#they turned off replies to posts and turned off asks altogether and you cant tag them in posts

[neriumxoleander]

Gato made a patreon post about alpha testing for YKMET and this part sticks out a bit.

I think if it was happening, we would see more people talking about it, but I'm wondering if she's deleting comments/ignoring dms about the accusations the new gatobob account made. I feel like shes very aware of what happened despite her new absence of social media, but still no mention of it.

[inagetawaycarxo]

Trick Or Treat | Adam Cole

— I was thinking Reader x Adam Cole take their daughter out for her Halloween and they post on social media of their costumes later on they have a Halloween party with their friends and co worker // May I request one for Adam cole? I don’t really have any ideas besides a Halloween themed paper view or a Halloween party -Ambrollins123 & Xxmlizz

Pairings: Adam Cole x Reader

Featuring: D/n {daughters name}, your neighbours, Bobby Fish, Kyle O’Reilly, Roderick Strong, your mom {m/n}, Candice LeRae, Johnny Gargano {Mentioned}

Summary: Adam & you go trick or treating with yours and his daughter. Then go to a Halloween party, but you can’t help but worry about leaving d/n with your mom.

WARNINGS: fluff, halloween themes, parties, worried!reader, kissing, my writing & grammar (idk, I’m writing on my tablet/iPad atm )

Word Count: 3380

D/n let out a giggle as she waddled her way over towards Adam. Who has leaning on the doorframe of d/n room. The white with red spots hat on her head, nearly falling off.

“Hey, cutie.” Adam cooed. Crouching down to her level.

“Dada.” D/n babbled.

Reaching her chubby arms out in front of her. Once she reached him, she wrapped them around his neck. Letting out inaudible babbles. Adam just smiled at her lovingly. His eyes crinkling. A gleam in his eyes.

Adam heard the sound of a camera shutter, making him lookup.

“What? The both of you looked so adorable, I couldn’t resist.” You spoke, shrugging your shoulders.

“Well, you look adorable to babe, in your princess peach costume.” Adam smirked. Biting his lower lip. Making you flustered. You tucked a loose piece of hair behind your ear, all the while d/n tried to grab Adam’s cap.

Adam picked up d/n. Walking over to you. His breath fanning your face.

“Let’s go trick or treating, bay bay.” Adam hummed. His fingers twirling a strand of your hair. Your breath hitched, as you stared into his blue eyes.

“But first a family selfie.” You gasped out.

“Oh, right.” Adam responded. Taking your phone from you. Then switched it to face mode.

Adam held it in front of him. Adam took a couple of selfies, including some selfies of him kissing your cheek cheekily. Which got you all flustered.

After a few more, he was done taking selfies. Adam quickly sent the pictures to himself. Then handed you your phone. Adam quickly took out his phone going into the messenger app and saving the pictures. Then going into Instagram, AND making an IG post with some of the pictures he saved. He then posted it. Adam then shared the post to his story, tagging you in, while adding a few more selfies to his story. D/n clung onto him, while he held her with one arm. In the midst of that, you posted some of them on your story, and the rest in an IG post., with a cute caption. Screenshotting Adams story post he tagged you in and posting it onto your story with hearts.

Your headshot up as Adam spoke.

“So, are we just doing the street, or are we going around the whole neighbourhood?” Adam asked. Raising his head to look at you, waiting for your response. Adam out his phone in his back pocket, swaying his body.

“Just the street.” You answered, putting your phone away.

Adam looked at d/n in fake surprise.

“You hear that munchkin, mommy is game, isn’t she, the whole street. Wow.” Adam teased, winking at d/n, which made the one year old giggle.

You rolled your eyes playfully before replying.

“But, oh, so clever. Don’t want creeps taking our bub away from us.” You replied, walking closer to them.

“They wouldn’t even think of doing that shit, with me around, I will knock em’ out.” Adam responded, flexing his muscles. Your eyes widen at the word shit.

“Adam, you cant say that word in front of her.” You scolded him. Making Adam roll his eyes.

“She doesn’t mind, besides come on lets get trick or treating, before you change your mind about trick or treating altogether.” Adam spoke, taking your hand with his free hand, and pulling you out of d/n room. You quickly grabbed d/n trick or treat bag, on the way out.

Adam pulled you down the hallway, and to the front door. Adam let go of your hand to grab the house keys from the bowl on the side table near the door and shoves them in his pocket. You quickly set the house alarm, making Adam raise his eyebrow. While d/n babbled to herself.

“What? Don’t give me that look. It’s better safe than sorry.” You defended yourself.

“We’ll only be gone for like thirty minutes top or an hour. No need to set the alarms.” Adam spoke, opening the door for you.

“You can never be too careful.” You spoke, grabbing d/n off of Adam, and walking out the door. Adam followed close behind locking the door and shutting it behind you.

Adam wrapped his arm around you.

“You overthink, and worry too much.” Adam spoke.

“Come on babe, let’s go trick or treating.” He beamed, pulling you along with him, towards the house besides yours and his.

“When they open the door, do you know what we say?” Adam asked d/n. Making d/n look at him curiously. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation.

“Trick or treat. Can you say that cutie trick-or-treat.” He cooed. D/n titled her head to the side. Looking at Adam confusion lay, then at you.

“Tri-tre.” She giggled. Clapping her hands together excitedly. You just shrugged your shoulders, while Adam looked completely baffled.

“Close enough, you will be saying it right by the end of the night.” Adam spoke. Not that d/n was even paying attention. She kept repeating her version of trick or treat which was “tri-tre.” Over and over again, while clapping her hands.

Both of you stopped in front of the neighbour's door.

Adam knocked on the door, hopping from one foot to another.

The door opened quickly. Revealing a middle-aged woman. Her smile light up as her eyes landed on Adam, d/n and you.

“Trick or treat.” Both of you spoke excitedly.

“Tri-tre.” D/n giggled. Clapping her hands together, then leaned forward slightly.

“Aren’t you three just the cutest family ever.” She cooed. Grabbing a bowl from the side table near the front door. She grabbed a handful of candy. Then put it in the candy bag you held out. All the while d/n reached her hand out towards the bowl. Sneakily grabbing some more.

A flash made you turn your head to the source of where the flash comes from. Only to see Adam lowering his phone, giving a slight shrug.

“What? I wanted to take a picture of d/n getting her first candy on halloween.” Adam spoke. Stuffing his phone in his back pocket you smiled at him, and turned your attention back toward d/n and the women in front of you, as she continued to praise both of you.

“The both of you make an adorable couple…And family with this little one. She is so adorable. The costumes are adorable too.” The woman cooed.

Turning her attention towards d/n. Who was holding a fistful of candy. Bringing it up to her mouth. Adam quickly stopped her. Catching her wrist, and pulling it towards the candy bag. Then empty it in there.

That action caused d/n’s lower lip to quiver. Tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Before she could start crying, the woman at the door, pinched d/n’s cheeks. Making d/n look at the woman through tear-filled eyes.

“You are so adorable.” The woman cooed. Making a smile grace d/n mouth. She let out a tiny giggle/ making you and Adam smile proudly.

“You are going to break hearts.” The woman spoke, to d/n. Pinching her cheeks lightly.

“And bones.” Adam interjected. The woman’s head snapped up towards Adam. Her eyes were wide. Adam just smirked at her.

“He is just kidding. Anyways we best be off.” You spoke. Taking a step back.

“Okay… Bye, be careful.” She spoke. Eyeing Adam suspiciously.

Both of you turned around after bidding the woman farewell.

You raised your eyebrow up at Adam as you looked at him. Adams attention snapped towards you.

“What?” He asked. Giving you a cheeky grin.

“And bones? Adam, not everyone in our neighbourhood likes or knows what wrestling is. She probably thinks you are a psychopath. Or a serial killer.” You rambled. Making Adam roll his eyes playfully.

“But it’s true, our little munchkin is gonna break bones, and hearts, and win all the gold in the wrestling company. Oh, and crush other wrestlers dreams.” Adam exclaimed. Pinching d/n’s cheeks softly.

D/n reached out towards Adam. Wanting him to hold her. Adam took her. D/n wrapped her arms around Adam's neck. Nuzzling her face into his neck.

“What if she wants to do another profession?” You replied.

“Nah, she loves wrestling. I can see it when she watches my matches. She showed so much enthusiasm and happiness… She is going to be a wrestler, I know it.” Adam responded, swaying d/n.

“That’s because she is watching her daddy, and he is showing off. Besides she has that same enthusiasm and happiness when a butterfly flys in front of her, or a leaf falls in front of her.” You chuckled. Adam turned to look at you with a hurt/shocked look.

“Don’t crush her dreams of becoming a wrestler.” Adam scoffed. Making you chuckle.

Yo put a hand on your chest. Faking hurt.

“That would break my heart if I crushed her dreams of becoming a wrestler.” You sighed. Making your voice waver a bit.

Adam shook his head letting out a chuckle before he smiled.

“You are such a heel.” He joked. Making you laugh.

“A good one, anyways, let's continue on trick or treating.” You spoke. Looping your arm through his crossed ones. Slightly leaning on him, as the both of you walked to the next house…

After about sixty minutes of trick or treating, d/n started to get tired and restless, also, moody. So you and Adam decided to go home…

Adam took the house keys out of his pocket, opening the door, while you swayed d/n back and forth, trying to smooth her.

You slowly walked into the house, as Adam held the door open for you, following close behind. Adam closed the door, then locked it.

“So, I will bathe d/n, and change her, then put her to bed, while you get ready.” Adam insisted. You gave him a confused look. Adams face dropped into worry.

“Don’t tell me you forgot?” Adam asked. You gave him another confused look. Making Adam sigh.

“The party, the Halloween party. We were invited to the NXT Halloween party.” Adam spoke. Making you let out an ‘oh’. Your eyes widen with realisation.

“Right, um, I think it’s best if I stay here with d/n. You can go.” You responded. Walking into the kitchen. You held d/n with one arm, as you opened the fridge door. Taking out d/n's milk bottle, that was filled with milk.

Adam followed you.

“Not so fast, y/n/n. You cant just flake on me. You don’t even have to dress up. You can't just be anti-social just cause you are worried about d/n’s well being. When was the last time you have been out without d/n?” Adam rambled. You turned around to face him, shaking the milk bottle.

You stayed silent. Proving Adam’s point. You gave Adam a pleading look.

“Your mom said she was going to look after d/n, your not a bad mom for having a night off of mom life.” Adam spoke.

“Fine… But, she has to text me every second with updates on d/n.” You reluctantly agreed. Making Adam look at you with a are you serious look. He smiled slightly.

“Deal, now go get ready. I will take care of d/n.” Adam spoke, taking d/n and the bottle off of you.

You were about to talk when Adam ushered you out of the kitchen.

“Go get ready.” He whined while pushing you towards the staircase.

“Okay, relax." you huffed. Walking up the stairs, and towards yours and Adam’s bedroom…

After about ten minutes of getting ready, you walked down the stairs. Then walked to the sound of the tv that’s was on.

You raised your eyebrow, as you saw Adam sitting on the couch in his jeans and one of his merch shirts, with the NXT championship around his waist. You rolled your eyes. Muttering an, of course, he would go as himself.

“So, you going as yourself.” You asked, walking up to the back of the couch. Adam jumped in fright. He turned his body in your direction way too quickly.

His eyes wandering up and down your figure. His tongue darted out of his mouth, swiping across his lower lip before he bit his lower lip.

“Yep, and you decided to dress up as a kitty cat.” Adam purred, eyeing you hungrily. His blue eyes darkening with lust.

A brilliant idea popped into your head. You walked sexily walked over towards him. Biting your lower lip, as you sat on his lap, straddling him. Batting your eyelashes. You looked at Adam seductively. Your hand trailed down his chest, towards the waistline of his jeans. Your fingers loop in the belt loop.

“I was thinking, maybe we should skip the party, and stay here, have our own party, you can rip my costume off of me, and well take me any way you desire.” You purred, against the shell of his ear. Making Adam let out a moan. Licking his lips.

Adam suddenly snapped out if his horny daze. Pushing you off of him, and standing up abruptly.

“Nice try, y/n, but we are still going to that party. Besides your mom is on her way.” Adam spoke. Just as he said that the doorbell rang. Adam smirked at you.

“And here she is.” Adam spoke again. Grabbing your wrist, and pulling you towards the front door. Grabbing the car keys from the bowl on the hallway side table by the front door.

Adam opened the door. Smiling brightly at your mom. While you gave her a forced smile. You really didn’t want to leave d/n.

“Hello, m/n, take good care of d/n. We will be back by twelve am.” Adam greeted your mom. Ushering her inside, while pulling you and him out of the house.

“Ten or eleven the latest.” You pipped up.

“Oh, and she has three bottles of milk in the fridge, If she wakes up. Also, text me every second on updates, also, her baby food is in the cupboard, and-” you spoke, only for your mother to cut you off.

“Y/n, I did have kids you know, I know what to do, and I know where you keep everything for d/n. We will be fine, now go enjoy the party, have fun.” Your mother spoke. Shutting the door on your face.

Adam pulled you towards the car, opening the passenger door for you. You got in reluctantly, letting out a huff as Adam shut the door, then went over towards the driver's side, opening it, and hopping in. He shut the door behind him, while you put the seatbelt on, pouting like a toddler who didn’t get their way.

“Time to party.” Adam singed. Turning the car on, and driving out of the driveway, then driving towards the destination that the party was being held at, while you just pouted…

About an hour later, both of you arrived at the place where the party was being held at. Which happened to be at a pub.

“Brighten up, babe.” Adam spoke. Pinching your cheeks softly, as he got out, and went over to the passenger side. Opening the door for you. Helping you out, then shutting the car door behind you. He then locked the car.

Both of you walked into the pub. Though you still couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt and worry off.

“Hey, Adam, hey, y/n.” Bobby spoke. Walking over towards the both of you. Bobby hugged you first. Hugging you tightly, as he swayed his body with yours. Almost crushing you in the process.

“Hey, bobby.” Both you greeted him.

“Y/n’s here.” He spoke. Pulling away from you, to face Roddy and Kyle, as they made their way over.

“We missed you, y/n/n.” Kyle spoke, hugging you just as tightly as Bobby did.

“Yeah, when are you coming back?” Roddy asked, waiting for his turn to hug you.

“Um… maybe next year.” You answered. As Kyle finally stopped hugging you. Roddy swooped in, and hugged you just as tightly as Bobby and Kyle did. You were sure your ribs would be bruised by the end of the night.

“Meaning, when d/n is in college.” Adam joked, making you roll your eyes.

“Hey.” You huffed, as Roddy pulled away.

“Does anyone want anything to drink?” You asked them.

“Nah.” Bobby replied.

“I’m good.” Kyle responded.

“A beer.” Adam answered.

“I’ll have a beer as well.” Roddy replied.

“Okay,  I’ll be back.” You spoke. Making them all laugh at the word ‘I’ll be back.’. You rolled your eyes. You really were hoping they would say Nah, so you could escape to the bar and pretend to order them a drink, then text your mom about d/n for any updates. But now you had to order.

You walked over to the bar counter. You signalled the bartender, ordering three beers, then giving him the money. You pulled out your phone, as you waited for them, quickly texting your mom. The bartender put the beers in front of you, you quickly thanked him, before looking at your phone. You felt a hand on your shoulder, making you jump. Fearing the worst you turned around, only to be faced with Candice. Your face lit up with happiness.

“Candice.” You beamed. Getting up, and wrapping your arms around her. Pulling her into a tight hug.

“There’s my girl. I missed you so much, and, oh my gosh, look at you in that costume, such a hot momma.” She spoke, pulling away from you to check your outfit out.

“Hot damn.” She whistled out, making you giggle.

“Oh, shush, you are hotter than me.” You spoke.

“Nah.” She replied, shaking her head.

Just as she was about to speak again, your phone let out a ding. Making your attention quickly snap towards your phone. Your nerves grew stronger, as you saw it was your mom. You quickly unlocked it biting your nails nervously. Sitting back down on the barstool.

All good, she is still sleeping. Don’t worry about her, have some fun.

“Everything okay?” Candice asked. Taking a seat next to you. Ordering a drink while she waited for you to answer.

“Yeah, I just- I’m worried about leaving d/n alone.” You answered, stilling looking at your phone.

“I understand.” Candice spoke. As you replied to your mother's text.

Before your thumb could press the send button, it got taken off of you. You looked to your side to see Adam holding your phone. Looking at you with an annoyed look.

“Tsk, tsk, y/n, you should be having fun, not worrying about d/n. Your mother is looking after her. She’s in the best care.” Adam grunted out.

“I know, I just… it doesn’t make me stop worrying about the worst-case scenario.” You sighed. Making Adam sigh. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

He grabbed your hands, sitting next to you.

“I’ll leave the both of you to it, gotta find the hubby.” Candice spoke. Getting up and leaving. You gave her a small smile. Adam just ignored her, looking at you.

“Y/n, I get that you feel guilty, and worry about all the bad things that could possibly happen to d/n if you aren’t with her… but, it will drain you, it is unhealthy, and it stresses you out.” Adam spoke softly.

“I just feel guilty about leaving her and being here. I feel like a bad mother.” You mumbled, looking down at yours and Adams intertwined hands.

“She’s with your mom, and you aren’t a bad mother. You are an amazing mother, and if anyone says otherwise, then I will beat them up.” Adam spoke seriously. You smiled at the last past, making Adam smile brightly.

“You deserve to have some fun, and let loose.” Adam spoke softly. His thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back of your hand.

“Okay, I won't text her so much, and I will have some fun.” You spoke. Making Adam smile. Crinkles showing in the corner of his eyes.

“That’s my girl.” He beamed. Pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

He pulled away, smirking at you.

“Now go have some fun, I’ll keep your phone.” Adam ordered. Making you smile, as you got up. Grabbing your beer, and walking over towards Candice and Johnny. All the while Adam stared at your ass…

[glitchinthesystemspiderbyte]

[2] Glitch in the System - A Guest

By K. A cat happens.

—

Autumn descended on Talon’s Venetian outpost like the leaves which heralded it, lazy and uncharacteristically calm. Summer’s slow death and the chaos sown in its final throes gave way in increments to inertia; with every passing day, Talon’s deployments grew fewer and farther between as Akande Ogundimu, fresh from his prison break, set his sights on the new year and the work to be done therein. Between his meticulous planning and the tight-lipped response from the rest of the Council regarding the sudden passing of Councilman Vialli, the organization’s rank and file found themselves suddenly devoid of objectives.

Lesser operatives took to the dearth of work with relief or abandon, availing themselves of old Italy’s attractions while the opportunity - a rare one, indeed - presented itself. Widowmaker, however, was no lesser operative.

She indulged once, twice: an evening stroll along the coast, an art museum; yet what fleeting interest she was able to manifest in these altogether brief flights of fancy always and without fail gave way to the familiar, instinctual restlessness which underscored the minutiae of her days. Few things, most of them far from above board, assuaged that innate disinterest comprising the framework of her existence. Those distractions which were permissible beyond the constraints of a given mission were rooted almost exclusively in physical exertion and the adrenaline rush it offered. Reading, sometimes, but even her interest in that reliably eroded after any prolonged endeavors. More often than not, she returned to basic training: sprinting, acrobatics, stealth exercises - areas of expertise in which she excelled, but always found room to be better, if not the best. At the very least, it distracted from the question which buzzed, gnatlike, about the periphery of her thoughts with troubling constancy: why was life, for her, defined by her work while others seemed perfectly capable of thriving beyond it?

“Lacroix!”

Widowmaker averted gold eyes from the atrium path ahead of her, glancing only momentarily to the balcony overlooking the gardens. It was a perfunctory reaction, rooted in sheer instinct and utterly unnecessary; the deliberate, over-emphatic aspiration given her last name betrayed Sombra’s trademark irreverence immediately. She ignored the interruption as easily as she identified it, returning her gaze to the thin dirt path and the ghost of her own footsteps where she’d been jogging for the better part of an hour.

“Got something to show you,” the other woman continued. “Secret.”

The assassin kept running, breezing past the balcony wordlessly and keeping time with the metronomic sound of her own, relentlessly steady heartbeat in her ears. She could hear Sombra, of course, could hear the conspiratorial glibness that was the hallmark of her speech, but knew better than to pursue whatever bait the hacker threw at her feet; if it wasn’t the means to an end, it was the setup to a punchline.

“Come on,” Sombra whined in a mock plea, descending the stairs to the garden two, then three at a time. “It’s a good secret.”

The taller woman rolled her eyes as she came to a gradual stop, turning to her colleague approaching from across the garden. “The last time you wanted to share a secret with me-“

“It’s not porn,” Sombra interrupted, dismissing Widowmaker’s suspicion with a wave of her hand. “Not this time, anyway. Promise.”

Eyeing Sombra with pointed scrutiny, the sniper pursed her lips as she tried and failed to will an excuse into existence.  She could just brush her off - it would be far from the first time she’d done so - but the other woman’s insistence betrayed a modicum of excitement that was, if nothing else, intriguing.

“Fine.”

If she were to ascribe a singular tactical advantage to Talon’s Venetian estate, it would be its sheer expansiveness. Truthfully, Widowmaker had neither known nor particularly cared where Sombra established herself amongst its myriad rooms; as such, discovering she’d chosen a corner suite along the far edge of the outpost’s westernmost wing was only noteworthy in its proximity to her own - only a few, elegant hallways removed, in fact. That their paths rarely crossed in the smaller hours of the night was curious, but a thought easily dismissed.

As Sombra slid from the dusk-darkened hallway into the neon purple glow of the dimly-lit room beyond, her colleague lingered in the doorway, arms folded and eyes narrowed with the same, persistent suspicion. The hacker preempted her before she could even open her mouth to speak. “It’s not porn, okay? Just because you invite a pretty lady to your place to show her a secret-” she trailed off, kneeling at the far side of the bed and reaching for something beneath the mattress with obvious difficulty. Widowmaker considered moving to assist precisely as she reappeared over the edge of the bed cradling a small, black bundle in her arms.

It purred.

“Got us a friend,” Sombra grinned.

Widowmaker sighed, punctuating her immediate irritation by pinching the bridge of her nose with two pale blue fingers.

“You are kidding,” she muttered.

“Am not.”

“Gabriel hates cats,” the sniper hissed, refusing the kitten as the other woman offered it to her. “I hate cats.”

“You hate everything,” Sombra quipped. “Shut up and take it.”

The hacker left her little choice as she pressed the puny ball of fur into her arms, relinquishing it more quickly than she could reprise her refusal. Widowmaker considered, albeit briefly, the unimpressive modicum of force required to snap its neck or crush its windpipe, ending the other woman’s insipid whim with ease. Yet just as she conceived of it, she noticed that, agitation aside, this diminutive, four-legged surprise makes the first time in days she didn’t feel the nagging, hungry restlessness to which she was so accustomed. Inconvenience, yes - in leaps and bounds - but cagey? Not quite.

Strange.

“Cute, right?” the dark-haired spy asked, eyebrows canted. “Couldn’t think of a name, though. Thoughts?”

“Chat,” Widowmaker replied glibly.

“You can’t just call it ‘Cat’, Lacroix. Je parle Français, lo tengo? Romance languages and shit. Try harder.”

The assassin clucked her tongue, shrugging with marked disinterest in the challenge set before her. “I don’t know,” she groaned, grimacing as the kitten stretched to place petite, white-tipped paws against her shoulder and press its face beneath her jaw. “Please, take it back.”

“Not until you give me a name,” Sombra replied, crossing her arms in a perfect imitation of her colleague’s earlier posture.

“Toulouse,” Widowmaker grumbled against the cat’s face, lifting her chin to avoid its continued affection. The name came like an electric shock, unprompted and uninvited but undeniably there - an echo from another place and time which felt both strangely familiar and impassibly distant. “Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec. Le Chat Noir. His favorite cabaret.”

It was consistently perplexing, these bits of information from another life that filtered through at the strangest, most unpredictable moments - jarring, even, in the way they roused some inkling of something, an almost-sadness.

Sombra tilted her head to one side, studying the woman before her. She’d seen it before, these transient moments of confusion, but was never able to grasp its catalyst or implications. She knew the story, of course, had dragged it from Talon’s databases kicking and screaming; moments like this made her question whether their reprogramming was as steadfast as estimated.

“Not bad. I like it,” she chuckled, dismissing the thought as she slid deft fingers beneath the kitten’s stomach and removed it from Widowmaker’s grasp. “Toulouse. Classy.”

“I know.”

Silence settled between them as Sombra sat on the edge of the bed, pressing her face into the soft fur along the kitten’s stomach. A smile lingered at the corners of her lips when she returned her gaze to her colleague. “Always wanted a cat,” she grinned. “Saw this little guy and thought, ‘mine’.”

“Well, don’t tell Gabriel,” Widowmaker said, acquiescing only as she turned on her heel to leave. “And clean up after it.”

“Him.”

“Him.”

“You’re going to help me, right?” Sombra asked, simultaneously coy and sincere.

“Help you with what?” Widowmaker asked, stopping mid-step to cast an incredulous glance over her shoulder.

“With the cat. With Toulouse.”

“Absolutment pas.”

Sombra frowned. “You don’t do anything, Lacroix,” she chided, and for a moment Widowmaker almost took her for sincere. “Just try.”

The assassin opened her mouth to retort, only to find the string of excuses that leapt to mind washed away by the uninvited brush of fur against her leg as the kitten circled her.

She sighed.

“Fine,” she said, curling thin fingers around the doorknob as she left. “But you’re doing the litter box.”

*Read from the beginning or check out our intro post! All stories tagged under #glitchfic.

[viralhottopics]

Review: Weber Genesis II LX Grill

Durk Rion

A few nights after I got the new Weber Genesis II LX grill on my roof deck, I texted my buddy Ted, proposing beer and burgers at my place. I’ve reviewed Weber’s grills before and fully expected this one, the latest addition to its line of sturdy and well-made propane grills, to stand out as a high-end weekend warrior.

Weber Genesis II LX Grill

4/10

Learn How We Rate

Wired

A big, beefy grill with quality components that will likely withstand years of use.

Tired

Seemingly untested by Weber, this grill struggles to nail the grilling fundamentals. At a whopping $1,400 (and up), its almost impossible to make a strong case for this grill.

Buy It Now   |  Weber

How We Rate

1/10A complete failure in every way

2/10Sad, really

3/10Serious flaws; proceed with caution

4/10Downsides outweigh upsides

5/10Recommended with reservations

6/10Solid with some issues

7/10Very good, but not quite great

8/10Excellent, with room to kvetch

9/10Nearly flawless

10/10Metaphysical perfection

Oh, hell yes! Ted replied less than a minute later. Gentleman that he is, he even brought the beer.

I crisped up buns on the hot grate and grilled thumb-thick patties, giving one side more time than the other in order to brown them while avoiding what my dad would call “cooking it into a coma.” They made for some pretty fantastic weeknight burgers. But after more rigorous testing, the grill proved to have some serious weaknesses. This thing is built like a tank, but it’s surprisingly underpowered.

Next in Line

The Genesis II follows Weber’s hallowed three-burner Genesis line, and theres some nice thinking here. Along with the quality youd expect from Weber—these are the guys behind the famous Weber kettle grill, the highly lauded, gas-powered Spirit line, and exciting newer models like the kamado-style Weber Summit Charcoal—this grill comes with a fancy new “grease management system.” Laugh if you will, but anyone whos ever gone after a long-neglected grease pan with a putty knife or accidentally lit a grease tray ablaze while preheating will appreciate a grill that funnels grease toward a disposable drip pan.

I reviewed a grill in the LX series, which comes with a few more BTUs of heat and some additional bells and whistles. (The Genesis II line includes eight models altogether.) There’s a stainless-steel grill grate, a storage cabinet beneath the grill, and a light that attaches to the lid handle to illuminate whatever youre cooking. You can find similar features in other grills or buy them as after-market add-ons, but having them built into the model is a nice touch.

Less necessary are little LEDs that light up the dials. I turned them on and the button immediately got stuck. As far as I know, it’s still stuck and the lights are still on. Theres also an LED that indicates how full the propane tank is, but its right around the corner from the manual tank scale that tells you, at a glance, how full the propane tank is. So, there are two fuel gauges right next to each other, which display exactly the same information.

The grill is also iGrill 3 Ready, which is to say, you can buy an iGrill 3—a type of remote thermometer—and stick it in the spot where the LED gas gauge goes. But I wouldnt. iGrills can monitor the temperature of a couple things at once—say, the interior temperature of a thick cut and the temperature inside the grill—and deliver that information to an app on your phone via Bluetooth. The problem is that iGrill 3 has no built-in readout. That means if you’re standing in front of the grill, you’d have to open an app just to read the temperature on the thermometer directly under your nose. Apps and Bluetooth connections can be great additions to cooking hardware, but in cases like this, they also get in the way. The iGrill 2 has an easy-to-read LED on its base that displays temperature; having no readout on the iGrill 3 is straight-up dumb.

Blown Away

One of the best ways to test a grill’s capabilities is setting it up for two-zone grilling. Indirect cooking relies on getting the temperature to hold at specific points, whether its just to cook a chicken breast through or the hours-long process of cooking pork butt. Youre not searing—just using the grill like an oven to cook the food the way you want it. If you can create a hot zone of direct heat above blazing burners for searing and a cooler indirect zone to to cook food through without scorching, you know you’ve got a grill worth its burners.

I started with an empty, closed grill, trying to reach that indirect zone heated to two benchmark temperatures: first 225 degrees Fahrenheit, then 325 degrees Fahrenheit. It was a chilly 40 degrees outside with winds blowing 14 miles per hour—not ideal conditions, but nothing that a well-made grill can’t handle.

The Genesis II line offers grills with two, three, four, and six burners. I tested one of the three-burner models, which made for an odd two-zone grilling experiment: I had to choose if I wanted the heat coming from one or two burners, taking up one- or two-thirds of the grill.

Using only the left burner, I tried coaxing the unlit right two-thirds up to a consistent 225 degrees, after letting the grill preheat for 15 minutes. I had centered a temperature probe on the indirect side, allowing me to keep the lid down for consistency in testing.

Try as I might, I couldnt get the temperature to stabilize. Full-blast was too much; if I backed off, the temperature quickly dipped. I spent 25 minutes fussing with the burner knob every few minutes, at which point I gave up, feeling like I was driving a boat that just didn’t have the power to sail upwind.

Next, I lit the center burner for backup. I found a sweet spot after a few minutes with half power on the left burner and a trickle in the center, which seemed acceptable considering the wind. I nudged up the heat, trying to get up to a steady 325 degrees on the indirect side, but it needed constant adjustment to get anywhere close to consistent temperature. With two of three burners going on a windy (but not that windy) day, this is a big flop.

A few days later, when it was warmer and less breezy, I tried again. It took took 20 minutes post preheat, but I finally hit my 225 degree benchmark using just the left burner. More than that, though, was too much to ask of just one burner. Two burners could reach higher temps quickly, leaving just a third of the grill available for indirect grilling. On the grill grate of the three-burner model I tested, which is just over 500 square inches, that’s probably enough space to cook for a family of four, but not much more than that.

A Searing Disappointment

The other gas-grilling weak spot I hoped this Weber could overcome is obtaining a good, hard sear. I picked up a ribeye and let the grill preheat for 15 minutes, which left the heat deflectors glowing orange. I patted the steak dry, salted and peppered it, then set it on the grill and let it rip for five minutes on a dial setting Weber calls High+, the LX line’s version of going to 11. It came out pleasingly caramelized yet not overdone in the center. Decent for a gas grill, but still nothing exceptional.

Grill companies are starting to get the hang of better searing capabilities, even adding little “sear burners” for the task. Webers leaning in that general direction with High+, but the burners are almost six inches from the top of the grill grate, which is simply too far away to get a hard sear. I could get a better, more even sear in my cast-iron pan sitting on the grills side burner.

Id discover in later tests that while the conduction heat–where the food is in direct contact with the grill grate–tended to be quite good, it wasn’t enough to make it into the spaces between the grates for effective browning. Only by hopscotching the food around the grill grate could I come up with something close to an even sear. This grill’s burners go to 11, but thats still not high enough.

Overall, the Genesis II LX is well-built, comes with a great warranty, and will doubtlessly last a long time. But Id happily trade many of the bells and whistles of the LX line for a grill that can give me a blistering sear and enough power to keep the indirect cooking temps dependable.

With those weaknesses and–have a seat–the $1,400 price tag on the three-burner model, I just cant recommend it. Results might vary slightly between the two-, four-, or six-burner models, but even still, it’s just too much money to spend on something so surprisingly underpowered.

Food writer Joe Ray (@joe_diner) is a Lowell Thomas Travel Journalist of The Year, a restaurant critic, and author of Sea and Smoke with chef Blaine Wetzel.

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from Review: Weber Genesis II LX Grill