#they weren’t torn when grian and scar got there. when grian read tangos declaration about the house and what it’d become

[canarydarity]

I can’t stop thinking about (mczu) etho and the ranch. He knows theres a tragedy there—likely more than one. He knows the occupants did not make it. He knows there’s a stain on the couch and the carpet too dark to be anything but blood.

But he doesn’t know that it was built by those boys whose lives he’d spared, the ones he found hiding in that closet. He doesn’t know the stain on the couch was SCAR. He doesn’t know it’s where Scar died!! Where grian had to— !!!!!!

He ends up there and he mourns its occupants, because he doesn’t need to know what happened to them to know that they didn’t make it. It’s displayed clearly in the used sheets on an unmade bed, the stack of firewood by the unfinished fireplace, the notebook with the torn out pages abandoned on the coffee table. There’s too much domesticity, not enough paranoia. He knows they weren’t the kind of people who make it in this world. But HE DOESNT KNOW HES THE REASON THEY GOT TO HAVE IT, EVEN IF ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE. EVEN IF THEY DIED ANYWAY.

GOD if the mczu is all about choices (if etho didn’t kill grian because it wouldn’t matter. Bdubs would still be dead.), about decisions and consequences, then THIS choice of his is just as important, no? The ones that lead to positives, to relief, to mercy, even if momentary?

When he’s inside the ranch he cannot help but be affected by the ranchers tragedy without even knowing who they were or why—it’s enough to know they didn’t make it and were never going to. And it’s enough to see what they had and be jealous he’d never been able to have it with bdubs—to wonder if that’s why he’s still here and they aren’t. But the fact stands that without THAT CHOICE he’d made—to let them go—they may not have made it long enough to have had it at ALL, HOWEVER SHORT IT DID INDEED LAST.

AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT!!!

CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!?