#they will become kinder to each other as they mature

[bouquetface]

Navamsa/D9 Observations

Accuracy will be HEAVILY influenced by the Entire d9 AND natal chart. This is general information, not a personal reading. With that being said, I'd love to know your experience with these placements.

D9 should be read alongside natal for full accuracy.

LONG POST BTW

Saturn in 11th House

You will have a smaller social circle in later life and after marriage. On the bright side, these friends are likely to be very loyal. They may be people with high titles - Doctor, Vet, Lawyer, Professor, Scientist, Business owner, etc.

The friends you do have will be reserved. They could be traditional and older people. Unlike, Jupiter in 11th your friends will not be as likely to go out of their way to help you out/give you opportunities. Saturn requires you put in your own effort.

Your elder sibling can become distant. This isn't necessarily bad, they may live at a distance and/or be busy due to their own personal life. EX: They are busy with raising their own family. They are more mature. Less likely to be spontaneously hang out with you and be able to be there for you.

If Saturn is in libra (where it is exalted), it is likely having a small but loyal circle is your choice. Rather than it being due to you struggling to create friendships.

The marriage will likely be very stable. There may be times where married life is so predictable and routined, you become bored. However, with this placement you will work through it. You and your spouse will fulfill your duties to one another. The couple has respect and admiration for one another regardless of what happens in life.

I have noticed this placement can make up for any malefic planet in 7th House (natal or d9). The couple is always inclined to be there for each other and resolve any issue that occurs. This is even more likely if Saturn is in libra.

Saturn in 7th House

Often, I see people react to this placement negatively. It's important to remember: Saturn is exalted in Libra. Libra is naturally ruling the 7th. Saturn is comfortable unless harshly aspected.

This does not mean you will never have a issues with the spouse. You will. Yet, the spouse will always want to resolve the issue rather than end the marriage. This is the couple that seems to be constantly bickering but when their spouse needs something, they will do their best to provide.

There is karma related to this placement. It is said this indicates marrying someone from a past life. You are met to resolve your issues from the past through making your marriage work.

Mercury in 7th House

This indicates the spouse is younger or looks younger than you. They are likely to be very social. The spouse can be your best friend. Over time they can become almost like a business partner.

The spouse is likely to be very social. They can start a conversation with almost anybody. The negative of this is the spouse will talk your ear off. They can often be moving around/fidgeting and talking. EX: You guys drive buy a farm. They will not be able to stop themselves from interrupting you and saying "Oh look cows"

The spouse can often make observations and complaints. Nitpicky person. Curious person too - they can want to go new places and explore. You will basically always know what is going on this person's head. The couple can bicker a lot.

On the bright side, mercury is adaptable especially if placed in a mutable sign (sag, virgo, pisces, gemini). They can compromise when they want. They are guaranteed to change throughout the marriage. Their hobbies/interests, maybe even career can change.

Sag ASC

You can reach higher status after marriage and/or in later life. However, you likely don't care about status. You just desire being able to have enough and not worry it will be gone.

You can become generous and more compassionate after marriage and/or in later life. You can wish everyone was kinder to each other. You let go of anger you had in early life. This is likely due to the fact the home is calmer.

You are likely to adapt beliefs or find a religion that really resonates. When someone questions your belief system, you can be very angry.

I have noticed most people I personally know with this placement have multiple marriages. However, this is NOT always the case. Instead, it may be that you will have to go through heartbreak before finding the one. Accuracy is influenced by ENTIRE chart.

Moon in First House

I've noticed moon influence in first house can indicate someone who loves sweets and being comfortable. They dislike sweets and even minor discomfort such as wearing jeans instead of sweatpants.

This can be an indicator of marrying young - not a strong one though. Regardless of age when married, through marriage they do find comfort and joy. This can change due to moon's fluctuating nature.

One potential disadvantage of this is mother (yours or partner's) tries to influence the marriage. If well placed, this is someone who has the support of their mother - will go to their mom for advice/help. If badly placed, the mother can become an obstacle. Either way, it is likely there are ups and downs in relationship with in-laws.

This can indicate sub consciously finding a partner who has shared traits with their own mom - physically or personality-wise.

A person can gain status through marriage and/or later in their life. They can have good paying career. They may own cars or homes that impress other people.

Generally, these people will do whatever to keep the spouse happy. However, depending on entire chart, they may not agree with spouse if spouse's wishes hurt their own family - specifically their mom and children.

Sun in 10th House

In navamsa, 10th H is the reputation of the marriage (as well as your reputation in later life). This indicates you will have power/authority later in life. Your marriage can be seen as a power couple. You either both are in high positions (possibly in government work) or you work together successfuly.

This can indicate someone who does certain things to prove their wealth. EX: Buying an expensive car, dressing in formal or expensive clothing, etc.

Good news you will succeed despite obstacles and haters. These people tend to gain respect of many people.

Rahu in 8th House

This is a strong indicator of being the most successful in your family. However, you are likely to be secretive about it. You fear people using you and/or asking for help.

Depending on entire chart, you may actually not be able to help it. You could desire that validation - even to your own surprise, you become someone who likes to flash their wealth. Might be in a subtle way - ex: wearing an expensive watch.

Your in-laws could be from a different background. EX: They live in a different country, they immigrated from a different country, they follow a different religion, etc.

Rahu conjunct Mars in 7th House

You or the spouse can become very angry after marriage and/or later in life. Usually, this manifests as thinking violent and angry thoughts. However, this is NOT always the case.

Instead of spouse, this can indicate working with mars-like people. For ex: You could work in a prison or at a gym.

These people can be very successful too. Mars is our drive and if given an extra boost by rahu, this person can be unstoppable when going after their goals.

Saturn in 4th House

This can indicate a strong foundation for marriage and later life. You can enjoy being in the home. You could work from home. You could physically work on the home. You can prioritise the family over work.

However, if harshly aspected you can feel restricted in the home and by family. You may wish to go out but feel you are tied down. This should not happen if a person understands that marriage and starting a family require time and effort. You will have to work with spouse to create balance in the home.

If you hate responsibility and being disciplined but still start a family, you may experience periods of extreme unhappiness. You will feel the spouse and children drain you.

EX: A uncle has this placement in cancer in d9, he got divorced. He says the wife and him fought over who was taking on the most responsibility. He felt she changed after having a kid. She paid "too much attention" to the kid and not him. He's kind of always been a man child/mama's boy. Saturn is in detriment in cancer, it can make it difficult (not impossible) for the person to take on saturn traits. + he only had squares aspecting his saturn. This will not be the case for everyone with this placement.

You can move away/ work away from birth place. This doesn't always mean you'll move to the US or UK/Europe. You may move states or provinces. EX: The same uncle from the first example is now a truck driver. He rarely comes back to this city. He is not the only person I know with this placement. The other person has also moved away from birth city for work.

Mercury in 2nd House

This is a good budgeting and wealth indicator. These people take control of their finances. You may become an accountant. Not always as a career, more often you take on the responsibility of doing your own taxes (including spouse and kids).

You can become very good at managing money. Your ability to make money is connected to your speech/voice. You can be charismatic and/or educated.

This placement does indicate someone who is flirty in speech. Like, mars in 2nd in d9, you can attract many and like that attention of being wanted. This doesn't mean you or the spouse will cheat. It does suggest you will wish to remain attractive to many. You can be flirty for fun just to know others still find you attractive. And/or this placement can bring many suitors to you even when you are married.

You may communicate more with your family after marriage and/or later in life. Checking in more with your aunts/uncles, cousins/siblings, parents.

Ketu in 2nd House

These people often go either 2 ways: They are always worried about money regardless of how much they have. Or they become detached about money and materialism. Both are possible at different times in life - ex: start out worried then learn to value priceless things like their family or their health.

You can be detached when it comes to your own family. You may lose contact or contact family less. This is the family you come from not the one you may create with spouse or long term partner.

Ketu conjunct Venus in 2nd House

This conjunction can make someone feel like they never have enough. They can be critical of partners and themselves. Nothing and nobody can feel good enough. Often, it is RARE for them to be happy in their first long term relationship. These people need that heartbreak to learn to treat their next partner better.

If you believe in past lives: people with this placement are commonly said to have stolen money or a possession. This is why they have anxiety over needing more and more. They struggle to feel satisfied with what they have.

This placement can make you feel you never have enough money. These people often end up collecting something like watches or earrings. This placement can make someone dedicated to getting more money, more materialistic things.

Or depending on entire chart, you detach yourself from the materialism and superficial things.

10th Ruler in 7th House

10th house in navamsa/d9 shows us what we will be known for later in life. Ruler in 7th shows you are known for your partnership - the one with the spouse, your friends, your clients, your buisness partner.

Whether it is in a positive, negative or neutral way depends on the ruler, any planets in 10th, and aspects being made to both. EX: No planets in virgo 10th H. Mercury the ruler in gemini 7th H positive aspects being made to 3rd H. Your spouse could be more of a social person than you. Generally, people know you as their partner.

Rahu in 2nd House

Often, after marraige and/or later in life, you cut contact or speak less with family. This can be due to a bad experience with them or you simply live further away and don't care to talk much.

If the ruler if 2nd is well placed along with rahu in 2nd, you could gain a lot in later life and/or after marriage. However, Rahu in 2nd assures it is due to the money YOU make not the spouse. You could end up the sole provider for the family. You could make more than the spouse.

You are likely to make more money through international work. EX: You move away from birth city, or your company works with other cities and/or countries.

You may have bad eyesight. Later in life, you could require glasses.

Rahu in 6th House

This indicates you take on huge responsibilities in daily routine of married life and/or later in life. The sign and ruler of 2nd will tell you what these responsibilities are. EX: Taurus or libra rahu in 6th, Venus in 4th H: You take on the role of renovations/decor in the home.

More general observations with this placement:

You will get revenge on those who attempt to harm you. Almost always have more than 1 kid (that can be the huge responsibility you take on). Spouse and you are or become physically fit.

Moon in 11th House

Generally, these people deeply care about their friends. They will maintain their social life and connections deep into later life and/or after marriage.

They can deeply care about how other's feel about them, they crave outsider validation. This is the person who wishes to be famous artist not due to passion for the arts but because they want attention. However, moon in 11th as far as I've seen does NOT indicate fame. Instead, these are very social and friendly. They party/go out a lot despite being older and married.

However, I have noticed in the sign of scorpio it is almost the opposite. They don't care much about having a social life outside of the marriage. They are more private when it comes to connecting with people.

But we must look at entire chart, I know someone with scorpio moon in 11th and rahu + jupiter in 7th H. Their spouse was the one who deeply valued their social life - constantly wanted to go out with his friends. A few years after marriage, their spouse said they paid more attention to friends than them Later, the spouse found out he was cheating with a female friend.

Moon in 11th H taurus on the other hand is good wealth indicator. These people are polite and pleasant. People compliment them behind their back. These people often have many kids too who are equally as polite and charming. Very good placement to have imo.

Venus in 5th House

Likely to have a baby girl if you choose to have kids. I have noticed, unless aspecting Jupiter, 2 people with this placement only had one daughter.

Creation will bring great joy into their life. Either creating something or like creating a child. Life takes drastic change for the better when they can create.

The spouse can have very good style. In a man's chart, the wife and daughter can be very into fashion.

Sun in 4th House

They are the main authority in your home. If they have kids, they are the main one enforcing any rules. Even if they don't have kids, they can want the final say over the spouse. They wear the pants in the relationship. If the spouse also wants main control, this will lead to conflict.

They may after marriage and/or later in life realize you were wrong in identifying your enemies. You may realize someone from the past who you pushed away was a true friend.

& they will definitely realize someone they kept as a true friend was actually fake. They will be once more betrayed later in life due to this misunderstanding from early life.

This is said to be due to karma & the sun being positioned in a house where it can't "see" who the enemies are and where they are coming from. However, accuracy will be heavily influenced by ENTIRE chart.

On the bright side, these people often experience a good amount of joy after moving away from birth city. They will get better career respect far away from birth city. However, it is likely they will still have family likely the father in birth city that support them - emotional or money.

Another positive, they are likely to be respected in career. In early life, they may have deeply desired popularity. This desire to be liked makes them work harder than others. In career, they will be rewarded for this.

Often, these people feel they are much closer to one parent than the other. One parent is more there for you than the other.

The above is general information. It is heavily changed by the entire navamsa and lagna. For an accurate reading consider the paid readings I offer:

[ghostboneswrites2]

Hear me out: Early Seasons Daryl vs Later Seasons Daryl

Early TWD Daryl would have been emotionally unavailable, snappy, cold, and the ways in which he showed his care for you were limited to bringing you back cool things from a run, defending and protecting you, and sitting in silence with you

Late TWD Daryl would be a more tender lover. He’s had some growth by now. He’s learned to care, learned to love, learned to feel and express things. He’d drape an arm over you in bed or place a gentle hand on your back when he walked past you. He’d hold you and tell you it’s okay to cry.

Pre-Alexandria, he’d shut you out when things got bad. Post Savior war and especially post-bridge explosion, he’d ask you what was wrong and try to fix things, try to keep you hanging on. He wouldn’t want you to slip down that slipper slope of numbness and emptiness like he has before.

Romance itself was hard to come by in the early years of the apocalypse with him. He might find you a flower or bring back your favorite snack now and then. He might even let you catch him staring. He might not complain when you give him a little kiss on his cheek before he leaves.

In later years, though, just his eyes could soften in a way that made you feel loved. He’d brush a stray strand of hair out of your face. He’d fix your shirt as it slipped off your shoulder. He’d stop and tie your shoe. He’d disappear up the stairs after dinner and return moments later to tell you he got your routinely scheduled bedtime shower started.

If you had sex with him in the early years, it would be rough and awkward and aimless. Erratic thrusts with no rhythm, little to no satisfaction on either side, and a lot of awkward silence afterward.

At the prison, sex would have gotten a little better, and he’d start to recognize that your feelings for him ran a little deeper than surface level attraction. He’d try to do things to show you that he cared too.

Until things for comfortable at Alexandria, sex would half after the prison fell. Nobody had the energy or emotional stability for sex or romance back then.

Once things got steady at Alexandria, you two would fuck like bunnies. A comfortable bed? Hot showers? Nothing was stopping you two from exploring each other and learning new ways to please each other.

When things would get crazy and chaotic and dangerous, the sex would be quick but passionate. Maybe he just saw you for the first time since he escaped the Sanctuary and he’d fuck you in the bathroom at Barrington house just to regain some sense of control.

Seasons 1&2 Daryl would often scold himself for checking you out. He’d sometimes wonder if you flirted with him, but he’d always remind himself who he was to the group and how unlikely it was that you or anyone would show interest in the likes of him or Merle.

Seasons 3&4 Daryl would be a little braver. Lingering glances, making excuses to talk to you, an awkward chuckle. But he wouldn’t take it past that. You’d have to carefully tread toward the first move.

Seasons 5-8 Daryl would be protective but withdrawn. He’d be so occupied with everything going on that he’d have little time to spend with you, and truthfully it wasn’t much different on your part. He’d miss you, though, as you’d miss him.

Eventually, though, after all of his growth and emotional maturing, he’d be a soft, gently, kind partner. He would become a man in so many more ways than one, and that kind of change would show in all aspects of your life with him. Be it romance or intimacy or day to day life.

In the early years, when you’d fight or take time apart, you’d wonder if it was going anywhere with him. If it was even worth the stress and emotional neglect.

But later, when you two were getting older and your relationship got stronger and kinder, you’d realize it was all worth it just to experience this side of him.

[kiryoutann]

Before reading, please check series masterlist to read the warning(s), disclaimer, and to make sure you’re on the right chapter. Minors do NOT interact.

[Please read while listening to this.]

IF THERE WERE TRUTH IN REINCARNATION, you would beg to be reborn as a kitten. A cherished kitten who was allowed to sit on a human's lap whenever looking for warmth. Perhaps if people saw you as a nice, furry creature acting cute, they wouldn't hurt you. Perhaps if they thought of you as a creature simpler to understand, they wouldn't abandon you.

Being a human child is weary work. They say you were created from the proof of love between two inseparable people; your very breath is a testament to their unbreakable union. And your identity is sculpted by the undeniable beauty they believed the world possessed, compelling them to bring forth new life to share in the splendor of it all.

So, who are you now after they've parted ways? Father was no longer just your father; he had formed a new family with another two daughters as evidence of his love for a woman who wasn't your mother. You are no longer his favorite, and surely you are not the only one. Meanwhile, Mother is only left as a vengeful woman, reacting with anger each time she glimpses traces of your father in you—in your words, mannerisms, or even thoughts. Any divergence from her own beliefs, she considers defiance.

(Didn't you say, I am proof of their love? Don't you know, that promises can be broken and roots can be severed. Marriage should be forever until it isn't. Then, who am I if they are no longer love each other?)

The pitiful child of man shuffled through the world; full of despair, without self-identity. Not daddy's little girl, no longer a copy of mommy. The soft hair that was once braided was more like a tapestry full of wounds piled up early on. However, no one knows this – they say, “What do little children know about adult problems?” and yet, your body ended up bleeding internally from continuously swallowing the thorns spit out by your two originators.

Forced to grow—my spine wasn't developed enough to be your pillars! Mature little girl.

If reincarnation is true, then, you hope to be placed in a kinder world. A place where happiness is within reach—where you will always be embraced by love. So you don't have to scavenge looking for it in everything.

In a kiss offered by a stranger.

The tea lies long abandoned on the coffee table, gone cold hours ago. Yet, the taste still lingers on his lips – bergamot and spice mingling with something uniquely him. Your eyes were tightly closed, but you could feel the warmth radiating from his approaching body. He places a hand under your chin to tilt your face, and he slides his tongue in with practiced ease. You breathe in his aroma deeply, and a thin cloud falls over your consciousness.

Simon kissed with quiet intensity, giving you the impression that it wasn't his first time. It doesn't matter; you already lost your first kiss to your high school crush anyway. But, when compared, this is nothing like the chaste, fleeting peck bestowed by Billy Thompson behind bleachers in junior year. That was a schoolgirl's kiss. This? This sets your blood ablaze.

Laid bare, you are. With your pleading love-me eyes—the gaping mouth of a virgin begging for someone to pour love into it until it hits the back of her throat, swallowed without a trace – “let me wash my esophagus with this. So that my future lovers don't find out how unlovable I am.” Some sort of ablution. And Simon becomes the all-compassionate man, volunteering for a play where he acts as your lover.

His tongue brushes against yours—a clumsy dance of your inexperience. But Simon took the lead, coaxing your shy response. Your hands crept up and clutched the sleeve of his leather jacket. As he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, warmth pooled in your lower abdomen.

This, you realize dimly, is what fills the pages of your well-worn romance books—passionate kisses and warm breaths mingling with each other. One difference is your lack of love for each other. It doesn't matter; after all, lust is a cheap substitute for love, just as searing.

(Starving people eat anything, right?)

When Simon put his big hands on your waist, you gasped and pushed him away. His brows were furrowed in confusion, but his eyes were waiting for you. Your cheeks reddened as you avoided his gaze.

“S-sorry…”

Simon watched patiently, his hands hovering but not crowding. A thought occurred to you—clumsy and awkward as you felt. You bit the inside of your cheek as you gathered your courage.

“I should, um, find...” Your voice fell to a whisper. "Contraception."

He just nodded, his expression carefully schooled. You got up from the couch, knees shaking, trying to ignore the embarrassing damp sensation between your legs, and ran towards the bedroom like a frightened doe.

As you searched through the dresser, you stumbled upon a sealed box beneath a pile of clothes. In a rush, you pulled out the box with fumbling fingers, barely managing to keep it from slipping from your grip. A small foil wrapper—a precaution purchased on a whim, “just in case” some imagined future occasion arose. Little did you know, that occasion would be this night with this stranger turned companion.

Through the door, you hear Simon's gentle footfalls approaching. Your heart threatens to jump from the confines of your ribs. Turning, you found him waiting for you, sitting at the end of the bed, pink sheets against his dark leather jacket.

Suddenly, the tiny foil packet feels heavy and itchy around your fingers. Gathering what little courage you have, you approach on unsteady legs and perch beside him, close but not quite touching. Your gaze was still on the carpet patterns, which looked strangely more interesting, while your hand reached out to hand him the small square.

Simon's eyes fell on the foil packet, staring at it like it was a foreign object. He looked up at you.

“You ever done this before?”

Your cheeks flushed with renewed shame at his question. “No, I haven't.”

The quiet confession hangs heavy in the air. You wait for him to take that little packet from you—part of you expects him to take advantage of your inexperience. Is that not what men do when presented with a willing body and an opportunity? A chance to take the lead, to act like they know everything—taking it from a girl and then going home to brag off to their equally asshole friends. As if their cocks were that great to be able to change a woman with just a few thrusts.

And while this may seem unjust, you can't help but generalize the rough types that frequent bars like the one you've both visited. Subconsciously, you make the same assumption about Simon.

But, he proved himself to be different. He confounds your expectations and judgment at every turn. Calming softness is the last thing you would expect from a hardened soldier like him. He has mapped every opening, joint, and gap in you that he may exploit against you—

And yet, when anyone else would seize the opportunity for easy pleasure, he pulls back, lost in his own thoughts that you can't begin to understand.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Might be better, your first time… if it's with someone important. Someone who'll treat you right."

"It's just sex."

Before you can stop yourself, the words escape your lips in a feeble attempt to contain the raging tempest of feelings inside. But even as you say that, you know in your heart it's not true. From the time you were a teenage girl singing cheesy songs and poring over fairytales, you've dreamed that your first time would be with a lover—someone you truly cared about, someone who dedicated their body to you out of love rather than simply lust. You’ve imagined yourself on your wedding night, sealing your bond in the most sacred ways.

Foolish, romantic notions, like a fragile dream, you know. And some small, still-hopeful part of you holds onto that fantasy, hoping it will come true. But that too erodes with time, evaporating more and farther from your grip until you are forced to settle for something within your reach. Desperation drives the unthinkable, right?

Another wave of silence between you. Simon hung his head low before taking the foil packet from your curled fingers. The bed creaks softly as he rises to tower over you. His strong hands are bracing the mattress on either side of you, caging in but not touching. Your heartbeat forms an accelerando as you hold your breath, peering up at him through your lashes to take in every detail you could in this dark room.

“Last chance, darling,” he rasps, searching your eyes. “Once we start, there's no taking it back.”

When he speaks, his breath washes hotly over your lips, and the gravel in his voice makes your insides clench. Supported only the dim light of the moon through the window for illumination, the lean muscles under his jacket looked more defined, and those irises seemed to darken with promise and more enigma.

You swallowed to relieve the sudden dryness in your throat. He's so hard to decode, and a small voice warns you not to mess with something you don't understand.

Something born of desperation takes hold of you. Before your courage fails you, you reach up to trace fingers along his stubbled jaw, feeling his muscles stiffen under your touch. Your lips came closer and pressed against his as a plea and answer. Heat floods your veins at the contact. Simon paused over you, letting you set the pace as your mouths moved together. His hands gently massaged the fat on your thighs, following the curve of your hips.

Simon's hands find purchase on your waist, thumbs tracing idle circles coaxing soft sighs from your lips. He deepens the kiss, and you follow gladly, clinging to his broad shoulders as he leans you back on the bed. Your heart is pounding wildly. He drags his lips to plant kisses, molding your body perfectly to his solid form.

Before he even stripped your clothes off, you already felt exposed in front of him. Your body isn't good with secrets; when he marks your pulse point with gentle suckles, you tangle your fingers in his dark blonde strands. His mouth ignited a flame against your flesh.

Some small, rational part of your mind screams this is madness. What will Mother say, when she finds yourself lost in the arms of a stranger, giving yourself so freely? “A man's heart is truly a wretched, wretched thing!” she kept repeating. But you're only borrowing this man's body and tonight, not his heart.

As Simon straightens above you, his hand flies to your jeans button with intent. Shyness overcame you in a sudden wave. “I-I'll do it,” you stuttered in a small voice, your cheeks burning.

Without waiting for his response, you sit up enough to fumble with the stubborn button with trembling fingers. Stupid pants. Why does it have to be difficult when you're desperate to shed these last few barriers between you? Sweaty fingers are slipping clumsily. Frustrated, you curse under your breath, the haste making your efforts futile.

A lifetime seems to pass before your buttons are finally free. Peeking through the gap, the plain white cotton is visible, trimmed with a small white satin ribbon at the waistband. Shit. If only you had known what tonight held in store, you'd have definitely chosen something lacier, sexier to match the mood.

Though, Simon didn't give any reaction other than maintaining his steady gaze at you. You again try to wiggle and squirm against the denim down your legs. Come on, come on, don't ruin the mood-

Before you could protest, his hand replaced yours. Large and sure, they grip your waist to guide you to lie down once again as he tugs the jeans free in one smooth motion. The denim hits the floor with a careless toss, leaving you with your top and the flimsy barrier that you put on without thinking. Instinctively, you squeeze your thighs together, acutely aware of your condition beneath his stare.

“Please don't look,” you plead shyly.

“Why?”

The single word rumbles out gruff, without judgment—too flat to contain one. He asked that in pure curiosity while continuing to stare at you.

“It's… embarrassing.” Your voice was small, almost a whisper as you avoided his gaze.

In truth, you feel naked in more ways than one. Between your legs, a dark spot has formed where your arousal has bled through the fabric and how it might disgust him. Your breasts feel heavy and sensitive where they strain against your bra. Every nerve is alive—hyper-focused on every minuscule movement and warm breath between you. It only took one touch from him to dissolve any remaining control.

The silence stretches while Simon is on his own agenda, studying you in considerations you don't understand.

“You want to stop, then?”

Simon's question sent a shot of panic through you. Stop now, even though you've just lost yourself in the sensation? When this man is the only person who can offer you the only scrap of comfort and care that you will never find again?

You shook your head vigorously. “No, please… don't stop.”

It was so embarrassing how your voice came out small and ragged—full of pleading for him not to lift his warm touch on your skin. To send him away from your bed now would be to return to the cold emptiness that has become your constant companion. He has seen half of you; might as well completely strip yourself for him and lose these foolish inhibitions. It seems that you too have no idea what moderation is; it was always all or nothing.

“Can’t reach your pretty cunny with your legs clenched shut, darling,”

Simon's coarse words spread a new flame to flare up in your cheeks. Your core feels wetter and throbbing than before, and you swallow thickly in morification.

Before you can think further, his thick thighs part your own with gentle insistence. You let out a small gasp. The stupid, girlish white panties were exposed to his view. But he makes no move to touch, merely hums his approval.

A sharp breath penetrated your lungs as he dragged his fingers to trace the outline of your cunt through the fabric. He pressed his thumb against your folds and slipped in. Under his caresses, you writhe and grab the sheets, your hips lifting in an instinctive need for greater friction. He spreads your slick flesh.

You barely register anything when he positions his face in front of your panties. Then, he leans in, nuzzling his nose against the damp barrier. Panicking, you clamp your thighs together on instinct to deprive him of access.

“Wait!” you gasp. “That's… it's dirty.”

Simon looked up from down there, at you as if he didn't comprehend what you'd just said. The soft light of the moon cast a silver hue on his blonde eyelashes, making them resemble the feathers of a Greek goddess's wings. His gaze, intense and piercing, locked onto yours, penetrating through your feeble objections. They see beyond your meager resistance, straight into your deepest desires.

Color rose in your cheeks, but the dimness of the room made them blend seamlessly with the background. You bit your swollen lip, not sure if you should ask him to stop completely and pull back to spare you the vulnerability or continue the treatment.

Without a word, he placed his big hands on your hips. You watched him grasp the waistbands of your panties before dragging it down to pool at your ankles. The fresh air caressing your newfound nudity sends chills down your spine. Another tug, and the scrap of fabric joins your discarded clothes on the floor.

Now, you're lying there with evidence of your undisguised arousal—sticky, glistening liquid from his touch in the past few minutes. Evidence of your pathetic desires.

Some small, rational part of you wants to flee, to cover yourself with anything. To ruin everything by saying that this was all a mistake—that now that you think about it, you don't want it anymore. That it's not too late, there's still time before he makes engravings on your walls with his pen like a stamp.

But that other part of you—Goodness.

And unfortunately for your liar side, that's the part Simon focuses on.

A cry escapes your lips when Simon returns his committed mouth between your thighs, granting your latter wish. He brushes his lips against your swollen flesh, making your back arch helplessly off the bed. Your legs fall open of their own accord. He wastes no time to delve deeper, lapping eargerly at your dripping slit. Each flick of his tongue broke one by one the chains confining your control, drawing out more sweet moans that made his jeans tighten even more from the aching hardness that was growing inside.

When his lips close around your swollen clit, you gasp, fingers curling around the bed sheet. Your body wriggled and trembled beneath him but Simon remained unperturbed. His blonde head was steadfast, focused solely on his devotion to pleasuring you.

You feel the tension coiling tighter and tighter as he continues to lavish your weeping cunt. Incoherent noises spill from your lips – gasps and whimpers and cries escape without restraint. He pins your hips down and grips your thighs to keep them wide open.

“Simon… I… oh God…”

Tangles are created in your sheets as your fingers continue to twist them desperately in a tight grip. Every nerve alive and hyper-focused on the sensations his tongue continued to convey. Your pulsing walls close together as low pressure builds in your stomach.

“Si-Simon! I feel strange, I—oh!”

A wave of heat rolls from your lower stomach as your muscles clench and spasm uncontrollably. Your thighs quiver—you cover your face from the overwhelming sensation. White spots dance in your vision. Some dam has broken deep inside you, and you fall, fall, fall as a tear slips down your flushed cheek. Warm essence flowed freely towards his tongue, and he tasted it against the walls of his palate. His lips were wet, but Simon licked the remainder like a man long seized of water.

The room feels impossibly still and quiet. Only the sound of your mingled breaths and your racing heartbeat fill the humid air. You keep your flushed face covered. Now that the haze has cleared, your mind is swirling with shame and uncertainty again.

How do you deal with him now that he has buried his tongue in your cunt? The sticky mess between your thighs reminds you that he has brought you to the peak of ecstasy with just his hands and mouth. Nonetheless, your taut nipples and the pounding in your ears indicate that, despite everything, you still want more.

The whisper of fabric is heard as Simon shifts. You peer through your fingers to find him leaning over you, calloused hands gently pulling your palm away.

“You alright?”

The question, however gentle and well-intentioned, caused your skin to heat up in discomfort. You can't help but feel embarrassed—as if he sees you as some fragile thing, needing reassurance after every little touch. As if you're a mess, a tiny bird that soars too and falls, making sympathy his default emotion whenever he looks at you.

It makes you think about all the other women he must have been with, how he must have touched them in the same way he was touching you now. Those who are nothing like you. Those who understand their own desires and a man's. Those who could lose themselves for hours in passion, their stunning hips swinging above him as his hands glide along their curves without hesitation or restraint. It leaves a strange taste in your mouth—bitter and almost envious.

All the women around him, and unfortunately Simon has to settle with you tonight. A shy woman, unsure of her own identity.

Something has narrowed in your chest. Your lungs feel heavy as you breathe in, like an anchor is binding it to the bottom of your soul. But, you manage to give him a nod. And before your stupid mouth ruin everything, you surge up to capture his hungry lips with your own. Your arms snaked around his neck to bring his body closer to yours.

“How do they do it, those who make love without love?” you often ask. The first time you wonder about this, you compare it to building a house without a foundation. Impossible. It's like writing without words or dancing without music.

But as you sink beneath his bulky frame—as Simon lifts your legs to wrap around his hips and grinds his hardness against your cunt, drawing a moan from you and feeling the roughness of his jeans against your swollen folds—you begin to understand that it's possible. Those who make love without love simply need to possess the desire—a determined, tenacious grip on something.

As your teeth collided, the kisses grew more passionate and frenzied; it was unclear who was feeding off whom's hunger. His hips rolled into you. Tongues tangled together in an unrehearsed dance that ignites sparks coursing through your veins. He nibbles your bottom lip, and you moan into his mouth.

Reeling for breath, you turned away, only to give Simon the opportunity to nib on your jaw and trace kisses down your neck. His hand slid under your shirt, creeping up your ribs to cup your breast.

When he reaches the delicate shell of your ear, he closes his teeth gently around the lobe and tugs. You cry out at the sharp pain mixed with pleasure. His busy hands kneaded your breasts, twisting your erect nipples between his thumb and forefinger. He slides the other down your belly and stops to cup your cunt. You gasp and buck against his hand as he starts circling your clit lazily, dragging two fingers up and down, coating it with another wave of your essence.

“Off… take it off.” You mutter without thinking.

Simon understands your breathless demand. Kneeling between your thighs, he makes quick work of his leather jacket, tossing it without a care for the floor. You watch him take off his shirt, muscles rippling as he grasps the hem of his shirt and pulls it over his head.

Your weathered heart, fluent with wounds and what is left behind in its wake. However, when the covering is removed, you're not prepared for the sight revealed to your eyes. His body—Simon's body. His chest was a masterpiece of defined muscle, and his abs were chiseled as if they were as solid as granite. The trail of blonde hair leads temptingly below the waist of his jeans.

It was the map of scars on his flesh that drew your attention. Pale lines, both thin and thick, had claimed their places, like the constellations he carried as proof that he had been hurt and survived. All his close calls, markings of victory—there were people who wanted him dead, but he lived to tell the story.

Still, in the dim light of the room, one scar seems strikingly different from the others.

A long, deep gash curves gracefully around one side of his ribs, which have healed into a thick rope of knotted flesh. You wonder about its possible origins—some accident, perhaps, working with tools or machinery gone wrong. Another one of his secrets you're not deemed worthy for him to share with.

Seeking to regain some composure, you grasp the hem of your sweater and draw it over your head. The only thing left on you was the white bra.

He observes your body with a careful scan before meeting your gaze once more. Leaning down, he captured your lips in his parted ones, renewing the kiss. You lifted your back slightly to make way for one of his hands. He fumbled with the small hook before releasing it, freeing your breasts in relief.

Simon cupped your breasts, fingers fully rounded and exploring freely now with more access. You let out another moan. He inserted your breast into the warmth of his mouth, his tongue dancing around it as he gently sucked. You arched against his body, pressing your chest against his.

He releases your swollen nipple with a tiny pop sound. You watched as Simon rose to his knees, eyes never leaving your form as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small foil packet you gave him earlier. Placing the square between his teeth, he reaches down to unzip his jeans. Your breath hitches in anticipation.

But to your secret dismay, the jeans stay on, shielding his thighs and underneath from view. Hope dissipates from your heart – a foolish, unfathomable melancholy seeps in through the empty rooms. As you watch him tear the packet open with his teeth and roll the condom down his length, you try to tell yourself that you have no rights—that this means nothing to him as it does to you. That this is merely your way of finding pleasure in each other until morning calls.

Yet, the disparity between you weighs heavily, as he has seen every intimate part of you, and you're still denied some access to him.

As Simon finishes rolling on the condom, your thoughts become detached. Desperate for a distraction—comfort, you stretch out your arms in invitation. He accepts your wordless plea, diving into your embrace and covering your mouth with his own as he slowly presses his cock forward. You feel the stretch and burn; your walls have been breached to accommodate his large size. The foreign fullness—the pulsing sensation of having a man fill you so completely—draws a quiet gasp from you.

Breaking the kiss, he buries his face in the crook of your neck. You felt him take a shuddering inhale. He started to move slowly, the stretch and burn of your walls parting further. Your breath comes short and sharp as tears prick the corners of your eyes from the sting of it.

“Too much? Want me to go easy?”

The question that leaves his lips tugs at the feet of your heart. And you believe that's how unlovable people behave—the urge to keep searching, to lick it even from the tip of a knife. The urge to see where it was never present.

You know he only shows concern for you to continue bringing him pleasure. Yet, some part of your traitorous, fickle heart, swells. The conviction that there is something worth feeling, something flickering in the distance—timidly but surely blooming, waiting to be discovered.

(Butterflies take flight in my belly. My heart has learned to feast on even the driest of breads.)

“No… keep going,” you rasp.

So, you cling to him tighter, urging him on despite the ache, because having him move within you is the closest you'll come to an embrace—to a cheap substitute for love. Let me drown; let his touch envelop my body – to become both his refugee and prisoner. Let me lose myself in this illusion, for it is all I have.

Simon pushed himself in further. You bit your bottom lip feeling him against your walls; your blunt nails create half-moons into his flexing back and shoulders. The burning feeling is emphasized before gradually disappearing and is replaced by pleasure. You threw your head back against the pillow as he slowly sped up his thrusts, bringing your hips to meet his.

A broken gasp escapes your lips when he slightly changes his angle and slams back in. His name was uttered in the lewdest sounds—gasoline on the fire of his lust, creating another wave of vigor to slide his cock in and out of your weeping hole.

Silhouette was created when he straightened his back, blocking out the moonlight. His muscles rippled beneath his skin as he continued to deliver controlled thrusts. You watched the sweat slide slickly down the cords of his neck. He gripped your hips before pulling out. You whimpered at the empty ache. But, before you can protest, he slams in the angry crown and fills you to the hilt in one deep thrust.

The mirror at the end of the room has steamed over from the heat. Simon places his large hand firmly on your lower belly, pinning you down in place. He brought his other hand to rub circles over your swollen clit. Your lips form a perfect 'O' as you gasp.

Through heavy-lidded eyes, you follow the outline of his collarbone, droplets of sweat sliding down his skin. The sound of flesh slapping flesh was accompanied by mingled cries and moans. You turn your face into the pillow, watching how the sheets tangle and crumple around your desperate fingers. Simon quickened the roll of his hips; the bed squeaked with each one.

 “Ah! O-oh, Simon! Simon! I’m—!”

Your body trembles as unbridled moans escape from your failing lips. He pushes your stomach farther in while continuing to piston his hips. Your breasts bounce and sway; sweat covers taut, flushed nipples. He rammed his fat cock into you so hard that it caused you to boil and surrounded your messed-up brain with smoke.

“You close for me, darling? Gonna come all over my cock?”

Your cunt throbs from his breathy voice. Brows furrowed, lips parted around gasps and sighs. The lacrimal glands swell. Every inch of your senses is narrowed into hyper-awareness, with focus scattered all over and your thighs trembling uncontrollably. The white spots on your brain are spreading. His thrusts became sloppier as his hips stutter. Your stomach tightened, velvety walls pulsing around his twitching length until Simon buried his face in your shoulder.

A litany of curses and praise fell from his lips. His cock flooded in scalding heat of your slick juices mixed with his climax. The two of you stayed like that for a moment, trying to stabilize your ragged breathing and regather reality.

While your brain recovers, you stare at the boring ceiling of your room. The heaviness in your limbs and sore muscles replace the last waves of pleasure. Your mind wandered aimlessly, half-aware that you were still clinging to him.

Simon rose, drawing his body away from yours. He pulled out his cock, and the emptiness suddenly felt foreign. You observe drowsily as he stands on his knees to fix his trousers – his movements appear hurried now, as he no longer needs to linger after having taken his pleasure. Feeling exhausted, you lay motionless.

“You good?” he asked, looking at you.

You gave him a weak nod. “M’alright… just sleepy,” you mumble, biting your lip.

For a second, something flickered in Simon's eyes—something akin to tenderness. But it's gone as quickly as it came, and in your current condition, you're not a competent witness either. Maybe it's just a reflection of your desire for him to stay, to hold you one more night, and to leave in the morning. Too involved, too risky.

That wasn't the deal, you know.

And you also know that you've always been bad at letting go, of your habit to cling fiercely to what you love until your marks are ingrained upon them. You loathed the cold room now that he had detached himself from you. But it would be selfish beyond measure to ask him to stay, to shower your desperate wounds with his kisses as gently as he did when he was still under the spell of lust. You couldn't drag anyone along with you. It would be unfair, even cruel. You couldn't do that, not to Simon.

You turn to your side and pull the blanket over your naked form. Shutting your eyes, you tried to fight the dull ache rising in your chest.

“You can go,” you mutter.

Simon stood silent for a moment, his agreement given in silence. The mattress groaned softly as he shifted his weight. You heard him finish getting dressed, followed by the soft, steady padding of his footsteps against the floor. Each step takes him further from the bed. You heard the sound of the door knob turning and the door swinging open, allowing a sliver of light from the hallway to peek through the gap before it continued to narrow and darkness returned.

Then comes the click of the door as it fully closes, and you're all alone again.

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[icey--stars]

Vanserra Brothers (Headcanons)

Headcanons for each of of the Vanserra brothers. All 7, including the ones who passed in the Spring Court incident.

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Day 1 of @erisweek2023 (Brotherhood / Family)

a/n: welcome to Eris Week 2023 everyone! I have a couple headcanons coming toward you that will include the headcanons that Born for Tragedy is set in as well as other future stories about Eris or Lucien! So... if anyone starts wondering about my headcanons, bOOM. I had too much fun with this one.

So… let’s start with family/brother headcanons. (post-beron’s death because fuck that guy) also I added a bit of dad!Helion in this because in my hopeful heart, I want the Vanserra brothers to have a real dad.

WARNINGS: MENTIONS ABUSE/TORTURE, VERY ANGSTY, TRAUMA DISCUSSED AND BAD TRAUMA RESPONSES

I hope you enjoy it regardless though! This was actually quite fun to make because I can use it for my other stories when I talk about the Vanserra brothers :)

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

So, Eris has 4 brothers that are still alive. I’ve already named them in Born for Tragedy, but I plan to use the HC across many different stories, so let's talk about them.

Jax is the second eldest Vanserra. He’s probably the one who got abused the least because his personality and stoicness is exactly what Beron wanted for a son. 

However, he is widely regarded as having snails for brains, so Eris still got the general position while Beron lived because Eris was more apt in strategy and getting people to do what he wants.

Jax likes to fight and while not too impulsive since his teen years, he tends to be always looking for a fight.

If anyone was going to get him a gift, he’d probably most appreciate armor/weapons. However, make it fancy because he likes to be well dressed and look the most wealthy compared to everyone else.

Jax is the brute warrior of the Vanserras with very little ability to do anything court-related.

Normally, he has quite the cold heart and Eris has struggled to have any sort of relationship with him.

Of course, Eris actually was jealous when Jax was born, as he got more attention than Eris during those times, and Eris wasn’t completely mature enough to realize that the fact he kept seeming to reject Jax, hurt the poor boy more.

So, Eris has the worst relationship with Jax of all and Jax is too standoffish and holds grudges so long that they just can’t find any sort of relationship with each other.

But Eris does keep in mind his brother’s preferences though because he eventually realized his mistake when the now dead, third-eldest Vanserra, Fynn came along.

Now, before we go on about Fynn and perhaps how he died while chasing Lucien to the Spring Court… Jax does know that Eris tries. He does, but he’s salty. That’s all. Salty motherfucker who’s virtually emotionless, but probably the least traumatized of all the brothers.

He was one of the 2 brothers to help Eris chase Feyre into the Winter Court.

Nothing much changes for him when Eris finally becomes High Lord. It’s just a change of seasons for him.

Now, Fynn was kinder than any of the previously born brothers. Beron resented him for it and often punished the boy when he was found being kind to a servant.

So Fynn hardened and by the time he was an adult, he was rageful and absolutely miserable to be around. Such a short fuse and a big boom to go along with it.

Fynn constantly was angry. At Beron, at Eris- not too much at Jax because they mostly ignored each other. Fynn was jealous of Eris.

Eris never did manage to apologize for the whippings that Beron forced him to give Fynn before the brother died.

But in all honesty, Fynn had been broken beyond repair. His kindness cost him and he was angry and rageful all the time. At everyone.

Some say it was a good thing that he died when he did.

The boy was smarter than Jax, but Beron still prized Eris for his manipulation tactics, so of course, Fynn was salty about that as well.

Eris and him often fought, but it was always Eris who cut it short and dismissed his brother. Yet another reason Fynn was so rageful.

He was ignored. A third born meant nothing to everyone. Eris was the prized first born Vanserra. Jax was close enough that they didn’t care. But Fynn meant nothing to them. And worst yet, he was weaker than most of his brothers and had less control over fire than any of them.

In the Spring Court incident, he was one of the two brothers besides Calix (6th born) to die. The third brother chasing Lucien under Beron’s order was Kuhn (5th born). Killed by Tamlin- his rage was at last quelled.

The next brother is Hue, 4th born in the Vanserra line.

By the time that Hue had been born, Eris had managed to get his head out of his ass and swore to protect his youngest brother, helping his mother to raise them in secret and helped his brother deal with Beron’s beatings.

Hue was as kind as Fynn, and he was intelligent as well. He was fascinated by everything. However, Beron called him his “failure.” The boy acted more like a scholar than anyone else in the Forest House.

At one point, Beron ordered Eris to take the boy during some constructive early teen years to a cabin and raise him. Eris had mastered seeming as cruel and manipulative as his father by this point. Eris kept his rage down and followed orders.

Eris fostered his brother’s scholarly heart, but trained him well to never show that weakness to his father. Hue was a more lanky brother, and while training was enjoyable, he preferred reading in his rooms.

But in any battle (which he has been in many, as he was the other brother helping to chase Feyre with Eris), he is very fast. The quickest reflexes.

He’s one of the more emotional brothers, but hides it well.

He enjoys the finer aspects of magic. The beautiful parts– not burning someone’s face off, but using it to make a piece of artwork.

Hue is fascinated by shiny little trinkets that he can collect and either hide or put on his bookshelves to decorate them. His bookshelves are a mess.

But he also enjoys art. Drawing, painting and other various options are some of his favorite pastimes as he tries to capture the beauty of a very simple scene in a canvas.

So, if you were getting him a gift, the best option is a bunch of little trinkets, a lifetime supply of books (which is exactly what Helion does as he gains Hue’s trust. He gives him little trinkets maybe with a little bit of magic from his libraries and then gives Hue free access to said libraries whenever he wishes for it) and maybe some art supplies, but Hue doesn’t need much. He just needs a canvas, pencil and then some paints to be happy.

When Eris becomes High Lord– Hue is very happy when he allows him to explore any and all interests he has. And Eris is very proud of him 🥹🥹🥹

The next Vanserra, the 5th born, is Kuhn. Kuhn is similar to Jax in ways, as they both have quite broad shoulders and enjoy training. Eris is more lanky than Kuhn, but no matter for either of them. Kuhn gives better hugs that way.

Now, seeing as Hue was such a “success” when being raised by Eris, as soon as Kuhn was able to be fed solid food, he was whisked away to the cabin.

Eris promised his mother to care for his brother. Kuhn grew up very similar to Hue– free from Beron’s wrath, but trained to avoid it, and not get either of them in trouble when they return to the Forest House years later. Beron was pleased with how Kuhn acted so warrior on the outside and actually rewarded Eris for his efforts.

Kuhn is like a mix of Jax and Hue at the same time. He enjoys training and is quite apt in his bow skills, but at the same time, he’s also fascinated by particular things– namely animals and the stars.

So… when Helion is giving out gifts, he gives Kuhn a little trinket that shows the view of the stars in the Night Court from the top of some mountains and makes sure to get an invitation for them both to the next Starfall in Velaris. (Kuhn was very happy)

Kuhn enjoys helping Eris with his hounds when he can, learning at least their names and offering advice when Eris off handedly mentions some issue, or that some hound got injured

When Eris is High Lord, Kuhn and Hue are some of the most useful when dealing with the lords and other annoying things.

Calix is the 6th born Vanserra, and according to canon, the last of Beron’s sons. One of the perished ones.

Beron did the same as he did with Kuhn and Hue– have Eris raise him. Calix didn’t seem scholarly at all though and was quite the violent child. But he was better than Fynn, and that was for sure. But they were similar, but Calix lacked the “loss of kindness” that Fynn had.

Calix was inherently violent, often killing frogs and other creatures just for fun and then throwing their bodies around for fun.

Eris did his best to “train” Calix, but the boy was unbothered and ignored him.

So, when it came time to go back to the Forest House, Calix was punished harshly, and with him, Eris. Calix didn’t understand, however, that it had been his fault that Eris was so cold toward him afterward.

Calix looks like almost an exact copy of Eris, so Beron had been hopeful, but quickly found that Eris was much more well trained and so Calix was resented, but not nearly as much as some of the other brothers.

Calix is the other brother that is killed by Tamlin. Beron basically taken the two sons most desperate to please him to chase Lucien to the Spring Court. Calix had been quite desperate, and Fynn, and Kuhn had simply been ordered to go along, as Beron considered him one of the more pleasing sons. Eris, since he refused to go along despite being ordered, was punished severely.

So, Calix and Fynn died, and Kuhn returned with gouges from huge claws in his back.

Hue was banned from helping either of the injured brothers and was barely even allowed to grieve his other two. (Hue had cared for them despite them mostly hating him for being more well-liked by their father)

Now, naturally, Lucien is the last brother we talk about. He was born before the Spring Court incident, and Beron was practically raging at the fact that Eris had failed at raising Calix as he did with Kuhn.

However, Eris managed to convince Beron to give him a chance with Lucien and his mother didn’t even wean Lucien off her milk, she just sent Eris to get him in a panic.

Eris found out why the panic soon after when Lucien was laughing with joy in a cradle in the cabin. The boy was glowing.

So yes, in my mind, Eris did know that Lucien was not Beron’s son, but treated him all the same.

Before Lucien could remember anything though, Eris found a spell to lock that Day Court magic inside the toddler before he burnt down the house with all the heat pouring off of him. After all, Day Court and Autumn Court abilities were similar in that way– heat. And Eris didn’t have a damn clue how to train Lucien to control his Day Court powers, so he locked them away and managed the fire instead.

Lucien was different from any other brother Eris had managed to raise. He was smart, could fight very well, but he was… different. Emotional and very quickly bonded with anything. Animals, most notably. When one of Eris’s hounds accidentally bit the boy in play, Lucien had acted so rejected.

Eris tried his best, and it paid off… mostly. They were ordered to return early from the canon and Lucien wasn’t vicious enough yet and Beron punished them both, finding the smallest excuse to do it to Eris.

Lucien resented Eris after that, and Eris never did try to mend that relationship, nor did he find the time when Lucien fell in love with a lesser fae female. However, he refused to hunt Lucien after he ran for the Spring Court. In the few minutes he had before Beron came after him, he made sure his littlest brother would be cared for and sent a letter to Tamlin.

Also, as an added note as to why Lucien believes Eris is so cruel: he thinks Eris was the one to report Jesminda to Beron- purely to make gain off of it (acceptance from Beron being the goal)

I’m not going to go too much farther into Lucien, as we know a lot about canon past that point and there are other times to talk about all my HCs for Lucien. This is about Eris and his brothers.

Now, if you notice, I’ve done all the Vanserras except the first born. Eris. Poor, tortured Eris.

In my mind, Eris is one of the most traumatized Vanserras, with Hue, Calix and Fynn coming close in second. He was the first to learn of Beron’s cruelty, the first to face it, and the one to face it the longest.

He messed up a lot too. Beron wanted cruel, wicked and manipulative. Eris was none of those things as a child. He was curious, loved cuddling with his momma and loved playing with the hunting hounds people brought around. He loved riding horses-

Basically, Eris wasn’t that way. But he quickly learned to be. Permanently changed by Fynn to be exactly who his father wanted because he was desperate to avoid the whip and the fire and the pain. However, he still managed to keep the pieces of his fractured heart, even if they were slipping between his fingers.

That is probably the only reason he was able to raise his brothers the way he did. Hue and Kuhn care for him deeply in that way, and he is the same way. But they never show it. However, the little fist bumps or secretive gifts were enough for Hue and Kuhn to know that Eris still cared even when he was forced to whip them by Beron’s command.

Oh yes… Eris wasn’t just the abused. He was also the abuser. Even if he didn’t want to be. But he always managed to show enough pleasure in the act to placate his father, because sometimes it was a good feeling. He felt in control, despite not being in control in the slightest.

But without Beron’s command, he always felt guilty for it and knew that in some way, his brothers did hold something against him for it. I mean, honestly, who wouldn’t though? Eris truly seemed like he enjoyed it. And he never came to check up on them afterwards. (He sometimes wanted to, but refused to risk his father’s rage again)

His brothers (especially Lucien because Beron knew he was different than the other pale red heads that were his sons and was punished more, and much more by Eris himself) think him cruel. Even if they saw a softer side when they grew up, he was still vicious with training. Sometimes heartless. And he can't help this because of how he grew up. He's sort of like Fynn in those ways.

Eris isn't completely kind though. Some (like his mother) like to paint him as damaged, but even while he is damaged, he is still not absent of cruelty. After all, Beron drilled it into him. The pleasure in whipping was surely evidence of such.

But he does truly hate Beron. He knows his father is a cruel male- crueler than he. Willing to kill lovers of his own sons and lords whenever. He hates Beron- for everything. For what he did to Eris, for what he did to the Autumn Court, for what he did to his mother, and what he did to his brothers. There are of course, many more reasons, but those are the main ones.

Even after becoming High Lord, he didn’t show much more emotion or care, but he did allow his brothers more freedom and they lived with less fear. It would take a millennia to repair the damage done to them all though.

So, to say the least, the Vanserra family is fucked up and there isn’t much repairs in sight. Even when Helion tries to get closer to them, it's hard. They are traumatized asf and often, lonely because lonely=safe in their mind because there is nobody to report them to their father.

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Btw, feel free to ask more questions about the headcanons <3

TAGLIST HERE! - see post for specifics <3

Tagged in all ACOTAR Stories: @bunnymallowo, @officiallyunofficialperson, @margssstuff, @rebloggiest-reblogger, @inpraizeof, @graciereads, @eos-princess, @bubybubsters

(please let me know if you'd rather not be tagged in Eris Week or would like to!!)

[educatedsimps]

01 Affettuoso

≪ our last summer masterlist | fics masterlist

[it.]: tenderly Written in the form of a letter.

August 2021

Dear Tōru

I distinctly recall the first time we had met each other. It was the second year of middle school, and I was doodling in my sketchbook, seated at the grandstand in our school's sports stadium. I was enjoying my time of solitude, because I was a shy introvert who only spoke when spoken to.

I was in the middle of my sketch of an unknown male, partially because I did not have the inspiration nor a muse to get my creative juices flowing.

Well, that was until you entered that indoor stadium. It was really more like a scene from a high school drama.

The bright afternoon's sunshine shone down onto your being while your smile rode high across your face. You had your favourite turquoise volleyball bag slung across your shoulder, and your hair was slightly tousled - like you had just ran your fingers through it after a shower.

You really made my jaw drop, and from then on, I always referred to you as My Golden Boy.

I had found my muse, and I ended that day with a sketch of your face, even though I never found the courage to show it to you.

Isn't it amusing, though? Now, upon reflection, I still have no idea why you chose me back then. I was far from the ideal match for someone like yourself.

What we had shared, however, gave me a brief taste of happiness. I think schoolmates to lovers would be the most apt way to describe us. And yet, as we grew and matured even more in high school, we realised that our goals were gradually diverging from each other. And that, I suppose, was what pushed us away from each other.

You had always wanted to become a professional volleyball player, and I had always wished to eventually pursue my artistic endeavours. The more time we had away from each other resulted in an irreconcilable chasm between us. We ended up cancelling our dates because something always popped up at the last minute, and it only became worse when you got the offer to work in Argentina. I was left behind in Japan, and I don't think you know just how agonising it was for me to not be able to see and touch you for months on end.

I know it was never something we wished for, but our split was ultimately inevitable. I remember crying my guts out, wondering why and how we had reached such a low point.

I never thought that I would lose myself, when I lost you.

Seeing you today, however, made me feel nothing but pride and joy and hope. You had accomplished your lifelong goal, your dream, as a star player in the Argentinian volleyball team. And amazingly, more and more brands were lining up to get you to endorse them.

For me, well, I had ventured into the unknown for a while, but soon I was given the rare opportunity to work as an Art History Professor in The Juilliard School in New York. My specialty is now art in the form of words, rather than my original drawings and paintings.

I arrived in Argentina several days ago on a self-care vacation, only to see your once familiar face plastered all across Bueno Aires. I see you've become quite a household name.

It first came as a shock to me, since you had decided to relocate to Argentina, but I soon realised that you had finally found so much joy in this country. Much more than you did in middle and high school, in hindsight.

Perhaps, our breakup had been kinder to you, and allowed you to find yourself in both volleyball and in your soul.

I don't regret that we have ended, I only regret not letting you go sooner. I could have propelled you to an even better position in life had I done that earlier. I only see that I was holding you back from your dreams.

Penning all of this down now, at the age of 27, is perhaps too late.

I would never have the chance to give nor mail this letter to you now, since we've lost contact. Additionally, seeing you on practically every billboard and screen prompted me to do some research on you.

It seems that you are now happily engaged to an Argentinian-born Japanese badminton player, who attained her first Olympic medal when she was only sixteen.

So yeah, this letter will be mine to keep until I'm gone.

I just wanted to use my words - the ones I never said - to tell you that I truly loved you then, and to this day, I still do.

Love always Y/N

© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarize any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. but likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[ga-yuu]

[Gilbert Von Obsidian Story Chapter 1]

----Part 1----

Once upon a time, in Rhodolite, the Land of Roses and Art, there was a strange encounter that was like a divine prank.

Black-haired boy: "Hey, why are powerful people so corrupted?"

A boy sitting on a barrel in an alleyway closes the thick book on his lap which looks inappropriate for his thin body.

The book was about the history of a continent spelled out in an archaic language that even scholars should find difficult to understand.

The boy understood all the contents with the ease of reading a picture book.

He asks the blond boy sitting on the ground.

The blond-haired blue-eyed boy with a mature aura didn't stop reading.

Black-haired boy: "They say continental history is the history of aristocracy, but there are no good people in it."

Black-haired boy: "Those who killed their own people to gain the throne, those who cheated other nations to expand their territory, and those who turned a blind eye to the suffering of their people..."

Black-haired boy: "This has been going on for a long time now. There should be a kind monarch who is equal and charitable to everyone."

Black-haired boy: ".....But no. Why would people like that ever go down in history."

Blond boy: "Of course."

Blond boy: "In today's society where class-based society has become the norm, a monarch who claims to be loving and equal would be the first to be eliminated."

Blond boy: "Once in power, you can never relinquish it. If the slightest disadvantage is incurred, they will meditate on it."

Blond boy: "The pain of others will be nothing. That's human nature."

Black-haired boy: "Hmmm, guess so."

The black-haired boy jumps down from his barrel, putting his small feet on the ground and smiles brightly as sun shining down the alley.

Black-haired boy: "I think humans are inherently conscientious creatures."

Black-haired boy: "It's the world that makes people greedy, not the people itself."

Blond boy: "According to your theory, there are no real evil people in the world?"

Black-haired boy: "Mmhm, because the essence of human nature is 'love."

Black-haired boy: "The corrupt monarchs who spun history could have been kinder to others if the world had been different."

Blond boy: ".......You are quite the dreamer."

Black-haired boy: "So what? I'm still a kid."

Black-haired boy: "And I like people."

The blond boy looked up from his book and couldn't help but snicker.

The red eyes of the dark-haired boy were full of compassion and tenderness.

.............

It's been several days since the princes of the three countries requested an extended stay for headache-inducing reasons.

After careful consultation with Sir Sariel and other princes,

Rhodolite is ready to welcome state guests.

Leon: "As, I've said many times, it's been decided that the princes from each country will stay for the four-country talks."

At a regular meeting of the princes, and key officials belonging to the internal affairs faction.

Once the agenda was settled, the matter was brought up with Leon, the leader of the internal affairs faction.

Leon: "His Majesty, the King has given his approval. The decision will not be reversed."

Leon's dignified voice silences the frustrated internal bureaucrats.

(I had expected this, but there still seems to be a lot of backlash)

Bureaucrat: "...I'm still not convinced. Benitoite as a friendly country and Jade as a neutral country would be fine."

Bureaucrat; "But why must we also accept Obsidian!?"

Bureaucrat: "Their former treachery, has gone unredressed to this day."

Bureaucrat: "There must be some nefarious plotting behind this stay too...it's too dangerous."

Leon: "I know. We have not forgotten the Bloodstained Rose Day ten years ago."

(Bloodstained Rose Day....I've only heard rumors)

Ten years ago, Rhodolite was invaded by Obsidian.

The princes went to the battlefield and stopped them at the border, so I, who lived in the royal capital, only heard rumors.

The sudden invasion, which could be described as a bolt from the blue, has left a huge scar on the Country of Roses.

That is the reason why the overwhelming majority of people are not comfortable with the stay of the Obsidian royal family.

(I don't know the details, I'll have to look it up next time)

Leon: "But now a country that has never been open to any diplomacy has come to the forefront."

Leon: "I think it's well worth allowing them to stay."

Bureaucrat: "But..."

Leon: "Besides, if anything goes wrong, I and Chevalier will take the blame."

Leon: "You have your thoughts, but swallow them for now."

-----Part 2----

The silence that fell in the drawing room was so heavy that even the slightest noise would have been unacceptable.

Bureaucrat: "Then, at least..."

The bureaucrat, who seemed to have retracted his fangs turned to me, who was in the last seat.

Bureaucrat: "Tell us why that woman is present here."

All eyes were on me and I felt as if I had been dragged all the way to the center of the stage.

(I thought someone would ask)

Many of the Bureaucrats here don't know that I am Belle.

One day, without any warning, a mysterious young lady appeared and began to stay at the court for her studies...

In addition, she was also escorted by the prince of Obsidian at the goodwill party and also seen dancing with him.

(The constant staring hurts....they must be suspecting I'm on the Obsidian's side)

Jin: "Emma is just a victim here, right?"

Emma: "Yes. I was asked to show the way by Prince Gilbert and he forced me to attend the party with him."

Emma: "I've never met him before and I don't know him personally. To be honest, I'm still confused."

(I wish it had been a dream)

Bureaucrat: "I don't think that 'Trampling Beast' would escort a woman for no reason."

Bureaucrat: "Excuse me, but even if you don't know why we still can't let our guard down around you..."

Licht: "The allies have decided that it's not a problem."

Licht: "Why else would you need a reason?"

Yves: "I can understand your concern though."

Yves: "But there is nothing suspicious about Emma. That much is certain."

(The princes will defend me but I'm sure all of them are equally confused as I am)

(....As Belle I was allowed to participate in this meeting to deepen my knowledge, but I shouldn't have come)

Luke: "Haa...such bad vibes."

As if to cut the tension, a lazy-sounding voice rises.

Luke sitting next to me, who also attended the meeting as a part of his studies,

Sighed loudly at the bureaucrat who raised his eyebrows in disapproval.

Luke: "I don't care what you think."

Luke: "Second of all, what do you even know about the Trampling Beast, to begin with?"

Bureaucrat: "Of course, everyone knows how notorious, he is."

Bureaucrat: "He has ruled numerous countries through the use of force, rewriting the maps of the continents at an extraordinary pace, and he is also a world bane..."

Bureaucrat: "He has never lost a battle, and as an ever-victorious marshal, he is a man to watch, a figure of great importance that the whole continent is on the lookout for."

Bureaucrat: "A cold-blooded, arrogant, evil royal family that tramples on so many things that it deserves the name of Trampling Beast."

Luke: "I didn't ask you to repeat the rumors about him. I asked you if you actually know about him or not and it appears that you don't."

Luke: "What if he just fell in love with Emma at first sight?"

(No, I don't think that's the case)

The bureaucrats could not hide their "what are you talking about?" faces.

Leon: "Heh..hahaha! That might the case too. Don't you think?"

Jin: "Emma is a pretty girl after all. No wonder the Trampling Beast himself fell in love with her."

Luke: "See? That's why it's not Emma's fault. Stop blaming her."

Luke gets up and grabs my hand.

Luke: "Let's get out here. Staying here anymore will suffocate you to death."

Luke: "Let's bunk this meeting together."

(As always, he's lazy....)

(...But since my presence is making the atmosphere worse, let's take advantage of Luke's kindness for now)

Emma: "Prince Leon, may leave the meeting?"

Leon: "Go ahead. ...Luke, don't tell Sariel about this."

Luke: "Of course, leave her to me."

(Why did this happen?)

----Part 3----

Luke led me by the hand and we came to the rose garden.

The tension finally dissolves as I am welcomed by the sweet fragrance that confronts my wounded heart.

Luke: "Feeling better now?"

Emma: "Thank you, Luke....sorry you also had to leave because of me."

Luke: "Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong."

His large hand patted my head and my cheeks relaxed.

(Thank god, Luke was there or else I would have cried)

Luke: "If you have any problem, you can always talk to me, okay? Even if you're dealing with a big bad tiger, I'll protect you no matter what."

A dependable smile is like a panacea, taking away the pain in my heart.

It was then that I felt relieved that I was not alone in this situation.

???: "Hmm, that sounds reassuring isn't it?"

(Mm...)

My heart jumps out of my chest as if to gouge out the pain that is about to subside.

A voice from somewhere and the sound of a cane hitting the cobblestones with a clang, painted the beautiful rose garden into a nightmare.

Luke: ".....Gilbert."

Mercilessly, Luke's muttering brings me back to reality.

I looked back awkwardly and saw a black figure among the petals blown up by the wind.

Gilbert: "Hello. Were you in the middle of a secret rendezvous?"

Luke: "Haa..if you know, then don't get in our way."

Gilbert: "But I want to. I'm lonely, you know."

Luke: "....The nerve of you."

(....Luke's attitude doesn't change towards Prince Gilbert)

Following the example of the goodwill party, he who is unperturbed, even though he is a Trampling Beast, I also hide my agitation.

But Gilbert laughed, as if he knew everything.

Gilbert: "You look unhappy, little bunny?"

Gilbert: "By the looks of it, did someone mistreat you?"

Emma: "....No."

Gilbert: "I hate liars, you know."

I felt a gruesome pressure on my spine that chilled.

No matter how calm I tried to appear, my instincts seemed to sense fear, and my face pulled into a tight line.

(It was the same when we first met. There shouldn't be a need to feel so 'scared'...)

Luke: "If someone is bullying her, then it's you."

Luke takes one step forward to cover me.

Luke: "You're existence is already terrifying. So stop scaring Emma."

Gilbert: "Aww, that's so unreasonable. I haven't done anything terrible yet."

Emma: " 'Yet'...means?"

Gilbert: "....Fufu."

Gilbert-sama only smiled meaningfully, but did not deny it.

Gilbert: "I don't like it when you're scared."

Gilbert: "I only want to be friends with little bunny here. So I think we must get to know each other as soon as possible...right?"

Gilbert: "Oh yeah, that's it!"

Prince Gilbert, who clapped his hands deliberately, ignored Luke and approached me.

Gilbert: "I still haven't thanked you for helping me that day."

Gilbert: "How about we go out together?"

Emma: "Go out?"

Gilbert: "Mmhmm. Just the two of us and no one else."

(.....No, I must not nod)

The Trampling Beast, the world's bane, the infamous Prince----"

It is hard to believe that he would want to got out with a lady like me just to 'friends'

(Probably he's trying to figure out who I am)

----FLASHBACK----

Gilbert: " I was interested in you."

Gilbert: "So let's take time and chat more, next time 'Belle'?"

----FLASHBACK ENDS----

(Prince Gilbert seemed to suspect that I am Belle)

(And maybe he's trying to get me to expose my identity)

Luke: "What are you up to?"

As expected, Luke looks at him suspiciously.

Gilbert: "I wanna be friends with your little bunny. That's all."

Gilbert: "If she keeps giving me this frightened look every time then---"

Gilbert: "It will make me sad and I'd end up killing her."

----Part 4-----

At first, I didn't understand what he meant.

I was so lost in the good-looking young man in front of me that I suspected that I had misheard him.

(No, I must not run away)

(Even though...I just got threatened flat out---)

The fear that came late was powerful enough to cower my heart.

Luke: "..You.."

Gilbert: "Luke, do me a favor and make up a good excuse to mislead everyone else, will you? We will be back in time for dinner."

Luke: "Why should I be a part of your evil deeds?"

Gilbert: "It's not anything evil. It's your job."

Gilbert: "Luke is a part of the external affairs faction, isn't he? So it's your job to make sure that your guests are happy....right?"

Luke: "......."

Gilbert: "It's your job too, self-proclaimed noblewoman of Rhodolite."

Gilbert: "If you piss me off, I will destroy your whole country. Of course, you don't want that, right?"

(It sounds like a joke, but I'm sure Prince Gilbert is a person who would do something like that)

-----Options------

Please give me time to consult. (+4/+4)

I can't nod. (+4/+4)

Okay, I'll go. (+4/+4)

-------------

Emma: "Please give me time to consult..."

(If only I could at least ask Sir Sariel for help)

Gilbert: "No."

Prince Gilbert mercilessly kicked out my only hope.

Gilbert: "I'm not going to give you any chances to decline my invitation."

I was at a loss and Prince Gilbert grabbed my wrist.

(....It's so cold)

Though he's wearing his gloves, I could still feel his icy cold fingers and I tremble.

Luke: "Gilbert!"

Gilbert: "Don't worry, I won't do anything cruel."

Gilbert: "You should know better than anyone that I don't lie."

Luke: "......"

(....What do you mean?)

Luke runs his fingers through his hair and sighs.

Luke: "....Emma if you don't want to, I'll kick this guy away right now."

Emma: "....I understand. But it's fine."

Emma: "Prince Gilbert is a guest of Rhodolite and I also have the duty to entertain him without being rude."

Emma: "Prince Luke...please inform Sir Sariel for me."

(I can't resist now)

Luke reluctantly nods.

Gilbert: "I'm glad you didn't turn me down. Let's go shall we?"

(Somehow, I'll just have to get through this peacefully)

........

(...Why?)

We boarded the carriage that Prince Gilbert prepared and headed to our destination----Hell.

(Out of all the places...)

(....He had to bring me here)

It is still naive to think he suspects my identity as Belle.

Prince Gilbert casually walks up to my original workplace without any hesitation.

(Prince Gilbert is not suspicious..he's 'sure')

Gilbert: "I reserved the whole place just for the two of us. Aren't you excited?"

He opens the front door and forces me into the bookstore.

I'm sure Sir Sariel would have arranged for another clerk to work in place while I was gone.

But for now, the bookstore is empty.

(Why on earth this had to happen?)

(Don't tell me our meeting the rose garden was also a part of his plan...)

(No, I don't think Prince Gilbert can plan all of that)

(But what if it was?)

A different emotion from instinctive fear engulfs my mind.

A cold hand was placed on my stunned shoulder and pushed me further inside the bookstore.

Gilbert: "I know you like books. You can relax here as much as you want."

Gilbert: "No more annoying stares. It's the only place where you can return to your true self."

Emma: "......."

Gilbert: "You look pale. Are you not happy?"

----Part 5----

Emma: "How do you know I like books?"

Gilbert: "It's a secret."

Emma: "And this bookstore..."

Gilbert: "It's a secret too."

Emma: "........."

Gilbert: "Just so you know....I'm an information-gathering hobbyist."

Gilbert: "When I don't know something, it makes me curious. So I'll try to find out about it no matter what."

Prince Gilbert smiles happily and puts his face to my ear.

Gilbert: "Are you feeling guilty? Belle?"

Emma: "........I'm not Belle."

Gilbert: "I hate liars. I told you."

Emma: "........"

The fangs of the beast are already set on me.

I had to lie somehow, but my mind was pathetically blank.

Gilbert: "Ah...Aren't you into this book lately?"

As if in pursuit, Prince Gilbert pulls a black book from the bookshelf and places it in my hands.

It had a black cover and its title was written in golden colour. It was a book that I'm reading currently.

(Just how much does he know about me?)

(...Where did you get this much info?)

Emma: "What's your purpose...please tell me."

With what little courage I had, I squeezed out my voice because my heart was about to collapse.

Emma: "Are you trying me threaten me or something?"

Gilbert: "I'm not here to threaten you. I want us to be friends."

Gilbert: "I'll tell you properly this time. I truly want to be friends with you."

Emma: ".....Friends?"

Gilbert: "Yes."

Gilbert: "See, it's just that simple."

(No way)

It's difficult for me to read Prince Gilbert's intentions before replying.

(But I can instinctively feel that I must not be friends with this guy)

Emma: "I can't be your friend, Prince Gilbert."

Gilbert: "Fufu...looks like you don't understand."

Prince Gilbert holds my hand and breaths into my ears.

The black book falls from my hand and before I could get it, he held my cheek with his cane.

Gilbert: "You have two choices, either you willingly be my friend or force yourself to be my friend."

Emma: "Nn...!"

My voice leaked out as I felt a sharp pain on my neck.

(Did he...just bite me...?)

The cold, soft touch and the itchy pain lingered on my neck eating away at my aroused heart like poison.

Gilbert: "If you won't be my friend....Belle will disappear."

Gilbert: "Rhodolite won't get their King and I will come with my troops to crush your country."

Emma: "....."

Gilbert: "So I'll ask you again, be my friend."

(I can only nod)

Because everything is in Prince Gilbert's hands.

To willingly be friends or force myself to be friends, there is only one answer.

Emma: "....Why do you want to go out of your way to be friends with me?"

Gilbert: "Good question."

Everytime, he giggles, his soft breath hits my neck.

Rather than embarrassment, unfathomable fear prevailed.

Gilbert: "You are said to have the most beautiful heart in all of Rhodolite."

Gilbert: "And there are many different criteria for evaluating a beautiful heart, but...."

Gilbert: "The beautiful heart in your case is 'loving others more than yourself"

(You must not be knowing this much about me...)

(....But I can't say anything back because I'm afraid)

Gilbert: "A heart that loves and cares for those around you and respects others more than yourself..."

Gilbert: "You were chosen as Belle because you risk your life to help others around you, right?"

(He knows everything)

Gilbert: "But you know what I think? No matter how beautiful your heart is, the essence of a person is 'false love."

Gilbert: "They pile on the ugly falsehoods and act as if there is love---when in fact there is no such thing."

Gilbert: "Even your beautiful heart is only a hoax."

Gilbert: "If you stay in a place like the royal court, where your greed is exposed, you will eventually fall."

Gilbert: "I for one, like to see it close up."

Gilbert: "I am curious to see how the most beautiful woman with the most beautiful heart in all of Rhodolite would turn out."

Gilbert: "So be my friend. That way, I will be the closest to you, right?"

(.........I cannot even process what Prince Gilbert is saying)

Prince Gilbert is also trying to get my understanding.

I feel a sense of self-indulgence as if he is just saying what he is thinking anyway.

(After all, what he meant by 'friends' does not seem to have a similar meaning that I know)

Emma: "I'm not sure if I have a beautiful heart or not, but...."

Emma: "No matter what happens, I will remain who I am."

Emma: "I doubt I can live up to Prince Gilbert's expectations."

Gilbert: "Hehe, it's going to be fun."

Emma: "Mm....!?"

He bit my neck again and I squinted painfully.

It was more painful than the previous one and I let out a soft painful cry.

Emma: "Stop biting me!"

Gilbert: "Did that hurt? Sorry."

Gilbert: "I like to leave my mark on my favorite things. It's a sign that you are my friend."

(I don't need this kind of proof)

When I turn around after brushing off Prince Gilbert's hand, I meet his blood-red eyes.

His lips were smiling but his eyes weren't and I couldn't help but look away.

(....Just like a real beast)

(Earlier he described me as having a 'strong sense of love for others'....)

(Maybe, I don't think I can love this Prince)

[queen-dahlia]

𝐆𝐢𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐯𝐨𝐧 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧

𝗠𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗥𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟭

I know, I'm so late to start posting Gil's main route, but I'm still trying to make some time to translate the story

Please don't @ me at Gilbert's "Fufu" here, I just can't stand his "Heehee" in EN server and I know I'm not the only one

Note: Translation is not 100% accurate. Expect grammatical errors.

// : alternate translation | ⫘⫘ : flashback

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Once upon a time in Rhodolite, the country of roses and art, there was a strange encounter that seemed like a prank from the gods.

Black-haired boy: "--Hey, why are people in power so corrupt in every generation?"

The boy sits on a barrel in the back alley and closes a thick book on his lap that is too thick to match his slender body.

A specialized book on the history of a continent spelled out in an ancient language should be difficult for even scholars to comprehend.

The boy understands everything that is in the book as easily as if he were reading a picture book.

He asks the blond boy sitting on the ground.

The blond-haired, blue-eyed boy with an atmosphere of maturity that is hardly appropriate for his age did not stop reading.

Black-haired boy: "They say continental history is the history of the aristocracy, but there are no good people in it."

Black-haired boy: "Those who killed their own people to gain the throne; those who deceived other nations to expand their territory; and those who turned a blind eye to the suffering of their people."

Black-haired boy: "With a long history, there should be a benevolent and kind monarch who is equal to everyone."

Black-haired boy: "... No. I wonder if those people will go down in history."

Blonde-haired boy: "It's a given."

Blonde-haired boy: "In today's status-based society, a monarch who claims to love and be equal would be the first to be eliminated."   //   "In today's society, where the class system has become common sense, a monarch who advocates love and equality would be the first to be eliminated."

Blonde-haired boy: "Once in power, one cannot relinquish it again. If there is even the slightest disadvantage, they will close their eyes."

Blonde-haired boy: "They don't care about the pain of others. That is human nature."

Black-haired boy: "Hmm. I doubt that."

The black-haired boy puts his dangling feet on the ground and smiles as brightly as the sun shining down the alley.

Black-haired boy: "I think humans are inherently good creatures."

Black-haired boy: "It's the world that makes us greedy, not people."

Blonde-haired boy: "According to your theory, there are no real bad people in the world."

Black-haired boy: "Yes, because the essence of human nature is love."

The boy with black hair: "The corrupt monarchs who spun history could have been kinder to others if the world had been different."

Blonde-haired boy: "... You say things that you tend to dream about, don't you?"

Black-haired boy: "I'm just a child, it doesn't matter."

Black-haired boy: "I love people."

The blonde boy looked up from his book and couldn't help but snicker.

The red eye of the black-haired boy were full of compassion and tenderness.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

It has been several days since the princes of the three countries requested an extended stay for headache-inducing reasons.

After careful consultations with Sariel and other princes,

Rhodolite decided to welcome the guests of honor––

Leon: "—So, as I have said many times, the stay of the princes of each country for the four-country talks has been decided."

At a regular meeting where princes belonging to the domestic political faction and major officials gathered,

Once the agenda was settled, the matter was brought up with Leon, the leader of the faction.

Leon: "His Majesty the King has given his approval. The decision will not be reversed."

Leon's dignified voice silences the frustrated domestic bureaucrats.

(I had expected this, but there still seems to be a lot of backlash.)

Bureaucrat: "...I am not convinced. Benitoite as an ally and Jade as a neutral country would be fine."

Bureaucrat: "But why do you accept that Obsidian!?"

Bureaucrat: "Their betrayal of the past has remained unsolved to this day."   //   "Their former treachery remains unchanged to this day."

Bureaucrat: "There must be some sinister plan behind this stay... It is too dangerous."

Leon: "I know. We have not forgotten the "Bloodstained Rose Day" of 10 years ago."

("Bloodstained Rose Day"... I've only heard rumors.)

Ten years ago, Rhodolite was invaded by Obsidian.

The princes went to war and stopped them at the border, and I, who lived in the royal capital, only heard rumors,

The sudden invasion, which could be described as a bolt from the blue, has left a huge scar on the Rose Country.

That is the reason why the overwhelming majority of people are not comfortable with the stay of the Obsidian Imperial family.

(I don't know the details, I'll have to look it up properly this time.)

Leon: "But now a country that has never been open to any kind of diplomacy has come to the forefront."   //   But now a country that has never responded to any diplomacy has come out into the public."

Leon: "We believe it is worthy of allowing them to stay."

Bureaucrat: "But..."

Leon: "Besides, if anything goes wrong, me and Chevalier will take responsibility."

Leon: "You have your thoughts, but swallow them for now."

The silence in the drawing room was so heavy that even the slightest noise would have been unacceptable.

Bureaucrat: "Then at least..."

The bureaucrat, who seemed to have retracted his fangs, turned to me, who was in the last seat.

Bureaucrat: "Tell me why that woman is here."

All eyes were on me, and I felt as if I had been dragged to the center of the stage.

(I knew you would say something like that.)

Many of the bureaucrats here do not know that I am Belle.

A mysterious young lady who appeared out of nowhere one day and stayed at the court to study...

In addition, she was escorted by the Prince of Obsidian at the goodwill party and even danced with him.

(The stares are hurting me... I guess they suspect I'm on Obsidian's side.)

Jin: "Emma is just a victim. Right?"

Emma: "Yes. I was asked to show the way by Prince Gilbert, and I was forced into the party hall."

Emma: "I have never met him before, nor am I familiar with him, and I'm still confused."

(I wish it had been a dream.)

Bureaucrat: "I don't think that the "Trampling Beast" would escort a woman there for no reason at all."

Bureaucrat: "Excuse me, but even if she has no idea who he is, it's still a good idea to be vigilant."   //   "Excuse me, but even if you have no idea who he is, there's no reason not to be wary."

Licht: "The alliance has deemed it okay."

Licht: "Why else would you need a reason?"

Yves: "Your concern is understandable, though."

Yves: "But there is nothing suspicious about Emma. That much is certain."

(The princes will cover for me, but I'm sure none of them actually get it.)

(I was allowed to attend the regular meeting to get more insight as Belle, but I shouldn't have come.)

Luke: "Ah, it's a really bad atmosphere."

As if to cut the tension that had been building up, a languid voice rings out.

Luke, who had been observing the domestic faction meeting as "part of the new prince's education," was sitting next to me.

He sighed dismissively at the bureaucrat, who raised his eyebrows in disapproval.

Luke: "I don't care."

Luke: "Do you know anything about the "Trampling Beast"?"

Bureaucrat: "Of course, no one knows its notoriety."   //   "Of course, everyone knows how notorious he is."

Bureaucrat: "The "World Disaster" that has ruled numerous countries through the use of force and rewritten the map of the continent at an extraordinary pace."

Bureaucrat: "He has never lost a battle, and as an Ever-Victorious Marshal, he is a man to watch, a figure of great importance that the entire continent is on the lookout for."   //   "He is a man to watch, a man who has never been defeated on the battlefield, a man who is always on the radar of the entire continent as an Ever-Victorious General."

Bureaucrat: "A cold-blooded, arrogant, and evil imperial family that tramples on so many things that it deserves the name of the Trampling Beast—"

Luke: "All that stuff is just gossip. You don't know who they really are, do you?"

Luke: "Maybe he just fell in love with Emma at first sight."

(No, that will never happen.)

The bureaucrats could not hide their "what the hell is he talking about?" faces.

Leon: "Pfft... haha! It's possible, isn't it?"

Jin: "Emma is beautiful. No wonder the Trampling Beast has fallen in love with her."

Luke: "Right? That's why it's not Emma's fault. Stop blaming her."

Luke gets up from his seat and grabs my hand.

Luke: "Let's go. Staying here will only suffocate you."

Luke: "Skip out with me."

(I'm not sure I'd skip it...)

(... But my presence is making the atmosphere worse, so I'll take Luke's kindness for now.)

Emma: "Prince Leon, may I leave the meeting?"

Leon: "Yeah. …Luke, don't tell Sariel about this."

Luke: "Oh. Leave Emma to me."

(How did this happen?)

══════════════════

Luke led me by the hand, and we arrived at the rose garden.

The tension finally dissolves as I am welcomed by a sweet fragrance that comforts my wounded heart.

Luke: "It's a nice change of pace here, isn't it?"

Emma: "Thank you, Luke. I'm sorry. It was my fault."

Luke: "Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong."

A large hand patted me on the head, and my tense cheeks relaxed.

(Thank God Luke was there. I would have cried otherwise.)

Luke: "If you have a problem, you can always talk to me, okay? I'll take care of it, even if you're dealing with the big bad guys."

A dependable smile is like a panacea, taking away the pain in my heart.

It was then that I felt relieved that I was not alone in this situation.

???: "Well, that's very encouraging."

(. . . . .)

My heart jumps as if to gouge out the pain that is about to subside.

A voice came from somewhere, and the sound of a cane tapping on the cobblestones turned the beautiful rose garden into a nightmare.

Luke: "...Gilbert."

Mercilessly, Luke's mutterings bring reality to the surface.

I turned my head and saw a black figure among the petals blown up by the wind.

Gilbert: "Hello. Are you in the middle of a secret rendezvous?"

Luke: "Ah. If you know, then don't interrupt us."

Gilbert: "I don't want to. I'm lonely, so count me in."

Luke: "... The nerve of this man."

(... Luke doesn't change his attitude at all, even with Prince Gilbert.)

Even if the other person is the Trampling Beast, I follow that figure of calmness and hide my agitation...

But Prince Gilbert laughed, as if he knew everything.

Gilbert: "You look unhappy, little rabbit."

Gilbert: "By the looks of it, did someone mistreat you?"

Emma: "... No."

Gilbert: "I hate lies."

I felt a gruesome pressure on my spine, making my blood run cold.

No matter how calm I tried to appear, my instincts seemed to sense fear, and I pulled a face.

(It was the same when we first met. There was no need for me to feel so "scared".)

Luke: "If anyone mistreated her, it was you."

Luke takes one step forward to protect me.

Luke: "You're a terror in your very existence. Don't scare Emma."

Gilbert: "Well, that's unreasonable. I haven't done anything terrible 'yet'."

Emma: "Not yet. Yeah, right."

Gilbert: "... Fufu."

Prince Gilbert only smiled meaningfully but did not deny it.

Gilbert: "I don't like you to be scared of me."

Gilbert: "I'd like to be friends with you, Little Rabbit, and... It seems we need to get to know each other as soon as possible."

Gilbert: "一一That's it."

Prince Gilbert, who clapped his hands deliberately, ignored Luke and approached me.

Gilbert: "I haven't thanked you yet for showing me the way."

Gilbert: "Now, shall we go out together?"

Emma: "Go outside?"

Gilbert: "Yes, of course. Just the two of us, alone, with no interruptions."

(... I have to agree with this.)

The infamous prince, the Trampling Beast, and the disaster of the world,

It is hard to believe that such a notorious prince would want to go out simply because he wanted to "get along" with a lady like me.

(He's probably trying to figure out who I am.)

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Gilbert: "I'm interested in you."

Gilbert: "—So this time let’s have a nice and long chat, 'Belle'?"

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

(Prince Gilbert suspected that I am Belle.)

(Maybe he's planning to go and shake things up.)

Luke: "What the hell were you thinking?"

Gilbert: "All I can think about is getting to know the little rabbit better."

Gilbert: "If you give me such frightened eyes every time—"   //   "Every time you look at me with such frightened eyes—"

Gilbert: "It makes me sad and makes me want to kill you, doesn't it?"

At first, I didn't understand what he said.

Prince Gilbert, who was out of character, looked like a good young man and made me wonder if I had misheard him.

(No, I'm not running away.)

(He just flat out threatened me.)

The fear that came late was powerful enough to cower my heart.

Luke: "You..."

Gilbert: "Luke, can you use a reasonable excuse to mislead the people around you? We'll be back in time for dinner."

Luke: "Why should I be a part of your schemes?"

Gilbert: "It's not a bad thing. It's a job."

Gilbert: "Luke is part of the foreign policy faction, isn't he? You have to keep the guest of honor happy... Right?"

Luke: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "And that goes for you too, the self-proclaimed daughter of Rhodolite."

Gilbert: "If you offend me, I will destroy your country, okay?"

(It sounds like a joke, but Prince Gilbert is the one who can really do it.)

Emma: "Okay, I'll go."

Gilbert: ". . . . ."

Emma: "... Why are you surprised?"

Gilbert: "No, I thought you'd put up more of a fight."

Gilbert: "I see. So you're not too upset."

Emma: "Oh, no! Because your threats didn't sound like a joke—"

Gilbert: "Ahaha, I'm so happy. Once that's decided, let's get going."

(I may have been hasty.)

I was at a loss, and Prince Gilbert grabbed my hand.

(... It's cold...)

The body temperature felt through the gloves was so cold that it was hard to believe it was human, and my fingers trembled.

Luke: "Gilbert!"

Gilbert: "Don't worry, I won't do anything terrible."

Gilbert: "You know better than anyone that I don't lie."

Luke: ". . . . ."

(... What do you mean?)

Luke scratches the back of his head and sighs.

Luke: "Emma, if you really don't like it, I'll beat this guy to the ground."

Emma: "... No, I appreciate your concern."

Emma: "It is true that Prince Gilbert is a guest of honor, and it is my duty to entertain him without rudeness."

Emma: "Prince Luke, please inform Sir Sariel for me."

(I can't go against this now.)

Luke reluctantly agrees when I ask him to do so in a manner befitting a young lady.

Gilbert: "I'm glad I didn't get turned down.... Shall we go then?"

(Somehow, we'll just have to get through this in peace and quiet一)

══════════════════

(一Or so I thought...)

We boarded the carriage prepared by Prince Gilbert, and the place where we were brought to was already a gate of hell.

(Why ....)

(... Why are so many escape routes blocked?)

It was still a naive notion that I was "suspected" of being Belle.

Without hesitation, Prince Gilbert led me to my original place of work.

(What Prince Gilbert has is not "doubt" but "certainty".)

Gilbert: "I've reserved the whole place for us today. Shall we go in?"

Prince Gilbert opens the door and forces me halfway into the bookstore.

I was sure that Sariel would have arranged for another clerk to come to the bookstore in my absence, 

But as he said, the bookstore was empty.

(How in the world did you set this up?)

(It was not a coincidence that we met at the rose garden, was it...?)

(No, that's not possible. I don't think even Prince Gilbert could calculate the whole situation.)

(But what if... What if the current situation was all created by Prince Gilbert's calculations?)

A different emotion from instinctive fear engulfs my heart.

A cold hand was placed on my shoulder, and I was forcibly brought in front of the bookshelf.

Gilbert: "I know you like books. You can relax here as much as you want, okay?"

Gilbert: "No more stares from the court. It is the only place where you can return to your true self."

Emma: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "You look so pale. Aren't you happy?"

Emma: "...How did you know I like books?"

Gilbert: "Secret."

Emma: "Then this bookstore..."

Gilbert: "It's also a secret."

Emma: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "Just so you know... I'm an information-gathering hobbyist."

Gilbert: "When I don't know something, I want to know it by any possible means."

Prince Gilbert smiles happily and brings his face to my ear from behind.

Gilbert: "Is there something you're guilty of, Belle?"

Emma: "...I am not Belle."

Gilbert: "I told you before. I hate lies."

Emma: ". . . . . ."

The fangs of the beast are already set against me.

I had to somehow cover it up, but my mind was so blank that it was pathetic.

Gilbert: "Oh, is this the book you've been into lately?"

As if to push me, Prince Gilbert pulls out a black book from the bookshelf and puts it in my hand.

The black cover of the book with gold lettering was, as Prince Gilbert said, the book I had been reading recently.

(How much does this man know about me?)

(... Where did the information come from?)

Emma: "Please tell me your purpose."

I finally squeeze out my voice, mustering up the strength in my heart that is about to fail me.

Emma: "What do you want from me?"

Gilbert: "I don't mean to threaten you, that's terrible. As I said before, I just want to get along with you—"

Gilbert: "In other words, I want to be your friend."

Emma: "... Friend?"

Gilbert: "Yep, my friend."

Gilbert: "It's that simple, isn't it?"

(No way.)

It is difficult for me to read through Prince Gilbert's intentions before replying.

(I just know that we should not be friends.)

Emma: "I cannot be your friend, Prince Gilbert."

Gilbert: "Fufu... You don't seem to get it."

Prince Gilbert holds my hand as he breathes in my ear.

He held my cheek with his cane as the black book fell loudly to the floor—

Gilbert: "You have two choices: be my friend or be forced to be my friend."

Emma: "Nn—!"

The pain in my neck causes my voice to leak out.

(Did he just... bite me?)

The cold, soft touch and the pain that falls gradually on the skin leaves a poison-like touch on my racing heart.

Gilbert: "Well... if you won't be my friend, I might as well make Belle disappear."

Gilbert: "If the king's selection goes back to square one, it might buy me enough time to lead an army to invade."

Emma: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "I'm going to ask you one more time. I want to be friends with you."

(This is not the way it's supposed to be.)

All in the palm of Prince Gilbert's hand.

"Be a friend or be made to be a friend." There is only one real choice presented to me.

Emma: "Why do you want to go through all this trouble to be friends with me?"

Gilbert: "Good question."

Every time Prince Gilbert smiles, his breath caresses my neck.

Rather than embarrassment, unfathomable fear prevailed.

Gilbert: "You have the most beautiful heart in all of Rhodolite."

Gilbert: "There are different criteria for evaluating a beautiful heart..."

Gilbert: "Let's define beauty in your case as "having more love for others than for yourself."

(You don't know anything about me...)

(... I'm afraid to say anything.)

(He knows everything.)

Gilbert: "But you know what I think? No matter how beautiful your heart is, the essence of a person is "false love"."   //   "But I think, no matter how beautiful the heart is, the essence of a person is false love."

Gilbert: "Piling up ugly lies and acting as if there is love. When, in fact, there is no such thing."

Gilbert: "Even your beautiful heart is only a trick."

Gilbert: "If you stay in a place like the court, where your greed is exposed, you will eventually fall."

Gilbert: "I'd like to be able to see them up close and personal."

Gilbert: "I was curious to see how the most beautiful heart in all of Rhodolite would turn out."

Gilbert: "So, my friend. Isn't being your friend the fastest way to be close to you?"

(... I may not understand even 10% of what Prince Gilbert is saying.)

Rather than trying to gain my understanding, I feel that Prince Gilbert is just being carefree,

As if he is just putting his thoughts out there for the time being.

(But then again, "friend" doesn't seem to mean anything good.)

Emma: "I don't know about a beautiful heart or ugly lies..."

Emma: "I will remain who I am, no matter what."   //   "I will always be me, no matter what."

Emma: "I doubt I can live up to Prince Gilbert's expectations."

Gilbert: "Heh, that'll be fun."

Emma: "...!?"

He bites my skin again, and my face contorts.

There was more pain than before, and a muffled scream escaped my lips.   //   There was more pain than before, and I let out an inaudible scream.

Emma: "Don't bite me!"

Gilbert: "Did it hurt? Sorry."

Gilbert: "I like to leave a mark on my favorite. I mean, it's proof that you're my friend."

(I don't need this kind of proof.)

I shake off Prince Gilbert's hand and turn around to meet his blood-red eye.

His lips were smiling but his eyes were not, and I couldn't help but turn my gaze away from him.

(... He's like a real beast.)

(Earlier, Prince Gilbert described me as having a "strong feeling of love" for others.)

(I don't think I can love this prince.)

[cosmichighpriestess]

Your love is Priceless.

No one can tell you who you are, or how to feel. No one.

Because you have every reason to have boundaries when you don't want to experience what you already experienced. High standards keep low quality experiences and people away from you. It is also very lonely, and very testing of your patience when you decide to no longer accept surface level, lower vibrational, low quality relationships just because you're lonely or becoming impatient-which is perfectly okay and normal.

But others will not understand you, they will be very confused. If you already saw the red flag and the one red flag was enough for you to say I'm placing a boundary here. It's not your fault your heart has been closed. You once used to be so open and loving with everyone until you realized how valuable your energy and time were. How divine and precious your soul is, to let another person in just for them to use your energy, siphon it, take it as their own and then betray you and toss you aside like a piece of trash. Understandably, you've been dragged through hell by people who just wanted to use your energy and copy you. It may take some more time for you to open up. Your higher self communicates to you through your heart. When something feels off, that is your higher self communicating through your heart. Your heart is the key. 🗝️

That is why it is so important you are in observation mode with the people you are around, are they truly being kind or are they being nice to your face and still talking about you to everyone behind your back? Make your notes, but don't let their facade fool you. If you are someone that used to be very nurturing and loving until they beat the joy and love out of you, my love- no they didn't, God has been hiding you, cloaking you and you lost yourself in the waiting. But the love was always there but they unconsciously gave you all of their shame, guilt, self hatred and pain, and you've been carrying those dense energies in your heart, your thoughts and your heart chakra has been needing open heart surgery ever since because it's been never ending.

You took their pain on as your own and transmuted it over and over. You are now ten times as powerful because you felt all the pain for them, because they refused to be alone with themselves. That is why they are confused, how are you still smiling by the way? How did you do it? They don't understand you because you don't have to run away from yourself. You love being alone. But even black sheep need a community at some point in their lives, your rare kind deserves more than most because of what you suffered for too long.

Communication is key. In the next few days and weeks and months you will be speaking more. You should begin to communicate what you went through, what you feel like now, and how it affected you deeply into wanting to be kinder to all living beings. Because you never want anyone to feel the way you felt. Your kind, nurturing, loving, giving heart is still in there. It's beating faster and faster now, it's being opened and healed because the world needs your love again. The world needs to see you. The world needs to see an awakened being loving with no agenda other than to heal broken hearts.

Your smile could move mountains. Your smile could make someone's entire month. Communication is key because we end up becoming so divided and causing wars over misunderstanding each other. Speak your truth in a mature manner including everyone's feelings into consideration and release expectations of their reactions. If they don't like it, oh well, you don't agree to be affected by them negatively, at least they know now how you've been feeling. Help them see through your perspective what life has been like the last year or even ten, twenty, thirty, forty years. Communication breeds compassion. Communication is the number one main ingredient for any successful, healthy relationship.

If you have no communication or no real connection based on truth and love then you are both bound to misunderstand each other. Some of us are mind readers, we are moving into a new age where everyone will become telepathic. But it starts by activating your empathy and compassion to another being. You need to understand that person or animal or being in order to help them. You have to let go of needing to be in a competition or a need to be right or receive validation.

Forget that we've graduated from that level of thinking a long time ago. We are here to recognize each other as God and look at that person with compassion and love and forgiveness and say, you know what it takes too much energy to hate." I love you and I want us to understand each other. " If they reject you, oh well, if they reject your truth and gaslight and blame you oh well, you don't need their approval or validation to know what you felt and experienced. You activated their own self healing just by being an example of truth and love.

Just think to yourself "Oh, this is a person still separated from Source. I created this version of them a long time ago. They created a version of me they think I still am. They are in denial that people can change. They don't know they are just another aspect of me and I am another aspect of them. It's okay I've been there. I felt lost, stuck in the blame game, stuck in the illusions, at war with my own demons, stuck feeling like a victim before too. I understand I've been there. But at least I spoke up for myself and honored my truth and my experiences and I still have compassion for them and myself. God sees me. God knows I'm trying to open up and God will send me people more aligned with me now." Catch a beautiful glimpse of the spark within you and you will take your power back.

And just like that. Not only did you awaken them gently to their own healing, to help them ascend and jumpstart them into having a deeper connection with themselves, and God/Source and others but you shapeshifted into a higher version of yourself that already exists that is already helping heal so many people and awaken so many people just by offering your love and compassion. More communication equals less confusion equals less time doing mental gymnastics with yourself equals a higher vibration and opening your heart, the portal, the skeleton key that opens all the doors. Your heart is the key, your heart is the guide, your heart is the light that leads the way.🗝️❤️

[knickynoo]

Do you have any of your own headcanons of what happened to Alex (also maybe Mallory and Jennifer) in the years after moving out of the Keaton household?

Hello! Sorry this is being answered so late, anon. Here are some headcanons!

ALEX

• Like most Family Ties fans, I headcanon that Alex and Ellen eventually find their way back to each other. They simply have to. Ellen changed Alex, and even though he does attempt to "move on", I don't think that deep love for her ever leaves him. Plus, he's single at the end of the series! I like to believe he stays that way for a while, moves to NY to settle into his new job and life and such. Eventually, Ellen returns from Paris and reaches out to the Keatons for info on how to contact Alex. Because even though she likely dated other guys after him, she too realizes that she can't shake her love for him. They meet up, and maybe it's awkward at first, but they soon rekindle what they had.

• Alex does end up quite successful, but it's not the type of success he grew up imagining for himself. No giant mansion, immense power, or people falling over themselves to do whatever he says. He isn't fabulously wealthy or anywhere close to his dreams of world domination. But he gets married to Ellen, and he has a job he enjoys, and he's really good at it. He's fulfilled. Happy.

• I also like to think he matures a good deal and becomes someone his coworkers and acquaintances genuinely like to be around, rather than the "not this guy again." Perhaps something happens in his first few weeks on the job to take his ego down a couple of notches. Then, being back with Ellen helps even further, as she always had a way of being able to smooth his rough edges and bring out the kinder side of him.

• Alex stays in very frequent touch with his family and visits them often. He's on the phone with at least one family member every day, and they take trips to see him a lot as well.

• For some Alex and Ellen as parents headcanons, see this post I had made a while back

MALLORY

• Of course, Mal and Nick end up married. Art is still a big part of Nick's life, and he either finds a way to earn a living off of it or finds another job he enjoys while still doing art on the side. Mallory pursues fashion, and she finds a lot of happiness and success there. There's an episode where she talks about eventually wanting to end up in NY as well, so let's go ahead and say that happens.

• LOL, Mallory and Alex cannot get away from each other even if they tried. Which, honestly, they don't want to. Despite their constant squabbling and Alex's relentless teasing, those two love each other much more than they'd like to admit. Both being in NY gives them lots of opportunities to meet up often, and they find themselves growing closer. Alex becomes genuinely invested in Mallory's career and loves hearing how happy she is. Although he isn't too interested in the latest news from the fashion world, he jumps at every chance to give her advice to help her advance her career or spread the news about her designs.

• Despite her insistence in the "Read it and Weep" episodes that she can't test out her clothing designs on Alex because he "has a weird body," she does frequently use him as a model for some of the men's clothing. He grumbles and complains every second of it but never turns her down. He tests out the more formal wear and Nick tests out the more casual designs.

• I don't have fully formed thoughts on Mal as a mother, but I do think she and Nick end up with a handful of kids. (Nick is shown to be amazing with kids, and he would be thrilled to find out he's going to be a dad.) Oh, Mallory would be such a wonderful mom—every bit as warm and loving as Elyse. Her children would always be the best dressed no matter where they went.

• I personally think it would be hysterical if Mallory ends up with a child who likes to dress formally at all times and is obsessed with facts and figures and acts like a tiny adult from the time they can talk. She goes to Alex like, "Is this your influence??!" (It may or may not be. I also think it's funny if the Keatons just have a gene that produces a strange little businessman child at random)

• Mallory and Ellen spend a lot of time together and are best friends. Naturally, Alex and Nick also spend a lot of time together. Nick is thrilled to get to see his "little friend" so often.

JENNIFER

• Jen definitely takes after her parents the most out of the Keaton kids, so I think she goes into some type of activism or charity work. I can see her being involved in an organization that helps animals or the environment.

• I can't decide if she stays close to home or becomes the type who's always traveling all over the place. If it's the latter, it becomes a running joke in the family to play "Where in the World is Jennifer Keaton?" because none of them ever know what she's up to, and so they're always trying to piece clues together or come up with wild scenarios to explain her whereabouts.

• Jen stays single for a long while (or maybe doesn't even marry) and just sort of does her own thing. She pops by to visit her siblings in NY frequently and enjoys catching up with them, getting fashion news (and some new clothing) from Mallory and talking business with Alex.

Thanks for the ask!

[wannaeatramyeon]

Honey I've seen how you write for taehoon and I must say that you're really good at doing his characterization.

I personally think that, because he's someone who has quite a hard time expressing himself and with relationships, he would actually not put that much efforts in his relationship with reader. Like not trying to respect others' boundaries and working for the relationship to work, because for him of reader knows he like them and they like him why do anything else ? It'd be a waste of time. That is until reader is fed up because he's doing the bare minimum and wants to break up. As soon as reader says this, he feels something beating and throbbing in his chest. He's scared. In a way he didn't feel since a while. He can't lose them right ? He can do better! He just got to show them! So when reader let him a second and last chance, he becomes the best partner. So much that it's not easy to believe he didn't put any works at first. But it's weird because it actually doesn't really bother him. When he see how reader smile when he just sit next to same and enjoy each other's presence. Did they always smile so brightly ? Now that he've seen how a relationship work he's gonna do his best to not let reader down again.

Hey anon, thanks for reading! It's always pretty fun to see people's differing opinion of the characters so ty for a chance to discuss! I think everyone's Taehoon HC varies a little and my Taehoon probably is a bit more mature and a little less wild.

Some more Seong Taehoon x Reader hc below...

I build a lot of his maturity based on the trauma of losing Dowoon. In my hc, I cannot overstate the impact this has had on him. He's healed somewhat, but it's an ongoing journey and he has learnt a lot from it.

With Taehoon losing someone so close to him (and seems like the only friend he had), he makes the effort to be a little bit kinder to you if you manage to get close.

Kinder is subjective though.

But he's had the experience of pushing someone away, and then it resulting in the worst possible outcome so he's not likely going to repeat that mistake again.

Of course he is an asshole to everyone, you included but he tries.

He's not a complete robot. He's smart and perceptive af. Taehoon knows how other people sees him, the effect he has on people, he just doesn't care.

In a relationship though, he would show he cares. In his own way. He gives you a little bit more leeway, does a bit more for you, tries to make himself a better partner for you.

Note - partner, not person. He's not going to fundamentally change who he is, but he will learn to read you a bit better and if there's something he does that genuinely upsets you and doesn't clash with his morals/principles then he will give it a go.

Honestly, I think if he's doing the bare minimum with you then your relationship is on the way out. He's not going to put in the effort if he doesn't want to be with you.

Then again, Taehoon imo is the kind of person that would just straight up tell you that. He doesn't mince his words.

[fireballtown]

Elden Ring, evolution, and emotional maturity

Goodmorning! I'm new here.

Shadow of the Erdtree is phenomenal, spoilers below.

I really wanted to go into it blind, so I did. I watched one review before it came out, and not a drop more. I was blown away. It takes everything the base game did right and dials it up to fucko-mode. The map is overwhelmingly intricate, the new weapons are fun, funky and fresh, and Radahn and Midra have become my two favorite fromsoft bosses of all time. But what I REALLY want to talk about is Miquella. Miquella casts aside every part of his being in his journey to make the world a gentler place, including, somewhat horrifyingly, his love. This speaks volumes to his foolishness.

When I was about 13, I wanted to feel like I was growing up, like I was maturing, so I gave away all of my stuffed animals, including my favorite one, Ox, who I'd had as long as I can remember. This didn't make me feel grown up. In fact, I missed Ox. Thankfully, my mother ended up keeping him in secret and gave him back a few years later, but that's besides the point. I was immature, and thought that I knew how to act to act mature, but I didn't, and ultimately the 'grown-up' act that I thought would bring me closer to the wisdom of the adults was useless and futile. Miquella, I'd say, makes the same mistake.

Some of us have this notion that emotions and feelings are illogical, and only dampen the rational part of our mind. This is wrong. While acting emotionally isn't always a good thing, it certainly isn't always bad either. I believe that compassion and empathy are derived from a primordial love that we all feel for each other by virtue of being part of humanity, from being united in having the ability to look someone in the eyes and think fundamentally, you and I are the same. Without emotion, there can be no compassion, and how is someone seeking to make the world a kinder place supposed to achieve their goal without love in their heart? For Miquella, the answer is tricking yourself into thinking that you know best and brainwashing everyone into getting along. Yes, you'll get peace, but you'll loose everything that makes people worth saving in the first place.

Romantically, it has been a very rough year for me, and it's got me doing a lot of reflection on myself and the nature of love, what my relationship is with it, and whether or not my view of love is distorted. I had no clue it would, but Shadow of the Erdtree has helped me a lot in that conversation. Love is not something that can or should be cast aside in search of something greater. Love is all we are.

The Metyr questline goes so fucking hard, a little tidbit I love is how when you defeat the mother of fingers she disappears into a black hole rather than fade into dust(?) like every other boss.

Thank you!

[faithandfairies]

Maura and Jane grow a lot throughout the show. It's not that obvious when you watch the show in chronological order, but if you watch an episode of season 3 followed by one of season 6, it's obvious. And I know that the consensus is that the later seasons of the show sucked.

But a lot of the character "changes" can be attributed to growth of the characters. Which is a good thing. They mature a lot over the course of the series. And now that I'm older I can actually appreciate it.

Jane grows to be a lot kinder and emotionally available. She actually acknowledges her emotions and ascribes names and meanings to them. She is kinder to Maura too, doesn't make fun of her at her expense while still making her laugh.

But there's also this short period of time where Jane's sense of humor is barely there as if she's trying to figure out how to be funny without being funny at other people's expense. And she does figure it out.

She has a deeper relationship with Maura that is a lot of fondness and just genuine obvious steady love that is just ever present throughout.

But also, Jane's relationship with her mother improves exponentially. I attribute that to Maura's presence in their lives and her help with that. Maura loves both of them and Jane's mom is important in Jane's life. Jane wants to have a good relationship with her mom, but her mom spent so much of her time trying to make Jane something she isn't and nipping in the butt what she is that as adults when the show starts out they butt heads all the time.

Jane forcefully pushes her mom and her mom's ideas for her life away because they don't fit her and now she knows it and then her mother guilt trips her for it and they argue. And they have a couple of cycles of that.

It isn't until Maura comes into the mix that that changes for the better. Both Jane and her mom learn not to try to control what the other does with their life. Jane's mom stops making her life solely about what her kids do and gets a life of her own. And Jane and her mother and Maura just learn to enjoy each other.

Jane and her mom also listen to each other more and it leads to genuine heart to hearts and genuine hugs between Jane and her mother where Jane doesn't try to push her mom away like she always did before. And learning not to try to control what her mom does with her life I think also makes her realize that her mom shouldn't and doesn't control what she herself does with her own life. Which is an important realization for her to have.

Jane's mom also tells her she wants Jane to be happy, they say that to each other and mean it which is also important. Jane knowing that her mom wants her to be happy and not in a specific way Jane's mom thinks happiness should look like. But in whatever way Jane finds happiness.

And Jane's mom learns that by figuring out what her own happiness is for herself.

I also love how huge a role Maura plays in Jane's emotional growth and the improvement of her relationship with her mom especially, because it starts with Jane. Jane just kind of whirlwinds her way into Maura's life with her entire family and literally shows Maura the meaning of genuine friendship and family and love and then Maura turns around and goes "I see. I love this. I want more. And we can do it even better." And then she just becomes so so generous and gentle and kind and patient with Jane and her family, hell, they do that with each other and it's everything. And it makes me so grateful and emotional that these two characters found each other, to watch them navigate their lives together.

I actually really love the growth aspect of the show. It's really beautiful. Not all the changes can be attributed to growth but a lot can and I love that.

[ladydelaisol]

An intriguing team

So yesterday I had an idea for PMD2 one shot so here it is.

Note/Summary: Takes places during the early parts of chapter ten so the PMD hero’s identity isn’t reveled to Dusknoir yet. This told from Dusknoir’s POV and it’s about his perspective of my PMD2 hero (Clara the Skitty) and her partner (Echo the Piplup) before the reveal.  Also, there’s no dialogue in this one shot.

Excuse me for any mistakes, also excuse me if Dusknoir is OOC

Word count: 658

My current time in the past so far has been interesting. Part of me wishes I could stay for as long as I desired, and yet I know I could only be here for as long as the mission could last. Besides, I try my hardest not to bond with the Pokemon of the past as it would be irrelevant, and yet I find the Pokemon of the past to be intriguing.

Due to my reputation of being a famous explorer, many have come to talk to me. They have complimented and praised me for my duties, and they have always liked to share stories. At times, I would simply just nod and smile to their praises, but deep down, I know I am not worthy of happiness.

I have also engaged in conversations with many exploration teams. For the most part, they seem to be no different from the common Pokemon. However, one team was different from the rest.

From what I could tell, they were a rookie exploration team run by two females, a Piplup and a Skitty working under the guild. Despite that, they seem to work hard to their best to become more recognizable.

The Piplup Echo is a timid yet determined young lady. She is full of excitement, yet she also has quite the maternal side despite her young age. While it is not clear how old she is, from my observation that she is an adult or close to being one.

She always has a smile on her face every time she sees me. She tends to ask me if she could have a moment of my time in a polite manner. She has easily shown how mature she is, which makes her a more interesting Pokemon to talk to during my time in the past. I do end up smiling anytime I see her as well.  

On the other hand, her partner seemed to be the complete polar opposite, at least when it comes to our relationship. From just observation, she seemed to be more serious, stern, quiet, and even more independent and mature compared to Echo. There was no doubt she was the same age as her partner.  

Strangely enough, she barely engages in any conversation with me and only gives me looks from time to time. At first, I thought she was like this to any Pokemon in general. However, when she is not around me, she seems to be a lot sweeter and kinder to other Pokemon. She even laughs and shows a ton of support.  

This means she only acts this way towards me. It is if she doesn't trust me for some reason. However, I suppose not everyone would care or trust me off the bat, so this does not bother me, and yet there is something familiar about her. However, I don't even know her name, nor have I ever met another Skitty.    

She is fascinating for a Skitty. From what I have heard, they are more playful and hyperactive for the most part, but this one is far from that. They are also not common around these parts, which made her more intriguing.  

Despite her lack of trust, the Skitty doesn’t seem to mind when her partner and I talk to each other, though she’s always by her side, as if she is protective of her. In my opinion, it makes her a good partner, and they seem to have a trusted bond, which is a great thing for an exploration team.

I do not think the Skitty would ever warm up to me, but I would not mind if she ever decided to change her mind. Nevertheless, in the end, I doubt it matters. Eventually I would complete my mission and leave for my timeline. More than likely, I will never see these ladies again, but for the brief moments I have interacted with them, I would not say my time was wasted.

[fayesdiary]

12, 20, 25 for the character ask game for Rhea aaaand Veyle!

12) What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I like to view Rhea as the type of confused but supportive elderly person. The kind of elderly who doesn't entirely get it (especially considering how she is with social interactions), doesn't quite know the new terminology but is nevertheless 100% willing to comfort and aid however she can.

In particular I keep imagining a scenario when someone asks her if it's a sin for them to be trans, Rhea isn't sure what the word mean and when they explain it to her she ends up correlating them to the Nabateans' power to shift between human and dragon forms and so ends up giving words of comfort that don't entirely make sense for a human... but also says that hey, the goddess herself chose to present herself as a woman and changed her appearance from time to time Shapeshifter Sothis real, so why shouldn't you if it makes you love yourself more?

For Veyle, I like to think she takes crafting magic trinkets as a hobby, especially since she's part Mage Dragon. But if I may talk about Fell Xenologue Veyle for a moment, given the very limited info we have about her (that she was stern but kind), I picture her as having a demeanor similar to Evil Veyle outside (More formal and mature speech, seemingly colder demeanor and more willing to get her hands dirty) but with a far kinder heart, even if she's not very willing to show it out of fear that if she lets herself be vulnerable she'll break down. Basically a kid who had to grow up too fast in order to become a leader of her ragtag group of survivors.

20) Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Rhea: Dimitri, Dedue and Claude are what come to mind because they would get her so well albeit for different reasons. Also I'm a Rhea/Annie/Mercie friendship truther and I swear they would work together so well.

Veyle: I'd say probably Timerra due to how down-to-earth and comforting she is!

Also for both of them I think the Nabatean and the Fell fams would and should be close friends with each other 💚💜

25) What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Rhea: I'll go in more detail in the other ask I keep procrastinating, but first impression was that she was just another Emmeryn/Mikoto archetype and didn't think much of her. Now I adore her.

Veyle: Didn't think much of her beyond "cute girl" at first, but now I love her with all my heart and think she's one of the best characters of Fire Emblem!

[littlemisssunshine915]

Sleepless In Exeter

No, I have not been a coma all this time…I’ve been on a journey. A healing journey, a journey of discovery. In the past year I’ve had two jobs, but let’s see if this one sticks. It is almost the end of October. The fall season has been very warm for this time of year. I’m being slightly vague in this entry for a reason. There has been too many details to keep track of these past couple of months. I had a birthday. Did I celebrate? Nope. I worked that day. Let me just say for the record, I am stunned at my resilience and perseverance throughout this whole journey in the past two years. It had to have come with age, and maturity, because in the past I would’ve given up so easily. Not this machine. I have been holding myself up above the flames ever since. I think it’s because I don’t want to let myself down. I’ve carried myself this far that it would be a waste to stop now. I feel like I’m just getting started. It’s crazy how my confidence has changed over time. Even though, I do still have some work to do, and improve a little more. I’m still pretty guarded and closed off. Though, talk therapy has helped. And medication of course- that’s what has kept me balanced and focused. Taking some time to look inward and recount everything I’ve been through thus far has been quite a trip. I’m not going to lie, thinking back on the past is more harder than it used to be. Can’t tell if that’s good or bad. Some moments and memories are so far behind me now, it’s almost comical. The years have become this Rolodex that I keep inside my head. I don’t replay them anymore, but I do romanticize about them sometimes. One thing to note is every moment in time was a lesson learned. They are things I take with me, to continue to grow and evolve. The same goes for people who I’ve met throughout the years. Their impact on me and my journey as I navigated through life. Each one had a purpose. It’s also the same with places. They all hold a special place in my heart whether they are gone or still standing. It’s all a part of my story. Who I was, who I am, and who I’m becoming. And one thing that I’ve come to peace with is the idea of who I thought I would be. Because, it’s not even close. It turned out a little differently. And I’m okay with that. Even though I just turned thirty-eight it’s giving me the feeling of when I was thirty. The beginning of that era was crazy. It’s even more insane that soon it will be coming to an end; and a new era will begin. Eight years ago I was not on stable ground. I depended on others to validate me and had my ego put in check. I was disillusioned with this idea that one person would change everything. It was a reality check. In a funny way, it almost mirrored that of 2006, which at that point had been a decade behind. And even then I was stuck on this idea that someone could-and should-save me from myself. I’m proud of the growth I’ve made. Being more self aware allowed me to make the changes that were necessary to make. I’ve given myself more room to express my inner emotions. And also accepting them, not being afraid of them. In return, I don’t allow others to affect me. I have more boundaries. I’ve also done a ton of self reflection. Accepting the parts of myself I couldn’t change. Being more kinder to myself. Not being so hard on myself. Giving myself space to breathe. Allowing myself to trust my instincts and intuition. And every intention has a purpose. I still have much to learn, and many other decades to live. It just dawned on me, every life you live is in decades. You get ten years to live out that stage in your life, ten ages. For me the start was at 1986 to 1996 where I lived out my infancy to childhood 1996 to 2006, adolescence to adulthood. And 2006 to 2016 adulthood to prime age. 2016 to 2026 prime age to middle age (which hasn’t happened yet, but there’s only less than two years to go) and then 2026 to 2036 which is way ahead in the future, but by then I would have reached quinqugenerian status (please look up that word if you don’t know what it means)

[humantardis1941]

<#980195294262222928>Friday

#michaeldemiurgos

#michaelisadick

Title... Healing at Christmas

Rating... Mature

Warning... None

Status... Complete

Summary... Michael remembers vividly the day he lost his wings and his life changed forever, the victory he so longed for was taken away from him. It was a sunny day in September.

As the remaining months passed, nearing those holidays that drove humans so crazy, his life had become far from cheerful and Christmas wasn't going to change that... or so he thought. The reality was much kinder than he expected, he learned as much about the situation as his brothers did about him.

They say that miracles happen around that time, that the unexpected becomes reality, that winter brings hearts together and resolves long conflicts and grudges. If someone had told him that would happen to him, he would have laughed in their face. And yet, as if by magic, he and Lucifer began to understand each other and recover the bond they once had, Amenadiel remembered that he was his older brother first and foremost, and that was just the beginning.

Perhaps Christmas would bring more than one miracle after all.

Link... https://archiveofourown.org/works/43665153/chapters/109798779