#they will not get that far not because i promised no ships. but tori is a liar

[mixelation]

so what im getting is that the divergence point for torito/kakashi from plasticity is that if tori just goes 'eh hes mediocre' obito is fine and plasticity continues as normal but if she says kakashi was fantastic in bed obito cant deal with it and gets obsessed and the ensuing shenanigans grind the big evil plan to a complete halt? the path of fate is determined entirely by whichever thing tori thinks would be funnier to say? thats amazing lol

yes. that is the divergence. tori's completely made up reviews on sleeping with kakashi. she says kakashi is good in bed and this saves the world somehow. she's putting this in her next icha icha fic

[camille-lachenille]

20 questions for fic writers

Took me forever to answer but here I am! I was tagged by @echo-bleu

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

36 on my main pseud, the rest being either translations or old stuff I archived from Wattpad.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

89,808 words... How? I write mostly one shots, where do all these words come from?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently the Silmarillion and LOTR, but I dabbed into the Hobbit fandom and Six of Crows when I first made my AO3account

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Elflings don't grow in a garden (usually) (Silm/LOTR)

Change of the Seasons (Hobbit)

Once upon aDecember in Ravka (Six of Crows)

An unlikely friendship (LOTR)

An ever-growing family (Silm/LOTR)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, even if it’s only an emoji and it takes me ages.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Dreams of Doom. It follows Niënor from the moment she arrives in Brethil to her death so, yeah, canon is not kind to her. But I think Náro isn’t far behind because I played with the contrast between a very soft start and an angsty ending to make it even more brutal.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I dont' know... Most of my fics have either a very fluffy ending or a bittersweet one so it's hard to decide. But after pondering the question I'm going to say Ice Age(s) which is bittersweet but the end is definitely very fun and promising for the characters

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Luckily never.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. I wrote a few scenes with implied/vague sexual content in Dreams of Doom but it’s not smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I dont' write crossovers. Anymore. I wrote a few super whacky Percy Jackson-Harry Potter crossovers when I was 13 and had just discovered fanfiction.

But in my curred era of writing, the closes thing I have to a crossover is my forever WIP A Season in Alqualondë which is a Regency Au, Jane Austen style Silm fic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I translated two (one is currently still being translated but I dont' have the brain to work on it often)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Never, and I don’t think I’ll do it. I’m terrible at working with someone else.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Éowyn x Faramir and Celebrían x Elrond

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Tori daughter of Nori, a Hobbit fic where Nori finds an abandoned elfling during his wanderings and adopts her. I have lots of notes and even a few scenes written for this fic but I just don't have inspiration for it anymore.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Making people feel things? I also really like roccuring images and metaphors thoughout the story, to emphasis the characters' feelings or background. From several comments I know I am good at writing very strong contrast between the softest scene and the angstiest angst in a few sentences/paragraphs X) (see Náro or Dreams of Doom)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Verb tenses. English isn't my first language so I admit to go a bit freestyle regarding verbs and sometimes even sentence structure. I also find writing dialogs quite difficult and always fear they'll come out as stilted and artificial, hence why I make the characters speak as little as possible (Tolkien did that, I am only trying to emulate his style XD)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

As said above, dialogues aren't one of my stengths so I try not to incorporate another language unless absolutely necessary to the story.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson, on Wattpad, nearly a decade ago.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Ask me to choose my favourite child! But if I have to pick the one I am the most proud of, the one I spent most time and research and went really out of my comfort zone to write, it's clearly Dreams of Doom. I feel that, in terms of writing angst and character developement this fic is a turning point in my style.

And since I'm so late I don't tag anyone

[crehador]

brother crab’s 2023 seasonals in review: summer

surprisingly easy to rank season for me, so i'll get right to it

anime of the season + runner-up for summer goes to...

undead girl murder farce and zom 100: zombie ni naru made ni shitai 100 no koto! nothing else even came close

i'm giving ugmf anime of the season because i personally vibed with it a lot (murder mysteries with a rakugo flair + arsene lupin trying to fuck the phantom of the opera in the background you really cannot go wrong) and also because zom100 has yet to release its last few episodes

zom100 is such a consistently solid show, though, that even without seeing the full cour i'm prepared to give it runner-up of the season. and it's honestly a strong contender for anime of the year. the first episode especially... i would rank it even higher than the first ep of oshi no ko tbh

lots of sequels this season as well!

horimiya, bleach, jjk, and bsd. some new snv came out this season as well but since i binged all that at once it doesn't really feel like a sequel to me

anyway easily sequel of the season goes to bleach, largely because of nostalgia won't deny that but also because it's just that fucking good

horimiya however was also an immense delight! gonna miss these wacky kids :')

quickfire thoughts on everything else:

watashi no shiawase na kekkon is the shoujo of the year, there's been a lot of cute stuff lately but nothing comes close to watakon

vending machine isekai was fine and occasionally funny, but kinda shocked it got a sequel announced already. worldbuilding was definitely the most interesting part and i hope we see more of it in s2

dekiru n eko way kyou mo yuuutsu was absolutely perfect, very fun and cute and soothing

okashi na tensei had a promising premise which it failed to lean into, there was little to no BAKING in this BAKING anime jfc

lv1 maou to one room yuusha seemed like your run of the mill shitty ecchi but actually it's NONBINARY OLD MAN YAOI?! and was kinda good. dumb, but fun

ai no idenshi was... well it was episodic which i like, generally, but it really. was not consistent. some good pieces, some not so good. some interesting, some not so interesting. main failing is it really did not imo balance its 'main' plot with its mini-stories well at all

ayaka was fun! it doesn't really hold a candle to k project like at all but at least it was not as bad as praeter lmao

synduality noir (first cour) was alright. nothing to write home about but a decent enough mecha. as far as anime that are game ads go... i'd say it's okay. a little more interesting than takt op to me, though not as visually stunning. and not as compelling as god eater

hyakushou kizoku was a tv short adapting arakawa hiromu's autobiographical farming manga and it was such a delight lol, especially fun if you're a fan of fma or silver spoon. explains so much about ed tbh

hi no tori: eden no sora was a 4-ep ona that i quite liked overall... ending was just so-so to me i guess

dark gathering isn't quite over still but it's fine as a horror that's heavy on the gore (gorror? is that a thing) actually. probably better than fine, it's just not my genre. some of the stories are definitely more gripping than others, but yeah solid horror overall and really good cast (yandere hanakana what could be better)

helck is also still going but has been really solid, way more enjoyable than i'd imagined. it has an 80s feel to it that i love

and last but certainly not least shuumatsu no valkyrie ii part 2 gives us GYARU FUCKBOI BUDDHA once again. what could be better lmao

MOVING ON

op of the season goes to zom100's song of the dead by kana-boon! the song itself is a banger and the way the op changes from episode to episode makes it even better

HOWEVER this was not an easy choice lol bleach and even jjk both came in with strong contenders as well

ed of the season goes to heclk's statice by saji! it just. ough. right in the feels

this was not a very blorbo or ship heavy season for me but i have to just repeat ARSENE LUPIN. AND THE PHANTOM. OF THE OPERA. one day i will circle back to this lol

[erzherzog-von-edelstein]

Composition

Summary: During his first Christmas after marrying into the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, Saxony tries to give his new husband the perfect gift. Poland makes it more difficult with his own impatience.

Characters: Saxony, Poland, and Lithuania.

Ship: Saxony/Poland and PolLiet

Word Count: 1.4K

“What are you working on?” 

Poland was lounging on the elevated throne after a long morning of having an audience with his lords. Because of the structure of his monarchy, he had to spend so much time paying attention to his nobles. Privately Saxony knew how much he loathed all the work and all the time he had to pretend to listen. When they were alone, he talked about how boring all the little concerns were. 

Saxony also knew that it would be a golden opportunity to sketch him. Poland had to sit still for hours, and it was easier to get sketches done. So, he had gladly found a quiet space out of the way in court and started working. He had spent the morning making a series of sketches of Poland in different poses. 

He answered the question, “It’s a secret. You’ll see in a month.” 

He could have easily predicted the pout that he got in response. Poland was not the kind of man who could accept that he had to wait for a surprise. He wanted to know what he was going to get, because the anticipation made him impatient.

Poland said, with that same haughty pout, “I want to see it. You can’t expect me to be patient when you’ve been over here drawing for hours. I assumed I’d get to see it at the end.” 

With all of his usual subtlety, he immediately approached Saxony and sat in his lap. The action naturally put him in a position to look at the sketchbook. Though Poland prided himself on his strategic mind, Saxony saw the move for what it was and immediately snapped the sketchbook closed. Though he welcomed his husband on his lap, he was well aware of the goal of the maneuver. 

He feigned surprise as he said, “I didn’t realize you were feeling so affectionate.”

To make the point, he kissed Poland on the cheek. But, the man wasn’t at all fooled by his acting. He again crinkled his nose like he was greatly annoyed and said, “Why won’t you let me see?”

Saxony had a clear reason in his own mind. He did not want Poland spoiling himself and being unimpressed when he saw the final version. Showing him the sketches felt like it would remove the magic, and the messiness would only make him see any flaws in the final version more clearly. 

He answered, putting one arm around Poland’s back, “It’s just sketches. All you will see is a mess and scribbles.” 

He knew it would have to suffice for the moment, though it likely would not. Never able to resist affection, Poland leaned into his arm and cuddled closer. He said, “Don’t be cruel. Give me a hint.” 

He traced his fingers gently over the back of Saxony’s hand like he was trying to tempt it to open the sketchbook again. Saxony smiled and said, “I’m making you something that I hope you will like. And it will be one of a kind.” 

He hoped that he was succeeding in putting a coy smile on his face which would amuse Poland. But it seemed that he was still far too curious. Poland asked, continuing to prod, “Is it a painting? Are you going to make a portrait of me?” 

The joy on his face when he asked made Saxony momentarily consider changing his idea. But, he was certain that what he had planned would make Poland happy too. He answered, “You will see on Christmas. I promise that you will love it.” 

Some of the levity left Poland’s face as he asked, “Christoph, are you worried that I will compare your gift to Toris’ gift?” 

The sound of concern in his voice was very genuine. As much as it was genuine, it was also misplaced. Saxony tightened his hold on Poland’s waist to comfort him. He said, “No, I am not. I thought you said that you would never compare us.” 

Poland nodded slowly and seemed to be thinking about what he was going to say. Saxony could see the wheels turning behind his eyes until he finally said, “I know, but I do not want you to think that I will. You know we’ll be together for Christmas. I love both of you, and your Christmas gifts won’t determine that.” 

To seemingly make his point, he nuzzled Saxony. It was a heartwarming show of devotion, but it was meant to soothe a fear that Saxony did not have. He replied, “I’m not worried about that, Feliks. I know that I’m not competing. But art is messy before it is done, and I don’t want you to see it yet.” 

He placed another soft peck on Poland’s cheek before he said, “Trust me that it will be beautiful when it is done. I would never give you anything that isn’t.” Poland nodded and said, “I do trust you, and I cannot wait to see it.”

----------------------------------------------

He put the box gently on the table and slid it towards Poland. It was Christmas morning and he had been waiting patiently to present his gift. He saw Poland’s face light up when he realized what it was. 

Lithuania glanced at the box and then at Poland’s face. He seemed intrigued, though he had no idea what the present could possibly be. 

Poland cocked his head to the side like he was confused. He said, slowly, “That is not a painting.” 

Saxony had guessed that he would get that reaction, and even considered presenting it in a bigger box to keep up the game. But it was better that Poland adjusted his expectations from the onset, so that he was not disappointed when he realized what it was. 

He replied, “It is not. I will paint a portrait for our anniversary if you want one. But you will have to sit for it.” He could already imagine how impatient Poland would get when he’d sit for a portrait. But that was something he would deal with when there was time. 

Poland said, “I am going to take that as a promise. Now, let’s see what this is.”

He gently pulled the box towards him and untied the ribbon on top. There was a spark in his eyes as he took off the rest of the wrapping. He looked mildly puzzled until he removed the top and saw what was inside. 

As it slowly dawned upon him, a smile broke across his face. Saxony had been almost certain that he would love it, seeing the look lighting up his face warmed his heart. 

Poland took out the first of the porcelain figures and said, with all the recognition that Saxony had been hoping for, “This one is me!” 

The figure was dressed in a pink surcoat and had a self-confident smile on its little porcelain lips. The expression and the details of the face had come from his sketches, as had the clothing. The coat matched one that Poland had commissioned in the springtime. 

He offered an explanation, “This is the only porcelain produced outside of China, and this is a completely unique set. I designed and pained them myself.” 

Poland continued to take the figures from the box. First, he pulled out another in a neat hunting coat and his long hair pulled into a low ponytail. Poland also recognized it, “And this one is you.” 

Saxony was certain that he had captured his own likeness. Poland placed it on the table next to the other figure and said off-handedly, “We look like we fit together.” 

Saxony glanced at Lithuania and saw the way the muscles in his jaw tightened. Poland may have sworn that their arrangement would have no jealousy, but Lithuania had made no such promise. He was the one that Saxony was certain he needed to treat gently. Jealousy could easily topple their arrangement. 

But they loosened again as Poland took out another figurine. Lithuania said with something akin to relief, “And that one is me.” Saxony replied, though the comment hadn’t been directed at him, “Of course. We are a complete set together.” 

He met Lithuania’s eyes and felt like they understood each other. Poland, seemingly oblivious to what had passed between the other two, said while examining the last figure, “How did you capture him so well? You do not look at Toris that often.” Saxony chuckled and answered, “I am very observant.” 

In truth, he had taken careful sketches at the times he had seen Lithuania and drawn the rest from portraits. 

Poland looked at the set and smiled, seemingly impressed by the delicate work. He turned to Saxony and said, “Thank you. It’s perfect.”

[neil-neil-orange-peel]

Rick! also the Graham Reaper

Hello again!

Rick Pratt

Sexuality headcanon ~ This boy is very, very gay. I think we all agree on that. 😂

OTP ~ Vyvyan. As I've said before, I love Rivyan. I think Vyv's the only person who could deal with Rick, anyway. 😂 He knows how Rick works, he knows how to get him to give in when he's being annoying. Rick could do with hanging around Vyvyan anyway - someone's got to stop him becoming the middle class Tory voter he was destined to end up as.

BrOTP ~ Rick has no friends, next ques- I'm joking, I'm joking! 😂 Though they get very little screen time and Rick isn't particularly nice to them, Sue and that other guy from his sociology course seem the people he should have some kind of rapport with. Maybe all the sociology students go out for drinks now and then. Rick's obviously the hanger on of the group - the one no one really wants there - but maybe Sue and that guy have more patience?

NOTP ~ I don't really ship CoolPoet. Rick sucks up to Mike far too much for him to end up anything but heartbroken and I don't want that for this little shit, this bastard for whom I hold affection. 😂 That said, I'm not anti-CoolPoet and you lot should know by now that Rick and angst are my favourite ingredients to combine.

First headcanon that pops into my head ~ My first thought was the headcanon about Rick liking The Smiths but I'm far from the first person to headcanon that. There's also the extended family of Riks headcanon I have and the arguable subtext of Rick fancying Dr Morrison and Cliff Richard. But something fresh? I always, in the back of my mind, headcanon Rick's birthday as being in August. That's because August is the last month in the academic year in the UK and I need Rick to be the youngest of the four in every sense 😂 he just is. Astrologers amongst the scumbags might agree with me if it means Rick is a Leo.

Favourite line from this character ~ It's not possible for me to say definitively but this is a contender: "I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED, THATCHER!"

One way in which I relate to this character ~ I think... The desire to be a creative and a force for social progress rather than a hindrance to it, though I promise I don't just want to look cool like Rick does. And also I know, I'm cheating 😂 we both have an interest in sociology and politics. Actually, Rick being a sociology student was one of the first things that drew me to him and amused me. I will be arrogant now though and say I know more about both sociology and politics than our beloved prick.

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character ~ Rick is so attention seeking and antagonistic almost on principle. I mean, these two things are part of why I find him so funny and I wouldn't change them. I just think we should be allowed to reach through the screen and shake him every now and then. 😂 Thank Cliff for Vyvyan, eh?

Cinnamon roll or problematic fave? ~ Aha, I pose a third option: sinnamon roll. 😏

Graham Reaper (The scumbags gave Death from Maurice Dobbs Makes a Movie a name... Although since Death is actually just meant to be a man playing Death, I guess Graham has become his own entity?)

Sexuality headcanon ~ Asexual? I feel like supernatural immortal deities would probably either be sexless or sex mad.

OTP ~ His scythe.

BrOTP ~ The other three horsemen of the apocalypse, specifically the ones from the TYO episode Interesting.

NOTP ~ Maurice Dobbs. I'll admit, I only actually watched the last few minutes of the film featuring Rik but I got the impression that Maurice is a bit of a pillock.

First headcanon that pops into my head ~ I like the headcanon that he is somehow responsible for the existence of Alan B'Stard. 😂

Favourite line from this character ~ I only watched the clips once. From what I remember, he was a bit like Fred. I'll take the loophole and go with his hysterical laughing from the credits.

One way in which I relate to this character ~ I like Halloween. He seems like that would be his scene.

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character ~ Nothing really. He is originally a minor character in a niche film I haven't even watched in full yet. 😂 As for the fanon version, the fact he's responsible for Alan - that's got to be pretty #embarrassing. Rather him than me, ammarite?

Cinnamon roll or problematic fave? ~ That entirely hinges upon whether he is generally a benevolent or malevolent deity. Knowing Rik's characters' record, it's likely the latter so he's a problematic fave. The original guy seems like a cinnamon roll, though.

Thanks for the ask!

[lhs3020b]

Post Mortem

I promised some thoughts on the nightmarish debacle that has happened. Here they are.

TL;DR I am scathing about everything. Everyone who should have helped us, failed.

It's the morning after. They've won. Continuity Remain is dead; there isn't going to be any second referendum and Article 50 won't be revoked. You cannot imagine how I feel right now, typing those words. However, I have never sought to deny reality (however lovely denial might be) and reality is what it is. We've lost a referendum and two general elections; we're finished. There is no come-back from this. The country has made a sick, twisted, greedy, myopic and stupid decision - but that's the decision it's made. I have nothing good to say for what happened, except that it did happen.

Well, let's look at the one tiny silver lining: since the ship has now sailed, I can indulge my deep, seething pool of vitriol for our collection of useless opposition parties. I'd held back previously because I didn't want to add to the circular firing squad. But they've all shot each other now and the corpses have largely stopped twitching. So off we go. (Before we start, I won't be writing about CUK/TiG/Change-UK, because they were just annoying, and I can't be arsed. I think we've all spent enough time on that shower of idiots.)

Here's the core reason for why I'm so angry: all this was completely avoidable. The media will, of course, spin BoJo's victory as a paragonic triumph of political conservatism. Like that infamous Pravda article from the 30s, on the Soviet constitution, they'll fawn over BoJo and declare him a visionary and a victor, a veritable genius of the ages, dripping with lyricism and wit. He isn't. He's an over-promoted buffoon who lucked into the top office due to the self-destruction of his inept predecessor, aided and abetted by a lying and sycophantic media - and, by a collection of opposition parties whose sole interest was in fighting each other.

Here we have the real core problem. The people on our side only switch on for fighting each other. There's little sign that they actually really care about Brexit, or the wider state of the UK. But pursuing partisan vendettas against each other? Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Let's think back to the summer, when BoJo was faced with stalling polls and a hung parliament. He could have been ousted then - but, of course, the Lib Dems were adamant that they couldn't countenance the idea of Mr Corbyn as Prime Minister. They'd had this tendency for a while - it's not new - but it accelerated and was nurtured under Jo Swinson.

When she was elected as leader I was initially a bit sympathetic - it seemed reasonable to give her a chance. Unfortunately, it turned out that she might be the most rightwing leader they've ever had - I actually suspect now that she might be to the right of Clegg. And she went and turbocharged all of their most self-destructive tendencies. I think what she thought she was doing was clawing Tory Remainers off of the Tories. This ran into two problems; 1) there weren't that many Tory Remainers to begin with and b) most of them are more Tory than they are Remain. So they mostly stayed put, and they few who did leave (thank you, to those of you that did) just weren't enough. Meanwhile, the hard-right tilt scared off the Lib Dem's left-leaning supporters.

A while back I predicted they'd lose seats at this election; I'm sad to have been proved right. I am, however, grimly-amused that Swinson herself lost her seat. The other problem with Swinson's rampany anti-Corbynism was that it partially demobilised continuity!Remain. A lot of people sensed that she was more anti-Corbyn than anti-Brexit; that also implied no plausible chance of an anti-Brexit coalition. Hoenstly, given how overt and personal the vitriol between her and Corbyn got, it's hard to see how it could ever have worked. And there's no point voting for something that you know is impossible. I do wonder if maybe this switched some left-leaning people off, or perhaps even sent a few ditherers back to the Tories (under the assumption that any sort of government is better than no government, I suppose).

As for the Lib Dem campaign, it was a mess. At one point their leader went on air to deny killing squirrels (yes, seriously, this actually happened). She got all excited about thermonuclear genocide at one point, because that's not at all weird and creepy, amirite?! Then there was the bizzarity that was "skills wallets" (don't ask - basically, the sort of policy abortion that happens when a collection of wonks are locked in a room with a boxed set of the West Wing and too much cocaine).

[OK, I'll expand this one. Briefly, skills wallets were a weird continuing-adult-education idea, where you'd have a pot of money that you could access at certain ages, apparently to take some kind of training or re-education or something. Why the ages in question, why that amount of money, and why not just make adult-ed free at the point of use, were never really explained. Then there was the can of worms that was additional voluntary contributions - what I took away from this was it was the adult-ed version of pensions auto-enrollment. I spent the last four years fighting a corrupt auto-enrollment fund, so I have strong feelings here!]

As for general themes, really, the LD campaign didn't have one. There was a lot of "Corbyn, THE MONSTER, the monster, Corbyn!". And, kind of oddly, there wasn't actually that much about Brexit. It actually didn't figure very strongly in their campaign. You came away from watching it all with a) a bad taste in your mouth and b) a nagging feeling that these people didn't know what they were doing.

To be fair to them, their vote share did go up, a bit - from 7.4% in 2017 to 11.4% yesterday. Which is, uh, not exactly dizzying. And it seems to have happened in all the wrong places, so they still managed to lose seats overall.

OK, we've gawped at the piss-stained ashes of the old Liberal Party, lying in state where some eggregious family-member has dumped them, on a roadside verge in the middle of nowhere. (Perhaps some enterprising squirrel has buried a nut amongst them.) Let's move onto the other vast, soul-sucking black hole of despair, also know as the Labour and Co-operative Party.

Oh dear god. The Labour Party.

The Labour Party is Britain's perennial second party, and nothing that happened last night challenged its second-place status. Their vote share dropped by 7.8 percentage points on 2017; this is what produced the Tory landslide, essentially. The Tory vote went up a little, by about 1 point, but otherwise stayed largely flat on 2017. This time, though, Labour collapsed. They lost a swathe of seats across the country, including places like Bolsover and Blyth Valley, which were previously rock-solid.

What went wrong? Everything. Basically, the stars aligned against us, in every single way.

First of all, Labour's campaign was dogged by the antisemitism scandal. And you know what? It was bloody well right that it did. The leadership dealt with antisemitism by ... doing nothing. Anyone who tried to raise the issue instead would get "Corbyn outriders" dumping on them on Twitter. Apparently we're suddenly not allowed to be concerned about racism on the Left anymore? Frankly, fuck that.

What they should have done was a quick-and-brutal party purge, perhaps early in 2018, when there was still time. Take some initiative, get control of the narrative again, and get rid of people who are only going to shit all over your campaign. But, uh, no. That didn't happen. I'll note that the Chris Williamson show in particular went on far, far longer than it should have.

Then we come to Brexit itself. Corbyn spent three years equivocating on the issue. OK, I'll allow that in hindsight, perhaps strategic ambiguity made some sense back in 2017 (though note that they still lost that election too). It didn't by 2019. But Corbyn was still trying to stand in the middle of the road as late as the summer - and by doing so inadvertently opened up political space for the (brief) Lib Dem revival, which in turn shunted Labour onto the defensive. And as I believe Paddy Ashdown once said, if you stand in the middle of the road, you get hit by traffic.

Eventually, the Labour leadership reluctantly adopted a second referendum position, but by then the damage was done. Basically, Corbyn had convinced Leavers that he was a Remainer, and Remainers that he was a Leaver. Labour appears to have lost votes about evenly across both Remain/Leave areas(!). In a way, he actually did unite the country - just against him. Ooops.

The rest of Labour's prospectus was a mess this year. Home Office reform was de-emphasized (arbitrary deportation by the Home Office is a huge concern amongst ethnic minorities). Drugs-law reform seems to have fallen off the agenda. There was no obvious theme to the campaign - surprising given that 2017's "For the Many" theme did cut across. Instead the "offer", such as it was, appeared to be a largely-incoherent grab-bag of spending promises, some of them with very large headline numbers. (The £58 billion for the WASPI pensions thing stands out there.) A lot of people simply didn't believe the country could afford it. You don't vote for things that you fear will bankrupt you.

Also, in a way, there's a parallel to the skills wallets thing here. Labour would have been better off, I think, just doing something straightforward like saying, "If elected we'll raise disability, sickness and unemployment benefits by £x per week, and we'll get rid of the ATOS fit-for-work assesments". It would have the advantages of simplicity, clarity and a clear political theme. Instead we got this weird fiscal machine that would produce some of those effects, except via a complicated multi-part kludge (which probably wouldn't even work properly anyway). I don't know how this came about; presumably it was an after-effect of one of the party's unending internal power-struggles.

Corbyn himself is a controversial figure, from his past associations with the IRA (more vague than the press would have you believe, but still a drag on the doorstep) to the perception of socialist extremism. Again, let me note that the "but he's a Communist, because that starts with 'C' too!" stuff is disingenuous, but this perception exists, and the Party have not found any apparent way to challenge it. Honestly? If your candidate is a ship that's holed below the waterline, yes it is horribly-unfair and all the rest of it, but you do need to run someone else. (I see no point softening that punch ; while Corbyn's been leader, the whole UK has voted 4 times, at 2 general elections, 1 referendum and 1 EU Parliament election. Every time, Labour has bombed. It's hard not to see a pattern here.)

Finally, the Labour Party itself has failed to ever re-unite. It's effectively two political parties in one - or possibly three, depending on how you want to look at Momentum. On a fair day with a strong wind, the Parliamentary portion sometimes manages to move just-about-consistently, but nothing else seems to have that behaviour. Honestly I suspect a lot of people's real fear about a Labour government is not that it would be a socialist tyranny, but rather that it would implode within about six months. Labour has lost its way amongst a storm of factional infighting. To be fair to Corbyn, this isn't new. Ed Milliband's desperate tenure was derailed by internal struggles. Even the 1997-2010 period had the ongoing squabbles between Brownites and Blairites (remember them?).

So yeah, Labour's campaign was an absolute shambles this year, and the whole country is suffering now for that.

Lastly, let's have a quick look at the Green Party. Where were they this year? With Extinction Rebellion making headlines, the Amazon burning, Australia on fire and weather records being smashed everywhere - remember that day when we had summer back in February? - it should have been the Greens' year. Environmental concerns are going up in salience - people are starting to get genuinely worried. And, uh, where were they? I can't recall hearing a single peep from the Green Party during the election. Whatever it was they were doing, it seems to have completely failed to capitalise on the moment. Perhaps they should have been a bit more visible.

The only people who come out of this with any credit are the SNP. I haven't heard anything teeth-grinding about them - though, that might just be because I live in southern England.

Oh, and let's take a final kick in the teeth, shall we? If you add up the shares of the votes received by pro-second-referendum parties ... guess what it comes to? Yup: 52%, versus 48% for the pro-Brexit parties. 52/48 - aaaaargh! Yet, the 48% had a narrative that kept their vote all in one place, so they won an absolute majority at Westminster. Ours got scattered to the four winds by several separate inept campaigns and several useless party leaders. Had there been a second referendum, we could have won it. But we never got the chance, because everyone supposedly on our side were completely, perfectly, useless.

Sigh :(

[silversarcasm]

I'm sorry to ask this, I did try and research this on my own. I just didn't understand what I found. Can you explain what the big difference between the Labour Party, Liberal Democrats and Conservative/Tory parties are? I'm an American and about all I can tell is that these parties don't really have American equivalents, so it makes it kind of confusing to understand what's going on in the UK.

oh man this is kind of a big question and i can’t give you an unbiased view but just to give you an idea:

very simplistically, labour are the more left wing party, the tories are the right wing party and the lib dems are the centrists

labour are traditionally the party of the working class, hence the name, but during the nineties they had a massive ideological overhaul and basically became the tories 2.0 in an era described as New Labour under war criminal tony blair

recently they’ve been trying to make a shift back to the left and their roots but this is causing major divisions in the party because of all the far more right wing blairites who are angry about this

the tories have always been and continue to be for the rich but try and market themselves as the more pragmatic stable party, which is hysterical considering what a mess they;ve created, one of the most famous tory leaders and who has massively influenced both their party and the entirety of british politics is of course margaret thatcher

she was especially famous for privatising a lot of national industries(such as the railroads), which labour wants to renationalise, which is one of the larger differences between the parties

more recently the major tory policy has been ‘austerity’ in which they have massively slashed public services to apparently bolster the economy, although obviously they still make sure not to increase taxes on the rich lol

austerity measures have led to the deaths of thousands of disabled people, increased homelessness and miserable conditions for most of the british poor

but an inheritance tax is evil something something

the lib dems are the largest of the third parties in england and gained a lot of popularity in the late noughties, especially for the fact that they campaigned on abolishing tuition fees

so a lot of students voted for them because thats great! the lib dems actually got quite a lot of seats and ended up forming a coalition with the tories, increased tuiition fees, enabled some of the worst tory policies and are mostly known now as traitorous scumbags or laughing stocks, although they do still have some voter base (also their last leader was like a megachristian who hates gay people which yikes)

now what you do need to note is unlike america, we have a number of other parties that do have an impact! the ones mentioned above are all primarily english parties though they will tend to get some seats in wales and scotland

but the snp, plaid cymru, sinn fein and the dup are all political parties in the other regions of the uk of varying significance.

the snp(scottish national party, not to be confused with the british national party who are irrelevant racists) are usually the largest of them but one of the most significant right now are the right wing DUP (the democratic unionist party, from northern ireland)

so the dup grew out of the protestant northern equivalent of the ira and are a pretty controversial group who right now are in a kind of agreement with the tories because right now the tories don;t actually have a majority in parliament thanks to theresa may make an incorrect gamble again lol, so they provide votes where the tories need them to pass a bill, and in return the tories give them bribery money, and have to defer to them on some decisions

gotta love that democracy!

now back to england, out of the various smaller parties there are two others you really need to know, the green party and ukip

the green party are not very powerful politically but are a pretty chill leftwing party who obviously tend to have a lot of environmentalist parties and have managed to keep an mp in parliament for the last few years thanks to the gays in brighton

ukip are where the nightmare starts

so ukip are the uk independence party, who basically just started as a single issue group who wanted to leave the EU, but eventually threw a few more policies in so they looked more like a party, when the BNP, mentioned above, was becoming a bit too obviously extremely racist a lot of its members jumped ship to ukip which put up more of a front of just being anti eu instead of being obviously anti immigrant

now, the tories, especially with theresa may as home secretary, haved whipped up a lot of anti-immigrant sentiment in the uk creating what has been called the ‘hostile environment’ and a lot of people who bought into this started supporting ukip

so ukip starts to grow, has a lot of seats in the eu parliament and is starting to gain seats in britain

as a rightwing party, this terrified the tories, because ukip were basically stealing their voter base so david cameron, then the prime minister, did the most badly calculated move in history in order to win back the ukip voters: he promised a referendum on membership in the EU

this worked initially! a lot of the ukippers voted for the tories so the tories were like hell yeah plan succeeded! and this referendum is never gonna actually succeed so we’re fine!!!

the referendum succeeded

the tories were not banking on this, they had no plans on how to leave the eu but now they had to go ahead with it and now we’re here a few years later and guess what!!!! there’s still no plan

also ukip really wish they were still relevant but now no one cares about them

so this has been my incoherent ramble for the day, it is not very thorough but i hope it gives you more of an idea of what kind of mess we’re in right now lmao

[d2kvirus]

Dickheads of the Month: June 2019

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of June 2019 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

You’d think the Orange Overlord’s visit would’ve been the biggest farce in British politics that week, but then The Independent Hashtag Change Hashtag Now Group Ltd saw six of their eleven MPs jump ship - including lead egotist Chuka Umunna as well as company secretary Gavin Shuker

Of course it was a matter of hours before Chuka Umunna started another new political movement promising the usual yadda-yaddas about how politics was broken and he’s the one person on earth who can fix it...sort of like he did a few months earlier with his previous project that he flounced out of at the first sign of failure - and a few days later he fucked off to join the Lib Dems, meaning the constituency of Streatham has been under control of two political parties (and one limited company) in 2019 all because their sitting MP keeps party-hopping and refusing to call a by-election

While none of the runners and riders in the Tory Leadership Drug Off covered themselves in glory, particular mention has to be reserved for Michael Gove for his admitting to taking cocaine while angling for the Tory leadership job and the Premiership that comes with it considering that, as Education Secretary, he introduced legislation saying any teacher who was caught using cocaine would be fired immediately, which sounds uncannily like he believed there should be one rule for him and another for the plebs

Perhaps the buffoon act Boris Johnson has spent over a decade performing isn’t a complete act, not when he has Priti Patel running around telling everyone about how much integrity he has while he hides in his safe space in case anyone might actually want to ask him a pertinent question - yet somehow he surpassed this when convicted fraudster Conrad Black was happy to vouch for Johnson’s credibility while slagging off any journalist who dared question him

On the subject of Boris Johnson and integrity, did Alan Sugar really believe nobody would notice him go from saying Johnson should be jailed for his lies during the EU referendum to saying he should become Prime Minister in the space of six months - a 180 that had nothing whatsoever to do with him saying he’d relax the tax rate that Alan Sugar just so happens to reside in?

Almost as soon as Pride Week began we had Anne Widdecombe volunteering her ignorant waffle about a “gay cure” - which also happens to be as close to a policy announcement as we’ve heard from The Nigel Farage Ego Project - and, naturally, it didn’t take long before sentient testicle Toby Young chipped in with the usual “it's so haaaaaard being a straight white male these days” bollocks

Another month passes and the BBC once again demonstrate their inability to cover an election result properly, this time giving so much airtime to Nigel Farage after the Peterborough by-election even though not only did his candidate come second, but when he realised that Labour candidate Lisa Forbes had won Farage literally ran and hid in the toilet, all of which makes it look as if the BBC had planned for their coverage to be a victory lap for Farage and didn’t bother to change their plans even when Farage didn’t win

Of course, this has led to the Faragists claiming conspiracy with some blather about postal votes and the local South Asian community, aided by Ross Kempsell falsely claiming that 69.4% of the vote was postal votes as opposed to 69.4% of those with postal votes used their vote (which is actually a decrease on the 85.1% average postal vote turnout from the 2017 election) all of which is little more than them begging to be told “You lost, get over it” - which, of course, soon led to Rod Liddell penning yet another of his “I know this might sound racist, but...” articles that never sound racist, they just are

Add to that how there was something sad about Nigel Farage marching to Downing Street (when nobody was there) to deliver a letter demanding he be part of negotiations with the EU - which would have carried some weight had he won in Peterborough, but having lost it made him look like a tragic figure in complete denial of what had happened

Don’t you dare interrupt a black tie dinner when Mark Field is there, as he will respond by getting out of his seat, grabbing you by the throat and shoving you into the nearest pillar to make you shut up and know your place - which was followed by Peter Bottomley congratulating him for assaulting somebody and Nadine Dorries prattling some nonsense about Jo Cox, while of course Julia Halfwit Hartley-Brewer was saying how more people should feel this way about climate protests...a few weeks after howling that throwing a milkshake at Nigel Farage is a crime, and Laura Kuenssberg somehow found a way to use the story to take potshots at Labour

Yet somehow Field wasn’t the only Tory involved in deeply unsavoury incidents with women within those 24 hours, as Boris Johnson was involved in a spat with partner Carried Symonds which saw the police being called, but that’s not the end of it: first the Metropolitan Police attempted to deny they were called, and it was only because The Guardian did a journalism and were able to cite the incident number that caused the police to admit they were there, but also those looking for any defence be it sentient testicle Toby Young comparing the neighbours to the Stasi while Alison Pearson posted a tweet that was outright inviting somebody dox the neighbours who reported the story while inviting harassment against them, while James Cleverly gave the downright dangerous advice that people shouldn’t call the police if they hear their neighbours in a furious row where things are getting smashed

There appears to be a humanitarian crisis in the Slovenian education system judging by how Damir Skomina can’t tell an armpit from an elbow, let alone the complexities of the differences between a deliberate handball and ball-to-hand, judging by his giving Liverpool a penalty for no logical reason within thirty seconds of the Champions League final kicking off - and it was hardly an isolated derp, either, as Son Heung-min was also penalised for “handball” when the ball his his shoulder in the second half

Although it does say it all that West Ham United were quick to take to Twitter thinking it would be a smart idea to try and rub Spurs fans’ noses in their being fucked over by Skomina, which only made them look like a bunch of insecure children

Yet somehow this wasn’t the worst tweet about the Champions League final, as that honour went to George Galloway for his utterly bizarre claim that there won’t be any Israeli flags on the Champions League trophy, because apparently Tottenham Hotspur and Hapoel Tel Aviv are the same club - so of course Tracy Ann Oberman was quickly rushing to Twitter to declare herself a Spurs fan, because after the farces with both Peter Herbert and David Baddiel using the club’s reputation as a testing bed for weaponising antisemitism, having one of the people who apparently makes a living out of weaponising antisemitism declare loyalty to the club is just what they want to hear...

It wasn’t long after Trump stated the NHS was on the table for any negotiations before Richard Tice casually gaslighted the British public with completely fabricated claims about pharma companies ripping off the NHS that would be solved by carving it up a la the American system - rather than the reality that the NHS significantly drives down the prices of medications compared to the American system, which Big Pharma hates

Similarly on the gaslighting trail was John Humphreys when he attempted to deny that Donald Trump had said that the NHS was on the negotiating table for any UK/US trade deal - which Labour MP Andy McDonald did not take lying down, calling out Humphrys for outright lying and reducing him to a gibbering wreck on his own show

Guido blog gobshite Paul Staines obviously had a quota to fill when he posted an article claiming that Jeremy Corbyn stated that Britain should have rolled over if the Nazis arrived on British shores, which took a remarkable amount of editing on Staines’ behalf to get the quote to say that - and, of course, this was rapidly regurgitated all over Twitter by Rachel Riley and Tracy Ann Oberman because they’re so far down David Collier’s rabbit hole they’re the best advertising Guido blog doesn’t have to pay for

At last the BBC finally said they were doing something about the vetting process for their political programming...unfortunately this didn’t mean they were going to stop Tory councillors posing as members of the public in the Question Time audience nor would they stop hiring actresses to pose as Anglican vicars on Newsnight, instead they didn’t like it when a member of the public kept asking Boris Johnson difficult questions about him being an ignorant pig when it comes to race relations so are making sure that only people who follow the script are allowed within fifty feet of a microphone whenever Johnson is interviewed

It’s almost fitting that England fans decided to celebrate the 75th anniversary of D-Day by hurling bottles at Portuguese fans and scuffling with the local police - yet somehow they didn’t even end up being the scummiest involved in these incidents, as that honour went to Tommy Robinson after he posted a video demonstrating his hardman credentials by sneaking up behind one of them and punching them in the back of the head while flanked by his heavies

It appears that Suzanne Moore was a little too keen to push her narrative in the latest Guardian piece on how terrible it is that Jess Phillips isn’t leading the Labour Party, considering she not only tried to claim that Jeremy Corbyn doesn’t have any female MPs in his inner circle - which must be news to Diane Abbott, Angela Rayner, Rebecca Long-Bailey and Dawn Butler (among others) - but when she deigned to acknowledge the shadow cabinet isn’t a sausage fest she used the highly demeaning phrase "a suitable female pet has to be groomed or the revolution may stall" to describe their status within the shadow cabinet while dismissing any and all contributions they have

Rather than criticise the US women’s football team for their overly elaborate goal celebrations even when they were putting the eleventh, twelfth and thirteenth goal past the Thailand goalkeeper, instead I’m going to criticise them for their response of “You wouldn’t criticise the men for doing it!” which not only showed how quickly they were willing to play the victim as soon as they were being criticised, but it was downright insulting to even use that as a defence considering that men tend to stop celebrating goals when it’s starting to become a drubbing, most notably the German players didn't celebrate the fifth, sixth or seventh goal they put past Brazil in the 2014 World Cup semi final

On the one hand Bethesda thinking that it wouldn’t look ridiculous to announce Fallout 76 would have NPCs and questlines during their E3 conference is dickheaded enough considering those are things in most Fallout games at launch rather than nine months later - but this dickheadedness was drowned out by the bloke who runs The Elder Memes for his remarkably YEAH! irritating habit of YEAH! yelling YEAH! like an obnoxious YEAH! jackass YEAH! during YEAH! the YEAH! entire YEAH! conference YEAH!

According to EA lootboxes aren’t gambling mechanics at all, they’re “surprise mechanics” so there is no justifiable reason to make them the subject of any gambling laws in any country

It was inevitable that, in the wake of the plaudits headed HBO’s way for Chernobyl, others would attempt to get a piece of that remarkably radioactive pie - although nobody could have guessed Russian state broadcaster NTV would put a series into production claiming the entire thing was due to sabotage by the CIA and nothing to do with poor design, unsafe working practices and gross incompetence 

Noted Dubai resident Jim Davidson wittered about how Sadiq Khan being Mayor of London has caused him to leave his beloved city...even though he’s lived in Dubai since 2004

And last but by no means least, failing to understand that the moon and Mars are distinct celestial bodies (let alone the difference between Wales and whales...) is Donald Trump and his attempts to deny he called Meghan Markle “nasty” before spending the remainder of the month saying he couldn’t have raped somebody as she wasn’t his type, blaming the Democrats for migrant deaths at the border, and retweeting a failed gameshow contestant who is banned from South African for spreading racial hatred

[soaringlanddormitory]

💖 for Takashi and Keiko, 💘 Takara and Yuriko and ☔️ for Manami and Soren (:

Gosh!! I love these so much!! Thank you so much for sending these in!!!

Send 💖 for my muse to tell yours who they currently have a crush on.

It felt like a normal day for the pair that were currently together. They were walking around Totsuki, taking note of ships that were currently sailing and seeing how their OTPs were bonding. Keiko’s soul went out of her body three times today out of happiness and Takashi yelled her name in such a dramatic way that it sounded like she was dying.

Even if it was a “normal day”, something was lingering in the head of Takashi and he didn’t know how to bring it up to Keiko. He definitely trusted her with his whole life, but there was still something in him that made him hesitate to tell her something. But he promised himself- he’s going to tell her today. Takashi rubbed his hands together before puffing his cheeks. He has to be fully ready.

“Hey, Hey, Keiko!” He tapped her shoulder and she turned around, a smile plastered on her face. The expression on her face looked incredibly happy and he gulped a bit. Was it the right thing to do to tell her something that he hid from her for some time? “I have something to tell you. It’s a little bit of a secret… And I’m sorry for keeping it from you.” He smiled nervously and Keiko tilted her head.

���Some people have secrets, so I don’t mind that you kept it… In fact, since you’re telling me now, I’m just very excited to hear what it’s about!” She clasped her hands together before going closer. “If you want to whisper it, go ahead! I’ll zip my mouth and I’ll never tell anyone!” She saluted at him and Takashi laughed. Yeah. He could definitely trust her.

He looked around for some seconds and noticed that the room was empty and no one was possibly there. There was also advantages of being a part of the NGM since he knew where all the hidden cameras are- and there were none in the room. “I don’t need to whisper.” He replies before a blush crept on his face. “But I think it’s pretty embarrassing to admit…”

She immediately got the hint, she was a smart girl- so he expected that she could guess what’s going to happen next. She gasped before jumping up. “You have a crush, don’t you?” With that, Takashi began scratching the back of his head, the blush on his cheeks getting darker. “I’m sooo ready to hear it! I wanna know if my guess is right!”

He gulped once more before he inhaled before saying his words quickly. “I may have a big crush on Rutna.” He covered his mouth after saying it. “Like… A very big one…” He says those next words very quietly and Keiko’s smile brightened before she started cheering.

“I knew it! I knew it! You do like Rutna! I ship you guys so hard and-”

“You knew?!”

“I’m a matchmaker Takashi, of course I’d know!”

Send 💘 for my muse to ask yours who they have a crush on.

Yuriko had several pairings for in the different universes, but she’s always been wondering if some people may have crushes, but no one found out yet- and she wanted to know people’s crushes so that she could support the couple and add something to her ship list. Plus, giving new information to Dai would be a good thing- he’d give a golden star if you did!

She was currently focusing on the universe of Keiko, her eyes focusing on each individual. Soren? Check. He was in love with Nana and that was obvious. Tori? Also check because she probably likes Hibiki. Tamaki? She placed all her money that he’s going to end up with Yoko. There were some possibilities in her mind but the person who she’s curious about the most as of the moment would be...

Takara Aldini. The cousin of Yoko who flusters when Yoko asked her who her crush was. Keiko did mention that she had a crush on someone, but she didn’t discover who it was yet- so she was the main target of the day. Maybe she could try and guess the lucky person who the girl admired. It’d be a point for her, the NGM and of course, Adachi Sensei!

She waltz around the place before she finally reached Takara. “Hey there, Takara-chan~!” She smiled brightly, acting all innocent as if she’s not planning a thing. Takara turned her head around to face the taller woman. She always saw her with Keiko, and she did seem like a fun person to hang out with but... they never really talked frequently.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.” Takara quickly replies before placing one of her hands on her own waist. She gave a smile before she continued to talk. “But I don’t mind talking to you. What is it?” She couldn’t help but be a bit curious on why Yuriko would approach her so suddenly, but she couldn’t just brush her off.

“Nothing, really! Just wanted to have a nice talk with you!” Yuriko twirled her hair around her fingers before winking. “Like a woman-to-woman talk.” The two had a great conversation and Yuriko did an excellent way to hide her motive- but she did enjoy talking to her a lot! She found her very interesting and the two didn’t realize that they’ve been talking to each other for a couple of minutes already. “Oh right! Can I ask you one more question?”

“Sure, hit me up.” Takara... Oh poor Takara. she probably didn’t expect the next question that would be thrown at her.

“Is there a possibility that you have a crush on someone?”

Takara’s face went red once she asked that question, and she immediately crossed her arms. “N-No! What are you talking about?! I don’t like anyone.” Despite it being obviously a lie, Yuriko didn’t want to push it too far but she only pouted a bit.

“Wah~! No fun! Just tell me if you need to tell someone then~!”  Yuriko grinned devilishly before giggling. “Because I’d love to know. “ For now, Yuriko might not have gotten the information she wanted, but she was glad she gained a friend. Maybe next time she’d get to know.

Send ☔ for our muses to share an umbrella on a rainy day.

Manami was still in school premises because it was raining and she forgot to bring her umbrella. She was planning to go walk to her dorm with Rutna who she saw as a sister, but she got a text that she couldn’t because she was busy since she was the emcee of the school. She had no choice but to stay until the rain stopped... or that’s what she thought.

“Manami?” There was a male who passed by the hallway she was staying. She was so busy looking out the window that she didn’t hear the first time he called her. He carefully tapped her shoulder to be sure not to shock her too much. “Manami, it’s Soren.” He calls her again and the female turned around, the bells on her head chiming with her movement.

“Soren!” She jumped up and she instantly clung to him to give him a hug. “Hi! I thought that you went home already!” She released him and she began smiling at the male. She saw several people walking home with an umbrella, besides the Elite Ten who had a meeting. She thought that maybe some of her other friends may have left already too.

Soren laughed a bit before patting the head of the female. “No, I didn’t leave. At least not yet.” He brought out a rose out of nowhere before handing it to Manami who slowly got it before smelling the flower. “I’m surprised that you’re here too though... Aren’t your dorm mates worried?”

“First... thank you for the rose! You really are better than all those fairy tale prince charmings! Secondly, no! They’re not worried. I already told them that I may go home a bit late since the rain didn’t stop yet...” She smiled a bit before he offered her something besides a single rose.

“If that’s the reason then... would you want me to walk you to your dorm? I brought an umbrella and I believe that we could share.” 

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to trouble you...”

“Of course I am.”

After a few words of convincing, two of them were currently under an umbrella with Manami holding the arm of Soren. “You know, I tell you this a lot... but I hope it doesn’t get tiring! But you’re such a great person!” 

A slight smile appeared on the face of Soren, even if the rain may represent sadness, it actually caused quite the opposite while he was walking with Manami. “I’ll never get tired or that. Thank you so much. You’re great too, not even the amount of roses can match how great you are.”

“That’s adorable, aww! But save that line for Nana.”

[chmergess4ever]

Only Forever (Part 1)

Story # 2 of the night!!! So I’ll preface this by saying that writing about this video is something that I’ve wanted to do for a very long time. Just didn’t really know how to do it or where to go with it, but I have a pretty good idea so I’m going to run with it. There is a 2-3 min video on youtube of paparazzi talking to Val and Sharna where he mentions the bikini picture of her in hawaii. If you haven’t seen the video, I think it’s a must watch for this story (and in general for a chmergess shipper) so I’m going to copy the link! The first chapter is going to stem around that! Also, the story is going to start out with it seeming like it’s going to be about Sharna and Artem, but I promise it’s not! Enjoy! Let me know what you think!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJVtib2pwn8&t=78s

“Red Velvet! Red Velvet! Red Velvet!” The crowd was cheering as they danced together, screaming their ship name, along with their individual names. The energy in the room was intense so made everything come across as much more intense. The show had gone great, but everyone was super tired so after briefly stopping at the buses they all went on the bus and started a movie. Sharna sat next to Artem who had his arm up on the ledge that was behind her. He tapped her on the shoulder and whispered to her, “You know what one of the fans just asked me outside?”

“Why we dont date each other?”

“How’d you know?”

“They asked me the same thing.” Sharna patted his leg and laughed as he threw his head back and shook his head. “So what’d did you say?” He asked her.

“I said that we’ve been friends for a long time and it wouldn’t be worth ruining that.”

“You think it would be ruining what we have?”

Sharna turned more into him realizing that it seemed as if Artem’s feelings on the situation were changing, “Artem, I know it would be ruining what we have.”

“You don’t know that. We can try.”

“I do know that. I do.”

“How? Tell how you would possibly know that?”

“Because-” She lowered her voice even further. “Because I’ve had it happen before.”

“With who? What do you mean?”

“Ok, if I tell you something, you have to promise that you will not tell as soul.”

“Cross my heart.”

Sharna looked down in her lap and then up at him, “I used to have a thing with Val”

“What?” Artem yelled out. Everyone on the bus looked at them, “Sorry” He said lower and then turned back to Sharna. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.”

“Well you didn’t ruin anything. You and Val are still best friends.”

“I mean, I guess. But, it’s different. It’s not so much that it ruined our friendship for the two of us together, but more so that it changed our chemistry when either of us are in a relationship. Because we’re not technically exes but when we have others it certainly feels like we are and that we shouldn’t talk to each other. It affected us that way.”

“But Val’s with Jenna now, and she doesn’t treat you weird-” Artem took note of Sharna’s reaction, “She doesn’t know? Does she?”

Sharna shook her head slowly. “Oh my god. Sharna.” Artem covered his mouth.

“Me and Val talked about it but we decided that it would just hurt her more to know. And then we can act like our normal selves with each other.”

Artem was quiet, “I’m sorry. This is just a lot to take in.”

“You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“And I won’t.”

Sharna turned away from him thinking that the conversation was over but then she heard him talk again, “How did that happen?”

She turned to him and slid in closer so she wouldn’t have to whisper as loudly, “You really want to know all the details?”

“Got nothing better to do.”

During season 19 of Dancing with the Stars, the dancers had all decided they were going to go out to celebrate one of their shows. They all went to mixology-Maks and Peta, Derek and Hayley, Emma and Sasha, Artem and Tori, Lindsay and Sam, and Witney and Carson. Sharna and Val had been invited but were the only two who weren’t in a relationship as the other single dancers already had plans for the night. Serge had tagged along but mostly stayed with Maks and Peta. They had bought a table for the night so some were sitting in the booth while others were dancing. Drinks came one after another after another.

“So there was this one point, where mostly everyone was on the dancefloor-I think you and Tori had left- and It was just me and Val sitting in the booth. We were playing a game, taking a shot everytime we didn’t want to answer a personal question about our past relationships. So as you can imagine, we got buzzed pretty fast.”

“Ok, so what was wrong with Paul? Thought you were going to marry him.” Val poured another shot from the bottle of tequila.

She looked at him knowingly, and lifted the shot glass, raising it in the air and throwing it back in one gulp. “I’d rather take 100 shots than answer that question.”

“Fair enough.” Val pour another one into her glass. “Anyone you’re interested in now?”

She looked at him and raised her glass again, “You are trying to kill me.” She threw back the shot.

“Seriously. You can’t answer that question? What am I going to do?”

“There’s one guy. But it would never happen so I don’t think about it.”

“Who is it?”

Sharna took another shot getting herself to the point of no return, “I’m. looking. at . him.”

“So then he said, “Me?” and I nodded. Given I was worse than him, I thought when he answered he would be in his right mind. He said, “You want to give it try?” I stared back and him and smiled, thinking that he was joking.”

“So then what happened?” Artem leaned on his hand as he rested his arm on the ledge of the couch.

Val got up, looking for Serge, he found him and patted his shoulder, “Yo. I’m leaving- if you want a ride.”

Serge nodded and followed him back to the table. Val put his arms around Sharna’s waist as they walked out of the restaurant, and turned to Serge who was signaling to him to explain what was happening. They walked out of the restaurant and were greeted with a ton of paparazzi.

“And I’m sure you’ve seen the video on youtube. That’s what really happened that night.”

Artem laughed, “I actually haven’t seen it.”

Sharna looked at him to make sure he was being serious but then she reluctantly pulled out her phone and googled the video. She hit play and then covered her eyes halfway as she showed Artem.

Sharna walked out of the restaurant, “Hey Guys.” Serge took her hand to keep her from talking as much as possible as Val went to get the car.

There is a lot of you out here tonight!” Sharna exclaimed. “He did so well tonight, I’m so proud of him.” 

Artem continued watching the video and laughed and how far gone Sharna was when she was having a conversation with the paparazzi. But he stopped laughing when it got to the part with Val so he could hear.

“Ohh we’re doing the bikini shot?!” She asked the photographer as she signed the picture.

“Yooo, is that Hawaii right there?!?” He asked as he threw his arm around her.

“This is not hawaii, this is like 5 pounds before Hawaii.” They all started laughing and Val pointed at the picture, “I like that tho.”

“Oh you like it?” She looked up at him.

“That’s way better. Way better.”

Artem paused it at that point, “What did he say in your ear?”

“Something that will remain only for my ears. Then he asked me if I had money to tip the valet.”

Artem played the video again and watched as Val’s car was pulled up and three of them walked to it. 

Val told Serge, “You’re in the backseat.” and they walked until they all got in the car. They were dancing, talking to the paparazzi who said, “where are you going, you going home?”

Sharna shrugged and turned to Val who got asked the question again, he nodded silently and timidly and then he soon after, drove off.

Artem put the phone down, “So he wasn’t driving you home-”

“He was taking me home.” She spoke to him slowly.

“And I’m assuming you guys had-”

“We did. A lot. That night was the start to when our relationship took a turn in that direction.”

“How long did that go on for?”

“A couple of weeks. Until I got back with Paul. Which was my stupid ass decision.”

“What do you mean?”

“I always go back and question whether I would be dating Val today if I hadn’t gone back with Paul. It seems like that was the direction it was headed.”

“Was that the last time you were with Val?”

“No, it used to be a pretty on/off thing, now it’s off and it’s staying off cause he’s with Jen.”

“But if he was single you’d want him?”

“Maybe. I guess I always was thinking of something more when we were doing our thing. I know we would have worked. But it’s a mute point because he’s not single. And the entire point of this conversation was to steer you away from wanting to do whatever with me.”

“Sharna, you’re just letting him go? I love Jen, you know I do. But you should talk to him.”

“Out of the question.”

“Sharna. Please tell him. I know Val and I know what he would want to know.”

“Nope.”

“You tell him or I will.”

“You promised you wouldn’t.”

“That was before, I knew that I had two friends who were in love with each other.”

“I never said love.”

“It’s love. I know it. And he told me the same thing.”

“What?”

“When he first got back with Jen, we were talking about relationships and he said he had a girl who he was only sleeping with in between relationships but that he had always thought about having more with her. He said he didn’t think that she felt the same way.”

“No he didn’t.” She said doubtingly.

“You need to tell him, Sharna.”

“I can’t do that to Jen. She’s one of my best friends. And it would destroy her.”

“Didn’t destroy Emma when she found out you had been with Sash.”

“Also wasn’t in love with Sash!” Sharna said back to him without realizing what she had said but when she did, all she could say was, “Oh shit.”

“Talk to him. I’m done with this conversation until you do.”

“Artem.”

“Sharna.”

[scntamcria]

 victoria rose santamaria ♫ music mix

“she was beautiful but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful; something to be admired from a distance, not up close“

What Goes Around Comes Around- Justin Timberlake

“is this the way it’s really going down? is this how you say goodbye? should’ve known better when you came around, that you were gonna make me cry.”

this song describes tori’s recent dealings with having to face the repercussions of her actions from before she left town, most specifically with what happened with @milligcn. she’s quickly learning that there’s no escaping her bad karma, and that only the truth can truly set you free.

Seven English Girls - Ron Pope

“I’d paint a picture of my mother but I can’t recall her face, she’s even far away at midnight and her laughter haunts my dreams–”

through her vivacious exterior tori struggles with her mother’s abandonment and is to this day trying to find ways to cope with the fact that she doesn’t seem to be coming back. these feelings also inevitably foster a little resentment for her dad and stepfather.

Out Tonight - RENT

“when I get a wink from the doorman, do you know how lucky you’ll be? that you’re on the line with the feline of Avenue B–”

party girl tori was a hurricane, knowing all the ins and outs of upper toronto’s party scene. it was a fast life, but once she put her four-inch manolos to pavement heaven help the person that tried to stand in her way.

Glamorous - Fergie

“flying first class up in the sky, popping champagne livin’ the life, in the fast lane”

being the heiress to a successful fashion editorial has allowed tori to live a very charmed life from birth. but if being born into money teaches you anything, it’s that there are some things it just can’t buy.

Defying Gravity - Wicked

“i’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game. too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep. it’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap”

tori is one to act on impulse, always putting her at odds with her high society family members who have had her life mapped out since birth. and though she enjoys the luxuries that being wealthy affords her, she can’t help but try to break their molds and be free to make her own decisions

New Perspective - Panic! At The Disco

“i wanna live life from a new perspective. you come along because i love your face, and i’ll admire your expensive taste-”

tori and @mrzigmundnovak‘s relationship has been a sort of rollercoaster from the start, the difference in their social classes managing to make itself a factor more than once.  still, she believes zig, at his core, is a good guy and is determined to show him not everyone from her world is so terrible.  

Never Be The Same- Camila Cabello

“one hit of you, i know i’ll never, ever, be the same”

tori and @jonaahhaaks​ could’ve never imagined the night of their random house party hook up how it would change their lives forever.

Purpose - Justin Bieber

‘and you’ve blessed me with the best gift that I’ve ever known, you give me purpose”

before gabriella, tori was headed down a self-destructive path. but when she learned that she was going to be having a baby, someone that would need her and depend on her completely, it gave her the motivation to clean up her act and be an all around better person

White Flag - Dido

“i promise i’m not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were…”

“i know i left too much mess and destruction to come back again. and i cause nothing but trouble, i understand if you can’t talk to me again. and if you live by the rules of it’s over then i’m sure that makes sense. but i will go down with this ship–”

even though she was the source of the problems in their relationship, tori has come to find that she’s still soft for @andrcwtorrcs. to her he’ll always be her first boyfriend, the person that saw the best in her even when she was at her worst. and upon her return to toronto one of the things at the top of her to-do list was to make things right.

Drops of Jupter- Train

“can you imagine your love, pride, deep fried chicken, your best friend always sticking up for you. even when i know you’re wrong–”

tori has always been popular amongst her peers, but true friends have always been few and far between. however, she’s found that no matter how far she may roam @mcneybcgs & @prvncessfi are always by her side no matter what.

Look After You - The Fray

“so few come and don’t go. will you, won’t you be the one i’ll always know? when i’m losing my control, the city spins around, you’re the only one who knows you slow it down”

tori and @mxllxgxn‘s relationship has been complicated by many things, her cheating on her ex with him, her rift with his brother, and especially their conjoined carelessness that led to a girl’s assault at a party. now that she’s changed tori can’t help but feel like owen enables a side of her that she’s trying to escape, but she also knows deep down that he’s one of the only people that really gets her.

Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship

“i know your type, you’re daddy’s little girl. just take a bite let me shake up your world”

due to their parents running in the same high profile circles, @thelucasbaker and tori go way back. so far in fact, that he’s the one she was with when she took her first body shot, and showed her how crush up adderall and put it in her oj on the day of a test.  and though claims to see through his methods of persuasion, he somehow always manages to goat her on.

[isagrimorie]

[initial reactions] Star Trek Discovery 1x03 - Context is King

So... I think they should have re-ordered the airing of the episodes and left the two-parter pilot episode for later in the season. I mean, imagine being introduced to Michael Burnham as an infamous Starfleet Officer who seemingly betrayed Starfleet and started the war.

It would add an element of mystery about Michael and her circumstance, and even uncertainty, and then as we get to learn more about Michael we find that what the rumors about her aren’t true and yet she doesn’t dispute the claims about her mutiny.

It’s then later in the season, we get to watch the two-parter pilot and then suddenly it all makes sense and the greater tragedy of it all just hits us all in the gut.

And then it brings back the theme of episode three back to the two-parter because now we as the audience realize: Context really is king.

Anyway, I have to say: I guess now we know where Bryan Fuller’s frustrations with Star Trek: Voyager went! As Selena of Dreamwidth wrote:

Fuller wrote quite a lot of Star Trek: Voyager episodes back in the day, all those years ago. And two or three things immediately came to mind when I was watching: 1.) One of  the primary complaints voiced re: Voyager back in the day and since was that it squandered the inherent drama in its premise by letting the Starfleet and Maquis crews integrate too quickly, something which some of the writing staff also seem to have thought, given that when Seven of Nine joined the crew in s4, she remained an outsider far longer, and what she'd done as a Borg intermittently was brought up.  Now we'll see how quickly Michael Burnham is universally accepted on board Discovery, but this episode went out of its way to establish the obstacles, so I'm assuming not as quickly. 2.) Starfleet vs Maquis was one set up in the Voy pilot that got resolved faster rather than slower, but another outsider to both parties was one Tom Paris, with a powerful Starfleet figure for a parent, who started out as a brilliant young promising Starfleet officer, then had a fall from grace ending up in a penal colony, then was recruited by a Captain for her mission. Oh, and he also befriended a talkative and endearing young cadet. 3.) Michael/Silvia = femslash version of Tom Paris/Harry Kim is what I thought, and also: now we know what kind of Voyager AU Bryan Fuller would have written, and whom he shipped. :)

I had Voyager in my mind when I was watching this but I have to admit it wasn’t until I read this review that I went: Oh snap. This is where Bryan’s frustrated feelings with how they were clipped went to! I was one of the people who was puzzled at how fast the Maquis were integrated and the enmity between Maquis and Starfleet was forgotten.

I admit, I wasn’t thinking about Michael as Tom Paris (but that makes sense!) I was actually thinking of Chakotay. A career officer until the day he defected from Starfleet to the Maquis, and a Starfleet captain offering a mutineer and turncoat a chance.

I’m very glad to see Suru aboard the Discovery, I love the moments when Michael and Suru interacted. AND WAS THAT TORY FROM BSG?

Look, I didn’t watch BSG, but I followed along via fandom (also BSG, another creation of a frustrated former Trek writer) and I knew the travesty that was heaped on Tory by the writing. SO i was so happy to see her here! As a competent and no-nonsense Chief of Security who seems to have an ambiguous but intense relationship with Captain Lorca.

I love Michael’s new roommate and the ball of sunshine that she is compared to Michael’s (understandable) broodiness.

ALSO: DISCOVERY WAS SO SECTION 31. THEY ARE IN A SECTION 31 SHIP OR THE BEGINNINGS OF SECTION 31!

OH AND MICHAEL MENTIONED AMANDA AND HER FOSTER BROTHER, SPOCK. I’M.... FULL OF FEELINGS.

Speaking of feelings, I hope the credit music will organically grow so that the nostalgia bomb of feelings at the end of the credit music will slowly edge into the start. I feel like the credit music for Discovery is straddling the line between Enterprise and TOS.

[lovelawactually]

Chrome Plated Heart

Tori’s heart beat hard in her chest, anxious fists balled up at her sides - the sheer determination in her eyes was unwavering under Zoro’s scrutinizing glare.  

“Tch.”  Zoro looked down his nose at her, “You think being strong is just about mastering your weapon?  Baka - it’s about indomitable spirit - the will to strive to be better than anyone you face - to never allow yourself to take even one step backward from the path to your goal.  Just wanting to be stronger is not good enough.”  He crossed his arms over his chest, he wanted to know the weight that her swords carried - her motivation.  “Tell me, ninja girl - what reason do you have to want to become strong?”  

Tori grit her teeth, she resisted the urge to tell him that she already knew what true strength was, she did not come to be lectured about that - the old man drilled it into her, every single day of her life.  That she understood very well the difference between seeking power for self, for the glory of being the best -  or fighting to protect what was precious, the things that mattered most.  The importance of the promise she made to the old man was now at the forefront of her mind, a promise fueled by a desire for vengeance - those emotions, the ones that had been recently overshadowed by happiness, began to surface - fire burned in her belly, stoked by the hatred that she harbored inside her for the man who took everything that ever mattered to her away.  

She could feel nothing else, just the malice she carried - her expression reflected as much, and Zoro took notice of the change in her demeanor immediately.  Her vengeful disposition was further illustrated with her tone, “I want to become stronger to avenge my grandfather, to fulfill the promise I made when he was taken from me - and to protect the ones I love.  I won’t lose anyone ever again.  I know I will have to work twice as hard because I am a woman, but I will not waste your time - should you decide to become my teacher.”

Zoro growled, he was reminded of the words that Kuina had spoken to him as children - they pissed him off as much today as they did then.  “Listen to me, Kuso.  If you want me to teach you anything, you better get a few things straight.  Man or woman, it doesn’t mean a fucking thing - the only thing that matters is your will and your sword.  I won’t listen to that bullshit - period.”  He pointed his finger at her, “Most importantly, I ain’t no damn teacher.  I can explain things to you or show you the way, push you harder than you’ve been pushed before -  but you need to get it into your skull that every single battle you fight - every enemy you face - that is what will really teach you to build the strength inside.”  He drew Shusui from its sheath at his waist, pointing it at her, “If you think you are ready for that - draw your swords.”

Tori reached behind her, hands gripping the katanas at her back - her eyes trained on Zoro.  She was more than ready.  

With blinding fast speed, she unsheathed her swords and lunged at him, her swords clashing against Shusui - the impact of her strike was stronger than Zoro had expected.  A wickedly satisfied smile grew on his face as she continued to press him - he liked the sanguine look in her eyes, the speed and ferocity of her strikes.  He could feel the weight of her promise in every clash of their swords.  He would assess the intensity of her will next, his strikes came hard and fast - to attempt to push her backward, and shake her resolve.  Tori would not disappoint him - if anything, it only proved that she would remain steadfast - with each exchange, his opinion of her skill increased.  This in turn, prompted him to press her harder - intensifying the level at which he fought against her, pleased with how quickly she adjusted to the challenges he presented her with.  

Law stood on the deck of his own ship, leaned against the hull - arms folded over his chest, knuckles whitened by clenched fists - anxious knot in his gut and a scowl on his face.  He observed the interaction between Tori and Zoro in silence, close enough to see and hear what was said - but far enough away to not call attention to himself.  Watching the scene play out was like riding a rollercoaster - the unease would build when Zoro put pressure on Tori with his attacks - when Tori would rise to the challenge he posed, Law would be given respite from the concerns that plagued him.  He had been impressed with previous demonstrations of Tori’s fighting ability, but seeing that Zoro recognized it as well filled him with a sense of pride - the scowl he wore was replaced with a smirk, but his brows remained knitted.

Bepo bounced out of the Polar Tang and onto the deck, the sound of swords caused him to turn toward the action - he noticed Law standing nearby, “Captain!  There you are!”  Law did not take his eyes off of the exercise for a moment, not even when Bepo stood next to him, “I’ve been looking for you, Captain.” Bepo studied the demeanor of his Captain, he had not been himself lately - and he was worried about him.  “Did Penguin and Shachi do something stupid again?”  Bepo lowered his head, “No, sorry.  I just wanted to talk to you, Captain.”  The statement captured Law’s attention, he turned to face Bepo - he was one of the founding members of the Heart Pirates, and his oldest friend.  He could not remember a time when he ever sought him out to just talk - he normally only came bearing some news of ship business.  “What’s on your mind, Bepo?”

Bepo took a deep breath, he was not used to speaking to the Captain as frankly as he was about to - but he needed to know what was going on with him.  “I came to check on you last night like I normally do, and I could not find you anywhere - not in your office or your quarters.  You’ve been acting strange since you’ve been back and I’ve been worried about you.“  Bepo noticed that Law was not looking at him anymore, but his attention was back on the training session, “You shouldn’t worry, Bepo.  Everything is fine.”  Bepo shook his head in disbelief, he saw a faint smile on his Captain’s face and he suddenly sensed why it was that the Captain had seemed different. He suspected why he seemed to disappear often - but not to his usual haunts.  He looked at Tori, and smiled.  “Yeah.  Sorry, Captain.  I shouldn’t worry.  You seem - good.”

[therapardalis]

honorhearted​:

-

“Boston?” Ben asked, glossing over her first question to allow himself to think. “What were you hoping to do there?”

It had certainly taken one of the greatest hits in the colonies, and Philadelphia wasn’t faring so well these days either. Deciding to humor her, he agreed, “Naval ships are definitely at the forefront of our tasks. The King’s Men have more or less demanded it, though the compensation has been…fair.”

Not a Tory, but a neutral…

At long last, Ben felt a certain pressure lift from his posture, and he nodded, choosing not to speak until Thera finished. “It’s impossible not to,” he agreed. “It’s not quite so black and white, what with British trade being imperative to certain businesses – livelihoods – so I don’t consider any Tory family a traitor, just as I don’t find those who wish to be free treasonous.”

That, more or less, was the truth. Despite Abraham’s Tory-leaning family, Ben didn’t consider the Woodhulls to be terrible people. They were good people, for the most part, and he tried his best to ignore that while on the battlefield, because making the enemy human, sympathetic, was dangerous to his success.

Hearing the tail-end of her comment, Ben’s expression softened and he looked away. “That, unfortunately, will never come to pass,” he murmured. “Life has been, and will be lost until this is all over and done with. But truly, I think even the staunchest patriots wish for this to be finished…for us all to be able to return to our homes and families.” Shaking his head, he assured Thera, “I have a high tolerance for agitation, remember? Believe me, if something sets me off, it won’t be your political leanings.”

It was far from the first time genuine laughter had burst in her chest, but this one might be both the strongest and the least concealed, probably because it was aimed at herself. “Oh,” She stepped over a tree root, skirts lifted a bit, “I can promise you that it won’t be! I’ll probably give you around half a dozen other reasons before we reach the next town!”

The humour was at odds with the darker end of their conversation, but Thera didn’t allow that to completely dim her mood. Strictly speaking this wasn’t her war, and as she said she couldn’t truly ally with either side, but she did want it over and done - for the people she knew and, more urgently, for the horses and other animals each army insisted on dragging into the battles with them. On that score, if she could find a way to hurry things along, then she would.

She sighed and clicked her tongue, returning to Bolton’s surprised question. “My plan was to reach Boston as the nearest sailing point for returning to England.” Or Europe, or the Mediterranean - she hadn’t fully decided before her plan went awry. “We heard warnings of the unrest at other ports, but failed to pay them enough mind until it was too late.”

Her toe almost stubbed on a rock and she sighed, lifting her skirts a little higher - surely out here, this far from a town, it could be forgiven.

“I could have tried Canada, but ... well, that’s awkward, isn’t it? So I’m back-tracking toward York.” If the British could hang onto the place long enough for her to get there.

[lhs3020b]

Boris And the Baddest of Bad Weeks

I promised an expanded entry on what’s going on at the moment in our national meltdown, so here it is...

Allow me, if I may, to walk back an earlier comment of mine. Some time ago, I was distinctly skeptical about the idea of an early general election. However, the situation has evolved. You see, there was one thing I didn't count on. I never imagined that Boris Johnson would be stupid enough to force nearly two dozen of his MPs out of his party.

That's right: I over-estimated his intelligence. Umm, whoops.

In my defence, what he did may well have been the single most utterly-stupidly self-defeating maneuver ever in British politics. The only sense I can make from it is that he's having a narcisistic breakdown. Actually, viewed in that very narrow light, perhaps it does make a little sense. If you've ever had the misfortune to have a narcissist in your life, you'll be aware that the thing they just can't cope with is any sort of rejection. The "no"-word tends to summon a meltdown - and of course BoJo faced a pretty major series of "nopes" from Parliament this week.

The other thing I didn't count on was that apparently yes, there actually are some things that some Tory MPs just won't do, even if the consequences of Not Doing The Thing runs to damaging their personal careers. This did come as a surprise to me - I'd assumed that blind partisanship and the desire for salaries would ultimately trump - or perhaps, Trump - all other concerns. But no, credit where it's due, it turns out that for at least 21 of them, there was a floor on the greed after all. Admittedly it's taken us three years of accelerating chaos to find it, but it was there.

The next factor that I didn't count on was that the opposition parties got their act together. Bluntly, there was no hint of this over the summer. The speed with which it happened has left me a little dazed. The earlier failure to call a Vote of No Confidence, the weird shenanigens over ludicrous Governments-of-National-Unity, the generalised infighting and chronic myopia ... just two weeks ago, it was not looking good. I was basically starting to quietly accept that we on the pro-Remain side were finally defeated, and worst of all, we'd been defeated mainly by our own allies.

Then the prorogue happened.

It's fair to say that it's already backfired. The obvious cynicism of the strategy, the naked contempt for all the institutions of British government, the sheer gall of it all - it was meant to energise the pro-Brexit crowd. Instead, it appears to have driven everyone on the soft-Brexit/pro-Remain aisle into a state of thermonuclear rage. And if there's one thing that can bring unlikely allies together, it's a common enemy. By pursuing his grandiose "oh look at me being so Brexity!" cock-strutting routine, Boris accidentally made himself into exactly that enemy.

The other factor was that the prorogue has imposed a sharp time-limit. Consequently, Continuity!Remain just doesn't have the luxury of descending into factional infighting. The deep irony is that putting us on a tight deadline has actually helped us. It's imposed a focus that just wasn't there even 10 days ago.

Meanwhile, as for the wider country, well, Boris's walk-about up north yesterday seems to have been a complete disaster. Random people were basically coming up to him to tell him that it had all gone wrong. Then there was that bizarre speech he gave in front of a captive audience of police recruits. It was just weird - proper delusion territory, and entirely-incoherent. I'd like to compare it to Trump, but at least Trump can manage a consistent theme. Johnson was just rambling. There was nothing there, except possibly a desperate plea for attention. A lot of the political journalists I follow are openly-speculating about whether BoJo was on drugs during the speech.

(And wouldn't that be the ultimate post-2016 banter-timeline twist? If the Prime Minister - the Prime Minister! - got busted for snorting crack?)

Meanwhile, BoJo's narc-meltdown has accidentally undone Theresa May's one significant achievement.

Contrary to what many people think, Theresa May did manage to thread one single needle. That was, she (mostly) managed to keep the parliamentary Conservative Party together. Granted a few MPs jumped ship to Change UK earlier in the year, but it stayed in single digits. There was no big split - and, significantly, the Change UK crowd got wet feet about no-confidencing her. The advantage of this was that Theresa May avoided having the Tories fall into what we might call the 1922 Trap. Here's what I mean by that: in the late 19th Century, the old Liberal Party was increasingly-split on the issue of Home Rule for Ireland. The tensions only got worse as time went on. Then Asquith went and delivered the First World War and precious little else of value. (He was notably-slimey on votes for women, and seemed uninterested in doing anything about the property qualification that 40% of men still faced. The cynic might note that Nick Clegg's behaviour is not entirely new.) Lloyd George tried to put the party back on its feet, but the damage was done. During the 1920s, the Liberals were openly-split. At elections, Liberals ran against each other in numerous constituencies. Because of the way first-past-the-post voting works, in practise this meant that Tories or Labour got elected instead. (A constituency has - say - 46% of the vote for any Liberal candidate, but two run. Each of them gets 23% of the vote. A.N. Other Party takes 24% and gets the MP's seat.)

Theresa May's political strategy - yes, she actually did have one - was predicated on avoiding having Tories run against other Tories at elections. Given their divisions, it was a narrow needle, but she mostly managed to thread it. Boris Johnson has gone and exploded that. You see, of the 21 MPs he's sacked from the party, several are saying they'll contest the next election as independents.

It's hard to know just how big a problem the 1922 Trap will be - but, their vote is already split with the Brexit Party. And even the most optimistic opinion polls have the Tories around 10pts down on where they were in 2017. They're already in minority in the House - how many votes can they afford to lose, really?

Meanwhile, there's a further problem. The Tories' drift to the political right may have taken them too far. They assume that their friends at the Times, the Sun, the Telegraph and the BBC can plaster over the cracks for them - but, can they? The media was full-throated for May in 2017, and she still lost her majority. The newspapers are hysterical and shriekier than ever - but, who reads them? I can't remember the last time I bought a physical copy of one of the main papers. I suspect that's true of many other people too. There are signs that the socially-liberal/financially-conservative chunk of voters are starting to decamp to the Lib Dems. Again, it's not clear how big this movement is - but, as I said earlier, how many votes can the Tories afford to lose? It's possible that they could be facing the nightmare scenario of a general election where the right-wing vote is split three ways (four, if you count UKIP's still-slightly-tembling corpse, though they're close to a rounding error now). If the next election was still certain to be in 2022, all this would be somewhat academic. Two and a half years is a long time, they could find a way to turn things around. All things being equal, I expect they would.

But then BoJo had his narc meltdown, didn't he?

The so-called government is now in absolute minority in the House. While their opponents can't currently agree on an alternative prime minister, nonetheless the anti-BoJo grouping now has a majority of 43. They can stop him doing anything. No legislation is going to go through this house. Finance bills are basically dead on arrival. I really can't see how he could pass any kind of Budget. And also, if he does anything at all to irritate the Opposition, they can no-confidence him any time they feel like it. Quite simply, he's on death row.

My guess is that they'll leave him be during the prorogue period. The logic here is obvious enough - let him twist in the wind. He's doing a great job of destroying himself, so let him get on with it. This way, when Parliament returns late in October, they can do the deed and it will look like a mercy-killing rather than a gang-land execution.

Hypothetically, there are four ways Boris could get off the hook:

1) He could resign. This would arguably save him some dignity, and just perhaps it might leave a little room to revive his future career. But, he won’t take this option. He’s a narc. They don’t voluntarily quit. (Plus, uh, much as I’d cackle if he was forced to quit, it just leaves his successor with the same set of problems that he failed to address.)

2) He could try to simply ignore the anti-hard Brexit law. The problem here is, it would give the opposition a prima facie grounds for an immediate Motion of No Confidence. He might get some love from the rightwing press, but the ultimate result would presumably be his removal and a new Prime Minister. It would be the most pointless constitutional crisis ever.

3) He could arrange to lose a motion of no confidence in his own government. This would arguably be constitutional, and might be a way to trigger an early election. But, it would a) look utterly-absurd, b) be an unprecedented thing to do and c) would also require him personally to face the House telling him to fuck off. I’m not sure that a narc is capable of that. Also, there’s the issue that, as we saw in 2017, there’s no guarantee that he could win a general election. I’m absolutely not sanguine about the risks of an early GE but a) that’s democracy and b) if he runs his campaign the way he’s running being PM then he could well end up roasted.

4) He could reverse the prorogue. On the one hand, un-proroguing Parliament would buy him some extra legislative time. On the other hand, his opponents have control of the House, and a wobble on the prorogue would make him look weak. There’s not much upside for him here, though it’s the most “conventional” of the four options.

Basically the TL;DR is that while he has some choices, none of them are good and all of them could cause him considerable personal pain. The opposition have set up a proper four-pronged Morton’s Fork for him. Which tine will he impale himself on?

As for Brexit? Well, one interesting detail is that the underlying political question seems to be open again. It hasn't quite gained mainstream traction yet, but apparently people are starting to ask whether Brexit is going to happen at all. The Labour Party's position has moved visibly toward hard-Remain, albeit grudgingly. The Lib Dems are having their time in the sun again (though, I suspect that glomming up Philip Lee may help them less than they seem to hope). I don't know that I think it's going to happen, but I can now imagine a situation where at the end of October, the anti-BoJo constellation No-Confidences him then pushes a quick revocation bill through Parliament. (The "party line" here would be, "We wanted a second referendum but this man's scheming hasn't left us enough time.") Again, not saying this is at all likely, but I think it is now a possible outcome.

And if nothing else, BoJo's supposed golden hour is turning out to be quite the nightmarish turkey - and isn't that just delicious?

[bloggerblagger]

81) To my old, impressionable friends who are falling for Corbynonsense.

Remember Barbara Follett? Blair babe and MP. Wife of seriously wedged-up  best selling author Ken Follett. She was queen of the champagne socialists.

I mention her because champagne socialist seems an outdated term to me these days. As outdated as Blair Babes. Or Blair anything come to that. To begin with,  it’s perfectly respectable to pitch up at a party with  a lesser bubbly  these days - champagne even seems a tad vulgar, a bit footballer. And with the sharp  leftward swerve of Corby’s Labour Party, well,  ‘socialist’ hardly seems to cover it. That’s why, in a recent Facebook spat I had with some  old advertising pals who have decided that Jezza is the new messiah, I called them Prosecco Marxists.

One of them objected. Not to the Marxist bit. He told me he was strictly teetotal these days. So I tried a bit harder, and always liking a bit of alliteration I offered up Perrier Pol Pottist. Then I thought a bit more and came up with Eau Chi Minnist. All a bit seventies I agree, but that seems to fit in quite well with Jezza’s policies.

For those still on the booze, how about Cava Commie? Or if you really are a footballer you could make that Cristal Commie?

Raw nerves touched.

Anyway, my central and not terribly well received  point was that there was something faintly ridiculous about people who had spent their lives in the engine room of capitalism, and living very comfortably as a result, deciding that the Islington Hugo Chavez was the answer to their prayers. When I suggested that whatever the problem, Jezza was most emphatically not the answer, and that,  should he ever actually manage to fly the Red Flag outside no.10, they would  be the first ones dispatched to the gulag, I received back some impassioned replies.

One said, “….you would rather vote for a morally & fiscally bankrupt bunch of murderous bastards?  Seriously? Purely on the basis of ‘what might be’? Crikey. I’m sorry but I’m genuinely surprised by that. It’s an interesting inversion of the ‘it was all better in the old days’ thinking that led to your generation voting overwhelmingly to Leave. Now the same generation is voting AGAINST a return to the past. Jesus. Make your minds up!! (I appreciate you’re a remainer but you are unusual in your generation) And try looking forward at the world you’d like to create rather than running from one you fear will be recreated.

Come on Richard, where’s that youthful idealism? Where’s the belief we can make the world a better place? A fairer, more just, more equal one? To want that isn’t to want a return to the 70s, it’s just to want a world in which human beings are more important than lining your own pockets. A world with some principles, some humanity, some hope. A world in which the prevailing orthodoxy isn’t that the free market is the answer to all ills.”

Selfish? Moi?

As this particular correspondent admitted to being 54 himself, I thought the ‘my generation’ bit was a bit rich. And as for the whereabouts of ‘my youthful idealism’, well, pretty obviously you’ll find that in the locked and barred cupboard of my youth along with the Beatle jacket and the “Make Love Not War’ badge and the flower that I never wore in my hair even when I had some.

Actually, I wouldn’t rather vote for a morally and fiscally bankrupt bunch of murderous bastards. Although I probably would work on their advertising business if I got the chance. I’d draw the line at Golden Dawn and ISIS but I’d sell my soul for pretty much anything in between as I am pretty sure most advertising people would; very possibly including my friend who wants the world where human beings are more important than lining your own pockets. ( I really objected to that; when I worked in advertising, it wasn’t just about the money. It was also the company pension, the six week hols, the trips to Cannes, the business class plane tickets….)

It is not that I am pro Tory, at least not pro this lot. The fact that the only one of the present bunch that I have any time for is Spreadsheet Phil  clearly underlines my total disillusionment with the Conservatives. It is just that I genuinely believe that Jezza and Johnny Mac and Big Di  represent an existential  danger. To the country. To  the public services. To the poor and needy. And, lastly, to me.

Actually, this is one of those cases where the last shall be first. Because what I really mean to say is, not, lastly, to me, but firstly to me.

My heartlessness explained.

If I have one central guiding precept by which I make sense of the world, it is this: self interest rules. At the epicentre of my world is me, as it must  be because it is through my eyes that I see it, and through my mind that I make sense of it, and when I cease to exist, for me the world will do likewise.

Similarly the epicentre of your world is you, and the epicentre of anybody else’s world is their's and their's alone. I concede that if there were a God we would all be equal but only in that God’s eyes. It is an immutable law of life;  me and mine first, you and yours second, them and their's last. (Me and mine rather than just me, because I see our children are an extension of ourselves, our immortality.)

It is this order of value of  which explains why, when tens of thousands  of people die in Syria it rates less British column inches than when 129 people die in an attack on a nightclub in Paris, and why that in turn gets less coverage in this country  than when one soldier is beheaded in Greenwich. It is that which is closest to us which always gets our attention first.

It’s all me, me, me. Even for you.

However I also realise that for every other person it is their self interest that rules and for us all to coexist  we each have to allow for that.

As you may know, I am not the first to have happened upon this revelation. Moses may have got there first. The Ten Commandments, it seems to me, are  not so much a matter of morality as a matter of  self preservation.

Thou does not kill because thou would much prefer not to  be killed. Thou honours  thy mother and father in the hope that thine own little dears won’t ship thou off to the nearest nursing home.  

This, I would say, is enlightened self interest. It mean giving careful thought to what my medium and long term interest might be,and in doing that,  sometimes sacrificing my short term  interest as a result. I might have an almost irresistible urge to jump over the garden fence and nick next door’s ox,  but, unless I want to start the next war of the oxen, I had better keep a lid on it. Peace between neighbours is more in my medium and long term self interest  than the brief pleasure of slurping down a  nice bowl of oxtail soup.

A tiny cog in the great machine of commerce.

Thinking in terms of self-interest, even enlightened self interest, might not give one the lofty views  of others that one gets from  believing one is occupying the moral high ground.  But it just makes more sense to me.  Amongst other benefits, it  allows me to have worked and profited from a career in advertising, without the queasy feeling - most of the time - that I was doing something fundamentally wrong. (Which is how I am sure  Jezza would see it.)

Being in advertising often involves attempting to persuade people to part with money they often have to borrow, to pay for things they often don’t need, and  which they wouldn’t otherwise want. If ‘belief that we can make the world a better place’ is what is driving you it is hard to see how that squares with a life spent  working in advertising. (Although, if that were your point of view, you  could, if pushed, just about, make an  argument that advertising increases demand and  that is to the general economic good.  But somehow I think I would find that more of a comfort than you would.)

So what would Jezza do for me?

I would hazard a guess  that as soon as he was elected the pound would fall through the floor, the credit agencies would slash our credit rating, the interest on government’s borrowings would rise inexorably, inflation would soar, and interest rates would have to follow.

The property market - already falling in London - would fall further and faster, leaving some owners (grown used to the low interest rates of the last years)  in negative equity  and no longer able to afford their increased mortgage payments that would follow interest rate rises. Overseas investors would be withdrawing their money before you could say  Viva La Revolucion.

Unfazed by any of the aforementioned, Jezza and his dedicated disciples would whack up income taxes and inheritance tax and corporate taxes and lots of companies would up sticks and bugger off to Ireland or somewhere. If corporation tax rose by the 40% (from 19% to 26%) promised in the Labour manifesto, what would be the consequences of the resultant hole in profits? Either, less money for investment in plant or people or R and D, and less for dividends on shares - which means pension funds suffer - or cost cutting, meaning possible loss of jobs, or a combination of all of the above.

So far, so bad

And then we come to the wealth tax that John McDonnell has always been a proponent of but which was conveniently downplayed during the election. Any sort of wealth tax - and John McDonnell has previously proposed one  on the wealthiest 10% - would obviously be heavily biased towards London and the South East. They mentioned a Land Tax  in the manifesto but we have no idea of the details.

So, what I see is a doctrinaire Marxist-ish Labour government steadfastly hanging on to its outmoded ideas while the economy tips into serious decline, with the payment of lots of extra taxes being requested of me while the value of my house, pension and other assets falls precipitously.

No, Jezza wouldn’t be  too good for my short term self interest. And neither would he be good  for my medium and long term self interest - my enlightened self interest - as I don’t see how his policies  would ultimately benefit anyone else either. In the words of the unfashionable Tony Blair earlier this week, they would leave the country ‘flat on its back’, 

And it gets worse.

Then there is Jezza’s position on the EU, which is the polar opposite of mine as I am a staunch, unrepentant Remoaner. Whatever he claims to think, however much he tries to face both ways, it is absolutely obvious from his lukewarm campaigning during the referendum - so inferior to his full-blooded performance during the election - that he is a Brexiteer. His parliamentary voting record on every matter from 1975 onwards has been steadfastly anti-EU. Many of his and McDonnell’s cherished plans for state intervention in the economy, would, it is believed, run foul of EU competition laws.

And I have another fundamental problem with him: his supposed integrity and authenticity. Far from believing in it, I think he is, in a sense, the most duplicitous of politicians. I think he could teach even Boris a thing or two. For whereas we know brazen Boris is completely two faced, he at least makes no real effort to disguise the fact, whereas Jezza unashamedly trades on his entirely fictitious image of being a straight-talking anti-politician.

His refuses to be honest about his positions on the EU,  on nuclear weapons, and  on the monarchy, none of which he believes in. As it happens I agree with him on the Royals and I am half in sympathy on the Trident issue, but he thinks these views might be electorally damaging so he prevaricates and obfuscates like any other politician does.

Last - for the moment - but not least for the enlightened self-interest of a Jew like me, there is his half-arsed, unconvincing, lack of action on  anti-Semitism in  the Labour party  despite his proclaimed determination to root it out. (You might have misgivings about the Sun as a source of reference but this time they were bang on : https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/1558035/jeremy-corbyn-faces-backlash-for-nominating-shami-chakrabarti-for-peerage-after-she-led-partys-anti-semitism-investigation/ )

Oh Jeremy Cor-byn (as his adoring fans like to sing) -  whatever happened to all that  refreshing honesty?

And yet…

What I do accept is that the NHS and social services need a drastic rethink and will need more money. Likewise schools, and very probably the police and fire and prison services too. I don’t see how councils can fix the roads and sweep the streets and empty the bins and do all the other things they have to do if government subsidies are constantly being cut. And I can’t help feeling university tuition fees of nine grand a year are  way too high, and that charging interest of 6.1% on  the loans for them  is outrageous.

Just as worrying,  the constant whittling away of legal aid is profoundly wrong. It makes our legal system fundamentally unjust.

Perhaps most important of all, we need a radical and imaginative building programme that gives young people a chance to buy a home of their own. If bits of the green belt have to go, if the toes of the constituents of Tory MPs have to be trodden on, then so be it.

Buying a house is the route by which - certainly since the war - have-nots in this country have become haves. That’s how I, once a have-not, became a have and if ‘me and mine’ and the rest of the haves are not to become an ever shrinking minority, and thus politically marginalised and vulnerable, then we need a constant stream of new blood.

(Young people who yearn to own a home of their own please note: Helping people to buy houses  will never be a priority for Jezza and Co. They do not stand for an aspiring, burgeoning, upwardly mobile middle class.  

If  not publicly opposed to the ownership of property, which, ideologically,  at bottom,  they surely are, then you can be certain that their housing policy is, and will continue to be,  focussed on increasing social housing and not on private ownership.)

Money, money, money - my money.

How is all of that to be paid for? One way or another by higher taxation I reluctantly suppose. (And by a reduction to my perks - the pension triple lock and my winter fuel allowance will have to go of course, although Jezza wouldn’t agree because, for the far left, the holy cow of universal benefits must never be slain, no matter how much sense it makes. )  

As I believe it to be in my medium and long term self interest - my enlightened self interest - I am prepared to settle the bigger claims that will be made of me.

I don’t say I am enthusiastic about paying more tax - never yet met the person who pays more tax than she or he has to - but I regard tax as a sort of protection money. It is what I have to pay to keep the ravening hordes from my door and demanding everything.

It’s become clear to me that the heavies are now putting the squeeze on me so I’d better slip them a bit more or face the unpleasant consequences. Some call this the price we pay for a civilised society. Put it whichever way you like, it adds up to the same thing.

Thou can be holier than me.

What I refuse to do is pretend that what impels me is anything other than what is good for me and mine. I do object to those who insist on claiming the moral high ground, but more than that, I laugh at them. I don’t doubt their sincerity but I think they are as self-interested as I am. It’s just that they insist on looking through the wrong end of the telescope.

Personal reward is everything. Sometimes materially. Sometimes, for want of a better word, spiritually. (Or as I, who make no claim to any kind of spirituality, prefer to think of it, sometimes it is the reward of making yourself - your self - feel better.) You don’t give money to a beggar because it makes you feel worse, or tend a sick friend, or rescue a mangy dog. Virtue is it’s own reward, as the saying goes. Even the idea of empathy is rooted in self-interest. It means to put oneself - one’s self - in another’s place.

For me, this is the only way to square the circle: of being competitive, of wanting to do well - in an egg and spoon  race or in  a career - which inevitably means judging yourself by the yardstick of others’ relative lack of success, and yet squaring that with  the innate sense of fairness and justice which we all feel almost as soon as we can speak - “it’s not fair, Mummy!” Both positions, it seems to me, are undeniably essential to the human condition.

So to the Mōet Tendancy, I say this. Call me a selfish bastard if you want. I cheerfully plead guilty. And so are you.