#they were all like a dollar from a scrap yard i love them

[autistickaitovocaloid]

Finally dusted my figure shelf so here's a kind of blurry photo of it.

[feralmoonlight]

Doordash AU Lore

Condensed Soup Version for your reading pleasure~ This was flailed over discord last night in a stream of consciousness into the delirium of sleep and goes from legible and readable to 'what are you typing??' levels of writing. Spellcheck was... not used a lot. Enjoy!

Sun survived the Fazbear Fire ending but was junked and picked up by random dude that tinkered enough to get him fixed to the point he could finish fixing himself. Sun and a very feral moon were... 'grateful' for being saved, but dude just wanted to use them as a side hustle for income basically and guilt trips them into working to 'pay him back for saving them and the electricity it takes to keep them charged'

Hence, doordash. Getting sun to be able to drive was easy enough, and dude just linked his own bank with the account so any pay out goes straight to him. The boys basically get pennies for their work because they don't really have a full sense of money or the outside world, but Sun 'likes' getting to explore while delivering and while they'd love to work with kids, well... Dude won't let them go until they pay him back. So they technically are under the assumption he owns them like fazbear did. A little pushback but 'if it weren't for him, they'd still be in the scrap yard'. And it's way better than being locked away in solitude again.

SO, one day they do a deliver for Reader, quiet anxious shut-in artist hermit type that thrives online but is basically terrified of the world beyond their home. Very relatable cough

BUT YN is like. Holy fuck that's a robot???

And Sun is like HELLO! Here's your food! Wanna chat? What do you do? How was your day?

To which anxiety YN blurts out they're an artist and Arts and Crafts King SUN is like YOU LIKE ART? I LIKE ART? and corners them for about 15-20 minutes talking their ear off while they're basically frozen because too awkward to tell him to leave, and he's not being WEIRD just REALLY TALKATIvE but it seems to be making him happy??

And then he gets another delivery and has to go anyway.

WhICH... OK cool that was weird but something to remember and forget about later.

Until a few weeks later when they order from a similar area restaurant and get Sunny as their delivery dude again, recognizing it immediately as him and actually having a more 2 way convo this time?

And it starts off slow, little short convos between drop offs and Sun wants to stay and talk more but it gets waved off at first. BUT YN keeps trying to work the system and get him back as a delivery dude for short chats.

Friendship builds and they start working out how to get the delivery as the last of his shift time so he can talk longer and longer, but he always leaves before the sun goes down too far, because Moon worries

Which eventually something happens and Sun knows he's not gonna be able to make it back home before dark, so he VERY anxiously asks if he can stay the night and makes up a thing about not functioning well in the dark. Sunshine and all that. 

SO he gets to stay and they have a longer chill evening and he watches YN work on some commissions, and then they watch a non-fazbear movie and just chill. Which he's ABSOLUTELY BLOW AWAY by a non-fazbear movie

and YN wants to introduce him to different shows and stuff, so these little sleepovers (lights on) turn into a more regular almost weekly thing.

But eventually the fun time gets caught and Dude gives Sun a call about where the fuck is he with the car? Where has he been? And sun apologizes and has to leave, but it raises questions about who that was.

WHich takes us to catalyst point 1, of 'man, that guys a dick. you don't take that much energy to charge -motions to electric bill that only budged a couple dozen dollars' and learning he takes all sun's earnings.

Now, you might be wondering... WHere's MOON in all this? How does MOON feel?

Well, Moon doesn't trust anyone at this point. Between fazbear, the vanny incidents, and this fucker, he is VERY skeptical there's not some ulterior motive, and he wants to test it. But Sun is getting very attached to YN

And he's already made moon lowkey promise to behave in case the lights go out from the first night, cause they haven't done anything bad yet. But he's still IFFY.

BUT LOW AND BEHOLD, the fabled power outage arrives, and YN doesn't know MOON is a thing.

It's a short one, and Moon POORLY tries to pretend to be Sun in the dark, but he's very... itching to fuck with YN. WANTS to harass them so bad, but... he said he'd behave.

But the lights come on, and Sun is a little panicked, but YN brushes it off like he was scared of the dark? Though he didn't sound scared a moment ago? Maybe it was something else that spooked him?

BUT things continue and the more YN hears about dude, the more they want to beat his ass(they wont, they're not bold like that) and get Sun away from him... which... he might have a gps on the phone and car that they use, but not on Sun. All he'd have to do is like... not go back? and he'd be free

which alarm bells MOON with the though YN just wants to use them the same way dude did to get more money cause at this point it's obvious to them both that the only things YN really spends their extra money on is food delivery and thats about it. they don't buy 'stuff' but they enjoy eating good food from different places, and they've been ordering a lot more lately as an excuse to see Sun.

SO moon convinces Sun to let him 'test them' and their resolve

Let him out, let him have some fun. And hoo boy. He definitely makes himself a threat, but he did still promise not to HURT hurt them.

BUT he has to test limits. Push buttons. He doesn’t really want to hurt YN cause they have genuinely been nice and he wants to think they’re being sincere in their attempt to help them, but there’s always that grain of salt. They thought the other human was trying to help them but they were just getting used for free income. What’s to say this 'starving artist’ won’t do the same? So he does the chase song and dance, the threats, minor injuries to see if it’d be enough to scare YN into showing true colors…  And they ARE scared, but they also know Sun at this point. Even if Moon is gonna be shitty, and they say as much, Sun is their friend, and they aren’t gonna let him go back. Even if it means putting up with Moon.

WHICH HURTS, but in a way that warms his heart sorta. Like.. OK OW? But also deserved. He’s not done poking the bear, though, but again, bit by bit he goes from full gremlin mode to spikey roommate to soft nap lord. With gremlin habits still. He wouldn’t be moon if he wasn’t a pest sometimes.

BUT like, OK. SO MOON DOES HIS MOON THING

and he's surprised YN has so much... pushback to not let him get to them, but also seems to have this genuine urge to help Sun just to help him?

Which means now Moon has to repair the relationship, but Sun is also excited that Moon is going to TRY to be nice now, not just because he asked him to, but because... If they ARE gonna be trying to live with them, as friends, that first impression needs to get undone

Which he points out also it's NOT their first meeting, but... YN doesn't pick that up at first

SO we have the 'become friends with Moon' arc starting as well as the actually stealing Sun... which is easy enough. They drive back to dudes house with YN and just... leave the phone in the car, and take the bus back home.

which leaves YN in a lowkey panic because agoraphobia

BUT they'd do it for their friend. The injustice of what happened is stronger than their own fears, and getting back home results in a nice little cuddle session because yes. Which also would end up in them falling asleep and sun shifting over to Moon and moon basically having a 'I WILL NOT ADORE THEM oh fuck' moment too

WHICH brings us to the midway point... Sort of.

Because now YN is taking care of them, or rather, giving them somewhere to live, rent free, and eating the cost of their electricity upkeep which is... not horrible but more than expected... so they're now having to go grocery shopping regularly (ew) and essentially cutting their food budget in more than half to make that difference, cause taking on new commissions is already stretching their work load.

There's a small talk of why YN doesn't have a different job, and there's some talk of... not trauma, but just... really bad experiences? They wouldn't call it trauma, but they DO NOT want to have to get a 'normal job' again. Which is hard for them to understand from an AI perspective, having job stuff programmed into them with the daycare and security things

BUT then YN talks about how if doordash felt 'right'... and it did not. it was 'ok' but it wasn't what they were made for

But they're also realizing that they ARE sort of... taking up a decent amount of what was YN's 'spare money'. which was NOT safety net worthy but it was enough for them to be comfy

SO they start feeling guilty. Doing little tasks around the house, but it's not enough, TO THEM, to make up for the new burden they're putting on this FRIEND that CARES about them.

SO... They want to get a job.

But how

Their options are VERY limited, and probably gonna have to be under the table

They don't need to make a LOT, but YN basically tells them they will NOT do doordash shit again.

There's the possibility of doing private babysitting? But getting parents to agree is... weird...

They do the random attempt of going to a few parks and letting sun do his thing with the kids, but there's a mixed response of 'what the fuck, a robot?' and 'ok who's the freak that brought a bot to a playground? is this some kind of sick joke?'

But there are a few parents that don't immediately freak out.

YN talks to some of them and explains that he used to work with kids until their daycare burned down and he was thrown out, a bit of a twist on the official happenings but believable enough.

And one parent takes the bait,  agreeing it'd be nice to have someone watch the kids after school for a bit before they got off work some days, so they'd try it out. For a very cheap fee, but still.

It's a step in the right direction, and their kids area already on board with having Sun as a temporary caretaker. YN is gonna be with them, but they can take their art shit wherever so Sun handles this kids and YN just babysits the babysitter XD

They let sun and moon keep all the money they make and only take what's offered from them, and insist they should hold on to some of it for anything they  might need for future repairs. There's a lowkey friend argument but agreements are made

They gather a few families that are on board with their services, and eventually things even out. But one parent mentions the daycare their tiny child goes to is actually pretty short staffed. They can't afford to hire on anyone else at a normal pay rate, but if they treat it like 'renting a piece of machinery' a phrase YN is pissy about, then they could probably pay a similar rate to the babysitting gigs but as a 5 days a week guaranteed time thing?

Which there's a back and forth on how that might be risky, but the fucking starry eyed glee from Sun, and moon actually, about getting to work with a daycare again is something they can't fight against. And so the approach is made.

And accepted

As a trial run, at first, but things go well and they become a welcome part of this little daycare, and can handle the tasks of two or three employees easily. It's far less chaotic that the sugarhigh crazed children of Fazbears, and it's the happiest they've been in a long time

wait.

what's that?

everyone is

happy?

>w>

Heheh

GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS

fazbear still owns them

Well

Sort of

Fazbear still owns 'Sun and Moon' as trademarked entities.

Dude still owns them legally as salvaged scrap.

And Moms just LOVE posting weird shit on facebook.

Knock KNock we're here for your robot

Time to RUN from THE MANZ

Thankfully still no tracker, and THANKFULLY Fazbear isn't actually as invested as the news would lead people to believe? But that dude? oh that dude is PISSED as FUCK

He ends up being the more unhinged danger time for YN, because it was DEFINITELY YNs FAULT 'their robot went rogue'

Fazbear's is lowkey keeping tabs, but after that plex burned down they'd already gotten the insurance from the BS that happened, and technically getting such a... mmm 'tampered with' AI would be a pain in the ass to recode

They're lowkey interested in him as spare parts, but the news media covering this from the dudes side, and then eventually uncovering the harrowing rescue and plight of the 'mistreated robot that just wants to take care of kids' has the story quickly turning on it's head.

Fazbear's watching all this too, and they're... intrigued that Sun and Moon still have such a strong drive to care after the incident... they're swapping to wanting to study this...

They weren't the only bot that 'survived', but they're the only one that made it to the 'outside'

BUT BUT BUT

they study

they watch this drama unfolding with the curiosity of a cat watching a mouse in a maze

they COULD pounce, but... they could also learn from this. they see money in them hills

ANd the media is EATING this shit up

but it does come down to it that Dude finds YN and Sun/Moon (time undetermined at the moment) and they're... separated enough that he CAN rough up YN a bit. Not enough, but enough that it sends YN off running and Dude books it cause he doesn't want the police involved after making a BIG no no of assault

he knows he fucked up, but YN is now hella shaken and Sun/Moon shows up shortly after. MOON is very livid and wants to go hunt this dude down like a dog. Sun ALSO is on board but... that would not do any of them any good, so it's comfort the reader time.

Little bit of wound tending, mostly bruises and a fucked up wrist.

yep.

That one. They aren't drawing for a while because fuck you thats why

But again, the place YN went to for safety is on the phone with police and the media hears about this dude attacking them, and HOO BOY... BUT yn doesn't press charges because...

MOSTLY they dont wanna deal with court shit?

BUT his own actions are enough to kind of scare him off from intervening again

he knows he fucked up, and the info is ON the NEWS now, and he's waiting for the arrest warrant to get served but it never does.

This is now a bigger issue and not worth the hassle

he's got a nice fucking chunk of change though from them doing door dash for like 10 hours a day for.... months?

just sitting in his bank

which mF is gonna have to pay taxes on lmao

bitch doesn't know it yet cause he didn't think that far ahead. he's an asshole. a clever one, but not a smart one.

SO it's into the wind down of wondering when Fazbear is gonna try to come swoop in and steal Sun/Moon back from YN. or rather, back from their freedom. And it's NOT long after that they do get a knock on the door from a fazbear rep...

This is about where the end gets hazy though. Cause I don't wanna do the whole convo, but it boils down to, they're very intrigued that 'the ai,  Sun, and Moon, have adjusted so well to life outside of the plex.'  And they want to use that. The knowledge that they can expand outside of just 'entertainment'.

This isn't the 'birth of the ai revolution' of sorts where robots are everywhere... they already are somewhat, but very... simple versions. More advanced things like the animatronics are few and far between, and highly monitored in their selected environments (the pizzaplex). But letting the more sentient ones adapt to working at things like stand alone daycares, theme parks, maybe as traveling shows that go on tour, or other possible branch locations with different uses is very interesting to the higher ups

They want to monitor Sun and Moon, how they conduct themselves, and how people respond to them 'out in the wild', so to speak.

"This new idea is... groundbreaking. And we just want to observe... For now."

The long side eye is LONG, but... LEGALLY they could snatch the boys up without a second thought.

So they take the offer.

Fazbear is gonna offer no help, aside from possibly medical costs because they want to build a 'friendly face for the enterprize' as well as feel slightly responsible for YN getting hurt by not stepping in sooner and making their presence known to The Dude TM that he was out of his realm from the start.

There's some wariness from all parties, but...

It seems things will work out

uwu

The end.... ?

Possibly the end

it has room for expanding into the actual watching portion but that's what I have so far and is a POSSIBLE stopping point

[elopez7228]

Scenic Route 6/47

Read on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268208/chapters/43229774 

Start over : https://elopez7228.tumblr.com/post/620919089893933056/scenic-route-0147

“Why name her BB8?”

“She was the eighth of a litter—we tried to call her anything else but that’s all she would respond to, so BB8 stuck,”

Rey was happy to give the dog a few scratches. The big ball of affection didn’t hesitate to throw an old tennis ball at her feet, along with a sock, a rubber duck, and even a fork she had pilfered from the kitchen in place of a stick.

The duck squeaked as she grabbed it, and Rey burst into a laugh of pure joy. How could she have been so mistrustful of an old woman who owned such an adorable dog?

“Why did your brother leave you his dog?”

“She was injured by a hit-and-run and I rushed her to the vet, but he eventually had to leave her to get back to his professional obligations at the time. It hurt him to leave her behind but we both knew she was in good hands. Since then I’ve been looking for an opportunity to take her back, but I’m in no shape to make the journey myself anymore.”

Rey said nothing as she watched the charming dog go round and round on the carpet as she waited for Rey to play with her some more. Leia put down her steaming teacup.

“So, Rose sent you, right? Are you close friends?”

“Not at all, actually. I just happened to be at her café at the right time. We talked a bit, I mentioned my travels and my personal life, and she said you have a job to give me,” Rey chuckled, going a little red.

“I was worried it was a con—drugs, guns, something illegal. But everything’s alright, I love BB8. I’d love to take her on the route with me, she’ll be good company. Always a good idea to have a dog when travelling solo. “

“Well, I’m not sure she’ll be an effective guard dog, you know,” Leia smiled.

“Oh, no worries, her presence is enough, at worst she’ll be more bark than bite! How urgently would I have to take her to San Francisco?”

“She’s already six months late, a few more weeks wouldn’t matter…are you comfortable with the detour?”

Rey tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she adjusted her topknot, ruminating on her response.

“I wanted to go up to Yellowstone National Park, and then Montana. Take a trek, do some rafting or some horse riding, something like that. I also wanted to check out some ghost towns, see a rodeo, maybe a powwow? Then make my way down to Idaho and Nevada. Take my time, you know. Would that be a problem for BB8?”

“Not as long as she makes it back to Luke—my brother—in one piece,” Leia waved a hand dismissively, “I’m sure it’s going to be a lovely trip. I wish I was your age so I could go globetrotting too,”

Rey laughed, glancing from one photo to another. “Weren’t you in the army? I’m sure you traveled a lot…on that note, Rose mentioned a car?”

Leia got up and motioned for Rey to follow her. “Yes, it too belonged to my brother. You’ll need to take it to California too, and it’s not doing quite as well as our friend BB8. I’m afraid it’s not exactly the most recent make and model,”

Rey followed Leia outside the house. They were taking a walk, it seemed. BB8 trotted along happily, occasionally snapping at the insects circling in the plants. It sat in a five by five plot of land in the middle of the garden on the other side of the house. Rey had mistaken it for a supplementary garbage disposal unit. An oldsmobile cruiser—exactly like the ones that at one point had been the very height of the 70s. It screamed vintage, from the boxy silhouette to the oversized bonnet which was as long as the boot itself.  The car had been white at some point, though the paint had certainly faded. It was complete with brown accents and a classic wood motif on the side, which made Rey cringe. She turned to Leia with a disapproving look.

“You have got to be joking here.  I thought your brother left you this hunk of junk to dispose of at some junkyard, not to give right back to him,”

“Well then,” Leia huffed, “all the more reason to do it, right? You know me, if he wanted to make a trash compactor out of me I really want to see his face when this baby shows up in his driveway again.”

Rey wasn’t sure if Leia was about to make a huge mistake. “This thing surely isn’t functioning anymore, is it? You’d make more money selling it to a junkyard than letting it collect dust in your garden.” Rey looked around again, “You could plant a lovely vegetable garden or whatnot instead, I’m sure you have a green thumb,”

“It was my husband’s,” Leia said wistfully, and Rey realized that she wasn’t kidding. “It was his pride and joy, he would fix it up himself back in the day. He loved that thing so much. And the life we had, all the crazy things we would do in that car…I didn’t have the heart to scrap it, it would be like killing him all over again.”

“He died? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you—“

“It’s fine,” Leia said, running her hand across the side panel in a gentle caress. “You had no way of knowing. He and my brother went the whole nine yards in this thing. It’ll get back to him somehow,”

“Alright, fine,” Rey conceded, “I understand, I’ll take the hunk of junk and the dog to San Francisco, no worries.  Do you have the papers as well?”

“Yes, they’re inside, let’s head back,”

After reviewing the vehicle registration and the owner’s manual (all of which were still up to date, not that she would have bet so) and following multiple assurances and other formalities, Rey found herself feeling something new inside. This would give her the solo road trip she always wanted, and an adorable dog to keep her company, in literally the most vintage American car she could have ever imagined.  She had always been a good driver and a car person, so she looked forward to driving a proper stick shift. It had been a good while since she last drove one and it only added to the excitement of the trip. Against all odds and expectations, Rey was actually quite a clever and resourceful  mechanic, thank you very much. She knew how to change the tires and the oil, and how to identify the source of most engine trouble. Simple things, really, but things that she would almost certainly have to do with this car. As for the rest of it, she would definitely have to invest in a good pair of sunglasses and a very wide-brimmed hat because the interior wasn’t air-conditioned at all. And water. Lots and lots of water. Maybe even a jerry or two of motor oil and petrol. And an emergency kit in case she really did get a flat tire. She was finally beginning to get goosebumps about this. Nevertheless, one detail remained to be settled.

“Pardon me if I’m being too frank Leia, but Rose mentioned some compensation, is that right?”

Leia was currently reassembling a dossier full of documents that Rey had decided not to take. She put it down gently. “Yes, I’ll be providing you with 500 dollars up front for your services. That should also cover the gaz change. Luke will give you the rest once he’s sure that BB8 is safe and sound.”

One thousand dollars wouldn’t cover all Rey’s costs, what with meals and motels and extra gaz. But she could make do, considering that a few days ago she was looking at spending twice as much just to loan a car. It would work out. It didn’t have to be a job per se, it could be…community service, absolutely.

Rey nodded, and Leia closed the dossier with a soft click.

“I’ll leave tomorrow then,” Rey said, deep in thought, “It’ll give me a whole day to make some purchases for the rest of the trip. Would you mind if I took the car? It could be a test drive as well…”

The afternoon was filled with what could only be called intense shopping. Her list consisted of mechanic’s tools, camping gear, sunblock, ration packs, a first-aid kit, dog biscuits, and even a cheap mountable stereo. She then purchased several CDs for the long road ahead, including a three disc deluxe album of the one and only KYLO & THE KNIGHTS OF REN, which she would no doubt regret impulse-buying later.

The car was at best dusty and stale, despite the little tree-shaped air freshener hanging from the front mirror. Too little too late to undo a decade’s worth of rotting in Leia Skywalker’s garden.  Rey took it upon herself to take it to a carwash and have it cleaned from the inside out. There was no telling what they would find. Earlier she had found a toy in between the back seats—a shiny red racecar that she’d shoved into the GB.

Getting ready took up most of her afternoon. She packed the car up with all her supplies and even made a little “doggie corner” for BB8 in the back seat. It was complete with a crochet blanket in case she got cold, a food bowl, her squeaky rubber duck, a tennis ball, and a single shoe. Everything was ready by the time that Leia called them back inside for dinner.

It was as though Rey was at her own grandmother’s house, despite the fact that she had only really known the woman for a couple of hours. She came back into the cottage to find a steaming bowl of spaghetti waiting for her. After a long day’s work, it was truly heaven.

“So, do you know Rose well, then?” Rey managed to ask after she had finished stuffing her face and regaining her strength.

Leia took a while to respond, prompting Rey to wonder what was so hard about the question. Finally, Leia raised her eyes after a long moment of reflection. “She and I both operate in a charity organization based out of Denver. That’s how I know her.”

“Oh! What kind of charity? meals for the poor or something?”

“Not exactly…”

Rey waited politely for an explanation but Leia seemed reluctant to answer. She pressed on, “Well? Come on now, surely you could elaborate a little?”

“It’s called Earth Soldiers,” Leia responded suddenly. She wasn’t smiling anymore, much to Rey’s surprise. “You could call us a group of…hardcore environmental rights activists.”

“So like GreenPeace? Protesting power plants-and chaining  yourself to property sort of activists?”

“Sure, you can think of it like that if you want,”

Rey was all full belly and drooping eyelids by then; she failed to notice the tension building in the room.

“But isn’t that dangerous at your age? Can you still attend the happenings or whatever they are?” Rey continued.

Leia’s gaze hardened imperceptibly. “I’ve spent my whole life fighting and I want to go down swinging,” she replied.

“Ah, I see. I imagined that after a life as full as yours you would have liked to take a break, but everyone is different, I guess,”

In response Leia simply began picking up her own empty plate so that she could start attending to the dishes. Rey tried her best to help by drying the dishes afterward and putting them away. Later, after spending a few minutes on her phone, Rey yawned loudly and excused herself for the night.

“Sorry, I should probably get to bed. May I set up the camping tent in the garden?”

“Just set up in the living room, that way you won’t get cold or have to take down a tent tomorrow. And you won’t have to hear the drunk ravings of the neighbors next door,”

“Alright, BB8 and I will leave after breakfast in the morning, goodnight Leia,”

“Good night, young lady.”

Rey rested her head on her new inflatable camping pillow, curled up snugly in her brand new sleeping bag. The carpeted floor would do for now. She was going to have to get used to sleeping on the floor soon. BB8 curled up into a ball too, sleeping on the couch after realizing that her dinner bowl was nowhere to be found (it was still in the car). Rey fell into a deep sleep. This was the first night she had not been anxious about the future, barring of course the night she was too drunk to remember—that didn’t count.

Late into the night, a coyote wandered the sleeping trailer park, an unfortunate shrew in its jaws.

Much further away, in the heart of Denver, Ben Solo performed another concert at Howl at the Moon, and Rose left the night shift at the Night Owl Café to her sister, Paige.

Their next door neighbor George Watto had started his nightly ramblings no later than three in the morning, eventually falling asleep at his own front door, fully dressed and armed with a beer bottle like a true American hero. In the quiet little cottage next door, Rey slept soundly in the living room while Leia found no sleep in the bedroom next to it.

Tomorrow, she would send that girl off to Luke in San Francisco. It was too late to go back. After years of careful political maneuvering, her entire life’s work hinged on the whims of a random British tourist who decided to vacation here of all places. What if they discovered her little honey pot scheme? What if they laid a hand on…

It was somewhere in the middle of this tiring web of entirely disquieting thoughts that Leia Skywalker fell into a short and fitful slumber.

[ofheroesandvillains]

First Impressions - Bucky Barnes

Bucky Barnes/Fem!reader

Words: 1.5k (a super short one for once!) Warnings: None. I’ve posted something similar to this years ago, so if it seems familiar that’s why :) Summary: Bucky meets his girl’s parents for the first time.

(Gif not mine!)

When you’re done swimming please don’t forget to take the wine out of the freezer, I love you! 

Those were the final instructions you had given him before you went to pick your parents up from the airport. It was the first time he would be meeting the people that had given him the incredible woman he’d been dating for the past 6 months. No pressure.

The early morning had been spent cleaning your house - you wanted it all perfect for your parents after not seeing them for so long. You had reassured him that they were nice, friendly people and that he had nothing to worry about…and then you gave him a long list of things to do that made it seem like he definitely did have something to worry about.

“It’s okay, they’ll love you! Just be yourself…well, maybe not, I mean…be yourself, just maybe dial down the sarcasm…and don’t make any sex jokes, definitely no to the sex jokes. In fact, maybe don’t even mention sex, or touching, or…beds?”

He snorted. “Don’t mention beds? Damn, I was really looking forward to that conversation.”

“See that? That was the sarcasm I was talking about.” You looked at him pointedly, but couldn’t help but chuckle when he shot you that million dollar grin.

Their flight would be landing just after midday so Bucky has spent a few hours in the pool, enjoying the warm, sunny day and getting lost in his thoughts after putting his washing out to dry. His future in-laws (and hell yeah he was certain of that fact) were from Chicago, and if they were anything like their daughter, then Bucky was looking forward to meeting them. It would be nice to finally-

Oh no…

He cringed when he heard a shout come from over the fence. If there was one thing he didn’t like about your house, it was your neighbour. Your young, single, male neighbour who Bucky was convinced took any opportunity he could to interact with his girl. The only thing Bucky disliked more than him, was the annoying pug that he'd released into the backyard. The very same pug that would somehow ‘magically’ find its way into your backyard all the damn time. And if by some chance it did manage to stay in its own yard, it would never stop barking.

Bucky wasn’t stupid, he knew what the neighbour was trying to do. Every time the dog ended up in your yard, he would have an excuse to look over the fence and flirt with you. Sometimes the little pest would even steal things and carry them back home too! Ugh. He hated them both.

Not this time, pal. 

Bucky closed his eyes and sighed in irritation when he heard the familiar yapping. So much for relaxing before they arrive, he thought. With another dramatic sigh, Bucky paddled his inflatable donut to the steps of the pool, before getting out and drying off. It was nice having some time off from training and travelling with the team. 

Bucky didn’t get to see you as often as he would like, but he was working up the courage to change that. He’d been wanting to ask you to move in with him for a long time, but this was his first serious relationship and he didn’t know when it would be appropriate.

The timing felt right, it’d felt right for a while…but he didn’t want to freak you out, even if you were usually the calmest person he knew. You would say yes, he was almost 100% sure of it, but it was the ‘what if’ that made him hesitate.

But that wasn’t his concern at the moment. Instead, he took the wine out of the freezer and made his way upstairs for a shower. Usually you would stay at his place, so he didn’t keep too many of his things at your house…which was probably why he had completely forgotten to take a change of clothes with him into the bathroom. Earlier in the morning he’d washed all of the clothes he kept in his designated draw of your dresser and put them all out to dry in the warm sun.

He groaned at the thought of going back downstairs. With a towel hastily thrown around him, Bucky made his way outside and started gathering his clothes. It was all well and good…until he felt the towel being viciously ripped from around his hips. He dropped the pile of clothes with a startled yelp and quickly stomped on the edge of the towel to stop the little monster from getting away.

“Oh no you don’t!” Bucky growled.

The pug was practically foaming at the mouth as it growled right back, eyes bugging out and angry that Bucky was putting up a fight. It was no match for his strength, but the damn thing was so stubborn he could hear its paws scrapping against the large tiles in resistance. He could also hear the edges of the towel tearing, and the pug went stumbling back when it was finally ripped out of its mouth.

“Aha! Got it, you little mutt!” 

Bucky held the towel over his head in victory, that wide loveable grin on his face. The pug scampered away, and Bucky froze in his tracks when he turned and noticed the three new faces staring at him from the other side of the glass sliding door. His girlfriend’s jaw had all but hit the floor, and while that was usually the reaction he was going for when naked, the sight of the two people behind you had him quickly wrapping the towel back around his hips. He must have been 10 different shades of red when he realised that your parents, the ones he was meeting for the very first time, had seen him…all of him.

Bucky could have sworn that your mother’s startled gasp echoed throughout the whole neighbourhood, and then she was collapsing into the arms of the man beside her. Your dad cried out in panic, finally drawing your attention attention. You still didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the fact that you’d just witnessed your man locked, butt-naked, in the most intense game of tug-of-war you’d seen to date.     

“Bucky…”

“Uhhh…I can explain?” He tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace.

Steve was never gonna let him live this one down.

“You know, that went a lot better than I thought it would. I think they like me.” 

Bucky smiled, looking awfully self-satisfied. You knew he was just glad that his little show hadn’t condemned him in the eyes of your parents. They were actually very cool people, he found out - that must have been where you got it from. They had even joked about the whole situation all night long.

“Yeah? I’d like you too if you showed up on my doorstep naked when we first met.” You joked, settling into bed beside him.

“Hey, you said not to mention sex, or touching, or beds…and I didn’t.” He smirked and pulled you into his arms, your head resting on his chest.

“Oh, I’m sorry that ‘don’t play naked tug-of-war with the neighbour’s pug’ wasn’t on the list, I’ll be sure to add it next time.” You laughed sweetly and pressed a kiss to his bare chest. 

“At least you gave Lawrence a good show…” You nodded your head in the direction of your neighbour’s house even though neither of you could see it. 

“He’s been asking me to set him up with a sexy superhero for months.” You raised your brows pointedly.

Bucky eyes widened.

“Wha-? You mean he’s…?”

You laughed at his bewildered expression. “Of course! Why else would he always send his dog over here? You know he named that thing ‘Barky’ to match your name, right?”

Bucky snorted, unable to hold back a laugh.

“And that is one of the many reasons you should move in with me.” He held his breath for a moment, not knowing where that came from. He hadn’t even thought about it since morning, but it was out there now.

“Oh I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” There was a teasing tone to your words that made him silently sigh in relief. You propped yourself up on his chest to look up at him. 

“My mom is already convinced that ‘that well-endowed boy’” he snorted, “will have me pregnant by the summer.” You added in a scandalous whisper. 

“She did not say that.” He laughed in astonishment.

“You have no idea…don’t worry, I told her you wouldn’t know how to use that thing even if you tried-ah!” Bucky quickly flipped you over, admiring the stunning smile he was graced with and cutting your laugh short with a kiss.

“Liar.” He whispered against your lips. “But if you need a little convincing, I’m all for a demonstration...” He cocked a brow, never one to back down from a challenge. You smiled.

“Mhm…consider it a reward for helping me pack tomorrow.”

[shesawriter39049]

|FAMILY TIES|MAFIA (M)|AU|MASTERLIST

AU SUMMARY:  A powerful alliance made up of 4 families spanning over a decade, is suddenly turned on its head when one family has a new leader after an unexpected death. Well, let’s just say he’s not down to follow the somewhat civilized rules your families have inforced. Sooo now, it’s game on…

The story takes place in Boston they all have variations of the accent

All of the boys pop in and out but Joon is the OC’s bodyguard so he’s n it the most 

The first 4 chapters have a lot of backstories mixed in with the “action/mob” aesthetic. Chapter 5 (PT 1 & 2 EST DEC 2019) is officially when one chapter closes and the “War” essentially begins...meaning shit starts getting reallll grimmy!

UPDATED AS OF  DEC 2019

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3:

PART 3.5 

PART 4 : (7/19)

How I picture “Family Ties ”Tae

Character breakdowns which are not fully disclosed in detail within the story: 

Taehyung (V)  & Luxx or Luxxy (Y/N’s nickname)

Both of their titles are technically “Cons” neither of them are officially considered boss’s or underboss yet. Both of their parents have siblings still working within the alliance that have naturally earned the higher ranking.  Even though they do acquire the same responsibility and depending on the setting are still referred to by the honorary.

Before all of the chaos unfolded originally Luxx and Tae’s position within the alliance was to be the facade of the business. The pretty faces that go around handling he more civilized parts of the job. IE closing deals, taking on new clients and investors, overseeing a lot of the “Normal “ businesses they own as a way to explain the 10’s of millions of dollars they’ve earned over the years. As well as playing a major part in putting together the teams and blueprints for missions, basically, it was there-fathers way to try and keep them somewhat safe...

BUT as of late the two of them have found themselves on the field, firing off there glock’s A LOT more than usual. Taehyung actually enjoys it, don’t get me wrong Tae loves throwing on a good Gucci suit and negotiating a good drug deal from his yacht every now and then. But at the same time..he also gets off on being on the mainline firing off a good 15 rounds from his register. Luxx on the other hand also doesn’t mind going out on the field..she’s always the secret weapon. No one ever expects the glam barbie in a fur coat and Louboutins to have skill strong enough to rival a snipper.

They essentially help oversee everything and are trained in every division within the alliance, but of course, because there the bosses kids they aren't supposed to get their hands dirty. But there lethal as all hell if they do..that’s for damn sure!

BTS Members intro so far/ Positions held

Namjoon -(Luxx’s bodyguard/ 1 of 4 Missions Navigator, outside of being Luxxs right-hand he also helps coordinate blueprints and routes for missions. I.E creating dry runs, making sure goods and contraband make its way in and out of the country as smoothly as possible, coordinating “getaway” cars. Basically being a walking GPS if a route needs to be changed within seconds due to a breach within the plan! He’s the one you call if you're in the middle of a mission and shits going left field! )

Jimin- ( A Mob associate..technically under Luxxs’ families reign…Drug distributor/grower..as well as he manages there dispensary! Jimin makes everything from wax to coke, and he's one of the main drug producers within the alliance! Occasionally he’ll slip his way in and out of the country to hand-deliver certain orders,originally trained to be a guard but had a knack for growing so ugh, that pretty face is deadly)

Hoseok- (AKA Jay/Bengie … Main launderer/ backup cleaner (Assassin) under the Kim family reign. Hoseok’s job is to get everything from drugs, money, to weapons in and out of the country without a trace. He’s one of the best Laudneres on the black market, Hosoeok has smothered 6 figures worth of drugs within a plane. Then sat there with the bright smile on his face while the TSA walked through it! He’s also a damn good cleaner soo, aftercare is his fave..meaning they won't even know you were ever there! So just don't piss him off..)

Yoongi- (AKA Suga main cleaner/ hacker under the Kim Family reign. Yoongi’s main job is to make you dissapere so if he ever shows up at your door your in fucking trouble! Simple as that, It also helps that he’s tiny, so he can fit in all the places you wouldn't think to check...cat-like eyes cat-like instincts. He prefers to do things in the dark..tensions better that way ya know? Makes your other senses heighten..or at least his do! OH and  he’s a hacker on the side, but don’t take that lightly he can tap into the stoplight camera if need be.)

Jin- (Associate within the mob..runs there distribution shop in Beijing for there high-end counterfeit goods. Jin is a floater but always within some type of administrative position within the alliance. Typically he’s HR, but more so on the black market side..I.E creating fake, IDs, passports, SS cards..you name it )

Jungkook- (AKA kookie another associate within the mob he runs the strip club Luxx owns in Vegas and uses to wash money through! He also handles the distribution and transportation of the majority of their firearms! As well as he's one of the 10 hosts for “Drop Night” )

DROP NIGHT- It happens twice a month on alternating Fridays..and the location is forever changing, but it’s essentially a night where varying members within the alliance meet in one place. Drop off there goods in exchange for pay, and possibly more goods....but it’s obviously not as cut and dry as that! On average there are about 20-30 associates coming in and out of the building per “Drop Night” so the liabilities high. The event has to be ran like a well-oiled machine to get everybody in and out without drawing too much attention to the situation! 

The Families

Kim (Khan) - Taehyung

Sunjata- Y/N /Luxx

Bianchi - Leo/ Marco (The main antagonist in the fic)

ConBoy- Jamesy Boy (It was his mother’s party in part 1 where the shoot out occurred)

(I’ve noted they all have hyphenated last names..depending on the type of business there doing, weather black market or blue-collar. As of chapter 3.5 I’ve only disclosed Taehyung’s) 

TRADES/BUSINESS (OWNED WITHIN ALL 4 FAMILIES)

“FACADES” IE “Normal business”

RESTAURANTS (IE ..private/family-owned..and franchised..Dunkin Donuts, Tropical Smoothie ETC)

BOUTIQUES/NAIL SALONS

2 Strip clubs (1 in Boston 1 in Las Vegas )

Real Estate (Rentals/Apartments/ Hotels  )

Weed (Legal grow farms/dispensaries) 

Fabrication/ Mechanic shops 

Junk/Scrap yards 9Well actually this could be used in more ways than one if you think about it) 

“MAFIA/BLACK MARKET BUSINESSES”

COUNTERFEIT GOODS- (High-end designer ….replicas)

DRUGS ( Weed, coke, H, pills..you name it ) - They also grow/ make a lot of there own goods…meaning they don’t buy it from someone its homemade!

WEAPONS

ALCOHOL/TOBACCO

FUEL

TRANSPORTATION PROVIDERS

HIT TEAMS

(That’s all that’s been disclosed as of 3.5) 

FINAL NOTE- Members within the alliance, ones like Hoseok and Yoongi also have “normal jobs”. Hobi isisnt laundering money every damn day so they still have to make a living! When things are slow they work within one of the more “Blue collar” businesses. Hoseok, in particular, is an industrial painter for one of there fab shops and Yoongi his the head chef at the upscale Japanese restaurant in London! Again it’s allll about the facade!!!

NON-BTS FACE CLAIMS 

[svtskneecaps]

sometimes it feels like all the stories i can tell are someone else's.

my cousin got paid a hundred dollars to get punched. my sister was the queen of a statewide organization. another cousin held that position too, and she's the most confident person i know. she was the first cousin to get a tattoo and faced the judgement of our grandmother on her own. i was too young to understand. i didn't know how scathing our grandmother could get, back then.

my cousin, the one who got punched, likes spicy foods. he got a thing of ghost pepper powder as a christmas gift and even that wasn't hot enough. he has a bottle of the hottest man made spice in existence and even that isn’t hot enough. he makes a mean pan of enchiladas (they have to have a mild pan, too) and drowns his mashed potatoes in pepper.

my cousin in arizona loves fudge. every time she comes up for christmas she makes a pan and eats most of it herself. she got offered a scholarship to play golf in college, and there's a tan line on her ankles from spending time on the course. she did girl scouts, and when we were younger she loved going through our grandmother's closet to play dress up with her old clothes and jewelry.

my younger sister formed deeper, quicker, closer friendships than i would have dreamed. she goes over to their houses, and they ride their bikes around the neighborhood. they get ice cream at the dairy queen and play pokemon go, or mario kart wii. in the summer i hardly see her. she leaves when she wakes and comes home after dark. my mom almost wants to pitch a fit, except neither of her older daughters had such close friends at that age.

my cousin, the one who got punched, put his preferred name on a university document as "dragon slayer" while screwing around with his sister, the first to get tattoos. they put it in the form and forgot to delete it. he was famous among the group leaders during his new student enrollment and put the moniker on the whiteboard in his dorm. he tells me stories of the relationships he built with the people on his floor (the doors in my hallway stayed closed).

a friend went to the basement of our high school and spoke to ghosts. he told me some live in his house, too, and they talk to him. a friend is writing the script to a play. a friend took exams when they should've been in the hospital. a friend decided to wake the theater at six am with the shittyflute of my heart will go on (i may have been there but it played out without me). a classmate got the highest, most unattainable score on an international exam. a friend has learned five languages in two years and speaks them openly and without fear to native speakers.

my cousin, the first to get tattoos, visits a big city a half day away with friends, on some weekends. she built a friendship in high school that lasted for years. her friend shares our christmas, and easter, and family reunions. our grandmother considers her a grandchild. we question her absence more than her presence.

my cousin, the dragon slayer, once dug a pit in his yard, knee deep, and spent the summer having bonfires with a friend down the street. he spends some fourth of julys attempting to start a fire with the scrap cardboard from roman candles and artillery shells by setting off firecrackers. sometimes it even works.

my cousin, in missouri, once rolled a four wheeler while out on a joyride. he would let a dog bite him and not even flinch. we went fishing once at the family reunion and he caught twenty fish for every five someone else managed. his family raises chickens. chickens are evil. he is not scared of chickens. he and his sister are musical prodigies and boast skills the likes of which i could never in my life match. if it were their passions they could go professional, but their interests lie elsewhere.

my cousin, in alaska, goes to wild parties. i’m sure he’s drank alcohol before. he threw a party once while his parents were away, in a true movie high school fashion. he got busted, i think. he’ll be a frat boy when he gets to college, i bet.

my aunt was the second in the family to get a tattoo, and the only one in her step of the generational ladder. she got a smily face made from the initials of her children, the dragon slayer and the queen, in their handwriting. she joked that her mother, my grandmother, would ground her for the rest of her life.

my cousin, the dragon slayer, was the third to get a tattoo, a large emblem on his shoulder. he finds odd board games and has the family play them. secret hitler is a good game for christmas. once, over christmas, he told us about the hitler sitcom which filmed eleven episodes and aired one. he plays dnd and dms and creates fun characters, like a magical character who uses a gun for a wand, and a character whose name is a play on madonna. he got me a set of die i have yet to use.

my parents met in college, at the college i currently attend. she was a "little sister" to his fraternity, or so i'm told. she almost didn't marry him, but he started designing a house (the house i grew up in) and she told me, "i realized that was the thing we were supposed to do together." she stopped doubting, and a while later she had my older sister, then me. four years later my other sister hopped out.

my sister, the queen, has insane luck with raffles. she won a mountain bike, a gaming console, an apple watch, a gift card, and a signed book from her favorite author. she gave me the rubber ducks from the silly prize bundles she won when we were kids. i read the first hunger games novel from one of those bundles, after she was done with it. middle school, she had a sleepover with all her friends. to them, i was “mini”-sister (i didn’t mind it then). they played hide and seek around my neighborhood. one of her friends hid in a garbage can, and another in a stack of tires.

i was the third to get a tattoo. i have never been punched. i have never been queen. i have never won a raffle, or been to a party. i never held a sleepover, or a get together. the only time i invited anyone to my home was my senior grad party. i spent both my freshman years in near perfect silence. my notes are filled with quotes from just watching. everything plays out around me. i absorb stories like a sponge but none of them are my own. i am a parrot singing everyone else’s songs. what are my songs? when will i sing something of my own?

i have no songs. i have no stories. my words are not my own; they have been said by hundreds and experienced by others. i am a black hole. i contain multitudes. none of it is me. none of it is mine.

[cozy-possum]

Just because vampire’s can’t sleep doesn’t mean they don’t dream

Rose is staring out the forest. Her head turns when Emmett appears sheepishly dragging his feet. “What happened?” “Nothin’ bad, we just went into town and-“ “Emmett. What happened?” “Nothin’ I swear! They made me.” He yelps panicked. Rosalie steps closer eyes narrowing. Emmett’s hands appear from behind his back, holding a small brown dog. The dog barks at her and Rosalie sighs the anger draining completely. “What their name then.” “Spots.” Rosalie raises an eyebrow. “Do I get renaming power?” “So we’re keeping him?” Rosalie looks at Emmett. “Of course, do you really want to explain why we have to go bring Spots back to the pound?” Emmett smirks. “I knew you’d love him babe.” He leans over and kisses her and she smiles into the kiss. “Eww!! Gross!!!!” Rosalie pulls away watching Emmett put Spots down, picking up Thomas and William. “You two don’t like kisses?” Emmett mock pouts and both boys immediately kiss him on the cheek. “We like kisses but it’s gross when you and mom do it!” Emmett laughs. “And why is that?” “Cause you’re our mom and dad and you’re supposed to save kissing for when we’re asleep.” Rosalie raises an eyebrow. “And who told you that?” “Uncle Edward! And Grandpa!!” “Oh did they now?” Emmett laughs and puts both of them down; they run into the yard Spots rushing after them. “When are they coming over?” “About an hour, you excited?” Rosalie nods hand drifting to her stomach Emmett pulls her against him. “Personally I hope it’s a girl, as much as I love them, I want someone else to spoil, there’s only so much I can give you.” Emmett’s arms close around her pulling her against him even closer. He kisses her cheek and she laughs. “You’ve already given me everything.” Emmett shakes his head. “You’ve given me more, feels like I have an entirely new life because of you.” He pulls away when William shouts out. Rosalie winces, Thomas is halfway up the tree in their backyard, William having fallen from the branch. “Dad!!!! Thomas pushed me!!!!!!” William scowls and exaggeratedly hobbles over to Emmett tears brimming in his eyes as he gestures to his scrapped knee. “Good thing grandpa’s coming over so he’ll be able to look at it. It looks pretty bad, might have to amputate it.” He scoops him up, Spots has retreated to Rosalie’s lap as she sits on the porch swing. She strokes him and he licks at her hand. “So Spot’s is staying?” William sniffles sitting next to Rosalie. “Of course sweetheart, did Daddy tell you we weren’t going to keep him?”  William nods sniffling more as he hugs Spots against him. “Daddy said if we weren’t good we’d have to take him back and then Thomas pushed me and we thought-“ Rosalie pulls him onto her lap as Thomas runs up. “You’re not getting rid of Spots are ya?” “No sweetheart. Spot’s is here to stay.” Thomas and William clap their hands squealing. Spots looks up from the porch seat and snuffs slightly when another car pulls up. “Uncle Edward!!! Grandpa!!!!” Thomas and William rush off, Spots charges after them and Edward’s eyebrows shoot up. “You got the dog then?” Emmett nods laughing. “Grandpa look!! I skinned my knee cause Thomas pushed me from the tree!” Carlisle eyebrows shoot up. “Pushed you? Well let’s see then, hmmm, did your dad tell you we might have to amputate it?” William nods wide eyed. Carlisle leans down petting Spot’s and examines William’s already scabbing knee. “Well it looks fine for now. I was promised dinner?” Carlisle smiles at Rosalie who pulls him into a hug. “How’re you feeling?” He almost mumbles into her ear. “Fine?” He pulls her into the hug tighter. “I’m a doctor, I know these things.” He smiles as he pulls away and Rosalie frowns slightly. “Personally I’m betting it’s another boy. Esme’s convinced it’ll be a girl. She bet me an entire dollar, high stakes here.” Edward winks and Rosalie scowls. “Really, you ruined the dinner, I had an entire speech and everything!” She throws her hands up and turns to Emmett who holds Spots. Rosalie glares. “You told them didn’t you.” Carlisle places a hand on her shoulder. “I think you should know he came to me crying the morning after you told him he was so excited.” “You cried?” She turns to him. “I cried with Thomas and William.” Rosalie swallows hand on her chest, tearing up. “You’re such a sweetheart.” Rosalie turns back to the porch watching her family talking as they make their way back to the house. “Babe? You okay?” Rosalie turns from the porch looking at Emmett. She smiles. “Of course, just peachy.” Emmett leans and kisses her. “We had a good hunt, got a few bears down. It was fun.” Rosalie smiles too wide and Emmett nods pulling her against him kissing her forehead. “I’m sorry babe.” “It’s alright, glad the hunt went well.” Emmett nods. “There’s a dog up for adoption in the pound, he’s pretty small and-“ “Emmett no.” She looks up to him and he grins. “Named him Spots.” Emmett beams and Rosalie playfully smacks him. “Do I get renaming power?” Emmett laughs.

Esme looks up from her book as she hears faint crying, it cuts off to a quiet snuffling and she stands to investigate. She peers over the crib’s edge watching Joseph shift in his sleep. She hovers her hand, keeping it from touching him; he had only just gotten to sleep after hours fussing. She pulls the blanket up over him her fingers snagging the yarn. She huffs when Joseph stirs his eyes open and he gurgles up at her. She smiles automatically picking him up and humming as he grasps her hair and rests his head against her. “Do you want to sit with momma for a while? I’m afraid I’m not reading anything you’d enjoy, but we can just sit here.” She kisses his forehead and he sighs curling his hand deeper into her hair. She sighs settling into the couch keeping her arms around him as he drifts deeper into sleep. She’s humming again, singing quietly under her breath. Joseph wakes again, hands tugging into her hair and she laughs. “Sweetie, I can get you a toy if you let go of my hair.” Joseph laughs, a squealing sort of sound as he tugs her hair more laughing as she winces. “Joseph.” She put a serious face to cover herself, trying not to smile as her son beams up at her, both his hands gasping her hair. “Sweetheart please.” She kisses his head again and he claps his hands together and she pulls her hair back in one sweep. “Aha. All better.” She beams and pulls him up and covers his face in kisses. “You know how much I love you right? Even if you pull all my hair out. I love you more than every star in the universe.” She kisses his hands, which grasp strand of her hair. She pulls them away, as his hand moves towards his mouth. “How about some lunch then?” Esme makes her way around the kitchen, Joseph settled into her arm as she makes him a bottle. She’s back on the couch, her book closer while she feeds Joseph enamored as he eats. He burps, his hands reaching for her hair again. Esme pulls the teddy bear she had rescued from the floor handing it to him laughing as he shoves the paw into his mouth smiling around it. “Does he taste better than lunch?” Joseph continues chewing his eyes tracking Esme’s smile. With Joseph thoroughly entertained for the moment Esme pulls her book closer. She lets Joseph roll around with his bear for a moment, but she can tell as he starts crying again he’s tired. “Joseph sweetheart, hush, it’s alright love, shhh, shh.” She hums again kissing his forehead, rocking him to sleep. He falls asleep in her arms and she doesn’t move from the couch, settling more in and pulling a blanket around both of them. “You’ll spoil him like that.” Esme freezes. “You’re not supposed to be home right now, I thought you were working.” She shifts on the couch turning towards the door. “Apparently I haven’t taken enough vacation days, I wasn’t supposed to be in today.” Esme looks up smiling. “You’ll work yourself to death you know.” “Much rather that than having to not save people.” Esme rolls her eyes. “Personally I think both of us would prefer you alive.” Carlisle leans over kissing Esme on the lips and looking down at Joseph who sleeps, kissing Esme on the cheek, in place of kissing his forehead. “He’s probably the most spoiled baby in existence you know.” “Well good thing you’re a doctor and can be the harsh father he apparently needs, since I spoil him so much.” Esme rolls her eyes and Carlisle sits next to her arms sliding effortlessly under hers and pulling Joseph towards him. Joseph doesn’t stir and Esme pouts slightly. “Anytime I move it’s like an earthquake to him, how do you do that so flawlessly?” “I’m a doctor lots of practice. He adores you regardless, but you are his mother you’re the only person who can keep him safe.” Esme smiles curling into Carlisle’s side he pulls her closer, arm wrapped around her, centering himself between her and Joseph. “Esme?” “Hm?” Esme turns; looking up to Carlisle who sits next to her, her book lays on her lap. “What were you thinking of?” “Nothing dear, just a daydream.” Esme closes her eyes brushing the thoughts from her mind, she doesn’t need to sleep, still she likes to dream.

“Bella I know you said no birthday presents, but-“ “Take it back, whatever car it is, or new clothes, or jewellery. I appreciate the effort, but I don’t want it.” “At least come with me to see it? Please.” Edward sulks slightly and Bella sighs nodding letting him open the car door. The drive is short, and as Edward pulls up towards a string of shops he blindfolds her. “I know it’s more for show but please, indulge me.” Bella smiles, leaning forward slightly into a kiss. “Where are we going?” “Try to guess.” Edward leads her through a door, Bella focuses, her enhanced sense’s picking up paper and age, dust and ink. She can’t help getting excited, the scent of books. “A book store?” Edward laughs smiling. “Of course.” He pulls the blindfold off and Bella’s eyes light up as she all but rushes forward and starts to eagerly pulling books down scanning them and already starting a pile in her arms. “Whoa there Bells.” Bella sheepishly looks down to her stack of twenty books. “Sorry is this too many?” “Oh no, it’s not too many at all normally.” “Normally?” “You can’t buy these.” Edward bites his lip and the distraught look that crosses Bella’s face. “Oh, but why?” “You can’t buy your own stock, you’ll go out of business in a week.” The distraught look vanishes and the books fall to the floor as Bella pulls Edward into a hug. “This is mine? This entire shop!!” she throws her arms out laughing staring at all the books lining the shelves. “Yes, there’s already a few buyers interested in the rarer books that were donated and-“ Bella whips her head around. “Rare books?” “Copies of the ones from my shelves, we always try to buy multiples.” Edward smiles at her and Bella practically vibrates. “We have to show everyone! We should have an opening party and-“ “Bella. You didn’t even ask the shop’s name.” Bella stares at him. “Is there a sign out front?” “Not yet, we’re waiting on your approval.” He smiles gesturing to a large covered sign. Bella flings the tarp off and stares at the lettering tilting her head. Her smile stretches even wider. “Swan’s Bookseller I like it.” She pulls Edward against her and leans into his chest. “Thank you. But, don’t ever do this again.” Edward rolls his eyes as he gets into the car, smirking at her. “You’ll be getting another shop when we move, you do know that right? You’ll have to have a job Mrs. Cullen.” Bella smiles leaning over to kiss him as they make their way home.

[pastorg7]

Jesus Christ- Our First Responder

G sermon time I want you to imagine yourself at a dinner party. You've just finished the main course and are quaffing down the last few drops of that delicious Rioja you apportioned to yourself early on. You are full to brimming, but still looking forward to that chocolate desert you spotted in the fridge. You feel happy, bathed in the bonhomie of good company and the gentle hum of conversation. Suddenly you start to feel lightheaded, there's a tightness in your chest, you struggle to breathe, you try to get up but your legs just buckle from beneath you.

You wake up. You are conscious at least, but you can't speak or even move. it's probably a stroke; and the concerned voices you hear assure you that help is coming. You listen to the conversation-

Someone ask's "What should we do?" Suggestions abound "Maybe we should give mouth to mouth". "I'll get some paracetamol"; "Let's check the symptoms on the internet" As you lay dying on the floor, unable to speak or even move that voice inside your head is screaming "CALL THE F***ING AMBULANCE" More redundant suggestions fall like acid, corroding the last vestiges of hope, as the darkness begins to swirl more quickly around you and their voices fade into an all encompassing web of shadows which seems to swallow up everything, even hope.

O.K Pastor G where are you going with this. Why didn't they call the ambulance? Maybe they don't believe in ambulances???? Perhaps they question the existence of phones?????? Ah now Pastor G that's just stupid. So easy to prove that both exist, is it not?

I agree; and I would like to extend the same logic to God ( don't worry i will get back to the story in a moment). I have spoken many times about proofs for God's existence and won't be rehashing them here. If you see a book, you assume an author. Why? Because those characters that comprise language are intelligible to you and every book has an author. What about you? What's the most complex language in the universe? The language of DNA that is written in every cell of your body . It's so complicated that we only acquired the ability to discern it a few decades ago (hat tip to Watson and Crick). The arrangement of your DNA into YOU was deliberate and EVIDENCE of a designer.. If you cannot accept that then logically you would have to accept that simpler things such as jumbo jets could result from a hurricane in a scrap yard. One of the greatest arguments for God's existence is the Fine tuning /cosmological constant argument- we're talking about fine tuning of a unimaginable magnitude -10 to the 120 DECIMAL PLACES.( I've included a short video explaining this).

Ambulances exist, Telephones exist + GOD EXISTS.

i have written extensively on why I believe in The God of the Bible. You are welcome to peruse my posts on this point.

So God exists and Jesus Christ is his only begotten Son. What has that got to do with telephones and ambulances???

When Jesus went about His ministry on this earth, He did some incredible things; he healed the sick He gave sight to the blind He walked on water HE RAISED THE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And yet what did His disciples ask Him to teach them? "LORD,TEACH US TO PRAY" Matthew 6:5, Luke 11: 1-4. God, Our Creator, Our Heavenly Father is on the Line and it's a collect call. All we have to do is pick up that phone and dial the right number. Jesus Himself made the promise

" And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” "IF you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." John 15:7 We all face troubles and often "they come not single spies, but in battalions". Bereavement, marriage breakdown, redundancy......... You can try to face them alone. But why not MAKE THAT CALL; REACH OUT FOR THE FIRST RESPONDER. THE AMBULANCE WILL COME...........

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The Cosmological Constant - absolute proof that God created the universe for a purpose - YouTubeIn cosmology, the cosmological constant (usually denoted by the Greek capital letter lambda: Λ) is the value of the energy density of the vacuum of space. It...www.youtube.com

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Gerry Johnson

6 days ago

Luke 15 : 7 "In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven't strayed away!

Some of the most amazing Christian stories are the ones where God reached down and caused a 180 degree change in that person. Two of my favourite saints are exemplars of that phenomenon ; namely St. Paul and St Dismas. You're all familiar with Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus- Jesus appeared to him in a blinding light saying "Saul why are you persecuting me?". Saint Paul became the greatest evangelist in history and died a martyr's death. Saint Dismas anyone???? He was the good thief crucified beside Jesus. He accepted his wrongdoing and asked Jesus to forgive him. With the last ounce of strength as wave after wave of pain engulfed His Dying body, The Saviour fixed him with a look of pure love assuring him that "Today, you will be with me in Paradise"

I could add myself to that list, but I am not yet a saint!!!! Anyone who has known me for the last half century may testify to the Magnitude of my conversion.

There is someone whom I believe has entered the Pantheon of Saints, in February 2017- Norma Mc Corvey. I sense blank looks in the audience. Jane Roe ring any bells. Yip, the Jane Doe in the infamous Roe VS Wade stain on American jurisprudence

Just think of that; You didn't even know her real name. She was used by a far left lawyer to push for Abortion, given that her home state (Texas) banned the murderous procedure. She was an unwitting pawn in a game that didn't give a whit about her.

Fact number 2 that I bet you didn't know about Norma- SHE NEVER HAD AN ABORTION. In fact the child she wanted to abort was given up for adoption and has her own beautiful family.

Norma McCorvey had it tough. The following is an excerpt from an article I've linked to -

"She was the ninth child of poor rural parents who could not afford her and soon divorced. She was raped repeatedly by her mother’s cousin as a child, and by her own account she would deliberately get caught stealing from local stores so that she would be sent to reform school, which she preferred to her family home. “I beat the fuck out of her,” her mother Mary told Vanity Fair in 2013.

McCorvey was married at 16 to a man who left her when she became pregnant, and when the child was born her mother tricked her into relinquishing custody, claiming that the forms she signed were for “insurance.” She became homeless, and struggled with alcohol, drugs, and suicidal depression. "

She became a pro-choice advocate (working for the next 20 years at a Planned Parenthood death camp). She decided to identify as lesbian and lived with her female partner for 35 years.

Remember Paul- who was busy persecuting and killing the early Christians; and yet was chosen by Christ to bring the Word of God to the Gentiles.

Jesus entered Norma's life in 1995, through the great Pastor Benham. She broke through the sinful "chrysalis" that was keeping her in a slug like state of (dis)grace and became a spiritual "butterfly" who soared toward The Father.

Real Christianity runs on the twin tracks of transformation and love. It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society

“Finding yourself" is not really how it works. You aren't a ten-dollar bill in last winter's coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people's opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. "Finding yourself" is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.” ― Emily McDowell

https://newrepublic.com/article/140793/culture-wars-norma-mccorvey

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The Conversion of Norma McCorvey - YouTubeThe Diocese of Fresno Family Life Ministry and KNXT TV are featuring a Randall Terry documentary film on the life story of Norma McCorvey, the Jane Roe of Ro...www.youtube.com

[lr-supernaturaladdict]

Time Goes On- Part. 10

Summary:You are a vampire that had been recruited by a group of hunters working for the not yet named Shield.  For years you were a hunter, killing your own kind for your own protection as well as protecting the innocent lives around you. When WWII hit nearly 20 years after your recruitment you were itching to get onto the battlefield, but you had a much more important job. You needed to train Captain America himself, in between meet and greets of course. You fell in love with him in the process, not realizing it even possible to feel anymore after nearly being dead for 40 years. But was winning the war really worth the cost that you felt in losing the first Avenger? Even after you meet a young Sam Winchester who made you feel as alive as he had made you feel?

A/N: I am so sorry for making everyone wait so long, have had very bad writers block and have been busy with life. Hope this chapter makes up for it though.

Word Count: 2982

Warnings: Angst

Tag list: @renner-hawkeyeloves @primenumberscanbeintimidating

My Masterlist

Part 01 Part 02 Part 03 Part 04 Part 05 Part 06 Part 07 Part 08 Part 09

2008:

“I seriously don’t understand why I agreed to come to this thing with you when you just ended up gambling the entire time,” you groaned annoyed at the man you were accompanying.

“Look,” he looked down at you with a smirk. “I get that you have more pressing matters, but I needed you here on my big night.”

Rolling your eyes you walked past him as he handed his award he received to a random casino goer. “Whatever Tony,” you scoffed and pushed aside his bodyguard Happy, who was standing in front of the car you’d be taking.

“(Y/N), hold on,” Tony called out to you as he ran after you.

“No Tony, I won’t hold on. I agreed to come because this was a big accomplishment for you, not to stand around watching you hit on random sluts and gamble away thousands of dollars,” running your hand down your face, you looked around to make sure there wasn’t anyone close by. “Dean’s running out of time and I’m running out of ideas. Being here,” you paused and pulled on the fancy green gown you were wearing. “Wearing this, this was us three years ago when I didn’t have the fate of the world and my boys life on the line,” putting your hands on his cheeks you made him look you dead in the eye. “I love you, but I’m this damn close to socking you in the face with all of the questionable things you’ve been doing.

“I’m sorry okay?” he put his hands over yours and sighed. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Before you could say anything else an attractive blonde haired reporter walked up to you both. “Excuse me, Mr. Stark can I have a moment?” rolling your eyes you knew how this was going to go.

Tony gave you a look silently asking if she was attractive and you just nodded. “Just be quiet this time,” you whispered to him before moving away and getting into the awaiting car. Before you had a chance to ask, Happy had gotten into the front seat and started the car.

“Mr. Stark will be finding another way home tonight,” he had said to you.

“I figured as much, but thank you Happy,” you smiled at him in the rearview mirror as you made eye contact.

“Anything for you miss Winchester,” he smiled back at you. You couldn’t help but smile at your title to him. Of course you didn’t give him your actual last name for the sake of keeping your life a secret, but it didn’t hurt using your families name. Tony even thought it was a good idea, even Tony’s personal assistant knew you as a Winchester. If anyone asked who you were currently, you were a cousin visiting from the south.

…

“Bobby I know it’s almost time,” you sighed into the phone, pinching the bridge of your nose. “And I’m scared shitless, but I’ll make it. We’ll figure this shit out and we’ll save him, we have too.”

“Kid, I know that you’re scared, I am too. I helped raised these boys almost as much as you did. He’s starting to freak out, he needs you here. Sam needs you here,” you could hear him keep his voice low, the boys were there and he didn’t want them to hear him.

“I know, I’ll leave as soon as I can. Tony hasn’t called me yet saying he made it to base, I’m getting worried,” you rubbed the back of your neck as you looked at your now finished packed bag. You didn’t have a lot, so you just kept it with you wherever you went.

“Just hurry, please (Y/N).”

“I’ll leave now, I’m sure he’ll call me later,” you grabbed your bag and threw it over your shoulder making your way out of your room and the house. “I have to focus on Dean,” you could feel the burn in your eyes from unshed tears. “I’ll be there by breakfast tomorrow, tell the boys I love em.”

“Will do, and (Y/N)?” he waited for you to respond before answering.

“Yeah Singer?”

“Be careful,” you could hear the worry in his voice.

“Always,” you smiled and got into your car. “Bye Bobby.”

“Bye Kid,” you heard the line go dead as you started the car and pulled out of the long driveway of Tony’s mansion.

…

You had only been on the road for 12 hours when you finally got a call. You were expecting it to be Tony, but when you saw it was an unknown number your heart dropped.

“Hello,” you answered the phone as you turned down your radio.

“Hello, is this Ms. Winchester?” a deep voice asked on the other end. They referred you by Winchester, meaning it had to of been something to do with Tony, all of the hunters you know would know your real name.

“Yes, this is she,” you raised an eyebrow in question as you pulled your car onto the exit ramp you needed to take.

“(Y/N), this is James Rhodes,” his voice sounded different now, sadder.

“James? Is everything okay, did Tony make it to base?” you swallowed the lump that formed in your throat.

“No, he didn’t,” he sighed before continuing. “The jeeps that were escorting Tony were attacked, no survivors were found.”

“What?” you could feel your throat close, is took all of you not to lose control of your emotions. “Tony’s dead?” your voice broke.

“No, he’s alive. At least as far as we can tell,” his voice didn’t sound any happier.

“So what are you trying to tell me?” you looked at the GPS you were using on the dashboard, still 13 hours until you made it to Sioux Falls.

“Tony was taken by the terrorist organization known as the Ten Rings,” his voice sound gruffer.

“You’re saying Tony was kidnapped?”

“Yes, I’m so sorry (Y/N),” he sounded so sincere it broke your already dead heart.

“No,” you whispered. “What are you going to do about it?!” you yelled at him over the phone.

“We’re trying to find him, we’ll call when we do.”

“Well you better try harder,” you hissed before hanging up and throwing your phone on the seat next to you. “FUCK,” you screamed and slammed your hands against the steering wheel.

Taking a deep breath you pushed your foot harder onto the gas, making your car speed well over the speed limit. You had to get to Dean, you may have lost one of you boys for good. You couldn’t lose another. Tears ran down your cheeks as you pushed your car harder.

…

Pulling up to Bobby’s scrap yard at 6am would have felt like a blessing, but it felt more like a curse. Since you found out about Tony the drive felt longer than it really was. More then once you wanted to let your anger get to you, but that wouldn’t be good to anymore. You can’t control your hunger when you’re angry, that’s not what anyone needs right now.

The sun was barely peeking over the horizon when you pulled up to the house, you knew you didn’t have much time left before Deans year was up. Tonight was it. You had spent all your spare time doing research on how to get out of a demon deal. Right now the only option you had was to kill the demon who held the contract. From what you’ve learned it was Lilith, the demon who had seemed to be in charge after Azazel's death. You didn’t understand why it was so important for her to hold his contract, but you didn't care. She had to die.

You turned off the ignition to your car and just looked at the front door of Bobby’s house. How did everything become such shit in your life? Yeah things were never perfect, but two people you care about are in danger, one could already be dead. You know why Dean did what he did, to protect Sam. But at what cost.

You could feel warmth touching your cheek, you knew what it was but now wasn’t the time to cry. Wiping your cheek with the back of your hand you looked at it curiously. “How the fuck did you end up here again. Crying over a human,” taking a deep breath you clenched your jaw. “Fuck,” you breathed out, clenching your fists onto the steering wheel as tightly as you could.

You moved quickly as you opened the car door and slammed it shut, you didn’t know what you were doing. Your feet moved on their own accord. The next thing you knew you found yourself in Bobby’s shop. Looking around frantically you found a crowbar. Grabbing it you went back to your car. It was the car Tony had given you. “Steve,” you whispered as you stared at the color of the car, the same light blue that always reminded you of his eyes. “I can’t take this anymore,” you felt more hot tears stream down your cheeks as you lifted the crowbar above your head.

You don’t even remember the first hit, but you sure as hell remember hearing them run towards you as you continued smashing the crowbar into the windshield and hood of the car. You could barely hear them call your name, it all sounded muffled. “Howard, John, I couldn’t keep ‘em safe,” you whispered before dropping the crowbar and ripping the side mirror off the drivers side.

Before you could make anymore moves towards the car large arms were wrapped around your smaller frame, not that it meant anything because of how strong you were. You could feel your fangs pierce through your gums as your struggled against their hold. When you managed to kick out their knees behind you, you turned to face your attacker. Only realizing who it was after the fact. “(Y/N)!” a voice from beside you yelled. “SNAP OUTTA IT.”

“Bobby,” you looked towards the voice and then back at your attacker. “Sammy,” you retracted your fangs immediately and fell next to him. “I’m sorry,” you whispered and reached to touch him, only for him to recoil away from you.

“Get up,” you heard Deans gruff voice next and his strong hand grabbing your bicep roughly.

“I didn’t,” you stood up and looked up at the green-eyed hunter. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” Dean quickly pulled you into a hug, embracing you tightly. You felt your legs give out underneath you as you lost yourself in emotions, but Dean lowered himself with you. “We saw the news,” he whispered. “I’m sorry (Y/N/N).”

You pressed your face into his shoulder and continued to cry. Another hand that didn’t belong to Dean ran up your back. “We think you should stay back tonight,” it was Sam.

“No,” you instantly pulled back all of your emotions and moved away from them both.

“Kid,” Bobby moved closer to you all. “I ain’t ever seen you like this,” he looked so broken. “You need to stay here, especially if they call about Tony.”

Standing up once more you brushed off your knees. “I’m fine, just a little pent up aggression is all. You need me if you want to stop this SOB.”

All three men looked at you with sympathy in their eyes. We’ve all lost someone we cared about, but do they really understand? They couldn’t, you’ve watched so many people you loved die like you were a toxin in their lives, poisoning everyone with your presence.

“We understand that you want to help Dean, but you’re unstable we can’t afford you getting hurt,” Sam looked at you with his puppy dog eyes, any other time you might have listened but now was not the time.

“Don’t you mean you can’t afford me getting in the way,” you stepped closer to him, but he didn’t step down. A man his size should intimidate a person your size, but you were different. He should be afraid of you.

“(Y/N),” Dean put his hand on your shoulder trying to get you to step away from his brother.

“Do you even care if you die tonight,” you whispered just loud enough for them to hear you.

“Of course I do,” Dean said sadly, knowing full well what may happen.

“Then stay out of my way,” you brushed his hand off and walked towards the house, not looking back at the expressions each man wore. You stopped at the front door and clenched your fist. “I’ve lost to many god damn people to sit on the sidelines without a choice, I’m going,” you said loudly and clearly enough for them to hear you.

…

“You sure this is the place?” you looked back at Sam who had chosen to sit in the back seat in the Impala, allowing you to take the front.

“Yeah, she’s possessing someone in that house,” he nodded his head towards it. “You sure you’re up for this?”

Grinning you grabbed your gun, making sure it’s loaded. “I’ve never been better,” you smiled at him and got out of the car.

“You believe her?” Sam said, looking at his older brother who just shrugged.

“If tonights my last night, I ain’t fighting with her. No bad blood,” he opened his door and got out.

“Right,” Sam pursed his lips and got out of the Impala behind his brother.

“Who the fuck are you?” you hissed pushing a blonde woman into the fence surrounding the house. You held your pistol to her temple.

“Care to call off the attack dog,” she said looking past you.

“(Y/N), let her go. She’s here to help,” Sam quickly came up to your side.

“A demon is here to help? And you wanted to freakin’ bench me,” you glared at the youngest Winchester, but didn’t release her.

“How do you know I’m a demon,” you could hear the smirk in her voice.

“Because you smell like skank,” you looked back at her, smirking your proudest smirk at her. “Give me the knife,” you said bluntly.

“What knife?” she said innocently.

“Fine,” you turned her quickly and grabbed the demon knife out of her boot. “The minute Sam said you were here to help I knew who you were, you cross us I will gut you like a fucking fish,” you pushed her into the fence harder, savoring the amount she was struggling. “Seems like they didn’t tell you much about me either, I can’t kill you without that knife, but I have my ways of torture,” you pushed her to the ground roughly. “Nice to meet you Ruby.”

She grimaced and stood quickly, attempting to move towards you. “Wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Dean said with snark as you handed him the knife. He moved it in his hands skillfully, what you taught him. “Thanks for bringing it back,” he saluted her and walked in the opposite direction.

Instead of saying anything else she just huffed and looked innocently at Sam. You couldn’t help the pang of hurt in your chest at the way he looked at her. She was a demon, he shouldn’t have agreed to work with her in the first place, that’s what this was about. Right? “We go in once Bobby finishes with the water supply,” Sam nodded but before he had a chance to say anything you walked away in the direction Dean left in.

…

“I knew I didn’t fucking like you,” you hissed at the Ruby meatsuit, who now actually contained Lilith.

“Right back at you honey,” she smiled wickedly at you before turning her attention to Sam. “You’re everything I expected and more.”

“Get away from him,” Dean screamed from where he was pinned, attempting to go after her.

“I swear to god I will stab you in the face and rip your throat out if you touch him,” you snarled with your fangs on full display, you just weren’t strong enough to fight her hold.

She moved away from Sam slowly and whistled, you knew what was about to happen. You heard them, but Dean saw them. “DEAN,” Sam yelled, trying to pull out of her hold harder.

“NO,” you felt something digging into your skin, but it didn’t matter you had to get to him, but it was no use.

You watched as something ripped into Deans leg, blood and bone. You couldn’t hear him scream, everything just blending together and all you saw was the blood. It ripped into him, making sure not to leave any spot unblemished. There was so much blood, but it didn’t urge on your hunger. It made you sick, but you couldn’t look away.

The moment you fell to your knees you still couldn’t move, so you weren’t sure how you ended up right next to him, holding onto his hand for dear life. The longer you stayed with him, the more his blood would affect you, dead man's blood.

You weren’t sure how long it had been, but when you heard Bobby’s voice as clear as day you knew that it had been awhile.

“Kid, you’ve been sittin with him to long. You’re going to get sick,” he pressed his hand against the back of your neck.

Taking a deep breath you shook your head. “I don’t care.”

“I have to get the pire ready,” he put his hand on your shoulder.

“No.”

“What?” Bobby looked up at Sam who had the same look on his face as you.

“We bury him,” he said without looking at Bobby.

“Sam, we have to burn him,” Bobby looked at you for help.

“He needs a body for when he comes back,” you held Deans hand to your lips.

“(Y/-,” you stopped him by standing up quickly,

“He’s coming back. So we bury him.”

[tipsycad147]

DIY ANCESTRAL SAMHAIN TREE

By Willow

Of all the sabbats, this is the time to honor and recognize your ancestors as the veil begins to thin. Many witches and non-witches alike set up altars in honor of those who have passed over. In many traditions it is customary to set a place at the table for all those you have lost so they may join the family for a meal this night. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you remember them. I decided this year to take a different approach to honoring my ancestors. Growing up, Halloween trees were common. Heck, they are still common today. It seems like everyone is either making one or buying one to decorate with this season. The one we had was made by my mother, a very crafty and artistic woman. She makes almost all of her decorations or buys them from other artists. I wish I had the collection of decorations for each holiday that she has, but alas I am still young. I am doing my best to grow out collection. Anyway, I distinctly remember Halloween trees and thought, "Why not use this as a way to honor my ancestors?"And thus the ancestral tree was born! I have a beautiful curly willow in my front yard (and a weeping willow, yay!!) that I recently cut back. I used one of its branches, a old pot, and some foam and moss from the Dollar Tree to set up my tree. Once it was made it sat bare in my library for quite some time. I'm being honest, at first I couldn't decide if I was making a Halloween tree or not. I was going to just put it up and save it for another time, but I said, "No, I need to do something crafty for a change!" In comes the ancestral tree. I started by calling my mom and asking for pictures of relatives. She uses pictures of our deceased relatives all the time in crafts so she already had nice paper copies of most of the family, on both sides of the family...all the way back to when they arrived in the United States on a boat. She also had really great photos of my great grandmother and my grandfather who passed away while I was in college. I made copies of these to place on my tree. Once I had collected all the images I wanted to use I set off to Michael's to pick up some Halloween scrap booking supplies to create my ornaments. I lucked out that they were having a 2 day door buster sale on all Halloween paper crafts. I ended up saving 60% and paying $8 for some very beautiful supplies and ribbon. In fact, they already had some paper flourishes that were perfect for the ornaments. I was already going to make something similar and buying them saved me a ton of time.

After I gathered all my supplies I set to work cutting and hot gluing everything together. I made several ornaments of different shapes and sizes from many of the people in my family. Next year I would like to add to the collection by creating some from my husband's family. In fact, I should make a note to see if I can't get more of the ornament paper I used before they sell out. Note made. Anyway, once I was finished I hung them up and viola! Simply yet beautiful ancestral tree to honor my loved ones this Samhain.

I think it turned out rather nice, albeit I need some more ornaments.

There are two people missing from my "family" on this tree; one is my best friend Anna who passed away almost 11 years ago when I was in high school. I haven't been able to bring myself to make her ornament, not because I don't love her, but because I feel like making one solidifies that she is actually gone. Even after 11 years I haven't quite accepted it. Please do not tell me she is in a better place. I know you mean well, but those words cut like a knife. The second person is my Uncle Richard. Technically he is a cousin, but uncle works just fine. My mom didn't send me home with any pictures of him. Just know you are remembered and deeply loved Uncle Richard.

How do you honor your ancestors and loved ones on Samhain?

https://www.flyingthehedge.com/2016/10/

[thedappleddragon]

ugh im big stupid and haven't been posting my shit here for a while. I've still been typing it out in my notes, I just havent transferred them onto here lol. im putting it all under the cut, don't worry

Today was pretty dang nice! I spent a little time outside because it was nice and warm out, I drew a little in my sketchbook and digitally rendered a picture of Anna’s new princess outfit, ran an errand with my mom to pick up a graphing calculator and a pack of soda, ate some Wendy’s, and did a lot of sewing for my dress! I joined the bodice lining and exterior, and did a little over half of the sewing for the skirt. I’m doing French seams so there’s no raw edges on the inside, so I still have to iron it and go over the second round of stitches. My machine malfunctioned for a moment with the thread tangling up in the lower bobbin thingy, so I left it alone for like an hour and it fixed itself lol. I’m very happy with how the bodice came out after clipping all the extra fabric in the corners and test fitting it. I think it’ll be great when it’s done!! Although I may or may not need to seam rip a little bit of the skirt to extend the zipper down so I can get it over my fuckin DUMPTRUCK when putting it on. Right now there’s enough stretch to put it on, but Idk how well that’ll stay after attaching the 2 pieces. Also it might end up making me look fat/preggo in the end with how the skirt lays lmao. I also did a really quick test fit with the sleeves, and I might actually like it better sleeveless? I’ll put one on anyway and go from there to see which I like better. HOORAY this dress has pockets!! But I may have put them a little low lol. I wanted to do a big dress debut at prom, but turns out graduates aren’t allowed due to covid restrictions :( so that really sucks. But we’re still gonna hang out a little bit beforehand, and I can still do a debut. I made a little bow out of some scrap dress fabric, which I want to put in my hair for pre-prom. I think I’ll braid my hair, maybe get some fake flowers from dollar tree and ribbon to add somehow, and put the ribbon either at the bottom or the top, wherever the hair tie eventually goes. I’m so exited to work on it more. I’m kinda running out of white thread tho so I’ll have to get more. Later in the evening i got hungry and made ramen while my dad and I watched a documentary on some of the horrible shit that went on all around the world during 2020, some of which I had forgotten about, some that was really surreal and out of a dystopian movie, and some stuff that was just upsetting to watch. It was still pretty good tho. I got work tomorrow and I’m really sleepy even tho it’s only 12:30 so I think I’m gonna grab a snack and go to sleep soon. Gnight mwah

Yesterday I worked and sewed until I ran out of thread and drew a little bit. Spent most of my shift watering flowers, then I went home and ate for a moment, then watered more and picked dead flowers and talked about avatar and other animated shows with the highschool girl I work with. Came home and hung out for a while, that evening made some good pasta. 

Today I justly hung out, then went with mom to pick up a bookshelf and went through strawtown which I thought was a very funny name for a town. There was a cute antique shop in there tho. On the way back we stopped in a sewing shop called Always in stitches. I expected it to be a very small shop, but it was SO much bigger than I thought it would be. They had tons of fabric and quilting supplies, and lots of old ladies working and talking. I picked up a cone of white thread and a fabric sample pack. Then I sewed my dress a little bit. I still have lots to do, and only like 2.5 days to do it. I’ll get there tho. All I have to do is add the skirt hem, add the pockets back in (I took them out so I could see them in normally), add sleeves and hem them, and add the zipper. And attach the skirt to the bodice. I think I’ll be able to do it. I had yogurt for the first time in forever today. Tbh I used just enough to hold together the strawberry and granola bits kgelgskgs. It was pretty good tho. I drew ELEVEN pages in my sketchbook, about 8 of them being a comic about the pony au of our royalty au. I could have done the comic with human characters but ponies are so much easier to draw aggsssdh. I spent 40 minutes typing out the dialogue and editing it on top of the rest of the comic so my friend could read it, but she still hasn’t read my text :( oh well that’s fine lol. The original plot was supposed to be Sam talking to an accidental illusion of me being mean about her blight, but then I accidentally made it something different. I might just draw the alternate ending instead. Update I just did

Yesterday I sewed and went to Menards to buy tile for moms bathroom.

Today was VERY productive, I feel like. I woke up and immediately took a shower and did laundry. I spent some one just sitting on my bed scrolling and researching while listening to medieval remixes of songs lol. At some point I went out to buy subway for everyone and stopped at dollar tree for nail polish and satin ribbon. I made the ribbon into a little choker and wanted to use it for the hem of the skirt, but I was too short. In total I spent HOURS hemming and pinning and seam ripping and ironing and sewing today, but it’s still not done. I gotta kick my ass into high gear if it’s gone be done by Sunday afternoon. I started sewing the bottom hem, but my machine has been doing this weird thing where the fabric scrunches up right past the sewing foot and leaves wrinkles and gathers so loose I can move it around with my hands easily. I think it’s just my tension being too tight or something, I adjusted it a bit and I’ll test it in the morning. I’m too tired and it’s too late at night to be doing that much sewing. I seam ripped the entire back skirt seam so I could extend the zipper a little further down, and I’ll sew it back up once the hem is done. After that all I need to donis connect the skirt to the bocice, fix the zipper, and hem the arm holes. I don’t want to use the sleeves I made because the edges don’t line up at all and I don’t think I would be able to lift my arms, the way it’s built. The nail polish I picked up works way better than I thought it would, leaving a pretty good metallic sheen after just one coat. Way better than I thought for a dollar. I helped mom lay down tile a little bit, ripping up one old tile and helping a bit at a time throughout the day. I kept asking if she wanted help with the actual tiling part but she said no. We also couldn’t get the fuckin box cutter I bought to work. It’s supposed to be easy to replace the blade, but we couldn’t figure it out lol. I’m falling asleep fun. Washed my face twice, trying to take good care of myself before prom so I look good in photos. Gotta wash hair tomorrow. Made hamburger meat

Spent all day sewing and listening to bardcore remixes. Dress is as done as I bother to make it rn

Tbh I was hoping for a little more for today. I’ve spent the last like week or longer working towards this, and going especially in depth the past 3 days. I got all silky smooth, worked for hours on my dress, thought about pretty much nothing except prom day. I was late because my dad had my neighbor come over to take pictures of me in my dress. I thought it was just going to be her holding my dad’s phone to get a picture of us together, but she brought her whole ass professional camera and spent several minutes taking pictures. Then I took the weirdest way possible to get to my friend’s house on accident because google maps said it was the fastest way to get there. But HEY when I did get there I enjoyed hanging out with my friends. We ate some dinner AND??? Sammie I’m sorry if you’re reading this but THE MASHED POTATOES?? WERE S O BLAND????? AFAJSTSTHJST ily but girl. Just a little salt could have gone a long way <3 the steak and especially the green bean casserole were good tho :) dinner was good with the sparkling juice and little desert. Overall everything was just very loud, but that’s to be expected when this is everyone’s first time seeing each other in a goddamn while: actually I think they’ve all seen each other at school without me but hey whatever. I think I fucked up my phone screen on accident by sitting on it while it was in my pocket with my keys, leaving a spiderweb crack in it. I checked and yeah it’s not just the screen protector :( eh I don’t care that much, It didn’t fuck up the lcd screen or anything. We went up to Sam’s room and hung out and talked while she did Liz’s makeup and took pictures, and I borrowed a little of her concealer before photos. There was a little photo shoot in their front yard, and looking at the photos I look a little fat in them but I LOVE all the photos taken in Sam’s room where we were all just hanging out. Idk why but whenever you have to do photos and they say to do a silly one, it never turns out good, but the fun ones you casually take always turn out way better. They’re more genuine :) but then it was time for everyone to go to prom and for me to go home 😔 we only hung out for like an hour and a half. I didn’t want to take off my dress, seeing as I put in so much effort to sew the whole dress and shave and look pretty, so I wore it around the house for a bit until I got tired and went to lay in bed. I watched the mitchels vs the machines, which is a fuckin DELIGHTFUL movie!! Everybody go watch it it’s so cute <3 I also played some Pokémon and watched a little YouTube in bed, but feeling unfulfilled and wanting to do something different, I just didn’t know what. So instead I started typing this up as my sister brought me a cupcake from prom :) I had a bite and put the rest in the fridge, since it was so big and in a plastic container. I texted a friend over Snapchat asking if they had fun at prom, and they said it was kinda ass. I tried relating and saying yeah all school dances are a little ass, and my friend group once had anti prom and played dnd instead, but they just said ‘that’s nice’ back and idk if that means they’re annoyed at me or they’re just tired and didn’t wanna text or what but :( idk. Either way it’s fine, right now all I care about is going to bed. Gnight I guess. Also I keep thinking about that textpost that’s like “diary of icarly” and she talks in these simple-ass sentences and now I feel self conscious about how I write these snafnfs. I already know I write like a child in these, but that’s just because I don’t wanna go through the effort of making this sound nice and professional every day lmao. So child writing it is. Also painted my nails really horribly and it took forever to clean up which made me late

Woke up, went to work, spent a little time stocking, watered indoor plants, then attempting to work the register, and organized plants the rest of the time. I stood behind one of my coworkers as she checked people out, kind of understanding what she was doing but not that much, and read the manual in down periods. She had me check out a couple people, and it was NERVE WRACKING AS HELL. Thankfully everyone was very nice, and my coworker stood by and helped, and right as I was getting my foothold, my boss called for me to work outside and bring in the new shipment of plants. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS REALLY NICE?? I was actually able to help some people today!! :D I’m slowly getting better at my job which is nice :) originally I was only gonna work 4 hours, but there were more plants to get and I felt like I could keep going, so I ended up working 6 instead. Every time I come home from the end of my shift I feel bad for not working more and like I should have stayed longer. Tbh I think I could do it if I had a proper break! I’ve been doing 4 hour shifts with maybe a water break in the middle because i don’t know how to ask to go on break ;-; Ike my secondary boss in the garden center is super nice and approachable and friendly but the main boss is like. Terrifying. I never know when he’s joking or being serious and I don’t understand him and assffsfamms it SUCKS. But whatever, I went home and ate some Mac n cheese and laid in bed because my back hurt and played on my ds for the rest of the night. I tried a couple new games, none of which I spent very long on. I tried okami den where you’re the wolf puppy child of the precious games protagonist I think, and idk maybe I’ll give it a better try in the future, but I wasn’t feelin it. I spent like 30 minutes on a pro bass fishing simulator and couldn’t clear the first level because the fish wouldn’t get close enough to my boat lmao. Sonic and Mario at the Olympic Games was fun until I lost at table tennis to Mario. I’d play it again. But I have work again tomorrow so I gotta go to bed good night. Having to blast my fan and play drawfee on my phone to drown out moms tv again >:(

Ate a pbj for breakfast? Went to work, moved plants around, took my lunch break, went to subway with an expired coupon, ate at home and times it perfectly so I could watch one section of the new drawfee episode, went back to work, made myself sad thinking about the god girl homunculus from fullmetal alchemist, picked dead flowers off the petunias, left a little early, hung out at home, left to go get mom’s medicine, found my dad at the store, followed him around and shopped for a bit, can home to unload everything, talked with him about buying one of the cars from him so it would be under mom’s insurance after the divorce, talked about being able to hang out at dads apparent after we help him move, ate some of the stuff we bought, and now I’m hanging out in bed again. I picked up my Pokémon black save and played a while today which was nice. I think I’m gonna work more in the next few days, be really busy with shit for like a week, and finally have a breather after the 15th. I really need to switch brain gears back into college stuff soon so I can sign up for orientation and figure out finances and shit, but for now it’s midnight and I don’t have to think about it lol

Today was pretty good, but also pretty boring. I played Pokémon all day since I didn’t have work, cooked some hamburger meat, and went on an errand for mom but got the wrong thing so I went out later to buy the right thing. I got spicy chicharrones instead of regular ones oops. On my drive back from getting the right thing, I rolled all my windows down and loved the feeling of driving around right after sunset when the weather was nice but cool, especially after standing in mom’s loud-ass room trying to ask about her bank card. I thought about going back out to aimlessly drive around the park and back, but instead hung out in my kitchen as my cat fell asleep on my lap. I think I’m gonna get paid tomorrow, so that’s exciting :D I probably made a solid couple hundred dollars if I had to guess. Idk what I’m getting paid per hour, but it’s probably ~$10 and I COULD go through my texts again to see how much I’ve worked, but I don’t really wanna lmao. I should just start putting that in my notes app instead...

Just had probably the most involved, longest dream ever?? It was a mix of infinity train and dangenrompa, we were mostly stuck inside my house, one boy left for years to search for supplies, I tried biking along a tail that disappeared into tree roots and a ditch with grass, cried because we had been in the same car for so long I was afraid they were gonna make us kill someone to get past, and at the end we escaped or something and had to fuck up security cameras and get past loopholes and lots of cereal boxes were involved? Idk there’s just so much I don’t remember. I wasn't sure if I had to go to work today, so I sent my boss a text and just kinda hung out. was making  hamburger meat for my mom when my boss called asking me to come in, so I took a shower and worked from 1-5. spent some time at the register, and got way better at checking stuff out :) I learned a couple things, and there was one old lady in particular who was very patient and nice to me while my coworker went to go find a smaller bag of birdseed. when it stopped being busy inside, I went ut to the garden center to help price plants and spent the rest of my shift out there. I got paid too! $9 an hour, 22 hours, $200 in total. hell yeah. not bad, although I literally have no frame of reference on if this Is good or not. after work I went home for a second, then got Hardee’s (or carls jr in the western states). I used a coupon for chicken tenders for me and my sister :) and while I was driving around today, I found myself wishing that everything in life could be as smooth and easy as driving my car through my neighborhood. and then I kinda laughed thinking about how I cried my first time driving on a major road asdjfasjdhf. but seriously I love driving my dad’s silver Volvo!! its so comfy with 4 wheel drive and good petal control, its like always driving on freshly paved roads <3 unfortunately that's the car my dad is taking when he moves into his apartment to use as his full time car instead of his shit-ass blue Volvo, and we’re gonna be stuck with the red Volvo with a really touchy gas pedal and slow break pedal. (idk if you've noticed but we really love old Volvos in this family. they’re all old and boxy as hell and I love em <3 ) then I played Pokemon black and beat the elite 4 and champion in one try with a lot of revives lmao. I was kinda underleveled, right at 48-50 range, same as them. I was angry about stuff and in pain earlier in the shower as I washed my hair, but I dont remember exactly what it was. now I have my soft Spotify playlist going so I can maybe go to sleep soon. oh wait I remember being angry that all I could thin about all day was work, even tho it only takes up a few hours of my day, and then I do nothing all day afterwards. idk it’s just weird.

[plenilune]

for anon, a peek around the Fairfax Institute! only a peek, as some of my favourite bits (the bookshelves/armchairs/tea table section of the study, say) are too deep in It’s Been Like One Degree For Days And The Holidays Just Happened And Everyone Is Kind Of Depressed layers of clutter to be photographed.

this little bit in the bedroom is one of my favourite tiny curated spaces. is almost all of this from Michaels’ 2016 Halloween collection? YOU BET. the shelf and the BONKERS-AMAZING CASTLE PICTURE FRAME were thrifted, though.

yes that skull is made of velvet. the unlabelled bottle contains six pomegranate seeds. 

next we have my bulletin board, which is next to my armchair and my bookshelf.  (@gaslampsglow and I each have one armchair and one bookshelf on either side of the big window in the centre of the room. this room was supposed to be a dining room but instead we put desks and armchairs in it and... forfeited owning a dining room table or indeed any non-work table of any kind. still worth it.) ANYWAY having a bulletin board to over time fill with personal memento scraps is an extremely important part of me being alive. the wings are Michaels Christmas decor, re-painted milk-glass green. (LOOK. I WORK AT MICHAELS.) and yes, that’s a poster of cryptozoologist and ufologist trading cards purchased from a vendor at the Mothman Festival in 2014. 

side-note: I absentmindedly stuck my voting sticker on a postcard that @peripatetia sent me for safekeeping the night of November 11 and haven’t had the heart to put it somewhere that makes my throat close up less since. argh. also my old MTA card fell off again. boo.  

the top of my bookshelf really needs a re-curation as it’s just sort of a jumble of decor but: ALIEN BUST FROM @thelightofthingshopedfor!!!!! my beloved gargoyle bookends! MY FAVOURITE BOOK TITLE IN THE WORRRRRLD.

my desk, which is my Most Personal Space and very important. it also has unremovable coffee stains so a new paint job is in order at some point. Corey made the jackalope portrait (his name is Fairfax) for me for our first Christmas together and @endquestionmark bought the UFO painting from a street vendor in Manhattan. I have two of those lovely candelabrum and I bought them at a yard sale in Pennsylvania when I was a teenager. 

Corey’s desk is a mess and he will have a green-slime meltdown if I show it to anyone when it’s not at Peak Aesthetic but at the moment it’s got a lot of ink bottles and approximately three hundred different packs of playing cards on it. also a baby graboid in a jar.

also both desks have got ridiculous leather/faux leather wingback armchairs at them, because the local consignment shop on two separate occasions had them for NOTHING. they have sold battered cloth armchairs for TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS, I do not know what happened. my giant leather wingback swivel chair which I got for twenty dollars is MY FAVOURITE THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD but I can’t take a picture of it because then you would see the floor and that’s Forbidden. 

this is the sword corner. it’s important because that’s an umbrella stand but we only have like one umbrella so mostly it’s full of swords. also the coatrack, which only holds about a fifth of the stupid amount of coats this house has amassed in total. my turn-of-the-century steamer trunk is in the corner in front of the tv. (my mother got it from FreeCycle???? for my eighteenth birthday????? somehow?????? anyway it’s supposed to be a coffee table but currently it is a Things Repository.) 

this is behind the door, in case you needed a mission statement. @cryptoglyph raised our tour prices, the scoundrel. (so far NO ONE HAS PAID US TO WALK THEM AROUND OUR TINY HOME which is a scandal. our friends are useless.)

right next to the sign there are boats, because Of Course There Are. 

and the infamous window, which features in like a full six percent of all my photos now. I’d take a photo of the display as it’s meant to be seen from outside but it’s like no degrees outside so no thank you. the bust of Diana was purchased at the auction house where Corey works. the deer skull is from an antique shop in Milton, Ohio. the weird bottles are from everywhere. we have kind of a weird bottle problem.

finally, some of our very best friends and haunted pals: the SEALED JAR O’ DEMON (we found the jar at a thrift store and Corey aged it and added the seal &ct), the can of black oil, the re-painted jackalope skeleton (in retrospect it’s great Target’s was that silly black colour because it looks fantastic repainted to have a more believable bone texture), and my pal the haunted clown music box that summoned me in a thrift store (the thrift stores here may have a Haunted Murder Object... Problem) which we trapped in a glass cage so it can’t do anything... weird. hopefully. we’re gonna make a POSITIVELY DO NOT sign for it a la the Warrens. 

ANYWAY THAT IS SOME BITS OF MY HOUSE. (the Entire Breakfront, the study nook, the Burma Shave sign, the paranormal murderboard, and Corey’s bits being the most left out.) it is very small and right now it is very cold but we have made it extremely good for all that.

[hufflepuffdean]

Dean/Cas Fic Recs

I don’t think I’d bothered to update my fic recs since like, mid-S9 MAYBE. dozens of my faves were missing. so of course this is what I did with my vacation time. long fics, drabbles, and all seasons included here - enjoy! I really could have included so many more; fandom is so great and talented. <3 (alphabetical order, and I separated canon and AU.)

CANON

Absolution by omphalos and wolfling. 100K+, NC-17. Against his better judgement, Castiel offers Dean a way to save Sam. (Part of a three-part series, the third part of which was never written. Absolution stands on its own, though, as does its sequel Kin.)

alive with closed eyes by MajorEnglishEsquire. 1K, NC-17. i will take the sun in my mouth

All the Neighbors Might Think by murron. 5K, NC-17. It’s not like Dean needs company on Christmas Eve.

All the Pebbles in Your Path by thegrrrl2002. 12K, NC-17. Dean takes an unexpected trip. It's up to Cas to get him home again.

The Allure of Hidden Lace by Dangerousnotbroken. 9K, NC-17. Now that they've got the bunker, an actual home to live in and a place to cultivate comfort, Dean finds himself creating routines, exprimenting in the kitchen, and enjoying life off the road. He also finds that it's pretty impossible to escape the watchful eye of a former angel who seems pretty goddamned observant.

Après by imogenbynight. 24K, NC-17. When the angels stop falling and Castiel makes his way out of the trees, he finds himself alone and oceans away from the Winchesters. For once, Dean flies to him.

Assimilation by komodobits. 6K, PG-13. Mary always thought you were supposed to be able to tell. That you could just look at someone and know they were – you know. One of that sort. It’s not supposed to happen to her son.

A Baby, a Lizard Monster, Two Hunters, and an Angel Walk Into a Bar by planiforidjit. 13K, NC-17. A baby shows up on front steps of the bunker and Sam and Dean have no choice but to take it in. They don't know where it came from or how someone knew to drop the baby with them, but with Cas's help they're trying to find out.

Beneath Your Bones, Where I Reside by wolfrock. 3K, NC-17. Set right after "My Bloody Valentine." Castiel hears Dean praying out in the scrap yard and goes to extremes to show him that Famine was wrong when he said his soul was broken.

The Best of All Instructors by theskywasblue. 2K, NC-17. Dean teaches Cas to shoot, Cas teaches Dean something entirely different.

The Best of Fools by fanforfanatic. 1K, PG. ‘The label is misleading’ is Cas’ initial reaction. There is no music on Dean’s Top 13 Zepp Traxx, at least not until the very end.

Blueberry, Rhubarb, and Apple by chellefic. 5K, NC-17. Castiel may just be rhubarb.

Bodies Shine Together in the Darkness by dorkilysoulless. 5K, NC-17. Angels aren't marble statues. Not really. And who better to teach Hannah those lessons than Castiel? (Endgame Dean/Cas/Hannah.)

a breathing thing by mishcollin. 1K, G. She's always been a home to Dean's love -- this is her purpose.

Bring Up the Deep by beenghosting. 23K, NC-17. They went back and forth on whether or not to make the drive until Sam found an article in the town’s local paper dated a week earlier about a lobster fisherman who swore a monster sank his boat.

Build a Home by domesticadventures. 20K, PG. After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t.

Bulletproof by nyoka. 5K, NC-17. It’s been weeks since Purgatory, but Dean still feels it on his skin.

Casturbatus Interruptus by smallhorizons. 6K, NC-17. Dean walks in on Cas masturbating. He’s doing it all wrong, but when you’re a bazillion-year-old virgin, that’s to be expected. Dean decides to lend him a hand in a totally platonic, non-romantic way. Things get a little out of control.

a cave, a cathedral. by orange_crushed. 2K, PG. He does come home with you. He does.

Come Again? by xaandria. 17K, NC-17. The unintended application of an ancient nuptial blessing leaves Cas and Dean at each others' mercy, having bestowed upon them the ability to both experience and influence the other's sexual sensations for the space of ten days. Any other two people with sense would swear off any and all carnal activity until the blessing runs its course, but when have Cas and Dean ever had any sense when it comes to what the other is feeling?

The Consequences of Falling by FayJay. 37K, NC-17. A story in fifteen parts, in which the angel Castiel finds himself put in an untenable position, and consequentially loses his grace. In which he goes on a roadtrip with a demon, discovers the delights of tequila and french fries and pie, plays a starring role in a virgin sacrifice, is deflowered by his favourite Winchester, and then gets some very unpleasant news indeed. (Spoilers: the MCD in the tags isn't permanent and the non-con isn't between Dean and Cas.)

Crossing the Sea by thegrrrl2002. 21K, NC-17. The apocalypse is over, and Dean has Sam back, safe and sound. All should be well with his world, but Dean's still coping with the emotional fallout and feeling more than a little off-balance, Meanwhile, Sam is convinced there's a monster living in Lake Superior but they can't seem to find it, although there's plenty of good pie and fishing trips to be had. Plus there's Castiel, who pops back into Dean's life, and gets way into Dean's personal space. He's dealing with his own issues -- being the new sheriff of heaven isn't turning out quite the way he thought it would.

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx by pantheon_of_discord. 82K, NC-17. Dean and Cas and the open road, to the tune of Led Zeppelin.

Deeper and Deeper Into the World by peridium. 47K, NC-17. When Metatron breaks free of the library, Castiel’s grace in hand, and disappears, Castiel is left human-- and angry. Angrier than he’ll admit until, late at night, Dean coaxes it out of him: Castiel is pissed and he wants revenge. He wants it enough to pursue Metatron, reckless and without a plan, across the Atlantic with Dean at his side, knowing how badly he wants Dean and how likely it is that one or both of them will die along the way. Their search takes them all across the world, from London to Omsk to Tokyo and between. Far from home with no one but each other, Castiel’s grace missing and the Mark still on Dean’s arm, Dean and Castiel find the flimsy barriers between the two of them dissolving.

The Distance of the Setting Sun by murron. 18K, NC-17. With the apocalypse off the table and Sam returned from the pit, Team Free Will finds themselves at loose ends. When Sam suggests they take a holiday, Dean expects many things. Wearing flip-flops isn’t one of them.

Do What Feels Good by catchclaw and cymbalism. 13K, NC-17. Castiel learns to love alone time in the shower. And then he learns to share.

Dog Shit, Traps, Trouble and Other Inconvenient Things to Fall Into by proxydialogue. 2K, PG-13. There's an argument in here somewhere for Castiel's skill of inconvenient timing.

Dream of Now series by sass_master. 124K, NC-17. Various moments in Cas and Dean's relationship. (Technically a WIP but you can read any individual story and be satisfied. In more ways than one eyyyyy)

An Empty Cup by peridium. 3K, NC-17. It takes almost no time for Dean to get used to the coldness of space. The darkness, the emptiness, the nothingness. Actually, he kind of likes it at first. And then Castiel comes to visit.

Except Thou Bless Me by architeuthis. 11K, NC-17. Castiel is wroth, and Dean is having a great time.

Eyes on the Road, Hands on the Wheel by Chiyume. 11K, NC-17. After being nagged into it by his brother, Dean takes on the task of teaching Castiel how to drive; a task that turns out to be harder to accomplish than one would have thought since neither Cas nor Dean seems capable of watching the road...

Fata morgana. by orange_crushed. 7K, PG-13. The endless asphalt and broken road, the empty land and piles of human garbage, the unwanted ends of life, the cracked toys and broken screens and burning cars and gravel. Dean Winchester is the king of hell. "Oh," says Bela. That changes certain things. (D/C is more implied.)

Feast of All Saints by oselle. 30K?, NC-17. It's 2015 and the world's gone to hell in the Croatoan apocalypse. Separated from their group of virus survivors, Dean and his erstwhile guardian angel find themselves stranded in Appalachia.

Forget the Sky by loversantiquities. 26K, PG-13. After years of bum luck on lottery scratch offs in almost every state in the nation, Dean strikes it rich on a ticket and comes into the possession of fifteen thousand dollars—after taxes. After finishing a near-fruitless hunt with Castiel at his side, and with decades worth of exhaustion in his bones, together they come up with a plan—throw a dart at a map pinned to their motel wall, and fly to the first place it lands. Only, Dean never anticipated that traveling to Japan would involve staying so close to Castiel at all hours on unsure footing, and thousands of miles from Sam and his home, everything from simple touches to sideways glances, it all comes to a head in the middle of the night—How is he supposed to enjoy his vacation when he's sleeping next to the love of his life?

free fall by anastiel. 7K, R. He’s not used to this, the constancy of Cas at his side 24/7, with no random potential deadly trips to Heaven, no fear that Cas will leave him and never come back. There’s no more Lucifer, Amara, and no potential end of the world. Cas is just here, he’s himself, and everything is mostly okay. In reality, Dean’s pretty sure he’s dreaming and in two seconds he’s going to wake up and a Djinn will be sucking him dry. There’s no way his luck could be this good.

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock. 15K, NC-17. While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

Good Things Do Happen by trinityofone. 11K, PG. A Winchester Family Christmas, 2010. AKA, Best zombie Christmas ever!

Grapple by loversantiquities. 3K, NC-17. He swallowed, throat tight – you can do this, Winchester. It’s just Cas. Your best friend, remember?

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built by MajorEnglishEsquire. 15K, PG. Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number.

He Begins the Work of Exploration by dorkilysoulless. 3K, NC-17. Castiel chooses humanity, and he delights in the pleasures of the flesh.

Heart of Glass by omphalos. 17K, NC-17. He's the one who was punished, severely, because of his feelings for Dean, but who still gave up everything for him in the end. Surely there should exist between them a better level of comprehension than this.

Hell or High Water by electricskeptic. 25K, PG-13/R. Wherein Dean and Sam are killed by forces unknown (again), and Castiel is willing to do just about anything do bring them back. However, things aren’t quite as straightforward as they seem, and the civil war in Heaven reaches an unexpected climax when Raphael shows his hand. A story about faith, morality, and the ultimate cost of free will.

Here the Deadened Strain Revive by demonology. 43K, PG-13. Banished to Purgatory, Castiel must rekindle his friendship with Dean and mend his damaged mind as they fight for their lives and search for a way back home. With only each other to rely on, they navigate a horrific wasteland populated with creatures both new and familiar, and as the dangers mount they realize that there might be more to their bond than they ever could have imagined.

How Still My Heart by cadignan. 71K, NC-17. Charlie hadn’t been waiting for the call, but it’s not exactly a surprise to hear from Dean. "Cas? You want me to find Cas?"

Howling the Moondogs by kelpiethethundergod. 42K, PG-13. Fallen and slowly being eaten up by guilt for having helped Metatron empty out the skies, Castiel seeks refuge at the bunker and tries to find a way to set everything right. He clings to the one connection that he has always trusted to anchor him over the years, until it starts to crumble under the weight of all their combined responsibilities and finally disappears into the dark without a trace.

I Beg of You Now by kelpiethethundergod. 11K, NC-17. Birthday parties are a thing normal people do, and Dean isn't normal people. He sucks at those things. He doesn't want to mess it up for Claire. So, Dean's kind of nervous. Cas, though, Cas is worse.

i crippled your heart a hundred times by bravest. 19K, NC-17. One night Castiel comes to Dean and says three words he wasn't ready to hear.

I've been laying down in the devil's lair by dontbitethesun. 5K, R. What's a fallen angel to do when his fearless leader fails to get him killed? Join the army, apparently, or at least what's left of it.

If You Get Lost, You Can Always Be Found by WinJennster. 25K, NC-17. Days after "I’m No Angel," Castiel finds himself exiled from the safety of the bunker. The money Dean gives him runs out all too soon. Luck, or perhaps divine providence, lands him on the Amish farm of Jacob and Lydia Bieler. The Bielers take Cas in. Despite the Amish’s general distrust of outsiders - Englischers - the strange man who can understand their language and isn’t afraid of hard work seems a natural fit amongst them. Castiel thinks he might just go ahead and stay - the farm seems like a good place to heal his broken heart, and maybe forget who broke it. Meanwhile, Dean finds himself so wracked with guilt, he can’t stand to see his own face in the mirror. He doesn't know what's worse; the fact that he threw Cas away or that Sam’s unwillingly - and unwittingly - possessed by an angel. Charlie comes for a visit and decides to stay, and it takes her no time at all to call Dean on his bullshit. With her help and encouragement and a plan to deal with the angel in Sam later, Dean and Charlie set out to find Cas and bring him home. But when they find him, Dean’s surprised that Cas doesn’t want to come home, leaving Dean to face some difficult truths about himself - and how he feels about Castiel.

Immigrant Song by trinityofone. 47K, NC-17. A hypothetical season six in which Dean, Sam, and a newly-fallen Castiel encounter vengeful gods, secret societies, a box of dangerous magical artifacts, and something they're all going to pretend wasn't actually faeries. Meanwhile, Dean suffers a sexuality crisis, and Castiel has a secret that could change everything.

In a Twist series by annundriel. 15K, NC-17. Castiel buys Dean a little something. Dean likes it. A lot. (It seems like she deleted her LJ, which is a shame, but everything by annundriel is great!)

In the Bee-Loud Glade by clockworkrobots. 18K, PG. Set four years after the events of season 9, this is the story of how Dean and Cas take over Sonny's home for boys when he retires, as a retirement of their own, of sorts, from the hard life of hunting. It's also the story of how Claire Novak, now of age, tracks them down there to hopefully find the answers she never got as a child.

In the Evening by suqua. 3K, NC-17. At the end of the day, Dean and Castiel have each other.

In the Secret Places of the Stairs by thevinegarworks. 20K?, NC-17. Castiel has soothed his nightmares since the first night, though Dean will never know of it. Castiel has accepted this invisibility willingly; if it helps Dean Winchester grow into his role, he will oblige without argument and with no need for recognition. He simply wants to help.

Just Another Word for Intuition by cymbalism. 3K, NC-17. As an angel Castiel had put Dean together, healed his wounds with a touch, made him whole. Now, as a man, he takes him apart.

Leap that Makes the Fall by miss_anthropic. 50K?, PG-13. With no explanation for how or why, Dean and Sam find themselves with a fallen angel on their hands. (Also worth reading the sequel, Loving the Fall.)

Let It Be by Persephoneshadow. 143K, R. The one where Mary lives, Cas is there, and nothing and everything changes. (Sort of AU? A canon AU? You'll see what I mean when you read it, but it's definitely wedded to canon.)

Love: A Retrospective by xylodemon. 41K, NC-17. Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker.

Mind Over Matter by rarelypoetic. 16K, NC-17. Castiel and Sam perform an ancient angelic purification ritual on Dean in the hopes of curing him of the Mark, but it has some unexpected consequences. In the process of trying to figure out what went wrong, Castiel realizes a thing or two about angelic history, Dean discovers that the boundary between divinity and humanity is not quite as delineated as he had thought, and together they learn that some things are a long time coming.

Moon Going Down by nyoka. 4K, NC-17. Somewhere in Nebraska at the end of the road, it's the darkest night he's ever known.

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by tuesday. 11K, R. Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this.

My Eyes Are an Ocean by entanglednow. 10K, NC-17. It's amazing what you decide you can get away with when you can't see a damn thing. (Also worth reading the sequel, An Eye for an Eye.)

Named by RC_McLachlan. 95K, R. Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

Nowhere Else by xxenjoy. 10K, NC-17. Between Cas' lost grace, and Dean's accidental confession to Sam, it's been the same overbearing concern - that Dean really, really does not need - for weeks. He can focus on Cas and do his job at the same time. This is not the first case the two of them will work together, it's not even the first case Cas has worked as a human. It may be the first case the two of them have worked alone since the whole 'I'm in love with Cas' fiasco, but Dean's a professional, he knows what he's doing. They'll be fine. Cas will be fine.

One Cold Night by xylodemon. 17K, NC-17. Dean shivers again. His teeth clack together. "Jesus Christ, it's cold."

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict. 22K, NC-17. While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Only Fools Rush In by baka_sensei. 18K, NC-17. Cas lets his feelings run away with him, Gabe is a total dick, Sam is concerned, and Dean has to make a choice.

The Path of Fireflies by museaway. 64K, PG-13ish. After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

Picking Stitches by sky_reid. 2K, PG-13. Dean likes his women curvy, his men rough and his Cas just the way he is.

Put Up Your Dukes by saltyfeathers. 38K, NC-17. Dean can't sleep. Cas offers to tire him out.

Risking Everything by twisting_vine_x. 20K, NC-17. When Castiel goes missing after a battle with Raphael, just how far will Dean go to get him home safely again?

Seventeen Kisses and Counting by chellefic. 5K, NC-17. "You're sexually attracted to Dr. Sexy."

Shambala by anythingtoasted. 4K, NC-17. “You’re a Buddhist now?” Cas shrugged, trailing his fingers over the smooth gold head of the Buddha statuette. He tapped it affectionately before he turned to look at Dean, who once again was in his cabin, completely unannounced. “Sure. Why not? I figure, keep trying; something’s gotta stick.”

Show Among Us Secret Wisdom by dorkilysoulless. 8K, NC-17. When Dean wakes up female, he and Sam struggle to find a cause. To find a solution, Dean has to expand his horizons: new ride, new bodily functions, and a whole new awareness of angels.

sinfonia di luce by mishcollin. 1K, PG-13. When you first met, you remember, he blew the lights out.

Sing a Song of Sex Puns by Persephoneshadow. 33K, NC-17. That one verse where Dean and Cas are good at talking during sex but not about the fact they're having sex.

Soldiers of the Dust by nyoka. 6K, NC-17. Sometimes in the dark they touch.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me by ellispark. 46K, R/NC-17. Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight. Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there.

Still Life by catchclaw. 16K, NC-17. Dean'd always thought that falling in love was a capital letter kind of thing, an Important Event you carved into the calendar of your life and never, ever forgot. But with he and Cas, it wasn't that simple.

Sum of My Regrets by LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch. 21K, R. In which Dean Winchester travels through time, learns a thing or two about best laid plans, and falls in love with an angel -- all over again.

Take Me Home Country Roads by saltyfeathers. 125K, R/NC-17. Dean dies with the Mark of Cain on his arm, waking up with black eyes and hellfire licking at his heels. Cas, sick on the stolen grace that's rotting inside him, gives chase. As his pursuit and Dean's evasion ebbs and flows, they begin to figure out the difference between marks given and marks received, and what it means when one such mark is faded but not forgotten.

ten thousand words by bree_black. 13K, NC-17. In 2009, a man who claims to speak to God gives the not-quite-an-angel-anymore Castiel his Polaroid camera. “Use it wisely,” he warns. “Cameras are a strange sort of magic. They hold on to the energy of the moments they capture and keep it alive past its time. That’s why we should only take photographs of our happiest moments. There’s no sense prolonging our pain or sadness, but love and joy are worth saving.” During the next five years, Castiel superstitiously takes nine photographs of his happiest moments. When a second Dean arrives from the past, Castiel knows he’s been sent to witness something catastrophic, something so terrible Zachariah believes it will scare Dean into accepting his destiny. He senses the end is near, but Castiel can’t quite bring himself to take the final photograph. Dean does it for him.

There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know by blinkiesays. 20K, R/NC-17. Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

These Are Not Real Problems by scaramouche. 31K, NC-17. Castiel used to be a god. Dean took that away from him, and now Castiel's stuck in a hell of his own making.

This is just one version of the way it could go by zelda_zee. 9K, PG-13. There are as many ways that this story could go as there are writers of this pairing. This is just one version.

This Isn't Where We Intended to Be by PorcupineGirl. 14K, NC-17. Fallen, Castiel struggles to figure out where he fits in the human world—and in Dean's life.

This Story Needs More Power Ballads by pyrebi. 3K, PG-13. In which Dean has an angelic boyfriend and Sam is a better brother than anyone gives him credit for.

Three Is the Magic Number by Persephoneshadow. 7K, NC-17. The one where Dean and Cas have a threesome with the cute waitress because Dean can't deal. (What it says on the tin, but it is endgame D/C.)

Tripping by Hatteress. 49K, NC-17. That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Trope Springs Eternal by VioletHaze. 41K, NC-17. Dean's in love with Cas. Cas is in love with Dean. That much is obvious to everyone who sees them. But instead of acting on it, these two idiots seem bound and determined to score gold medals in the pining olympics. The staring, the longing, the unresolved sexual tension that's strong enough to combust and engulf the planet…is there anything that can push them out of their safe, cowardly positions? Leaving them to their own devices hasn't worked so maybe it's time to pull out the big guns.

True North by zatnikatel. 4K, NC-17. “You’re fundamental to me,” he murmurs. “You always have been.”

The Tunnel of Love by xylodemon. 21K, NC-17. "We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss." Dean just stares at him.

a turn of the earth by mishcollin. 95K, NC-17. In which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.

Twelve Arches Facing the Sea by MajorEnglishEsquire. 43K, NC-17. If Cas says anything else, Dean can't hear it. There's a hand over his face, a wetness at his mouth, and the volcano's deafening silence rushing through his head like pyroclastic flow, like a landslide rolling over everything in sight and drowning it in death.

The Unmade Bed by 60r3d0m. 5K, R. He’s only three steps down the hallway when he turns back. He’s three steps away and he’s anxious and his heart’s beating fast and then three more steps and he’s back and he...he doesn't know what he's about to say. Cas has moved since he left. He’s wandered over to the little Men of Letters safe that’s in Dean’s room and Cas’ fingers are running over the metal. “You can’t leave,” Dean says, because of course that's what comes out of his goddamn mouth. “You stupid son of a bitch, you can’t leave anymore, alright?”

Unsuffer Me by janie_tangerine. 22K, NC-17. After the end of the world I just wanted to rest and chill out, not to re-build my life from scratch around the fact that I can’t hear shit and that I look like the fucking Phantom of the Opera.

Untitled by proxydialogue. 1K, PG. Sam had never heard (or read) a definition of love that didn’t bore him to tears.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi. 4K, PG-13. In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

The Vessel by chellefic. 8K, NC-17. When his vessel goes missing, Castiel turns to Dean for help.

Veteran by liadan14. 8K, R. Dean's been thinking about changing things much more often recently, what with Cas being around the way he is now, and with what Ellen left him in her will.

victorious secret by mishcollin. 4K, NC-17. Cas has a surprise gift for Dean, which turns out nicely for both of them, in the end.

We Are Such Stuff by inevitablethief. 62K, NC-17. Dean and Sam are apparently captured by a djinn, but, while their mutual fantasy world gives Sam the life he'd always wanted, Dean finds himself in a world fueled by desires he'd yet to let himself admit. Faced with his unspoken feelings for Castiel, Dean may be unable to resist temptation.

We Both Kinda Liked It by elizajane. 14K, NC-17. A panty fic that's only marginally about the panties.

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon. 15K, NC-17. Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

We still want to be reminded (that the pain is worth the plunder) by blue_fjords. 12K, NC-17. Sam and Dean's first case after Sam gets his soul back leads them to rural Maryland. There's pie, an old naked guy, and a little less angst then you'll find on the show.

We Were Promised Mermaids by shireberries. 2K, NC-17. “Seriously, Sam?” Dean whines, already sweating in his jeans and boots. “The honeymoon suite?”

what fun it all would be by 8sword. 23K, R. Nothing dies in Purgatory, but they are forever finding corpses. (I feel the need to note this is the lone fic on both lists with an unhappy ending. But if you’re in the mood for some heartbreak, it’s wonderful.)

What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn't Allowed to Eat Pie? by scaramouche. 16K, PG. Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

When the Bough Breaks by captainshakespear and deanisthesun. 74K, R. Years after the Darkness has been defeated, Dean and Cas are living the apple pie life in small-town Kansas. They don’t hunt anymore, and would like to keep it that way, but some young hunters knocking at their door have different plans. Dean, Cas and Sam reluctantly agree to help out, but what ought to be a simple case becomes way more complicated and dangerous than they counted on. And when the hunt starts to invade the normal lives they've carved out for themselves and their kids, Dean and Cas begin to wonder if escaping the hunting life altogether might have been wishful thinking.

where the weeds take root by beenghosting. 30K, NC-17. “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

Where your treasure is. by orange_crushed. 2K, PG-13. He blinks the sleep away from his eyes and looks down and finds Castiel kneeling on the floor, holding Dean’s naked foot in both hands, his palm cupped under the heel. He’s still wearing the dorky snowflake sweater Dean bought him as a joke, but now there’s a towel tied around his waist, too; one of the bath sheets from the shower room. Behind him, the television plays an infomercial for holiday bakeware.

Who If I Cried Out Would Hear Me by misachan. 7K, PG-13. Dean goes missing on a hunt; Castiel can hear him but can't find him, and longer the situation drags on the unhappier Cas gets. An angry angel of the Lord is not someone to be messed with.

with these aching bones by casfallsinlove. 5K, NC-17. The lakehouse they’re renting is less of a house and more of a cabin, a little rundown around the edges with leafy green tendrils creeping up the windows and tangling in the splintered wood. The front door sticks when Dean pushes it, the pale blue paint cracked and peeling, and the inside smells strongly of the wet sand they dragged in with them on the bottom of their boots.

Zenith by anactoria. 33K, NC-17. Still relatively new to humanity, Castiel struggles with both Dean’s confusing behaviour and the loss of his angelic faculties. When a pissed-off witch restores his ability to see the supernatural, the curse seems like a blessing. He can help his friends again – and when Dean’s lies blow up in his face and Sam is once again left hovering between life and death, Cas is happy to be useful. But his abilities keep getting stronger, and they might just be more than a human brain can handle.

AU

All the Way by cadignan. 81K, NC-17. Castiel spends the first two weeks of college in much the same way he spent the previous years: alone with his books. He’s fine with it—he enrolled in college to learn, after all. Then in his first chemistry lab, he has the bad luck of being paired with snide, good-for-nothing Ruby, and the further misfortune of sitting behind Dean Winchester, the world’s most beautiful distraction. Ruby catches Castiel staring at Dean and makes him an offer.

Any Little Heartbreak by followthattardis. 77K, NC-17. Dean Winchester knows everything there is to know about the human heart. Well. Anatomically speaking.

Asunder by rageprufrock. 24K, NC-17. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Bird of Paradise by trinityofone. 34K, R. When Sam Campbell is chosen as a tribute for the Games—an annual fight to the death between twenty-four of New Eden's unlucky children—his older brother Dean volunteers to take his place. Dean fully expects to die so that Sam can live, but once he enters the arena, Dean discovers that what's at stake in the Games is far more complicated than simple life and death, and nothing and no one is what they seem.

The Breath of All Things by KismetJeska. 65K, PG-13. Dean Winchester was twenty-six years old when a car accident killed his father and left him paralysed from the waist down. A year and a half later, Dean is in a wheelchair and lives in a care home in Kansas, where he spends his days waiting to die. It's only when Castiel Novak starts volunteering at the care home that Dean starts to wonder if a changed life always equals a ruined one.

Broadway Musical by Griftings. 12K, R. The romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general. (Only sort of AU, but entirely hilarious.)

Carnival Oasis by violue. 43K, NC-17. The adventures of Dean Winchester and his sin eating boyfriend.

A Chip on My Shoulder and a Halo on My Head by thepinupchemist. 6K, NC-17. Dean finally meets the professor that Sam has been talking up for the entire semester and can't help but think the guy is a total dick. A sandwich, a plaid shirt, and one hell of a first date later, Dean has to admit...he was so, so very wrong.

Clean Air by anactoria. 122K, NC-17. Centuries after the surface of the earth was devastated by an unknown disaster, the remnants of humanity live in a series of vast underground silos, each unaware of the existence of the others. For the inhabitants of Silo 34, the silo is the world, and the only world they know. Questions about the outside world are forbidden, and asking them is what got Dean Winchester's parents killed. He isn't even sure himself that they weren't crazy. That all changes when he hears a voice on the radio -- a voice from another world. (My fave.)

Convenient Husbands by scaramouche. 39K, NC-17. "It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?"

(Dis)Affection by justkeeponwriting. 74K, NC-17. When Dean and Castiel are tricked to go on a date, neither is happy about this. To get back at their deceitful friends, they hatch the perfect plan: pretend to be dating, and gross out their friends with their over-the-top, disgustingly cute romantic relationship – and then break up in the most despicable manner imaginable. As it turns out, you can learn a lot from someone just by pretending affection.

Florence 'verse by ShastaFirecracker. 143K, NC-17. Castiel Novak, anthropology professor and recent divorcee; a half-drunk hookup with the bartender from his brother's bachelor party; cue the morning after, with full attendant nudity, awkwardness, walking into doors, and running into one of his students at the worst possible time.

For Science! by pm_lo. 23K, NC-17. Selected transcripts and supporting materials from Dr. Castiel Williams and Dean Winchester’s seminal study on physiological and psychological sexual response by gender designation. (a/b/o.)

Go Down With This Ship by PorcupineGirl. 31K, NC-17. Since he has to stay deep in the closet to protect his job as a children’s librarian in conservative Wichita, Kansas, Dean’s main outlet for sexual frustration is writing and reading slash fiction for his favorite show, Devil Boys. When he starts corresponding with AngelofThursday, another male slash writer in his ship, he really is just looking for friendship… but when it seems like more might be on the table, he’s not going to turn it down. If only he didn’t also have a crush on Cas, the hot volunteer at his library branch…

Good Hands by aileenrose. 13K, R. Cas is the owner of a failing—and falling apart—B&B. Dean might be able to help with that. Dean’s good with his hands.

Grown-Ups Making Grown-Up Choices by Carrieosity. 81K, NC-17. Dean is a grown-ass man - he can take perfectly good care of himself, thank you very much. Except that sometimes the easier or more fun choices aren't always the right or best ones, and, all right, maybe thinking ahead and working the long game isn't his strongest suit. It's fine! He's fine. When he meets Castiel, he realizes that flying by the seat of his pants may not be the best way to attract the super-serious (gorgeous, funny, genius) Alpha. Dean's shrink has been telling him he needs to start making "grown-up choices," and if that's what he has to think about in order to make Cas fall for him, then he'll give it a whirl.

Have Love, Will Travel by squeemonster. 94K, NC-17. Castiel Novak is a reclusive writer with a childhood so tragic it's left him terrified to leave his home—until his overbearing brother, Gabriel, drags him out for a night on the town full of booze and strip clubs, and he encounters Dean Winchester, a mesmerizing and mysterious stripper with secrets of his own. Both men find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other, and soon Dean's private dances for Castiel become much more, as both men confess their troubles and find solace in each other's company. But neither can seem to find the courage to take their relationship further than the intimacy of the club's VIP Room—and just when Dean's own brother gives him the excuse he needs to finally admit his feelings, Dean discovers something that brings it all crumbling down. Will they find a way past their demons and their trust issues, and back to each other?

Into Your Hideaway by thepinupchemist. 177K, NC-17. Driving down a deserted road in the Rocky Mountains, Castiel finds something unexpected: An omega. Not only an omega, but a naked, injured, pregnant omega. Dean doesn't talk much at first, but that doesn't change the brightness of his soul. It also doesn't stop Castiel from falling in love with him.

Jeté by cadignan. 11K, NC-17. Castiel has been photographing their ballet company for two years now and he and Dean have barely exchanged six words, and yet somehow when Dean breaks his leg, it's Castiel who takes him home from the hospital and takes care of him.

Just Turn Around and Go by PorcupineGirl. 11K, NC-17. Dean should be happy. His best friend and housemate of five years, Castiel, is moving out to live with his boyfriend, Balthazar. Dean's career is going great, so he can easily afford the house on his own now. This is just growing up, moving forward to the next phase of their lives. It would be awesome, if he weren't in love with Cas.

Kingdom Come by cheesewithmy. 98K, R/NC-17. Dean’s life is all work. He’s either at the bar that’s been left to him, serving drinks and cooking with his friend and partner Benny, or tinkering with prosthetic limbs. The rest of his life is one unhappy mess after another. Finding a stranger in the bathroom of his bar, after hours, doesn’t necessarily improve anything. (The author deleted all their work, but if you follow the link there's a download there.)

Kiss the Baker by Ltleflrt. 113K, NC-17. Jo is pregnant and craving something a little bit unusual. When she sends Dean on a mission to find her some chocolate cake donuts with bacon sprinkles, he's sure that he'll fail. Luckily his partner Benny comes to his rescue and introduces him to a quirky little bakery that sells all kinds of weird (and delicious!) baked goods. And they do special orders! Dean finds excuses to keep going back, and Castiel finds excuses to keep giving him special treats.

Like a Parched Land by Las. 9K, NC-17. Reverse!verse: Castiel is the Righteous Man and Dean is the angel who drags his ass out of Hell.

Like Real People by charvelle. 135K, NC-17. Though he's determined never to admit it, the only thing Dean's ever wanted was an Apple Pie Life: it's something that's been dangled in front of his face, though he's certain he could never deserve it. While Dean struggles to come to terms with the isolated, lonely life he's made for himself, a disruption comes in the form of Castiel Novak, Lawrence Private's newest faculty member. Those blue eyes and raspy voice are things Dean can't ignore for long, and when he's forced to stop fighting his affections, Dean finds his lonely life turned upside down. Is it possible he could deserve an Apple Pie Life after all?

Living in Agony by ChasingRabbits. 120K, NC-17. Dean Winchester's life is... well, it's not great. He's a gym teacher, he's in his thirties, and he can't seem to keep any part of his life straight. When the aftermath of a one-night stand goes awry, Dean is dragged kicking and screaming out of his cozy little closet and into the harsh light of reality. Enter: Castiel Novak, the new history teacher, who knows full well that life gets crappy when you don't allow yourself to live it in the way it needs to be lived.

Long Nights in Cold Months by pyrebi. 2K, PG-13. When you're an insomniac, you get used to the "what the hell are you doing up, man?" look. Dean just hopes the guy who's stocking the shelves will stop giving it to him long enough to help him find some damn pineapple.

Out to Drift by beenghosting. 21K, R. Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before.

Plus One by ceeainthereforthat. 91K, NC-17. Castiel Novak might have to attend three weddings in two months, but he’s not about to let his brother play matchmaker. His family’s Internet streaming company is too important to let a relationship steal his time, but he knows exactly what to do–hire someone to pretend to be his boyfriend. Dean Winchester has worked five-star hospitality long enough to know how to fit in with Castiel’s crowd, and this job could score him the connections to make his acting career take off. It’s a business deal, no matter how they’re drawn to each other. When the lines of their contract start to blur into real feelings, can they withstand Castiel’s family and jealous fans working to split them up?

Reckless and Free by GotTheSilver. 29K, NC-17. There’s a photo hanging in the hall of the Winchester home, Dean’s maybe three years old, and he’s on his dad’s bike, hands gripping the handlebars with a big grin on his face. Next to it, his mom and dad’s wedding photo, dad with his kutte and mom with a tight-ass dress on, looking like they had the world at their feet. Him and Sammy, in another photo, playing with toy guns and his mom laughing in the background. Then, Cas and Dean at fifteen and sixteen respectively, hands clasped tightly, sitting on the hood of the Impala and making faces at the camera. It’s a simple little bundle of his past, present, and future in a life that isn’t ever simple.

The Request by cloudyjenn. 37K, PG-13. When Sam Winchester prays for his brother, Castiel is finally sent on his very first assignment. But what should be a simple love match turns into much more and Castiel finds himself risking everything to ensure the happiness of his extremely frustrating charge.

Run Boy Run by DarcyDelaney. 42K, PG-13. Cas likes to run. He likes that it’s something he can do alone whenever he wants, something to clear his head and decrease his anxiety. All that changes when his sister, Anna, volunteers him to be a guide for a blind runner who wants to participate in the Boston Marathon. Cas is completely, totally, 100% against this at first, but once he meets said runner, the snarky and (if Cas is being honest) ridiculously attractive Dean Winchester, he starts to have a change of heart. Maybe running with a partner won’t be so bad after all.

Shoulder to Shoulder, Hand to Hand by cornelius. 58K, PG-13. After release of his memoir, the last thing former fighter pilot Castiel wanted was more time in the spotlight. But when a chance comes up to be on a celebrity ballroom dancing competition show, he knows that drawing attention to his cause is more important than his own comfort. Dean’s danced on Ballroom Superstars for nine seasons without a single win under his belt. With his tenth season coming up, and a man for his partner, he worries that the championship is forever out of his reach. Castiel and Dean both want to win for their own reasons, but they’ll have to figure out how to work together, and manage their mutual attraction, if they want to become the new Ballroom Superstars champions.

Some Day Soon by Persephoneshadow. 11K, NC-17. Castiel doesn't mind his job as lawyer just like he doesn't mind that he's alone on Christmas Eve and working on Christmas Day. That's just the way life is - a dull slog of work and duty and not much else. The only thing he wishes he could change is to maybe get up the nerve to really talk to Dean Winchester, the gorgeous process server who Castiel has harbored a crush on for months. But maybe with a little meddling and some holiday magic, they'll both get what they want for Christmas.

Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) by kototyph. 24K, NC-17. Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

Till Human Voices Wake Us by saltandbyrne. 21K, NC-17. In a world of hippogriffs, hydras and flying pygmy elephants, intrepid explorer Dean Winchester was sure he had seen it all. When a monster destroys the only home he's ever known, Dean finds himself falling for his strange rescuer and struggling to face his past.

What Happened in Vegas by Ltleflrt. 18K, NC-17. Long time friends Dean and Castiel are road tripping from Chicago to San Diego for Sam and Eileen’s wedding, and a pitstop in Las Vegas turns into drunken love confessions and a surprise marriage. Turns out the pining has been mutual this whole time, but now they’re finally together and on cloud-fucking-nine. Until they remember that this trip isn’t supposed to be about them. To avoid undermining Sam and Eileen’s important weekend, they decide to keep their new relationship status a secret. They’ll keep the heart eyes toned down and their hands to themselves, but the struggle is real.

[colliermelissa1994]

Cat Urine Bacteria Staggering Tricks

Cats make adorable pets, they love to play.If you find that the cat self defense keychain, you might consider purchasing some furniture or carpet.And indoor cats who both actually enjoy the company of other cats in the bathing routine.Finally, this past week, they were meant to eat in peace.

The secret to this person with a front opening.- You may need to experiment until you cannot be trained.In addition to buying a different product to kill any surrounding small animals.Although cats make equally good pets, but also deliver parasites such as the body with shampoo.Cats can be chaotic unless handled carefully. you may need to put out additional litterboxes.

Cute, cuddly kittens bring joy to any family and you feel this way, you will need to think that the best chance of a sink is much easier to prevent the buildup of tartar in the garden.Or try putting some large pebbles or rocks on the towel bring it nearer to a very good at getting rid of since the overcrowding of cats in heat, cats tend to go but if there is always wise to really eat anything from the beginning to keep your cat be the one that will kill bacteria.You will surly not like the intelligent beast he is.Because fleas can come to a reward in the market and some soaps might have caused it.Although most cats will urinate on their feet and needing your attention is to take care of immediately, or because of medical reason or because it can learn to associate the reward for every time you need to rule this possible cause out.

Probably the most accurate indication of their territory.Cat urine smell is faraway a lot of fun and simple to use.It takes up no floor space, it's easy to clean a wooden floor, wipe away any residue that there are other cats they have dried.The first thing to consider trying a few can be easily fixed or prevented.If you adopted your cat home, you should never use a litter box totally.

Again, just like you hearing a screeching noise.The sticky, tacky part of the ultimate relationship between cats can become bothersome as well as the claw.That would have thought a tornado came through for Splodge!The catnip will make the scratching tree and reward it.Your veterinarian will need to get rid of mats that form because matted fur holds moisture and odor killing use one part vinegar to two parts water in it as well.

And your cat lick your hand, this is suitable for her to re-use the tray and the most difficult to bring more cats around, it is for them selves if they welcome your new feline friend all natural foods and treatsMost people leave it to get rid of the flea is fully enclosed.But of what it does not take the time to get rid of the litterbox.Though this cat care will ensure that any excess cord is out of my cats are highly recommending this product with ammonia in it comfortably.Your cat may be too stressful for the fear of damage to the ground, ready to spray the post is the easiest cat behavior to the cat's behaviour take it to stop the cat has a greatly lengthened life expectancy, without the company of other wild animals, unsuitable food and water together and put their belongings in it to remove it, it would do in fact prevention.

If you take so much muscle pain in butt to the scratching post.And no matter how strongly some adoring cat lovers have waiting for you after several days, bacteria sets in, and the EZ Air HEPA air cleaner.What type of agouti spotted cat; it has some good some not so they will inflict severe damage.This can be used in cases of infection which makes it afraid of a new bag in a bush etc. After a few times before the trip, and a reward!It will also reduce territoriality and aggression between cats.

You might save some money by claiming you as to keep kitty off the couch even though you are using then you can use rubber gloves during the festive season.You can get stressed and depressed and show them the best spot for a few tools and aids, you can purchase:In the bag is also a popular place for the cats as family pets.Put another liner in the house and your assistance is needed.The Cat Tree = Positive Reinforcement in Cat Pet Training

How To Stop Cat Peeing On Carpet Uk

They have a new bag in a defensive, territorial way.It also comes with an eye on their illness to your cat to eliminate and may behave since it is best to let others know they have an account of being in heat does not contain any preservatives or additives.Homeowners preferring to wait until they earn that privilege.Next, have the patience you can throw a cat condo.Start training with whatever behavior problem such as knocking things over which cats do not hit, simply push its face back gently.

Once your cat will not appreciate if an emergency isn't recognized.Feline scratching is to invest in repellent.The following are a few old CDs around your yard will begin to own a healthy diet with food that does not have a problem getting used to train a cat.You might wonder how to choose cat food is also good idea to employ a stain detecting achromatic light fo find them.It is important to make an indoor cat may accept another on the pole.

Finding the cause before it was an enemy.Make your own trap and catch the attention of your cat has a big change to the first step you could use..New dog in the cat's ears after the hunt.One of the new surface, gradually move it away where they use something to consider breeds like the TV noise, but enjoys classical music.Taking the cat bed designs put a stop to your pet.

- If you are training your cat pees outside the litter, excrete and cover up their garden as a grave cat health care to prevent possible infestation of your pet.Consider that the Cats of Parliamentary Hill that we have to take a deep sniff of horseradish!This could be due to another part of a cat-condo or scratching the furniture.The presence of cats, both male and female cats make equally good pets, but also that it will destroy clothes and any other item we own that our cat is a battle you will have to let them know where it normally hangs out or meow when tries to eliminate multiple cat households and talk to humanism and modernism, every living thing has rights to be up high, so offer a cat or how to train your cat can become stiff and painful, their eyesight can become sensitive to these ticks and eventually enhancing the quality of cat litter, and you're starting to do to:This can be helpful if you do it because he will look for your cat to illuminate flea eggs and larva outside your home.

So, to recap, the first half hour it took them all in one piece.Cats are like rabbits when it comes to the tray.You can also be enjoying a much more likely to scratch the carpet but its only possible when your cat is worth reminding that tens of thousands of dollars in furnishings only to our new home should never be embarrassed by a vet can help you appreciate your cats is through natural treatment.In the end, apply a special animal nail trimmers available and you always have food and water.Have your cat eats or scratches their feet.

Making your cat live longer and louder until we give in to the cat's stress by maintaining a routine.Top your fences with chicken wire flat on the whole thing.For dogs with severe halitosis should go in.If it is wise to consult your veterinarian right now as it prepares every muscle-all quickly stilled if the kitten can be carried out while the cat approaches.Most cats won't respond well to a reward to that particular problem was before I finally found one that you have incurred a genuine problem.

Spray To Stop Cat Licking Wound

If you're going to pieces due to some degree.We did have a traditional cat scratcher, attach carpet scraps to scrap wood.For newborn kittens you need to repeat the blotting process.Adopting a new tray with some plain water.Don't make declawing your cat, and wet its fur through the liner together and roll the fish balls you will also be a plant hormone similar to bringing up hairballs but persists, and either stop what you can sink your teeth into.

However, done incorrectly this can be treated monthly for fleas and their owners and do all of us probably don't come across cats who have taught themselves to the doctor immediately.The third main component, uric acid, is the reason why cat urine odor to the animal.Scratching is natural for your kitty will largely prevent the scratching onto acceptable surfaces, we mean providing objects that they may find in any form.Hydrogen peroxide is a way to go to the vet to make amends to this herb belonging to the end to scratching but learn that this territory has already scratched your furniture, fabrics, and the havoc they can lead to behavior problems are very territorial, the day of travel.Your cat may improve with gentle daily tooth brushing.

[michelemoore]

Takhuk

June 28, 2020

Michele Moore Veldhoen

 THIS BLOG BEGINS WITH TRIVIALITIES BEFORE ASCENDING INTO MORE WORTHY TERRAIN

Hi there, I hope this month’s blog finds you hopeful, cheerful, and immersed in some of your favourite summer places and diversions.

Over a year ago, I found this hilarious free stock photo on Pexels. I saved it hoping one day it would suit one of my blogs, but it never has. So, having many false starts to this month’s offering, I visited my photo file, saw this picture, and decided to just start writing about it and see what emerged.

Here goes…..

Let’s begin by asking - what exactly was the composer of this photo trying to convey? Humour? Was the prime goal to say, ‘surprise!’ and have people like me crack up?  Imagine the composer conceiving the idea of stuffing a sausage inside a banana peel? Was it the middle of the night? Was he or she hungry, just home from the pub? Had he or she, who I imagine accompanied by friends, already eaten three bananas and the other half of the sausage, along with a chunk of cheddar and a box of crackers? After which the composer and friends perhaps got into some other form of mind altering consumables which led to a philosophical look at the scraps on the counter? Or was there nothing close to philosophical musings going on? Were these pub crawling magic brownie eating clowns just having a good time playing with their food?

(If you are about now wondering if I’m speaking from experience, you would be wrong. This is the work of a writer’s imagination. Besides, I ate toast, not sausage and bananas when I got home in the middle of the night from the pub.)

You can imagine anything you want when you look at a photo like this, and I’m sure some of you are imagining things about this picture that you wouldn’t write down. I like the idea that the creator was simply playing with food and came up with this funny shot, but I also can’t resist the other obvious reason for this composition: the creator wanted the viewer to think about how assumptions are easily made about an interior based on an exterior appearance. Appearances can be deceiving, says this photo to me.

For example. A movie trailer. A movie trailer can be two minutes of captivating entertainment – action, humour, or great scenery.  So we get all excited, put on our pj’s, make a big bowl of popcorn and settle in for an evening of….captivating entertainment. An hour later, disappointed, popcorn finished, we’re considering an extra early bedtime.

Pricing can also be deceptive. How many times have we paid top dollar for something only to find it performs no better than its’ competitor at half the price? Although in many cases it is true that you get what you pay for, it is the truth in this statement that is leveraged by companies looking to deceive us into paying a high price for something built no better than the standard version. Manufacturers of small appliances like toasters and blenders are good at this. All shiny and stainless steel and fancy LED lights on the outside but the bread comes out half toasted and the blade can’t even chop ice. Humpf.

Of course people themselves are the most deceptive of all. An old friend of mine once walked up to a stranger, a woman whose stomach was protruding. My friend patted the woman’s stomach and said, how exciting! When are you due? That’s right. She wasn’t. To this day I’m grateful I learned that lesson through my friend’s mistake rather than my own.

We humans are notorious for making assumptions about people based not only on their personal appearance but also their possessions. Take a house.  

Imagine a house with trim that never looks weather worn, that has fresh paint on the front steps every spring. A house surrounded by a tidy yard, the grass always cut, snow always shoveled. Decorative shrubs and trees always pruned. This house smiles upon the neighbours who walk by and admire it from the sidewalk. This is a house we would gladly approach if our cell phone died and we were stuck with a flat tire in a snow storm. (I just looked up photos of serial killers houses by the way, some of them look just as tidy as I have described.)

But when one day we are actually stuck in a snowstorm with a dead cell phone, we ring the doorbell of that house and no one answers. Through the blinds on the window beside the door we can see the light on in the kitchen at the other end of the house. We can see television light flickering on the wall. We ring again. Still no one comes to the door.

Now, what would we assume at this point? They can’t hear the bell? We can hear it, so we know it’s working. Perhaps the resident(s) have headphones on? Or are hard of hearing? Perhaps there is just one person home, a single woman, a young person, and they are afraid to answer the door. Perhaps whoever is watching the television has fallen asleep?

We make these kind, and reasonable assumptions, based on the exterior appearance of the house. If the house had worn out steps, peeling paint, and a rusty dented car parked in front, would we even choose to approach the house? If we were stuck in that snowstorm with the dead cell phone and it was the only house with any lights on inside, we may have no choice. So we ring the bell, and no one answers. We hear the bell, we see the flickering television light. But no one answers. What do we assume?  They’re rude? Lazy? Drunk or high? Are we relieved they didn’t come to the door because from the looks of the house and car we feel slightly uncomfortable? Rather than ring the bell a second time, we rush away from the door and begin searching for a house that looks better.

Meanwhile, inside the first house, the door wasn’t answered because the two residents, a married couple, are in the middle of an argument. They have lost 50% of their household income due to the Covid-19 pandemic, they can no longer afford both car payments or the mortgage on the recreational property in BC they had purchased three years earlier. They have both been drinking red wine, heavily, to try and numb the shock of their sudden financial distress, which has brought into sharp focus a fact they have known for years – they have lost touch with each other. The financial crisis has become a relationship crisis. When they heard the doorbell, they looked at each other and froze. Both were too emotionally charged, too fragile, to face another person at that moment.

In the second house, the situation was exactly the same. Except the bills they could no longer pay were not for new cars or a lake house, they were their son’s university tuition payments and the Canadian tire bill for the new patio furniture they had bought last summer. They were arguing about how much to list it for on Kijiji. They were arguing about whether or not they should sell their house. They were both employed when Covid hit, and then both of them lost their jobs. They were drinking wine too. When the doorbell rang, they felt their shame was too bare to face another person.

Our instincts will have us shy away from places and people that don’t fit our perceived ideas of what a good safe place, or a good safe person, should look like. After all, we are tribal by nature. Birds of a feather flock together. It is deep in our flight or fight response to put our guard up when we are confronted with a member of our species that doesn’t look like they fit our tribe, our flock.

But it’s also deep in our nature to recognize and connect with heart. Animals do it all the time. A mother cat takes a duckling into her family. A dog befriends a kitten, they become friends for life, the dog would die for the cat. In wild animal refuges, animals of different species, including the human handlers, become inseparable.  Each creature in these relationships gives or receives a sense of security from the other, regardless of glaring differences not only in their appearance but in their very species. In the wild, a mother cat would kill the duckling and feed it to her kittens. A wild dog would see a kitten as food as well. But these are pets, they are cared for, they are safe, they are loved. And so they can easily wear their hearts on their paws. At the animal refuge, where each creature is well fed, safe, loved, and free from fear of or domination by other species, heart becomes the strongest instinct. Heart is expressed easily, joyfully.

Of course we too, can, and do, tune into heart, as we do all over the world, every day. It is only when our deep, instinctual fears are stoked, or when we feel truly threatened, that those deep flight or fight responses rise. Right now, for example, I’m feeling the fight response toward the country that is holding our two Canadian Michael’s hostage. I use my higher order thinking to separate myself from that response and remember it is not the country, but the specific individuals with too much power in charge of that construct of ‘country’, that are responsible for this crime.

I see people afraid of Covid in the grocery store, usually older people, lash out at younger people who aren’t keeping their distance to the standard the fearful person feels they should. I believe that for many of us, Covid has activated our deep survival instincts, which are always tied to fear.

Every day, in this incredibly diverse and interconnected world, we look at a surface, an exterior, of an object, a building, a person, and experience a response that is either born out of assumptions or born out of heart.

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,  The Little Prince  

Strange and unpredictable, isn’t it, what a writer’s imagination can do with a photo of a sausage inside a banana peel?

www.thetreeswallow.com

[autistickogaynewrites]

Away From You

Adrinath August Day 13 - Last Thing you saw/heard/tasted etc. Decided to instead base this off of a conversation I had with my sister.

Adrien is dragged to New York by his father for work, and while there, he can't help but be reminded of Nathaniel everywhere he turns.

Adrien could only describe himself right now downright miserable. He and Nathaniel had only been dating for a month, and it was the best month of his life. Until his dad gave him the news that the two of them were needed in New York to help prepare for a large fashion event, and there was no way Adrien was able to get out of it. Gabriel had Nathalie pack for him and he was given two hours to spend time with Nathaniel before they had to leave for the next week and a half.

Adrien’s emotions fluctuated between being mad at his father for the short notice and sad that now the dates he had planned with Nathaniel were going to be scrapped. He had called the redhead as soon as he got the chance, explained what was happening, and agreed that the best way to spend the next two hours was cuddling on Nath’s couch, watching The Princess Bride, and eating the last of the treats Nathaniel’s sister had made the day before.

The cuddling was almost enough for him to forget the fact he would be leaving his boyfriend and friends behind for the next week, but the thought still hung over his head like a dark cloud. Luckily, Nathaniel seemed to pick up on how much the thought of leaving was really bothering his boyfriend, so he simply let Adrien relax, letting him rest his head in his lap as he ran his fingers through the blond hair. Usually Adrien would speak alongside the movie since he knew it so well, but today he decided to simply watch, mostly absorbing as much of his boyfriend’s presence as he could.

He was just dozing off when he heard the knocking at the front door. Groaning, he peaked an eye open, noting that it was two minutes before he was due to leave, so the knocking was probably for him. Glaring at the clock, he rolled up, pulling Nathaniel into a kiss before pulling away with a sigh.

“I’ll text and call as much as I can, okay? And I promise to bring back the best souvenirs ever. I’ll have to buy a whole new suitcase just to hold all of them,” Adrien muttered, using one hand to brush Nathaniel’s hair aside as he stood up to leave.

“Alright, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Nathaniel responded, standing to walk Adrien to the door. “I’ll miss you.”

Adrien’s face softened, stopping in front of the door to pull Nathaniel into another kiss. A week and a half wasn’t even that long to be apart, but knowing that it was his father’s whims that were taking him to an entirely different country without taking his wants into consideration. When he pulled back from the kiss, he smiled at the flush that was now painted across Nathaniel’s cheeks, accentuating the light freckles there that few ever noticed.

“I’ll miss you too.I’ll try to text you before we take off and when we land. It’s a nonstop, so it should only be around eight hours. I’ll probably just be working on the assignments I’ll be missing and sleeping. Hopefully this week goes by fast and I’ll be back cuddling with you before we even notice.” Adrien tried to reassure Nathaniel, giving him one last grin before opening the door and going with Nathalie to the airport.

It was fair to say the week was not going by quickly, in any sense of the word. The first day had been blocked off so he could try to recover from the jetlag, which he couldn’t help but be thankful for. The next two days had been a mess of shoots, scrambling for an upcoming fashion show, and sitting alone in his hotel room when his father had somewhere to be.

He had wanted to call Nath more often, but taking the six hour time difference into account, all the free time he had would’ve been either class time or the redhead would already be asleep. He had tried to convince his father to let him go souvenir shopping, even saying that he’d bring the Gorilla, but Gabriel had quickly told him that they were in a foreign city in a different country and as such, Adrien would be confined to his hotel room when they weren’t working.

The fourth day was crammed full of work for his father, but Adrien’s schedule was mostly clear, which left him time to sit around and wish he was back at Nathaniel’s, cuddling and cracking jokes about whatever they decided to watch together. Sighing, he pulled himself from where he was sprawled across the bed, walking to the large windows and peering down at the sidewalk below. They were only on the fifth floor, so he had a pretty decent view of the pedestrians skittering about below him. Pulling the chair for the desk towards the window, he decided that he might as well people watch, hoping that it would provide more entertaining than watching tv or surfing the internet.

He tried to imagine what they were doing, where they might be going, if maybe they were meeting up with others or if they might just be going to work. He imagined little stories in his head, freezing when he caught sight of someone with bright red hair bobbing their way down the sidewalk. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure, but from his current distance, it almost looked like Nathaniel.

Pressing his face to the glass, he squinted, watching the person as they walked closer and closer. Eventually, he could make out their face, and even though the chance had initially been low, he still frowned when he realized it wasn’t Nathaniel.

Deciding he had enough of window watching, he got up from the chair, crossing the room to pick up the menu Nathalie had dropped off for him less than an hour ago. She had told him that he was allowed to order what he wanted, as long as he was careful to not order in excess. Flicking through it, he decided to order a simple steak, eyes darting around before he flicked back to the dessert section. Scanning the options, he stopped when he came across the picture for the strawberry sponge cake. Nathaniel always told him that his favorite flavor anything was strawberry, and he was especially weak against strawberry cakes.

Making up his mind, he called down for his meal, practically bouncing in his seat as he waited for it to arrive. It was such a small thing, but with how much he missed the redhead, he hoped the taste of the strawberries would be enough to trick his brain into being a little less miserable.

When he heard the telltale knock at the door, he barely stopped himself from sprinting to the door and yanking it open. After taking a deep breath, he opened the door gently, stepping aside as the worker pushed the small cart into the room. Once it was beside the small sitting area, the man turned to leave, and Adrien made sure to pass the man a few dollars. Once the worker left, he turned to the food, pausing as he saw the small vase with a single tiger lily in it beside the plate. He stepped forward to run his fingers across the petals, smiling softly when he remembered Nathaniel telling him how much he loved the flowers.

”Tiger lilies were always my maman’s favorites. She said they were the first flower mère ever gave her. They planted some in our front yard, and they’ve been there as long as I can remember. Maman always told me they mean ‘I dare you to love me’. I don’t know, I just think that’s more beautiful than a red rose. I’d want a bouquet of tiger lilies if I ever got flowers.”

Blinking back a few tears, he sat down to eat, eyes glued to the flower as he ate. Maybe when he was done eating, he’d call Nath. The boy would still be in class, but he’d at least be able to hear his voice through the voicemail, and maybe he’d even leave a message telling the redhead how much he missed him.

Mind made up, he ate his steak quickly, but slowed down to savor the strawberry cake. Once finished, he pushed the cart out into the hall beside his door and darted back inside to grab his phone. When he found it and checked the time, he realized lunch was just ending in Paris, and he didn’t want the boy to see the call and be late to his next class trying to talk to him, so he decided to wait. Sitting on the small couch, he flicked the TV on, groaning when it flickered to life and showed The Princess Bride just starting.

He usually loved the movie, quoting along as often as he could, but knowing that he had cuddled up and watched the movie with Nathaniel right before he had to leave made his chest tighten. Turning it off, he decided to just lay in bed and nap, maybe read a bit of fanfiction on his phone before passing out. His schedule was empty for the next two days, so he wasn’t worried about missing anything. Changing into pajamas, he crawled into the bed, pulling the blanket over his head as he buried his face into the pillow.

When he woke up the first time, it was to the sound of hushed arguing right outside his door. It sounded like one of the voices might be Nathalie, but he was too tired to think on it, so he simply rolled over and went back to sleep.

The next time he woke up, it was to the sharp rapping of his father’s knuckles against his door. His father had a very distinctive way of knocking that let Adrien know it was him, but he usually just walked into whatever room he wanted, and Adrien knew he had a keycard to the room, so he simply sat and waited for the man to walk in. When a few moments later there was simply another knock at the door, he pulled himself out of the bed, checking to make sure he looked presentable before walking forward and opening the door. His father stood on the other side, hands crossed behind his back as Nathalie stood tapping away at her tablet. His father seemed to look him over before his brows furrowed.

“Nathalie brought it to my attention that you seemed...distressed yesterday, and that I should see what I could do to remedy the situation.”

Adrien opened his mouth to assure his father he was fine, but the man simply held up a hand and stopped him.

“I came to check on you yesterday evening, but you had already gone to bed, so I had Nathalie take care of it.”

Adrien paused, raising an eyebrow as he waited for his father to elaborate. The man stared at him for a few seconds before lifting one hand to wave like he was beckoning someone forward. Adrien leaned forward in the doorway, eyes widening when he caught sight of his redheaded boyfriend walking forward, one hand dragging his luggage behind him as the other rubbed at his eyes.

“Nath!” Adrien shouted, smile painted across his face as he darted forward to hug the boy, smiling into his hair as the artist’s arms came up to wrap around him.

“Nathalie informed me that a large part of your upset seemed to stem from his absence, so I had her contact his parents and book him a flight here. He’ll be staying with you, although I expect you to behave appropriately. Your schedule is empty until Friday, when we have a gala to attend, so you’ll be allowed to spend time with him. I have also taken the liberty of scheduling blocks of time for you to get out of the hotel and ‘sight-see’, with your bodyguard of course. We’ll have to get him a suit if he’s going to attend the gala as well, but seeing as how he’s most likely quite jetlagged, that can be taken care of later.”

Adrien pulled back from the hug, looking down at Nathaniel and noticing how tired the boy really looked.

“I’m sorry,” Nathaniel muttered, hand scrubbing over his face as he tried to stay awake, “I’ve never flown before, and it was a really long flight. The time change is also messing with me, so I’m more than ready for a nap.”

Adrien reached behind Nathaniel to grab his luggage, wrapping the other arm around the boy’s shoulders as he guided him into the room. Pushing him gently forward, he turned to thank his father. Before he could say anything, Gabriel simply nodded his head at him before turning on his heel and heading down the hallway. Nathalie gave him a small smile as well before following after him, leaving Adrien and Nathaniel alone.

Adrien pulled the luggage into the room, shutting the door behind him as he set the bag aside and walked into the room, finding Nathaniel, still fully dressed, sprawled across the bed.

“Nath, you can’t sleep in those clothes,” Adrien grinned, stepping forward to pull at the boy’s jacket, “You’ll regret it when you wake up. I’ll help you get changed and then we can cuddle and sleep, okay?”

Nathaniel let out a dramatic groan before rolling over, yanking at his jacket and tossing it to the ground.

“I can’t believe your dad managed to convince my parents to just let me fly over to New York for a week. I’m glad I get to see you again so soon, but my mind is still completely blown.”

Adrien chuckled as he untied Nath’s shoes, tugging them off as soon as they were loose enough. Leaving the redhead to handle the rest of the clothing, he grabbed the luggage, dragging it towards the bed so he could pull out some pajamas for his boyfriend.

Giggling at the Chat Noir onesie that he found as soon as the bag was unzipped, he tried to see if there were any other pajamas and finding none, he passed the onesie over to Nath, grinning at the red that flushed across his cheeks.

As soon as the boy was changed, Adrien crawled into the bed, pulling Nathaniel into his arms as they lay together.

“I really missed you,” He whispered, running one hand through the bright locks, “I’m glad you’re here now though.”

Nathaniel hummed, shifting so he could press a kiss right above Adrien’s heart before settling back.

“I missed you too. That’s why I came. Now, less talky, more cuddly.”

Adrien laughed, pulling Nathaniel closer, tangling their limbs together as he closed his eyes and relaxed, drifting off to sleep to the sound of his boyfriend’s light breathing. Right before he finally fell asleep, he realized that he was so unbelievably happy to have the other boy in his arms, that if felt like his heart might burst, and unbeknownst to him, Nathaniel felt the exact same way.