smirking at me. I turn my head around not noticing the way he frowns when I do. He stands in front of me and he leads the way. When we finally reach Eisuke's room he motions for me to knock. I do so and I hear Eisuke loudly speak.

"Coming." When Eisuke sees that it's me he's surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"We want you to know that we're going out." What the hell is wrong with Pearce!

"Wait what!" Eisuke looks at me wide-eyed.

"Ignore him. I need some advice from you."

"I'll be out in a sec. Come on in." He opens the door further and both Pearce and I enter his small apartment. I sit on the couch and I glare at Pearce. He smirks at me again and he wraps his arm around my waist.

"What are you doing!? Let go of me Pearce."

"You didn't seem to mind when Rat Clan Boss did this to you." The fact that he knows embarrasses me. Oh god Kyu was there too!

"That was different. Nezumi and Ranmaru were going to fight. I had to stop it somehow." I turn away, embarrassed. "Just not a way I preferred."

"Liar."

"Shut up." I face forward again, ignoring the fact that Pearce still has his arm around my waist. Damn his height.

Eisuke, appararently, starts to choke on air at what Pearce said. It takes awhile for him to calm down. Aaaaand he's even more annoyed. Perfect.

"And how am I supposed to help you."

"Do you know a way to control them."

"If this has to do with sex I'm done."

"No it isn't! I just need to keep them under control! How do you keep your Daemons under control."

"I'm not an idiot like you. I honestly don't know what to do. It's your fault." Eisuke has a small grin and he's trying to wipe it off his face.

"Quit smiling or I'll-" I get interrupted by a knock on the door. Eisuke gets up to get it. Pearce and I turn around to see who it is.

"Is Alex here?" All three of us are shocked at who it is. Pearce slightly loosens his grip on my waist; seeing my chance I quickly get up and run behind Barbatos, clinging on to him for dear life.

"No wonder they get aroused." Eisuke turned around after saying that.

"I never said they do!"

"I could make the connection. Especially with the way you're groping him."

"I'm not groping him!"

"I don't mind him groping me. But only because it's Alex."

"Shut up!" I quickly unwrap my hands from Barbatos. "Why are you here." I quickly try to divert the conversation from what just happened. He's amused by the conversation.

"Gargoyle is frantically looking for you. He should be on top of the building by now."

"I'll go right now. Eisuke, how do I reach the rooftop?"

"The daemon can show you himself."

"I don't think- "

"I know how to reach it. That's how I got in."

"Let's go then. Come on Pearce." Pearce silently gets up of the couch and stands beside me. Before he can wrap his arm around my waist, Barbatos wraps his arm around me. Knowing it'll annoy Eisuke further I save it for later. "Bye Eisuke. Thank you."

"I hope you know that this is all your fault."

"I know. Thanks." He closes the door, but not before giving a small chuckle. Once the door is fully closed I yell at Barbatos. "Stop it!"

"I'm just enjoying myself. Being with you that is."

"This is all just a game to you isn't it."

"Maybe." He smirks at me. Once we arrive at the rooftop, Barbatos lets go of me. Less than ten seconds pass by when Gargoyle tackles me to the ground.

"Get off of me Gargoyle." While he can barely talk, he's been getting better at speaking in something other than growls.

"Sorry."

"That's good! You're getting better now. You said it without stuttering!" I raise my hand to pat his head, but he grabs it before I can. In an instant he grabs me in his arms and he jumps off the roof. "Were going to die! What's wrong with you!" I scream all the way until he starts to flap his wings at the very last second. He slowly lands on the ground.

"Y-you okay?" What did my screaming suggest! That I was having the life of my time?! "

"No! That was scary! I'm traumatized because of you!"

"Tra-tra-mu-ti-tized?" While he was able to say it, almost, correctly. I'm too scared, annoyed, and angry to congratulate him.

"Let's just go home." I don't even want to touch the ground. I stay in his arms clinging on to him. As he slowly walks back to my house, I can feel that people are staring at us. Thankfully nobody can notice Gargoyle's wings or horns because they haven't been attacked by a daemon. As he's walking, we get knocked to the ground.

"Watch were you're going you- Oh hey Alex." Great. It's Dora. Just who I wanted to see.

I slowly start to catch my surroundings. Once I do, I see that I'm right on top of Gargoyle. When we make eye contact he gives me a wide grin and brings me down to him. People are starting to gather around now. "Let go of me." He slowly does so. Damn my head hurts from all this. I quickly get up and when I can properly do so he puts his arm around my waist. Why does everyone have to do this?! While the crowd is dispersing, some of them give us disapproving glares. Dora on the other hand.....

"What a couple of idiots." Dora on the other hand laughs at us. Seeing a chance to ask for her help I quickly ask her before she runs off to wherever she was going.

"Hey Dora? Do you know-" I get interrupted by Gargoyle poking my thigh. I instinctively ball my hand and punch him in the shoulder. He ignores it and points behind me. To where Dora is currently running to. So much for that. "Let's go get ice cream. It's almost time to eat but whatever." Gargoyle reluctantly nods his head. He walks behind me this time. Once we reach the place, I order the both of us vanilla ice cream. We sit on the chairs provided outside the place and eat it quietly and peacefully, that is until Barbatos and Pearce find us.

"Enjoying some quality time with Gargoyle are you."

"Quit being such an idiot Barbatos."

"Can I have some ice cream."

"No. But Pearce can." I give him enough money to buy some ice cream.

"Then I'll just have to get some of yours."

"No way. You-" I get interrupted when Barbatos stupidly decides to shove my ice cream on my mouth. "What's your problem!" I reach to grab my napkin, but Barbatos grabs my wrist and kisses me. His grip is too strong to the point I can't even resist him. I start to have trouble breathing until Gargoyle yanks him off of me.

"Get soft him!" As much as I want to laugh at Gargoyle, I'm absolutely livid to the point where I just leave all three of them. I ignore their stares and everyone else who saw what happened.

Once I get back, I'm just relieved that I'm away from Barbatos. I decide to not eat dinner today. I'm way too tired. I enter my room unnoticed and change into my pajamas. I lie down on my bed trying to go to sleep early, until I notice Santa Claus is on my bed.

"So you've come to sleep with me huh. Normally I'd have to put you on the naughty list but I can make an exception for you."

"This is my bed. Go to your room. I'm tired and I want to go to sleep alone." I manage to get off the bed before he can get a hold on me.

"But don't you think that sleeping together is a whole lot better." He pats the part of the bed that I was just on in an attempt to make me go in. As tempted as I am to sleep in my bed I start to walk away.

"I'm going to the living room. Bye." I don't have the energy to deal with anything right now. Much less one of my daemons. I go to the living room and lie down on the couch. I try going to sleep but it's hard when it's cold and with no blanket.

"Good evening Alex. How are you today." Kill me now! Can't I be allowed to go to sleep!?

"Hey Ikutachi. I'm sorry but can we talk tomorrow; I'm really tired."

"Oh, I'm sorry. But why are you sleeping in the couch?" His concern is very nice but I'm tired. I know it's not his fault, so I try to calm myself.

"Santa Claus is in my room and because I don't want to deal with him right now I'm sleeping here for tonight."

"You can sleep in my bed tonight. I'll sleep on the floor."

"It's fine Ikutachi. I'll sleep here. Now can you please let me go to sleep. I'm sorry, but I'm really tired." Ikutachi looks sad, but he decides to leave. I feel terrible for saying that, but if he didn't leave in a bit I'd have probably snapped at him for no reason. Thankfully, without any other interruptions I fall asleep within minutes.

I start to wake up later when it gets hot. I feel a blanket over me. A lot of blankets. I'm starting to sweat. I sit up and see that the T.V. is on.

"Who turned on the T.V.?" Ugh I'm still tired from everything.

"It was Ranmaru."

"No it wasn't! It was Yukimura!"

"Stop yelling you idiot." God help me now. I can't deal with the two of them.

"Can you turn it off please?"

"Okay. Let's go." At least Ranmaru is understanding.

"Why should we?"

"Because Alex is trying to go to sleep and we should be polite."

"He should go to his room."

"Why aren't you sleeping in your bed master." It seems that what Yukimura said piqued Ranmaru's interest.

"Santa Claus is in my bed. That's why I'm out here." Ugh, I'm so sweaty. "I'm going to go take a shower." I take off all my blankets, and go into my room quietly. I quickly grab a change of clothes and a towel; I get out of my room and go to one of the bathrooms. I take a fast shower and I dry myself. I don't have enough time to put on all of my clothes, before the door is knocked down. Even though I have boxers on, I cover myself with my towel just in case. Hercules comes in, shirtless as usual, passes me, and throws up in the toilet. I run to the kitchen and run back bringing a bottle of water for Hercules.

"Thanks, but I'm not drunk. I ate some disgusting meat." He opens the bottle and drinks all of it within seconds. "Thanks again."

"Why were you eating so late?"

"I was hungry so I thought about eating something with protein. I walked into the kitchen and found some meat on a plate. Then this happened."

"You shouldn't eat meat that's just lying around. It could have bacteria or something."

"Now that I threw up, the bacteria should be gone. I took a bite of it a minute ago."

"Well you can't be to sure."

"Thanks again." His gaze suddenly goes down when he notices I'm almost naked. "Why are you only in boxers?"

"I just got out of the shower!" I grab my towel from the floor and cover myself. Despite how ridiculous I look, as long as he isn't staring it's better. His demeanor then takes a full 180.

"You know you shouldn't let anybody else see you like that." He cups my chin with his hand. When I try to back up, he uses his other hand to hold me. He doesn't even budge when I resist further. His grip is too tight to the point that it's suffocating. "Any sane person wouldn't be able to control themselves with you." His thumb catches on my lips for a second, before he tugs off my towel. "I know I can't." He presses our faces and he deeply kisses me. I pound my fists against his chest, push him away, and even try to escape. Whether he's purposefully ignoring me or I'm just that weak I don't know. "Come with me." He whispers into my ear and it makes me shiver from fear as to what will happen. He takes me to his room and he puts me on his bed.

"Wha-what are you doing?" I try to sound brave but instead it came out pathetically.

"You'll see." He lies down on top of me putting a lot of pressure. "What happened here." He points to where Nezumi bit me. His voice is really serious and he glares at me.

"Someone bit me." My voice barely comes out to the point even I strain to hear it.

"What happened. Tell me now." He's even more angry at me. His glare intensifies.

"Someone bit me." I'm absolutely terrified as to what's going to happen now.

"Who was it."

"···" The longer I remain silent his glare intensifies even further. He wraps his hands around my wrists.

"You belong to me now." He starts to nibble at my neck.

"Ah! Stop it." I uselessly try to move my neck around but it doesn't work.

"···" His nibbling soon turns into biting. At first it's a bit ticklish but then pain starts to spread around my neck when his biting becomes stronger.

"Stop. Please." I desperately struggle against him once more, but it's as futile as the other times.

"···" His biting starts to hurt even more now. Even when it was Nezumi it didn't hurt this bad. And it hurts even more because he's biting me multiple times. He finally removes his mouth from his neck, and he raises his head to face mine. He gives me a wide smirk. He removes his hand from my wrist and he harshly caresses my hickey. He brings his face down to my neck again and he bites at my hickey.

"Stop! That hurts." With my left arm finally free, I punch him in the face.

"What do you think you're doing!?" His voice is so harsh compared to how it was when we were first talking.

"That hurts! Please stop."

"I would. But I don't want to."

"I said stop it."

"No." He grabs my hands to make sure I won't stop him and he continues to bite my neck. Awhile passes before he stops, but at that point the pain is insufferable. I'm crying heavily from how sore my neck is. He once again cups my chin in his hand. "Don't cry. I just want people to know that you belong to me. They shouldn't take what isn't there's. Now let's go to sleep. Even I won't force you to do that until you're ready." It seems that he still has some sanity left but he still terrifies me.

"O-okay."

"Don't be scared." He wipes my tears away, and he tries to sooth me. It doesn't work and instead makes me more afraid of him at how his attitude changes quickly. "Remember when I saved you at Yggdrasil?"

"Yes"

"You were unconscious when I first met you. You're daemons were carrying you and I thought they were kidnapping you. I fought them and won. When they were tired I took you from them. "

"I know. When I woke up I was scared of you. But you treated me kindly and I trusted you. You didn't act like this back then."

"Don't be scared. I love you. Now let's go to sleep." I don't understand how he thinks love would include forcing yourself on that person, but I don't voice it knowing he'd get angry.

"Okay." He gets off of me; then he pulls me closer to him. "Can I change first please."

"You look so much better like this though. I know what will make you feel better." He gets up from the bed and I hear some rustling. Knowing that's he's undressing and not wanting to wait to see what would happen I immediately get up from the bed and make a beeline for the door. With my hand on the knob, Hercules grabs me from behind and covers my mouth as well. It somehow manages to be even more suffocating than before. He holds me tightly against him as he takes me back to his bed.

When we're finally on the bed he starts to cry. "Don't ever leave me again. I don't know what I would do if you left me." He's holding me extremely tight. I can't even move at all. Neither can I sleep from how afraid of him I am; at how quickly he changes emotions. My neck is in a ton of pain and I can't even do anything to ease it. Finally realizing the futility of it all, I start to cry. "What'd I say about crying? Cheer up. You shouldn't be sad now that we have each other. If you don't stop then I'll cry."

"What's wrong?" Does he honestly not know. "Please tell me. I can't just let you cry."

"···" It's creepy how fast he can go from crazy to loving. I need to get away from him as fast and as far as I can.

"If you don't want to talk about it now we can talk about it later." He brings me right next to him. I can feel him entirely, now that's he's only in boxers. "I just want you to know that I'll love you forever and I'll never leave your side. We'll always be with each other. Goodnight."

"I'm sorry." That's the last thing I hear before losing consciousness.

When I wake up, I notice that I'm back at Yggdrasil. I slowly stand up and notice that I'm near the top of Yggdrasil. I start to check my surroundings and seeing as how no one is here to stop me, I start to achingly run down Yggdrasil. When I go down a floor I see Hercules coming my way. I look around hoping to find a spot to hide, but I find nothing. Before I can go back where I was, Hercules spots me. He drops all of his stuff and he comes running up to me.

"What are you doing down here? Were you trying to escape? Do you not want to be with me?""Answer me!" He embraces me in a ridiculously tight hug and he looks about ready to break down.

"I was looking for you." I force myself to cry to make it more convincing. "I couldn't find you so I thought something had happened." Whether it was because i was convincing or because he's unstable, Hercules believes me.

"Don't worry. I'll never leave you alone." We go to where Hercules dropped everything and I help him carry the stuff. When we arrive to where I was earlier Hercules starts to set up camp.

"Why are we here?" Right now I need to not sound afraid of him.

"This is where my country is. You're going to live with me now. You're going to be my king."

"Wait what!" Just how insane is he? His face changes from happiness to confusion yet I can see a small trace of malice so I quickly change attitudes. "Won't people get upset at that though? The fact that first of all I'm not a bug and second of all I'm a guy?"

"If anyone tries to stop me, then I'll cut them down." He quickly embraces me in another hug. "I won't let anyone separate us. But right now hold on a minute. I still have to get the rest of your stuff. Stay here. Okay." His last sentence is said with such severity that if I disobey it then serious repercussions would happen.

"Okay."  Hercules starts running back down. Taking his warning seriously I patiently wait for him. A few minutes have passed when I hear some rustling from some bushes. I stay quiet, waiting to see what is causing it. The rustling dies down only for Yggdra Leaf to pop out. 

"Yggdra Leaf!" I'm so happy to see someone that isn't Hercules.

"Alex? What are you doing here?"

"Hercules-" I stop when I hear footsteps once more. "He's coming! You have to hide!" Yggdra Leaf looks at me confused. "Just hide! Quickly!" Yggdra Leaf gives me one final look as she goes back into the bushes.

"Who were you talking to?" Despite Hercules saying it kindly, I know the hidden malice behind his question.

"No one. Why?" I put on an innocent face.

"Okay. Let's go." Hercules grabs everything and he starts to head for the bushes.

Why are we going there?"

"This is where my kingdom is." He kicks away the bushes and nothing is there! He presses a button and suddenly an elevator appears! "Come on." I slowly walk behind him when I hear some more rustling from some other bushes. Dread starts to slowly well up in me "Who's there!" Hercules drops everything and puts himself in front of me. He quickly unsheathes his sword and points it towards where the noise came from

"The person who will end your insignificant life. You cockroach. "

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#1)

Right, monkey brain said no sleep no rest, only suffering at the hands of med.

I am going to start with the first episode of S2: Soul Care. Reasoning? I need to check if Latham references Ava in his first interaction with Connor.

If my memory serves me right, when Connor is passed over to Latham for his fellowship, Latham says that he was not his first choice. In fact, his first choice was a brilliant surgeon from South Africa. In the first episode of S2, a season where Ava Bekker is only introduced with one line at the end of the last episode.

If I remember correctly and Latham does actually say that in the first ep of s2, it will be huge for the continuity (and my theory that I came up with today, if you’re interested in following this you should really read that really long post that came a little before this where the basis of the theory is laid out). 

Also in rewatching this I see more of Sarah which, again, I have not seen in two years, and she was the reason I became invested in the show, and the reason I stopped watching after she left.

And all of this even before I start the episode.

There are so many emotions and thoughts running through my brain it literally hurts. I think i’m getting a headache. I’m already really regretting this, this cannot be healthy for me.

(btw, this will basically be a train of thought type thing, I’ll do my best to keep it coherent)

- omg its starting

- i completely forgot how s1 ended but its not importnat in anyway

- just, why are they in a helicopter

- how fast does the episode move ive forgotten and i need to know

-JESUS CHRIST SO DRAMATIC

- THE BEGINNING WITH WILL WHY

- it is at this point where I apologize to all those who made it this far bc we’re literally not even 30 seconds in yet

- i just have a lot of med thoughts

- oh god save me

- i am laughing hysterically

- JESUS CHRIST THE APRIL TB STORYLINE AND TATE WTF

- god that feels like a lifetime ago it was relevant holyshit

-remember when she was pregnant?

- literally what have I missed

- side note, i really like the cup april drinks out of.

-THERE SHE IS

-SARAH

-SHE’S HERE

-and she’s a barista

-literally wtf is this show

-and the dramatic music is still going literally chill man god

-THE WAY SARAH SMILES HOLY SHITTTT come on man there was literally no way i’d survive this but fuck not even a minute in...

- okay but i never understood charles’ family scenario but this is already too fucking long for a minute in so i hope we can just skip past that

-hahahah sharon’s fucking divorce? holy shit, this is too dramatic for the first ep literally save me (at least she acts well)

-yeah the one thing I will say about med (thats a lie ive already said a hundred but yk) is that for the crap storylines and all, the actors take what they’re given and give it their all and i appreciate it so much

-the helicopter’s number is N365UCC and just... succ

-ethans bird (!)

-also the fact that’s so big for ethan to be chief resident is so weird to me. like the last medical drama I watched was greys and they are all like grizzled veterans and have been doing that stuff for actual decades and i tend to put med and greys on like the same level bc they are the only medical dramas ive watched but.. holy crap the people on med are so young?? half their main cast is med students and residents. when nearly every main character on greys is a department head. its wild.

-proud of ethan. proud of my boy (did you know that adam jacobs who played aladdin on broadway was in a s3 episode? fun facts) (fun fact: did you know that ava is the only main character on the show who’s status is now deceased? I’ll shut up now.)

-oh my god i say roland buck III’s name and GOD noah jesus

- i find noah incredibly annoying, especially bc he tries to overshadow reese (my fav) but also just bc hes spoiled [that thing that said that one of the biggest mistakes med made was not having sarah get the emergency med residency at the end of s1 comes to mine, and the fact that noah got his residency easy peasy] - but, i will say that the moment at the end of this season where noah and reese dance together at the party is very adorable. (pre reesker brain showing lmao I really did love sarah with my whole heart) (moreover my snapchat memories were filled with just recordings of reese scenes lmaooooo)

-okay at this point I need to stop once i get to the potential ava thing bc what is happening we’re not even two minutes in why is this so long. (so many thoughts)

- i find will annoying but,,, he is kind of nice to look at. and what i mean is like facial acting (i am a lesbian). like. just. don’t speak. and when he’s being a good character he’s fine. it’s very few and very far between ig

-natalie annoys me so much and shes only had one line, and it wasn’t even a character line, it was mainly exposition.

-EW

-FUCKING EW

-ITS CONNOR HE’S HERE. god i forgot what he looked like in red scrubs and his poofy hair. child compared to s3 and s4. hopefully we see latham soon so we all don’t have to suffer through this. and he looks so angsty. he definetly glowed up in the later seasons.

- i have no clue how to spell definetly. I am guessing literally everytime.

-latham please come and end this all.

-oh haha there’s downey hes dead.

-okay so i actually watched s1 after i watched s2 which is so weird to think about. like that means that i liked s2 so much that i BOUGHT THE DVD FOR S1. yeah. I liked it that much (it really only means I was that much of a simp for sarah). but it also means that technically i watched s1 after i met ava?? like i honestly had NO CLUE what was in my future. did young me ever think she was going to stay up late at night, avoiding history hw while analyzing a defunct character from this show on a whim? a character i was super annoyed with at the beginning? who has no become a huge part of my personality? honestly? no. no she did not.

-and the story with downey was so jarring. and the story with zanetti. like i think i first started watching with the first ep of s2 (the one im talking about rn) and i was a bit lost. so going back and watch s1 to like connect the dots. but i never expected the dots to look like that. its like each season of this show is a completely different show from all the other seasons. like i’ve said before, this show is a headache. but literally latham please come and end this for now.

-GOD CONNOR LOOKS SO YOUNG WHAT THE HELL thats so weird lmaooooo

- like i had absolutely no clue who downey was going into this. and they they started talking like ‘oh yeah he killed his attending’ and i was just like ‘damn bro ill cheers to that’

- that’s literally ava’s first line actually. “i heard your girlfriend went insane and you murdered your attending.” - which was why she was hated at first. that was literally her first line to connor which is like, so hilariously rude that it was instantly iconic.

-also HAHAHAHAH CUE FUCKING ANGST ABOUT CONNOR HURTING EVERYONE AROUND HIM WTF BRO THE EFFECT YOU HAVE ON PEOPLE

- but i’m also sad now. --- “I heard your girlfriend went insane.” Oh. Oh, sweetie. Ava... No. --- but why does s2 ava (all two lines) foreshadow s4 ava in so many ways. like literally what were the writers on.

-baghdad.

-ah yes. the return of baghdad. been a long time since i heard that one, but it is easily one of my favorite running things about med. its just a little detail but the nick name is like perfect. (when i read fanfic where the chars are actually doing doctor stuff in the hospital it makes me light up) the WORLD BUILDINGGGGG. but whatever

-this is the girl who has the fake baby right? that was a really good ep (bc sarah content. can you see my favorites? for the same reason the one where the girl has split personalities easily ranks high with me.) oh wait this is the one where the dad like dies but then comes back for a split second to see his grand child. there’s not really a lot I can say about that, but the fact that i remember it vividly is... weird.

-okay but I actually love the ED in this show. I love how the show is centered around the ED and not the OR like greys. its fast paced, you see a lot about the characters really quickly (one of the reason’s connor’s intro to the hospital in the pilot is certified iconic in my mind [his interactions with will are gold]). the team works well together (usually, when things are good. - which is another reason I hated the show more as time went on. The personal lives interfered more and more and more with their work as time went on. it got so annoying). but like right here will just calls maggies name and maggie is just On It. I love it. I love the fast pace. it’s why this show got me to come back. so many things happen, it overloads my brain, like the way a video game works y occupying all of your attention.

-when is the dad gonna pass out i’m just waiting

-AHAHAHAHAHA JEFF NOOOOO. what even was the deal with jeff that storyline annoyed me so much I never got it. he was friends with nat’s husband (who died) and they were both named Jeff? and she actually ended up getting with Jeff a few times?

- the more you watch med and see how the characters get with each other, the more jaded you become

-omg they’re transferring the girl to the bed i love it when they count

-maggie was great but from what i heard/read they ruined her character too??? just not the same

-lmao only real g’s remember the chicago fire backdoor med pilot (if you want an explanation ask me lmao it was a ride)

- i was a real med simp bc I bought that episode on apple video.

-ahahaha this is so stupid. Jeff tries to do things and Will (being a fucking asshole and jealous, doesnt’ let him). he’s a med student let him fucking learn. also i remember why i hated will

-okay but if you look at greys vs. med, greys literally gives their med students no rights. scratch that. they give they’re interns little to no rights. (i only watched the last three seasons bc lesbian, but in those seasons they introduce the bottom of the totem pole, the sub I’s, who are a step ahead of med students, yet they are jokes on the show.) its just a weird juxtaposition is all.

-”lungs are wet.” dramatic music intensifies.

-OKAY BUT I LITERALLY FORGOT NATALIE SPECIALIZED IN PEDS. LIKE I COMPLETELY 100% FORGOT. HOLY SHIT THATS SO FUNNY i can’t believe in my mass hyperfixation i forgot, just more proof that she doesn’t deserve anything.

-why did will make nat do that call? also idk why but is it weird to anyone else when the characters call each other but just.. their names.

-ahahahah i laugh literally everytime i remember that will is supposed to be in charge like he is threatened by anything that MOVES. (also more juxtapositon to greys bc here the attendings are treated as a joke!)

- hly shit i just remember monday mourning and god damn the angst literally never takes a day off but whatever.

- i dont usually get like this but the dad’s acting here is actually making me sad lol. Usually i get annoyed when family members get emotional (im weird uhhhh)

-why did we have to watch the tube being put in for so long - med is so dramatic this fucking show whyyyy

- i bet u the dad is gonna pass out

-oh ig not oops

-OKAY FUCK ME THAT LITERALLY ONLY TOOK US TO THE TITLES HOW DO I HAVE THESE MANY FUCKING THOUGHTS.

-wait latham introduction we may just be able to call it here.

-haha i fucking hate him (connor). he just... comes off so fake-charming its annoying. i cant get over it lmao

-okay but literally every gives connor shit and I am here for it. Latham: “did you kill him?”

- it is literally so funny but annoy how connor throws hands with literally everyone in his path (like dude just chill come onnn)

-okay. okay. okay. finally the part i was waiting for.

- Latham: I preferred a young woman from Groote Schuur, but I was outvoted.

That’s an actual quote, from Latham. For those who are wondering, Groote Schuur is a famous hospital in, you guessed it, South Africa. This is where I’m calling the episode. This is all I needed.

I just want to restate. This is the first episode of season 2. Ava Bekker is introduced to the show in the last episode of season 2. What does this mean, my friends? It means everything.

For those of you who stuck through to the end, I am very thankful. Here we have probably the first piece of evidence to my theory, at least chronologically.

I, personally, think it’s absurd I remembered this point, but I did. That point, that line, presently, watching this episode with no idea of what the future holds, is only there to tell us that Latham and Connor are not going to agree. But this is the single greatest piece of foreshadowing med has ever done.

Med has never planned anything. I feel confident when I say that. Look at their storylines. They are literally on fire, and every decision the characters make reads like the writers going ‘we have no idea how we made it this far, we thought we would get stopped like ten steps ago.’

When has med ever planned things more than a few episodes in advanced, honestly? Almost never, and going a full season sitting on a plot point, that’s major. This was the first time med has ever planned something miles in advance.

In all honestly, yes I am probably giving the med writers a lot more credit than they deserve. It’s quite possible that as the season progressed they just decided connor needed a new love interest or at least a new dynamic, so they could have just easily looked back and thought ‘oh, hey, here’s a fun little thing we said earlier in the season, wouldn’t it be fun if it paid off?’ That could be true.

Here’s why it probably isn’t. The med writers have no respect for their own continuity. you really think that, in order to come up with a whole new character, they went back to the first episode of the season and paid off a line that is said in less than 2 seconds? no way. Bull. Shit.

honestly, it is probably equally unlikely that either of these things happened. The med writers don’t look back at their story. It’s true, but they also don’t plan things in advance either.

here’s the thing, the more i write, the more absurd it starts to sound. Yeah. Sure. the med writers sat on a character for an entire season, that’s totally a thing that happened and not sarcasm. When pigs fly. everyone knows med is impulsive and messy. But what I am saying is that they planned one thing. One thing.

Ava has an accent. That was a commitment. A pretty uncommon one too. South Africa is such an out of the box choice that god its barely on the map. It asks a lot of someone to act hard while also doing an uncommon accent. If the med writers just decided they needed to give connor a new dynamic, they could have made it a n y o n e. Yeah, sure it would have been nice to have the latham dynamic with the new character, but it would have been so much easier to just create a new character that doesn’t have such a commitment. We all know people who play opposite of Connor Rhodes do not stay around that long.

There is absolutely no reason Connor’s s3 love interest had to be the girl from South Africa. It could have literally been anyone. They could have kept Robin on. They could have made the new character not have so many specific requirements.

At this point, I’m pushing this really hard. Yeah, obviously Ava was planned from the beginning of s2. She had to be. It’s way too specific to be anything else.

What I’m pointing out here is med has never done that before. (at least to my knowledge, if i’m wrong please tell me i don’t want to be a fool) They have never had such a concrete plan for a character, so much as to tease them a full season before they were introduced.

I’m saying, that Ava was special. She was the only character who was teased ahead of her arrival. The one who they knew they wanted, other than the originals, and honestly saying the ‘knew what they wanted to do with the originals’ is being generous. But Ava was different. They had big plans for Ava.

It’s undeniable. Ava was the only character who was planned and teased ahead of her arrival. Ava has such a different style and character than anyone else on the show. She was always planned to be, even when she was just being teased, a rival to connor, meaning she could stand her own against him (or without him).

Now of course, the med writers forgot this when writing s4 and s5. But for the purposes of the important things, all that really matters are the two mentions in s2, and what happens in s3. (for the theory at least).

In conclusion: think about how odd it is that Ava was the only character that was planned over the course of the show. Like sure the characters are planned, but never this far in advance. Med writers don’t really plan anything. I would be shocked if they did anything but through a dart at a spinning wheel. But they had plans for Ava, and they had plans for s3, when she was good.

Think about how odd it is that the med writers had a character planned from the start of s2, that they sat on for a whole season. They never, ever did something so slow and deliberate. Never. It goes against their formula. Like a fucking shark, they have to be moving or they die, at least in their heads. But Ava was always a change to the formula. They had a plan for s3.

that’s it for now. we will see what happens when i watch the last episode of s2.

read the next parts:

Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[finnglas]

I just finished a LA Witt book and the afterword said “this book is for M Jules Aedin who told me all about gender diversity” and I did a huge double take. What a small world we live in!

She is one of my authors that I occasionally edit for! Back when I was a blackbox editor for a press that shall remain unnamed because they’re terrible and behaving very badly right now, I copyedited her first m/m romance. It was in the days of explicit biphobia and “Gay For You” romances, and one of her main dudes was bisexual, and I was so excited that when I got hired as an acquisition editor for Loose Id (now defunct), I emailed her and said, Hey, I was your editor on Rules of Engagement, do you have anything you could submit to me at this press? And now that she does mostly self-publishing, I occasionally line edit for her. 

IN FACT, she JUST re-issued Rules of Engagement on a self-pub basis, and she hired me to do the brush-up edit for the revised re-release, almost exactly 10 years after I did the edit on the first release. Which was fun. :) 

I think the one you read was STATIC, am I right? I’m a bad editor/friend and I still haven’t read that one all the way through because I didn’t work on it, lmao. But I did talk to her a lot about gender identity because I was very loudly ID’ing as nonbinary at the time. ANYWAY THAT’S A VERY LONGWINDED WAY of saying haha that’s neat! 

[quinnybee-writes]

Title: Fire Meet Gasoline

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia

Rating: T+

Part: 6/?

Story Summary: A chance encounter between a villain and vigilante leads to an unwise deal made between unlikely allies; an unwise deal made between unlikely allies ends in a final stand neither would have ever dared to take on alone. Together, though, they just might have a fighting chance.

Part 6 Summary: Favor number two tests the patience of one and the mettle of another, leaving uncertainty about both in its wake.

Part 1 on  Tumblr / AO3

Part 2 on Tumblr / AO3

Part 3 on Tumblr / AO3

Part 4 on Tumblr / AO3

Part 5 on Tumblr / AO3

Part 6 on AO3

I swear to god if if I have to sit through one more meeting where I get voluntold to pick up another department’s slack in the same sentence as management trying to cut my intern’s hours I’m going to chug a two-liter of Surge and burp so loud I bring this whole mfer down with me.

Shouta stared at his phone, his sleep-addled brain trying to make sense of whether Yamada meant the text as a threat or not. He’d been catching a quick power nap in the back of his truck during his lunch hour and had been most of the way asleep when the rattle of his phone on the metal floor jolted him awake again. Not helping his attempt to dissect the meaningless hyperbole was Yamada’s follow up text of lmao it u along with a gif of a cat trying to jump from a bed to a dresser and falling halfway with the caption “parkour!”. He wouldn’t put it past Yamada to be the type to threaten in one breath and quote a meme in the next, but he couldn’t wrap his brain around why Yamada would be sending him incriminating evidence via text message during work hours.

Two new messages came in quick succession as Shouta was trying to puzzle things out.

Oh my god

Those were supposed to go to my sister holy shit

So not an admission or a threat, just an idiot with a cell phone. Shouta groaned, eyes rolling back in his head in disgust at how much energy he had wasted on taking Yamada seriously yet again.

forget it Shouta sent back.

Cute cat pic for ur trouble? Yamada replied along with a picture of a gangly black cat with bright yellow eyes. The cat was sprawled on its back in a pile of kibble and the shredded scraps of a cat food bag. Shouta snorted, grinning a little in spite of himself at the self-satisfied look on the cat’s fuzzy little face.

cute he texted, trying to distill as much exhaustion and disinterest into the single word as possible.

That’s Ai-chan. She’s a monster, but she’s my monster <3

So what are you up to? Break from work?

Shouta sighed, rubbing his temples. It was impossible to freeze out someone who was so willing to keep the conversation going without outside input.

trying to catch some sleep before afternoon deliveries Shouta replied as pointedly as he could.

Oof. Busy night?

do you need something? Shouta asked, stabbing the send key a little harder than he really needed to. There was a short, offended pause from Yamada’s end of the line; Shouta could picture him looking down at his phone with that little not-quite-pouting moue he always made when things weren’t going his way.

I guess not.

The curt punctuation seemed to signal Yamada had finally gotten the point, just in time to exhaust the last of Shouta’s free time before he had to get going again. Shouta put his phone into his pocket and made a point to not check it again until he was walking home. Waiting for him was another gif, this time of a pair of hands vigorously shaking a bottle of Surge, followed by a message that just said Oh goddammit. Shouta rolled his eyes and deleted the thread without replying.

The perceived slight only kept Yamada at bay for a short time, however. Now that he’d gotten a taste of the man’s texting habits Shouta had to wonder how Yamada managed to get anything done. No matter when his breaks were during the day it seemed like Yamada always had some new meme or gif or general workplace complaint to gift him with in the meantime, whether it was before dawn or after dark or occasionally both.

do you actually have a job or do they just pay you to bother me? Shouta finally asked as he waited at an interminable red light several days later. Yamada had been on a spree that morning, flooding his inbox with an illustrated play-by-play of Ai-chan’s newest misdoings while Shouta had four straight hours of back-to-back deliveries.

Excuse you, Yamada texted back loftily, I am an integral part of station management! Who occasionally may or may not take extra long bathroom breaks to avoid getting roped into being more integral than I already am.

my bad. clearly you’re just doing your part to prevent asahi radio from being razed via belch Shouta replied, snorting out a laugh before he could stop himself. He paused, frowning. That was both new and unwelcome.

Yamada sent back a long line of laugh-crying emojis followed by Look who grew a sense of humor just in time to drag me!

don’t act like you know me.

Yeah, yeah. Scout’s honor, I won’t tell anybody you’re actually funny.

Shouta scowled, dropping the phone onto the seat next to him and pulling through the light as it finally turned green. Despite the chilly weather he rolled his window down to get some airflow on his face. He hadn’t turned on the truck’s heater yet but his cheeks already felt way too warm.

Shouta spent his next day off drinking too much coffee at the cat cafe while he tried to reign in the chaos that his computer desktop had become. His phone buzzed on the table beside him and Shouta swiped in the passcode with one hand while the other was dragging a huge load of defunct backup files to his computer’s trash. He’d sooner walk into traffic than admit it to Yamada, but having a passcode on his phone was turning out to be less of an inefficient hassle that he’d always thought it would be and did make him less anxious about putting it places that weren’t his pocket or his hand.

As if waiting for the thought to cue him in, the alert was for yet another of Yamada’s early-morning memes. This time it was a gif of a kitten trying to stay awake before it wobbled and flopped out of frame. Yamada’s accompanying caption read That midweek feeling hitting hard today along with an emoji of a sleeping face with a snot bubble.

it’s monday Shouta texted back.

When you work 24/7 it’s always midweek, Yamada replied.

implying you work at all. still not convinced.

I resent that, Aizawa. It takes a lot of skill and determination to shovel this much shit and still have spare time to be a full-time pain in the ass.

Shouta almost allowed himself a laugh at that, but the air caught in his throat at Yamada’s next question.

So, do you do all of your important hero research on the public wifi at kitty cafes, or is today a special occasion?

What do you mean? Shouta asked warily.

Behind you.

Shouta turned slowly, dreading what he knew he was about to see. Yamada was standing on the sidewalk outside, grinning at him over the top of his cell phone. He gave Shouta a little wave before sauntering in and up to the counter. He chatted amiably with the baristas as they made his order. Shouta frowned to himself, trying to work out the quickest way to pack up his belongings while disturbing as few sleeping cats as possible. The moment came and went too quickly, however, as Yamada came over with two cups of coffee in his hands.

“Black with one sugar, right?” Yamada said. He slid one of the steaming mugs in front of Shouta. “That’s what they said anyway,” he added, nodding up towards the counter.

“What are you doing here?” Shouta asked coolly. Yamada frowned at him.

“I was on my way to the post office to mail a couple things and empty the station P.O. box and saw you in the window,” Yamada said. “I figured we could sit and chat since we both have a minute.”

“You just kind of assume you’re welcome wherever you decide to be, don’t you?” Shouta said.

Yamada snorted. “If that’s the worst thing someone tells me about myself today, I’ll count it as a win,” he replied, toasting Shouta with his coffee cup. He invited himself to sit down in the only chair not currently occupied by cats. “Wait, is that a spreadsheet with my name on it?” he added with sudden interest, arching his neck around to peek at Shouta’s screen. Shouta slammed the lid of his laptop shut, feeling his face heating.

“Do you need something?” Shouta asked, trying to redirect the conversation and get Yamada back on his way as quickly as possible.

“Just caffeine and conversation,” Yamada shrugged. “Is it illegal to ask someone about their day?”

“Implying you care about whether or not you’re doing something illegal,” Shouta replied curtly. To his annoyance Yamada just chuckled and shrugged.

“I mean, you’ve got me there,” he said. “So, what are you working on?” Yamada added, lowering his tone just slightly.

“Catching up on some things,” Shouta said, intentionally vague. “Organizing research. It takes longer when you’re doing it on your own.”

“I bet,” Yamada agreed. “Would probably save you some time and effort to have a permanent back door into places you’re not supposed to be, huh?” He said it with a too-even speculation that set Shouta instantly on edge.

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” Shouta said.

“I know people who know things,” Yamada said with a broad, conspiratorial grin over his coffee mug. “Keeping your friends close and your enemies closer is a lot easier when you can tell which is which.”

Shouta felt a frisson of discomfort run up his spine at the implication of where Yamada considered him to be on that spectrum. “I think I liked it better when you were threatening me,” he muttered. “Don’t make more of that than there is,” he added quickly as Yamada’s smile grew cheeky and he opened his mouth to comment. Yamada did his annoying little not-quite-pouting pout and let out a quiet “hmph” at his joke being preempted.

“In any case, you probably don’t need me to tell you how to crack a secure password,” Yamada said. “Even when they’re clever they’re usually related to either the one who sets them or the thing they’re locking up, or they’re something pseudo-random cooked up by a number generator. Sometimes they get stupid-clever and try to do all three.”

“Mmn?” As bored as he was trying to sound, Shouta couldn’t help taking mental notes on what Yamada was saying. Yamada was a flippant trouble-maker from the word go but there were moments where he displayed actual talent for the things he claimed to be an expert in.

“Oh yeah,” Yamada said. “They’re trying for layers of security, but too many moving parts makes passwords way easier to out-think. Codes are only as smart as the people who write them, y’know?”

“And you know how smart they are?” Shouta asked, trying to keep his tone casual as he goaded Yamada into staying on a roll. Yamada caught his drift a little too well, however, and the sharp, meaningful grin came out again.

“I know people who know things,” he said again. “I’d be willing to let you in on a few trade secrets for the low, low price of a certain five-letter word beginning with ‘f’.”

Shouta snorted. “Hard pass.”

“Well, I tried,” Yamada said, shrugging. He checked the time on his phone and sighed. “That’s about my lot, I’m afraid. Gotta get back before the world ends.” He stood and stretched with a groan. “We should do this again sometime. Maybe talk less shop.” The offer seemed oddly genuine and Shouta wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that.

He tried to get back to work after Yamada left, but his concentration had been thoroughly broken. He bought another coffee and turned on some neutral background music; his brain, however, was no longer in the mood to stare at a screen and try to riddle out what his new sub-folders should be called. Finally Shouta dislodged the many cats who had taken up residence in and around his lap and packed up his laptop to see if fresh air on the walk home and a change of venue might help get him back on task.

Shouta nudged his apartment door closed with his heel, scooping the mess of envelopes out of his mail bin. It was mostly the normal jumble of junk and bills, but amongst the shuffle was a thin white payroll envelope with his name and address on the front in too-familiar spidery handwriting. Just going to empty the station mailbox indeed, Shouta thought with a groan. Yamada was way too fond of theatrics. He tossed the envelope onto his sofa without opening it and delayed paying it any attention until he’d put everything away, showered, and had a lengthy play session with his cats. If it was unimportant enough for Yamada to not just hand it over when they were in the same room together, Shouta told himself, then there was no need for him to bend over backwards to pay attention to it the instant he got home.

Finally his excuses ran out and he tore the envelope open. Inside were two pieces of paper folded separately into sharp thirds. The first was a handwritten note on Asahi Radio letterhead that read:

Aizawa-

I need a favor. I have a line on something but doing it alone might be tricky. You’ll just be the go-between, nothing dire. Meet me Friday, 9pm sharp.

-M

Also included was another of Yamada’s meticulously notated hand-drawn maps, at the other end of which was a complex of storage units bordered on all sides by a spike-topped chain link fence. Shouta peered into the dark, abandoned-looking guard booth, wondering if the first step to tonight’s goings-on was having to find his own way inside.

“Hey, you made it!”

Shouta turned to see a dark-haired man slouching up towards him from the other end of the sidewalk. He eyed the man warily, about to say he had the wrong person, but stopped as he stepped into the light and raised his sunglasses with a smirk. Yamada had stuffed all of his hair under a short, spiky black wig and a black and green snapback, slicked down his mustache and covered it in a thin layer of skin-colored makeup to blend it in with his face, and buried himself in baggy jeans and a jacket that made him look both heavier-set and a few inches shorter than he actually was. The only things that gave him away were his sharp too-green eyes and his unmistakable grin, full of crafty smugness at Shouta’s open surprise at his appearance. Yamada did a full turnaround of the odd costume, ending the twirl with a dramatic pose.

“Not a bad look for me, huh?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Shouta snorted. “You look like a washed-up pop star who’s trying to pretend he still has to avoid the paparazzi,” he replied flatly.

To his surprise Yamada let out a burst of full-throated laughter at the remark. Shouta wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Yamada laugh in genuine amusement before now, only the occasional mocking chuckle or triumphant snicker. He had a loud, whinnying kind of laugh that tapered off into short bursts of wheezy, hyena-like giggles behind his hand as he remembered himself and tried to tamp it down.

“Okay, cynical,” Yamada said, still coughing through the last of his laughing fit. “Everyone’s a critic.” He rolled his eyes and gave a flourishy “well, what are you gonna do” kind of shrug. Shouta scowled at him.

“What are we doing here?” Shouta asked, doing his best to ignore Yamada’s grandstanding despite the growing burn of annoyance creeping up his face.

“Just a quick jaunt into my evil lair,” Yamada said cheerfully. He punched an entry code into the number pad next to the guard house, then pressed his thumb to the scanner underneath. The keypad flashed green and beeped an affirmative, and a small portion of the gate swung inward. “C’mon,” Yamada said. He motioned for Shouta to follow him as he led the way through the rows of squat cinder block units to one in the very back left corner of the lot.

“People with money can afford secret basements and underground boltholes wherever they need them,” Yamada said over his shoulder as he bent down to unlock the door of the unit, “but the rest of us have to make do with what we’ve got.” He lifted the door just high enough for himself and Shouta to duck under, then set it back down with a clatter. The unit was pitch-black and humid inside and smelled like a mixture of burnt-out electrical parts, solder, and partially cured epoxy glue. “I’ll get the lights, one sec,” Yamada said. Shouta heard him scrabbling along the wall to find the light switch, then a click. A fluorescent shop light flickered and buzzed to life above them, flooding the unit in intense blue-white light. Yamada turned to Shouta and spread his hands wide. “Taa-daa! Welcome to the inner sanctum.”

It looked more like a high school shop room that had sublet space to a thrift store. The left wall had been covered in a cluster of flat-pack bookshelves, their shelves bowing under a jumble of storage boxes labeled things like “radio parts-LIVE”, “speaker wire”, “tape--sticky”, and “tape--magnetic”. The back wall was one long anchored shelf divided into slots that held overstuffed file folders bundled together with rubber bands and binder clips. The only wall not covered in shelving or projects was taken up with a butcher block work table and a cork board with scribbled notes and schematics pinned to it.

“Kind of rinky-dink, but it gets the job done,” Yamada said fondly. “Anyway. First things first, did you happen to wear the stab vest I gave you?” he asked over his shoulder as he ducked under the work table and retrieved a box marked with today’s date.

“Yeah.” The assurance that his part in tonight would be “nothing dire” had put Shouta on high enough alert that he’d forced himself to put pride aside and opt for personal safety instead.

“Thank god. So, basically what I need is for you to be my stand in while things get underway tonight,” Yamada said. “I’d go on my own, but the meeting place is kind of a...no-go area for me right now due to certain people who frequent it.”

“And you’d rather send me in looking like you instead?” Shouta asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Yamada stared at Shouta like he’d started speaking French.

“What? God, no, what gave you that idea?”

Shouta sighed, silently counting to ten in his head as his patience frayed. “You just said I’m supposed to be your stand in.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah, poor choice of words. Think stunt double, not body double,” Yamada explained. “I just need you to be a good-faith warm body, I’ll be handling the rest with this.” He reached into the box and pulled out something that looked like a cold weather mask had been extruded into a large funnel shape at the bottom edge. Shouta looked from it to Yamada, who was beaming in obvious self-pride.

“Which is…?” Shouta prompted.

“Which is your half of a two-way radio with a built in broadcasting speaker,” Yamada said, turning the top edge inside out to show Shouta the wiring and speakers sewn into it. “At first I thought maybe I could just have you memorize a script and I’d step in if things got too off-book, but you’re not very good at lying under pressure so I wasn’t sure that would fly,” he continued. Shouta wasn’t sure if that was meant as an insult or not. “So instead, we have this to work with. I can use this--” Yamada pulled up his sleeve to show a tiny microphone taped to the inside of his wrist-- “to talk to you or talk as you, depending, as long as I stay within ten or twelve feet of you at all times.” The last part he said in one of his uncomfortably accurate impressions of Shouta’s voice.

“And that’s why you’re dressed like that?” Shouta said.

“Exactly. I’ll have to be close enough to you that the receiver can pick up the signal, and it’ll be way easier to read the room if I’m, y’know, in the room.”

“If you were going to put on a costume and go anyway, why didn’t you just do that and go on your own?” Shouta asked.

Yamada frowned and waved a finger at him like he was scolding a child. “Eh-eh-eh. No questions asked, remember? You know as much as you need to know, and you don’t need to know any more than that. Now stand still so I can get you wired up.”

Shouta grudgingly stood with his arms straight out from his body as Yamada turned him into a human switchboard. With a combination of strategic placement and gaffer tape Yamada ran a long wire with an audio jack on one end and a battery connection on the other from Shouta’s waist up his left side to just under his collar bone. Another wire ran the length of his inner arm from shoulder to wrist and ended in a loop with a switch on it that fit over the first knuckle of his thumb. All he had to do, Yamada said as he taped it all down, was press the switch when he needed to talk to Yamada and let it go when he was finished. “Y’know,” Yamada said, “like those cheap walkie-talkies you used to play with as a kid.”

“I ended up making this a lot bigger at the bottom so that we can hide all of our crimes under it,” Yamada muttered as he slipped the mask over Shouta’s head. He was back in the extreme focus mode Shouta had seen him slip into before, attention laser-focused and the corner of his mouth between his teeth as he connected all the wires and power sources underneath. He pulled an earpiece up under the mask by its wire and stuck it in Shouta’s ear before reaching up to fuss with Shouta’s hair and make sure it was hiding everything sticking above the mask. Shouta shivered involuntarily at the touch, barely resisting the urge to pull away. “With the right top layer all of this should be more or less invisible,” Yamada went on, frowning appraisingly as he took a step back to examine his handiwork. He rummaged through a few things in the box and surfaced with a heavy black zippered jacket. “I had to guess sizes, but I think this one should be close enough.”

Yamada unzipped the jacket and held it out so that Shouta could shrug into it. Shouta eased the jacket on, trying not to disturb the network of wires all over him. Yamada zipped it up almost to the top, open enough to seem casual but still high enough to cover all but the face portion of the mask and its contents. It wasn’t a terrible fit other than being slightly short in the sleeves and restrictive around the shoulders. Shouta bent and twisted his arms, trying to stretch it out without doing damage to the electronic infrastructure. Yamada untied the audiojack end of the main wire from Shouta’s belt loop and stuck it into a small cheap-looking disposable cell phone.

“This should have enough battery to keep a recording of the whole thing,” Yamada said. “Can you give me a quick mic check to make sure everything’s hooked up?”

“Uh. Testing,” Shouta said.

Yamada seemed to like what he saw in the waveforms on the phone’s screen. He smiled in satisfaction before stretching a piece of tape around the back of the phone and carefully taping it into place in Shouta’s pocket. “If we head out right now we should get there early enough to do a few on-site checks,” Yamada said, checking the time. “Shall we?”

The two of them walked a few blocks from the storage unit to a cramped, dim little pub. Yamada walked at tailing distance behind Shouta the whole way, testing the range on the homemade gear by giving Shouta directions to where they were going. The audio was relatively clear if they stayed within Yamada’s estimation of ten or so feet; after they hit closer to the twelve-foot mark it got fainter and fainter until dropping out completely as they reached about fifteen feet. Again Shouta had to wonder why, if they were essentially going to be handcuffed to one another anyway, Yamada couldn’t have just gone undercover by himself.

“Grab a drink at the bar and go sit at one of the high-top tables,” Yamada said as Shouta opened the bar’s door and made his way in. “That’s where he’ll be expecting you.”

“Any advice on how to recognize whoever I’m supposed to be meeting?” Shouta muttered back under his breath.

“No idea, he said he would find you. That’s pretty standard for a meeting like this,” Yamada added before Shouta could protest. “Nobody wants to get jumped outside before negotiations even get underway. Think of it as a blind date, but nefarious.”

Shouta sighed loudly, making sure he hit the switch so that Yamada would hear him. Yamada’s never-ending supply of bad metaphors was the last thing he needed right now.

“Calm down, Aizawa,” Yamada said. “Remember, all you have to do is sit there and look pretty, I’ll handle the talking.” There was a short fizzle of static as Yamada entered the pub and made his way to a secluded booth in the back corner. “Still read me?”

“Yeah.”

“Excellent. What’s your poison?”

“Pardon?”

“Beer? Wine? Shot of whiskey to settle your nerves?”

“You really want alcohol anywhere near all this equipment?” Shouta asked, bewildered.

“It’s just for show, who goes into a bar and doesn’t order anything? You shouldn’t drink anything they serve here anyway, their bartending is a bad joke,” Yamada said dismissively. “I just need to test the audio output and make sure we’re good to go before the main event.”

“Then just do it,” Shouta said shortly. “Didn’t you just say you were going to handle all the talking?”

“Everyone’s a critic,” Yamada muttered again. His usual flippant chill had gained an undertone of cranky tenseness that was less than reassuring. “Can I get a bottle of Sapporo?” Yamada said aloud in Shouta’s voice. Shouta just managed to turn toward the bartender in time for the question to seem natural. The bartender, a smirking woman with long brown hair held back in a red ribbon, gave him an appraising once-over. She seemed to be unimpressed with what she saw.

“Sure,” the bartender said. She reached into a cooler under the counter and came back with the bottle of beer, popping the lid off before placing it on the bar in front of Shouta.

“Thanks,” Yamada said, far more cheerfully than Shouta had ever said the word. Shouta nodded his own thanks and went to go sit at one of the high tables in a cluster near the front. He drummed his heel on the bottom rung of the bar stool. The bar was basically empty and silent other than the bartender’s phone playing lo-fi swing music from a speaker dock behind the bar. Otherwise it was just Shouta and his undrinkable beer killing time.

“Ohshit.” The words came out as a single noise hissed violently in Shouta’s ear, making him jump.

“What?” he hissed back, avoiding the curious look the bartender was giving him.

“Remember how I said there were some people who made this place a no-go area because they want to kill me?” Yamada said, sounding like he was talking through his teeth.

“Yeah?”

“That’s them coming in. Don’t look at them! Have you never been undercover in your life?” Yamada whisper-shouted as Shouta turned to look over his shoulder at the door. Almost immediately he snapped his head back around, trying to be as casual as possible about pulling the jacket’s hood over his head as he saw Takeshiro and his wife coming in and sitting a few tables away.

“You know them?” Shouta asked, hopelessly hoping Yamada actually meant someone else who was still outside.

“Ye-ep,” Yamada said, distaste drawing the word out several syllables longer than it needed to be. “They’re still kind of sore about a certain scene in a certain alley you might be familiar with.” He scoffed, then hissed, “Wait, you know them?” as Shouta’s tone dawned on him.

The alleyway. Shapes in the dark played back in Shouta’s head, fuzzy from time and panic but falling into clearer place with the new context. A short, stringy figure barking orders and bailing when things got complicated; the other taller and stocky and silent with a plant-based Quirk protecting him. Shouta gritted his teeth, annoyed by how clear the connection seemed now that it was right in front of him.

“Takeshiro works on the night crew in package processing. Takes a lot of sick days now that I think of it. I’ve never actually spoken to his wife but I’ve seen her at office parties before,” he said quietly.

“His wife? Ew,” Yamada said.

“You’re telling me they’re villains?” Shouta asked, ignoring him. Yamada snorted.

“So-called. They work for an egomaniac middleman called Seguchi. Hebiko is Seguchi’s left hand, and Takeshiro’s hers.”

“What did you do to make them want to kill you?”

“Their boss did something stupid with information that wasn’t his and got busted. I had nothing to do with it,” Yamada retorted tartly.

“Right, sure,” Shouta said. “Is this going to be a problem?”

“Nah, shouldn’t be,” Yamada said, though he didn’t sound entirely convinced. “This is why I planned things this way. No reason to bail out before anything happens.” Shouta was about to protest that it made a lot more sense to leave before there was a problem rather than scrambling when they were in trouble, but Yamada spoke first. “Heads up, you’ve got company.”

“So you’re Null.”

Shouta turned to see a lanky man with brownish hair and a narrow, rattish face standing slouched behind him with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his grubby jeans.

“Potentially,” Yamada replied. “You’re Raimaru?” His impression of Shouta’s voice was dead-on, which was bad enough on its own, but there was something just slightly off about his intonation that made Shouta’s skin crawl.

“That’s what they call me,” the man said. ”Getcha a refill while we talk?” he added, nodding at Shouta’s obviously untouched beer.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Shouta fiddled with the neck of the bottle to make it seem less like a static prop on the table in front of him. Even if Yamada had been against the idea of giving him a script to follow, some guidance on what to do in general might have been nice. He felt stiff and awkward, like a puppet whose puppeteer only had a vague idea of how natural movements worked.

“Suit yourself,” Raimaru shrugged. He ambled off to talk to the bartender, seeming to be doing his best to chat her up as she mixed his drink.

“‘Null’?” Shouta muttered to Yamada.

“Short for ‘nullify’, like your Quirk. Get it?” When Shouta just sighed in reply, Yamada added defensively, “Well, I had to call you something, didn’t I?”

“Did you?”

“What did you want me to say, ‘oh by the by you’ll be meeting my friend Shouta Aizawa, he’s thirty, single, a Scorpio, and lives in a single-occupancy uptown with three cats’?” Yamada retorted.

He technically had a point and Shouta hated that the most out of all the things he hated about this evening so far. Yamada had no time to gloat over the win, however, as Raimaru came back and dropped onto the stool across from Shouta.

“Kind of a hassle, having to be the face of cleaning up all of your boss’s bad behavior, huh? From what I’ve heard he’s got plenty to go around,” Raimaru said. Shouta privately agreed with the sentiment, but Yamada snorted instead.

“I get paid to go where I’m told, not to pass judgements,” Yamada replied stiffly. Shouta resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the defensive bluster. Raimaru laughed for him.

“I dunno about that. There’s plenty of judgement to go around if you want some,” Raimaru said. “Seems like the only books he can get into these days are peoples’ bad ones.”

“You think he gives a damn about anyone’s books other than his own?”

“I’m just saying I know a glorywhore when I see one. He spends all of his time making deals and playing nice and then suddenly people higher than him start going to jail,” Raimaru said. “Happened to Fukawa, happened to Seguchi, happened to Iwata. Hell, everyone knows he snitched and got Hanajima back in the day but Hanajima got shanked in prison and all his men scattered so nobody talks about him anymore.”

Shouta squirrelled the names away to research later, though other than those names Raimaru had said precious little to convince him that he knew much of anything besides Yamada’s surface reputation. So far his assertions had been vague at best and his “work, am I right?” tone was suspiciously chummy, like he was trying to nudge “Null” into letting something incriminating slip out.

“Why is any of this relevant?” Yamada asked. He sounded equally short on patience with Raimaru’s unsubtle attempts at currying favor. Raimaru gave a slightly passive-aggressive shrug.

“There’s a storm coming. A big one, one that’s gonna hit hard and rewrite a lot of rules about who’s in charge and who’s got a boot on their necks. You’re not gonna be in a great spot if you’re working for the Bird, so I thought you’d wanna know there’s better options,” he said. It was the first thing he’d said that sounded like he actually knew what he was talking about and it was not a reassuring change. Yamada, however, seemed unfazed.

“What, some new jumped-up ‘super’ villain with big plans for a criminal utopia?” Yamada said, unimpressed. “Seen ‘em come, seen ‘em go, nothing of value was lost. You asked me to come here because you had something valuable you wanted to trade. Is that still the case, or should I head out and stick you with the tab for wasting my time?”

“So, that’s a ‘no’ from you?” Raimaru asked, still grinning like someone had wired the corners of his mouth behind his ears.

“I didn’t hear a question being asked, but…” All of a sudden Yamada’s voice trailed off in a fizzle of static. Shouta tensed. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Yamada, who met his eye with a look that was not quite panic but was very, very close to it. Yamada tapped his ear questioningly. Shouta twitched his head to the side in a negative. He saw Yamada mouth “Shit!” before his attention snapped back to the problem in front of him as Raimaru let out a short chuckle.

“Never a good idea to use radio signals around me,” Raimaru said smugly. “They usually end up a little...dead.” He casually brought the hand that had been under the table to rest on its surface. It was holding a large pocket knife, which he casually flicked open and closed as he spoke. All of the plastic had been stripped off of the knife, leaving behind just the blades and metal guts holding them together. As Shouta eyed it, the blade began to glow a smokey orange around Raimaru’s fingertips.

“I think we’re done here,” Shouta said, trying to match the off-cadence way Yamada had been using his voice all night.

This only seemed to egg Raimaru on, however, as he cranked his Quirk up another notch. Shouta felt a static prickling like the kind before a huge lightning strike setting the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck on end. A tinny shrilling feedback noise whined through his earpiece, making him jolt and hiss in sudden pain. Shouta gritted his teeth and set his own Quirk on Raimaru instead. A hasty decision, it turned out, as a sudden crash of noise hit him all at once. Yamada’s voice half-shouting in his ear was interlaced with loud snaps of static as the equipment reconnected. Shouta winced at the onslaught, clapping a hand to his ear before he could stop himself. The moment of distraction was all Raimaru needed.

“So the Bird’s doggy wants to bark, huh?” In one fluid motion Raimaru threw what was left in his glass in Shouta’s eyes and hooked a foot under the bottom rung of Shouta’s stool, yanking it from under him. Shouta toppled to the floor, landing hard on his ass and elbows as he futilely tried to catch himself as he fell. He blinked hard, tears streaming as his eyes burned with whatever had been in that glass. Raimaru grabbed him by the front of his shirt and dragged him partially upright.

“Things could have gone better for you, but it looks like the Bird just likes making things difficult,” Raimaru said.

Shouta dug his fingers into Raimaru’s wrist, trying to wrestle himself free. Raimaru smirked, a violent shock sparking off of his skin and into Shouta’s arm. Shouta let out a bark of agony as his entire arm below the shoulder seized and went numb. Someone else’s hand, large and thick-fingered, ripped his back by the forearm, twisting his hand back and up between his shoulder blades. Shouta stiffened. He hadn’t heard Takeshiro or his wife approaching during the scuffle but it was obvious now they had him surrounded. He thought of the alley and the way they had closed ranks around Yamada, accounting for every avenue of escape except for a one-in-a-million outside intervention. Shouta darted a look over to Yamada. Their eyes met for a split second that lasted an eon. Yamada’s eyes were wide and his face had gone deathly pale as he took in the scene in front of him. He was frozen half in motion, caught between breaking cover to come help and his desire to steer clear of Takeshiro and Hebiko. Shouta’s stomach sank as Yamada dropped his gaze, hunching in on himself and pulling his hat down farther to hide his face.

“Last chance, doggy,” Raimaru said. “That signal was too weak to come from very far away. Point us in the right direction and we’ll let you go, no hard feelings. Otherwise we send you back to your master in pieces.”

He leaned in as he threatened, and Shouta took the opportunity to show him how close was too close. Shouta reared back, then rammed his forehead into Raimaru’s nose at full force. As Raimaru reeled back, Shouta slammed himself back into Takeshiro, sending the man spine-first into the edge of a table. Takeshiro grunted in pain and Shouta twisted away from his grasp as Takeshiro tried to catch himself. Raimaru sank his fist into Shouta’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him, but Shouta managed to activate his Quirk again before Raimaru could shock him. Shouta retaliated with a sharp hook, jamming his fist into Raimaru’s solar plexus with as much force as he could muster. As Raimaru doubled over Shouta grabbed a fistful of his hair and slammed him face-first into the table.

“All right, ENOUGH!” the bartender yelled. She was floating above the bar with a warning look on her face, a thin metal pipe leveled at Shouta’s head. Shouta looked from her to Takeshiro and Hebiko, who had backed off behind their table again, to Raimaru, who was staring up from under his hand with undisguised disgust as he bled onto the table. Shouta took a moment to catch his breath, then released Raimaru. Not bothering to see if Yamada would follow, Shouta took the moment of peace to walk out of the bar.

The night air was cold and made his face feel closed in and sticky under the mask. Shouta jerked it down under his chin, sucking in a hard breath. The adrenaline in his veins felt like a cloying, choking compulsion to just run, escape, flee as fast as he could in any direction that would count as away. His lungs burned nearly as badly as his eyes, every new breath feeling like a sharp stab in the chest. A strange itching slightly farther down his abdomen joined the pain in his chest as he half-sprinted down the sidewalk. Shouta looked down and froze mid-step. The bare metal handle of Raimaru’s knife stuck out of his stomach at an almost perfect perpendicular angle, jammed in so far that the tip was pressing the rough kevlar of his stab vest against his flesh.

“Ho-ly shit that was a whole bunch of something.” Shouta didn’t look up from the knife almost in his gut as Yamada’s voice crowed out behind him. He felt Yamada digging in his pocket and retrieving the cell phone. “Could have gone better for sure, but also could have gone worse.” Yamada gave Shouta a cheery smack on the shoulder. “You and I make a pretty good team, huh? C’mon, let’s go find a nicer place to grab a bite and hang out until things die down.”

He paused like he fully expected Shouta to agree and follow after him, but Shouta was barely listening. His mind was still trying to process the knife handle sticking out of his stomach. The night “could have gone worse”? Raimaru had almost made good on the threat to send Shouta home in pieces while Yamada cowered in a corner booth, more worried about being seen than being helpful, and Yamada was congratulating himself for a job well done.

“Aizawa? Earth to Aizawa? Hey, are you okay? You’re shaking.” There was a note of real concern in Yamada’s voice as he reached out a hand to steady the trembling in Shouta’s body.

The idea of Yamada making any kind of physical contact snapped the last bit of sane civility Shouta had left in him. True fury, hot and fast and scraped raw by everything that was running through Shouta’s head, boiled over in his chest. He swung wildly at Yamada, hoping to make contact but hoping more just to fend him off as violently as possible. Yamada yelped and jumped backwards, hands coming up to protect himself.

“Whoa! What the hell--?” Yamada began, but Shouta was already swinging again. He wanted to make Yamada bleed, make him feel even half as agonized and afraid as he did right now. Yamada stumbled away from him, eyes wide in shock and confusion. His back hit the brick wall of a building and Shouta got right up in his face, Quirk blazing and teeth bared in a hateful snarl as he spoke.

“Let me be clear with this, so maybe you’ll hear it over the sound of your own voice,” Shouta said between clenched teeth. “We are not partners. We do not make a good team. We are sure as fuck not friends who hang out. You are a problem in my life that I am trying to solve. Get that through your thick skull and stop acting like we’re in this together.” He pulled the knife out and threw it violently at Yamada’s feet before turning on his heel and striding away as fast as his legs could carry him.

As soon as he staggered into his apartment and secured every lock and deadbolt on his door Shouta stripped down, dumping everything he’d been wearing in a heap in the entryway. Ignoring his cats’ cries for attention, Shouta went straight to the bathroom and ran the shower as hot as he could stand it. He could feel himself shaking now, the dregs of adrenaline making his legs weak rather than holding him up any longer. He sat down in his tub with the scalding water beating against his back, arms wrapped around himself. He looked down and saw a long irritated scratch rising on his stomach where the knife had dragged against him through the vest. Shouta let out a long, unsteady breath and closed his eyes. He’d been a vigilante for long enough to know that it meant going without any kind of help when things went from bad to worse to potentially lethal; until now not even his worst cases had shaken him like this. But those times he’d known the risk going in and taking it on had been his choice, which made all the difference. Yamada had known, though. Yamada had known they should have bailed as soon as their worst case scenario walked in the pub’s doors and he’d used Shouta as a human shield to try to get what he wanted anyway. Shouta gritted his teeth, nails digging into his palms as his hands balled into fists. He shouldn’t have expected anything less from someone like Yamada.

Never again, Shouta thought as he roughly toweled off. Yamada could keep his favors and his trade secrets and all the rest of it. He’d need all the help he could get, because as far as Shouta was concerned Yamada was on his own from this moment on.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #238

“crimson calligraphy written on the trees, creature from the grave, headless and hellbent for me.”

Have you ever played golf? Like, mini-golf. Is there a lake near your house? No, but there's two small ponds down the road. Have you ever made your own pizza or pasta dough? No. Have you ever watched an entire season of a tv show in one day? Uhhhhh how long are the first few seasons of Supernatural? Because Jason and I fucking binged it, and I honestly think that's partially the reason I don't even enjoy TV anymore. Like I liked the show, but jfc it became torture at some point. Not his fault at all, I just never pointed it out. BUT ANYWAY, it's definitely possible we did. What did you have for dinner tonight (or last night)? A ham and cheese hot pocket. Do your parents do things that ‘embarrass’ you? This is so mean, but my mom makes the cringiest jokes and such imo that gives me mad secondhand embarrassment. Do you like any Bon Jovi songs? Yeah, a decent handful. Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. Do you give people second chances? Ha, more than "second." How’re things between you and your most recent ex? We're totally great. Really as if we didn't even break up, considering I mean... nothing emotionally has changed. We just know that being together right now isn't the wise decision. It's frustrating as hell, though. We've already established we're not going to "wait" for each other, but neither of us are actively looking for a new partner, either. I want her, and from what I can tell, she wants me, too. We kinda just... don't talk about how unfair it all is anymore because we both get too upset. I was even supposed to go up there with her and her fam for her birthday and Christmas, but that's changed because she and I agree it's too soon after splitting, making it only more difficult to be around each other. We'd want to cuddle and kiss and such by instinct, so we're trying to wait until the wound isn't as fresh. Though honestly, I don't know how visiting period would go consider as said, there has been zero change in romantic attraction. Ugh yeah I just hope she figures out what she wants and all and we can get back together. Have you been to a wedding this year? No. I'm going to my half-sister's next year, though. Are you an aunt or uncle? Yes, and another niece is on her way. :') Do you expect to be married in the next two years? Probably not. What season is your birthday in? Winter. Have you ever been hunting? Fuck that shit. How often do you walk around barefoot? Always in my own house + in other houses if I'm allowed to take my shoes off. When you eat take-out, do you just eat it out of the containers provided? Usually, but it does depend on what food it is. Ex., those little boxes that have rice in them from Chinese places? I'm using a bowl. From the container is just messy. Would you need to sleep with someone before considering marrying them? Nah. Do you carry condoms? No. Would you date someone who has a hearing aid? ... Yes...? "No" is just... so rude?? Like that is something the person absolutely cannot help, nor is it a HUGE thing. It's just a hearing aid, dude. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty decent. Folders and such. Could be better still, probably. Have you ever been to a strip club? Nah, not my scene. Have you ever brought home a stray animal? Pleeeeenty of cats. Are you physically strong? No, especially not my legs. I've got a newborn fawn's legs, jc. Still working on building the muscle back up. Would you date someone with braces? Oh my god, fuck off. Yes I would. I was the person with braces dating someone without them, so 1.) I obviously can't say shit, 2.) they're taking care of their goddamn teeth, and 3.) I dunno, wearing braces has no goddamn impact on personality???????????? Does scuba diving interest you? Not to an incredible degree, but it'd be cool. Would you ever ask your parents for relationship advice? Maybe for certain topics. Do you think people look up to you? Y'know that "oh no hunty WHAT is u doin" meme??? That's me if someone does. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? *blinking* There are people who don't??????? Do you blush easily? Ohhhhhh yes. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Hm. Not sure. Can you name five current world leaders? AHAHA nope. How many times have you had the flu? Zero. Do you think imagination is valuable? Oh hell yes. We would be NOWHERE CLOSE to where we are as animals without it. Who or what are you most impatient with? I don't know. When was the last time you mowed a lawn? Never. Have you seen all of the Star Wars films? No; seen only the first three with a friend and saw zero appeal. He didn't either. How about all of the Harry Potter ones, so far? I haven't even seen one. Jason and I started the first one together but. Paid way more attention to each other than the movie lmfao. What part of the newspaper do you typically enjoy reading? None. I collect my school's papers now though 'cuz I'm the photographer for it. :') Have you ever made a website, even a simple one? Four that I remember. The ancient and now-defunct ones were back when I think this site called Wetpaint was a host for simple sites, and a lot of us RPers posted our mob info and stuff there. I had one for Talons, one for Connrads. Ha, out of curiosity, I think I looked for them not all too long ago since I never actually deleted them, but I think the site itself was re-purposed. NOW, I have a Wix site for my photography, and then Kalahari Manor is a ProBoards-hosted site. Which was better: your childhood or your teen years? Jfc, childhood. Teen years were a chaotic and rancid cesspit in terms of mental health. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? I truly imagine that realizing I was *in love* with Jason surpassed what a high probably feels like lmao. What does it take for someone to win your heart? I'm actually putting thought into this one and I think what appeals to me in a person most is just being friendly with a good sense of humor and obvious, shameless concern for others. AND JFC, HAVE EMOTION. Don't be a brick wall with me. Lacking an emotional side, positive or negative, is such a turn-off to me. I'm not attracted to robots. Being a gentle person is important, and for me personally, you need to actually act like you're into me. Not just between us. Do not make me a secret. AND BE CREATIVE AND WEIRD AND FRESH!!!!!!!!!!! There's nothing wrong with more "vanilla" people, but just for me myself, I need someone who stands out for some good reason. lol okay this answer's actually getting kinda long, I'll stop. There's a number of ways. What is one thing you would rather be doing? Ha ha yo real talk, Sara and I are getting all emotional and deep into our relationship, platonic or romantic, and I want me and her in her bed right now tearing each other up alsdkjfla;kwejre I love her a lot ok. When was the last time you changed your mind about something? OKAY SO I started a new birth control, right? It. Sent. Me. BACK. With my PTSD. How? Idfk, but I was suddenly obsessing over Him again, badly. I stopped that shit, and wha'd'ya know, two days later, I'm like "lol wtf I don't want him why did that just happen hunty was u ok????????". SO YEAH, that was a trip. Do you know anyone with a lisp? I'm not sure. Possibly. How much weight can you lift at once? No clue. Not a lot. Do you ask guys out, or wait for them to ask you out? I've never asked a guy out, but I wouldn't say I wouldn't. Do you like the last person who showed interest in you? I love her. Describe the last person you stared at? I have no idea. Do you like dating one person at a time, or multiple people? I'm personally monogamous. Have your experiences made you more or less sympathetic to others? MORE. Do you find smoking unattractive? I do. Have your parents ever searched your personal belongings? Mom has. Where did you get your last bruise from? ... Well. This is uh. Awkward. Tying into when I was on that medicine that made my libido fucking uncontrollable (thank the fucking lord I'm back to normal), my breasts are lookin rough, sister. Are you looking forward to anything? Nothing in the VERY near future, I think. A bit further off, Christmas. I can't wait to see the kids so excited again, and for once, we come together as a true family. Plus my #1 wish is to have my Mark tattoo improved at an amazing parlor, and I'm pretty sure that'll be happening, just obvs. not on Christmas Day itself. I'll just be fuckin STOKED when I *know* it's happening. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes. How much money did you spend today? $1.25 for something from the vending machine. I didn't have breakfast, so I was really hungry. When you’re bored in class, what do you usually do? Try to not doze off. If we're not doing anything, then I'll play around with my phone. Have you ever had a song stuck in your head for more than a day? Oh, definitely. Ever walked into the guy’s bathroom? HA as a stupid elementary school with her friends, we sure did during a work day (my mom used to work with special ed kids at school). We thought we were soooo rebellious. How many wives or husbands do you want? One. What happens if you fall in love with your best friend? Ha, did. I still am, and we hope to be back together someday. Has a teacher ever flirted with you? Not that I know of. Thankfully. Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? It's not my thing, but sure, if it's consenting and both are aware it's platonic. Do your wishes ever get granted in the worst way possible? Probably in some way at some point I don't recall. How do you feel about your naked body? NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO Have you ever been called obnoxious? I don't think so, anyway. Do you wish you had a bigger family? No. Which friend would you kiss full on the mouth, no questions asked? Sara. Can you do a split or stick your foot up next to your ear? Nope. When was the last time you complained about something? I was venting some mild frustration to Sara earlier tonight. What is your favorite color combination? Favorite is probably pastel orange and light blue. Love it. Then there's pastel pink and purple. Okay pretty much any combination is about the pastels When was the last time you spoke in front of a group? A month or so back when I had to do my Lifeline presentation in FYS. Do you like group projects, or do you prefer to work alone? I strongly prefer working alone. There's no disagreements, compromises, incompetent partners, etc. Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? Yup! (: Indirectly, but. How did you respond? I don't recall, but I wish I did. Who is the most argumentative person you know? She's not in my life anymore partially BECAUSE of that shit. Do you know anyone who is crazy about proper grammar? Yes, but she has OCD as a valid reason. I'm pretty particular about it too to a degree. Who was the last person to make you feel special? Oh my gosh, my therapist told me she was so proud of me and the progress I was making that I just entirely lit up and became a total beaming ball of giggles and "thank you"s. Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? No, I'm bi. If your best friend grabs your hand, what do you automatically do? Squeeze it. What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? Cheesy and spicy scrambled eggs, man. Also known as the only thing I can properly cook lmao. Do you tend to flirt a lot, even when the person isn’t single? Fuck no, if they're not single. I'll flirt with my s/o when I see it appropriate or relevant, and in a case where we're both single, I'd be very subtle about it because shy. What’s something that you think is really cute? Off the very top of my head, the Ewoks from Star Wars, oh my fucking god. They were the only thing I enjoyed in the movies. What’s a pretty bird? I mean... pretty much all of them. BUT, can we take a moment to appreciate the bearded vulture? like???? they're fucking BADASS???????????? Besides sleeping, what do you do in bed? Almost... everything. It's the reason I endured/am still recovering from muscle atrophy in my legs. Have you ever hacked into somebody’s account? Playfully, back when that was a thing for friends to do and post lovey-dovey stuff about them everywhere. Megan and I, and I believe Mini and I as well, did it to each other. Possibly more. Is having to pee really badly worse than being really thirsty? Oh hell yes it is. The former can get to a point of hurting. Have you ever touched a Qu'ran? No. Do you love animals more than most? Oh definitely. Why do you eat fast food? It's easy to grab when on the run, and Mom has almost zero time to cook. Then we both have school. Most often I just warm things up in the microwave or grab something substantial enough in the fridge. Is there always going to be that one person you and a friend makes fun of? I guess you could say indirectly, yes. Just something she said in a certain way became an inside joke. Her as a person, no, I wouldn't do that. What is a bad habit of yours that you’re actually trying to fix? Having terrible eye contact. I have a very hard time maintaining it, but I've been trying to keep that weakness in mind when talking to people. Do you write out your feelings? That's one reason why I take these surveys, yes. Do you have bills to pay yet? It's embarrassing that I don't. Not saying like, I want to pay bills, what madman would, but I do want to feel more like a proper, independent adult. Will you be changing your hair any time soon? Not the style, but one thing I'm asking for Christmas is a professional to dye my hair silver. I say pro because my hair does NOT hold color, and because of the bleach needed, Mom's concerned I'll damage my hair if I put my trust into anyone less qualified. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? I don't think so, but she looks UNCANNILY like her firstborn daughter. It is SCARY. Is there something you wish you could learn to do? There's loads of stuff. Probably above all, cook. Or stop procrastinating. If you could be amazing at ONE thing, what would it be? Drawing precisely what I see in my head. Because of how important they are to me, I would pay BIG FUCKING BUCKS to get how my 'kats look onto paper. What do you wish people would pay you to do? Complain about my weight. :^) I'd be able to just pay for surgery to fix that within a day. Do you take good pictures? I personally think I do. I mean I wanna be a professional photographer. How would one go about impressing you? It depends on the subject and difficulty of whatever. What probably impresses me most would be someone maintaining a mature, peaceful attitude when there is reason to act otherwise. Self-control, that's it. Do you automatically apologize if you walk into somebody? Duh? Tell me a memory of this summer: It was fucking scorching and I hated every minute of it. What’s something that you don’t need, but really want? Hmmmm. OH, HELL YES. IF I had the proper body to even remotely pull them off, I. Would wear. NOTHING. But corsets. Jesus FUCKING Christ they are so hot. What do you draw more than anything else? Just about all I draw is meerkats. What’s the most favorite class you’ve ever had? The Digital Photography course I took in high school. Or Art Honors my junior year. I really enjoyed the stuff I made. For each person you’ve kissed, describe your feelings in one word: Jason: melancholy; Tyler: dramatic; Girt(?): loyal; Sara: ideal. How do you react when you trip or stumble? Gasp and carry on. If it was a more serious trip, I look around at who saw. Are you good at “biting your tongue”? NO. Why do you love the one you do? She's been there for me without fail, has undying faith in me, supports me through everything, is honest, she's funny and very unique, her adoration for animals shows a great level of compassion, she trusts me so much despite her history, she stands extremely firmly for what she sees as right and wrong... okay I can honestly write an essay on why I love her. Would you rather get [another] tattoo or piercing? GIMME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 THE TATTOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111 Do you have long or short legs? I'd say they're normal, idk. When do you listen to Nickelback? *shrugs* When I wanna? Would you rather make the first move, or your crush? Them. I'm shy.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

actually another point that really pisses me off with extracurriculars (also called ECs in this post) and ESPECIALLY the ECs while I was in uni, was the fact that nearly all of them required a distinction (75-84) average/high distinction (85-100) average to actually participate. like this counted for even general tutoring where youd suppose a credit average (65-74) should be enough in arts subjects at least lmao.

like the most irritating ones that required the distinction/high distinction averages were like “leadership” workshop presenters and even uni promoters who’d travel to schools around my district and sometimes further afield to talk about study or the uni. but the most infuriating thing with that is that they also looked at your ATAR- ie. your uni entrance score or what would be the equivalent to like the SAT score in the US/A levels in the UK or the IB score internationally. and the ATARs usually hd to be in like the 80 zone to do anything with tutoring or leadership/study workshops etc.

like my ATAR was low back in 2013 when I did my hsc- coming back as 38.25.... but I still managed to pull through undergrad with a credit average and get into my post grad diploma. but is that enough to talk at elevate study workshops? apparently not. apparently the only inspiring people for these study and leadership seminars are people that are loaded with money (usually bc most attended tutoring during school.... if I remember my elevate workshop from year 10 correctly) so that they could achieve great marks to get into uni and know how to maintain them while they were at uni. they have the resources to do serveral extracurricular things and even some community work to boot. in short, they had EVERYTHING to get them to uni.

for me, i found the above super hard to relate to in year 10. and hell, even now. like I didn’t have the home environment or a great chance of doing anything really (or at least that’s how my 17/18yo self viewed it from her depressed and anxious thoughts in 2013) at all during my hsc to get good marks in those final exams. like in year 10 in 2011 before the hsc, for the school certificate, i basically almost had to repeat bc i’d stopped handing in assessments. one of my friends actually had to save my ass for me by writing half of my english speech for me so that I didn’t fail and have to repeat the next year. all through year 10 i was threatened by teachers telling me that my (now defunct) school certificate wouldn’t be marked bc if I wrote by hand myself.

it was the same in years 11/12. but my teachers were so tired with fighting the board of studies for a laptop for me to use during my final exams, that they relied on the BOS to tell me that I’d got one. but the BOS never told me, so I went in without studying and believing that everyone around thought I was too fucking brainless to achieve anything above a 50 atar without studying. I did have a computer for my final exams though, but I didn’t know UNTIL THE FIRST DAY OF MY FIRST ENGLISH EXAM when my community and family studies (cafs) teacher FINALLY decided to tell me.

like after all of that bullshit, I came out with 38.25. I moped and cried and hated myself bc I didn’t get a good atar and had to go to business college instead. bc they were one of the places that didn’t judge on ATAR at all. I hauled my ass through my fucking advanced diploma of marketing and got into uni. I did over 600 pages of work in my AD, with my longest assignment being fucking 75 pages!!!! like y’all I wrote a whole (super poorly) written textbook in a fucking year!!!!! like how fuckin ridiculous is that?????!!!!

like yes. I struggled like fuck through undergrad... in fact I wanted to drop out halfway through second year bc I felt like I’d done my whole 3 years already. but I pushed on through that finally graduated in oct 2018. now I’m half way through my grad diploma. like yes during that i only did one extra curricular, which was attending toastmasters sporadically when I remembered/felt like going/or my class schedule permitted. I tried the blogging thing but never interviewed anyone bc i was too shy... I basically did the blogging thing bc IT WAS THE ONLY THING that didn’t require the atar/some uni grade average to do it. it was that or a multimedia newsroom assistant that didn’t need a grade average... other than some career programs. so I focussed on career building workshops instead. after all of that I came out with roughly a credit average according to my undergrad uni’s WAM calculator.... my wam was about 68.8 or something by the time I graduated.

but like. the whole time i was at uni I was met with the question “how did you even get in... if your atar WAS THAT LOW???? you couldn’t even get into the uni college with 38.25.” i constantly got that from careers advisors and stuff. and I had to say “well it was my advanced diploma that got me in bc it was a pass/fail course.”

like why isn’t that considered more “inspiring” as opposed to shitty, snobby kelvin or henrietta over here who got all straight A’s through school, did several sports and other ECs; did a fuck load of charity and community work, did the duke of Edinburgh award by working at a retirement home for a year as a conversation giver or whatever they’re called. like I find that so fucking unrelatable bc I didn’t have the time and money to do any of that. like yes my hsc marks were abysmal and so were most of my marks in junior school (but let’s not count math and PE for this post, considering i went into arts lmao)... like surely the stories of lower achieving students that get into uni and eventually pick themselves up off the floor to get some shit done are 10billion times more relatable than Goodie-Two-Shoes My Parents Are Loaded AF Sally™️ or My Parents Sent Me To Over-Priced Tutoring That Sometimes Did My Homework For Me But I Turned It In As I’d Done It Myself Jerry™️ that are both selected as presenters for these programs.

like fuck off with your “how did you even get here if your atar was so low and how are you even still here?” Janice in careers central. or elevate leaders conference. let lower achievers speak and have a chance to do some fucking extra curriculars that involve public speaking etc.... so that they can inspire and relate to the lower achieving kids to maybe attend and finish uni..... and come out on top of the stupid rich cunts like henrietta/sally/jerry/kelvin who are usually the ones who are more likely to drop out half the time.... because they realise that they’re just doing it to make the parents proud.... bc it turns out that it’s not what they ACTUALLY WANTED TO DO in the first place.

so yeah. I think more ECs at universities should be more accomodating to people in the lower mark ranks (like credit averages or people who got lower atars than the standard 70 for most courses)..... and especially the ones that are about “leadership” or “study” or whatever.... bc like i didn’t do my advanced diploma probs wouldn’t‘ve gone to uni until much later in life (i think anyway idk). and people should be kinder to others who got into uni via alternate pathways like a diploma from an outside institution and not be all snide like “how did you even get here if your academics were so low?” like learn to acknowledge that people have problems with getting high marks or will usually nowadays get hit with bad depression/anxiety in year 12 over marks and thus not achieve what they probs could have.

anyway there’s another academia/extra curriculars rant done lmao.

[wickymicky]

so who are the the IOI members who maintained the most popularity? like definitely Chungha, obviously, but then like idk... Kyulkyung seems pretty popular despite Pristin being a mess and probably defunct, Sejeong seems popular, Mina too, isnt Mina hosting one of those music shows? or did for a while anyway? I don’t know much about Somi but isnt she debuting as a solo artist soon or something? uh idr cause i only know about the IOI members who went on to be in groups that i like lol

it makes me wonder about Izone... they’re gonna be a group for like twice as long as IOI was a thing, which gives all of them more time in the spotlight so the popularity they accrue might last longer post-Izone? who knows. I mean like Sakura was already famous so she’ll be fine. I just can’t imagine a world where Chaeyeon doesnt have a super successful career after Izone, it’s frankly a tragedy that she wasnt already in a huge group or something lol. her younger sister is all set for years to come cause she’s in a JYP girl group, like even if you dont like their music you know who Itzy is lol, the name recognition is hard to beat. and that’s Chaeyeon’s younger sister lol... so Chaeyeon is like that but with even more experience and charisma. Well idk, i dont know enough about Chaeryeong to be honest, but Chaeyeon just oooooozes talent. it’s impossible to watch any clip of her performing and not go “how the FUCK was she not already super successful”. is she the best dancer in the new generation of kpop girl groups? probably tbh. 

You know, a lot of the post-IOI groups contain multiple members because they were part of the same company. I can see that happening with Izone too. Eunbi and Chaewon are both part of Woollim, and Wonyoung and Yujin are both part of Starship. It’s possible that some of the members will leave their companies and join one of their fellow member’s companies too, such as Hyewon whose company doesnt have any groups and seems pretty small. There were plenty of trainees on Produce 48 who were in the same companies as the Izone members, so maybe the members will join groups with those trainees? That’s a bit harder to look up and I don’t feel like doing that lmao, I dont remember any notable names... the only things I remember are: 

1: that Yena is in Yue Hua with Sihyeon and Yiren and seemed pretty close to them, maybe just as close as those two are with each other, and its possible that she could be added to Everglow as a rapper or something. she’s pretty goofy and at first i didnt know if that would fit the Everglow vibe but... Yena looks really cool in Violeta, and Everglow has Onda who a ray of sunshine, so it doesnt matter haha Yena would fit in just fine. 

and 2: that Yuri is in Stone with Gyuri, Sian, and that other person who was on Idol School (also by the way apparently Onda was on that too under her real name lmao huh) whose name I dont remember (the one who talked about this being her last chance or something, idr). and like I guess I could see something happening with those two trainees and Yuri, but honestly idk. obviously tho Yuri isnt gonna be added to Fromis 9 lol

I also wonder what’s gonna come of the Japanese members. are they just gonna go back to AKB48? that seems like a huge step down lol, especially since some of the Japanese trainees who just barely didnt make the final lineup are currently pursuing careers in Korea. I could see them joining some of those agencies and stuff, and being in groups with the other members maybe, especially Sakura and Chaeyeon cause I know they’re close. I also know that Hitomi was pretty unknown in Japan, and while I’m sure that wouldn’t be the case anymore, still, she might be much more well known in Korea. 

I wonder if any of them would go solo, and if so I wonder who. Sakura has the name recognition but honestly, no offense, I don’t think she’d be a good solo artist lmao. Eunbi has a shot because she’s the oldest, but then what about that potential group with Chaewon? who knows. 

I’ve seen stuff about Izone saying that when their contract is up, there will be an option to renew, and that’s also a possibility. they might just stay Izone, especially after being together that long. However I don’t know how likely that is, just because I know how businesses work lol. If this was a purely artistic endeavor then maybe they would stay a group, but there’s a lot of money and like 10 different companies involved, so it’s not likely.

wow this post was a lot longer than i intended it to be... i was intending to write a post that people would reblog but i ended up just like writing a script for a youtube video lmao. dont worry about this post, i’m just getting thoughts out

[papa-guna]

//Urgh...guess who lost the little WiFi jack thingie that my dad’s Mac needs to get online???

So, yeah. I’m not gonna be RPing tonight but I’ll try and find it tomorrow for belated Father’s Day stuff? (Plus I better find it before dad finds out hahaha)

In other news, just got three more games on my PS4 with the sales going on: Tales of Vesperia Definitive Edition, Ratchet and Clank, and Sonic Mania (Which was actually one of June’s free games for PSPlus users so yay!) So once it finishes downloading enough to play I’ll likely stay up all night playing Vesperia lmao.

I feel like buying it now though for the PS4 means that my Xbox 360 is now defunct...Vesperia was like the main reason I bought it (and guess who never finished playing it on the 360?) I mean I still have Skyrim on that system and I might buy more games later on (my thrift store always has tons of 360 games...just usually they’re the sports ones that I don’t care about???)

Anyways, while the game is downloading I’ll be working on pictures! Both the ones I got asks for last week and a Father’s Day one!!!//