#they used to be judgemental and had an unwillingness to show vulnerability

[shi0n]

this year has made me AT LEAST 1.5x more toxic than before. lets raise the number next year as well

[insomnia3555]

Thoughts on: A Conspiracy of Truths

Overview:

One of the books I read this year that truly stuck with me is A Conspiracy of Truths by Alexandra Rowland. I read this book a good while back and always meant to write a well thought out review on it. The book is like a treasure trove for literary analysis especially for budding writers like me.

The story follows a character referred to only as the Chant and remains unnamed throughout the book. He had given up his and homeland long ago to become a Chant. A Chant in this story is a storyteller who travels across the lands and hears everyone’s stories to share the ones he was told. While traveling with his student Yfling he runs into trouble with the law of the place he currently staying, Nurveyet.  His mishandling of the court case that followed quickly escalated the situation landing him imprisoned in Nurveyet unable to prove his innocence. This kicks off the plot of the story as he tries to find a way to clear his name while his case gets more and more convoluted with government schemes and local revolutions.

Characters:

Chant

Chant is definitely a one of a type character. As the story progresses the readers witness him make increasingly questionable choices with full confidence just to save his own skin. It is quite an experience seeing a character willing to let a whole country fall into a civil war just to save himself.

Personally, these kind of characters get my attention faster than shiny candy. Even though I did not truly like him per say I could not abate my morbid curiosity of how he was going to actually make it out of this ordeal alive.

His character sticks out in many ways. He refuses to show any kind emotional vulnerability but is quick to use his age for getting better treatment during his time being imprisoned. He is also quick to understand people but does not have any empathy towards them. His works requires people having a level a trust in him to tell them their story or to listen to his but he tends to be the least trustworthy person in room.

He has the most nuanced picture of what people are because of his job but that gives him the opportunity to use that for his own advantage. The ability to connect people to the right story is almost like his own supernatural ability and he knows how to wield the power to his own benefit.

Consanza

Consanza is the Chant’s defense lawyer. In the beginning of the story, she seems to represent everything the Chant hates about Nurveyet. Her main concern at the beginning of the story was herself and what it could do for her career. There is direct no nonsense unemphatic approach she takes to her cases that almost makes her and the Chant similar. However, the Chant with his lack of self-awareness does not notice this.

There is instead a focus on what he does not like about her. He talks repeatedly about her unwillingness to appreciate his stories and her lack of imagination. Though as the story progresses the reader gets to see there is more to her through the Chant’s perspective. Her Arjuni heritage makes her conflicted about her people’s own storytelling heritage. There is also a reluctant bond developed between the two as the two spend more time with each other.

Yfling

By far the most endearing character in the story is Yfling. He has a passion and love for the art of story telling that makes him the perfect apprentice to the Chant. He is seen struggling to make the right choices while still trying to understand the world around him. He questions the different opinions people have about life at Nurveyet and asking the Chant to guide him. The Chant might be able to tell him the right choice but teaches him how to trust his own judgement.

There is still a sense of naivety to him as well that makes him easy target for Chant to abuse as well. Though the Chant clearly cares about him he continually uses Yfling trust in him to his own benefit.

Plot:

The plot of the book might not be its strongest pillar but it does a good job at setting up the actual focus of the story. It was a more character driven story choosing not to focus on the more exciting events happening during the story. It focuses more on the characters the Chants talks and how they affects the events happening in the story. It does not have much opportunity to be exciting as the Chant is locked in one place or another is every part of the story  but it does manage to do justice at conveying how the Chant kept getting himself more and more convoluted messes

Worldbuilding:

When writing a story about a travelling storyteller world-building was bound to be one of the most crucial building blocks to creating the story. Alexandra Rowland is able to deliver on this implicit promise made with this premise, creating a story about storytelling. She takes inspiration from different cultures and makes them their own. In doing so they were able to examine how different cultures tell stories, why they tell them, and what they are meant to say. This story gives space to take a look at the art of storytelling and appreciate it for what it is.

[khaotic-kitsunes]

Dangerous Daydreams

You have been heard...and the judgement? YES??? HOW DARE YOU APPROACH ME WITH SUCH A FANTASTIC IDEA???????????

Thank you, for the good brain food, I can only hope that this scenario lives up to your expectations!

Navigation 

Cheeky Kitsune 🦊💋

.

“You’ve got such beautiful hair, (Name)…have I ever told you that?” Tamaki muttered out, leaning down as he ran his fingers through your thick locks, his actions delicate until the last second; when he tangled his hand into your hair, yanking your head back to show your throat to him. Leaving you completely vulnerable.

 “Perfect for putting you in your place” He added, a smile forming on his lips at the way you gulped nervously, unmoving beneath him with excitement rushing through your veins.

 “You do know your place, don’t you? (Name)?”

 .

 .

 Your cheeks flushed as you sat at your desk quietly, fingers tapping away mindlessly in search of the information your boss had asked of you earlier in the day. Your imagination was running wild once again, instead of focusing on the task at hand; here you were, fantasizing about your boss, Tamaki Amajiki, who was one of the most wanted criminals in the area.

 It wasn’t the first, nor would it be the last time your imagination would thrust thoughts of Tamaki into your mind. However, you did wish it wouldn’t happen so casually during the hours you happened to work for said man. It made it almost impossible to get your work done right.

 “Focus (Name). He’s just your boss.” You whispered to yourself, shaking your head before slapping your cheeks firmly, attempting to drag your attention back to the task at hand. Even if the task wasn’t what you wanted to be doing at that moment. It had to be done, Tamaki had trusted you with this and you refused to disappoint him.

 .

 “Should I assume you’re talking about me then?”

 .

 You screamed, practically jumping out of your chair as a cold hand closed down on your shoulder, disrupting the thoughts you had been having. The voice, full of curiosity, held a familiar annoyance deep within it; assuring you that it was indeed your boss behind you that had just caught you talking to yourself like a madwoman.

 “A-Ah, boss, I was just…just…um” You trailed off nervously while Tamaki used his grip on your shoulder to turn you to face him, a single eyebrow raised at your pathetically stuttered out excuse; which hadn’t even been finished. Not that it seemed to matter, he didn’t appear to be too concerned with your excuses.

 “Looking into what I asked of you, I would hope” He muttered out, eyes narrowing while you sank back into your seat nervously, a slow nod his only answer. There was no way you would admit to daydreaming about him, though you were almost certain he would be able to come to that conclusion on his own. He wasn’t a stupid man. Nor a patient one.

 “Of course, I’ve gotten most of it…I was about to double check my sources for you” You explained quickly, motioning back towards the piles of paper you had printed off. Despite the fact he was a villain now, Tamaki had once been a pro-hero; he was used to organisation and had made a point to keep it that way when he chose to become a villain.

 Admittedly, it made your job easier to accomplish. Having an organised boss that knew what sort of information he was after made the tasks of information gathering much easier for you.

 “Good. I’m sure you’re well aware of what would await you, should you ever disappoint me” He remarked quietly, sadism flickering through his gaze while his fingers tapped against the phone he held in one hand; a burner, though it was one of the more expensive ones on the market. Reliable.

 “Yeah, I know” You mumbled softly, averting your gaze after a moment of staring into his eyes, any longer and you were positive that another strange scenario would begin to play out in your mind once more. You didn’t really need that happening.

 “Oh, and (Name)?”

 You looked up quickly as he paused, his head tilted to the side slightly while his hand on your shoulder moved up to cup your cheek, thumb dragging over your bottom lip slowly.

 “Come see me when you’ve finished. I’ve got more tasks for you to do…something I’m sure you can handle” He tapped his thumb against your lip a few times before stepping away and turning his back to you; leaving you completely and utterly bewildered while he went about his business.

 Finishing up was going to be a lot harder than you had initially believed, you could already feel your mind racing with different possibilities on what he could have possibly meant by that. You could only hope it was nothing to be fearful of.

 .

~  ~  ~

 .

 “Um…b-boss?”

 .

 You jolted as the door to Tamaki’s room swung open, Tamaki himself leaning against the doorframe, his eyes glued to you; following your every movement. It almost felt like he had been waiting for you to get there.

 “Is that everything I asked for?” He demanded quietly, gaze dropping down to the stack of papers in your grip briefly before flickering back up to your face, just in time to see you nod your head quickly in confirmation; you didn’t trust your voice to answer him.

 “Really? Because it looks like there’s more than I asked for” He pointed out, dragging his finger down the edge of the papers, carelessly flipping through them despite not actually searching for anything in particular.

 “Oh, right. Well, I did find some more stuff that I thought might be useful to you. So I added that in at the end…I figured you wouldn’t mind, if you didn’t need it, you could just…throw it away” You squeaked out, watching as he took the stack of papers from you, reaching behind into his room to drop them onto some kind of surface; you could only guess that he would look at them later on.

 “You’re awfully nervous for someone that’s just done exactly as I’ve asked. With extra effort and results.” He remarked plainly, pushing himself off of the doorframe while his hands reached out for your retreating form, circling around your waist and pulling you against his chest tightly; leaving you no way to escape from his hold.

 “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were scheming something” He paused, smirking as he leaned down towards your face, one hand moving up to tangle itself into your hair, keeping you from moving your head away from his own.

 “But, luckily for you, I do know better (Name). You’re such a loyal girl, you’d never betray me, would you?” He questioned, minty breath invading your senses while your body acted against your will, leaning into your boss’ touch. It seemed everything and everyone was against you today, especially yourself.

 “No, I wouldn—”

 .

 “I know.”

 .

 He cut you off, two words silencing any agreement you had prepared with the few seconds you had been given. His voice was so calm, so steady. So full of certainty, it made you wonder how much Tamaki truly trusted you; you were the only person he had look into certain matters. That much you already knew, but it had never occurred to you that there could be a reason behind it.

 “(Name). You said something interesting earlier. Something about me being just a boss” He paused, a frown settling onto his features as he began to back towards his room, making sure you had no choice but to follow his movements. Though his eyes constantly searched your own for any sign of unwillingness; it was strange, how worried he appeared to be in that moment.

 “Ah, that. Well, it’s nothing really. I was just t—” Tamaki cut you off once more, this time, by kicking the door shut and slamming you up against it, his body grinding against your own, hand tugging harshly at your hair until you gave in, leaning your head back in submission to the man above you.

 “I want to be so much more than that” He admitted, trailing hot kisses along the soft skin of your neck, occasionally taking a moment to leave behind aggressive looking hickeys; proof of his apparent feelings. You didn’t dare deny them, both your mind and heart screaming at you to embrace the sudden confession from a man that could just as easily kill you where you stood.

 “I’ve been trying to work it out. Why I bother keeping you so close, you’re such a risk to me (Name). You know so much, but I’m not willing to let you go” He continued, his free hand lifting your own to his shoulders so that he could focus on stripping you of your clothes, not having to worry about keeping you steady.

 “Then you said it, that I’m just your boss and I realized something” He leaned back to stare up at you while your heart raced, disbelief still weighing down on you despite what was currently taking place.

 “What did you realize?” You questioned, urging him to continue in the only way you could think of, your nails biting into his skin through his shirt out of anticipation; you couldn’t wait, you wanted. No, you needed to hear him say it. To make it reality.

 .

 “I don’t want to ever give you up”

 .

 With those words said, his lips crashed up against your own, greedily stealing away your precious breath while your hands began to tear away at his own clothes, eagerness helping you to forget the fear of what Tamaki could possibly do to you. Surely if he cared, he would have no problems stopping you.

 It didn’t take long before Tamaki travelled through his room with you and instead of the bed, you found yourself bent over the large desk he had in his room, papers you had given to him on previous occasions littering the surface of it.

 “Boss…don’t you still need the—” You cried out mid-sentence when Tamaki pulled on your hair harshly, his free hand slapping against your thigh to silence you. For some reason, he didn’t want you to continue.

 “Enough, stop calling me that. That isn’t what I want to hear from those plump lips of yours (Name). Call me by my name, scream it if it pleases you” He smirked as he leaned down, nipping at the edge of your ear while he pushed his throbbing cock up against your folds slowly, making you aware of just how much he desired you currently.

 “The papers can be printed out again. This moment, cannot and I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the patience to stop what we’re doing, just to move some replaceable resources” He groaned out quietly, leaning back as he thrust his hips forwards and slid into your welcoming body, filling you with every inch he had to offer; making you moan out his name in surprise.

 All the fantasies in the world couldn’t hold a candle to the real thing. Having Tamaki like this, you couldn’t even begin to explain the ways you had mistakenly pictured him fucking you; this was one of the few positions you hadn’t actually thought about before now.

 “Sounds like you enjoy the feel of me inside of you (Name)…just what have you been thinking of when I’m not around?” He teased quietly, grabbing a hold of your hip with his free hand while he began to settle into a harsh rhythm, taking enjoyment out of the way your arse bounced against him with each thrust of his hips.

 It was certainly a sight to remember.

 .

 “T-Tamaki that isn’t…”

 .

 He pulled on your hair roughly, forcing you to arch your back in order to avoid the pain that began to radiate through your scalp while his fingers dug into the flesh of your hip firmly, twitching with the effort of not using his quirk. That would have to be another time.

 “Isn’t what?” He demanded, trailing his lips along the delicate skin of your neck once more, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth; admittedly, he was having more fun with you than he thought possible.

 “If you tell me it isn’t true. That you don’t like the feel of me inside of you, I’ll lose it. All control I could ever have with you (Name)” He paused, biting at your shoulder for emphasis while he began to pick up his pace, his hips moving harder and faster until you were choking on your own moans, struggling to keep your back arched as Tamaki seemed to want; eventually needing to move your hands to the desk below you to keep yourself steady.

 “(Name), I don’t think you realise how badly I need you…” He trailed off quietly, closing his eyes as he turned his head, pressing a surprisingly tender kiss to your jaw, sending welcomed shivers down your spine while your body moved against Tamaki, urging on his actions without your say so.

 “You don’t, do you? You have no idea…no idea at all” He frowned as he spoke, his grip on your hair tightening as he pressed you down against the desk once more, groaning with effort as his release began to draw closer. For now, the conversation would stop; Tamaki had plenty of time to make you aware of how desperately he needed to keep you close, for now, all he needed was to fill you up with his seed and to have your body wrapped tightly around his cock until you could take no more of his treatment.

 Your moans soon turned into whimpers and gasps as heat pooled in the very pit of your stomach, your toes curling as your orgasm approached at an alarming rate. Having Tamaki fuck you with such a brutal pace was too much, your body couldn’t keep up and neither could your cries of pleasure.

 Soon enough, you were just a trembling mess of whines and whimpers with your orgasm rocking through your body, making you squeeze down on Tamaki’s throbbing cock until his hips finally came to a stop.

 .

 “(Name)…”

 .

 He groaned out lowly, buried as deep as possible within you as he came, spilling his seed inside of you without even an ounce of regret. Tamaki could feel you beneath him, the way your body heaved with the effort of breathing, the almost unnoticeable shakiness that came from having to support yourself while he fucked you mercilessly.

 It was perfect, you were perfect.

 .

 “You took me so well (Name), come on…I’ll clean you up and we can go over those papers together. You can show me what you found”

[sonicgetsrawed]

Sharp Cheddar

A modern Varian x Hugo one shot!!! The cheese is relevant in this one!! I’m putting it under the cut cause it got pretty long! Enjoy!!!

Hugo draped his arm across his face, trying to block out the sun that streamed in from the window. He was normally a morning person but he had submitted his last project for the semester and thought he deserved to sleep in a little bit. He rolled over, fully intending to pull his boyfriend into his arms only to be met with an empty bed. He groaned sitting up and shoving his glasses onto his face. A deep frown settled into his features noticing that Varian’s side was still made up. He shook his head, the idiot probably fell asleep in their lab again. He kicked the blankets off with the sole goal of dragging Varian to bed and ordering in. The semester had been stressful for both of them. Quite frankly he was surprised their relationship survived. Their relationship had been fairly new at the start of the semester, having been in the same dorm room the previous. They had been at each other’s throats then, until one particularly explosive argument ended in an equally explosive make out session. From there they started an actual relationship deciding to move in together off campus. Varian had insisted on getting a two bedroom apartment, claiming that he would be sleeping in his own room. That lasted two weeks and now the second bedroom was used as a lab space now, so it wasn’t a total loss. And they worked on opposite schedules so they both had time in the lab. They had learned very quickly that working together would lead to arguments, and that almost led to breaking up. Although once the fight was resolved it led to making up, which he quite enjoyed. But they had been doing too much of that lately, he was looking forward to having a relaxing few weeks of peace as they prepared for the next semester.

He padded across the room, not bothering to check his phone, the only person he wanted to talk to was in the same place as him anyways. He opened the door, surprised to see Varian in the kitchen. He had his back turned to him, various sand which ingredients spread about on their island.

“Love you too, Dad. Okay, I will. Bye.” Varian said, hanging up his phone and slamming it onto the counter next to him. His shoulders were hunched up to his ears and Hugo kissed any ideas of having a relaxing day goodbye. Varian’s dad was another major source of their arguments. He did not approve of their relationship in the slightest, always saying that Varian deserved better, could do better. Was he right? Absolutely, but he had a habit of taking things he didn’t deserve and he had no intentions of letting Varian go without a fight.

He made his way over to the smaller male. He still might be able to salvage this. He wrapped his arms around his middle, placing a kiss to Varian’s cheek and trailing down to his shoulder. “Good morning.” He was testing the waters, trying to gauge where Varian’s mindset was at. He was always on edge whenever he spoke to his dad.

“It’s afternoon. You slept in.” Varian said simply, only relaxing slightly in his touch.

“I know.” He replied, although he really hadn’t expected to sleep in that long. “Did you sleep at all?” Despite keeping his tone light, Varian shot him a warning glare over his shoulder. Hugo sighed as Varian escaped his grip, pulling a butter knife from the drawer. He pushed himself onto the island, watching with concern as Varian put the sand which together a little too roughly. “What did he say this time?”

Varian slammed the knife down on the table, bangs covering his eyes as he hunched over the counter. “Same thing as last time. Same thing as every time. I just can’t do this anymore, Hugh.”

He wanted to pull Varian into his arms, rub soothing circles on his back, and let him cry his eyes out. Instead he got defensive, he wasn’t even sure why. Maybe it was the fear that he might actually lose Varian this time. “Do what, exactly?”

“This! The fighting with you and my dad! It needs to stop.” Varian yelled, looking up at him with desperate, pleading eyes.

“Okay. Then tell him! This isn’t my fault. I’ve tried talking to him but he doesn’t want to hear it. You can’t blame me for this!” Hugo argued, letting his anger cloud his judgement.

“I-I’m not-“ Varian started, frustrated tears welling in his eyes.

“Yes, you are! You always get like this when you talk to him! You-you let him brainwash you!”

“He doesn’t brainwash me! Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?!”

Hugo had a retort ready on his tongue. It died when Varian deflated, tears falling in steady drops. He hated when Varian cried and it absolutely broke his heart when he was the one that caused it. “Var-“ He tried reaching out.

Varian backed away, out of his reach. “Maybe he was right. Maybe we moved to fast. I don’t even know what kind of cheese you like!”

“Cheese? What does that matter? I lo-“ He couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence, they hadn’t said those words yet and he didn’t want to say it like this. Not as a cop out in an argument, Varian deserved better than that, he was better than that.

“It matters because I feel like I don’t know you. I feel like you don’t know me. I don’t want him to be right, but I’m tired. I’m so tired, Hugo.” Hugo reached out again, desperate to keep Varian here, to keep him in his arms, but he slipped through his fingers like everything else that was good in his life. He didn’t know how long he sat there with the forgotten sandwich ingredients, eventually he had pulled himself together enough to move from his location. He wiped away a few of his stray tears. He wouldn’t accept defeat this easily. He would show Varian that they did know each other, and while his pride was his downfall he swallowed it and shot a quick text message to a number he didn’t even bother to save into his phone. It didn’t take long for him to get a reply. He quickly changed and jotted a quick note to Varian in case he came looking for him. Thankfully the meeting place wasn’t too far from his apartment.

He had to remind himself constantly that he was doing this for Varian to prevent himself from bolting from the pastel colored cat cafe. The blonde girl in front of him smiled kindly at the employee that handed her her drink and pastry. The foam cat on top of her coffee glaring into his soul, mocking him, with those beady foam eyes. His staring contest with the foam animal didn’t last long as Rapunzel dipped a piece of her pastry into the coffee, wiping the animal from existence.

“I’m so glad you wanted to meet up.” She said, a bit too cheerily for his liking.

“It’s not like I had a choice. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this.” Hugo responded, finally meeting her eyes. Normally he wouldn’t admit such a thing but he was feeling unusually vulnerable after the fight.

“Right, sorry.” She popped another piece of pastry into her mouth, taking a sip of her drink before continuing. “What happened this time?”

“We had another fight. He wants me to talk to Quirin.” He spat the name out. He had never gotten along with Varian’s dad no matter how hard he tried.

“So talk to him. If Varian sees you’re trying to fix things he’ll be satisfied. All he wants is for you to try.” Rapunzel explained as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

“It’s not that simple.” She raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. “Var thinks we don’t know each other.”

“Then show him you do.” She replied, eyes narrowed with a fire he had only seen a handful of times. It’s what made Rapunzel more bearable than the rest of Varian’s friends, her unwillingness to back down or give up on anything or anyone.

“How?” He asked, slumping forward in his chair, suddenly glad for their setting. No one he knew would dare set foot in this establishment and see the mess he was.

“You know, Eugene would probably suggest doing some big romantic gesture, but it’s all about the little things. The cupcakes he brings me when I’m sad, the extra paints he surprises me with on his way home from work, waking up early to get me coffee before I go into work. You know, things like that. They show you really care and know a person. Those mean more to me than any big gesture ever could.” Rapunzel explained, smiling as she lost herself in her memories.

“So bring him a cupcake?” Hugo asked, pushing his glasses further up his nose.

“No. You have to tailor it to you two. If you copy us it’ll just be an empty gesture. It has to come from the heart.” Rapunzel still had that stupid smile on her face, but he got the message. He stood an idea striking him.

“Uh, thanks, I guess.” He said as an afterthought as he headed out the door, not sticking around to hear her excited squeal.

It was dark by the time he returned to the apartment, various bags in his arms. He struggled to get the key into the lock and get the door open but he eventually got it. It was dark inside, which meant that Varian was likely still in the lab. He placed the bags on the counter and switched on the lights, eyes going wide at the sight that met him. The room had a giant blanket and pillow fort in front of their TV, lights strung from the ceiling, but Varian was nowhere to be found. He smiled softly to himself, setting up his horde of food in the middle of the fort. He couldn’t believe that someone would go through so much effort for him. He didn’t get much done before the door opened again. He pulled Varian inside before he could even properly process that he was there, pressing him against the closed door and kissing him like his life depended on it.

He reluctantly pulled away. “You did all this for me?”

Varian nodded, still trying to catch his breath. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken out my anger on you. I-I know that this doesn’t make up for the things I said, but I hope it’s a start.”

“I’m sorry too. You had a point about not knowing each other.” Hugo admitted, leading Varian to the fort. “So, I wanted to prove you wrong. It’s different food from all your favorite places.”

Varian made his way around the feast. “You got gyros?” Hugo nodded. “But you hate them!”

“But you don’t.” He said as way of explanation. “And.....” He shoved another tray into Varian’s hands.

“A cheese platter?” Varian raised an eyebrow, biting his lip in a way that sent his heart fluttering.

“Yup. I realized I don’t know what kind of cheese you like either. So, we’re going to try them all.”

Varian beamed before lighting up as if he just realized something. He dug around in the bag he hadn’t noticed before and pulled something out, placing it in his hands. “Do you have any idea how hard this was to track down?”

“Is this?” He asked staring in awe at the small blue toy car in his hand.

“Yeah. You said you always wanted one. It’s a little banged up, but we can repai-“ Hugo claimed Varian’s lips once again, relishing on how the other melted against him.

“It’s perfect. I love it.” He hesitated before deciding to speak his feelings. “I love you. I love you, Varian.”

“I love you too. I-I love you so much. I’ll talk to my dad tomorrow. We’ll work this out.” Varian responded.

“There’s no need. I already asked him to meet me tomorrow.” Hugo said.

Varian’s eyes lit up. “What did I ever do to deserve you? I love you.” Varian laughed, the sound like music to his ears. “I could say that forever. I love you.”

Hugo laughed this time, the sound quickly swallowed by Varian tackling him to the ground lips pressed against his the entire way down.

[therelativist]

Beaujester Is The Best and Here’s Why (an essay by Alpha Ray)

North vs South – Opposites Attract

Beau and Jester aren’t a likely couple. Beau is a standoffish butch who favours melee combat and knows little to nothing of magic. Her weapon of choice is simple – fists, elbows, knees. Quick and brutal. She’s a scrapper who hides her more academic interests behind the veneer of a jock. Meanwhile, Jester is a humorous trickster magic wielder who avoids melee as much as possible. A ‘leetle blue teefling’ who attracts people and befriends them easily. She’s loveable and loving in turn. As happy go lucky as they come. Hey

It feels like an unfortunate trope – the happy, well adjusted one fixes the gruff, standoffish traumatised one. But the second you look beyond the fronts the two characters put forward things seem very different.

Neither of them like to let people in and both utilise a front to prevent that. Jester focuses on others and never lets anyone too close. She takes any chance to deflect the conversation away from her and towards others. Beau takes the opposite approach, which is trying not to let people get close. Both require people to turn a more insightful eye towards them to get behind their barriers. Thankfully, both have high wisdom. Jester is slowly learning that she can express negative emotions without her friends abandoning her for not being the perfect, happy go lucky seed of joy and chaos she puts across whilst Beau is learning that she can be creative and can have friends and love those friends without opening herself up for abandonment. And they’re both teaching each other more healthy coping mechanisms including finding the balance between standing up for yourself and finding your own space, and being welcoming and friendly and creative and investing time in other people.

They bring out the best in each other. They’re different but they look out for each other and complement each other. Beau takes the melee and Jester takes the range when they’re trying to deal with an enemy with the monk doing her best to tank. And maybe they’re both very good liars, but they suck at lying to each other.

Compulsive Liars – How They Support Each Other

Marisha has described Beau as a liar and Jester certainly feels that she herself is one. Again, on surface glance it sounds like a recipe for disaster. And yet the conversation where this all came from came about as a result of them failing badly at lying to each other and responding by being honest. That’s what they bring out in each other.

Jester needs someone who will take her seriously and not dismiss her and her needs. She presents a cheerful demeanour which hides her real thoughts, hurts and feelings. This is something that probably came even from her childhood and feeling pressured to indicate to her mother that she was happy with her living situation as so not to stress her out.  Anyone who can’t read beyond that front runs the risk of encouraging Jester to further disinvest in herself and to focus on the other person. Thankfully, Beau’s demonstrated a determined ability to reach out to Jester and to take her seriously. She’s been the most successful at getting her to admit negative emotions in a way that displays clearly her understanding of Jester. But she doesn’t just encourage the acknowledgement of negative emotions, she encourages Jester to laugh and is willing to go along with her pranks and tricks. Beau takes every aspect of Jester seriously from the ones which are more fun and cheerful to the ones which aren’t necessarily pretty or nice or easy to deal with. Jester needs someone to talk to who will reassure her when needed but also still support her creative outlets and Beau has proven herself willing and able to do that. When travelling to Xhorhas, Beau played along with dramatically reading the smut book and with the jokey worship of Jester to convince the kobolds that she was a god instead of shutting Jester down or dismissing her. And Beau found it fun and laughed right along with her because of their relatively similar senses of humour. That didn’t start later, Beau and Jester have been pulling pranks and having fun since the first time they shared a room and decided to inform the guards that they were naked for no real clear reason beyond that they could and Jester wanted to.

As someone who struggles with her sense of self worth, anyone who isn’t willing or able to wholly appreciate and support Beau is ultimately going to be toxic for her. Thankfully, Jester has been championing the Beauregard Appreciation Squad from the start She’s built up Beau when other members of the party have torn her down, encouraged her to try things and supported her in her success. Jester respects Beau as an equal, and Beau likewise respects Jester. She values her opinion to the point where when Beau’s challenging Dairon about letting people in, Jester is the example she uses and who she talks about the most. Beau’s also learned that the way to get Jester to open up is to open up herself and to allow herself to be vulnerable, thus exposing things about herself that she’s ashamed of or would normally keep to herself. This degree of communication about real feelings and real hurt is unique to Jester.The fact that Jester let Beau expose herself and didn’t mock her but responded in kind is the best way to teach Beau that her friends do care about her and won’t let her down. Jester had the benefit of a loving mother but for Beau, who had parental issues, being able to admit that she loved someone must have been huge. Oh, and also they love each other.

Beau and Jester bring out the best in each other. They both tend to lock their feelings up and put up a front but they’re also both uniquely good at getting the other to admit their feelings and hurt and things that they’re ashamed of. They encourage more a healthy expression of emotions,better coping mechanisms in each other and are both pushing each other to make better life choices. Beau is receiving the support she wants but has never had, someone who believes in her and her abilities. Jester has found someone who doesn’t just love the happy parts of her but loves the angry and the sad and the hurt as well and encourages her to show her true feelings.

Jigsaw Puzzle - Fitting The Pieces Together

Beau and Jester have a surprising amount in common, not least their uncharacteristic willingness to open up to each other. Their senses of humour align, their love of the group and investment in their friends, their love of animals. Hell, they even adopted a dog together.

While they might favour different styles, both are ultimately scrappy fighters and enjoy fighting in arenas and bars, both with and against each other. They both enjoy friendly competition and neither are sore losers, Jester willingly accepting defeat in the Evening Nip and promising that she’d come out victorious next time. Plot twist, she didn’t but neither did Beau and they mostly fought alongside each other not against each other. They’re always willing to throw down and have each others backs.

They also share a love for animals and actually adopted a dog together (though Marisha seems to have forgotten this) to the point where Liam actually coined the ship name Lavorregard. Beau’s attempted care for Professor Thaddeus as well as owl Frumpkin shows an empathetic and emotional side she normally tries to conceal. She and Jester both have this protective instinct when it comes to animals and both crave their judgement free affection. They both were lonely growing up without many friends and as such it makes sense that they’d turn to animals to find that companionship. However, when separated from their animals they both very notably turned to each other and were surprised but relieved to find that same support and same concern shown from other people. They both have a lot of care to give and Beau, when Jester exposed herself, didn’t mock her and instead chose to support her and to show the depth of her care for her.

Most importantly, they have fun together. They find pleasure in each others company. They have similar morals (both prioritise their close circle over society at large but generally try to avoid doing too much harm and prioritize individuals over governments/countries). While Beau feels increasingly large scale social obligation due to being an Expositor-in-training, she has proved herself willing to break individual laws and not tied to any one country. They have both expressed willingness to work with the drow and a desire to understand them without simply dismissing them as evil and display an unwillingness to believe propaganda. However, both were down to fuck up a guy who was threatening Jester’s mother and ultimately put their close circle of friends and those they care about first.

They both find smut entertaining and both enjoy reading, though Beau is reluctant to admit her nerdier interests. They both enjoy pranking others and both have a flair for the dramatic. They also both have more vulnerable sides and both need someone to open up to who will understand and support them. They derive pleasure from each others company as well as being able to have emotionally heavier but vital conversations. They each allow the other to be honest about how they truly feel. They’re both young women who are encountering a milestone in their life and learning about the world. They also both love each other

Team Blue - The End

To conclude, they’re gay and in love and would have a surprisingly strong and healthy relationship based on mutual love and support as well as genuine enjoyment of spending time together. They never mock each other and always try to build the other up. They tend towards healthier coping mechanisms and more honest airings of their feelings when they’re together and bring joy to each other’s lives. They deserve each other in the best possible way.

Thank you for reading and have a nice evening.

[zenosanalytic]

HSE 4/20/19 6

Alright; had a busy day yesterday but I’m back at it for a bit, at least:

MEAT 11

I wonder if John having trouble yelling in this place means it’s separated him from “Breath” in some way. I don’t think it does since there’s obvsl light and space in this location, but neither Rose nor Jade seem to be able to use their abilities, either(and, ofc, no one is suffocating). It could be that being “inside”(?) the JuJu suppresses abilities(since John COULD use his from the White Space, so this space has different properties). Within it they’re outside of canon, but their powers work just fine on EarthC, so that can’t be it. Myb it separates them from the metaphysical(which would be why no time exists there since it’s by nature a metaphysical abstraction or derivative), while still possessing physical qualities(like atmosphere, space, form, light, etc). Or it could just be power-suppression.

Also: we’re all in agreement they’re arranged in the four sections of the logo, like oh so many fanarts of the past, right?

Did John really hang around with Terezi enough to feel this deeply about her, or have such a well-formed opinion? I suppose how one feels about another isn’t so much a question of time as impact though. she DID

Badgerflirt him to death in another timeline

lead him partway through an Epic Quest which gave him a Cool Rocketpack in his personal timeline

give him an Epic Quest to Hateflirt with her throughout her life, then die dramatically before him, all as part of a plan to get him to save his and her shared friend’s life by punching her in her stupid face.

and John is 1)pretty perceptive and 2)prone to strong immediate judgements, so I suppose it fits.

Also This:

is just a Gr8 description of Terezi and I Love It uwu

Though at the same time: imagining that some friend is totally awesome and lacking in flaws and difficulties of their own, which would allow them to fix YOUR problems easily if they’d been around, is not terribly healthy, and also a subtle way to beat yourself up (:( (:(

MEAT 12

Ok, so this is the infamous Jade Quote section.

I actually don’t mind it. In context, I think it’s fine and totally works; yes, it’s way too forward and groanworthy, but it’s meant to be as the whole purpose/arc of this section is Jade trying to goad Dave and Karkat into facing emotions&desires which they’re repressing&avoiding for reasons of anxiety&(understandable)fears of vulnerability/loss/hurt. And also Jade’s generally been pretty straight-forward and blunt(while still repressing and hiding alot herself) since her dreamself’s death(which is it’s own thing. Like: Yes, I do think this section is also meant to show some of Jade’s issues, even if it’s presenting Jade as being more aware, active, and dynamic than Dave and Karkat here).

Like: Dave and Karkat are deeply important to one another, they bring a lot of happiness into each others lives, and they also carry around alot of trauma specifically related to intimacy and cohabitation and emotional honesty which obvsl causes them lots of anxiety and makes opening up to other people, ESPECIALLY physically, really fucking scary. And, both of them being super-avoidant and prone to passive support in certain respects(by which I mean: they avoid talking about uncomfortable stuff, and support others by trying to be available and distracting rather than facing the problem, then brushing off their support as “the natural thing” or actually not support), means that, absent outside meddling, they’ll both basically just swirl around each other comfortably flirting forever, never taking a chance on pursuing anything more they might want. Which isn’t to say nonsexual relationships are bad or anything, they’re not, and neither is it “bad” that they’ve kept their rom til now nonsexual, or even, necessarily, that they’ve allowed it to exist without labeling it “love” or “romance”; those choices are the choices that were comfortable and safe and non-stressful for them, they had every right to make them, and that they live together without stress or conflict is proof that they were “good” ones. But at the same time: there’s a big distance between a healthy, long term, asexual relationship, and one where the participants desire one another, but their anxieties and hangups prevent sexual exploration, let alone (and more importantly)deeper emotional honesty and intimacy. Particularly when that goes to the point of actively excluding one member because of their unwillingness to pretend those, difficult to face and process, feelings aren’t there.

And yes, Jade’s def going about this a bit too head-on and too bluntly, this really is a subject that ought to be worked through sensitively and slowly, but

I sense from the writing that this is meant to be taken as just the lastest(and perhaps exasperated?) step in a long, long process of her trying to engage them on how she feels for them and how she (correctly, I think)thinks they feel for her

Jade’s own issues predispose her towards such approaches

Jade doesn’t like dealing honestly with introspection and the more “down” emotions any more than John does, but the way she handles them is not through denial and feigned ignorance, but rather Suppression and trying to bury them with Happiness and Enthusiasm. This is part of why Jade, despite her intelligence and power, usually tries to solve problems by barrelling through them, getting between them, or overpowering them(much like she tries to Math and Logic her way through this particular conversation; steamrolling Dave with her Rightness and Verve rather than the sort of [painful and exhausting]genuine emotional engagement that could actually generate a constructive response[see: his talk with Dirk in the Endgame]), rather than working/thinking around/through them. She’s not the type to walk a maze; she’s the type to smash it’s walls down. And that’s what she’s trying to do here. She’s tried, for a decade, to talk through these issues with them, or perhaps instigate an Encounter(though she’s always been a bit messy, so I dont read her bras being all over the couch as being attempted seduction as Dave does here[if I’m reading the narration right]. Possibly territory marking, though, which could be described as adjacent?).

HAVING SAID ALL THAT:

I totally get the frustration and anger at the first we see of Jade being about sex, romance, and other people. Jade’s been given a super raw deal by HS canon; her WHOLE STORYLINE since Cascade has been entirely about other people, and specifically her responding to/dealing with/interpreting for other people re: her romantic relationships&feelings; and to see her agency, yet again, getting expressed entirely through romance, to see her again for the first time in a context that presents her as exclusively or primarily concerned with relationships and sex, is pretty galling. One could certainly offer psychological explanations rooted in isolation for all this but the fact was This Was a Narrative Choice. It was a narrative choice to leave her in canon at a unsolicited kiss, and a narrative choice to reintroduce her in the Epilogues through an attempt to talk Dave and Karkat into dating her; literally presenting her sexuality as preeminent within her characterization in the work. There’s a hell of a lot more to her than that; she was never really presented as especially interested in physical intimacy in canon despite the prominence relationship and attraction was given in her arc; and I can totally understand ppl reading it as yet another example of Jade’s story being about dudes rather than her.

ok, think I’m going to stop there today.

[tidesofthought-blog]

Plato’s Crito

Following after the events of Apology, Plato moves on to paint this picture of Socrates debating with one of his friends while imprisoned. By the end of his argument in Apology, Plato solidified that he had no real concern whether or not they found him guilty, only that he was right and maintained that face. In fact he goes so far as to bring up and invoke the possibility of a death sentence before it is even wrought.  Now imprisoned it made sense that he had already prepared this elaborate argument to justify his coming death. My classmates have pointed out that Socrates is very forward thinking in this, knowing the answers he needs to get out of Crito before asking the questions. He appears calm and collected. In contrast, Crito is impassioned and as Plato would have us believe makes him unable to properly argue with Socrates. Yet as concrete as Socrates line of thought is, @queenantho-milly has already pointed out that neither party convinces the other of their standpoint. This is so important, because it follows the same formula that was prevalent in Apology: regardless of Socrates’ immense oratory skill, he is so often incapable of convincing others of his view points. What’s missing from his argument? What is his failing in these regards? He’s unable to convince artisans, politicians, and craftsman that they know nothing and their unwillingness to accept this fact makes them lesser than himself. He’s unable to convince a jury of his peers that he has done no wrong doing. He’s unable to convince his friend that remaining in the cell and accepting his sentence is the best course of action. “...for I am extremely desirous to be persuaded by you, but not against my own better judgment “ Socrates leads the bulk of their argument with this sentence, showing that regardless of his pride and conviction, part of him is just as vulnerable to the idea of mortality as any other creature on this earth. Survival and advancement is the goal of life, yet here as he sits, condemned to death and offered a hand, he believes to preserve his life would be driven by passion or temptation. Accepting death, though it is not of natural design, is what he already considers to be the better judgement. Honestly I think his failing in convincing Crito of what he believed to be the right decision stems from his primary argument hinging entirely on being caught and questioned. He pulled the focus away from any benefits (pros) and entirely onto the consequence (cons) without examining which would outweigh the other. He convinces himself that he could not argue a decision to leave. Though the entire argument they have is rather futile, as Socrates has already trapped himself on the path of execution, as he references the events of Apology: “ But you pretended that you preferred death to exile, and that you were not grieved at death.” He already made his choice, and doing so already armed himself with the ability to argue against escape. Another topic I may expound upon later is the recurring concept of justice, and why his argument hinges so heavily on the state’s infallible justice.

[gws350mmiller]

Unit six:

Tw: discussion of sexual assault, abuse, rape.

Rape culture has been a huge topic of discussion in recent news. The me-too movement and discussion of sexual assault and abuse in Hollywood has furthered discussion on trauma and the meaning of consent.

Sexual autonomy and agency are vital in healthy sexual activity for all folks, not just those who are able bodied. It is difficult to determine if an individual is able to know if a situation is safe and empowering or potentially harmful.

Many people define consent as a definitive verbal agreement where both parties say yes. However we often neglect discussion of coercive rapes. We can all understand that no means no. However, it is possible that yes also means no.

In situations with uneven power dynamics, pressure to comply with demands, or in instances where one feels rejecting sexual advances risks safety or privileges they may verbally consent to activities that they truly oppose. If the agreement isn’t enthusiastic, if there are body language cues reflecting hesitation, or if someone changes their mind they haven’t given full consent.

Consent is especially tricky when one or both individuals have disabilities. Cognitive impairments and psychological trauma may alter the ability to deny unwanted sexual encounters or complicate personal judgement and determination. “Competence,” is a term that comes up when we analyze different encounters. Gills piece shares the difficulties that arise in these decisions, especially when the legal system is involved.

In Kalie McArthur’s case, the question of her competency was the main determinant in legal prosecution of her peer-educator. In her experience she developed a sexual relationship with Harris, her peer-educator. She and her peer were assigned janitorial work, but instead had a sexual encounter in the stairwell.

At first in my personal understanding of this matter I had many unaddressed concerns. How does the school account for the fact that they were left unattended? Why are they assigned work outside of the classroom instead of being integrated with other students? It seems as if this places both of their safety at risk and outside of normalized school conduction as well. Gill shares that Kalie’s individual education plan ensured adult supervision at all times. I was surprised that the school was not initially held responsible for the events.

“Yost considered their activity to be sexual and that Harris was abusing McArthur, and Harris was charged with having unlawful sexual relations with a minor, although he was minor himself and younger than McArthur.” While it is an issue that Harris was a peer-educator and had a power advantage, in that regard, there were details left out about the exchange.

It is shared; that Harris, who is later diagnosed and medicated for a cognitive impairment and depression, was portrayed as a predator when he was also vulnerable. The age difference between them means that he was also a minor. Due to this, Kalie was also having sexual relations with a minor. If his diagnosis’ and disabilities were discussed as well, his ability to consent could be equally questioned. “Harris implies that he is as much a victim as McArthur in this situation, punished for his sexual curiosity and unstable mental health.”

By representing Harris as a hormone-filled boy, the public feels justified in protecting Kalie. The representation and controversy of this case share a perspective where men are the aggressors and unable to control sexual drive while women are always victimized. It is possible that both students were unwilling to consent, and in turn both experienced a similar assault. Narrating the proceedings as if Harris is the only guilty party neglects the role of structural measures to ensure students safety.

This case is not clear-cut. It is unclear who is at fault and who is the perpetrator. Regardless, Harris spent time in a juvenile detention center and had to register as a sex offender. The school was responsible for the lack of supervision and preventative methods. “Following Harris’s criminal trial, McArthur’s parents sued D-20 and McArthur’s teacher for negligence in a civil case.” The case was settled with financial payments to the family.

The case gets more tricky when Gill shares what may seem to be consent on Kalie’s behalf. “During the negotiations for this civil case, a professional for the school district claimed that the experience for McArthur was “pleasurable, not traumatic” and that it “ignited her female desires.”” This insertion into the case suggests that she was offered an opportunity to realize her sexual desires through this encounter.

Assumption that the encounter was beneficial to Kalie is informed by sexist, ableist, and heteronormative beliefs. Gill reiterated his stance, “Regardless, we need to be clear that even if McArthur enjoyed the experience, it does not mitigate the unequal power dynamics and assault that she also may have experienced.”

The impact of the event is is represented when Brian Newsome discusses the aftermath. He says that Kalie has experience emotional distress and says, “McArthur frequently asks, “Do I have to take my clothes off?” and repeats, “I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m afraid.”” This shows the negative impacts this event had on her functioning and emotional well-being.

The determination that she is and was unable to consent is clear in the narration of the events. She was not allowed to testify or speak publicly about her experience or perspective. Adults assumed a protective position and pursued legal intervention without her participation.

One problematic statement in the piece was one from Glen Beck “My faith teaches me that the handicapped are the most valiant among us. My gut tells me, after I volunteered for Special Olympics, that when we get to the end, when we go see God face to face, we’re going to realize that we’re the retarded ones, not those who are fighting with mental disabilities.”

This statement is not only guilty of using a slur, but also feeds into ableist gatekeeping. Beck is under the assumption that all people with disabilities are incapable of keeping themselves safe and need able-bodied individuals to volunteer their efforts to help them gain some able-bodied measure in regard to quality of life. Using the word, “fighting,” is additionally problematic and reflects the medical model of disability where the disabled body (and the disability itself,) is the issue.

He continues, “There is nothing that will put you at the gates of Hell faster than raping a child or raping a handicapped person.” In this elaboration, he uses another slur. Outside of his continued use of inappropriate and demeaning language, I identified a comparison between individuals with disabilities and children. This comparison is an important factor in widespread beliefs about sexuality for those with disabilities.

Individuals with disabilities are often infantilized. Our society views disabled individuals as childlike and unable to make their own choices. Stating that those with disabilities are unable to consent to any sexual activity is harmful. Many desire sexual relationships. It is important that they are able to find willing partners for these encounters who also agree to partake in sexual activities.

Becks contrast between able-bodied people and those with disabilities employs a dichotomous attitude about who is able to agree to sex. As someone with a daughter who has disabilities, he seems to assume that it is his role as a male (especially as her father) to keep her safe. This male-protector status is contradicting with the male-predator perspective exhibited in Kalie’s case.

It is important to remember that anyone is at risk of being taken advantage of, and anyone is capable of perpetrating the assault. Notions of gender roles in sexual activity, ownership and protection of women’s bodies, infantilization of individuals with disabilities, and unwillingness to examine structural inadequacies all pose opportunities for harm.

Limitations on individual choice can pose threats to personhood and ownership of our own bodies and decisions. Safety; both emotionally and physically, are perhaps the most important aspects of sex. When an individual is marked as being unable to say yes, it may be assumed that they also are unable to say no and place them further at risk for assault and abuse. Taking protective roles is helpful in some cases, but it is important to remember that individual levels of understanding vary and many individuals are perfectly capable of consenting and participating in sexual relationships.

Such concrete views on consent and competence set us up for wrongful interpretations of the concepts. Consent is something that must be given, evaluated, and reaffirmed throughout interactions. It is not always clear who is capable of determining their willingness to participate and who isn’t. If we decide anyone with an intellectual disability is a legal minor, an entire group of marginalized individuals are unable to participate in sexual activity altogether. We must view consent and competence in adaptive and fluid ways. The boundaries are not always clear and power dynamics must be continually re-evaluated.