#they told me there was cheese inside acorns and said i had to eat it 😭

[fantranslatorbychoice]

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6 Chapter 3 - The Village Hidden in Hyakumemomiji Part 2

T/N: Dang it, the last chapter left me hanging so I rushed this one with minimal beta. Well, I did my best with my skills, hopefully it’s OK. Also I have a lot of notes and I don’t really care if it’s annoying. Zero regrets lol

As always, I mostly didn’t translate some of the names of the ayakashi/youkai, as well as the proper nouns because uhm... They’re basically nouns. It’s like how some translated manga are done. Plus it irks me sometimes when everything just gets transliterated, it kills off the vibe. But that’s just me. Links to references at the end of the post.

Also if you like this translation, you can heart it, share the link, reblog, I just respectfully ask that DO NOT REPOST ELSEWHERE. This is my contribution to the scant English content of this fandom, and I worked really hard to finish this thing, it’s not like I just Google-translated this whole sh**.. You can rave about this, rant about this, but if possible please link back to this page. If you’re unsure how to do that, just copy the web address of this page. If you’re on a blogsite just insert the web address as a hyperlink as a link back to here. Honestly if this light novel was officially-published in English, I wouldn’t even be doing this right now... And if it did, I’d take this offline to support the publishers and Yuuma-sensei. Creators support creators, is what I believe in. OK, I may have veered off-course too much, as previously mentioned in my older posts, the 2 seasons of the anime cover most of the plots of volumes 1-5, so if you need a review just rewatch them all. Part 2 starts now. P65 Leaving the large banquet hall where the altar was, we went through a wide passageway, and on the other side of the mountain's stone wall were traces of a solid view of various momiji leaves. We seem to be in a considerably high place, and it was a bit chilly. "The Kaku-zaru's obscured village was made by digging a hole in the wall of rock and making their dwellings there. The solid rock wall was decorated with a lot of momiji, and the passageway as well as the hole were hidden by the leafy branches, which lead to this place being called the Hidden Village." Nearby, Odanna-sama gave explanations to me. Certainly, when you look at the stone wall clearly there was a hole in the passageway. That, was completely hidden by flashy colored momiji. These momiji looked redder and shinier than the usual autumn fallen leaves. The strong wind blowing on my feet made me feel anxious and fluttery, the passageway looks very mystical. The entire place seems to glisten like a red jewel... P66 "The momiji within this vicinity, these are called the precious Hyakumemomiji that decorates the summit of Hyakumeyama. These branches, when burned emits a smoke that can be used to make one drowsy and sleepy." That time when I was taken here I smelled smoke, and that seemed to have happened when they took out a branch and burned it. No wonder, I therefore conclude that was when my consciousness was lost. But the matter regarding the bandits was also a serious thing. I told the Kaku-zaru that we will be preparing to use the piece of Hyakumemomiji as kindling, we will be using the smoke as they normally did. Aside from that, I also explained that the mountain apples were also needed.

"I may have suggested this but.. I wonder if it's really gonna work." After that, I was standing in the the village's kitchen that they allowed me to do my preparations in. The kitchen had a large, wonderful stone kiln, and aside from that there were also old stoneware and other cooking utensils. Odanna told me to make a lot of "recipes using the mountain apples." Because of that, the tactic is that we need to make the bandits eat a lot of the food. "I brought you these, Aoi." Odanna-sama brought his basket that was full of mountain apples, and went inside the kitchen. A while ago we were gathering them in the orchard, now it seems that we were using them to retaliate for the mountain clan. "Say, Odanna-sama. Are you sure that these mountain apples are just fine?" P67 "Ah, saying that, I wonder... If the Hyakumemomiji was used as an ingredient along with the mountain apples and it worked, it's going to be an additive that can easily make them drunk. The sleep-inducing smoke too, it's for that reason that we're using it." The liquor made out of mountain apples could also be added with a lot of pickled chips of Hyakumemomiji branches, but from what I heard from Odanna-sama and Rokusuke-san, that seemed to be an industrial trade secret. I could conclude that I have found out about it while we were talking about it. "Say, can't we make some mountain apple liquor here?" "That is Mizumakinouen's original recipe. I don't think we can make that here. But the bandits seem to like the taste of the liquor they already have here. If they drink that along with the foods, they would leisurely consume it, and your record with the Sea Treasure Appetizers will be surpassed. I want to use the Hyakumemomiji branches to cook the meals made out of the mountain apples--" "Hm, I see..." I bluntly responded with Odanna-sama's request, but in reality I was feeling excited inside. I wanted to try and use the mountain apples immediately. Such cuisines made out of mountain apples, it would feel really awful with those used on those bandits and their territories, but... "I get it. We'll waste no time on that but, what ingredients can we use here? I wonder what do those bandits like to eat up to now?" I looked around, and as I walked across the ashen kitchen, I found it. P68 "Stone pig...” At the entrance of the kitchen stood two little Kaku-zaru children, they brought in a basket. "Stone pig, our village raises and eats a lot of them." "They graze in the forest, and we feed them mountain apples and acorns. The bandits like them." The children wore masks that did not entirely hid their faces, but the corners of their eyes were hidden. "Really-- Stone pig. Don't tell me that the pig's head offering on the altar, came from this? Uhm, is it fine to use this meat, will you not have enough food left?" The children were nodding and nodding a lot, and I realized that their voices were adorable. "At any rate, I have no choice but to use whatever it is for the banquet tonight." "The respectable elder told us that this is for Miko-sama. He also that that you can use anything we have in this village." Inside the basket of ingredients that they brought, there was already a large lump of stone pig. The meat was lovely. Is this the boneless part? It was not fatty, it was just right. Raised by eating the fruits of trees, the nearest vibe that this pork gives off is the Black Iberian pig. There were also some eggs and what look like autumn mushrooms, sweet potato, and there were also a lot of vegetable staples. "Hm? What is this?" I fished out the other ingredients inside the basket. There was cheese, the surface of which was covered in tree ashes. It wasn't easy to find this ingredient in Kakuriyo, P69 but here in front of me, for me to use, I was suprised. "Hey, look at this Odanna-sama! It's cheese, cheese!**" "The dairy industry of the Northern lands have prospered, and because of that it is within their capacity to expand their cheese production methods. If there are those in this mountain who take care of livestock and do pastoralism, it's not surprising that they would be able to discover it." "Oh, so that's it, I see." For sure, the dairy products stocked up in Yugao were ordered from the Northern Lands, and the cheese that the room service in the Southern Lands were also delivered from the Northern Lands. "These cheese were made from the milk of mountain goats." "They're really tasty." The Kaku-zaru child took out a small blade from the bosom, and with a skilled hand sliced cheese from the edges, and offered them to me. I wonder if I have to deal with what's in front of me. But in reality, goat's milk cheese is not my cup of tea. It's smell was very different and unique from cow's milk cheese, and the acrid taste is strong. I was scared as I tried eating it. "What's this?" The goat's cheese had a ripe fermented taste, but it was melty and soft on my tongue. And the acrid taste that I thought it had wasn't there, it felt like it left a milky taste. T/N: Call Aoi a dumbass but if I got hold of some cheese after having none for a long time, I'd go gaga too lol P70 In the end, it was undeniably easy to eat. It was something that I haven't eaten up until now, and it was a bit different. "This.. Is this really mountain goat cheese? It's really delicious..." "It is also covered all around with the ash from Hyakumemomiji wood chips." "I take care of mountain goats!" When I said that the foods in the village tasted good, it made the children glad, and they gleefully started talking. In that situation, they were really like children, and they just look so cute. I couldn't see their eyes through their masks, but from how their mouths moved and spoke, their expressions were visible from their voices. "Thank you, the both of you. Let's succeed together in exterminating the bandits, ok?" I patted their heads, and when the children looked at each other, they went "The Miko-sama patted our heads!" and happily skipped off from the kitchen. The people in this village, somehow they were not quite seized by the bandits, but children are children... Well then, Our plan to drive away the bandits start here. Our strategy to eradicate the bandits is simple. Make them drunk by eating and drinking, then beat** them. That is all. My weapon is cooking, of course. I think I will just operate on the shadows with regards to the "feeding them" part. "With regards to this, what are you planning to make, Aoi?" "Oh, that, it's pizza." "Pizza? That pizza you say, it sounds like it's from Utsushiyo, is that Italian**? T/N: This isn't even a pun. The kanji is literally the kanji for beat, as in "beating a drum, beating them up", that stuff. Also don't ask me how did Odanna-sama even knew that pizza was Italian. No idea about that right now lol P71 "Yeah, I'm bringing that Italian thing from over there. Using the stone pig, this mountain goat cheese, and the mountain mushrooms, I was thinking of making a pizza based on my preferences. I could bake that in the large kiln, and use the Hyakumemomiji branches for that." I could use the ingredients in here, and bake a lot of pizza. There's also just enough flour, it seems that I have all of the the ingredients to make pizza. "By the way Odanna-sama, excuse me but, remove your outer coat, prop up the sleeves of your kimono with a cord, and I want you to help with the other preparations..." "The respectable elder has already given me instructions. If I can do what you're telling me then I will do just that!" Odanna-sama's eagerness is considerably at maximum. He must have reflected for a while now, and his nails were also shortened. This is probably his first time to be forced to help in cooking while in his commoner's look. "I'm thankful for that but... Ai-chan is also here, and it's OK to do other things." After that, I summoned Ai-chan from the pendant, and she instantly came out. Still looking like me, Ai-chan harshly proclaimed "I'm here now, Odanna-sama isn't needed anymore". While having a serious face, cold sweat started flowing from Odanna-sama's forehead.... "D.... Doesn't Ai have other homework to do? Weren't you supposed to be on a training on changing how you look, differently from Aoi?" "Other look? Why so sudden?" P72 Oh well, Ai-chan surely does have her homework but... "Here in Hyakumeyama, in reality I know that Ayakashi train up in this mountain. There was a great Youkai called Nue who exceedingly triumphed in changing appearances, and after practicing in this mountain it was able to learn how to change into it's hundreth form, hence the name of the mountain became Hyakumeyama.** Only Ayakashi with the power to change their appearances into humans have that status. They are displaying their power." "Really? I always thought that was strange. Why is everyone, despite having their original Ayakashi appearances, chose to change to look like humans? That proves the power of those Ayakashi, don't they?" "Yes. When you climb this mountain, there are many Ayakashi who are discovering what apperance they will change into. If Ai is here, it is also possible that the divine blessing of Hyakumeyama will grant you and let you gain information on how you will change your appearance. If you succeed in doing that here, you can also be allowed to work in Yugao." Ai chan placed her finger at the corner of her mouth and immediately started to ponder, and after a bit hit her fist on the palm of her hand. "I couldn't estimate fully what I should do. I see Aoi-sama's face everyday, which is why that's the only one I can change into!" "Oh my...." Definitely, that didn't seem difficult. I tried thinking along with Ai-chan too. T/N: The kanji that forms Hyakumeyama is hyaku=hundred, me=nth, like 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, nth. it's also the same kanji used for "eye". And yama is, well, mountain. At least now the reason why it's called with that name has now been explained. even I was wondering why it was like that. Nue is basically a chimera, look it up lol P73 "Oh, I see. If it's Odanna-sama and I, how about combining the features of our faces to make a new one? You see both of us a lot, since there aren't a lot of other people here..." After suggesting what I thought then, Ai-chan and Odanna-sama's eyes went all round as if drawn, and they looked as if they were taken aback. What the.. why such reactions? "Aoi-sama, part-way Odanna-sama, won't it?" "That's it Aoi. She's so much like our child..." "Whaaaaaat? Wh-- Why are you saying it like you're driving that in?" I could understand the meaning behind Ai-chan's and Odanna-sama's reactions, and in an instant I blushed. My face became horribly hot. "Oh well, that's fair Aoi. But that's a great idea. When Ai makes her original face, like that she can play up with a lot of what her eyes see, and among that it's the easiest. She's our daughter who combines and divides both of our faces, I wanted to see myself a bit too..." Odanna-sama put up a calm and composed demeanor, but my face was still burning all throughout. "Don't think about weird thoughts, Odanna-sama..." "I won't, I won't..." I took a huge step back, and Odanna-sama was lightly shaking his head left and right. Ai-chan was murmuring "Hmmmmm" as the corners of her eyebrows wrinkly drew together, and she looked alternately at Odanna-sama's face and mine. P74 "When you do this, there's a bit of merit, OK?" Completely looking at our faces over and over again, after a while she left the kitchen in an instant. Ai-chan was probably going to practice morphing her appearance outside. "I'm going out for a bit to look for it myself!" "Ah--- Ai-chan! Chibi, look out for Ai-chan. This is an unknown place and she might get lost..." "Okaaaaay." Chibi was hiding inside my sleeve, jumping and squirming he went out from there, using the different folds and layers of the fabric to get himself out. After that he left to follow his younger sister-disciple. "Ai-chan, I wonder what appearance she will debut for us..." "You have also outrageously asked Chibi to look after her.." That seemed somewhat a parental thing to do. The dead air calmly flowed through, it's because the cooking must be done. "Well then, Odanna-sama. You're in charge of making the dough, ok? Over there by the stone cookware, add the flour and oil and a bit of water, mix them one at a time. When they're all incorporated together, pull out that tray and please knead it for me." I taught Odanna-sama the basics of making and the quantity of each, and left him to do it by himself. P75 "Haha. I remembered the time that we did this kind of work together. When the Tengu had that feud at Orio-ya, kneading this dough has that feeling." "We aren't making Japanese dango soup here, you know." The pizza dough that we're making right now is just simple. We aren't using dry yeast. It's fine the we aren't fermenting, that would make a crunchy and thin pizza. After that, Odanna-sama gave me all of the many dough balls that he made, and now I have to prepare the ingredients for the toppings. There will be two types of pizzas. The first will be sweet pizza, using the bandits' favorite sweet potato and mountain apples, along with the cheese. "The first one will be a decoy. Because they only ate nothing but mountain apples, we will use the first pizza to pull them in through their hunger. After giving them that sweet apple pizza, everything else should go smoothly." "Ohhhh.. Luring them is ingenious. As expected from Shirou's granddaughter. And that, is my wife." "Ehhhhh, keep quiet, Odanna-sama--" It was indeed a crafty tactic, and I continued explaining my cooking plans without hesitation. "In Utsushiyo because there are no fixed ingredients used, there are teriyaki pizza and grilled meat pizza, and we can combine those to make a Japanese-style pizza. According to the leaflets on the pizza delivered to our house by the delivery people, the most famous was grilled meat pizza, which had the highest ranking." P76 "Ohhhh! There was time I travelled in Utsushiyo, I ate some Italian pizza, it has cheese and tomato sauce and some flavoring they called basil, and because of that I couldn't imagine an image of a Japanese-style pizza." "Pizza Margherita is undoubtedly the king. If there's tomato you can make one easily..." But right now, we have no choice but to make delicious pizza with the ingredients that we have in here. To make the Japanese-style pizza grilled pork will be used, and  the stone pig's boneless meat will be used. Boneless pork, mountain-grown onions, I was thinking of maitake** mushrooms and then cutting each one. The boneless pork makes it easy to eat. The onions will be sliced small and thin, and it's appropriate to shred the maitake. "For the sauce, we'll use the usual soy sauce and mirin, sugar and sake, grate up some garlic and ginger, mountain apple juice, miso, then add some red chilli peppers, it's going to be a sweet spicy sauce for the grilled pork..." We're fighting against bandits. It seems that rather than high-end tastes, they prefer flavor that restores their stamina fully. We have achieved the task of adding mountain apple juice. On top of that it's fruity, and the spiciness gradually seeps out, as the expected outcome. The boneless pork gets stir-fried on the stoneware frying pan, and as it cooks the sauce is incorporated. It has been properly browned and cooked well-done when the lovely shiny color comes out. This only takes 10 minutes to deliciously cook the boneless pork. This is also a fiendish pizza topping. "Aoi, these are already kneaded sufficiently." I thought that for quite a while now, Odanna-sama was being a grown-up, encouraging himself quietly while making the pizza dough. T/N: The maitake mushrooms are also called hen-of-the-forest, they look like a whole clump of tall-stalked shrooms, their root-like structures are so close together that they grow together. Yeah I am familiar with the shroom and other things about the fungi industry, thank you. P77 There were so many rounded doughballs. "Oh wow, really, you made so many doughballs, Odanna-sama. That's very good!" "Aoi praised me! Alright!" Odanna-sama closed his fist and pulled it back, like he made an achievement. "Now that's done we let the dough rest for a bit. We have to let it rest for at least 30 minutes in this low room temperature." Despite being tired, Odanna-sama wrapped the dough in some cloth and placed it in a warmer place inside the room for me. "Alright, next is the preparation of the sweet pizza.** It's an apple and sweet potato with cheese pizza." "Would the sweet potato and apples go well with the cheese?" "Well now, Odanna-sama. It's a bit snazzy, they normally go well together." I sliced the apples and the sweet potato thinly, and soaked each in a bit of water. After that I arranged the cheese on the dough and baked it as it is, once the dough is done I can't do anything more than that. "Whew. That concludes it." We have to make a lot, but the toppings that Odanna-sama and I made together, we earnestly used them all. "Aoi-sama--- Odanna-sama--" T/N: Not a fan of sweet pizza. I tried a smore pizza once, maybe that one was a bit OK, but seriously not a fan. Sorry sweet pizza slash pineapple pizza fans. I'll go Margherita any day lol P78 In here, Ai-chan's cheerful voice reached our ears. "Could it be...?" "Could you have achieved changing your appearance by yourself?" Odanna-sama and I looked at each other, and we sprung out of the kitchen. "!??" Over there.. Over there, there was a black-haired beauty with a short haircut! "Didn't you just entirely placed everything in Odanna-sama's taste?" The only thing that I contributed to this was just the femaleness, and what's left in front of me is the likeness of Odanna-sama's beautiful ogre daughter. Be that as it may, she is a girl about 14 years old, her facial expression is cheerful and spirited, but there wasn't much vibe of Odanna-sama's boldness. Regarding her nature, she has the feel of an individual having a personality. "I saw Aoi-sama and Odanna-sama and gave it a thought. When a child that looks like Odanna-sama is born, won't that child be very happy?" "Ai-chan, come here for a bit." "Owww oww owww--- Aoi-sama--- Please don't pull on my ears--- Aren't daughters said to look like their fathers?" My obedient disciple seems to have gotten refreshed. I'm in a mood to polish her crude language. P79 Her kimono has red and green camellia flowers in a black background. When I looked at her face closely, her eyes had my eye color... Oh well, I guess that's OK. "Hee hee hee. I see it now, you have become our child, Aoi and I. Hee hee hee." "Odanna-sama, don't delude yourself, and don't show me that desperate face." But Ai-chan's transfiguration was superb. Chibi, who was with her blinked with surprise and went " I don't know thisssssh child", and he seemed to be unused to the new appearance of his younger sister-disciple. "Alrighty then! Let's make pizza together!" "Hey...." A human girl and a distinguished ogre-god, an ogre-fire girl and a Temari Kappa. All of the employees have come together, and the rested pizza dough was dusted with flour and stretched over a tray. That pizza dough was made by Odanna-sama, who was in-charge of it. "Heyyyy, you're really good at it, Odanna-sama--" "My experience with it has increased! From now on I want to fully become a master who can help with tasks. Today's Odanna is sharing the house work with the wife and listening to her!" "If everyone in Tenjin-ya saw you right now, they're all going to cry..." Nails trimmed, stripped off of his majesty and villainous vibe, becomes delightful whenever he gets praised... Even though in the beginning he had a scary ogre aura, right now the Odanna-sama in front of me is somewhat like a newbie Odanna. I conclude that without knowing anything he's doing his best.** T/N: This is painfully true, when you're just starting your first job or work, you just do it and give it your all, like the enthusiasm is at its maximum. Well, ignorance is bliss so.. yeah. Can't say more lol If  you know, then you know. P80 But, even though Odanna-sama seems to be enjoying helping, it's somehow not bad. After this we will be making the bandit-exterminating pizza. Unexpectedly he seemed to have grown to become a good Master-san... No, no, the Danna-san** that I'm with, I couldn't distinguish between them. Well then. I arranged the ingredients I have prepared before, over the dough that Odanna-sama stretched. With this Japanese-style pizza, cooked pork marinated in sweet and spicy sauce, chopped onions scattered all around, and loaded a lot of the maitake on top. Because there's perilla leaves, I used them as replacement for basil and spread them as garnish and to make the taste come out as Japanese-style. On top of that, I asked Ai-chan to make some home-made mayonnaise and thinly add this over everything, and after that he baked it. We're excited to find out how this will go. In making the sweet pizza, just like before, the thinly-sliced apples and the sweet potatoes were arranged alternately. On top of this, a lot of the cheese was evenly and generously placed. While preheating the stone kiln in the kitchen, I peeked at the shelves to find out what is in there and fish out whatever those are. "It seemed like they didn't have honey. After baking this, if we're adding honey before eating it will make it really yummy." "Aoi, there's some Hyakumemomiji honey, you know." T/N:  She called him Danna-san instead of Odanna-sama because he was young-ish and looked like a plebe lol

Honestly by this time I am still questioning whether or not the hours I spent watching food network, masterchef episodes, any cooking show since I could remember, were all worth it. Right now, maybe? Maybe not? I'll probably find out when I'm done with this series. Lol Yuuma-sensei's story makes me hungry waiiiiii

P81 Odanna-sama was searching in the cabinets in here, and found some honey for me in the spice cupboard. What is this Hyakumemomiji honey.. What kind of stuff is this? "Wooow, it looks like it tastes like maple syrup. Yummy--" "This honey's sweetness is not strong. It's a good product. This is also my first time to try eating it." We tried tasting this stuff that we found, and it was impressive. I would want to buy some and take it home regularly... "Well then, would you want to try one baked piece that we used regular chopped wood as kindling? Let's try it, let's do it." "Ohh, that sounds good." And like before, we tried eating the pizza that we all made together. Even though we were doing this** because we're going to exterminate bandits. Inside the hot, stone kiln were two types of pizzas baking. When the pizzas were done baking, we pulled them out of the kiln, and like a triangular fan**, cut them into slices. The grilled pork Japanese-style pizza has white Welsh onions for toppings. The apple and sweet potato pizza with cheese was entirely drizzled with the Hyakumemomiji honey. "Ohhhh, it looks good." "Let's try some. This part that looks like an earlobe, pull it away and eat it with your hands." Odanna-sama ate the Japanese-style pizza, and Ai-chan tried the sweet pizza, each pulled a slice with their hands. The triangular pizzas were still piping hot. They started biting these from the pointy end. T/N: Honestly I want some pizza right now. Talk about subliminal programming. Dang it lol But really, it’s normal to taste what you’re cooking unless you could nail it without testing the taste first. I sure can’t lol I don't know what shape Byakuya's fan is, but the kanji says triangular so even though one side isn't a straight line then that's it lol. P82 "Hmmm, the grilled pork had a strong and defined flavor. The garlic and soy sauce goes well with the crunchy and plate-like dough. This is probably something that the bandits will like." "This is awesome, this is awesome.. Aoi-sama, the cheese is stretchy---" "Gah, the toppings might fall, they might fall down---" The pizza's taste was the best, and it seems that everyone was having fun while noisily eating it. The cheese was a stretchy and melty thing... "Hmm?" At the entryway the Kaku-zaru children seemed interested and glancing at us repeatedly. For sure, they liked the smell of the baking pizza. "You guys want to eat some?" "Is... Is that fine?" "Yes, of course. You can certainly try some." Scared of the pizza, the children poked at it lightly before pulling them with their hands. After seeing how I did it, they copied what I did and each took the pizza slice, propping it up with both of their hands as they bit on it. Their usual expressions were hidden by their masks so I couldn't see their eyes, but their chewing mouths gave it away. They were silent, but they were licking it as they ate. P83 "It's delicious. Stone pig. There's so much meat sauce." "I was surprised. This is the first time I ate a plate." "What you call a plate, it's pizza dough." Even though they seem uninterested and surprised, when they said that it was delicious, I was happy. Finally, I could try some for myself.** Yeah, the Japanese-style pizza, I ate the thick grilled pork covered with white Welsh onion together, and the greasy taste and texture was halved. This goes really well with the crunchy pizza dough. It looks like it will go well with liquor. I tried the sweet pizza too, I took a bite, and the puffy and flaky sweet potato, the crunchy baked apples, being incorporated with the melty cheese, this gave off a vibe of luxury. When a lot of the Hyakumemomiji honey was used, when this was eaten, despite the contrast between the cheese's saltiness and the apple's sourness it becomes more enjoyable. Indeed, it's like a cheesecake made out of rare cheese, it's an enjoyable taste. "Feed all of these to the entire village." "Even though they haven't eaten something that tasted like this?" Grumbling and complaining, the young ones reacted with lack of sophistication. "Isn't this going to be used to defeat the bandits?" And then, there was a bit of tension in the air. T/N: Not sure if this is a cultural thing or a universal thing but in some cultures, it's traditional to let others taste your cooking first before the one who cooked it. In some cultures the one who cooks tastes the food first before serving. I just do both, the former when I am absolutely confident with whatever I made, the latter when I have no clue how it goes. Again, this is a cultural thing, nothing is more OK-er than the other, it depends on the circumstance. P84 Oh, so that's it. They thought that this food had poisoned apples. Probably, the food that the bandits were interested in must be showed first. When we get notified that the bandits have arrived, we will mix in the kindling from the Hyakumemomiji branches, and bake the pizza. We definitely won't want to inhale some of the smoke, so we will tightly wrap a cloth around out mouths. When the bandits have finally arrived at the reception hall, we will bring in the pizza.

The celebrations and the banquet were in that hole in the rock, the reception hall where previously there was an altar where I was worshipped. Holding the freshly-baked pizza, from the back I peeked and looked around the reception hall. "They're... they're huge..." The bandits were an Ayakashi called mountain men, and I could just imagine that their builts were above average, they give off the feel of robust soldiers. Speaking of their height, everyone could easily surpass two meters. They think that they could immediately intimidate this entire reception hall. The small-statured Kaku-zaru couldn't instantly hit them with a long sword. Even I would get easily overwhelmed by them. "Hee hee, well then, it's time to round up some bandits!" Nevertheless, Odanna-sama was not saying anything that indicates that he's faltering. This looks different from the Good Danna from a while ago, now his face looks like he's aiming at the targets. It looks beautiful and exciting, Odanna-sama now shows the smile of a wicked oni. P85 Me standing by, I was was always surprised with this gap.

"Boss-dono, we have captured the nearby mountain. It was a total takeover." The boss of the Ozuma-gang was a guy with ruffled hair tied in a single ponytail, and the unkempt beard surely gives him that impression. While drinking some liquor, he was attended by countless beautiful girls. "Hey, Old Geezer Monkey! Enough with the pretentious talk. Bring us more food and wine! Our stomachs have shrunk!" The bandits' evilness and anger echoed. After that, they consumed and exhausted the food and liquor in the village, and they definitely got drunk. Goodness, their bodies are huge, and they heartily ate and drank, they'll easily get to the end of the stored food. The Kaku-zaru instantly became worried and anxious. "Because of that, I beat the entire Miguma-clan** of the neighboring mountains, what do you say, I think finally beat those bastard bears! In the afterlife you can't strip them off of their pelts, now they’re gone! Gahahahahahaha! Since they're a laughing-stock now, I can laugh at them and brag about it! "Kyaaa-- Boss is so manly!" T/N: Yes, like I explained in the last chapter, compounding words in Japanese changes the 1st syllable of the second word. In this case, it's kuma=bear, becoming GUMA after adding the prefix. Based on the kanji it's literally Snake-bear gang. P86 "Isn't it? I don't know anyone who can beat me yet!" "Yes, as expected of Boss!" "All of these mountains will be the territories of the Ozuma-gang!" The minions and the women all vigorously praised the Boss, and raised their liquor cups. The boss seemed to be in an awfully good mood. "H-hmmm. I am proud to be the Northern Lands' strongest mountain man! Pretty soon I will be the man who has dominion over all of Kakuriyo's mountains!" "Kyaaaa-- Boss is so cool!" "All of my women be happy! Gahahahaha!" Goodness, they are that guy's HAREM. The Boss clings to the women's thin kimono all over, and it seems that they earnestly praise him, and nobody can tell if they're likely to feel itchy. "Odanna-sama, do you think that you're jealous of that?" "No. When I look at that, I don't remember Shirou that way." Ah, even in Kakuriyo Grandpa was like that. I get it now. "Besides, even though things seem to be this way, I am single-minded. I only want to love just one person and give all of my love. How about being my wife, Aoi?"** "Odanna-sama, you really had to bring all of that up now, don't you?" T/N: Honestly at this point, Aoi should just wed the poor guy. I mean, srsly. Or maybe I just stan them b/c they're great together. Also it's effing canon lololol if you're gonna ask me why, because I ship myself with Ginji wahahahaha Also get ready fam-fans, things are gonna get whirly from here gahahaha P87 Odanna-sama suddenly thought of something, and hit his fist as he went "Oh, that's it", and with a pop transfigured his appearance right here. Wha------ A voluptuous beautiful lady with straight and black hair!** When placed with Ai-chan side by side, they'd look like sisters. "Odanna-sama, you can change your appearance into a woman's?!" "Hee hee. Ginji is not the only one with this specialty. Well, I rarely have a chance to change into a woman." Odanna-sama drew a reddish arc in the air, and an evil smile appeared on his face. I touched and clung on that Odanna-sama. Yes, he may be tall but still a girl. "I've seen those girls that guy likes. I wonder if it's a good idea if Ai and I will deliver the pizza all around.. Aoi, you watch everything from here." "Ehh, but I want to go too." "It's out of the question. You're a human girl. You understand the reactions of the Kaku-zaru, don't you? With regards to human girls, the Ayakashi know the value of their existence. If the bandits found out, it's bad." "B-- But..." "Aoi." Odanna-sama crouched down a bit, stared at my eyes, and made me hear his words. "Aoi, because you're a good girl, listen to my words here." With his hand, he lightly touched my forehead. It was such a cold hand. But his strong intention got sent to me directly , and without saying anything I could only agree with him. T/N: I told you guys, it was gonna get saucy from here. Even I was shocked. I ain't complaining though. Bring on the fanart lololol P88 When he told me to go back, he listened to my selfishness, and allowed me to stay here. That is why when he made his point, I thought that I should listen to him.

"Ohhhh, what's that? That's a nice smell!" "Our stomachs are already shrivelled up! Hm.. A woman?" "Hey, hey there, aren't you super gorgeous---" The bandits have smelled the pizza, and their interests have been piqued greatly. Not really, more than the pizza, it's probably Odanna-sama scene-stealing beautiful womanly look, and it seems that they're aren't wary of the pizza because of it. "An ogre-girl, eh? Such a fine jewel you are, what are you doing here in the Kaku-zaru's village?" The Boss watched Odanna-sama (the beautiful girl) from head to toe, and the bottom of his nose stretched out. That seemed to have also made the ladies of his harem feel offended. That considerably set them in a bad mood. "Us ogre sisters got lost in the middle of the mountain, and we were taken in as prisoners. For sure, we're going to be tributed to the Boss." "Ohhh, aren't you tasteful, Old Geezer Monkey? That's too bad though... But, what's that round serving tray? I want to see that now!" "This thing is called a pizza. A cook from Utsushiyo brought this kind of food here." P89 The luxurious food was explained exquisitely by Odanna-sama. With a more-or-less husky voice, Odanna-sama captivated everyone as they all stared at him in fascination. For a guy, I think he's rather good. "Please, please, help yourselves--" And in the middle of that, Ai-chan cheerfully hustled and bustled about, delivering the pizza to the bandits. The cute and cheerful Ai-chan expertly goaded and egged them on, and with the delicious smell of the pizza wafting, the mountain man did not refuse. First, the Boss took a bite of the stone pig pizza. "Mmmmm..." The Boss's facial expression blatantly changed. "Wh.. What is this? It's... Delicious... This thing on top of the tray... You dare to place a large chunk of meat on it. Most importantly, the flavor you added is groundbreaking. I may have been the undisputed ruler of the Northern Lands' mountains, but I haven't eaten anything with this taste." "Ehhh-- Boss, we want to eat some too..." "Well, you wait all of you. This food was made by the mountain men." Well, not really, that's food from Utsushiyo. I quipped as I hid in the shadows. Odanna-sama also served some pizza to the girls. They didn’t seem to like that the Boss was sniffing the beautiful girl, but without losing interest in the pizza, they eventually held their hands out. P90 "Please have these too. These are sweet fruit pizzas." Odanna-sama surely pressed on offering the sweet pizza filled with apples and sweet potato. Regarding that, it was our intention. "Sweet? Isn't that unmanly food?" "Hee hee. Don't say that. This has.. A fascinating flavor.." Fascinating... when Odanna-sama (the beautiful girl) uttered that word it was rather polished, and with the pizza's alluring color and smell he took it with his hands in bewilderment. "Ohhh...  This is certainly... Fascinating.." The baked apples were crunchy, and the sweet potato was fluffy. And with the stretchy and melty cheese, these all go well with the Hyakumemomiji syrup, without knowing nobody would say that they're feeling bad. Even the girls, going "what's this, what's this," more than the Boss were all entranced with the sweet pizza. "Wahhhh--" "!?" That's it. After a bit the apples' poison have started to take effect, and everyone who ate the pizza had been struck by sleepiness, and also that timing a Kaku-zaru child was pouring liquor all around, and everyone's who was drinking the liquor sank and fell down forwards. Somewhat, everyone fell due to the liquor, the bandits, the Boss, the harem of ladies. P91 "Ahhh..." The scene in that place froze. The adult Kaku-zaru held their heads without thinking. That kid, it was the kid that brought the ingredients to me in the kitchen. In that small place, I couldn't move. "Uhhhrghh... I thought all of you adult-ish Kaku-zaru were boring because you weren't resisting, but apparently you brats have no willingness. Thankfully, that's energizing--" After that the Boss's condition got better, and immediately the veins popped on his forehead, he was extremely taking offense. "You shitty brats!!!" "Go Boss! Kill the brats in anyway!" The bandits spat out violent words, and the Boss got spurred on. Evilness flowed. The hunch I didn't like happened. The Boss stood up, and drunkenly hurled the pizza tray with force, and decidedly raised his fists to beat the child. "Stop it!" My hunch was right. Without faltering I ran out, revealing myself and hugged and protected the child. Even though Odanna-sama told me to hide. P92 Even though he was resolute in landing a punch, when the Boss suddenly saw me appear, in a nick of time he stopped his fist. "!? What is this... Looking at you closely... Aren't you a human girl?!" I wonder if I'm feeling uneasy. This is the first time the Boss saw me with a bewildered and surprised look on his face, but as expected he guessed right. The other bandits decidedly reacted "Wh-- What?!" The Boss eventually laughed showing his teeth, and the fists that stopped instantly opened and grabbed my collar, and like that he pulled me up. "M--Miko-sama, Miko-sama!" The Kaku-zaru children were on the verge of tears as they reached out their arms to me. Kicking and violently struggling while hanging in mid-air, my usual powers were nothing but unusable. "Haha--- We have met a human girl in a place like this! You'll fetch a good price! No, in any event you should be my unusual maidservant? For you see, you are my spoils." "Hey--" "Hm?" The Boss's interest got stolen from behind him, a scary and mysterious aura started wafting out. The clamour came from that empty space, from the silence instantly came out a reply. "You, get your dirty hands off Aoi!" P93 "What the... Who the heck are you?" While still holding me in the air the Boss turned his head around, Odanna-sama in front of him opened his eyes wide. "You... didn't refuse Aoi's food..." The Odanna-sama in his girl form, while still in the Boss's line of sight started swaying slowly side to side and warping, and in an instant returned into the usual ogre-god. As he came out standing, he was wrapped around in his aura. He had a cold and piercing gaze. Everyone realized that he was an extraordinary being. "Wh--" The Boss's greasy sweat started to spread, and laughed with his teeth out. He could only laugh. "I have seen you before... You bastard, you're Tenjin-ya's Master!" "You knew it right away... Therefore, I wonder if you realize it. You said that you haven't met defeat, now I will show you  what's called defeat!" With his dubious smile, Odanna-sama soundlessly appeared and stood where I was, and forcefully grabbed the Boss's wrist and tightened the grip. "G... Gwahhhhh!" The ogre-fire from the Boss's wrist entered into his body. He was screaming in pain as he was burned, and and the same time I was released by Odanna-sama and he gently held me in his arms. P94 "Are you alright, Aoi?" "Uhmm.. Yeah.." After looking at me with a gentle smile, Odanna-sama's cold facial expression returned, and glowered at everyone else in front of him. With his deep-red eyes, looking like blood rushing in, he can frighten anyone. Normally, that's something that someone like him does. But.. Why is that.. In that time, I couldn't think of being especially frightened. "This.. This is unacceptable!" "How dare you do this to the Boss!" All of the minions simultaneously stood up with swords in their hands. At the worst possible time, a brawl might start... "What the...?" Everywhere everybody started staggering. Oh, I see, the apples just started to kick in. It seemed that we chose the timing OK.. With a thump, without warning were were surrounded by countless standing black shadows. They attacked from in-between the bandit's tall physiques, and without pausing toyed and pushed their opponents around.

"Odanna-sama, we have just come to see you right now." Whirling around, with his light green hair he dashed out. P95 It was Tenjin-ya's O-niwaban guards, the Kamaitachi ninjas. "Whew. We have just completely suppressed them." Around his mouth a long scarf hung, and it was obviously the O-niwaban's ace, Sasuke-kun. All of the bandits, mostly everyone had no fight left, in an instant had been stopped, and all around me they have fallen down. "That was splendid. Our O-niwaban sure are strong--" "Eh, how did Sasuke-kun and everyone did it? Ehh.. How did they... They fell down one by one when you told them to, Odanna-sama?" "Ah, yes." Holding me gently, Odanna-sama slowly put me down.** "I previously told them back in Tenjin-ya. Because there was a growing problem in the Northern Lands, I sent out the O-niwaban in secret. There was one person in the village who got hostaged, and we waited for the time when they could simultaneously get hold of them, which was when I saw that the timing of your food's effects came." "I see. That's good. No one got hurt." I anxiously looked at the kid that I protected, we were separated for a bit in that time. But the kid smiled instead. For sure, this was a very frightening experience for all of us. "Well then, one matter has been resolved. Let's tie up the sleeping bandits with heavy ropes." After that, it was the O-niwaban's turn to take them back to jail in the land of Ogre's Gate. T/N: After all of these events, I dare you all not to go whoooo and mushy at how much of a gent Odanna-sama is, to Aoi. I DARE YOUUUUUUU lololol But then again, maybe he wanted a date as well as do some anti-bandit work so... Meh. Still whooo wahahaha asdfgjkukdf;gjg P96 From a fruit orchard date, it enigmatically changed 180 degress into contributing to bandit-suppression in a day, all in one breath. Truly, this is one panic-filled day. "Miko-sama, Miko-sama!" Just as we were leaving, the kid that I protected came running on all fours towards me, and gave me a jar. "This is for Miko-sama." "Hm? Whaat is this?" "That's Hyakumemomiji honey... Because I heard you saying that you wanted one." "No way! That honey? Wahhhh I'm so happy!" I was quite happy, but that kid seemed to be really happy too, and my mouth drew an arc. "Miko-sama, you have saved our village. You're a real Miko-sama!" "It's Aoi. My name is Aoi. But well, it isn't bad to be Miko-sama in one day.." I stooped down to meet the child's eyes. I couldn't see his eyes through the mask, but through those small holes where pure and innocent eyes peeking, and I spoke gingerly. "There are still some unbaked pizzas in the kitchen, ask for an adult to help heating them in the stone kiln, so all of you can eat. It's already nightfall, don't use branches of Hyakumemomiji to burn them, OK?" "OK!" It's a wonderful thought that I was able to feed everyone in the village delicious pizza. P97 Though this was somewhat more difficult than the usual cooking scenarios, it was good that we were able to help people and restore the world's order. "....." The old respectable Kaku-zaru, as well as everyone else again, bowed their heads as they sent us off. Until the end I couldn't capture their figures, the clan has a mysterious aura surrounding them, but if someone gets into this hidden village again, they would surely want to tell the story of what happened today. Right now I do not have the image of a Miko-sama, I am just Yugao's Aoi. "Alright, let's go back to Tenjin-ya, Aoi." "Ohhh, right." We returned to the ship and rode back to Tenjinya, in the middle of the night the sky has cleared up and we proceeded to pierce through it. "Ahh..." From the wooden deck of the airship, I could see the far and distant, countless ogre-fires lighting up Gintengai during this time. And through that, I could see the tall Tenjin-ya floating up high. It's surely a sky-scraper. I found silence in the beautiful night scenery. Somehow, I recalled that time when we returned to Tenjin-ya from Orio-ya. Returning to Tenjin-ya, I thought that I was but only happy... "What is it, Aoi, would you want to come inside? The autumn night's probably cold..." T/N: OK Fam-fans, better hold onto your seats lol j/k no not really P98 "Say, Odanna-sama?" "Hmm?" This timing, there was something that I wanted to ask Odanna-sama. For a long time, even though I wanted to ask him, I couldn't. "Odanna-sama... That uhm..." That time when I was young, the story about the Ayakashi who helped me. Odanna-sama faced me, I used all of my strength to ask him. "Odanna-sama, that thing, have you asked Ginji-san about it? That story when I was young. Ginji-san... Brought me some food, that an Ayakashi was connected to my circumstance..." "Ah, that story.. Yes, even before that I already know..." I saw that Odanna-sama's eyes only flickered for a bit,  and it seems that he's flatly going to refuse answering. "Say.. Odanna-sama... Could it be that you.. In some way, have something to do with it?" "...." His lack of reaction continued. I only glanced up at his face fleetingly. Odanna-sama's feelings were unreadable and his face was cold, but while staring at the twinkling ogre-fires from far away, he curtly said "I wonder..." Clearly, that was an ambiguous answer. P99 "If you knew that, Aoi.. What will you do?" "If I knew, well, that I uhm..." "You possess a strong sense of responsibility, Aoi. As soon as you get concerned over an Ayakashi, you take on anyone else's burden. That is why... I do not want you to bear the burden that I already have." "You're saying that..." What does it mean? What is Odanna-sama saying right now? "I wonder why you wanted to know that, but I, do not want you to know about that." "...." Odanna-sama's words, unexpectedly stung and stabbed my heart. Again, I was surprised by that. "I... Only wanted to know... About Odanna-sama.." And, those were the words that went out of my mouth. "Just a little at a time..I am not scared, of Odanna-sama..." "...Aoi?" Not scared. It was something from my heart. I want to know more about you, now. T/N: Me: I have no hecking heart, I have no soul. Also me: ouch my heart my kokoro brokoro T_T I feel you Aoi, I feel you-- Also guys, some fun facts about how I did the translations here, once a girl (or an uke, however you like lololol) starts calling her special other ANATA, you know that things are going down the serious path. Like this is the first time she didn't refer to his public name, it's a Japanese or Asian thing, probably, like when you start calling someone pet names, but in this case she dropped the Odanna-sama in her head monologue and started calling him ANATA, like a WAIFU. Shit's going down guys, I might cry after I do this. DAng it, so much for having no heart. Excuse me while I wipe the stuff that ninjas cutting onions made me do. P100 For the first time, I consciously thought that Odanna-sama wasn't scary. All around him Odanna-sama scares everyone, but I was entirely not dreading him. I was thinking of something good to say about that change. I probably started to trust Odanna-sama. That outward appearance, I couldn't trust it, but I wanted to raise my convictions even if I don't know.  Odanna-sama always helps me. While in the shadows, in those times he casually gives me kind advice. But, despite all that, there's still a thread of mystery about him. Among everyone in Tenjin-ya, I understood him the least. "That face, don't give me that, Aoi." While I was shaking, Odanna-sama engulfed me with that huge body. In some way while wavering, he cradled me gently. I was so surprised that my body stiffed up in an instant, I took a long and deep breath, and a long while after talking, the strength from by body was zapped out. I wonder why, in that moment I got flooded with tears, yet I thought that the warmth felt good to abet my horrible mood. "I was shocked by your honesty. I was sure that for a long time I have scared Aoi, and I thought other than that there were no other feelings. That is why, you telling me that you wanted to know more about me, from the bottom of my heart, I am joyful." T/N: dammit ninjas cutting onions not now TT_TT P101 "...." "You sure are a changed person, aren't you?" A changed person. That, was Odanna-sama the same? I don't understand everything at all. Truly, what do you think about me? "Because I have become happy now, even when I jump down from this ship I'll surely live!" "Wait... why are you playing dumb about this now?" It was already all mushy and gooey, but why did he spoil the mood? I pushed myself off Odanna-sama's chest, and I glowered up at him with bulging eyes. Why is he always playing around with important matters like this? I didn't get hurt, but why on earth do I wanna hide myself? "Now, now, Aoi. Don't make that scary face." "Until a while ago I was crying. I will give you a scary face, Odanna-sama." "Sorry, Aoi." I looked at Odanna-sama's troubled yet laughing face, and well, I just gave up. Surely, Odanna-sama's not going to say. Anything. About. Me. Why? I don't know. With regards to that person when I was a child, from my endless conversations with Ginji-san I was thinking surely that there weren't other stories beyond that, and I couldn't be frank about it now. P102 Too bad. But I think that there's no way to ask about that now. I thought that I wanted to know about it, but it was probably just my own selfish wishes. "But, Odanna-sama..." "Hmm?" "Thank you, for today. Didn't you save me from the bandits? You grabbed that huge guy, that was really a bit terrifying." "Oh my, it's because I couldn't imgine that you'd be taken away by that brute. You running and dashing away to protect that child, it was so you, and that's really scary. It's because your human body is so different from Ayakashi, so frail and brittle." "Isn't Odanna-sama so overprotective. I think that is definitely more like having a granddaughter than having a wife, isn't it? But today, you're a bit cool." "R.. Really?" Odanna-sama's cheeks blushed with delight. Usually he sounds so mature, but right now that personality gap seems to have increased. "Because of that, this date has been so much fun. It gets perfect points for the thrill, and I was able to cook as much as I wanted, and I gained a really good item." P103 I wanted the person that I was with, to understand, and I let him know my feelings first. I smiled frankly, I don't want to have a sad nor scary face anymore. "..." Odanna-sama looked a bit surprised, and for a while didn't say anything back. In an instant, he touched my face, the thrill wasn't there immediately, but I drew my eyebrows together and smiled a tiny smile. "Aoi, you're also awesome. And now, you have smiled."

I still don't understand a thing about Odanna-sama. I don't know his favorite things. I don't know his name. I know nothing about his past nor his upbringing. I don't know, if he hides something, if he's involved with the incidents from when I was young. I need to know how to erase all of these.

If I'm going to do it, I wonder how can I get a little bit more closer to him.

End of Chapter 3, Volume 6. Previous - Chapter 2  Next - Intermission 1

References:

Wonderful site for the youkai references

Other stuff I used to do this: Kodansha Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (you can buy here, I’m not sponsored btw). I was about to buy the older edition but then the newer one came out 2013 so I bought that instead. Worth buying since I was able to find nearly all of the words I needed just by stroke pattern alone.

Merriam-Webster's Japanese-English Dictionary (the red-covered 1996 version is apparently out of print right now). This is what I have been using for a very long time, I bought it when I was still a fetus (yes I am old so what lol), and after so many years, when compared to newer editions, I still prefer this one since its entirety is Japanese-English, the English to Japanese gloss are just 16 pages tops, so you get more Japanese words for your buck. But that’s just my opinion, maybe other people prefer the Jap-En x En-Jap IDEK.

Basic online dictionary, Jisho. Knowledge of verb conjugations  and other words are necessary since not all have entries.

If you can read Japanese, you can buy the whole set in Amazon Japan, they’re shipping worldwide now, I think.

[13-reasons-ideas]

Finding Peace in Another Part 4

The next few days went relatively well and without any notable incidents, just usual high school crap. Classes were still boring, people still gossiped. It was all the same shit, just a different day. 

Tests were still given and teachers stressed the importance of maintaining your GPA for college or University. It was all the same shit, just a different day. I had only been at school for three days, but I quickly fell into the swing of how things work around here, which was jarringly different from my school back home, though I knew my school was a special case. Jocks are in charge, people like Tyler Down were at the bottom of the proverbial food chain. I tended to drift between the top and middle depending on who I was hanging out with at the time. I was still new and shiny to these people, they didn’t care that I hung out with jocks who were assholes to my other friends or the regular kids like Clay, Tony, and Alex. They probably thought I would decide where I wanted to sit in the chain eventually. I don’t really care. I’ll hang out with who I want when I want. Most of the gossip never made its way to me and if it did, I didn’t really care. Montgomery and I texted fairly regularly during the day. But the same could be said for Zach and I or any of my other friends, so it wasn’t that different. I didn’t think into it too much. Maybe there was a little harmless flirting, but we are teenagers. It’s to be expected. He probably is just enamoured with the new girl. Doesn’t mean anything serious by it. I though to myself.

A couple of days before my dad was due home however, something changed. I was in bed reading when I heard something hit my window. Assuming it was just an acorn or something falling, I ignored it going back to my book. Until it happened again. And then again. Getting up, I went to the window and looked down. Standing under my window, was Montgomery de la Cruz. He looked up with what appeared to be a bruise forming on his face, though I couldn’t be sure given the height I was looking down from and the darkness. I pointed for him to go to the front door and I would be there in a minute. Throwing on a sweater to cover my body, I ran down the stairs to greet him. I gasped when I opened the door. His right eye was bruised and there was a gash above his eyebrow that looked somewhat deep. His lip was split and bleeding, his knuckles cut open and caked in dry blood. Quickly ushering him inside, I brought him upstairs to my bathroom, where I kept an extra first aid kit and some rubbing alcohol. Sitting on the toilet he watched me closely as I gathered all the necessary things to patch him up. Finally speaking, I heard him whisper “I didn’t know where else to go.” 

Eyeing him closely I wet a cloth to try and wipe up some of the blood that had trickled down his face. “It’s okay. Let’s just get you cleaned up?” I said, though it sounded more like a question, as I moved from his face to his knuckles. The cloth wasn’t doing much to remove the dry blood, so I motioned for him to stand at the sink. “I need you to stand and put your hand under the water, the cloth isn’t doing enough.” I explained while I rinsed his hand. I saw him wince and hiss at the water and I apologized. “I have to clean off the blood before I can do anything. Do you have any other injuries?” He shook his head. After the blood was cleaned off his hand, I took some cotton and put a bit of rubbing alcohol on his knuckles. 

“Fuck that stings.” He said, as he pulled his hand away. I took it again. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I need to disinfect it before I can assess the full damage and bandage it. It’s usually better if I don’t say anything, just go ahead and do it.” I said as I put some more alcohol on a cotton pad and gently cleaned his cut up knuckles. Nodding towards his face, I told him “I’ll clean that up more after I get your hand cleaned, bandaged and under some frozen peas.” I let out a small laugh as he tilted his head at me, clearly confused.

“Peas? As in the little green vegetables children hate?” 

“Exactly.”

“Uh... why? Can’t you just use an ice pack or ice cubes?” 

Shaking my head, I laughed again before explaining the method to my supposed madness as I bandaged his hand. “My Mom always used peas on my our injuries. More flexible than an ice pack and smaller than ice cubes so they get in all the nooks and crannies. Better coverage because the bag is more malleable than an ice pack or ice cubes. Plus snacks.” He nodded but seemed skeptical. “I’ll be right back. Stay here. I’m not done with you yet. And speaking of snacks, are you hungry? I can heat up some leftovers from dinner.” I could see he wanted to say yes but didn’t want to impose. “It’s not a problem. I’ll make you a plate and be right back with the peas.” I didn’t wait for a response as I ran downstairs. I got together a plate of the leftover pasta I had made, heating up a dish of sauce and setting a dish of cheese on the side unsure of his preferences for pasta and sauce. While the pasta and sauce heated up, I grabbed the peas and made my way back upstairs. He was right where I left him. “I hope pasta is okay. I heated some sauce up on the side because I wasn’t sure if you liked sauce, but if I didn’t heat it up then you would have liked it and then I would have-“

“You ramble when you’re nervous don’t you?” He asked cutting me off, though he smiled as he said it.

“Uh... I may have been told that once or twice, yeah.” 

“Only once or twice huh?” He chuckled. 

“Oh hush you.” I shushed him, holding back my laughter. Carefully placing the peas on his hand, I set to work getting his face taken care of. “Well there’s not much I can do about the bruising or your lip, but I can bandage that cut up. I need to clean it, and it’s going to sting more than your hand so I’m sorry. You can hold my hand if you want.” I held my hand out to him and smiled softly and I felt him grab it. Dipping a q-tip in some alcohol, I carefully cleaned around the cut to get any remaining blood off the edges. “Okay. This is probably going to hurt, so I’m sorry.” I told him before I carefully cleaned over the cut. He squeezed my hand as he sucked in a breath and swore under his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m almost done, just hang on one more second.” I talked him through the pain as I finished cleaning the wound. I waited a second for the alcohol to fully dry before I found a piece of gauze that was the right size and adhered it with some medical tape. As we finished, the microwave beeped and I stood him up, still holding his hand. Making a quick stop at my room for my book, I walked him back downstairs to have a bite to eat. 

As we sat down, he asked me “aren’t you going to ask about it?”

I looked at him questioningly “ask about what?”

“Why I’m here in the middle of the night? Why my face is bruised and cut up? Or why I needed you to spend your night cleaning me up?” He asked, obviously unsure about his feelings and confused about my lack of questions. 

I looked at him and cocked my head to the side. “Did you want me to ask about it? Because I can. I just don’t see a point in asking about it if you probably wouldn’t tell me anyway. What happened is your business. You can tell me if you want, and I will listen. Or you can not tell me, eat your pasta, and go to sleep. The choice is yours.” I told him, not unkindly. He nodded a little and ate his pasta in silence while I curled up on the chair and read my book, the bag of peas still on his hand. After he was done, I removed the bag and checked the swelling. “It seems to have gone down some. I can take it off now and then if you need it later, you can get the bag again.” 

“Okay.” 

“Did you want to sleep on the couch or with me? The guest room isn’t totally unpacked yet. And by that I mean the bed hasn’t been built and the mattress is old and lumpy and not worth sleeping on. But if you’re uncomfortable then you can totally sleep there. It’s fine.” He looked at me, surprised by my forwardness once again. 

“Uh... are you really offering to share your bed with a guy you barely know?” 

I nodded as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Yes? I mean, the couch is nice. It’s comfortable for a nap, but I wouldn’t want to sleep on it through the night. As long as there’s no funky business going on, I don’t see an issue?” I said, using the term I had always heard Jake use for sex. 

He thought for a second. “I’ll sleep with you, if you don’t mind. And I would like to be gone before Bryce leaves for school. He will ask questions I don’t want to answer otherwise.” He decided. I nodded in understanding.

“Alright. Just so you know, I sleep on the outside of the bed, so if you need to get up in the night, just wake me. I also sleep in the fetal position, so you’ll have lots of room.” I held my hand out for him to take again. He took it gratefully and I took him upstairs to my bed. As he stripped down to his T-shirt and boxers and crawled into bed, I made sure to set an extra alarm for him so he would be gone in time. I crawled into bed beside him and tried not to think about the last time I had a boy in my bed. Oh how I missed Bailey. Rolling onto my back, I heard Montgomery ask me a question. 

“Rebecca? How did you know how to clean and bandage me up so easily?” 

Sighing, I shrugged. “My friends back home tended to need patching up from time to time. I guess I just got used to it. It’s almost second nature now.” 

“Hmmm.” I heard him acknowledge my answer. I thought he had fallen asleep when I heard him speak again. “Thank you for not prying tonight.” 

“You’re welcome. Go to sleep now okay?”

“Mmmkay. G’night Becca.” He muttered, half asleep. 

“Good night Monty.” I said into the darkness before falling asleep. When I woke up in the morning he was gone and his side of the bed was cold. There was a note on the pillow that read ‘thanks. See you at school.’ 

[saitou-shuka]

[English Translation] Ultra Jump March 2018: 100 Questions for Saito Shuka

[Read Anchan’s version!] [Read Furirin’s version!]

“I’m gonna shoot through your heart ☆ Yousoro!”

Saito Shuka (voice of Watanabe You) Nickname: Shukashuu Birthday: August 16th Blood type: A Hobbies: Badminton, calligraphy, walking Skills: Dance

Notable Roles TV Anime: Time Bokan 24 Game: Uchi no Hime-sama ga Ichiban Kawaii (Amaterasu) etc.

1. Favorite food? Salisbury steak with cheese inside.

2. Disliked food? Tomato.

3. Favorite sweets? Gummies!

4. Your number one favorite home-cooked dish? Salisbury steak.

5. Favorite color? Red.

6. Favorite scent? My own perfume.

7. Favorite season? Autumn.

8. Favorite event of the year? My birthday!

9. What sport do you like watching? Soccer.

10. What sport do you like playing? Badminton.

11. Favorite animal? I like dogs! Like Samoyed huskies, toy poodles, and miniature kaninchen dachshunds!

12. If you were to compare yourself to an animal, what would you be? I've been told that I'm a squirrel!

13. Are you a dog person? Or a cat person? Dogs!

14. Favorite manga? "Bokura ga Ita".

15. Favorite genre of manga? Shoujo comics! I like it when I read alone and my heart races and I get all flustered ♡

16. First manga you read? "Crayon Shin-chan".

17. First anime you watched? "Ojamajo Doremi".

18. Favorite movie? "Burlesque".

19. Favorite musical artist? Hamasaki Ayumi-san.

20. Song(s) you listen to every day? Aqours music!

21. First CD you bought? I don't remember.

22. Your specialty song at karaoke? Hamasaki Ayumi-san's "Days".

23. Phone lock screen? A photo of acorns.

24. A clothing brand you often buy? I'm not too picky about that stuff. I want to wear clothes that suit me!

25. Your best outfit? I'm the type to wear a one-piece dress (speaking of which, I only own one or so) or a skirt.

26. Favorite place in your house? The bathroom (because there's not a lot of space).

27. What do you want most right now? A dog. I want two more dogs.

28. What's something that you'll always carry in your bag? A handkerchief (laugh).

29. What's something you've been collecting unintentionally? Those small SMISKI figures.

30. What's your treasure? My family.

31. What kind of child were you? I haven't changed (laugh).

32. Your childhood treasure? I treasured my plushies the most.

33. Your childhood dream? To become a kindergarten teacher (I was actually too embarrassed to tell people I wanted to become an idol so I said this instead).

34. Someone you respect? Mama!!

35. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? France!

36. What country do you want to try visiting? Europe! France in particular!

37. Any bad habits? Recently I've been quick to touch people.

38. Do you have a catchphrase? This is the best! I said it right away (laugh).

39. Charm point? My eyebrows are sloped downwards like the 八 character.

40. A strength you have? I'm stubborn.

41. A shortcoming you have? I'm stubborn.

42. Your special skill? Dance.

43. Something you're bad at? Studying.

44. A precise weakness of yours? Touching my shoulders.

45. What do you want to fix about yourself? Simply my sharp tongue.

46. What's something you could live off of? Dance.

47. What are you confident you can imitate well? No Face's voice from the scene where he eats the frog in Spirited Away.

48. Your current obsession? TV games.

49. A phrase you've been using a lot? Instaworthy.

50. Favorite motto? I say "once-in-a-lifetime encounter" (laugh).

51. If you could describe yourself with one word, what would it be? Carefree.

52. Something you've been picky about recently? Moving around during a live performance.

53. Fill in the blank with something positive: I'm actually _. Cold*. But in a good way. *(Note: think “chill”)

54. Fill in the blank with something negative: I'm actually _. Cold. But in a bad way.

55. Anything but this! Tickling my shoulders.

56. What would the world be better off without? War.

57. How do you kill time? I play with my dog.

58. How do you relieve stress and refresh yourself? I sleep.

59. What app have you been using often recently? Music app.

60. What's something you always do once you wake up? Open the curtains.

61. What's something you always do before you sleep? Drink hot milk with honey.

62. What do you do when you ride the train? Listen to music.

63. What do you do to maintain your health? I always wash my hands and rinse my mouth! Important stuff!

64. What do you do when you have the day off? Sleep.

65. What do you do when you have time to yourself? I basically only think about work. How I'm going to handle the live performance and stuff!

66. What do you do when you hang out with friends? We go watch movies.

67. Where do you want to go on your first date? I want to go wherever my date wants to go.

68. If you were to confess to someone, what kind of situation would you want it to be? I'd want to meet up and say it directly. Not by letter or by phone, but at the park or something!

69. If someone were to confess to you, what kind of situation would you want it to be? I'd want a smooth confession while we're talking to each other. I don't care where it happens. If someone told me suddenly like "pow" when we were just talking about whatever, I think I'd die (laugh).

70. What memories do you have of Valentine's Day? In the earlier years of elementary school I wanted to give chocolate to a boy I liked, but I couldn't do it and just ate them myself.

71. Something fun that happened recently? Went to a certain amusement park with my friends.

72. Something sad that happened recently? The cactus my family was raising just broke.

73. Something funny that happened recently? (Aida) Rikako dropped a bunch of gummy candies on the Shinkansen and was like "oops I dropped them" but didn't pick them up.

74. Something about your past you want to erase? I'll leave that to your imagination (laugh).

75. A moment that made you think "This is a miracle!"? Right now, each moment that I'm living is a miracle!

76. A moment that made you think "I'm glad to be alive"? Whenever I'm dancing.

77. What wish do you want granted in the future? I want more dogs. I want to be surrounded by dogs.

78. What's something you wished for that came true? The fact that I can go on stage and dance like this now.

79. Any fond memories of 2017? All the live concerts.

80. What went wrong in 2017? Simply, making mistakes while dancing. The challenge is how well you can hide your slip-up.

81. Goals for 2018? I want to act my age. I don't act like an adult!

82. What would you do if you won 100 million yen from the lottery? I'd put half into savings, give half of the remaining money to my parents, and use the leftovers. I want to build a house or something!

83. What would you do if you had a time machine? I'd want to visit the past. After all, the future is something you have to create yourself.

84. What would you want to do if the world were to end tomorrow? I'd want to do a live performance!

85. What would you want to eat if the world were to end tomorrow? Salisbury steak with cheese inside or pizza! I want to eat foods with cheese!

86. If you could bring one thing to a deserted island, what would it be? A survival knife.

87. If you were reborn in another world, what would you want to become? A magician.

88. If you were reborn in this world, what would you want to become? A dog.

89. If you were to be reborn, would you want to be male or female? Female.

90. What's good about being a girl? People spoil me (laugh).

91. What's something you'd want to try if you were male? Getting into a fight.

92. A challenge you want to take on? I want to play a musical instrument. I want to learn how to play trumpet from scratch. Also, tap dance.

93. A voice role you want to try in the future? A really weird, but cute girl.

94. If you could do any job outside of voice acting, what would it be? A pet shop employee or a kindergarten teacher.

95. What made you the happiest out of everything you've been told? “You're so cool!”

96. Have you been keeping any secrets from the rest of Aqours? I haven't been specifically keeping any secrets, no!

97. Where in Numazu would you like to visit again? The Deep Sea Aquarium.

98. Praise yourself as much as possible! You always do your best (laugh).

99. Your thoughts on today's photoshoot? I had so much fun; it was the best!!!

100. Finally, a word for your fans! I'm going to do my very best with Aqours from now on. I'll work hard so that all of you can follow us, and want to follow us as well!

TL: shukamod QC: Yujacha (@yujachachacha​)

[genericdubstep]

Ears

It was a cold day in the Sizzlethorn forest. The harsh wind between the asymmetrical trees rang like church bells. Most of animals were hiding in holes and bushes, waiting for warmer seasons to come. But amidst the seemingly endless layer of thick white snow that covered the forest, a single trail of footsteps could be found. They were left by a rabbit named Roger.

The rabbit had just turned eighteen. He had left home earlier that week to explore the world, determined to stop at nothing to learn how the forest worked. He wasn’t scared of the cold like all the other animals. He was fascinated by it. Mother Nature was a work of art to him. She gifted him with water he drank, the food he ate and the leaves he collected. He carried with him a pouch to transport said leaves, along with a small bag full of cheese and carrots.

The pouch was a gift from his mother, a white mouse named Gabriel. She had raised Roger along with his father, Sir Patrick, another white mouse. Sir Patrick was a strictly conservative mouse, carrying believes of great grandeur and pride. He had a rich family tree and enough acorns to buy all the cheese he could want, yet he refused to spend them. Roger never understood why Sir Patrick was so negative all the time. He had a loving wife and a successful life, yet he seemed so mad at the world, like it had wronged him in some way. One time, on a particularly stormy night, he told Roger to look him in the eyes and said;

“The forest is not a place for your kind. Soft rabbits are eaten first. That’s the food chain, that’s the way god intended it. You eat or you get eaten… You broke me, Roger. I’m going to get eaten because of you.”

Roger remembered it clearly. That night, he had a nightmare in which a pack of wild mice attacked, biting his stomach open and leaving his entrails scattered across the dirt floor, before stealing his collection of leaves. He woke up screaming, jumping aggressively around the burrow and crying loudly. Gabriel heard him from the other room and rushed inside to hold him tight and comfort him, assuring him that he was safe with her. After an hour, he finally calmed down and was able to control his thoughts again.

“You’re my son,” she said. “You’re my precious little carrot and I will always be there for you when you need me, just like Mother Nature.”

It was less than a week later that Sir Patrick decided to pack his acorns and leave the burrow. Roger was in bed that morning, but he remembered hearing every painful word of his parent’s argument, despite attempting to cover his ears with a pillow.

“I can’t take it anymore!” Sir Patrick yelled. “He always needs something. It’ll never be enough for him. You’re spoiling him!”

“It’s called responsibility!” Gabriel exclaimed in tears. “If you had taken responsibility for once in your god forsaken life, everything would be better!”

“Do not take the lord’s name in vain, you ungrateful hag! I realize now that I married a succubus who gave birth to a demon! Good luck with your income!”

Those were the last words Roger heard from his father. That day, it took Gabriel another three hours to help Roger calm down.

Gabriel had been unemployed up until that day, living off the wealth of Sir Patrick’s inheritance. But Sir Patrick had taken all his acorns with him when he left, so the two were forced to find a new burrow to live in. That’s when they moved to the south end corner of Sizzlethorn- a significantly less privileged part of the forest.

Here, the mouse and rabbit shared a single burrow with two beds and very little cheese on the table. Gabriel worked as a waitress in the local pub, serving syrup and grilled cheese to the scariest mice in the area. On Roger’s sixteenth birthday, she brought him a bottle of quality syrup per his own request, but Roger thought it tasted like burning muddied water. He tearfully apologized for making his mother waste money on a gift that he turned out to dislike, but Gabriel assured him that it was okay. She instead made him some cheese sandwiches that the two of them shared while Roger told her about his favorite plant- the Cycadophyta, which leaves looked like the green fireworks on New Year’s Eve. Roger loved New Year’s Eve, or “Mother Nature’s birthday” as he called it. Whenever green firework went off, he would jump in joy and tap his feet.

But Gabriel wasn’t happy. Working an 8-hour shift while simultaneously taking care of Roger proved to be more than the little white mouse had bargained for. She never blamed Roger for her problems, but he remembered Gabriel saying something about a complete lack of respect and financial support from the local municipality, despite her peculiar circumstances as a parent.

Gabriel’s stress and depression grew worse as the years passed. Roger never noticed, until one morning where he tried to wake her up so she wouldn’t be late for work, only to discover that his attempt was in vain, as his mother never opened her eyes again. She had passed away peacefully that night, dreaming of a picnic with Sir Patrick and Roger, where the three of them hugged and laughed as the dancing blackbirds around them sang a song of joy. Roger remembered holding her body tight as he cried and screamed for five hours, before crawling outside and falling asleep in a bush.

The following two years were hard for Roger. He had no more free time left. When he wasn’t studying in school, he was working behind the counter in a nearby pharmacy to earn acorns and pay the rent. Roger would often get home from work, only to jump around and cry alone until he finally fell asleep. But the difficulty of life was not going to stop him from his interest in Mother Nature- quite the opposite in fact, as Mother Nature was the only mother he had left.

On his eighteenth birthday, his employer gave him a small bonus. Roger put the acorns in his pouch along with his leaf collection, before leaving the burrow to travel back to the northwest end of Sizzlethorn where he was born. Roger had been accepted into the Northwest Sizzlethorn University of Higher Education, a quite prestigious school where he hoped to learn more about Mother Nature and her countless children that he so lovingly collected.

Roger knew he didn’t have enough money to live in the fancy burrows of northwest Sizzlethorn alone, but thankfully, an old tarantula named Mariyam allowed him to live with her in his childhood burrow for just a quarter of the rent. He had recently contacted the elderly tarantula to ask if he could move in with her, as he had seen her in the news earlier that month discussing the death of her husband. Roger thought the tarantula seemed so sad and shaken over her husband’s passing, which reminded him of the day his own mother died. Perhaps living with her was going to grant both of them some kind of comfort- and the decreased rent, that was just a nice bonus. When he called her and she said yes, Roger jumped in joy and tapped his feet, but he did it quietly so that Mariyam wouldn’t hear it and find him off-putting.

As Roger’s trip came to a close and he arrived back in front his childhood home, he felt sudden increase in his heartbeat and an urge to cry. This was the place where Sir Patrick left him and his mother. Memories of a disturbed childhood rushed over him and made the weather feel ten times colder, until the wind was stinging his skin like killer bees. But that wasn’t going to stop him. He had worked his entire life for a chance at higher education- and by god, he was going to succeed.

When he crawled down the old familiar burrow, he was welcomed with open arms by the tarantula. Eight open arms, in fact.

“Welcome home sweet child!” Mariyam exclaimed and hugged him, as if she had known him her whole life.

“T-thank you, ma’am. Would you kindly stop touching me?”

“Of course! My apologies, sweet child. Make yourself at home. I have moved my husband’s furniture out of his room, you can move in and decorate it as you please. Are you hungry, my sweet child?”

Roger was quite starved, as his trip had been lengthy and he had emptied his bag of cheese and carrots over five hours ago. Despite this, he respectfully declined the tarantula’s offer, as Roger only ate cheese and carrot related food. He was strictly a vegetarian, not for any moral or religious reasons, but because the consistency of meat made his stomach turn- especially flies, which he knew was eaten frequently by tarantulas back in Mariyam’s home country.

A week later, Roger had settled and was prepared for his first day in university. He felt full of determination. “Mother would be proud of me,” he thought to himself.

As he entered class, he was greeted with stares and whispers. All the other students were mice. Roger heard one of them whisper “Is he in the right class?” which hurt him to hear, but he said nothing, hoping that the mice would be more accepting after getting to know him.

The first four days, Roger didn’t speak to any of the other students. He felt too nervous to say anything. It wasn’t until the fifth day, where he gathered the courage to talk to one of them during the lunchbreak- a handsome brown mouse named William.

“Uhmm, is this seat taken? It’s alright if it’s taken. Or if you’d rather eat alone. T-that’s alright, too.”

“No, whatever man,” said William.

Struggling with small-talk, Roger didn’t say much, although he managed to ask a bit about the other students in their class. He always had difficulty remembering names and faces, so hearing William tell a bit about the other mice helped Roger differentiate them. He enjoyed hearing William talk. Roger thought he had a very soothing voice.

At the end of the lunchbreak, William told Roger that he was throwing a small party next week with four other mice from class. “You can join if you want, we got enough syrup for a sixth dude.”

“I don’t drink syrup, but I’d like to join- I mean, if that’s okay” Roger said, attempting to hide his intense mixture of excitement and nervousness.

“Sure, okay man”

Roger went to the bathroom and made sure nobody was around, just so he could jump and tap his feet in joy.

After getting back home to the burrow, Roger told Mariyam about the good news over dinner. The old tarantula smiled so wide that Roger could see all her ugly, rotting teeth. He thought about advising her to brush her teeth, but he decided against it and remained quiet, as Gabriel once told him that those kinds of comments can sound rude, even if they were intended to be helpful. Roger always did his best to be nice to other animals.

Mariyam and Roger were starting to develop quite a blossoming friendship. Mariyam taught Roger about her culture and religion, which he found very interesting, even if he wasn’t a part of it. He paid her back by teaching her about Mother Nature and showing her his rarest leaves. Christmas was right around the corner, and even though Mariyam didn’t celebrate Christmas, she assured Roger that she would buy him a Cycadophyta seed.

The following week passed quickly, and Roger took an extra-long shower to smell good before the party, even though showers always hurt his skin a bit.

William’s burrow was just as nice as Maryam’s. It was clear that his parents were upper-class mice much like Sir Patrick, but William’s parents were on a business trip all the way to Everspring Forest, so they had the burrow all for themselves.

The other mice were named Carl, June, Luke and Betty. They never really spoke to Roger during class. In fact, Roger recalled that Luke was the mouse who whispered “Is he in the right class?” two weeks ago. Roger just hoped that this day would make them like him.

They all stared a bit as he entered the burrow, but were too lost in small-talk to comment on it. William again offered him some syrup, but Roger respectfully declined.

As the day passed and turned to night, Roger started to feel more comfortable with the environment. He told William about the lovely Cycadophyta leaves, how each of the seasons were named by so-called humans according to the legend, and how he believed New Year’s Eve was a celebration of everything Mother Nature had gifted us. Roger thought William was very pretty, and even though he didn’t respond to many of the things Roger told him, the rabbit was just happy to tell such a handsome mouse about Mother Nature while the two shared a bag of cheese snacks.

“Hey, Roger!” Luke exclaimed. His voice was sloppy and slurred, it was clear that the syrup had kicked in.

“Yes?” Roger responded, cautiously.

“What are you parents like? Are they like you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean are they rabbits too?”

Roger went quiet for a second.

“No, my parents were mice.”

“Whaaat!” Luke yelled as he smiled. “I didn’t know two mice could give birth to a rabbit!”

“It’s certainly possible, but it’s quite rare. Rabbits only make up roughly one percent of the animal kingdom. Genetically speaking there is a much higher chance of a child being a rabbit if one of their parents is a rabbit too, but it can occur even for two mice.”

“That’s fucked up.”

Roger felt his heart skip by this remark as his skin turned cold.

“I don’t- I mean, why do you say that’s fucked up?”

“Well, I mean it’s obviously not easy to raise a rabbit. Your kind always jumps around and makes a mess. There was a rabbit in my kindergarten and he was the loudest, most intolerable little shit!”

“We’re not all like that…”

Luke ignored him and looked back at Betty to kiss her on the cheek, as if the entire exchange never happened. The rest of the mice completely ignored it. Roger felt sick after what he just heard, but he tried holding back the tears to appear mature in front of William.

Roger looked at William’s brown face. “I think I could use some syrup now”

“That’s the spirit!” said William and poured him a glass of syrup with ice.

Roger quickly downed the glass. Then another one. Then one more. He eventually felt the effect kick in, as he became lightheaded and dizzy for the first time. Before he knew it, he was dancing to the music along with June and Carl.

“Nice moves!” exclaimed William from the couch.

Roger felt so excited by the remark that he instinctively jumped and tapped his feet. June cracked up and began laughing.

“What the hell was that?” she asked with a contemptuous smirk on her little white mouse face.

“Sorry, it’s just a thing I do.”

“Stop doing that, it’s weird.”

Roger took a step back, only to bump into a shelf and knock down a little glass mouse figurine which shattered on impact.

“Dude!” yelled William.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, bunny?” said Luke mockingly.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Roger felt the tears come, so he quickly rushed to the bathroom before anyone noticed. He was breathing heavily and a couple of tears hit the dirt floor, as he attempted to calm himself down by rocking his little bunny body back and forth and tapping his feet lightly. A few minutes passed, then he heard the mice talking from the other room.

“Why the hell did you invite a bunny to our party” said Luke.

“I dunno, I’m trying to be nice” said William.

“Stop being nice to rabbits. They’re a bunch of crazy, perverted fucks. Haven’t you heard about the rabbit in the news that ate a mouse last month? They’re a bunch of fucking predators, I tell you. We shouldn’t even allow them near forks.”

“Yeah,” said Betty and nodded at Luke. “I heard they can’t feel empathy for other animals. How can you ever trust someone like that?”

They were all quiet for a second, then William let out a deep sigh and responded. “You’re probably right.”

Roger didn’t want to hear it, but he did. He heard it all clearly. When he left the bathroom and walked back in the room, tears were running down his fluffy cheeks as he stood there and looked at all the mice. They just stared right back at him.

“I’m not a predator. I don’t eat mice. And I have empathy.”

William stared at him. “I think you should just leave,” he said calmly.

“Yeah, fuck off bunny!” yelled Luke, as he turned the volume of the music up so much that it hurt Roger’s ears.

Roger crawled out of the burrow and ran home as fast as he could, his tears hitting the snow as he fought his way through the freezing weather. Everything was suddenly so much louder for him. The wind no longer sounded like soothing church bells- it now sounded like thunder. It started raining, and the raindrops smacked against his head like hail.

Mariyam was naturally sleeping when he got home. Roger held his tears back so as not to wake her up, as he crawled into bed and softly cried himself to sleep. He didn’t go to school the next morning and pretended to sleep until Mariyam left for work. Roger spent the rest of the day jumping around and crying loudly, even stomping on one of his precious leaves by accident.

All of a sudden, the world felt completely overwhelming. Roger could hear everything around him. He had always been able to hear everything around him, but it was different now. In school the next day, he heard Luke use “bunny” as an insult, which hurt him deeply. When Roger later entered the local pharmacy to pick up his prescription, he had to rush out the store as there were too many mice inside talking loudly about this and that, which made him feel scared. He couldn’t sleep at night, because he constantly heard drunken mice yell outside his burrow as they passed by. It all gave Roger a headache.

Everything was painful now. It was like more and more of Roger’s optimism and dedication just leaked out with every passing day. He didn’t speak to William anymore, the awkward stares during class said enough. Roger didn’t speak to anyone for that matter. He even began asking Mariyam to pick up his groceries, so that he wouldn’t have to be surrounded by loud mice in the super market. He didn’t feel able to trust mice anymore. Roger assumed his paranoia would pass, but his hope dissolved as the weeks passed and he only felt more alone.

Christmas came and Mariyam completely forgot about the Cycadophyta seed that she had promised him. Not that Roger cared anymore. He laid restless in bed all Christmas Eve, thinking about his mother and father, about William and Luke, about god and why he cursed him with these long ears.

New Year’s Eve was especially painful. He just wanted Mother Nature and everyone around him to be quiet. The aggressive fireworks blew open his ear canals. Mariyam was visiting an old friend’s burrow that night, so Roger was all alone- which didn’t make a difference, as this was something he felt regardless of the animals around him.

He tried covering his ears with a pillow, but it didn’t block out the noise. He could still hear the fireworks. He could still hear the drunken mice. He could still hear his heartbeat. He could hear everything.

As the tears rolled and his mind became clouded, Roger grabbed a nearby pair of scissors from the table. Carefully but without hesitation, he clenched his paw and cut his right ear clean off. Then his left ear. He screamed out in pain as the blood spurted out and painted his white fur red. He could no longer hear anything, not even his own grotesque cries of anguish. He looked at his collection of blood stained leaves, as his vision became blurred and he fell asleep on the dirt floor.

The next morning, Roger was awakened by his mother Gabriel, who held him tightly in her arms and comforted him for three hours until he finally calmed down.

Suicide is the leading cause of death for autistic people. Ableism and bullying are a large contributing factor to this. Please consider donating to a charity such as ASAN to help improve the lives and rights of autistic people around the world.

[thegirlsinthefirehouse]

Descendants, Chapter 40

----- Erin and Patty had taken the flowers and such down to the Ecto-1 and brought up the car seat the morning Abby and Eliana were discharged. 

Abby was definitely happy to be going home. Nurses coming in and checking on her was definitely something she could do without. She just wanted to go home with Holtz and their daughter and relax. If she was going to become the on demand milk machine for their little one, then she wanted to be able to be on her own couch with Netflix and her Amazon Video account.

And at least she could go downstairs and see how things were going in between feedings. Abby sighed to herself. Ever since the baby was born, she was really struggling privately with feelings of resentment for her decisions about starting a family again. It was really hard since she loved her child already and enjoyed watching Holtz interact with Ellie. She was so in love and already making plans for Eliana’s future. She didn’t mention this to anyone, figuring it’d go away in a few days when things weren’t so hectic and crazy. Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression were very real things and she knew her hormone levels were fluctuating rapidly so it’d take some time to get back to normal.

However normal her life could be with the Ghostbusters. And Holtzmann.

"Okay, going home momma," said Holtz, gesturing to the wheelchair and waiting staffer. They already had Ellie in the car seat, despite her cries of protest at such. It had almost broken Holtz's heart to have do so. But Patty was waiting downstairs with the Ecto-1 and Holtzmann really wanted to get home herself. Once Abby had gotten sat down in the chair, Holtz had deposited the car seat in Abby's lap. She adjusted the plaid shirt on her daughter with a soft laugh. The little beanie type hat and the clothes almost made her look like a little lumberjack. All she needed was a mini axe. She got Holtzmann to hand her cell phone out of her stuff and took a picture to send to her family. Her brother and Ariel and her parents had tons of photos and video already, but one more wouldn't hurt. They were all planning to come up and see their new grandchild and niece. Abby couldn't wait to introduce her daughter to her brother's kids. They were definitely excited about having another kid to play with. Abby was smiling at the sight in front of her as she pocketed the phone. She held onto the handle as the staffer left the room and headed for the elevators.

"It's a good thing you're getting an early start," said the staffer, whose name tag Holtz noticed said he was named Jake. "Snowstorm is coming in sometime after four."

"Maybe we won't have much work then," said Holtz cheerfully. "And I can make you sit down instead of trying to coordinate."

"Like you're going to sit down?" said Abby, eyeing Holtz.

"I have work to do," she said teasingly. "I'm two weeks behind since someone decided to stay inside their other momma for longer than they should."

Abby groaned. She had already forgotten that it had been that long. She was just relieved Ellie had been born. She had definitely been right when she had told Patty that before about the forgetfulness. They waited for the elevator to ding and open so they could go downstairs. The rest of the trip and going out to the car was quiet. Once Erin and Abby had gotten Ellie buckled into the backseat, Holtzmann had demanded the keys from Patty, who shook her head no and pointed to the passenger seat. Holtz pouted, which made them all chuckle at the engineer. Erin sighed from the back and promised Holtz she could use the siren at least.

-----

Diana, Angie, Beth, and Jen had all gushed over the baby once they had stepped back into the firehouse. They had even gotten together and picked out baby gifts. Holtz had loved the stuffed rocket ship, making it swoosh around Eliana’s head. But after a few minutes of work talk, Holtzmann quickly ushered her wife upstairs. She pointed to the couch.

“Sit,” she said. “I’ll go get the co-sleeper so you can keep Eliana beside you.”

Abby was amused when she saw Erin had left the flowers and gifts that had been sent to her in the hospital on their coffee table. She had figured Erin would “forget” the flowers and leave them on her desk so she could look at all the roses while she was working. Holtzmann and Abby had even gotten a visit from one of the childbirth class instructors who had been there visiting a friend who had also given birth as well. After a few minutes, they had figured out she was kin to Jennifer Lynch. In fact, they were sisters. So they had all been amused when a bouquet and a cute teddy bear had appeared later from Penelope and Jennifer Lynch.

Holtz came back out of the baby’s room as Abby was getting Eliana out of the car seat. The blonde strolled into the bedroom and came back out with pillows. She helped Abby by holding Eliana as she sat down.

“Rest, relax. I know you are still very sore.”

“And what are you going to do?” said Abby, eyeing her wife.

“Once I unpack and get out everything we might need for the day, I’m sitting my butt down on the other end of this couch and be at your beck and call.”

“I figured you were going downstairs to your lab,” said Abby, unbuttoning her plaid shirt.

Holtz shrugged. “Not today. Wife and child come first.” She kissed Abby on the cheek and headed towards the bedroom. The paranormal investigator laid Eliana on the breastfeeding pillow they had bought and set her to eat. She lovingly rubbed her daughter’s cheek as she began to suckle.

“I can’t get over the fact that she’s already waking up on her own to eat,” said Holtz, coming into the room with a load of dirty laundry.

“Not like you wouldn’t wake up for food,” mused Abby. “Especially if you were being fed about 8-12 times a day by breast...”

“I would be the happiest gay woman alive,” teased Holtz with a wink as she went through to the bathroom.

“You do realize newborn stomachs are only about the size of an acorn,” said Abby a little loud so Holtz could hear her. “Could you imagine only eating an acorn?”

“No, because then I would be a squirrel,” said Holtz, coming back through. “And I’m already nuts enough as it is.”

Abby groaned, shaking her head. Holtz laughed as she went into the kitchen and got some water. She sat it down beside her wife and kicked off her boots before sitting down on the couch.

“Do you want to get out the ring sling and start trying it?” asked Holtz.

“Maybe in a couple of days,” Abby said. “I think I need the downtime.”

“For good reason,” said Holtz. “You’ve done a major thing to your body. It needs recovery.”

Abby nodded. After she was certain Eliana was finished, she held her upright and started rubbing her back. Holtz scooted closer and took Ellie from her wife.

“You want something to eat?” asked Holtz. “I think Erin and Kevin were going to grab food for everyone, but I can make you something.”

“I think I can wait, but I do have a request for the future meal,” said Abby. “A thick rib eye, medium rare. Mashed potatoes with garlic and rosemary and portabella mushroom gravy. Oh, and that crab and bacon mac and cheese.”

“Ah, the deluxe menu,” grinned Holtz. “Shall I get the wine and dessert list?”

“Only if there are eclairs involved.”

“I think I need to call Cheyenne to do a catered celebratory meal here at the firehouse,” mused Holtzmann. “You must be regaining your appetite after all that nausea.” She rubbed their daughter’s back to help with digestion.

“I think it’s the boobs,” said Abby. “Feeling full is kind of making me hungry.”

“With good reason,” said Holtzmann. “You’re making food so you need to eat.” She patted Abby’s knee. “I know it’s slightly uncomfortable, but...”

“Feels very warm and full,” said Abby, breaking in.

“Booooooooobs,” teased Holtz. She got up and laid a sleeping Eliana in the co-sleeper before kissing Abby on the forehead and running a hand down her cheek.

“Happy to be home.”

“Me too,” said Abby with a soft smile as Holtz straightened her shirt collar.

-----

“Hiiiiii,” said Erin, her eyes marveling at the sight in front of her as she came upstairs the next morning. Eliana was resting on Abby, her eyes looking around. Abby was halfway lying on a bunch of pillows with her daughter facing up and out while nestled in one arm. She had a tablet in the other hand.

“Someone was just fed and hasn’t gone back to sleep,” said Abby, smiling. “So she is investigating the ceiling for cracks and listening to Mommy read to her. I’m sure Michio Kaku is probably very entertaining.”

“But Mommy is saying it, so it can’t be that bad, can it Ellie?” She gestured to the baby. “May I?” Abby nodded and let Erin take Eliana, who whimpered a little at the movement. Erin smiled at her and wrapped her up a little more as Abby sat up and moved her feet to make room for Erin.

“Just enjoying a little quiet time huh?”

“Getting her to rest so I can rest,” said Abby. “Up and down all night. She is not taking well to the environment change. She is alright as long as Holtz and I are holding her, but she does not want to be put down. Our arms are both tired today.”

“Coming home is not going so hot then huh?” said Erin.

“No,” Abby whined. “Someone is fussy.” She sighed. “I know this is a thing newborns do because they don’t know what’s going on, but you don’t realize how annoying it is until nothing seems to want to calm them down. You feel... helpless.”

“I know you know that Eliana has only been in this world for less than 84 hours and you’re all three still learning to respond to each other.” Erin nuzzled the front of Eliana’s little hat. “You and your mommies have just got to learn each other's language.”

The gesture earned Erin an ear splitting cry as Eliana wailed, her tiny face going red.

“Okay, that is definitely a note to self to never do again,” said Erin, bouncing and rocking Ellie a little to try to calm her down. Abby sipped on her bottle of water and smiled, not saying anything.

-----

“She’s asleep,” said Holtz softly as she walked into the bathroom. “I know you’re enjoying that shower Abs, but we all should be sleeping at this point.”

“I know, it’s just--” She sighed from behind the frosted glass. “Do you think you could come in here and help me with something?”

Holtzmann perked up at that.

“Whatever my naked lady desireth,” she said. Abby could already see her shedding her clothes as she was throwing them up in the air. Holtz opened the shower door.

“Now I know Abs that the doctor said--”

“Just get your ass in here,” said Abby. Holtz grinned and climbed in. She ducked her head under the warm water.

“What do you need?” she asked, knocking water out of her ear by banging on the other.

“Massage,” said Abby. She pointed to her chest. “These. I feel so full and it’s uncomfortable. You’re better at this than I am.”

“Roger,” said Holtz. She stood sideways against the wall, deciding to pull on the shower head and aim it at a better angle than her wife had it. She held Abby’s close, who sighed and nuzzled Holtz’s neck and laid a kiss on her jaw. Holtzmann took a hold of the left one and gently began to rub it. She could see where Abby would think it would be like a rock. It definitely was still hard even with all the heat and moisture.

“Just got to put a little love into it,” she teased Abby. “Gentle and smooth.”

“You can do that so well,” said Abby, leaning against Holtz a little more, who got a mouthful of Abby’s wet hair. She blew it out of her mouth with a disgusted look, which made Abby snort at her wife.

“It’s not like you haven’t gotten a mouthful before.”

“Just not that wet and tasting like shampoo,” said Holtz, blowing a raspberry at her wife. She could feel Abby relaxing against her.

“None of that. No napping in the shower.”

“Spoilsport.” Holtz could feel Abby moving a little under her touch.

“Still very sensitive?”

“Mmhmm.” Holtz switched breasts. Abby’s milk was starting to come in and she had been feeling so heavy and full, which was very uncomfortable. Warmth had helped so far, and it was looking like massage was doing a good job too. After a few minutes, she could tell Abby was feeling a little better. She wasn’t squirming under her fingertips as she went between the two.

“Thank you.”

“Not a problem Abs. A beautiful woman asking me to jump naked into the shower with her and massage her breasts. How can a lesbian ever turn that down?”

“As long as it’s just one beautiful woman,” said Abby, teasing Holtzmann. Holtz chuckled and kissed her wife lovingly on the side of the cheek.

-----

“... Syracuse.”

The catch in Erin’s throat made her feel strange for a moment. That meant...

“They’ve found a home.”

“Great rental property,” said Abby, rocking Eliana gently in her arms. All four of the Ghostbusters were sitting around the conference table in the firehouse. They were having a meeting after hours of just the four of them to go over a little bit of business without being interrupted. “State just signed off. It’s downtown, with four floors. Two of them are apartments so they’ll have space to live and work there. The funny thing is that it used to be a club on the bottom floor so there’s a bar. I guess they don’t have to go far to have libations after work.”

“You know, I could build a bar for us.”

“I don’t think so Holtzy. We really don’t have space,” said Patty. “Besides, you can have all the alcohol you want upstairs in your apartment.” Holtz’s eyes lit up at that. It seemed liked she had forgotten she already had free access to booze if she wanted it. Erin grabbed a hold of her collar before she could get up and leave the conference table.

“It doesn’t seem right, does it?” she stated, sitting Holtzmann back down.

“It doesn’t,” agreed Patty. “They’ve become a part of our lives.”

“Except Jen. She can go,” pouted Holtz. “She keeps standing in front of the lab door and not letting me in.”

“She is great at staring Holtzmann down,” Erin teased.

“I just wanted some tools,” grumbled Holtz. “Ladies, I’m dying of boredom here.”

“And how old is your baby now?” asked Patty.

“A week?” said Holtz hopefully, trying to look pitiful.

“We’re going to have to let her go back in the lab so she won’t go stir-crazy,” said Abby. She passed her daughter to Patty so she could get what she needed.

“Let me rephrase that. Before she drives me stir-crazy.” She got up from her chair. “Okay, onto the next order of business, although it’s only semi Ghostbuster related.” She started opening a box that was sitting on the table before picking up a bottle of champagne and four glasses from a chair and placing them beside it.

“Oh, now there are drinks,” said Holtzmann. Abby rolled her eyes.

“You knew it was down here. You went and bought the bottle.”

“Still...”

“What is all this Abby?” asked Patty.

“It is the culmination of a semi-solo project you girls knew I was working on. Finally came from the printers. You all know I’ve been kinda quiet about this. And it was worth it, I think,” said Abby. She started opening the box.

“Erin... you know I love you.”

“Oh here we go,” said Holtz with a sigh, sounding pitiful as she took off her yellow tinted glasses and put them on the table. “I always knew this day would come.” She looked mopey for a second before both Erin and Abby gave her the finger for her comment without hesitation. The nuclear engineer was absolutely delighted in their synchronicity as she grinned widely, eyes dancing between the two. Patty just shook her head and looked at Eliana in her arms.

“You sure you wanna be a part of this world?”

“Yes she does,” cooed Holtz as she leaned into Patty and kissed her daughter’s tiny forehead.

Abby opened the box and started handing out books, making sure to hand the first one to Erin.

“What is this?” asked Erin, looking at the cover.

“Afterlife Assistance: For When Ghosts Come Into Your Life?” repeated Patty.

“A doctor of psychology contacted me online,” said Abby. “Through Ghost News. She was looking for research. She’s been dealing with the aftermath of her own family having to deal with ghosts in their home after everything with Rowan. She noticed the toll it was taking on her children and even though she knew it was probably going to make a laughingstock of her in the community, she wanted to write about how to help those who have been affected. So I helped her with research and we ended up spending a lot of time talking about things... a good bit of it about you.” Abby reached up and scratched the inside corner of her eye under her glasses while looking at Erin. “And how you were so tortured and hurt that people didn’t believe you. Didn’t even want to believe you. I ended up telling her how much I had wanted to help you in high school and how I felt like I couldn’t do anything. So this... turned into a co-author project. Apparently I’m like a magnet for that sort of thing.”

“So is this about me?” asked Erin, feeling dubious.

“No,” said Abby. “It’s a lot of... coping techniques and such to help people or yourself. It’s really new territory. But some of the anecdotes and stories are mine. I helped her gather the rest through the website and contacting former clients for interviews. It’s really a big group project to make people realize they aren’t alone. Especially those who do not know how to help themselves.”

“Dude...” said Patty. “This could be helpful to a lot of people.”

“That’s what we were trying for,” said Abby. “And I think it was Erica wanted to convey all along.”

Erin ran her hand across Abby’s name on the front cover. She was honored that her best friend had taken on this project because she had felt she needed to do so because of their friendship in the past. She opened the front cover and flipped through the two dedication pages, stopping on the one she knew was Abby’s.

To All the Ghost Girls Out There: We Believe You.

Erin hopped up out of her seat and hugged Abby tightly. Tears were spilling out of her eyes as she buried her head in her best friend’s shoulder.

“I could have helped,” she said after a moment. Abby started laughing.

“I know, but it sort of took on a life of its own and really, it’s not my project per se. I just helped it along.”

“It was enough you got a co-author,” said Erin. “Oh my god Abby...”

“I know,” she said. “I didn’t say anything and--”

Erin shook her head, smiling. “It’s great. I wish something like this could have existed before. But I guess it had to wait on us for it to come into existence.” She grinned, leaning into her best friend.

“So do I get the first autographed copy?” Abby rolled her eyes and pulled out a pen out of her pocket. Holtz got up and grabbed the bottle of champagne.

“Bubbly for everyone!” She started handing out glasses after uncorking the bottle far away from the conference table, trying not to make a loud pop which would startle Eliana. It thankfully didn’t, much to both her mothers' relief.

“None for you sweet pea,” said Holtz, kissing the top of her daughter’s head after handing a full glass to Patty. “You can have some milk later.”

“Erica will be here next week,” said Abby after handing Erin back her book. “She wants to meet everyone, so I invited her and her family to come visit. I thought you ladies would like to meet them. She and her husband adopted too.”

“Should be fun,” said Holtz, coming up beside her wife, handing her a glass. “A toast to a new book. This is what, like....”

“Our 10th?” laughed Patty, teasing. “Between us all.”

“Should have gotten a cake then,” said Abby, smirking.

“Sushi!” said Holtz suddenly. “I’ve been craving some Abby, but I knew you couldn't eat it, so...”

“Ordering in for dinner?” said Abby, looking between her friends. “Will David and Cheyenne mind?”

“Cheyenne’s working,” said Patty, who handed off the newborn to Holtz. Erin shrugged.

“He’ll live. He’s still got a lot to make up for.”

-----

Holtz winced when she heard Eliana cry. She started to move and Abby’s hand was on her shoulder.

“Go back to sleep.”

“It’s my turn,” Holtz said softly, trying to wake up.

“She’s just hungry.” Holtz looked up at her alarm clock and saw that Abby was probably right. She rolled over and watched as Abby unfastened her nursing bra while holding their child.

“You can do the diaper afterward.”

“Input and output. You and me,” said Holtz, half-asleep. Abby snorted.

“You would find a joke in getting woken up in the middle of the night.” Holtz frowned at that.

“Abs?”

“It’s nothing,” she sighed. “I was just sleeping well, and-- I’ve just got to get used to the scheduling.”

“Yeah, you’re going to have to keep sleeping when she sleeps,” said Holtz. “Even during the day. I know you don’t like it, but...”

When she heard Abby grumble under her breath, Holtz chuckled. She leaned up and kissed her wife softly. She ran a hand through Abby’s hair, which was down around her shoulders.

“I know it sucks Abs, but it is what it is. We’ve got to learn to work together as a team.”

“Team Input/Output?”

Holtz sighed loudly. “Can we trade?”

“Do your boobs feel heavier than watermelons and are producing milk?”

“That would be a no.”

“Diapers,” said Abby. She wrinkled her nose a little as she moved Eliana carefully. “And I think she needs it.” <– Prev | Next –> 

[gypsysouladventr-blog]

Before going on my cruise, I specifically asked my friend Patricia if we could choose islands that I have never been to before. I wanted to get as many of those pins on my world map as I could. So that when my friends came over I could get a surge of dopamine we all crave when you hear them exclaim, “Wow! Look at all the places you have been! I’m so jealous!” Then I would smile with an air of pride & respond, “Yeah, I have been really lucky to be able to travel to THAT many places”. It wasn’t that I wanted to make them feel smaller for my having traveled so much, but more because I have my own insecurities about SEVERAL different things that seem to constantly hold me back. So to get this type of response from visitors, man it is a powerful rush & really makes me feel like one of the cool kids!

Well, Jamaica changed me, at least it did with the people that I was able to encounter there. I am not one who likes to follow the herd. I wanted a unique and private adventure where Patricia and I could bond, enjoy nature and take lots of cool pictures (for FB & IG of course).

(below: Carolyn giving this sweet little puppy some love 🙂

We met up with Carolyn, from Barrett Adventures, and her tag line “off the beaten path” was literally like I found a kindred spirit a half a world away! I LOVED this, her, and the adventures she had in store for us. So I talked with Patricia who was very hesitant in doing anything that did not involve the overly priced shore excursion, with 80 other people photo bombing you throughout your expensive trip. Through my negotiating powers, and begging and pleading, she agreed to do go with Barret Adventures; but said I would be held personally responsible by her husband if anything should happen to her. She said she was only half joking (insert large gulp).

Well we got to Jamaica, Carolyn was there waiting for us with a sign, and she quickly whisked us away from the main town center ahead of the crowd. We started winding up the hills, were taken through the small beachside towns, and would stop frequently to show us the different plants that were so abundant on the island for anyone to eat.

Here you see a Cocoa plant, I had no idea how much they look like acorn squash! Not only that but how tough the skin is to cut through, the sticky outer shell that has an incredibly slimy texture, but is so sweet you think your just ate a piece of candy, and then the slightly powdery bitter center that is the chocolate bean itself. It was the part she said next that really got me, “now you see how it has that bitter taste? Think of how much sugar they are actually putting inside chocolate to make it taste so sweet. Something to think about”.

We continued on our journey, Carolyn told us about how she ended up in Jamaica. She was actually one of the only female divers that was able to be accepted into a diving school. When she told her parents, they nearly disowned her and chained her to her bed. But Carolyn’s adventurous and strong willed nature propelled her to what she calls her life today. She left the East Coast, with all its stuffy over cramped buildings and headed to the ocean, where she was this young woman who was keeping company with…. well….. roughens of her time. Guys who were likely just let out of jail and a diving job is what they could get. She put up a good fight, learned how to swear like a sailor, sail like the best of them, got her own boat and toured around the islands of the Caribbean. She actually met her husband in Jamaica, as a chance meeting. He was so enamored with her that he came to the place where she was staying, knocked on the door and pronounced, “I would like to marry you, and I’m not leaving until you say yes”. Well he stayed out there for about a week or so, and Carolyn decided that if he was that determined, why not. So they got hitched an started up, ‘Barrett Adventures’, which is now one of the top rated tours on Trip advisor.

We came to Mayfield Falls entrance, walked down the slippery entrance, while the locals were just walking down barefoot and fancy free— literally — yes this did include exuberant singing and conversations with all the strangers who were walking along the same path. One such fellow decided to befriend me, can’t think of his name at the moment because I was kind of crushing on him a little bit. So sue me, I have a thing for foreign guys, something about the accent makes me want to swoon……lest I digress.

He ended up being our guide, and was so fun! He would help us over the harder spots when we were hiking up the river, then sneak ahead and jump out right in front. Having worked at the Trauma 2 Hospital at night, I pictured one of the more terrible cases I had helped with & I was going to watch it happen right before me into this shallow riverbed. Well like all magic tricks, and to my shock…wonder….awe….there was no mangled body, he just disappeared below the water & came up smiling like a little kid at our shocked faces. At one point I even joined him, as afraid of heights as I am, I climbed up a very precariously built ladder onto a tree that had been cut in half as my landing pad. Patricia was yelling, “BE CAREFUL!” and then, “JUST DO IT!” while laughing the whole time. I was hyperventilating because I’m so scared of heights, well of what happens after you fall, as I have seen the worst of the worse in my day— but I did it. The feeling of being weightless for about 10 seconds, everyone holds their breath…hoping you jumped out far enough not to who everyone what the inside of your skull looks, then the rush of the water as it swallows your toes then legs then shoulders like a very hungry boa constrictor; only to emerge victorious & giddy with Adrenaline. Ahhhhh… I love the Adrenaline rush, and it is kind of like you won the talent show, as everyone claps & laughs. Bonding……isn’t it great. Well, on with our show, our guide showed us all the hidden caves where you could swim under the water and come up breath for a few & swim up river again.

Where are the pictures you ask of this amazing adventure? In a cruel twist of fate, my camera battery died about 20 minutes into the trip! Yes, you can all groan and cry a little for me…. I was devastated! How would everyone know how much fun I had?!?! Well, as they say, the show must go on— and I dare say, I enjoyed my time so much more than I possibly would have if I would have had that camera in proper working order. I actually looked around me, smelled the things around me, laughed a little more, stressed a little less about how I looked & who would notice my rolls and cottage cheese on my legs. Who cares! I think this is when I really started to appreciate that I had a body that was working, I could do the hiking, I could keep up (relatively well, lol) — and my memories and being able to connect with the people I was traveling with actually is what made it all so worth it. We got to Mayfield Falls & we were the only ones there, it was so BEAUTIFUL with 4 cascading waterfalls one after the other, gurgling, swirling and spinning like a dance under the bamboo canopy of the Jamaican Jungle with 4 unlikely people enjoying God’s green earth & this hidden gem, off the beaten path.

In order to keep schedule and not be stranded in Jamaica without our passports we quickly moved on to the hike through villages and the Jungle. This is where we met Harry, the mysterious man with the unspoken rough past, standing there in his tank top, phanny pack, shorts that were far to big for him & emblazoned with (what should be the countries official plant) Marijuana leaf. I was a little nervous at first seeing him, but as soon as he started speaking, I relaxed and his jovial infectious nature & positive vibes just had us all laughing and really enjoying our time.

He took us through the Jungle and pointed out all the plants. There was one plant that when Slavery was a still present was planted around fields — it has a special characteristic to it. That if you touch it, it will close its leaves rapidly for about 20 minutes & all that is required is a light touch. This way if the slaves tried to run, the ‘owners’ could catch them and know exactly where they had run to.  When I saw this, suddenly I became quiet and wanted to cry, its like the earth of this place testified of what he was saying, and its almost like I could feel a glimmer of how trapped these people had felt…..and for so long. The cruelty that humans are capable of, against their own species……it makes the strongest of us cry. People may think this sort of thing doesn’t happen today, or are just blind to it, just like they were in that time period, excusing it as a, “oh it’s just how the world works right now” — but thank God above for those who had the courage to stop the atrocities that happened on this beautiful island.

Next we literally bushwhacked our way through the thick vines, overhang, wet a slipping and a sliding over the humidity coated palm and banana leaves. Through a village, where Harry secretly showed us some Marijuana plants; how they grow etc….. Being a Physician Assistant, I have never actually tried the stuff, and care too much about my license to try it for recreational purposes; but again, was amazed at how humans fight over this small unique leafed plant that is only about 12 inches tall. I was beginning to feel the weight of how humanity is so backwards.

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There is abundance in Jamaica, someone from the States may come to Jamaica and think, “look how poor they are with their tin roofs collecting the unsanitary water from the rain. Look at the terrible life they have”; but in reality….the people here have more opportunity and communal community than anything I have experienced within the USA. We may be the greatest nation in military and monetary value, but sometimes I feel we traded that for things that have far greater importance….I will let you think of your own opinion on what those things missing in the States could be.

In the end, this trip humbled me in ways that were very surprising…. I realized how selfish I was, how much beauty and quality of life is really in the eye of the beholder, how much the media contributes to skewed images of what the ‘perfect’ life is because of how lucrative commercialism is. I know some may disagree with me, but living a life of luxury and showing off my amazing trips became less important to me. The stories of the people I meet, their lives, their hopes, their fears and what drives them to get up everyday are the things that I vowed I would cherish the most from this trip.

My Jumanji adventure in Jamaica Before going on my cruise, I specifically asked my friend Patricia if we could choose islands that I have never been to before.

[ebenvt]

Introduction to Bacon & the Art of Living

The quest to understand how great bacon is made takes me around the world and through epic adventures. I tell the story by changing the setting from the 2000s to the late 1800s when much of the technology behind bacon curing was unraveled. I weave into the mix beautiful stories of Cape Town and use mostly my family as the other characters besides me and Oscar and Uncle Jeppe from Denmark, a good friend and someone to whom I owe much gratitude! A man who knows bacon! Most other characters have a real basis in history and I describe actual events and personal experiences set in a different historical context.

The cast I use to mould the story into is letters I wrote home during my travels.

Kolbroek

Cape Town, April 1886

Falling asleep on Stillehoogte, the farm of Oupa Eben and Ouma Susan is one of my most cherished memories. I still smell the sheep in the kraal next to the house as if I was there this morning. Elmar and I slept in one room. It was Oom Uysie’s room before he moved out. My mom and dad slept in the spare bedroom.  Andre slept with my Grandparents in their room on a bed at the foot end of my grandparents’ bed.

In the morning we were woken by farm sounds and smells. Maids were cleaning the house, sweeping the carpers with a broom made from long local grass. Ouma was preparing breakfast on a coal stove. Oupa just came in from the felt to get his morning coffee. Oom Uysie, my mom’s younger brother who managed the farm with his dad and our grandfather stopped by for coffee.

Whenever he arrived there was no more sleeping. He would make sure that we were out of bed by the time he left by stealing our blankets or spraying us with cold water.  It was good humor which one does not appreciate when you are 7, but when you are a bit older, one misses it.  Thinking back, I understand how much his morning visits meant for him and Oupa!

After Oupa Eben passed away it was not the same on Stillehoogte.  At church on Sunday, whenever they sing a hymn, my mom would cry.  One morning Ouma Susan was very sad at the breakfast table.  She told my mom about a dream she had.  She was standing in the church foyer, looking at the photos of the elders and deacons.  Oupa Eben was a church elder when he passed away.  In the photos where Oupa Eben stood was a large black spot. Even in the photos, his life was blotted out!  My mom was not a very emotional person but she was washing the dishes and I could see the tears running down her cheek.  We all miss Oupe Eben very much.

Oupa Eben and Oom Uysie put up four pig pens.  They farmed with large Whites.  One day Oupa Eben got home with the most adorable little pigs that one could imagine.  He said they do not have to be housed in a pen.  These were very special pigs.  They are roaming farm pigs who take care of themselves feeding on the scraps from the farming activities.  They were South African Kolbroek pigs.

Oupa Eben asked if I know why they are called Kolbroek?  Of course, I did not.  Oupa knew that I loved a good story.  I would pester him to tell me a story.  With his words still fresh in my mind I would take any of the many footpaths on Stillehoogte and, hiking for hours, I would re-tell the story to an imaginary audience.  I am not sure why I loved it so much, but I did!  It was the greatest enjoyment imaginable!  I knew that he was actually asking if he can tell me the story of the Kolbroek.

Domestication and the Formation of Breeds

“The story of the Kolbroek begins many years ago in the middle of the 1700s in the south of England.  Pigs were fed on the mast of the forest which is the fruit of trees and shrubs such as acorns and nuts.  Europeans are very fond of fattening the pigs on what was called “hard mast.”  The hard acorns and nuts from oak, hickory, and beech trees are the hard mas.  The forests were either part of common lands or royal forests.  The practice of annually fattening the pigs in the forests for around 60 days was called pannage.”

“Pigs in England were big, long-legged with menacing facial expressions.  Animals who are not penned up face preditors.  When they run they must run fast.  For this reason, they are extremely skittish.  The slightest indication of danger and they have to move quickly!  Their bite must be ferocious as must be their build and facial expression.  They are dark in appearance with stripes that resembles their ancestors, the wild boar.”

“On the other hand, pigs in China did not have these pressures.  Instead, they had a very comfortable life for thousands of years.  They were kept in small and comfortable housing close to the farmer’s house.  Being penned up protect them from predators and where European pigs went to the forest for two months, weather depending, once a year where they had to eat hard actors and nuts, Chinese pigs were fed scraps from the farming activities.  An animal who does not have to run and be on the constant lookout for predators grow smaller, fatter, shorter legs with less menacing faces.  The stripes of their wild European counterparts changed into spots. They picked up weight faster than the European cousins just like people do when they don’t have to walk long distances or do manual labour.”  This last bit Oupa added with a grin.  He enjoyed comparing pigs with people and used to say that calling some of the people he had to deal with from the Cooperative pigs is an insult to perfectly decent animals.

“It was the English East Indian Company who brought these Chinese pigs to England in the 1700s.”  Oupa Eben was a “no-frills and no-fuss” man.  He said stuff in a way that one understood it easily.  This being the case, one must still remember that Oupa was a very clever man!  He knew that any inventions first happen in the mind, not in the physical world.  This is called the metaphysical.  The interaction between what we can feel and touch and that which is, initially, only in the mind.  This we call the metaphysical.

In the late 1600s and early 1700s, a metaphysical shift that took place in the English mind. They started to see “matter” not as the unavoidable experience of nature, but as masters who control the physical.  Just as the pigs responded to the pressure from nature by either becoming smaller and fatter as in China or remained big, fast and ferocious as in Europe, the English wool industry was pressured to produce clothing for the local market in bigger quantity than could be done by individual villagers, working in isolation.  Thus, the organization of labour changed

The English Empire was taking shape and the demand from the colonies added to the mother-land for clothing added up to a demand that completely outpaced the meager output of any individual person. Imaginative entrepreneurs stepped forward who discovered how to use the forces of nature for their personal end.  They invented better and faster ways to spin wool and make clothing.  They realised that work itself can be re-organised, even without machine power.  Where they combine human power with machine power, output went through the roof!  The results were spectacular!  The fertile imagination of the English dreamt up new machines that could do what 100 people could not.  The buzz words of the time were “bigger,” “better,” and “faster.”  They used nature in a way that was never thought possible before.  Energy to drive these machines, tapped from steam and water.

As people realised that they can manipulate and harness nature, as the sciences were being invented, we became masters of nature. The most important metaphysical realisation was to re-think how we organise labour but also how we manipulated nature.  In the world of farming, this was not a new phenomenon.  It has been happening for many thousands of years but a new momentum was added through the industrial revolution.

The earliest discovery was that animals that are penned up, change! The biggest reason was that we were able to manipulate their breeding.  Animals become used to us and we found that they were more useful to us.  We create animal enclosures where we could separate those with less desirable characters from those with qualities we want.  “A good example of this,” said Oupa Eben, “is aggressive animals. We do not like aggressive animals.  The menacing bull becomes biltong.  The horse that continually breaks out and bites other horses and handlers are served as pastissada.”  It takes many generations to change a completely wild animal into an animal that is less threatening to humans; more useful.  One that can work and supply milk or become food.  The larger farm animals were domesticated first and as the industrial revolution was taking hold of Europe, it was the turn of the village pig.

Oupa Eben lit his pipe, peered out from the farmhouse over his land.  It was late afternoon.  The farmwork was done and it was the best time to ask him to tell you a story.  I sat on the soft grass outside the back door, between the back porch and the brick cooler where all the perishables were kept.  It was a simple invention used around the world.  Two layers of bricks filled up with charcoal in the middle and regularly soaked with water. This cooled the inside of the square structure with wooden shelving where the butter, eggs, cheese, and milk were stored.  Oupa Eben was sitting on a garden chair he brought from the porch to have a better view of his lands.  “I guess you want to hear about the Kolbroek,” he said smiling.

He lit his pipe again.  “One can imagine that the pigs bought from the English East Indian Company were sold to wealthy aristocrats and landowners.  Chinese boars were used by villagers to breed with sows from the village.  It meant that in a particular village, the characteristics of the boar was transferred to the entire village pig population.  This resulted in regional characteristics and in the 1800s it formed the basis of breeds.”  “So,” Oupa Eben told me many times, “on the one hand the old farmers removed animals with less than desirable character traits by either slaughtering the animal or separating them from others and not allowing them to breed, and, on the other hand, by using males with characteristics which the farmer desired to breed with the sows one gets an animal with the right look and temperament.  In the case of the Chinese pigs, imported into England, it produced a smaller animal, rounder and fat pig that picked up weight fast but much bigger than the original Chinese pigs on account of the larger size of the English pigs they bred with.”

Oom Timo

Oupa Eben stopped with his story when his younger brother walked out of the back door and joined us.  He and his wife, Aunt Thelma were visiting.  Her maiden name was Berriman.  They immigrated from Cornwall. Her father was an immigrant gold miner on the Reef. Her brother was also a miner, mainly at Crown Mines. Tim moved into Thelma’s mother (Hilda’s ) home there just before or just after they were married. Later, they owned their own home in Parkview, Johannesburg.  (1)

“I am telling Eben the story of the Kolbroek pigs,” Oupa said when Oom Timo sat down next to Oupa on a chair which he brought from the porch.  I was very small and did not know that as Oupa knew everything about raising cattle, sheep, and pigs, Oom Timo knew about ships.  Oom Timo gestured Oupa to continue which Oupa did.

Once Upon a Time in Kent

“In Kent, an English East Indian ship preparing to sail to the East via the Cape of Good Hope.  The Colebrook was one of these impressive ships.   It weighed 739 tons and was 137 feet long, 35 feet wide and had 3 decks. She was built by the most famous shipbuilders of the time, Perryard and launched in 1770. The Captain was Arthur Morris and she was on her third voyage.”

“On 6 January 1778, she loaded lead bars called lead ingots or lead pigs and provisions at Blackwall in the East India Docks on the Thames.  On 3 February, she sailed to Gravesend. Here she loaded shot, copper, stores, gunpowder, wine, guns, corn, military recruits and, very importantly, livestock. The livestock included pigs which were procured from the local pig market.  The pigs were a cross between Chinese and English pigs and since they were all the result of mating with the local landowners’ boar, they had similar characteristics.”

“On 8 March 1778, she set sail from the Downs with 212 passengers, crew and soldiers on board in the company of three other vessels, the warship Asia, the other East Indiaman, the Gatton, and the Royal Admiral.  She stopped at Madeira to load 43 pipes of wine. On 26 May, she sailed from Madeira for Bombay and China passing the Cape of Good Hope.”

Kogel Bay

Oupa was sitting at the edge of his chair, telling the story.  I remember him leaning back when he got to this part and said to Oom Timo, “You know the story well and you know all the right shipping terms.  You take it from here!”  Oom Timo put his hand on my head who was still sitting on the grass.  “The Colebrook took three months to reach the Cape!”

“She did so on Tuesday, 24 August 1778.  It was winter and she was not allowed to enter Table Bay.  She had to sail around Cape Point and dock in Simon’s Bay in False Bay.  She rounded Cape Point and turned East for Simon’s Bay.  At 11h30 she struck Anvil Rock, lurking just beneath the waves.  Anvil rock was not indicated on the Dutch Maps that Arthur Morris used.”

“The Colebrooke almost immediately freed herself from the rock.  Water poured into the hull.  The crew put on the pumps within minutes but there were already three feet of water in the hold indicating serious damage.  After a hurried conference between Captain Arthur Morris and his officers, they realised that they will not be able to nurse the ship to Simon’s Bay.  The water pouring into the Colebrook made her unresponsive and difficult to steer.”

“Instead, they decided to take her all the way across False Bay and find a suitable spot to beach on the eastern side of the bay.  This would not require any difficult maneuvering.  Still, the plan was not without risk.  The far side of the bay was, as far as they were aware, largely uninhabited.  The coast is very rocky with steep mountains coming right down to the water.  They did not know if they will find a suitable stretch of beach.”

“The Gatton and Asia despatched boats with 8 people in each to assist the Colebrook’s crew with the pumping of water. These men raced to her aid while her company ensign was flying upside down, a signal of distress.  The men dropped a weighted sail off the bows when the hole in the hull became inaccessible due to the flooding.  It was hauled under the hull where it was secured over the hole, slowing the ingress of water down.  They attempted to push the guns overboard to lighten her load, but these were already submerged and the plan was abandoned.”

“Her companion ships followed her across the bay.  Captain Morris sent the second and third officer up the mast to look for a sandy beach to run the ship onto.  The water from False Bay continued to claim the Colebrook.  As she was approaching the beach there were already 14 feet of water in her hold.  Her bow was so low that she was sipping water through the hawse holes.  These were small cylindrical holes cut through the bows of a ship on each side of the stem.  It was used to pass cables through to be drawn into, or let out of the vessel.  The situation was desperate!”

“Water started bubbling through her front hatches, signaling that her sinking was imminent.  At 4pm on the afternoon of 24 August, she 200m off the beach at Kogel Bay, she grounded.  Her topsails were let go which had the effect of swinging her stern around to bring her bow into the wind and swell.  The mizzen mast was cut away to stabilise her after which the boats were launched.”

“The first boat was a pinnace.  It had sails and several oars.  Fifteen men were aboard.  The surf at Kogel Bay is treacherous at best of times with a very strong rip current.  On that particular day, the wind was very strong making the situation even more precarious.  The boat capsized in the surf.  When the ensuing madness dissipated a smashed boat and seven bodies were on the beach at Kogel Bay.  Survivors were hypothermic from the ice-cold False Bay water, in a desperate state on the beach.  All other attempts to get people onto the beach was abandoned.  The second boat was swept into the open sea and only recovered the next day.  The rest of the crew, soldiers, and passengers were transferred to the other ships.”

  Kogel Bay, 2019.  Minette, Luan, Tristan, Eben.  Photos by Eben

The Pigs of Kogel Bay

Oupa Eben interrupted Oom Timo.  “What we told you so far is conventional wisdom, written up in history books from the testimony of the men who were there.  What follows is from testimony Oom Timo heard first hand from the great-grandchildren of people who were on the beach that day.”  I blurted out.  “But, the beach was desolate.  Nobody around!”  “So we thought,” Oom Timo said and gestured Oupa to take over the storytelling again.

“There were two additional sets of characters on the beach that day which, for completely different reasons, people were reluctant to talk about.  Hangklip became, by that time, a refuge for runaway slaves.  One of the places they made their home was Dappa se Gat which is situated right on Kogel Bay!

Looking out onto Kogel Bay from Dappa se Gat

It is an enormous cave, unaccessible during high tide but deep enough to house a community of people.  They would be able to get far into the cave, out of reach of the water.  It is quite possible that they were witnessing the entire debacle from the safety of their cave-home.  I wonder if they thought it may have been a party sent to recapture them in which case the safest thing to do would have been to abandon the cave and hide in the thick bush between the mountain and the beach.  “If they did this, as I suspect,” Oupa continue, “they would have seen that something managed to swim from the Colebrook to the beach.

“That “something” was a sounder of swine.  This was not something unusual.  The English Navy and the English East Indian Company both had it as a standard procedure that the pigs must be let out of their pens if it seems imminent that a ship will sink so that they can swim ashore to provide food for the shipwreck survivors.  This is presumably what happened to the pigs from Kent.”

“When they got to the beach, the slaves took them.  The slaves had a long history with pigs.  Pig-keeping was not very popular at the Cape.  The Dutch farmers who farmed pigs let them roam free in the valleys and gorges and when they wanted to slaughter one, they had to capture one.  The job of looking after them was mostly reserved for slaves.  At the Slaves Lodge in Cape Town where the Dutch East Indian Company’s slaves were kept, they were allowed to keep pigs to provide extra income for the lodge.”

“Not only did the slaves have a long history with pigs and pig husbandry, but they knew that they had to keep domesticated animals to survive.  There are accounts of this time where they kept cattle inside Dappa se Gat.  There are in the Cape Hanglip area several such caves where the slaves kept livestock. It is not known if the pigs were kept at Dadda de Gat or somewhere else.  What is known is that a local magistrate complained to the Governor about the slaves and local farmers who looted the remains of the Colebrook.”

“A farmer would not have dared to take the pigs in due to heavy penalties that were exacted for anyone found with looted goods in his or her possession. The fact that the pigs were kept by the slaves and farmed is the reason why they survived as a more or less uniform type of pig which later became known as a breed.”

This does not prove the veracity of Oupa Eben and Uncle Timo’s account of the Kolbroek pigs but I later found an interesting account from World War II which reminds me of the story of the Kolbroek.  It comes from the memoirs of a Latvian woman, Agate Nesaule.  When she was a child, she was an inmate of a British-run refugee camp in occupies Germany. As was often the case in these camps, inmates had to get by on very meager rations.  A local German farmer gave the inmates some piglets.  This was illegally done and the piglets were kept in various spaces in the barracks.  They were fed on food that spoiled or whatever else could be scavenged.  Agate commented that they “also enjoyed watching the little pigs – a hopeful sign of the future – thriving for their own sake.” (Nesaule, 1995)  As was the case with Agate, I suspect that this kind of human-animal interaction between the slaves and animals they kept served a greater need than simply for the slaves to look forward to a pork roast or beef steak.  There must have been a tremendous psychological benefit for the slaves to keep the animals in such close proximity.

“The sinking of the Colebrook captured people’s imagination.  For a short while, the Kogel Bay was even called Colebrook Bay.  This was changed back to Kogel Bay.  The pigs were called Kolbroek pigs, a perversion of the ship’s name.  This was never changed as a colloquial name for the pigs which was not easy to change and it stuck.”  “And that,” Oupa Eben concluded, “is how an English pig, crossed with a Chinese ended up at the Cape of Good Hope!”

Oupa Eben and Oom Timo started talking about politics.  I lost interest and left to join my brothers and cousins who started walking to the stables to help milk the cows.

I miss Oupa Eben.  I wish I asked oom Timo to tell me some of his stories.  It is why I write to you kids.  I want you to know my story.  I have been riding transport from Cape Town to Johannesburg for some time now.  Whenever I get to Johannesburg I stay at the same hotel.  I hear the merrymaking at the bar and have no desire to join them.  I much rather write to you!  Even if you are still very young, one day you will read this and understand what I am talking about.

Oupa bought a few Kolbroek pigs from a trader in Cape Town and since that day, we slaughtered and cured a Kolbroek every year.  It is not a bacon pig as the large White and the Berkshire.  These pigs have straight backs and long loins for bacon.  The Kolbroek is a lard pig, ideal for making hams, lard and, as you will see, not bad at all for bacon.  Apart from this, they have the most delicious meat.  One can taste the difference.  While I enjoyed the most delicious hams on earth, at least I also knew where the Kolbroek came from!

So it happened that bacon and farming with pigs have been in my blood from a very early age.  This is the month in which I turned 17 and still, I could not comprehend how these matters would consume the rest of my life.  It started with my dad’s secret bacon recipe and the Kolbork pigs that Oupa Eben brought home one autumn afternoon in April!

Further Reading

Read with Chapter 09.15 The English Pig where I deal with the source of pigs for Gravesend where live pigs were loaded onto ships.

Also refer Chapter 10.02: C & T Harris in New Zealand and other amazing tales where I take up the similarities between the Kolbroek and the Kune Kune.

   (c) eben van tonder

“Bacon & the art of living” in bookform

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References

The account of the Colebrook is mainly from the account by John Gribble and Gabriel Athiros from Tales of Shipwrecks at the Cape of Storms.  (Tales-of-Shipwrecks-at-the-Cape-of-Storms-Colebrook)

The theory about the slaves taking the pigs in is my own.  Read In Search of the Origins of the Kolbroek and Kolbroek – Chinese, New Zealand, and English Connections

Nesaule, A.. 1995.  A Woman in Amber: Healing the Trauma of War and Exile.  Soho Press, Inc.

Note 1

Information about Oom Timo was given to me by Leon Kok.  His mail to me reads:

“There is quite a bit about Tim, not least his SAAF war years in Somaliland, Abyssinia and the Western Desert generally. For example, he was among several young Air Force chaps from the Union that destroyed 101 enemy planes, countless lorries and other transport within three months in the most trying conditions. He also accompanied Prime Minister (General) Jan Smuts on a reconnaissance flight in the Desert on one occasion.  He escaped being taken a prisoner by Rommel and was involved in what came to be known as ‘The Graveyard of Italian Hopes’.  His maverick return from the Desert to SA in late 1945 almost constitutes a book in itself.

Tim and I spent tens of hours over about 30 years chatting about his memories of the war. Yes, he was an air mechanic and indeed a lot more. He would like to have been a pilot but was deemed too short.

Tim didn’t serve in Korea. He became an auto-electrician in Johannesburg shortly after disembarking from the UDF and had his own auto-electrical business in Bethlehem OFS for several years. He then sold out and moved to Durban and joined an auto-electrical business there. He rode a motorbike until well into his seventies, which included a fairly serious accident. He survived it and carried on with business as usual.

Thelma’s maiden name was BERRIMAN and her folk, I suspect, immigrated from either Cornwall or England. Her father was an immigrant gold miner on the Reef. Her brother was also a miner, mainly at Crown Mines. Tim moved into Thelma’s mother (Hilda’s ) home there just before or just after they were married in the late 1940s. Later, they owned their own home in Parkview, Johannesburg. Hilda, when widowed, moved in with them until her death in Durban in approximately the 1980s. Tim and Thelma never had children.

Not sure whether you ever saw the TV Series ‘The Villagers’, produced in the 1970s by Gray Hofmeyr (he and I were at school together). That typified the Berriman home.”

Timo Kok during WWII

“Oupa en Ouma het 4 kinders gehad,

Johan (Leon se pa) gebore 02 Mei 1908. Hy was die enigste een van die kinders wat op Universiteit was – Wits, as ek reg onthou

Gustaf. Gebore 12 Mei 1910 en oorlede 10 Julie 1910

Oupa Eben. Gebore 18 Junie 1911

Miempie (Bosman. Ma van Mariet en Ronnie en Jantjie) Gebore 23 November 1913

Timo is soos al die ander kinders op heilbron gebore waar my oupa jan ‘n sendeling was. Sy vrou was Engels en het NOOIT geleer om Afrikaans te praat nie. Sy het beweer Timo het eendag vir haar gelag toe sy probeer Afrikaans praat het en het toe nooit weer probeer nie

Uncle Timo and his dad before he left on a campain in North-Africa during WWII.  Photo sent to me by Oom Jan who got it from Oom Sybrand.

So ver my kennis strek was Timo ‘n vlug-ingeneur in die oorlog en het eers in Noor-Afrika  en Later in Italië geveg.

Ek dink nie hy was ooit in Korea nie. Ek dink Leon sal vir jou meer inligting kan gee. Die foto wat ek aanheg kom uit een van jou ma se albums.

Mag die feestyd vir julle wonderlik wees. Vir die eerste keer sedert Joretha-hulle in Engeland is, gaan ons op Kersdag ALMAL om een Kersmaal aansit. Marinus bring vir cathy saam en ons het opdrag gekry dat ons op Kersdag GEEN Afrikaans mag praat nie, want ons moet Cathy laat tuis voel.

Ek wens so ek kan julle klomp neefs en Niggies met al julle aanhangsels bymekaar kry om een tafel.”

Photo Credits:

Four small pigs are Kunekune, courtesy of the Empire Kunekune Pig Association of New York (https://www.ekpa.org/)  They are a close family of the Kolbroek.

Anvil Rock and Kogel Bay Map:  John Gribble & Gabriel Athiros.

Chapter 03: Kolbroek Introduction to Bacon & the Art of Living The quest to understand how great bacon is made takes me around the world and through epic adventures.

[theliterateape]

Fat and Somewhat Happy

RE: Jury awards couple $2 billion in Monsanto Roundup [glyphosate] Cancer Case

It’s pre–apocalyptic grocery shopping: flowers and flatulence and fear of food.

What can I buy that will keep me alive?

Organic is better, but you can settle for BST–free cheese

(if it comes from Wisconsin and not the glowing Pacific Coast).

Look for the BST symbol.

And the Master’s Mark sign

to make sure your kids are not getting that nasty radiation

still leaking from Fukushima

(except when they go out for pizza).

It’s true there’s actually no double-blind fool proof that radiation is bad for you

but it’s hard that it’s hard not to think about Sadako during dinner.

You have to let up when you buy for a party: the taste is the same

no matter what you spend:

and you don’t want to come off like a lunatic

and those people eat that shit anyway

and so do you when you’re at their house.

You can eat what they call conventional avocados,

It being the convention to apply poison first, ask questions later,

most don’t get through

their skins so much thicker than yours.

You can sneak your fingers into the goopy green dip

when you think no one is looking

and lick it off not even bothering to think

about the lesion–and–hemorrhage–inducing

Flavr–Savr Tomatoes with the anti–freeze flounder genes

which have been mercifully discontinued

because they killed the rats that ate ’em.

You do have to skip the tox-alicious chips,

or peek at the bag for or –GMO labels

to avoid the extra layer of poison they spray on the roundup–tolerant corn

• or the glu-FO-sinate–resistant corn

• or the GLY-pho-sate–resistant corn

• or the corn with the Bt bacteria built in—either

—Cry-1-A.105 (MON89034),

—Cry-I-Ab (MON810),

—Cry-I-F (1507),

—Cry-2-Ab (MON89034),

—Cry-3-Bb1 (MON863 and MON88017),

—Cry-34-Ab1 (59122),

—Cry-35-Ab1 (59122),

—Cry-3-A (MIR604),

—or VIP-3-A (MIR162)

which is also in your lovely retro cotton dress

(though that product too may be discontinued

like unsuccessful apparel and dessiccated lords

because the pink bollworm and the Florida army worm are already resistant.

And the Bt killed some more rats. Or some others).

Othering is alive and well these days (Hey! Tom Philpott says

the Obamas

and the Bushes

and the Clintons

and the Romneys

all secretly eat organic foods.

But the Trump glow speaks of a new aesthetic, and

Anyway—so, a few rats have died. Who wants rats

eating our corn? Fuck ‘em. Let ‘em die like the rats they are.”

Who says rats and roaches have to inherit the earth?

They’re not the meek.

But back to the oil (in the chips—remember the chips?

Remember, I told you, you’d have to skip the chips?)

The oil in the chips might be GMO,

so it really is best to use your fingers when no one is looking .

There! A snack! And it’s OK, you’re not that hungry,

and they have organic micro–distilled bourbon and gin on hand.

Of course, the kids can’t drink gin all the time,

even if it makes them smell nice, like Christmas,

So I’m standing as if in supplication, peering at the good old-fashioned ice cream:

is that you, there, churning with

• propylene glycol,

• ethyl acetate,

• yellow dye #5

• and hold the vanilla, but not the vanillin— a very good lice killer, I’m told, vanillin:

I scream / You scream / We all scream for—OK skip it. Skip

the ice cream, but pick up some whole and low–fat and skim and two–percent

(just over a buck at Jewel, if you don’t mind

• the GMO hormones

• that give the cows infections

• that require the antibiotics that are more useless every day)

I limit my angst to four horsemen:

• Jewel for cheaper bread and jam. Except when Mariano’s has a sale.

• TJ’s for bananas, pasta, chips, and apples,

(and just a bite of the samples ‘cause they taste so good).

Pizza, too, though the family hates that kind.

• Caputo’s for produce, wishing it were laced with coke like the watermelon they sold in the 90s.

• Whole Foods for the dry goods: no union but fewer poisons. Whole paycheck? Maybe—but they say we’ve got a choice:

Poorhouse or hospital? Rickets or cancer?

Twenty years from now, when we’re all dying

from a cell tower or silicon disease

we don’t know about yet, will it matter?

No, no one is pure. Not even

Barak, Michelle,

George, Laura,

Bill, Hilary,

Willard and Lenore,

Or Casey Wessel—came down with leukemia today.

Four horsemen—and still no meat to be had.

You can go straight to the farm and inspect it yourself,

unless you want one of those

* USDA self-inspected chickens—

* Racing chickens, speeding along the production line

at 175 birds perminute,

3 per second, like

“We don’t need no stinkin’ inspections.”

Or—Direct from 60 Minutes, compromised but still kickin’—

• The fish we get “from China” (in four–point type).

It feeds directly from the chicken’s ass:

Their crates, arranged in a tiny Chinese Alcatraz,

suspended over a man–made pond.

Yeah, its gross to you and me,

but think of it from the Dante Aligheri fish point of view:

Manna rains down, still warm,

from poultry purgatory up above.

• And the garlic grown in sewage.

• And the cold medicine full of fecal bacteria.

• Silks and that are fresh from chemical baths . . .

Just. Like. You: Your sweet little a carcinogenic soup

Starring formaldehyde (29 names for formaldehyde, and gee she looks well preserved).

And don’t forget A-ZO-di-car-BON-amide—get it while you sleep!

A-ZO-di-car-BON-amide—get it while you sleep!

And just in case you’ haven’t had enough—you can get it for free

in your favorite fast food:

That foam in your mattress so comfy you can eat it up, at

• Subway.

• McDonald’s.

• Arby’s.

• Starbucks, too, except for Starbucks in Europe & Australia, where its not even allowed in their yoga mats or shoes.

• Whatta they afraid of? A little asthma won’t kill ya.

This the poor can’t afford to know. But you know

and you’re getting poorer by the minute, so now you’ll have to forget.

And it’s on to Cassandra’s problem, and Eve’s: How can you un–know it?

• Ignore the Caen study showing cancers in rats?

• It was after all retracted by the journal itself, which is run by

Richard Goodman nee Monsanto. They said it: “No definitive conclusions can be reached.”

The rich though, make it their business to know.

• Their patron, Pandora makes ’em kill the rat.

• Or maybe it’s Hades—who yeah, was a kidnapper and rapist but really did love her. Persephone. Our sister the resister.

It’s time we became resistant, too—followed suit instead of suits. It might be enough

to eat rarely and spare:

• meat once a week

• fish once a month

• rice rarely to sidestep the arsenic still in the soil we spray with new stuff now

• fruit to avoid the acrylamide baked into those

—chips,

—cookies,

—crackers,

—cereal,

—fries.

Another list, but at least this time we know the words.

Is it better, maybe, if the chips are organic

so they only have one kind of poison, or two?

Better if the fish swim in fecal farms

or wild and free

off the hot coast of Japan? )

Anyway

• Organic’s got pesticide drift, curable only if you by a driftcatcher—opposite of a dream catcher— catches garbage where you stand.

• Cassava’s got cyanogenic glucosides,

• Acorns can be toxic in large quantities,

• A pound of greens three times a day means kidney stones and a sluggish thryroid.

• & anyone ever eat too many beans?

Yeah, I know: we’re human and we’re all doomed anyway.

But it’s still gross when Tom’s sinuses swell up

from too much of the weird–ass big–protein in the wheat we invented in ‘71.

Or when Zak throws up after fish from China

and the vomit takes the finish off the hardwood floor.

Or you develop an allergy to eggplant,

which you love so much you keep trying it anyway—

and you’re only sensitive when the eggplant’s non–organic.

That you was me—here I am again.

I know now I can buy three things. And still I shop in the valley of the shadow.

I could thank you,

• Sauget which once was Monsanto, then Syngenta/Pioneer/Dow/BASF/Bayer.

• And AquaBounty/ArborGlen/ArcadiaBioSciences/Mendel/Targeted Growth.

• And lovely suburban City of Wood Dale, thank you more,

for spraying right inside our summer–night windows.

• Thank you Mom, for the color-coded meals, the DDT–laced meat (Grade A: you tried so hard!) But I wish I never wished I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener!

Thank you thank you—there are more—but we’re running out of time.

Thank you thank you thank you all for making it here to the Pre-Apocalypse.

Thank you all for sticking around so we can all go down together, fat

& somewhat happy till the sores set in.

Previously published in “Stubborn” by Sheri Reda, Moria Press 2017.

[ebenvt]

Introduction

The quest to understand how great bacon is made takes me around the world and through epic adventures. I tell the story by changing the setting from the 2000s to the late 1800s when much of the technology behind bacon curing was unraveled. I weave into the mix beautiful stories of Cape Town and use mostly my family as the other characters besides me and Oscar and Uncle Jeppe from Denmark, a good friend and someone to whom I owe much gratitude! A man who knows bacon! Most other characters have a real basis in history and I describe actual events and personal experiences set in a different historical context.

The cast I use to mould the story into is letters I wrote home during my travels.

Kolbroek

April 1886

My dear children,

One of my earliest and most cherished memories is falling asleep in Oupa Eben and Ouma Susan’s house on Stillehoogte. I am sitting in a very small hotel room in Johannesburg.  Still, I smell the sheep in the kraal next to the house as if I was there yesterday. Elmar and I slept in one room. It was Oom Uysie’s room before he moved out. My mom and dad slept in the spare bedroom.  Andre slept with my Grandparents in their room on a bed at the foot end of my grandparents’ bed.

In the morning we were woken by farm sounds and smells. Mietta was cleaning the house. Ouma was preparing breakfast on a coal stove. Oupa just came in from the felt to get his morning coffee. Oom Uysie, my mom’s younger brother who managed the farm with his dad and our grandfather also stopped by for coffee and a chat.

Whenever he arrived there was no more sleeping. He would make sure that we were out of bed by the time he left by stealing our blankets of spraying us with cold water.  It was good humor which one does not appreciate when you are 7, but when you are a bit older, one misses it.  Thinking back, I understand how much it meant for him and Oupa!

After Oupa Eben passed away it was not the same on Stillehoogte.  At church on Sunday, whenever they sing a hymn, my mom would cry.  One morning Ouma Susan was very sad at the breakfast table.  She told my mom about a dream she had.  She was standing in the church foyer, looking at the photos of the elders and deacons.  Oupa Eben was a church elder when he passed away.  In the photos where Oupa Eben stood was a large black spot. Even n the photos his life was blotted out!  My mom was not a very emotional person but she was washing the dishes and I could see the tears running down her cheek.  We all miss Oupe Eben very much.

Oupa Eben and Oom Uysie put up four pig pens next to the stables.  If I remember correctly they farmed with large Whites.  One day Oupa Eben got home with the most adorable little pigs that one could imagine.  He said they do not have to be housed in a pen.  These were very special pigs.  They are roaming farm pigs who take care of themselves feeding on the scraps from the farming activities.

Oupa Eben asked if I know why they are called Kolbroek?  Of course, I did not.  Oupa knew that I loved a good story.  I would pester him to tell me a story.  With his words still fresh in my mind I would take any of the many footpaths on Stillehoogte and, hiking for hours, I would re-tell the story to an imaginary audience.  I am not sure why I loved it so much, but I did!  It was the greatest enjoyment imaginable!  I knew that he was actually asking if he can tell me the story of the Kolbroek.

Domestication and the Formation of Breeds

“The story of the Kolbroek begins many years ago in the middle of the 1700s in the south of England.  Pigs were fed on the mast of the forest which is the fruit of trees and shrubs such as acorns and nuts.  Europeans are very fond of fattening the pigs on what was called “hard mast.”  The hard acorns and nuts from oak, hickory, and beech trees are the hard mas.  The forests were either part of common lands or royal forests.  The practice of annually fattening the pigs in the forests for around 60 days was called pannage.”

“Pigs in England were big, long-legged with menacing facial expressions.  Animals who are not penned up face preditors.  When they run they must run fast.  For this reason they are extremely skittish.  The slightest indication of danger and they have to move quickly!  Their bite must be ferocious as must be their build and facial expression.  They are dark in appearance with stripes that resembles their ancestors, the wild boar.”

“On the other hand, pigs in China did not have these pressures.  Instead, they had a very comfortable life for thousands of years.  They were kept in small and comfortable housing close to the farmer’s house.  Being penned up protect them from predators and where European pigs went to the forest for two months, weather depending, once a year where they had to eat hard actors and nuts, Chinese pigs were fed scraps from the farming activities.  An animal who does not have to run and be on the constant lookout for predators grow smaller, fatter, shorter legs with less menacing faces.  The stripes of their wild European counterparts changed into spots. They picked up weight faster than the European cousins just like people do when they don’t have to walk long distances or do manual labour.”  This last bit Oupa added with a grin.  He enjoyed comparing pigs with people and used to say that calling some of the people he had to deal with from the Cooperative pigs is an insult to perfectly decent animals.

“It was the English East Indian Company who brought these Chinese pigs to England in the 1700s.”  Oupa Eben was a “no-frills and no-fuss” man.  He said stuff in a way that one understood it easily.  This being the case, one must still remember that Oupa was a very clever man!  He knew that any inventions first happen in the mind, not in the physical world.  This is called the metaphysical.  The interaction between what we can feel and touch and that which is, initially, only in the mind.  This we call the metaphysical.

In the late 1600s and early 1700s, a metaphysical shift that took place in the English mind. They started to see “matter” not as the unavoidable experience of nature, but as masters who control the physical.  Just as the pigs responded to the pressure from nature by either becoming smaller and fatter as in China or remained big, fast and ferocious as in Europe, the English wool industry was pressured to produce clothing for the local market in bigger quantity than could be done by individual villagers, working in isolation.  Thus, the organization of labour changed

The English Empire was taking shape and the demand from the colonies added to the mother-land for clothing added up to a demand that completely outpaced the meager output of any individual person. Imaginative entrepreneurs stepped forward who discovered how to use the forces of nature for their personal end.  They invented better and faster ways to spin wool and make clothing.  They realised that work itself can be re-organised, even without machine power.  Where they combine human power with machine power, output went through the roof!  The results were spectacular!  The fertile imagination of the English dreamt up new machines that could do what 100 people could not.  The buzz words of the time were “bigger,” “better,” and “faster.”  They used nature in a way that was never thought possible before.  Energy to drive these machines, tapped from steam and water.

As people realised that they can manipulate and harness nature, as the sciences were being invented, we became masters of nature. The most important metaphysical realisation was to re-think how we organise labour but also how we manipulated nature.  In the world of farming, this was not a new phenomenon.  It has been happening for many thousands of years but a new momentum was added through the industrial revolution.

The earliest discovery was that animals that are penned up, change! The biggest reason was that we were able to manipulate their breeding.  Animals become used to us and we found that they were more useful to us.  We create animal enclosures where we could separate those with less desirable characters from those with qualities we want.  “A good example of this,” said Oupa Eben, “is aggressive animals. We do not like aggressive animals.  The menacing bull becomes biltong.  The horse that continually breaks out and bites other horses and handlers are served as pastissada.”  It takes many generations to change a completely wild animal into an animal that is less threatening to humans; more useful.  One that can work and supply milk or become food.  The larger farm animals were domesticated first and as the industrial revolution was taking hold of Europe, it was the turn of the village pig.

Oupa Eben lit his pipe, peered out from the farmhouse over his land.  It was late afternoon.  The farmwork was done and it was the best time to ask him to tell you a story.  I sat on the soft grass outside the back door, between the back porch and the brick cooler where all the perishables were kept.  It was a simple invention used around the world.  Two layers of bricks filled up with charcoal in the middle and regularly soaked with water. This cooled the inside of the square structure with wooden shelving where the butter, eggs, cheese, and milk were stored.  Oupa Eben was sitting on a garden chair he brought from the porch to have a better view of his lands.  “I guess you want to hear about the Kolbroek,” he said smiling.

He lit his pipe again.  “One can imagine that the pigs bought from the English East Indian Company were sold to wealthy aristocrats and landowners.  Chinese boars were used by villagers to breed with sows from the village.  It meant that in a particular village, the characteristics of the boar was transferred to the entire village pig population.  This resulted in regional characteristics and in the 1800s it formed the basis of breeds.”  “So,” Oupa Eben told me many times, “on the one hand the old farmers removed animals with less than desirable character traits by either slaughtering the animal or separating them from others and not allowing them to breed, and, on the other hand, by using males with characteristics which the farmer desired to breed with the sows one gets an animal with the right look and temperament.  In the case of the Chinese pigs, imported into England, it produced a smaller animal, rounder and fat pig that picked up weight fast but much bigger than the original Chinese pigs on account of the larger size of the English pigs they bred with.”

Oom Timo

Oupa Eben stopped with his story when his younger brother walked out of the back door and joined us.  He and his wife, Aunt Thelma were visiting.  Her maiden name was Berriman.  They immigrated from Cornwall. Her father was an immigrant gold miner on the Reef. Her brother was also a miner, mainly at Crown Mines. Tim moved into Thelma’s mother (Hilda’s ) home there just before or just after they were married. Later, they owned their own home in Parkview, Johannesburg.  (1)

“I am telling Eben the story of the Kolbroek pigs,” Oupa said when Oom Timo sat down next to Oupa on a chair which he brought from the porch.  I was very small and did not know that as Oupa knew everything about raising cattle, sheep, and pigs, Oom Timo knew about ships.  Oom Timo gestured Oupa to continue which Oupa did.

Once Upon a Time in Kent

“In Kent, an English East Indian ship preparing to sail to the East via the Cape of Good Hope.  The Colebrook was one of these impressive ships.   It weighed 739 tons and was 137 feet long, 35 feet wide and had 3 decks. She was built by the most famous shipbuilders of the time, Perryard and launched in 1770. The Captain was Arthur Morris and she was on her third voyage.”

“On 6 January 1778, she loaded lead bars called lead ingots or lead pigs and provisions at Blackwall in the East India Docks on the Thames.  On 3 February, she sailed to Gravesend. Here she loaded shot, copper, stores, gunpowder, wine, guns, corn, military recruits and, very importantly, livestock. The livestock included pigs which were procured from the local pig market.  The pigs were a cross between Chinese and English pigs and since they were all the result of mating with the local landowners’ boar, they had similar characteristics.”

“On 8 March 1778, she set sail from the Downs with 212 passengers, crew and soldiers on board in the company of three other vessels, the warship Asia, the other East Indiaman, the Gatton, and the Royal Admiral.  She stopped at Madeira to load 43 pipes of wine. On 26 May, she sailed from Madeira for Bombay and China passing the Cape of Good Hope.”

Kogel Bay

Oupa was sitting at the edge of his chair, telling the story.  I remember him leaning back when he got to this part and said to Oom Timo, “You know the story well and you know all the right shipping terms.  You take it from here!”  Oom Timo put his hand on my head who was still sitting on the grass.  “The Colebrook took three months to reach the Cape!”

“She did so on Tuesday, 24 August 1778.  It was winter and she was not allowed to enter Table Bay.  She had to sail around Cape Point and dock in Simon’s Bay in False Bay.  She rounded Cape Point and turned East for Simon’s Bay.  At 11h30 she struck Anvil Rock, lurking just beneath the waves.  Anvil rock was not indicated on the Dutch Maps that Arthur Morris used.”

“The Colebrooke almost immediately freed herself from the rock.  Water poured into the hull.  The crew put on the pumps within minutes but there were already three feet of water in the hold indicating serious damage.  After a hurried conference between Captain Arthur Morris and his officers, they realised that they will not be able to nurse the ship to Simon’s Bay.  The water pouring into the Colebrook made her unresponsive and difficult to steer.”

“Instead, they decided to take her all the way across False Bay and find a suitable spot to beach on the eastern side of the bay.  This would not require any difficult maneuvering.  Still, the plan was not without risk.  The far side of the bay was, as far as they were aware, largely uninhabited.  The coast is very rocky with steep mountains coming right down to the water.  They did not know if they will find a suitable stretch of beach.”

“The Gatton and Asia despatched boats with 8 people in each to assist the Colebrook’s crew with the pumping of water. These men raced to her aid while her company ensign was flying upside down, a signal of distress.  The men dropped a weighted sail off the bows when the hole in the hull became inaccessible due to the flooding.  It was hauled under the hull where it was secured over the hole, slowing the ingress of water down.  They attempted to push the guns overboard to lighten her load, but these were already submerged and the plan was abandoned.”

“Her companion ships followed her across the bay.  Captain Morris sent the second and third officer up the mast to look for a sandy beach to run the ship onto.  The water from False Bay continued to claim the Colebrook.  As she was approaching the beach there were already 14 feet of water in her hold.  Her bow was so low that she was sipping water through the hawse holes.  These were small cylindrical holes cut through the bows of a ship on each side of the stem.  It was used to pass cables through to be drawn into, or let out of the vessel.  The situation was desperate!”

“Water started bubbling through her front hatches, signaling that her sinking was imminent.  At 4pm on the afternoon of 24 August, she 200m off the beach at Kogel Bay, she grounded.  Her topsails were let go which had the effect of swinging her stern around to bring her bow into the wind and swell.  The mizzen mast was cut away to stabilise her after which the boats were launched.”

“The first boat was a pinnace.  It had sails and several oars.  Fifteen men were aboard.  The surf at Kogel Bay is treacherous at best of times with a very strong rip current.  On that particular day, the wind was very strong making the situation even more precarious.  The boat capsized in the surf.  When the ensuing madness dissipated a smashed boat and seven bodies were on the beach at Kogel Bay.  Survivors were hypothermic from the ice-cold False Bay water, in a desperate state on the beach.  All other attempts to get people onto the beach was abandoned.  The second boat was swept into the open sea and only recovered the next day.  The rest of the crew, soldiers, and passengers were transferred to the other ships.”

  Kogel Bay, 2019.  Minette, Luan, Tristan, Eben.  Photos by Eben

The Pigs of Kogel Bay

Oupa Eben interrupted Oom Timo.  “What we told you so far is conventional wisdom, written up in history books from the testimony of the men who were there.  What follows is from testimony Oom Timo heard first hand from the great-grandchildren of people who were on the beach that day.”  I blurted out.  “But, the beach was desolate.  Nobody around!”  “So we thought,” Oom Timo said and gestured Oupa to take over the storytelling again.

“There were two additional sets of characters on the beach that day which, for completely different reasons, people were reluctant to talk about.  Hangklip became, by that time, a refuge for runaway slaves.  One of the places they made their home was Dappa se Gat which is situated right on Kogel Bay!

Looking out onto Kogel Bay from Dappa se Gat

It is an enormous cave, unaccessible during high tide but deep enough to house a community of people.  They would be able to get far into the cave, out of reach of the water.  It is quite possible that they were witnessing the entire debacle from the safety of their cave-home.  I wonder if they thought it may have been a party sent to recapture them in which case the safest thing to do would have been to abandon the cave and hide in the thick bush between the mountain and the beach.  “If they did this, as I suspect,” Oupa continue, “they would have seen that something managed to swim from the Colebrook to the beach.

“That “something” was a sounder of swine.  This was not something unusual.  The English Navy and the English East Indian Company both had it as a standard procedure that the pigs must be let out of their pens if it seems imminent that a ship will sink so that they can swim ashore to provide food for the shipwreck survivors.  This is presumably what happened to the pigs from Kent.”

“When they got to the beach, the slaves took them.  The slaves had a long history with pigs.  Pig-keeping was not very popular at the Cape.  The Dutch farmers who farmed pigs let them roam free in the valleys and gorges and when they wanted to slaughter one, they had to capture one.  The job of looking after them was mostly reserved for slaves.  At the Slaves Lodge in Cape Town where the Dutch East Indian Company’s slaves were kept, they were allowed to keep pigs to provide extra income for the lodge.”

“Not only did the slaves have a long history with pigs and pig husbandry, but they knew that they had to keep domesticated animals to survive.  There are accounts of this time where they kept cattle inside Dappa se Gat.  There are in the Cape Hanglip area several such caves where the slaves kept livestock. It is not known if the pigs were kept at Dadda de Gat or somewhere else.  What is known is that a local magistrate complained to the Governor about the slaves and local farmers who looted the remains of the Colebrook.”

“A farmer would not have dared to take the pigs in due to heavy penalties that were exacted for anyone found with looted goods in his or her possession. The fact that the pigs were kept by the slaves and farmed is the reason why they survived as a more or less uniform type of pig which later became known as a breed.”

“The sinking of the Colebrook captured peoples imagination.  For a short while, the Kogel Bay was even called Colebrook Bay.  This was changed back to Kogel Bay.  The pigs were called Kolbroek pigs, a perversion of the ship’s name.  This was never changed as a colloquial name for the pigs which was not easy to change and it stuck.”  “And that,” Oupa Eben concluded, “is how an English pig, crossed with a Chinese ended up at the Cape of Good Hope!”

Oupa Eben and Oom Timo started talking about politics.  I lost interest and left to join my brothers and cousins who started walking to the stables to help milk the cows.

I miss Oupa Eben.  I wish I asked oom Timo to tell me some of his stories.  It is why I write to you kids.  I want you to know my story.  I have been riding transport from Cape Town to Johannesburg for some time now.  Whenever I get to Johannesburg I stay at the same hotel.  I hear the merrymaking at the bar and have no desire to join them.  I much rather write to you!  Even if you are still very young, one day you will read this and understand what I am talking about.

Oupa bought a few Kolbroek pigs from a trader in Cape Town and since that day, we slaughtered and cured a Kolbroek every year.  It is not a bacon pig as the large White and the Berkshire.  These pigs have straight backs and long loins for bacon.  The Kolbroek is a lard pig, ideal for making hams, lard and, as you will see, not bad at all for bacon.  Apart from this, they have the most delicious meat.  One can taste the difference.  While I enjoyed the most delicious hams on earth, at least I also knew where the Kolbroek came from!

Dad

——————

   ——————

(c) eben van tonder

“Bacon & the art of living” in bookform

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References

The account of the Colebrook is mainly from the account by John Gribble and Gabriel Athiros from Tales of Shipwrecks at the Cape of Storms.  (Tales-of-Shipwrecks-at-the-Cape-of-Storms-Colebrook)

The theory about the slaves taking the pigs in is my own.  Read In Search of the Origins of the Kolbroek and Kolbroek – Chinese, New Zealand, and English Connections

Note 1

Information about Oom Timo was given to me by Leon Kok.  His mail to me reads:

“There is quite a bit about Tim, not least his SAAF war years in Somaliland, Abyssinia and the Western Desert generally. For example, he was among several young Air Force chaps from the Union that destroyed 101 enemy planes, countless lorries and other transport within three months in the most trying conditions. He also accompanied Prime Minister (General) Jan Smuts on a reconnaissance flight in the Desert on one occasion.  He escaped being taken a prisoner by Rommel and was involved in what came to be known as ‘The Graveyard of Italian Hopes’.  His maverick return from the Desert to SA in late 1945 almost constitutes a book in itself.

Tim and I spent tens of hours over about 30 years chatting about his memories of the war. Yes, he was an air mechanic and indeed a lot more. He would like to have been a pilot but was deemed too short.

Tim didn’t serve in Korea. He became an auto-electrician in Johannesburg shortly after disembarking from the UDF and had his own auto-electrical business in Bethlehem OFS for several years. He then sold out and moved to Durban and joined an auto-electrical business there. He rode a motorbike until well into his seventies, which included a fairly serious accident. He survived it and carried on with business as usual.

Thelma’s maiden name was BERRIMAN and her folk, I suspect, immigrated from either Cornwall or England. Her father was an immigrant gold miner on the Reef. Her brother was also a miner, mainly at Crown Mines. Tim moved into Thelma’s mother (Hilda’s ) home there just before or just after they were married in the late 1940s. Later, they owned their own home in Parkview, Johannesburg. Hilda, when widowed, moved in with them until her death in Durban in approximately the 1980s. Tim and Thelma never had children.

Not sure whether you ever saw the TV Series ‘The Villagers’, produced in the 1970s by Gray Hofmeyr (he and I were at school together). That typified the Berriman home.”

Timo Kok during WWII

“Oupa en Ouma het 4 kinders gehad,

Johan (Leon se pa) gebore 02 Mei 1908. Hy was die enigste een van die kinders wat op Universiteit was – Wits, as ek reg onthou

Gustaf. Gebore 12 Mei 1910 en oorlede 10 Julie 1910

Oupa Eben. Gebore 18 Junie 1911

Miempie (Bosman. Ma van Mariet en Ronnie en Jantjie) Gebore 23 November 1913

Timo is soos al die ander kinders op heilbron gebore waar my oupa jan ‘n sendeling was. Sy vrou was Engels en het NOOIT geleer om Afrikaans te praat nie. Sy het beweer Timo het eendag vir haar gelag toe sy probeer Afrikaans praat het en het toe nooit weer probeer nie

So ver my kennis strek was Timo ‘n vlug-ingeneur in die oorlog en het eers in Noor-Afrika  en Later in Italië geveg.

Ek dink nie hy was ooit in Korea nie. Ek dink Leon sal vir jou meer inligting kan gee. Die foto wat ek aanheg kom uit een van jou ma se albums.

Mag die feestyd vir julle wonderlik wees. Vir die eerste keer sedert Joretha-hulle in Engeland is, gaan ons op Kersdag ALMAL om een Kersmaal aansit. Marinus bring vir cathy saam en ons het opdrag gekry dat ons op Kersdag GEEN Afrikaans mag praat nie, want ons moet Cathy laat tuis voel.

Ek wens so ek kan julle klomp neefs en Niggies met al julle aanhangsels bymekaar kry om een tafel.”

Photo Credits:

Four small pigs are Kunekune, courtesy of the Empire Kunekune Pig Association of New York (https://www.ekpa.org/)  They are a close family of the Kolbroek.

Anvil Rock and Kogel Bay Map:  John Gribble & Gabriel Athiros.

Chapter 3 Kolbroek (Part of Bacon and the Art of Living) Introduction The quest to understand how great bacon is made takes me around the world and through epic adventures.