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fratboykate · 2 years ago

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I'm totally in support of the writers in theory but I'm trying to understand more of what you're fighting for because I've seen some people on twitter claim writers make more money a week than most of us make in a month so I'm trying to understand what the issue is. Also if that info is accurate. This is a genuine question. Not trying to have a "gotcha moment". I really want to hear from a writer.

people have always had wild misconceptions about how much a writer earns because of their lack of understanding of how the industry actually works. there's so many posts about how "you guys make 5k a week. what more do you want?!" yeah...let's do some math on that.

5k a week for 14 weeks (and that's a long room. a lot of rooms these days are 8-10 weeks. those are the dreaded mini-rooms we're trying to kill) is $70,000. for roughly three months of work. you'd think we're cooking with gas...BUT HOLD UP. that's gross! let's see everything that has to come out of that check:

10% to our agent

10% to our manager

5% to our entertainment attorney

5% to our business manager (not everyone has one but a lot of us do. i do, so that's literally 30% immediately off the top of every check)

most of these breakdowns ive seen downplay taxes severely. someone made one that says writers pay 5% in taxes and i would like to ask them "in what universe?". that doesn't even cover state taxes. the way taxes work in the industry is really complicated, but the short of it is most of us have companies for tax reasons so we aren't taxed like people on w2s/1099. if we did we'd be even more fucked. basically every production hires a writer's company instead of the writer as an individual. so they engage our companies for our services and then at the end of the year we (the company) pay taxes as corporations or llcs (depending on what the writer chose to go with). my company is registered as a "corporation" so let's go with those rates. california's corporate rate is 9% and the federal corporate tax rate is 21%. there's other expenses with running a business like fees and other shit so my business managers/accountants/bookkeepers have recommended i save between 35-40% of everything i make for when tax season comes.

you see where the math is at already??? 25-30% in commissions and then 35-40% in taxes. on the lower end you're at THE VERY LEAST looking at 60% of that check gone. 70% worst case scenario. suddenly those $70,000 people claim we make are actually down to $28,000 as the take home pay. and that's if you're only losing 60%. it goes down to $21,000 if it's 70%.

lets pretend you worked a long 14 week room (that's the longest room ive ever worked btw) and let's also be generous and say you only have 60% in expenses so the take home is $28,000. average rent in los angeles is around $2,800-$3,000. if you're paying $2,800 in rent that means you need AT LEAST $4,000 a month to have a semi decent life since you need to also cover groceries, gas, medical expenses, toiletries, phone, internet, utilities, rental and car insurances, car payments, student loan payments, etc etc etc. and again, this is los angeles. everything is more expensive so you're living BARE BONES on 4k. and these are numbers as a single person. im not even taking having children into account. so those $28,000 you take home might cover your life for 6-7 months. 3 of which you're in the room working. the reality is that once that room ends, you might not work in a room again for 6-9-12 months (i have friends whose last jobs were over 18 months ago) and you now only have about 3 months left of savings to hold you over. we have to make that money stretch while we do all the endless free development we do for studios and until we get our next paying job. so...3 months left of enough money to cover your expenses -> possible 9 months of not having a job. this is how writers end up on food stamps or applying to work at target.

this is why we're fighting for better rates and better residuals. residuals were a thing writers used to rely on to get them through the unemployment periods. residual checks have gone down from 20k to $0.03 cents. im not joking.

they've decimated our regular pay and then destroyed residuals. we have nothing left. so don't believe it when they tell you writers are being greedy. writers are simply fighting to be able to make a middle class living. we're not asking them to become poor for our sake. we're asking for raises that amount to 2% of their profit. TWO PERCENT. this is a fight for writing even being a career in five years instead of something you do on the side while you work retail to pay your bills. if you think shows are bad now imagine when your writer has to do it as a hobby because they need a real job to pay their bills and support a family. (which none of us can currently afford to have btw)

support writers. stop being bootlickers for billion dollar corporations. stop caring about fictional people more than you care about the real people that write them. if we don't win this fight it truly is game over. the industry as you know it is gone.

#wga strike #writer's strike #hollywood #anonymous #answers #myposts

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bleeding-star-heart · 1 year ago

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"Hey," you said to the man who was currently curled up in a ball on the ground, "Do you need to go the hospital?" "What's it to you?" the man spat, a tiny bit of blood coming out of his mouth as he did. "Shouldn't you be running to the police by now?" "Well...I would have called the police if you hadn't stolen my cell phone," you pointed out. "But since I'm clearly never getting either my wallet or phone back..." You pointed to the end of the alley, where not one but two pairs of thugs had now escaped after robbing your mugger. The first had managed to relieve him of the gun after shooting him in the arm and beating him up. From there, all the second pair of thugs had had to do was, ironically, point a gun at your mugger, just like he'd pointed a gun at you. "You might as well help me?" the mugger scoffed. "Fine time to be altruistic." "You robbed me," you replied, moving towards your injured mugger. "And I'm not exactly impervious to bullets. Or baseball bats." You lift him up and then grunt, "As it is, you're lucky I can teleport." And with that, you teleport to the nearest hospital, exposing the blue scale-like formations on your skin in the process. "You're a mutant?" your mugger coughed. "Why didn't you use your powers earlier?" "Having powers doesn't mean you can fight crime," you explained as you moved towards the hospital doors. "And even when it does, the police aren't always appreciative." "Well, yeah," your mugger murmured. "Supers tend to be less racist than they are." "In this case it's more that novice superheroes can get in the way," you told him, not bothering to argue. "And since the bullet followed me into the teleportation field after, I can't blame that. You grimaced as you remembered that one attempt of yours to fight crime. That bank robbery had just been a disaster from start to finish. "So, you'd have been shot anyway," your mugger remarked as you opened the hospital doors. You nodded, then turned to the nearest clerk and yelled out for help. Surprisingly, the hospital staff were unfazed by the blue scales dotting your otherwise human skin. Instead, they took your mugger away for medical treatment, and sat you down in the waiting room. Whereupon you filled out paperwork regarding medical insurance and payment. And afterward, a doctor came out and assured you: "Your friend will be fine, give or take a couple days to recover. But...what happened to you." "We were jumped," you told him truthfully, "He got the worst of it." The doctor simply nodded, as if he'd expected this sort of thing. Neither mutants or muggings fazed these people, it seemed.

[Side note: the amount of 'this is just real city X" in the notes is a bit alarming. Especially since this prompt is supposed to be an exaggeration]

The crime rate in this city is so bad the guy who just robbed you at gunpoint got mugged twice before either one of you left the alley.

#writing prompts

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kenni-woodard · 2 months ago

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So many generation wars on Facebook with posts about how "millennials and gen-z don't want to work" or elder generations talking about how they had to "bust their asses" to get everything they have now. Like...

I'm just trying to figure out why people are treating people who "don't want to work" as though they're in the wrong for that? Lmao working is HARD. You have to deal with people who don't care about your well-being at all. Depending on what type of work you do, it could be physically demanding and / or exhausting - even desk jobs simply because sitting in a chair all day is bad for the body. Also depending on what you're doing, you might not even be contributing to society in a way that's in alignment with your personal beliefs - I work at a bank. I spend my whole day supporting an application that traders use to make more money for themselves, corporations, and the bank itself. So I don't feel like I'm really making a difference in anything. But I took the job because I need to pay my bills. And I keep the job so that I can have insurance to help me with my incessant medical issues. All of which make me tired AF. Which results in me not having the energy to find something more in line with my values. But also the things that are more in line with my values don't really pay well enough for me to live comfortably. So there's that. If I had the health to work multiple jobs I would do it that way but I don't.

Why would anyone want to have to experience any of these things? Even the elder generations themselves - having to bust your ass for the things you wanted / needed? You wanted to do that?

I don't have a problem exchanging goods or services for the things I need in life. I just think that pretending that working harder than anyone should have to is desirable is ridiculous. Especially the way things are valued financially - at least in this country...it makes it really hard to feel motivated to devote 40+ hours a week of your time to working. Like no, I don't *want* to do that. And I'm not less of a person for admitting that. Especially since we live in a society in which people don't want to *pay* people what they are worth in terms of what they're contributing to society. A society in which a certain subgroup of people get to determine the value of another person's creations and contributions.

Teachers aren't getting paid enough. Entertainers...they probably aren't getting paid what they used to. Farmers are probably not getting paid what they deserve. Libraries have to fight for every dollar they spend. Artists may or may not get paid what they deserve - I'm seeing some videos about how they need to supplement their income with a 9 to 5 which, in some cases, can take away from their ability to create. Artisans have to defend their pricing choices all the time because people don't value their work, probably because of industrialization and the fact that most consumers are probably tight on what they can buy because they, too, aren't getting paid enough. So they can only afford to purchase the mass made, low quality stuff.

I could probably go on but I'm tired. I just wish that we focused on sustaining one another, caring for one another the way we did before industrialization and the advancement of technology. Not that things were perfect back then, or that technology is bad. The jury is still out for me on the industrialization front ;_; like yay for making things easier but if it's at the expense of the planet and at the expense of the health and well-being of communities as a whole...not so much.

I am just thinking about the times when people could get paid for hands-on work with measurable, tangible outcomes, rather than sitting in front of a computer screen doing stuff virtually all day that ultimately would be absolutely meaningless if something turned off all the electricity in the world suddenly. We are making machines do everything for us and, as a result, we are devaluing the human more and more every single day. We are actively coding our way out of existence. Or at least, the working class is getting coded out of existence.

Which brings me to something else - the fact that there *is* a "working" class that is shamed for not wanting to work as if there isn't an entire class of people who don't exploit the working class so that they don't have to work themselves 🤦🏾‍♀️. The hell? "Nobody wants to work anymore-" no YOU don't wanna work anymore and so you're trying to make me feel bad about wanting to live a more balanced life instead of working myself to the bone so that you can sit there in your fancy clothes and sunglasses on the beach in a far away land instead of doing your own work. It's usually managers or store owners (or rich people who don't want to do housework or other things) complaining about people not wanting to work, as though they are there wanting to do the work they're trying to hire people to do. If you wanted to do it you wouldn't be trying to hire someone else to do it. So you don't want to work either. At least not in that role. So how do you get to treat people worse for not wanting to do the same shit you don't want to do?

Like can we stop acting like working hard for something is glorious? It's not. Maybe I feel that way because I'm disabled. And I'm constantly fighting ableist thoughts and comments from others who want to say things like "this disorder is not an excuse" or "I have this disorder and I climbed Mount Everest and made it back to work on time so you're just lazy" - like...I don't even know anymore. No, I don't want to work through feeling like absolute garbage every single day. I don't want to disregard my mental health to make someone else richer. I don't want to do that.

#long post #kenni rambles #this probably makes zero sense #i am just pissed off and yapping

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meadowsystem · 2 years ago

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I hurt. TW

I'm so mad and I just wish life wasn't so hard.

Truthfully I feel like I'm watching myself like a ghost lurking behind my body's every move. The unsettling horror as you know your at home, but when you wake up you feel as if your someplace else. Horrified by how you feel but also knowing the facts and things aren't adding up. The bight sunny room I woke up to wasn't sunny to me. But they told me it was just me and that the sun was out and it's beautiful outside. I honestly don't remember it this way. To me it looked like a filter where the edges we darkend, a filter one would use on snap chat. But this wasn't a sexy picture.

This morning I woke up and thought I must be in a dream because it has been wave after wave of being held down. I couldn't breathe. my biggest fear. After having someone to clarify some pieces, I infact was not dreaming and my life horrors are very real.

I'm doing the best I can but I feel like I've run in the wrong direction. Others tell me how good I'm doing but I don't see it. They see me fighting discrimination with cases and consistent open communication.

My communication has gotten better. I have enforced boundaries to keep myself safe. I begged those to be honest with me, as I cried. How have I gotten better but feel as if this life isn't worth it to me. I'm doing it but it doesn't feel any better.

Panic sets in

The world isn't safe for me. I carry this weight and still have a broken heart for everyone else going through darkness of their own.

Alone I stand

My life is breaking all around me. Fighting to know why I hurt so deeply for things that affect others. I don't fight for myself, I fight for others.

Begging anyone to tell me how to fix it.

We weren't prepared for being an adult in school. Who do I turn to? Who can help me?

I'm in chronic pain. The doctor thinks it's not so bad. Take a Tylenol.

I do have pain, there are days my body hurts so badly I pass out. Times my body has failed me leaving me stuck on the ground, mentally spinning ... later diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. My pain is real! My chronic pain often sitting at a 4/10.

All of the times I was told it isn't so bad, it's growing pains, your too sensitive, your too young to be in pain.

But of course that cannot be all ... since I'm not spicy enough.

The position I am in this country is not allowing for me to be better.

DID, PTSD, BPD, CVS, IBS, GAD, agoraphobia, Severe depression with extreme depressive episodes, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Soliosis, Autism, ADHD, Severe asthma, Bulimia, Binge eating disorder, more then likely EDS and who knows what else or if I have forgotten... add symptoms of disorders and side effects of medications.

Finally at this point trying to cope with all these disadvantages in a world like we have today.

This world of restrictions is incredibly ablesit. Getting fired for being sick to often, but I cannot get the help I need as I don't have medical coverage or financial stability.

I ask my parents why they brought me into this world.

"We wanted to have you, no matter how you came. We love you sweetheart."

Thinking about how I said to my therapist I wish I was aborted.

I grieve in my home alone for the system lied and failed me.

People can be incredibly horrible. The lies told in school have sheltered me while young, but when you grow up your told to figure it out. But who can I ask for help? How do I navigate how to survive?

I ask my parents, who do I talk to? Who can help me in this world where these disadvantages of mine prevent me from being able to work. The lack of work preventing me from having financial stability. The lack of financial ability to pay for the proper healing. The lack of financial ability for medical insurance. If only I could have the help I need to heal and cope in this world today.

Who do I talk to? How do I navigate these struggles?

My parents reply "I don't know".

What a slap in the face. You wanted me no matter how I came, but you were unable to care for me. My health on the decline.

How can I survive? Unable to work, but also unable to get the needed help to get back to work. My parents remind me of all the money they spent helping me. But I didn't ask for this, I had no choice.

Others in my family say at least your parents have helped you...

Mom, dad, I'm in debt. I have been placing my $500+ monthly medical needs on my credit card.

My doctor said to take 4 months off then we would have it controlled enough to work... it's been almost 4 years now.

Still fighting

But momma said "I love you, God only puts you through trials you can handle. It's all for a reason."

If he loved me why would he test me, watch me in pain and struggle with no life raft in this world who is at war.

Bang

Silence. Carry everything you can. Drag it if you have to. Accomodations are only given to the financially blessed.

War

Quietly strangling the weak in their sleep. Only the strong will survive. Strength alone isnt enough. But money can buy all that is needed to win this war.

Bodies pile up, king of the hill becomes reality.

But how could you? How could stand so tall when others are being crushed below?

Others stand with the king. If they are worthy the king will give you all you need. But worthy stops when you are poor, disabled... different.

This isn't the life we were told. Growing up learning of our great country.

Your obligated to be here for those who love you ... but there is this lump in my throat feeling that just won't go away...

Why am I being told love is pain and that's okay because it's what you make of it.

I didn't make this life for me. I was just born into it.

#economy #world hunger #homelessness #emotionally exhausted #falling apart #left behind #touch of the tism #empathy #mental illness #equity #equality #welfare #disapointment #no support #chronic illness #disadvantages

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outrunningthedark · 2 years ago

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re: being disabled and the "freedom" it gives you / sometimes having a diagnosis makes it HARDER for you. i was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease and before i had an official diagnosis and it was just AN autoimmune disease, i had access to medications because they were approved for "autoimmune" but now my only option is methotrexate (chemo) because tnf inhibitors aren't approved for my diagnosis. and even if you do get meds from doctors, it can take a long time to find the RIGHT one.

(Thank you for sharing your experience!) I guess it's because I've never *not* been disabled - the whole reason for a CP diagnosis is because an infant is not reaching specific stages of development at the age they're "supposed to" - but I have never (and probably will never) understand people who speak as though checking off a box will solve their problems. Yes, getting answers lifts a gigantic weight off of your mind and body because you finally have a reason for why you move, act, or feel a certain way.

But beyond that? Learning how to proceed isn't a quick fix, and some people wonder if they'll ever "get it right".

As you mentioned, maybe a diagnosis helps you get access to medication, but who says the first time is the charm? And what if you need to fight with your insurance provider to cover any of it? (What if they don't?) Maybe you're like me and find yourself needing to suggest medications to your doctor because their approach is "this is just part of the deal". (I am on a OAB medication for my neurogenic bladder because I pushed to speak to an actual urologist to get another opinion. Still trying to get solutions for my stomach other than invasive surgery.) Maybe a diagnosis gives you the permission you thought you needed to start using a mobility aid. That mobility aid should be abut you and your feelings only, because nondisabled people will not become more sympathetic to your struggles. They stare. They question why you need it. Whether you "really can't" do things that you say you can't. And when you're young and disabled? You'll hear how "surprising" that is. (It's not just the folks you'll see out and about, btw. You want those gov't benefits or outside help? Get ready to tell total strangers all your business so they deem you "disabled enough" to qualify. But there's no guarantees you'll get what you want in the end.) Simply put, the attitude from nondisabled people makes me feel icky. You know why those of us that are fortunate enough to have decent health insurance and/or financial support to survive got help? Because we don't do the same things as everyone else! If we worked, the gov't would say "you make too much money". And for many of us, the finances we receive only help us get by. Vacations? Nah. Buying things "just because"? Not unless we *want* to go broke before the month is over. And, oh, btw, if you do qualify for assistance and want to get married? Good luck making a decision on what means more to you (are you willing to risk reduced or canceled benefits?) because we still don't have real marriage equality. TL;DR Having a diagnosis, getting the validation you were seeking can be an empowering feeling. Everything that happens in the aftermath? Not so much.

#anonymous #tina speaks

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ironcmoniker1 · 3 years ago

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Plateau

I've plateaued in my mental health journey.

There was a few years of having my mental illness essentially run my life. It was about two years, and I was repeatedly hospitalized. For the past two years or so, I've been on a slow, but steady progress recovering.

I've written the first draft of a novel. I'm 90% of the way through the second draft. I have an editor I want to work with when it's finished. I need to finish it, but I'm procrastinating. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to find out it's terrible. I'm afraid to be told I don't have what it takes.

This really shouldn't matter. There are tons of books I've read that really aren't very good. I've read best sellers that weren't very good. A lot of very successful writers write the same book, repeatedly. To be clear, I don't want to write a best seller. I want to be able to support myself through writing. That's it. No changing the world. No best sellers. I don't really care about that stuff, I just mentioned best sellers because apparently, you don't have to be a GREAT writer to be able to make a living. I just want to make a living. Maybe I don't have a great novel in me, that's fine. I'll write the best novel I can, and see what happens, but holy fuck am I scared of hearing I'm just a terrible writer, at the same time.

I'm currently on disability. It's not enough to live on. I'm fortunate enough to have a family member who let's me live with them. If they didn't, I'd be pretty severely fucked. I could maybe afford a really shitty efficiency apartment, and not really eat. I couldn't afford health care, because the state I'm in decided the deductible for me to qualify for "assistance" with medical costs is about $200 less than what I get in disability. My health insurance, until April when I will have been disabled for two years, is $500 per month. I couldn't afford both health insurance and a place to live, if it weren't for my relative allowing me to live here.

Maybe it seems insane to look at this situation and say, "Well, I'm going to write to make money." In fact, I'm relatively sure it does. The thing is, I can't do anything else. Everything I've done in my life, all my other skills are geared toward sales, customer service, etc. and I can't work with the public anymore. I've had two life altering experiences with violence that basically boil down to men feeling uncomfortable about their masculinity and needing to use violence to give them back whatever sense of power or control they feel they've lost. I can't really do the general public anymore. My fight or flight response is a bit too highly attuned to men being insecure about their masculinity.

I used to be great with people. The thing I've realized in the last few years though, is that I was great with people because I was terrified of them. My experience with violence as a kid, and then having a few male role models who were given to unpredictable bouts of rage, basically put me into a position where I spend every second monitoring strangers for their level of comfort and ease. I got preternaturally good at reading discomfort because what I learned was that if I could head off whatever the discomfort was, I could keep people calm and be able to engage with them without being subjected to rage, aggression or violence. It's become something embedded in my being. I subconsciously do it. I'm reading body language, speech patterns and intonation, breathing, all of it. I didn't even knew I did it until I got sent for some sales training and I was like, "Why are you trying to teach me to be alive? I can't not do this." It just took a few more years, two of which were spent in and out of psych wards, to figure out why I'd always done it and why I can't stop.

That's the other part of it. It's not healthy for me to be doing that anymore, especially for the amount of time a full time job requires me to do it. It's literally the thing which ends up driving me crazy. Especially now, where everyone is so keyed up for conflict by so much of the media and environment around us. When homie starts screaming and throwing a fit about having to wear a mask, and I'm the person employed to have to deal with that, it's not going to go well. It's going to be real bad in the moment, and then it's going to wreck my mental health for weeks after. If someone were to get violent with me, which is happening for people in sales and customer service more and more, I'm not exactly sure what that's going to do to me, either in the moment or in the long term. In the moment, I might hurt someone, badly, because I'm fucking terrified. Long term, it might mean a backslide into more hospital stays etc. I can't really do it. It's not worth taking the chance.

I don't know.

This plateau with my recovery is kind of a good thing, I know that. Forward progression doesn't always mean "getting better." Sometimes it involves periods of just being okay where you are. At the same time, I have some kind of sense that if I'm not progressing, if I'm not getting better, mental illness is going to catch up with me, so there's a restlessness. And still, I also recognize that is a crazy making proposition. No one can be "getting better" every single moment, every single day, every single week. Sometimes, there has to be stasis.

It feels kind of like living on a train track. I've gotten far enough ahead of the train to be able to chill for a minute. The train is still back there though. It's still coming. I'm not sure how far back it is either. I think it's pretty far back, but I've been wrong before, and when I'm wrong, it means I have to do this fucking mad dash to put some distance between us. It becomes an emergency. This is what it feels like to be trying to tend my mental health, just always trying to keep ahead of a train which will run me down if I stop for too long.

I'm basically resurrecting this Tumblr to be able to write about what's going on with my mental health journey and my maintenance of my mental health etc. I don't really have anyone to talk to, so I figured talking to myself and whispering into the void isn't the worst possible option.

Also, I recently watched Wolf Like Me and if looked at as a metaphor for mental illness, it was pretty good. I liked the way it portrayed what it's like to have a mental illness, and trying to meet people, and then that doing the maintenance can mean you can have a good life. There's also a bit in there about how introducing people into your life can mean changes in how you maintain, but also that your mental health can be affected by those relationships, and kind of specifically how loving people can mean threats to their well being can effect your well being.

Josh Gad and Isla Fisher are pretty great together, and there are some moments which got genuine laughs out of me, which never hurts either.

#mental health #mental illness #habits

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vivavinni · 7 years ago

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March 17th, 2018 KC - Mental Me.

Today I don't have anything inspirational to say. I am not in love. I am not politically charged (though I should be.) I'm not even sure I can successfully organize what's been going through my mind, but I need to give it a try.

I saw and shared this post on Facebook today:

This post is so closely relatable. I was the kid who survived multiple suicide attempts; I vacationed in multiple hospitals. I am now the adult who feels ill equipped, unprepared and lost.

My dad died when he was 26 years old, I was 6. Growing up, for me, was much different than most of my friends. My mother was a single parent my entire life. We were always moving, paycheck to paycheck. She did everything she could to keep a roof over my head and keep me alive. We are lucky enough to have a supportive foundation. Our family is a good size, very loving and strong. (This is something I never let go of.)

During years 6-10 I dealt with a good amount of anger and sadness. A great deal of my young childhood is a blur, however, I know for certain I was difficult. I remember I needed certain things to go certain ways to feel mostly comfortable in my skin. (Example- my socks had to be folded over perfectly and fit inside my shoes just right, before I left for school. If they were crooked or slightly uneven I would have a meltdown.) I was and always will be chubby. Even then, I had a lot of small and large insecurities that worried me constantly.

Anxiety, what a friend. He sits right next to Depression, she's always crying about something and obsessing over death.

After years spent fighting my mom about going to counseling meetings and follow ups for learning how to grieve after your best friend and father dies, we thought, "maybe the worst is over..." That was not the case.

A few years passed, maybe age 10-12, and I refused to continue counseling because I didn't understand why I had to do it when none, or most of my friends didn't. I didn't want to be so different, but I was and always will be (and that's okay now). Life seemed relatively normal, I had to adjust to having a new baby sister (which was difficult at first, life moves on). I established a few good friendships and mostly excelled in school. Family gatherings were always a highlight. I was fortunate enough to go on a few very cool vacations to new places which is great fun!

Now, at this point it seems light, happy and chipper, however, I grew up with an obsession with death and all things strange and dark. Keep this in mind. I was weird but hey, I made a couple weird friends so it wasn't too terrible. My favorite shows at this time were CSI: Las Vegas and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. I also loved gory horror films, thrillers and weird anime. Neat!

Let's fast forward to year 2005, September (already a stressful and emotional month after 9/11/01, my uncle Marc lived only ten blocks away when that occurred but survived well and helped with clean up,) I was a month away from age 14, I believe, I was emotional. I was becoming; I was confused, awkward, angsty, dramatic and a little crazy. Found my way to cope with my friends Anxiety, Depression and new friend Hypermania by way of experimenting with different forms of self harm. You guessed it, I was a cutter and I dabbled in an assortment of substances.

I digress, it's September in 2005, my baby cousin is turning 3 years old, he's gonna have a party! I had the option of staying the night with family or staying with a friend, I chose my friends. The night before my baby cousins birthday party, my uncle Steve (baby cousins father and also my father figure), went to have a beer with someone he thought to be his good friend in need. He, tragically, was wrong. This man shot my uncle twice in the back, as well as committing other atrocious acts before attempting to flea the state.

This event spiked a long downward spiral which eventually led to an uphill battle and this very moment.

I was devastated. My whole family outraged, distraught, grieving, but together. Mental me, lost sight of 'together'. I was lost. I felt alone, hopeless, a nervous wreck, and guilty for choosing to stay with friends instead of family. This turned into depression and suicidal ideation, attempt. I was done, loss of purpose, "what's the point?" Extinction.

My first full hospitalization came after months of self-destruction. It was a very unpleasant experience for me. I was admitted to Research Hospital in their youth psychiatric care unit. They cut my favorite shoelaces off my favorite pair of shoes, striped me down to nothing, heavily medicated me, and told me not to worry. Most of my experience is veiled and distorted by medicine haze. However, I distinctly remember the nurse who was in charge of pm phone calls to home tell me, "I've seen a lot of kids like you, you'll be back again," or something to that effect. After my interaction with her all I remember was turning autopilot on to get myself out of that hospital as quickly and smoothly as possible. I said I felt better, "The meds must be working, I'm working on my steps to release, I'm ready to go home." I lied. I lied my face off. I wasn't ready, the meds weren't right; fake it til you make it out, right?

I stayed in out-patient for a little while with different doctors, different medicines. Faking it to make it. I eventually stopped going and stopped medication. I went through counseling on and off. And continued to self-harm and experiment with different substances. School, to me, was pointless. I stopped showing up, I skipped, got into trouble and eventually made the decision to drop out. For me, school was useless anxiety on top of my generalized anxiety, depression and hypermanic episodes. I was trouble, I was troubled. (Mom, I am so sorry for putting you through so much on top of everything we went through together.)

My mom and I had always had a rocky relationship. It was difficult to relate and be open with her. I'm not entirely sure why it took me so long to figure out she was always on my side and wanted what was best for me. I have some ideas why, but at this point in time they aren't pertinent because now I do have a very strong bond and great deal of respect for her. She loves me unconditionally, as I do her. Through ups and downs and hospital visits we became best friends. I am so grateful for it.

Since the loss of my uncle, I began the journey of my diagnosis and treatment but, not before finding out that my father died of a genetic heart condition called A.R.V.D. My grandma was diagnosed with it as well and has been treated and monitored. I decide, with my mom, that testing for this heart condition was important. In and out of hospitals I went! I was put under multiple stress tests in different variations (one of them I was put under anesthesia for.) Eventually, a temporary heart monitor was placed in my chest for further testing and then I lost insurance.

Here I am! Mental me, years later, without insurance and a dead heart monitor in my chest that should probably be removed soon.

Years have passed. I was hospitalized again after several years of self-harm, destruction, medicine and indulgence. Somehow, I met a few good friends and partners along the way that stayed by my side and helped me after this much brighter stint in the KU Med psychiatric ward.

My KU experience was much more helpful. I took it seriously and learned a great deal about myself, my issues, coping techniques; I learned and accepted that sometimes, hospital visits are necessary and beneficial to mental health and well-being. I knew after that visit that when I am at the point of severe or suicidal ideation there is a safe place to regroup, learn and get better.

Friends, it has taken years and years on this journey to get to this exact moment- Where I am the adult who may be a bit behind because I never planned to make it this far. Here I am! Mental me!

I have been off medications and out of hospitals for nearly four years. I've been through therapy and could always use more of it. It can be helpful. Reach out! Seek the help. Sometimes it will be easier than others to take that step, I know, but keep reaching. Find health coping that works for you. We are not alone even in our most isolated darkness.

When I started writing this I said I didn't have anything inspirational to say because this is all just a piece of my story. I think it's time for me to start sharing it. This is not finished because my story isn't over. And it's true, I never thought I would make it this far, but here I am, MENTAL ME! Let's keep going.

The darkness is temporary, the struggle is constant and the fight is forever. Please, keep fighting, help me fight.

With all my love,

-V

#stayherewithme #stayherewithus #suicideawareness #believeinstayinggold #artsaves #evenifitkillsme #keepreaching #seekhelp #TWLOHA #love #life #selfcare #selflove #beyou #getweird

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lavendeerlesbian · 2 years ago

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Ten stages to genocide which you haven't explained at all and you haven't linked me to any sources still. Which trans laws are you referring to? The ones that trample over women's rights to single sex spaces and sports? The ones that make it hate speech to even talk about sex-based oppression and eliminates women's free speech? The ones that make it illegal to even organize any kind of single sex gathering which harms lesbians and gay men on top of women? The laws that argue for genital "corrective" surgeries for children that intersex people have been fighting against for years? The ones that are allowing sex offender males into women's prisons so they can rape and assault female inmates and staff? The ones that are pushing for identity changes being allowed, even in the cases of men on sex offender registries which helps them avoid putting themselves on said registries and helps them to offend again? The ones touted as "trans healthcare" which has nothing to do with regular healthcare for trans people and has everything to do with affirming surgeries and hormones which goes against the Hippocratic Oath? The laws that fight for those procedures to be covered by health insurances which takes resources away from real disabled people that need actual life-saving medicines and surgeries? Those trans laws?

Saying "science evolves, sex is a spectrum because I say so" does nothing to convince me or anyone else on the planet. But yeah let's just ignore that sex-based oppression exists and erase thousands of years of oppression against the female sex! That is definitely how reality works. Intersex conditions also are literally medical conditions, there is no imaginary medicalizing going on.

So like just for the sake of clarity here, are you agreeing that the sex work industry is harmful and should be abolished? Also, even if you claim it's just because transwomen are in sex work (which is a lot less common in the US as opposed to say Brazil by the way), what about all the cases of convicted sex offender transwomen who are placed in female prisons, rape and assault female inmates and staff, serve their sentence, and as soon as they are released identify as men again? Are those women just acceptable casualties for you? Also I literally provided you with sites that log trans crimes and has news articles with individual names and faces attached... Which adds up to hundreds of examples (at least 300) of transwomen who aren't in sex work and who are commiting violent and sex crimes against mostly women and children. Which makes your whole point here moot.

Storme was a butch lesbian and did not identify as a man. She is part of LGB history which is not part of the T. And y'all are twisting the narrative, Fred Sargeant became a cop because he saw how awful cops were and wanted to help change the system. But I have to give you props for not mentioning Malcom as a transwoman who threw the first brick at Stonewall, which is what most of you TRAs lie about. Anyways, Fred Sargeant is protecting gay rights and if you consider his sign "transphobic", then that means the trans narrative is inherently homophobic. Crying transphobia at homosexual people for being homosexual is homophobic.

Okay so animals have neutral sexes and no gender identity which you agree with which is why we used sex based pronouns. And for some reason you cannot also apply that to humans (who are also animals by the way) because you care more about gender identity. You can't treat sex as a neutral thing that only describes what type of body you have. You have to make it about stereotypes or feelings. That is sexist. And also upholds gender and does nothing to abolish it, by the way.

Lol nah you said it in bad faith because you cannot wrap your head around actual rejecting of gender and come to the most convoluted and confusing conclusion which is anyone can claim they are anything instead of just recognizing reality.

How do terfs know that gender is purely a social construct, push the belief to get rid of it, and not see the irony of enforcing pronouns and other gendered terms?

They are legit a part of gender and gender expression. A butch lesbian can preferrably go by Sir and still call himself a woman as much as he can wear a tux and cut his hair short.

Like, I know it's probably because there's a focus on being anti transgender before anything, and when one of the common methods to show acceptance is asking for pronouns, they want to push against it. It's so contradictory though.

"They're based on sex!" Tell that to LGBTQ history and culture that was around before either of us were born. Might as well tell me that women can't wear pants while still claiming to be against gender roles.

#long post #bad faith arguments #trans lies #the moment you admitted you believe sex is a spectrum was the moment I knew it wasn't worth talking to you #there is no conversation to be had and we will never agree #so I am going to let this be my last response #also for future reference if you can't explain why something is stupid and you just call it stupid #it sounds like you can't actually prove anything and are needlessly insulting to make yourself look better

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zebra-warrior · 4 years ago

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Being sick having medical advocates is very necessary. Oftentimes no one wants to believe you or do things because you request it so you need someone there to back you up and fight for you whan you aren't strong enough. My biggest advocate currently is names Alex. She is my specialists wife. She's not afraid to argue with insurance companies and tell hospitals how it is. She doesn't only speak out on my behalf but for all of us with EDS. She has come in on ber days off to fight for me and spent almost entire days on the phone with my I insurance arguing with them and negotiating a solution. Even if it's a temporary solution she won't give up and continues fighting for a perminant one. She had given me contact to various government officials and encourages me to speak up. If I have to file a complaint due to my lack of care she us usually right beside me filing a complaint with medical evidence on my behalf against the same facility. My insurance tried to deny me coverage for their office and she fought tooth and nail for that and has been fighting for almost a year to get me into a brain and spine surgeon and geneticist. She knows a lot of us are on our own. And like me, may not even have families able to fight for us due to a lack of knowledge on their part so she takes that place. She knows we're sick and can't always advocate for ourselves as well as we would like to simply because were weak, were tired, were sick and we settle it give up. She won't do either which is why she's my best advocate.

#myEDSchallenge #myHSDchallenge

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ongames · 7 years ago

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Trump Wants To Roll Back Birth Control Access. Women Aren't Having It.

The Trump administration is poised to roll back an Obamacare mandate that requires employers to cover birth control for female employees, according to a draft rule released this week.

Democratic leaders have called the move “sickening.” The American Civil Liberties Union said it would fight the rule in court. And women across the country who have come to count on being able to access a broad range of contraceptive options without a copay were outraged, taking to Twitter to share their personal stories.

Used to pay roughly $1200 a year for the pill. Now I pay nothing. Would love for it to remain the case. *smh* https://t.co/hwRWqPd4xH

— Hugh Madson (@sweet_epiphany) May 31, 2017

ACA meant I could afford my long term implanted bc (implanon!) and let my husband and I focus on paying off our debt before having kids. https://t.co/XVWwEXaRfe

— Meagan Lopez (@MeaganMCrowe) May 31, 2017

HuffPost Women spoke to 12 women about how the Affordable Care Act’s birth control mandate has affected their lives, and the many reasons why they rely on birth control. Here are their powerful stories.

Alexandra, 31, got an IUD after being raped:

“I wasn’t on birth control when I was raped at 19. It was the scariest six weeks of my life as I waited for my next cycle. I have an IUD now, which I got 10 years after my rape when I was a staff member at Planned Parenthood. I’m on medication to treat several autoimmune disorders and cannot get pregnant.

Birth control is more than a contraceptive to me; it helped me regain control of my body after someone robbed it from me. I was able to get my IUD covered through the mandate. In three years, when I need a new one put in, I know I will not be able to afford to pay out of pocket. It would be a financial burden, but my Mirena is part of my medical treatment—just like the other medications I take.” —Alexandra Dukat, 31, New York

Anonymous, 23, needs birth control to help manage her PCOS:

“I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is an endocrine disorder that causes a host of problems, like painful cysts, weight gain, insulin resistance and diabetes, acne, exhaustion, brain fog, vitamin deficiencies, depression, anxiety, and trouble getting pregnant, just to name few. My birth control prescription not only helps keep all of those symptoms at bay, it allowed me to finish a bachelor’s degree in three years because I was able to actually function.

The day that the Obamacare birth control mandate went into effect, I cried at the pharmacy counter. I wasn’t really aware of what was happening ― I was in college, still on my mother’s insurance and was accustomed to forking over $20 of my $100 monthly grocery budget for the pill. It was such a huge relief to know I would be covered at no cost. I am worried now, knowing that as I search for jobs in the post-grad world, that I could wind up in a similar situation ― or worse. I hear people say, ‘Well, you shouldn’t go to work for a company that wouldn’t cover your birth control at 100 percent.’ As if every person in the country gets a million options for employment. As if this won’t turn into a slippery slope of non-religious employers opting out of the mandate just to cut costs.” —Anonymous, 23, Texas

Danielle, 26, needs birth control to get out of bed and function:

“I have been on birth control since age 16 due to incredibly painful heavy periods and ovarian cysts. The pain was so terrible that a couple days every month I would be bedridden. The paramedics even had to come to my home because I would often hyperventilate from the electrifying pain and pass out.

With birth control pills, my pain is almost entirely gone, and so are my cysts. I can participate in life. Birth control lets me rock my career, explore and try new activities and travel the world with my love—plus, I don’t want kids. Not now, not ever.”—Danielle Chandler, 26, California

Anne, 40, needs her birth control to be covered or she’ll have to have a hysterectomy:

“I was grateful for the coverage mandate when I began taking birth control pills while undergoing infertility treatment. Before two separate egg retrieval operations, I needed to take the pill to prevent natural egg release. Infertility treatment is extremely expensive, and we were desperate just for that little bit of financial relief. We were already extended, and it was just a bit more that we didn’t have to take out in a loan.

While our attempts to have a baby were ultimately unsuccessful, my doctor is currently considering birth control pills to help manage an issue with recurring uterine fibroids. Without coverage, I will likely have to resort to a hysterectomy as I cannot afford additional monthly medical expenses.” —Anne Hunter, 40, Illinois

Katrina, 35, takes birth control to lower her cancer risk:

“I’m a BRCA carrier, like Angelina Jolie, who lives in fear of ovarian cancer. If a pill means that I can lower the chances of meeting the fate of my family members, I want that pill. I took it for 10 years and have also used an IUD. I also recently had my tubes removed. All of my birth control choices, from the pill to surgery, were covered by my insurance.

The idea that my BRCA mutation, which I may have passed on to my three daughters, could already be considered a preexisting condition is stressful enough without knowing that the one thing that is non-invasive and can help reduce their risk can be taken away as well.” —Katrina, 35, New Jersey

Kelsey, 24, needs birth control to function and she can’t afford $100 a month:

“I’ve been on birth control since I was in 8th grade. When I got my period, I bled for almost two whole weeks every month and remember having constant spotting. Schools only were allowed to administer so much ibuprofen, Tylenol before I was turned away and was eventually sent home because I couldn’t sit upright in my desk chair.

I’m now 24 years old and have never stopped taking birth control. I have an active sex life with my long-term boyfriend. We are both college grads with crippling amounts of student debt and rely on my birth control being free every month. We don’t want to have to decide between $100 for a prescription or $100 for food for the month. I’m scared. I don’t want my coverage of birth control to disappear. Will I be able to continue working if the unbearable cramps return with the two-week periods? I don’t know—and I don’t want to find out.” —Kelsey, 24, Kansas

Lynnsey, 25, needs the NuvaRing to manage her endometriosis:

“I rely on contraceptives to manage my endometriosis. After complications and a surgery to remove an ovary, I’ve finally found a doctor who knows how to keep my symptoms at bay, and that includes taking birth control.

Without the coverage mandate, I wouldn’t be able to afford the medication that prevents my endometriosis from getting worse and damaging other organs. I currently use the NuvaRing, which would cost around $130. I would not be able to swing that much each month.” —Lynnsey, 25, Wisconsin

Devina, 23, uses birth control because she never wants kids:

“I’m 23 years old and have always known I never wanted kids. The free birth control my employer’s health insurance provides makes that happen. My mother, who was not so fortunate to have easily accessible birth control, had me at a young age and raised me on her own and went through struggles I will never know to ensure she could not only provide a promising future for me, but for herself as well (she got a Ph.D. in math).

With the current contraceptive mandate, I know my reproductive future will go exactly the way I want it to, and that I can stay as happy in life as I am right now. Before, I had to pay a $40 co-pay every month. I could afford that, but other women cannot.” —Devina Alvarado-Rodela, 23, Arizona

Nicole, 28, worries she won’t be able to afford another IUD:

“I started taking pills I believe when I was 13 to track my periods and make sure they didn’t interfere with swim meets. My periods meant horrible cramps, so knowing what meets had conflicting dates with my cycle was really, really helpful.

Eventually, I switched to an IUD, which was paid for in full by my insurance. I need to replace it next year, and I’ll admit I’m a little nervous—I’m not sure how much a replacement will run me. My fiance and I have talked about it and I’ve agreed to go back on the pill if that’s more within our price range. While I’m sure we can afford some form of birth control, I’m sad that price might mean limiting some of our options.” —Nicole, 28, Florida

Anonymous, 23, got better birth control through the ACA:

“I’m young. I work three jobs and can barely make ends meet. Having a baby now would ruin me financially, probably for the rest of my life—not to mention how it would impact that child. I rely on birth control because I don’t think I should have to take a vow of celibacy just because I’m not financially stable yet.

Before the ACA, I was on the cheapest generic birth control I could get—it cost me about $10 a month out of pocket. After the election, I scheduled an appointment to get an IUD and it’s looking more and more like I made the right decision.”—Anonymous, 27, Missouri

Mandie, 31, needs birth control to help with PMDD:

“I depend on birth control to help with my acne, to combat PMDD (which is an awful, super-sized version of PMS) and to curb cramps. I already pay about $30 a month out-of-pocket on other prescriptions, so it’s really nice that this has been free and available to me. The kind I take isn’t cheap—well over $50 a month without coverage. Without insurance, I’d never be able to afford it.” —Mandie, 31, Wisconsin

Sarah, 29, already has three kids and doesn’t want another:

“I choose to use an oral birth control pill because I currently do not want to have another baby (I recently had my third child) and I do not want to get an abortion, though I am pro-choice. I’m fortunate that the contraceptive coverage mandate doesn’t affect me, because my medications are fully covered under military health care. Unfortunately, that is not an option for everyone.” —Sarah Peachey, 29, currently based in Germany

Accounts have been edited and condensed.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Trump Wants To Roll Back Birth Control Access. Women Aren't Having It. published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY

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yes-dal456 · 7 years ago

Text

Trump Wants To Roll Back Birth Control Access. Women Aren't Having It.

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The Trump administration is poised to roll back an Obamacare mandate that requires employers to cover birth control for female employees, according to a draft rule released this week.

Used to pay roughly $1200 a year for the pill. Now I pay nothing. Would love for it to remain the case. *smh* https://t.co/hwRWqPd4xH

— Hugh Madson (@sweet_epiphany) May 31, 2017

ACA meant I could afford my long term implanted bc (implanon!) and let my husband and I focus on paying off our debt before having kids. https://t.co/XVWwEXaRfe

— Meagan Lopez (@MeaganMCrowe) May 31, 2017

Alexandra, 31, got an IUD after being raped:

Anonymous, 23, needs birth control to help manage her PCOS:

Danielle, 26, needs birth control to get out of bed and function:

Anne, 40, needs her birth control to be covered or she’ll have to have a hysterectomy:

Katrina, 35, takes birth control to lower her cancer risk:

“I’m a BRCA carrier, like Angelina Jolie, who lives in fear of ovarian cancer. If a pill means that I can lower the chances of meeting the fate of my family members, I want that pill. I took it for 10 years and have also used an IUD. I also recently had my tubes tied. All of my birth control choices, from the pill to surgery, were covered by my insurance.

Kelsey, 24, needs birth control to function and she can’t afford $100 a month:

I’m now 24 years old and have never stopped taking birth control. I have an active sex life with my long-term boyfriend. We are both college grads with crippling amounts of student debt and rely on my birth control being free every month. We don’t want to have to decide between $100 in a prescription or a $100 of food for the month. I’m scared. I don’t want my coverage of birth control to disappear. Will I be able to continue working if the unbearable cramps return with the two-week periods? I don’t know—and I don’t want to find out.” —Kelsey, 24, Kansas

Lynnsey, 25, needs the NuvaRing to manage her endometriosis:

Devina, 23, uses birth control because she never wants kids:

Nicole, 28, worries she won’t be able to afford another IUD:

Anonymous, 23, got better birth control through the ACA:

Mandie, 31, needs birth control to help with PMDD:

Sarah, 29, already has three kids and doesn’t want another:

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2rv1szV from Blogger http://ift.tt/2rZ5GAf

#http://www.happiness2arab.tk/2017/06/trump-wants-to-roll-back-birth-control.html

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imreviewblog · 7 years ago

Text

Trump Wants To Roll Back Birth Control Access. Women Aren't Having It.

The Trump administration is poised to roll back an Obamacare mandate that requires employers to cover birth control for female employees, according to a draft rule released this week.

Used to pay roughly $1200 a year for the pill. Now I pay nothing. Would love for it to remain the case. *smh* http://bit.ly/2rJB2v2

— Hugh Madson (@sweet_epiphany) May 31, 2017

ACA meant I could afford my long term implanted bc (implanon!) and let my husband and I focus on paying off our debt before having kids. http://bit.ly/2siX3ht

— Meagan Lopez (@MeaganMCrowe) May 31, 2017

Alexandra, 31, got an IUD after being raped:

Anonymous, 23, needs birth control to help manage her PCOS:

Danielle, 26, needs birth control to get out of bed and function:

Anne, 40, needs her birth control to be covered or she’ll have to have a hysterectomy:

Katrina, 35, takes birth control to lower her cancer risk:

“I’m a BRCA carrier, like Angelina Jolie, who lives in fear of ovarian cancer. If a pill means that I can lower the chances of meeting the fate of my family members, I want that pill. I took it for 10 years and have also used an IUD. I also recently had my tubes tied. All of my birth control choices, from the pill to surgery, were covered by my insurance.

Kelsey, 24, needs birth control to function and she can’t afford $100 a month:

I’m now 24 years old and have never stopped taking birth control. I have an active sex life with my long-term boyfriend. We are both college grads with crippling amounts of student debt and rely on my birth control being free every month. We don’t want to have to decide between $100 in a prescription or a $100 of food for the month. I’m scared. I don’t want my coverage of birth control to disappear. Will I be able to continue working if the unbearable cramps return with the two-week periods? I don’t know—and I don’t want to find out.” —Kelsey, 24, Kansas

Lynnsey, 25, needs the NuvaRing to manage her endometriosis:

Devina, 23, uses birth control because she never wants kids:

Nicole, 28, worries she won’t be able to afford another IUD:

Anonymous, 23, got better birth control through the ACA:

Mandie, 31, needs birth control to help with PMDD:

Sarah, 29, already has three kids and doesn’t want another:

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://bit.ly/2rJWZKt

#Healthy Living - The Huffington Post

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